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The Boy Who Wasn't

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Another new school. Great. Sam huffed as he sat down next to another boy, one with dark sandy hair like Dean’s and mischievou looking hazel eyes after the horrors of introducing himself to the class were over. He wondered how long he’d be here.

“Psst.” The other boy was whispering to him. “I’m Alexander. Call me Alex.”

Sam couldn’t help but smile. The boy was cute, if he was honest, but he squashed the feelings down after taking in Alex’s warm features. “Sam,” he whispered back. He pulled out his schedule and looked it over. Another school to memorize  yet again.

“What classes do you have?” Alex asked. “Maybe we have some that we could take together.”

Sam handed Alex his schedule and Alex scanned it quickly.

“Sweet! It looks like we both have contemporary literature together,” Alex said. “And psychology. Okay, so I can help you there, and we have the same lunch period.”

Sam smiled. Contemporary literature at least sounded interesting. “What are we reading right now?” he asked.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower, ” Alex replied.

Sam brightened. “Oh! I read that over the summer!” he said happily.

“Good,” Alex said as the bell rang. “Come on, I’ll show you where the chemistry room is. Mac is awesome.”

“Really?” Sam asked as he picked his backpack up again and fell in step beside Alex.

“Yeah, he teaches a bunch of the science courses here. Every year he has us build boats out of cardboard and duct tape and then we race them across the pool.” Alex’s eyes seemed golden when he talked about the events.

Sam grinned. “That does sound awesome,” he agreed.

“Hey, Alex!” A girl with black hair and wearing the brightest eyelashes Sam’s ever seen walked towards him. “Ooo, who’s the drink of water?”

Sam blushed while Alex laughed. “This is Sam, he’s new. Sam, don’t mind Nicki- that’s her name, by the way. She flirts with everyone.”

“Do not,” she laughed, tossing her hair over her shoulder. She was really pretty.

“Sure do, disco eyes,” Alex teased. Sam noticed she was wearing black ankle boots and therefore seemed taller.

“Listen, I gotta play with make up, it’s an art form,” she insisted. “So, Sam, what class are you going to?”

“Chem, with Mac,” Alex answered for him with a winning smile.

“Have fun,” Nicki said with a laugh. “What lunch?”

“Ours,” Alex said, “Oh, and he’s got contemporary lit with us. Please, no TMI in class.”

“You’re an ass,” Nicki grunted.

“Do I dare ask?” Sam asked.

Nicki shrugged. She was walking backwards, for some reason. Probably because she liked seeing their faces, Sam surmised. “I may have accidentally revealed masturbatory habits,” she said without any shame.

Sam blinked. If Nicki was a guy, he’d understand, but a girl?

“I know, a girl being open about her sexuality,” Nicki laughed, understanding the look of confusion.

“Shouldn’t you be going to French class, you nerd?” Alex asked.

“I can take the stairs over by the science wing, besides I never got to give you this at breakfast.” She dug into her jeans and tossed Alex something. “I had to get someone to take me to Wal-Mart this morning because you’re like five shades darker than me, Alex.”

Alex caught the thing, and Sam could see it was concealer. “I told you I’d pay you, and let me guess, you bought the most expensive concealer in Wal-Mart.”

“Third most, it’s only going to cost you seven ninety-eight,” Nicki snarked back. “Try to not have a facehugger attack your neck, maybe.”

“You’re just jealous that this ride can’t be shut down,” Alex grinned.

Nicki snorted. “Neither can this one, but at least my marks can’t be seen.”

Alex glanced down at Nicki’s wrists pointedly. Sam glanced down and noticed that her wrists were covered with thick bracelets.

“Again, they can’t be seen,” Nicki said.

“Mhm. I know the kinky shit you and Nick get up to,” Alex said wisely.

Sam gaped. “Kinky?” he asked.

Nicki shrugged. “I like being tied up, sue me,” she said.

“Nicki has no filter,” Alex explained as Nicki waved at them before heading down some stairs. “It gets her into trouble, but honestly? I think it’s awesome.” He pointed to the room where a tall, broad, dark haired man was. “Give Mac a man’s handshake, you basically get brownie points if you do.” He clapped Sam on the shoulder. “See you at lunch.”

 

Sam wasn’t sure how safe the salads were, but they were the only things that looked halfway decent. He sat down where Alex was. “Where’s Nicki?”

“Probably stuck in German,” Alex said. “She likes to irritate her teacher. Either that or she’s making out with Nick.”

“She’s actually right here,” Nicki said, sitting down next to Alex. Sam had to smile and he gave a wave at the blond haired man wearing a black leather jacket and a heavy metal shirt. “Nick, meet Sam. He’s new. Sam, this is Nick, my boyfriend.”

“Hey,” Sam said.

“Heya, Sammy,” Nick said.

“Only my brother gets to call me that,” Sam said automatically.

“Ooo, he’s got a brother. How old?” Nicki asked, looking star struck. Nick ruffled her hair.

“Stop being greedy, little dove,” he admonished playfully.

Sam couldn’t help but smile at Nick and Nicki. They were adorable together. “Yeah, I’ve got an older brother. His name’s Dean. He’s twenty,” he said.

“A man,” Nicki sighed dreamily, to which Nick rolled his eyes and Alex laughed.

“Dean likes to sleep around,” Sam mentioned.

“A lot of guys do,” Nicki said, shrugging. “I mean, it’s kind of ingrained into them.” She picked up the greasiest slice of cheese pizza Sam’s ever seen and bit into it with a happy moan. “Don’t worry, I’m happy with my man. Won’t be going after Dean.”

“Even if he wears a leather jacket and drives a classic car?” Sam joked.

Nicki beamed and Nick laughed. “You just spoke her language, Sam. But we both know it’s all in good fun.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek. “Be back soon.”

“You’re not going out behind D wing for a smoke, Novak,” she groaned. “Not without me.”

Nick gave an over dramatic sigh and sat down, wrapping his arms around Nicki and watching them eat.

“So, Sam, how are you liking school so far?” Alex asked.

“It’s interesting. Very. . . clinical?” Sam said. “If that makes sense.”

The other three nodded in understanding. Nicki finished her pizza and let out a belch that had Nick shaking his head and Sam laughing. “You’d get along with Dean,” he told her.

“My goal is to offend as many people as possible,” she said.

“What do you guys want to do after high school?” Sam asked.

Nick shrugged. “Anything that’ll piss my brother off,” he said.

“Stop goading Michael, Nick,” Nicki laughed.

“It’s true, little dove,” Nick pouted, to which his girlfriend laughed and kissed him. “A more reasonable answer is write. I like writing horror books.”

Sam smiled. He could see that. “Any good?”

Nick hummed. “Moderately. My dad’s an author himself, but not that successful. I dunno why.”

“It might do with the Dickens and Hugo level amount of words your father uses to describe a simple cobblestone in the road,” Nicki said dryly. “For my part. . . I want to enlist. Do something like make sure guns are operational or something. Translate, perhaps.”

Sam smiled. “That sounds exciting,” he said. “What about you, Alex?”

“I’m not sure,” Alex said. “Maybe something with finance. What about you?”

Sam shrugged. “I want to become a lawyer,” he said. He’d been thinking on that for a while now.

“Ooooo, law is fascinating, ” Nicki breathed.

“You just gave her a boner,” Nick accused.

“I don’t have a dick!” Nicki exclaimed.

“Sometimes, we wonder,” Alex said dryly.

If Sam was caught staring at the way Alex’s face looked in the soft light of the afternoon sun instead of joining in on the banter, no one said anything.

 

The next few weeks were some of the best first weeks of school in his life. Alex, Nick, and Nicki were all very intelligent, and they were all in the same contemporary literature class. Alex and Nicki shared psychology with him, and Nick and Nicki had swim class with him.

They were kind of a mess of a friendship, but Sam’s never felt happier with a group of people, and Dean noticed. They both hoped they’d stay around for a while.

 

Sam wasn’t sure when his crush on Alex started, but once it had, he couldn’t stop thinking about him. Of course, he had to keep the crush hidden. Neither his dad nor Dean knew about the fact that he liked guys as well as girls, and he wasn’t sure how to approach it.

Of course, Nicki held all the answers, it seemed.

They were sitting in the little eating area in front of the pool during gym one day. The pool was being cleaned, so Coach Weber was having a study hall where they could talk and use phones. Nick had apparently decided to go do something else instead, what Sam wasn’t sure.

“So, Sam,” Nicki said casually, filling out a worksheet in French, “noticed you’ve been staring at Alex quite a lot.”

He looked at her, startled, but she waved it off. “I’m bi myself, Sam, it’s okay.”

He blinked. “You are?” he asked.

“Sure, and Nick and I technically have an open relationship,” she said. “But I prefer staying mostly faithful to Nick. He’s good for me. I was in a bad place last year and he got me out of it.”

Sam smiled. Despite the bad boy persona, Nick cared a lot for Nicki, and would do anything for her. Sam would say they loved each other.

“Either way, I bat for the boys, I know what the signs are. And honestly? Alex is good looking. And I have it on excellent authority that he likes you too.”

Sam sighed. “I don’t know.”

“Religious parents?” she asked sympathetically.

“Hypermasculine,” he huffed. “Remember? Dad’s a travelling mechanic who caught the travel bug because of the Marine Corps.”

“Devil Dog,” she groaned. “Okay, makes sense. But Sam? Liking guys doesn’t decrease masculinity at all. It has nothing to do with that.”

Sam sighed. “You’re using some sort of psychology on me, aren’t you?” he asked, tabling his chemistry homework.

She rolled her eyes and closed her French book. “Sam, we use psychology every day. Of course I’m using psych on you. Stop changing the subject. You like Alex, and he likes you. Frankly, I’m not sure if I should have to explain what happens next.” She waved her hand.

Sam shrugged. “You mean, like. . . kiss?”

“That would be a remarkably good start,” Nicki said brightly. Her phone vibrated and she checked it and rolled her eyes, sending a quick text back. “Sorry, Nick is doing some gravity defying stunt in a tree.” She turned back to Sam. “Live a little. Experiment. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

“You speak from experience?” Sam asked. No one says ‘you’ll regret it if you don’t do it’ unless they’re speaking from experience.”

Nicki gave a half smile. “Freshman year, I had a crush on a girl named Meg,” she said. “She was gorgeous. Curly chestnut hair, green eyes, the brightest smile you ever saw. Always wore a pretty pink lipstick. Never saw her wear a darker color, even for homecoming. And damn, did I want to kiss her. She was like my best friend at the time.” Her eyes turned sad. “She was battling depression, and I did try to convince her to go see a therapist and I did everything I could to let her know I was there for her.” She inhaled. “I was in Chicago, at some competition for band, when I got the call saying she had killed herself that morning. She was supposed to perform a solo.”

Sam inhaled and reached over to rest a hand over hers. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“I never got the chance to show her how much I cared about her, that I wanted to be with her,” Nicki sighed. “I spiraled into a depression myself. Survivor’s guilt. I was on the verge of. . .well, let’s just say I’ve had to be talked into putting a knife down more than once.”

Sam nodded. He could see where she was coming from with that. “That’s when Nick stepped in?” he asked.

Nicki nodded, smiling. “Yeah. Nick just started doing little things for me, and it just. . . blossomed. If it wasn’t for Nick, I’m not sure I’d be okay now. I’m still not, obviously. Daddy issues do that to you. And I know this case isn’t as extreme, but,” she turned her palm over and squeezed Sam’s hand, “Life is too short to just think, ‘nah, I won’t do it’. Just. . . do it.”

“Where?” Sam asked. He couldn’t believe he was agreeing with what Nicki was saying.  

Nicki shrugged. “I’d suggest the D wing staircase when you guys go to the science wing to come to psych. Hardly anyone uses it, and it’s a popular make out spot. . . among other things.”

Sam stared at her, horrified.

“Hey, I’m just sayin’,” she said, laughing.

“Have you?” he asked.

“Me? Nah. Nick and I’ve done the wrestling room and the boy’s bathroom in D wing,” she shrugged.

Sam raised a brow at the last one. “Why the bathroom?” he asked.

“It was convenient and I wanted to blow him,” Nicki shrugged.

Sam snorted. “Really?”

“I was horny and maybe a little thirsty, sue me,” Nicki grunted, opening her French book. “Now, study, Winchester.”

Sam smiled and returned to his chemistry homework, his heart pounding in his chest.

He was going to kiss his first boy, and he couldn’t wait.

 

He did wait, for a week. He wanted to time it perfectly. Time it when Alex’s eyes seemed more golden than hazel, and when his mouth was quirked up in a smirk. That’s when Alex was the hottest, Sam had decided.

And it took until one Friday afternoon when they were on their way to psychology that he did it.

Nicki was right, hardly anyone used this staircase, and it was empty when Sam finally pinned the other boy to the wall and placed a gentle, yet firm kiss on his lips.

Alex’s lips were chapped, but no less eager as they kissed in the middle of the stairwell, and Sam’s neurons were on fire.

“Where’d you learn to kiss, Winchester?” Alex asked after a few moments.

Sam shrugged. “Girls,” he joked.

“Damn,” he said, linking his hand with Sam’s. “So. . .does that mean. . .”

“Do you. . .” Sam trailed off with a smile.

“Yeah,” Alex said. His eyes hadn’t lost their golden sheen. It was a little more yellow than gold, but they were still beautiful. “Yeah, I think I want you as my boyfriend.”

Sam’s throat went dry, but he nodded, squeezing Alex’s hand with a smile. “I like the sound of that.”

It was definitely worth the whoop, holler, and kisses to their cheeks that Nicki had done before sliding down into a full split in front of them. Mrs Hoerner just raised an eyebrow before Nicki asked for help. Alex just laughed as he helped her up, reminding her that splits in skinny jeans were never a good idea.

 

They had been in this town for three months. This hunt was taking a long time. Dean was busy working at a mechanic’s, so Sam spent a lot of time with Alex, Nick, and Nicki at Nicki’s house. It smelled of cigarette smoke and cat litter, but Sam liked it. It was nice and cozy.

The four of them were watching a movie. Mrs. Sterling, Nicki’s mom, was out at a knitter’s night or book club. Sam couldn’t remember which. This just gave the sixteen year olds permission to smoke and drink a crapton of soda, except for Nicki, who was cultured and drank coffee.

Sam didn’t like smoking as much as Nicki and Nick, but he did have a cigarette or two.

“What’s everyone doing for Halloween?” Nicki asked.

“You mean, costume wise?” Alex asked, curling more into Sam and placing soft kisses along his neck. They were tickling, and Sam squirmed.

Nicki nodded. “Yeah, duh.”

“We can’t wear costumes to school,” Sam pointed out.

“You think that’s gonna stop me, Sam?” Nicki laughed. “Don’t worry, it won’t be too outrageous. In a way. Nick and I are doing couples.”

“Of course you are,” Alex joked. “What?”

“Angel and demon,” Nick said, ashing his cigarette.

“With a twist,” Nicki added. “We’re going to do badass, biker angel and professional business-looking demon.”

Alex and Sam laughed. “So Nicki’s the demon?” Alex joked. “Damn, she’s more of an angel.”

Nick laughed. “We both know she’s a little devil when she puts her mind to it.”

Nicki grinned. “Besides, the girl as the angel? So predictable. Expect the unexpected!”

Sam laughed and leaned into Alex, tabling the conversation about Halloween costumes. There was a movie on the TV, something that was horror. They had been paying attention, which involved Alex and Sam snickering during the most dramatic parts and Nicki curling up into Nick. Nicki did not like horror films. She endured them with Nick, though, who often watched them to get ideas.

“You’ve seen this before, Nico,” they heard Nick whisper to his girlfriend.

“Doesn’t mean I still don’t get creeped out by it,” Nicki grumbled.

Nick checked his wrist before smirking and pulling Nicki up to her feet. “I got something that’ll take your mind off the monsters on the screen.”

“Ni,” she groaned, laughing as Nick pulled her in the direction of her bedroom.

“Hopefully, she can be quiet this time,” Alex grunted.

Sam laughed and turned around to kiss Alex. “She probably won’t be.”

“I don’t know what Nick won’t just gag her. They’re kinky enough for that,” Alex smiled as they kissed, rolling so that he was stradling Sam and rolling their hips together as they kissed.

Sam ran his fingers through Alex’s short blond hair and groaned, rocking his hips up and into his boyfriend’s. Distantly, he thought he heard Nicki moan her own boyfriend’s name, but he ignored it. Everything was Alex.

Alex’s eyes were golden and alight with mischief as they broke the kiss, skin flushed with arousal. “Show me yours, and I’ll show you mine,” he whispered.

“Deal,” Sam breathed, undoing his jeans and belt buckle while he watched Alex do the same.

Alex was thick and long and veiny, just perfect, and Sam couldn’t help but wrap a hand around it and start stroking it. Alex hissed and started to do the same thing. Sam’s head thumped against the pillows.

The house was quiet for a long time, saved for their heavy breathing, the horror movie playing in the background, and the loud cries Nicki gave as Nick did whatever they did. Sam was content just stroking Alex off. Some nights, it was just hand jobs. Other nights, it was Sam being pinned to the mattress while Alex fucked him wide open. Those only tended to happen at Alex’s or Nick’s, since they had lube and Nicki was forgetful in buying some.

Alex’s eyes seemed to glow, and he leaned in to give Sam a biting kiss, thrusting his length into Sam’s hand over and over again.

“Such big hands,” he breathed into Sam’s mouth. “You’re gonna be so tall, Winchester, taller than me.”

Sam laughed against Alex’s mouth, moaning as the other boy’s thumb ran over the crown. “Mm, I’d bet you’d like that,” he whispered. “Want me to hold you down while I fuck into you?”

“Yes,” Alex snarled. “Fuck, yes, Sam, I’m close.”

“Already?” Sam teased, but he knew he was close too. “What, wanna be held down by Sam Winchester while I fuck you raw?”

Alex groaned and nodded. “Just ‘cause you’d be on top doesn’t mean that you’re in charge, though,” he whispered.

That sent a thrill of arousal through Sam, one that brought him closer, but he couldn’t let Alex win their game. Not this time. “So?” he sneered. “Still going to do it. Fuck you nice and open, watch my cum slide out of you when I pull my fat cock out of you.”

Alex groaned. “Damn, you been watching porn, Winchester?”

Sam gave a half smirk. “I’ve got an older brother and years of listenin’ to him sweet talk women. Also, yes.” He nipped along Alex’s neck, feeling the older boy shudder. “Can’t wait to taste you.”

Alex moaned. “Fuck, Sam, I’m gonna bust my nut.”

“Do it,” Sam breathed.

“You first,” Alex whined.

“No,” Sam said firmly, and that’s what made Alex cum across his and Sam’s stomachs, moaning as he shook.

Sam came not long after him, throwing his head back with a grunt.

They laid there for a while, exchanging slow, lazy kisses before Alex peeled away. From the sounds of it, Nick and Nicki were still going. “I wish we had their stamina,” Alex said wistfully as he walked to the Sterlings’ bathroom for a washcloth.

Sam laughed and stretched, smiling as the credits began rolling on the screen. He was so happy.

 

They had stayed through Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year. Dad said this hunt was important, but what it was, neither Dean nor Sam knew. Nor did they care. They had a sense of stability, and when Sam saw the sleek black Impala pull up as he was walking from Spanish to contemporary literature that he had to go.

He pulled Alex aside and pointed to the car. “My dad’s here. . . I gotta go,” he whispered.

“Sammy, please,” Alex whispered. “Stay here, with me and Nick and Nicki. Nicki’s mom adores you, she’d adopt you in a heartbeat and we could graduate. You don’t have to go with him.”

Sam sighed and looked out the window, seeing Dean riding shotgun. Dean’s arm was out the window and he sighed. He knew that if he didn’t go, whatever anger Dad had about it would be taken out on Dean. He’s not sure how, Dean never spoke about it. It was something left unsaid. “I. . . I can’t,” he whispered.

“You’ve got a future here, Sam, with us. With me.” Alex pressed into him. Tears were filling those golden eyes.

“Hey. I’ll find you. I know what your name is,” Sam whispered. “I’ll find you when I graduate. We’ll go to college together. You can study. .. whatever, and I can study law. And we’ll be together. I promise.”

“Really, Sam?” Alex whispered.

“Just wait for me, baby,” Sam whispered. He almost never called Alex pet names, but it seemed appropriate. “Please.”

Alex nodded. “Text, at least?” he whispered.

“As often as I can,” Sam promised. He looked down at the black Impala again and felt his heart wrench. “Tell Nick and Nicki not to get pregnant. I want to be there for the baptism.”

Alex laughed, low and rough. There were tears in golden eyes and Alex kissed him. Sam sighed, cupping Alex’s face.

“I love you, Winchester,” Alex whispered.

Sam smiled. “I love you too, Alex,” he whispered back. “Give Nick and Nicki my best. Don’t forget about me.”

“As if I could forget about you,” Alex scoffed, his eyes watery. “Now, go. Before that dad of yours beats your ass or something.”

Sam laughed, his heart heavy, and he walked out of the school and into the Impala.

“What took you so long?” John asked grouchily.

“Saying good bye. Also, this school is huge,” Sam said defensively. He looked up at the window and noticed Alex was still there, watching the Impala. He gave a wave and Alex waved back.

If the gaze towards Dean’s hand was hateful, Sam didn’t comment on it. He just sent Alex a text I miss you already. :*

 

“Hi, yes, I was wondering if this was Alexander Morgan?”

It was six years later. Somewhere around the time Sam left for Stanford, communication with Alex had dropped off, and now, with Jess gone, he was trying to find him. Find the one other person on this earth he loved.

“Who’s asking?” the woman on the other line asked.

“My name is Sam Winchester,” Sam explained. “I went to high school with Alex for a few months.”

“Sam. . . that name sounds familiar. Weren’t you dating my son before you had to move?” the woman asked.

“Hi, Mrs. Morgan,” Sam sighed with a smile. “Is he there?”

There was a pause, and Sam felt a sinking feeling in his gut.

“Alex was murdered about two years ago,” his mother said in a soft voice.

Sam felt like someone stabbed him in the heart. “When?”

“November 2. There was a fire. . .” She took a deep breath. “They’re still looking for the arsonist.”

Sam took a shuddering breath.

“I’m sorry, Sam,” Mrs. Morgan said softly. “If you want, I can get you in contact with a couple of his friends.”

Sam nodded. “Nicki Sterling and Nick Campbell?” he asked.

“It’s now Nick and Nicki Campbell, but yes,” she laughed waterily.

“Please, I’d like that.”

 

“Sam.”

Sam groaned, trying not to listen to the yellow-eyed demon. He didn’t want to listen to him. “Go away.”

“That’s not what you used to say,” the demon sing songed. “Come on, Sammy, why don’t we have fun like we used to?”

Sam stirred and looked at the yellow-eyed demon. He seemed eager. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh. I’m sorry, I was in a different meatsuit when we first met.” The demon’s eyes flickered to the golden color that Sam loved, and now feared.

“You. . . You. . .” Sam was stuttering.

“Yeah, I was possessing Alex Morgan,” the demon chuckled. “‘Course, getting into a relationship with you wasn’t on the agenda, but, hey. Lines get crossed.”

Sam thought he was going to be sick.

“If you’re curious, Alex did like you,” he said. “He really did.”

“What about Nick and Nicki? Any demons possessing them ?” Sam asked.

“Them? Nah. They were warded, Sammy. Always had been.” The demon shrugged.

“Warded?” Sam panted. He couldn’t believe that. . . that he had. . . He was definitely going to be sick.

“Pentagram tattooed on Nick,” the demon explained, “And Nicki had some New Age thing that protected her. I’m not sure. Otherwise, I would have had a couple of cronies possess them.”

“So. . .” Sam gritted his teeth, “why even try to fuck me, then?”

“Oh, that wasn’t the plan,” Yellow-Eyes said. “But it did work out brilliantly, didn’t it?” He sighed. “Unfortunately, Alex was getting to be a bit strong. He started shutting me out. Couldn’t control him like I wanted. So, I had him killed. Well, I did it.” He laughed. “He died with your name on your lips. Just like your mother, and just like Jessica.”

Sam lunged, but the demon vanished, and Sam collided with the floor.

That’s where he stayed, and he wept for the the boy he loved. He wept for his sins, and wondered if he would ever be clean again.  

But mostly, he wept for the boy he loved that wasn't a boy.