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welcome to the 2nd audition

Chapter Text

bighit added

foodscrems,Grammar,hopey,softbutbitter,deepocean,slutdropper,muscleman6969 to the chat

bighit made foodscrems,Grammar administrators.

bighit left the group.

foodscrems: ok hello what the hecking heck.

muscleman6969: hello and why are we here because i only added bighit man for a job interview and i have no idea why i'm here.

Grammar: It seems we're in a predicament, I tried contacting the employer about this but he seemed to have blocked me.

slutdropper: wHat tHe Fu ck. I JUst WanTed A j Ob AnD I GE T put In A C HaT WiTh StRaNg E RS.

Grammar: We have no explanation and it seems we cannot leave, he must just want us to talk..?

softbutbitter: i just woke up from my nap and i see this shit.

foodscrems: ok stop swearing, lets just introduce ourselves. my name is seokjin and i love food.

Grammar: My name is Namjoon, My nickname is RM and I love to rap.

muscleman6969: the name is jungkook, scale is InTernAtIoNaL pLAyBOy.

slutdropper: cute. my name is jimin and i love to dance and i love cute things >////<

softbutbitter: min yoongi.

hopey: what is this, im scared..

hopey: i'm your hope.. hoseok..

deepocean: asffffgfdfskkkkkkkkkkdgsnjdnfjdajffffffffnaksnjsanndjsfnasnf

deepocean: sorry i dropped my phone, my name is taehyung and i like party yes.

foodscrems: okay very interesting. whrere do u live

muscleman6969: whrere.

hopey: i just moved to seoul recently!

softbutbitter: same..

foodscrems: oh really? so did i.

Grammar: So most of us moved to seoul recently?

muscleman6969: yeah, i did too.

deepocean: strnage s o dis i.

foodscrems: ok lets say we all moved to seoul recently. does that mean we could meet up..? i mean i think we need pictures of eachother first before we get too ahead of ourselves but i'm pretty sure by the ways we type and that we're all looking for jobs we're all around 20?

Grammar: I'm 23.

hopey: omg same!!!

softbutbitter: 24.

muscleman: 20

deepocean: 22

slutdropper: 22

deepocean: its like we're soulmates we just said that at the same time..

Grammar: You didn't say it, you actually typed it.

slutdropper: ok wtf who let this partypooper into the chat..?

foodscrems: lol im the oldest im 25.

slutdropper: ok pics or didnt happen.


Grammar: What is this beautiful humanbeing..


deepocean: i think i gay.

slutdropper: holy shit, i said i liked cute things but this is a sexy thing and i like it.

softbutbitter: i swear ive seen you somewhere..

hopey: it speaks.

hopey: can we take a second to just like appreciate these pictures though..?

softbutbitter: no but really i think i have seen jungkook somewhere before.

muscleman6969: i busk alot in the streets of seoul, a couple of days ago i busked with a guy who played the piano really well.

softbutbitter: oh thats where, i was the guy playing the piano. thanks to you i made up a new song from your lyrics, luckily i recorded it.

muscleman6969: oh sweet, you're a good pianist btw.

hopey: thats like the weirdest coincidence ever..

Grammar: Anyway, back to the real issue. Why did we get put into this chat and why was I blocked?

slutdropper: i dont think you're the only one who was blocked.

deepocean: i have a friend who works with illegal hacking and stuff, i could ask him to help us. its gonna cost us tho.

slutdropper: i cant leave this chat and i dont want to pay. im broke as it is

Grammar: I believe we're all broke as we're looking for jobs and ended up in a chat despite not knowing each other.

deepocean: lol

hopey: rip

muscleman6969: no its ok, i like that we've all been put in this group together.

hopey: yes we dont need no reasons to make friends :DDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

softbutbitter: sunshine.

hopey: what?

softbutbitter: nothing.

Grammar: Its gotten late, I think we should all go to sleep and then come back on this chat tomorrow, maybe we could discuss some meeting dates or something. If we're going to be friends we should all meet up or something.

foodscrems: i agree on this but the children should sleep first!

softbutbitter: ok night.

hopey: soft but sleepy more like lol.

Chapter Text



Grammar: Hello?

Grammar: Good morning?

Grammar: Isn't anyone up?

Grammar: Huh?

foodscrems: yes i'm up because of you thank you for being my personal alarm clock.

Grammar: You're welcome

foodscrems: that was sarcasm.

Grammar: Oh.

slutdropper: what the fuck.

foodscrems: language mr.

slutdropper: korean

foodscrems: what the fuck

slutdropper: language.

foodscrems: oh mygod.

slutdropper: namjoon why're u up so early?

Grammar: Isn't it natural to get up this early..?

slutdropper: no sleep in until 1pm.

Grammar: I'm going to work on some songs and then take a shower and gdsfdshhhhhhhhdfgdg

foodscrems: shit, what happend are you okay?

Grammar: Sorry I just hit my head on the door frame and tripped then broke a vase on my coffee table.

foodscrems: how do u manage that..?

slutdropper: lol god of destruction.

foodscrems: well now i'm up i might aswell start cleaning and stuff..

slutdropper: you sound like a domestic mom

foodscrems: i might aswell be your mom.

slutdropper: god of destruction is the dad then lol

Grammar: What..?

foodscrems: okay see you in a bit, i'm going to clean

slutdropper: okay see u s00n

Grammar: I'm cleaning this vase up then I guess.


softbutbitter: what the fuck did i wake up to

hopey: hello! how are you?

softbutbitter: fine i guess.

hopey: good :DDD!!

deepocean: gsdfsod mrodrtngg

softbutbitter: what type of disability does this one have?

hopey: hey, thats not nice >:(

softbutbitter: .

softbutbitter: sorry

deepocean: sorry i didnt have my contacts in, good morning my friends.

muscleman6969: good morning my one and only group of friends

hopey: thats sad ;*( u dont have other friends??

muscleman6969: no because i just moved to seoul

hopey: thats true me too ;*(

deepocean: we're all friends ok.

softbutbitter: i guess i dont mind but if you piss me off ill find where u live.

hopey: thats kinda hot.

muscleman6969: lol.

slutdropper: atm im walking down the street and theres this guy with blonde hair lol hes dragging this massive grand piano down the street.

slutdropper: he turned around and seems to be looking for something, woah why is he so eyecatching wtf.

softbutbitter: do u have pink hair by any chance?

slutdropper: lol yes why?

slutdropper: lol hes walking towards me.

softbutbitter: names min yoongi, nice to meet you

softbutbitter: the face he has right now is priceless, he dropped his phone and i think his screen broke..

hopey: wait guys where are you, i wanna meet up too.

softbutbitter: [LOCATION SENT]

hopey: oh i'm near you guys, omw.





slutdropper: sorry i had to go home early and we didnt take any selcas together :(

muscleman6969: holy moly you're both so hot.

deepocean: you're hotter..

muscleman6969: no im not.

deepocean: yes you are

softbutbitter: get a room already damn.

hopey: you have a cute gummy smile now i look at it :*)

softbutbitter: you're quite cute yourself actually.

muscleman6969: gEt A roOM.

deepocean: lol :)

foodscrems: this is so soft wtf. this is why i want to hurry up and meet all of you


Grammar: Agreed, I'd love to meet you all.

Grammar: We should set up a date to meet and a place one time.

foodscrems: [LOCATION SENT] my house tomorrow at 1pm.

Grammar: That was fast.

Grammar: Wait can everyone make it?

deepocean: yes

hopey: yupyesyes

softbutbitter: i had plans but i can cancel.

muscleman6969: if tae is going im going lol

slutdropper: which ones tae? and yes i m good

deepocean: have u forgotten everyones real names already? its me.

slutdropper: when did you two get so close?

deepocean: yoongi told us to get a room so we private chatted.

slutdropper: no fair private chat me aswell.. ;(

muscleman6969: ok lets make a maknae group :D we can plan against the hyungs!

slutdropper: sounds good im always up for some mischief >:)))))

deepocean: lol

foodscrems: namjoon get the slipper ready.

Grammar: What why..?

foodscrems: whats it called when you kill a friend

Grammar: Wait, you're going to kill them?

foodscrems: homie-cide

Grammar: What..?

softbutbitter: what the fuck why did you make a dadjoke no god please...

Grammar: That was actually pretty funny..

slutdropper: i cant breathe help, im dying that was hilarious.

softbutbitter: end me

Chapter Text


slutdropper: on my way, i gotta take the train though because its on the otherside of where i live!

slutdropper: on my way, i gotta take the train though because its on the otherside of where i live!

foodscrems renamed slutdropper to literalangel

literalangel: wow thanks

foodscrems: no problem angel

hopey: i'm leaving in about 40 minutes, whoever gets there first can have the biggest bit of the cake i bought.

softbutbitter: we might meet up on the way there then, i'm leaving in about 40 minutes aswell.

deepocean: i'm taking a taxi in 10 minutes, does anyone want me to pick them up?

muscleman6969: yeah, me please ill send you my location in the private chat.

deepocean: yeah, okay!

literalangel: i feel something developing and i feel left out.

foodscrems: someones at the door one second.

foodscrems: its namjoon, hoseok i guess hes getting the big bit of the cake.

Grammar: No, i'm fine. I'm fat enough.

foodscrems: no your not wtf.

foodscrems: come here one second, :3


Grammar: You didn't say you were going to post it here!

Grammar: You didn't say you were going to post it here!

foodscrems: so what everyones going to see you anyway..?

Grammar: True. But you should ask before you post.

foodscrems: pfft we're friends though :D

Grammar: Hmm..

literalangel: wow we're all so goodlooking around here wtf. its like we're a boyband.

deepocean: me and jungkook are on our way.

muscleman6969: omg cute picture guys.

foodscrems: whoever is spamming the hecking doorbell please stop

hopey: sorry. me and yoongles are here.

foodscrems: yes ill let you in ok im coming.

hopey: yay thank you!

literalangel: i see you guys at his doorstep.

softbutbitter: yes i heard you shout MIINN YOOOONGI really loud and now im embarrassed.

hopey: he turned red its adorable.

softbutbitter: im going to hit you wtf.

hopey: ok he actually smacked my arm thats still adorable.

literalangel: boi are u a masochist???!?!

foodscrems: stop typing and come in :D

literalangel: your house is so nice and cosy wtf, its like a moms house.

Grammar changed foodscrems name to actualeomma

actualeomma: the first time he doesnt use grammar is on a name wtf

literalangel: wow.

Grammar: Hey, I only use grammar for sentencdgfgdhfdhf.

literalangel: he just tripped over his own foot and broke a chair...

softbutbitter: i just witnessed the impossible with my own eyes..

hopey: rip chair ;*(

softbutbitter: jin scolding him for it is gold tho.

actualeomma changed Grammar name to destructiongod

softbutbitter: lol

hopey: the doorbell, jin told me to get it!


Hoseok opened the door to see Taehyung and Jungkook, he was suprised to see how goodlooking he was, the two complimented eachother very well. He stepped aside and let them in with his heartshaped smile.

Jungkook smiled also, he had a very bold rabbit smile and his eyes curved up into moonshaped as he smiled. Taehyung who was left blinded by the cute smile of Jungkook, was left in the dust as Jungkook went inside. Taehyung turned towards Hobi and put his hand on his heart and gripped tightly and whined. It wasn't really a whine though because his deep voice made it into a groan.

Taehyung skipped in, slightly jogging after Jungkook who walked in. 7 pairs of shoes left at the door, that made Hobi feel soft and warm.

Hobi came out into the living room to see Yoongi fixing the broken chair and Namjoon pushing money into Jins hand while Jin was laughing his odd windscreen wiper laugh while pushing the money away, saying he wasn't actually mad and its good they have Yoongi here.

Hobi sat down next to Yoongi and looked at his concentrating face as he nailed the wood back together. He didn't notice he was staring until Yoongi got up and gave Jin the toolbox back as Jin thanked him.

Jin went into the kitchen while everyone sat down and began to talk, the subjects differed from: how nice the house was, what people use to do, their highschool lives and why they chose their haircolour which was mostly aimed at Jimin and Yoongi.

They all stopped talking when Jin started putting down plates of food on the dinner table. Their mouths began to water.

Jin shouted "Food is ready!" He sounded like an actual mom when shouting it.

The guys shyly made their way over to the table and sat down, Taehyung snagged a seat near Jungkook but it seemed like Jimin had the same idea, Taehyung got there first so Jimin sat the other side of Taehyung. Hobi sat near Yoongi, he was so infatuated with him he didn't even notice it himself. Jin sat at the end of the table and Namjoon sat the other end, with permission from Jin. 

After dinner everyone sat down and Jin turned on the Wii U and put in the disk for Mario Kart 8.

He smirked "Let us see if you can beat the great lord of mario kart he he"

After many hours of competitive games and Jin playing mario each round, no one could beat him. Jungkook kept getting 2nd and Taehyung came 3rd or 4th with Jimin. Namjoon looked at the time and decided it was time to go, he asked if anyone needed a drive home. Jimin asked if he could get one since the trains were not running. Hobi and Yoongi left first walking together, they had found out that they lived quite close to each other

After waving them off Jin pulled out his phone.


actualeomma changed hopey name to sunshine

actualeomma changed muscleman6969 name to rabbitman

actualeomma changed deepocean name to boxsmile

actualeomma: i had fun today, thanks! xx

Chapter Text


rabbitman: dasi run run run

literalangel: nan meomchul suga eobseo 

actualeomma: its like 8 in the morning wtf.

rabbitman: well, i'm doing my morning jog and i just felt like singing.

actualeomma: wElL OKAy Do IT iN ppRiVaTE chAt ThEn


rabbitman: sungyeolhaessdeon nal chajajwo

literalangel: i geojit soge

rabbitman: heeonal su eopseo

actualeomma: ok can you stop? i'm going back to bed.

rabbitman: why were you up anyway? a single message couldnt get you up.

actualeomma: i can be up when i want to and go back to bed when i can ok?

rabbitman: ok.



softbutbitter: swag good morning.

sunshine: good morning ;*)

softbutbitter: yo.

sunshine: how'd you sleep..?

softbutbitter: good hbu.

sunshine: good ;*)

actualeomma: gay.

sunshine: good morning to you too, and i'm not gay.

actualeomma: mhm...

softbutbitter: pretty sure the gay one here is you, i saw how you were looking at namjoon yesterday ;))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

actualeomma: lol what lol no lol xd lol

softbutbitter: who even uses xd ironically these days wtf.

sunshine: i just whacked my hand on my desk because i was laughing and now it hurts

actualeomma: the only way is to cut it off before the desk spreads to your hand,in a matter of time you will become a desk

sunshine: oh my god, really?


sunshine: im screaming

actualeomma: it's a deskease

actualeomma: or hobi is deskguised as a human

actualeomma: deskgusting.

softbutbitter: i want to kill myself

sunshine: will i really turn into a desk though!?!

softbutbitter: no but i want to kill myself.

sunshine: phew, but please dont kill yourself you're too cute to die

softbutbitter: are you saying this cus im small?

sunshine: no, even if you weren't small you're cute >///<

softbutbitter: uh thanks.

actualeomma: gay.

boxsmile: did someone say my name?

actualeomma: wait you're gay..?

boxsmile: i recently found out.. ;)

rabbitsmile: same..

boxsmile: lol its like we're meant for eachother or something

actualeomma: were you just stalking the chat until a reason to say something?

boxsmile: yes

rabbitsmile: yes

literalangel: yes

actualeomma: and there goes that creepy everyone says the same thing at the same time

boxsmile: that wasnt planned

literalangel: that wasnt planned

actualeomma: im creeped..

destructiongod: As am I..

actualeomma: good morning joonie.

destructiongod: Morning, Jin.

literalangel: morning mum and dad.

destructiongod: I slept in for the first time in my life and I feel refreshed.

softbutbitter: sleeping is good

actualeomma: send your best morning pictures ;^)

actualeomma: send your best morning pictures ;^)






boxsmile: yes and that, above me is why im gay

boxsmile: yes and that, above me is why im gay

boxsmile: yes and that, above me is why im gay

sunshine: aa dont judge me

softbutbitter: afk ok uhm lol

softbutbitter: afk ok uhm lol

actualeomma: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

destructiongod: Uhm, I'm pretty self concious but I guess..

actualeomma: id destroy that nevermind you being destructive

actualeomma: id destroy that nevermind you being destructive

destructiongod: Pardon?


rabbitman: what the fuck how'd u get that

rabbitman: what the fuck how'd u get that

literalangel: i took it at jins >:)


actualeomma: LANGUAGE


actualeomma: atleast u fixed it 

literalangel: ok ok stop spamming me tae ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

boxsmile: god damnit

rabbitman: i'm confused.

actualeomma: you're a young smol child you dont need to know


actualeomma: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

boxsmile: OMG

rabbitman: oh ma ga wdd


destructiongod: I'm very confused too Kookie.

rabbitman: lol.

sunshine: were did yoongi go?

actualeomma: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

sunshine: what?

actualeomma: okay dumb dense or both i dont care but wtf.

sunshine: those faces creep me out

actualeomma: im actually done

softbutbitter: back

softbutbitter: what'd i miss

actualeomma: taehyungs having a hard time.

softbutbitter: with what?


softbutbitter: this is out of character.

sunshine: acting legend

softbutbitter: lol

actualeomma: he knows where i live so i wont tell you sorry.

softbutbitter: we all know

actualeomma: i cant be dominant ;(

destructiongod: You literally said you'd destroy me a second ago. I don't know what context what that was in though.

softbutbitter: he wants to fuck you into the mattress.

actualeomma: whAT THE FUCK.

destructiongod: Oh, well if its Jin I wouldn't mind.

actualeomma: whAT THE FUCK x2.

softbutbitter: and you broke another thing.

softbutbitter: way to go destruction god.

destructiongod: I was only being honest, I didn't mean to..

softbutbitter: no i was joking hes probably fanboying right now and hes probably like super hard.

destructiongod: I mean I would like to go slow in relationships but Jins pretty sweet and makes amazing food and has a nice sense of humor and hes gorgeous and pretty much my dream guy.

softbutbitter: jin.exe stopped working.

sunshine: this is so sweet i got teary.


destructiongod: Uhm, actually I was going to ask you first though I'd love to.

actualeomma: im going to faint 

actualeomma: oh lordy... this is the best thing ever

destructiongod: Wait, I'm coming over. Keep still so you dont collapse.

softbutbitter: this is too sweet i wanna puke

sunshine: im crying help..

softbutbitter: dont cry please.

softbutbitter: you cry = i cry.

sunshine: i want cuddles

softbutbitter: send me your location in private chat.

rabbitman: better love story than twilight

boxsmile: jimins not answering i think hes torturing me

rabbitman: lol how is he torturing you?

boxsmile: he knows my situation, its getting tighter by the second and hes just there left on typing.

rabbitman: ohh

literalangel: tighter, ey :*)))

boxsmile: i swear im going to kill you 

literalangel: you know why im not sending right..?

boxsmile: oh so its going to be like this.

boxsmile: bring it on


Chapter Text

sunshine: ive been thinking about this for 3 days.

sunshine: why did jimin take a picture of kookie choking instead of asking if he was alright or helping him?

softbutbitter: the pain of others is good.

softbutbitter: you only need to worry if they step on legos or die.

actualeomma changed softbutbitter name to sadisticshit

literalangel: finally someone understands.

sadisticshit: jin, i hope u step on legos

literalangel: anyway, tae and kookie had a sleepover without me and i heard namjin went on a date.

sadisticshit: what the fucks a namjin

literalangel: namjoon x jin

literalangel: namjin

literalangel: im a gineus

literalangel: gienus

literalangel: ginus

literalangel: idk if thats right.

sadisticshit: haha you got it right there man hahaahaahaha

actualeomma: 1. how did you know 2. its genius you fuck and 3. what about tae and kookie ;)

literalangel: 1. namjoon told me because he was scared he was going to screw it up and thought i was the romantic one so consulted me about it. 2. i am a genius yes. 3. tae and kookie discussed a sleepover in the maknae chat but i couldnt come so i'm heading over to taes place this morning to play some games with them and shadiddle.

literalangel: he also told me to let myself in #soulmateprivileges

actualeomma: they'd look good together tbh..

sunshine: i agree lol >^<

actualeomma: i think i bought too much pork belly and now my fridge is full.

sadisticshit: make some paninis or smth with it. i would take some off you because i havent had meat in ages

sunshine: you cook?

sadisticshit: yes, only a little

sunshine: wow cool ^3^

actualeomma: lol ill leave some out for you then, come pick it up.

sadisticshit: cheers mate.

literalangel: k so im at taes house.

literalangel: and i forgot where he said he left the key.

literalangel: i have to scroll up 200 messages

literalangel: ok so tae is clique, that rhymed but he put it under a plant pot but didnt specify which one.

literalangel: pick a number from 1 to 6

sadisticshit: 6

sunshine: 5

actualeomma: 2

destructiongod: 3 Also ready to beat your ass Jimin.

literalangel: it was under 6 and lol

sadisticshit: i'm such a good guesser ;)

literalangel: im in ;^)

actualeomma: agent jimin, please specify what is happening

literalangel: this guy has a gucci fetish or smth because his closet which is literally a large room is basicly gucci.

literalangel: i cant find the room they're in because the house is so confusing, all the doors look the same. i can tell you though its like a penthouse but on the first floor.

literalangel: its so quiet holy shit

literalangel: one second im going to search the house and find them.

sunshine: hey, yoongi can you help me please ;-;

sunshine: hurry over to my house quick please ;-;

sadisticshit: i would ask for a reason but :)

sadisticshit: okay i'm heading out the door right now.

actualeomma: g o a l s x d 


literalangel: well well well :)

literalangel: well well well :)

actualeomma: i swear, if we had fangirls i could seriously hear the fangirls screaming from here these guys should just really FUCK ALREADY WTF.

literalangel: everyone say taekook.

actualeomma: TAEKOOK



literalangel: i guess thats all who're online

literalangel: yoongs and hobi probably making out rn.

sunshine: no hes fixing my shelf for me

literalangel: why didnt you say taekook then?

sunshine: idk, i dont feel the need to push people into relationships.

literalangel: mhm...

literalangel: bullshit im making them fuck tonight.

sadisticshit: you should really listen to hobi, you miggfsggggggdhf

literalangel: i hope you fell off the ladder

sunshine: he did, although i caught him.

actualeomma: you could say... he fell for you ;^)

sadisticshit: next time i fall off a ladder please dont catch me so i can end myself.

sunshine: no ;( ill be sad without you here ;-;

sadisticshit: i revoke that statement, im sorry

rabbitman: good mornig

sadisticshit: does your ass hurt?

rabbitman: huh? 

sadisticshit: i guess you topped?

rabbitman: what.

sunshine: XD i cant breathe

rabbitman: i didnt fall off the bed this morning so my ass doesnt hurt..

boxsmile: im pretty sure i would of topped if it'd had happend..

rabbitman: taetae come back in here so we can listen to justin seagulls new song with jiminie

rabbitman: justin bieber*

actualeomma changed rabbitman name to justinseagull

sunshine: how does justin bieber turn into justinseagull

justinseagull: idk lol

sadisticshit: justin seagul, im literally kackling.

sunshine: i can confirm.

destructiongod: Jin, can I come over?

destructiongod: Wrong chat.

actualeomma: sure b

actualeomma: use this chat, they all know about us anyway

literalangel: its like watching your parents kissing though 

boxsmile: oh no please dont remind me.

destructiongod: If you want me to then <3

literalangel: rees in cringe

boxsmile: screams in korean

literalangel: pizza is here!

sunshine: aish, i want pizza ;-;

sunshine: yoongles lets order pizza and watch a movie :)

sadisticshit: sure.

actualeomma: :)

literalangel: we're watching ironman and taekook is goals rn, jungkook just asked to sit on taehyungs lap rn and i cant even.

literalangel: taehyung you ok?

boxsmile: peachy, just wish jungkook would stop shuffling.

literalangel: lol ur not ok ur going red

boxsmile: help

literalangel: relax we have like an hour of the film left, enjoy it while you can

boxsmile: i fucking hate u rn.

literalangel: going to the toilet ;)

boxsmile: dont fucking kackle and wink at me while leaving what the fuck!

justinseagull: concentrate on the film tae ;-;

boxsmile: oKAy

actualeomma: why do i have a feeling kookie knows what hes doing and doing it on purpose ?

sadisticshit: probably is. hes getting a brave brat.

sunshine: rip tae

sadisticshit: what film r we watching btw?

sunshine: idk you pick ;)

sadisticshit: ok whatever lets just netflix

actualeomma: and chill :^)

sunshine: lol



literalangel: is it me or is this happening too fast?

actualeomma: whats happening too fast.

literalangel: tae and kookie making out.

actualeomma: srs?

actualeomma: im screaming 

actualeomma: oml

literalangel: im so glad i didnt barge through the door and instead slowly opened it because it was getting heated with tounge and everything.

literalangel: i just peaked and its getting really steamy holyshit.

actualeomma: is ironman the best film to get off to though?

literalangel: i should try that with tony..

destructiongod: Who is Tony?

literalangel: my boyfriend, hes in america atm tho ;*( i miss him very much

destructiongod: Is he asian?

literalangel: lol no hes a buff black man who does me very well

destructiongod: TMI.

literalangel: i'm going to watch tv in the other room so i dont interupt this..

literalangel: the walls are very thin here, jungkook is making the weirdest noises.

literalangel: might pop one if i keep hearing this.

destructiongod: The story of a lonely man, popping a boner hearing his friends make out.


actualeomma: threesome xddd

literalangel: nope no nope nothx i have a man.

literalangel: update i might have popped one and its really awkward now.

literalangel: literally suffering on my own.

literalangel: ITS GETTING LOUDER.

literalangel: ok im going to stop it hold my orange juice

actualeomma: why do i have a feeling this wont end well?

literalangel: it didnt end well because i just walked in on jungkook pressed up against a wall with his legs around taehyungs waist while their shirts were off but they didnt hear me because they're in their own little world of grinding their DICKS AGAINST EACH OTHERS.

actualeomma: rip jimin.

actualeomma: must be hard being small.

literalangel: send help 

literalangel: i didnt know it'd end like this im sorry god.

literalangel: i have a boner and im wearing tight pants and i dont wanna go home but god is punishing me

actualeomma: screams from the mountains


literalangel: he just noticed me and fucking did that smirk thing where they raise their eyebrows.

actualeomma: little shit lmao

literalangel: im just going to find a place to hide where i cant hear them :(

destructiongod: What a kafaffle..

actualeomma: babe, hurry here ;( i miss u

destructiongod: Coming babe.

literalangel: ok im in a closet and i cant hear shit now ;D

literalangel: hello?

literalangel: great now you're all probably makingout or some shit and im stuck in a closet.

literalangel: :*(

Chapter Text

justinseagull: :)))

boxsmile: :)))

justinseagull: r u making us breakfast ;)) you werent next to me ;))

boxsmile: yes im making breakfast, ill be quick bb :))

sadisticshit: curls up in cringe

justinseagull: hurry up its cold ;(

boxsmile: put your boxers on then or smth bb <3

justinseagull: no i want you :((

literalangel: did one of you fucks lock the closet i was in last night?

boxsmile: :)

literalangel: im stuck, please come let me out.

justinseagull: :)

literalangel: [SENT LOCATION]

actualeomma: >:) coming my son


actualeomma: me and namjoon are coming to eat breakfast with you.

boxsmile: lol me and jungkook will lock the bedroom door then.

boxsmile: i heard the walls are really thin here.

actualeomma: that gives me an idea which involves namjoon :)

boxsmile: ok sorry please don't, my couches cost alot.


boxsmile: im coming babe ~<3

justinseagull: ~<3

sunshine: thats adorable.

boxsmile: *whispers* when is yoonseok happening then *nudges hobi*

sunshine: ?????

actualeomma: you literally asked the wrong person


sadisticshit: hey hobi lets get some milkshakes after your shower.

sunshine: sure.

sunshine: what is a yoonseok btw?

sadisticshit: it was autocorrect like with jungkooks seagull, totally unrelated hahaha.

boxsmile: how do you get milkshake from yoonseok.


boxsmile: this is a mess

boxsmile: afk going to take out my stress on kookie by making out with him xx


literalangel: JIN HURRY UP AND GET HERE.

actualeomma: coming son coming..

sunshine: taking my shower now 'o'

sunshine: dont peak yoongi >:o

sadisticshit: what gave u the idea of me peaking?

sunshine: :^)


literalangel: i dont know whats worse, me hearing sexual noises in the house or this mess

literalangel: and i dont wanna go home because my heaters broke and im lonely ;(

actualeomma: #savechimchim2017

literalangel: crys :(

actualeomma: okay i'm coming up the 500 steps rn, im coming for my baby boy.

actualeomma: btw we can see you tae, your curtains open.

actualeomma: lol this is great, should i video this and put it on pornhub?

actualeomma: i think they noticed.

boxsmile: please dont.

justinseagull: cockblocker :(

boxsmile: bb lets get dressed k ~<3

justinseagull: ok <3

actualeomma: namjoons phones dead so thats why hes not talking ;(

boxsmile: big question is have you two done it yet?

actualeomma: no we're taking it slow and we're not total animals who get horny over someone sitting on your lap.

boxsmile: his ass is great though. you'd probably get horny too

actualeomma: no because im loyal to my man 

boxsmile: ok if u werent with your man

actualeomma: i dont take people 5 years younger :)

boxsmile: why are u so complicated

actualeomma: i love namjoon guys!!!!!!

actualeomma: please open the door its freezing out here

actualeomma: its nearly christmas. woah i forgot

literalangel: how can u forget about christmas

actualeomma: age

justinseagull: haha old man

actualeomma: im your mom!

justinseagull: cringes in cringe

literalangel: i cant believe im saved.

sadisticshit: guys red alert, privatechat. help

sadisticshit: how come like all of you msged me at the same time?

sadisticshit: grabbing hobis phone so he cant read it one sec.

sadisticshit: k i hidden it.

sadisticshit: he just came out the bathroom wearing only a towel and im melting guys send help.

sadisticshit: but the real trouble is, my clothes are too small for his well built and must i say hot body. which means im going to have to look through my 80 ft long wardrobe to find some clothes which i bought which were too big for me.

sadisticshit: shit hes so hot guys

sadisticshit: i may or may not be blushing

sadisticshit: guys..?

sadisticshit: GUYS!?!?!

justinseagull: i just remembered i have school tomorrow.

justinseagull: before you ask,i h ave to repeat a year since i didnt go.

justinseagull: my first day in a city school woo.

sadisticshit: why are you not answering me?

boxsmile: because its easy what you gotta do.

boxsmile: either fuck him in the ass or get fucked in the ass.

boxsmile: your choice.


sadisticshit: aaa why did i get put in this chat oml.

sadisticshit: the only good thing here is hobi and jins food.

actualeomma: my food and not me?

sadisticshit: why would it be you..? its the product what makes you

literalangel: #roasted.

actualeomma: yet i am a handsome man and i have a great personality with my good dad jokes and im worldwide handsome and a extreme beauty.

literalangel: and now i understand yoongis reasoning

boxsmile: babe, what school you going too ill pick you up tomorrow pm me all the details <3

justinseagull: you realise we could just talk inrl?

boxsmile: yeah but you need to pm me the details anyway, i'll probably get lost getting there and end up being there 3 hrs after you leave school.

justinseagull: i'll be mad if you're late >:*(

literalangel: why do i feel like this is some sugar daddy bullshit

justinseagull: hes not my sugar daddy hes just my daddy, hes my sugar BEAR.

literalangel: ok, jungkook please stop acting like this

literalangel: i hear you laughing, come here you stupid ass bitch

literalangel: can you do a split on a dick!?

justinseagull: barely

literalangel: see you cant beat me in my sluttiness

actualeomma: you're not even close to being slutty you're too mochi for that shit.

literalangel: my dream is to be a stripper dont discourage me

actualeomma: what

literalangel: what?

actualeomma: im not even questioning this chat anymore.


Chapter Text

sunshine: we're at this milkshake place. and we've been waiting for like 30 minutes for two drinks.


sadisticshit: its not even packed.


sunshine: yoongis getting mad and i feel bad for recommending this place ;*(


sadisticshit: its not your fault, the kid working decided it'd be a good idea to go outside for a smoke.


sunshine: :*(


sadisticshit: i'm gonna check the alley and beat his ass if hes there.


sunshine: i'm not going to stop you because you're scary when moody but please don't get hurt.


sunshine: no screw that i'm going to stop you from beating his face in :*(


literalangel: oh boy get that ass hobi.


actualeomma: :^)


sunshine: you realise a cute smol boy is going to fight someone he doesnt know the size of ;*(


actualeomma: :^) you know what they say about smol boys ;*)


literalangel: their dicks are massive and i know from experience


actualeomma: yeah it was rhetorical but thats what i meant


actualeomma: how do you have a big chilli pepper tho, you're a bottom.


literalangel: dont expose me wtf.


destructiongod: One cry = one growth to Jimins small Chili Pepper.


literalangel: wow, they say they are what you eat, jins a snake and namjoon just became a snake


actualeomma: whAt THe FuCK


destructiongod: Oh god..


sunshine: update i think yoongi broke this guys arm and now we really don't have any milkshakes and probably banned from this place because hes demanding a refund from a guy he just beat up.


sunshine: but it was really hot what the fuck,


sunshine: i mean, wow hes so cool..


sunshine: >//<


literalangel: this is worse than watching grass grow


literalangel: funny story i had to watch grass grow instead of being grounded for a year


justinseagull: my phone was buzzing like crazy but now im curious what u got grounded for.


literalangel: being the sassy child i was; i told the teacher that his dumb sex life was more interesting than his lesson because he was a 60 yearold man


literalangel: he told my mummy of me ;*(


literalangel: i had to sit a whole day outside in summer to watch grass grow.


justinseagull: lol i was a good child i just did bad things in secret and blamed them on my brother ;)


justinseagull: never been grounded ;)


sunshine: now we're going to starbucks for coffee but that was a nice story jiminie.


sunshine: yoongi has really nice thighs.


sunshine: i mean, i notice this about everyone too. so..


sunshine: i guess its not a big deal..


sunshine: he also has a really nice ass..


literalangel: wow u notice that about everyone?!?!?!?!


literalangel: what a normal thing to do and you're totally not attracted to him at all wow


actualeomma: cmon jimin, give him a little time he'll realise.


boxsmile: i suddenly want coffee, we should meet up at starbucks lol.


boxsmile: considering everyone is at my fucking house and looking through my stuff..


literalangel: i like how jungkook just whined hes comfy and doesnt wanna move and its so domestic like wtf taehyung still insists to get coffee then he whispers in jungkooks ear , probably some kinky shit because jungkook is now bright red


destructiongod: Its pretty cute ngl.


destructiongod: I just got out of the kitchen and Tae is kissing Jungkooks face all over the place.


destructiongod: NGL, but i'm too shy to do that at the start of relationships.


literalangel: stop with the ngl


literalangel: we all know you're a sinner u dont have to be honest with things


literalangel: anyway, can you change jins name to bestbigbro because his food is great but its kinda creepy calling him eomma lol..


destructiongod changed actualeomma name to bestbigbro


bestbigbro changed destructiongod name to bigbroshusband


bestbigbro: <3


bigbroshusband: <3


literalangel: sappy.


sunshine: guys we're at the starbucks near that posh street, with the apartments which cost over a million won.


sunshine: and i just see yoongi, daydreaming and staring at the building.


sunshine: so cute..


literalangel: nvm lets not go to starbucks,


sunshine: why? i bought u all coffee..


literalangel: bring it to taes house after you're finished.


literalangel: i'll send you location soon..


sunshine: oh ok..


boxsmile: uh, take your time.


bestbigbro: good one jimin :)


literalangel: >:) thanks hyung.


justinseagull: may i comment how comfy taes side is rn..?


justinseagull: it cannot be expressed in real life only in text.


justinseagull: though im nervous for school tomorrow..


boxsmile: it'll be over b4 u know, and you'll get to see me after <3


justinseagull: <3 and i am glad you understand i like texting my feelings i cannot understand.


boxsmile: <3


sadisticshit: jin im fucked.


sadisticshit: im so fucked.


sadisticshit: im in deep.


sadisticshit: his laugh..


sadisticshit: his smile..


sadisticshit: his positive energy.


sunshine: who?


sadisticshit: fuck wrong chat.


sadisticshit: no one.


sunshine: oh...


Seokjin > Hobi


Hobi: does yoongi have someone he likes? hes been smiling at his phone after he sent that.


Seokjin; you're both so fucked lmao.


Seokjin: you're both in so deep.


Hobi: im confused


Seokjin > Yoongi


Seokjin: there might be hope for your 'hopeless romance'


Yoongi: stop trying to make me feel better.




Yoongi: he could just be curious man, dont give me false hope


Seokjin: yo hobi is ur hope man


Yoongi: and i wasn't smiling about you, i pulled up my instagram and saw a cute cat..


Seokjin: yeah considering i just told a dad joke to make u feel better, i doubt that.





boxsmile: and that is the story of how i got my dick stuck in a sofa.


literalangel: ok..


justinseagull: i still love this guy even if he did stupid things in the past, this is my strong love


boxsmile: strong power thank you.


sadisticshit: you know what, i dont want to bring coffee to taes house now.


literalangel: im a little sad we wont get coffee but your on a date :^)


sunshine: its not a date, we're just hanging out you know.


literalangel: and u just broke yoongs heart ;*( stop kidding yourself and just say u want to fuck eachother already


sadisticshit: what.


sunshine: what.


literalangel: too fast? ok just kiss or smth.


sunshine: we're hurrying over to taes house from that previous location you sent, when you were in the closet.


literalangel: dont come too fast, its still a date :^)


sadisticshit: ;/


sunshine: >//<


literalangel: :^)







Chapter Text


justinseagull: i'm at school and i need help.

justinseagull: dont laugh at me for this

justinseagull: please..

justinseagull: but i'm being crowded by girls

justinseagull: and i'm kinda scared of girls.

literalangel: what the fuck, you called yourself an international playboy.

justinseagull: shut up, i panicked because i wanted to make a nice impression and stuff

literalangel: uh, like act cool and stuff and pretend you dont care.

sadisticshit: shout ur gay or something.


justinseagull: k i'm ignoring them, now they're playing with my hair help.

literalangel: thats what you call flirting, jungkook.

boxsmile: ;//////

boxsmile: did you meet anyone new?;//

justinseagull: i met this chill guy called yugeom and stuff, he has a group of friends like ours.

justinseagull: they're in a gaming group called got7 and they're competitive players, i think they're top players or smth

justinseagull: lead by this guy called JB, idk his real name

justinseagull: one of the girls asked if i have a girlfriend

justinseagull: i'ma calmly just blurt out i have a boyfriend, babe i need pics plz, i wanna show you off <3

justinseagull: not those kind of pics omg i mean

boxsmile: i know bb <3, i sent u them private chat.

justinseagull: some bitch asked if you had a boyfriend =-=

justinseagull: but they're all chill about it and i dont think i'm not as scared of girls as i was, infact they're like asking if i wanna do some stuff with them after school.

justinseagull: i said no tho because i wanna go home with you <3

boxsmile: yes, i want you for your first day, tell them tomorrow, maybe i'll come along <3

justinseagull: i want u all to myself tonight :)

literalangel: well fuck, here i am in a cold shitty apartment watching so much romance bloom. i miss tony ;(

boxsmile: r u really struggling with rent or smth jiminie?

literalangel: yeah, my mum cut me off from my company bank account and i had to move out my old apartment

literalangel: i aint got no job lol

boxsmile: uh, if you wanted i have a spare room in my apartment, you can move in and pay me small amounts, like idm. its like we're roommates.

literalangel: yh but u have a boyfriend

boxsmile: so do u lol.

literalangel: pretty sure hes got a woman in america now or smth, he likes to pretend im his roommate and then sleeps with girls he brought back from america.

literalangel: man earns a million and doesnt send anything to his boyfriend

literalangel: tbh i love him too much to leave him..

boxsmile: damn, boy get ur ass moved into my apartment, i'll pay for a moving van and shit, dw about furniture.

literalangel: uh..

literalangel: you realise it isnt that easy?

boxsmile: if i say its that easy then it is.

boxsmile: u cant put your clothes in my closet room but you can have a closet fitted in your room,

justinseagull: taetae, infact after school ends lets just go to jiminies place and help him pack

boxsmile: y e s

boxsmile: a date helping out a friend

boxsmile: best date ever

literalangel: guys im crying omg. this is the best friend group i ever had..

literalangel: i wonder if my life will get back on track now..?

boxsmile: damn it will.

justinseagull: i want to kiss u, ur so kind.

boxsmile: we can do plenty of that once we help jimin move into ours, i just have to find the boxes i used to move into my apartment and we're probably set until i call a moving van.

justinseagull: gotta run, lunch breaks over and i'm crowded as fuck.

bestbigbro: no ones gonna comment on the fact he said 'ours'

bestbigbro: well ok

bestbigbro: ok bye

Chapter Text

literalangel: woo, we're finally done

literalangel: now the house is literally empty of all my shit, i'm going to help tae clean out the spare bedroom.

literalangel: wish us luck because apparently its really messy..


literalangel: it was fucking disgusting wtf, there was so much dust.

boxsmile: i told u i hardly go in there.

literalangel: didnt help u left half way through to go clean ur face and then ''snuggle'' jungkook

literalangel: no i swear snuggling isnt the definition of eating each others faces off last time i checked.

boxsmile: what can i say ;) im a sucker for jungkook

justinseagull: p sure im the sucker here

boxsmile: yes ur great at that ;)

justinseagull: ;)

literalangel: ok i take it back, worst friend group ever

boxsmile: nah you lying, u think we're great

literalangel: great at being asses.

sadisticshit: please stop waking me up from my nap

literalangel: its half 5..?

sadisticshit: your point..?

sadisticshit: i sleep ok, night.

literalangel: tip tip evening m'lady.

sadisticshit: i will smack you.

literalangel: ok.

sunshine: leave yoongi alone, hes probably been up all night.

literalangel: and how would u know :^)

sunshine: he told me he suffers from insomnia.

literalangel: ohh..

literalangel: anyway, now what should we do tae..?

boxsmile: i'll help you move in, im just contacting a moving company rn.

literalangel: yeah sure, with jungkook on your lap?

justinseagull: yes hes actually neglecting me 4 once

boxsmile: i'm neglecting myself you mean..?

boxsmile: i got my hard on rn, im making a phone call dont grind.

literalangel: you realise hes gonna do it either way.

justinseagull: no, i'm a good boy for daddy.


justinseagull: i aint no youtube hoe.

justinseagull: i just want taetae to hurry up ;(

literalangel: wheres the fucking closet please send help.

bigbroshusband: Jin, you up?

bigbroshusband: Babe?

bestbigbro: yeah, sorry im preparing for a job interview tomorrow.

bigbroshusband: You need cuddles?

bestbigbro: yes but we should have some hot chocolate and watch friends.

bigbroshusband: You're hooked after I showed you one episode

bestbigbro: whatcanisay?

bigbroshusband: Okay, i'll hurry over

bestbigbro: ok bb, i'll make the best hot chocolate u ever had in your life

bigbroshusband: Anything you make is the best I ever had in my life.

bestbigbro: no, this is gonna be the most life changing.

bigbroshusband: Okay, we'll see about that.

bestbigbro: why did everyone else go silent

sunshine: to bathe in the fluff.

boxsmile: uhuh..

sunshine: its so fluffy im dying.