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Jeeves And The Terrible Secret

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The story of how Jeeves and I ended up in our relative positions is a bally long one and not for retelling here. Suffice it to say that I had him pinned to my bed and was kissing him within an inch of his life, and was rather put out when he pulled away to yelp, "We can't!"

Before I quite knew what he was doing, he was sitting up, holding me at arm's length. Now, it wasn't as if I had lured him in under false pretenses or forcibly overpowered him or anything. Only a few seconds ago, he had seemed positively ecstatic about the situation. We were both shirtless, disheveled, out of breath, and rock hard. So it's understandable that I whined dismally and looked at Jeeves rather reproachfully. A preux chevalier has to take no for an answer, but I thought it not exactly cricket to call so sudden a halt at this stage of the proceedings.

"Why not, dash it?"

"I..." Jeeves seemed to choke trembling all over. "I thought I could maintain control, sir, but I cannot."

"Isn't that sort of the idea?"

"Not in the sense of which I am speaking, sir."

"Are you... are you afraid you'll hurt me or something?"

"Not exactly, sir." I realized with complete horror that he was on the verge of tears.

"Jeeves! My god, tell me what the trouble is! It can't be as bad as all that."

"If only, sir." He stood, casting about for his discarded shirt. "I have been living a lie, and only now do I realize its extent."

"Jeeves, you can't be leaving me! Not now!"

"I am afraid I have to, sir. I am sorry."

"Sorry? Jeeves, if you don't explain yourself, I shall have no recourse but to be extremely angry with you!"

Now I was on the verge of tears, and I knew it was no good hoping he wouldn't notice. The thought that he soon might not be present to notice or not was the end of it, and I burst into tears. A moment later Jeeves was beside me, his arm wrapped around my shoulders.

"Sir, I am not even human. That is how much I have lied to you."

"...Jeeves, I've always said you weren't human."

"I am actually of another species, sir. This is not my real form."

"Oh. Well, let's have a look at it, then."


"If this was the big thing you were going to leave me over, let me see. It's probably not so very bad."

"It is horrifying."

"Let me be the judge of that. Go on, Jeeves."

He looked in my eyes for a long time, but finally got up and quickly removed the rest of his clothes. The view was magnificent, but I didn't have much time to appreciate it, because Jeeves's skin suddenly started to sort of move and shift. "Please don't be afraid, Bertram," he whispered, and changed. There's no other word for it, and it was over quite quickly, leaving me with a very odd picture to contemplate. Jeeves was still recognizably Jeevesian, but that familiar face was different. His nose was less of a presence, the nostrils sort of slitted as though they were supposed to close when he swam.

He blinked and I could see that his eyes had an extra set of lids, that were clear and closed sideways. The eyes themselves were bright yellow, with the slit pupils of a cat, and made a snappy contrast with his rich green skin. The Jeevesian frame was likewise maintained, with the addition of six tentacles along his sides, and four more that apparently anchored to his upper back, about where the wings of an angel would go. The six under his arms had delicate, deft tips that I could well believe were as dexterous as the hands of his human form. The other four ended in spatulate thingummys that looked like they'd be good for moseying about the ocean floor.

"Well. So this is why you like the ocean and fishing so much, is it?"

He laughed softly, that still sounding the same. "Oh, Bertram. Yes, it is. My home is a shoreless sea."

"So, why show me now?"

"Truthfully, I thought I could maintain human form, but..." His tentacles squiggled uncomfortably, as if he was embarrassed. "I realized that I was too overwhelmed to be certain. And the thought of partially or fully changing at some more intimate point without warning you was unacceptable to me."

"Well, thank you, darling. It would have been quite a shock."

"And this isn't?"

"If you're some kind of hyper-advanced life form from the moon it actually explains rather a lot." I reached out to touch him, curious. "And this is a smashing shade of green," I added. He felt sort of moist and warm, and smoother than any human being could possibly be.

"Thank you, sir," he whispered, and shivered as my hand ran down his chest.

"I say!" I yelped.


"You haven't a--"

"Merely sheathed internally, sir. Like most sensible species."

"Well, let's bally well work on getting it external!" I said, and leaned in to lick the little crease that was the only feature of a now hairless area.

He purred, and I felt movement under my tongue, which made me whimper and redouble my efforts. Within a few seconds I again had all of Jeeves to work with, minus his bollocks which were meant to stay internal. He tasted different, like the ocean and something sweet, and I sucked on him thoughtfully, just enjoying it and enjoying him and reminding myself to wonder where he was from some other time. The first soft touch of tentacles on my shoulders made me jump a little, but it wasn't unpleasant at all. Soon all six were looped around my neck or twined in my hair or rubbing my shoulders, and it things were very, very strange, they were also absolutely oojah-cum-spiff.

I had always enjoyed this sort of thing, from all the way back at school where one could do it with comparative openness up through drunken moments with fellow Drones that no one ever talked about. I'm told I sucked my thumb ardently as a little nipper, and I can only suppose it was a sign of things to come. Jeeves was a revelation in more than his general undersea tendency, however. I had done this with boys I had an overwhelming pash for in that ephemeral and consuming adolescent way, and good friends who I knew would never talk about it. To be working on someone I actually loved was incredible.

I felt almost as though I could come off with no one touching me, and I know my technique suffered because I couldn't stop moaning, pulling him in like I was trying to choke myself. Jeeves's tentacles still rippled and spasmed uselessly for a flatteringly long time before he could marshal them to pull off my trousers, and over my own muffled voice and the rushing in my ears I could hear a soft noise that could have been called trilling, buzzing, purring, or possibly some bizarre combination of all of the above. I pulled off, panting and looking at up at him. His strange eyes were half closed, his pupils about as round as they were going to get.

"I say," I panted, "is that you making that noise?" He blinked both sets of eyelids and said something in a language that sounded like silver bells in the wind and the waves and seemed to make my entire nervous system sort of jump and shiver.

"It is, sir," he murmured, switching back to the King's E.

"It sounds like purring, so I'll assume it's a good noise, then?"

"Precisely, sir."

The tip of one tentacle shifted to cup my face, another one sliding into my mouth and stroking the spots where I was a little sore. I closed my lips around it and sucked lightly, making Jeeves trill and shudder. I made some quiet noise of protest when he pulled it out, and he growled, his eyes almost seeming to glow. Before I knew it, I was tangled in a wilderness of green tentacles, lifted and moved to straddle Jeeves's lap, my back to his chest.

One tentacle immediately slid into my mouth again, tip probing and tickling in the most distracting way as he nibbled my ear with inhumanly sharp teeth that didn’t hurt a bit. I whimpered around said t., and Jeeves growled softly, telling me exactly what he was going to do to me. He rocked his hips to emphasise the point, making me let out another unmanly but heartfelt sound. The sheer number of appendages involved in this embrace was dashed distracting, but in a positively delicious way. With one in my mouth, that still left five to roam the Wooster torso, each of them soft and slow as a good first kiss. The other four acted more like legs, just sort of supporting us both and helping Jeeves stay in place. I had sort of confused impression of trees, and I suppose it can only have been because of the amount of arms, and the green warmth of him.

The tip of one tentacle suddenly popping into me was a shock, but it didn’t hurt, being slick with something that was probably unknown to science, but obviously for the same purpose as the various forms of human lubrication. “J-jeeves…”

“Should I stop, sir?”

“On no account,” I breathed, far too distracted to say anything else when it began to wriggle deeper inside me. It felt like nothing so much as a tongue, but that doesn’t truly describe it.

Doesn’t even begin to describe it, really, and I lost most higher functions and just sort of slumped against Jeeves and let him ravish me for a while. Slumping was really all I had to do, with one tentacle happily plundering my mouth and another working rather lower, two holding my knees up and apart, and the last couple supporting and caressing my torso, sometimes wrapping around my neck as though to choke me, but never tightening their grip. My own arms felt superfluous, loose and boneless as I melted in Jeeves’s tangled grip. I looped one back around his neck and clung with all the strength I could could muster, which wasn’t very much.

In the midst of everything, I had rather forgotten about Jeeves’s own set of human arms, and bally well almost hit the ceiling when he wrapped one hand around my prick. He laughed softly, and I whimpered. “Now that’s just not cricket,” I breathed, “I’ve only got the two hands and can’t possibly compete.”

“I don’t want you to, sir. I find it prefer you to be too debauched to do anything but enjoy my touch.”

“Time for the reverse later, what?”

He purred again. “Indeed, sir.”

And that was a lovely image to contemplate, but the Wooster contemplation engine had rather run down at this point, and Jeeves only made it worse, both hands stroking me while the very tips of two tentacles held me open for him. I whimpered and raised up as best I could while another tentacle shot out and found and found the lotion I kept for certain solitary moments. I flushed up dreadfully, mostly because he had done it without even looking, and he chuckled, murmuring softly in my ear as he uncapped it, telling me about finding it and about thinking of me using it. I moaned, bucking into his hands and wondering if I would even last until the consummation of his plans.

It felt like a lifetime of soft tentacle tips stretching and opening me, but it probably wasn’t even a minute before Jeeves was pressing into me, so much hotter and thicker and more firm. I yelped something garbled and then subsided into steady groaning, pretty much unable to do anything else.

Tentacles and arms raised and lowered me, and I got steadily louder until Jeeves crammed a tentacle into my mouth to quiet me, at which point I howled and climaxed with enough force to knock me silly for a while. I didn’t faint or anything, but I certainly felt very faint. Only in the in the most pleasant possible way, and I still had the tentacle to suck on, which was soothing as Jeeves whimpered and trilled and ground into me. I was a little sore, and squeaked in surprise at the volume of his spend. I had read somewhere about how fish make more fish, and as it poured into me I remembered that they produce on a grand scale, since little fish look after themselves and tend to get eaten in droves. “Are you all right, sir?” He murmured into my ear in the sudden silence, tentacle sliding out of my mouth again.

“Absolutely oojah-cum-spiff, old thing,” I purred, then tensed with a sudden anxiety. “You’re not going to leave me now, are you?”

“Never as long as you live, sir.” He said, arms and tentacles all embracing me. It was like being tied up, but more agreeable, and I relaxed again.

“Jolly good.”

After a while I untangled myself and stumbled to the lavatory, and shortly after that Jeeves ran us a bath, still in his own form, his various tentacles snagging some bath salts and adding them, and opening the cupboard to be certain there were towels. I sat on the rim of the tub in the altogether and watched him, fascinated by the way he moved, and how he managed all those tentacles at once. He turned to me and blinked with both sets of eyelids.

“Should I return to human form, sir?”

“Not a bit of it if you don’t want to, love.” I yawned and slid into the bath.

“You never cease to amaze me, Bertram.”

“You know the feeling’s mutual, Jeeves. Now get in here so that the young master might admire your greenness.”

“Your wish is my command," he purred, and joined me, and soon I was resting back against his chest, all the tentacles loose in the water.

It was a bit like being in a noodle soup made of perfectly prepared bathwater and my own specific dream rabbit. Or squid, as the case may be. Actually, I think even the squid has fewer limbs than Jeeves. We rested in a cosy tangle until it started to get chilly, and then Jeeves helped me out and wrapped me in a towel, yawning.

“Pardon me, sir.” He rubbed his eyes with two tentacles, and then shimmered, turning into the more familiar and equally beloved human Jeeves.

“You know I really don’t mind it, don’t you?”

“I don’t doubt you, Bertram," he said, drying his hair with the remaining towel and wrapping it around his waist. “Human form is simply more comfortable to sleep in, since man is a terrestrial animal and doesn’t desiccate.”

“Or if he does, it just takes a b. and s. to put him right again.”

“Precisely, sir," he said, steering me back to bed and wrapping around me once I had crawled under the covers, pausing only to fold and hang the towels, because Jeeves’ Jeevesness can be counted upon no matter what form he’s wearing. Warm in his two human arms, I finally dozed off to dream of an octopus’s garden.