Chapter Text
Sakura attempted to shatter the sand fist that was rushing towards her face, but the sand wrapped around her and started to squeeze. A pink-haired comet burst from the sand coffin as it melted to slag and made the tree that she had been standing on burst into flame. Sakura panted and almost fell over, but Sasuke steadied her before leaping out of the way of raining glass shards- it seemed that the sand demon could control the melted sand to some extent. The ANBU Giraffe-san put the fire out with a burst of water before it could spread.
"Listen, Love-kun." Naruto said earnestly to the boy. Since the only thing Naruto could be see of the boy inside the sand demon was the 'love' symbol that looked to have been carved into his forehead, he was sticking to the name. It really wasn't polite that no one had introduced the red-head, especially since his chuunin-exam teammates seemed to know who the possessed kid was. But it was even more impolite to call the boy 'hey you'. It didn't seem conducive to talking him down from destroying the village.
Naruto could also see one turquoise eye, currently glaring at the blond annoyance stuck to his/the demon's neck. "There are too many of us here, you can't do anything but get yourself killed." Naruto tried again.
"Killed- need to prove my existence!" Love-kun grated out, then coughed out fine sand.
Naruto banged his head against the stony exterior of the tanuki's shell.
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"You cannot hurt him! He is my son." The Kazekage shouted hotly down below. His other two children's eyes shot to him in surprise before turning back to the terrifying sight of Gaara really cutting loose. Though the Leaf-nin were doing an almost equally terrifyingly good job at not dying.
"You broke the treaty sealing a demon into him, and doubly so when you brought him here." Tsunade replied coldly.
"I did not bring him here! He must have followed us. Any of my men could testify that I ordered him to stay."
"Even if we could believe your men would say anything else, are you admitting to having no control over your son?" Tsunade looked at the demon with a cross expression.
"No- I have perfect control over my son. I do not have control over the demon. Who has control over a demon?" The Kazekage protested.
"Hmm." Minato looked up briefly from where he and Jiraiya were working on a large seal array written on seven scroll seals. "You said that he had a modified Shifting Sand seal in four points?"
"I said I didn't remember." The Kazekage snapped.
"Right." Minato mused, licking the bite wound on his thumb. "Gods!" He cursed as clone-memories came back to him. "Please take my wife to a plane of rationality! Please!"
"Fiancée." Jiraiya corrected absently. "Do you think here it would be best to use a reverse Kemda array?"
"Yes! That might just work, but only if we use..." Minato happily forgot his clone's memories for the moment.
"Maybe... but that would make him..."
"You're right, better to leave the boy some ability to reason."
"What do you mean some ability to reason?" The Kazekage put in hotly. "Who are you to meddle in the affairs of Sand anyway?"
"Your Seal Masters are welcome to join us. We would appreciate the new perspective." Minato said, his face carefully open.
The Kazekage crossed his arms and looked away. He knew that he was in no position to argue. Tsunade was right- the treaty would only still be good if Minato allowed it to be. Considering that the Konoha-nin were holding off their ace in the hole with mostly rookie genin, the Kazekage rather hoped the powerful village would want to still be friends after this.
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"You don't know what it's like to be alone." Gaara argued, his body otherwise frozen, though not for long if the paleness and the sweating of the Nara clan members was an indication.
"You're right." Naruto said sadly. "I was lucky."
Gaara broke free and smashed his tail into the forest floor in irritation. His eyes then crossed and he started to sway. Inoichi and his daughter were side-by-side with their arms held up in similar poses.
"But you don't have to be alone." Naruto pressed earnestly.
"That's right. I need to prove my existence." Gaara muttered, blinking rapidly. "No? I don't need to? Who are you two? Mother is not happy..."
The two Yamanaka gasped and broke their poses, grabbing their heads.
"Only Mother wants to keep me happy."
"My mother grew up like you- her father hated her and terrible things were done to her. But you don't have to listen to that voice." Naruto pleaded with the red-head.
"No one knows me! Mother is on my side!"
Naruto stood sideways on the tanuki's head and bit his finger, pressing the blood to his other hand and asking very nicely for a moment of the Fox Lord's time.
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"Not now, brat. Ask the tanuki if she has any particular thoughts on tea kettles.”
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"Tea kettles?" Naruto asked in puzzlement. "Whoah!" He yelled as he and all his clones were thrown from a suddenly enraged tanuki. Gaara's eyes slid shut as an earth-shaking roar ripped through the forest.
"That's it!" Minato shouted from the sideline. "The host is no longer mentally connected to the beast! Disperse the seals."
"What's so bad about tea kettles!" Naruto cupped his hands as he yelled at the demon. "Don't you like tea?"
Another roar and a huge sandy paw slammed down to where Naruto had been standing.
"How about coffee?" Naruto yelled from behind Shukaku. The tail smashed into the round hard enough that it burst into sand and then had to reform.
"You know you need a tea kettle to heat up the water for instant ramen, right?" Naruto huffed. "Yikes!" Two arms bore down on his location. "That settles it! You are evil! Not liking instant ramen! I'll feed some delicious, heavenly ramen to Love-kun and you will be sorry!" Naruto hollered up at the giant demon, flitting out of the way just in time to avoid getting clobbered.
"Now!" Jiraiya and Minato yelled, they and five other nin activating the scrolls they held in synchrony. Blue seal energy shot up from the scrolls then turned toward the demon, whose howls of rage became more and more pained as the light swirled around her and got brighter. With a final flash the clearing was silent. So silent that the wet thump of Gaara's body hitting the ground carried to all the listening ears.
"Gaara!" Temari gasped, surprised at her concern.
"Love-kun!" Naruto wailed, running up to the limp form of the youngest Sand sibling. "He's alive!" Naruto crowed, holding aloft the non-responsive red-head in proof. "Ow!" Naruto whined as Sakura hit him so hard he flew out from under Gaara.
Sakura delicately caught the other boy and laid him gently down on the ground. "Idiot!" She snapped. "Just because he is alive doesn't mean that he doesn't have internal injuries! You need a medic-nin to look at him before you move him." She growled, her hands turning green as she did just that.
Minato walked over to the prone boy, looking down at him and tilting his head this way and that. "We'll need to keep him here to see if that seal works or not. It will probably require tweaking. Any seal made in a time of duress like that is bound to have huge flaws." Like the one he had been about to put on Naruto he subsequently discovered could lead to his son's death from overwhelming chakra if he got too upset. Minato winced internally at the thought. It could have also broken down the fabric of life and death and caused ghosts to appear as hallucinations and who knows what else. He really should have known not to mess with death gods, even if he was trying to contain the most powerful of the tailed beasts.
"No." The Kazekage flatly refused. "We did break the treaty technically with his presence, but he was not in Konoha proper by any stretch of the definition. And he only lost control of himself when you attacked him. I will not let my most powerful nin be kept by another village, no matter what treaties we have." The Kazekage could feel his heart thumping at an alarming rate. This would surely anger their ally, but if Suna did not want to be a glorified colony of Konoha, this could not happen.
"I understand." Minato replied. "How about we treat this as an exchange of sorts?"
"An exchange?" The Kazekage asked in bewilderment.
"For cultural enrichment and to solidify our alliance." Minato agreed. "Naruto, would you..."
"Yeah! I'll marry Temari, sure!" Naruto bounced up and down on his feet. Temari's mouth dropped open, too shocked to be able to decide what to do about the blond annoyance.
"That... wasn't what I was thinking..." Minato replied faintly.
"But everyone else is getting pregnant and married!" Naruto protested.
"I'm not going to marry you and I am definitely not pregnant!" Temari growled as she batted Naruto into a tree with her fan.
"I was thinking more that Naruto could stay with you in Suna while Gaara stays with us in Konoha." Minato replied, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers.
"Since they get along so well." The Kazekage said dryly.
Minato sighed.
OoOOooo
"So, how did it go?" Musume asked from her bed before eating another spoonful of ice cream. It was the only hospital food that was even slightly palatable. She thought getting bundled off to the hospital after she birthed everyone just fine, despite Tsunade running off as fast as she could to "take care of the demon" and not the woman giving birth. Ch! Apparently premature infants something something check up.
"Naruto is going to spend some time in Suna while we tweak the new seal we put on the Kazekage's youngest son, Gaara, who is apparently the vessel for the one-tailed beast, Shukaku." Minato sighed as he flopped down into the chair beside Musume's bed. He flopped his front half over onto the bed. Musume licked one hand free of stickiness and ran her fingers affectionately through his rough hair, making it stick up even more wildly than it usually did.
"There, there. Naruto's been off for years at a time before. And he'll only be a dropped kunai away." Musume soothed, almost more to herself. Having a bunch of other brats to worry about helped her fear of him leaving, though.
"That's not what I'm worried about."
"Oh? Then what are you worried about?" Musume asked in puzzlement.
"The Council has called a session to deal with the marriage law. And they will not let you escape this time." Minato grumbled into the pillow, waiting for the outburst.
"Ok. A bit cowardly of them to wait until I'm bedridden and have two kits hanging off my teats to put their foot down. I would have thought that law would be repealed already. It was wise to not stir up trouble while we had foreign dignitaries here for the chuunin exams. And Itachi was doing such a good job with holding them off. But I suppose it was only a matter of time."
"What?" Minato asked in confusion.
"You don't think so?" Musume asked, perking up. "Because if you think it has a chance I have a new version I like to call 'old folks procreate before you die, dammit!' What do you think?"
Minato groaned.
"Now, now, we already did, so it wouldn't apply to us. But there are those two wizened old geezers on the Council- have they ever had kits?" Musume paused. "Are they even ninja?"
"Musume... please don't make this unduly difficult." Minato pleaded.
She contemplated her mate with a cocked head. "I only grant that request when you are looking particularly haggard or I've become predictably destructive. Have either of those conditions been met?"
"Yes?" Minato asked hopefully.
Musume just grinned at him.
"How about you behave and I won't ask you why our children have scars on their cheeks." Minato raised an eyebrow.
Musume's smile dropped off her face and she regarded her mate warily. She had no idea what he was thinking or what he was getting at with the comment. She cursed herself for not even noticing. She was so used to seeing it in the mirror...
"Do you remember your mother?" Minato asked gently.
Musume hunched defensively, her fingers twitching as she tried to decide whether to pull them out of his hair, shake him, or just hold still and hope that he forgot they were tangled there. "I thought you said that we wouldn't talk about it."
"Hmm." Minato sat up and propped his elbow on the side of the bed. "We don't have to if you don't want to." Musume sighed in relief. "At least, not before this Council matter is settled. But I need to know anything you do about our children's futures."
Musume shifted guiltily. "I... I'm not totally sure what it means. I think it might be a clan mark." Technically true. She would eat the first fox's balls if that wasn't how the Uchiha got their eyes. No human was that creepy.
"It's not one I've ever heard of." Minato muttered to himself.
"Well, we'll just have to see how the kits grow." Musume replied happily. At least Minato would suffer with her. "Also, since we have now discussed it, I feel under no obligation to behave myself at this council meeting." Musume finished smugly.
"Wait a minute!" Minato yelped.
"Ah, ah. You set the terms." Musume grinned widely. She was doubly pleased- one, that this unexpected drama had turned out so well and two, now she had won a logic battle (almost as good as an actual battle, especially at the moment with the kits and the weakened body to consider).
Minato groaned and Musume let her fingers trail through his hair before patting him sympathetically on the head. At least the hospital would be good for one thing- their "testing" could be her baby-sitting while she was at the Council. Hopefully they were human enough to pass... hmm.
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"And so we propose that the marriage law be repealed by order of the council." Uchiha Mikoto finished. She bowed to the Council and stepped aside.
"Do you have a response, Uchiha-sama?" Minato asked, wincing a bit internally as his mate sauntered up to the podium to address the Council. He was somewhat relieved to only be the moderator for this meeting. It meant that he only had to ask the formal questions and keep things from getting too rowdy. On the other hand, he was not looking forward to today because he had to keep things from getting too rowdy. It was probably an impossible task. Especially considering what she had said earlier...
"Yes, yes I do." Musume said, putting her hands down on the podium aggressively.
Minato sighed. Of course she did. "Proceed."
Musume eyed her mate with a special twinkle in her eye that made him want to hide in his back yard and play with experimental explosive jutsu. It would be less dangerous. "I protest this whole process, actually. You have continued this charade without my presence or consent." She decided to ignore that she had been avoiding them all and not going to the meetings even though she was invited. "It is the clan head's prerogative if not sacred duty to dictate the direction the clan should go in. As the elected clan head, I feel that my decisions should have even more weight than a normal hereditary clan head as I was appointed by the will of my people."
"You weren't even born in the village!" Mikoto protested.
"Ah." Musume nodded sagely. "It does help me to have a unique third-party perspective on the issues. It allows me to see new solutions to problems."
When it looked like Mikoto was about to protest again, Minato cut in as moderator. "Uchiha Mikoto, it is your clan head's turn to speak. There is a question period after the initial presentations."
"Thank you, Hokage-sama." Musume bowed and put on her serious blank face to continue. "This law that I passed for my clan serves to integrate them more into the village and to give incentive to increase the clan numbers after the decimation that happened due to the Incident." Everyone relaxed slightly when the unpredictable clan head left it at that. "And there have been many so far that have benefited, such as Uchiha Keisai who was just married to Hatake Kakashi and is expecting a child.
"As for the charge that it puts undue hardship on the members of my clan- that is ridiculous. All clans put pressure on their members to marry and have children. I have simply put the unspoken into written word. If anything, they should be grateful. Now everyone knows exactly what to expect so far as the clan's policy on relationships." Musume finished and then sat down.
The Council members whispered with each other for a few moments. Musume could hear what they were saying if she wanted to, but didn't. It would spoil the surprise.
"The Council has deliberated on this matter for some time." The Head Councilor announced finally.
"That was barely five minutes." Musume pointed out.
The Head Councilor glared at her. "If you had deigned to show up to the other meetings, you could have better influenced our deliberations then." He snapped. "The Council has decided the following; the marriage law of the Uchiha clan will be repealed."
"You can't do that!" Musume protested hotly.
"We can and we have. Stenographer- write the following down so that we may ratify it."
Musume stood up, cutting a hand through the air angrily. "This is impinging on clan rights! It has always been that what the clan head says is law regarding their clan members, superseding anything the village proposes!"
The stenographer looked up at the Council Head patiently and with a small smirk of satisfaction, waiting for the official words.
"Clan leadership will not impinge on the personal freedoms of their members." He began.
"I could have made the males marry multiple females, or share females with other males, or be betrothed as children!" Musume barked in annoyance.
"Uchiha-sama, silence please." Minato said mildly. He just wanted it to be over, please dear kami.
"Clan heads will not tell members of the clan who they must marry, not in numbers, age, gender, or in any other form. The personal relationships of all members of this village are the business of those members alone." The Council Head finished, looking satisfied. The stenographer finished writing it with a flourish and handed it to Minato.
The Hokage shot a warning glance at his future wife, who was slouching in her chair and pouting. He quickly signed the official form and stamped it, passing it to the Council Head, who put his signature and seal on it as well. "It is now village law." Minato intoned officially.
A slow grin dawned on Musume's face. Minato's spine shuddered so impressively he thought it was trying to crawl away.
"I would like to present a petition." Uchiha Itachi said, standing up with a blank expression on his face.
"The Council recognizes Uchiha Itachi." Minato said formally.
"In light of the new law, I request that Orochimaru of the sannin be released to his own recognizance." Itachi said, his eye flicking to Tsunade, who predictably exploded.
"What?" Tsunade slammed her palms down on the desk, making it creak alarmingly, even as chakra reinforced as it was.
"He has been kept to attempt to 'cure' his desire for his own gender, but the new law states that personal relationships are the prerogative of the individual, not the state."
"That does not include aberration." Tsunade hissed.
Itachi lifted an eyebrow. "I do believe it does, unless you mean assaulting a child or abusing animals with sexual advances. Neither of which Orochimaru-san has been convicted of doing.
Minato blinked. "You are correct, Itachi. But what do you mean by 'released'?" Minato asked.
"Orochimaru has been kept in a zombie-like state by Tsunade in an attempt to cure his sexual desire for other men." Itachi reported.
"That is not accurate." Tsunade said shortly.
"Oh, it's accurate." Musume smirked, leaning back in her chair and lounging.
"You only think so because you coached him to say it." Tsunade snapped.
"I did no such thing." Musume replied. She looked much too pleased for that to be anything but the pure truth as far as Minato was concerned. His future wife had the look of a conspirator whose plots were coming to fruition both before schedule and better than expected.
"The law was not designed for this." The Council Head protested. "She interrupted and caused our wording to change at the last minute."
Minato looked into Musume's eyes. He noted they were half lidded in satisfaction and he wondered why she was so pleased by this. Did she not want more control over her clan? Had she really put the entire village through such mayhem to force them to assure personal freedoms? He knew that she did not desire women, so what was the big deal?
He was confused. But having grown up an orphan and a refugee, his views on appropriate relationships was nowhere near as strict as the conservative Council. He looked around at the other villagers and clan heads and saw some anger, but more approval. The Hokage squared his shoulders and guarded the paper from the Council Head's grasping hands. "Regardless of any slips at the end, it is now law." Minato intoned. "It was agreed to by the full Council and cannot be reversed without another hearing."
"And in that hearing would the subject of the marriage law be reopened?" Musume asked sweetly.
"It would." Minato nodded.
"What!" Several voices cried.
“Ohohoho! I have an especially good revision waiting!” Musume crowed. “Don't worry, Council Members! You are not too old to have precious offspring!”
Musume cackled gleefully as she jumped onto the ceiling to avoid various attacks. Fortunately, and quite tellingly, few actual ninja went after her. Though whether that was because they had more practice with not letting their feelings spurn them to action, they were more aware that a Council meeting was not a time for attack (unless on wanted to end up like Fugaku) or because they agreed with Musume was up for debate.
Minato sighed and wondered if there would ever be a council meeting that ended with everyone happy. It seemed he was doomed to have to sort out shouting matches at the end of every single one. He tried to remember if anyone had ever cursed him with an interesting life. Probably an Iwa nin...
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Minato went to go check on the twins. The little girls looked up at him and grasped at the air, making him smile. He let Yoko grab the index finger of one hand and Koshin grasp the other before turning to his mother. "You know, I need to make an honest woman out of you." He mused. And then was a bit shocked at the look of horrified terror on her face. "Marry you properly, I mean." He clarified.
"Oh." Musume almost deflated in relief. "Well, here."
Minato accepted the piece of paper in confusion. He looked down at it and then back up at her in shock.
"You're the Hokage, so you can just sign it twice and have one of your ANBU file it." Musume said happily. "I know they have been following me even more than usual. Get one of the extras to go."
"But... that's... wedding?" Minato protested weakly.
"We can throw a party if you want I suppose." Musume mused. "But I'm not planning it."
"That's... not how it usually happens." Minato protested weakly. He's not entirely sure why he expected any different though.
"You keep making all these demands! Is it really so difficult to just acknowledge me already?" Musume growled.
"No, no." Minato replied hastily. "This will work wonderfully. Excellent idea."
"Good." Musume huffed. "And whoever complains can plan the party."