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Wishful Thinking

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Peggy new she was incapable of love. Well, not technically 'incapable', but ever since Steve died she couldn't bring herself to love another person. At least not fully. She's lost too many people who were close to her, people she thought she could protect. She wasn't going to put Angie in harms way, that's what she told herself, anyway. Did it work out? That would be a solid no.

 

It started with Rhubarb pie and a bottle of Schnapps.

 

A simple friendly gesture that couldn't turn into anything else, right? Wrong. She was going to say no. Really, she was. But she couldn't seem to let those words of rejection come out of her mouth. Not when Angie was looking at her with her bright blue eyes and a smile that could make straight women question themselves. So she said yes. One pie, one bottle of Schnapps. Except, it was more than one bottle and it ended with kissing and words that weren't quite audible.

 

But then it stopped. It didn't go further because Peggy didn't put people in harms way anymore. And getting involved with Angie would do just that. She'd get hurt. Maybe not from a secret assassin, or a crazy scientist, but maybe from Peggy. She couldn't tell the future, but it always ended badly for her. So, she stopped it. She stopped herself from getting close. She stopped herself from smiling and blushing whenever Angie complimented her, called her 'English'. She stopped making it a priority to be around Angie, to talk to Angie.

 

That is until Krzeminski died and she couldn't think of another person to confide in. Even though Angie was mad at her, didn't want to talk to her. She did anyway. Because that's who she is, it's what she's like. When people do her wrong, hurt her, she still can't turn her back on someone. So when Peggy walked into the L&L with watery eyes and shaky words, she watched Angie drop everything to comfort her. And, that's how it changed. That's how Peggy went from desperately trying to keep her distance, to moving in right next door. Because she couldn't say no to Angie.

 





 

 

It started with a cup of sugar.

 

Peggy didn't even need sugar. Okay, that's a lie. She needed a lot of things, her fridge was empty. She spent her time being chased by people who wanted her dead, could you really blame her if she never got around to grocery shopping. But, in this case, she really didn't need sugar. It was an excuse. As much as she hated to admit it, she wanted to be around Angie. Even if it was almost eleven and anyone with a regular nine to five job and a brain would be asleep by now, she knocked on Angie's door anyway.

 

She spent the whole weekend trying to take down highly trained assassins who still managed to get the slip on her. Not without a few minor injuries, of course.

 

So, she found herself knocking on a door, desperately hoping no one but Angie would come out of their rooms.

 

"Thought I might take you up on that cup of sugar."

 

And she watched as Angie's eyes widened when she spotted the blood on her clothes, pulling her inside with a "Jesus, English." Peggy winced as Angie wrapped her arm around her, helping her across the room. More like forcing her but Peggy didn't mind.

 

"I'm fine, Angie. I swear."

 

But Angie wasn't convinced when she watched Peggy wince while sitting down.

 

It started with a cup of sugar and it ended with Angie playing nurse and taping gauze on any open wound she could find.

 

Okay, maybe they weren't minor injuries.

 

 


 

 

 

It started with Howard Stark.

 

That's who she blamed when she was scaling the side of a building because the SSR was in her apartment trying to take her in. Why? Howard Stark. She had to blame someone and it sure as hell wasn't going to be herself. She knew she was compromised the minute the L&L started getting cleared out. She wasn't surprised. Sousa's a good agent. She's just surprised it took him this long to actually figure it out.

 

So she kicked some ass and she ran. Where? To Angie, of course. Who else?

 

Okay, so she stopped at home first but she ran to Angie second.

 

And would it come as a surprise that Angie helped her? That she lied to government agents just so Peggy would be safe? She fake cried on Thompson's shoulder just to get them to leave? She pulled Peggy through the window of her room, not knowing what she did? Not knowing why very serious men in suits were looking for her best friend that she maybe possibly made out with? Really, Peggy should teach her about not trusting everybody.

 

But Angie helped her. Even though it ended poorly on Peggy's part, Dottie Underwood really was good.

 

The SSR found her, took her in, interrogated her. No thanks to Howard Stark.

 


 


 

 

 

It started with a mansion.

 

After the whole thing blew over with the SSR, Howard gave Peggy and Angie a mansion. Peggy protested but it was still set in stone in Howard Stark's mind that she at least deserved something.

 

Angie couldn't believe it and Peggy couldn't keep the smile from her face. Because, for once in her life everything was actually going okay. She still had her job, her friends were still alive, she was living in a mansion with her best friend that she maybe possibly made out with. Her life was great.

 

That was until one night she and Angie got into alcohol again and that time it didn't end with just kissing. It ended with both of them waking up in the same bed with a raging headache, sans clothes and bright smiles and laughter fluttering the room. Because Peggy couldn't stop laughing and Angie couldn't help but join her. Although, she had no idea why she or Peggy was laughing. She did anyways.

 

But then, they agreed it could never happen again. Because even though Peggy wasn't currently being chased by blonde russian assassins, helping a criminal clear his name or being hunted by her own coworkers, even though her life was great. She wasn't going to get Angie hurt. That's about the only promise she could actually keep from the beginning. They agreed it would never happen again, but then it did.

 

They were best friends by day, lovers by night. And neither one of them could actually make it stop. Because Angie was falling, a little too fast if you asked her. Maybe Peggy was too, not that she'd ever admit it. She was comfortable, she liked comfortable. It was normal, and she liked normal. She liked comfortable and normal a lot.

 

Until she didn't.

 

It started with a mansion and ended with a fight.

 


 

 

It started with I love you.

 

Peggy spent months in Los Angeles. And not a day went by that she didn't hear Angie saying "I love you" with tears in her eyes. And not a day went by that she didn't regret leaving. God, she regretted leaving. She knew deep down it was for the best. Angie wouldn't get hurt, or killed actually. Because even though Dottie Underwood was technically on Peggy's side now, she still didn't trust her. And even though Peggy wasn't chasing a club full of Nazis anymore, it didn't mean they weren't still out there.

 

So, she left.

 

She left so fast it almost broke her heart. Because, no. She didn't love Angie. At least not in the way Angie loved her. She wasn't capable of that. She couldn't  be capable of that. For Angie's sake and hers. But that didn't mean she didn't think about it. For three months, actually.

 

Three months. She thought about loving Angie for three months. She thought about kissing Angie, laying in bed with Angie, loving Angie like she loved Steve. She promised herself she wouldn't fall for another person. Not while she was fighting a war with Leviathan. Not while she and everyone around her was in danger. So, she kept that promise. But even a promise couldn't stop the thoughts about it all. And every time she thought about it, she regretted leaving a little more.

 

Missing Angie became her new comfortable, her new normal. And god, did she hate comfortable and normal. So, she let her go. She stopped missing her, she stopped thinking about her from the time she woke up to the time she went to sleep, she stopped questioning her promise to herself, she stopped thinking of love.

 

That is until she had to return. It was an inevitable event because New York was her home. She couldn't stay here forever. She had to return.

 


 

 

It didn't start with anything.

 

Because she can't remember when Angie started crying, or Peggy started mumbling "I'm sorry"'s and "I should have never left"'s.

 

Maybe it was when Angie walked through the front door.

 

Peggy got home before Angie got off work. She's doing good now. She even had a manager that helped her get gigs. She's not working at the L&L anymore. She's singing for clubs, high class clubs that require VIP passes to actually get in. And Peggy's proud. Because from the start, Peggy knew she'd make it.

 

"You're meant for broadway, Angie."

 

And even though high class clubs isn't quite "broadway", it was pretty damn close. So, she was pretty damn proud.

 

She couldn't stop smiling up to the point of Angie walking through their front door. She stopped smiling because her heart dropped, something she hadn't felt in a while.

 

"Hi." Was all she could breathe out.

 

That's when Angie ran to her, wrapped her arms tightly around her, hugged her like she came back from the dead. Then, slapped her and yelled at her and told her she was stupid for leaving. So maybe that's where it started.

 

"I told you I loved you." Angie mumbled.

 

"I know."

 

"You left."

 

"I know." Peggy's eyes softened. Memories of her time in Los Angeles returning to the front of her mind. "I'm sorry. I-"

 

"Don't." Angie stopped her. "I get it. You didn't love me."

 

And Peggy couldn't stop the tears from forming. "No, but I could have."