“You’re a what?”
“Asexual. I’m Asexual.”
My long-time crush and short-time boyfriend looked lost. Tears were already forming in my eyes, a small preview for the cascade that was sure to follow. I heard him gulp slightly and watched for his more prominent reaction. Wade did nothing by half, his expressions and actions were no exception. It was part of what drew me to him. Maximum effort. That was Wade.
“So that means… what exactly?” I was kind of shocked he hadn’t heard of it before, but I guess is wasn’t exactly the type of thing to come up around him a lot.
“I…” I tried to think of a way to explain it to him without sounding like a textbook. “I don’t experience sexual attraction. I don’t look at people and think; damn, I’d tap that.” I knew I sounded dumb but my brain was doing flip-flops and I couldn’t figure out a way to say it otherwise.
“Um. So is that like that thing they tell you about in science class with the plants and stuff?” I resisted the facepalm.
“No its. It’s the opposite of what you are!” I finally got out. “You know how you look at everyone and would be ok with… sex… with them? Well, I’m the opposite. I look at everyone and think nope. Highly likely that’d never happen.”
The room went quiet for a moment. I was freaking out. How would he react? He wasn’t the type to ditch a person entirely because of sexuality, but he might… he might dump me. I really don’t want that. I’ve liked him for years. I only just got the courage to tell him a while ago cause it’s kind of hard to tell if you like someone platonically or romantically when you libido hates other people.
He still wasn’t talking and I started to panic further. I started to mumble and fidget.
“Um it's not like I’ll never want to have sex ever maybe. I probably might want to one day. It might still happen. But I just. It’s just not the first thing I. It's not really- it’s not really something I…”
“Hey.” He cut me off and I looked up. Everything was blurred and I could only make out a red and black mush (I’d caught him as he came inside). He hands were suddenly on my cheeks and it became a little less blurry. I was crying I realised.
“You’re not into sex right?” I started crying harder and shook my head. “Well, that's ok. I like those spicy tacos and you don’t and you like those weirdly huge books and I don’t. We both have different things we like and don’t like and that's ok.” I laughed and choked back more tears. “Hey, hey. It’s ok. You like kisses?”
“How about hugs?”
I nodded again.
“What about sleeping in the same bed. Is that still ok?”
“Yeah. I like that.” I said still crying but laughing along with him now.
“Right. Cool cool. I like that too. So we set up boundaries then. I won’t do anything you don’t like ok?” I finally looked up at him. He looked so sweet. So concerned. “I still like you baby(girl/boy).”
“I like you too.” I took a deep breath. “Would it be a bad time to say I love you?” Wade smiled wide and lifted the bottom of his mask off. He lent down slow and waited a second. I closed the distance.
“I love you too babe.”
It was late in the afternoon and I was sitting on the couch with a book when Wade came crashing in through the door and leant over the back of the couch.
“Hey! Hey, I looked it up and turns out asexuals don’t like being referred to as plants! I’m so sorry (Y/n)!” He looked so worried. I kissed his cheek.
“It’s ok. Thank you, Wade.” He breathed a sigh of relief and flopped over the couch somehow landing with his head on my lap.
“Love ya.” He said only seconds before he passed out. I giggled.
“I love you too you big dork.”