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shane grins, looking at ryan as he slowly opens the door.

"what, you afraid the ghost is going to be waiting behind the door so when you open it it can pop out at you?"

"no, no." ryan shook his head. "it's not gonna do that, because it wants to talk to me."

"sure." shane muttered, walking behind ryan down the hallway. he shut the door behind them, making sure it wasn't locked before continuing.

"the boys are here!" shane grinned, loudly exclaiming the phrase as they stepped into the main room of the mansion they're staying the night in.

"shane, stop!"

shane laughed while staring down the demon behind ryan, challenging him to attack ryan with him here. the demon eventually looked away and disappeared, and shane grinned, slinging an arm around ryan's shoulders as they continued throughout the room.

"i bet you there will be no demons or ghosts in here tonight."

"oh, really? how much?"

"five hundred dollars."

"oh it's on."

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"nope." ryan shook his head, stepping away from the door. "we are not sleeping in there."

"aw, why not ryan?" shane asked, tilting his head. "it'll be fun! a new adventure!"


"why? scared you'll see a g-g-g-ghost butt?"

"no, i just... don't wanna deal with any ghosts right now."

"well, you can sleep in a different room, but i'm gonna sleep in here."

shane stepped in, his eyes flashing black for a second before returning to his usual brown eyes.

the one-eyed demon in the middle of the room stopped and turned around, staring at shane. the latter grinned, and his hair flickered for a second, showing small horns, but they disappeared. shane grinned, and his eyes turned black again.

the one-eyed demon fled, disappearing just like the first one.

shane returned his eyes to normal human eyes and straightened his shirt out, messing his hair up again. just as he was about to set down his sleeping bag, ryan came through the door, talking five-hundred miles a hour about some noises he heard of people talking and "no one but us are here shane, what if it's ghosts????".


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on the ride back to la, shane sleeps in the backseat, laid across the backseat with all the camera equipment in the floor of the passenger seat. ten minutes in, he's already asleep.

ryan glances back at him halfway through the ride before looking back at the road, trying his best not to crash. when the traffic finally catches up to their car, he takes the time to plug in his phone, and clicks play on one of his many playlists.

twenty percent cooler starts playing in the car and he grins, lip syncing along as he drums his fingers on the wheel. he turns the volume down when he remembers that someone is sleeping in the back behind him.

he continues lip syncing all the songs that come on during the drive to la (or really, a hotel that's eight hours away).

he only lowers the volume of his music more when he hears a groan come from the back during cool patrol.

he glances back before returning to the practice he's doing of not crashing.

when shane wakes up, he insists on listening to his 'music', which is just their buzzfeed unsolved episodes, except you can only hear them talking.

"i'm bored. sue me."

"yes, i would like to sue shane madej for being a total asshole for one hundred grand please."

"hi, that is not possible because he's already sued you."

shane blinked, his yes turning black before turning regular again.

not before ryan saw, but he didn't say a word, just thought that it was a trick of the eye.

and maybe it was.

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"why did you choose this one, out of all the haunted mansions in this country? this is one is known for people dying as soon as they step in."

shane wasn't worried about the mansion itself. it was just a two-story place, with a dry swimming pool and marble all in the house.

however, he was worried about the ghosts inside the place.

their names were mallory and molly jackson. they died when they were both twenty-five, being poisoned by their younger brother so that he could inherit the building, but the sisters returned as ghosts, killing the man, before killing everyone else in the house.

everyone who steps in is killed by them, with either something simple (like something falls on top of them) or something a little complex (they get poisoned from their own drink).

shane isn't worried for himself, but for ryan and the crew, because they won't be able to resist the sisters' traps.

so, he has to somehow get ryan and the crew in a safe room, where they won't wander out while he kills the sisters in their afterlife.


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of course, when shane finally gets ryan and tj and the others to try out some stuff in a safe room, he locks it.

he can't exactly have them escaping, can he?

obviously, since he's done that and there aren't any other humans around, he immediately flicks on the badass eyes and the claws flick out and-

what? he sees you staring at those claws, and lemme tell you he's making a fucking fashion statement right here and there as he hunts the sisters.

so, of course they show up right when he starts talking to himself.

"no, shane! demons and ghosts are real! let me use the crappy evidence of someone sounding suspiciously like will smith talking! it's not like you're a demon or anything! i'm just a doofus who murders in his spare time!"

"wow. didn't know we would be getting such easy prey betty." he whipped around, glancing for any signs of a little something sticking out. a piece of clothing, a bit of hair, the start of an er- you know what, he's just not gonna finish that thought.

"hmm. almost as if he just knows we're here." he could hear rustling behind him, but kept acting like he was looking in front of him. "but no one's that idiotic."

he sensed her hand reaching out (wanting to touch his horns perhaps?) and whipped around like a bullet, yanking her arm and shoving his hand on her face.

she squirmed, trying to escape, but his hold was too strong, and he sent her spirit to whatever place she had believed in, laying her would to rest. he turned towards the second sister, and she raised her hands, shuffling towards him.

"just get it over with." he quickly did the process, wiping his hand on the walls as he headed back towards where ryan and the others were probably freaking out.

unfortunately, in front of the door was at least five demons. well, unfortunately for them.

at the end of the short fight, he wiped off his clothes and fixed his claws and eyes, making sure they were gone before plastering his normal, everyday look on his face and unlocking the door, stepping in.

"hey, guys, I can't find anything spooky, so I was wondering if we could go get tacos?" he casually asked as they (as in ryan) just stared at him.

"what?" ryan exclaimed, "tac- no gh- you know what? fuck it. we're done, there's no ghosts or paranormal activity here, we're leaving and apparently getting taco bell and then we're going to cry eat them in our hotel room and then cry ourselves to sleep. goodnight everybody."

ryan shook his head as he walked away, muttering, "un-fucking-believeable."

shane laughed. "who's going to cry eat the tacos and who's going to cry themselves to sleep?"


"on which one?"

"every, single, one."

shane laughed at him. "i can see why people say you're the serial killer in our group."

tj called out, "he may be short but he's full of fury."

"i'm going to slit your throats in the middle of the night and act like someone broke in, and you won't be laughing at me. why? cause you'll be fucking dead because I fucking killed you!"

"now I know why he has a short temper." shane grinned at tj. "it lasts as long as his height."

"you're fucking dying tonight when I use a sledgehammer to your penguin face."

"not a good insult, but better than the previous ones."

"shut up t. you're second, and i'm gonna use blunt knife, only after I use it on shane, because it'll cause you even more fucking pain."

shane wrapped an arm across his shoulder. "c'mon ryan. let's go get those tacos and cry into them."

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dear ryan,

you're dead. stop stealing the greatest demon away from me

sincerely, me

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who the hell is this?

ryan stares at the paper in front of him, which looked like it had gone through hell and back. there were burnt marks all over it, and it looked like it had been crumbled a thousand times and then crumbled again.

"hey, shane?"

"yeah?" shane poked his head in, "whaddya need?"

"any idea why someone would send this to me?"

when shane saw the letter, his face darkened, the smile on his face disappearing.

"i have to go." he walked out, and ryan, more confused than ever, let him.


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"abby, why did you send ryan that letter?" he growls as he walks towards, but she only laughs.

"c'mon, you were eventually going to scare the boy! i just made it even better! that way it's even better when you reveal you're a demon!" she grins, nudging his arm. "anyways, we gotta have as much fun as we can with him before he runs away screaming."

"i don't any part in your dirty tricks, abby. i've had enough with them." he said coldly, glaring at her.

"look, I don't give a rats ass on what you want. i'm my own person, and I get to decide if I want to scare other people or not, okay? i can do whatever the hell I want, and you can't stop me," she glared, stepping into his personal space, "i could kill ryan, and you couldn't tell me I shouldn't do it, because I can decide what I want to do. I can kill someone who deserves it, okay?"

"really? what's he done, then. give me one reason, and I won't try to stop you."

"i can't think of one right now, but i'll give you it later." she stood up, grabbing her bag, pulling it on her shouder. "bye asshole!"

she blew a kiss at him before walking away, and shane gave her retreating back the bird.


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"uh, shane? what the fuck are you doing here?" ryan sighed, staring at shane as he stood outside his apartment complex.

"um, they kicked me out of mine." shane hid his hands behind his back, shrugging when ryan looked at him weirdly. "what? you know they regularly do this! they do it so that they which are the owners, can have loud ass sex and have no one hear them!"

"i'm-i'm not even going to ask? just, what the fuck?" ryan followed shane inside, and just shrugged when shane went into the bathroom and locked the door. he just turned on the tv and turned to channel 248, where the winter soldier was currently fighting captain america, and he sighed, grabbing his drink off the counter and chugging it.


fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck-

his hands won't turn back to his regular fucking human color. no, it ain't all peachy, it's fucking black at the end oh no-

he's dead.

oh, he's so, so dead.


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"hey, shane, are you alright in there? you've been in there for half a hour, and you're concerning me." ryan asked, knocking lightly on the door.

"yeah, yeah, I'm fine! I'm fine! just, give me a few more minutes." his voice sounded strained, even to himself.

“okay man,” ryan walked away and shane sighed, wrapping his arms around himself again. of course this has to happen when he gets kicked out of his apartment. maybe he can say he accidentally got black paint on his fingers? but didn’t ryan see his fingers when he walked in? and if he went to wash it off, it wouldn’t come off.

maybe he can say it won’t wash off.


except, the black is receding.


why is he a demon? he could’ve been anything else, and he wouldn’t of had to deal with this, but yet here he is. being a demon. having to do mundane things.

why did he sign up to do this job.

he hates his life.

“shane! stop jerking off! i need to pee!”


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ryan was bored while waiting for shane to finish in the bathroom.

while he was assuming what shane was doing, he opened a letter he got in the mail that day, from an unknown address.

he pulled he crumbled piece of paper out, he quickly read the short letter.

dear ryan,

are you ready?

i sure as hell am.

the end for you is coming.

i send you the best of wishes.

what the fuck?


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shane is screwed. he is screwed. he's screwed. he's screwed. he's screwed. he's screwed. he's screwed. he's screwed. he's screwed. he's screwed.

fuck, he has to go to andrew's or steven's or eugene's or someones place.

IT'S A CODE RED! he texts to the groupchat, and he sees their bubbles, but then they don't continue, and he's so confused, and so, so helpless.

he needs his friends.

come to my place. he sees eugene send, and he sighs in relief as he quickly walks out of ryan's place, making sure ryan doesn't see him as he opens his door and closes it, disappearing.

eugene is an angel.