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Dragon Age Banter (original)

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VARRIC/OGHREN

Oghren: Alright, where are you hiding it?
Varric: Say again?
Oghren: Where are you hiding it? In your pockets? On your chest? Oh, or are you keeping it all down there?
Varric:Oghren, what are you on about?
Oghren: ‘growls’ Sod it! Your beard! Where is it? You are a dwarf but you don’t have a blasted beard!
Varric: I shaved it all off in return for Bianca.
Oghren: You got rid of your beard...for a crossbow.
Varric: Ahh, and it was a majestic beard too.


CASSANDRA/AVELINE

Cassandra: How did you put up with both Varric and Hawke in Kirkwall? I can barely deal with Varric, much less both of them.
Aveline: I made sure they knew that I would hurt them if they annoyed me too much.
Cassandra: Now why haven’t I thought of that?


ZEVRAN/ISABELA

Zevran: My sweet Isabela, might I ask you a question?
Isabela: As long as it is naughty question, sure.
Zevran: Seeing as how you have had both, who is the better lover? Hawke or the Warden?
Isabela: You want me to tell you that the Warden is better than Hawke who is my current lover or tell you that Hawke is better in bed than the man who saved the world from the Blight?
Zevran: Um, yes?
Isabela: Oh, that's easy! You are.
Zevran: ‘laughs’ Naturally.


STEN/IRON BULL

Bull: I hear you helped fight the Archdemon.
Sten: That is correct.
Bull: Wasn't it basically a blighted dragon?
Sten: Yes.
Bull: Damn, that must have been fun! Did it get your blood pumping and your heart pounding in your chest as it spat fire at you and tried to crush you under its claws?
Sten: Yes.
Bull: That's it? All you have to say to that is ‘yes’?
Sten: During the battle, I shouted, ‘Taarsidath-an halsaam’ as I fought.
Bull: Yeesss!


SERA/SHALE

Shale: It is staring at me again. Does it find myself amusing?
Sera: I'm not staring. I'm looking over at you longer than normal.
Shale: I see it knows the definition of staring. Good for it.
Sera: ‘imitating Shale’s voice’ I see it knows how to be an arse-biscuit. Good for it.


CARVER/BLACKWALL

Blackwall: So. Your brother is Hawke. How's it feel to be his brother?
Carver: How does it feel to be old?
Blackwall: Aha. So not very fond of your brother, are you?
Carver: And are you fond of your failing bones?
Blackwall: Watch it, boy. These failing bones can still break yours.


ANDERS/WARDEN

Anders: About Ser Pounce A Lot…
Warden: About Ser Pounce A Lot what?
Anders: Oh, yes. Right. Um, do you know where he is?
Warden: Didn't you leave him with Oghren?
Anders: Yeah, I did. But when I asked him where my cat was, the drunk told me he forgot where he put him.
Warden: And this concerns me how? It's your cat, not mine.
Anders: But you are the one who made me give it to Oghren. You said it ‘made me too soft’. So Ser Pounce A Lot is lost because of you.
Warden: I'll just find you another one.
Anders: It won't be the same though!
Anders: ‘after a pause’ Can it be a tabby?


SOLAS/OGHREN

Oghren: You know, you're kind of cute for a bald elf.
Solas: And you are a poor excuse for a group that supposedly protects the world.
Oghren: Aw, is that any way to treat a friend?
Solas: You and I are in no way ‘friends’.
Oghren: Gah, and here I thought we were breaking the ages old rivalry between elves and dwarves. Oh well. I didn't want to be pals with a bald elf anyway. You're ugly.
Solas: ‘sighs’