The arrival of a delegation of dignitaries from the Drow Queendom under the Black Mountain was unexpected, but Duke Lucas Greyfort welcomed them graciously nevertheless. They were in an elegant palanquin carried by gnoll servants, presumably to keep out of the sun, so all the duke saw was a brief glimpse of a jet-black hand and a flash of white hair as one of the diplomats parted the curtains to issue a formal greeting and request entrance for the esteemed consort of Queen Nephilia.
Cadugan was, of course, suspicious. "They're after something," he muttered to Lucas once the drow had been escorted inside. "They haven't just come to pay their polite respects, drow don't do that. Not with humans, anyway."
"Probably true," Lucas agreed, putting an arm around his boyfriend, who frowned and crossed his arms grumpily. "So I'll wait and find out what they really want, and in the meanwhile we'll keep an eye on them, make sure they don't get up to any trouble while they're here. Besides, they sent their king - maybe they do intend to make diplomatic overtures while they're here, in addition to whatever else they might be up to."
Cadugan rolled his eyes. "You know what the drow think of men. It's probably considered an insult that they sent one to deal with us. Or maybe they figure he's disposable enough to send to the surface. Whatever they're up to, I bet sending their so-called 'king' isn't meant as a thoughtful gesture."
"You're awfully suspicious of them," Lucas said. "Is this an elf thing?"
"No. I've been in their realm, remember? When we were sent on that mission to retrieve Baron Elwood." Cadugan grimaced slightly at the memory. "Come on, let's go in and get this over with." He might live at the castle, and fulfil the role of the Duke's consort at social events, but that didn't mean he had to enjoy it.
They descended the stairs from the parapets to greet their guests, who were descending from their palanquins, stepping from the sheltered enclosures to the relative safety of parasols held by the gnolls. "Hello," Lucas said brightly, extending his hand in greeting. "I'm Duke Lucas Greyfort, this is my partner Cadugan. And you must be King...?"
"Wolf," said the drow king and Cadugan at the same time.
There was a moment of uncomfortable silence. Lucas looked from one to the other, picking up on his lover's stunned expression. "I take it you know each other?"
"I... think so?" Wolf said, bemused, while Cadugan said nothing, but practically bolted from the courtyard.
Lucas was torn between going after him and maintaining some small amount of decorum. "Welcome to Castle Greyfort," he said. "I'll have my staff set up appropriate accommodations for you and your entourage."
"Thank you," said Wolf, still looking in the direction where Cadugan had fled. "I imagine we'll have much to discuss - but that can wait until after we've settled in."
"Then I'll leave you to it. Please let us know if there's anything you require. We can continue this further after dinner." He shifted from one foot to the other, anxious that Cadugan was going to run off to the woods and hide there from whatever had so alarmed him about this visitor. "For now, please excuse me." He bowed politely and hurried off after his partner, leaving the drow delegation in the courtyard.
Fortunately, Cadugan hadn't gone too far. Once he might have disappeared into the comfort and isolation of the forest and Lucas wouldn't have seen him again for weeks, until he'd gotten over whatever had upset him. But they had a different arrangement now, and so even though he clearly wanted to be alone, he had gone to the garden, which was as close to the wilderness as he could get while still staying within the confines of the castle. Lucas found him sitting underneath an old apple tree, his legs drawn up to his chest. He came and sat down beside him, not talking immediately, giving Cadugan a chance to calm down and open up to him..
"I know him," Cadugan said at last. "The drow king. Wolf."
Lucas had guessed that much, but he nodded anyway. "Did you meet him when you were on that mission?" He had been present when the elves had sent Cadugan, Runt, and Glitterbranch to retrieve Baron Elwood, but he hadn't really seen how it had all turned out.
Cadugan nodded. He stared at the ground, not meeting Lucas' eyes. "I looked different then - he might not recognize me," he said, but without much confidence.
"Different?" Lucas had never known Cadugan to vary his appearance much - the same braids, even the same clothing, which could sometimes be a problem for more formal court events. It was hard to imagine him looking different enough that someone might not recognize him, even after some time had passed.
"We were disguised," Cadugan said quietly. "As female drow. Eddy used some spell that changed us, so we could pass among them without attracting too much attention."
"Oh, alright," said Lucas, still not sure where this was going. "So he met you before, but you were a girl at the time?"
"Yes," Cadugan said. He looked over at Lucas like he was waiting for him to say something, and when he didn't, Cadugan rolled his eyes. "And we had sex, okay?"
Whatever Lucas had been expecting, it hadn't been that. "You had sex with the king of the drow?"
"He wasn't their king then," Cadugan said, burying his face in his hands out of embarrassment. "He was just this random guard who was supposed to be escorting me, and he was really, really hot, and things just sort of... happened."
Lucas knew there was no reason to be jealous. It had been before he and Cadugan had been a couple - well, after Cadugan had kissed him, but before he'd come to his senses and realized what a good thing he was missing out on. They each knew the other had had other partners before them, and that was fine. He trusted that Cadugan loved him, and wasn't about to run off with a hot drow, even if he was now apparently a king... It just had to be awkward for him to come face to face with a lover from his past, especially one he'd probably never expected to see again. "What do you want me to do?" Lucas asked, putting an arm around his boyfriend to draw him closer.
Cadugan leaned against him. "I don't know," he said quietly. "I don't really want to have to face him again, but I don't imagine I can avoid him the entire time they're here either. Just... don't leave me alone with him? I don't want things to be... weird."
"I promise I won't," Lucas said, kissing him on the top of his head.
Dinner with the drow emissaries that evening went about as well as could be expected. They sampled the unusual surface foods with some hesitation, but once they saw that everyone was eating from the same dishes they seemed somewhat reassured. They were a group of four, aside from Wolf - two burly males who were apparently his bodyguards, and two younger drow women named Maevia and Sittica, who kept looking around curiously at their surroundings - the tall grey stone walls of the castle, the banners hung from the beams of the great hall, the musicians playing from the high gallery so that the music drifted down over the diners.
"So," Lucas said, trying to draw them into conversation, "are you enjoying the dinner?"
"Oh yes!" said Sittica brightly. "And thank you for not trying to poison us. That's very kind of you."
"You're... welcome," Lucas said, with an uncertain smile. He supposed formal dinners must be quite a different affair at their court. Cadugan glowered quietly at his side, not speaking throughout the entire meal.
After the last dishes had been cleared away, Wolf beckoned to Lucas. The two of them stood and walked aside a little way, although not out of sight of Wolf's bodyguards - or of Cadugan. "I hope my presence here hasn't offended your partner," Wolf said cautiously.
"No, he's just always like that," Lucas said. "He's not the most sociable of people."
"It's funny you should say that," Wolf replied. "Because when I met him before - under very different circumstances, mind you - he all but threw himself in my arms."
Somehow, thinking back to the first time Cadugan had kissed him (impulsively, eagerly, and to him at least, completely out of the blue), Lucas wasn't surprised to hear that. "It was all a long time ago," he said, trying to smooth things over. "Cadugan would like to put it behind him."
"I'm sure he would," Wolf said with a faint smile. "But I'm afraid our business here is related to that particular incursion into our territory, and the theft of our slaves."
"It wasn't a theft, it was a rescue," Lucas said pointedly. "But go on."
Wolf beckoned for Maevia to come over. She joined them and Wolf said, "Show him." The young woman bowed her head and drew an amulet out from beneath her robes, lifting it off over her head. As she did so, Lucas was startled to see her features and body change into those of a young male drow. He looked mildly embarrassed with the situation.
"One of our scouts located this magic amulet in a tunnel after your team's escape," said Wolf. Lucas didn't bother to protest that they weren't his team. "Its powers had been suppressed by strong divine magic, so our wizards and scholars examined it. Eventually its magical energy returned and after some testing they soon determined its properties, which you now see demonstrated by Maevian here."
"I see," Lucas said, although he still wasn't sure what any of this had to do with him. "And now you've come to return it to its rightful owner?"
Wolf laughed. "No, I like to think of it more as payment for the slaves you took. Partial payment," he added. "My people have been struggling to rebuild our numbers. The progress has been slow because our ratio of males to females is unbalanced. I'm in charge of our breeding program," he said with a smirk that told Lucas everything he needed to know about that, "but I can only do so much on my own. With a few more amulets like this, we would have more control, more flexibility, in ensuring that we can maximize our reproductive capabilities. We could make more drow more quickly." He slipped the necklace over his own head and suddenly he appeared as a stunningly gorgeous drow woman.
"So you want me to help you make more drow," Lucas said, slightly stunned at the abrupt transformation.
"Not you personally," Wolf said with an even wider grin. "Unless you're volunteering." She was distractingly beautiful. "Queen Nephilia and I have discussed whether it might be worthwhile adding some human blood to our breeding stock, perhaps among the lower orders - your ability to withstand the sun, for instance, would be a useful trait."
Lucas thought all of this sounded like a terrible idea, the sort of thing that could even get him charged with treason or collusion with the enemy if it was found out. He was a bit worried even about the one amulet they did have, and wondered whether it might be possible to recover it. Certainly not with the drow bodyguards this nearby, but maybe if he could get him alone... Besides, Wolf as a woman was extremely alluring, and he kept having to remind himself not to stare at her. "We can talk about this more in private," he suggested. "Maybe over some after-dinner drinks?"
Wolf removed the amulet and slid it into his pocket. "Very well," he said, after a moment's consideration. He turned to Maevian. "You're dismissed for now." The young man nodded and went back over to join Sittica, who was examining some of the tapestries very closely. "I'll see you in my quarters later, then?" he asked Lucas. There was something suggestive in his voice, but then he always sounded like he was saying something lewd even when he wasn't.
"All right," Lucas agreed, worrying about what he was getting himself into.
"You agreed to what?" Cadugan put his hands on his hips, staring up at Lucas in disbelief.
"To meet him for drinks and further conversation," Lucas said. "He has the amulet you took with you, the one that changes people into female drow. They want to learn to make more, for their breeding program. Surely you can see why that's a terrible idea - they could use them on captives, elves, humans, anyone to turn them into drow breeding stock. We need to get it back from him."
"We need to?" Cadugan looked even more aghast. "You're roping me into this too?"
"Please?" Lucas said, putting on his most winning smile. "We work best as a team."
Cadugan rolled his eyes but sighed in resignation, and Lucas knew he'd won this round at least. "Fine," he said grumpily. "I'll go. Just in case he tries to take advantage of you."
"Aaactually," Lucas said, "I was hoping he might try."
Cadugan looked at him like he'd gone crazy. "You what now?"
"Hear me out," said Lucas, taking his hand. "If we can convince him to let one of us wear the amulet, then we have a better chance of getting it away from him for good. And since you already had sex with him once as a girl, maybe we can pretend like you want to do that again, and I want to watch..." He paused, taking in his boyfriend's reaction. Cadugan was scowling and blushing furiously. "Or maybe this is a terrible idea," he added belatedly.
Cadugan bit his lip. "Lucas, I'm scared that if I do that, I wouldn't be pretending. I mean... I love you, and I want to be with you... but have you seen Wolf? I'd have to be dead not to find him attractive. What if things get out of control?"
Lucas drew him closer, holding him in his arms. "Is that what all this is about? Why you've been so upset since they got here?"
"Well, that and I don't really trust them not to have some ulterior motive for being here," Cadugan said.
Lucas stroked his long red hair. "I love you, Cadugan. I don't expect you to stop finding other people attractive just because we're living together. If you wanted to sleep with Wolf, I... well, I guess I'd understand. As long as you weren't leaving me for him."
Cadugan's eyes widened. "No! I'd hate living underground, even more than I hate living in the castle."
"Thanks," Lucas said with a wry smile.
"You know what I mean," Cadugan protested. "I'm here because I love you and I want to help you, not because this is my favourite place to live. There's a lot I'd do for you."
"Even have sex with an attractive drow?" Lucas teased gently.
Cadugan sighed. "If I must. I guess I've always had a thing for wolves," he said, and kissed Lucas.
Lucas nodded to the two bodyguards outside Wolf's quarters as Cadugan knocked at the door. Wolf opened it and smiled to see them there as he invited them in. The guards shot one another a knowing look as the door closed behind them.
"I must admit I'm a little surprised to see you both," Wolf said, pouring three cups of wine. "I thought you were avoiding me, Cadugan."
Cadugan shook his head. "I wasn't sure what to say... after how things were left between us." He accepted the wine, although he couldn't help giving it a suspicious sniff.
"You said things were complicated, and that I wouldn't see you again like that," Wolf said. "I didn't figure out what you meant until later."
"I thought you'd be upset that I tricked you," Cadugan told him.
"Oh no, it was a brilliant ruse," Wolf said with a smile. "And even though the time we had together was short, I've always treasured it. I have no hard feelings."
"Our situations are so different now," Cadugan continued, after taking a sip of wine. "You're the king of the drow... I'm with Lucas."
Lucas smiled and gave a little wave, content for the moment to let Cadugan do the talking. When the half-elf had to, he could do a passable job of making conversation, it just wasn't his favourite thing in the world.
"Some things certainly have changed," Wolf agreed. "But maybe not everything...?" He glanced from Cadugan to Lucas and back again, as though trying to puzzle out their intentions here.
Cadugan blushed (which Lucas always thought looked incredibly cute) and said, "I still have feelings for you, if that's what you mean. You were kind to me at a time in my life when I was very confused and frustrated." He shot Lucas a look, still unwilling to let him forget what an ass he'd been for a while there, before he'd come to his senses. "I felt bad about deceiving you, seducing you under false pretenses, then running off on you..."
"Oh, don't feel too bad," Wolf assured him. "That's par for the course for drow relationships. At least you didn't stab me when you left!"
"I guess there's that," Cadugan agreed. "Anyway... I talked about it with Lucas, and we both agreed that maybe... if I had one last night with you, the way we were before, I could get it out of my system. And," he added, blushing even more, "Lucas said he thought that seeing me as a girl would be extremely hot."
Wolf arched one pale eyebrow. "Oh, really?" He smiled knowingly. "That's understandable - you did make a very lovely woman." He drew the amulet out of his pocket, dangling it from the ends of his fingers. "Would you like to be Caduga again for one night?"
"Yes," Cadugan whispered. "Please, let me be that for you." He looked over to Lucas. "For you both." If it was a performance, Lucas though, it was incredibly realistic.
Wolf smiled as he came closer and gently placed the amulet over Cadugan's head. In an instant, he was transformed into a petite drow woman - night black skin, white hair, red eyes. She was still recognizable as Cadugan by the shape of her face, the style of her hair, but beneath the ranger's tunic were small breasts, rounded hips, and a slim waist. Wolf embraced her, looking over her shoulder at Lucas to see his reaction.
Lucas wasn't sure how to feel. It was strange seeing Cadugan as a woman, and even stranger seeing that woman in someone else's arms. But at the same time, he knew that he'd asked Cadugan to do this, and that it didn't pose any threat to their relationship - at least, he didn't think it did. The werewolf within him bristled slightly - a possessive "that's MY mate" instinct that he couldn't entirely suppress, but could contain, at least for now. And there was some part of him, if he was completely honest, that found the sight incredibly arousing. He wasn't sure whether it was better to stay back and watch, or to follow his urge to join them.
Caduga resolved that dilemma by kissing Wolf, then turning to hold one hand out for Lucas. Shyly, he crossed the room to embrace her as well, holding her from the other side so that she was pressed between them. She leaned back against him, as Wolf kissed her neck, running his hands up under her tunic. Caduga lifted her arms, and Lucas helped to undress her. Between the three of them it was the work of only a few minutes until they were naked. Lucas reflected that somehow he always seemed to end up naked as part of their misadventures, but at least this time he wasn't the only one. And besides, there were some very pleasant distractions...
Wolf guided the three of them to lie down on the bed. Caduga hesitated for a moment, though. "Wolf, I didn't even think to ask - what about your wife? Will she be angry about this, if she finds out?"
"Nephilia is my queen and my beloved," Wolf said simply. "But she allows me to use my, ah, particular skills when it suits her purposes - for instance, to enhance our breeding efforts," he added with a smile. "I'd say this is well within my parameters."
"All right," Caduga said, glancing at Lucas. "And you're sure it's okay with you?"
"It's all new to me," Lucas said. "I can't promise how I'll react... but I know I love you and right now I want to do whatever will make you happy."
"Then please, fuck me," Caduga begged. "Both of you at once."
Lucas' eyes widened slightly, but Wolf grinned. "I'd be delighted," he said, giving Lucas an appraising glance that made him blush as the drow looked him over. "I think we should be able to give you just what you want."
"How should we, ah..." Lucas made some gestures with his hands meant to convey bodies joining from various angles and directions. The positioning seemed to be the main obstacle at this point.
Wolf gestured for Lucas to lie down on his back, then helped Caduga into position astride him. "You two get started, and I'll join in shortly."
Lucas felt momentarily self-conscious, acutely aware of Wolf kneeling at the end of the bed, watching them, but his doubts were soon pushed aside as Caduga slid down onto him. "Ohhh, your pussy feels incredible," he gasped. It had been a long while since he'd been with a woman, and the warmth and wetness were almost overwhelming. Lucas managed to keep himself from an untimely and embarrassing release, but only just barely. Caduga smiled at him as she rocked her hips gently, finding the ways she could give him pleasure with this body. Lucas reached up to touch her breasts, between which hung the amulet, and she moaned as he rubbed his thumbs across her sensitive nipples.
Wolf got up for a moment and retrieved a bottle of something from his bag. Caduga was instantly wary, eyeing it suspiciously, but Wolf brought it over for her to examine. "Just oil," he told her. "I never leave home without it - you never know when you'll need something lubricated."
"All right," Caduga said, after having a close look, smell, and even a gingerly taste of the liquid in the bottle. "It seems fine."
"I think you'll appreciate it," Wolf agreed, resuming his position at the foot of the bed. Lucas could see him pouring a little of the liquid onto his fingers, and then Caduga gasped, tensing up so much that Lucas winced slightly. "Relax," Wolf said, rubbing the slippery liquid against her ass. "I know this isn't your first time," he added with a smirk. Even in the dim light, and with her darker skin, Lucas could tell that Caduga was blushing, but she was also squirming impatiently, her breath coming in short, shallow gasps.
"Shh," Lucas whispered to her, stroking her back, drawing her down for a kiss. "It's all right, I'm here, I've got you." He was still holding her when she suddenly stiffened, crying out, and the sensation of tightness inside her redoubled - Lucas knew then that Wolf was inside her too, and looking over her shoulder, he could make out the drow's face, grinning as usual. He could feel Wolf's legs moving against his, getting into a better position, and he was even able to feel him from inside Caduga, a dizzying sensation.
After a few hesitant starts they managed to coordinate their movements so that they could each thrust into her without too much difficulty. Caduga was gasping with each stroke, her fingers digging into Lucas' arms hard enough to leave bruises. "M-more," she begged, and they did their best to oblige. Lucas held her by the waist to steady her as she trembled, while Wolf was gripping her shoulder to give himself more leverage.
As he drew closer to his climax, Lucas could feel the beast within him struggling to break free, to ravage them both, but he managed - barely - to keep it under control. He was rougher than he might usually have been, though, and left Caduga's skin scored with scratches. She didn't seem to mind, and in fact shuddered and squealed as he did so. This spurred Lucas and Wolf on, so they pounded her still harder, as though they were in competition and cooperation at the same time. When she came for a second time, though, and called out Wolf's name as she did, Lucas couldn't hold back any longer. He reared up with a growl, feeling his body begin to shift, his muzzle begin to transform, and buried himself deep within her as he finally let go.
He was still in the midst of the aftershocks when Caduga hauled back and slapped him. Lucas came back to his senses almost immediately, seeing the shocked looks on Wolf and Caduga's faces, and felt incredibly self-conscious and more than a little sore. Wolf didn't let it throw him off his pace for long, however, and Caduga leaned down across Lucas' chest, kissing him where she'd hit him a moment before, stroking his hair back from his forehead, letting out a low moan as the drow continued to ream her. A few more strokes and at last he too gave a sharp cry and fell forward with a series of hard spasms, pinning Caduga between them.
"Get off," she grumbled after a few moments, "I'm being squished." With an occasional gasp and shiver they managed to disentangle themselves, only a little awkwardly.
"So," Wolf said, propping himself up on his elbow. "I see you have a little lycanthropy problem."
"It's under control," Caduga said with a frown. "I've been working with Lucas to help him master it."
"Mm, I see that," Wolf said. "Is slapping an accepted treatment for werewolves, then?"
"Only when absolutely necessary," said Caduga. Lucas' cheek was still stinging, and she leaned over to kiss it again.
"All right then. So, about the amulet..." Wolf continued, running a finger along Caduga's collarbone where the chain lay.
"We can't actually teach you how to make more," Lucas said. "It was Eddy's work, and I doubt he'd be willing to share his techniques. His former apprentice Meegs might be more accomodating." He felt reasonably confident that Meegs could deal with Wolf one way or another if he showed up at her tower.
"And I'm keeping this one," Caduga added, wrapping her hand around it. "We might need it someday - you know, to produce an heir to the Duchy." She ignored Lucas' shocked look as he whipped his head around to stare at her.
Wolf didn't look nearly as dismayed as they might have expected at being relieved of the amulet. In fact, if they hadn't been quite so distracted, they might have been more suspicious than they were. "What will you give me in exchange for it, then?" he asked.
"I think we already gave you plenty," Caduga muttered, but Lucas considered the question more seriously.
"I understand that you've been having some conflicts with the goblins to the east over timber trade," Lucas said at last.
"We can't grow trees underground," Wolf acknowledged. "It's one of the few drawbacks of living in the Black Mountain."
"What if instead you were to trade with Greyfort? We have a great deal of lumber available." Lucas ignored Caduga's glare for the moment.
"That would be... a promising development for us both, I think," Wolf said with a smile.
Lucas nodded. "We can discuss the formalities further tomorrow. For now," he said, turning to his lover, "we should probably get going."
Cadugan slipped the amulet off and tucked safely it into one of his pouches as they got dressed. Lucas could tell he was cross about the prospect of any disruption to the forest, but he was confident he could get him to come around eventually. "It'll be alright," he began as they reached the door. "We'll be sure to consult with you and the other guardians of the forest about where would be best to thin out the trees..."
"Oh, sure, now you consult with me!" They were too busy bickering as they left the room to notice that the pair of guards had disappeared.
By the time they got back to their rooms, they had more or less resolved their argument. Lucas hoped that he was getting better at that, but in truth it seemed like Cadugan's heart wasn't entirely in it. "Is something else wrong?" he asked once they were in private once more.
"No," Cadugan said, and then, more slowly, "maybe."
Lucas took his hand as they sat down on the edge of the bed. "Was that... not okay?"
"No, it was great," Cadugan said, only slightly grudgingly. "I just wondered... well... you seemed like you really liked it."
"I did," Lucas assured him.
Cadugan looked up at him, his green eyes full of an unaccustomed uncertainty. "Would you rather I was a girl all the time? I know that you prefer girls, anyway..."
Lucas's mouth fell open slightly in surprise. "No!" He took Cadugan's hands in his own and raised them to his lips to kiss them. "Cadugan... I love you, no matter what. Whether you're a man or a woman or neither or something in between. You're still you, and that's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with."
Cadugan looked like he was going to say something else, but Lucas' final words distracted him. "You do?"
"Yeah," said Lucas, realizing it was true, and then having a heart-stopping moment of doubt in case Cadugan didn't feel the same. "If you wanted to, that is," he said more softly.
"Stupid, of course I do," Cadugan said, and threw himself into Lucas' arms to kiss him.
"How did it go?" Wolf asked Arachne and Jais as they slipped into his room. Arachne pushed a pair of goggles up onto her head, mussing up her short, spiky hair. "Any luck?"
"These people just leave stuff lying around," Arachne said with a shrug, her pockets jingling with whatever trinkets she had picked up along the way. "They're not nearly paranoid enough."
"That's true," Wolf agreed. "But what about the ghosts? Did you manage to track them down?"
"We had a little chat," she said with a sigh. "One of them had a song. It had twelve verses. One of them was about carrots."
"Sounds great," said Wolf. "Was it useful?"
"Somewhat," Arachne said. "Apparently to get a curse like that put on you, you need to really piss off some elves. This guy burned some at the stake and chopped down their woods."
"I got his autograph!" Jais added brightly.
"We're elves, technically," Wolf mused, tapping a finger on his chin. "So is there anyone we want to curse?"
Arachne's smile widened. "So many people."
"Well, we'll take that information to Nephilia and let her decide what to do with it," Wolf said firmly. "For now, get back in costume and guard my door."
"Why, do you think they're coming back?"
"I am amazingly skilled," Wolf said modestly.
Arachne retrieved a pair of amulets from her over-full pockets and handed one to Jais. They put them on, instantly transforming into a pair of strapping drow men. "These work great, by the way," Arachne added, patting her own butt.
"I don't imagine they'll be back tonight," said Wolf, stretching out on the bed. "But if they do return, feel free to let them in. They're adorable."