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Smoke & Water

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I don't own Bad Education, all rights go to their respective owners


Smoke & Water


“This is nice, isn't it?” Alfie smiles, a cigarette in between his fingers and his other arm around his girlfriend Rosie who, is doing the exact same thing.

“I thought so to.” Rosie says, blowing a cloud of smoke in Alfie’s direction.

“You know, it is so hot when you do that.” He remarks.

“Is it?”

“Yep.” Alfie replies, the two moving away from their cigarettes to share a brief kiss.

“You know what else is really fun about this.” Rosie grins.

“What? I mean, it's lovely sitting here smoking with you but I don’t see why…”

“Do you know where we are?” Rosie enquires.


“More specific than that.”

“By the school building?” Alfie continues.

“Look behind you.” She nods her head briefly.

“An open window?” Alfie comments upon seeing the window behind their heads.

“Do you know who’s window that is?” She enquires.

“Actually, Rosie. I have no idea.” He retorts.

“Well.” She moves just that slight bit closer to her boyfriend, her lips brushing his ear ever so slightly.

“Pickwell’s office.” She whispers.

“Ohh my god. This just makes it even better.” Alfie smirks.
“Ooh I know! I mean, despite how long it's been I still want to beat the living shit out of her for nearly destroying my garden. I mean, that garden was for my late…”

“Shh.” Alfie cuts her off with a brief kiss.

“Either return to your cigarette or make out with me.” He says Ina soothing tone, whilst deeply praying she picks the latter choice he gave her.

He is beyond gleeful when she does and starts kissing him.

Their make out session is thought, rather brief.

“Why'd you stop.” Alfie whines.

‘Don't complain, Alfie’ he warns himself. ‘You should be incredibly grateful that she is your actual girlfriend and sleeps with you as it is’,

“Because if I didn't stop I would have you, here and now and I don't think Fraser would be too pleased about that one.” She points out.

“Please, Fraser wouldn't care.” Alfie retorts.

“What if one of my students saw us, even worse what if one of your students saw us. Worst case world ending scenario, what if Mitchell saw us?” She reminds him.

“Actually, Mitchell wouldn't be the problem after what I caught him doing.” Alfie notes.

“What? Tell me.” Rosie requests.

“Deciding that school was the most appropriate place to shag his girlfriend. I have never before given a student a detention but I almost did then to both of them, even told them about the death of a Game Of Thrones character. So, basically, Mitchell and Cleo wouldn't be an issue if they caught us.” Alfie informs her in a matter of fact tone.

“Perhaps you should mention that to Fraser.”

“Uh, Rosie I wouldn't throw two of my students under the bus like that.” Alfie retorts.

“Oh, I don't mean actually tell Fraser about Mitchell and Cleo I meant ask him to install a no sex on school grounds policy.” She points out.

“Why on earth would I ask that?”

“It's a good idea and another way not to piss off the parents. They certainly do not want their children getting pregnant. So a rule like that would cover our arses if such a thing was to happen.”

“How did we even get onto this topic?” Alfie says as Rosie kisses him.

“Well I kissed you and…” She trails off as Alfie kisses her back.

“Oh, I remember.” He smirks against her lips as they kiss passionately.

“Wait until we get home.” She laughs lightly before pulling away.

“What better way to get revenge on Pickwell then have sex right outside her office?” Alfie suggests.

“Outside? Please, Alfie if I was ever going to do that we would do it in her office and on her desk and chair.”

“You'll have to wait, miss.” Calls the voice of Stephen from inside the office causing both Alfie and Rosie to frown.

“Stephen?” Alfie and Rosie begin to stick their heads through the open window.

“Sir!!! Shut the window it's cold in here.” He protests, sitting on Pickwell’s chair.

“Why are you in?” Rosie starts.

“Shut the fucking window you bellend!” Frank growls, crawling out from underneath the desk…

“Ohh my god no!” Alfie slams the window shut.

“You do realize that you two have just earned a fortnights worth of detentions from that!” Rosie calls as Alfie rubs his eyes.

“Please tell me I did not just see Frank Grayson sucking off one of my students in Pickwell’s office.” He groans.

“I can't even. Right, that's it. I'm coming into your class and having a word with your pupils about stuff like that.”

“My pupils?! Frank isn't even in my class.”

“Would you really want me to have to explain that to Pickwell.”

“God no.” Alfie said before pausing a moment.

“Should we go in there after they're done?” He suggests quietly.

“No!” Rosie cries as the bell begins to ring.

“Come on, we need to go back to our classes.” She says, patting his knee and getting to her feet.

“Should we stay and finish our cigarettes?” He gestures to them.

“We have to go and teach.” She reminds him, putting out her cigarette.

“Put it out.” She commands.

“Make me.” Alfie responds in a flirtatious tone.

“Okay.” Rosie replies before promptly pulling out her bottle of water and spraying it on him, successfully putting out the cigarette.

“I didn't mean it like that!” Alfie protests.

“No?” Rosie smirks as Alfie pulls out his own water bottle, opening it and chucking a load of water at her in return.

“Hey!” She cries, laughing as she does.

“I have a class to teach.”

“So do I!” Alfie points out.

“Yeah but your class is Special K.”

“No more with this ‘Special K’ stuff, okay, they're not that bad.”

“We literally just saw Stephen receiving…” Alfie cuts Rosie off by kissing her.

“I can't believe you threw water at me.” She cuts him off slightly.

“Hey, you started it!” He protests.

“You are such a child.” She retorts.

“But you love it really.” He points out.

“I do love you.” She smiles and the two extremely wet teachers share yet another loving kiss before walking hand in hand to their respective classrooms.