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Words I Couldn't Send

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Today they hung up your photo on a wall and talked for hours about your achievements.

I felt like I was breaking the whole time. I still do because I am broken and I don’t think anything can ever fix this.

You left a hole in me, you know that? I was doing fine without you I didn’t know that I needed you until you came along and then


I don’t know where I’m going with this. I don’t know where I’m going with anything. I can’t sleep. I’m so damn tired but I can’t sleep. And you used to tell me to write out my thoughts remember? so that's what I'm doing right now. Though that was when I had five assignments due in a week. It was pretty solid advice then. It doesn’t work so well when your best friend dies on you.

You used to say Keith, youre too smart sometimes and your brain goes too fast. You gotta clear out your head and let yourself shut down sometimes.

I’m shutting down. I’m shutting down and it’s so cold when you’re not here and

And I don’t even know anymore. I don’t know what the point of writing this was except to say that they hung your photo on a wall next to matt’s and his dad’s and they lowered the flags to half mast and talked about bravery and being noble and hardworking. they went on about duty and the greater good and the acehivements of mankind.

But no one talked about YOU. No one talked about the way you used to wink at me sometimes when you stood up on that stage. No one talked about how you walked through the searing heat to take a stray cat to the shelter and ended up scratched all over. No one talked about how you snorted when you laugh, how you used to mix all your potatoes in with your gravy and meat until it was all one gross pile of goop, or how you’re stupidly scared of butterflies but deal with spiders just fine and I’m the only one left to remember that.

I’m the only you left to carry that, and it’s too much. It’s done for them. Everyone else. They put your photo on the wall, said a bunch of stuff that didn’t mean anything, and that’s it for them. Youre done. You’re gone.

I’ll never see you again and I’m so scared shiro. Im scared of forgetting your voice, Im scared of not remember the way you felt or what you looked like. I’m so scared cause if the worlds forgotten you already, what hope do I have against the world? If they never even saw you for everything that you were, how the hell do I cling to it?

Ive lost you already. And Im so scared I’m only gonna lose you again, bit by stupid bit.

I just want you to come back.

That’s all Im asking just please PLEASE come back to me.