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Willy, Willy, on the Wall

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“It appears our celebrity has returned.”

Harry nearly jumped when a soft voice suddenly spoke from behind him.

“Yes Professor.”

“Pity.” Snape swept past him to the front of the classroom. “Were the numerous job offers you received not good enough for you, Potter?”

Harry pressed his lips together and breathed out slowly.

“Hmm.” Snape’s eyes locked with his for a moment. “Well? What are you dunderheads waiting for? The instructions are on the board. As usual.”

Harry sighed. He opened his textbook to the page Snape had indicated and hurried to the storeroom to pick up the necessary ingredients. The war had ended and Harry and many of his friends had decided to return to Hogwarts to finish their education. Snape had returned as well, as the Potions teacher, to Harry’s great surprise. He had never seemed to like teaching much. Even now, he was just sitting down behind his desk and looking incredibly bored. But perhaps, Harry thought, the man simply had nowhere else to go. Not that he minded. Having to look at Snape was…. not as bad as it once had been. Now that he knew what the man had done and sacrificed during the war, how could he not have developed some more positive feelings towards him?

However, it did not seem as if Snape had changed in the same way. Harry had only seen the man a handful of times since the war had ended and always just briefly. He could recount in detail every moment he had been standing near Snape with his heart swimming with so many emotions and his head so full of things to say, he’d had no idea where to even begin. Not that it mattered, for he doubted Snape would want to hear it anyway. Because, even though Harry had had difficulties expressing his feelings when they met, Snape had not had that problem. Even with just a few seconds at his disposal, he always seemed to find opportunities for scathing remarks about Harry’s… everything really.


Harry, who had been busy cutting his Angelica root, started and dropped his knife. Only his quick reflexes saved him from nearly cutting his finger off.

“Just what do you think you are doing?”

“Cutting, sir.”

“Indeed?” Snape’s voice was soft, almost a whisper, yet somehow, as Harry knew, everybody in the classroom could hear him perfectly well. “Cutting, Potter? And what does it say in your instructions?”

“Er...” Harry leafed a few pages back in his textbook. “Slice the root.”

“Exactly, Potter, sli-cing.” Snape made sure to enunciate every syllable. “So let me ask you again: what do you think you are doing?”

“Slicing, sir,” Harry said softly.

“Slicing?” Snape said, raising his voice. “You call this slicing? This is called butchering, you imbecile! Do you know what would have happened if you had added this to your sorry excuse for a potion?”

“Er,” Harry glanced at his textbook. “It would have turned purple.”

“No, Potter,” Snape hissed. “It would have exploded. Which would have caused serious harm to the floor, your table and your classmates.”

“Oh,” Harry said.

Snape crossed his arms and raised himself to his full height. “Your shocking lack of intelligence never ceases to astound me,” he spat out. “How you even managed to pass any of your classes is a mystery to me, but no doubt it is largely due to your fame. Well, Potter, it will not help you here. Twenty points from Gryffindor for endangering your environment and for the next class I will expect a five inch reflection from you on what you did wrong and why.”

And with that, the Potions master turned and stalked away with billowing robes, leaving Harry staring after him.

Not so long ago, he would have opened his mouth and protested loudly about the unfairness of it all. True, his roots may not have been as perfectly sliced as Hermione’s, but they were definitely not big enough to cause an explosion, either. But what was the point? Snape would only become more vicious. Besides, Harry had a much bigger problem on his mind right now. Because, during Snape’s speech, he had felt his dick twitch…

When the class was over and Snape dismissed them, Harry was the first to leave.

Soon, it became a routine. No matter what Harry did, Snape would find a reason to snipe at him. And Harry would feel the twitch again.

It was not that he was a masochist, it was just that Snape’s voice was incredibly interesting to listen to when he was angry. He could go from whispering to shouting in seconds, and anything in between. He could sound soft and silky or loud and fiery and it made Harry’s imagination run into entirely inappropriate directions. He usually left the classroom as soon as he could to prevent something more embarrassing from happening.

Naturally, it was only a matter of time before it did.

It was on one beautiful autumn morning when Harry made his potion explode for the first time this year. Nothing serious had happened, yet he received the full force of Snape’s anger while the rest of his classmates either watched or pretended not to notice.

There was really no way he could have prevented it. When Snape started shouting, he felt his face heat up. When the shouting continued, he felt the familiar twitch. And then, during a salvo of, ‘Idiot!’ ‘Imbecile!’ and ‘The brain of a flobberworm!’ Harry got hard.

He was absolutely mortified. He stood there, staring at the floor, and trying to keep his robes tightly wound around him to keep his shame from showing. When class was finally dismissed, he left. And not calmly, no, he nearly ran. To the nearest loo. Once there, he dived into an empty stall, cast a silencing spell and yanked his trousers off.

And there it was, his dick. Standing fully erect in all its glory. Harry sighed. He could not go to his next class like this. With his head still full of Snape’s intensity, it took just a few strokes for him to come.

When he had finished, he slumped down on the toilet seat and buried his face in his hands. Why, of all people, did he have to fall for someone who hated him? Why couldn’t life be simple, just for once? He had to get over the man. There had to be someone else in the school he could be interested in. He just had to find them. But how?


Severus stalked the corridors with a scowl on his face. It was already November and he had yet to catch a student out in the corridors after curfew. If he didn’t know any better, he would almost believe the brats had learned something from the war. Even Potter hadn’t broken any rules yet. How dull.

When he thought of Potter, his scowl deepened. Months, it had been months since the war and the boy had yet to talk to him. He hadn’t said a word about Severus’ role. He had not asked him about his memories. He had not even mentioned Lily. It was infuriating. Even during the few times they had seen each other over the summer, the boy had not made any effort to speak with him. Yes, they had both been busy, but surely he could have said a few words? Merlin knew Severus had tried to get them out of him.

And now, now the year had started and Potter was in his class once more, it was even worse. The boy never said a word to him. He didn’t even talk back to him when he was unfair, something that would have angered him greatly not so long ago. What was worse, the boy practically ran from the classroom as soon as the lesson was finished. Severus knew he was hardly the most handsome man out there, nor was he particularly kind, but surely he was not so repulsive as to warrant such responses?

Clearly the boy was as arrogant as he had always thought. During that moment when the blasted snake had bitten him while he stared into Potter’s green eyes, he had thought that perhaps, just perhaps, he had been wrong. But, if anything, the boy had proven to be even more arrogant. Normally Severus would have felt a certain amount of glee at the prospect of being right, but why did it only leave such a bitter taste in his mouth this time?


A week later, Harry found a solution for his problem in the form of two smiling faces in the Floo.

“Hiya, Harry!” Fred and George Weasley said from the fire.

Harry knelt down in front of the hearth in the Common Room. “Hi Gred, hello Forge,” he grinned. “How’s business?”

“Great!” Fred said. “How’re you surviving your final year of school?”

They exchanged pleasantries for a while.

“So Harry,” George said suddenly. “Have you found a nice bloke yet?”

Harry, whose mind immediately focused on Snape, felt himself blush. “Let’s not talk about that.”

“Ah, but there is someone!” Fred said with a triumphant grin. “Tell us, Harry, who’s the lucky guy?”

“I really don’t want to talk about it,” Harry mumbled. “It is not mutual, anyway.”

“How’s it possible that he wouldn’t be attracted to a handsome bloke like you?”

Harry folded his arms around his knees. “It’s complicated. For starters, he’s not even gay.”

“That does tend to complicate matters,” Fred said thoughtfully.

“Yeah, I just want to forget about him. Perhaps I have to meet someone new.”

Fred and George exchanged a glance.

“I think you’re lucky, friend…” Fred said.

…for we have just the thing!” George finished with a flourish and disappeared from sight.

“Er, I’m not sure that is a good- ” Harry said weakly, but George had already returned.

“There you go.” George grinned. He held out a small, brown ball. “We proudly present: the Sticking Bomb! Our newest invention. It is not in production yet, but because we care deeply about your love life, we will gladly give it to you. As a present.”

Harry made no move to take it and eyed it with distrust. “What does it do?”

Fred grinned. “It will choose someone who will stick with you.”

“Through thick and thin.” George winked.

“For better or worse.” They ended in chorus.

“Hang on,” Harry said and narrowed his eyes. He knew the twins’ humour a little by now. “It isn’t going to be something embarrassing, is it?”

The twins exchanged a glance. “Don’t worry about it, Harry,” George said gently. “It is just a bit of fun. It is meant to help you get to know someone new and take your mind off all the serious stuff for a moment.”

“And the effect only lasts for an hour,” Fred supplied helpfully. “So even if you don’t like it, you’ll know it is only temporary.”

“Okay,” Harry said and finally stretched out his hand to take the bomb. He wasn’t entirely convinced yet, but he knew the twins would never try to harm him. The least he could do was give it a try. “How do I use it?”

“You just have to remove the pin.” George pointed at something sticking out from the top of the ball. “I recommend you use it when there are a lot of people around you, so it has many nice blokes to choose from.”

“All right.”

“If that is all,” Fred said, “we’ve got to go now, Harry. Good luck and have a great time. We’ll check back tomorrow to hear how it went.”

“Yeah, good luck, Harry,” George grinned and gave him a thumbs up. “Try to remember as many details as possible. You’re the first to try it apart from us. Bye!”

“What?” Harry spluttered, but the twins had already disappeared from the Floo with a loud laugh.

Harry sighed and eyed the little ball in his hand. That was it, then. It was almost dinnertime and the Great Hall seemed like the perfect place to use it. Plenty of people around and all.

So that was why Harry found himself in the Great Hall an hour later with the bomb in front of him on the table.

“Are you sure about this, Harry?” Hermione, who sat across from him, eyed the little brown ball. “You know how the twins are.”

“Don’t listen to her. I want to see what it does.” Ron grinned with his mouth stuffed with pork. Hermione looked away in distaste.

“Fred and George said it would be okay.” Harry shrugged.

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Hermione mumbled.

“Look,” Harry said resolutely. “Most of my friends are in a relationship now. You and Ron have each other, Luna has Neville, Ginny has Dean. I’d also like to have someone, you know. Even if it is just someone to talk to when you two sneak off.”

“Oh, Harry.” Hermione reached over the table to give his hand a squeeze. “I understand. And I’m sure you’ll find someone soon. I just don’t believe this is the right way to do it.”

“Well, I don’t see why not.” Harry removed his hand from hers and crossed his arms. “It should only last for an hour, anyway. I just want to meet someone new.”

“At least let me check the components for you,” Hermione said. “Then we might be able to figure out what it does exactly.”

“No,” Harry said resolutely and uncrossed his arms. “I’m going to trust the twins on this.” And he removed the pin.

Then several things happened at once. Hermione, who wanted to prevent him from using the bomb, lunged over the table to swat his hand away, but only succeeded in swatting the bomb away. The bomb fell on Harry’s lap, where it started smoking heavily. When Harry jumped up, it rolled onto the bench, where it continued to emit thick, grey smoke. Ron and other people around them jumped up with a yell. Suddenly, a large splash of water, which came from somewhere behind Harry’s head, hit the bomb and made the smoke disappear.

Harry was gripped by the shoulder and forcibly turned around. “Potter, that is fifty points from Gryffindor for attempting to set the school on fire,” Snape spat out and immediately stalked away, leaving a wet Gryffindor table and a blinking Harry behind.

After a few moments of silence, Hermione dried the bench with a muttered spell and sat back down. “I can’t say you did not deserve that,” she said with a huff.

Harry sat down as well. He picked up the bomb and stared sadly at its remains “Great, I just lost fifty points because you knocked that bomb out of my hand before it could even do anything.”

“And a good thing, too.”

Harry shot her a glare and ignored her all throughout the rest of dinner.

For the rest of the evening, he was so busy studying that he almost forgot about the incident. However, when he took a shower the next morning and his hand touched only air down there, where something should have been, he screamed.


Contrary to popular belief, the hours between curfew and bedtime were not Severus’ favourite of the day. When he was younger, it was around this time that his father had been the most vicious in his beatings. If that wasn’t enough, it was also around this time that he had taken the Dark Lord’s mark, overheard the prophecy, killed Albus and become involved in every other problem concerning Harry bloody Potter. No, it was not his favourite moment of the day. And finding a penis firmly attached to his bedroom wall only made him more certain of that assessment.

He did not notice it immediately. He had just patrolled the corridors (a highly uneventful activity since the war had ended) and enjoyed a nice glass of his favourite scotch in his living room. Later he supposed that he should have sensed something different in his rooms right upon entering, but the end of the war had clearly weakened his vigilance. In any case, he only discovered the infuriating appendage when readying for bed. He drew his wand and cast a few quick diagnostic spells. There did not appear to be any curses present, but one never knew. The situation definitely warranted more research.

He eyed the protruding shape on his bare bedroom wall wearily. He did not have the energy to deal with it right now, but he was certainly not going to sleep with this… thing nearby. He cast a shield around it, so that if it was going to spread anything unseemly, it would at least be contained for the time being. With a sigh he gathered his bedding and went to sleep on the sofa.


When Harry screamed, he hadn’t meant to alert half the Gryffindor tower. He certainly hadn’t intended Ron to run into his shower stall, only to halt suddenly and gape at his empty crotch. As it was, Harry found himself escorted to the hospital wing by his friends moments later.

To her credit, Madam Pomfrey didn’t bat an eyelid when Harry told her what had happened. She only scolded him for using a product without knowing exactly what it was supposed to do (Hermione nodded vigorously) and asked him to undress behind the curtains.

The Mediwitch checked him over and could confirm that the Sticking Bomb was indeed the cause for the loss of his bits and not any curses or diseases. She shooed him out again saying that she had no idea how to cure it and he had to go to the twins. If they couldn’t work it out, he could come back and ask her to grow him a new one.

Harry left the infirmary with his shoulders slumped.

“Well, that was good news, wasn’t it?” Hermione said when they walked to the Great Hall.

“Good news?” Ron squeaked. “He still doesn’t have his dick back!”

“Yes, I know, but at least Harry hasn’t been cursed and he isn’t sick, either.”

“He might as well be.” Ron grumbled. “He’s lost his dick, Hermione. That’s tough on a guy, you know.”

“Yes, yes, I understand.” Hermione said, a little impatiently. “But he’ll be fine. It’s not as if he’s in a relationship right now and… Harry! Where are you going?”

Harry, who had become tired of the conversation as soon as it had started, had taken a left turn.

“I forgot to bring my books,” he lied smoothly. Well, he had forgotten to grab them when he ran out of the tower to go to the hospital wing. “You guys go have breakfast. I’ll join you later.”

“But…” Hermione began, but Ron grabbed her by the sleeve.

“Cheers, mate. See you later.” And he dragged his girlfriend with him towards the Great Hall.

Harry let out a sigh as he started the trek towards the Gryffindor tower. His friends were the best and they meant well, but sometimes he just needed some time to be alone.

And honestly, what was Hermione thinking? Harry narrowed his eyes and walked a little faster. He knew she was a girl and all, but couldn’t she understand that his bits were important to him, even if he was single? His dick was a large part of his identity, thank you very much.

He headed to his dorms, took his trousers off and stared down at himself. He hadn’t really taken a good look at his crotch before. This morning in the shower he had been too shocked to take it in properly and in the hospital wing he had been too embarrassed. But now he might as well take a peek.

Harry bent forwards to see his crotch a little better. It looked weird. The line of hair under his navel was still there, but then it just stopped. Down there was nothing, except clear, pale skin. It reminded him of the action hero figures that Dudley used to play with when he was younger. He reached out with a finger and touched himself tentatively. It didn’t feel sensitive or pleasurable, as it used to. It was almost like touching his arm. Harry groaned and dropped his head. That was it, then. He wouldn’t be able to masturbate anymore. Great. Just fantastic. He was a healthy young man. How on earth was he going to survive this?


“Bugger.” Severus woke up with a wince. He hadn’t slept well at all. He still suffered from nightmares regularly and tonight had apparently been one of those nights. There was also too much light and his back was aching. The sofa was certainly not the most comfortable piece of furniture in his rooms. He got up with a sigh, dressed, gripped his wand tightly and went to his bedroom to assess the situation.

Everything appeared the same. A soft glimmer alerted him that his shield was still firmly in place. Severus fired a few spells at it to ascertain it was safe to remove and did so with a flick of his wand when the results came back positive.

And there it was. The penis. Hanging from his bedroom wall as if it had all the right in the world to be there. Severus tipped his head and considered the thing. It was pale, framed by dark, curly hair, and the sack hung limply under it. In short, it seemed normal, exactly what a grown man’s penis would look like. It was even at the same distance from the floor as a penis usually was. If he didn’t know any better, he could almost believe that a man was hiding inside the wall with only this particular part of his anatomy sticking out.

Severus narrowed his eyes. This appeared to be either dark magic or a mystery, and quite frankly, he did not like either option. Whatever this was, he intended to get to the bottom of it. He rolled up his sleeves, took on a duelling stance and started firing spells in rapid succession.

It was already time for breakfast when Severus slumped down on his bed and wiped the sweat from his forehead. Every detection spell he tried came back negative. According to his tests, the appendage was not trying to strangle, burn or otherwise kill him. It did not carry any curses or diseases. It did not intend to make him do something against his will. It wasn’t even planning to imprison him in his rooms. It was infuriating.

He simply refused to believe the thing was harmless. There had to be something, anything. Why else would it suddenly appear in his bedroom? The only suspicious thing he had found so far was that he could not remove it. None of his severing spells had worked. He couldn’t unstick it, he couldn’t cut it off and he couldn’t pull it from the wall with force. The blasted thing was well and truly stuck.

With a growl, he jumped up. He had to do some research. He knew every book in his personal library by heart and knew that he should not waste any time in looking for answers there. However, the Restricted Section in the library might have a few books that would suit his needs. He could go tonight. His grading would have to wait. Freeing himself, his rooms and possibly the school of a potential hazard was much more important.

He did not forget to cast a shield around the offending appendage again before he stalked off to breakfast. In case it suddenly decided to spew something dark after all. He would not be amused if he came back to find his rooms destroyed. Not amused in the least.


Shortly before dinner, Harry and his friends waited for the twins to appear in the Floo.

“Hiya, Harry!” Fred and George said with a wide grin as soon as their heads popped up. “How did it go?”

Their grins disappeared as soon as they saw Harry, Ron and Hermione standing there with their arms crossed. “It did not go well?”

“Not well?” Harry said with narrowed eyes. “My bloody dick is gone!”

“What!?” The twins’ eyes bulged. “What on earth did you do?”

“I used the damn bomb!”

“But…” George was still gaping.

“Are you sure it’s gone?” Fred asked.

“Yes!” Harry hissed. “I think I would bloody well know when it is gone.”

“It’s really gone,” Ron said. “I saw it this morning.”

“Gods, Harry, that’s terrible.” George said with wide eyes. “But are you sure it’s because of the bomb?”

“Yes, Madam Pomfrey said so,” Harry said.

“Shit,” Fred lowered his head in his hands. “I’m so sorry, Harry. This has never happened when we tested it. We would never have offered it to you if we thought something was wrong with it.”

“Yeah, I know,” Harry sighed. “But how do I fix this?”

The twins leant forwards as much as possible. “Could you tell us exactly what happened when you used it?”

Harry nodded and recounted the story as well as he could.

“So it fell in your lap?” George said thoughtfully when he was done. He exchanged a glance with his twin brother and then nodded. “Yeah, that might be it.”

Harry raised his eyebrows. “You think my dick disappeared because the bomb fell in my lap?”

George nodded. “The bomb was supposed to make your hand stick to someone else for a while, but that is because you hold it in your hand when you use it. Perhaps because it fell into your lap-”

“You’re not saying my dick is now stuck to someone else, are you?” Harry interrupted.

“Er...” Fred exchanged another glance with George. “We think it might be.”

Harry dropped down in an armchair with a groan. “Fantastic. Thank you so much for knocking the bomb out of my hand, Hermione.”

Hermione swallowed and fidgeted with her hair. “I’m so sorry, Harry. I was just concerned about you. I promise I’ll help you set this right as well as I can.”

“Thanks, I guess.” Harry sighed.

“I have a question though.” Hermione turned towards the twins. “Harry said that the effects of the bomb would only be temporary, so why is his penis still gone?”

“Good one, Hermione.” George frowned. “It should have unstuck after an hour.”

Harry looked up and felt hope blooming in his chest.

“But if Harry wasn’t close by when it unstuck,” Fred mused, “it couldn’t have reattached itself to him.”

“It is still stuck to this person then?” Hermione asked.

Fred shrugged. “Could be. Or it might have fallen off.”

“So it could be anywhere in the castle?” Harry asked.

“Yeah,” George said with an apologetic smile. “I’m afraid so.”

“Right,” Harry said. “I’ll just summon it then.” He stood up and raised his wand. “Accio penis!”

Nothing happened.

“I guess that would have been too easy anyway,” Harry mumbled after a few moments.

“I’m so sorry, mate,” George sighed. “It was a great idea though.”

“So we have to search for it, I suppose,” Hermione said. “But what do we do if we find it?”

“I think Harry will just have to touch it,” Fred said.

“Even when it is still attached to someone,” George added.

The twins quickly disappeared from the fire when Harry’s wand sparkled red.


Severus gritted his teeth when he returned from the library that evening, his books floating next to him. Damn Potter and antics! He had just been sitting quietly in the library, which had been blissfully empty, until he had heard a few students come in. He had collected the books he had found with a growl, stalked out of the Restricted Section and collided with Harry bloody Potter. The damn boy hero with his distracting eyes and perfect skin. Of course it had to be Potter who disrupted his peace and quiet. Again. And since when had the boy become so studious that he would spend his evening in the library?

When Severus reached his rooms, he levitated the books to the small wooden desk in his private study. He shrugged his outer robes off and hung them on the hooks on the door. Then he called a house-elf and ordered some tea, seated himself in the comfortable chair behind his desk and bent over the first book.

A few hours later, he was ready to bang his head on the desk. Useless, absolutely useless. So far he had been unable to find anything about mysteriously appearing body parts in Dark Artefacts and Their Uses, Fifty Shades Darker: Cursed Objects or even The Compendium of Dark Magic - Volume 5: Artefacts. Weren’t these books supposed to be standard works on the subject?

Severus got up with a sigh. Very well, then he would have to rely on his own skills of observation.

He picked up a piece of parchment, entered his bedroom and noticed with some satisfaction that his shield was still firmly in place. Severus carefully protected himself before removing it. Then he moved a few steps closer. He paused. Nothing happened, so he moved even closer until he was right in front of the thing. Still nothing happened. If there was a curse on the thing, it did not appear to be triggered by his proximity. However, it could be triggered by touch. Slowly, very slowly, while making sure his protective charms held, Severus moved his wand closer to the thing. When it was less than an inch away, he held his breath and… poked.


He poked it a few more times in different spots, just to be sure, but both the balls and the shaft evoked no response whatsoever. He wrote his observations down on the parchment and looked back at the appendage. Perhaps a more hands-on approach was needed here.

He made sure his protections were still in place and his wand trained on the thing, before stretching one finger and moving it closer to the head. He poked it, but again, nothing happened. He moved his hand down to the balls and stroked softly.

The penis twitched.

Severus jumped back as if he’d been burned. He kept his wand trained on it and tried his diagnostic spells again, but just like that morning, they all came back negative.

When he had fired most of his spells and added his new observations to the parchment, his racing heart finally started to calm down. Carefully, he moved back and touched the shaft once more. First softly, then a more firmly. When nothing happened, he wrapped his whole hand around it. The shaft felt warm and soft and he swore he could feel a faint heartbeat. Slowly he started to move his hand up and down a few times. The way the smooth skin felt under his hands was not at all unpleasant.

The thing twitched again, but this time he was prepared. Severus kept holding it and felt it harden in his hands. In moments, the penis was fully erect. He quickly dropped it and stared down on it.

From what had happened so far he could surmise that the thing, whatever it was, clearly behaved like a real penis. In fact, it also suspiciously felt like a real penis. What kind of magic was this?

He shook his head to move his hair out of his eyes and studied the thing in its erect state. It stood proudly, surrounded by a nest of dark curls, and was a respectable size. Not overly large, but certainly a nice handful, as Severus now knew intimately. The head was mushroom shaped and uncut, the foreskin just pushed back slightly. Not unlike his own member.

When Severus fondled the balls again, he was not surprised to see a few drops of a pearly white fluid ooze from the slit. He noted the observation down and summoned a jar of lubricant. He had just one more thing to test. He took some of the lubricant and liberally spread it over the shaft. Then he wrapped his hand around it and started to pump. When more fluid oozed out, he started moving faster. Until, suddenly, the penis jerked once. Twice. And erupted.

Severus watched until it was finished and added the new observations to the list. Then he knelt and moved his face closer to the thing. He sniffed it. Musky. Very much like a real penis. He collected a drop of the white fluid on his finger and tasted is carefully. Salty. Very much like real semen.

He smacked himself on the head. “Merlin, I’ve been an idiot!” And he banished the mess with a flick of his wand. When something felt, tasted, smelled and behaved like a penis, there was a very high chance that it was, in fact, a penis. And if it was a real penis, it was not an artefact. No wonder he hadn’t been able to find anything in Dark Artefacts and Their Uses! No, what he had on his wall was a real, living penis.

What on earth was he going to do with it?


Harry was still feeling depressed when the trio made their way the library after dinner to do some research on finding wayward body parts.

“Can you imagine that someone at Hogwarts might be walking around with two dicks now?” Ron asked suddenly, with a look of fascination on his face.

Harry shuddered. “Ron, that’s really not helping.”

Ron blinked. “Just wondering. Hey, what if a girl has it?”

“Ron!” Hermione hissed.

Ron’s face turned red. “Sorry.”

They had just arrived in the library and headed to the charms section when…


“You have eyes Potter, use them.”

Harry stared up at the solid, black form that had just rounded the corner from the other direction. Of course it would be Snape. The man glared down at him past his large nose. Harry could feel the heat radiating of his body and felt himself flush. It wasn’t too bad to be standing this close to the man and…


Harry jumped. He rubbed his head with a wince and gingerly stepped aside. “Sorry, sir.”

Snape strode past him with a glare. “Make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

“Yes, Professor,” Harry mumbled and stared after the man, who was levitating a large pile of books towards Madam Pince.

“Mate, this is not your week.”

“I know,” Harry sighed and tore his eyes away from Snape.

They found an empty table and settled themselves around it. Hermione picked up one of the library catalogues and, half an hour later, they were all sitting with a small pile of books in front of them and busy making notes. After two hours, they had leafed through all of the books and compiled a list of spells they could use to track down Harry’s dick. They levitated the books back to the shelves and made their way to one of the empty classrooms on the third floor to try them.

Harry and Ron summoned some candles and cushions to make the room more comfortable, while Hermione studied their list.

“Okay,” she said after a few minutes. “Let’s start with the tracking charms.” She drew her wand and pointed it at Harry. “Tractia!”

A bright purple spark shot out of her wand and moved over Harry’s body. It lingered on his crotch for a few seconds before raising itself high in the air. There it moved frantically in all directions and sizzled out after just a few moments.

Harry dropped his head down with a groan.

“Bad luck, mate.” Ron patted his shoulder.

“Well, let’s try a stronger one.” Hermione pointed her wand at Harry again. “Sequor!”

The sparks that shot from her wand were larger and brighter this time, but again they disappeared after a few moments without having indicated any direction.

Hermione frowned. “Your penis is probably in a warded room somewhere, otherwise the spells would have been able to find it.”

Just to be certain, she tried the other spells on their list one by one. Each time, the sparks sizzled out. Harry grew more and more dejected after every try. When they reached the end of the list, he slumped down on his cushion with a long sigh.

“Harry, I’m so sorry,” Hermione said and gave him a tight hug. “But we’ll find a way. I promise I’ll keep looking until we’ve found a solution.”

“Thanks.” Harry sighed.

Slowly, the trio got up and headed back to the Gryffindor tower. It was still quite early, but Harry made his way to bed immediately. He was so done with this day.

He had just stepped into bed when he felt it. A poke in his balls. He grabbed his crotch with a surprised sound and bent double when more pokes followed. Merlin!

“Everything okay?” Ron yelled from his bed.

“Yeah!” Harry yelled back and cast a silencing charm. Fuck! And now it suddenly felt as if someone was stroking his balls. Harry moaned softly. What on earth was this?

He lowered his pyjama bottoms and made some light to take a look at his crotch. He moved his head as close as he could and inspected the area. There was nothing to see. With a frown he checked again. It didn’t look irritated or anything. How strange.

He put his pants back on and lay back in his bed. He had almost drifted to sleep when he felt the Touch again. Now it felt as if someone was stroking his shaft. He sat up and removed his pants again. Still, there was nothing to see. He moaned as the movements became more certain. Fuck, this was quite good. Perhaps his dick had only become invisible?

But when he tried to touch it, there was still nothing there. And… Merlin! The Touch had sped up.

Harry fell back on his bed with another moan. Damn, this was good. His moans became louder when it felt as if his balls were fondled. Gods, this was… Fuck! Yeah, just like that. He threw his head back with another moan and writhed on his bed, until he arched upwards with a strangled cry.

Fuck, had he just… Had he just come? Had he somehow come without his dick? What the fuck? Should he tell Madam Pomfrey? Or Hermione? But was that really necessary? It wasn’t as if anything bad had happened. It had been weird, but not bad. Hermione already felt guilty for what had happened, should he worry her further? And was there a point in going to Madam Pomfrey if he had no idea what was going on? No, it was probably better to keep this to himself. Perhaps it would never happen again anyway and he would only alarm everyone for nothing.

But really, what was going on? And why couldn’t his life ever be normal? Harry lay wide awake for a long time that night.


A tired Potions master walked into his rooms after a day full of marking and teaching annoying brats. When he was in such a state, there was but one way to relax and it required his hand and some lubrication.

He entered his bedroom, unfastened his trousers and sat down on his bed. Then he summoned his lubricant and coated his hands liberally with it, before proceeding to stroke himself to hardness. He threw his head back and moaned softly. Merlin, he had needed this. When he opened his eyes for a moment, he looked straight at the penis. He paused in his strokes and considered the thing. There he was, alone in his quarters with just his right hand to entertain him, unless… He wouldn’t mind trying something a little more interesting. His hand could only do so much after all.

But, no, he couldn’t.

Severus resumed his stroking while he stared at the penis. It was certainly an interesting thought to include his new wall decoration into his routine, but what was he supposed to do with it? He certainly had no interest in humping his wall like a hormonal teenager, thank you very much.

However, the penis did look appealing. He had certainly seen less attractive ones in his day. He paused his strokes again. Perhaps a small touch? No, it seemed wrong. But he was in need of a good orgasm and he hadn’t been able to achieve that with just his hand in a very long time. Just one touch? Just to try?

Severus got up from his bed and moved closer to the penis. He stretched a finger and touched the shaft. It twitched immediately. Severus gripped it a little more tightly and started to pump but, when the penis grew under his touch, he let go quickly. Was he really going to do this?

He moved both his hands to his own cock and balls and stroked them while he watched the penis on the wall. It was only semi-erect, but he couldn’t deny it looked delectable. Should he use it? He had already made it orgasm before, what was the problem in doing it again? After all it was... just an experiment. Wasn’t it? Yes, just an experiment, to see how the penis would respond to different stimuli.

He summoned his lubricant and coated both members liberally. He wrapped his hand about both members and fisted the both of them together. The slide of the smooth, lubricated skin against his was delightful. He moaned loudly. Yes! That was it. He threw his head back and thrust against the hardness. Merlin, this felt good. Certainly better than his hand. He thrust a little faster. Just to try it, he told himself. It was just a little experiment. He moved even faster and moaned even louder. And then he felt the other penis jerk and he himself was coming too.

When Severus’ breathing finally evened out, he stared at the semen on his hands in distaste. He banished it immediately. Merlin, so he had humped his wall like a bloody teenager. This was highly embarrassing. He would have to make sure that no one would ever find out.


Despite the nice orgasm, Harry stayed depressed after their failed attempts at tracking his dick. As long as it was gone, he knew he couldn’t start dating anyone. What if they wanted to have sex and dropped his trousers, only to discover there was nothing there? No, that couldn’t happen. He had to find his dick again, and soon. After all, he needed to get over Snape. The man was still as vicious as ever, there was no way he would ever want to have anything to do with Harry. His only consolation was that he didn’t have to worry about unwanted erections in Potions anymore now that his dick was gone. That made his lessons a whole lot easier.

Hermione had not given up. She still went to the library every night with a determined look on her face to look for new ways to find something. She always dragged Harry and Ron with her as well, but they failed every single time. If they even found anything useful, it didn’t work. What was the point in doing research any longer? If there was, Harry didn’t see it.

He went to bed early that night. Hermione kept nagging him about going to the library again, but she ended up going on her own. Of course Harry really wanted his dick back, but tonight he just didn’t have the energy to deal with it. He needed some alone time to think about everything that had happened to him. Perhaps he would wander the school a little later in the night. As long as he didn’t bump into Filch, it was a great way to empty his head. Luckily, he still had his cloak and the Marauder’s Map to avoid that and…. The map.

Hang on.

The map?

With a racing heart, Harry jumped out of bed and went over to his trunk. He rummaged in it until he found the folded, shabby looking parchment and took it out. He stared at it. Why hadn’t he thought about using the map before? If his dick still had his magical signature, it was very likely that the map would show his name on the place where it was. Excitedly, he murmured the password and jumped back in bed. He cast a Lumos and began scouting the map for his own name.

He decided to check all the other dorms and Common Rooms first. All the students were in bed now, so if any of them had his dick, it should be in their dorm. He began with the Gryffindor tower. He thought his dick was the most likely to be there, since he had been sitting close to his housemates when the bomb had gone off. Unfortunately, his name did not show up there.

He moved on to the other Houses. He couldn’t find his name in Ravenclaw, nor Hufflepuff. Nervously, he checked the Slytherin dungeons, but he was actually glad he didn’t find a mention of himself there, either.

Harry sighed. So either his idea didn’t work, or his dick was not in a dorm. He’d have to check the rest of the school as well to be sure. Brilliant. Not for the first time, he wished the map had a search option. Well, there was nothing for it.

An hour later, Harry had almost given up. He couldn’t find his name anywhere. Perhaps he had been wrong and the map wouldn’t show his dick at all. To make it worse, he could also feel the Touch again. It didn’t feel bad in the least, but it was distracting.

Harry moaned softly when his balls were being fondled. He might as well give up now. The idea had been good, but clearly the map wouldn’t give him any answers. And… (Damn! That felt nice) perhaps it was better to enjoy the Touch while it lasted.

Harry moaned louder and opened his mouth to say, “Mischief managed,” when something caught his eye. It was his name. And it was not in the Gryffindor tower. Not even anywhere near it.

The Touch suddenly became a lot more... (Shit!) a lot more heated. Harry’s hips jerked on their own accord and his eyes rolled back in his head. With a curse, he forced them back on the map. Where had he seen his name again?

He moved his wand closer to the map to have more light so he could look for it again. Yes, it was certainly... (Gods, that felt good) certainly his name. And it was in the… (Damn, that was a nice move) dungeons. And not just (Yeah!) in any part of the dungeons (Fuck! Do that again), but … (Merlin!) the personal quarters of…

“Snape!” Harry shouted as he came.


On Monday, Severus stalked back to his rooms with a scowl. He had tried to teach those blasted first-years, but he was beginning to think that even flobberworms would be better students. They had behaved as if they had never even heard of aconite, even though he had assigned them to read a chapter about its properties just a few months ago. What was even worse, he had taught Potter today. And Potter had finally decided to start talking to him. Naturally, Severus had refused. Potter had had ample opportunity to contact him for the last few months to discuss the war, but hadn’t uttered so much as a word. Why he would suddenly start now, Severus would never know, but he had no interest in indulging the boy. Potter had missed his chance.

In any case, Severus was in dire need of some relaxation, again. He poured himself a glass of scotch, summoned the newest Potions journal and sat down in his armchair with a sigh. Finally he had the time to read it. He opened the journal and scanned the article. It was an experiment to improve…. He threw the journal across his living room with a snarl. What had the author been thinking? Incompetent fool! His fourth years could have told him that dragon heartstring and powdered pixie skin did not mix.

Severus downed his glass in one go and got up. He would have to look for his relaxation elsewhere. When he entered his bedroom to collect a clean towel to take with him to the shower, his eye fell on the wall. After the fiasco a few days ago, he had draped one of his old robes over the penis so that he wouldn’t have to see at it anymore. However, something looked different. With his wand ready, Severus yanked the robe away. The penis was hard.

Severus stared at it. He had not touched the thing in days, so how was it possible that it was erect now? Could it perhaps sense that he was in need of relaxation? Severus stretched his hand and stroked it carefully. It still felt good in his hand, but no. He was not going to hump his wall again.

However, his own cock had a different idea. Severus fondled it through his trousers and moaned softly. If he was so affected by the sight of the penis, he could perhaps touch himself while he looked at it? That was hardly embarrassing, was it?

Having decided, he quickly undressed and lowered himself on his bed. However, it turned out to be difficult to watch the penis in this position. With a flick of his wand, he positioned his bed a little closer. Perfect.

Severus stroked his own member as he watched the one on the wall. However, as he quickly discovered, his own hand just wasn’t enough anymore now that he had tasted from the forbidden fruit. He tried stroking himself a little faster. He played with his balls and rubbed the vein on the underside of his cock, something which normally got him off quickly. But now it fell flat in comparison to his little experiment with the penis.

He got up from his bed with a sigh. Fine, the penis had won, he would hump it again. But not like last time. He summoned his lubrication and moved his bed even closer until it was right under the penis. If he was going to do this, he could at least make it more comfortable for himself.

He lubricated the shafts, sat up on his knees and aligned both dicks. Then he started thrusting. At first he felt like an idiot, but he quickly fell into a satisfying rhythm and soon all other thoughts fled from his mind. The feeling of the slick skin against his was simply utterly delicious. He closed his eyes and moaned loudly. His orgasm crashed over him far too soon.

That night, he had one of his nightmares again. He woke up with a scream and felt around blindly for his wand or something, anything. But when he accidentally grabbed the penis, he calmed right down. It was comforting to have something warm and alive so close to him, he noted with surprise. Was this what it felt like to have a friend nearby?

A few days later, he still hadn’t moved his bed back.


“So Harry,” Ron said with a grin when the trio was walking to the Great Hall for breakfast. “Why did you scream Snape’s name last night?”

Fuck! Harry felt his face heat up. Ron had heard?

Ron burst out laughing and hit him on the shoulder. “You should see your face, mate. Don’t worry, I know it can’t have been anything embarrassing, since you don’t have a dick. Did you have another nightmare?”

Harry closed his eyes briefly and sighed in relief.


“Oh, sorry. No,” Harry said quickly. “I just discovered where my dick is.”

“Really?” Hermione squealed. “That is wonderful news! Where is it?”

“Er...” Harry glanced at Ron.

“Hang on,” Ron frowned. “It doesn’t have anything to do with Snape, does it?”

“Yeah.” Harry smiled wryly. “It does.”

Ron abruptly halted in his stride and paled. “Bloody hell,” he breathed.

“Harry, I’m so sorry!” Hermione shrieked and hugged him tightly.

“Mate, why do these things always happen to you?”

“Dunno,” Harry said with a sigh.

“How did you discover it?” Hermione asked when she released him again.

“I just used the map. Look, I’ll show you.” Harry moved to take it from his bag.

“I can’t believe I didn’t think of that earlier.” Hermione buried her head in her hands.

“Yeah, me neither.” Harry unfolded the map.

“Where did you see it?” Ron moved closer and squinted at the map.

“I saw it with Snape last night. He’s in the Great Hall now, I think. Yeah.” And Harry pointed at the name with his finger.

“I don’t see your name there, though,” said Hermione, who had also stepped closer.

“Huh?” Harry drew the map towards him to take a closer look. “I really did see it with him last night.”

“Perhaps you were mistaken, mate. Be glad.”

“No, no. I really did see it.” Harry moved his eyes over the area around Snape frantically.

“Where exactly did you see it?” Hermione asked gently.

“Er, he was in his quarters and- ”

“There!” Hermione pointed. “It is still in his quarters. See?”

Harry’s eyes followed her finger and breathed in relief when he spotted his name there. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“It must have stuck to him when he extinguished the bomb,” Hermione mused.

“You know, I really don’t want to hear this.” Ron looked a bit green.

Hermione ignored him. “And then it fell off after an hour, when he was in his rooms.”

“Yeah, that’s probably it.”

“Mate, you’re lucky he hasn’t used it for a potion yet,” Ron said when Harry folded the map and put it back in his bag.

“Fuck.” Harry paled. “He might actually do that. I’ve got to talk to him as soon as I can.”

“Blimey.” Ron’s eyes looked huge. “Rather you than me.”

“I know.” Harry gritted his teeth. “I’m not looking forward to this either. Do you have any other ideas?”

The silence was deafening.

So Harry asked. Or rather, tried to. After Potions he stayed behind when everyone was already leaving. He wiped his suddenly clammy hands on his trousers, took a deep breath and approached the desk at the front of the classroom, where Snape was already busy marking.

“Professor?” Harry asked nervously.

Snape’s head whipped up so fast, Harry was afraid he had given himself a whiplash. Something akin to surprise showed on the man’s face, but it was less than a second before his usual stoic expression returned.

“What is it, Potter?”

“I need to ask you something.”

Snape stared at him. “I’m busy.”

“But- ”

Snape stood up abruptly. “I don’t have time for this.”

“But- Hey!”

But the man had already stalked out of the classroom.

Harry sighed and left the room at a much slower pace.

That evening, he went to Snape’s office and knocked on his door.

It was yanked open seconds later. “What is it?”

Harry raised his chin and looked the man in the eye. “I need to talk to you.”

Snape crossed his arms on his chest. “Which part of ‘I am busy’ do you not understand?”

“It will only take a few minutes.”

“Very well, Potter.” Snape glared at him. “Let me put it this way: I am not interested. Goodbye.”

“Hey!” Harry shouted, but the door had already closed in his face.

Harry tried again the next lesson, and the next and when they accidentally met in the corridor, but Snape simply ran off as soon as he saw him. When he messed up his potion in the hopes to get a detention, Snape took points and assigned Filch for the job. When he sent an owl during breakfast, Snape took one look at the letter, and set it on fire with a pointed look in Harry’s direction. When Harry asked one of the house-elves to deliver a letter for him, it returned not much later with the letter still in its hand. It was clear that Harry needed a different approach.


Severus was furious. Again. And it was because of Harry bloody Potter. Again. Would that boy ever take no for an answer and understand that he was too late and that Severus wasn’t bloody interested anymore? Of course he would not. When Severus had turned him away for the millionth time, he had taken to sending him letters. With his owl. And when that hadn’t worked (Severus would recognise the messy handwriting from a mile away), he had sent a house-elf. Well, he had only had to ask the creature who had written the letter, before he kicked it out of his rooms. Who would believe the nerve of that boy!

Suffice it to say he was looking forward to a quiet evening in his quarters.

But of course that was too much to ask. Shortly after he had returned from patrolling, he had heard a strange high noise just outside of his quarters. He had stormed out and seen a lot of smoke. The smoke disappeared quickly and Severus recognised it as one of the Weasley products. Blasted Peeves had probably gotten his hands on one of those again. He returned to his quarters and settled down with a book.

He read for about an hour and then readied himself for a nice evening with the penis. When he entered his bedroom, he was pleased to see it was already hard. He quickly undressed and moved closer.

“Are you hard for me?” he whispered to it. He could swear the penis had twitched. Could it hear him? He didn’t think he would be surprised if it could. It seemed to have an uncanny ability to know when Severus needed it, as he had discovered in the past few days.

He curled his hand around it and started pumping slowly, but to his surprise, the penis had already erupted all over his hand before he had even stroked himself to full hardness.

“You’re excited today, aren’t you?” Severus murmured. He hoped he wouldn’t have to wait all night before it could go again, but luckily it took only about half an hour before it was ready for him once more.

When it was erect again, Severus decided to try something new. Something he had wanted to do for a few days now. His former lovers had always told him to practice his blowjob skills more and this was just the opportunity. Slowly, he lowered his head and moved his mouth closer to the penis. He gave it a few experimental licks. It twitched.

Severus smiled. “Like that, do you?” He moved his head lower to nip playfully at the balls. He found he rather enjoyed feeling the weight of them in his mouth and played with them a little longer. After a while, he moved back to the shaft and was soon bobbing his head up and down. He couldn’t get it very far inside his throat yet, but from the way the balls drew up, he could tell the penis seemed to like it anyway. It didn’t take too long before it came again. Severus used the slick semen as a lubricant while he played with himself and came soon after.

Tiredly, Severus slumped down on his bed and stared up at the penis. It was still quite far away actually. Perhaps he could… With a flick of his wand, he turned his bed so that the penis was now right next to his head. Severus nuzzled it with his cheek and decided it was comforting to have it there. He tried a few different positions and finally fell asleep to the feeling of a steady heartbeat on his face.


Harry felt a pang in his chest when, after his next Potions class, Snape stalked off without even so much as a glance in his direction, after having ignored him all throughout the day. Did the man really hate him so much that he couldn’t even bear the idea of talking to Harry for a few minutes? Well, there was nothing for it, Harry thought with a sigh. If Snape didn’t want to listen to him, he would just have to break into the man’s rooms to get his dick back.

That evening, Harry studied the map to make sure Snape was in his rooms. When he saw the man had returned from his patrol, Harry put on his Invisibility Cloak, cast a silencing and a notice-me-not charm on himself and made his way to Snape’s door. Once there, he took one of the Weasleys’ noisy smoke bombs from under his robes and threw it a little further down the corridor. He may have had a bad experience with one of the Weasley products, but the others were still dead useful.

Within seconds, the bomb began to make a high-pitched noise and emitted a thick cloud of smoke. Harry waited patiently and, when Snape came running out of his door with his wand raised, Harry sneaked in.

He arrived in a spacious living room. He looked around in surprise. He hadn’t expected it to be so... cosy. There was a nice looking, although rather worn, armchair in front of the fire. On the other side of the room was a sofa with a small table in front of it. Harry wondered if the man ever received guests there.

When Snape returned, he jumped and quickly went to stand in a corner. The man muttered under his breath about ‘that blasted poltergeist’ and settled himself in the armchair with a book.

Very, very carefully, in case the man would be able to notice him with all his spells on anyway, Harry lowered himself in the corner and waited. He longed to have a look around to see if he could find his dick, but he was certain Snape would notice if the doors in his quarters suddenly opened seemingly on their own, so he waited.

It seemed hours later when Snape finally closed his book and stood up. Harry’s legs had started to sleep ages ago. Harry got up with a wince and waited until the feeling had returned to his legs before following the man out of the room and into a small hallway. The first door led to a small kitchen, where Snape was just washing his mug. Harry looked around, but his dick didn’t appear to be here.

He stood back when Snape moved past him to the next room, which appeared to be a small study. Harry stopped dead in the doorway and stared open-mouthed. Holy shit! Snape clearly loved books. All the walls of this room were lined with bookshelves, from floor to ceiling. And in the middle was a large, wooden desk. Harry moved to take a closer look at Snape’s collection, there was bound to be something interesting there, but the man didn’t give him the time. He only put the book he had been reading back on one of the shelves, moved out of the room and extinguished the lights with a flick of his wand. Well, Harry supposed he could always come back here when Snape was sleeping.

The next destination was the bathroom. Snape waltzed in and closed the door firmly behind him before Harry had seen more than white walls. He sighed and waited. He could check the bathroom later as well if necessary, he supposed.

A door on his right was slightly open. Harry listened to the sounds from the bathroom, but Snape appeared to be taking a shower, so he opened the door further and stepped in. It appeared to be Snape’s potions lab. Harry lit his wand and looked around. Shit. The room was filled with bottles with strange ingredients in them. If Snape had stored his dick here somewhere, he would have a hard time finding it.

Before he could worry about that further, the sound of running water stopped. Harry quickly closed the door again and extinguished the light. He had just finished when Snape emerged from the bathroom and looked… Harry swallowed. Freshly washed and bare-chested was not a bad look on the man at all. The light dusting of hair on his chest and the treasure trail down his navel made Harry’s mouth water. And when the man walked past him, Harry had to bite his fist to stifle a moan. Merlin, the way those thin pants clung to Snape’s arse. It was… fuck.

Fortunately, Snape walked past and disappeared in the last room without noticing Harry and his erratic thoughts. Harry adjusted himself with a shuddering sigh and quickly followed the man before he could close the door. However, when he entered the bedroom, he stopped dead in his tracks. The room was relatively bare. On his left was a closet and on his right, pushed against the wall, was Snape’s bed. That was nothing shocking; however, right above the bed, hung his dick.

Harry mouth fell open.

So this was where it had been all this time? In Snape’s bedroom? Hanging over his bed? Bloody hell!

A soft noise on his left made him turn his head sharply. And that made his mouth fall open even more. Snape was naked. Gloriously so. Harry’s eyes immediately glued on the man’s cock and he was almost certain he was drooling. Merlin, it looked great. It was nice and long and slightly curved to the left. Perfect. Arousal coiled in his belly. He swallowed and tore his eyes away from Snape’s dick to look at his own again. It was getting harder, he noticed to his surprise. How was that even possible?

Snape made his way across the room and knelt on his bed. The way his cock and balls swung made Harry have to bite his tongue to contain his moan. God, and how the man’s arse curved when he bent forwards a little to talk to... his dick? Hang on, was Snape talking to Harry’s dick?

“Are you hard for me?” the man said and moved his hand towards the wall.

Heat flooded Harry’s face. Wait, was the man… was he going to… To touch Harry’s dick? When he was naked? While Harry was standing here watching? Fuck!

Snape’s fingers were getting closer and closer to the wall. Harry swallowed and stared wide-eyed. Snape’s fingers came even closer and then… curled around the shaft. Harry jumped.

He could feel the Touch again.

Did that mean…? Did that mean that he had been able to feel Snape touching him all this time? Every time he had felt… When he had come… Had it been…? Bloody hell!

Harry slid down the wall until he hit the floor with a thump. Fuck, that was a lot to take in. He had wanted the Sticking Bomb to distract him from Snape, not the opposite. But Merlin, this was hot. Snape was pumping him slowly and he could feel it, every twist and squeeze. Snape’s dick was getting harder and then he was touching himself. He was touching himself and touching Harry and he was naked and Harry was watching and it was too much. He came.

Harry stayed in Snape’s bedroom for a long time after that. After he had first come, the man had coaxed him back to hardness and Harry swore he had never recuperated so fast. After that Snape had proceeded to take him apart again, but this time with his mouth. Harry had sat on the floor and shivered and sobbed and moaned, until he had come again. Then Snape had come too and Harry had never seen a more beautiful sight in his life.

Then, finally, Snape had stopped. He had turned his bed so that his pillow was now under Harry’s dick and then nuzzled it with his face as he went to sleep. It was only when the man’s breathing had evened out, that Harry had stood up from the floor. He had walked to Snape’s bed and stretched his hand to his dick to finally, finally, take it back. He had almost been able to feel it, almost been able to return it to his proper place. He had just had to stretch his hand a little more, just a little further, and then… But he had made a mistake. His eyes had fallen onto the man’s face. He looked so peaceful like this. What a change from his normally dour expression. Harry had returned his hand to his side and watched the man for what felt like hours. Every now and then Snape would twist a little and mumble something, but then his face would nuzzle Harry’s dick and then he would calm down. And Harry’s heart melted for him.

In the end, he left without his dick. He couldn’t do it. Snape had seemed so relaxed, so at ease with it there, he hadn’t the heart to take it away from him. Not to mention he had violated the man’s privacy yet again. No, he couldn’t do it. Not like this. He returned to the Gryffindor tower and sat in an armchair, staring at the dying flames. He could feel Snape’s breath on him all night long.


After Severus had discovered how well he slept with the penis next to him, he kept his bed in this position. Every night he would play with it and fall asleep with it close by. Sometimes he would wake up from a nightmare during the night, but all he had to do was nuzzle the penis, perhaps play with it a little more and he could go back to sleep.

The penis was incredibly responsive as well. It always welcomed his attention and was often already hard for him on the days when he needed it the most, when he was teaching the eighth year students. It made him wonder if perhaps, just perhaps, the penis had appeared in his rooms as a reward for his deeds during the war. If it was, if was a good reward indeed.

To make everything even better, Potter had finally taken the hint and backed off. No more nagging after classes, no more unwelcome letters. He just couldn’t help but wonder why Potter had given up so easily. He had truly expected the boy to keep trying for the rest of the year. Had he decided it was not worth it after all?

‘Stop!’ Severus told himself sternly. He had wanted the boy to shut up and now that he had, he should just enjoy the calm while it lasted. But why did it leave such a bitter taste in his mouth?

Perhaps he needed to practice his blowjob skills again.


After that night, Harry stopped trying to talk to Snape. He still wanted his bits back, but now he had seen Snape with it, he wasn’t sure if he could bear taking it away from him. Besides, he couldn’t even begin to imagine how angry the man would be when he discovered just whose dick he’d been sleeping with. No, Harry would have to come up with something else.

And it wasn’t as if going around dickless was such a problem either. Yes, he couldn’t masturbate anymore and yes, it was awkward when he went to the loo, but as long as he wasn’t in a relationship there wasn’t much of an issue really. At least he got plenty of action. Perhaps a little too much even. After that night, Snape had become incredibly horny. He sucked Harry off pretty much every day. Sometimes even multiple times. Harry wasn’t complaining, except that it was difficult to sleep when he felt Snape on him all night long. Whether it was his breath, his cock or his tongue, now that Harry knew what it was, it was bloody distracting. He couldn’t get the images from that night out of his mind anymore. He imagined that his dick on Snape’s wall was probably hard all the time.

“Mate, you look like shit,” was Ron’s comment when he showed up at breakfast after a week of little sleep.

“I know, I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Yeah, we can see that.”

“Is it because of Snape?” Hermione leant forwards with a worried frown.

Harry shrugged.

“You are still trying to talk to him, aren’t you?”

“No, not really actually.”

“What?” Hermione shrieked. “Harry! You have to go to him and ask-”

“I tried, Hermione,” Harry yawned. “But he refused to see me.”

“Try again, then,” Hermione demanded.

“Nah.” Harry stretched his arms. “He’ll probably get angry anyway.”

“But,” Hermione began, “I don’t understand. Don’t you want your penis back?”

“Of course, but it’s not going to work. I even broke into his rooms and all and- ”

“Hang on, you broke into his rooms?” Ron was gaping. “When?”

“About a week ago.”

“Harry!” Hermione hissed. “You could get expelled if he finds out!”

“I know.” Harry sighed.

“But how did it go? Did you find it?”

“Yeah, I did actually.” Harry said. “It’s just that… Well, I think it’s better if I go to Madam Pomfrey to ask her to grow me a new one.”

“What?” Ron asked, confused.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Hermione said. “If you were there, why didn’t you take your penis back?”

“I just didn’t.” Harry shrugged. “Drop it, okay? I’m going the infirmary now and I’ll be fine soon.” He stood up and made his way to the hospital wing.

“Mr. Potter! You look exhausted!” Pomfrey exclaimed by way of greeting. “What is the matter with you this time? Are you having nightmares?”

“No, not really,” Harry fidgeted with his sleeve. “I just wondered, could you regenerate a new penis for me?”

“Ah, you still haven’t found a solution for that then?”

“Well, yes, er, no, not really.”

“Very well,” Pomfrey said. “I’ll contact professor Snape.”

Harry’s head shot up. “Wait, what?”

“Don’t worry Mr. Potter.” Pomfrey said with a smile. “I won’t tell him about your condition, but I don’t have the Regeneration Draught in store and will have to ask him to brew one for you.”


“Ah Severus, speaking of the devil.”

Harry turned around as if he had been struck by lightning. He froze when he found himself face to face with Snape, who was carrying an array of filled potions phials and appeared just a surprised as Harry was.

“Potter,” Snape said as he collected himself visibly.

Harry nodded by way of greeting.

“We were just talking about you,” Pomfrey smiled. “Mr. Potter is in need of a Regeneration Draught.”

“A Regeneration Draught, Potter?” Snape asked and looked him over with raised eyebrows, which made Harry flush. “You do not appear to be missing any limbs.”

“Er,” Harry shuffled his feet.

“Do you have it in stock, Severus?” Madam Pomfrey asked.

“That depends on what he needs it for.” Snape was still looking Harry over. “The composition differs slightly, depending on its aim, as I am sure even Potter here can understand.”

Fuck! Harry looked at the Mediwitch in alarm. He was not going to tell Snape what he needed it for. Then Snape would figure it out and…

“Well, Mr. Potter? Tell him.”

Harry swallowed. “No, I don’t think that is a good idea.”

“Would you rather I told him?” Madam Pomfrey asked gently.

Harry’s eyes widened. “Merlin, no.”

Snape levitated the tray with phials over to Madam Pomfrey, who brought them away, and crossed his arms.

“And why ever not, Potter? Clearly you are in need of my help.”

Harry stared at the floor and flushed. “You’re not going to like it, sir,” he mumbled. “It’s embarrassing.”

“Indeed?” Snape lifted an eyebrow. “I can assure you I can handle embarrassing information quite well by now.”

Harry cringed when he was so suddenly reminded of the man’s role in the war. “I know, Professor, that’s not it.”

“Then what, Potter?” Snape was clearly getting irritated.

“I… I can’t…”

“Mr. Potter, I am afraid you do need Professor Snape for this,” Madam Pomfrey, who had returned, said gently. “There aren’t many people that can brew this potion successfully.”


“Listen, Potter,” Snape said. “I am aware we are not on the best of terms, but I can assure you I will be nothing but professional and discreet about this. I have seen many injuries in my time, one more embarrassing than the next, and even if there was something with your privates -”

Harry cringed.

“There is something with your privates,” Snape stated flatly.

Harry stared at the floor. “Yeah.”

“Why would you need a Regeneration Draught for that particular part of your anatomy?”

Harry found a very interesting looking spot on the floor. What now? He still didn’t want to tell Snape, but if he wanted his dick back, one way or the other, he would have to. But Merlin, if there had ever been a chance of improving his relationship with the man, it would be completely ruined if he told him who the dick on his wall belonged to. However, if he didn’t say it and Snape somehow found out on his own, it would be even worse. What to do?

“Potter.” Snape was tapping his foot. “You have been trying to get my attention for the last week and now you have it. I assure you it will not happen again. If you need my help, this is your last chance. What is it to be?”

Harry kept his gaze down. Fuck, what to do? If he told Snape, he would get his bits back, but also take away something from the man in which he seemed to find solace. How could he do that? However, if he didn’t say, he would continue to enjoy Snape’s mouth on him, but never be able to look the man in the eye again. His relationship with the man would be ruined no matter what he did. There was only one thing for it. He may not be able to tell him how much he respected him, but the very least he could offer was honesty. Merlin knew the man deserved it. He took a deep breath. “I’ve lost my bits.”

Snape’s eyebrows rose to his hairline. “Excuse me?”

“I’ve lost my bits.”

“I heard you the first time, Potter,” Snape snapped. “Just tell me the facts. How long have they been gone?”

“Right,” Harry said and fidgeted with his sleeves. “They disappeared a few weeks ago.”

In an instant, Snape’s face drained of what little colour it had.

Harry turned his head away and studied another spot on the floor. He felt tears prickle behind his eyelids. Any moment now it would sink in and then… What?

“I see,” the man said after a few moments. “I… Well, I…”

Harry waited.

Snape took a deep breath and turned around, so that his back was facing Harry. “I may be able to help you,” he finally said. It sounded a little muffled.

Harry fidgeted with his sleeve. “That would be great, sir.”

“Indeed.” Snape’s shoulders were stiff. “Come to my office after dinner.”

“Yes, Professor.”

Snape strode away in a flurry of robes.



Potter? It was Potter? All this time he had been entertaining Potter’s manhood in his quarters? Bloody buggering hell!

Another smash. This time it was an empty potions phial that hit his door and left a trail of tiny glass shards all over his office.

Potter. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it!

Severus hit his fists on the wall. He should have known. He should have known that the penis would not come free of charge. A reward for his deeds in the war indeed.

And of course it had to be Potter’s. Oh, how the boy would laugh when he discovered where his precious cock had been all this time and what Severus had done to it. Oh Merlin, all the things he had done to it… He suddenly felt a little faint.

Would the boy press charges for abuse?

Severus sobered immediately. Oh no, Potter could never find out what he had done.

He entered his bedroom and waved his wand. He would be damned before Potter saw that he had shoved his bed under his dick to sleep with it. Severus almost choked on the word. Fuck and damn and bugger. Potter could NOT see.

Severus waved his wand and set to work. He transfigured his bed into a desk. With another flick of his wand, he made his wardrobe look like a bookcase. He added a layer of dust to the side of the room that housed the p… Potter’s member, so it looked as if he hardly ever walked there. With a little bit of extra work, the room looked and smelled like a slightly neglected study. Impersonal, dusty and a little mouldy. Severus looked around and nodded. This would have to do.

He briefly, very briefly, considered giving Potter the Regeneration Draught and keeping the penis to himself. It was not as if the boy was likely to find out. But he only had to glance at the thing briefly and he saw red. It had betrayed him. He had a right mind to Sectumsempra it all the way to hell. There was no way he was keeping it under his roof a night longer. If Potter didn’t take it with him tonight then... then…


Another phial joined the ones already littered on the floor. Those wet spots on his face were not tears.


After dinner, a nervous Harry knocked on the door to Snape’s office. It was yanked open only moments later.

“In,” hissed Snape.

Harry ducked his head and stepped in. Snape immediately closed the door behind him.

“Come with me, Potter,” the man said tersely and led him to the door of his private quarters.

Harry followed him a little nervously. They entered the living room and Snape immediately lead them towards his bedroom. The place that still starred in Harry’s fantasies. He took a few moments to collect himself so he wouldn’t embarrass himself when the memories of that night flooded to his mind. Harry stepped in and halted in surprise. Hang on, this had been Snape’s bedroom a week ago, hadn’t it? Then why did it look like his study now?

Snape pressed his lips into a thin line and pointed somewhere to Harry’s right, where he knew his dick should be. He followed the line of Snape’s finger and pretended to look surprised. He widened his eyes and froze.

“Is that…?” Harry hoped his acting wasn’t too bad.

“I would assume so, Potter, but I am not in the position to tell you whether it is yours or not.” Snape drew his robes more tightly around his frame and folded his arms.

“I… er.”

“Get on with it, Potter,” Snape snapped. “Take the thing with you. Put it in your bag or reattach it to your body. I do not care, as long as it is taken away from here.”

“I, yes, sir.” Harry moved towards his dick. “Has it been here since I lost it?”

“I haven’t a clue,” Snape said tersely. “Just do it, Potter. Get your… thing off my wall and leave.”

“Working on it,” Harry mumbled and looked closely at his dick. He couldn’t deny he had missed seeing it.

“Merlin, you idiotic boy,” Snape growled. “Stop staring. You can reacquaint yourself with your cock when you are alone and out. of. my. chambers. Now get ON with it.”

Harry jumped. “Right, sorry sir.” He slowly stretched his fingers towards his dick. He just had to touch it, the twins had said. As soon as he did, a shudder went through it and it fell down in his hand. Merlin, that was an odd sight. Before he could consider the situation further, it shuddered again and disappeared. He started to panic, until he felt a familiar weight down there. So it was back. It felt good. Really good. He moved his legs a bit to get used to the feeling again. Then he looked at Snape, who quickly averted his gaze from Harry’s crotch.

“It’s done, sir. Thank you for- ”

“How did you lose it?” Snape interrupted him.

Harry blinked. “Oh, it’s a bit of a silly story really. Fred and George gave me one of their new products to try. I accidentally used it wrong and that’s how it happened.”

“A joke product.” Snape’s voice had suddenly grown a lot colder.

“Yeah.” Harry raked his hand through his hair.

Snape’s eyes flicked to his hair and then settled on his face with a hard look. “Were you aware it had ended up here, Potter?”

“Er, well…”

Snape was suddenly on him and gripped his shoulders with force. “Tell me, boy,” he hissed. “Did you know?”

Harry tensed. “Yes! I’ve known for a week.”

“A week!” Snape shook him. “A bloody week! Did you have a good laugh at my expense, Potter? You and all your friends perhaps? Well? Answer me!”

“No, sir,” Harry panted. “I didn’t laugh. I hardly told anyone. I promise.”

Snape shook him harder. “And why on earth should I believe you, Potter?” he hissed.

“I… I tried to tell you,” Harry tried to say through his shaking and clattering teeth. “As soon as I found out. I came to you after class and I sent you letters.”

Snape let go of him abruptly and turned away with an almost deadly pale face. “I see.”

Harry only just caught himself from falling.

“Get out, Potter,” Snape said in a low voice with his back towards Harry.

“Sir, I - ”


Harry didn’t have to be told a third time. He ran off. A glass beaker hit the wall where his head had been moments before and shattered into a million tiny pieces.


Severus sat in his rooms, his robes tightly drawn around him, and stared into the ashes of flames that had long since died out. Next to him was a half-empty cup of tea. The tea had cooled hours ago. Or was it days? He did not quite remember and it hardly mattered.

He had transfigured his sofa into a proper bed and slept there. He had not visited his actual bedroom since he had kicked the boy out. It did not matter. He knew what he would see there: empty walls. Empty walls and the memory of the penis in the boy’s hand. He could see that image in his mind wherever he went. He would not need to visit his bedroom for it.

On the second day, Minerva had graced him with her presence. She had come in and demanded to know why he hadn’t been at dinner, why he wasn’t teaching his class right now. Then, more gently, had tried to get him to eat. He had refused, but ever since she had left, he found his rooms littered with small plates of food and cups of tea. Sometimes he would make use of them, but most of the time they disappeared again after a few hours, untouched.

And he was tired. So very tired. But he didn’t want to go to bed. The nightmares would return. He had made that mistake the first day and woken up screaming and reaching, reaching for something that should be there on the wall. But it wasn’t and he hadn’t slept much since.

“I’m worried about you, Severus,” Minerva said suddenly. It was the seventh day.

Severus frowned. Had she been here long? He couldn’t remember.

“You know you can talk to me about what’s troubling you, don’t you?”

Slowly, very slowly, Severus turned his head towards her. “We would be sitting here for days.”

Her eyes were soft. “If that’s what you need.”

He turned his head back towards the flames. Flames? There hadn’t been any moments ago. “No, but I thank you, Minerva.”

He could feel her smile all the way over here. “You’re shivering, Severus. Take a shower.”

Was he? He looked down at himself. Yes, he did appear to be shivering. Why? He didn’t think he was cold. And what was that horrid smell? It smelled like alcohol and sweat. Merlin, was that... him? He groaned.

“It is quite all right,” Minerva said. “Have your shower. I will wait.”

So he had had his shower. Then he had eaten. Minerva had stayed, but she didn’t say a word. Didn’t offer any platitudes, just waited. He let her wait. What was there to say?

When she left, she had looked at him and told him she expected him to resume teaching on Monday. He nodded. Then, he had drunk down a Dreamless Sleep and gone to bed.

When he woke up, it was dark. He seemed to have slept through the day. Well, there was nothing for it, he wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore, so he got up and dressed. He was hungry and he had been sitting for days. He supposed a walk down to the kitchens wouldn’t hurt. It was past midnight and the students were all in their dorms.

He had forgotten that he hated the hours after curfew.


Harry had told Ron, Hermione and the twins that he had his dick back. They had been happy for him and returned to their daily lives without giving the situation another thought.

Harry, however, hadn’t been able to sleep all week. Again. He missed the feeling of Snape’s mouth, or anything, on him and no matter how much he wanked, it just wasn’t the same.

Snape. He hadn’t seen the man at all since their fight. All his classes had been cancelled and he hadn’t appeared for any meals. Harry had gone to the Headmistress to ask about him, but she had told him that Snape’s wellbeing was not his concern. He had tried to tell her that Snape’s absence might have something to do with a fight they had had, but she had shooed him away. Severus was a grown man who would certainly not be troubled by any of their usual arguments. So he had left.

And now he couldn’t sleep. He stepped out of bed with a sigh. There was no point staying in it. He might as well go for a walk.

He fished the Marauder’s Map from his trunk to see if there were any teachers near the Gryffindor tower. No, the coast was clear. He also checked Snape’s rooms. He had done that a lot the past week. It was the only thing he could do. Not that there was much to see. His teacher had not left his quarters at all last week.

But now, they were empty. Harry frowned. Had Snape finally left his rooms? Or had he left the school? Frantically, he searched the map for a sign of the man. There! In the kitchens. Without thinking about it further, he threw his Invisibility Cloak over his head and headed downstairs.

He walked down the familiar corridors, tip-toed past Peeves who was busy with some kind of prank, crossed the Entrance Hall and tickled the pear in the painting. It swung open. He made his way inside and immediately spotted the dark, hunched figure, who was sitting at the long, wooden table with a plate of food and a cup of tea in front of him. Slowly, Harry let the cloak slide off his shoulders.

Snape’s head whipped up and his eyes locked with Harry’s. Even in the scant light and from this distance, he could see the black eyes turn colder.


“Professor,” Harry almost whispered.

They stared at each other for a few moments.

“Sir, I want to-”

“I do not wish to see you.” Snape cut him short.

Harry put his Invisibility Cloak back on, but stayed where he was.

Snape narrowed his eyes. “I want you to leave, you little shit. Not just hide from my sight. Now get out.”

“No, sir. I think we need to talk.” Harry moved a few steps closer.

“I have absolutely nothing to say to you.”

Harry moved further towards him. Snape stilled, but his eyes darted across the room. When Harry moved even closer, Snape suddenly lunged forward and knocked him over. He fell. He tried to move away, but the man was already on him. Snape hauled him to his feet, yanked the cloak off him and pointed his wand at his face, his eyes glittering in triumph.

“Not so brave now, are you, Potter?” he sneered. “How does it feel to be at the mercy of the man you have been mocking for the past few weeks?”

Harry held Snape’s gaze. “I wasn’t mocking you, sir.”

Immediately, Snape poked his wand hard into Harry’s cheek. “Don’t lie to me,” he hissed. “Why else would you have used that joke product? Well? Answer me, boy!”

His cheek hurt, but Harry made no move to get out of Snape’s grip. It would only make the man even more furious and that was the last thing he needed. “The twins were helping me to sort out my love life. They said the bomb would help me meet someone new.”

Snape barked a laugh. “Sort out your love life? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Surely the ‘Saviour’ doesn’t need any help in that area. You have the whole wizarding world at your feet, boy.”

“Not the whole world,” Harry mumbled.

Snape sobered immediately and pushed his wand harder in Harry’s cheek. “And what did you think of the results, Potter? Was it what you expected, to have your little cock hang from the walls of the teacher you so despise?”

Harry winced, but tried to hold Snape’s gaze. “I don’t despise you,” he said softly.

Snape rolled his eyes. “Semantics, Potter. Loathe, hate, detest, despise, whatever you wish to call it. It hardly changes the sentiment.”

“I don’t hate you either, Professor. Not anymore.”

“Are you trying to be smart, Potter?” Snape narrowed his eyes. “Do you think that I will let you go if you say that you do not hate me? I’m afraid it will not help you. I know you detest me and that you devised this plan with the joke product to punish me.”

“No, sir, I didn’t. I don’t detest you at all. I… Actually, I- ” Harry swallowed.

“Yes?” Snape’s tone was low. “Do tell, Mr. Potter. Spit it all out. You can finally say what you really think of me. Don’t hold back on my account. I’m sure you are thrilled to have this opportunity at last.”

Harry didn’t feel thrilled at all. He hadn’t expected it to go like this, the moment when he finally told Snape how much he respected him. He had been thinking more along the lines of a drink or two in Snape’s quarters, not at the man’s wandpoint in a dark kitchen. And what would Snape say when he told him? Would he laugh in his face and tell him his loathing for Harry hadn’t changed? That Harry was only fooling himself into thinking, hoping, that things could be different between them? Harry took a deep breath and wiped his clammy hands on his trousers. Then he took another deep breath and …

Snape twisted his wand even harder in his cheek. There would probably be a bruise tomorrow. “I am waiting, Potter.”

“I… er.” Harry licked his lips and lowered his gaze from Snape’s face to his chest. The chest he had seen naked a week ago and… Not a good idea. He looked up and stared at Snape’s mouth. The thin lips that had wrapped around his dick when… Harry swallowed and decided to look over Snape’s shoulder instead.

“I don’t hate you, sir.”

“Is that all you have to say to me tonight, Potter? How disappointing. I had expected more from you. Clearly this is another area in which you fall short.” A pointed look at his crotch. “Now get out of my sight.” Snape finally took his wand from Harry’s cheek and turned to leave.

“No, wait!” Harry lunged forward and gripped Snape’s arm to keep him from moving away.

Snape turned back around with lightning speed. “Let go of me, you little shit,” he hissed.

“I respect you!” Harry almost shouted.

Snape seemed to freeze. Only his arm, that was still in Harry’s hand, was trembling slightly. “Excuse me?” he said in a low voice.

“I respect you,” Harry said in a softer voice. “I appreciate what you did in the war and I admire your courage.”

“Don’t… don’t lie to me, Potter.” The man’s voice was trembling slightly.

Harry tried to smile. “It is true, sir. I admire you very much and I am sorry for all the times I misjudged you in the past.”

All the anger seemed to flow out of Snape in one go and he staggered backwards. He caught himself on the table and lowered himself onto the bench slowly. He kept his eyes glued onto Harry’s face with an intensity that made Harry squirm.

“Sir?” Harry moved closer.

Snape blinked up at him with a shocked expression on his face. “You… you do not despise me?”


“Then why didn’t you speak to me before? About the war?”

“Oh.” Harry cringed and lowered himself next to Snape on the bench. “I wanted to, but when the war had just ended we were both so busy and there wasn’t any time to talk to you in private. And after that, well, I thought you wouldn’t want to hear it. I’ve been an idiot, sir, I’m so sorry.”

“If you do not hate me, why did you always leave the classroom so quickly after my classes?”

“Merlin.” Harry felt the colour drain from his face. Snape had noticed that? Well, fuck. He brushed his hands over his eyes with a sigh. “It is, er, embarrassing, sir. But it has nothing to do with hating you, I promise.”

“Embarrassing, Potter?” Snape snorted. “I doubt it can be any more embarrassing than discovering I had a student’s cock on my wall for a few weeks. Tell me.”

Gods. Harry groaned. Leave it to Snape to come up with an argument he could not refute. “I don’t think you are going to like this.”

“Leave that to me.”

“Fine.” Harry sighed. “I... er… that is…” He took a deep breath. “I sort of like you and during your classes it, er, it showed.”

Snape’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “You were aroused, Potter? By me?”

“Yeah, that’s about it,” Harry slumped down on the bench with a flaming hot face.

“Holy mother of Merlin.”

“I know,” Harry murmured. Then they were both silent.

With a sigh, Harry stood up and got himself some tea. He refilled Snape’s mug with the steaming hot water. Then he sat back down and cradled his mug in his hands.

“It was hard on Monday and Thursday,” Snape said suddenly.

“Huh?” Harry stopped blowing his tea and looked up.

“Your penis. It was erect on the days I taught you.”

“Yeah.” Harry’s face was still red. “I know.”

“You have not yet told me how it ended up on my wall.”

“Oh that.” Harry sighed and sat up a little straighter. “I’m not entirely sure but Hermione thought it was because you were close to me when the bomb went off.”

“So it was a coincidence.” Snape drew his robes tighter around him and his face became blank.

“Yes, but I didn’t mind,” Harry said quickly. “I’m actually glad that you ended up with it and not someone else. You treated it well and, er, it felt good, what you did.”

Snape’s head whipped up suddenly and he stared at Harry with a look of horror on his face. “You could feel what I did with it?”

“Oh fuck!” Harry buried his head in his hands. He had completely forgotten Snape hadn’t known that yet. “I’m so sorry, sir. But yes, I could.”

“Merlin!” Snape’s face looked pale, even in the dim lights. He jumped up and started pacing. “I would understand if you want to press charges, Potter.” He spoke quickly. “But before you do so, you have to know that I would never have touched it if I had known it was yours.”

“I understand, sir,” Harry said. “But I’m not going to press charges.”

“No?” Snape paused in his pacing. “Why ever not? You would be well within your rights to do so.”

“Because I liked what you did.” Harry felt his face heat up again. “And because, well, I did something that I shouldn’t have, too. I, er, I violated your privacy. Again.”

“Did you?” Snape lifted an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” Harry looked away. “I broke into your rooms when you refused to listen to me and I saw... Well, you. With my... you know.”

“Sweet Circe, Potter!” Snape exclaimed with a look of horror on his face. “How many more surprises do you have in store for me tonight?”

“I think that was the last one,” Harry mumbled. “I would understand if you wanted me expelled, sir. I just wanted my bits back and I didn’t think about the consequences.”

Snape dropped himself down on the bench with a sigh. “What did you see?”

“It was the first time you used your mouth on me,” Harry mumbled and stared at the table. “For what it’s worth, sir, it was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Ah.” Snape was silent for a moment. Then, softer: “I had wondered why your penis was so responsive that night.”

“Yeah, that was because of me.”

“Hmm.” He was silent again. “Why didn’t you take your penis back? I’m assuming that you could have done so easily.”

“Oh.” Harry blushed bright red. “Well, I sort of saw you, er, sleep with it and you looked… Er, it seemed to calm you. After that it felt wrong to take it.”

“Merlin, Potter,” Snape groaned and dropped his head in his hands, rubbing his temples. “Why is it always you that sees my most shameful moments?”

“I’m sorry, sir.” Harry hesitated for a moment and then carefully put his hand on Snape’s shoulder. Snape made no move to shake it off, so he continued. “I didn’t think it was shameful at all. It looked really, well, nice.”


“Yeah. And I have to admit that I also left my bits with you for selfish reasons. I really liked your mouth on me.”

Snape finally looked up. “You did?” He sounded surprised.

“Yeah, I did,” Harry mumbled. “I missed it last week.”

“Indeed?” Snape moved a little closer to him. “I did, too.”

“What?” Harry stared up at his face.

Snape sighed and rolled his eyes. “I enjoyed doing it, you silly boy.”

Harry’s eyes widened. “Really?”

Snape lifted an eyebrow. “Most assuredly. And I wouldn’t mind doing it again.”

Harry’s mouth fell open. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

Snape turned his head away from him, but he couldn’t hide the red spots on his cheeks. “I beg your pardon, Potter, I had understood that you were interested.”

“Oh, I am interested.” Harry grinned. “Very much. Do you want to do it now?”

Snape turned back to him with a slight smile on his lips. “Now, Potter? My, my, what a naughty boy you are.”

“That I am.” Harry grinned. “What are you going to do about it, sir?”

A wicked gleam appeared in the man’s eyes. He stood up from the bench and stretched out his hand. “I do believe I can think of a thing or two, Mr. Potter. If you will follow me to my quarters.”

“Fuck, yes.” Harry gripped the offered hand and decided he might as well start his exploration of Snape’s body while they made their way to the dungeons. Slowly, he started to map the man’s hand. He stroked all the fingers separately, then the palm, the wrist. He smiled when he heard Snape’s soft moan and brought the hand to his mouth to suck on one of the fingers.

“Merlin, Potter,” Snape said with a rough voice. “If you keep that up, we may not make it to my quarters tonight.”

Harry let the finger go and grinned up at him and allowed him to lead the way downstairs. When they had reached his quarters, Snape held the door open for Harry and followed him inside.

“Ah,” Snape said. “Just a moment. My quarters are still in disarray.” He waved his wand and the bed in the living room changed back into the sofa. Snape disappeared through the door and Harry assumed he was making his quarters ready for whatever they were going to do.

What they were going to do? Merlin! He was in Snape’s quarters, this time legally, and considering... considering what, really? Harry didn’t have too much experience in this area. He hoped Snape didn’t want to… Because he wasn’t sure he was ready for that yet.

“So, what now?” he asked a little nervously when Snape returned.

Snape answered by kissing him, hard. Harry was surprised, but quickly surrendered to the kiss. Gods, this was what he had been waiting for. Harry moaned. When a tongue swiped over his lips he lost all his doubts and opened his mouth greedily to allow it access. Snape’s tongue plunged into his mouth, and then, gods, yes! Someone moaned loudly and they moved together, until Harry’s back hit a wall.

Snape tore his mouth away from his. “Off,” he panted before plunging his tongue back in Harry’s mouth. Harry moaned as he struggled with his trousers. Snape made an impatient noise in the back of his throat and his fingers joined Harry’s in their attempt to open his fly. Snape had it open in seconds and wormed his hand into Harry’s boxers to grip his shaft. He touched it just so and…

“Merlin!” Harry arched into the touch.

Snape tore his mouth away again and smirked at him. “Indeed. As it happens, I am very well acquainted with your cock.”

Harry answered with a moan and drew Snape’s mouth towards him. He wanted, no needed, more of that tongue.

When he had Snape where he wanted, he started a little exploration of his own. He moved his hand down over the man’s body until he reached his fly. While Snape moaned, and helped a little, he wormed his hand inside and wrapped his fingers around his length. Fuck, yes, that was it. He stroked up and down the shaft and moved further down to fondle the balls.

“Merlin,” Snape panted as he tore his mouth away again. “Bed. Now.”

Somehow they made it to the bedroom, shedding their clothes along the way. When they arrived, Snape only had his right sock still on and Harry half a sleeve.

“Lie down,” Snape whispered against his throat, which he had just been sucking.

Harry did as he was told and moved further up. Snape was watching him with dark, very dark, eyes, and the sight made Harry’s dick, if possible, even harder.

Snape climbed on top of him and straddled his knees. “I’m going to suck your cock.” He took it in his hands for emphasis. “And you will scream for me.”

“Fuck, yes,” Harry moaned.

Snape smirked at him and then swallowed his cock whole. Harry did scream then. He arched of the bed and moaned and shuddered and sobbed while Snape did wicked things with his tongue. It took Harry an embarrassing short amount of time to come, but Snape didn’t seem to mind at all. In fact, he looked rather smug.

The man moved up to Harry and kissed him deeply. The taste of himself combined with that of the man’s tongue was absolutely wonderful and Harry whimpered when he moved away.

He stared up at Snape, whose hair was all over the place. His face looked blotchy and red and his lips were swollen, but to Harry, he looked perfect.

“Can I suck you off?” he asked.

“Have you done it before?”

“No, but I picked up a thing or two from all the times you’ve done me.”

“Brat.” Snape smiled a little. “So I finally managed to penetrate that thick skull of yours, hmm? Very well then.” He lay down on his back and waited for Harry to make the next move.

Harry knelt on the bed and stared at the sight in front of him. He had seen it before, but he still thought the dick was absolutely gorgeous. He moved closer and licked it all the way from the balls to the head. When Snape’s breath hitched, he smiled.

Slowly, he moved his mouth over the head and started sucking.

“Merlin,” Snape moaned. “A little harder. And if you move your hands like this then... Yes!”

With Snape’s directions, Harry felt more confident of himself and soon had a steady rhythm going. He couldn’t take Snape’s length very far into his throat yet, but he used his hands to stroke the rest of the shaft and fondle the balls. At some point he felt Snape tug at his hair. He remained where he was and was rewarded with a loud, “Harry!” when Snape jerked off the bed and came in his mouth. Harry didn’t manage to swallow it all yet, but Snape didn’t seem to mind when he tugged Harry up and crashed their mouths together.

When the kiss became less heated, Harry broke away with a sigh. “I suppose you want me to go now?” he asked softly.

Snape stroked Harry’s hair and frowned. “Why would I want that?”

“Because you are my teacher and this is actually forbidden?”

“Oh, that,” Snape tugged him closer again. “I don’t particularly care.”

“What?” Harry sat up. “But what if we are discovered?”

Snape sat up too. “Look, Po… Well, Harry. Minerva has given me leave until Monday, so officially I won’t be your teacher for at least two more days.”

“That’s not really how it works,” Harry mumbled.

Snape sighed. “Fine, Po… Harry. You are of age. Even though people might frown upon our actions, it is not forbidden as long as I grade you fairly, which, I assure you, I will continue to do.”

“Okay,” Harry said. “So, er, I can stay.”

“Oh yes,” Snape had the wicked gleam in his eyes again, “I intend to make the most of my days off and I can think of quite a few things we have not yet tried.”

“Hmm,” Harry smiled. “And after that?”

“Ah.” Snape lay back down and dragged Harry with him. “I’m sure that, between the both of us, we can come up with enough ideas to keep us busy for at least a few years.”

“I think I can live with that.” Harry yawned and snuggled into his side. “Hey, would you prefer me to lie upside down?”

Snape lifted his head and frowned at him. “Why on earth would I prefer that?”

“Because,” Harry smirked, “I know you like to sleep with my bits in your face.”

Harry yelped when Snape suddenly swatted his backside. “Brat. Now sleep. I haven’t slept in a week and I’m exhausted.”

“Really?” Harry yawned. “For me it’s been two weeks, because a certain someone couldn’t keep his mouth to himself.”

Snape chuckled. “Believe me, Harry. You haven’t seen anything yet.”

Harry smiled. “You know,” he murmured before he drifted to sleep, “I think I’m actually going to thank Fred and George.”

“You may add my gratitude as well,” Snape replied softly. “Now sleep, Harry. I assure you tomorrow will be a tiring day.”


Severus listened his partner’s snores and smiled up at the ceiling after a particularly vigorous bout of lovemaking. As promised, he had kept Harry very busy that weekend, as well as the weeks, and even the years after.

Harry had indeed thanked the twins, who had laughed loudly when they heard the story, or at least, the parts that Severus had allowed Harry to tell. The Sticking Bomb never made it past the testing phase. Fred and George thought it was too unpredictable. However, they did send Harry a large number of them for his birthday every year. Severus was hardly complaining. The things were surprisingly useful when Harry was traveling for his job or when Severus was at a conference or when they were at home and in the mood for experimentation, which they often were. Harry’s penis was simply delightful on every surface.

Though he would probably never admit out loud that Harry’s body was his favourite.