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Thinking Out Loud

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The whirlpool of emotions creates fragments of memories and that crashes on our minds when we sleep.

"Dad no!"

"You bloody faggot!"

"Dad please.."

"You are a disgusting person"

"Please stop"

"How dare you tell me that you don't like girls!"

After two or three whips he was unconscious.

The knuckles of the belt dripped blood.

"Hey kid you okay, it's alright don't be scared, I'll take you the police, they are coming".

"How many months it was?" the psychiatrist asked in the first session.

He was mute.

"Jungkook, its alright, you can open up, no one is going to judge you"


This voice.


"Taehyung will never in a million years choose a no one like you, you are a faggot"


"You don't deserve happiness"


Taehyung looked eartheal with moonlight illumating his face as he held Jungkook in his arms.

"Hyung?" Jungkook panted, for a second he thought he lost him, he lost himself in the sea, that was chocking him.

However he didn't, he woke up in Taehyung's arms.

Jungkook looked around and tried to take in his surroundings.

He was in Taehyung's house in his bedroom.

"Kookie?" Taehyung called him softly.

"I want some water" Jungkook said.

Taehyung woke up and left the room.

Jungkook sat there head in his hands.

Taehyung straight bought him in his house after leaving the hospital and bought all his clothes amd books.

As much as Jungkook protested, he didn't even listen to a word and Namjoon helped too.

Jungkook sighed.

They were practically living together except....

Jungkook blushed at the thought.

"Taehyung will never choose someone like you".

Seehe's words replayed in his mind over and over.

"Kookie" he heard Taehyung's deep voice as he entered the room with a bottle.

"You alright?" Taehyung asked again.


"You can tell me you know" Taehyung cut him off.

Jungkook stopped drinking.

"What are you talking about?" Jungkook asked looking at him.

Taehyung was sitting infront of him.

He was wearing a quite expensive night suit, his hair were disheveled but he was strikingly handsome.

"You know what I am talking about Jungkook" Taehyung said as he looked at him in the eye.

Jungkook broke the contact and looked at his hands.

"I have been asking you for quite a while, your therapist even gave permission"

Taehyung touched his cheeks.

"What's stopping you, don't you trust me?" Taehyung's voice is hushed.

Somehow it reminded him of melted chocolate.

"I do, I do trust you" Jungkook said as he touched his forearm.

He trusted him, he trusted him, he trusted Taehyung that he won't hate him, but what he feared that.....

Taehyung won't touch him after that.

"Is that what you fear?" he heard Taehyung saying in a amusing tone.

Jungkook's eyes widen.

"I-I said out loud?"

"Oh yes you did" Taehyung's eyes screamed mischief as he moved forward, his hands roamed from his cheeks to his neck to his chest and stopped on his waist and he pulled him forward.

Jungkook's breath hitched as he held his shoulders for support.




Jungkook tasted many things from sweet to salty to spicy, he wasn't a fan of spicy things however, he had a sweet tooth.

But he never could make out the taste of Taehyung's kisses.

When the elder would move his lips on him swipe his tongue then make him part his lips and enter his tongue, Jungkook couldn't help but sigh, it made him so content that it scared him somehow.

Taehyung kissed him as if he was tasting something, some really expensive wine, his kisses were chaste, slow not rough or lustful.

Taehyung moved his lips to his throat, he licked his adam's apple and left butterfly kisses from his neck to his collarbone.

"I don't want to force you into anything kookie" Taehyung said resting his head on his chest as Jungkook's hands roamed in his hair.

"I know something happened to you and I want when we make love, I could show you how much I love you and I don't want any doubt" Taehyung said as his hands tightened aroud his waist.

"I was 15 when my father found out I didn't like girls" Jungkook said and Taehyung started to rise from his chest and he held him there, he doesn't know if he can face him while saying this, instead he focuses on the window outside of the room as Taehyung stayed in his arms.

"The first thing he did was taking out his belt and beat me with it, everyday the beating continued. Then he started a mission, to make me not gay" Jungkook chuckled humourlessly.

"My mother died long ago, when I was born, there was no one to save me to make him stop"

"Everyday he would bought porn and make me watch it, sent me in religious therapy and when I would refuse to watch he would whip me with his belt, it hurt so much, I would beg him to stop but he would bark about how ashamed he was that I was gay"

His eyes were streaming with those salty tears that he hated the most.

"Jungkook" he heard Taehyung say and tried to move Jungkook didn't stop him.

Taehyung held his face in his hands. His eyes were glassy.

Taehyung circled his arms around him and bought him to his chest.

Jungkook screamed, he screamed, he cried, hands fisting Taehyung's shirt, tears flowed from his eyes wetting his shirt and Taehyung held him tightly kissing his head and murmuring sorrys.

"It hurt so much Tae, I used to vomit everyday, but he won't listen, he said I was disgusting, he said, he said....."

"You don't deserve Taehyung"

"I don't deserve you, you would never choose someone like me"

Taehyung's breath hitched.

"Jungkook what are you talking about?"

"You would hate me right?"

Jungkook was now facing him, Taehyung's eyes were wide and confused.


"You would never be with someone like me"


"No, you would be disgusted"


Taehyung shook him frantically.

"Jungkook I would never leave you" Taehyung panted.

"I was almost about to drown myself in alcohol, but it was you who bought me up, you know why am I here because you made me, it was your smile that made get over that sadness and what you think why I kissed you, why I bought you here and why you are here in my arms?"

Jungkook dumbly looked at him.

"Because I love you idiot, because I love you, people fall in love with people, but I fell in you Jungkook, you are my everything now, there is no word about choosing you because I choosed you long ago, and it's only you"

Taehyung stopped as he caressed his face brushing fringes from his forehead.

"Will you accept my love? will you spend your life with you? will you give me your everything?" Taehyung asked.

Jungkook just dumbly looked at him.

Taehyung just opened his heart infront of him.

"I don't have anything" Jungkook replied.

"Will you give me your heart?" Taehyung asked again.

All he could do is connect his forehead with him.

"It already belongs to you" he wishpered.

"I love you, I will spend my whole life with you" Jungkook wishpered again.

"I love you too" Taehyung replied.

The rest of the night was a dream for him.

As Taehyung's big beautiful hands caressed his body, as his lips touched his lips, his throat, his chest, his abdomen and further, there was nothing but love in those.

That night Taehyung made love to him, it was so gentle that he cried, tears streaming from his eyes as Taehyung slowly filled him and murmuring countless 'I love you's in his skin.


The first sunray of the morning sky was the most gentle according to the elders.

But to Jungkook no one in the world was as gentle as the man who held him in his arms right now.

Jungkook watched in content as fragments of sunrays rested on Taehyung's face leaving his golden skin shine like gold.

Last night this man made love to him, made him feel like the most valuable person in his life.

Taehyung groaned as his arm around his waist tightened.

Jungkook squirmed.

"Kookie go to sleep" Taehyung murmured as he turned around to face him.

Damn, how could someone look so beautiful in bed hair.

"You think I look beautiful?" Taehyung said and Jungkook gasped.

"I was thinking out loud?" Jungkook said.

Taehyung's laugh echoed in the room.

"Yes you did"

They both laughed.

This is what he wanted.

Waking up everyday in someone's arms who loved him dearly.

Taehyung made him feel so good, so content.

He was sure Taehyung is the only one whom he wants to spend his life with.

No one else.

only Taehyung.