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but we can’t go back

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Shige’s bored one Sunday – because contrary to popular belief, he’s not always studying – and rummages around in his closet, pulling out things he’s never going to wear again and making a donation pile. He’s in quite a good mood from laughing at his old tastes, whistling the chorus of a Kanjani8 song as he works.

It’s in the very back that he finds it, still carefully wrapped from its last use over two years ago. He looks at it, the row of gold buttons still in place – he didn’t have anyone to give the second one to, even though Kusano had tried to steal it by force – and nostalgia floods him so hard that he leans against the wall for support. He remembers when he was young, when they were eight instead of six. He, Tegoshi, and Kusano would still be in their school uniforms at practice, all different from each other and Yamapi used to say that it made them diverse. Eight different people brought together by fate. Learning from each other. Five years later and Shige thinks that there’s still a lot for him to learn.

He finds it odd that he associates his old uniform with NewS, not school. Carefully he lifts the plastic, runs his fingers along the material that brings back memories of sitting in the front seat of Yamapi’s old car, nervously squeezing right above his knees because his new leader had insisted on picking him up from school when it was pouring down rain. Southern All-Stars blared from the speakers and Yamapi had been singing along heartily as he squinted through the heavy rain, still in good spirits despite the gloomy weather.

Shige thinks that most of what he’s learned has been from Yamapi. Whenever he starts to think that it’s too much, that there’s no way he can go to law school and continue to be in NewS, he thinks about Yamapi’s schedule and how he’s hardly slept this past summer because he was filming a drama, preparing to graduate, and being NewS’ leader all at the same time. He thinks about how Yamapi always answers his cell when any one of them calls, even if it pisses off the directors or photographers or teachers, because he insists on being available if they need him.

Maybe the uniform just makes him think of Yamapi. It’s strange, but Shige can’t deny that he feels a strong pull towards his leader as he pulls the clothes from the closet, laying them on his bed and feeling sixteen all over again. At sixteen, he would have never imagined that he would actually be friends with the famous Yamapi, invited out personally or just mailed with something random that Yamapi wanted to share only with Shige.

Sometimes he feels like he’s closer to Yamapi than Koyama, but only because Yamapi just nods and stays calm when Koyama would freak out and look at Shige differently. When Shige confessed to Yamapi that he’s fooled around with Kusano before, Yamapi actually laughed and said that he couldn’t count on both hands how many of his male friends he’s fooled around with. He’s watched adult movies with Yamapi (and Ryo), discussing how hot the girl was while their hands were shoved down their respective pants, although he conveniently ignored the way Yamapi and Ryo would start kissing when they got close.

Sometimes there wasn’t a girl.

Surprisingly, it still fits. The pants are a little snug, but he can still breathe and move around. He looks in the mirror and has a strong urge to comb his hair down, remembering how Yamapi would purposely mess it up when he walked through the door because he looked too “stiff.” Shige has always stood straight with his head held high, done what he was told and tried his best at everything he does.

If he’s gotten cocky at all in recent years – which he probably has, being as he’s checking out his reflection in the mirror and smirking, feeling pretty hot – it’s purely Yamapi’s fault. And Ryo’s. But mostly Yamapi’s.

He holds his camera phone to the side, clicks a picture in the mirror and sends it off to Yamapi with the caption “look what still fits!” He expects a leader-esque comment back about how much Shige has grown, maybe something about him still being a big kid, but the message he receives has him peering at it curiously, wondering if he’s reading the right words.

I’m on my way. Don’t change.

Yamapi has to have flown to Shige’s house, which makes it even more odd when he shows up on Shige’s front step in a full dark suit and tie. Thankfully his mother isn’t home – he would have had to pick her up from the floor – but Shige isn’t much better off as he stands gaping, seeing for his own eyes why women (and men) all over the world love to look at this man. He’s so dazed that he barely recognizes the other person in the car, another pair of eyes staring at them from the backseat of all places.

If Yamapi has any reaction at seeing Shige’s picture in the flesh, it’s contained in his eyes that slowly roam down to the ground and back up. “Do you trust me?”

“Of course,” Shige answers automatically.

Yamapi’s tongue darts out to lick his lips, probably involuntarily, a motion Shige’s seen so many times and has never had any effect on him until this very moment. “Want to play a game?”

Slowly, Shige nods. He thinks that Yamapi could ask him if he wants to go shoot up a bank right now and Shige would agree.

“Come with me,” Yamapi says, and reaches out his hand to take Shige’s. He barely remembers to grab his phone and lock the door as Yamapi tugs him down the steps and laces their fingers together, slowly leading him to where his car waits at the curb.

The back window lowers as they approach, and Shige recognizes a younger version of Ryo looking back at them. It’s really him, just that his hair is tucked behind his ears and he doesn’t have that constant glare on his face; the Ryo who doesn’t hate the world can actually pass for a high school student, which is why he doesn’t notice the matching uniform until he follows Yamapi’s gesture and scoots in next to him.

He feels a little lost when Yamapi lets go of his hand to close the door, like a chauffeur, but his other hand is immediately grabbed by Ryo’s and Shige looks up into Ryo’s friendly face with confused eyes. He wonders if Ryo got to keep the uniform from One Liter – he remembers watching it and feeling oddly proud that Ryo was wearing the same style he had. Or maybe the drama he’s filming now has a high-school flashback scene; either way, he concludes, Ryo knows people and could probably have any kind of clothing at the snap of his fingers.

Bewildered, Shige leans back and puts his seatbelt on, eyes snapping to the front as Yamapi gets in the driver’s seat and adjusts the rearview mirror. Shige meets his eye and a shiver runs through him, something that Ryo has to feel through their joined hands because he starts rubbing Shige’s palm with his thumb. Comfortingly, if not very, very uncharacteristic.

“Ryo-chan,” Yamapi says, breaking the silence in a voice that Shige’s never heard before. It’s deep, authorative, demanding attention and obedience. Shige can see Yamapi’s eyes shifting to Ryo, and he wonders if the mirror was placed for its actual purpose or to watch them.

Ryo drops Shige’s hand and clears his throat. “Sorry,” he says in very polite speech. Sumimasen deshita.

Shige’s mouth nearly falls open, but he stops himself just before Yamapi’s eyes return to him. They seem to transmit something like heat, fire, a promise for more. “No, Ryo-chan, that’s okay. You may do that.”

Immediately Ryo grabs for Shige’s hand again, his touch a little shaky until his fingers intertwine with Shige’s. Shige barely notices, meeting Yamapi’s hard stare as he waits for the rest of his words.

“Ryo-chan,” Yamapi says again. “Tell Shige what we think about his uniform.”

“It’s hot,” Ryo says right away, staring at his lap.

Shige blinks, head turning to the side to look at Ryo incredulously.

“Ryo-chan, we talked about this,” Yamapi says gently.

Slowly, Ryo raises his head and eyes until he’s looking right at Shige. It’s then that Shige realizes why Ryo doesn’t like to look people in the eye – it seems to be where he keeps all of his secrets. Shige sees all of Ryo’s worries and insecurities just by staring into his eyes, can tell how badly he wants to look away. He also sees trust, and if anyone had asked him before this moment if he thought Nishikido Ryo trusted him at all, his answer would have definitely been no.

“You look really hot,” Ryo tells him, clearly, and Shige feels like he’s melting.

“And,” Yamapi prompts.

“And,” Ryo continues, his eyes glancing away before he steadies them back on Shige’s. “And we want you to play with us.”

The squeeze he gives Shige’s hand says more than his words do, and Shige sucks his bottom lip into his mouth. He starts to think about it, the answer already obvious in the goosebumps forming on his skin, then realizes that it wasn’t a question to begin with. He already gave his consent to Yamapi before he even left his house.

Yamapi lounges in the driver’s seat, flicking the key that is still unturned in the ignition; Shige feels intense eyes on him even though his own remain locked on Ryo. “Do you want to play with us, Shige?”

A last chance to get out… unscathed. Shige’s nodding before he thinks about it. When Yamapi’s expression doesn’t change, looking at him pointedly, he finds his voice. “Yes.”

Ryo squeezes his hand again.

Yamapi turns the key, bringing the car to life and – appropriately enough – filled with the Southern All-Stars. It’s the only noise that can be heard the entire way back to Yamapi’s apartment, not counting the beating of Shige’s heart, which seems to pound in his ears as Ryo drags his fingers along every inch of Shige’s hand. His soft touch feels more intimate than it should, relaxing while at the same time making him anxiously anticipate the unknown.

With as fast as Yamapi had gotten there, it takes about four lifetimes longer to return. By the time they pull into the covered parking of Yamapi’s parking lot, Shige’s body has been completely encompassed by chills. Ryo notices and keeps looking over helplessly, the unspoken agreement that they wait for Yamapi’s direction hanging thick in the air.

Yamapi gets out of the car first, walks right past Ryo and around the rear to open Shige’s door. In contrast to the bright, sunny day, his eyes are dark and strong as he holds out his hand once again. Shige doesn’t hesitate, reaches out and allows Yamapi to help him up, abandoning Ryo’s hand in favor of Yamapi’s. He has a brief pang of sympathy for Ryo, just letting go like that after Ryo’s been so unusually nice, but when he looks over his shoulder to see Ryo getting out of the car on his own, the latter only has eyes for Yamapi.

And Shige understands, particularly when Yamapi squeezes his hand firmly. His head jerks forward and he notices that Yamapi hadn’t turned around, wonders if he can see out of the back of his head or maybe sense Shige’s distraction. Yamapi’s always been an intuitive person, tuning into the needs of his group without having to ask a lot of questions.

Like now, they’re barely inside Yamapi’s front door before Yamapi spins on his heel, takes Shige in his arms, and captures his mouth. Shige falls slack, only standing up due to Yamapi’s firm hold as full lips press against his. It’s rough, bruising, promising. He feels Yamapi tilt his head like he’s going to deepen the kiss, leans and parts his lips to accommodate, but Yamapi just flicks his tongue between Shige’s lips and pulls away.

Shige chases after him, blindly, seeking out Yamapi’s taste. He hears a low chuckle and opens his eyes to see Yamapi’s gaze on him, a quirk of a smile on his tinted lips. “Calm down.”

From elsewhere in the room, soft laughter rings through the thick fog of Shige’s senses. He’s strongly reminded that they’re not alone; this is not something that will just be shared between him and his leader. He smells a hint of Yamapi’s cologne and wants more, whines when Yamapi gently pushes him away. He’s not used to teasing and doesn’t like it, puts on his best frown and pout that always makes Koyama give in.

Yamapi is not Koyama. His eyes flash in a way that Shige’s almost sure he’s imagined, except that it sends a very physical surge through his body. Yamapi waits until he’s done, then lifts Shige’s chin with one finger. “Look at Ryo-chan.”

It’s a little difficult to move his eyes without moving his head, but he manages to strain them enough to see Ryo leaning against the back of Yamapi’s couch, hands in his pockets, almost like he’s posing for a sexy photoshoot. Aside from his eyes. His eyes give him away, staring right at them and silently calling out, conveying jealousy and arousal and devotion all in one stare. Shige gasps as he’s turned around to face Ryo directly, meeting that look head-on while Yamapi’s firm against his back. Fingers gently resting on his hips, chin on his shoulder, breath hot in his ear.

“If you’re good to him, I’ll be good to you.”

Shige’s eyes widen as he realizes what that means. Ryo sees it, licks his lips, pulls his hands from his pocket to fidget. Shows his vulnerability. He’s doing it on purpose, to make Shige feel better, more comfortable. Shige balls his hands into fists and Ryo sees that too, changes his tactic to a few blinks, a sad pout. Don’t you want me?

“Undress him,” Yamapi whispers, his tongue barely sweeping across the shell of Shige’s ear. “Slowly. Don’t break eye contact for longer than necessary.”

A shiver rips down Shige’s spine and then Yamapi is gone, abruptly ceasing all contact in order to leave Shige to his own devices. Shige doesn’t dare look over his shoulder, see where Yamapi has gone, just stares ahead at Ryo. Offers a silent apology, like what he’s about to do is going to hurt him. Ryo tilts his head as Shige tentatively approaches him, probably wondering why Shige is acting like he’s about to be attacked. It’s the only time Shige’s ever wished that Ryo could read his mind, at least see in his eyes what he sees in Ryo’s. It would certainly make this a lot easier.

Taking a deep breath, he stands before Ryo, just grazing the edge of his personal space and already it’s closer to him than he’s ever been. The hardest part is meeting Ryo’s eyes because he feels ashamed, like a child who is continuing to do something naughty even though his parent is looking right at him. He supposes it is naughty, in the grown up sense, and that’s when he remembers Yamapi. Perched somewhere behind them, watching. Maybe he’s going to touch himself; maybe he’ll bite his fist to keep from moaning. Shige’s cock stirs at the thought.

Carefully he reaches for the first button of Ryo’s blazer, aiming with his peripheral vision as to not avert his eyes. He misses, twice, mostly due to a little misdirection mixed with two shaky hands, and Ryo gives a hint of a smile. Mocking, challenging. Shige sees the Ryo he knows shining through and refuses to lose, narrowing his eyes as he pops the button and goes for the second. Taking his time, pushing the loop over the surface with his thumb, slowly and gently like he’s caressing a lover. He steps closer when he gets to the lower half, standing between Ryo’s legs and starting to get cross-eyed. Ryo leans back on the edge of the couch, and instinctively Shige grabs his hips and lifts him up, feeling Ryo’s thighs on either side of his waist as Ryo clutches onto his forearms in surprise and gives him an incredulous look.

From somewhere behind him, Yamapi cackles approvingly. Shige feels smug as he carries on with the buttons, Ryo’s hands relocating to his shoulders to keep from falling backwards onto the couch. Ryo’s stare is heated now, the fire of being pissed off mixed with the fire of being dominated. Shige can see it in his eyes, how much he likes it, how much he wishes that Shige would just rip his clothes off and fuck him, just like this. If it wasn’t for Yamapi, (he would have never known) they would probably both be naked and mid-coital by now. Yamapi’s presence gives him patience; the complete lack of control makes him grateful for what little he’s allowed.

He doesn’t even have to search the soul behind Ryo’s eyes to know that it’s the same for him too.

He slides the blazer down Ryo’s arms one at a time, always leaving one hand on his shoulder to keep him steady. The garment falls onto the couch with little mourning before Shige starts on his shirt, resisting the urge to follow the trail of bare skin down to where his fingers brush against the fly of Ryo’s pants.

Ryo’s silent intake of breath has Shige completely hard, the brief feeling of Ryo in the same state making his head spin. His eyes aren’t even trying to hide anymore, begging Shige to touch him; he’s been a good boy, they both have. Shige starts to push the open collar off of Ryo’s shoulders, creating a wider expanse of bare skin, and that’s when Ryo breaks eye contact. His eyes drop down and he leans his face next to Shige’s, rubbing his nose lightly against Shige’s cheek while his fingers tighten on Shige’s shoulders. Shige’s heart almost breaks at the blatant plea for affection, but he’s more worried at what Yamapi will say, what kind of punishment will be inflicted on Ryo – or both of them – for breaking the one rule.

“Stop.”

Ryo freezes and swears under his breath. Slowly he raises his eyes, not to Shige but to Yamapi, and Shige can’t help but follow his gaze. They hadn’t gotten around to turning the lights on, leaving the apartment in a dim glow save for the few rays that are sneaking in through the closed blinds. Yamapi’s in the darkest corner of the room, and for awhile Shige can only see his eyes shining until he becomes accustomed to the dark and his knees nearly give out from under him. Tie loosened, the first few buttons of his shirt undone, Yamapi has one hand curled up in his tie while the other palms the front of his pants. He looks like he wants to choke himself but is holding back, pulling down on his tie instead of up. Face flushed, lips parted, eyes a bit narrow as he stares at the two of them who are staring back at him.

“Leave his shirt on, just like that,” Yamapi says, his voice low and husky. “Carry on, listening carefully for my instructions.”

Ryo looks both scared and hopeful when Shige turns back to him; he’s never seen any one person display such a contrast of emotions at one time. Knowing that the eye-contact rule is still in effect, Shige concentrates on opening his own heart, letting some of his feelings show so that Ryo might stop shuddering whenever Shige makes contact with his skin. He practically jumps when Shige unfastens Ryo’s pants, taking care to avoid the prominent bulge as he lowers the zipper.

Shige hears a soft groan behind him and falters, the image of Yamapi touching himself very forefront in his mind. Without another thought, he yanks Ryo off of the couch by the hips and pushes his pants all the way to the floor, leaving him in black boxer-briefs that don’t leave much to the imagination. His eyes linger on Ryo’s cock straining through the material, then he snaps them back up before he can get in trouble.

“Kiss him,” Yamapi orders.

Shige practically dives forward, Ryo meeting him halfway. Their mouths crash together in a way that’s almost painful, if not desperate, both trying to drink the other as soon as possible. Ryo has no concept of “closed-mouth kissing” and Shige doesn’t care, unaware of how badly he wants this until it’s happening. His tongue slides along Ryo’s, aimless and heavy, neither one really leading or following, just doing.

Eventually the desire to crawl into Ryo’s mouth subsides and Shige’s efforts slow down, Ryo’s automatically falling in sync as they kiss more slowly and less urgently. Shige feels it in his spine, the lazy flick of Ryo’s tongue under his, their heads tilted even more to lick at each other. Shige’s the first one to moan and he’s not even ashamed, the deep rumble audible in his throat before being swallowed by Ryo.

Yamapi’s voice seems to swim in the back of his mind. “You’re not done, Shige.”

His name in that tone from that person has the last of his inhibitions leaving him, like the deciding shot on a long night of drinking that separates what he remembers from what he wishes he remembers. His fingers creep towards Ryo’s waistline, feeling the firm muscles of his abdomen beneath his fingertips. Ryo sucks in his breath and Shige can feel it, the way his stomach concaves, trembling with anticipation as Shige gets closer to his waistband.

Ryo kisses him harder, one hand sliding up the back of Shige’s head to tug at the short strands of his hair. Meeting his persistent tongue, Shige starts pushing down Ryo’s boxer-briefs, purposely stretching the elastic waistband against his erection on the way. Ryo groans into his mouth at the friction, sharply rolling his hips towards nothing, and Shige resists the urge to take him in hand as the clothing falls to the floor.

“Good,” Yamapi says softly, a hitch in his breath making Shige’s cock twitch. “Have you had enough, Ryo-chan?”

Ryo shakes his head, pulls away long enough to clearly say, “No.”

Yamapi chuckles, the sound going right down Shige’s spine. Shige has had enough; he’s still completely dressed, his pants feeling even tighter with the arousal that strains them. “One last thing, Shige, then it’s your turn.”

Shige nods, lost in Ryo’s mouth and Yamapi’s words and how badly he wants to be touched.

“Touch him anywhere you want, but don’t let him come.”

In response, Ryo whines and harshly breaks their kiss, fighting to keep his eyes open enough to reestablish their eye contact. Shige sees how desperate he is, his eyes pleading for relief. Silently asking Shige to give it to him. Automatically Shige’s hand lifts to the center of Ryo’s chest, knuckles brushing against the skin as he feels Ryo’s rapid heartbeat. Yamapi wants the shirt on and Shige wants it off; he finds a comfortable compromise in the form of slipping under it, tracing the outline of Ryo’s pectorals until Ryo’s nipples are noticeable under the thin white material. He flicks one with his finger and watches Ryo moan, his eyes falling closed and quickly opening again, trained on Shige’s.

Shige feels powerful despite being under orders. He continues trailing his fingers down Ryo’s chest, making patterns out of the dips, fascinated at the way Ryo’s body reacts to his touch. His other hand reaches for Ryo’s jaw and Ryo tilts his head into it, lips placing wet kisses along Shige’s thumb as it brushes across them. With as aroused as he is, the brief contact has Shige gasping, fingers grasping onto Ryo’s hip to keep him steady. Ryo lowers his head but keeps his eyes locked, looking up through his eyelashes in a way that Shige can only define as “cute.”

Then he’s sucking Shige’s fingers into his mouth and “cute” no longer applies. Biting his lip at the sensation, feeling in the constriction of his pants what Ryo’s doing to him. Tongue flicking along the skin between his fingers, lips sucking them in and out with intent. Shige’s mouth falls open and his other hand follows the line of Ryo’s hips until he’s met with hard flesh.

A choked moan sounds from around his fingers, tightening his own grip on the short hair of Shige’s head. His hips barely push into the touch, leading Shige to just drag his fingers along the length until Ryo’s glaring at him. The familiar expression makes Shige feel more at ease, offering a smirk as he coils his hand around Ryo, loosely, hardly enough to give him any kind of relief.

“Good,” Yamapi says, and Shige jumps because that deep, sultry voice is much closer than before. A firm body with a very hard erection presses against him from behind, fingers dancing lightly on his hips while lips nip at his ear. Just like before, only it means much more now, the way Yamapi whispers heatedly in his ear as he grinds between the cheeks of Shige’s ass. “You’ve been very good.”

Shige moans, his eyes rolling back in his head as Yamapi’s hands move forward, dip down, framing the bulge in his pants without actually touching him. He feels Ryo’s tongue on his fingers again and rocks aimlessly in Yamapi’s hold, his eyes snapping open to see Ryo looking just past him. Now meeting Yamapi’s stare. Shige wishes he could see Yamapi’s face, his eyes, even in his hold with his hands all over him, it isn’t enough.

“Undress him,” Yamapi says again, this time to Ryo. Ryo’s hands are steady as they pop open his buttons, blazer then shirt, a lot more careless and rushed than Shige had done it before. It seems to fit the tempo of their pace, the speed set by Yamapi as he moves against Shige, as he helps pull Shige’s blazer down his shoulders, then the shirt – clearly Yamapi doesn’t have the same preference for Shige as he does for Ryo. Shige feels cold as his skin is quickly exposed to the cool recycled air of the room, damp from sweating under his clothes this whole time.

Yamapi’s hands slide up his chest while Ryo works on his belt, soft kisses brushed along the back of his neck and behind his ear. His touch is gentle but possessive, covering every inch of Shige’s torso like he’s leaving his mark. Shige barely notices Ryo struggling to push down his tight pants as Yamapi’s fingers trail along his collarbone, then straight up his throat. His head automatically falls back onto Yamapi’s shoulder, hips seeking out whatever part of Ryo they can find.

They find his face, although the way Ryo mouths at him through his underwear proves that Ryo found him first. He’s on his knees, urging Shige’s legs out of his pants before reaching up to tug on the last item of clothing. Shige cries out at the contact, Yamapi’s hold tightening at the sound. He’s not cold anymore, warmed by Yamapi’s body heat and the teasing flick of Ryo’s tongue against the head of his cock as he stands up.

Yamapi grunts in his ear and tilts his head back down, just in time to see Ryo lick his lips very obscenely. His eyes devious, like he knows a secret. Then one of Yamapi’s hands drops straight down the center of Shige’s chest, going right between his legs and wrapping snugly around him. Shige squirms in his hold, not sure if he’s allowed to move, unaware of the whimpers coming from him until Yamapi slowly strokes him. There’s a substance on his hand and it’s warm, coating him from base to tip before the touch disappears.

He knows what Yamapi’s going to say before he says it. “I want you to fuck him.”

Shige answers in some form of a guttural moan, torn between becoming blind with arousal and being scared out of his mind. He hasn’t gone this far before; it was just that one time in the backseat of Koyama’s car while Koyama thought they were sleeping. Up until this moment, he had thought that trading handjobs while their innocent third was driving was something scandalous – now it seems like nothing compared to here and now. Shige focuses on Ryo’s eyes, considering the reluctant permission behind them. Considers the way Yamapi is embracing him, like he’s breathing him in instead of air, urgently pressing against him.

His hesitation is obvious, the way his hand shakes when Yamapi moves to lube his fingers. Each one individually, no rush, rubbing the slick skin in a soothing, calming action. He vaguely hears Yamapi speak to Ryo, tunes him out due to his mind overload. His head rests on Yamapi’s chest with his eyes closed, unconcerned with anything but the deep rumble of Yamapi’s voice. He’s surrounded by Yamapi’s cologne and feels intoxicated; if he didn’t know any better, he would think he’s been drugged.

“Let’s take this to my bedroom,” Yamapi whispers softly, urging Shige forward.

Ryo ends up in his arms, lips attached to Shige’s neck and legs wrapped around his waist. Shige grabs onto Ryo’s ass to keep him steady, feels his slick fingers slide closer towards the crease with each step. By the time they turn at the end of the hall, carefully guided by Yamapi since Shige still hasn’t opened his eyes, Ryo’s grunting deeply into Shige’s skin, a completely different sound than Shige has heard before. He’s squirming in Shige’s hold, nails digging into his shoulder blades, even as Shige’s knees hit something soft and they both tumble onto Yamapi’s bed.

He lands between Ryo’s legs, his fingers slowly inching down the crease. Ryo’s knees are by his head, thighs spread, face flushed and gasping. It’s erotic, private, the way Ryo’s eyes seem to be glazed over and burning into Shige’s at the same time. His lips part when Shige reaches the rim, gently tracing circles around it while Ryo’s body jerks at the very intimate contact. Shige leans up, brushes the hair out of Ryo’s eyes with his other hand, lingering on the defined jaw. He runs his thumb along Ryo’s cheek bone and lowers his head, kissing him without being told.

Ryo meets him halfheartedly, his tongue lazily meeting Shige’s. Shige swallows his gasp when he starts to press inside, slowly pushing through the protest of Ryo’s body. Ryo’s tightening around him and a moan escapes Shige as he thinks of that happening around his cock. He swirls one finger around until he can fit another, and that’s when Ryo starts pushing back against him, gradually at first but working up to a jerky rhythm. His kissing follows the same pattern, becoming hard and desperate as he fucks himself on Shige’s fingers.

Shige bends his fingers and instantly Ryo tears his mouth away, arches his back and groans shamelessly as he rolls his hips to keep Shige’s touch right where it is. His instincts taking over, Shige gently massages the gland and presses his face into Ryo’s chest, smelling the spicy scent of Ryo’s cologne. His lips drag along the hot skin, through the thin layer of sweat that seems to cover his entire body. He feels Ryo open up to him, still squeezing but a lot more loosely, and Shige manages to slip in a third finger before Ryo’s head falls back, his Adam’s apple jumping in his throat as he spreads his legs even wider.

“Now, Shige.”

Yamapi’s voice is strained, far away; Shige imagines him sitting in his desk chair across the room, cock exposed and hard in his hand. Teasing himself while he watches them because he can’t finish yet. Maybe his shirt is open and his stomach is heaving, the barbell in his belly button sparkling amidst his glistening skin. The picture is clear in Shige’s mind as he settles between Ryo’s legs, slowly withdrawing his fingers and placing them firmly on Ryo’s hip.

He looks down at Ryo’s eyes, stalling as he positions himself. Strangely comforted at the way they’re narrowed, the familiar impatience shining through the want. Fucking do it already, you pussy.

Tight heat surrounds him, unlike anything he’s ever experienced before. Ryo’s body seems to latch onto him, conforming to his length as Shige slowly pushes forward. It comes as a surprise when his balls meet skin, his eyes blinking wide at the realization that he’s actually inside Ryo. Ryo meets his stare through narrow slits, his mouth parted by soft gasps. His muscles squeeze around Shige and it’s like a kick in the ass, a jump start to his nerves as he gradually starts to move. Rolling his hips enough to pull out and slide back in, a low growl rips from his lungs as he becomes overcome by the feeling of Ryo all around him, plus Yamapi’s eyes on him, on both of them joined together like this.

Sweat rolls down his back, making him shiver and grip onto the backs of Ryo’s thighs, bracing himself as he keeps moving. Slow, shallow thrusts, teasing while at the same time saving himself, making it last. He feels the muscles under his palms quiver, Ryo’s abs rippling as he pushes back, meeting Shige’s efforts. It has Shige going deeper and more sharply, struggling to maintain his composure while Ryo tries to steal it away.

Ryo knows it too, a tiny smirk forming on his lips as his dark, dark eyes mock Shige yet again. Then Shige leans down on his elbows, changing his angle and returning the expression as Ryo’s back arches involuntarily. His neck stretches out, exposing his throat that vibrates along with the groan that escapes through lax, parted lips. His insides clamp around Shige defiantly, making it more difficult to hold out when all Shige wants to do is let go. He bites down on his lip, his eyes falling shut, to hell with instructions. His breaths come in spurts, wheezing, thrusting erratically while every ounce of his being is focused on not coming, not yet, too soon.

Hands rest firmly on his ass, grabbing the flesh and gently spreading his cheeks. Shige forgets how to breathe, looks helplessly at Ryo who isn’t looking at anything. His own hands are grasping for something, anything, Ryo’s shoulders serving the purpose as he falls forward and lets out a pathetic whine at the feeling of a tongue between his legs. Fingers quickly squeeze above his balls, the only thing that keeps him from finishing though it still feels like he’s on the edge. His mind racing, his whole body focused on sweet, sweet release, heightened by the tongue flicking along his rim and lazily poking inside. Leave it to Yamapi to take his time at such a crucial moment.

Gentle fingers trace Shige’s cheekbones and his eyes fly open, seeing clearly Ryo’s compassionate expression despite his hazy vision. It remains, even when he hooks his legs around Shige’s waist and takes over, fucking himself on Shige’s swollen cock while Shige lay immobile and powerless over him. He groans, his muscles constricting even more, driving Shige insane. Shige thinks that if he ever wanted to die, this would be it, Yamapi licking inside him while Ryo’s body sucks him in and out. While being denied. He wants to cry, wants to scream, can’t do anything but stare at Ryo, hating him more than anything, more than before.

Yamapi’s tongue slowly withdraws but doesn’t leave, licking straight up the crease of Shige’s ass, then his spine. Shige’s about to explode, even if Yamapi loosens his grip just a little. He’s ready, feels it in every nerve of his body. Yamapi’s lips are on the back of his neck, his free hand slipping lubricated fingers inside Shige. “You want to come, don’t you?”

Shige doesn’t feel that this question deserves a response, but something makes him answer anyway. “Yes,” he manages to say, not recognizing his own voice. Yamapi’s fingers stroke him just right and he moans, unabashedly, uncaring of how Ryo can see him falling apart. “Please,” he adds, both hands clutching the sheets.

“Since you asked so nicely,” Yamapi says, releasing Shige’s balls and yanking him up in the same motion, pulling him out of Ryo. He continues to press against Shige’s spot, holding him against his chest while Shige’s body shudders and comes, decorating Ryo’s belly. “Good boy.”

Breathing becomes easier, his muscles relaxing, the world clearer. Shige is unaware of how loud he cried out, only that his throat hurts now and there’s still a soft rumbling noise coming from him. Yamapi’s kisses get more frantic, his breath quick as he sucks Shige’s earlobe past his lips and stretches him purposefully. There’s motion underneath him, then a warm body against his front as Ryo reaches around him. Shige lets his head fall to Ryo’s shoulder, where it stays through the sounds of desperate kissing in his ear and soft thuds as Yamapi’s clothes hit the floor. Hard flesh presses against his back and Shige moans, regains enough control of his body to rock back against Yamapi’s fingers.

He’s slowly lowered down, placed on all fours while something pokes at his face. Shige chases it with his tongue without opening his eyes, knowing what it is, knowing that Yamapi must have gestured silently for Ryo to do it. It’s Ryo who groans from above when Shige sucks the head past his lips, eagerly despite his inexperience. Hands twist in his hair, guiding him, slowly until he’s used to the thick length in his mouth. It tastes bitter but Ryo’s voice makes it sweet, the way he’s gasping and moaning because of Shige. He lets Ryo thrust into his mouth, keeping his lips tight and occasionally swallowing around him.

His equilibrium is knocked off-balance when Yamapi’s fingers suddenly disappear. They’re replaced with his cock in the same second, Shige’s shocked screams muffled by Ryo as his body automatically fights the intrusion. Yamapi’s resulting groan practically shakes the bed, his palm sharp on Shige’s ass as it smacks the flesh then gently rubs it. Shige howls, a tear falling down his cheek as he forces himself to relax and take Yamapi in, choking a little on Ryo. Thankfully Ryo lets up, allowing Shige to suck on just the head while Yamapi gets situated. He also wipes the tear from Shige’s face and pushes his hair out of his eyes, fingers lingering on Shige’s tight jaw and softly caressing until it loosens up.

“It’s okay,” Ryo whispers, and Shige opens enough for Yamapi to bury himself inside. He feels every inch of it, throbbing, his body protesting in a way that he can’t control. He doesn’t want to get hit again and cringes, tries his best to accommodate until Ryo’s cock has fallen from his mouth from the effort.

“Hey,” Ryo says softly, lifting his eyes to Yamapi. “Don’t hit him, he doesn’t like it.”

Shige’s surprised to hear Ryo speak like that, but Yamapi’s touch becomes more soothing as he once again rubs where his hand had made contact. “I’m sorry,” he says, genuinely, and Shige’s heart swells with warmth. He can’t quite speak, settles for moving back against Yamapi as an acceptance of his apology. Moans his forgiveness at the way Yamapi feels deep inside him, stretching him. Yamapi hasn’t even started moving yet and already Shige is enraptured, lost in the feeling. His hips move on their own, forward and backwards until he hears Yamapi whimpering, wishes he could see his face.

Not quite sure how to say “I’m ready to resume sucking you off,” Shige just opens his mouth pointedly. He can swear he hears Ryo chuckle, then his lips are painted with the familiar precome before Ryo’s cock is gently pressed between them. Shige’s throat welcomes him back, swallowing him whole like he’s making up for before. Ryo’s moans mix with Yamapi’s soft grunts, neither one moving as Shige seems to be going back and forth between them, holding the rhythm on his own. Ryo hardens even more and Shige knows he’s close, wonders what he’s supposed to do when Ryo comes. Wonders what it will feel like.

“Ryo-chan,” Yamapi booms, his voice about two octaves deeper than normal.

Ryo must know what he wants because Yamapi doesn’t say anything else. All at once Shige’s chin is grabbed, Ryo’s cock pulled from his mouth and warm fluid hitting his face. Automatically Shige flicks his tongue out to try and catch it, which makes Ryo groan harder. Then Shige’s pulled up again and feels Yamapi’s tongue on his face, licking up Ryo’s release while holding him flat against his chest, still all the way inside him. Shige’s a little sad that he didn’t get to taste Ryo, and Yamapi seems to read his mind by diving into his mouth next, turning his head as far as it will go.

It’s only their second kiss of the evening, much more heated and evocative than the first. He feels Yamapi’s desperation, the cool composure slowly starting to shatter. Fingers clasp in his and bring his arm up, slipping something in his hand that Shige recognizes as a tie. His eyes flutter open to see Yamapi’s face – finally – with the other end of the tie still wrapped around his neck. Shige stares at it in disbelief, passing over Yamapi’s flushed cheeks and swollen lips in favor of what he’s just been given control of.

“Pull it to this side,” Yamapi hisses breathlessly, demonstrating with his fingers on Shige’s wrist, “when you’re ready for me to come.”

Without giving him a chance to answer – it wasn’t really a question, after all – Yamapi begins rolling his hips. If Shige had thought it was good before, it’s nothing compared to now as Yamapi gradually thrusts up into him. Shige’s head falls back onto Yamapi’s shoulder once again, Yamapi’s lips immediately attaching to his neck and groaning into his skin. His body rolls with Yamapi’s motions, held up by Yamapi’s firm arms around his waist. He doesn’t even need to push back, just let gravity pull him down, Yamapi’s cock thick inside him and grazing his spot on practically every thrust. His mouth falls open and his breathing becomes audible, grasping with his free hand for something stable, something to hold onto.

Another hand takes his, definitely not Yamapi’s, and Shige lets his head fall to the side and forces his eyes open to see Ryo watching them. Ryo squeezes Shige’s hand tightly, soothingly rubbing circles along his thumb just like he had in the car. It seems like a thousand years ago, just like his school uniform, just like the memories of Yamapi. He looks into Ryo’s eyes and sees the past, arguments and frustration, appreciation and affection. Feels Yamapi all around him, taking him farther away, while Ryo keeps him grounded. Right now, it makes sense. Right now, it feels right.

Right now, it makes him want them both. He tugs on Ryo’s hand until Ryo’s right in front of him, his face in Shige’s neck and arms around them both. Shige doesn’t even know he’s hard again until it’s grazing Ryo’s stomach, the resulting twitch making Yamapi whine behind him and thrust harder. A sharp intake of breath has Shige opening his eyes in concern, just in time to see Ryo’s eyes roll back into his head as Yamapi carefully strokes his cock back to life. Shige doesn’t even think before leaning into kiss him, eliciting a shocked gasp as he licks his way inside Ryo’s mouth and slides a hand up his back to clutch onto a shoulder blade.

Ryo kisses back fiercely, swallows Shige’s moans when Yamapi takes Shige’s cock in hand and strokes them together. The feeling of Ryo’s hard flesh against his gets him there faster, fingers shaking on the tie in preparation. He doesn’t know if he can do it, even if he won’t be hurting him, just a little pressure on his throat. Then he feels Ryo’s hand on top of his and knows that if he doesn’t do it, Ryo will. It’s comforting, the way they’re all moving together as one, about to come together as one. Shige feels the trust, the respect, the passion between them that’s building up to the inexplicable climax.

Squeezed in the middle, Ryo sucking on his tongue while Yamapi’s thrusts get erratic, hand flying up and down until Shige can’t sense anymore. He knows nothing but Ryo and Yamapi and this feeling, whatever it is. His body convulses with two familiar voices piercing through his haze, his own nonexistent as his breath catches in his throat. He remembers after the fact about the tie, follows the taut material down to where Ryo has an iron grip, apologetically adds his strength to relieve some of the burden. Ryo’s face nuzzles into his neck, lips pressed to his skin in forgiveness as he lets go completely and takes Shige’s hand in his. The tie slips from his fingers and falls, a weight next to him signaling that Yamapi had fallen as well.

Ryo pulls away, the world swimming back into focus as Shige watches Ryo curl up next to Yamapi and gently rub his throat. Yamapi stirs and opens his eyes, looks at Ryo and then Shige, motions for Shige to lay down with them. He fits perfectly on top of Yamapi, Ryo embracing him from the side with an expression that for once Shige can’t decipher. Every bone in Shige’s body feels like jelly; he hopes he doesn’t have to move soon, content with the sound of Yamapi’s heartbeat. Rising and falling with each of Yamapi’s breaths, Yamapi’s face buried in his hair while Ryo’s eyes flutter shut.

Yamapi chuckles and pets Ryo’s head. “He always falls asleep.”

Shige wants to ask how long, why, why him, every word breaking off before they reach his lips. He’s not tired, mind racing now that it’s no longer blinded by lust. So many questions, all answered by Yamapi’s arms around him, the soft kiss to his forehead instantly calming him. His senpai, his leader, his friend, always taking care of him. Watching out for him, making him appreciate what he has. Teaching him that good things come to people who work hard.

Shige’s heart beats for Yamapi just like Yamapi lives for them; a lesson well learned.