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So long, and thanks for all the fish, and the dragons, and the dwarves and the-

Chapter Text


Inside Beorn’s house, the Company sat comfortably while Gandalf told their story. It was their first morning there and while they had all been rather unnerved by the animals that served them food, they were too glad to have food in the first place to question it.


Suddenly, Beorn held up a giant hand and cocked his head shushing Gandalf mid sentence.


“Listen,” they listened. “Do you hear that?”


They did not.


But then after an interval of two seconds they heard it, a wild screaming that was muffled by distance but seemed to be growing closer.


“What is that? Gandalf?” Bilbo asked but the wizard puffed his smoke sharing a worried glance with Beorn before walking out. The screaming grew nearer and nearer until finally they saw the cause of it hurtling towards the ground.


“Is that a knitted doll?!” Bilbo shrieked. And indeed it was exactly that, the stitches almost seamless and as it grew closer and closer, he couldn’t help but admire the workmanship that had gone into it. A hand pulled him back from his vantage point and just in time too as the doll fell to the ground where he had been standing just a second ago.


“Oww.” The doll said and they all stepped back, Gandalf pointing his staff at the back of the doll but his hand shook and Bilbo caught a brief glimpse of confusion in the Wizards’ eyes. “We have got to stop hitting that button!” The doll exclaimed and went on ad nauseum about something strange called ‘hyperspeed’. She leaned up on her knitted arms and shook her head and even as she did that the change was almost instantaneous and she turned into a real person. 


“Normality restored.”A little voice chirped out of her wrist.


“Ohh, that was close.” She said dusting herself off and then finally looked up to see them all staring at her, peering cautiously. She smiled as her eyes ran over all of them but widened considerably stopping on Bilbo. She rushed over to him ignoring the weapons quite admirably.


“Oh my God Arthur!” She grabbed Bilbo’s face in her hands with a bit too much familiarity than expected. “I thought it said normality was restored, why are you short and why are your ears pointy?!”


Before Bilbo could even begin to explain, a low hum filled the air and in the same way that the girl had appeared out of nowhere, so did a giant white marble, perfectly rounded with the oddest little blue dent in it. He could already hear the dwarves marvelling at the seamless workmanship that had gone into the strange giant metal object when the woman grabbed his hand and ran towards it pulling him along. An outline appeared in the smooth surface and a door popped open with a whoosh.


“What in Mahal’s name?!” Thorin said softly behind them, staring in wonder.


But then something even stranger happened, a man who looked exactly like Bilbo only a...Man ran out of the door.


“Trillian!”He exclaimed and the girl who was apparently Trillian looked between Bilbo and the man whom he could only assume to be this ‘Arthur’ fellow since she’d confused each other. He ran towards her, stumbling once or twice but stopped in front of them dropping his hands to his knees and breathing fast. When he had sufficiently gained enough of his strength he put his hand out and held out what appeared to be a towel to her.


“You forgot your towel.”


Yes, it was a towel.