It’s late. Too late. Late enough that the moonlight burns your eyes as you down whiskey, your stomach burbling in acid. Your eyes are raw, bright red and your cheeks feel like they have Roadburn. The door creaks open, a pitiful sound that sends your heart reeling but you don’t turn. You don’t feel like it.
You feel warm arms wrap around your shoulders, and you tilt your head back into the chest of Cas, breathing in his scent and preparing yourself for what comes next.
“You’re supposed to be in bed,” you say, voice impossibly low and cracked. Castiel pulls a chair up next to you, wincing at the slight pull of unhealed skin and blood that still sluggishly trickles out from time to time. You swallow your guilt and pull another harsh sip from your tumbler. Your face heats up when he cocks his head, studying you.
“I wanted to come see you,” he replies and you duck your head, hiding the shameful tears and your pink ears. You set your drink glass down on the table beside you with a heavy thunk… it reminds you of this night, of just a few precarious hours before.
The lighting was terrible, you could barely see a few feet in front of your face and you couldn’t stretch your arm far enough to reach the tempting flashlight. You groaned, throwing your hands up in defeat and abandoned it where it rolled, not wanting to keep your back turned for too long. It was just Cas and you tonight, hidden in the small home of a few vamps. They’d turned to eating people after the local farmers learned a few things they never should’ve been tipped off on. It was a shame, really, that you had to kill these vamps. But more shameful were the early graves stuck in a cemetery where they didn’t belong.
A step echoed behind you and you turned, catching the quick, unnatural movement of a man before you were thrown across the room, your arm cracking against wood. You winced, crying out slightly and taking your throwing stars from your pocket.
He hit your head on the ground before you could use them.
“You think we wanted this?” he was mumbling over to you, his voice steely but wavering with emotion, “we just wanted to live. But how can we do that without blood? And now, because we’ve had no other choice we’re being hunted down like vermin?”
You glared in his direction, cradling your broken arm close to your chest,” you always have a choice,” your voice rang out clear. His eyes didn’t soften.
“Maybe, in a world just right. And maybe, in another world, I wouldn’t have to kill you.”
You tried to get up but he kicked out, blowing out your ankle and sending you toppling down to the floor. He went for your jugular and you sent a wild foot at his abdomen, knocking him back a few feet. He pounced and you rolled, he swung and you dodged, he chased and you ran until you couldn’t anymore. You were backed up against a window, the cool glass pressing against the small of your back.
“I guess this is the end, huh?” he taunted and you scowled, scanning for anything you could use to your advantage, you saw the slight gleam of Cas’ eyes in the far corner of the room and gave a slight nod. This was a very good sign.
“Maybe, or maybe this is a world just right.”
He had one brief moment of confusion, a sickening second of a slick smirk sliding off his face as Castiel jabbed an angel blade into his neck, decapitating the monster. You shivered as you felt his blood coat your face.
“Thanks,” you nodded at the angel but you paused when he didn’t nod back. You didn’t know when the second vamp had crept up, pinning Castiel against his body, the same angel blade used to kill his brother precariously perched against Cas’ abdomen.
“Don’t,” you pleaded but the blade plunged anyway into your fiancee. Your heart was ripped to shreds.
Everything was a blur, you were now cradling Cas in your arms, his face pale and stricken, with the vamp forgotten to the side, his throat jaggedly cut from your knife, but you didn’t remember killing him. All you could remember was Cas and anger and grief.
“You’re going to be okay,” you begged, pretending it was a promise. Cas did too if the slight nod he gave back was any indication before his eyes slid shut and you ran to your car, wishing and cursing the Gods for this. If Cas didn’t make it… no, it wouldn’t come to that.
But it wasn’t a few hours earlier, it was now and it hurt. “Why?” You ask and it takes Cas a moment to realize that you’re answering his reply from several minutes before. His head cocks again and he lays a hand lightly on your shoulder.
You shake your head and he sighs, his brow furrowing. “D-did I… do something to upset you?”
You avoid his gaze, “no Cas, I did.” The stupid head cock again, deeper and sharper and painful. You were going to miss that mannerism, how adorable it was, how it meant he was thinking and engaged and in love.
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m not good for you Cas, I-I almost got you killed. If I hadn’t been searching for the damn flashlight I wouldn’t have been caught off guard and we would have noticed the second vamp.”
His hand moved to rest over the wound in his stomach and you flinched. He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.
“Y/N, this wasn’t your fault.” But it was. His face turned stormy, his eyebrows drawn down and forward, angry. “I won’t let you do this.”
“It was me, though, Cas. I can’t be with you, we can’t be with each other. I’ll get you killed.”
“That’s my choice.”
You shook your head adamantly, “It’s not the right choice if it sends you into a plot in the ground.”
He grabs your arms and you look at him, lips parted. He’s more serious than you’ve ever seen him, eyes pinned on you, mouth set. This is the warrior Cas, the Cas that avenged the heavens, that led wars and murdered and cried for his cause. You swallowed, suddenly feeling small and weak.
“I’d rather die tomorrow than live 100 years without knowing you.”
“But how could you know?” you ask, your voice meek and little and you take a glance at the engagement ring on your hand. How could Cas, ancient, wise, beautiful Cas choose you out of all the people on the planet to marry, how he could choose you to die over?
He runs a finger over the diamond, his body language softening. This is the Cas that’s always there for you. Without skipping a beat he whispers, “ “I’ve seen all the souls in the universe, Y/N, but none as beautiful as yours.”
You kiss him, letting the stress, the worries pour out into passion. He grips the sides of your head and deepens the kiss, licking your bottom lip to ask for permission before slipping his tongue into your mouth. You groan and run your hands down his shirt, lightly moving over the spot he was stabbed. He stiffens and you pull away, gasping.
“I’m so sorry,” you cry.
He smiles, shakes his head and declares, “beautiful,” before swooping back in.