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Modern Mythos

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Poe wasn't very technologically inclined. Well, not totally true. He was good with machines and what have you. The last couple of decades had left him in the dust, though. The internet was still a very new thing to him that he was still trying to resolve actually existed. It was neat but crazy. Anyway, he knew a few tricks. How to send an email, where the caps lock key was, that sort of thing. Jess even made him get a smart phone a year or two ago. He was still dubious about it. He didn't use half of the bells and whistles on the thing. Sometimes when he talked to it, it talked back. It was probably smarter than him.

Being a two hundred year old vampire definitely put a crutch on his ability to keep up with the kids.

Some of the things were cool. Movies, for example. That was great. Music was hit or miss. Society had advanced a great deal, too. Became more welcoming for the most part. He felt comfortable in his body in a way he hadn't felt since 1835 when he figured out that women just didn't do it for him. Then, in 1849, the sun started not to do it for him either. Now people were accepting of the whole package and it was nice and relieving for the most part. So, yeah, the kids were doing pretty good every now and then.

But sometimes they spoke a whole other language. And he was fluent in twenty-one of them. “I'm still trying to figure out who the fuck Tony is.”

“Watch your mouth,” Jess chastised, “and he's just a guy. We're going out for dinner tonight.”

He and Jess had met up in a diner where the only thing that had changed in the last thirty years was the name. They sat in a worn booth over coffee, Poe tapping his cigarette against an ash tray while Jess added another pack of cream to her drink. He took a long drag to calm his annoyance and breathed out a plume of smoke. “But you've never met him?”

“We met online,” she grumbled back. “It's not weird these days. And I can handle myself if that's-”

“No, no. I just-” Still confused, he took another and much longer drag out of the cigarette. “How do you like a guy you haven't met?”

“We met online,” she said again, slower. “I don't know if I like him anyway. That's what the date's for.” Her spoon rattled against her cup as she stirred.

Poe just shook his head. “Where online? How do you just meet people online?”

“Well you start by talking,” Jess answered, taking a sip and nodding before continuing. “I met him on a dating app, though.”

He stared back at her.

“An app,” she repeated. “Like, on your phone?”

“I thought apps were games.”

“Gaming apps are games. They make apps for everything.”

“I thought apps was slang for games.”

“Apps is short of applications.” When Poe's eyes widened, she groaned at him. “You are so far behind.”

He grimaced. “I'm old, Jess. Have mercy- Hey!” Poe slapped his hand down on the table where his phone had sat not even a second ago. His speed was nothing to be laughed at, but he was never great against another vampire and Jess was younger than him anyway. “Isn't there something to be said about privacy?” he grumbled, taking a sip of his coffee and letting her do whatever she was doing.

“You don't even have a password on this old thing,” she sighed, apparently disappointed about that. “When's the last time you've been on a date, Dameron?”

The laugh bubbled up from his stomach, unbidden, almost making him choke on the coffee. He swallowed hard, tried to calm down, kept giggling, and slunk back in his seat.

“All you have is solitaire on here? How did you even find that?”

Poe leaned forward again and wiped his eyes, taking another pull from his cigarette while he was at it. “A date. Oh man, you crack me up.”

“It's called cupid,” she continued, ignoring him while playing with his phone. “Q-P-I-D. It's a dating app for the supernaturally inclined, like us.”

He chuckled again for a second, still a little confused. Jess did that a lot, sort of ran the conversation off without you, but it usually had a purpose to circle back around to. “What's called Q-Pid? What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” she answered, putting the phone in front of her face. Poe heard the shuttering sound that often went off in his pocket meaning that a picture was just taken... Wait. “Okay,” she continued, lowering the phone in front of her again. “Poe Dameron. 203. Male. Vampire. Looking for men. Any species. Employed, that's an important one.”

He had a bad feeling about this. “Jess?”

“Need a blurb,” she sighed, chewing on her lower lip. “Let's see...”

“The fuck's a blurb?”

“Hi, I'm Poe Dameron, pilot, night owl, and classical movie buff extraordinaire. I'm still getting used to modern technology, so please go easy on me. I like down to earth intellectuals who also enjoy long walks on the beach despite the cliché. When I'm not flying, I like to read, hang out with my friends, or discover new cat videos. If you don't mind the usual late hour or Cary Grant movies, I'd love to chat.”

“Who doesn't like Cary Grant?”

And done.”

“What's done?” Poe craned his head forward, trying to see what Jess was doing to his phone. Knowing his luck, he'll never figure out how to work it again. The damn thing was complicated as it was.

Thankfully, she decided to turn the phone around the face him. “Okay, here's the Q-Pid app,” Jess said, pointing at a little icon with a pink background and a baby blue moon. That alone was corny. “You press it and it goes to the home screen,” she continued to demonstrate, showing a picture of himself with all of the information she just added in. “Click on matches over here and you'll see guys in the area that's on here and is into some of the junk you're into. Swipe left if you don't like them. Swipe right if you do like them.”

“Swipe?”

“... Move your fingers on the screen like-”

“Oh, yeah, okay.” Wait, no, not okay. “Jess, I- I'm not going to use that. C'mon. I haven't been on a date in-” He waved his hand, trying to think. “I don't know, probably since you've been born.”

“Fifty years is way too long of a time to go without getting laid, Poe.”

He's gotten laid. He just- Ugh, never mind. “I'm not going to use it.” Poe said, taking his phone back and trying to put it back on the home screen.

“It's there if you're bored,” she shrugged. “You doing anything today?”

“Catching up on sleep,” he said, thankful for the change in subject so he could pocket his phone. “I've been working days so my schedule is all screwed.”

Jess perked up at that. “Working days? Don't they-?”

“It's office work,” he said, waving off her concern. “We've been loaded lately, and I volunteered to help out. They know and went the extra mile. Black out blinds and everything.”

“But still,” Jess grimaced, frowning down at her coffee. “I don't know if I could do that. Freaks me out just thinking about it.”

Poe just laughed. At the end of the day, the kids were still kids. “You get used to it,” he mumbled and took another drag before he could say something like 'when you get to be as old as I am' or whatever. His age, in his opinion, wasn't really something to brag about.


“Happy Birthday!” he heard Rey and Rose squeal and giggle.

“Can I-” Finn paused, thought for a second, and just asked. “Can I open my eyes now?”

One of them, probably Rey, groaned and pulled his hands down from his face. He blinked against the bright morning sun reflecting off of the sandy beach. Finn actually had to squint for a second to make out Rey and Rose standing on the dock as he bobbed in the water, his tail keeping him afloat. Rose was holding something out to him. Something on a thin chain. A necklace! A-... Oh! “You got me a new one!? How?”

“We made it!” Rose exclaimed proudly, kneeling down on to the dock to hand it out to him. “Rey got the materials and it was enchanted by yours truly.”

“I can't believe this!” Finn laughed and pulled himself closer to the dock to grab at the necklace. “Thank you guys so much! I'm totally repaying you for this.”

“Absolutely not,” Rey scolded. “It's your birthday. And besides, you're using it tonight. I'm taking you to that sushi place you like so much.”

“Really!?” He knew his eyes had lit up and that his tail was wiggling but he hardly cared. Finn hadn't been on land in nearly a month. He fumbled with the necklace to put it on, the little star pendant falling heavily against his chest. “I'm so excited, you guys. Thank you! Thank you!”

Rose waved her finger at him. “Now you can't lose this one. We worked hard on it, Finn.”

“I won't! I promise!” He had figured he would have to work another two months to afford another one. The surprise and thoughtfulness alone was enough to make him cherish it.

“Now get out of there,” Rey continued. “We got you some clothes we want you to try on.”

“You got me clothes!?” he practically yelled, already trying to pull himself on to the dock before the girls pushed him back into the water.

When he came back up, they were at least laughing at him. “Not here!” They directed him to a cove further up the beach, and he swam for it without another word.

All he really had as far as clothes went was the vest that kept his phone and debit card with him but was secure enough to not get snagged on things in the world or the scales on his arms. Plus, he liked the feeling of clothes on his skin. The first time he had really gotten out of the water, he didn't know how he could be without it again. The surface world fascinated him. Ever since the species of myth and legend have come out into the public eye years ago, the surface world and his world had mingled quite a lot.

Enchantments that allowed a sea dweller to walk on land were about as old as the myths, though. Thankfully, they were now marketable and significantly easier to come by if not a bit expensive. Then he lost his and well- Yeah, he was grateful.

Now to the cove, he pulled himself out of the water as his familiar legs replaced the old tail in a painless fashion. He walked up the shore as Rey and Rose ran in. Rey didn't mind seeing naked bodies unlike Rose who had her eyes covered with a big grin on her face. Either way, they threw three bags of clothes at him. “The pants might snag,” Rey said, eyeing the purple and gold scales along the sides of his legs, “but be thankful I didn't get you booty shorts this time.”

“I'm so excited that I wouldn't have cared, so you missed that opportunity,” he chuckled, chunking his vest and throwing on the boxers, baggy pants, and sleeveless tank top, the first things he grabbed out of the bags. Not exactly a fashion statement, but he was on land so it hardly mattered. They even got him a pair of sandles. “Thank you. Thank you,” he repeated. “Now what? What do you want to do first? Can we go eat? I'll pay for it. Oh, I'm decent, Rose.”

“I guessed,” she laughed, now looking at him, not that he had noticed before. “I guess we could grab a lunch on the pier. Give it a real test drive before we go out tonight. This is the first time I did an enchantment that big- oof!

“I'm sure you did great,” he giggled, hugging her within an inch of her life. “You're the best fairy I know. It's already awesome.”

“Finn, I'm the only fairy you know.”

“Come on,” Rey laughed, slapping him on the arm to let Rose go. “I know you missed cheeseburgers. Let's get there before the rush.”

“Yes!” He was so excited that he leapt back to grab the bags and his vest, digging out his phone and following behind the girls. The first thing he did was text Slip, a friend from work, a picture of his new pendant so that they could make plans to hang out later. The next thing he did was open his Q-Pid account and adjust the settings to all species again. It was more of a game of swiping for him than it was used for actual dating, but he was giddy and really wouldn't mind a date with someone right now. “Can I get a chocolate shake?”

Rose laughed, “You can get whatever you want. It's not like you have to ask. And didn't you say you were paying?”

“I know! I'm just-” He hopped in place, pocketing his phone and looking up at the clouds in the sky. “Someone get ice cream with me. Oh, let's get fries to share.”

“Rose, we've created a monster.”


Poe's sleep schedule really was screwed and meeting up with Jess for coffee probably didn't help. It was 10 in the morning and he was still awake. At least he had a few days off to fix it.

BB-8 purred as she jumped into bed, meowing at him and butting his head. “Yeah, I'm not asleep,” he muttered as she padded on his pillow and curled into a ball.

Well. Now what?

He picked up his phone from the night stand, thinking that several rounds of solitaire would be enough to lull him to sleep, when he remembered that the Q-Tip- Q-Pid? Cupid. Whatever. He remembered that dating thing was on his phone. Poe clicked on the icon and looked at the settings that Jess had inputted. At least his picture didn't look horrid. He had a smile on his face from laughing at her at the time.

Then he rolled his eyes at himself. Who cares about the picture?

Poe clicked on the matches button and someone's picture came up. He blinked, noticing the name, age, species, and little summary about them. Not really bothering to read it, he moved his finger over the screen to the left. And then panicked. What if that person knew that someone rejected him? Oh shit, were they supposed to find out? Was there a certain number he could say no on before the program locked him out for being a dick and making people cry?

He glanced at BB-8, but she didn't seem to have any answers. Texting Jess was right out. She'd just laugh at him. Poe took a breath, looked at the next picture, squeezed his eyes shut, and swiped left. Hopefully this wasn't him being mean. He opened his eyes, seeing a man with a big frown on his face. With a groan, Poe swiped left again.

After about ten left swipes, he figured that the quota for being an asshole was either very large or didn't exist, so he just continued. He'd take a glance at someone else and swipe left. Swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swi-

He paused, staring into the face of a very handsome man with a huge smile. Poe glanced down at the information but didn't let his eyes linger long enough for him to read it before looking back at the guy's face... He cleared his throat, turned the phone off, put it back on his bedside table, and rolled over, willing sleep to take him quickly.