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It's gonna be okay

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Todd didn’t know how to tell Dirk why he was there. Why he was really there. How could he tell Dirk that he was the first really good thing to happen to Todd in years. How could he tell Dirk that he taught him how to believe in things. How could he even begin to explain why he spent 3 months searching for Dirk. He barely even understood it himself.

“I care about you Dirk.” He tried, “I want to be here, with you.”

Dirk stared blankly at him.

“I spent the last few months searching for you because I couldn’t bear to go back to the person I was and the life I was living before I met you Dirk. I want to be with you for the rest of my life.” Todd continued, trying to be as clear as possible.


“I know the risks!” Todd interrupted, “I know that every day spent with you could end in me being captured, or injured, or killed, but it’s worth it Dirk, it’s all worth it because…” Todd trailed off, his eyes caught on Dirk’s which were filled with tears.

“I can’t lose you Todd.” Dirk said quietly, his eyes dropping to his lap, “I can’t be the cause of your being captured or injured or killed. I couldn’t live with that. You have pararibulitis Todd.”

“What are you talking about?”

“What if it’s because of me?” Dirk replied, “what if you have pararibulitis because you’re around me?”

“And what if it’s not? What if it’s just a coincidence?”

“It’s never just a coincidence .” Dirk said, his voice breaking. “It’s like you said, I said you would be rewarded for helping me, but none of you were, Farah’s bank accounts were frozen, you’ve both been on the run from the FBI for months, Amanda disappeared, and you got pararibulitis, you were all just punished. That’s what you said, and I think you were right.”

“Well I think I was wrong, it’s not your fault Dirk, I don’t know how I can convince you, but this is not something you can control, it is not your fault.” Todd said firmly.

“You don’t know that.”

“I do know that. Because I know that the night you broke into my apartment my life was improved. You didn’t know me before Dirk, I wasn’t a good person, you changed that. You changed my life for the better. Getting pararibulitis is just me getting what I deserve for what I did. It had nothing to do with you.”

“And Farah? What about Estevez? Friedkin shot him, you know. Did they deserve it?”

“Well they- Dirk I don’t know what to tell you. These things aren’t your fault, they’re never a direct result of your actions.”

“Maybe not my actions, but my presence is an undeniable link.” Dirk argued.

“Dirk…” Todd trailed off again. He really didn’t know how to help Dirk, he didn’t know what to say to make him feel better. So he just sat there, watching Dirk, who was staring at Todd’s lips. And suddenly Todd realised that maybe he could tell Dirk why he was there, because maybe Dirk wanted that too.

“Dirk? Do you wanna kiss me?” Todd whispered after a moment, his voice slow and gentle as if he was scared Dirk would panic and disappear, Dirk’s eyes flicked up to meet Todd’s looking slightly like a deer caught in headlights.

“What was that?” Dirk asked, his voice shaky and quiet.

“Kiss me.” Todd repeated, his voice hoarse.

Dirk’s eyes flicked back down to Todd’s lips and he leaned in carefully and slowly, his hand coming up to awkwardly grip Todd’s shoulder. It wasn’t at all a perfect kiss, it was an awkward angle and sitting on a couch next to each other was not at all a good way to kiss. But it was good because it was Dirk and his lips were soft and warm and his hand was clenching and unclenching on Todd’s shoulder as if he couldn’t decide what to do with it. Todd pulled back a little, resting their foreheads together so he could still feel Dirk’s breath.

“That was...” Dirk trailed off, looking confused, “What exactly was that?”

“That was why I’m here, why I want to be here.” Todd answered. “Why I don’t believe it’s your fault that horrible things keep happening around you.”

“I’m not sure I understand, you…?”

“I like you Dirk, like really really like you.”

“What about Farah? You two seem to have a… thing. A kissing type thing.”

“We tried it, we kissed, it was nice, but it just wasn’t quite what either of us wanted, she was kind of the one who sat me down and told me I was pining over you.”

“Oh.” Dirk looked contemplative for a minute before saying, “so what you’re saying is you want to have a kissing type thing… with me?”

“Yes.” Todd confirmed.

“So I could kiss you again?”

“If you wanted to, yeah.” Todd said, smiling.

“Ok. Well. Good.” Dirk said, turning away from Todd and placing his hands in his lap.

“Is that okay?”

“Yes, of course."

“You seem… not okay.”

“I just- I feel like everything is my fault and I don’t know how to fix it or stop the bad things from happening, I don’t know how I can protect you and Farah and Hobbs and Tina from the universe.”

“It’s not your job to protect us.” Todd said, “we’re here for you, because we care about you, because we want to help you. We are here for you but we would never, ever expect for you to protect us.”

Dirk nodded slightly, what looked like a tear slipping down his cheek.

“It’s gonna be okay Dirk,” Todd continued, “We’re gonna be okay. And one day you and I and Farah will live in an apartment together above our very own detective agency and we’ll hear from Hobbs and Tina every few weeks and Amanda and the rowdy 3 will bug us all the time and it will be good and calm and everything you dreamed of. I promise.”

Dirk smiled and kissed Todd’s cheek. “Thanks Todd. I hope you’re right.”

“I am.” Todd said firmly, turning Dirk’s head to face him and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

“Hey guys, everything okay?” Farah asked, walking through the door as Dirk and Todd pulled apart.

“Yeah! Of course!” Todd said, jumping up, “I was just… we were just...”

“Well uh good for you guys, sorry I interrupted.” Farah said, trying to hide her smile as she left.

“We should head-”

“Back, yeah.” Dirk finished, standing up, “just one more kiss.” Dirk added quickly, cupping Todd’s face and kissing him softly. Then he turned and wandered back through to the room where the others and the dead man in a tree were.