They’d been kissing in the hallway for what might have been several hours. Noel’s lips were actually starting to go a bit numb and his legs were aching from where he’d gone up onto tiptoes to reach Julian’s mouth. But stopping was unthinkable. Partly because it felt so incredibly good and partly because he had literally no idea what was going to happen when they did.
He suspected they were going to have to talk. But his eyes still felt hot and gritty from where he’d been trying so hard not to cry and he didn’t think he had it in him to have a deep and meaningful right now. Not with his arms finally around Julian, not with how good he felt to be pressed against him.
Julian's hands had found their way down his back and onto his arse. It was a very Julian move, the way he used his hands to tug Noel forward to bring their crotches into alignment. He wondered if he knew that was his go to move. Noel felt lust pulse through him at the thought, it was at once commanding, almost domineering, and yet because it was Julian, there was something vulnerable about it too. Noel knew he could shift away and Julian would pull back immediately. Come to that, he was sure that any number of things he might do would suddenly set the other man off and bring this whole thing crashing down around them. He had no idea what they might be, but it all made him very reluctant to do anything that wasn’t snogging in the hallway of their rented cottage. He had a strange image of the owners coming to clean the place in a couple of days’ time and finding them still here, locked in this position. He grinned into the kiss.
“What?” Julian asked, pulling back a little, but Noel could still feel the words ghost across his lips.
“Nothing,” he said. “I was just wondering if we were gonna have to stay in this hallway for the rest of our lives.”
Julian raised an eyebrow at him. “I could take you upstairs,” he said.
Noel felt himself sway in Julian’s arms. The idea was almost too much. Julian looked down at him wolfishly as he grinned at him. He could feel Julian’s cock, hard and straining against his hip. He’d been pushing against it for ages, each bit of friction making Julian grunt or pull him closer. It was thrilling, he was sure there was a distinct wet patch in his own jeans, where he’d be rubbing himself against any part of Julian he could reach.
But the reality was different. He didn’t have all that much experience of gay sex. His and Julian’s one night in Leeds was pretty much the total of it. He’d had the odd, pretty unsatisfying, blow job and he’d even given a few hand jobs in return. But the truth was the idea of more had never much appealed to him unless it was with Julian. He didn’t know what that meant. Maybe he wasn’t really that gay or perhaps men just reminded him too much of what he wasn’t able to have with Julian. Regardless, he was pretty much at sea with what they ought to do now. It didn’t help that he knew that Julian a) was far more experienced in the whole gay sex thing and b) could be incredibly awkward unless there was a lot of alcohol. But they were stone cold sober and had just admitted they were in love.
That probably called for a bumming. He just wished he knew how to go about getting one. He was aware that he ought to respond to Julian’s suggestion, otherwise he was going to get the wrong impression and think he didn’t want to take it upstairs. And he did. He had never been so turned on in his life. If he didn’t get off he might do himself some serious damage.
“Yeah,” he said softly, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Yeah. Okay.”
Julian leant down to kiss him and Noel arched up to meet him. He wished he could just stop thinking for a moment. Just let himself be. But every little noise Julian made reminded him just how long he’d been waiting for this moment. How much he’d wanted it and it made his head swim. He tightened his arms around the other man and tried to pull him closer. Julian’s arm was wrapped around his waist, almost lifting him off his feet. It made him feel small, almost delicate, which he wasn’t really used to in this context.
“Come on, then,” he said. “You sweeping me off my feet or what, Barratt?” He hoped he sounded confident and not as much like a teenage girl as he felt.
Julian laughed. “I’m not picking you up,” he said. “The last thing we need is me doing my back in, I’m an old man remember?”
“Alright,” Noel said, pulling back and grabbing his hand. “Let’s go then.”
Julian looked down at him intently. “Okay,” he said. There was something almost challenging in his expression and Noel realised that he was being tested. Julian was waiting for him to make the move.
He nodded and turned around, still holding his hand firmly. They walked silently up the stairs. Noel paused when they reached the top, before deciding to go to his own room. Perhaps the familiarity might give him some confidence. He walked them into the middle of the room and turned around, wrapped Julian's hand around his waist and kissed him, not really sure what else to do.
Now they were near a bed the whole thing seemed real and his heart was pounding. His knees actually felt a bit weak. He tried to remember the last time sex had made him this nervous. He couldn’t remember. Even Leeds had been bathed in a healthy haze of alcohol to shield him from any realities that tried to sneak in. He balled his hands into fists a few times behind Julian’s back, trying to flex some of the nerves out of his fingers.
“We should, err,” he said, his voice a bit shaky, “we should probably take some clothes off, yeah?”
Julian frowned down at him, resting his forehead against Noel’s. “Are you okay?” he asked softly.
Noel forced himself to meet Julian’s little eyes. There were more crows’ feet around them than when he generally pictured him. He supposed it was because they didn’t spend as much time together anymore. The Julian in his head was probably ten years’ younger than the one pressed against him currently. The thought made him sad and worried, although he wasn’t exactly sure why. “Yeah,” he said, forcing a grin onto his face, not wanting Julian to sense his shift in mood.
Julian’s frown deepened. He brought a hand up to cup Noel’s cheek gently. “Hey,” he said again. “Are you sure? We don’t have to do anything if you’re not.”
Noel let out a breath and sagged into Julian’s arms. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I don’t know what’s happening. You told me… I’ve been waiting for this for so long and now apparently we’re gonna have sex, and I don’t know-”
His words were cut off with a gentle kiss. “We don’t have to do anything,” Julian said again. “We can just… watch telly if you want. We can go to our separate rooms and have a nap. You don’t have to do anything.”
The words were so sweet Noel felt his stomach swoop like he was on a rollercoaster. Maybe it was him falling in love all over again. He shook his head. “Are you kidding me? If I don’t get off soon, and I’m not being dramatic here, I’m going to die.”
Julian laughed, a rich and happy sound. Noel knew it was the one that meant he was surprised at how funny he’d found something. He felt it rumble down the length of Julian’s body. The sound of it made his toes curl. Noel pushed up to kiss him hard again, moving his hands to tangle in Julian’s hair. He gripped the strands in his fingers tightly, tugging at them. Julian hissed into the kiss, and pulled Noel tighter against him. Their crotches were aligned again and Noel was able to rotate his hips forward, he could feel Julian’s answering hardness and it made his own cock throb gently.
He began scrabbling to remove some of Julian’s layers. He was wearing a cardigan, which was somehow faintly ridiculous. Noel was in love with a man that wore actual cardigans, sometimes with roll necks under them. This was the man that he’d fantasised about for nearly two decades. He grinned into the kiss as he managed to slide it off the other man’s shoulders. He ran his hand up and under Julian’s t-shirt, wanting to feel skin. He sighed happily as he moved his hand up to his chest and spread his fingers to feel more of the bear skin there.
Julian pulled back to start working on Noel’s clothes, pulling off his jumper and the t-shirt he had on under it in one go and dumping them on the floor. He paused to pull of his own t-shirt off before stepping back and pulling Noel to him again. They kissed and Noel felt every point of contact where their naked skin touched, his whole upper body seeming to tingle with it. When Julian softly ran his fingers down Noel’s arms he shuddered with pleasure, feeling his skin rise with goosebumps in the wake of Julian’s clever fingers.
“Bed,” he managed to grunt, tugging Julian until they tumbled backwards onto the mattress.
Julian landed mostly on top of him, which was ideal because it meant Noel could both run his hands across his broad shoulders and arch his hips up against him.
“Fuck me, Fielding,” Julian hissed. “That feels good.”
Noel groaned low. “Less clothes,” he managed, his fingers already moving between them to work on the buckle of Julian’s belt.
Julian pulled back to sit up and did the rest of the work, quickly removing his own jeans and both of their shoes before crawling back over Noel to kiss him again. Noel was trying to undo his own jeans but he kept getting distracted by the feeling of having Julian on top of him. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do more: get naked or feel the weight of the other man over him. In the end Julian made the decision for him and pulled back to sit up. He pulled Noel’s flies down slowly, watching the progress of the zip intently. Noel couldn’t help the cant of his hips upwards and he bit his lip. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever felt more excited. Julian’s eyes flicked up to his when he was finished. There was a question in his eyes. Noel nodded. Julian grinned at him and moved to take hold of the top of his jeans and pull. He tugged them most of the way before they stopped.
“Oh my god, do you glue these on?” Julian huffed, pulling at the fabric with a frown where they’d got bunched up and caught over his calves.
Noel laughed, breathy and high. “It’s how they stay so tight,” he said trying to suppress the giggles that wanted to overwhelm him.
Julian frowned deeper. “Maybe you should consider a move back to flares,” he said, tugging hard and dragging Noel down the bed with them.
He laughed again. “Hang on,” he said, reaching down to untangle the denim and pulling his legs free. “There,” he said, feeling oddly proud of himself.
Julian was looking down at him, an intensity in his eyes that Noel wasn’t sure he’d ever seen before. It made his dick throb inside his pants. There was a long moment where neither of them moved. Then Julian smiled softly at him. “You and your little pants,” he said, affection clear in his voice. He reached out and traced a gentle finger over the obvious bulge in the front of Noel’s pants. They were his normal y-fronts, a light blue with a white band across the top.
Noel found himself a bit embarrassed at the scrutiny, even as he hissed a sharp breath in at being touched through just a slim cover of fabric. “Well, I didn’t realise when I got dressed that you was gonna see them, did I?” His voice hitched as Julian continued his gentle exploration. “Besides, you know I like a bit of support. Don’t know how you cope having that thing flopping around in those massive bloomers you have on.”
“Bloomers?” Julian’s eyes flicked up to Noel’s, his amusement clear. “These are the finest cotton boxers that M&S has to offer.”
Noel couldn’t help the little snort of laughter. “They’re huge.”
Julian didn’t seem embarrassed, just offering a gentle shrug of his shoulders. It was one of the reasons Noel always felt so comfortable around him. Julian wasn’t embarrassed about his body or his appearance by and large. Perhaps that’s what you got for growing up classically handsome, although Julian did his best to disguise that fact. Julian waggled his eyebrows at him. “You know what they say about men with big boxers, right?”
“I’ve seen your cock, Julian,” he said, rolling his eyes and grinning. “I know what you got in there.”
“Well then,” Julian said, “in that case, we might as well get on with the grand reveal.” He lowered himself down the bed, moving so he was knelt between Noel’s legs. The sight was enough for his dick to give another twitch of interest. Julian bent down and kissed Noel through the fabric. He could feel his moustache even through his pants and it made his hips arch up.
He groaned as Julian nuzzled forward, his mouth covering the bulge. Noel could feel his hot breath and the hint of moisture. “Fuck,” he hissed, arching again. He had the terrible feeling that whatever was about to happen, it wasn’t going to last long.
Julian didn’t move from where he was crouched over him, but he moved his hands to ease down Noel’s pants. He sighed as he cock sprang free and closed his eyes. They flew open again when Julian ran his tongue from the base of Noel’s dick to the tip, pausing to flick a quick lick over the tip before repeating the action.
Noel covered his eyes with his hands and tried to remember to breathe. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected when they entered the room, but Julian so eagerly going down on him certainly wasn’t it. He moaned low when Julian took the tip of him into his mouth. He wanted so badly to thrust up into the wet heat but he forced himself not to move by gripping the sheets under him tightly. Julian slowly took him into his mouth, sucking hard as he went. It made Noel’s toes curl and his eyes want to roll back.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” Julian whispered, pulling off his cock with a wet sounding pop that made Noel’s abs tighten in lust.
“Oh my God,” Noel hissed, completely overwhelmed and unsure what he would have said even with a hundred years to prepare for a statement like that from Julian.
It didn’t seem to bother the other man who went back to sucking him off with hardly any hesitation. The scratch of his moustache added a counter point to the softness of his lips. There were about ten more sensations than Noel knew what to do with, and then Julian added a finger to his mouth before moving his hand underneath them and gently probing at Noel’s entrance.
He nearly arched right off the bed. It wasn’t like his girlfriends hadn’t pulled similar moves, but it was all a bit much. Julian pulled back immediately, looking concerned. “Sorry,” he said, looking a little embarrassed. “Got a carried away.”
Noel shook his head and tried to catch his breath. “No,” he panted, “it’s good. I was just surprised. I felt like I was gonna come the moment you kissed me through my pants and that was just a bit much.”
Julian looked almost pleased for a moment. “We can stop,” he said after a moment. “We don’t have to do anything.”
“I love you, Julian,” Noel said firmly. “But, I’m serious when I say I will never speak to you again if we stop right now.” Julian raised an eyebrow at him. “Unless you’d like to stop, of course,” he added a bit belatedly.
“Oh no,” Julian said, his voice dropping a few octaves. “I’m just getting started.”
Noel was going to die. He knew it before Julian moved back up the bed to kiss him and he could taste himself on the other man’s tongue. He’d had a good innings, he supposed, and if he was going to go, this was a pretty great way for it to happen. Besides, the idea of Julian having to explain it to people would keep him cackling all through the afterlife. The thought made him giggle into their kiss and Julian pulled back, raising an eyebrow at him again.
“Nothing,” he said, shaking his head. “Just imagining you having to explain to everyone what happened when you kill me with how good this is.”
“If you die because of a little blow job,” Julian said, moving back down his body, “you aren’t nearly the rockstar you’ve built yourself up to be.”
“Excuse me,” Noel said, indignantly, “a blow job I’ve been thinking about for twenty years.”
“Twenty years?” Julian said, nipping at Noel’s hip bone and making him hiss with pleasure. “Better make it good then.”
“Yeah,” he said, his breath hitching again, as Julian bit him again before lapping over the red mark he left behind. “Hurry up, eh?”
Julian huffed out a little laugh. “As you wish,” he said, before looking up at Noel from where he was lying between his legs. They made eye contact before Julian slowly lowered his head and took Noel’s cock back into his mouth. Noel slammed his eyes shut as heat began to pool in his belly, making his abs almost quiver with pleasure. He’d not actually spent much time imagining them in this position, his fantasies tended to be the other way around or Julian just straight up fucking him on the tour bus or backstage at a gig. The thoughts did nothing to calm him down and he fisted the sheets again. He tried to breathe but it felt so incredible his mind was just a roaring blank of pleasure.
“God, Ju,” Noel hissed. “Just… please, fuck me.” He hadn’t realised he was going to say it, but the memories of his fantasies from over the years must have formed themselves into words without his permission.
“I…” Julian stopped, pulling back slowly. “I don’t have anything with me.”
Noel looked down at the other man’s swollen lips and felt another stab of lust. He didn’t have anything either. He’d barely been sure if it was worth packing enough clothes for the entire week, let alone bringing supplies in case they ended up fucking. He had a moment to consider leaping from the bed and running into town. He imagined the resulting photos that might find their way onto twitter, him all disheveled and wide-eyed buying condoms and lube from a tiny local shop. He was so turned on that the idea was nearly not enough to put him off. “I could get some,” he said.
Julian gave him an incredulous look. “Right now?” he asked. “Aren’t we kind of in the middle of something here? Do you really want to stop for a shopping break?”
Noel laughed. “I want you so much, I’ve lost all higher brain function,” he admitted. “I honestly don’t care what happens.”
Julian crawled back up his body to kiss him, opening his mouth to run his tongue over Noel’s lips before sliding it inside his mouth. Noel could do little more than hold on, unsure what was even happening any more, but deciding that he loved it anyway. They kissed for a long time until Julian reached between them and took them both into his hand. The feeling of his cock sliding against Julian’s was brilliant. He couldn’t believe that he’d lived this long without it.
“I’ve wanted you for so long,” Julian whispered in between kisses. “You feel so good.”
“Fuck Julian,” Noel hissed. “We’re buying every condom and bottle of lube in a thousand mile radius as soon as we wake up tomorrow morning.”
Julian laughed, his hand moving faster between them. They were barely even kissing any more, their lips hovering close as they panted and moaned into each other’s mouths.
“I wanna,” Noel said, wriggling under Julian. “I wanna taste you,” he managed to grind out between pants.
Julian groaned. “Yes,” he whispered, stopping the movement of his hand and letting them go.
Noel took a moment to try and gather up the shattered shards of his brain before encouraging Julian onto his back. He hadn’t given head before. But he’d thought about it a lot, and had it given to him enough times that he was pretty confident he knew the basics. Julian was watching him with hooded eyes as he crawled down his body. He wanted to make the movement sexy, but none of his limbs seemed to want to cooperate with him. He settled for not actually falling on top of Julian face first when he reached his destination.
He lowered himself down gently, taking a moment to drink in the fact that this was actually happening. Him and Julian were in the middle of having sex. Because he’d actually told Julian how he felt and apparently that wasn’t a bad thing. The thought made him feel almost dizzy.
Really, it posed more questions than it answered. There was going to have to be a lot of talking. They’d have to make some major decisions. That was if this wasn’t all some giant pity shag from Julian because Noel had cried at him and made him feel guilty. He pushed the thoughts away firmly. Now really wasn’t the time. He’d basically ruined their first time in Leeds by being terrified to do anything in case it made Julian come to his senses and stop. He didn’t want that to happen now.
He figured that it was better to dive right in and so he gripped the base of Julian’s cock gently in his hand and brought it to his mouth. Julian was big, he’d known that for almost as long as he’d known Julian. But, somehow that fact had never seemed so real as it did then. Seeing it so close, being able to feel the weight of it in his hand, made his own dick throb urgently. He shifted, pushing down against the covers, hoping to get some relief. “Fuck, Ju,” he whispered, because he’d never had much of a filter anyway and he always talked when he was nervous, “you’re so big.”
Then he took the tip of the other man’s cock into his mouth. He sucked a bit and used his tongue to run around the tip, trying to get used to the sensation of it in his mouth. It wasn’t as weird as he thought it might be. It somehow seemed almost less intimate than going down on a woman, but as he began lowering himself down the shaft, hollowing his cheeks as he went, he started to wonder if it might not be more difficult than he’d first thought. He was hardly half way down before there wasn’t anywhere else for Julian’s cock to go. He’d half expected that the moment he got a cock in his mouth he’d be deepthroating like a pornstar. But, now he was here, that didn’t seem like an option. Instead he gripped the part of Julian he couldn’t get into his mouth and worked it with his hand.
It didn’t seem to matter to Julian, who was moaning above him. “Noel,” he groaned, “fuck, you’re so…. That feels so good.”
Noel felt absurdly proud of himself for making Julian sound like that. It was certainly all the encouragement he needed to continue. He worked his way back up to the tip and sucked the end for a moment, using his tongue to explore the slit. Julian responded by groaning and grabbing Noel’s hair. He didn’t pull it, like Noel had expected, instead stroking it gently and running his hand down his face to cup his cheek. It was such an intimate thing to do that Noel felt almost winded by it, remembering again the weight of the moment. This was not just a casual shag. No matter what happened afterwards, there was no going back. He wondered if this was going to be the final straw, the thing that finally broke them.
He swallowed and pushed the thoughts away again, he sucked Julian into his mouth, deciding very firmly that he was going to make this the best blow job that anyone had ever given. Then he’d see if Julian would leave him in the morning. He managed to get more of him in before he hit the back of his throat. The sensation almost made him gag but Julian moaned deep. Noel swallowed around him and wondered if he’d be able to relax his throat enough to get more of him in. He tried and sure enough Julian’s cock slide down a little, Julian gasped and gripped his hair more tightly. The tugging in turn made Noel groan. He couldn't take it anymore and hitched his hips up a bit so he could take some of his weight on his knees and reached between his own legs to stroke himself.
“Noel,” Julian whispered again, as he continued to suck and moan around his cock.
It felt so good, that he lost himself for a moment, his own hand working faster over his own dick. He felt like his whole body was alight with something intense and hot.
“Noel,” Julian said again, this time more urgently. The tugging on his hair was more forceful and Noel opened his eyes to look up. Julian was staring down at him with wide eyes, his mouth wet and open as he panted. “I’m so close,” he said. “I want… fuck… I want to see you when I…” He closed his eyes and moaned instead of finishing but Noel got the message.
He pulled off and crawled back up the bed where he was unceremoniously pulled down into Julian’s arms. Julian kissed him hard, thrusting up as he did. They were both still slick with spit and their cocks slid against each other easily.
“This is fucking genius,” Noel managed to pant as they thrust against each other.
Julian didn't respond other than to hitch a leg up over Noel. It gave him better purchase to control the thrusts. It was so good, so intense, that Noel could feel his orgasm coming towards him like a freight train.
“Yes,” he panted. “So close… So good. Fuck, like that. Yes.”
Julian thrust up twice, deep grunts accompanying the motion before Noel felt him lock up and come between them. Julian opened his eyes as he rode out the aftershocks and the look on his face was enough to push Noel over too. He thought for a moment as the pleasure rolled through him that he might actually pass out. He buried his face into the crook of Julian’s neck and let out something that sounded almost embarrassingly like a sob.
Julian’s arms were tight around him when he finally stopped coming and his body felt like his own again. He let out a long, shaky breath and kissed Julian’s neck where it met his shoulder.
“That,” he said after a moment, “that was…” He ran out of words for once but Julian just nodded and turned to drop a kiss on the closest part of his face.
It felt like ten years of tension was slowly leaving his body as he lay there, cuddled in Julian’s arms. He felt almost boneless, like he might float away to land on the ceiling. They didn’t move for a long time, but then Julian ran a gentle hand over Noel’s back.
“We should get cleared up,” he said.
“Mmmm,” Noel hummed.
“Which means you’ll have to get off me,” Julian said into the resulting silence.
“Yeah,” Noel said, “that’s not happening. I live here now. I’m never moving again.”
Julian huffed a laugh. “What happens when we need to eat?”
Noel attempted a shrug. “I say we don’t. Let’s just see how often we can do that until we die.”
“Yeah okay,” Julian agreed. “Deal.”
They were silent again until Noel started to feel too hot where they were pressed together. He wriggled and felt their come smear between them. He made a face. “Two wet patches,” he said.
Julian laughed. “Come on,” he said, smacking him on the arse gently. “Get off and I’ll find a flannel or something.”
“Hmmm,” Noel said, lifting his arse instead. “Spanking eh? Maybe that can be round two?”
“Sure,” Julian said with a wink, “it’s not like I don’t know all about your kinks, Fielding. I knew what I was getting into.”
It was a joke, but something about it made it seem heavy, more laden with meaning than that. Noel felt exposed and vulnerable, so he did want he always did when he felt like that. He made a joke. “Course you do, probably had your ear pressed against the door whenever me and Dee were going at it.”
Julian rolled his eyes. “Come on,” he said, pushing Noel off him. “You’re too heavy for this.”
Noel landed next to him and Julian wriggled until he was up and out of the bed. Noel was left looking after him, the tension starting to slowly creep back into his frame as he watched him leave. It wasn’t that he thought Julian was going to run screaming into the night exactly, but he wasn’t entirely sure what mood he’d be in when he returned. Would the gentle, caring partner from earlier be gone? Would he have gone back to the cold and distant Julian that he’d come to expect over the last few years? It made his stomach churn. He shifted wanting to pull the covers over him, feeling embarrassed about Julian walking in and him stilling being exposed.
“Here,” Julian said, striding back into the room, apparently completely unconcerned with his own nakedness.
Noel let go of the covers as Julian knelt on the bed. He quickly cleaned Noel up and then threw the flannel onto the floor. He lay down next to Noel, facing him.
“Okay?” he asked softly.
Noel let out a breath. The connection was still there. He felt so relieved that he hadn’t imagined it through the haze of lust that he felt himself grin hugely. “Brilliant,” he corrected. “Now, how long until you’re ready to go again?”
Julian laughed and pulled him into a hug. “Just give me five, yeah?” he said, his voice soft and already sleepy sounding.
“Yeah, just five though,” Noel said, mock sternly. “Can’t have you slacking off when there’s work to do.”
He received a kiss on the head rather than any verbal response. But, he thought maybe that was better. He let his eyes close and listened to Julian’s steady breathing. This was good. This didn’t feel like an ending. No, this was something more like a beginning.