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It's Your Birthday

Summary:

It's Clint's birthday, and he isn't expecting much, especially now that Coulson's dead. Boy was he wrong....

Notes:

So I know this is short and I probably should be working on some other things, namely potential multi-chapter stories, but this popped into my head and wouldn't leave, so.... here, enjoy it.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

 

Clint didn’t really expect much more than a ‘Happy Birthday’ from Natasha on his birthday- with Phil gone, there probably wouldn’t be a cake, considering Natasha couldn’t bake to save her life. Clint pushed down the feeling of grief and guilt that he always got when thinking about Phil, and went about his day as normal.

Natasha did wish him a happy birthday, but he also noticed she looked like she knew something and wasn’t going to tell him.

He was proven correct when he asked her why she kept smirking at him, and she just told him to ‘wait and see’. Clint got a sense of impending doom (or humiliation, you never could tell with Natasha).

Clint was surprised when the other Avengers insisted on celebrating at dinner, with food from his favorite Chinese place and a cake with a hawk on it.

As they were cutting the cake, Clint noticed that Natasha kept checking the time- by grabbing Steve’s wrist and looking at his watch every five minutes or so. Finally Steve asked, “Uh…. Nat, is there something we should know?”

“Clint’s present is running late,” Natasha said irritably.

“Want me to call?” Tony asked.

“Yes,” Natasha said.

Tony took out his phone, dialed a number quickly, and held it to his ear as the others watched in bewilderment. He got a response, and said, “Natasha’s getting impatient; is everything okay up there? Oh good, see you in five.” He hung up, and said to Natasha, “He’ll be here in about five minutes- there were some issues finding the present.”

“Who’s ‘he’?” Clint asked warily.

“You’ll see,” Natasha said serenely. “There is some cake left, right?”

“Not of this one, but there’s a chocolate mousse cake in the fridge that you can appease him with,” Tony said.

“Good,” Natasha said, then perked up and went into the living room. Clint warily followed her, and found a rather irritated-looking Loki- and Phil Coulson. “About time,” Natasha said. “What happened?”

“The Valkyrie didn’t want to give him up, so I had to promise them no pranks for a century- and I STILL got slapped!” Loki said indignantly. “You owe me for this, I hope you realize.”

“What is going on?” Steve demanded.

“Lady Natasha and I are dating,” Loki said. Steve, Thor, Bruce, and Clint choked, while Tony just looked amused. Loki smirked and continued, “She told me Barton’s birthday was coming up, and I suggested a joint present. She informed me that the only thing Barton would accept from me was Coulson here, so I made a trip to Valhalla to get him back from the dead. And I got slapped so many times it wasn’t even funny! I don’t get why the Valkyrie hate me so much.”

“What did they make you give up?” Thor asked curiously.

“My dignity,” Loki snapped. “That was why I got slapped so much- I told them I’d give up my dignity for Phil Coulson being brought back to life, and they took the opportunity to start slapping me while I couldn’t defend myself. In the end, though, I got Coulson back. Tasha, can we have sex with Tony and Pepper now?”

Steve choked and turned tomato red as Natasha said, “Pepper’s in Japan right now, but we can have sex with Tony- and no, you can’t go kidnap Pepper. We can use Tony’s bed instead of mine if it makes you feel better.”

“Great, let’s go!” Loki said, perking up. He left with Natasha and Tony, the latter of whom called over his shoulder, “See you guys tomorrow!”

The others stared after them as the three got in the elevator, and finally Coulson said, “Well….. I guess I’m back. I was not expecting that, honestly.”

“I’d like to know how long Loki and Natasha have been together,” Steve said.

“They have been together since Loki returned to Earth, Captain Rogers,” JARVIS said. “I did inform Sir, but he simply decided to ask if he and Ms. Potts could join in, and now they have regular threesomes and foursomes at least once a week. They seem very happy together.”

“As long as I have Phil back, I don’t care who Nat’s dating,” Clint said, and hugged Coulson, who hugged back.

“I am glad my brother has found people who love him!” Thor said exuberantly.

“I think this will be good for everyone involved,” Bruce commented. “Tony does seem a bit happier lately.”

Steve gave in to the inevitable, and sighed.

Meanwhile, Loki, Natasha, and Tony were having sex.

Notes:

Comments and kudos welcome, flames will be used on Odin's beard (because I've always wanted to see his beard catch fire. It sounds funny).