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To: Starbase Four Patient Care Team
From: Dr. Elinor Poirier
CC: Chief Medical Officer Xelhi, Head Nurse Rish Halasah

Subject: Procontact Gloves are for LMTs only!

Hello Everybody,

I would like to remind you all AGAIN that the Procontact gloves belong to the LMT staff ONLY. T’Sira sent a message out to you just last week detailing the need to reserve those gloves for the people who need them, but apparently she was too logical and polite for you, so it’s my turn.

Lemme tell you a story. Three days ago a gentleman of unknown species was referred for emergency surgery after having been recovered by the USS Geneva. Scans indicated he might not tolerate any of the standard neural inhibitor settings or chemical anaesthetics, so a member of the LMT team was called in to telepathically mediate anaesthesia. When the team member went to retrieve his Procontact exam gloves, someone had used them AND left the box on top of the cooler, ruining the rest of the gloves inside. The team member had to mediate anaesthesia without gloves, thus compromising the sterile field and exposing himself and the patient to potential infection. As a result, both he and the patient had to undergo decontamination post-procedure. The patient reacted to the disinfecting gel and developed a subsequent rash on what we will for lack of a better term refer to as his face. YOUR CARELESSNESS AFFECTS PATIENT OUTCOMES!

Things you clearly do not know:

1. The Procontact gloves are costly, not covered by Starfleet medical requisition allowances, cannot be replicated, and are a pain in the ass to get through Customs. The four LMTs on staff pool personal allowances to obtain them.

2. The Procontact gloves are made of genetically engineered collagenized fungal cells with the transmission characteristics of humanoid skin. They contain living cells and are perishable. They MUST be stored in the cooler.

3. The Procontact gloves do not work better on touchscreens than nitrile, and you shouldn’t be using touchscreens with gloves on anyway. Touchscreens are filthy.

4. If you feel like the Procontact gloves help you get a better feel for patients, then don’t just “borrow” them. Put some latinum in the kitty, for Glob’s sake. Also, if they do work better for you than regular gloves, then your esper rating is probably higher than 180, so let’s get you certified. Starbase 4 is the biggest space based medical facility in the Federation. We could use more qualified people on our team.

Thank you for your attention.

Dr. Poirier