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Teach Me

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She sat in her room on the floor with her knees up to her chest, tears slipping down the curve of her cheeks and dripping off her jaw. There was a split inside of her, each pulling her different ways. One side reached for the darkness, for the hate and anger she kept hidden away and for the Kylo’s hands gripping her hips. The other begged for forgiveness, for light and goodness, but also for Kylo’s lips on her own.

Rey was confused and frustrated at the duality within her, at the desire that still burned in her core from his touch. She slammed her hand on the floor beside her, the pain radiating through her palm.

“Rey?” a voice said through her door. She recognized the aura behind it and she stiffened. Rey slowly stood, not trusting her hands to keep to herself. Or her thoughts for that matter. She was a complete mess and didn’t feel up to another conversation that would only make her confused and frustrated all over again. However, despite these worries she opened the door.

Kylo was back in his usual garb, only with his helmet under his arm. His face was etched with concern and Rey could feel her heart tremble within her chest.

Rey grabbed his wrist and hauled him into the small room, closing the door behind him. Kylo was very out of place in her tiny quarters. He seemed too tall and too broad for it.

Her chest heaved and her heart hummed in her ears as she took him in. He laid his helmet on the bed and reached out for her.

“Rey, are you okay?” he asked, and she immediately grabbed his hand in both of hers.

“Come with me,” she said, spitting the thought out the second it appeared in her mind.

“What? Where?” he asked.

“Anywhere,” she said, her eyes wild as they stared up into his face. “If we leave this place we can be together.”

“We can be together here,” he said, encasing her hands in his large ones. “I can’t leave.”

“There’s good in you, Kylo” she said. “You don’t have to do what they tell you too.”

He stiffened under her grasp and yanked his hands away as if she were made of flame.

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” he said, his mouth settling into a firm line and his eyes flashing a warning.

“Yes I do!” Rey raised her hand and pushed herself into Kylo’s mind, throwing around memories as if she were ransacking his room.

Ben Solo laughing as a child. Standing with his mother getting their picture taken. The feeling of belonging and elation as he stepped into Luke’s Jedi temple for the very first time. His hands on cool metal, wielding a lightsaber. Rey coming to him, asking to be taught. Pride as she fought off an assault in training. The secret feeling of relief as Finn and Poe’s commandeered ship leaves the planet’s orbit before the First Order can catch it.

“That is enough!” he said, forcing her out.

“It’s there! You’re ignoring it!” Rey said, her tears still clinging to her cheeks.

“You’re doing exactly what they said you’d do!” he said, closing his eyes and shaking his head as if he could banish the moment by not seeing it, and then began to repeat a mantra to himself. “I will not be seduced by the light. I will not be seduced by the light. I will not be-”

Rey threw herself against, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing herself to him.

“Please, come with me,” she said, his hands resting on her arms despite himself. “I want to be with you.”

Kylo calmed in her arms for a moment, relaxing under her touch.

“Please Ben, come with me,” she hadn’t meant to say that name. She had never called him that before but after seeing his memories and feeling so deep with his mind it had slipped out. His body turned ridged in her arms and rage flared hot enough to burn.

“Never call me that!” he said, shoving her off of him. Rey’s calves hit the edge of the bed in the cramped room and she tumbled onto the bed. She watched as Kylo slammed his fist into the wall, leaving a dent beside her door.

Then his eyes turned on her. The dark eyes that she could usually find safety in had nothing but venom and hatred in them now.

“You,” he hissed, leaning across the bed to leer over her. “You can stay here to learn and be with me, or you can run off to your rebel friends. You cannot have both.”

Kylo grabbed his helmet and left without another word.