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A Family Can Be Seven Idiot Boyfriends

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Jeon Jungkook has logged on.


Jeon Jungkook has changed his nickame to "GoldenMakbae"


GoldenMakbae: Perfect, that'll piss everyone off.


GoldenMakbae has created groupchat "A Family Can Be Seven Boyfriends".


GoldenMakbae has added users Kim Namjoon, Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung to group chat "A Family Can Be Seven Boyfriends".

GoldenMakbae: welcome to hell, lovers. there are complimentary jackets in the gift shop. enjoy your stay.

Kim Taehyung: kookie ur nickname is so fucking stupid
Kim Taehyung: i love it
Kim Taehyung: gimme one? pretty please?


Min Yoongi: a concept: do NOT give me one


GoldenMakbae: lmao you're all so predictable, i called it, i truly am the golden mak...............bae


Min Yoongi: I'm kicking you out of the band goodbye you little shit


GoldenMakbae: babe please

GoldenMakbae: you don't have the authority

GoldenMakbae: anyway


GoldenMakbae has changed Kim Taehyung's nickname to "Baehyung"


Baehyung: IT'S PERFECT, IT'S EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WANTED


Kim Namjoon: Why did we raise you like this? Where did we go so wrong?


GoldenMakbae: probs when you started fucking each other, and also me, and also we're all fucking


Kim Namjoon: Hey now, that's not fair. We waited until you were an adult for all that. Something went very wrong with you WAY before that.


Baehyung: lmao kookie roasted


GoldenMakbae: pft whatever


Jung Hoseok: You guys can't see him right now but he's staring at this phone and tearing up


GoldenMakbae: wtf traitor


GoldenMakbae changed Jung Hoseok's nickname to "Tiniest Dick in BTS"


Tiniest Dick in BTS: ok. first of all, rude.


Min Yoongi: LMAO


Tiniest Dick in BTS: second of all, definitely not true @Park Jimin


Park Jimin: WHOA HYUNG DON'T COME FOR ME LIKE THAT I SUCKED UR DICK LIKE 30 MINUTES AGO WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THAT CALL OUT


Tiniest Dick in BTS: but did i lie


Park Jimin: fuck y'all me and my lil dick are cute

Kim Seokjin: true. You're so easy to carry around and so cuddly mwah xoxo


Park Jimin: at least Jin appreciates me. Relationship with BTS: over. Jin is my new main ho


Tiniest Dick in BTS: aw Jiminie you know I'm just teasing.
Tiniest Dick in BTS: also this nickname is way too long it takes up half the screen. git gud kookie.


GoldenMakbae: soz seokie. lemme try again


Golden Makbae has changed Tiniest Dick in BTS's name to "Sunshine"


Sunshine: Much better!


GoldenMakbae: <3


GoldenMakbae has changed Kim Seokjin's nickname to "Handsome Man Take Me By The Hand"


Handsome Man Take Me By The Hand: no, Kookie


Baehyung: kook p l e a s e


GoldenMakbae: y'all don't appreciate art that's what this is smh


GoldenMakbae has changed Handsome Man Take Me By The Hand's nickname to "Disney Prince"


Disney Prince: ... approved, carry on


Kim Namjoon: He's right.


Min Yoongi: hell yeah


Disney Prince: wtf I'm crying both of you come here and cuddle I'm lying in Hoseok's bed


Kim Namjoon: I'm on my way


Min Yoongi: yeah I might come


Sunshine: lmao Yoongi don't even act like you didn't just sprint out of the room at full speed


Park Jimin: gotta go fast


Min Yoongi: wtf Hobi all ur doing today is exposing people. who hurt you?


Sunshine: that's what you get for not inviting me to a cuddle pile on mY OWN FUCKING BED FAKE BOYFRIENDS


Disney Prince: aw babe <3 I'm sorry, come here, there's room between my legs


Sunshine:...........forgiven


GoldenMakbae: kinky


Kim Namjoon: we're really all just cuddling, kook


GoldenMakbae: typical old people


Disney Prince: I'm putting you up for adoption u trash child


Park Jimin: am i the favourite child now?


Baehyung: fuck u jimin meet me in the pit 5pm fight to the death 1v1


Park Jimin: ok but i have to be home by 8pm i have a bed time


Min Yoongi: Jin, do you HAVE to refer to people you are in a romantic relationship with as "your children"?


Disney Prince: u don't know my life


GoldenMakbae: well. anyway, no one has given me any attention in like... 30 seconds. So back to me please


Sunshine: ffs lmao


GoldenMakbae has changed Kim Namjoon's nickname to "Daddy"


Daddy: ... I'll allow it


Park Jimin: i like it


Baehyung: you would


Park Jimin: was that a whole entire KINKSHAME coming from someone I've seen wearing a collar before?


Baehyung: ...
Baehyung: LOVE the nickame joons, it's super cute


Baehyung: :)


Min Yoongi: fake lmao


GoldenMakbae changed Min Yoongi's nickname to "Smol and Angry"


Smol and Angry: i'll bite ur fucking dick off u shithead


GoldenMakbae: does this not prove my point?


Disney Prince: aw it suits you


Smol and Angry changed his nickname to "AgustD"


AgustD: anyone touches my nickname and I will Fite


Daddy: it's not just Kook. Why are we ALL like this?


Sunshine: Jungkookie you left out Jiminie :'(


Park Jimin: i'm not special enough for a nickname rip in peace in pieces


GoldenMakbae: hold ur dang horses I was getting there


GoldenMakbae changed Park Jimin's nickname to "BabyBoy"


BabyBoy: that's some real shit right there some goooood shit


Daddy: 10/10


Sunshine: hey jiminie, joonie? why are YOU like this?

 

Baehyung: OH HOW THE TURNTABLES


Disney Prince: We are literally a l l fucking each other how are people still managing to kinkshame?


AgustD: A Family Can Be Seven Asshole Kinkshaming Boyfriends Who Pretend Like They Don't Already Know All This Shit About Each Other Just For Shits And Gigs


GoldenMakbae: I tried making that the group chat name but it's too long


BabyBoy: homophobia at its finest


Daddy: ANYWAY
Daddy: not that this hasn't been a DELIGHT


Disney Prince: you can't even TRY to not be sarcastic, can you?


Daddy: was there a reason you created this group chat Kookie?


GoldenMakbae: ... yes. But you'll laugh


AgustD: probably


Sunshine: savage yoongi


AgustD: xoxo <3


Disney Prince: tell us sweetheart


GoldenMakbae: wellllllllllll...
GoldenMakbae: with the comeback coming up soon, everyone is really super busy. Sure we have dance practice, but we also have separate vocal training and interviews and even when we ARE together as a group we're distracted and working hard and then we're at the dorm and we're sleeping and

GoldenMakbae is typing...


Baehyung: good thing you're typing or you would have passed out trying to say that all in one go


BabyBoy: legends only


GoldenMakbae: i just miss everyone is all. And when I'm separate from everyone i feel like i'm missing out on stuff. so maybe if more of it's captured here I won't feel so lonely even though we're in the same dang room 75% of the time. idk it's dumb


Sunshine: YOONGI'S CRYING


AgustD: fuck you hoseok

Sunshine: Oh right, sorry... Hey, EVERYONE! AGUSTD IS CRYING!! Better? :) <3

AgustD: you're officially my least favourite boyfriend and also person

BabyBoy: oh shit i'm emotional


Disney Prince: everyone who hasn't already, report to the Cuddle Pile on Hoseok's bed. Doctor's orders.


Baehyung: that made me gay kookie


Daddy: tae, I really hate to break it to you, but you're already gay. you're dating six men


Baehyung: WHAT. why did no one TELL me


GoldenMakbae: LMAO


Baehyung: ;)

 

Chapter Text

Disney Prince has logged into "A Family Can Be Seven Boyfriends".

Disney Prince: I am having a Bad Morning Full Of Sads(tm).

Disney Prince: all available boyfriends report to me for Soft and Good Cuddles(tm) immediately 

AgustD: Jin... did you read comments again?

Disney Prince:... no

AgustD: ...

Disney Prince: I'm a bad dancer and im dragging bts down im so sorry im fucki

AgustD: oh my god holy shit NO i am on my way to cuddle you to death fuck this fuck them

Daddy: do I have to find a way to kill the Whole Entire Internet? Jinnie I can hear you crying from the kitchen 

Disney Prince: ahaha no it was just a slight overreaction just a little tantrum on my end :)))

Disney Prince: I'm fine now yoongs is wrapped around me!!!

Sunshine: narrator: he was not fine

Disney Prince: >.>

Disney Prince: ahaha seriously I'm totally fine now! I'm worldwide handsome I'm basically the greatest person on earth :)

AgustD: Uh-huh. I'd be more convinced if you weren't nuzzled into my neck and crying as we speak.

Sunshine: type**

Disney Prince: pft I am not you have no proof I'm doing that

Daddy: I just walked in and saw you

Disney Prince: I must've been cloned.

Disney Prince: ... come cuddle too, joonie

Daddy: fuck i'm soft for you assholes

---------

Kim Namjoon has created a group chat.

Kim Namjoon changed the name of the group chat to "Protecc Jin"

Kim Namjoon has added Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok.

Kim Namjoon: my heart hurts

Min Yoongi: same

Jung Hoseok: same

Kim Namjoon: so I'm thinking shower him with affection all day every day?

Jung Hoseok: hell YEAH i'm on board

Min Yoongi: anything to cheer him up. I haven't seen him so sad since after debut

Min Yoongi: what about the maknaes?

Kim Namjoon: ah, they have a tendency to tease. i know it's not malicious but, ya know, probs not what jinnie needs right now

Jung Hoseok: :( if you think it's for the best joons

Kim Namjoon: i do!

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Group Chat: "A Family Can Be Seven Boyfriends"

AgustD: hey @Disney Prince?

Disney Prince: what's up?

AgustD: i'm love you?

Disney Prince: get out of here u meme fucker

BabyBoy: cute lol

-----------

Sunshine: hey can I get uuuuuuuuuh.... some love and affection

GoldenMakbae: yeah sure, I'll head over now

Sunshine: not from you you burnt piece of toast

GoldenMakbae: i'm running away from home

Sunshine: <3 kidding, i love you guk, but I want Jin-Brand affection pls @Disney Prince

Baehyung: lmao Jin just dropped his phone and sprinted towards your room, hobi

Daddy: I've never seen that man say no to cuddles tbh

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Daddy: oh my god @AgustD and I are at the studio now editing, and Jin your voice for your new solo

Daddy:  holy shit

Daddy: i have found religion

Disney Prince: isgdijd;fo don't exaggerate omg

AgustD: he's not

AgustD: you sound beautiful

AgustD: also he won't mention it but he's hard

AgustD: just from your voice

Daddy: fuck you i get into the music is that so wrong

Disney Prince: idgposdf i'm blushing

Disney Prince: also @AgustD help him out with that, since I can't

AgustD: already on it ;)

BabyBoy: REMEMBER TO LOCK THE STUDIO DOORS. REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME?

GoldenMakbae: rip in peace in pieces, Sejin, Manager Who Has Seen Too Much(tm)

Baehyung: sejin is a bro tho, he's kept his mouth shut all this time

BabyBoy: who would believe him?

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Private Chat: Jeon Jungkook and Kim Namjoon

Jeon Jungkook changed his nickname to "Kookie"

Kookie has changed Kim Namjoon's nickname to "Joonie"

Kookie: alright

Kookie: what the f u c k is going on and why aren't the babies invited?

Joonie: did you seriously just refer to yourself, Tae, and Jiminie as "the babies"

Joonie: bc as far as I was aware, only Jimin liked being called that if u know what i'm sayin

Kookie: don't make me kinkshame, and this is serious

Kookie: jin-hyung has a straight up fucking breakdown in the chat

Kookie: you and the hyungs disappear for a few hours, whispering and typing on your phones

Kookie: and now there's like a co-ordinated air-strike of Jin compliments happening every few hours in the groupchat

Kookie: you know I can't stand being left out :( what's going on?

Joonie: oh, sweetheart, we didn't mean to make you feel left out :(

Joonie: we're just trying to make jin feel better is all!

Kookie: but we love him too - why wouldn't you invite us?

Joonie: uh. it's just, you know? sometimes you get a bit harsh with your teasing. Especially on camera. He hides it, but it hurts him a lot, it especially did in the first few months of the band when he felt most vulnerable

Kookie: I...

Joonie: please don't be mad :(

Kookie: he told you that?

Joonie: yeah he confided in me, back when me and him were the only ones who were together romantically. back in the middle ages hahaha. please don't make fun of him for it?

Kookie: make fun of him for it? oh my god I am literally drowning in guilt right now and you think i'm going to start teasing him????

Kookie:  i had no idea i hurt him so much jdhgpsodijgasokfapfnigsjmwops i'm throwing myself out a window

Joonie: kook no he's over it, don't stress, i was just being overcautious

Kookie: invite me, Tae and Jiminie into the groupchat I'm assuming you created to co-ordinate this shit

Kookie:  we're complimenting our motherfucking boyfriend until he cries

------------

Kim Namjoon has logged into "Protecc Jin"

Kim Namjoon added Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, Jeon Jungkook

Park Jimin: hey. Kookie explained. my heart hurts

Min Yoongi: de ja vu whoa

Kim Taehyung: how can we help?

Jung Hoseok: easy!

Jung Hoseok: be soft for ur pretty boyfriend

Jeon Jungkook: oh that really is easy because i already am

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Group Chat: A Family Can Be Seven Boyfriends

Disney Prince: @Baehyung not that I'm complaining, because I can never get enough of any of you, but was that interview really the appropriate place to stick your hand down my pants you little shit

Daddy: holy shit tae, you did WHAT?

Baehyung: ( *’ω’* ) I'm sorry not sorry Jin, you looked so fucking good in those pants

BabyBoy: i mean i don't disagree but JESUS tae. did anyone see?

Baehyung: nah no one noticed, the interviewer was too busy ignoring Joonie's handshakes and we were hidden by a table

Daddy: i don't deserve this

Disney Prince: i came in my pants like a teenager you asshole, i felt so nasty the rest of the day

Baehyung: yeah but the little noises you made trying to keep quiet as you came made ME come in my pants so you won in the end

AgustD: i'm on the phone with jesus right now, reporting all of you sinners

Sunshine: yoongi you literally just shoved your hand down your pants and started jerkin off in the living room, in front of me

AgustD:  they're sexting in the group chat and i am a weak man

--------------

BabyBoy: @DisneyPrince can I please be on the next episode of EatJin with you?? I miss it :3

Disney Prince: of course sweetheart, anything to make my baby boy happy

GoldenMakbae: why do you and joons spoil jiminie like this I AM THE ACTUAL BABY DANGIT

Disney Prince: because Jiminie is a good boy unlike you, ShitHead McGee

GoldenMakbae: harsh but fair

Disney Prince: any food requests @BabyBoy?

BabyBoy: any food you make would be wonderful jinnie :D

Disney Prince: ( ˘ ³˘)♥

BabyBoy: (*^ワ^*)

---------------

GoldenMakbae: i remember when everyone but me was dating

Daddy: aw kookie don't be sad, we loved you, we just had to wait

GoldenMakbae: hahaha no it's ok, I understand NOW that I was too young. Still drove me crazy trying to figure out what I was being excluded from tho

Baehyung: bet none of your guesses came close to the truth

GoldenMakbae: yeah you'd win that bet, I had no idea. Cult? I was being kicked from the band? Y'all were going on drinking benders without me? Who knew!

BabyBoy: lmaoooo nice try

GoldenMakbae: haha yeah :)

GoldenMakbae: and then one day, not long after my birthday, jin-hyung came into my room and sat me down. Explained what was happening. He was so careful and detailed in his explanations. He wanted me to understand completely

AgustD: Informed consent and open communication is my kink

Sunshine: LOL

GoldenMakbae: he told me this was an all-or-nothing situation. I could have all of you, or none of you, as you'd all already agreed upon it being a closed-poly relationship. No side-hos for BTS

GoldenMakbae: as if i'd disagree, as if i wasn't already madly fucking in love with all of you. Even if I didn't realise it until that moment

Daddy: I'm not crying you're crying

GoldenMakbae: i consented so quickly and so eagerly he laughed

GoldenMakbae: he was so warm. his eyes were crinkled as he smiled at me. god i had so many butterflies in my stomach. 

GoldenMakbae: he asked if he could be the first to kiss me, as was tradition when you all invited a new person in

Sunshine: i remember that. we uh............quickly progressed past kissing, whoops. But I already had an inkling of what was going on and was slightly more prepared ;)

GoldenMakbae: I agreed, and he kissed me, and he was so soft and warm and I had never been so happy in my entire life

GoldenMakbae: he was my first kiss

GoldenMakbae: i was so in love, and then each of you came into the room one-by-one, making sure not to overwhelm me, and I knew i would never need anyone but you six

Baehyung: i think my heart just grew six sizes this night, how DARE you kookie

Disney Prince: ...

Disney Prince: i may or may not be crying

Disney Prince: come here kook

Disney Prince: pick out a movie, we'll curl up on the lounge and watch it

Disney Prince: you're all invited

Disney Prince: i love you

Disney Prince: i love you all

AgustD: THIS IS THE SOFTEST I'VE EVER FELT I NEED TO GO PUNCH SOME WALLS TO FEEL MANLY AGAIN

--------------------

Group Chat: "A Family Can Be Seven Boyfriends"

3am

Disney Prince: i know what you guys were doing

Disney Prince: and i know you're all asleep right now but i'm lying here thinking of all of you. fondly.

Disney Prince: you all have the subtlety of a collapsing building

Disney Prince: but i appreciate it

Disney Prince: and it worked, i know for sure how loved i am

Disney Prince: thank you. all of you.

Disney Prince has logged out of "A Family Can Be Seven Boyfriends"

Chapter Text

Sunshine has logged into “A Family Can Be Seven Boyfriends


Sunshine: good morning all my favourite people! except for @AgustD my least favourite person, who stole my hoodie this morning

 

AgustD: no regrets you smell so good and i know what i'm about


Sunshine: Does anybody want to come help me work on this stupid choreography? It’s driving me crazy


BabyBoy: I’ll come!! I’ll be at the studio within the hour!!


Sunshine: aw jiminie thank you ♪(・ω・)ノ


BabyBoy: anything to spend more time with you hobi :3


GoldenMakbae: suspicious.


GoldenMakbae: both of u being so eager to work on one of our days off?


GoldenMakbae: this is an elaborate ruse. Yall just wanna use the mirrors while you fuck. I see through this


Sunshine: not true!!!! >:/ I’ve been working really hard on this routine and need someone to bounce ideas off


GoldenMakbae: sounds fake but ok (srsly tho lemme know if u need more help I’ll come over I don’t mind a bit of dancing on our day off)


BabyBoy: ( ^ ᴗ ^ )ε^ )


Daddy: lmao kookie could you have sounded more like a fuqboi? Hahahahaha


GoldenMakbae: ohohohoho


Baehyung: oh no


GoldenMakbae: OHOHOHOHOHO


Baehyung: O H N O NAMJOON WHY DID YOU DO THIS???


Daddy:… what?


Baehyung: did you SERIOUSLY just issue a direct challenge to one Jeon Jungkook?


Daddy: ah. Yes. In hindsight. I am a Fool


GoldenMakbae has changed his nickname to xoxoTinderLoverxoxo


Disney Prince: I TAKE AN HOUR TO HAVE A NICE RELAXING BATH AND WORLD WAR 3 BREAKS LOOSE. THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULDN’T BE LEFT ALONE WITH THE CHILDREN JOONS


Daddy: what have I done

 

Disney Prince: i want a divorce

 

AgustD: youre married to all of us tho nice fuckin try there's no escape

 

Disney Prince: at any other time that would be super romantic but...


xoxoTinderLoverxoxo: a bath??? Without me??? owo :3 invite me next time ;)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


Disney Prince: NOOOOOOO


AgustD: welp, it’s official everyone, BTS is cancelled. We had a good run pack it up lads.

-----------

Sunshine: hey, so, uh, update


Sunshine: kookie, fuqboi-ness aside, was 100% correct


Sunshine: all those mirrors did was draw attention to jiminies sinful fucking hips as he danced


BabyBoy: hobi pls (/ω\)


Sunshine: I am a weak man and a sinner


Sunshine: and also we need to install mirrors in the dorm immediately


AgustD: no.


BabyBoy: hobi carry me back to dorm? I’m having trouble walking(˶′◡‵˶)


Sunshine: of course sweetheart


AgustD: @Sunshine why don’t you ever fuck me that hard? Wtf favoritism


Sunshine: Just wait.


AgustD: [nervous sweating]


xoxoTinderLoverxoxo: ohohoho.


Daddy: oh here we go


xoxoTinderLoverxoxo: I vote yes on the mirrors. Right above my bed ;) ;) you're all invited ;) ;) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


Disney Prince: you don’t get a vote until u cut this shit OUT


xoxoTinderLoverxoxo: THIS ISN’T A PHASE THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM


Baehyung: hey unrelated side note who ate all the bread I was really looking forward to some fucking toast you inconsiderate assholes


Disney Prince: NOT THE TIME TAE

-------------


Private Chat: Jung Hoseok and Park Jimin


Jung Hoseok: I didn’t really hurt you that badly did I baby? 


Jung Hoseok: if I was too rough today just tell me and Ill be more careful in the future!!!


Park Jimin: oh no no hobi please don’t worry!!!


Park Jimin: its just the right amount of pain ;)


Park Jimin: I really just wanted an excuse to ask you for a piggyback ride to the dorm


Jung Hoseok: if you’re sure (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc) I love you baby boy


Park Jimin: (≧∇≦)/ im sure! I love you too, daddy #4!!!

 

Jung Hoseok: IM FOURTH?! UNBELIEVABLE 

 

Park Jimin: hahahahaha one day I'll give everyone separate nicknames, but I'm still new to this kink so i havent had a chance yet :3 it goes Jin and Joon, yoongi-ah, you, taetae, and then kookie. It'd be purely on age order, except joonie is the most into the kink besides me. Forgive me?

 

Jung Hoseok: i was never really mad baby nothing to forgive ≧﹏≦

 

Jung Hoseok: ugh yoongi is right, kink negotiation and clear communication really IS a kink wtf

 

Park Jimin: LOL

--------------

Private Chat: Jeon Jungkook and Kim Taehyung


Jeon Jungkook: pssst


Jeon Jungkook: I walked to the store and got you some bread. And also some banana bread in case you’re feeling wild


Kim Taehyung: dksk omg thank you kookie <3


Kim Taehyung: that’s so sweet. And also suspiciously not fuqboi-like


Jeon Jungkook: shhhh don’t tell the others, itll blow my cover


Kim Taehyung: what, and reveal youre not REALLY a fuqboi and are actually the sweetest boyfriend ever?


Kim Taehyung: yeah I think they already know that honey

---------------

Group Chat: A Family Can Be Seven Boyfriends


AgustD: yo who the fuck just left a dildo lying in the living room im trying to eat my damn croissant in peace and its staring at me


xoxoTinderLoverxoxo: I think the real question is who HASN’T left a dildo in the living room if you know what I mean amirite amirite? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


AgustD: ok so first of all, die


AgustD: second of all, I hate that you’re 100% correct


AgustD: why are we like this


Disney Prince: oh sorry that’s mine, Joonie and I got a bit frisky while watching Lord of The Rings


BabyBoy: im sorry but WHICH part of lotr got you horny??? I have some concerns


BabyBoy: like which Orc got you hard huh??? You can tell us this is a space safe


Daddy: legolas is a handsome elf and I will not be kinkshamed by a man I've seen using a pacifier

 

BabyBoy: ALL OF YOU LOVE WATCHING ME SUCK ON IT AND I WILL NOT APOLOGISE FOR MY ORAL FIXATION

 

Disney Prince: joon leave jiminie alone

 

BabyBoy: thanks daddy... #1

 

Daddy: BETRAYAL

 

Baehyung: Top 10 Anime Betrayals

 

Sunshine: I have a bigger question


Sunshine: in a house with 7 dicks basically constantly available


Sunshine: why do we need so many fuckin dildos


Disney Prince: you lack imagination hobi щ(`Д´щ;)


Daddy: oh im sorry does YOUR dick vibrate now, hoseok?


Sunshine: … touche


Baehyung: god that’d be the fucking dream tho amirite


xoxoTinderLoverxoxo: EYYY UP TOP ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


BabyBoy: I just want everyone to know they were making out and literally stopped making out so they could hi-five


AgustD: go big or go home bruh

-------------


xoxoTinderLoverxoxo: sooo what is everyone wearing :3 :3 OWO


Daddy: a tshirt and jeans?? I’m at the studio???


xoxoTinderLoverxoxo: >.> ok anyone BUT joons?


Daddy: rude


Baehyung: maid uniform


xoxoTinderLoverxoxo: haha


xoxoTinderLoverxoxo: oh wait shit really??


Baehyung: Yah. Yoongi and hoseok are making me watch while they finish fucking 


Baehyung: im not allowed to touch myself at all 


Baehyung: hobi is really making good on his promise to fuck yoongi until he cant walk


Baehyung: romance isnt dead. I have a heart boner. And also a boner. Which, have I mentioned, IM NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH IM IN HELL


xoxoTinderLoverxoxo has changed Baehyung’s nickname to “Maidhyung”


Maidhyung: witty


xoxoTinderLoverxoxo: and where’s my invite owo :3


Maidhyung: hobi said youre invited if you cut out the fuqboi shit


xoxoTinderLoverxoxo has changed his nickname to “Kookie”


Kookie: ON MY FUCKING WAY HOLD ON


Maidhyung: predictable


Disney Prince: :( jiminie and I were just cooking dinner, do we get an invite??


Maidhyung: yoongi said “ugh-AH of course”


Maidhyung: I added the ugh-ah for emphasis


Maidhyung: hobi is really going to town


BabyBoy: on our way!! Just gotta put the food in the warmer!!!! Nobody come until we get there!!


Maidhyung: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO MENTION I’M NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH MYSELF IM CERTAINLY NOT COMING ANY TIME SOON YOU TRASH BOYFRIENDS

 ----------

5 minutes later


Daddy: wtf guys the ONE day I’m the only one out of the dorm is the day you guys organise an impromptu orgy???


Daddy: I am Hurt ™


Daddy: guys??????


Daddy: :(


Disney Prince: we’re waiting for you Joon. Hurry. The babies are getting impatient and poor yoongi can only handle this vibrator for so long


Daddy: GOTTA GO F A S T

 

Chapter Text

Maidhyung has logged into "A Family Can Be Seven Boyfriends"

Maidhyung: henlo stinkies

MaidHyung: does anyone wanna come watch One Piece in my room? I have fish crackers and a mountain of soda and an urge to CUDDLE


Kookie: aish sorry taetae im at the dance studio with jiminie!! Another time tho <3


Maidhyung: ^.^ no worries gukkie!! @DisneyPrince? Ive never known you to turn down cuddles and junk food!!!!


Disney Prince: im sorry little love I’m out shopping with joonie(ˆ⌣ˆ)ε`●) rain check?


Maidhyung: aaww that’s a shame!! Rain check it is!!!


Maidhyung: @Sunshine @AgustD ?? Any takers?


Sunshine: me and yoongs are at the dog park!!! Another day sweetheart!!


Maidhyung: oh you guys went to the dog park? Haha that’s like my fave place ever but I guess u forgot no biggie!!!


AgustD: it was an impromptu trip taetae we’re sorry!


Maidhyung: haha its all good I understand!! :D


Maidhyung: youre all paired up too!!!


Maidhyung: that’s super cute!!!! Haha


5 minutes later


Maidhyung: oh no reply


Maidhyung: oh well guess you’re all busy ill see you all tonight?


15 minutes later


Maidhyung is typing…


Maidhyung has stopped typing.


Kim Namjoon has entered Group Chat “Don’t Tell Tae”


Kim Namjoon: think he suspects?


Park Jimin: nah he’s so trusting we’re fine hahaha 

----------

Group Chat: "A Family Can Be Seven Boyfriends"

Daddy: I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IIIIIIIIIIIIIIS

Sunshine: I WANT YOU TO SHOW MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Maidhyung: OMW

Sunshine: NOT YOU

Maidhyung: don't be fucking r u d e

-----------

Maidhyung: @Kookie bruh where are you we were going out for lunch????

Kookie: OH SHIT SORRY

Kookie: i got distracted, uh

Kookie: playing overwatch

Kookie: with jiminie

BabyBoy: wha

BabyBoy: oh yeah overwatch sorry taetae lol come join us?

Maidhyung: no it's all good! i'm starving i'ma go grab some food!

Kookie: ok love u

Maidhyung: love u 2 :/

Maidhyung: whoops :)** haha

------------

Group Chat: "Don't Tell Tae"

Jeon Jungkook: aish sorry jiminie we were finally getting some decisions made :P

Park Jimin: all good. we'll continue the discussion later, without disruptions

Jeon Jungkook: hahaha what a little pest he is ;)

-------------

Group Chat: "A Family Can Be Seven Boyfriends"

Disney Prince: alright, who the fuck ate all the plum candy??

Maidhyung: uuuuuh i did?

Maidhyung: it's my fave candy??

Maidhyung: jinnie you always buy it for me lol no one else really eats it

Disney Prince: god damn it tae

Disney Prince: i uh

Disney Prince: i needed that

Maidhyung: oh i'm really sorry jinnie ;_; i didn't realise you wanted some this time

Disney Prince: whatever doesn't matter

Disney Prince: goodnight.

Maidhyung: goodnight?

-------------

Group Chat: "Don't Tell Tae"

Kim Seokjin: god fucking damn it you guys

Kim Seokjin: i was up all night last night making that

Kim Seokjin: i don't think he even noticed it was home made, not store bought :/

Kim Namjoon: oh honey(Ω Д Ω)it wasnt deliberate

Kim Seokjin: i know i know. but i'm gonna have to pull another all nighter to get these candies made in time. i'm tired ;_;

Min Yoongi: and cute, you're cute too

Kim Seokjin: DON'T BE LOVELY WHEN I'M TRYING TO BE GRUMPY YOU FUCKER

Jeon Jungkook: jinnie i loooove you ( ˘ ³˘(◡‿◡˶)

Kim Seokjin: shut it maknae i don't have time for feelings

--------------

Private Chat: Kim Taehyung and Min Yoongi

Kim Taehyung has changed his nickname to "SadBoi"

SadBoi has changed Min Yoongi's nickname to "GoodHugger"

SadBoi: yoogi-ah :(

SadBoi: i feel like everyone is treating me really differently

SadBoi: almost badly

SadBoi: like people seem angry when i walk into a room??

SadBoi: and i can tell they stop the conversation they're having

SadBoi: i'm sure i'm overthinking things but i feel.................so sad??

SadBoi: i really need one of your world famous hugs

SadBoi: and like.........some genuine reassurance

SadBoi: because i really don't feel loved right now

SadBoi: and now i'm crying whoops

15 minutes later

SadBoi: fuck it i'm just gonna come to your room ready or not

5 minutes later

SadBoi: oh.

-----------

Group Chat: "A Family Can Be Seven Boyfriends"

Maidhyung: ok i get it everyone. i'm going.

Daddy: ?? going where

Maidhyung: just going. you've all made yourselves abundantly fucking clear. my contract isn't up for 2 years so we'll obviously have to see each other for work but i'll speak to Bang PD nim about lodging separately from you all

Kookie: wait wait wait what the fuck???

BabyBoy: taetae what are you talking about?? 

Maidhyung: i uh

Maidhyung: sorry its hard to type when ur crying fuck

Disney Prince: oh my god, what the fuck. tae where are you?? you're crying? tell me baby i'll be there in 5 seconds and we can talk in person

Maidhyung: no no please dont start acting like this now that just hurts more

Sunshine: wtf acting like what??

Maidhyung: like yall actually want me to be a part of all this

Daddy: i'm sorry sweetheart i really don't understand what you're saying but i'm really panicking and i need you to explain

Maidhyung: i went to Yoongi-hyung's room. Looking for some sympathy.

AgustD: oh my god Tae I JUST saw your messages, baby please, i need you to listen

AgustD is typing...

Maidhyung: doesnt matter i understand. All of you going off on adventures by yourselves. Shutting up when i walk into a room. cancelling/spacing on plans we'd made and i was really super excited about. going to the dog park without me????? getting mean??? and then when i went to Yoongi's room tonight i overheard him and Hoseok-hyung speaking about "getting me out"  jinnie i'm so sorry i ate your candy im so sorry ill buy you more i promise please dont hate me i understand none of you lvoe m anym o re b tu ple a e dont h at e me o am so so r r y i anooyed peopl e?

Disney Prince: oh my god sweetie no

AgustD: taehyung LISTEN we were just planning your birthday party. we've been going out together to look for presents for YOU. we're getting quiet when you walk in because we're talking about the party. Kookie DID forget your plans - he was distracted with Jiminie trying to organise GOT7 and KnK to be at the party. the logistics have been a nightmare. Jinnie DID yell at you and i'm sure he's super sorry but he was just really grumpy honey. He stayed up all night making your favourite candy for your party and after you ate it he realised how much more work it was going to take. He was grumpy but it wasn't YOUR fault sweetie you didn't know. And the meanness has just been the normal shitposting and teasing in the group chat. Its just that all the other stuff made it seem worse. and that conversation you overheard with hobi was about getting you out of the dorm while we set up the party, snuck in the guests, and snuck in the last present

Maidhyung: i.

Kookie: holy shit taetae i love you so much i'm so sorry i forgot please dont leave

BabyBoy: tae please say something i havent stopped crying please

Maidhyung: im an idiot?

Daddy Prince:  NO no you're not WE are idiots we should have noticed how we were treating you but we were all so distracted

Maidhyung: so i'm still crying but for a different reason i think?

Sunshine: tae we all fucking love you do you understand that? i need you to confirm plesea for my sanity

Maidhyung: yes. yes i understand that you all love me i'm so sorry i love you all too

Daddy: tae where are you? jin and i will come get you

Maidhyung: i uh. just on the gutter outside. i... didnt really know where to go

Disney Prince: come inside baby boy we're going to spoil the shit out of you. i am so sorry for yelling honey. you're officially getting 2 birthday parties, one tonight and one on the weekend as planned

AgustD:  i am going to cuddle you until you can't breathe get in here

Kookie: i s2g i've aged 5 years in 5 minutes i'm old and ugly like jin now

Disney Prince: boy i h o p e the fuck you do you gon be a DEAD son of a bitch

Kookie: ily

Disney Prince: hmph

Maidhyung: lmao

Maidhyung: wait was the dog park stuff all a lie? i really got weirdly caught up on that one little detail

Daddy: oh yeah

BabyBoy: JOONIE NO BE STRONG DONT TELL HIM

Daddy: ANYTHING TAE WANTS HE GETS I AM NOT SORRY TO BE A WEAK MAN

Daddy: we're getting you a dog. well, we got you a dog. a labrador. he's staying with sejin at the moment, and we've been taking turns going down to the dog park to see the puppy to bond, sejin takes him every afternoon. i know we all have our family pets, and obviously we all miss them, but we can't have that many animals in the dorm. So I spoke to Bang - begged, really - and we agreed. One dog, for the whole dorm. A family dog for BTS.

Sunshine: traitor

Maidhyung: oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god

Kookie: uuuuhh guys i think he's really hyperventilating

Disney Prince changed the group chat name to "Tae Appreciation Society"

Disney Prince: do you forgive us sweetheart?

Maidhyung: of course of course i'm so happy i love you all ikedfiawspfijawpf 

Maidhyung: also i now love the dog more than all of you

AgustD: YOU HAVEN'T EVEN MET HIM YET

Maidhyung: PLOT TWIST I LOVE ALL DOGS MORE THAN I LOVE ALL OF YOU

Kookie: yeah nah that's fair. also, tae?

Maidhyung: yeah?

Kookie: we're all going to try harder to communicate better. this situation could have been avoided if we'd been paying better attention to the way we were treating you. i'm sorry

Maidhyung: oh guk. i'm good with that. we'll all work harder. 

Maidhyung: now get in the damn cuddle pile, stop loitering in the doorway.

Chapter Text

Disney Prince has logged in to "Tae Appreciation Society"

Disney Prince: good morning beautifuls whats everyones agenda for today?

AgustD: jin we're in the same band and have an identical agenda you know exactly what I'm doing today down to the minute

Disney Prince: good morning beautifuls and Ugly Suga whats everyones agenda for today except for yoongi whom i dont care about

AgustD: babe please

BabyBoy: Tae and I are going down to the dog park!!!

Maidhyung: BUT WE STILL HAVENT NAMED THE PUPPY. HE'S BEEN NAMELESS FOR A WEEK. HOW CAN WE CALL HIM BACK IF HE GETS NAUGHTY WHEN HE DOESNT KNOW HIS OWN NAME

Daddy: well, why dont you name him, and then we can ALL go down to the dog park together. We dont have practice until the afternoon anyway!

Sunshine: idk man i kinda just wanted to lie in bed and maybe play some final fantasy or somethin i dunno

Disney Prince: or you could come on the family trip to the dog park :)

Sunshine: ... you know actually ive changed my mind dog park sounds great :)

-----------

Maidhyung: attention everyone!!! puppy's name is now Eight! because there are seven of us and with him we make eight! :D

AgustD: uuuh tae that's cute and all but Eight isn't really a dog's name...

Disney Prince: what was that, yoongi? :)

AgustD: in iceland! it's not a real name in iceland! but here it's a perfectly good name!

Maidhyung: yay!  (ノ´ヮ´)ノ*: ・゚

-----------

Kookie: anyone else notice how scary Jin has been lately?

Kookie: i'm so fucking turned on

AgustD: same

Daddy: same

Sunshine: same

BabyBoy: same

Maidhyung: god, same

Kookie: All My Boyfriends Lusting After Our Boyfriend, a Pure and Good concept I can get behind

Disney Prince: (˶′◡‵˶)first person to make it to my room gets their dick sucked

Maidhyung: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I HAVE NEVER SEEN JUNGKOOK SPRINT LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE. none of us even had a chance wtf

Disney Prince: i'll deal with the rest of you later. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a promise to keep

Kookie: haha sucked in i-nlsgkfdgn;ofdm;fawsf

AgustD: did we just watch kookie die

BabyBoy: yeah. yeah i think we did. and we're next

Daddy has changed Disney Prince's nickname to "Succubus"

Sunshine: big mood

Maidhyung: i love us

----------

BabyBoy: yo did anyone just hear kookie scream

BabyBoy: no?

BabyBoy: huh. just me then.

----------

Kookie: not that anyone CARED TO CHECK but that WAS me screaming as i SAW JESUS while i came

Kookie: you fuckers

Succubus: (•‿•)

Succubus: so who's next

Sunshine: i want to say yes. like dear jesus i want to say yes. but i am Afraid.

-----------

Sunshine: i didn't realise Sejin was in the room and i told namjoon i loved him

Sunshine: he just whispered "don't"  under his breath

Sunshine: he's seen some real shit, too much shit, but it was the mushy stuff that broke him

Daddy: it probably didn't help that when you DID realise he was there, you turned around, winked, and said "oh and i love you too sejinnie-oppa"

Sunshine: it was a joke

Sunshine: but in hindsight

Sunshine: he would not put it past me.

Maidhyung: one day we're going to push him too far and he's going to expose us

BabyBoy: again, i ask you, who would believe him?!

-----------

Kim Yugyeom has logged in.

Kim Yugyeom has started a private chat with Jeon Jungkook.

Kim Yugyeom has changed his nickname to "Yeommie"

Kim Yugyeom has changed Jeon Jungkook's nickname to "Shitface"

Shitface: why.

Yeommie: i sprained my ankle and i'm on bed rest.

Yeommie: the rest of got7 is training as normal and i'm alone at the dorm

Yeommie: jesus i'm so bored. ive watched every video on youtube i swear

Yeommie: there's only so many times a man can masturbate kook

Yeommie: and i think i've breached those limits

Shitface: i need you to know i regret ever meeting you

Yeommie: that's fair

Shitface: how's life?

Yeommie: same as always. spend my life hanging around 6 other men. what are girls?

Yeommie: kidding tho the guys are great the band is great. i'm loving it all :D

Shitface: that's good! also hanging around 6 other men doesn't sound so bad, i love my six men LOL

Yeommie: haha. you always talk about them so much. i've never heard you say a bad word about them outside of your jokes during interviews. it's super cute but honestly who never complains about their hyungs not even a bit?!?!?!

Shitface: aish what can i say they're just really great!

Yeommie: suspicious lol

Yeommie: so what games are you playing atm?

----------

Group Chat: "Tae Appreciation Society"

Kookie: holy shit yall

Kookie: i think yugyeommie is figuring us out

BabyBoy: WHAT

Kookie: idk he was just acting suspicious. mentioned i talk about you all too much and way too fondly

Daddy: aw BABE YOU TALK ABOUT US???

Kookie: shut the up.

Succubus: hahahahah I'm sure he won't figure it out

Kookie: yeah haha

Kookie: still it was spooky LOL

Maidhyung: everything about got7 is spooky

Kookie: don't be fucking RUDE.

----------

Daddy: i need everyone to know if any member of exo asked me out i would dump you all in a heart beat

AgustD: SAME. NOTICE ME SUHO.

Succubus: anyway both of you Can Fucking Go

BabyBoy: i can't believe i dated 2 traitors

Maidhyung: SAME BUT FOR BIG BANG

BabyBoy: apparently i have a bad taste in men i'm breaking up with all of you

Sunshine: also same but for red velvet

Succubus: bisexuals? in your neighbourhood? it's more likely than you'd think.

Kookie: idk about you guys but i'd probably hold hands with those cute BTS guys

Daddy: that is a SIN and i will not have it in my HOUSE

Daddy:...also someone come hold my hand

BabyBoy: omw to sin with namjoon

-------------

Maidhyung: Eight just started barking at an empty corner

Maidhyung: i'm so sorry i've gotta burn the dorm down this place is obviously haunted

Daddy: i know you're joking but i feel like i have to clarify

Daddy:  PLEASE do not actually burn the dorm down

Daddy: i don't wanna have to explain that to Sejin

Maidhyung: ┬┴┬┴┤(・_├┬┴┬┴

Maidhyung: i'll bide my time

Maidhyung: for now.

Chapter Text

Group Chat: "Tae Appreciation Society"

BabyBoy: ok so, first of all, im going to request that nobody panic

AgustD: well you saying that has made me panic so there goes that idea i suppose

BabyBoy: naturally

Succubus: whats wrong?? Are you ok?

BabyBoy: I'M ok

BabyBoy: hobi is, perhaps, slightly less ok

BabyBoy: we're at the hospital

BabyBoy: sejin is on his way to the dorm with the van to drive everyone here, just sit tight and wait for him :)

Daddy: OK YEAH I AM PANICKING. 

Kookie: what happened?? Is it bad?? Have you spoken to hobi?? Whats going on??

BabyBoy: so you know how me and seokie were at the studio today to work on our modern dance duet?

Maidhyung: oh god, yeah we remember

BabyBoy: well, im sure you all know i can be a little clumsy sometimes?

Maidhyung: noooo we hadnt noticed!!

BabyBoy:щ(`Д´щ;) shush you

BabyBoy: well I kinda tripped in such a way that i would have smashed my face into the glass wall

Succubus: oh my god, are you sure youre ok?

BabyBoy: yeah! ( ´ ▽ ` ) Hoseokie saved me!! Grabbed me just in time and wrapped his arms around me and threw me out of the way! It was actually super romantic. Except...

AgustD: except?

BabyBoy: the momentum he used to throw me to safety made him smash the back of his head into the glass

Maidhyung: oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god

Succubus: can someone grab tae i think hes panicking again

Daddy: dont worry i just went and got him, hes just a little freaked not a full blown panic attack

Daddy: was it bad, jiminie? Tell us baby

BabyBoy: there was a lot of blood and he wasnt waking up and i was really scared 

Kookie: holy shit

BabyBoy: but when the paramedics got there they said head wounds always look much worse then they are cus they bleed a lot. They didnt like that he was unconcious but they seemed pretty positive. Im in the waiting room now, the doctor is supposed to give us news in half an hour or so

Succubus: sejin just arrived. We're all on our way, ok?

BabyBoy: ok good

Succubus: and baby boy?

BabyBoy: yeah?

Succubus: youve been such a brave boy today. Joonie and i are so proud of you

BabyBoy: (◠‿◠✿) thank you daddy

AgustD: thats really cute and all but now is NOT THE TIME

Succubus: aish it isnt sexual all the time yoongi sometimes jiminie needs comforting and this is the best way to do it

AgustD: a likely story

BabyBoy: its true!(┬┬_┬┬)

Joonie: as much as we're overdue to sit down and discuss and negotiate jiminie's relatively newfound kink, now really isnt the time.

Joonie: we've just arrived. Sejin is leading us in. We'll be with you and hobi soon, baby.

Maidhyung: god i hope hes ok

Kookie: :(

-----------

Sunshine: i hate that i can't come home with all of you tonight :( the hospital staff are all really nice, but i miss you all and our beds 

Maidhyung: oh hobi we miss you too, this sucks

Daddy: look on the brightside! the doctors are certain you'll be ok! you're only being kept overnight for observation, and after that it's only a week of bedrest until you can get back to normal!! by tomorrow morning you'll be back with us <3

Sunshine: tomorrow can't come fast enough tho

Succubus: oh sweetheart 

Succubus has changed Sunshine's nickname to "ProtectHobi"

Succubus: i'm going to cook all your favourite meals and look after you and keep you safe and also if you ever scare me like that again i'll kick your ass

ProtectHobi: I love you too, Jin

------------

Kookie: HOBI'S HOME. HOBI'S HOME. HOBI'S HOME!!!

BabyBoy: HOBI'S HOME. HOBI'S HOME. HOBI'S HOME!!!!!

Succubus: not that this isn't adorable, but you know you guys don't have to use this chat for everything, you can just TELL him you're excited he's home

BabyBoy: we've already told him! but we don't want to yell he gets headaches easily atm so we're doing it in the group chat instead!

Kookie: yeah jin!!! god you're so inconsiderate

Succubus: neither of you are too old for me to put you over my fucking knee you little shits

BabyBoy:  please

BabyBoy: jin i am BEGGING YOU

BabyBoy: p l e a s e  p u t  m e  o v e r  y o u r  k n e e and SPANK ME

Kookie: OH MY GOD

Kookie: ... alright so my dick has decided i'm into that? that's new

Daddy: same

Maidhyung: same

Agust: fuck, same

Succubus: (◕ᴗ◕✿) cmere baby

ProtectHobi: look any other time i'd be really fucking into this but right now i really just want some ice cream and cuddles

AgustD: i'm on it hobi, i'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you

-------------

ProtectHobi: y'all ever noticed that there's a stain on the living room wall?

AgustD:... hobi u ok at the dorm by yourself babe?

ProtectHobi: oh sure. a bit sucky to be stuck on the lounge. miss u guys as always. netflix is boring so i've decided to inspect the walls.

Daddy: ... sit tight hoseokkie, we'll be home soon lmao

ProtectHobi: OH WAIT SHIT NO I REMEMBER WHAT CAUSED THE STAIN

ProtectHobi: i fucked jin up against the wall

ProtectHobi: that's his jizzery-joo

ProtectHobi: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

BabyBoy: first of all, nice ;)

Succubus: ≧◠◡◠≦ good times

BabyBoy: second of all, hobi on pain meds is straight up the funniest fucking thing i've ever seen

Kookie: LEGENDS ONLY

Daddy: if anyone asks, that stain is LITERALLY ANYTHING but cum, ok?

ProtectHobi: DON'T BE A COWARD I'M GONNA TAKE A PHOTO OF THE STAIN AND POST IT ON TWITTER AND TELL THE WORLD WHAT IT IS

Daddy: H O B I   N O

Maidhyung: it's alright guys i got home from my solo vocal practice a second ago

Maidhyung: he screamed he was going to take a photo, fell off the lounge, and fell asleep. I'll confiscate his phone for a while

AgustD: this is the best day of my life.

----------

Succubus: hobi, joon and i are at the grocery store, do you want anything baby?

ProtectHobi: chocolate muffin? please and thank you

Daddy: of course ( ˘ ³˘(◡‿◡˶)

BabyBoy: may i please also have a muffin? if thats ok?

Succubus: absolutely!

Daddy: jin you're getting clucky

Succubus: WHEN DID I ADOPT SO MANY CHILDREN I HAVE TO PROTECT THEM ALL. JOON WE HAVE TO BUY SO MANY MUFFINS

Maidhyung: PLEASE stop calling us your children you're dating us LOL

BabyBoy: you have my permission to keep calling me your baby

AgustD: this conversation started with muffins and ended in sin

AgustD: hey quick question why do all our conversations end in sin

-----------

Jung Hoseok has started a private chat with Mark Tuan.

Jung Hoseok has changed his nickname to "Hobi"

Hobi has changed Mark Tuan's nickname to "Marky"

Hobi: YO MARK

Hobi: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO

Hobi: YOU SHOULD DATE JINYOUNG. AND ALSO JACKSON. AND ALSO JB. AND ALSO YUGYEOM. AND ALSO BAMBAM. AND ALSO YOUNGJAE.

Marky: jesus. rapmon warned us you'd be a little out of it but this is next level wild. Where did you even get ideas like that from? hahahaha

Hobi: HEY MARK THIS IS TAEHYUNG. I just wrestled hobi's phone off him I'm really sorry lol. I don't know where he gets ideas like that from hahaha... pain medication, amirite?

Marky: aahahaha yeah all good no problem, I hope he feels better soon! :)

------------

Group Chat: Tae Appreciation Society

Maidhyung: jesus fucking christ that was close.

Maidhyung has changed the group chat name to "Stop Nearly Exposing Ourselves To GOT7"

------------

ProtectHobi: hey guys remember when kookie went through puberty?

Kookie: i'm sorry but WHAT did i do to deserve this?????

AgustD: lmao nobody stop him

ProtectHobi: "hey guys i'm going to go have an hour long shower now!! please ignore the moaning, that's totally normal!!"

Kookie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Succubus: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

ProtectHobi: or when we shared a room for a few months and EVERY FUCKING NIGHT HE HAD A WET DREAM

Kookie: i love death and dying

Succubus: is THAT why he insisted on doing the laundry every morning for months? lmao i thought he was just being helpful

ProtectHobi: "ooooh god tae touch me please more. oh god jin touch tae i wanna watch you both"

Kookie: alright so turns out i was subconsciously into you all much earlier than i remember

Daddy has changed Kookie's nickname to "WetDreamMachine"

WetDreamMachine: i accept this

AgustD: this is now officially the best week of my life and hobi i am so in love with you

Maidhyung: same

BabyBoy: same

Daddy: same

Succubus: same

ProtectHobi: SAME I GUESS????

WetDreamMachine: ( ̄^ ̄)凸

------------

ProtectHobi: jesus guys............................i feel like i just walked out of a fog. what happened?

WetDreamMachine: you're dead to me.

ProtectHobi: what now????

AgustD: lmao hobi take some time to read through the chat logs

ProtectHobi:...

ProtectHobi: oh my god

ProtectHobi: apparently my exposing genes get stronger when on crazy pain meds. i'm sorry guys

ProtectHobi: thank you so much for looking after me. i love you all

WetDreamMachine: (/^.^(^.^*)> you're too cute to stay mad at

Daddy: i swear the stain on the wall is getting bigger

AgustD: oh yeah tae and i used the wall last night just to see what it's like. it was great

Daddy: WHEN WILL THE SINNING END.

Chapter Text

Maidhyung has logged in.

Maidhyung has changed the group chat name to "Eight is innocent until proven guilty".

Maidhyung had changed his nickname to "T.T"

T.T has changed BabyBoy's nickname to "Angel".

T.T: so uh, jiminie...

Angel: oh god. What?

T.T: how attached are you to your new shoes?

Angel: ... did Eight eat my new shoes?

T.T: it could have been anyone.

T.T: Jungkook, for example. He's practically a toddler, and toddlers destroy stuff all the time

WetDreamMachine: bruh

WetDreamMachine: youre the fuckin furry

WetDreamMachine: maybe YOU destroyed them

AgustD: *sips tea* 

ProtectHobi: *pretends to be shocked in spanish*

T.T: HOW DARE YOU

T.T: just because i like dogs? Just because during sex i enjoy being chained up, wearing collars, and calling people mas-

T.T: oh my god.

T.T: am...

T.T: am I a furry?

Angel: welcome to the weird kink squad babe

Daddy: yeah Jimin likes to act like a baby sometimes and Jin likes to hold on until he pisses himself, being a furry is not so weird in the grand scheme of things

Succubus: JCOWKSBD FUCK YOU JOON You have NO PROOF

ProtectHobi: jin we're ALL TOGETHER we ALL KNOW about your kink why are you acting so offended that joon mentioned it?

Succubus: ... 

Succubus: i dont know i feel like its more fun to act scandalised

Succubus: the other option is for me to say "why yes joon, you and our 5 other boyfriends have often consensually taken part in this kink of mine!!!! You are correct!!"

Succubus: but wheres the fun in that? The drama?

AgustD: why are you like this

AgustD: god i love you you over-dramatic fuck

WetDreamMachine: JIN'S WEIRD KINK IS OLD NEWS NOW, HE TOLD US LIKE A YEAR AGO

Succubus: weird?! \`•̀益•́´/

WetDreamMachine: aish you know I'm into it too, im kidding ( ˘ ³˘)♥

WetDreamMachine: ANYWAY

WetDreamMachine: HEY EVERYONE TAE'S A FURRY NOW

T.T: i accept this.

T.T: this is who i am

Daddy: *wipes tear* i'm so proud

ProtectHobi: yiff yiff @T.T amirite?

T.T: literally fucken fite me

----------

AgustD: y'know gukkie, you ARE allowed to change your nickname? no one is stopping you 

WetDreamMachine: but its GROWN on me

WetDreamMachine: i AM the wetdreammachine

WetDreamMachine: ᕦ(ಸ_ಸ)ᕤ fear me

Angel: it's true, he fell asleep on the lounge while watching zootopia with me and creamed his pants lmao

Angel: it was so hot

WetDreamMachine: i live with 6 hot men and i am a hormonal mess its to be expected. I won't apologise

Daddy: don't apologise i kinda wanna see it

WetDreamMachine: stay in my room for the next couple of nights? I don't think we've had any one-on-one bonding time in a while anyway?

Daddy: i'd love too ♡´・ᴗ・`♡

WetDreamMachine: YAY (●⌒v⌒●)

Succubus: have fun you two!!!! also

Succubus: jiminie baby you watched zootopia with gukkie? you uh. how was your headspace at the time sweetheart?

Angel: i wasn't little but i was getting there.... jungkookie made me feel so safe. I went to turn it off when he came in but he asked me to keep it on just so we could... ya know... see how i went with him there?

Angel: i'm getting much better at being comfortable in front of everyone, not just you and joonie. you're all being so good to me and so patient.

ProtectHobi: (∿°○°)∿ ︵ ǝʌol anything and everything to make you happy, you know that jiminie

Angel: i think.... soon. I'll feel safe enough to go into little space and stuff around anyone. very soon. i'll be able to tell everyone what is and isn't sexual, what makes me happy, blah blah blah hahaha (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

Succubus: that's wonderful to hear.

Succubus: and well done jungkook

----------

Private Chat: Min Yoongi and Jung Hoseok

Jung Hoseok: babe were you the one who left flowers on my desk?

Min Yoongi: yeah i got a bouquet for everyone today

Jung Hoseok: ...FUCKING SOFTIE

Jung Hoseok: YOU BIG CUTIE PIE

Jung Hoseok: I'M SO IN LOVE

Min Yoongi: shut up and fear me

Jung Hoseok: jiminie, tae and jin are all in my room getting, uh, down to business. come join us?

Min Yoongi: ON MY F U C K I N G WAY

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Group Chat: Eight is innocent until proven guilty

Daddy: so good morning everyone

Daddy: i can in fact confirm that guk has some pretty intense vocal wet dreams

Daddy: it was..........................art

Daddy: i am Shooketh(tm)

---------

T.T: guys do esports count as sports?

AgustD: no. no they do not.

T.T: i should probably stop introducing myself as a world famous athlete then, I suppose?

AgustD: ... you're in a world famous BAND, why would you even choose to introduce yourself with that?!?!?!

T.T: i don't think you understand how fucking good at overwatch I am man

AgustD: well you cant be any worse at the game than you are at singing

T.T: OK FIRST OF ALL WOW

AgustD: i'm kidding ;) Can I come watch you play honey?

T.T: of course \(^ ^)/ bring pringles to make up for your CYBERBULLYING tho

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Daddy: i'm too tired after todays dance practice to move

Daddy: someone make me food?

Succubus: sorry babe i'm just as tired as you, no can do

Daddy: but without food i'll DIE

Succubus: then die.

Daddy:

Daddy: betrayal

ProtectHobi: ok so first of all don't use memes of me who do you think you are

ProtectHobi: second of all, I'll order some food for delivery you lazy fucks

Angel: HOBI FOR PRESIDENT. WHAT A BLESSING. WHAT A MAN.

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Kim Yugyeom has logged in.

Private Chat: Kim Yugyeom and Jeon Jungkook

Yeommie: hey Jungkook? Are you there?

Shitface: hey! yeah! :D

Shitface has changed his nickname to "Gukkie"

Gukkie: what's up? :D it was so good to see you and the rest at the awards show the other night!! it felt like i hadn't seen you in ages :o

Yeommie: haha yeah it was really great :) such a good night!!

Gukkie: so what's up?

Yeommie: well uhhhhhhh

Yeommie: i came around to your dressing rooms to hang afterwards haha

Yeommie: and i just have a question or two?

Gukkie: oh. sure :)

Yeommie: are you and jimin dating?

Gukkie: .......what did you see, yugyeom?

Yeommie: you were kissing. pretty intensely. i didn't mean to snoop!!! i was going to just back away, but you left, and then........

Gukkie: and then?

Yeommie: well i think jimin is cheating on you. with Hoseok. Because right after you left, hoseok came through a door and..............they started kissing just as passionately. i'm so sorry jungkook. I can't believe they would do that to you???? your own band members, RIGHT under your nose. I haven't stopped thinking about it since i saw it. 

Gukkie: oh. oh yugyeom.

Gukkie: you are such a good friend. thank you.

Gukkie: but I think it's time i told you something, in confidence. 

---------

Group Chat: Eight is innocent until proven guilty

WetDreamMachine: guys?

WetDreamMachine: i think we have a problem

Chapter Text

Group Chat: Eight is innocent until proven guilty

Succubus: whats up sweetheart?

WetDreamMachine: yugy saw Jimin and me kissing at last week's award show

AgustD: ooooh shit

ProteccHobi: ooooooh no

Angel: (ᗒᗩᗕ) was he disgusted?

WetDreamMachine: actually? No

WetDreamMachine: i dont think hes homophobic. He sounded apologetic about it honestly. I think hes fine with that part

Daddy: well that's good! But then what is the problem

WetDreamMachine: well. He thinks Jimin and I are dating, and Jimin is cheating on me

WetDreamMachine: bc he saw Hobi and Jimin kissing straight after

ProteccHobi: WHOOPS

Angel: noooooooooo does he hate me now?!?!?!

Angel: (´;д;`) CURSE MY DELICIOUSLY TEMPTING LIPS!!!!!!!!

WetDreamMachine: well thats the thing

WetDreamMachine: i couldnt stand it if he hated ANY of you

WetDreamMachine: and i hate lying

WetDreamMachine: it makes me feel as bad to leave people out of things as it does to be kept out of things idk

WetDreamMachine: i really really dont think hed ever tell a soul

WetDreamMachine: please. Can I tell him the truth? He's already so close to figuring it out anyway

Daddy: we can't stop you, guk. If you trust him we trust him 

AgustD: if this goes badly

AgustD: i love all of you.

T.T: <3

Succubus: rip bts

--------------

Private Chat: Kim Yugyeom and Jeon Jungkook

Yeommie: you ok guk?

Yeommie: you disappeared on me

Yeommie: im so sorry i upset you we can talk about something else if you'd like?

Gukkie: no hi I'm here!! Sorry!!! I just had to talk to my group before i told you

Yeommie: your whole group?

Yeommie: what about? What is this thing you had to tell me?

Gukkie: i just had to make sure they were all ok with me telling you, because this affects all of them

Yeommie: now I'm worried. what is it?

Gukkie: jimin wasn't cheating on me, yugyeom. 

Yeommie: oh so youre not dating?

Gukkie: no. I am in a relationship with Jimin

Yeommie: i am so confused

Gukkie: I'm also in a relationship with Hoseok

Gukkie: and every other member of BTS

Gukkie: i love them all equally

Gukkie: and they love me. They love me so much. God i get so warm every time I think about how much they love me

Yeommie: so... uh.

Yeommie: Sorry this is a lot to take in??

Gukkie: i know im sorry

Yeommie: so jimin was kissing hobi because... they're ALSO dating?

Yeommie: is that what you're saying?

Gukkie: yes! Exactly! :D We're in a polyamorous group relationship

Gukkie: everyone is dating everyone, essentially

Yeommie: oh. Oh my god.

Gukkie: noo please dont be mad or disgusted 

Yeommie: how do you all deal with jealousy?!

Gukkie:... that is NOT the question I was expecting you to ask

Yeommie: what? I'm curious fight me

Gukkie: no no id much prefer this LOL

Gukkie: um well

Gukkie: its hard to be jealous when there's always another lap to sit on, person to hug, lips to kiss.

Gukkie: There's always attention for you if you communicate what you need

Gukkie: of course we all have some one-on-one time with each other

Gukkie: but we all MUCH prefer it when all seven of us are together 

Gukkie: thats when life is perfect :)

Yeommie: wow. That sounds...

Gukkie: weird? I know i know

Yeommie: nice. It sounds really nice to always have people there for you

Gukkie: ... yeahヽ(*⌒∇⌒*)ノ I didn't think you'd be this chill about it

Yeommie:  ok so I have SO MANY QUESTIONS

Gukkie: OH BOY

Yeommie: how did it start????? How do you even start something like that?!?!?!

Gukkie: hahahahaha originally it was just Jin and Namjoon dating. They both separately developed a crush on yoongi, and tried to ignore it out of respect for each other, and then when they realised they BOTH had it bad for him, it seemed like the natural thing to do to ask him

Yeommie: and he was ok with it?

Gukkie: actually? Yes. He'd been harbouring crushes on 3 separate people

Gukkie: Jin, Joon, AND Hobi

Gukkie: and basically it kept unfolding like that in age order

Gukkie: someone else would be invited in, ask if they could invite someone else in, and the rest of the group ALWAYS agreed that they could/already had developed feelings for that person until WHOOPS THE ENTIRE DAMNED BAND IS INVOLVED AND WE'RE ALL IN LOVE

Yeommie: hahahahahahaha thats BRILLIANT

Gukkie: yeah haha it worked out really well

Gukkie: i think there was a bit of awkwardness/difficulty at the start, but by the time i was old enough to be involved they'd sorta worked through all that. I really just had to watch what they were doing and learn. I was so lucky.

Yeommie: god that's actually so cute?

Yeommie: uuuuuummmmm I have a weird question

Gukkie: oh god what?

Yeommie: is it

Yeommie: is it sexual for everyone?

Gukkie: LOL YUGYEOM OH MY GOD

Yeommie: ( ͡°⁄ ⁄ ͜⁄ ⁄ʖ⁄ ⁄ ͡°) look i am a curious horny virgin answer my damn question

Gukkie: yes :) it is. We all have sex with each other. The dorms are a dangerous place to be, there's always a pair or threesome or more getting up to something SOMEWHERE.

Gukkie: its not JUST sexual of course

Gukkie: And if someone wanted to opt out of the sex side that would be respected. We all love each other. And also sex fuck we all love sex like god i was a virgin before it started and now im A FIEND

Yeommie: oh wow thats...

Yeommie: holy shit

Gukkie: lmao get your hand off your dick 

Yeommie: sorry

Gukkie: OH MY GOD I WAS JOKING

Yeommie: HORNY VIRGIN, KOOK. ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME

Gukkie: interesting to note that youre apparently into all of this, though

Yeommie: yeah. I have had... an awakening tonight.

Yeommie: what has BTS done to me?!? what have you done to me?!?!

Gukkie: suffer lol

Yeommie: don't be fucking rude

Yeommie: anyway i have one more question?

Gukkie: shoot

Yeommie: well, two questions in one

Yeommie: are you happy, and is this permanent?

Gukkie: I have literally never been happier. All of us are happy. Its fucking beautiful man god Im so gay for them

Gukkie: and yeah, its permanent. We've sat down and spoken about this before as a group.

Gukkie: We're all in too deep for this to be a fling. If we could all marry each other legally we would.

Gukkie: We're going to be 7 arthritic idiots in a nursing home one day and i honestly can't wait lmao

Gukkie: the hyungs have already pledged to buy a house for the seven of us one day, once BTS is done/less demanding/whatever ends up happening.

Gukkie: those assholes are my husbands lol

Yeommie: I'm actually crying that's so beautiful?

Gukkie: (^///^) shush

Yeommie: I'm also kinda jealous honestly

Gukkie: oh ho ho? (´≖◞౪◟≖`)

Yeommie: I meant of the love you have in GENERAL, not specifically with your band!!!!!!!

Gukkie: suuuuuure ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Yeommie: whatever, asshole LOL

Yeommie: Youngjae is calling me down for dinner I've gotta go

Yeommie: i wont tell anyone i swear

Yeommie: im happy youre happy jungkook

Gukkie: ive said it before and I'll say it again, you're a good friend you damned weirdo

Gukkie: goodnight!

Yeommie: night nerd!

------------------

WetDreamMachine has logged in.

Group Chat: Eight is innocent until proven guilty

WetDreamMachine: well

WetDreamMchine: holy fucking shit

T.T: oh god. How much did he yell, and how much time do we have until the media finds out?

Daddy: i need to buy plane tickets. We can rent a house somewhere in europe, i wont let anyone hurt any of you

Succubus: we can go to the town i did my school exchange in australia? i have some old friends who might be able to hide us until the media frenzy dies down? we won't be safe in korea

WetDreamMachine: whoa whoa whoa hold up

WetDreamMachine: although shit you two thats weirdly romantic

WetDreamMachine: anyway, yugy won't tell anyone. He isn't mad or weirded out. like at all.

WetDreamMachine: hell, he seems kinda curious, and was mostly concerned that i hadn't been forced into anything and that i was happy

ProteccHobi: I KNEW I LIKED THAT KID

WetDreamMachine: he even said he was jealous LOL

Angel: what, he wants a relationship with his hyungs like ours?

WetDreamMachine: well no, he said he meant he just wanted a loving relationship with anyone in general. presumably only one person I guess?

WetDreamMachine: but honestly?

WetDreamMachine: i wouldn't be surprised, he seemed SUPER curious about how we got this all started

WetDreamMachine: here

WetDreamMachine:  [WETDREAMMACHINE HAS UPLOADED 4 SCREENSHOTS]

AgustD: i wouldn't blame him, id pay good money to see Jinyoung and JB make out

Daddy: jdkskdjdjssjjshs GO TO YOUR ROOM YOU FUCKING PERVERT

AgustD: I REGRET NOTHING

ProteccHobi: honestly same tho

Angel: well, tae and i are in our room making out

Angel: we won't make anyone who wants to come see that pay

WetDreamMachine: ON MY WAY

ProteccHobi: lmao i think we're all on our way, we need some stress relief after today

Daddy: by "stress relief" you mean bible studies and meditation right?

T.T: we've already got the vibrators out joon, i can't lie to you like this

Daddy: oh thank god.

Daddy: jin can you carry me to the den of sin?

Succubus: you lazy fuck

Succubus: yeah hang on i just gotta finish eating my sandwich

--------------

Private Chat:  Mark Tuan and Kim Yugyeom

Mark Tuan: hey are you ok?

Mark Tuan: you seemed really quiet at dinner

Mark Tuan: you jumped every time someone spoke to you

Mark Tuan: and i don't think you looked anyone in the eye the whole time

Kim Yugyeom: oh yeah sorry mark!! 

Kim Yugyeom: totally fine!!:)

Kim Yugyeom: just a bit tired that's all

Mark Tuan: ok :)

Mark Tuan: just know that if something is up you can talk to any one of your hyungs, right?

Mark Tuan: we all love you! :)

Kim Yugyeom: oh 

Kim Yugyeom: thanks

Kim Yugyeom: thanks hyung

-----------------

Group Chat: Eight is innocent until proven guilty

WetDreamMachine: i just got the weirdest shiver down my spine

AgustD: what do you mean?

WetDreamMachine: i don't know. it just feels like i've caused something.

WetDreamMachine: dunno what

WetDreamMachine: something good i think?

Daddy: just a bad dream sweetheart. Come back to bed.

WetDreamMachine: yeah, just a bad dream

WetDreamMachine: i might check on yugyeom in the morning tho haha

Chapter Text

AgustD has logged into "Eight is innocent until proven guilty"

AgustD has changed his nickname to "Shooketh"

Shooketh: guys, I had a Fucking Experience(tm) this morning

Shooketh: @Angel Jiminie, do I have permission to share the details?

Angel: (^///^) of course you do papa

Succubus: papa? Ohhohoho now THATS new

Angel: it was a really good morning :D

Shooketh: Jimin slept in my bed last night for some one-on-one cuddles

T.T: gah, im jealous, yoongi can I have cuddles tonight? Please?

Shooketh: ( ˘ ³˘(◡‿◡˶) anything baby

Shooketh: anyway, he woke up this morning feeling a little bit needy and a little bit little

Daddy: A BLESSING

WetDreamMachine: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) do go on

Shooketh: all I can say is

Shooketh: jin and joonie, I'm starting to understand why you're so damn protective and possessive of him

Shooketh: and I cant wait until Jiminie is ready to share it 100% with the rest of us because oh my gooood

Shooketh: he was so cuddly and clingy and desperate

Shooketh: baby was begging for me to touch him

Shooketh: "please papa im hard down there it hurts. Make it stop hurting"

Shooketh: it was all a bit new and i wasnt sure what to do at first but there was enough adult jimin behind it to reassure me

Shooketh: so of course i had to slowly dry hump him, right? It was the only sensible course of action!

ProteccHobi: of

ProteccHobi: of course

WetDreamMachine: id call hobi out for the tent in his pants right now

WetDreamMachine: except same

WetDreamMachine: holy fucking shit 

Shooketh: he cried and whimpered and breathed into my neck as i rubbed against him. 

Shooketh: he clutched and grabbed at my back

Shooketh: he begged, guys. 

Shooketh: and the sweet little thing cried as his tiny little cock came all over the inside of his jammies

Shooketh: i am fucking blessed 

Angel: fuck i'm getting horny again just thinking about it

Angel: it was fucking incredible

Angel: it hit like 50 of my kinks lmao

Shooketh: and I got a new nickname out of it! I am now officially papa!

Daddy: Google, is it a sin to orgasm over your boyfriends dirty talking in the group chat? asking for a friend

Succubus: google says no

T.T: i havent cum yet, anyone wanna join me

ProteccHobi: OMW

WetDreamMachine: OMW

----------------------------

Angel: Sejin walked into the dorms, heard the noises everyone was making, and walked straight out

Angel: why are we like this

Daddy: we really need to buy that poor man a really good christmas present

------------------------------

Succubus: @Angel are you feeling ok about what happened this morning sweetheart?

Angel: yes dada!!

Succubus: dada? That's new as well! :D

Succubus:

Angel: idk i think little me wants to give you all proper nicknames

Angel: im so much more comfortable with everyone now

Angel: so yes this morning was 100% ok and 100% consensual

Daddy: you think youll be able to share properly with everyone soon baby?

Angel: yes!!! (゚∀゚) very soon!!!! I'm so excited!!!

T.T: GOD ME TOO I WANNA EXPERIENCE WHAT YOONGI EXPERIENCED THIS MORNING 

Shooketh: look ill be honest I WANT TO EXPERIENCE IT AGAIN

Angel: jdisosjfjd I'm glad you liked it yoongi

Angel: im so glad you liked that side of me

Shooketh: (✿ ♥‿♥) i love every goddamn side of you jimin

ProteccHobi: this is too soft for me, someone make a joke

Succubus: WELL IF YOU INSIST

ProteccHobi: FUCK. NO. I TAKE IT BACK.

Succubus

------------------

ProteccHobi: i wolf whistled at Jin at practice today

ProteccHobi: and one of the coordi-noonas was like "thats a bit gay dont you think"?

ProteccHobi: like excuse me?

ProteccHobi: dont be fucking rude

ProteccHobi: thats a bit BISEXUAL

ProteccHobi: god get it right

Succubus: honestly same

Succubus: like i know youre joking but i hate how society assumes you have to be one or the other

Succubus: OTHER SEXUALITIES EXIST YOU ROTTEN CUCUMBERS

Succubus: TITTIES ARE VALID TOO

T.T: jin I'll be honest

T.T: i was 100% with you until "titties are valid too" you meme fucker

Daddy: he lost me at "rotten cucumbers" 

Succubus: understandable have a good day

ProteccHobi has changed his nickname to HoBI.

HoBI: GEDDIT?? GEDDIT???

Shooketh has changed HoBI's nickname to "Hobi"

Shooketh: yeah I'm gonna go ahead and veto that one 

Hobi: bipobia at its finest

-------------------

Daddy: me and my dick have rewatched exo's The Eve dance practice like 50 times

Daddy: we're big fans of that one dance move

Daddy: you all know which move I'm talking about

Succubus: same

Shooketh: same

Hobi: same

Angel: same 

T.T: same

WetDreamMachine: thighs

WetDreamMachine: fuck, i mean Same**

WetDreamMachine: damn autocorrect amirite

---------------------

WetDreamMachine: TO THE WINDOOOOOOWSSS

WetDreamMachine: TO THE WALLS (TO THE WALLS)

WetDreamMachine: TO THE SWEAT DRIP DOWN MY

Succubus: WHO WANTS ICE CREAM

T.T: me and jiminie do!!!!

Succubus: ok get your jackets on and we'll go!!!!

WetDreamMachine: can I come?!?!

Succubus: you can go to church

WetDreamMachine: yoongi literally writes erotic fanfic in the group chat and everyone's MORE than ok with it

Shooketh: its not fanfic if its true excuse you

WetDreamMachine: while I, the persecuted and misunderstood Jeon Jungkook, post lyrics from one of the most poetic and beautiful songs of the 21st century...

Succubus: i swear to god, go get your jacket on lmao

WetDreamMachine: ヽ(*⌒∇⌒*)ノ

-----------------

Shooketh: hey guys just a thought

Shooketh: what if i really DID write up our sexcapades and post it as fanfiction?

Shooketh: all those fangirls reading it, having no idea that it's all stuff that actually happened 

Shooketh: jin's omorashi kink? jimin fucken nutting over being told he has a small dick? tae's pet play? literally all of our exhibitionism kinks?

Shooketh:  they'd never know the truth

Daddy: first of all, the word "sexcapades" is now officially banned. Go put it on the list stuck to the fridge, next to "moist" and "yeet"

Angel: Y E E T

Daddy:

Daddy: second of all, Do Not Do That Please

Shooketh: this is cyberbullying? Let me post my classy and tasteful erotica? Why do you hate art? 

Hobi has changed the group chat name to "Why Are We Like This?"

T.T: scientists just dont know

---------------------

T.T: haha suck it hoseok, the fangirls screamed louder at my aegyo than at yours I WIN

Hobi: pft

Hobi: did you hear the noises they were making when I pulled my shirt up and exposed my abs "accidentally"?

Hobi: I think I was the winner here babe

T.T: we all won when you showed us that 

T.T: god did we a l l win

Angel: i think 90% of the screaming came from me, not the fangirls tho 

T.T: HONESTLY

Hobi: well, if both of you come to my room now, I can make you scream like that again.

Angel:

---------------------

WetDreamMachine: holy shit the noises coming from hobi's room 

WetDreamMachine: i think we need to hire an exorcist

WetDreamMachine: also, sick invite jerks

Succubus: me and yoongi are watching wonder woman and eating popcorn using our tongues like lizards

Succubus: ya know when you put the bowl on your chest?

Succubus: like that

Succubus: it is perhaps not as sexy as whatever the fuck is going down in hobi's room

Succubus: but ur welcome to join us

Shooketh: blep blep poppycorn in my mouth blep blep 

WetDreamMachine:... have you both been drinking as well?

Succubus: we have perhaps both indulged in a sip or two

Shooketh: unrelated to the drunkeness, but wonder woman could slap me and i would thank her for saving my life 

WetDreamMachine: fucking idiots LMAO

WetDreamMachine: ye I'll come join you

WetDreamMachine: ill bring more popcorn and wine

Shooketh: YAY (●♡∀♡)

-------------------

Daddy: i was out with sejin at the dollar variety store, buying props for the next bts run

Daddy: and i saw a dog collar and i thought "that would look so good on taetae"

Daddy: so i bought it

T.T: KFKSKSJD AW BABE THANKS thats so sweet <3

Daddy: (˶^ з^(〃‿〃✿) of course baby

Daddy: but Sejin was like "oh is that for Eight? Its cute!"

Daddy: me, sweating nervously: oh haha yeah totally for our dog :)

Daddy: he.

Daddy: he did not believe me.

Angel: that poor man really needs a raise

-------------------

Private Chat: Kim Yugyeom and Jeon Jungkook

Yeommie: hey guk, are you busy?

Gukkie: hi! No not at all! How are you feeling after our last chat?

Yeommie: pretty good, dont stress! My lips are eternally sealed

Gukkie: thats good :) thank you!

Yeommie: i just have one quick question?

Gukkie: i thought you might have more questions after youd had time to think, I'd actually intended on checking on you this morning but... yoongi distracted us

Yeommie: ..........yeah, im going to NOT ASK

Gukkie: probably for the best

Gukkie: anyway, what's your question? :)

Yeommie: well, I was wondering how you knew you had feelings for all your hyungs?

Gukkie: i didnt know, actually!

Gukkie: The feelings were there deep down i think, but i didnt realise until the moment Jin sat me down and explained everything and offered for me to join

Gukkie: it hit me like a lightening bolt 

Yeommie: oh, so there was no slow developing of feelings over time? No butterflies in your stomach whenever one of your hyungs touched you or smiled at you? You experienced nothing like that?

Gukkie: uummmm nope sorry! Not consciously at least haha. That came after we were already dating LOL

Yeommie: oh ok

Gukkie: .... yugyeom, why?

Yeommie: oh no reason :)

Yeommie: just curious haha :)

Gukkie: sure ok :)

Gukkie: do you have any more questions?

Yeommie: um

Yeommie: not at the moment no i dont think so

Yeommie: if I have more can i message you later?

Gukkie: sure of course! See you later!!!

Yeommie: yeah! :D

------------------

Group Chat: Why Are We Like This?

WetDreamMachine: hmmm suspicious

WetDreamMachine: very suspicious 

T.T:... are you going to share with the class, or just leave it at that?

WetDreamMachine: i think im going to leave it mysterious and ominous for now, thanks

Angel: weirdo

Angel has changed WetDreamMachine's nickname to "Kookie"

Angel: but you're our weirdo (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc)

 Kookie: cutie(*^3^)/~♡

 

 

Chapter Text

Kookie has logged in.

Kookie has entered group chat: "Why Are We Like This?"

Kookie: does anyone have any life changing, dramatic announcements to make today?

Angel: uuuh... why?

Kookie: i dont know, babe

Kookie: i just get the feeling that SOMETHING is going to happen today

Kookie: i just can't put my finger on what

Angel: nope nothing from me sorry

Angel: weirdo

T.T: i walked in on you sucking yoongi's dick last night, does that count?

Kookie: it does not

Shooketh: ▂( •ॢ◡-ॢ)-♡

Daddy: we might be going on a variety show next month?

Kookie: oooh that's exciting

Kookie: but no that's not it either

Hobi: IM PREGNANT!!

Succubus: NO IM PREGNANT

Hobi: OH MY GOD WE'RE BOTH PREGNANT?

Succubus: THE BABY IS YOURS HOSEOK

Hobi: THE BABY ISN'T YOURS JIN

Succubus

Succubus: HAVE YOU BEEN CHEATING ON ME?!

Succubus: WHO ELSE HAVE YOU BEEN SLEEPING WITH?!

Hobi: EXACTLY 5 OTHER PEOPLE

Hobi: 5 OTHER PEOPLE THAT I HAVE MY SUSPICIONS YOU ARE ALSO SLEEPING WITH!!!!!!!!!

Succubus: THE AUDACITY. THE UNMITIGATED GALL.

Angel: LMAO oh my god

Kookie: ok so it's DEFINITELY not whatever that was

Daddy: i could have been the leader of a normal band

Angel: would members of a normal band occasionally call you daddy while you fucked them?

Daddy: ... yeah. you right

Daddy: viva la bts

Kookie: ANYWAY 

Kookie: its none of this

Kookie: hmmmmm

Kookie: i wonder

---------------

Kim Yugyeom has logged in.

Private Chat: Kim Yugyeom and Jeon Jungkook

Yeommie: kookie i LIED

Yeommie: I'M NOT OK

Yeommie: EVERYTHING YOU TOLD ME IS FREAKING ME OUT

Yeommie: AND I AM HARD ALL THE TIME

-----------------

Group Chat: "Why Are We Like This?"

Kookie: OOOH that makes sense

Kookie: just figured out what it was

Kookie: its yugyeom related 

T.T: are you gonna tell us?

Kookie: ill update you guys once its over, its more fun leaving you in suspense

Kookie: bye for now, wish me luck xoxo

Daddy: leaving people in suspense just for The Drama(tm)?

Daddy: god you're so much like jin lmao

Succubus: i raised him and fed him and carried him on my back!!!!!!!! Of course he is like me!!!!!!!!!! I SINGLEHANDEDLY NURSED HIM AND NURTURED HIM!!!

Daddy: 

Succubus:  anyway

Succubus: is no one going to talk about the fact that jungkook is apparently fucking psychic?

Angel: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ or just super intuitive?

Succubus: OR PSYCHIC

------------------

Private Chat: Kim Yugyeom and Jeon Jungkook

Gukkie: oh boy

Gukkie: hi yugyeom

Gukkie: whats up?

Yeommie: i am f r e a k i n g out

Yeommie: like i always loved getting attention from my hyungs ya know??

Gukkie: that sounds pretty normal to me

Yeommie: i thought so too!! I spend most of my life with them of course id crave attention and affection from them! Right?!

Gukkie: right!

Yeommie: but since you've told me

Yeommie: you know

Yeommie: what you've told me about your group

Yeommie: i cant stop THINKING

Gukkie: a dangerous past time for you

Yeommie:( ̄^ ̄)凸 shut.

Yeommie: the way i get butterflies in my stomach whenever i tease jinyoung and he smiles before he starts to tease me back??

Yeommie: when I'm the first person to nail a dance move and JB nods and says "good job" and i swear i could fucking float?

Gukkie:

Yeommie: when Mark asks me how my day went and I scramble to tell him everything, basking in the attention

Yeommie: when Jackson asks me to come hang or play or do a livestream and i literally drop everything, no matter what, just for the chance to spend a little more time with him

Yeommie: when youngjae laughs and sings with his b e a u t i f u l fucking voice and i get shivers down my spine

Yeommie: when bambam is feeling homesick and crawls into bed with me and i feel so safe and warm and content

Yeommie: J U N G K O O K

Gukkie

Yeommie: I'M IN LOVE WITH MY WHOLE FUCKING BAND YOU JERK

Yeommie: WHAT AM I GOING TO DO

Yeommie: YOU PUT THESE THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD

Yeommie: I AM SUING

Gukkie: yugy are you SURE you're not just overthinking it based on what I told you and misinterpreting normal platonic feelings for more?

Yeommie: guk the fact that I am physically l i t e r a l l y incapable of releasing any more cum from my own body at the moment because i have jerked off so much thinking about the rest of them

Yeommie: one on one? All at once? Them with each other? Them with me? MY TRAITOROUS DICK WANTS TO THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME ALWAYS

Yeommie: makes me think that, yeah, combined with all these nasty mushy gooey feelings i have, this is pretty fucking real kook

Gukkie: hooooly shit.

Yeommie: yeah.

--------------------

Group Chat: "Why Are We Like This?"

Kookie: hooooly shit guys

Kookie: holy shit.

Daddy: what??

Daddy: tell us

Kookie has logged out of "Why Are We Like This?"

Daddy: DAMNIT JUNGKOOK DONT YOU DARE LOG BACK OUT

Succubus: i cant believe that little shit is leaving us hanging

Succubus: im only making his SECOND favourite cake for his birthday

Shooketh: we all know thats a lie, Jin

Succubus: ...

Succubus: yeah that was a lie, i could never

T.T: I wonder wtf is going on

--------------

Private Chat: Kim Yugyeom and Jeon Jungkook 

Yeommie: what makes it even more confusing is that i definitely still like girls ya know??

Gukkie: lmao 

Gukkie: youre bisexual kiddo

Gukkie: you COULD have fallen in love with a girl (... or six? I guess?)

Gukkie: instead you bonded and fell in love with six men

Yeommie: god why couldn't i have fallen in love with six girls

Yeommie: that would have been incredible

Gukkie:

Gukkie: idiot

Yeommie: look i think I'm entitled to make a joke or two here 

Yeommie: I'm freaking out

Yeommie: i am struggling to be in the same room with any of them at the moment

Yeommie: all i want to do is start crying and confess

Yeommie: god i just want them to love me, guk

Yeommie: like your hyungs love you

Yeommie: what am I going to do?!

Gukkie: you're right im sorry

Gukkie: i dont know man. Your situation is VERY different from mine.

Gukkie: i never had to deal with any pining

Gukkie: my advice is useless

Yeommie: i think the best option is to just bottle my feelings up and never say a word, loving and adoring my members from afar, getting my heart broken when they find girlfriends and marry and have children. I'll probably be a groomsman at their weddings, smiling and pretending im ok. And then inevitably dying alone, confessing to one disinterested nurse why i lived alone my whole life just before i pass. She will do nothing with this secret, and my love for my band members will never know the light of day 

Gukkie:....

Gukkie: jesus CHRIST dude

Gukkie: you really need to leave the house 

Gukkie: and I REALLY dont recommend this as a course of a action if im being honest 

Yeommie: I dont know what to do, guk. I'm scared 

Gukkie: oh, yugy

Gukkie: do I have permission to bring my group into this?

Gukkie: i know they'd want to help you

Yeommie: ┐(°‿°)┌ sure why not

Yeommie: what could possibly go wrong?

----------

Kookie has logged in.

Kookie has entered group chat: "Why Are We Like This?"

Angel: well, well, well

Angel: look what the cat dragged in

Kookie: i can go if you'd like...

Angel: N O

Angel: PLEASE DON'T LEAVE I NEED TO KNOW

Succubus: give us the drama babe, don't deprive your loved ones!!!!!

Kookie: lmao chill you overdramatic fucks

Succubus: Ó╭╮Ò

Kookie: (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc)

Kookie: will you forgive me if I tell you that not only have I GOT the drama, but I'm bringing you all into the drama?

Shooketh: FORGIVEN TELL US TELL US TELL US

Kookie: ok, first you need the background

Kookie: [KOOKIE HAS UPLOADED 5 SCREENSHOTS]

T.T: ... oh my god

T.T:  poor yugyeom

T.T: god, i couldn't even imagine if i'd developed the feelings i have for you all and you didn't feel the same

T.T: it'd destroy me

Daddy: i feel so bad for him :(

Succubus: so we're adopting yugyeom, right? that's what i'm getting from this?

Hobi: WE ARE NOT ADOPTING YUGYEOM

Kookie: i'm creating a new group chat and inviting you all into it with him

Kookie: i can't add him to this one, the conversation history is 99% sin

Kookie: he really needs some advice and support right now and i don't think i'm really the best person for it ya know?

Daddy: of course baby, we'll help

Angel: BTS TO THE RESCUE!! ☆*: .。. o(≧▽≦)o .。.:*☆

Hobi: damnit jimin stop being so cute

---------

Jeon Jungkook has created a new group chat.

Jeon Jungkook has changed the group chat name to "Yugyeom Protection Squad"

Jeon Jungkook has added users Kim Yugyeom, Kim Namjoon, Kim Taehyung, Kim Seokjin, Jung Hoseok, Min Yoongi and Park Jimin.

Jeon Jungkook has changed his nickname to "Jungkook"

Jungkook has changed Kim Yugyeom's nickname to "Yugyeom"

Jungkook has changed Kim Namjoon's nickname to "Namjoon"

Jungkook has changed Kim Taehyung's nickname to "Taehyung"

Jungkook has changed Kim Seokjin's nickname to "Seokjin"

Jungkook has changed Jung Hoseok's nickname to "Hoseok"

Jungkook has changed Min Yoongi's nickname to "Yoongi"

Jungkook has changed Park Jimin's nickname to "Jimin"

Jungkook: well fuck that alone was exhausting lmao

Jungkook: hello there everyone

Jungkook: I'm sure you're wondering why I gathered you here today

Yoongi: no one is wondering babe, we all know why we're here

Yugyeom:  babe. he called you babe. that's so fucking cute

Seokjin: ah yes, that would be why

Yugyeom: guys I'm so lost

Yugyeom: what do I do?

Namjoon: well, I personally think you need to be honest with your group

Namjoon: but of course, I'm speaking from incredibly positive experiences

Namjoon: none of us really know any members of got7 well enough to know how they'd react to a confession like that. i'm friends with jackson and jb but we definitely don't get that deep

Yugyeom: could... could you guys help with that?

Jimin: what, just approach your group and ask "oh hey, how's the comeback, i just have two questions: how do you feel about dick, and how do you feel about multiple dicks?"

Yugyeom: yeah!!! yeah you could do that!! and that way if anyone reacts super negatively i'll know not to confess!!

Jimin: i mean

Jimin: I was joking, but

Jimin: if you really feel like that's how we can help you, i guess we can do that?

Taehyung: at least if any of them are super against it, it won't affect their relationship with yugyeom. It's the best way to get the info and protect him

Yugyeom: help i'm crying you guys are so wonderful

Seokjin: ( ´∀`))д`) we've got you, kiddo. you're not alone

Hoseok: right, so should each of us take one got7 member each?

Namjoon: as good a plan as ever, i guess. 

Yugyeom: 

Chapter Text

Group Chat: Yugyeom Protection Squad

Namjoon: right, does everyone know who they're speaking to?

Hoseok: we've got it babe!

Jimin: ( ✧Д✧) YES!!

Namjoon: great!

Namjoon: Yugyeom Protection Squad, go speak to your assignments!!!! For death!! For honour!!!

Namjoon:

Namjoon: jungkook, you stay here and distract yugyeom. Keep him sane

Yugyeom: im right here excuse you?

Seokjin: sweetie while we were planning for today you burst into tears because i asked everyone what they wanted for dinner

Yugyeom: I WANT MY GROUP TO ASK ME WHAT I WANT FOR DINNER. YOU ASKED SO NICELY. BECAUSE YOU CARE. ITS SO ROMANTIC 

Namjoon: so yeah, Kook you're on distraction duty 

Yugyeom: ... yes, I see your point now.

Yugyeom: Hm.

----------------

Private Chat: Kim Taehyung and Kunpimook Bhuwakul

Kim Taehyung has changed his nickname to "V"

V has changed Kunpimook Bhuwakul's nickname to "BamBam"

V: YO

BamBam: YO!!!!

V: I HAVE A QUESTION

BamBam: shoot my man

V: dick, yes or no?

BamBam: yes

V: huh.

V: didn't expect you to actually answer me without an explanation

BamBam: i mean an explanation would be nice

V: wait, let me ask some more questions first

V: any of got7's dicks, yes or no?

BamBam: yes.

V: which of your band members dicks?

BamBam: yes.

V: no i mean like, mark? Jackson? Jb? Jinyoung? Youngjae? Yugyeom?

BamBam: yes

V: dude come on i mean-

V: oh

V: OH

V: i see

V: huh.

V: interesting

BamBam: do I get an explanation now?

V: i promise you will soon! If everyone else answers as fast and easy as you youre going to find out REALLY soon

BamBam: alright?

BamBam: bts are so weird.

---------------

Taehyung has entered group chat: "Yugyeom Protection Squad"

Taehyung: well.

Taehyung: huh.

Yugyeom: oh god was it bad??

Yugyeom: Did bambam flip??

Taehyung: [TAEHYUNG HAS UPLOADED 2 SCREENSHOTS]

Taehyung: no.

Taehyung: No he did not flip.

Jungkook: wtf thats incredible?

Yugyeom: you guys cant see me but i just did a backflip in my room and accidentally broke a lamp

Yugyeom: worth it

Yugyeom: who needs lighting?

Yugyeom: not me lighting is for cowards

Taehyung: 1 down, 5 to go

-----------------

Private Chat: Choi Youngjae and Park Jimin

Park Jimin has changed his nickname to "Jiminie"

Jiminie has changed Choi Youngjae's nickname to "Youngjae"

Youngjae: hey Jimin!!!!!!! (*°∀°)=3

Jiminie: youngjae!!! Hey!!! Ive missed you so much!!!!!!! (つ・▽・)つ⊂(・▽・⊂)

Youngjae: aaaaah!! I missed you too!!! :D

Jiminie: hey i have a super duper quick question for you if thats ok?????

Youngjae: of course!!(✿^-^)

Jiminie: thanks!!!

Jiminie: you love being loved right??

Youngjae: i need 24/7 attention and affection otherwise i start to fade into non-existence 

Youngjae: it's really tragic, trust me

Youngjae: sooooo that would be a yes

Jiminie: LOL

Jiminie: so, just hypothetically, if one of your band members fell in love with you, how would you react?

Youngjae: I'd be glad!

Youngjae: Dating outside of the band is way too difficult and kinda scary.

Youngjae: Dating someone in got7 would actually solve so many problems and make life easier!!

Jiminie: well.

Jiminie: Huh.

Youngjae: why jiminie? Has someone in bts confessed to you? (´⊙◞⊱◟⊙`)

Jiminie: nope! I'm just really curious about what idols would do in that situation that's all!

Jiminie: bonus round! 

Jiminie: what if EVERY MEMBER of got7 was in love with you and each other?

Youngjae: good lord that sounds like i would never want for attention

Youngjae: sign me the FUCK UP

Jiminie: LOL

---------------------

Jimin has entered group chat: "Yugyeom Protection Squad"

Jimin: have i mentioned lately that I love youngjae?

Jimin: [JIMIN HAS UPLOADED 2 SCREENSHOTS]

Jungkook: jesus

Jungkook: your private chat with him looks like hell

Jungkook: emoji and exclamation mark hell

Jimin

Yugyeom: another good response!!!!

Yugyeom: ANOTHER GOOD RESPONSE???

Yugyeom: oh my god im freaking out

Taehyung: yugy i have a serious question?

Yugyeom: oh boy.

Yugyeom: yeah go ahead

Taehyung: what if some people agree, but not all? 

Taehyung: like, for example, bambam and youngjae are the only two people who are interested?

Taehyung: i really hope that doesnt happen of course 

Taehyung: but if it does, what would you do?

Yugyeom: based off that example? I'd take my 2 boyfriends home and live like a king

Jimin: LOL

Yugyeom: seriously though

Yugyeom: itd suck, but at least i wouldnt be completely alone... i guess?

Jungkook: (´;д;)

-----------------

Private Chat: Min Yoongi and Park Jinyoung

Min Yoongi has changed his nickname to "Yoongi"

Yoongi has changed Park Jinyoung's nickname to "Jinyoung"

Yoongi: hey, are you busy?

Jinyoung: nope, we all have a day off today

Jinyoung: whats up? You don't usually message me

Yoongi: well... my group is having a debate of sorts, and trying to figure out certain things about certain idols

Jinyoung: oh boy

Jinyoung: what things?

Yoongi: uuummm sexuality?

Jinyoung: oooh boy

Jinyoung: that sounds intense

Yoongi: yeah. I know it's super personal but this debate is tearing us apart LOL

Jinyoung: hahahahahaha 

Jinyoung: I'm bisexual, if that helps

Jinyoung: and I'm telling you because I trust your group

Jinyoung: if that ends up anywhere

Jinyoung: i have a very specific set of skills

Jinyoung: I will find you. And I will kill you.

Yoongi: noted.

Yoongi: so this is a question of mine for my own personal curiosity 

Yoongi: have you ever had, ya know, thoughts, about anyone in your group?

Jinyoung: the real question here is who haven't I thought of?

Yoongi: huh.

-----------------

Yoongi has entered group chat: "Yugyeom Protection Squad"

Yoongi: jinyoung is scary and it kinda turns me on? 

Jimin: excuse you?

Yoongi: i think its because he reminds me of jin, dont stress baby ( ˘ ³˘)♥

Yoongi: my ass is loyal

Taehyung: GOOD

Yoongi: [YOONGI HAS UPLOADED 2 SCREENSHOTS]

Yugyeom: wow, I'm actually surprised

Yugyeom: i definitely thought jinyoung would be the most difficult to convince

Yugyeom: and the fact that he has had thoughts about me before nfksowosjdroekwksj

Yugyeom: HELP I'M EMOTIONAL

Jungkook: PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER

Yugyeom: SORRY

Yugyeom: im glad though 

Yugyeom: i think I have a bit of a mommy kink and he hits every button if im honest?

Jungkook: you obviously couldnt hear it, but jimin just screamed out loud

Yugyeom: oh? Why?

Jungkook: ... no reason...

-------------------

Private Chat: Kim Seokjin and Mark Tuan

Kim Seokjin has changed his nickname to "Jinnie"

Jinnie has changed Mark Tuan's nickname to "Marky"

Jinnie: hey mark :)

Marky: hey what's up?

Jinnie: i have some super quick questions if thats alright?

Marky: is this about Yugyeom being in love with all of us?

Jinnie:...

Jinnie: uuuuuh

Jinnie: what.

Marky: yeah? You know?

Marky: he noticed that you and all of bts are together?

Marky: and that made him realise what his own feelings were?

Jinnie: wait, you know about bts?!

Marky: sure. I'm perceptive 

Jinnie: well, he didn't really notice - Jungkook told him after he stumbled on something that made him assume the wrong thing

Marky: huh. I was missing that piece of the puzzle

Jinnie: so you've seriously known this whole time?

Marky: sure. You guys are so obviously in love. It makes me really happy to see :)

Marky: also when hoseok got hurt and was super drugged up he was really hilariously obvious 

Jinnie: wow. Thank you? I guess?

Marky: no worries

Marky: so I suppose you're worried about Yugyeom?

Jinnie: yeah, his feelings are strong and he's so anxious

Marky: i wouldnt worry too much. I'm 95% certain everyone is going to be ok with it

Jinnie: even you?

Marky: sure lol

Marky: I've been in love with them all for years

Marky: it takes everything i have not to grab Yugyeom and kiss him senseless every time i see him

Marky: or any of them, really

Jinnie: NICE

Marky: hahahahahaha

Jinnie: you said 95% certain?

Jinnie: who are you unsure about?

Marky: JB.

Marky: I can't read him. I don't think he's homophobic but I honestly can't figure out what his real sexuality is. 

Jinnie: oh dear

Jinnie: thanks, mark

---------------

Seokjin has entered group chat: "Yugyeom Protection Squad"

Seokjin: holy shit mark tuan is fucking wild

Yugyeom: what? He's the most normal out of all of us, and probably the most likely to be straight in my opinion

Seokjin: oh ho ho is that so?

Seokjin: [SEOKJIN HAS UPLOADED 3 SCREENSHOTS]

Jimin: damn.

Yugyeom: holy shit I'm actually crying??

Jungkook: that fact he knows about bts is slightly terrifying

Seokjin: nah he won't tell anyone, i trust him

Yoongi: jfksksh he's been in love with everyone for ages my heart actually hurts?

Taehyung: you big softie (〃´∀`〃)ε`●)chu♪

Yugyeom: i just wanna go to him now ;_; i can have him now

Jungkook: be patient yugy.

Jungkook: We're doing so well and almost have everyone's answers. Wouldn't you rather confess to them all at once instead of individually?

Yugyeom: yeah, yeah I would prefer that. Still, fuck I want to just sprint to his room now

Jungkook: soon.

-----------------

Private Chat: Kim Namjoon and Jackson Wang

Jackson Wang has changed Kim Namjoon's nickname to "JOONIE<3"

Jackson Wang has changed his nickname to "JACKSON<3"

JACKSON: BABE YOU'VE COME TO TALK TO ME

JOONIE<3: hey jackson lmao

JOONIE<3: how you been?

JACKSON<3: Pretty great :D You?

JOONIE<3: same :D life's wonderful

JOONIE<3: hey quick question

JOONIE<3: men or women?

JACKSON<3: i mean the real answer here is "if they smile at me and my heart beats really fast i could not give less shits what they're hiding in their pants"

JOONIE<3: huh.

JOONIE<3: I'm not surprised, but i had always wondered if the way you flirt on stage with your band members was an act

JACKSON<3: I mean of course I play it up a bit for the cameras

JACKSON<3: but no its not all an act, trust me on that one

JACKSON<3: MY BAND MEMBERS ARE HOT AF

JOONIE<3: MINE ARE HOTTER

JACKSON<3

----------------

Namjoon has entered group chat: "Yugyeom Protection Squad"

Namjoon: are you guys ready for the shock of your lives?

Seokjin: ?

Namjoon: [NAMJOON HAS UPLOADED 1 SCREENSHOT]

Jimin

Yugyeom: (≧∇≦)/

Yugyeom: i was the least worried about him

Yugyeom: but god is it still good to get confirmation

Yugyeom: I'M RUNNING ON PURE ADRENALINE AT THIS POINT

Yugyeom: I'M SO NERVOUS

Yugyeom: i need a nap 

Seokjin: that was a large range of emotions in a very small amount of time.

Jungkook: JUST ONE MORE GET HYPE

Yugyeom

-----------------

Private Chat: Jung Hoseok and Im Jaebum

Jung Hoseok has changed his nickname to "Hobi"

Hobi has changed Im Jaebum's nickname to "JB"

Hobi: hey jb :)

JB: Oh, uh, hey hoseok

JB: we dont really talk, what's the occasion?

Hobi: well, i was just wondering

Hobi: have you ever had feelings for men before?

JB: uuuh no of course not :) I'm completely straight LOL :)

JB: thats a bit of a weird question isnt it?

Hobi: oh

Hobi: yeah

Hobi: yeah i guess it is a bit intrusive I'm really sorry

Hobi: ill leave you alone now, bye!

------------

Hoseok has entered group chat: "Yugyeom Protection Squad"

Hoseok: I'm... really sorry Yugyeom

Hoseok: i think i accidentally made him really uncomfortable by approaching him the wrong way, i didnt want to push the subject any further 

Hoseok: [HOSEOK HAS UPLOADED 1 SCREENSHOT]

Yugyeom: oh.

Yugyeom: oh no.

Yugyeom: i knew hoping for all of them was unrealistic but

Yugyeom: fuck i still let myself hope anyway I'm such a fucking idiot

Jungkook: hey come on :(

Jungkook: 5 out of 6 isn't bad!! It's not perfect but it really could have gone much worse!

Yugyeom: yeah :) you're right. 

Yugyeom: ill speak to the others tomorrow 

Yugyeom: hopefully this time tomorrow i will have 5 boyfriends haha.

Yugyeom: im

Yugyeom: im just going to go to bed

Yugyeom: thanks so much for your help, everyone. I really appreciate it.

Seokjin: we've got your back, sweetie <3

Yugyeom: :) goodnight!

--------------

Group Chat: "Why Are We Like This?"

T.T: FUCK I KNOW WE CANT HATE JB BECAUSE OF HIS SEXUALITY BUT FKDKSJDJDJDKS

Angel: my heart? Is broke?

Shooketh: can you imagine if everyone but namjoon was in this relationship?

Shooketh: fuck im gonna cry

Succubus: joonie come cuddle? We've started a cuddle pile on your bed.

Succubus: i think we all need our leader tonight

Daddy: :( yeah I'm coming

Daddy: hobi? You coming?

Hobi: i feel like this is my fault

Hobi: i was the one to speak to jb

Hobi: i fucked it up, we don't know each other well enough for the way I approached him and I freaked him out

Hobi: im going to sleep alone tonight sorry guys i need some alone time

Angel: nooooooo o(╥﹏╥)

Succubus: we understand baby. Nobody blames you, but we understand

Succubus: The door is open if you change your mind

Kookie: and take Eight into your room with you! I don't want you completely alone!!

Hobi: of course <3

----------------

2:15am

Private Chat: Hobi and JB

JB: so not long after you asked me that question

JB: i heard yugy start crying from his room

JB: and ive heard the other members whisper about being asked odd questions by BTS members

JB: i dont think any of this is a coincidence 

JB: and hearing him cry is breaking my fucking heart

JB: so I just need to say

JB: i said i was straight because i dont really know you and its something i'm not really comfortable talking about

JB: i thought it was just a hypothetical question

JB: if you'd told me the question was related to Yugyeom, and the rest of my band

JB: which i strongly suspect it is

JB: i would have answered differently 

JB: i love them.

JB: i dont know how to tell them though

JB: i think i fucked up 

JB: help me fix it?

JB: please be awake?

JB: I'm so anxious please?

JB: :(

---------

2:45am

Hobi: hey sorry

Hobi: yeah I'm awake

Hobi: go to sleep, JB

Hobi: i can ABSOLUTELY help you fix this in the morning

Hobi: you don't have to do anything 

Hobi: I've just gotta share the news

Hobi: dont worry about a thing ;)

JB: THANK YOU.

JB:  THANK YOU.

--------------

Group Chat: "Why Are We Like This"

Hobi: I know yall are asleep but I'm so excited i am about to scream 

Hobi: i want yugy to get a good nights sleep so i wont message him until the morning but

Hobi: I GOT ANOTHER MESSAGE FROM JB

Hobi: GOD THIS IS INCREDIBLE!!

Hobi: I'VE GOT TO GO TO SLEEP

Hobi: I LOVE YOU 6 SO FUCKING MUCH 

Hobi: ヽ(*⌒∇⌒*)ノ

Chapter Text

8:30am

Group Chat: "Why Are We Like This?"

Shooketh: @Hobi wtf???

Shooketh: What happened last night?!

Shooketh: WHAT DID JB SEND YOU??

Shooketh: WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO TELL YUGYEOM??!?!

Hobi: you'll see ;)

Daddy: I'm obviously dating monsters who refuse to tell their gossip-starved family the details

Daddy: unbelievable 

Angel: im glad to see hobi so hype though, last night was scary (´;ω;`)

Hobi: >:)

-----------------

Group Chat: "Yugyeom Protection Squad"

Hoseok: YUGYEOM!!!!!!

Hoseok: YUGYEOMMIE WAKE UP!!!!

Hoseok: @Yugyeom

Hoseok: @Yugyeom

Hoseok: @Yugyeom

Taehyung:

Seokjin: this is the most dramatic shit I've ever seen

Seokjin: I'M LIVING

Jimin: ill help you!!!

Jimin: @Yugyeom 

Jimin: @Yugyeom 

Hoseok: jimin i dont have time for you to be adorable right now this is a MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH

Hoseok: @Yugyeom

Hoseok: Come on we've tagged you like a hundred times DONT YOU KEEP YOUR NOTIFICATIONS ON???

Jungkook: @Yugyeom

Jungkook: is this what joining a cult feels like?

Jungkook: @Yugyeom 

Yugyeom: wtf guys I was asleep 

Yugyeom: you're all crazy lmao

Hoseok: Take that BACK

Yugyeom: MAKE ME

Hoseok: Take it back or I don't share these screenshots!!!

Seokjin: screenshots?? YOU HAVE NEW SCREENSHOTS???

Hoseok: JB RELATED SCREENSHOTS YOU FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!

Taehyung: OH shit

Taehyung: YUGYEOM YOU TAKE IT BACK I NEED TO KNOW RIGHT NOW

Yugyeom: bts is 10005445 times saner than got7

Yugyeom: now TELL ME

Hoseok: :D

Hoseok: [HOSEOK HAS UPLOADED 2 SCREENSHOTS]

Hoseok: yugyeom and jb, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g

Hoseok: ;D

Yugyeom: ...

Yoongi: i cant believe i'm crying in the club right now???

Yoongi: i cant believe jb invented the concept of love???

Seokjin: yoongi you big softie come sit with me while i cry Real Jesus Tears 

Jungkook: holy shit 

Jungkook: he was lying

Jungkook: @YUGYEOM HE WAS LYING!!!!!!!!!!

Jungkook: HE LOVES YOU!!!!!

Jimin: @Yugyeom you alive?

Yugyeom: i

Yugyeom: i have to confess to them

Yugyeom: im crying Good Tears

Yugyeom: how do i do this

Yugyeom: im not good at emotions in real life

Yugyeom: its easier for me to talk about difficult things over text

Namjoon: then start out over text :)

Namjoon: move to speech when youre feeling more comfortable!

Yugyeom: ok

Yugyeom: OK!!!!

Yugyeom: i CAN do this

Yugyeom: ive gotta go!!!

Yugyeom: do i have permission to use all of you as an example to help explain if they all react positively?

Namjoon: sure, kid

Namjoon: we havent exactly been subtle anyway 

Yugyeom: THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP!!!!!!

Yugyeom has logged out of group chat: "Yugyeom Protection Squad"

Seokjin: i cant believe the son i raised from birth has finally grown up?

Namjoon: 

Yoongi: right, I'm feeling soft

Yoongi: I'm taking everyone on a date tonight 

Yoongi: my shout

Jimin: (((o(*゚▽゚*)o)))

Jungkook: MCDONALDS???

Seokjin: we're not going to mcdonalds

Taehyung: then what even is the POINT

--------------

Yugy has entered group chat: "Dab7"

Yugy: guys, are you all here?

Yugy: @MTuan @JB @RealJYP @JackWang @DangBam @Youngjae ??

MTuan: what's up?

Yugy: i have something i need to tell everyone

Yugy: it's... important 

JB: has this got to do with BTS and their questions?

DangBam: i just thought it was just tae being super weird lmao

Yugy: yeah

Yugy: yeah it's got to do with that

Youngjae: you ok?

Yugy: i have something pretty massive to confess

Yugy: and I'm afraid it may make you all hate me

RealJYP: kiddo, i dont think theres anything on earth short of stabbing someone that could make us hate you

RealJYP: and even then, if it was jackson you stabbed, im sure arrangements could be made

JackWang: why do you hurt me like this

Yugy: ok

Yugy: fuck it

MTuan: language

Yugy: here goes

Yugy: im in love with you all

Yugy: absolutely 100% head over heels for each and everyone of you

Yugy: and i want to date all of you

Yugy: and i want all of you to date each other

RealJYP: ... um

Youngjae: :o

Youngjae: the questions bts asked yesterday suddenly make so much more sense if i'm honest

JackWang: I'm in!!! 

Yugy: wait seriously? Just like that?

JackWang: hell yeah

DangBam: Yes.

Yugy: ... yes?

DangBam: yes, I'm in.

DangBam: SOMEONE TAKE ME ON A DATE RIGHT NOW

MTuan: ill take you

MTuan: on a date

MTuan: becAUSE IM ALSO YOUR BOYFRIEND!!!!!

JackWang: [AIRHORNS IN THE DISTANCE]

Yugy: this is going... much smoother than expected?

Youngjae: i wanna come on the date :( SOMEONE ASK ME TO COME

RealJYP: Yo youngjae come on a date with me + jackson + bambam + mark + yugyeom?

Youngjae: well, since I was asked :)

Yugy: i think I'm still dreaming, there is no way this is going as smoothly as it is 

Yugy: none of you have any questions?! concerns? you're not in the least bit curious?!

JB: i have some questions

JB: how did you even come up with this idea?

Yugy: the feelings were always there, but I didnt realise what my options were until jungkook told me that he and all of bts were in a polyamorous relationship 

RealJYP: ... ya know, now that you say it, that makes way too much sense

JackWang: same. Y'all know I'm all for skinship but some of the shit I've seen them pull

JackWang: like i swear i once saw taehyung stick his hand down jin's pants and start jacking him off during an interview once, but i was sure i had to be dreaming 

JackWang: all of them dating explains so much

JB: huh

JB: well

JB: what if this doesn't work out like it did for BTS?

Yugy: we'll get to that if it happens hyung :(

JB: ...

JB: fine

JB: can I come on the date too?

Yugy: (๑˃̵ ᴗ ˂̵)و OF COURSE!!!

DangBam: come sit next to me in the van jb!!! I wanna see what its like holding your hand!!!!!

JB: ok haha

JB: this date is to see if we're all comfortable viewing each other in a romantic way

JB: once we get back to the dorm, we need to sit down as a group and have a proper discussion, ok?

RealJYP: yes sir! >:)

Youngjae: Call him daddy >:)

JB: DO NOT

-------------

Group Chat: "Why Are We Like This?"

Angel: thank you for taking us out to dinner yoongi (ˆ⌣ˆ)ε`●)

Angel has changed Shooketh's nickname to "Suga"

Angel: we promise we won't tell anyone you're really a big ball of moosh and floof

Suga: shush you

Suga: none of that

Succubus: let us reward you, baby?

Succubus: tae and I are about to jump in the bath, come join us?

Suga: nah I'm too tired for any of that

Suga: the last few days have been an emotional roller coaster and I just need a dang nap

Daddy: do you want to nap alone, or could you do with some company?

Suga: you're invited and I WANNA BE THE LITTLE SPOON

Daddy: of course ( ˘ ³˘)♥

Hobi: I'm going to stay up and watch a movie

Hobi: probably titanic

Angel: NOOOOOO IT ALWAYS MAKES ME CRY

Hobi: >:) you're so cute when you cry

Angel: CREEP

Hobi: your lil red nose >:)

Angel: I'M CALLING THE POLICE

Hobi: hahahahaha

Hobi: you can choose a happier movie if you want

Hobi: kookie ur welcome to join us if you'd like

Hobi: but are you alright? You've been super quiet all day

Kookie: yeah I'll come join :) I vote for Jurassic Park!

Angel: YE JURASSIC PARK! YE JURASSIC PARK!!!!!!!!

Hobi: Jurassic Park it is lmao

Kookie: and I'm fine!

Kookie: I'm just stressing about yugy.

Kookie: I haven't heard anything from him yet, but i dont wanna butt in and ask questions right now

Hobi: if you haven't heard anything, that's probably a good thing!

Angel: definitely a good thing! It means he's too busy to talk to you ( ´థ౪థ)

Hobi: oh, NOW who's the creep?!

Angel: †_(゚ー゚*)β 

Kookie: yeah I'm sure its fine

Kookie: i just wanna KNOW

Hobi: message him tomorrow morning! 

Angel: for now, come watch Jurassic Park with us!!!!!!!!!

Kookie: :D how could I refuse an invitation like that?

----------------

11pm

Private Chat: Yeommie and Gukkie

Yeommie: pssssst

Yeommie: you awake shithead?

Gukkie: did you seriously just "psst" me over text?

Yeommie: i can neither confirm nor deny

Gukkie: ANYWAY

Gukkie: HOW DID IT GO???

Yeommie: so perfectly?

Yeommie: like i am fucking shocked?

Yeommie: they all just... agreed?????

Gukkie: I'm shocked too!

Gukkie: who would ever want to date YOU

Yeommie: never speak to me or my 6 boyfriends again

Yeommie: HELL YEAH I CAN ACTUALLY MAKE THAT JOKE NOW

Gukkie: hahahahaha I'm really happy for you, dude

Gukkie: and now i can finally get revenge

Yeommie: revenge?

Gukkie: for a question you once asked me

Gukkie: so is it...

Gukkie ... sexual?

Gukkie: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Yeommie: god damn it

Yeommie: yes

Yeommie: well, it will be one day

Yeommie: we didnt go past kissing today

Yeommie: we all took turns kissing each other. Just to see what it's like and to make sure we all enjoyed it

Gukkie: oh ho ho? How was it? Did you all enjoy it?

Yeommie: that would be a yes. it was? fucking? Incredible?????????? I AM BLESSED

Gukkie: who's the best kisser?

Yeommie: youngjae, easy. He know what he do with dat tongue yo

Gukkie: aaaAAAAAAHHH FORGET I ASKED

Yeommie: I NEED YOU TO KNOW EVERYTHING THO!!!! BAMBAM WAS MY FIRST KISS!!!!! 

Yeommie: JACKSON GRABS YOUR NECK WHEN HE KISSES YOU AND ITS SUPER HOT!!!!!

Kookie: NOOOOOO STOP

Yeommie: JB ACCIDENTALLY GROUND HIS HIPS UP AGAINST MINE AND I SAW JESUS

Kookie: I'M BLOCKING YOU

-------------

Group Chat: "Why Are We Like This?"

Kookie: got7 is officially cancelled

Kookie: i didnt need to know

Kookie: i just... didnt need to know

Suga: shut it and come get into bed with me and joon

Kookie: ♡´・ᴗ・`♡

Chapter Text

Daddy has entered group chat: "Why Are We Like This?"

Daddy: hi my name is namjoon

Suga: ... hi namjoon

Daddy: and I can't stop thinking about tae's hands?

Succubus: BIG MOOD

T.T: jckskskdndksos noooo why?

Daddy: i want to hold your hand?

Daddy: i want you to run your hands through my hair?

Daddy: i want you to wrap your hands around my neck and choke me??

Kookie

Daddy: i want you to wrap your giant hand around my dick????

Daddy: I want to s u c k on your long fingers??

Angel: god i love it when subby-joon makes an appearance lmao

Daddy: bruh just because i always dominate you, you bottom fuck, doesnt mean i don't occasionally like to be topped

Daddy: #Switch #LetMeLive

Angel: fair, reasonable, and approved

Angel: i just want you to know that tae has been bright red and staring at his phone since you started typing

Angel: i straight up don't think hes blinked to be honest

Angel: HE JUST GOT UP REALLY AGGRESSIVELY AND STARTED STOMPING TOWARDS YOUR ROOM

Angel: IF YOU DONT SURVIVE WHAT HE HAS PLANNED FOR YOU, I LOVE YOU JOON!!!!!

Daddy

Angel: [My Heart Will Go On playing softly in the distance] there he go...

Hobi: me and yoongi are on our way too

Hobi: honestly i dont think we're gonna get involved with this one.

Hobi: we just wanna watch and appreciate joon get absolutely fucking destroyed

Suga: ( ◉◞౪◟◉)

Succubus: @Daddy @T.T PLEASE DON'T BREAK THE BED?

Succubus: SEJIN HAS NEVER FORGIVEN US AFTER ALL 7 OF US BROKE THE DOUBLE BED.

Succubus: WHY WERE WE TRYING TO HAVE A 7-PERSON ORGY ON THE DOUBLE BED???? WE HAVE OTHER BETTER BEDS??? SCIENCE CAN'T EXPLAIN OUR DRUNKEN STUPIDITY???

Kookie has changed Daddy's nickname to "Ramjoon"

Kookie: CUZ HE ABOUT TO GET RAMMED UP THE

Succubus: NOPE

Succubus has changed Ramjoon's nickname to "Joonie"

Succubus: i need you to drink 10 litres of holy water and apologise to each and every person in this building and the surrounding buildings.

Kookie: you're literally also heading to joon's room to watch you hypocrite 

Succubus: LIKE YOU WANNA MISS THIS?

Kookie: .... fuck why are you always right

Kookie: I'm gonna make some popcorn 

Kookie: and watch tae and joon get it on like it's a fucking blockbuster movie

Hobi: atta boy!

Succubus: you coming jimin?

Succubus: i guess THIS is the family bonding activity of the day

Succubus: whatever that says about us

Suga: it says that we know how to have a good time

Suga: GUYS HURRY UP TAE JUST TIED JOON TO THE HEADBOARD

Suga: youre missing iT!!!!!!

Jimin:

-------------

Succubus: "we're just gonna watch" we all said

Succubus: "won't get involved!!!" we said!!!

Succubus: i think im actually disappointed in how quickly that devolved into an orgy?

Succubus: no one in this relationship has any willpower

T.T: well I'M not disappointed 

T.T: watching namjoon get topped by EVERYONE, even damned jimin, was a goddamn blessing

Angel: you dont have to act so shocked!!! (•ˋ _ ˊ•)

T.T: you did great babe (˶◡‿◡)(´ ❥ `)

Joonie: send aid

Joonie: i have been obliterated 

Suga: i think "obliterated" is a good word for it 

Suga: i stopped counting how many times you came after 7

Hobi: iconic

Hobi: and you managed to count to 7?

Hobi: I lost count after he started cumming dry at 5

Joonie: well i kfkskskdnfdkejsnw

Suga: ...???

Succubus: did he die.

Succubus: OH MY GOD DID WE ACTUALLY KILL HIM?

Kookie: LMAO 

Kookie: i left him alone on the bed for 5 minutes while I went to get him some food and water

Kookie: I just walked in to find him falling asleep half way through typing and he dropped the phone on his face

Kookie: he's sleeping like the dead the fucking exhausted lil cutie

Angel: OH MY GOD I LOVE HIM

Angel: typical joon

Succubus: hahahahahaha oh my god the dork

Succubus: see if you can wake him up and get him to drink some water before he sleeps for ages, ok?

Succubus: he needs to be properly looked after. Give one of us a yell if you need to leave his room, someone will come and get into bed with him in your place

Kookie: will do.

Kookie: And I'm just gonna mess around on my phone and torment yugy, I'm happy to keep watch all night in case he needs something! :D

T.T: that Soft(tm) aftercare tho

Suga: have you noticed our Soft moments end in sex and our Sex moments end in soft?

Hobi: pretty sure thats how its supposed to be babe (ˆ⌣ˆ)ε`●)

T.T: i love my 6 idiot boyfriends

T.T: ALSO I HAVE A BRUISE ON MY THIGH WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKERS BIT ME

Succubus: IT WAS I!!!

T.T:  MONSTER

T.T: WHERE'S MY AFTERCARE HUH?? HUH???

Succubus: i'll make you dinner

T.T: IMMEDIATELY AND ENTIRELY FORGIVEN I LOVE YOU

 ---------------

Private Chat: Yeommie and Gukkie

Gukkie: YO

Gukkie: YOU STILL A VIRGIN??

Yeommie: wtf

Yeommie: hello to you too???

Yeommie: also, dude it's only been 3 whole days

Yeommie: we haven't progressed past kissing

Yeommie: ... and also, admittedly, jinyoung dry humped me until i came while everyone watched last night 

Yeommie: but beyond THAT, completely innocent I'll have you know

Gukkie: ok so first of all

Gukkie: NICE

Gukkie: UP TOP

Yeommie: we've discussed this before, i cannot hi five you, guk, we're speaking over text

Gukkie: well not with that attitude

Yeommie: and i thought you didnt want to know any of this???

Gukkie: i thought i didnt but as it turns out i'm actually SUPER curious

Yeommie: lmao pervert

Gukkie: second of all, COME ON MAN!!!

Gukkie: it only took me 5 days of being dated and wooed (seriously those romantic fuckers COURTED ME what absolute dorks) before i stood up in the middle of the room and demanded that one of them fuck me

Yeommie: ... and did they?

Gukkie: they did

Gukkie: jin was my first

Gukkie: i learnt a lot about myself that night

Gukkie: namely that i cannot keep quiet to save my life

Yeommie: jesus christ (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

Gukkie: seriously though, I'm kidding about the "get a move on" stuff - only when you're ready, and some people are never interested in that side of things don't forget!

Yeommie: oh i know I'm interested!

Yeommie: but not ready

Yeommie: i think i need everyone to say "i love you" first 

Gukkie: that's...

Gukkie: THAT'S SO FUCKING CUTE??

Yeommie: shut uuuuup

Gukkie: MY HEARTU

Yeommie: next time i see you i swear i'm pushing you out a window

Gukkie: I HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE SUCH A ROMANTIC aaaaAAAAHH!!

Yeommie

-------------

The Next Morning

Group Chat: "Why Are We Like This?"

Joonie: and i would walk 500 miles 

Joonie: AND I WOULD WALK 500 MORE

Joonie: JUST TO GET TO THE BATHROOM WHICH IS ACTUALLY ONLY A FEW METRES AWAY BUT MY LEGS ARE SO WEAK IT FEELS LIKE 500 MILES

Joonie: ... someone come help me pee?

Kookie: i stay with you ALL night and you wait until I leave to get food

Kookie: you absolute madman

Hobi: I'm coming lmao

Hobi: hold tight 

T.T: now that's true love right there lads

Kookie: speaking of true love

Kookie: Yugyeom being all love struck and cute has made me emotional

Kookie: someone tell me they love me or I'm throwing a tantrum the next time we go on stage 

Succubus: i love you, you idiot

Hobi: i love you AND the man I just helped aim 

Hobi: oh and joon said "im loie ve youhi" which I'm going to interpret as the world's sleepiest and cutest "i love you"

Kookie: LOL

Angel: I!!! LOVE!!! YOU!!!!!

T.T: i love you i GUESS

Kookie: yay!

Kookie: yoongi? (´;ω;`)

Suga: nah I'd pay good money to see you throw that tantrum, man

Kookie: i was kidding about the tantrum!!! \`•̀益•́´/

Suga: i know I know

Suga:  I'm kidding

Suga: I love you too, maknae ( ^ ᴗ ^ )ε^ )

Kookie:˙˚ʚ(´◡`)ɞ˚˙BLESSED

-----------

Joonie: there is NO WAY for me to hide all these hickies you bastards

Hobi: yeah but you look so fucking good?

Hobi: all those marks, telling the world you're ours?

Hobi: fuck.

Joonie: ok so I'm apparently really into that

Joonie: add whatever that kink is to the list, I suppose

Joonie: but the problem is, i very specifically have to hide this information from the world

Joonie: ya know, the world that isn't supposed to know I'm dating anyone, let alone my 6 bandmates

Succubus: try a scarf and a long sleeved shirt?

Joonie: IT'S THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER?

Succubus: bruh you gotta commit to the aesthetic

Succubus: IF EMOS CAN PULL IT OFF SO CAN YOU

-------------

Private Chat: Daddy and LittleOne

LittleOne: joon?

Daddy: yeah jimin? Whats up baby?

LittleOne: i think i might be ready to 

LittleOne: ya know

LittleOne: share everything with everyone

Daddy: that is incredible to hear

Daddy: what changed and made you decide now?

LittleOne: you acted so differently yesterday 

LittleOne: you submitted so beautifully to everyone, even me.

LittleOne: You trusted them so implicitly, and no one broke that trust - we all looked after you without judgement

LittleOne: you needed to be in a different headspace yesterday, and we all made it safe enough for you to do that

LittleOne: I've known it all along, but it really cemented for me how much i can trust you all

LittleOne: none of them will mock me or laugh

LittleOne: they WANT to be involved, because they love me

LittleOne: and I want to share it with them, because I love them.

Daddy: fuck I'm so proud baby

Daddy: I'm with you every step of the way

LittleOne: i know

LittleOne: you always are <3

 

Chapter Text

Angel has entered group chat: "Why Are We Like This?"

Angel: GET READY MOTHERFUCKERS WE'RE ABOUT TO LEARN SOME SHIT 

Suga: what????

Angel has changed the group chat name to "Jimin's Little Tendencies School"

T.T: OH MY GOD.

T.T: OH MY GOD ITS FINALLY HAPPENING 

Angel: yall ready to learn???

Succubus: i could always do with a refresher course ;)

Succubus: also i just need everyone to know that guk and tae, Actual Adorable Angels, went and got pen and paper to take notes 

Kookie: this is serious bruh

Kookie: we're here for an education 

Angel: djsowkdndoe ok i love you both you dorks for that let me just say

Angel: thank you all for being so hyped about this

Hobi: I'M HERE SORRY I'M LATE

Hobi: I'm ready to start if you are!!!!

Joonie: 100% ok, Jimin?

Angel: 100% :D

Angel: SO.

Angel: Part 1: Daddy Kink vs Little Space - The Beginning

Suga: are we getting story time right now?

Suga: I'm so down for story time?

Angel: LMAO basically

Angel: so, we all know joonie likes being called daddy in bed?

Joonie: oh look I'm in the story! I'm famous guys!!!

Succubus: hahahahahahahaha yes we know baby

Angel: well, we all indulge him, but I was very obviously the most eager to indulge him

Angel: I'd always loved being dominated and controlled, doted on and protected, etc

T.T: oh really? we hadnt noticed.

Angel: shush, you

Angel: and the daddy kink just fell into place pretty easily, right?

Hobi: right!

Angel: it COULD have ended there

Angel: except Jin would also occasionally join in on our little sessions

Angel: and between the 2 of them, complimenting me and doting on me and praising me, controlling me and telling me what a "good boy" i am 

Angel: well

Angel: i started falling into, what I thought at the time were, some unusual subspaces

Succubus: you were so cute baby

Kookie: TELL UUUSSS

Angel: I was falling into little space without realising it, generally right right after a sex session that involved copious use of the daddy kink

Joonie: right when you felt the most vulnerable and needed the most comfort and aftercare :)

Angel: exactly!

Angel: jinnie and joonie figured out pretty quickly what was happening

Succubus: i mean, you babbling gibberish and smiling goofily and bursting into tears if either of us turned off the cartoons you suddenly just had to watch

Succubus: were all some pretty big giveaways

Suga: dososjfdoss oh my god that sounds so fucking cute???

Joonie: he's the cutest (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε`*)

Angel: (*´∀`*) thank you!!

Angel: and yeah, that's how it began - jin and joon started to look after me on the rare occasion that I dropped into little space!

Angel: and honestly it is pretty rare for me to actually go into little space! Most of the time I'm just an adult acting like a childish idiot and demanding compliments and that people call me small LOL that's just how I always am hahaha

Angel: NOW I'M SURE THE CLASS HAS QUESTIONS!!!

Hobi: PICK ME PICK ME!

Hobi: how old are you when you're in the head space?

Angel: uuuuummmm honestly jin you're probably better equipped to deal with this one

Succubus: henlo yes i am here

Succubus: uuuuuum

Succubus: it depends on how much stress he's been dealing with and a bunch of other factors

Succubus: some times he's just a kid - perfectly normal, just a bit childish.

Succubus: Kinda like how he acts on camera, ya know?

Angel: in fact, some of you have actually interacted with me while i was in kid space before! 

Angel: yall just thought i was being extra playful and goofy hahahaha

Suga: AkfkdkendjJDOSKSJDJWKSJ WHAT????

T.T: i cant believe we didnt realise ;_; we missed it!!!!

Angel: you'll never have to miss it again, if you choose to be involved 

Kookie: i think we all want to be involved, sweetheart

Angel: (●♡∀♡)

Succubus: sometimes he's a toddler - that's the most common!

Succubus: he has basic communication, needs to be supervised most of the time, will scream if not entertained

Joonie: god will he scream

Joonie: he really likes to colour at that age

Joonie: just l e t  h i m  c o l o u r or h e  s c r e a m

Hobi: thats so fucking cute

Hobi: can I colour with him??

Angel: of course!!!!!!!!!!

Angel: Joonie can we colour now??????

Joonie: not right now baby

Joonie: we need you to stay adult for a little while longer ok?

Angel: right. right.

Angel: I'm sorry. Ok. Um.

Angel: The last age, Jin?

Succubus: on very rare occasions, he goes into full baby space. Needs 100% supervision, needs to be fed, won't move on his own and can't say anything

Succubus: thats only happened twice before, after a VERY stressful comeback week

Succubus: i kinda love it, if I'm honest

Succubus: he'll just lie in your lap and stare up at you with adoring eyes and giggle at the faces you make and try to play with your hair

Succubus: fuck i love you jimin

Angel: I love you too dada (˶^ з^(〃‿〃✿)

T.T: *clutches chest* THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME I CANT HANDLE THE CUTE

Hobi: uuuuuuh sorry for asking a super weird question here

Hobi: babies

Hobi: babies can't use the toilet

Angel: LOL

Joonie: no they can't 

Joonie: fortunately jimin hasn't been in baby space long enough for his muscle memory to fail him..... yet

Succubus: if it ever did happen, and jimin was in baby space long enough to need diapers, I would deal with it all and wouldn't make anyone else do anything they didn't want to do

Succubus: I'm the creepy fuck with the omorashi fetish after all, might as well put my higher tolerance for being around nasty liquids to good use I suppose

Kookie: LOL that's true love right there

Kookie: not very fair though, you don't actually like the LIQUID, you just enjoy the act of, and watching other people in the act of, holding it...

Succubus:... true... but still, the liquid is generally an unwanted side effect and thus i am a bit more used to it...

Kookie: watching them squirm and beg for relief

Succubusno stop

Kookie: "please jinnie, I have to go so bad, please, it's coming out, I can't stop it, please"

Succubus: iejfwpoejfoesjvpisjpof stop you're grounded i do not have time for this erection come back later

T.T: CAN WE TORMENT JIN LATER AND GET BACK ON TRACK PLEASE???

Kookie:  gladly

Kookie: anway

Kookie: we all know your fetish infected me the most, Jin

Kookie: i guess i volunteer as well ;_;

Angel: fkdkwkdjd IT HASN'T HAPPENED AND HOPEFULLY WON'T CAN WE PLEASE CHANGE THE SUBJECT???

T.T: sure

T.T: I HAVE A QUESTION!!!

T.T: when is and isn't it sexual

Angel: good question, 10 points to gryffindor

T.T: hell yeah I'm gonna get that motherfucking house cup, eat it losers

Angel: anyway

Angel: obviously, i dont have to be in little space to enjoy my daddy kink. The daddy kink is sexual, and it's adult me that enjoys it

Joonie: good shit

Succubus: be quiet, daddy

Joonie: fkskskfjdkss

Kookie: joon literally just dropped his phone lmao

Joonie: LOOK I'M REALLY ONLY USED TO JIMIN CALLING ME THAT OUTSIDE OF SEX GIMME A BREAK I WASN'T PREPARED

Succubus: if i get tormented, everyone gets tormented ;)

Angel: in little space, it's generally non-sexual

Angel: i would ask that when I'm in little space, no one attempt to initiate anything sexual with me

Suga: we can 100% do that! :D

Hobi: thank you for telling us!

Angel: HOWEVER

Angel: there is an occasional mix of little and adult jimin - subby and childish, still in little space, but I have enough control to understand that I have sexual desires and that I want to act on them

Angel: yoongi, youve met me in that state before

Suga: hell YEAH i did

Angel: a general rule of thumb - if i dont initiate, please nothing sexual.

Angel: If little me DOES initiate, it's consensual and I'm giving you permission to please FUCK ME UP AND THEN FUCK ME

Angel: if you’re unsure, use my regular red-yellow-green light safety questions - even little jimin understands them

Angel: well, I dont think baby space me understands them, but baby space me certainly isn't initiating anything hahahahaha

T.T: easy rules to follow, we can absolutely do that for you jimin :D

Kookie: I'm so excited to see all of this

Kookie: SO EXCITED I'M GOING TO BURN THE DORM DOWN

Joonie: do not.

Joonie: why do you little shits keep threatening to burn the dorm down

Joonie: why are you like this

Hobi: what do we need to know about caretaking?

Angel: huuummmmmmmm basically the same rules as you would have while looking after a normal kid i guess

Angel: maybe a little less - I'm obviously not actually a kid, and my muscle memory, habits and reflexes are retained to some extent

Angel: i cant think of anything in particular

Joonie: you'll learn how to deal with him and keep him happy as everything progresses

Joonie: jin and i will stay close and help until everyone is more comfortable 

Joonie: no one is going to be thrown into the deep end on this one, for their sakes and jiminies sake

Joonie: it's going to take a while. Jiminie really doesn't go into little space all that often, but I want people to be prepared and supported for when he does.

Angel: thank you (˶◡‿◡)(´ ❥ `)

Joonie:(^▽^(^▽^*)

Kookie: EXCUSE ME!!!

Kookie: ITS TIME FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION!!!

Succubus: ????????

Kookie: WHAT ARE EVERYONE'S NICKNAMES????????

Angel: lmao dork

Angel: Part 2: My Idiot Boyfriends Want Nicknames

Kookie: I'm starting to think I'm not gonna like this part as much :'(

Angel: have i mentioned youre a dork, lately?

Kookie: i might have heard it once or twice in the last 30 seconds, yes

Angel: OK SO

Angel: joon is daddy, obviously 

Joonie: good shit right there <3

Angel: jin has recently become dada

Succubus: remember that time you were deep into toddler space and you accidentally called me "mama" and you felt so guilty you immediately snapped back to adult jimin and started crying

Angel: kdldkfnrkwk look i know you dont like being called the "mother" of the group

Angel: I CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS IS THAT SUCH A CRIME??

Succubus: i love you for it

Succubus: but when youre in little space its a bit of a different story, i wouldnt mind it so much

Angel: well you're dada now so HA

Succubus: :D

Suga: i think mama is a good name for you sometimes, jin :D

Angel: Yoongi is papa!!!!!

Suga: HELL YEAH I AM 

Angel: hobi!

Hobi: holy shit I'm so nervous

Hobi: what if my nickname is "shithead" or something?

Angel: youre appa!

Hobi: FUCK THANK GOD

Angel: dorks, all of you

Angel: thats the last of the daddy line 

Angel: i dont think its a coincidence that the hyung line got those titles

T.T: PLEASE DONT LEAVE US IN SUSPENSE. WHAT ARE ME AND KOOK???

Angel: please dont judge me for this one but

Angel: tae

Angel: .... youre oppa

T.T: ...

Kookie: LMAO TAE JUST GOT THE BIGGEST HARD ON CKSLKSDHOD HAHAHAHA

T.T: SHUT UP I DIDNT KNOW I WAS INTO THAT

Succubus: fangirls call you that all the time tho????

T.T: im very specifically into it when jiminie is the one saying it, apparently 

Angel: hahahaha remember I'll mostly (... mostly) be using it in little space

T.T: dont make it sexual unless you ask for it, I got it! Don't worry baby ( ˶˘ ³˘(⋆❛ ہ ❛⋆)!♡

Angel: thank you!!!

Angel: and guk

Kookie: fear

Kookie:

Succubus: did you just meme yourself?

Kookie: ... no

Angel: I'm really sorry about this

Kookie: oh god what is it??

Angel: apparently little me sees you less as a caretaker, and more of a playmate/brother. Presumably because of your age, i guess

Kookie: WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME

Kookie: TAE STOP LAUGHING YOU BASTARD

Angel: youre "baba"

Angel: it might mean brother, or baby? As in little me think you're a baby too? Or it may just be gibberish? I actually dont know. But that's what little me decided on

Kookie: ... i can deal with that

Kookie: thank you(*^3^)/~♡

Suga: awww kookie you get to be a playmate??

Suga: I'm kinda jealous LOL

Angel: i... think thats everything

Succubus: today has been an emotional rollercoaster

Succubus: I'm curling up on the lounge and watching moana, you're all invited

Joonie: coming!!

Hobi: I'll come sit on the lounge room floor and colour! I think I was promised some company?

Angel: fkekdjfidke

Angel: um

Angel: daddy can I colour with appa?

Joonie: of course you can sweetheart, you don't need my permission to play with any of your family 

Angel: I'LL GO GET MY PENCILS AND TEXTAS AND PENS AND ILL SJOW YOY MY SPEXIAL DRAWING PWNCIL APPA

Hobi: ... did... he just?

Succubus: thats little space jimin

Succubus: well done, everyone

Succubus: he felt safe enough to regress

Succubus: I'm so fucking proud of all of you

Suga: ... say that again?

Succubus: I'm proud of you?

Suga: :D thank you!! (((o(*゚▽゚*)o)))

Suga: now someone put moana on i wanna watch!!!!!! >:/

---------------

Private Chat: Jinnie and Joonie

Joonie: huh, I didn't know Yoongi has a praise kink

Jinnie: is that what that was?

Jinnie: he's never shown any signs of having a praise kink before?

Joonie: what else could it be lol

Jinnie: hahahah yeah, I'll see if I can use it against him another time ;)

-----------------

Jung Hoseok has logged in.

Jung Hoseok has created a new group chat.

Jung Hoseok has added users Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi, Kim Namjoon, Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook to the group chat.

Jung Hoseok has changed the group chat name to: "Spoil Jimin Society"

Jung Hoseok has changed his nickname to "AppaHobi"

AppaHobi has changed Kim Seokjin's nickname to "DadaJin"

AppaHobi has changed Min Yoongi's nickname to "PapaMin"

AppaHobi has changed Kim Namjoon's nickname to "DaddyJoon"

AppaHobi has changed Kim Taehyung's nickname to "OppaTae"

AppaHobi has changed Jeon Jungkook's nickname to "BabaGuk"

DaddyJoon: glad to see youre really getting into this lmao

AppaHobi: jimin deserves every bit of happiness in this goddamn world and if this is what it takes then I'M DOING IT

DadaJin: god i love you, hobi

AppaHobi: i love you too

AppaHobi: NOW

AppaHobi: i want to buy a colouring set for jimin

AppaHobi: which one do you guys think?

AppaHobi: [APPAHOBI HAS UPLOADED 2 LINKS]

BabaGuk: ooooh the second one!!! He'll love the colours!!!!!!

OppaTae: and what do you guys think about these overalls? I think hed look so cute in them

OppaTae: [OPPATAE HAS UPLOADED 1 LINK]

DadaJin: get! Them! All! Get! Them! All!!

AppaHobi: well, youve convinced me jin LOL

PapaMin: what about this mini race car track??? Its got 5 different coloured cars and its all motorised and you can even rearrange the track any way you want and itll still work!! Plus its got a bunch of train and tunnel extensions it looks so cool!!!!

PapaMin: [PAPAMIN HAS UPLOADED 1 LINK]

DaddyJoon: ah sorry yoongs, i already tried to buy that for jimin but he didnt seem too interested in it, he likes simpler toys like dolls and colouring when he's a toddler or kid

PapaMin: oh :(

PapaMin: sure of course

PapaMin: thats a shame, it looked super cool haha

DaddyJoon: ah well! Whatever makes him happy

PapaMin: yeah haha :)

---------------

A Few Days Later

Group Chat: "Jimin's Little Tendencies School"

Angel: AHHHH I JUST WALKED INTO MY ROOM AND SAW ALL MY PRESENTS ON THE BED!!!

Angel: I'm noT EVEN IN LITTLE SPACE AT THE MOMENT BUT I'M SO EXCITED TO USE EVERYTHING THE NEXT TIME I AM!!!

Angel: thank you everyone i love it all so much!!!!

Angel: i love you all so much!!!

Angel: I'm the most spoiled baby in the whole world, every other little on earth can SUCK IT AND SUFFER!!!

Suga: i mean JEEZ thats a bit harsh baby

Suga: haha

T.T: LOL

T.T: you weirdo

T.T: come on, we've gotta get to practice

T.T: you coming yoongi?

Suga: :) sure.

-------------

Private Chat: Yeommie and Gukkie

Yeommie: so theoretically

Yeommie: if i asked JB if i could head out for a few hours to do some shopping

Yeommie: and he kissed me on the cheek and said, "go ask your mother, baby"

Yeommie: and jinyoung said "hi sweetheart" when i went to ask him as instructed

Yeommie: and my dick approved of the whole exchange and wants more stuff like that to happen

Yeommie: theoretically

Yeommie: what would that mean

Gukkie: that would mean you need jesus in your life

Yeommie: I KNOW YOU AND JIMIN KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THIS SHIT YOU CAN'T HIDE IT FROM ME

Gukkie:

 

 Gukkie: dont know what you're talking bout man

Gukkie has logged out.

Yeommie: GET BACK HERE YOU SHITHEAD.

 

Chapter Text

T.T has logged in.

T.T has changed the group chat name to: "I'm Soft"

T.T: I just walked into the living room and found yoongi on the floor with jimin playing with play-doh

T.T: so wholesome?

T.T: so pure?

T.T: my heart hurts?

T.T: so supportive?

Angel: i was feeling a bit small today and yoongi stayed with me all day and looked after me

Angel: we played a LOT

Suga: hahaha it was fun :)

Angel: honestly i thought you were having as much fun as i was LOL

Angel: i got up to go to the bathroom and when I came back you were just as absorbed in the puzzle we were doing

Angel: i dont think you even noticed I'd left you absolute dork

Kookie: THATS SO CUTE

Angel: (●♡∀♡)

Suga: hey man puzzles are serious business

Joonie: LEGIT

---------------

Joonie: so I've just received some news

Joonie: which can be considered good or bad depending on your viewpoint

Joonie: definitely good for our careers

Joonie: bad for us personally, as we're being separated for 2 weeks

Succubus: what?????

Succubus: WHY?!

Angel: (╥﹏╥)

Joonie: myself, yoongi, hobi and jungkookie are going on a workshop trip

Joonie: we're going to get some education on producing/choreography/song writing etc

Joonie: not far from seoul but still away from you guys

Joonie: jinnie, jiminie and taetae - you're staying here and working on your acting/variety show stuff. You've apparently got a bunch of promotions planned

Joonie: i know youre gonna do great <3

T.T: i know this is incredible news but

T.T: goddamn we're right in the middle of bonding with little jiminie

T.T: he'll miss you :(

Hobi: ((o(;△;)o))

Suga: hey its not just jimin either

Suga: I'm gonna miss you 3 as well :(

Suga: i hate it when we're not all together :(

Angel: its only 2 weeks and then we'll all be reunited <3

Angel: FIGHTING!!!ヽ(*⌒∇⌒*)ノ

Kookie: WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!

-------------

Kookie: LMAO JOON WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS??

Succubus: oh god what happened

Succubus: you've only been gone like 3 hours

Succubus: what have you managed to destroy in three hours?

Hobi: we arrived at the workshop and they offered us 2 room keys for 2 separate rooms

Hobi: and joon was like "its ok the four of us will share the bigger room"

Hobi: and the concierge was like "but there are only 2 double beds in each room?"

Hobi: and Joon stood up real tall, all intimidating, leaned in and whispered 

Hobi: "we're gonna push the beds together and cuddle like men"

Hobi: IT WAS SO FUNNY

Hobi: OF ALL THE FUCKING THINGS TO SAY????? THERE WERE A MILLION BETTER EXCUSES FKFOSJDJF

Joonie: look, I've already been separated from 3 of my boyfriends, im not being separated from any more of you, not even by a damned wall

T.T: AW ROMANTIC

T.T: JINNIE AND JIMIN

T.T: I DEMAND THAT ONE OF YOU DO SOMETHING ROMANTIC FOR ME RIGHT NOW

Succubus: ??? Tae youre literally cuddled up in my lap right now and jiminie has gone to the store to grab us dinner

Succubus: THATS ROMANTIC YOU UNGRATEFUL FUCK 

T.T: let's give jiminie a show when he walks back in? ;)

Succubus: fjekdjd BYE EVERYONE

Angel: DID YOU IDIOTS FORGET I CAN SEE THIS CHAT??

Angel: ALSO BYE EVERYONE RUNNING HOME

Suga: aish im feeling jealous :(

Suga: joonie can we go up to the room and cuddle? Im feeling homesick

Joonie: whatever you need sweetheart <3

Kookie: ME AND HOBI ARE COMING TOO!!!!

-------------

Joonie: baby, are you feeling ok being separated from everyone?

Joonie: i know you were in the middle of deliberately regressing more often to bond with everyone, so it can't be easy to have us suddenly leave

Angel: all good joon :) I have no problems not regressing unless I'm really stressed!

Angel: I'm having a good time with jin and tae!

Angel: adult jimin is here to stay a while and I'm not worried at all!

Angel: thanks for asking tho <3

Joonie: of course <3

Suga: cute lol

Suga: where's jinnie at the moment?

Angel: in the bath with tae

Angel: you know its their favourite way to spend time together haha

Suga: oh :(

Angel: why? I can give them a message?

Suga: nah, I just miss jin is all

Suga: i miss you all :(

Joonie: aw babe :( cheer up! The sound mixing workshop is in 2 hours - you were looking forward to that, yeah?

Suga: (๑˃̵ ᴗ ˂̵)و YEAH!

-----------

Hobi: sejin was like "why are you idiots sharing a r- never mind"

Hobi: honestly after everything he's seen and experienced I'm kinda offended he even started to ask??

Kookie: i think he blocks out the memories to be honest

Kookie: which means every time he sees something he shouldnt, he has to relive all his repressed memories 

Kookie: well thats my theory anyway

Angel: ... you good, guk?

Kookie: i am very drunk

Kookie: namjoon is a terrible influence

Joonie: SNITCH 

-------------

2 Days Later

Private Chat: Maknae and RealMaknae

Maknae: Jin!!! Jin please be there I don't know what to do and I'm freaking out!!

RealMaknae: jungkook im here

RealMaknae: where are you, are you hurt?

RealMaknae: do the others know where you are??

RealMaknae: hang on sweetheart I'm about to get in the car im coming 

Maknae: kfkekdidkd fuck i love you jin

Maknae: I'm safe, I'm not hurt, you don't need to come

Maknae: but I can't tell the others whats happening???

RealMaknae: why gukkie??? 

Maknae: because yoongi is telling me not to. Like screaming in my ear right now telling me not to

Maknae: im freaking out jin

RealMaknae: yoongi? Babe, tell me exactly what's happening i dont understand 

Maknae: me and yoongi had some free time, so we decided to go on a little one-on-one bonding time shopping trip

RealMaknae: cute?

Maknae: we walked past a toy store and i asked if we could go in to buy a toy to surprise little jimin when we return

RealMaknae: my thoughtful gukkie ( ˘ ³˘)♥

Maknae: fkdkskdbd

Maknae: anyway 

Maknae: he seemed super grumpy after i said that but we went in

RealMaknae: weird?

Maknae: i know right?

Maknae: things got really bad when we walked past this toy car/train set

Maknae: which i swear I've seen before but I don't know where 

Maknae: he started crying in the aisle 

Maknae: like sobbing

Maknae: talking about how you and joon don't love him "like you love jimin"

Maknae: i managed to get him back to the car and we're just sitting here in the carpark while he sobs

Maknae: WE'RE ALONE

Maknae: WE DIDNT COME WITH ANYONE AND I AM NOT EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH THIS BY MYSELF

Maknae: i tried to call joon but yoongi stopped me and said he wanted you

Maknae: whats going on?????????

RealMaknae: oh my god

RealMaknae: oh my god

RealMaknae: sweetheart, im going to call you - put yoongi on the phone for me?

Maknae: sure

---

Jin quickly selected Jungkook's contact number and impatiently waited for him to pick up.

"Hey, Jin," Jungkook answered the phone. He sounded frazzled and stressed, and Jin could hear Yoongi crying in the background. His heart broke.

"Hi sweetheart," Jin murmured to Jungkook as softly as he could. "Could you put Yoongi on for me? I'm going to try and fix this, ok?"

Jin heard the telltale sounds of a phone being shuffled and moved, and then Yoongi's sniffling appeared in his ear.

"Yoongi, baby, is that you?" Jin asked in the most encouraging tone he could.

"Mama?" Yoongi said. Just one word, and Jin shut his eyes as his suspicions were confirmed. In the background, he heard Jungkook gasp as the realisation hit the maknae as well.

Jin infused as much affection and warmth into his next sentence has he could.

"Yes, baby, mama's here! I've missed you so much my wonderful baby boy!"

"Yoongi's not a baby," Yoongi muttered, and Jin filed that information away for later - kid space, not any younger. "And you're lying. Mama doesn't miss Yoongi."

Jin gasped over dramatically. "What's this now? Of course I miss my Yoongi! I can't function without him! I forgot how to open my bedroom door this morning and TaeTae had to come save me! You would have saved me if you'd been here!"

Just as Jin hoped, Yoongi giggled, but then his grumpy voice said, "Not true. Mama and daddy" - Jin assumed he meant Namjoon - "love Jiminie more than me. You buy him lots of presents and worry about him lots and look after him lots. And now Jiminie gets to stay at home with MY mama because mama doesn't love me like he loves Jiminie and daddy talks about how much he misses Jiminie and-"

Yoongi's voice was taking on a hysterical edge, and Jin knew he had to act fast to avoid a tantrum. The source of Yoongi's upset was clear - while Jimin had clearly bonded to Namjoon, little Yoongi must have accidentally bonded to Jin the most. He'd likely been going in and out of kidspace without realising it, and being separated from Jin, his "mama", had finally jump-started the inevitable explosion.

All of Yoongi's recent actions suddenly made so much more sense to Jin, and his heart felt heavy at the knowledge that Yoongi had been dealing with it in silence - that Yoongi may not have even realised why he was feeling like this.

"Yoongi," Jin said softly. "My sweet Yoongi. Mama loves you so, so much." 

Jin knew he'd have to act drastically.

"Daddy loves Jiminie the most, doesn't he?" Jin asked, and he heard Yoongi whimper. "But do you want to know a secret?" he whispered.

"What?" Yoongi gasped, sounding so childish and naive.

"Mama loves his Yoongi the most!" Jin exclaimed. "Daddy loves Yoongi, and Mama loves Jiminie, but we have our favourites!"

Yoongi gasped again. "Really?!"

"Really, baby! Mama loves you so much! I've been sad every day since you left me!"

Yoongi's giggles echoed through the phone, and Jin heard Jungkook's sigh of relief.

"Baby, mama has to go now. I have to go be on TV. But I will think of you every second, and I'll talk to you tonight. Gukkie is going to look after you right now, ok?"

"Ok, mama."

"That's my good boy."

-------------

Private Chat: Jinnie and Joonie

Jinnie: hey there you piece of rotten cheese

Joonie: harsh

Joonie: hello to you too

Jinnie: (˶◡‿◡)(´ ❥ `)

Jinnie: short story is

Jinnie: yoongi is a little too

Jinnie: he doesnt get as little as jimin

Jinnie: he feels like you dont love him

Jinnie: so you're going to go buy him the FUCKING race car set he asked for and then youre going to spoil him

Jinnie: AM I UNDERSTOOD?

Joonie

Joonie: understood

Joonie: am I allowed to ask more questions or

Jinnie: i think yoongi plans on addressing everything in the group chat

Jinnie: so for now, just do what i asked and you'll get the details later

Joonie: you scare me sometimes

Joonie: but i adore how protective you are of them

Jinnie: its the only damned thing i offer this group and im going to do it well

Joonie: you know thats not true, jin

Joonie: you add so much

Joonie: jin?

Joonie: :( one day youre going to believe us for real when we tell you you make our group better

 ---------

Group Chat: "I'm Soft"

Suga: Listen Up Motherfuckers (tm)

Suga has changed Succubus' nickname to "Mama"

Suga: I'm a fucking Little 

T.T: WHAT THE FUCK

Suga: I only go into kid space, not younger

Hobi: W H A T  T H E  F U C K

Suga: jin is mama, joon is daddy, everyone else just gets regular nicknames like Gukkie and Hobi because Fuck You That's Why

Angel

Suga: ANY FUCKING QUESTIONS

T.T: how long has THAT been going on?

Suga: i first fell into the headspace the day jimin explained everything to us

Suga: i got away with it and was able to hide it from you all because i dont age down into a toddler

Mama: is it sexual for you?

Joonie: lmao i swear at this point it feels like we're reading off a checklist

Suga: 100% non-sexual

Suga: i just get anxious sometimes and need to de-stress

Suga: NOW I AM VERY FUCKING SENSITIVE AND AM STILL VERY DEPRESSED TO BE AWAY FROM 3 OF MY BEAUTIFUL BOYFRIENDS WHOM I LOVE

Suga: WHICH MEANS THE ONES I HAVE WITH ME

Suga: NAMJOON, HOSEOK AND JUNGKOOK

Suga: IF YOURE NOT IN BED CUDDLING ME WITHIN THE NEXT 10 SECONDS I'M SUING

Hobi: kookie tripped over a waitress trying to sprint to our room lmao

Kookie: SHUT.

------------

Private Chat: Jiminie and Yoongi

Yoongi: Jimin, are you ok?

Yoongi: you were kinda quiet in the group chat, honey

Yoongi: i know it feels like I'm taking the attention away from you

Yoongi: that really wasnt my intention baby

Yoongi: i go into little space less often than you do, which is really saying something haha

Yoongi: I'm still your papa and caretaker baby

Yoongi: jimin?

Jiminie: oh, yoongi

Jiminie: i couldnt be upset about this if I tried

Jiminie: i LOVE you

Jiminie: i am ECSTATIC to share this with you

Jiminie: and I'm so sorry you had to deal with it alone for the time that you did

Jiminie: youre my papa

Jiminie: and sometimes, when you need it, you can be my playmate instead.

Jiminie: i am so happy  <3

Yoongi: youre too good for any of us, you know that?

Jiminie: TELL ME SOMETHING I DONT KNOW BABE

Yoongi: LOL shithead

-----------

Group Chat: "I'm Soft"

Joonie: VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE!!!!!

Joonie: GUESS WHO I RECORDED OPENING A PRESENT HE VERY DESPERATELY WANTED

Joonie: [JOONIE HAS UPLOADED 1 VIDEO]

Mama: Oh my GOD my heart thats so cute

Kookie: he played with the cars all afternoon it was incredible

Suga: nOOOOO I DIDNT REALISE YOU WERE RECORDING

T.T: YOONGI IS SUCH A CUTIE!!!!!!!!

Hobi: The CUTEST AND SOFTEST!!!

Suga: I am NONE OF THOSE THINGS HOW DARE YOU ALL

Angel: (☛´∀`*)☛

Angel: you might be cuter than I am ;)

Suga: FUCK YOU NAMJOON WHY DID YOU RECORD ME AAAAAAAAHHHHH

Joonie: that's "daddy" to you

Suga: JFKSKDJFKDKSKJDDJ

Suga: I'M LEAVING BTS 

Suga: SORRY I'M A GOT7 MEMBER NOW

 

 

Chapter Text

Group Chat: "I'm Soft"

Joonie: just 2 more days until we're all together!!!!

Joonie: i miss you 3 so much!!!

T.T: WE KNOW. 

T.T: Jin hasn't stopped fretting about it

T.T: "what should i make them to eat when they get back? Should we put up "welcome home" signs? Do you think the dorm is clean enough? Do we have enough new toys for yoongi?"

Suga: WAIT WHAT WAS THE LAST ONE

T.T: nothing.

T.T: nothing at all.

Suga: 

Mama: i have said NONE of those things excuse you

Angel: he's said all of those things

Angel: he's said some of those things multiple times

Mama

-----------

Private Chat: Hope and Jin

Hope: fuck i miss you baby

Hope: jimin and tae keep posting photos of the three of you

Hope: and youre all so fucking beautiful 

Hope: but i didnt get any alone time with you like I did with jimin and tae before we left and 2 weeks is too long

Hope: fuck i hate being away from any of you

Jin: oh my love

Jin: how about, you send me some photos of the parts of you that need the most attention, and we'll see what I can do over the phone ;)

Hope: kdkskdjfkss

-----------

Private Chat: Hoseok and Jinyoung 

Hoseok: sorry babe I dropped my phone

Hoseok: [HOSEOK HAS UPLOADED 2 PHOTOS]

Hoseok: I'm so hard jin, and I miss your pretty pink lips

Jinyoung: fascinating.

Hoseok: WAIT.

Jinyoung: no really, tell me more

Hoseok: WAIT NO FUCK

Jinyoung: let me just say

Jinyoung: you've got a beautiful cock, Hoseok, but unfortunately my heart belongs to 6 other idiots

Hoseok: IFKDKSJDJD I AM SO SO SORRY THAT WASN'T MEANT FOR YOU OH MY GOD DKDKFIDKE

Jinyoung: I get the feeling it was meant to go to Jin, not Jinyoung?

Hoseok: YOU WOULD BE CORRECT 

Hoseok: i am SO SO sorry i want to die it was a mistake

Hoseok: promise I'm not a creep!!!

Jinyoung: hahahaha all good i know it was an accident

Hoseok: any chance you can forget about this whole thing?

Jinyoung: well, I'll certainly never share those private photos of yours, not even with my partners, trust me on that

Hoseok: thank you!

Jinyoung: but i cant lie to you hobi

Jinyoung: I've already told got7 everything

Jinyoung: they think its hilarious

Jinyoung: well, except JB, the over protective fuck

Hoseok

----------

Private Chat: Hope and Jin

Jin: you there?

Jin: did you die?

Jin: bruh you can't just leave me hanging

Jin: so here i am, barbecue sauce on my tiddies

Hope: I FUCKED UP

Hope: SEXY ATMOSPHERE OFFICIALLY DESTROYED

Hope: ALSO I HATE THE STUPID BARBECUE SAUCE VINE IT ISN'T EVEN FUNNY

Jin: ?????????

--------------

5 minutes later

Group Chat: "I'm Soft"

Mama: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Hobi: stoooop don't tell the group ;_;

Joonie: dont tell the group what?

Mama: SO HOBI AND ME WERE SEXTING

Kookie: sick invite?

Suga: UH guk

Suga: me you and joon fucked like an hour ago?

Kookie: irrelevant

Kookie: i need to be involved everywhere at all times or i cry

Suga: we know.

Suga: your fear of missing things is why this chat was created in the first place babe

Mama: A N Y W A Y

Mama: HE ACCIDENTALLY SENT NUDES TO JINYOUNG FROM GOT7

Mama:  NUDES!!!!!!!!!!

Angel: Kdksksjc LMAO

Angel: i hope they were nice nudes, at the very least

Hobi: of COURSE they were nice nudes

Hobi: who the fuck do you think i am

T.T: loooool

T.T: how did you even manage that?!

Hobi: i got a bit excited and dropped my phone. It closed the chat screen, and their names are similar...

Kookie: "excited"

Kookie

Hobi: yes excited in that exact context, we already said we were sexting.

Hobi: My dick was hard bruh I'm not trying to hide anything

Kookie: i can still leer

Kookie:  let me live dude

Mama: we're lucky jinyoung thought it was funny

Joonie: if someone from got7 accidentally sent me nudes i would never stop laughing

Joonie: I'd write a fucking song about it

Joonie: ARMY would go mental trying to figure out what the cryptic lyrics meant

Joonie: but got7 would know

Suga: maybe we should write a song about this situation anyway LOL

Hobi: alternative concept: YOU DON'T DO THAT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES 

Suga: (˶^ з^(〃‿〃✿)

Hobi: guk, jinyoung said he'd told the rest of the got7 what happened and that they find it really funny

Hobi: go ask yugyeom what's happening and make sure they're not making fun of me? ;___;

Hobi: i dont wanna ask myself, I'm embarrassed

Mama: oh baby, no one would ever maliciously make fun of you for this

Hobi: i know i just stress a lot about what people say about me

Kookie: ill go ask, dont stress!

-------------

Private Chat: Gukkie and Yeommie

Gukkie: hey dude

Yeommie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Gukkie: motherfuck

Gukkie: are you all like this?

Yeommie: sure, it's funny

Yeommie: seriously, we all feel super bad for hobi tho

Yeommie: although, i dont think this situation is as bad as the time youngjae almost posted his nudes to his instagram

Yeommie: almost 

Gukkie: wait what?!

Yeommie: haha yeah

Yeommie: jackson managed to wrestle his phone off him before he submitted it

Yeommie: in Youngjae's defense, he was very drunk and trying to send the nudes to the group

Yeommie: which, now that I'm thinking about it, isn't a very good defense really

Gukkie: lmaaaao

Gukkie: speaking of... ya know... private time with your 6 very attractive boyfriends...

Gukkie: how's all that going? (˵ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°˵)

Yeommie: i am........ experienced now

Gukkie: EEEEEEYYYYYY!!!

Gukkie: UP TOP!!!!!

Gukkie: dont give me any "we can't hi five through text, Jungkook" excuses because i DONT WANNA HEAR IT

Yeommie: in the spirit of sharing, as you've been very open with me

Yeommie: I'll say that i am the subbiest sub to have ever subbed 

Yeommie: thats what I've learnt about myself in the last couple of days 

Gukkie: NICE

Gukkie: i think jimin would beat you on that one tho

Yeommie: that sounds like a challenge

Yeommie: but since there's no way to actually compete without organising a giant got7/bts orgy, i'm going to pass

Gukkie: what, a 7 man orgy is ok but a 14 man orgy is too much for you?????

Yeommie: ALL MEN HAVE THEIR LIMITS GUK

Yeommie: SIX DICKS IS MY LIMIT

Gukkie: C O W A R D I C E

Gukkie: (((seriously though, no one is upset about hobi's accident? Especially jinyoung? I know receiving unwanted shit like that can be extra unpleasant for some)))

Yeommie: no stress dude! We all know it was a mistake

Yeommie: well, jb was a little grumpy at first, but the possessive fucker calmed down after jinyoung and bambam worked together and sucked him off 

Gukkie

------------

Group Chat: "I'm Soft"

Kookie: i have returned, triumphant

Kookie: no one is upset, and the teasing is all good natured! No stress, hobi :)

Hobi: do you have screenshots?

Kookie: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh.

Kookie: we got a bit side tracked talking about other things

Kookie: got7 things

Kookie: things I am not at liberty to share with you all

Kookie: just trust me on this one

Hobi: LOL fair enough thanks

Joonie: sinning, everywhere

----------------

Private Chat: Gukkie and Yeommie

Yeommie: so at dinner i told everyone about the 14 person orgy joke 

Yeommie: i made it very clear it was a joke

Yeommie: but mark hasn't stopped winking and asking me to organise it

Gukkie: NO PLEASE IT REALLY WAS A JOKE OH MY GOD

Yeommie: he knows, he's just stirring shit

Gukkie: stirring shit?

Yeommie: yeah, because JB (have i mentioned he's possessive?) didnt find the joke funny

Gukkie: OH NO

Yeommie: called you a "little pervert"

Yeommie: he didnt seem to care that I actually started it

Gukkie: OH NOOOOOOOOOOO

Yeommie: he eventually calmed down and laughed at the joke

Yeommie: but dont be suprised if he glares next time you see him

Gukkie

-----------

Group Chat: "I'm Soft"

Kookie: if i die, tell the police JB killed me for being too much of a legend

Angel: sounds fake

Mama: i have a much better theory on how it will actually happen!

Mama: "hello yes police? One of my boyfriends just died because his legs went numb while he was on the toilet and he fell over and whacked his head on the sink when he tried to stand up"

Kookie: ONE TIME. THAT HAPPENED ONE TIME AND NO ONE EVER LETS ME FORGET IT.

Suga: *bang* *crash* "OW FUCK" "... can someone help me please?" those beautiful memories

Suga: i savour them

Joonie: 1 lyk=1 respect

Hobi: some say he's still lying on that bathroom floor with his pants around his ankles to this day

T.T: hahaha i remember that - I nearly dislocated my shoulder trying to break the bathroom door down because he couldn't get to the lock

T.T: iconic

Kookie: I'm not sucking anyone's dick for a month 

Suga: WAIT NO WE'RE JUST TEASING

Mama: BABE BE REASONABLE

Kookie: ITS TOO LATE THIS MOUTH IS SHUT FOREVER

Joonie: good, maybe we'll get some peace and quiet around here

Kookie:

Kooke: bruh

Joonie: kidding, kidding ( ˘ ³˘(◡‿◡˶)

Kookie: how is it that hobi does the horribly embarrassing thing and I'm the one who ends up getting teased???

Kookie: I'M CALLING THE NATIONAL GUARD TO REPORT YOU ALL FOR BULLYING

Mama: I love you gukkie

Mama: forgive uuuuus?

Kookie: dont

Mama: i love you so much my sweetheart

Kookie: d o n t  

Mama: you make us all soooo happy

Mama: we all love you

Kookie: FUCK

Kookie: I CANT STAY MAD

Joonie: i just walked in to find him giggling to himself and squirming on the lounge

Hobi: why are we like this

T.T: i can't believe jungkook's massive praise kink just saved the day

------------

Angel: just a few more hours until you four are home with us, where you belong <3

Suga: cuddle pile and netflix when we get back?

Mama: of course! I've pulled out every blanket and pillow in the house and built us a little nest in prepation <3

Mama: Taehyung has already fallen asleep in it

Mama: [MAMA HAS UPLOADED 1 PHOTO]

Hobi: #blessed

Chapter Text

Group Chat: "I'm Soft"

Joonie: bighit: "hey guys we're giving you a few days off!!!"

Joonie: jin: "good, we'll be spending this time together as a family!!!"

Joonie: also Jin: spends 16 straight hours playing the Sims 4 without moving, speaking, or likely blinking

T.T: who's jin? Never heard of them

Mama: who am i

Mama: what year is it

Mama: please someone help me

Mama: im 10 generations in

Mama: simlish is starting to make sense to me

Suga: we really need a blanket ban on sims in the dorms

Suga: or at least 2 hour maximum play sessions

Mama: OR YOU COULD DIE YOU FUCKING MONSTER

Suga: we've lost him

Suga: we've lost him forever

Angel: (´;д;`) he will be missed 

---------

T.T: I'm here to kinkshame jungkook

Hobi: I'm here to listen to you kinkshame jungkook

Kookie: I SAID I WAS SORRY TAEHYUNG

T.T: We had a bit of alone time, so I offered to get DOWN AND DIRTY WITH THE MAKNAE!!!

Joonie: sex.

Joonie: It's called sex. 

Joonie: YOURE ALLOWED TO REFER TO IT AS SEX

T.T: and i asked him what he was in the mood for

T.T: thinking it'd be some of his omorashi shit

T.T: BUT NO

Mama: i cant believe im about to watch someone get kinkshamed for something that ISNT an omorashi fetish

Mama: vindication

Kookie:(˶′_‵˶)

T.T: anyway

T.T: he asked me to put on the maid outfit

Joonie: good choice 

Suga: not quite seeing where the kinkshaming is coming in here

Suga: I would pay good money to see you in that outfit anytime, tae

T.T: WELL THATS THE THING 

T.T: I put it on

T.T: looking f i n e as fuck, as I always do

T.T: and he looked at me and frowned

T.T: and said "i could wear it better"

T.T: THE AUDACITY??!?!

Joonie: ah i see

Joonie: this isn't an actual kinkshame

Joonie: youre just mad

Hobi: DISAPPOINTING, TAE.

Hobi: COME BACK WHEN YOU'VE GOT SOME REAL GOSSIP

T.T: is no one going to avenge my pride?!?!

Suga: nah

Suga: i think guk is right

Suga: he probably WOULD pull it off

T.T: IM DIVORCING ALL OF YOU

Kookie: fkdkskdidkejejdkdkdjw thank you (/ω\)

----------

Suga: I rrally likE THE TREXES

Suga: RAAAAAAAAAAWWWW

Hobi: you what now.

Suga: BOOF. BOOF. BOOF

Suga: RRRAAAAWWWW DINORSAYR

Mama: well, hello there cutie 

Mama: i thought you were with Jimin getting groceries, baby?

Suga: we were goinged but thenbtherw was a parj mama!!

Mama: a park?! Well that sounds wonderful!!!

Mama: sweetie can you tell me where jiminie is right now?

Suga: HES WIIIITH ME MAMA

Suga: hes a lilttle baby rifhr now

Suga: hes on the sweesaw

Suga: im being a big boy and lookning after him!!!!!!!!!!!!!+++

Joonie: what a good boy yoongi, we're so proud of you!!!

T.T: my heart has actually crumpled into a million pieces this is the cutest shit ive ever seen???

Mama: lmao im gonna go down and get them before they get spotted

Suga: chimmie just foumd his ohone!!! He wants to sayo helo to everone toooo!!!!!!!!

Joonie: WAIT NO

Joonie: BABY HE'S TOO LITTLE TO USE HIS PHONE THERE'S NO TELLING WHAT HE'LL ACCIDENTALLY POST

Joonie: YOONGI CAN YOU PLEASE TAKE JIMIN'S PHONE???

Angel: ckdkskdckfkdk;;;;;;;;;;kckdosp999wb;

Kookie: uh.

Mama: OK I'M RUNNING I'LL BE AT THE PARK IN A MINUTE

Suga: daddy he's chewng on the pjone its yucky i don wanna touch it :::(

Joonie: thats ok sweetheart, mama will be there soon

Hobi: I'm going to go actually get the groceries lmao

T.T: ill come help!!! I need to take Eight for his walk today anyway! :D

Hobi: ( ˘ ³˘)♥ thanks babe

Kookie: we really need to discuss a new route to the grocery store that doesn't include temptations for littles

Kookie: that, or the 2 of them can't walk with just the 2 of them

Joonie: good idea babe, we'll discuss it when they get back! (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc) so clever!

Kookie: (*°∀°)=3 thanks!!!!

-------------

Angel: i just woke up from a nap 

Angel: first of all, when did i have a nap?

Angel: second of all, why is there tree bark in my mouth?

Suga: turns out i am a TERRIBLE babysitter when i am also a little, and will let you eat anything

Angel: ah.

Angel: that explains it.

Angel: that goddamn park

Angel: its so bright and colourful and

Angel: goddamn it my head gets fuzzy again just thinking about it

T.T: its like the worlds weirdest version of the hulk

T.T: "I'm losing control.......... my little is about to take over............."

Angel: (•ˋ _ ˊ•)

Kookie: LOL

-------------

Kookie: henlo all

Kookie: can i confess something unusual 

Kookie: without getting judged 

Suga: sweetie i think its pretty clear that no one gets judged when theyre speaking seriously about something 

Mama: i will shelve my shitposting for two (2) whole minutes 

Mama: use your time wisely, kid.

Mama: kidding, go ahead babe

Kookie: @T.T @Joonie @Angel @Hobi get online fuckers

Hobi: is this...... drama?

Kookie: shush, no, not unless you make it drama

T.T: actually me right now:

T.T:

Kookie: you goddamn cutie ily

Kookie: ok so

Kookie: me and my giant praise kink

Kookie: you might have noticed i have one

Joonie: i have literally never been less shocked about something in my life

Kookie: exactly

Kookie: WELL

Kookie: there is a specific way I'd like to be praised on occasion

T.T: oh ho ho do tell

Mama: if you're a little too im just gonna open a fucking daycare at this point

Suga: Do it coward

Kookie: LOL no thats not it haha

Kookie: i really do want to try on tae's maid outfit

Kookie: and other feminine stuff

Kookie: just around the dorms obviously

Kookie: id like to be called pretty and cute

Kookie: sometimes i get in a mood where i want to be called beautiful and soft??? 

Kookie: i dunno

Kookie: dresses look so pretty and sometimes i wanna be pretty

Suga: ok, that seems pretty easy to accomplish 

Mama: baby, do we need to change the way we refer to you when you're like that?

Kookie: uuum

Kookie: no

Kookie: no, thank you 

Kookie: im a boy, always

Kookie: but sometimes

Kookie: not all the time

Kookie: i'm still ya nasty ass muscle pig for the most part LOL

Kookie: but i want to be called a pretty boy

Kookie: boys can be pretty too i guess is what I'm saying?

Kookie: if thats ok?

Hobi: OF COURSE ITS OK!!!!!!!!

Joonie: Thank you for telling us!!!

T.T: YOU CAN HAVE MY MAID OUTFIT AND I'M JUMPING ONLINE RIGHT NOW TO BUY YOU SOME NEW CLOTHES FOR WHEN YOU GET INTO THAT MOOD 

Kookie: fkdosidid thank you all for being so supportive

Mama: we're here to make each other happy

Mama: you make us all so happy, why wouldn't we jump at the chance to do something so simple that makes you so happy?

Suga: gukkie, my beautiful sweet maknae, we all love you so much

Kookie: dkslsfkfe

Suga: youre the most gorgeous person ive ever seen

Kookie: oh my goooood

Suga: HEY I THINK I'M GOING TO ENJOY INDULGING THIS ONE

Hobi: LOL watching him squirm is honestly a blessing

Hobi: i think you guys are going to have to stop me from indulging

T.T: while I'm online, do yoongi or jiminie want anything?

Angel: DINOSAUR TOYS

Suga: Hell YEAH

Hobi: this family is wild i love us

-----------

Angel: JCKSKSJXOSKSKD OH MY GOD

Mama: what???

Angel: guk and I were the only ones in the dressing room

Angel: and we still had a flower crown from yesterdays fanmeet

Angel: so i put it on gukkie and starting calling him the prettiest thing id ever seen

Angel: which... 

Angel: TRUE

Hobi: SAME

Kookie: im actually going to squeal p l e a s e spare me ckdkskdkdk

Hobi: ( ^ ᴗ ^ )ε^ )

Angel: naturally, that's when sejin walked in

Angel: he stared for a minute

Angel: sighed

Angel: muttered something about it being "the least weird thing he's seen today"

Angel: nodded at us

Angel: and walked out

T.T: oh my god

Kookie: i feel like its really important to the story to note i was quite visibly hard as a rock the entire way through all of this

Angel: yeah that too

Joonie: actually iconic

Suga: conspiracy theory: sejin's fetish is some sort of voyeurism

Suga: he actually gets off on walking in on other people 

Suga: but he has to keep pretending to be disgusted otherwise we'll catch on!!!!

Suga: well, the jig is up Sejin!!!!!!!!

T.T: I BELIEVE IT

Mama: THATS NOT TRUE

T.T: IM ALERTING THE AUTHORITIES RIGHT NOW TO LET THEM KNOW HOW 100% CORRECT YOONGI'S THEORY IS

Mama: N O

Kookie: [X-Files Theme playing in the distance]

Mama: YOURE ALL GROUNDED

------------

Hobi: wait, what WAS the weirdest thing sejin walked in on today?

Mama: yoongi and joon double teaming Taehyung on the couch while i sat on the other couch playing my 3ds and occasionally calling out words of encouragement 

Joonie: by "words of encouragement" he means screaming things like "level up!!!" and "power boost!!!"

Mama: admittedly, I was more absorbed in the game than i was in the sex

Suga: you move from obsessing about one game to another

Mama: only god can judge me

Mama: but yes I can see why sejin would find that scenario odd

Hobi: what I really hate is that I DONT find that scenario odd

Hobi: this fucking family 

 

Chapter Text

Group Chat: "I'm Soft"

Mama: dance practice today!!!

Mama: everyone get movin!!!

Mama: everyone get groovin!!!

Mama:

Mama: Y E E T

T.T: i just did the most unenthusiastic dab, if that counts?

Mama: it does not, but I appreciate the effort!

Suga: it's 5am no one should be this excited about anything

Mama: I GET TO SPEND ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY WITH MY BOYFRIENDS THAT I LOVE WHY WOULDN'T I BE HAPPY?

Hobi: CUTE I'LL BE EXCITED WITH YOU

Mama: hobi has officially been upgraded to my favourite boyfriend

Angel: discrimination 

Angel: persecution 

Joonie: let's get serious guys, we've got a big day ahead of us and I'm getting a lot of pressure from the company to get this shit right

Mama: ay ay el capitano!!

------------

Kookie: petition for joons to CHILL

Angel: he's being a big meany today ;_;

Joonie: im really sorry i dont mean to be so harsh but this has to be perfect or my ass is on the line

Suga: we're going to get this right for you babe, you can relax っゝω・)っ

Hobi: and maybe stop picking on poor Jin LOL

Joonie: if he wasn't goofing off all day I wouldnt HAVE to be so harsh on him

Mama: i was making jokes to lighten the mood because you were so tense, Joon :(

Joonie: which is great, except you were really just distracting everyone

Mama: come on joonie, that's not fair, i was working just as hard as everyone else!

Joonie: no, no you weren't 

Mama: excuse me?

Suga: Namjoon, chill the fuck out. He was making the occasional joke, the practice went great.

Joonie: he was being a distraction and wasn't giving his all

Joonie: some of the managers were watching and weren't impressed by everyone laughing

Joonie: and now IM in shit for it

Mama: look, I'm sorry I got you in trouble, ill go and tell them it was all me

Angel: an easy fix, right? :)

Joonie: I've already been yelled at, you can't fucking take that back, can you?

Mama: i said I was sorry, Namjoon, what can I do to fix this?

Joonie: you can develop some fucking talent and work ethic and stop dragging this team down. You should be the MOST serious in all types of practices because you certainly need the most fucking help. And stop getting me in fucking trouble

T.T: jesus christ joon he's gotten you in trouble ONE TIME what the fuck is wrong with you?

Mama: oh.

Mama has left group chat: "I'm Soft"

Kim Seokjin has logged out.

Kookie: namjoon what the fuck.

Kookie: how fuckin DARE you say shit like that?

Hobi: you KNOW how sensitive he is about that

Hobi: fuck FUCK he just left the dorm i dont know where he's gone

Joonie: oh shit

Joonie: oh shit holy shit what the fuck have i done

Joonie: I DIDNT MEAN IT

Joonie: i just knew saying it would hurt him and for those 5 seconds i was so mad i wanted him to be upset like i was upset after getting yelled at

Joonie: i take it back i didnt mean it i didnt mean it

Suga: hes actually left the group chat, Namjoon.

Suga: he can't see anything you type

Suga: and knowing how he takes things on board, regardless of what you say for the rest of your goddamn life, he won't see ANYTHING but you writing "develop some fucking talent"

Suga: over and over in his head, like he always does 

Suga: so, actually?

Suga: kinda fuck you Namjoon.

Joonie: I'll find him and apologise, ill fix this i promise

Suga: yes, you will.

Angel: I'm really upset can someone please?? I dont know what i want but please??

Hobi: hang on baby, I'll come sit with you.

Hobi: its going to be ok

T.T: he's not answering his phone.

Joonie: fuck. FUCK

----------

Private Chat: Jinnie and Joonie

Joonie: baby? Baby are you there?

Joonie: i am so SO sorry jin i didnt mean it at ALL

Joonie: i was just mad and knew saying that would hurt your feelings

Joonie: jin please come back to the dorm and ill apologise in person

Joonie: jin?

Joonie: the timestamps are popping up, I know you're reading these messages

Joonie: PLEASE dont ignore me ill do anything?

Joonie: I love you.

Joonie: come home.

-------------

Group Chat: "I'm Soft"

Joonie: guys he's not responding

Joonie: its been a couple of hours and im getting worried

Joonie: i know all of you have called him, but can you try messaging him? 

Joonie: he might talk to one of you?

Suga: sure.

Joonie: yoongi, im sorry please dont be mad at me :(

Suga: I'll consider forgiving you once Jin, one of the men I love more than anything, is home safe and HAPPY

Suga: like he was THIS MORNING 

Suga: like he tried to make all of us today and you threw it in his face instead of just TELLING US WHAT WAS WRONG.

Suga: AS IF THIS WHOLE FUCKING RELATIONSHIP HASN'T BEEN BUILT ON BEING OPEN, HONEST AND COMMUNICATIVE.

Joonie: ok

Joonie: thats fair

Joonie: i understand.

--------------

Private Chat: Mama and Suga Baby

Suga Baby: jin?

Suga Baby: sweetheart can you please come home?

Suga Baby: lock yourself in a room and scream through the door if you have to, but at least do it at home where you're safe?

Suga Baby: im so worried about you 

Suga Baby: just one message to let me know youre safe?

Mama: .

Suga Baby: thank you

Suga Baby: thank you

Suga Baby: come home, Jin

Suga Baby: we all love you, and you know joon didnt mean it.

-----------

Group Chat: "I'm Soft"

Suga: hes not responding to me either

Suga: he DID send one message to tell me he was safe

Suga: but nothing else

Suga: it's getting dark and I'm getting worried

T.T: im so fucking anxious i cant take this

Hobi: jiminie hasnt stopped crying 

Hobi: what the fuck is happening?

Joonie: i fucked up, thats what happened

Joonie: ill fix this

----------

Private Chat: Seok1 and Seok2

Seok2: jin?

Seok2: jimin is distressed, please come home?

Seok2: you know he relies on you 

Seok2: yoongi and guk wont admit it, but they rely on you as well

Seok2: we need you at home

Seok1: hobi.

Seok2: babe. BABE. hello! Please keep responding! I love you please come home!

Seok1: i fdrank a loit hobi

Seok2: oh, sweetheart

Seok2: tell me where you are and I'll come get you?

Seok2: we're going to make this right, ok?

Seok1: dunno wheres inam

Seok1: agross hotel i tihink?

Seok1: im goign to slepe gudnighr 

Seok1: tel joon im sorry i fukced up bts looool

Seok1: i knew al along i wsa draggin yuo all down

Seok1: but i dint wanna leav bexause i love yiu all so much

Seok1: im so selfish???

Seok2: no no NO NO you are NOT selfish and you were NOT dragging the team down

Seok2: you are SO talented

Seok2: your voice, your comedic timing, the way your smile can light up the whole room??? You're not a natural dancer and yet you keep up without complaint???? FUCK i admire you

Seok2: namjoon admires you

Seok2: he loves you, we ALL love you

Seok2: please PLEASE come home and we can all talk about this in person

Seok1: om drunk

Seok1: gon aleep

Seok1: tlak tomorw

Seok1: gnighr

------------

Group Chat: "I'm Soft"

Hobi: i got him to speak to me

Joonie: what did he say??? Where is he??? Is he ok????

Joonie: PLEASE HOBI

Hobi: [HOBI HAS UPLOADED 3 PHOTOS]

Hobi: he's distraught and upset, and his inferiority complex has completely taken over, but at least he's safe at a hotel for tonight

Joonie: fucking hell.

Joonie: i didnt mean it

Joonie: he IS talented

Kookie: he doesnt know that though Joon

Joonie: i know.

----------

The Next Morning 

Private Chat: Maknae and RealMaknae

Maknae: jin?

Maknae: are you awake?

RealMaknae: hey guk

RealMaknae: yeah, I'm awake

Maknae: please come home?

Maknae: last night was awful without you

Maknae: hobi, me, tae and jiminie laid there all night stressing about you

Maknae: yoongi and joon were in another room working on something all night, i dont think they ever tried to sleep

Maknae: please please come home to us

Maknae: you KNOW joon didnt mean it

RealMaknae: i know he didn't mean it, but that doesnt mean I dont stress that it's true regardless

RealMaknae: I'm not staying away because I'm mad at namjoon

RealMaknae: im staying away because i need to decide if returning would really be the best thing for bts

RealMaknae: what would you truly lose if i wasnt in the band?

Maknae: we're all MISERABLE without you

Maknae: none of us can fucking function, jin

Maknae: we need you by our side

Maknae: youre jin

Maknae: youre our visual, our comedian, youre the best at ballads, you're definitely going to become a host for a variety show one day because youre so damned charismatic, and more than all that we all love you as a PERSON

Maknae: even if you DIDN'T have any talent

Maknae: which you DO 

Maknae: we'd still love you regardless because you're OURS

Maknae: so PLEASE come home?

RealMaknae: ok baby

RealMaknae: ill come home and we can talk about it there

Maknae: thank you!!!

Maknae: AHH ILL TELL THE OTHERS THEY'RE GOING TO BE SO EXCITED

RealMaknae: hahahaha my presence certainly is an Event.

-------------

Group Chat: "I'm Soft"

Kookie: HE'S COMING BACK HES COMING BACK!!!!

Kookie: [KOOKIE HAS UPLOADED 2 SCREENSHOTS]

Kookie: HE'S COMING BAAAAACK!!!!

Suga: guk you beautiful, wonderful boy!!!!

Kookie:

Angel: AHHHH!!!!!!!!! THANK GOD I NEED TO TELL HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!

T.T: i think we ALL have a lot to tell him ;___; 

Suga: just remember that self esteem issues like his dont just disappear in a day, guys

Suga: we're going to have to work on this for a while

Kookie: if i need to compliment him every day until he's old and grey I will do that

Angel: FUCK THE ROMANCE IS BACK I CAN FEEL THE ROMANCE COMING BACK

Angel: can we all never fight again? That was awful

Angel: we're usually so good at talking it out but i think tempers got the best of all of us and things kinda blew up

Hobi: agreed. I love you all

Hobi: AND I LOVE JIN AND I WANT TO TELL HIM THAT WHEN WILL HE BE HOME?????

Kookie: soon im sure lol

Kookie: I LOVE YOU ALL TOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Suga: HASHTAG BLESSED

T.T: what were you and joon doing up all night anyway?

Joonie: writing jin a song

T.T: oh, are we going to perform it for him?

Joonie: nope

Joonie: jins the only one who can perform it

Joonie: he's the only one of us with enough experience and talent with the guitar TO perform it

Kookie: THATS GENIUS

Suga: we thought it was pretty clever ;)

Chapter Text

Group Chat: "I'm Soft"

Joonie has added user Kim Seokjin

Joonie has changed Kim Seokjin's nickname to "LiterallyFlawless"

Joonie: welcome back sweetheart

Hobi: it's so good to have you back :D

LiterallyFlawless: I can't put my finger on it, but i feel like y'all are sucking up to me over something.

LiterallyFlawless: hmmmmmmmmmm

Suga: dork

Suga: thank you for listening to joon's apology, and thank you for coming back, and thank you for talking to us

Suga: it's important to all of us to face these problems head on

Suga: even if you locked yourself in your room straight afterwards lmao

LiterallyFlawless: sorry, the emotions were getting a bit too intense for me

LiterallyFlawless: crying is for cowards

T.T: you cry at the end of titanic

T.T: and lord of the rings

T.T: and jurassic park

T.T: and also some Full House episodes?

LiterallyFlawless: SHUT.

LiterallyFlawless: anyway, sorry about this, i just needed to be alone for a while, it was all a bit too much

Kookie: we understand!

Angel: but we don't like it ヽ(*`゚Д´)ノ

Angel: i want my dada back

Hobi:  chim not now

Angel: ok I'm sorry >:( take all the time you need, Jinnie!

LiterallyFlawless: ( ˘ ³˘)♥ thanks baby

LiterallyFlawless: goodnight nerds

---------

Suga: hey jinnie, wanna come practice the song we wrote for you?

Suga: I want to hear you perform it properly for the first time, and I think we can get it ready in time for it to be a solo on our next album! <3

LiterallyFlawless: no thank you xoxo

LiterallyFlawless: maybe another day, I've got a meeting with Bang PD-nim

Joonie: a meeting? what about?

LiterallyFlawless: nothing major haha

Literally Flawless: don't worry!

Joonie: ok

---------

 T.T: I'm taking Eight down to the dog park, does anyone wanna come?

Hobi: oh cool i'll come!

T.T: and by anyone, I mean @LiterallyFlawless my favourite boyfriend and world's best kisser?

Hobi:

Angel: BRUH

LiterallyFlawless: LOL

LiterallyFlawless: but no thank you, I'm busy today!

T.T: Okie dokie :(

-----------

Hobi: this is a direct call out post for @Joonie and @Kookie both of whom i just walked in on dancing to classical music naked

Hobi: explain this

Hobi: explain why i had to witness that with my own, two innocent eyes

T.T: "innocent"

Angel: i feel like whatever the explanation is, I'm happier not knowing

Joonie: guk and i were fucking like regular people

Joonie: but then a bunch of classical songs popped up on the spotify playlist we were listening to

Joonie: and we couldn't stop laughing

Joonie: and things just devolved pretty quickly from that point

Kookie: in our defense, we eventually turned the music off and got off

Hobi: i know, i joined you

Hobi: you fucking weirdos kept humming beethoven and giggling

Suga: 

-------------

Joonie: @LiterallyFlawless jiminie and yoongi have just gone into little space, which I know is your favourite thing, and are watching Anastasia, which I have on good authority is your all time favourite movie

Joonie: would you like to join us?

Joonie: they're cuddling in the blanket fort me and Hobi built them, it's so fucking cute

LiterallyFlawless: oh that's so cute :)

LiterallyFlawless: but no I can't join you right now, I'm busy! Sorry!

Joonie: right

Joonie: of course

--------------

T.T: @LiterallyFlawless I will pay you 10 (ten) whole dollars to let me and gukkie come on the next EatJin wearing dresses

Kookie: the audience will think it's just a stupid joke

Kookie: but we'll know

Kookie:  we'll know

T.T: Sejin will also know

LiterallyFlawless: lmao perverts

LiterallyFlawless: also i don't really plan on doing any eatjin episodes anytime soon, but yeah we can do that one day :)

Joonie: alright

Joonie:  that's it

Joonie: you've been back nearly a month and you haven't spoken or opened up to anyone, and you're avoiding all of us

Joonie: you promised you'd come back so we could work through your self-esteem issues but you won't let us help

Joonie: please, please just tell me what you need to fix everything, baby, and we'll do it

Joonie: do you need me to apologise more for what I said?

Joonie: because i will, i swear i have never been more sorry that something so fucking awful and untrue left my big stupid idiot mouth

Joonie: i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm so so sorry

LiterallyFlawless: oh sweetheart

LiterallyFlawless: I'm not avoiding or ignoring any of you because I'm upset or angry about what you said to me

LiterallyFlawless: i know when you're as stressed as you were that day, you need to be treated gently, and I'm so sorry none of us noticed you were struggling and things blew up like they did

Joonie: please, please don't apologise

Joonie: but then, if youre not still mad, why aren't you letting us help you?

LiterallyFlawless: well, its like I said when I left the dorm

LiterallyFlawless: I've had to do some serious soul searching about whether BTS is better or worse off with me in it

LiterallyFlawless: my meetings with bang pd nim were to discuss my options

LiterallyFlawless: and, i think i was distancing myself from all of you 

LiterallyFlawless: you know

LiterallyFlawless: to make it easier in case i decided it was best for all of you if i left

Angel: no no no no no no no no no

Angel: you cant you cant leave 

Hobi: why didnt you TELL US we would have worked harder to prove to you how much you bring to the group

LiterallyFlawless: i know you guys were trying to do that anyway. 

LiterallyFlawless: i do appreciate it

Suga: we're supposed to be a team, jin

Suga: we tell each other everything

Suga: how could you keep something so massive from us?

LiterallyFlawless: i know

LiterallyFlawless: i am sorry

LiterallyFlawless: i didnt know how to bring it up

T.T: but you haven't decided yet, right? 

LiterallyFlawless: right, i havent decided 

LiterallyFlawless: I'm sorry I kept this from you all

LiterallyFlawless: i should have communicated better but i was so caught up in my own stress and self doubt

Kookie: nope nope i am NOT having this

Kookie: what more can we say to convince you how important you are, Jin?

Kookie: and you KNOW if you leave the band that means you'll have to leave us

Kookie: US

LiterallyFlawless: that isn't what i want

Kookie: then you cant keep shit like this from us

T.T: we want to help you

Suga: do you remember what you said to me when you first invited me into your relationship

LiterallyFlawless: i remember

Suga: "this is for real yoongi. These feelings are real. We just want to be happy and together, the 3 of us"

Suga: and eventually, all of us, once we realised

Suga: but were you lying?

LiterallyFlawless: of course i wasnt

Suga: then help us help you fight to keep us together

Angel: "your hyungs have loved you from afar for a while now, Jiminie. We want to look after you forever. Can I kiss you?"

Angel: FOREVER

Angel: YOU SAID FOREVER

LiterallyFlawless: i did

LiterallyFlawless: i did say forever 

LiterallyFlawless: oh my god I did say forever

Kookie: "my sweet maknae - all six of us love you, we want to date you and love you and care for you. We'll be a family"

Kookie: i told yugyeom about our plans to grow old together and live in a house together

Kookie: all of us, together

Kookie: i cant even begin to describe how excited i was about it when i was telling him

Kookie: are you telling us you dont want that anymore?

Hobi: we joke a lot about the seven of us being married jin

Hobi: you know its not a joke

Hobi: you have to know its not a joke, please

LiterallyFlawless: i know i kno w k iwno

LiterallyFlawless: im sorry please im so r y

LiterallyFlawless: i love you all so much

LiterallyFlawless: even just thinking about leaving tore me to pieces but i just felt so guilty about being a burden

LiterallyFlawless: i dont think i ever really could have left it would have destroyed me

LiterallyFlawless: im sorry im sorry im sorry pkease forgive me okease someone come 

Suga: we're all on our way to your room baby, dont fret

Suga: we'll all be with you soon

--------------

The Next Morning

LiterallyFlawless: thank you all, for sitting with me the whole night while i had my little breakdown

Angel: its all we wanted jin - to be with you and help you in any way you needed

Angel: we'll do it every night forever if thats what you need

LiterallyFlawless: fuck dont make me cry again ive spent all night crying

LiterallyFlawless: quick someone tell a joke 

Hobi: Namjoon's Dancing

Joonie: FUXKING

LiterallyFlawless: Lol

T.T: promise youre not going to leave us?

LiterallyFlawless: i promise, youre stuck with me for life

LiterallyFlawless: im going to be the funniest, sexiest old man at the old folks home

Kookie: promise you'll speak to us instead of keeping a secret like that again?

LiterallyFlawless: i promise

LiterallyFlawless: i was miserable this past month

LiterallyFlawless: not communicating with you all goes against everything that feels right

LiterallyFlawless: but that goes both ways @Joonie you need to tell us when you're feeling pressure or having trouble coping with your leadership responsibilities so we can support you

Joonie: i will

Joonie: i won't let something like this happen again

Suga: we were all miserable with you not being yourself

Suga: youre so perfect jin, and this relationship isn't right without you

LiterallyFlawless: i could be better

LiterallyFlawless: and i dont mean that in a self deprecating way

LiterallyFlawless: i think i need a bit of outside help, and talk to someone about these negative feelings i have about myself that sometimes take control

Joonie: that sounds like a great idea, ill help you speak to sejin about it?

LiterallyFlawless: i appreciate that, Joon

LiterallyFlawless: youre a great leader

Angel: YEEEEEEES THE FAMILY IS BACK TOGETHER AGAIN

Angel: I FEEL GOOD

Angel: I FEEL WHOLESOME

Angel: AND ALSO YOONGI JUST SLIPPED INTO LITTLE SPACE AND STARTED PLAYING WITH THE STOVE PLEASE SEND AID

Kookie: SHIT HOW IS HE SO STRONG IN LITTLE SPACE

LiterallyFlawless: jfkeoskdodod I'M ON MY WAY OH MY GOD

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Private Chat: Maknae and RealMaknae

Maknae: jin has anyone ever told you?

Maknae: you're the prettiest boy

RealMaknae: no you're the prettiest boy

Maknae: no YOURE the prettiest boy

RealMaknae: N O  Y O U  A R E  T H E  P R E T T I E S T  B O Y

Maknae: NO JIN

Maknae: YOU. YOU ARE. 

Maknae: YOU ARE THE PRETTIEST BOY IN THE WORLD.

---------------

Kookie has changed the group chat name to "League of Pretty Boys"

Kookie: guys, I think I've discovered a glitch in the matrix

LiterallyFlawless: no youre the prettiest boy

Kookie:

Kookie: ITS SPILLED INTO REALITY

Kookie: EVERYONE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES

Kookie: EVERY MAN FOR THEMSELVES

Suga: it is too early for this shit who do you two think you are

LiterallyFlawless: The Prettiest Boys?

Suga: obviously (˵ ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°˵)ノ⌒♡*:・

Kookie: mmmmmm just what I need to wake up on the right side of the bed this morning 

Kookie: compliments

Joonie: as usual

LiterallyFlawless: we know what we're about, son

-------------------

Hobi: "what a good little boy"

Hobi: jimin: *nuts*

Angel: correct

Hobi: "what a good little princess"

Hobi: kookie: *nuts*

T.T: LMAO

Kookie: I'm.

Kookie:

Hobi: "who's a good boy??? Taetae's a good boy!!!" 

Hobi: tae: *nuts*

T.T: ....

T.T: fair

Suga: are you just kinkshaming because you're bored?

Hobi: i cant lie to you, yoongi

Hobi: 100% yes

Hobi: for the price of one (1) dick sucking, I will stop kinkshaming

Hobi: I'm coming after namjoon next

Joonie: this is extortion. Blackmail!!!!

Joonie: I WONT STAND FOR IT

Kookie: youre protesting a lot for someone who just stood up, yelled "I volunteer!" and sprinted towards Hobi's room

LiterallyFlawless: guess joonie got kinkshamed anyway, in the end

Angel: I'LL COME HELP 2 MOUTHS ARE BETTER THAN 1

LiterallyFlawless: unbelievable 

LiterallyFlawless: where's my reward for NOT kinkshaming??

Suga: you currently have a vibrator up your ass?

LiterallyFlawless: oh yeah

LiterallyFlawless: i forgot

T.T: hOw CoUlD yOu FoRgEt????

T.T: we're using the one that makes me cum in literally 15 seconds??

T.T: H O W have you forgotten it's there???

Kookie: we're not talking about your premature ejaculation issues, Tae

T.T:

T.T: I DO NOT HAVE PREMATURE EJACULATION ISSUES HOW DARE YOU

Kookie:

LiterallyFlawless: babe youre just sensitive, it's hot ;)

T.T: ... Jin is promoted to my favourite boyfriend

Kookie: yeah I deserve that

Kookie: i just wanted to get in on that spicy kinkshaming action

Suga: this whole family is unapologetic trash

Suga: I love it

---------

Joonie: @LiterallyFlawless !!!!!!

Joonie: @LiterallyFlawless !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joonie: E X C U S E ME

Joonie: @LiterallyFlawless !!

LiterallyFlawless: wtf you want boy I'm trying to take a nap

Joonie: I JUST HEARD TAEHYUNG SNEEZE

Joonie: it's hyper-protection-coddle-the-sick-boy-mode time!!!!!!

LiterallyFlawless:

T.T: it was just a single sneeze! I'm fine!

Suga: I'm hearing SNIFFLING and COUGHING @LiterallyFlawless

Suga: I'd say this is at LEAST a Code 3 Flu

Suga: blankets, soup, Netflix, and cuddles

T.T: OH GOD NO I SWEAR I'M FINE

Hobi: Confirmed Code 3, he's got a jumper on even though it's approximately 1249803 degrees outside

T.T: traitors

Kookie: good lord, the look in Jin's eyes is manic

Kookie: he's on the hunt

Kookie: he's coming for you, Tae

T.T: aaaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Angel: he just walked past me, I swear the temperature in the room dropped

Angel: why does protective Jin turn me on so much?

Joonie: scientists just don't know

T.T: HE'S FOUND ME

T.T: I'VE BEEN WRAPPED IN A BLANKET

T.T: TELL MY FAMILY I LOVE THEM

LiterallyFlawless: Namjoon, let our managers know Taehyung is out of action. Please get them to send a doctor.

LiterallyFlawless: Yoongi, Hoseok - can I please get you both to go down to the store and get the following: Cough drops, tissues, nasal spray, ice cream, chicken broth and anything else you think looks Cuddly and Good.

Hobi: YES SIR RIGHT AWAY SIR

LiterallyFlawless: Jungkook, Jimin - can you please set up the lounge room for Tae? I'm talking blankets, pillows, close the blinds, bottles of water, Netflix ready and waiting. Also, judging from what I've just seen, maybe a bucket.

Angel: ABSOLUTELY SIR ANYTHING YOU NEED ALSO I'D DIE FOR YOU

LiterallyFlawless: excellent

LiterallyFlawless: I'm going to give Tae a cool bath to get his temperature down and get him into clean pyjamas, I expect this to be done by the time I'm finished and ready to tuck him into his spot on the lounge.

T.T: why is the universe spinning

T.T: someone make it stop spinning

LiterallyFlawless: Code 3 is a GO

----------

Private Chat: Mama and Suga Baby

Suga Baby: have I told you lately that I fucking adore you

Mama: yes

Mama: but I always like to be reminded

---------

Group Chat: "League of Pretty Boys"

Angel: the lounge room is currently the most wild place on earth

Angel: Tae keeps ranting about how pretty Jin is, puking, crying and apologizing for puking, forgetting what happened, and then ranting some more about how pretty Jin is

Angel: and then the cycle repeats

Angel: I'm torn between laughing, and concern.

Angel: deep concern

LiterallyFlawless: considering that his fever just broke, I'm gonna go ahead and say you're free to laugh

LiterallyFlawless: he's just gone to sleep, I'm thinking he'll wake up feeling better and far more lucid

LiterallyFlawless: I'll admit, I'll miss him crying in fear over the fates of the random characters in the cartoon on Netflix he chose

LiterallyFlawless: but it's for the best lmao

Joonie: I just picked up some more cough medicine - do you need anything else while I'm out

LiterallyFlawless: nope, we should be good

LiterallyFlawless: although, can someone come sit with him while I go eat, shower, and have a nap?

Hobi: Me and Yoongi will look after him for a couple of hours, go relax babe

LiterallyFlawless: thanks guys

LiterallyFlawless: come get me if he wakes up/his fever spikes again

Suga: will do

Suga: we'll make Jungkook empty the puke bucket, though

Kookie: this is maknae abuse, I will not stand for it

Kookie: I'm starting a charity

Kookie: every year, hundreds for K-Pop Maknaes are mistreated

Kookie: with just a small monthly donation, you can make a difference

Kookie: Donate Today to the Maknae Relief Fund

Angel: LMAO

---------

Private Chat: Gukkie and Yeommie

Gukkie: will you donate to the Maknae Relief Fund?

Yeommie: I just asked Jackson if I should, he said "how dare you speak to me without bowing and begging for forgiveness"?

Yeommie: I think that's a YES

Gukkie: don't even lie, he apologized and started stroking your hair and telling you "it was only a joke please don't take it to heart" only moments later?

Yeommie: .........................you'd be right

Yeommie: also, you might want to start up a separate fund, for Jinyoung

Yeommie: "Protection Against Evil Maknaes Fund"

Gukkie: I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE ASKED YOU, YOU'RE A TERRIBLE MAKNAE

Gukkie: SEHUN WILL UNDERSTAND ME

5 Minutes Later

Gukkie: ... Sehun informed me, in no uncertain terms, that I was "a bit of a weirdo, take a few dollars and never contact me again"

Gukkie: that smartass actually transferred me some money

Gukkie: if I wasn't 95% certain he was joking, I'd be legitimately cut

Yeommie: Sehun is a legend: Confirmed

----------

Group Chat: "League of Pretty Boys"

Angel: I'm almost back from my vocal training, how is Tae?

Joonie: He's feeling much better, he's sitting up and having normal conversations

T.T: I have ICE CREAM and CUDDLES and LIFE IS GOOD

Kookie: there's also no more puking

Kookie: I'd like to thank jesus

LiterallyFlawless: what are you whining about, I cleaned up most of it

Kookie: if I don't find something to complain about I wither away and die

Joonie: that explains some things

Hobi: Chim, once you get back we're having a group cuddle session and playing some stupid board/card games

Hobi: our goal is to make Tae laugh

Angel: SOUNDS PERFECT I'M RUNNING BE HOME IN 5

-----------

Private Chat: JinJin and TaeTae

TaeTae: thank you for looking after me

JinJin: of course sweetheart

JinJin: any of you would do the same for me

TaeTae: you know we would.

JinJin: I love you

TaeTae: sieptfsaeoftjaaf

JinJin: uh?

----------

Group Chat: "League of Pretty Boys"

T.T: I'M SO EMOTIONAL I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO MUCH ALL OF YOU LOOKED AFTER ME SO WELL YOU'RE ALL PERFECT I LOVE US

Joonie: damnit, who made him cry?

LiterallyFlawless: MY BAD

LiterallyFlawless: ALL I DID WAS TELL HIM I LOVE HIM

Suga: YOU KNOW HOW WEEPY HE GETS

Suga: YOU MADMAN

LiterallyFlawless: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Angel: cute

----------

T.T: GUYS

T.T: I just heard Jin sneeze

LiterallyFlawless: wait

LiterallyFlawless: wait no

Suga: *cracks knuckles*

Suga: sounds like the beginning of another Code 3 to me

LiterallyFlawless: shit

LiterallyFlawless: shit

Joonie: @Kookie you're the only one strong enough to do it - get him in a blanket and onto the lounge

Kookie: on it.

Angel: OH MY FUCKING GOD GUK ACTUALLY TACKLED JIN

Hobi: I'm w h e e z i n g holy shit

LiterallyFlawless: LMAO i would have gone willingly idiots

LiterallyFlawless: i demand to be PAMPERED for the next week

LiterallyFlawless: my every whim acted on

Joonie: done and done.

Hobi: OH GOD GET THE BUCKET

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Group Chat: "League of Pretty Boys"

Suga: Jimin asks for my food when he's in a normal headspace and I happily give it up

Suga: Jimin asks for my food when he's in little space and I not only give him my food, but I offer to make/buy more

Suga: Jimin asks for my food when he's in little space and I'm ALSO in little space and...

Suga: well.

Suga: I f i g h t  to the  d e a t h

Angel: BULLYING

Suga: YOU SNATCHED THE LOLLIPOP OUT OF MY HANDS

Angel: YOU'D ALREADY HAD ONE LOLLIPOP TODAY, YOU WEREN'T SHARING!!!!!

Angel: SHARING IS CARING ASSHOLE

Suga: SUCK MY DICK JIMIN I WAS UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO SHARE

Angel: well

Angel: if you insist

Suga:

--------

Joonie: y'all can we avoid sucking dick in the kitchen?

Joonie: let's at least pretend we're civilised

Hobi: hypocritical words from someone who enjoys fucking people over the kitchen table

Joonie: ... yeah that's fair

Joonie: also, get it right: I occasionally like being FUCKED over the kitchen table, too

Hobi: please, forgive me

--------

Kookie: anyone else notice that Jimin and Yoongi were (...play?) fighting about something that happened while in little space?

Kookie: fucking iconic

T.T: that's the level of pettiness I aim to achieve

Angel: it's 90% joke-fighting, 10% raw and unbridled fury

Angel: Little Me really wanted that goddamn lollipop, apparently

LiterallyFlawless: funny how when they do something naughty in little space it's "oh no sorry I don't remember doing that!"

LiterallyFlawless: but when it's about holding a grudge over a lollipop, their memories are crystal clear

Suga: Big Me has to avenge Little Me

Suga: it's a matter of honour

T.T: lmao actually me

--------

Hobi: this is a call-out post for Sejin

Hobi: he acts so long-suffering about putting up with all our antics

Hobi: like he's SUCH a victim

Hobi: and YET

Angel: oh god what now

Hobi: when I slapped Taehyung on the ass just now

Hobi: he winked!!

Hobi: WINKED

Hobi: HYPOCRISY

Joonie: ok so first of all

Joonie: WHY WOULD YOU SLAP TAE ON THE ASS IN PUBLIC?

T.T: because hobi knows how to have a good time, obviously

Hobi: eyyyyyyyy up top!

Joonie: second of all

Joonie: WHY WOULD YOU MAKE A CALL OUT POST FOR SEJIN IN A GROUP CHAT HE'S NOT IN?

Hobi: honestly I just know yoongi and jungkook enjoy making increasingly ridiculous conspiracy theories about him and I wanted to give them more material

Kookie: aw babe thanks (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε`*).

Hobi: but now that you mention it

Hobi: YOU RIGHT

Hobi: I'M GOING TO CONFRONT HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joonie: HOBI N O

LiterallyFlawless: R.I.P Jung Hoseok, I barely knew thee

Angel: I don't mean to argue here, but you've known him for years and are incredibly close with him, as you are with all of us?

LiterallyFlawless: AS I WAS SAYING

LiterallyFlawless: R.I.P Jung Hoseok, I barely knew thee

Angel: drama queen

-----------

Private Chat: Hoseok and Sejin

Hoseok: EX.CUSE.ME

Sejin: is something wrong, Hoseok?

Hoseok: I SAW YOU WINK TODAY!!!!

Sejin: huh?

Hoseok: WHEN I SLAPPED TAE'S ASS YOU WINKED AT ME!!!

Hoseok: perversion!!!!!! hypocrisy!!!!!!

Sejin: ... I blinked, Hoseok.

Sejin: I only had one side of my face turned towards you

Hoseok:.............................................................................................................

Hoseok: Hm.

Hoseok: That... might also be a possible explanation as well... maybe...

Sejin: you're a shithead

Hoseok: Yes.

Sejin: I get the feeling you're not going to stop hitting on your boyfriends in front of me, though?

Hoseok: that would be correct.

Sejin: you idiot boys are lucky I love you

Hoseok: AW BABE I LOVE YOU TOO

Sejin: STOP THAT

--------

Group Chat: "League of Pretty Boys"

Hobi: Hm

Hobi: [HOBI HAS UPLOADED 2 SCREENSHOTS]

Hobi: I was proven wrong

Angel: I'm making an official request for you to Stop Flirting With Sejin(tm)

Angel: I am very small and jealous

Hobi: BABE

Hobi: I will never flirt with him again you have my word!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (you know I only do it as a joke though right?)

Angel: I know! I trust you!

Angel: but I'm still small and jealous LOL

Hobi: cutie

Suga: pffffffffffffft "I was blinking"

Suga: A LIKELY STORY

Suga: @Kookie, Secret Conspiracy Meeting in my room, we're closer to unlocking the mystery of Sejin!!!!!!

Kookie: on my way! I'm getting smoothies

Suga: good, no secret meeting is complete without smoothies

LiterallyFlawless: I swear to GOD you guys have meetings about this now?

Hobi: Once they held one in my room

Hobi: I didn't have the password so they wouldn't let me in

Hobi: TO MY OWN ROOM

Hobi: FOR 5 HOURS

Hobi: WHAT WERE YOU IDIOTS DISCUSSING IN MY ROOM FOR 5 HOURS

Kookie: you know

Kookie: conspiracy stuff

T.T: 10 bucks says they were fucking

Suga: .......ok so conspiracy stuff AND fucking

T.T: whoop, there it is

Joonie: sick invite

Joonie:

Kookie: jgpsojgs damnit I feel bad now

Kookie: everyone is invited to the Secret Conspiracy Meetings

Kookie: provided you can bring appropriate tribute

Kookie: if you can even figure out what the appropriate tribute is!!!!

LiterallyFlawless: smoothies?

Suga: ............we're too predictable

-----------

LiterallyFlawless: right im taking it to a vote

Joonie: :o what?

Hobi: JIN DONT DO IT YOURE GOING TO GET YOUR FEELINGS HURT

LiterallyFlawless: Keeping in mind that I am Incredible(tm), who would you say is the best dancer in BTS: me or Hobi?

Joonie: oh, obviously Jin

Suga: Jin!!

Kookie: considering Jin is our main dancer and choreographer he HAS to be our best dancer!!

Angel: yup Jin 100%

Hobi: THIS IS WORKPLACE BULLYING 

T.T: i think kai from exo is the best dancer in bts

Hobi: unbelievable 

Hobi: ACCORDING TO YOU ASSHOLES PEOPLE WHO AREN'T EVEN IN BTS ARE BETTER BTS DANCERS THAN ME

Hobi: WHY ARE YOU ALL LIKE THIS

LiterallyFlawless: you know we're joking (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε`*).

Hobi: hahahahaha i know

Kookie: or...

Kookie: are we?

LiterallyFlawless: of COURSE we are

LiterallyFlawless: namjoon's obviously the REAL best dancer in BTS

Joonie: 100% truth, I'm FINALLY being acknowledged 

Hobi: smh im going to bed no one talk to me

Angel: babe can we all come cuddle?

Hobi:.........

Hobi: of fucking COURSE you can all come cuddle

-------

T.T: I'm legitimately impressed that our seven-man cuddle pile DIDN'T turn into an orgy today

T.T: that's rare for us

Joonie: hey, we can be romantic too

Suga: You say that, but I felt your hand wandering up my thigh

Joonie: yeah, but romantically

--------

Kookie: @Hobi come dance with me

Hobi: what, at the studio?

Kookie: no, just waltz with me around the dorm

Kookie: I feel like being held

Kookie: let's just slow dance to no music

LiterallyFlawless: fuck that's some romantic shit right there

LiterallyFlawless:

LiterallyFlawless: MY HEART CAN'T TAKE THE MUSH

Joonie: ighsie they're actually slow dancing this is the cutest shit I've ever witnessed

Suga: me next me next!

Suga: I wanna slow dance with Hobi

Angel: I don't mean to interrupt the soft, but Tae just had Eight stand up on 2 legs and dance with him

Angel: is... is Eight the best dancer in BTS?

T.T:

Suga: NEW CONSPIRACY 100% CONFIRMED I BELIEVE IT

LiterallyFlawless: NO NOT AGAIN 

Chapter Text

T.T has logged into "League of Pretty Boys"

T.T has changed his nickname to "TaeHung"

TaeHung: on account of my giant dick

LiterallyFlawless: just one normal day

LiterallyFlawless: where no one does anything weird

LiterallyFlawless: is that too much to ask?

TaeHung: obviously 

Angel: yup

Kookie: yes

Joonie: pretty much

Suga: ye of course it is

Hobi: youre the idiot dating 6 idiots

LiterallyFlawless: exo wouldn't treat me this way

Angel: youd come crawling back

Angel: you need to get fucked good on the regular, or you get all sulky

LiterallyFlawless: how dare you

Angel: you DO

LiterallyFlawless: no not the sulky part, that's definitely true

LiterallyFlawless: i meant how dare you imply no one from exo would have sex with me

LiterallyFlawless: I'm fucking irresistible 

TaeHung: that seems a little bit over confident even for YOU

LiterallyFlawless: I'm lying on my bed naked, lubed and stretched, first person to get here wins

Kookie: OMW

Joonie: FUCK COMUNG

Hobi: HOLD UP

Suga: KXKDKSKXKDL

LiterallyFlawless: see?

Angel: LMAO

TaeHung: i mean

TaeHung: yeah fair point

TaeHung: but you didnt have to lie just to make your point, you'll disappoint them

LiterallyFlawless: who said I was lying?

TaeHung: ...

TaeHung: FUCK

TaeHung: ON MY WAY

TaeHung: COME ON JIMIN 

Angel: I'M ALREADY SPRINTING

----------

3 hours later

Joonie: we really need one of those adjustable signs

Joonie: like the "This workplace has been accident free for ____ days" signs

Joonie: except itd say "This relationship has been orgy free for ____ days"

Joonie: and it'd only ever say "0 days"

Hobi: i love you all so much you horny shitheads

-----------

TaeHung: so I'm reading fanfiction

TaeHung: bts fanfiction, naturally

Hobi: WHY

TaeHung: and all of them seem obsessed with Jimin's ass

TaeHung: and honestly?

TaeHung: same

TaeHung: the ARMYS writing our fanfiction obviously know what they're about

Kookie: I'm so proud of them

Angel: I'm calling the police stop objectifying me

LiterallyFlawless: SO ROUND AND SQUISHY AND PERFECT

Joonie: he,,,,,,, thicc,,,,,,,,,,,,

Angel:

Angel: I'M GETTING NEW BETTER BOYFRIENDS WHO LOVE ME FOR MY PERSONALITY

Hobi: babe don't be ridiculous

Hobi: of course we love you for your personality

Angel: good.

Hobi: BUT MOSTLY YOUR BUTT

Angel: \`•̀益•́´/how dare!!!!

Angel: gsiehgfsioedgj

Angel: ummmm excuse me tho

Angel: I think we're doing a disservice to one other member here

Angel: the one who has the REAL best ass in BTS

Joonie: ????

Angel:

Suga: OK SO FIRST OF ALL

TaeHung: lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

LiterallyFlawless: CHECK OUT THAT MASTERPIECE

Hobi: show! more! skin! work! it! gurl!

Suga: I came out to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now

Kookie: I cannot believe no one is complimenting my beautiful rear end?

Kookie: this is an actual crime against humanity and I will not stand for it

LiterallyFlawless: BABE

--------

Hobi: no seriously tho @TaeHung

Hobi: why on earth were you reading fanfiction?

TaeHung: shipping.

Joonie: ........but you KNOW we're all together

TaeHung: yeah, but I like reading people's theories

TaeHung: people are certain Jin and Joon are married, which is astute of them

LiterallyFlawless: they just never figured out what happened next LOL

TaeHung: exactly!

TaeHung: also everyone seems to think Yoongi is this scary angry monster which

TaeHung: as someone who has seen him throw a tantrum over not being able to wear his "pretty tinkerbell sweater" because he'd spilled apple juice all over himself...

Suga: I WAS IN LITTLE SPACE YOU CAN'T HOLD THAT AGAINST ME YO

Suga: I'm the scariest, everyone should fear me >:/

TaeHung: I can definitively say is far from the truth

TaeHung: I love my soft lil yoongs  (〃´∀`〃)ε`●)chu♪

 

Suga: (❁´◡`❁) I'm so weak (❁´◡`❁)

LiterallyFlawless: shit like this is what I live for

TaeHung: people also seem deeply torn between whether or not Guk is a bottom or top

Kookie: #Switch #DontTryToLabelMeSociety

Hobi: iconic

Hobi: keep em guessing babe

TaeHung: they have figured out a FEW things tho

Angel: oh?

TaeHung: they all seem quite certain jimin is a little

Angel: NAILED IT

TaeHung: and some of them - a small minority - seem QUITE certain that the 7 of us are in poly relationship

Hobi: holy shit, really?

TaeHung: yah, just a tiny subset of the fandom

TaeHung: nobody takes it seriously, the fics they write are usually just wish fulfilment

Joonie: huh.

Joonie: they'll never know how right they are.

Suga:

---------

Joonie: I yelled "I'm gonna play your ass cheeks like bongo drums when we get home Jimin"

Joonie: to the shock of no one

Joonie: I didn't realize Sejin could hear me

Hobi: oh my GOD

Angel: at this point he has to think we're doing it deliberately

Angel: well, Hobi WAS doing it deliberately

Angel: but EVERYONE ELSE

Hobi: lmao

Joonie: he just stared and took a long drink of his hip flask

Kookie: ya know, when I asked, he said he kept water in it

Kookie: I'm starting to think he was lying

LiterallyFlawless: oh, my beautiful, gullible maknae

Kookie: listen

Kookie: I am doing my best

Kookie: I'm just here to look and dance good

LiterallyFlawless: and what a FANTASTIC job you do, too

Kookie: I DON'T NEED YOUR SASS BRUH

LiterallyFlawless: you know I'm kidding  (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc)

 

Kookie: I know (=⌒▽⌒=)

Kookie: seriously though, I had NO idea about the flask thing

LiterallyFlawless:

---------

Yeommie has logged in.

Private Chat: Gukkie and Yeommie.

Yeommie: hey there Dipshit McGee, you there?

Gukkie: hey there FuckHead SmallDick, I AM here

Yeommie: LOL

Yeommie: good

Gukkie: what's up?

Yeommie: I have a question

Yeommie: about poly relationships

Gukkie: ooooooh boy

Gukkie: shoot

Yeommie: I know you said that it's impossible to get rid of jealousy

Yeommie: that the important thing is that you articulate and communicate with your partners when you feel you need more attention or affection, or when you're feeling jealous

Gukkie: yeah that's right!

Yeommie: it's just

Yeommie: my pride keeps getting in the way

Yeommie: I don't want to say I'm jealous

Yeommie: if that makes sense?

Gukkie: oh yugyeom

Gukkie: yeah, that does make sense

Gukkie: I struggled with the same thing

Gukkie: luckily I had 6 experienced hyungs to strong-arm me into being sensible LOL

Yeommie: hahahaha very lucky

Yeommie: it's just

Yeommie: my hyungs are in the same boat as I am, ya know?

Yeommie: still inexperienced and learning about polyamory

Yeommie: and they're trying, they really are, but there has been a hiccup or two

Gukkie: that's to be expected! even perfect, monogamous relationships have arguments! of course yours will too, especially in the early days!

Yeommie: I know that

Yeommie: logically I know that

Yeommie: but it

Yeommie: it doesn't make things any easier im just... so...ygiujkgu

Gukkie: :( please don't be upset, what happened?

Yeommie: nothing major

Yeommie: even silly, in hindsight

Gukkie: arguments usually are haha

Yeommie: well, I walked in on mark and Jackson making out on my bed

Yeommie: any other day I would have celebrated

Yeommie: hell, I would have joined them

Yeommie: on a really good day I'd call everyone else in to join us

Gukkie: LMAO relatable

Gukkie: so what went wrong?

Yeommie: idk

Yeommie: I'd had a bad day

Yeommie: I'd been working on choreography all day and was exhausted

Yeommie: nobody had said hello to me when I walked back into the dorm

Yeommie: looking back on it now that was just because they had had just as busy a day as I did and were exhausted too

Yeommie: but at the time it felt like a slight

Gukkie: oh no

Yeommie: oh no indeed

Yeommie: so I walked into my room, saw mark and Jackson, and just...

Yeommie: broke into tears, starting crying and yelling about how they were excluding me and they were all bad boyfriends

Yeommie: Jaebum could tell what was really wrong, I think - that I was tired and feeling vulnerable and jealous

Yeommie: he tried to comfort me

Yeommie: even though I was the one being stupidly unreasonable

Yeommie: and I threw it in his face

Yeommie: told him to shut up and stormed out of the dorm

Gukkie: aish yugy

Gukkie: you're not an idiot, you're tired and human

Yeommie: same difference

Yeommie: point is

Yeommie: can........

Yeommie: can I come stay with you for a night or two?

Gukkie: I mean, of course you can, but I really can't emphasize enough the importance of talking to your partners

Gukkie: I think you should go back and sort this out

Yeommie: I will!

Yeommie: seriously, I love them, this definitely isn't a forever thing

Yeommie: I'm just...embarrassed... if that makes sense, to face them?

Yeommie: I was so unreasonable

Yeommie: I've let them know I'm safe, but think we could all do with some time to cool off

Gukkie: that makes sense

Gukkie: of course you're welcome to stay with us for a bit, yugy

Yeommie: what makes me feel even more guilty is I know they'll forgive me for being a dipshit

Gukkie: first of all, your apology will be genuine and they love you so of course they'll forgive you, just like you'll forgive them if - no, when - they do something equally as human and stupid

Gukkie: second of all, I mean, it's not like they didn't know you were an absolute dipshit when they agreed to date you

Yeommie: ... yeah, fair point

-----------

Group Chat: "League of Pretty Boys"

Kookie: Y'ALL

Kookie: we're having a visitor

TaeHung: is it yugyeom?

Kookie: uh

Kookie:... yeah how'd you guess?

Angel: you only have one friend

Kookie: fucking SAVAGE

Suga: LMAO jimin holy shit

Joonie: HOBI, TAE, JIMIN AND I USED THE GUEST BED FOR UNSAVOURY ACTIVITES

Joonie: WE NEED TO WASH THE BED SHEETS BEFORE HE GETS HERE

LiterallyFlawless: what did I say about touching the guest bedroom?

Hobi: but jimin was flaunting his behind

Hobi: flaunting, I say!

LiterallyFlawless: .... I mean, yeah that's fair

LiterallyFlawless: you're only human, you poor weak souls

Angel: Oh you~☆(*´∀`)σ)))))*3゚),・´.、

 

 

Chapter Text

Namjoon has logged into group chat: "Yugyeom Protection Squad"

Namjoon: *dusts off this old chat*

Namjoon: can't believe we're re-using this fossil

Taehyung; it's only been a few months since we helped get got7 together?

Namjoon: a fossil

Namjoon: that's like 500 years in group chat time

Yugyeom: I'm so sorry for being a pain

Seokjin: please don't apologise sweetie!

Seokjin: we're happy to have you and you're welcome to stay as long as you like!

Yugyeom: thank you

Yuygeom: but I couldn't

Yugyeom: jb would come after you all with a vengeance

Hoseok:

Jungkook: yugy, we're just watching a movie together - do you wanna come join us in the living room?

Yugyeom: I really appreciate it

Yugyeom: but I kinda just wanna hide in the guest room and sulk into my pillow about how much of an absolute idiot I am

Jungkook: aish you're not an idiot

Jungkook: and ok :(

Jimin: you're welcome to come hang any time you feel up to it!

Jungkook: <3

--------

Group Chat: "League of Pretty Boys"

Kookie: OH GOD IS THIS WHAT JIN MEANS WHEN HE TALKS ABOUT ACCIDENTALLY ADOPTING SOMEONE?!

Kookie: THAT'S MY SON

Kookie: HE'S UPSET AND HE'S MY SON AND I HAVE TO PROTECT HIM

Suga: oh no not you too

Suga: there's even less of an age difference between you and yugyeom than there is between jin and his so-called "sons" STOP THIS

LiterallyFlawless: one of us one of us one of us one of us

Angel: I need everyone to know that both hobi and joon are both staring at their phones with such fond smiles right now it's heartwarming

TaeHung: I'm pretty sure Jin could actually murder someone in front of them and they'd smile at him like that

LiterallyFlawless: @Joonie @Hobi COME HUG ME IMMEDIATELY

Suga: Namjoon: I'm the leader of this band, listen to me and respect me

Suga: Also Namjoon: what's that Jin? kick my own ass? well, if you insist

Joonie: I can't even deny it honestly

------

Hobi: remember that time Guk was dancing and I called out "you're doing great sweetie"

Kookie: don't

Hobi: and he didn't realize it was just a meme and he got so excited he tripped over his own feet

Kookie: d o n ' t

TaeHung: lmao I remember! he was so sore Jin had to carry him home, but he was glowing from the compliment and no one had the heart to tell him it was a meme until his foot had healed

Joonie: I mean he WAS doing great tho

Hobi: Not the point

Kookie: I hate you all

Suga: hey I wonder if Yugy has heard this excellent story?

Suga: he probably hasn't

Suga: I should go tell him

Suga: I think it would cheer him up

Kookie: d o  n o t  d o  t h a t

LiterallyFlawless: yo, who said you could all torture our youngest?

Kookie: thank you, Jin!

LiterallyFlawless: without me here

Kookie: GODDAMNIT.

--------

Group Chat: "Yugyeom Protection Squad"

1:30am

Yugyeom: hey so uh

Yugyeom: quick question

Yoongi: what are you doing awake kiddo?

Yugyeom: what are you doing awake

Yoongi: ...

Yoongi: work

Hoseok: he just finished bottoming beautifully for me and jin

Yoongi: HOSEOK

Yoongi: JESUS CHRIST

Hoseok: payback for saying my breath smelled bad

Yoongi: I just wanted you to brush your teeth before we started

Hoseok: if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best

Seokjin: lmao idiots

Yugyeom: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh

Seokjin: so what's your question?

Yugyeom: well, I was asleep

Yugyeom: but then jimin came into my room and woke me up

Yugyeom: he told me we were having a "sleep over" and that we had to play games until the sun rises.

Yugyeom: he brought puzzles and lego

Yugyeom: I've been playing with him for about an hour and a half now, he fell asleep in a pile of lego

Yugyeom: it looked super uncomfortable so I moved him into my bed, which he is now hogging 95% of

Yugyeom: so I suppose you could say I have a few questions, not just one

Taehyung: oh boy

Seokjin: yugy, would you mind waiting for an explanation until morning?

Seokjin: its really jimin's story to tell

Yugyeom: yeah that's no problem at all

Yugyeom: its just um

Yugyeom: he's really taking up my whole bed here lmao

Yoongi: im not sure whether to laugh or cry honestly

Seokjin: laugh, its easier

Seokjin: ill come grab him and put him into bed with hobi, yoongi and me

Seokjin: thank for you being so patient about this yugyeom

Yugyeom: im not going to lie to you, i already have some suspicions regarding possible explanations 

Yugyeom: patience is the least i can do

Seokjin: good boy

Yugyeom: (˶′◡‵˶)

Yoongi: dont use those pet names on him theyre not for him >:/

Seokjin: oh, sorry sweetheart  (˶^ з^(〃‿〃✿)

Yugyeom: ?

Joonie: uuuuuh

Joonie: i imagine that will be part of the explanation tomorrow morning

--------

The Next Morning

Private Chat: Namjoon and JB

JB: good morning motherfucker

Namjoon: I've noticed nobody ever just says "hello" to me anymore

Namjoon: why is that

JB: I have it on good authority that Yugyeom stayed with you last night, and that he's thinking of staying a bit longer

Namjoon: correct

Namjoon: we're trying to convince him to return to his dorm to work things out, but honestly I think he's embarrassed by his outburst

JB: :/

JB: please keep trying to convince him?

JB: we miss him, and we want to talk about what happened

Namjoon: don't worry, I will

JB: thank you

JB: NOW

Namjoon: ?

JB: it's time for the mandatory "fuck you"

Namjoon: oh boy

JB: if I find out from him that any of you so much as looked at him incorrectly I will burn your dorm down do you understand

Namjoon: is the whole world obsessed with threatening to burn our dorms down?

JB: namjoon

Namjoon: yes yes yes I understand oh my god

JB: whose room is he sleeping in??????

Namjoon: he has his own room, the guest bedroom

JB: .................that is acceptable

Namjoon: I mean, what were you imagining?

Namjoon: that we were making him sleep in a corner of our room while the rest of us engaged in one giant salacious orgy?

Namjoon: or better yet, that he was invited into the orgy??????

JB: ........................................................no

Namjoon: bloody hell you jealous fuckers

Namjoon: we're a loyal, closed relationship dipshit

Namjoon: yugy is our friend

Namjoon: none of your partners would invite someone else into your poly relationship, would they?

JB: no of course not, we only want each other...

JB: oh

JB: oh

JB: you're right, we're being stupid

JB: thanks for taking him into your home, and thank you for keeping him safe

JB: sorry for not trusting you and not respecting your relationship

Namjoon: no worries dude

Namjoon: you're all our friends, and we're especially fond of yugy

Namjoon: any time you need anything, you know that

JB: same to you

JB: <3

Namjoon: fucking softie

JB: shut it I can still burn your dorm down

Namjoon: NOT WITH YUGYEOM INSIDE YOU WONT

JB: DAMNIT.

-----------

Yugyeom has logged in.

Yugyeom has entered group chat: "Yugyeom Protection Squad"

Yugyeom: so it's morning

Jimin: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Jimin: I am so sorry you had to see that last night I'm so embarrassed!!!!!!!!!!!

Yugyeom: lmao it's totally fine!!!

Yugyeom: you were really funny, and honestly I kinda had fun playing with the legos? it helped me take my mind off things

Yugyeom: so just to make things easier, I'll come straight out and ask

Yugyeom: are you a little?

Jimin: ... yeah

Jimin: yeah I am

Jimin: I guess I was never really very subtle about it

Yugyeom: not exactly

Yugyeom: I'm glad you've found something that makes you happy! :)

Jungkook:

Jungkook: I swear yugyeom, every time you hear something weird about us which I'm SURE is going to make you freak out, you always take it in your stride

Jungkook: honestly what would unsettle you

Yugyeom: I dunno like an omorashi fetish or something lmao

Jungkook:

Seokjin:

Yugyeom: .... are you...

Jungkook: nothing no one said anything hahahahaha what were we even talking about what a beautiful day the weather outside is lovely

Yugyeom:

Yugyeom: turns out, I'm not disgusted at all, that's the best news I've ever heard

Jungkook: shut up

Yugyeom: we'll talk about this new development later

Jungkook: shut up no we won't

Yoongi: a n y w a y

Yoongi: in the spirit of honesty and all that nasty-ass shit

Yoongi: I, too, occasionally indulge in some age regression for stress relief purposes

Yugyeom: ..... huh

Yugyeom: now that I didn't see coming

Yugyeom: cool!

Hoseok: you're taking this super well

Hoseok: you said you already had your suspicions, and you're clearly already familiar with the concept of little space

Hoseok: how did that come about?

Yugyeom: oh you know

Yugyeom: just stumbled across it on the internet

Yugyeom: just a general knowledge thing I guess :)

Jungkook: uh-huh

Jungkook: anything you wanna tell us yugyeom

Yugyeom: nope

Yugyeom: not at all

Yugyeom: wow you're right the weather outside really is beautiful hahahaha wow!!!!!!

Jungkook:

Seokjin:

Namjoon:

Yoongi:

Jimin:

Taehyung:

Hoseok:

Yugyeom: seriously I don't ;_;

Jungkook: sure jan

Jungkook: keep your secrets.......for now

Yugyeom: also why on earth do ALL of you have that particular reaction image just on hand and waiting?

Seokjin: you never know when you might need to be unbearably smug

Taehyung: ^

--------

Private Chat: Yugy<3 and JB<3

JB<3: babe, can you please log back into the group chat?

JB<3: we just wanna talk baby

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Private Chat: Yugy<3 and JB<3

Yugy<3: soon

Yugy<3: just a little more time?

Yugy<3: the way i exploded wasnt fair on any of you

Yugy<3: i need to make sure it doesn't happen again

JB<3: we love you

JB<3: take your time

JB<3: then come back to us

-------------

Group Chat: "League of Pretty Boys"

TaeHung: anyone else feel like leaving ONLY Yoongi, Jimin and Yugyeom at the dorm could end badly?

LiterallyFlawless: can't see an issue at all

LiterallyFlawless: don't know what you're talking about 

Joonie: oh please, as if you didn't 100088% plan this

LiterallyFlawless: who, me?

LiterallyFlawless: †_(゚ー゚*)β

Hobi: iconic

Suga: i feel so USED

Suga: like I'm a tool in one of your dastardly plans

Angel: i don't mind at all!

Angel: I'm kinda curious to see what happens >:)

LiterallyFlawless: my diabolical little cutie

Angel: ヾ(^-^)ノ

Kookie: lmao if Yugy IS a little this is going to end in something bad 

Kookie: we've just left two definite littles and one potential alone in a dorm together without adult supervision

Kookie: oh my god we're idiots

Joonie: if i were a betting man, I'd say the dorm will be burnt down

Joonie: that's what the threat always is

Joonie: always

TaeHung: I've never seen a man look so traumatised 

-------------

Angel: very important update

Joonie: IS THE DORM STILL STANDING??????????

Angel: lmao yes

LiterallyFlawless: IS YUGYEOM A LITTLE???????

Angel: well, he hasn't gone into little space

LiterallyFlawless: WORST DAY OF MY LIFE

TaeHung: DRAMA QUEEN

Kookie: jiminie, whats the important update baby?

Angel: i didnt go into little space either

Angel: but yoongi did

Angel: while i was cooking lunch, yoongi must have tripped

Angel: i ran to him when i heard him crying

Angel: but yugy got to him first

Angel: he cradled yoongi in his lap and rocked him to calm him down

Angel: they're now both fast asleep on the lounge

Angel: [ANGEL HAS UPLOADED 1 PHOTO]

Angel: check out THIS cute shit

LiterallyFlawless:

Hobi: im not crying

Hobi: someone stabbed me in the eye

Hobi: thats the most pure shit ive ever seen

Joonie: WE KNOW ITS 100% PLATONIC

Joonie: BUT DON'T LET GOT7 SEE THAT PHOTO 

Joonie: THEY WILL N O T INTERPRET IT THE SAME WAY

Kookie: what's that joon?

Kookie: send the photo directly to jb with no explanation beside a winky face?

Joonie: YOU MADMAN

Joonie: YOULL KILL US ALL

LiterallyFlawless: I'M TOO YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL TO DIE

Kookie: lmao just kidding i would NEVER 

Kookie: jb scares me

Kookie: and not in a "shit that's hot" way like Jin

Kookie: he just scares me

-------------

TaeHung: its been a few hours since we got an update from jimin or yoongi 

TaeHung: my spidey senses are tingling

LiterallyFlawless: mine too

LiterallyFlawless: someone should go check on them 

LiterallyFlawless: who's closest to the dorm?

Hobi: tae and i have been at the dog park with Eight all day, I'll leave them there and walk back to the dorm to see whats happening

Joonie: thanks babe (ˆ⌣ˆ)ε`●)

TaeHung: wow abandonment

TaeHung: eight and I don't need you

TaeHung: we'll have our own, better, party with blackjack and hookers and you're not invited

Kookie: now who's the drama queen?

TaeHung: ;)

LiterallyFlawless: this bitch coming for my crown

TaeHung: you know it

-------------

Hobi: ok, just about to enter the dorm

-------------

Hobi: shit

-------------

LiterallyFlawless: what hobi!!!!!

LiterallyFlawless: @Hobi @Hobi

LiterallyFlawless: @Hobi you absolute trash human

Joonie: OH GOD HAS SOMEONE DIED

Joonie: OH MY GOD HAS EVERYONE DIED?????

Kookie: @Hobi come on dude we're getting worried?????

Hobi: OK SORRY TO WORRY YOU ALL

Hobi: it was just.....................................a lot to take in

TaeHung: OH MY GOD PLEASE TELL US BEFORE I DIE FROM THE SUSPENSE

Hobi: well, I walked in on 3 little shitheads drawing on the wall in the loungeroom

TaeHung: the jizz wall?

Hobi: uh, yeah, actually

TaeHung: oh no :( our beautiful artwork rip

LiterallyFlawless: THAT IS SO FAR FROM THE FUCKING POINT AND YOU KNOW IT

LiterallyFlawless: "3 little shitheads"??????????????????

LiterallyFlawless: fucking e x p l a i n

Hobi: exactly what you think

Hobi: exactly what you think

Kookie: I'M GOING TO SCREAM THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING THING EVER

TaeHung: a lil bub oh my god

LiterallyFlawless: I've died and my soul has ascended to heaven

LiterallyFlawless: where's Yugy now?

Hobi: he snapped straight out of it when he saw me

Hobi: realized what he'd done and has locked himself in the guest bedroom

Hobi: I'm just giving Yoongi and Jimin a bath now, they drew on themselves as well lmao

TaeHung: fucking cute

LiterallyFlawless: poor kid is probably embarrassed

Kookie: between his fight with his partners and this, he's probably going to be embarrassed for the rest of his life

LiterallyFlawless: we'll try talking to him

Joonie: damnit

Joonie: how are we going to explain the wall to Sejin?

Kookie: lets just not say anything and let him make whatever assumptions he wants

Joonie: deal.

-------------

Group Chat: "Yugyeom Protection Squad"

Seokjin: @Yugyeom ?

Seokjin: sweetheart come out of your room and talk to us

Seokjin: nobody is mad

Yugyeom: I can't believe I made an absolute idiot of myself in front of 2 entire groups of people in the space of 1 week

Yugyeom: it's got to be some sort of record

Namjoon: you didn't make an idiot of yourself

Namjoon: you understand you did what you did because you went into little space, right?

Yugyeom: yeah

Yugyeom: yeah I know

Jungkook: has it happened before?

Yugyeom: it's felt like it should happen before

Yugyeom: like part of me wanted to put aside responsibilities and cuddle up in Jinyoung's lap and watch a Disney movie

Yugyeom: but I've never let myself, I dunno... fall into whatever it was that was whispering inside me?

Yugyeom: I don't know how to explain it

Yugyeom: I researched and figured out what the temptation was

Yugyeom: but I just wouldn't let myself

Yugyeom: I thought it was weird, that people would hate me

Yugyeom: then I saw Jimin... and Yoongi... and they were so wonderful today and before I knew it I had a crayon in my hand and my thought processes wouldn't go any further than "this is a good big space to draw a pretty picture"

Yugyeom: consequences and responsibilities disappeared for a bit

Yugyeom: it was... fantastic.

Yugyeom: fuck.

Yoongi: that's part of the magic of little space, for those who need it

Yoongi: you didn't do anything wrong

Seokjin: actually - we did

Seokjin: we kinda figured out you were a little and organized today to see if being around 2 littles would tempt you

Seokjin: I promise it was in good fun, but I see now it could be considered a bit manipulative - and irresponsible

Hoseok: well damn now I feel bad

Yugyeom: LMAO nah I'm actually impressed

Yugyeom: it certainly worked hahahaha

Seokjin: still, I am sorry

Yugyeom: don't be

Yugyeom: I needed that kick up the ass

Yugyeom: still

Yugyeom: I have no bloody idea how I'm going to tell the rest of got7

Yugyeom: they're not going to accept this

Taehyung: hey now, they might surprise you! we didn't think YOU'D accept anything we've told you about us, and you didn't think they'd accept your offer to be a polyamorous group couple!

Taehyung: if we've learnt anything in the last few months, it's that people can surprise you

Yugyeom: yeah... you're right

Yugyeom: still, I need to accept it myself before I share it with them. I might wait a while

Yugyeom: plus, I still need to deal with my other big mess haha

Jimin: a Little waiting and creating massive amounts of suspense before they share the details with their partners?

Jimin: never heard that before

Jungkook: you little shit

Jimin: ha LITERALLY

Jungkook:

Yugyeom: LMAO

Yugyeom: i'll stay one last night, and head home tomorrow, if that's ok with everyone

Hoseok: of course it is!!

----------

Namjoon: Yugyeom, you didn't look anyone in the eye the entire time we were having breakfast

Namjoon: we're seriously not mad about the wall thing, I promise!!!

Yugyeom: no no no it's not that it's just um

Jungkook: ?

Yugyeom: ugh oh god um

Yugyeom: I went looking for Jungkook last night

Yugyeom: wanted one last pep talk before I spoke to got7

Yugyeom: and um

Taehyung: oh no

Yoongi: OH NO

Seokjin: Yugyeom, sweetie, we, uuuh

Seokjin: ALL slept in Jungkook's room last night

Seokjin: if you know what I mean

Seokjin: how much did you see?

Yugyeom: I slammed the door shut before any of you noticed

Yugyeom: it was only a few seconds

Yugyeom: but I saw enough

Yugyeom: god I saw enough

Hoseok: am I bad person for laughing?

Namjoon: if you are, I am as well

Namjoon: no regrets

Namjoon: although JB is gonna murder us

Jungkook: oh come on this wasn't deliberate

Yugyeom: you left the lights on

Jimin: you try co-ordinating 7 men in the dark

Yugyeom: ...

Yugyeom: I'M DATING 6 OTHER MEN I HAVE TRIED IT

Jimin: oh yeah

Jimin: whoops lol

Yugyeom: I'm never going to erase the image of Jimin's ass from my mind

Yoongi: I mean

Yoongi: there are worse images, let's be real ;)

Jimin: I... thank you?

-------

Yugy has logged in.

Yugy has entered group chat: "Dab7"

Yugy: ok guys

Yugy: my dumbass is coming home to apologise

DangBam: oh thank GOD

DangBam: this place has been deader than a funeral without you

Youngjae: Jinyoung's been sulking

RealJYP: I have not

MTuan: ((((((he totally has))))))))

JB: we already know you didn't mean to explode like that

JB: you were just grumpy sweetheart, we know

JackWang: come home!!!!! come home!!!!!!!

RealJYP: we'll talk it out <3

Yugy: ok lol

Yugy: on my way

JB: wait

JB: one last thing

JB: I'm too embarrassed to ask you in person

JB: and I'm asking on behalf of all of us

Yugy: what is it?

JB: you um

JB: you still 100% want to be with us, right?

JB: you haven't changed your mind about all of this, have you?

Yugy: WHAT

Yugy: of COURSE not

Yugy: I love you all so much, it was just a silly fight

Youngjae: it.... our concern really didn't come from the fight, it started when you stayed with BTS

Yugy: I don't understand?

MTuan: I think... we were all a bit worried... that you'd maybe prefer BTS?

Yugy: ?????????? what the fuck???????

MTuan: I know it sounds stupid but

MTuan: they've had so much more experience, and their relationship is so much more stable than ours

MTuan: we thought that level of comfort might be tempting? idk its stupid

Yugy: yeah, that level of comfort is tempting

RealJYP: oh

RealJYP: we

RealJYP: we understand

Yugy: you idiots

Yugy: it's tempting as friends

Yugy: which is why I always go to them for comfort as friends

Yugy: because I'm not in love with them like I'm in love with all of you

DangBam: OK YEAH WE'RE INSECURE AND DUMB WE LOVE YOU TOO PLEASE COME HOME AND NEVER LEAVE AGAIN

Youngjae: <3

---------

Private Chat: Yeommie and Gukkie

Yeommie: all fixed :)

Yeommie: thank you, for everything

Yeommie: thank your hyungs for me, too

Yeommie: I'm back where I belong

Gukkie: gay

Yeommie: can you let me have an emotional moment

Gukkie: absolutely not, ShitHeel PoopWad

Yeommie: ah, everything is back to normal

Yeommie: good

Yeommie: TrashCan FatAss

Chapter Text

Joonie has logged in.

Joonie has entered group chat: "League of Pretty Boys"

Joonie: there is something deeply suspicious going on in the lounge room

Joonie: likely sinister in nature

LiterallyFlawless: :o what is it????

Suga: I cannot believe I'm about to witness namjoon being the biggest drama queen in the group

Joonie: I'm not being dramatic!!!!!!

LiterallyFlawless: explain?????

Joonie: so the first time I walked through the lounge room, it was just Hoseok chilling on the lounge watching netflix

Joonie: all normal all fine

LiterallyFlawless: uh...huh?

Suga: here we go

Joonie: the SECOND time I walked through the lounge room, he had little jimin sitting at his feet, leaning against his legs and reading a kids book, occasionally asking for a bit of attention

LiterallyFlawless: that sounds adorable?

LiterallyFlawless: I'm not seeing what's suspicious about this?

Joonie: the THIRD time I walked through the lounge room, jungkookie was curled up on Hoseok's left side (wearing a very adorable lil skirt I must say!!!!!) and having the occasional bit of praise whispered into his ears while he watched tv as well

LiterallyFlawless: that....sounds... wonderful?

LiterallyFlawless: how DARE 3 of our boyfriends hang out together!!!!!!

LiterallyFlawless: the nerve of them!!!

Joonie: oh just you wait

Suga: this is exhausting

Joonie: because the F O U R T H time I walked through the lounge room

Joonie: Tae was sitting on Hoseok's right side, collar around his neck, having his hair petted and stroked

LiterallyFlawless: ... yeah ok I must be missing something major because I am NOT understanding the issue here

LiterallyFlawless: honestly the most suspicious part of this whole thing is how many times you've walked through the lounge room, stared at them, and then left again

LiterallyFlawless: it sounds like YOU are the one who's up to something, young man

Joonie: EXCUSE YOU

Joonie: that isn't even CLOSE to being the issue here how dare you

Suga: the issue is joon is jealous

Suga: obviously

LiterallyFlawless: oh yes obviously

LiterallyFlawless: how did i miss that when it's so o b v i o u s????

Joonie: SO JEALOUS

LiterallyFlawless: omfg

Joonie: I walked past 4 separate times and NOT ONCE was I invited into whatever the heck is going on in there

Joonie: NOT ONCE!

Joonie: I am deeply suspicious and offended

Hobi: ghsleidfaowjf jesus Christ you idiot

Hobi: I kept going to invite you, but you were striding past us so purposefully and you had this massive glare on your face so I assumed you were way too busy

LiterallyFlawless: are you fucking kidding me

Joonie: I'M STRESSED AND NEED MY HAIR STROKED HOBI

Joonie: I DIDN'T MEAN TO GLARE I JUST WANTED TO BE INVITED

Hobi: come here baby

Hobi: you need to learn to ask like the maknaes do

Hobi: you should know by now that there's no judgment in this house

Hobi: well

Hobi: some judgment

Hobi: but usually jokingly

Hobi: no malicious judgment

Hobi: anyway I'm getting off track here

Hobi: I don't have any spare hands lmao

Hobi: but you can curl up in my lap and have a nap

Joonie: ... thank you

Suga: so they're all having a cuddle pile in the lounge room and we're not invited @LiterallyFlawless

Suga: absolutely typical

LiterallyFlawless: wanna go for a walk?

LiterallyFlawless: the sun is lovely today

LiterallyFlawless: I want to stroll hand in hand all old-fashioned

LiterallyFlawless: we can take Eight too!!!

Suga: Y E S PLEASE I wanna do that

Suga: I mean um

Suga: yeah I suppose I'm happy to do it if it makes you happy

Suga: ahem

LiterallyFlawless: you're not fooling anyone

LiterallyFlawless: like at all

Suga:

Suga: yeah I know

-----------

Kookie: hey @TaeHung quick question

TaeHung: what's up?

Kookie: how many times in a row do I have to call you a "good boy" before you nut?

TaeHung: fuck you buddy

TaeHung: you think you're funny huh????

Angel: 7 times, I checked

Angel: 5 times if you're petting him while you say it

Kookie: JIMIN YOU ACTUAL LEGEND

Hobi: Taehyung's Premature Ejaculation Saga(tm) continues

Hobi: and it's as glorious as it always is

TaeHung: sgnelkghnaedf I cannot believe I am being subjected to this disrespect!!!!

TaeHung: ok so MAYBE I have the least amount of stamina of everyone in the group but I'm still average with other men worldwide!!!!!

LiterallyFlawless: WHATEVER HELPS YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT BABE

Suga: is this an appropriate place for a "sure jan"???

LiterallyFlawless: babe I'm fairly certain that "sure jan" was actually made for this specific scenario

Suga: EXCELLENT

Suga:

TaeHung: I'M CALLING THE POLICE YOU MONSTERS

Joonie: Will a handjob make you feel better?

TaeHung: ...maybe

Joonie: great

Joonie: be back in 30 seconds guys

TaeHung: IHGPSIHJGSOEDFJDOFJ OH MY FUCKING GOD

LiterallyFlawless: I am w h e e z i n g namjoon you absolute savage

LiterallyFlawless: i love you so fucking much oh my god

Kookie: there are actual tears in my eyes

Kookie: joon you've killed me

TaeHung: :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( i cannot believe this

TaeHung: i came out to have a good time and I'm feeling so attacked right now

Hobi: Namjoon came out to attack and I'm having such a good time right now

----------

Private Chat: Tae and Joon

Joon: baby you know we're all just teasing right?

Tae: of COURSE lmao!

Tae: trust me, you'd all know if i was actually upset ;)

Tae: i know I'm... well let's just say I'm on a bit of a hair-trigger

Joon: understatement

Tae: oi

Tae: but i have it on good authority that you all find how sensitive i am to be arousing in its own right

Joon: CORRECT

Joon: 100% CORRECT

Tae: LOL

Tae: and I also have the quickest recovery time ;D

Joon: ALSO 100% CORRECT

Joon: ...come to my room?

Tae: i was already on my way ;)

-----------

Group Chat: "League of Pretty Boys"

Suga: I'm sensing some sin going down in namjoon's room

Suga: i can't believe i wasn't invited again

Suga: this is neglect

LiterallyFlawless: same @Suga let's go move in with got7 they wouldn't treat us like this

Kookie: nooooo don't leave us!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kookie: i would never recover!!!!!!

LiterallyFlawless: well at least SOMEONE appreciates us!!!!!!

Angel: I CAN LITERALLY NO LONGER TELL WHO IS THE BIGGEST DRAMA QUEEN IN THE GROUP

Angel: YOU'RE ALL AS BAD AS EACH OTHER

Kookie:

Kookie: how dare you

Kookie: i have never done a single dramatic thing in my whole entire life ever

Angel: oh?

Angel: is that so, my darling youngest boyfriend?

Angel:

Kookie: I

Kookie: that's not even

Kookie: I'm so

Kookie:... yeah ok you got me there

LiterallyFlawless: quick side note

LiterallyFlawless: i look absolutely fantastic in that gif

Hobi: jin you look fantastic in everything always

LiterallyFlawless: well that's true too i suppose

Angel: does he though

Angel: does he really???

Angel:

Angel: wow look at that actual model, my stunning oldest boyfriend!!!!

LiterallyFlawless: ODIFSLK

LiterallyFlawless: i should be mad but honestly I'm laughing

LiterallyFlawless: jimin why are you being so brutal today lmao

Angel: FUN

LiterallyFlawless: COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE CARRY ON ENJOY YOURSELF

LiterallyFlawless: but one thing before you do

LiterallyFlawless: a gift of my own:

LiterallyFlawless:

Angel: AHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAH OH MY GOD

Angel: good one tho

Angel:

Suga: WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS THOUGH???????

LiterallyFlawless: i cannot b r e a t h e i am crying

Angel: he's beauty he's grace

Angel:

Kookie: I'm done with y'all literal trashbags smh

Kookie: i need a nap

Kookie:

Kookie: take THAT

Angel: hahahahahahahahaha nice

Angel: check out THIS fine specimen

Angel:

Hobi: all around me are familiar faces

Hobi: worn out faces

Hobi: also you better not leave Tae and Joon out of this just because they're not online

Angel: i would never exclude them from such a wholesome bonding activity!!!!!!!

Suga: yeah hoseok, god! perish the thought!!!!!!

Angel:

Suga: fucking HELL

LiterallyFlawless: ple as e i canot stopk la uhgikng

Angel: that there's one of my mans

Angel: so handsome i luff him

Angel:

Hobi: KJGSOEJG'ELDFGWSFJ

Kookie: BTS IS CANCELLED I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE

Kookie: MAKE THE SUFFERING END OH MY GOD

-----------

2 hours later

TaeHung: YO YOU FOUND WAY WORSE PICTURES FOR ME AND NAMJOON

TaeHung: FUCK YOU GUYS

Angel: INVITE US NEXT TIME ASSHOLE

 

 

 

Chapter Text

TaeHung has logged in.

TaeHung has entered group chat: "League of Pretty Boys"

TaeHung: me: *walks into jin's bedroom for some well-deserved bathtime and cuddles after a long day of practicing*

TaeHung: also me: *overhears Jungkook telling Jin how badly he needs to pee*

TaeHung: also me again: *walks the fuck out and goes to read my goddamn bible in peace*

TaeHung has changed LiterallyFlawless' nickname to "NastyAss1"

TaeHung has changed Kookie's nickname to "NastyAss2"

NastyAss1: don't even act like you didn't join us when you walked in on something similar last week

NastyAss1 has changed his nickname to "EatJin"

EatJin: ;) if u know what I mean

TaeHung: EVEN MORE NASTY

TaeHung: AND HOW DARE YOU

TaeHung: YOU HAVE NO PROOF I JOINED IN ON SUCH ACTIVITIES

NastyAss2 has changed his nickname to "Gukles"

Gukles: first of all, touch my nickname again and i'll piss in your bed

Gukles: second of all, I was there, I can confirm you joined in

TaeHung: ...................................

TaeHung: damn it

Suga: can't I just watch some fucking Korean odyssey in peace without you weirdos turning my evening to sin

EatJin: what a stupid question

EatJin: of course not

----------

Private Chat: JinJin and TaeTae

JinJin: babe, gukkie and I just finished

JinJin: come have a bath with me?

TaeTae: (*^^*)

TaeTae: yay!

TaeTae: I'm not wetting myself for you tho

JinJin: oh for-

-----------

Group Chat: "League of Pretty Boys"

Angel: I swear I just heard jin sigh from like 5 rooms away

Angel: he's too powerful

Hobi: what'd he sigh about?

Joonie: I don't know, but I have a pretty good guess

TaeHung: (❁´◡`❁)

-----------

1am

Group Chat: "League of Pretty Boys"

Hobi: guys

Hobi: the internet is a horrible place

Suga: oh no

Suga: what are you doing awake

Hobi: stewing

Suga: terrible news

Suga: babe, ignore the stupid internet - we've already gone over this with Jin, right?

Suga: people are dumb

Hobi: no I know that it's just

Hobi: I wouldn't give it any thought if it was just some haters online calling me ugly and horse faced but

Suga: but?

Hobi: nothing it's stupid

Suga: babe, please tell me

Hobi: seriously its dumb

Suga: :(

Suga: go to sleep

Suga: and don't think I'm forgetting this - I'm dobbing on you when the others wake up tomorrow morning

Hobi: traitor

Hobi: I will piss in your bed

Suga: why is THIS the new threat, of all things?!

Suga: WHY IS NO ONE NORMAL

Suga: GO BACK TO THREATENING TO BURN THE DORM DOWN I LIKED THAT BETTER

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9am

Joonie has logged in.

Joonie has entered group chat: "League of Pretty Boys"

Joonie: *kicks door down*

Joonie: @Hobi I just read last night's chat logs

Joonie: explain yourself

Hobi: nah

Joonie: I will sic Jin and Jungkook on you

Hobi: holy crap alright ok i'll fess up please don't

EatJin: anyone would think I was scary or something?

Angel: can't imagine why

Angel: ANYWAY

Angel: @Hobi tell us what upset you last night babe?

Hobi: alright i'll tell you but

Hobi: I'm gonna seem like a giant drama queen it's stupid

Suga: this has just become a J U D G M E N T  F R E E  Z O N E

Suga: next person to judge or be mean to Hobi receives one(1) personal ass-kicking from yours truly

TaeHung: idk that sounds hot

Suga: not now you little shit

Hobi: LMAO

Hobi: ok so like

Hobi: UGH THIS IS DUMB UM

Hobi: I was reading through the dank memes on twitter, as you do

Hobi: most people are super positive and lovely

Hobi: as always, a couple of assholes, but nothing I couldn't handle or hadn't seen before

Hobi: you know, the usual, calling me "spastic" and "horse-faced"

TaeHung: >:/ fuck them

Hobi: haha yeah

EatJin: you said you're used to most of that (which you shouldn't HAVE to be, but that's not the point here)

EatJin: what exactly upset you sweetheart?

Hobi: well um

Hobi: you guys calling me ugly, actually

Joonie: oh no

Angel: oh no oh no oh no

Hobi: I was just lying there, trying to let the comments online slide

Hobi: but memories of the times you all called me ugly started, I dunno

Hobi: repeating?

Hobi: in my head over and over

Hobi: I know you do it for the cameras as a joke but

Hobi: I started to believe you all

Hobi: I can't stop thinking about it

Hobi: I know I'm not the most attractive in the group but I never thought I was ugly either

Hobi: it's vain and stupid I'm sorry i'll shut up

EatJin: JUNG HOSEOK

Hobi: OH GOD

EatJin: first of all, we're never going to make another joke about your appearance, we promise

Angel: ^^ yeah!!!

Gukles: I'm sorry our words were hurtful to you, that wasn't the intention at all :(

Gukles: oh no we're assholes oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Hobi: LMAO chill Guk

Hobi: it's ok

Hobi: thank you for promising not to joke about it, that will help

Hobi: but

Hobi: idk

Hobi: I can't look in the mirror and see anything but ugly now???

Hobi: the fear is internal now I guess?

Suga: what can we do???

Hobi: that's the thing

Hobi: there really isn't anything you can do

Hobi: it's all in my head now

TaeHung: WE CAN'T FIGHT HOBI'S HEAD

TaeHung: THIS IS AN INSURMOUNTABLE OBSTACLE

TaeHung: WHY ARE ALL OUR OPTIONS FOR RESOLVING THINGS FIGHTING?????

Hobi: LMAO IDIOTS

------------

Hobi: so quick question

Hobi: who left the 10 minute youtube video "Jung Hoseok's Sexiest Moments" replaying on the lounge room tv?

Gukles: ...........................never heard of youtube can't help sorry gotta go

Hobi: I s2g

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Suga: @Hobi do you have a favourite flower?

Hobi: no?

Hobi: why?

Suga: no reason

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Hobi: GODDAMNIT @Suga

Hobi: I APPRECIATE THE GESTURE BUT THIS IS APPROXIMATELY 500 FLOWERS TOO MANY

Hobi: I CAN'T SEE MY BEDROOM FLOOR

Hobi: EVERYTHING IS UNDER A LAYER OF ROSES

Hobi: I THINK JIMIN IS IN HERE SOMEWHERE BUT I CAN'T SEE HIM

Angel: oh you think that's funny huh???

Hobi: 100%

Suga: LOL

Suga: also if you check each and every card, I've written a personalized message for you on all of them :)))

Hobi: but there's a card for every bundle???? that's like 250 cards?????

Suga: I don't fuck around when it comes to romance

Hobi: I don't know whether to be afraid or impressed

--------------

1 hour later

Hobi: so, update

Hobi: true to his word, yoongi really did write on every card

EatJin: legendary

Hobi: he managed to write unique messages for each, all in some way telling me that I'm beautiful and he desires/adores/loves me and that he hopes the seven of us are together forever

Hobi: I've decided I'm going to be a mixture of afraid, impressed, and deeply in love

Joonie: holy shit Yoongi

Joonie: that's insane

Angel: my h e a r t

TaeHung: YOONGI AND HOBI SITTING IN A TREE

Suga: excuse YOU???

Suga: we're ALL sitting in that goddamn tree, or none of us are

Gukles:

TaeHung: yes SIR

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Hobi: @Joonie

Hobi: HOW MANY LANGUAGES HAVE YOU LEARNT TO SAY "I LOVE YOU" AND "YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL" IN?????

Joonie: A L L  O F  T H E M

Hobi: HE'S TOO POWERFUL

---------

Hobi: someone please god save me

EatJin: what's up?

Hobi: I'm working with @Angel on some choreography

Hobi: and he won't say a single sentence without starting or ending it with a compliment

Hobi: I'll ask him to pass the water bottle and he'll reply "sure thing and oh have I mentioned you're gorgeous"

Hobi: "wow you look beautiful today, we should wait a beat before the next move"

Hobi: "hang on hobi I've just got to run to the bathroom, keep looking fantastic while I'm gone"

EatJin: I'm not seeing a problem here, that's the ideal way to be spoken to?

EatJin: in fact I'm making an official request to be solely referred to in compliments from now on

Hobi: this family I swear

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TaeHung: LET'S START A HOSEOK COMPLIMENT THREAD GO

EatJin: YEEEEEEEEES!!!

TaeHung: HIS O-FACE MAKES ME O-

Hobi: PLEASE I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE

Hobi: GO BACK TO INSULTING ME FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Hobi: I THINK THE INSULTS WERE PREFERABLE

Angel: we've broken him, lads

Hobi: I get it I get it I get it

Hobi: you all think I'm beautiful please have mercy

Joonie: but do you think you're beautiful, Hoseok?

Joonie: that's always what's been more important here

Joonie: we can't stand you seeing yourself incorrectly

Hobi: I'm fairly certain if I ever called myself ugly again someone (yoongi) would punch me

Suga: I can neither confirm nor deny

Hobi: so you've all convinced me lol

Hobi: I think you're all beautiful, and if one of you told me you thought you were ugly, I'd think you were crazy

Hobi: so I have to believe it works both ways

Hobi: if you think I'm beautiful, I trust you all

Gukles: YYYYEEEEEEESSSS PERFECT

EatJin: IDEAL ENDING WELL DONE TEAM

Hobi: lmao assholes

Hobi: .......................also I was joking please don't start insulting me again I am smol and fragile

Angel: of course

TaeHung: never again <3

Suga:  (˶^ з^(〃‿〃✿)

Hobi: (^///^)

 

Chapter Text

EatJin has logged in.

Angel has logged in.

Users EatJin and Angel have entered group chat: "League of Pretty Boys"

EatJin: @Angel baby, you've been grumpy all day

EatJin: what's going on?

EatJin: do you need to tell Jin, or do you maybe need to tell Dada?

Angel: :/ :/ :/

Angel: nothing is going on I am fine.

Suga: oh yes very convincing

Angel: shut up

Suga: excuse me?

Angel: wait no

Angel: I'm sorry papa I didn't mean it

Suga: get over here now

Suga: over my lap

Suga: and start counting

Angel: yes papa

Angel: sorry papa

------------

Half an hour later

TaeHung: green light and good @Angel?

Angel: green light, good, and so deliciously sore

Angel: thank you @Suga I needed that

Angel: and now I think I need a nap

Hobi: not so fast

Hobi: jin had a point - you HAVE been grumpy all day

Hobi: I'm glad you're feeling better now after relieving some of your stress with us

Hobi: but we still want to know what caused it in the first place

Hobi: because as far as the rest of us are aware, there's nothing work related that could cause this stress

Gukles: ^ yup, so spill

Angel: ............................................fine but don't laugh

Joonie: honestly at this point I feel like that goes without saying, Chimmie

Joonie: this group has seen some Shit(tm)

Angel: ok.

Angel: Joonie, your friend Seungjun is a JERK

Joonie: what, from KnK???

Angel: yup

EatJin: :o

Joonie: baby, did he do something to you? Or say something?

Angel: well, no

Joonie: then why do you say that?

Angel: at the awards show the other night, I saw you and him talking

Joonie: yeah he's my friend! :)

Joonie: I'm really sorry I don't understand, baby

Angel: well, he's... really tall, and really beautiful

Angel: like holy crap really beautiful

Angel: and he was being so... touchy-feely with you

Angel: he kept hugging and touching you

Angel: and you kept touching him back!

Angel: right in front of us

Suga: oh boy

TaeHung: lmao jeez Namjoon how COULD you???

Joonie: not helping Tae

Joonie: Jimin.

Joonie: he's just my friend

Joonie: he's affectionate, and I'm allowed to be affectionate towards him

Angel: doesn't mean I have to like it, or him :/

Gukles: why is Jimin able to pull of jealousy so cutely?

Gukles: outrageous

Joonie: I love all of you, even Jimin, you jealous idiot

Joonie: but I'm not going to stop being affectionate with friends

Joonie: keyword: friends

Hobi: I need everyone to know that jimin actually poked his tongue out at his phone

TaeHung: incredible

Joonie: LOL

Joonie: chiminiiiiiieeeee

Joonie: are you jeeaaallloouuss?

Joonie: should I call Seungjun now just to see what he's up to? Maybe go see him?

Angel: >:/ >:/ no

Angel: you're not doing ANYTHING except letting me sit on your lap

----------

EatJin: wow, Jimin wasn't kidding

EatJin: he's trapped namjoon underneath him in the lounge room

EatJin: joon certainly isn't going anywhere any time soon

EatJin: also we may never seen Joon again, I don't think Jimin intends on letting him go

EatJin: namjoon may die there

Hobi: why do I find this so endearing

Suga: too much jealousy or possessiveness in a relationship can be damaging

Suga: THIS is just jimin pouting and demanding a bit of extra attention and cuddles

Suga: THIS is adorable

-----------

Gukles: OH GOD JIMIN JUST SPOTTED ME SKYPING WITH YUGYEOM

Gukles: I'VE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE

Gukles: IF I DON'T SURVIVE THIS I LOVE YOU ALL

TaeHung: I was WONDERING why Jimin had wrapped himself around you like a koala

TaeHung: cute

Gukles: I think he's cutting off my air supply please send assistance

------------

Private Chat: Park Jimin and Kim Yugyeom

Park Jimin: you smell bad

Kim Yugyeom: no YOU smell bad

Park Jimin: stay away from my mans

Kim Yugyeom: bish like I need your mans, I got my own better collection

Park Jimin: BISH

Kim Yugyeom: LMAO

Park Jimin: as a sensible, normal aside: how are you dealing with all the little space stuff? Are you feeling ok? Do you need any help?

Kim Yugyeom: Thank you for asking!

Kim Yugyeom: I'm ok! :)

Kim Yugyeom: I've done a lot of research, and experimented with reverting to a younger age behind my locked bedroom door

Kim Yugyeom: it's... wonderful :D

Park Jimin: it really is :D

Kim Yugyeom: I'm still not sure how to tell everyone though

Park Jimin: In the end, you just have to trust them

Park Jimin: we're all here for you if you need us :)

Kim Yugyeom: I know :) You guys are great

Park Jimin: anyways, where was I?

Park Jimin: oh yes!

Park Jimin: STOP FLIRTING WITH JUNGKOOK YOU HO!!!!!!!!!!!

Kim Yugyeom: as if I would ever flirt with thAT MANKY ASS BIG NOSE PISS BABY

Park Jimin:

------------

Group Chat: "League of Pretty Boys"

Hobi: Jimin is cackling at his phone

Hobi: why is seeing such a cute lil mochi chuckle giving me chills like this?

Hobi: like a sense of visceral fear has just entirely overcome me

Hobi: what is happening on his phone right now???

EatJin: Appearance: Cute

EatJin: Dancing Skills: Radical

EatJin: Motive: Unknown

Angel: (❁´◡`❁)

--------------

Suga: Google, how do say "no" to your boyfriend pouting and whining when you try to leave bed to grab something to eat?

Angel: Google said "you don't"

Angel: then Google said "you get back into bed and keep cuddling Jimin"

Angel: and THEN Google said "and give him lots of forehead kisses until he falls asleep in your arms"

Suga: wow, Google is thorough

Angel: I think Google knows what it's talking about, you should follow those directions exactly

Suga: well, how could I disobey our technological overlord?

Angel: exactly

Joonie: wtf I want in on this cuddle pile, if it's not a one-on-one?

Angel: it's not! you're welcome to join! :) So is anyone else who feels like it!

Suga: but please for the love of god bring food, jimin is holding me hostage

--------------

Joonie: alright @Angel, we've given you the whole weekend to be an adorably possessive lil fucker

TaeHung: please put "Adorably Possessive Lil Fucker" on my gravestone

TaeHung: I want it tattoo'd on my face because honestly me?

EatJin: LMAO

Joonie: are you feeling better?

Angel: much better!

Angel: I think I've been missing some affection lately - I just needed to recharge

Angel: thank you all for indulging me :D

Gukles: yes it was such a sacrifice

Gukles: oh noooo one of my many boyfriends wants to cuddle me and then have me bend him over the kitchen table what a shAAaaaaaaAAAame

Gukles: aahh dang one of my boyfriends wants all seven of us to lie in a cuddle pile in the lounge room and bond and talk and laugh and watch Disney movies this is tteeerrrIIIbBBBBllLe!!!!!!

EatJin: sorry bend him over where now?

Gukles: um.

Gukles: Bedroom of course.

Gukles: We would never use the kitchen.

Gukles: Beds are the only appropriate place for such activities.

Hobi: *cough*bullshit*cough*

EatJin:

TaeHung: seriously WHERE are you getting these reaction images from

EatJin: the internet taehyung get with the times

Joonie: A N Y W A Y

Joonie: no more jealous outbursts, @Angel?

Angel: Yup!

Joonie: And you're going to be nice to Seungjun the next time you see him?

Angel: ...........................................................yes

Joonie: Jimin

Angel: I'll only say mean stuff in my head?

Joonie: ...

Joonie: close enough

Joonie: deal.

 

 

Chapter Text

Hobi has logged in.

Hobi has entered group chat: "League of Pretty Boys"

Hobi has changed group chat name to "The Kinkshaming Club"

Hobi: we should have a book series

Joonie: no.

Hobi: rude

Hobi: anyway

Hobi: @Angel very important question?

Angel: oh god

Angel: what?

Hobi: why do you nut when people call you a good boy, but also nut when people call you a disgusting slut?

Angel: diversity is the spice of life

EatJin: I think we've hit pinnacle Married(tm)

EatJin: we're literally beyond being affected by kinkshaming

TaeHung: oh is that so, PissPants?

EatJin: shut it, Rover

Gukles: humanity was a mistake

Suga: I was worried Tae and Jin's insults were going to turn into an actual argument, so I went to check on them

Suga: they're cuddled on the lounge giggling as they insult each other

Suga: iconic

Gukles: as I was saying

Gukles: humanity was a mistake

--------

TaeHung: guys, I've done something bad

EatJin: name of your sex tape

Hobi: uP TOP EHHHH

EatJin: I'M TOO GOOD

TaeHung: not funny

Joonie: what did you DO

TaeHung: I bought a princess crown and fairy wand, and put it the lounge room with a note saying "to the prettiest princess"

TaeHung: a room I knew Jungkook and Jimin would soon enter

EatJin: oh my god

Joonie: that's some Olympian-God level shenanigans right there

Joonie: I'm actually kinda impressed

TaeHung: Little Jimin and Jungkook are arguing about who the presents were intended for

TaeHung: I have actually heard the word's "no I'M the prettiest" spoken aloud

TaeHung: and NOT by the little, if you would believe me

Hobi: im crying taeyhung you fucking legend

EatJin: is no one going to talk about that fact that jungkook is effectively arguing with a 3 year old?

Joonie: are you surpised?

EatJin: not at all

EatJin: I love my idiot sons

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TaeHung: VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE

Joonie: who died.

TaeHung: Little Yoongi stormed up to the both of them, snatched the items and informed them that "ob-vus-ly the presents were for Yoo-gi"

TaeHung: Guk and I were laughing, Jimin was too intimidated to argue, so everything ended well

TaeHung: Yoongi is now sitting imperiously with his crown and wand, eating popcorn and watching Ultimate Beastmaster on netflix

EatJin: *clutches heart*

EatJin: you're right, Tae

EatJin: that was the MOST important update you've ever given us

-----------

The next day

EatJin has logged in.

EatJin has entered "The Kinkshaming Club"

EatJin: @TaeHung when do you think you'll be back from taking Eight for a walk?

EatJin: I wanna know the best time to put dinner out

TaeHung: ? what are you talking about hyung

TaeHung: I've been home for an hour

TaeHung: I've been in my room taking a nap

EatJin: ................oh. ok. um.

TaeHung: why did you think I wasn't here?

EatJin: the back gate in the courtyard is open

EatJin: and Eight isn't here or anywhere in the dorm

EatJin: I looked

EatJin: I wanted to give him a treat

TaeHung: oh my god

TaeHung: oh my god

TaeHung: I forgot to close the gate when we came back from our walk this afternoon

TaeHung: he must have got out

TaeHung: oh my godf

TaeHung: I'm so stupd

TaeHung: jin I'm having a panic attack canu plase

EatJin: hang on sweetheart I'm coming

TaeHung: I cant lose him I need him he cant be outside alone what if hes hurt what fi someone just tkanes me fuck I'm so sstupid studid stuoid

EatJin: We've got you, baby. We'll find him

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Joonie: @TaeHung don't worry! Yoongi and Gukie have just walked down to the dog park, Jimin is going to drive around the streets, Hobi has gone to visit the local animal shelters, and I'm going to put signs up

Joonie: we'll find him, baby

TaeHung: thank you thank you

TaeHung: but what if he gets hurt??? he has no road sense, I've only ever trained him to stay away from roads when he's with humans but he won't know what to do by himself

TaeHung: I can't stand this please find him please bring him home

EatJin: right, I've take Tae's phone off him, constantly refreshing the chat was only making him more anxious

EatJin: I'm going to try to get him to calm down, if anyone has any updates please message me directly

Gukles: you got it boss

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Private Chat: Mama and Suga Baby

Suga Baby: jin!

Mama: yoongi! have you found him?

Suga Baby: no, I'm sorry

Suga Baby: I left jungkook at the park in case Eight showed up, and then joined Joonie to walk around locally and put signs up but

Suga Baby: honey, its getting dark and cold out

Suga Baby: we've all stayed out as long as we can but I don't want anyone outside much longer

Mama: aish, leaving Eight out all night is going to break Tae's heart

Suga Baby: I know

Suga Baby: god I know

Suga Baby: maybe we could stay out a little longer?

Mama: no, no, I can't ask you to do that, and Tae wouldn't want that either.

Mama: I'll send out a message now to tell everyone to come home and thank them for looking

Suga Baby: we had the easy part - you were the one that had to comfort Taetae

Suga Baby: I know how distressed he gets

Mama: yeah

Mama: he's not coping well

Mama: tonight is gonna be a long night

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Group Chat: "The Kinkshaming Club"

Suga: @EatJin Jimin just picked us all up, we're in the car on the way home

TaeHung: thank you so much for looking I'm so

Joonie: don't thank us baby, we're here to help each other

Gukles: plus, we love that goofy lab too

Hobi: ^^ that

TaeHung: can I request a cuddle pile on the big bed tonight?

TaeHung: I need all of you

EatJin: of course you can, darling

------

Yugyeom has logged in.

Yugyeom has entered "Yugyeom Protection Squad"

Yugyeom: oi shitheads, why is no one answering the door?

Yugyeom: LEMME IN

Jungkook: yugy? what are you doing here?

Yugyeom: we planned a video game day, remember?

Yugyeom: we were going to do a vlive and make fangirls cry

Yugyeom: don't tell me you forgot?

Jungkook: ah shit sorry sorry

Jungkook: I did forget

Jungkook: we're all still in bed

Yugyeom: jeez

Yugyeom: big night?

Taehyung: sleepless night

Taehyung: Eight is missing

Yugyeom: ooooooh I THOUGHT I recognized this dog

Taehyung: wait what.

Seokjin: ???????? YUGYEOM WHAT DOG????

Yugyeom: uuuuh this dog

Yugyeom:

Taehyung: EIGHT!!! THAT'S EIGHT!!! YOU FOUND EIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jungkook: YUGYEOM IS A GIFT TO THE UNIVERSE CONFIRMED

Yugyeom: well yeah that's true

Taehyung: where did you FIND him?

Yugyeom: I took a phone call out on the sidewalk before I came to your door - it was only like a 10 minute phone call but I swear I must have seen him walk around the block like 4 times?

Taehyung: oh my god

Yugyeom: I walked towards your gate just as he came around the corner, and his ears perked up when he saw me and he followed me inside

Yugyeom: I knew I recognized him

Hoseok: I'm actually crying, he wouldn't cross any roads? He just stayed on the sidewalk going around in circles?????

Jungkook: Have we discovered the World's Goodest Boy?

Jungkook: Science says yes

Namjoon: or the world's dumbest? You're telling me he wondered in circles all night and couldn't figure out how to get back to the gate until he saw someone else walk in?

Taehyung: he can be the world's Goodest and the world's Dumbest boy at the same time, excuse you

Taehyung: god I love him

Taehyung: Yugyeom I'm buzzing you inside, reunite me with me favouritest, handsomest husband

Jimin: bitch

Yoongi: we were all outside looking for him and not one of us saw him?

Taehyung: a good boy, a dumb boy, AND a stealthy boy

Taehyung: my multi-talented lil man

Seokjin: thank you Yugyeom <3

--------

Private Chat: Jin and Jinyoung

Jin: I'm kidnapping your youngest boyfriend

Jin: he found tae's dog and made him happy again

Jin: Yugyeom is ours now

Jinyoung:

Jinyoung: bitch you THOUGHT

Jin: HOW DARE YOU USE MY OWN REACTION IMAGE AGAINST ME

Jinyoung: ((((seriously though, I'm so glad Taehyung is feeling better!!!)))

Jin: ((((me too!!!!))))

 

 

Chapter Text

TaeHung has logged in.

TaeHung has entered group chat: "The Kinkshaming Club"

TaeHung: valentine's day approaches

TaeHung: you all know what that means

EatJin: violently competitive and increasingly wild attempts to woo and romance each other?

TaeHung: ......... yeah, pretty much got it in one, actually

EatJin: I don't get involved, Valentine's Day isn't a competition

EatJin: you hear that, @Suga ?

Suga: me? competitive when it comes to romance?

Suga: I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about

Joonie: last year you printed enlarged versions of selfies you'd taken with each of us and stuck them to every blank inch of wall you could get your hands on

Suga: sorry don't recall

Joonie: we were being stared at by ourselves for like a month afterwards

Joonie: I swear I still occasionally find a photo hidden under the kitchen table or in a light fixture you freak

Suga: don't know anything about it

Suga: I've never been competitive OR romantic in my whole entire life ever

Angel: oh yes, very convincing

Angel: @Hobi @Gukles both you of are nearly as bad

Gukles: pft

Gukles: you LOVED the song I wrote for you all

EatJin: we did love it baby

EatJin: what we DIDN'T love was your insistence that it be included on the next album

EatJin: a song about how "you love being loved deeply, heavily" by your hyungs and how you're "so glad they took all your firsts" would likely not go over well with the general public

Gukles: the general public are cowards

Angel: Begin was basically a love song anyway, let's be real here

Gukles: A WATERED DOWN VERSION OF WHAT I TRULY WANTED TO CREATE

Joonie: we are not including a song called "Polyamory" on any of our albums ever

Gukles: THEN I'LL BECOME A SOLO ARTIST AND CREATE MY OWN ALBUM

Suga: go on then, bye!

Gukles: ............ no I don't want to go :(

Suga: want a hug?

Gukles: yes :(

Hobi: back to the subject at hand - wtf do you mean I'm nearly as bad?????

Angel: Ah, so you've conveniently forgotten last valentine's day, when you created an OT7 BTS Blog anonymously and started posting "theories" and "headcanons" that were uncannily accurate?

Hobi: ....................................................... don't recall

TaeHung: I still follow that blog, it's really good

Joonie: wait, he's still running it?!?!

TaeHung: well sure, it's got thousands of followers now

TaeHung: turns out OT7 is really popular nowadays

Joonie: DAMNIT HOBI

Hobi: I'M NOT SORRY MY BLOG IS GREAT AND PEOPLE LOVE IT

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EatJin: Dawn of the Final Day: 24 hours remaining

Suga: ? tomorrow is Valentine's Day, not the start of WW3

EatJin: is there a difference, Yoongi?

EatJin: CAN YOU TELL ME THE DIFFERENCE??????

Suga: WHY ARE YOU SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN

Angel: I can smell flowers

Angel: who ordered flowers

Angel: WHY CAN I SMELL BUT NOT SEE ANY FLOWERS??????

Suga:

------------

Gukles: whO UCKING COVERED MY BED IN ROSE PETALS????

Joonie: mine too wtf

Suga: it was I

Gukles: that's so romantic how fucking dare you

Gukles: I will win this

EatJin: STOP YOU'RE GOING TO TEAR THIS FAMILY APART

TaeHung: fight fight fight fight

------------

TaeHung: @EatJin did you make my favourite candy? I thought you said you weren't involved in this?

EatJin: ? I haven't made the candy since your birthday, I've just been buying it

Hobi:

 

Hobi: yeah that's fucking right guess who's still in the running??? IT'S ME

TaeHung: thanks Hobi!! it's delicious!! <3

EatJin: Hobi how COULD you that's like the one thing I do for people ;_;

Hobi: you do so much, and mean everything to us ( ˘ ³˘(◡‿◡˶)

EatJin: aw

EatJin: I mean I find that super romantic and any other day I'd run into your room and demand some time alone but

EatJin: on Valentine's day? You're saying that to WIN

Hobi: I can neither confirm nor deny

Joonie: (((((it's true tho))))

EatJin: I TRUST NO ONE

 ---------

Private Chat: Yeommie and Gukkie

Yeommie: hey! have you got time to talk?

Yeommie: I need advice about what I should do for valentine's day

Yeommie: it's hard enough with 1 person

Yeommie: trying to think of something to do for 6 people is, like, next level impossible

Gukkie: and you left it till TODAY?!

Yeommie: I'm unorganised

Yeommie: let me live

Gukkie: i'll be honest dude I don't have much time to help you

Gukkie: valentine's day is Serious Business(tm) at our dorm and I play to fucking win

Yeommie: .....why are you all like this lmao

Yeommie: but yeah that's fair, just thought I'd ask! Enjoy your day ;)

Gukkie: you too!!! (and hey, you're a dancer right?! Seduce your boyfriends my man)

Yeommie: ......................

Yeommie: FUCK SHIT YOU'RE RIGHT YOU GODDAMN GENIUS

Gukkie: correct noW I GOTTA RUN I CAN HEAR TAEHYUNG HUMMING A LULLABY TO NAMJOON NOT ON MY FUCKING WATCH

----------

Angel: @Gukles is cradling me on his lap and whispering sweet nothings in my ear

Angel: I don't fucking care what any of you do from this point onwards, he's won

Joonie: oh is that so?

Joonie: well consider this

Joonie: instead of sitting on baba's lap, you come and sit with daddy instead?

Joonie: we can sing and play and cuddle <3

Joonie: it'd make me so happy to have my sweet baby boy with me?

Angel: hoLnit okfoendf I'm comigmn u win you winm

Gukles: this is what abandonment feels like

Gukles: I have been bested in mortal combat

Suga: @Joonie I'm sorry to ask but can I please come cuddle as well I'm feeling um

Joonie: baby, you never ever have to apologise for asking for something but

Joonie: I think this is about to get sexual, I know you're not comfortable with that when you're in this headspace

Joonie: @EatJin @Hobi can you both take him for a while? I think our other little one needs some tactile comfort

EatJin: of course <3 Come to my room, sweetheart

Hobi: I'll bring Eight, we'll have a real puppy pile!!!

Suga: :D

TaeHung: I SWEAR TO GOD I JUST HEARD HIM SQUEAL IN EXCITEMENT

TaeHung: THE DUALITY OF MIN YOONGI OVERWHELMS ME

TaeHung: I am In Love(tm)

----------

Gukles: @EatJin I have been serenaded by both Jimin and Taehyung, GET ON THEIR LEVEL AND STOP NEGLECTING US

EatJin: that's it

EatJin: Valentine's Day is not a competition

EatJin: but if it were, I WOULD HAVE WON

Suga: you haven't done anything??? I'm confused????????????

EatJIn: for YOUR information

EatJin: I've rented an entire restaurant to ourselves for dinner tonight

EatJIn: we'll be returning home, where I've turned my room into a love nest

EatJIn: tonight isn't a night for one on ones - all seven of us should be together, where we belong

EatJin: I've prepared basically all of our favourite snack foods to enjoy for the rest of the night

EatJin: as I get the feeling it's going to be a long night

EatJin: and THEN I was going to tell each of you, individually, what I loved most about you

EatJin: Namjoon, that you're an inspirational leader and our protector. The way you interact with the maknaes makes me fall in love you more each day, and your musical talent awes me. I'm never happier when you're smiling your goofy smile at me, or any one of us. I feel safe with you.

EatJin: Yoongi, my big ball of secret fluff, my little baby, I literally cannot describe how much I fucking love you. You jump between being so emotionally strong to being so vulnerable and I love BOTH sides of you. I want to hear you rap, and screech like an idiot, forever

EatJin: Hoseok - our actual ball of sunshine. You seem to know when we need comfort or help without us ever actually saying word. I'll be having a bad day, and suddenly you'll be by my side, holding my hand and nudging my arm. And your dancing, holy crap when you dance the world stops. I see nothing but you.

EatJin: Jimin. Little Jiminie <3 You're too fucking good for this world and I mean that seriously. I've never met a gentler, kinder soul. You make this group - all of us - better people. Watching you cuddle up to other members puts my goddamn soul at ease, knowing all of us have you in our lives.

EatJin: Taehyungie, I've watched you change and grow from an unsure goofball into one of the most beautiful, self-confident men I've ever met. Spending time with you is always an adventure, and watching the way you make people laugh makes me happy. You always have a secret smile for us, hidden away from the camera. And your husky voice sends chills down my spine.

EatJin: Jungkookie. All of your hyungs loved you from afar, waiting for you to mature and be ready for this relationship. You literally completed us. You brought the 7th and last piece of the soul together. We joke about you being the golden maknae but that's truly what you are - you brought happiness and peace, and there's nothing I believe you couldn't do if you sent your mind to it.

EatJin: and THEN I was going to give all of you the rings I had specially made - to the outside world, they'd just look like matching band rings, a piece of jewelry to complete our look

EatJin: but we'd know what they truly are, what they really signify

EatJin: we'd be carrying a bit of each other with us no matter what, no matter where we go

EatJin: but since y'all are IMPATIENT SHITHEADS I'm not going to DO ANY OF THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suga: ....

TaeHung: oh my god

Angel: I'm literally sobbing? this is the most Feeling ive ever Felt???

Hobi: I'm so gay I need to lie down

Hobi: jin I'd die for you

Joonie: we love you, Jin

Joonie: please, can we still take you out to dinner?

EatJin: lmao of course, I was never actually going to cancel my plans I just wanted you guys to cut the competition stuff out ;)

Gukles: well you win

Gukles: also holy shit I love you all

Gukles; we need to go to the restaurant now

Hobi: so we can get back home and get to the rest of Jin's plans?

Gukles: exactly

---------

Private Chat: Youngjae and Jungkook

Youngjae: YOU

Jungkook: me????

Youngjae: ARE YOU THE ONE WHO CONVINCED YUGYEOM HE SHOULD DANCE FOR US TO SEDUCE US??????

Jungkook: um

Jungkook: yes I might have had some influence in that decision

Youngjae: bless your fucking soul

Youngjae: you've caused 6 very happy, very sated, very in love men

Jungkook: just call me cupid I guess

---------

Private Chat: Yeommie and Gukkie

Gukkie: ° ͜ʖ ͡ - Glad you had fun ° ͜ʖ ͡ -

Yeommie: huh?

Gukkie: ° ͜ʖ ͡ -

Gukkie: ° ͜ʖ ͡ -

Yeommie: you scare me

 

 

Chapter Text

EatJin has logged in.

EatJin has entered group chat: "The Kinkshaming Club"

EatJin: hey um

EatJin: @Gukles ?

Gukles: what's up my dude?

EatJin: why do I currently have a terrified little Yoongi wrapped around my legs crying about how "we have to hide because gukkie turned into a monster and is coming to eat us"

Gukles: sorry new phone who dis

EatJin: JEON JUNGKOOK ANSWER ME NOW

Gukles: DON'T DOM-VOICE ME WITHOUT WARNING LIKE THAT

EatJin: WE'RE TEXTING

Gukles: I CAN STILL HEAR IT

EatJin: ok so side note, I'm coming for your ass later

Gukles:

Gukles: I'm scared but god yes please

EatJin: now tell me

Gukles: ok so

Gukles: MAYBE Jiminie went into baby space

Gukles: MAYBE I, being the good caretaker that I am, looked after him exactly as I should

EatJin: Jimin went into baby space and you didn't tell me?! YOU KNOW THAT'S MY FAVOURITE THING EVER

Gukles: I wanted some alone time with the lil cutie so sue me

Gukles: anyway

Gukles: I was teasing and singing nursery rhymes and playing peek-a-boo and all that jazz

TaeHung: *clutches heart* wholesome

Gukles: bitch I'm nothing but wholesome

Gukles: so then lil Yoongi walked in

Gukles: he seemed a bit younger than usual

Gukles: and he immediately got jealous that I was giving Jimin all my attention

Joonie: I know that's not really the point here but holy fuck that's so cute

EatJin: it's also not behavior we should be encouraging.............................but

EatJin: yeah you're right omfg that's so fucking cute

EatJin: so what happened that made Yoongi think there's a monster after him?

Gukles: well

Gukles: you see

Gukles: ahem

Gukles: by that point, chimmie had started to drift off into a nap, so I decided I could give Yoongi a bit more attention and cheer up the jealous little brat

Hobi: when yoongi comes out of his headspace let's make sure to tell him we're putting "the jealous little brat" on his gravestone

Joonie: outstanding idea

Gukles: so I did The Thing to cheer him up

EatJin: ..........the thing?

Gukles: you know

Gukles: the thing I always do

EatJin: uh?

Gukles: fkjsdfa I'm insulted

Gukles: this:

Gukles:

EatJin: oh THAT thing

EatJin: why do you do that

Gukles: fun, Jin

Gukles: anyway, the point is, Yoongi did NOT find it as funny as he usually does

TaeHung: he never finds it funny

Gukles: shut it

Gukles: he started screaming and crying

Gukles: which woke jiminie by the way

Gukles: and he ran from the room before I could stop him

Gukles: I made an executive decision to not chase him as I felt that would not help the situation

Hobi: good instincts

Joonie: JESUS JUNGKOOK

Gukles: I'M SORRY IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I WAS TRYING TO MAKE HIM LAUGH

Gukles: in my defense, lil Jiminie thinks I look hilarious

EatJin: he's in baby headspace, jungkook

EatJin: he finds EVERYTHING funny

EatJin: I once sneezed in front of him and he giggled for an hour

Hobi: yeah that sounds right

Joonie: lmao

Joonie: Yoongi is going to be so mad at you when he ages up

Gukles: is this what true fear is

------------

1 hour later

Suga: @Gukles YOU MOTHERFUCKER

Gukles: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Suga: I NEARLY WET MYSELF YOU BASTARD

Gukles: I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO

Gukles: I WAS TRYING TO MAKE YOU LAUGH

Suga: I believe I saw @EatJin promise to destroy you as punishment

Suga: let me join in, and I'll consider you forgiven?

Gukles: idkfoaei'edf

Suga: ?

Gukles: sorry dropped my phone

Gukles: the answer is "yes please"

Suga: my precious, beautiful sweetheart <3

Suga: jin and i are going to take turns fucking you until you actually DO wet yourself 

Gukles: JFISEJGE

Hobi: he dropped his phone again

Hobi: Min Yoongi's power has grown too strong

Joonie: CAN I COME???

EatJin: CERTAINLY

Gukles: I CAN'T TAKE THAT MUCH BOTTOMING, ASK JIMIN TO DO IT

TaeHung: Jimin's still in baby space

Gukles: oh

Gukles: in that case I CAN take that much

Gukles: mama didn't raise no quitter

Joonie: that's the spirit

--------

Angel: why did I come out of little space sitting on Tae's lap being made to watch One Punch Man?

TaeHung: kid's cartoons are boring, and in my defense you mostly seemed preoccupied by the noises and pretty colours

Angel: .................yeah that's fair

--------

The Next Day

TaeHung has logged in.

TaeHung has entered group chat: "The Kinkshaming Club"

TaeHung: guys has anyone seen Eight???

TaeHung: guys??

TaeHung: @Gukles @Angel @Hobi @Suga @EatJin @Joonie

TaeHung: please answer has anyone seen him

Suga: Hobi and I took him down to the dog park

Suga: please do not panic

Suga: everything is fine

Suga: you know we're all being more careful now

TaeHung: oh

TaeHung: oh thank god

TaeHung: good! :)

EatJin: ಠ_ರೃ 

TaeHung: don't look at me like that hyung

EatJin: ಠ_ರೃ 

--------

EatJin: HI MY NAME IS JIN AND I SEE A THERAPIST TO HELP ME DEAL WITH MY LOW SELF ESTEEM

TaeHung: don't

Suga: HI MY NAME IS YOONGI AND I HAVE DEPRESSIVE EPISODES THAT I OCCASIONALLY NEED MEDICATED HELP WITH

TaeHung: please don't I'm fine the panic attacks aren't anything you're making a big deal out of nothing

Joonie: sweetheart, please

TaeHung: ...

Angel: we love you and we want to help

TaeHung: I feel so attacked

EatJin: this wasn't an attack, this was a show of support - we're trying to tell you that you're not the only one who needs a bit of help, and that there's nothing wrong with needing help

Hobi: would you refuse to go to the doctor if you broke your arm, Tae?

TaeHung: .....................no

TaeHung: damnit

TaeHung: fine

TaeHung: fine you're all right

TaeHung: hi, my name is Taehyung, and I think I have some form of anxiety which causes panic attacks in stressful situations that other people seem capable of handling

TaeHung: maybe I need some help with that

Suga: fuck I'm so proud of you baby

TaeHung: really?

TaeHung: you are?

EatJin: we all are <3

EatJin: I'm going to speak to the therapist I go to and see what he thinks would be the best options for you to seek. He'll probably suggest a referral

EatJin: or you can go speak to your own GP for advice alone if that's what you'd prefer?

TaeHung: no no that's ok, I don't mind asking your guy for advice

TaeHung: also can someone come with me to the first appointment?

TaeHung: I know they won't let you in, but just having someone in the waiting room will make me feel better

Angel: baby we'd all come if that's what you need

TaeHung: LMAO

TaeHung: can you IMAGINE

----------

3 Days Later

TaeHung: me, skateboarding into my new psychiatrists office, sipping on starbucks, wearing the world's most glamorous sunglasses: susan you're never fucking going to believe this

EatJin: YOU'D BETTER BE TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY TAEHYUNG

TaeHung: it's a MEME you old man

TaeHung: get with the TIMES

EatJin: such disrespect, on this, the day of my daughter's wedding?

TaeHung: huh?

EatJin: HA THAT'S A MEME TOO YOU FUCKING FETUS

Suga: well that's more of a quote than a meme

EatJin: shut up Yoongi

Suga: shutting up

Joonie: also, Jiminie and I went with him to the psychiatrist's office

Joonie: I can confirm he was a scared, well behaved lil lamb

TaeHung: but was I a CUTE scared lil lamb?

Angel: the absolute cutest love

TaeHung: ok that's fine then

Hobi: mmmmm Soft!Mental Health

Hobi: my favourite

Suga: dork

--------

A Few Months Later

TaeHung: important announcement everyone

Gukles: we're listening, babe

TaeHung: Baekhyun sent me a text that said "we need to talk"

TaeHung: and then he didn't respond or answer my calls for 2 whole hours

TaeHung: and guess what?

EatJin: what? :D

TaeHung: I didn't panic

TaeHung: I stayed calm!!!

TaeHung: I didn't immediately assume the worst!!!

TaeHung: WHY DIDN'T I GET HELP SOONER??? THIS IS INCREDIBLE????????

TaeHung: I was just a LITTLE bit scared

TaeHung: like what I assume is a NORMAL amount of scared

Joonie: not gonna lie, you don't have to have anxiety to be made nervous by something like that - that's REALLY impressive, Taetae

Suga: we're so proud of you baby <3

TaeHung: can you all show me you're proud of me please?

Gukles: how would you like us to show you baby?

TaeHung: tie me up

TaeHung: don't let me go until you've all used me, exhausted me, abused me

TaeHung: and I'm the happiest fucking person on earth

TaeHung: ((((and then cuddle me afterwards naturally you all have to sleep in my room tonight)))

Hobi: I have never seen 6 people move so quickly

Hobi: myself included

Hobi: I'm kinkshaming myself here

TaeHung: shut up the fuck up and get in my room

Hobi: yeS SIR

-----------

The Next Day

Gukles: oh yeah

Gukles: @TaeHung I forgot to ask

Gukles: because we all got

Gukles: uh

Gukles: distracted

Hobi: i feel like we keep using "distracted" as a euphemism for our orgies, and i feel like that does them a disservice. They deserve MORE

Gukles: lmao

Gukles: what did Baekhyun end up wanting to talk about when you finally got a hold of him?

TaeHung: oh

TaeHung: something about a crush

TaeHung: he said "i was the only one he thought might be able to offer advice"

TaeHung: when i pressed for details, he backtracked and said it was silly, he was overreacting, and to forget it

Angel: weird

TaeHung: yeah super weird lol

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Angel has logged in.

Angel has entered group chat: "The Kinkshaming Club"

Angel: iS it tOO laTe NoW tO sAy SoRrY?????

EatJIn: well, how many years old are you?

EatJin: that's how many years too late it is

EatJin: for your mother to say sorry, that is

EatJin: for giving birth to you

Angel: I'm

TaeHung: gkiedajpfgieosfj

TaeHung: Jiminie, Jin just came for your soul I'm so sorry I guess you're dead now

Hobi: you will be missed

Angel: I'm not even mad that was good

Angel: but also never talk to me again

Angel:

EatJin: it was too easy

Joonie: why do you all start bullying each other whenever I'm not in the group chat?

Gukles: you're pretty much 85% of our impulse control

Suga: ^ what he said

------

Jin has entered group chat: Hung Hyung Line

Jin: guys

Jin: are you online?

Joon: what's up babe?

Hobi: henlo I am here

Yoon: I can be for you!

Jin: I'm feeling

Jin: um

Jin: I don't know how to describe it

Jin: I

Jin: you know the way you all coddle the maknaes?

Jin: well, we all

Jin: I do it too

Jin: treat them all softly

Jin: cuddle them

Jin: even if they don't want to be cuddled lol

Jin: coddle them

Joon: yeah?

Jin: can I please have that from you all?

Jin: I feel

Yoon: subby?

Jin: i

Jin: maybe?

Jin: I don't know

Jin: I just see one of you smile softly at jimin or brush your hand on tae's cheek as you walk past and

Jin: I want that

Jin: I want to be treated softly today

Jin: I always make up the bath when me and tae go to have one, and he sits in my lap. I usually LOVE it that way but - can someone prepare the bath for me and let me sit in their lap instead today?

Jin: can someone

Jin: just

Jin: I need someone to pretend to be my hyung for a little while?

Hobi: oh my god

Hobi: sweetheart of COURSE

Joon: we're going to spoil you today baby all you had to do was ask

Joon: you're not going to have to lift a finger

Yoon: what candles would you prefer? lavender or pomegranate?

Jin: ... can I have both maybe?

Yoon: of COURSE!!! anything <3

Hobi: I'm going to go put the fluffy blanket into the dryer so it's nice and warm for you

Jin: :D thank you!!!

Joon: what do you want for dinner baby? Do you want take out, or for us to make you something?

Jin: I don't wanna choose!!! someone else can decide I don't wanna think about it :D

Joon: easy! we'll surprise you! <3

Jin: (❁´◡`❁)

---------

Joonie has entered group chat: "The Kinkshaming Club"

Joonie has changed the group chat name to "Treat Seokjin Like A Piece Of Fragile Art Day"

Gukles: should I ask?

Joonie: I think the instructions speak for themselves

Suga: today @EatJin has beaten @Angel for the title of "subbiest sub to have ever subbed"

Angel: I'm not even mad he's so fucking cute

Angel: he looked at me with these huge watery eyes and told me he was craving mint icecream and then apologized for saying anything

Hobi: and you're still HERE? You heartless monster

Angel: pft as if, no man could resist that

Angel: I'm on my fucking way to the store now, I'm going to get Kim Seokjin the mint icecream he fuCKING ASKED FOR

TaeHung: inspirational

-----------

Joonie: oh my god I've ascended to a new level of Soft(tm)

Hobi: what happened?

Joonie: yoongi was cuddled up with Jin on the lounge and went into little space

Joonie: he told jin "don't worry mama you don't have to look after me today, i'll be a big boy" but like with a lisp of course

TaeHung: OF COURSE

Joonie: and then started SINGING LULLABIES TO HELP JIN GET TO SLEEP

Gukles: call an ambulance

Gukles: I need medical assistance

Hobi:

TaeHung: what lullaby is he singing???

Joonie: hell if I know

Joonie: I can barely understand him

Joonie: but he is TRYING HIS BEST AND WE WILL RESPECT THAT

Hobi: god next time can yoongi just punch me in the face? it'd make me feel less feelings.

-------

Angel: I may be going to jail

Joonie: wtf? why?

Angel: so I got to the corner store

Angel: and um

Angel: there was only one tub of mint ice cream left

Hobi: oh god

Angel: and then this snobby jerk came along, pushed in front of me, and SNATCHED IT

Angel: HE SNATCHED JIN'S ICE CREAM

Angel: so I snatched it back

Angel: ............and pushed him

Angel: and laughed and called him a jerk

Joonie: are you really in trouble?

Angel: no, I paid and ran for my life before anyone could react

Angel: but you know

Angel: I COULD have gone to jail

Angel: for jin

Suga: idiot

-------

Angel: I handed Jin his icecream and he looked up at me with big eyes and said "thank you chimmie"

Angel: I guess I can die in peace now

Angel: I was put on earth for the soul purpose of bringing jin his mint ice cream

Angel: I have completed my purpose, my mission

Angel: I am content

Hobi: why are you so dramatic

Angel: YOU'RE CLEARLY NOT BEING DRAMATIC ENOUGH JUNG HOSEOK

Angel: J I N  P U P P Y  D O G  E Y E S

Hobi:...

Hobi: actually yeah that's totally fair

Hobi: carry on

--------

Gukles: what is GOING ON in the lounge room?

TaeHung: what do you mean?

Gukles: me, joonie, yoongi and jinnie were all sitting on the lounge when an advertisement for a kids plushie came on

TaeHung: uh-huh

Gukles: jin kinda casually commented that "oh, that's cute" and ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE

TaeHung: ...................... how?

Gukles: Joonie has spent the last 10 minutes running between his bedroom and the lounge room, bringing jin every plushie he owns

Gukles: and I think he's about to start clearing out everyone else's room too

Gukles: not that we have as many as him

TaeHung: fuck I love him

Hobi: god same

Suga: jin is just sitting there wide-eyed, surrounded by a mountain of plushies

Suga: I'm not sure if he's alarmed or enamored

Gukles: when it comes to Namjoon? usually both.

Angel: LOL

Joonie: do you think that's enough plushies tho?

Joonie: maybe I should go buy some more for him?

Joonie: he likes them

Suga: THIS IS MORE THAN ENOUGH

Joonie: but I could buy some more Kumamon plushies as well?

Suga: ...........

Suga: THIS ISN'T NEARLY ENOUGH PLUSHIES LET'S GET SHOPPING

Gukles: the hyung line, ladies and gentlemen

--------

Joonie: LMAO

Joonie: Sejin just sent a text asking if he could pop in quickly to discuss one of our marketing strategies

Joonie: I sent back "I would strongly recommend postponing that chat to tomorrow"

Joonie: and he responded "understood"

Joonie: what a fucking legend

TaeHung: guys sejin is my bias

Hobi: mood

-------

2 hours later

Gukles: @TaeHung GET HOME RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY RIGHT NOW

TaeHung: what what

TaeHung: what's happening?????

TaeHung: you wait until I'm out taking Eight for a walk to start shit

TaeHung: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS

Gukles: Jin was sitting in Namjoon's lap

Gukles: he started fidgeting and squirming

TaeHung: oh god

Gukles: eventually he whispered, just loud enough for us all to hear, "I'm sorry to be a bother but.... I'm hard."

TaeHung: oh my fucking god

Gukles: Hoseok and Yoongi leapt at him so quickly they might end up with whiplash

Gukles: side note - we're going to have to buy Hobi a new phone, he threw his one at the wall and smashed it in his haste to get his hands on Jin

Gukles: they've got him splayed out on Namjoon's lap now

Gukles: Jimin and I are about to start

Gukles: tae, do you remember the day we all helped you destroy Namjoon, baby?

TaeHung: fuck

TaeHung: yes, I remember

Gukles: well, you've got about 5 minutes to get home before we start Round 2: Jin edition in earnest

Gukles: I'd hurry if I were you, my love.

TaeHung: FUCK FUCK I'M RUNNING

TaeHung: I'M HARD AS A ROCK IN PUBLIC AND I'M SPRINTING

TaeHung: I'VE NEVER MADE EIGHT RUN THIS FAST IN HIS LIFE HE LOOKS SO ALARMED

TaeHung: DON'T START WITHOUT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text

TaeHung has logged in.

TaeHung has entered group chat: "Treat Seokjin Like A Piece Of Fragile Art Day"

TaeHung: a mighty, lofty goal indeed, but we have moved on

EatJin: me subbing? never heard of her

Joonie: sounds fake but ok

TaeHung has changed the group chat name to "6 Idiots and One Baby"

Hobi: I'm almost scared to ask

Hobi: which one's the baby?

Angel: obvs me

Suga: I think you'll find he means ME

EatJin: oh no

EatJin: not this again

Gukles: ex-fucking-scuse you both

Gukles: I'm the real baby here don't @ me

Joonie: WHY DO YOU INSIST ON STARTING THESE FIGHTS @TaeHung

TaeHung: I enjoy watching the make up sex

Hobi: ........................ yeah he's not wrong

---------

Private Chat: Jung and Jeon

Jung: what are you wearing, Jungkook?

Jeon: white tshirt, jeans, timberlands

Jung: ..............

Jeon: oh wait you were trying to be sexy weren't you?

Jeon: I fucked up

Jeon: let me try again um

Jung: LMAO

Jung: I love you

Jung: you know that maxi dress Namjoon bought you last week?

Jeon: yeah

Jung: get into it.

Jung: walk into my room

Jung: kneel on my carpet

Jung: and do not move until I give you permission

Jung: not if you need to pee. you pee there unless I give you permission to walk to the bathroom

Jung: not if one of our other boyfriends comes along and decides they want to take advantage of you while you're not allowed to move. you lay prone and you let them.

Jung: if I touch you, you do not move unless I say you can

Jung: not until I say the word

Jung: do you understand?

Jeon: i

Jeon: I understand

Jung: words?

Jeon: Red, Yellow, Green. I'm green.

Jeon: holy fuck I'm green

Jung: my sweet little princess

Jung: hurry up, every minute you take I add an extra 5 minutes to our little session

Jeon: yes sir.

Jeon: yes sir.

---------

EatJin has entered group chat: "6 Idiots and One Baby"

EatJin has changed the group chat name to "4 Idiots and 3 Babies"

EatJin: better?

Angel: much o(〃^▽^〃)o

Suga: whatever it doesn't matter

EatJin: Yoongi: I'm a tough heartless manly man I don't care what anyone thinks of me all of this is dumb

EatJin: also Yoongi when someone doesn't call him their baby boy:

Suga: can you guys at least PRETEND to be convinced when I act tough?

EatJin: of course we can't darling

Suga: :(

EatJin: ( ˘ ³˘)♥

Suga: .........

Suga: (/ω\)

Joonie: not to interrupt this soft shit but

Joonie: anyone else hearing the sinful noises coming from Hobi's room?

TaeHung: oh yeah I forgot to mention

TaeHung: hobi asked me to let you all know that if you wanted to be able to make jungkookie pay for "being a little shit" that you were welcome to come to his room

TaeHung: they're playing some sort of game where Jungkook has to accept anything you do to him without moving

TaeHung: I made Jungkook suck me off and came all over this face 

TaeHung: I haven't seen him look so happy in months tbh

TaeHung: he's glowing

EatJin: HOW COULD YOU FORGET TO TELL US THIS INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT INFORMATION 

TaeHung: I've been a bit dazed

Joonie: EVERYONE TO HOBI'S ROOM

Joonie: STAT

--------

A Few Hours Later

Gukles: I'm going to be washing dried cum out of my hair for fucking weeks you assholes

Hobi: and I'm going to be getting the smell of your piss out of my carpet for ages so we're even

Gukles: YOU COULD HAVE LET ME GO TO THE BATHROOM YOU HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF

Hobi: but you looked so happy not being allowed  to go

EatJin: ngl I loved watching you try to hold on, baby

Gukles: ...... fuck same

Suga: 911 hello yes is this the pope I'd like to report a sin

Angel: who cares about jungkook's hair or hobi's carpet?

Angel: we all destroyed guk's new dress ;_;

Angel: he looked so good in it too

Joonie: I'LL BUY HIM ANOTHER ONE I'LL BUY HIM 10 MORE

Gukles: can I have a flower crown too?

Joonie: O B V I O U S L Y

----------

Yeommie has logged in.

Private Chat: Yeommie and Gukkie

Yeommie: mama, dada, please can I take the cock ring off? I've had this vibrator on medium all day and I don't think i can take much more please please i need to cum please let me

Yeommie: bambam keeps kissing me and then leaving

Yeommie: youngjae wont stop stroking my thighs

Yeommie: please i cant take it anymore

Gukkie: oh my fucking GOD

Yeommie: Jungkook?

Yeommie: WAIT

Yeommie: WAIT OH MY GOD

Yeommie: oh my god NO

Gukkie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Yeommie: please don't tell anyone ;_____;

Gukkie: I mean I won't screenshot

Gukkie: the exact details are safe with me you kinky lil shit

Gukkie: but in general?

Gukkie: I'M TELLING EVERYONE

Gukkie: JUST LIKE JINYOUNG DID TO HOBI

Yeommie: WHY DO OUR TWO GROUPS KEEP DOING THIS TO EACH OTHER

Gukkie: probs because we never got that 14 man orgy - its definitely all that unresolved sexual tension 

Yeommie: that's DEFINITELY not it

Gukkie: yeah but it's funny

Gukkie: anyway I'll give you time to deal with your little problem while I tell EVERYONE

Yeommie: first of all fuck you

Yeommie: second of all

Yeommie: it ain't little

Gukkie: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Gukkie: wait one last thing

Gukkie: "mama and dada"

Gukkie: have you told them you're a little, then?

Yeommie: I have indeed

Gukkie: I'm guessing they don't mind

Yeommie: mind? fuck they nearly threw me a parade they were so excited, the absolute dorks

Gukkie: mmmm wholesome

Gukkie: the rest of my group will be so pleased

Gukkie: also I'm going to make an educated guess and say your sext was meant for Jinyoung and JB?

Yeommie: why does it MATTER

Gukkie: oh it matters

Gukkie: trust me

Yeommie: why is everything you do so suspicious

---------

Group Chat: "4 Idiots and 3 Babies"

Gukles: guys GUESS WHAT????

TaeHung: what??????

Gukles: Yugyeom accidentally sexted me!!!!!!

Gukles: @Hobi you're finally free from the mocking they give you every time we meet up!!!!

Gukles: there's a new target now

Hobi: OH HOLY DAY!!! BLESSED DAY!!!! I'D LIKE TO THANK THE GOD OF DANCE, ME

EatJin: LMAO

EatJin: anything juicy?

Gukles: yes but I am a good friend

Gukles: so I'll only tell you what he knows I'm going to tell you

Gukles: his partners know he's a little, and they love it!!!!!!!

Angel: I'M GOING TO SCREAM I'M SO HAPPY FOR HIM

Suga: I'M CRYING OUR LIL BOY

Hobi: excuse me?????

Hobi: I had to endure painful mocking from got7 - you guys had better avenge me and mock yugy too!!! (we can be happy about that AFTER I've been vindicated bc omg honestly I'm so happy for him aehnfoiajsf)

Gukles: every time you see him for the next few months, ask him "what setting is it currently on? medium?"

Gukles: you don't need to know the context.

Gukles: he knows

Gukles: he'll suffer

Joonie: [manic cackling]

Hobi: *cracks knuckles*

Hobi: perfect

Gukles: now if you'll excuse me, I have a few more people to torment

TaeHung: YOU'RE DOING GOD'S WORK

----------

Jeon Jungkook has started a group chat.

Jeon Jungkook has added users Park Jinyoung, Im Jaebum.

Jeon Jungkook has changed his username to "Jungkook"

Jungkook has changed Park Jinyoung's nickname to "Jinyoung"

Jungkook has changed Im Jaebum's nickname to "JB"

JB: don't even think about it you little shit

JB: I know exactly why you started this group chat

JB: and I ALSO know how scared you are of me

JB: mock us and I'll come for you while you sleep

Jungkook: ok

Jungkook: sorry

Jungkook:....................................................dada

Jinyoung: geijfgpasoejfna;os LMAO

JB: Jinyoung who's side are you on???????

Jinyoung: whoever makes me laugh the most

Jungkook: thanks mama

Jinyoung: YOU'RE WELCOME KIDDO

JB:

Jinyoung: run jungkook i'll protect you!!

Jungkook:

--------

Group Chat: "4 Idiots and 3 Babies"

Gukles: ONE DAY JB WILL ACTUALLY KILL ME

Gukles: WORTH IT THO

Joonie: goodbye space cowboy

--------

Private Chat: Yeommie and Gukkie

Gukkie: so did you get mama and dada's help with your problem?

Yeommie: you're the worst friend on earth

Gukkie: correct

Gukkie: ............................baby boy

Yeommie: I WILL HELP JB KILL YOU I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD

Gukkie:

 

 

Chapter Text

Gukles has logged in

Gukles has entered group chat: "4 Idiots and 3 Babies"

Gukles has changed the group chat name to: "Horny Assholes"

Gukles has changed TaeHung's nickname to "TaeCum"

TaeCum: I need you to understand that none of your nicknames are funny or creative

Gukles: would you rather I change it to "2 minute man"

TaeCum: ................................ this is workplace bullying

EatJin: what's going on?

Gukles: tae bust a nut before I even had a chance to get my pants off, that's what

TaeCum: YOU WERE MAKING SUCH NEEDY LIL NOISES I COULDN'T HELP IT

TaeCum: AND I sucked you off to make up for cutting the session short, so I feel you coming for me is inappropriate!!!!!!!!!!

Gukles: ... yeah alright that's fair

Gukles: my bad

Gukles: I apologise, you can't help it

TaeCum: apology accepted sweetheart <3

Hobi: this is some next level Wholesome Shit(tm)

Suga: also @Gukles you can't talk

Suga: besides taehyung - whose premature ejaculation is basically a kink in its own right

EatJin: fuck yes it is g o d I love watching him lose control of his own body because he's so turned on ifjenpaoidfjdsg

TaeCum: (˶′◡‵˶)

Suga: - YOU have the worst stamina out of everyone in the group

Gukles:

Gukles: fucking source?

Angel: babe you've had 2 wet dreams in the past week

Angel: more than any of us have had in a month, COMBINED

Gukles: I CAN'T HELP THAT

Hobi: AND you generally beg for at LEAST a handjob from one of us daily

Hobi: or you get all wound up and needy

Gukles: look

Gukles: my hormones are still effed up but my stamina is FINE

EatJin: babe you can't lie to us

EatJin: and I mean that literally - you can't lie about your stamina to your 6 boyfriends who have all witnessed it firsthand

EatJin: it ALWAYS goes Tae, then you - after that it varies based off who is getting the most attention

Joonie: ^ what he said

Gukles: I tried so hard and got so far

Gukles: but in the end it doesn't even matter

Suga: it's alright kiddo we love you anyway

Gukles: I still think I need more proof

Gukles: I suggest a competition

Angel: you ALWAYS suggest a competition

Gukles: yes.

Gukles: yes I do.

Hobi: what kind of competition lmao?

Gukles: we all abstain completely

Gukles: no sexual activity between members, no masturbation, no nothing

Gukles: nobody is allowed to sleep alone or shower by themselves, they have to have a buddy at all times to be monitored

Gukles: last person to orgasm, by any method (whether by accident or on purpose) is the winner and gets all bragging rights

Gukles: and they're allowed to demand one favour from each of the losing boyfriends

Joonie: I'm in

Joonie: but only if having a wet dream is included as a way to lose

EatJin: obviously it would be

EatJin: ANY orgasm counts as a loss

Gukles: fuck

Gukles: uh

Gukles: I mean deal

Hobi: this is diabolical

Hobi: I fucking love it I'm in

Suga: I'm in as well

Angel: hell yeah!!!

TaeCum: I'm going to lose by a goddamn landslide but I'm in for shits and gigs

Joonie: we need rules - what are the boundaries around sabotaging the other competitors?

Joonie: like if someone jerked me off in my sleep, my somnophilia would be ecstatic, but that'd count as an unfair loss for me

EatJin: How about this? You're allowed to tease, flirt, kiss, whatever you want etc, but the second any part of your body touches someone else's dick, that counts as a loss for you (even above clothes!)

EatJin: that way we're all on an even playing field

Gukles: sounds fair to me

Gukles: let the games begin

----------

2 Hours Later

Joonie: tae is already sweating

TaeCum: I am NOT

TaeCum: don't spread fake news

Joonie: I leant over the counter to grab a paper towel and he actually squeaked

TaeCum: knowing I can't have it makes me want it more

------------

EatJin: hello yes I need a group ruling

Suga: what's up?

EatJin: jimin is walking around naked

EatJin: it's emotionally and physically torturing me

EatJin: his tiny lil pebis I wanna touch it

Angel: no one ever said we couldn't walk around without clothes

Hobi: he's right, we didn't

EatJin: I still call foul play

------------

Suga: hey um fuck you @Hobi

Hobi: what did I do?

Suga: you know exactly what you're doing you fucking monster

Hobi: seriously what???????

Angel: well now im curious?

Suga: this asshole

Suga: this pretentious asshole

Suga: sat on the lounge right across from me

Suga: me, innocently trying to watch How To Train Your Dragon

Suga: and started sucking on a popsicle

EatJin: any other day I'd say you were overreacting

EatJin: today?

EatJin: anything can be interpreted as an attack

Hobi: I just really like popsicles????

-------------

The Next Morning

Joonie: PANTS CHECK

Joonie: I was with Jimin all night, he did nothing but sleep the boring fucker

Angel: *winks* *finger guns*

Suga: can't we call it something different?

Joonie: absolutely not

Joonie: wow @Gukles you lasted the night, I'm surprised

Hobi: he almost didn't - he slept with me and Jin last night, he had a wet dream but didn't finish

EatJin: god was it good to watch

EatJin: and also hellish to watch

EatJin: I think I'm dying

Gukles: HA

Suga: Taehyung lost

TaeCum: DAMN IT YOONGI

Gukles: lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Hobi:

Angel: hahahaha how???

Suga: we were showering together, as per the rules

Suga: I decided to try to seduce him and asked him to wash my back

Suga: I pushed my ass back - careful not to touch his dick btw

Suga: and he just..................lost it

Suga: he grabbed himself - 3 fucking strokes and he came all over my back

TaeCum: i

TaeCum: he looked so good I couldn't

TaeCum: I have no fucking excuse he just looked

TaeCum: idc it was worth it roast me

EatJin: god I love you taehyung

Hobi: we accept you, you ridiculous human

TaeCum: let's look on the brightside

TaeCum: now that I've lost, I can tease all of you without repurcussions

TaeCum: I think I'm just gonna start masturbating at the dinner table

Joonie: ... oh god

Joonie: OH GOD WHAT HAVE WE UNLEASHED

EatJin: WE'RE GOING TO A DEEPER LEVEL OF HELL

-----------

Suga: WHO THE F U C K LEFT PORN PLAYING ON THE TV IN THE LOUNGE ROOM

Suga: who?????????????????????

Suga: why?????????????????????

Suga: spawn of satan????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Gukles: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Suga: you piece of shit

Suga: oh my god the video has bts lookalikes where did you even find this

Gukles: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Suga: fuck you.

------------

Angel: .... yeah yoongi lost

Suga: I am a weak, weak man.

Gukles: what a shame ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Suga: I'm breaking up with you

Gukles: no you're not

Suga: ......................

Suga: no I'm not :(

EatJin: yoongi if I can't get your fucking jizz stain out of the lounge room carpet I'm throwing you off the tallest building I can find

Suga: .............................. whoops ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-------------

Hobi: which demon is moaning erotically like that?

Hobi: begone, demon

EatJin: sounds like Jungkook?

Joonie: but jungkook is asleep in the lounge room with yoongi?

Suga: guess who's about to finish what looks like a VERY satisfying dream?

EatJin: NO? lmao

Angel: god the poor things can't catch a fucking break

Angel: this is so funny

TaeCum: I just walked in

TaeCum: god he's beautiful to watch

Suga: waiting for him to cum is genuinely fucking erotic in its own right

Suga: I'd highly suggest anyone still in the competition stay far away because this is sinful

TaeCum: ugh

EatJin: jesus christ even hearing about it is turning me on

EatJin: I'm actually in hell

Suga: he just orgasmed

Hobi: we

Hobi: we could hear

Joonie: fuck

Joonie: fuck

TaeCum: he's just woken up and he's all squirmy and oversensitive and a little bit confused and emotional

TaeCum: bye everyone I have a maknae to look after

Suga: what Tae said^

EatJin: I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO LOSE A COMPETITION MORE IN MY GODDAMNED LIFE

Angel: HOLD STRONG HYUNG WE CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THIS

-------------

Joonie: hi I'm resigning from the competition

EatJin: huh?

Joonie: little space Jimin just sat on my lap and said "green light, daddy"

Joonie: no amount of bragging rights is gonna stop me or my dick right now so farewell

Hobi: well alright then

Hobi: guess jimin's out too, in that case

Suga: poor jimin, does little space count?

EatJin: his sexual subspace is more than old enough to know exactly what he's doing, so yes it counts as a loss in my book

TaeHung: I'm with jinnie on this one!

Hobi: looks like it's just you and me, Jin

EatJin: I'm going to destroy you.

Gukles: I can literally already feel the sexual tension radiating from the other room

Gukles: demons are now physically manifesting in the dorm

TaeCum: buckle in lads, this is gonna be a wild ride

----------------

3 Days Later

Joonie: can one of you please just give up??????

EatJin: never

Angel: but both of you are so damned grumpy AND horny

Angel: I can deal with one or the other

Gukles: if I have to deal with @Hobi staring at my thighs, whimpering, and then shouting "fuck you for existing" one more time I'm gonna slip Viagra in both of your drinks and end this once and for all

Hobi: you wouldn't

TaeCum: he would, and I'd join him

TaeCum: I nearly have bruises on my hands from when Jimin did the splits at the studio, and Jin grabbed me and whispered "hold my hands or I'm gonna touch my dick to that beautiful fucking sight"

TaeCum: at the time? hilarious

TaeCum: but ouchie

EatJin: sorry about that babe

TaeCum: no problem

Gukles: seriously, you've both proved your point - you both have the most willpower out of all of us

Suga: and I apparently have less than Jungkook

Suga: honestly I'm not that shocked

Joonie: lmao

EatJin: yes but we need to prove who's the best out of the two of us

Hobi: ^it's a matter of honour

Suga: idiots

----------

4 Days Later

Joonie: Hobi you can't just snap at Sejin like that

Hobi: he tried to touch yoongi

Suga: he was putting his hand on my shoulder to move me out of the way of the sound guys carrying equipment

Hobi: he was making a move I fuckng swear he was

Angel: god you need some relief please for the love of all that is good

Hobi: I'll orgasm when I'm in hell, and I'm the winner

EatJin: yeah fuck you BUDDY

Hobi: FIGHT ME

Gukles: THE COMPETITION WASN'T SUPPOSED TO DO THIS

------------

1 Week Later

Angel: I brushed up against Jin and he screamed

Angel: he started calling me a "devil of temptation" and a "succubus"

Angel: I literally just touched his arm for like .3 seconds?

Suga: we've lost them both

TaeCum: they're ghosts of their former selves

-------------

2 Days Later

Gukles: Jin has been walking around the dorm all day hard as a rock?

Gukles: like he hasn't gone soft once?

Gukles: isn't that medically dangerous?

Joonie: yup

Joonie: I tried to ask about it and he scolded me for mentioning it

Joonie: apparently giving it attention "gives it power he is now too weak to control"

Angel: holy shit lmao

--------------

1 Week Later

Suga: IT'S OVER

Suga: HALLELUJAH IT'S FINALLY OVER

Joonie: oh thank  G O D

Angel: how??? who lost????

Suga: I... actually have no idea?

Suga: Hobi said "fuck I need to pee"

Suga: Jinnie said "god I need someone to ram me"

Suga: they both gasped

Suga: stared at each other

Suga: and then jumped each other at exactly the same time?

Suga: they're fucking on the ground beneath me as I type

Suga: it's insane

Suga: intense

Suga: I think poor hobi is actually sobbing in happiness

Suga: and they're definitely not going to last as long as they usually do

Suga: SHIT THEY JUST CAME AT EXACTLY THE SAME MOMENT I LITERALLY CANNOT TELL YOU WHO WON????????????????????????????????????????????????

Angel: let's just give them both the crown and bragging rights and be done with it

Joonie: ^I don't mind doing 2 favours instead of one

Gukles: does that mean I can finally have sex with them again???????? OH HAPPY DAY

TaeCum: THANK FUCKING GOD

------------

1 Day Later

Hobi: so Jin and I proved we have equal willpower and stamina

Hobi: I have a new question

Hobi: who can cum the most times in a row?

TaeCum: me!

TaeCum: I shoot quick but recover quick too

Gukles: I think you'll find I am the one who can orgasm the most over the course of the day!!!

TaeCum: yeah you fucking wish buddy

Joonie: no no NO WE ARE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN STOP IT IMMEDIATELY

 

 

Chapter Text

EatJin has logged in.

EatJin has entered group chat: "Horny Assholes"

EatJin: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GRAB LITTLE JIMIN HE RAN OFF WITH TOYS HE SHOULDN'T

Joonie: ? He and Yoongi share toys, there's nothing he isn't allowed to play with?

EatJin: T O Y S, NAMJOON

Joonie: ?

Joonie: oh.

Joonie: OH

Joonie: OH SHIT

Suga: HE JUST RAN PAST ME AND SOMETHING IS VIBRATING I AM CONCERNED

Suga: HE'S CACKLING

Suga: I JUST HEARD HIM YELL THAT HE'S GOT TO SHOW "UNCLE SEJIN" HIS BRAND NEW TOY

Hobi: OH MY GOD SOMEBODY STOP HIM FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

EatJin: WHY IS THE LITTLE BASTARD SO HARD TO CATCH???????

TaeCum: godDAMNIT I had a hold of him but he started pouting and whimpering and I let go because I thought I'd hurt him and he laughed and said "tricked you" and ran off???????????????

TaeCum: I've been fooled by a 3 year old?????

TaeCum: a diabolical 3 year old??????????

Gukles: ksdfigojsed fucking ow

EatJin: what happened?

Hobi: Gukkie was napping on the lounge and Chim decided to wake him up by pegging a dildo at his head

Hobi: oh my fucking god this is so funny I never want this to end

Gukles: :( it was the big one too >:\

EatJin: remind me to make fun of you for that later

Hobi: I won't ever let anyone forget, don't worry

EatJin: bless

TaeCum: wait, where's he gone?

TaeCum: has anyone got visuals on the Little Shit?

Joonie: I can't find him anywhere wtf

EatJin: if he's gotten out of the dorm I'm retiring and becoming a celibate monk this is too much for me

Hobi: drama queen

Suga: hang on guys I swear I can still hear the vibrating?

Suga: where's it coming from?

TaeCum: ..................found him lmao

TaeCum: he fell asleep in the linen closet

TaeCum: good thing, too, I think this is the only way we'd get his new "toys" off of him without a tantrum

Joonie: little jimin is like x10 wilder than adult jimin

Joonie: I love him

Joonie: I'm exhausted

Joonie: but I love him

EatJin: MOOD

Suga: how did he get a hold of those anyway?

Suga: we keep those well hidden

EatJin: I had some of them out

EatJin: and I didn't notice him come into my room as I was................................distracted

Gukles: """""""""""""""""""""""""distracted"""""""""""""""""""""

EatJin: shut it kid you know exactly what I'm implying

Gukles: oh ho ho yes I do, and I'd very much like to be invited next time ;)

EatJin: or you'll cry?

Gukles: ........... no

EatJin: because you don't like being left out?

Gukles: ............................ok fine yes pls invite me next time I am just a sensitive lil boy, you don't even have to let me be involved I just like to watch

EatJin: of course, idiot <3

Hobi: call out post for @EatJin

EatJin: I'm already online dumbass there was no need to tag me

Hobi: shut

Hobi: anyways

Hobi: seriously why the FUCK were you using those toys alone???????????????

Hobi: you have SIX BOYFRIENDS WHO ARE ALL DEEPLY PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO YOU AND EACH OTHER

EatJin: if I didn't know better, I'd say you were jealous of me using the toys too, Hobi

Hobi: don't be ridiculous

Hobi: I just don't really see the appeal of using them solo as often as you do

EatJin: I like a bit of alone time, that's no crime

EatJin: plus, I've never met a man who refuses to appreciate toys like you do, babe

TaeCum: hey, that's true!

TaeCum: I've never seen you use one outside of group stuff, and even then you never suggest using them!

TaeCum: suspicious

Hobi: idk it's not that deep guys

Joonie: if I had to take a bet, it's because out of all of us, you're definitely the biggest dom

Joonie: perhaps you're uncomfortable with the idea of toys because you feel they're competition?

Hobi: are you seriously psychoanalyzing me over sex toys right now?!

Suga: this is a good conspiracy theory I like it

Gukles: agreed^

TaeCum: you both would.

Hobi: IT'S NOT THAT DEEP I'M JUST NOT A MASSIVE FAN

EatJin: GUYS NEW THEORY

Gukles: ooooooooooooh do tell!!!

Hobi: omfg

EatJin: hobi definitely enjoys bottoming the least out of all of us

Hobi: that's not fair! I like it, I just like topping more! it's called a preference you weirdos

EatJin: maybe that's because he never experimented with toys and thus doesn't know WHAT he enjoys as a submissive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suga: [x-files theme playing in the distance]

Hobi: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS OH MY G O D

Joonie: we should TEACH HIM

Gukles: outstanding idea, what do you suggest?

Joonie: toys

Joonie: lots and lots of them

Joonie: unless...........................Hobi thinks he's too weak to handle it........................ no shame in that at all..........................

Hobi: .......

Hobi: I'm not falling for that

Joonie: sure of course :) I totally understand :) we all do :) it's definitely not because you're scared, right? :)

Hobi: .......

Hobi: fuck

Hobi: fine

Hobi: bring it on, assholes

Hobi: I've already proven I have the most stamina out of everyone in the group

EatJin: TIED for the most equal stamina, excuse you

Hobi: sorry babe, tied for equal stamina

Hobi: I'm not afraid of some silly little toys

Hobi: I'm the best dom of the group, and I can be the best goddamn sub there is too

Suga: nobody tell Jimin he said that

Gukles: I like being alive, so no I won't tell him

Joonie: HE HAS ACCEPTED THE CHALLENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joonie: ONE. OF. US. ONE. OF. US. ONE. OF. US.

Hobi: guys stop chanting out loud it's scary

Hobi: and weird

Hobi: and you'll wake Jimin

TaeCum: ONE. OF. US. ONE. OF. US.

Hobi: ugh

Joonie: JUNG HOSEOK

Joonie: do you submit to your loving boyfriends?

Joonie: will you accept to being treated in any way we see fit?

Joonie: will you follow all rules and instructions to the letter?

Hobi: ................................................ I want a divorce

Joonie: ANSWER THE QUESTION

Hobi: fine, just to prove a point that I CAN handle toys, I just don't WANT to, YES I accept

Joonie: words?

Hobi: Red light for stop, yellow light for pause/slow down/discuss, green light for good to go

Joonie: EXCELLENT.

Joonie: YOU WIN IF YOU CAN GET THROUGH ALL OF OUR TRIALS WITHOUT ADMITTING THAT TOYS CAN SOMETIMES BE JUST AS GOOD OR CREATE UNIQUE EXPERIENCES

Hobi: i'll never admit it

Hobi: I WILL WIN THIS

Joonie: LET THE GAMES B E G I N

----------

Angel has logged in.

Angel has entered group chat: "Horny Assholes"

Angel: damnit you guys I nap for an hour and miss THIS?

Angel: I always miss all the fun :'(

Gukles: before you went to sleep you WERE the fun, in our defense

Angel: ............. don't recall

TaeCum: sorry babe the contest just kinda happened

Angel: i'll forgive you all if I'm allowed to go first with Hobi?

Joonie: deal!

Angel: ( ´థ౪థ)

Hobi: I'm suddenly afraid for my life

-----------

3 Hours Later

EatJin: @Angel can we come into your room yet?

EatJin: the noises have been getting progressively more terrifying and I'd very much like to see with my own two eyes that both you and Hobi are still, ya know, alive

Angel: only if you're quiet, Hoseok is out like a light

Suga: jesus

Suga: what did you DO to him?

Angel: tied him to the headboard, blindfolded him, and then used our collection of fleshlights on him

Suga: ALL of them?

Angel: yup

Angel: I mean not all at once obviously

Angel: I spent hours mixing and matching, taking one off and immediately putting another one on

Angel: using one to get him close to climax and then taking it off and leaving him lying there for 5 minutes

Angel: and because of the blindfold, he never knew which one was coming or what to expect next

Angel: had no way of preparing or readying himself

Angel: he was a weeping, begging mess by the end of it tbh

Angel: a perfect lil sub

Joonie: fucking hell

Gukles: holy shit that sounds like fun

Gukles: did you break him, though?

Angel: ugh, nope

Angel: the stubborn asshole cleared his throat and said "that was alright I suppose, thanks jimin, goodnight" and rolled over and went to sleep

Angel: as if I hadn't seen him sobbing and begging for relief just 10 minutes prior

TaeCum: stubborn

EatJin: would we love him if he wasn't?

TaeCum: ............well, now im all mushy and soft on top of being horny THANKS Jin

EatJin: you're welcome ;D

Joonie: hahahaha Jin's right, his stubbornness is part of who he is <3

Joonie: anyway, who's next up?

EatJin: i'll go next if nobody minds?

Suga: go for it!

Gukles: ^what hyung said

Joonie: what have you got planned?

EatJin: you'll see :)

Joonie: terrifying

Joonie: and hot

Joonie: why are you ALWAYS hot??????

EatJin: :)

------------

The Next Day

EatJin: do you give up yet, @Hobi ? :)

Hobi: nah

EatJin: S T U B B O R N

TaeCum: Jin, I've seen you fucking Hobi like 10 times today - either yourself or using a toy, but I'm not really sure where the trial comes in?

TaeCum: unless you're just trying to exhaust him AND yourself AND all our toys?

EatJin: he's got a cage on :)

EatJin: no matter how aroused he is, he can't get hard

EatJin: he's cum dry like 15 times today

EatJin: it's LITERAL torture lmao

Hobi: nope totally fine I've barely even noticed a thing :)

Hobi: hell, were you even inside me once today?

Hobi: You're so tiny I couldn't even tell tbh

Joonie: WOW OK SAVAGE

EatJin: i'll ignore that as I know you're dying inside :)

Hobi: you wish :)

Angel: [nervous laughter]

--------------

Private Chat: Seok1 and Seok2

Seok2: I'M SORRY THAT WAS TOO FAR YOU'RE NOT TINY

Seok1: LMAO I knew you couldn't maintain that mean streak for too long

Seok1: you're just too nice

Seok1: it's fine hobi I know it was just banter ;)

Seok1: seriously tho how are you holding up?

Seok1: Traffic lights?

Seok2: green light babe don't you worry

Seok2: I mean I'm actually fucking suffering this is hell

Seok2: but like............ GOOD hell?

Seok2: (don't tell the others)

Seok1: LMAO I wont

Seok2: but I'm not uncomfortable, I'm having fun, I like being the center of attention!

Seok1: ok baby, I'm really happy to hear that

Seok1: there's no shame in giving up at all

Seok1: if you ever want to give up but feel embarrassed, tell me and I'll make this whole competition go away without anyone saying a damned word to you

Seok2: you're a fucking angel and I love you

Seok2: but no seriously I'm having fun, I don't want to stop!

Seok1: I love you too :D

------------------

Group Chat: "Horny Assholes"

EatJin: Hobi got through the whole day without giving up on my trial

EatJin: I have been bested

Hobi: I'm not above saying "I told you so"

Hobi: so

Hobi: ha, I told you so

TaeCum: I wouldn't act so smug, sweetheart

Hobi: and why's that?

TaeCum: because tomorrow, you're mine

TaeCum: and I've been planning to use this on someone to see how long they can hold out LONG before this competition started

TaeCum: I just never had an excuse to try it :)

Hobi: ...

Hobi: you're bluffing

TaeCum: am I?

Hobi:

 

Angel: I'm an experienced sub and I just felt fear at whatever Tae's got planned

Joonie: prayer circle for Hobi

EatJin: he will be missed

Hobi:

Chapter Text

Hobi has logged in.

Hobi has entered group chat: "Horny Assholes"

Hobi: good morning my trash children

Hobi: @TaeCum we've got a radio interview this afternoon, so whatever your diabolical plans are for me, you'd better start now so we can be finished before we leave.

TaeCum: oh my sweet, naïve lover

EatJin: ominous

Gukles: I am straight up afraid for Hoseok's life I'm not gonna lie

TaeCum: you think you'll get a break just because we're out in public?

TaeCum: cute

TaeCum: I know about your exhibitionism kink

Hobi:

Angel: OI

Hobi: so what IS your plan, then?

Joonie: come on babe, don't leave us in suspense

EatJin: I need to KNOW

TaeCum: oh no, I want to share my genius idea with the world

TaeCum: my new toy?

TaeCum: A two section vibrator - ones goes inside you, one wraps around your dick - all of it vibrates.

Angel: oh my GOD

Suga: jesus

TaeCum: the remote? I have it

TaeCum: with it I can control which section vibrates, if at all, and at what intensity

TaeCum: which could very well mean both sections at once at full intensity, if I'm so inclined.

TaeCum: and trust me when I say it gets intense because of course I used it on myself first for testing purposes <3

Gukles: I mean aw cute babe but also oh shit

Hobi: [nervous laughter]

Angel: honestly that doesn't sound TOO bad?

TaeCum: oh certainly, until you remember I'm coupling it with his love of exhibitionism, AND if I haven't broken him by this afternoon?

Hobi:...?

TaeCum: I'm bringing out the paddle for some spanking while the toy is still on you.

TaeCum: well, I was hoping Namjoon would take care of that part - he's quite talented at turning people into sobbing messes on his lap

Gukles: boy is he ever

Joonie: fucking gladly >:)

Hobi:

Gukles: STOP USING REACTION IMAGES OF OTHER PEOPLE

Hobi: make me

Suga: hot.

---------------

2 Hours Later

EatJin: how are you coping so far @Hobi?

Hobi: not so bad - it's more overwhelming than anything

TaeCum: I haven't even hit the medium setting yet tho

Hobi: yeah I'm gonna die

Hobi: farewell lovers

Joonie: au revoir

----------------

That Afternoon

Joonie: okie my dudes we're ready to head off to the interview, get your asses in the van

Joonie: @Suga at least pretend to be excited to be awake

Suga: no.

Joonie: @Hobi you alive baby?

Hobi: uhfdsifh yes whatever lets just go it's fine

Angel: I can see you sweating from here

Hobi: I SAID IT'S FINE

Angel: How many times have you cum already?

Angel: your pants must look like an absolute mess

Hobi: BOY DO YOU WANNA DIE TODAY

Angel: nevermind.

----------------

TaeCum: I think @Hobi forgot to speak Korean so hard he accidentally successfully spoke fluent English instead?

EatJin: "so Hoseok, where did your love of dance stem from?" "ngsjodefis hello nice to meet you I am definitely Jung Hoseok, a whole person who is alive"

Hobi: L I S T E N

Hobi: I am doing my BEST under the circumstances

Hobi: also Tae turned up the intensity RIGHT as the interviewer started speaking to me, what do you expect?!

TaeCum: I would never

TaeCum: I've never done a single thing wrong in my whole entire life ever?

TaeCum: the audacity?

Joonie: convincing babe

TaeCum: I thought so

Hobi: ASSHOLE

Angel: @Joonie how long is this break?

Joonie: 1 hour for dinner, and then we're back in the studio to record some teasers and greetings for the radio station

EatJin: good, time to stuff my face

Gukles: and watch Hobi suffer

EatJin: that too

---------------

30 Minutes Later

Gukles: has anyone seen Hobi?

TaeCum: uuuuuuuh last time I saw him I turned the toy up to full intensity?

EatJin: he was going to get a drink I think?

Hobi: yellow light please

Hobi: I'm really sorry but yellow light?

TaeCum: I just turned it off, where are you babe? What's wrong?

Joonie: are you ok?

Hobi: it's too much

Hobi: I don't like bottoming bc I'm sensitive

Hobi: like really sensitive

Hobi: my prostate can only deal with really gentle stuff

Hobi: anything more than that edges into pain and I really don't like pain I'm so sorry

Hobi: I tried to play along

Hobi: but the toy is too much I'm so so sorry I ruined things

TaeCum: oh my god sweetheart

TaeCum: never ever ever apologise for using your words, ever

TaeCum: come back to the dressing room I'll help you take the toy off

Hobi: no no I don't wanna STOP just make it less intense I can still play I promise

Joonie: baby you're crying, this has upset you

Joonie: I personally don't feel comfortable continuing anymore

Joonie: especially because it looks very much like you're only agreeing to continue to make us happy

EatJin: if you're as uncomfortable as you really seem we stop right now, Hoseok, no ifs or buts

EatJin: please don't pretend for our sakes?

Hobi: ok

Hobi: ok red light

Hobi: please get this off me, this toy is too much for me I'm really sore

Angel: oh honey

Angel: why didn't you tell us earlier?

Hobi: I didn't want to tell people why I really prefer topping

Hobi: idk it feels like there's something wrong with my body I don't know how to explain it

Hobi: plus, I DID like the fleshlight and cage stuff - anything which doesn't stimulate my prostate is fine honestly

Hobi: I concede defeat on that - some toys do enhance the experience and are good I promise

Hobi: but it's just been easier to keep ALL toys away so I don't have to explain why I'd prefer not to use CERTAIN ones if that makes sense?

Hobi: but I don't like inserting stuff like that, I can only handle bottoming to you guys when you're being gentle

Gukles: oh my god how have we not noticed that before?

Hobi: I'm good at hiding it. Plus I do genuinely love topping

Suga: baby there is NOTHING wrong with your body AT ALL

Suga: not everyone feels pleasure in the same way

Suga: I just wish you'd told us earlier, we could have made your experiences so much better <3

Suga: and we DEFINITELY wouldn't have egged you on about this silly, pointless game

Hobi: sex with you guys is as perfect as it can get, don't you worry <3

Joonie: I feel really guilty about pressuring you into this game now

Joonie: Hobi I'm so sorry baby

Hobi: no don't apologise!!!! I really did want to play and I enjoyed the earlier stuff! I thought maybe I could cope but I just got overwhelmed

EatJin: thank you for using your safe word and telling us sweetheart <3

Hobi: I'm embarrassed, none of you have had to use a safe word before

Gukles: THERE WILL BE NO SHAME IN USING SAFE WORDS IN MY GOOD CHRISTIAN SUBURBS

Angel: LOL what Gukkie said

EatJin: I think

EatJin: we let Sejin know Hobi isn't well, fly through these scripts like mad people, and then take our man home for some pampering

Suga: how does a massage sound baby?

Suga: you said you were sore? I promise I'll be gentle

Hobi: gdhnfwi please you're gonna make me cry more

Joonie: anywAY I LOVE JUNG HOSEOK ONE OF MY SIX BOYFRIENDS I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HE MAKES ME SO HAPPY THANKS FOR LISTENING TO MY TED TALK

Hobi: stoooooooooooooooooooooop

Gukles: god I'm so glad Hobi trusts us enough to tell his six loving boyfriends the truth about some of his sexual preferences!!

EatJin: why I totally agree, good sir!!!

EatJin: now we can all happily provide him with even more pleasurable and loving experiences specifically catered to his likes and dislikes!! wow that makes me feel so warm and happy and excited I can't wait to be a part of this!!!!!! I love him and all of you!!!!

Hobi: fuCK YOU GUYS I'M CRYING AGAIN

TaeCum: we love you <3

Angel: so much <3

Hobi: I'M LEAVING THE BAND THIS IS TOO MUCH

Hobi: I'M SO IN LOVE

Hobi: who gave you all the RIGHT?!

-----------

A Few Hours Later

Private Chat: Sejin and Namjoon

Sejin: is Hoseok feeling better?

Namjoon: much better!

Namjoon: jin and tae just got him into the bath now

Namjoon: thank you for checking up on him! :)

Sejin: are you sure I can't send for a doctor?

Namjoon: this really isn't the kind of illness a doctor can help with :)

Sejin: ..............

Sejin: I knew I shouldn't have asked

Sejin: as long as he's ok

Sejin: weirdos

Namjoon: <3

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text

TaeCum has logged into "Horny Assholes"

TaeCum has changed the group chat name to "Yiff Yiff Motherfuckers"

TaeCum: so who wants to collar me and tell me im a good boy, assholes?

Angel: your furry fetish went from 0 to 100 over the last few months

Angel: its fucking great

Angel: live ya life

TaeCum: only god can judge me

TaeCum: now, who's coming?

TaeCum: i need to be eaten out and also forced into choker and also petted and also shoved into a cage and also cuddled

TaeCum: in no particular order

Angel: everyone else is busy

Angel: I'm coming

Angel: you fucking weirdo

Angel: make sure Eight is locked out of your room before we start 

Angel: i always feel like he's judging us when we get into your pet play stuff

TaeCum: LMAO

---------------

30 Minutes Later

Suga: so I just walked into tae's room to find a suspiciously puppy like tae merrily dry humping a little-jimin

Suga: jimin was giggling and yelling about tae being a "naughty puppy - stop licking!!!"

Suga: i stayed long enough to make sure that little Jimin had consented and knew exactly what was happening 

Suga: and then backed the fuck out 

Suga: this is why god has abandoned humanity

Suga: the rapture is coming

EatJin: you sound pretty judgmental for a guy who asked me and Kookie to fuck him into unconsciousness not 4 hours ago

Suga: yeah but...

Suga: VANILLA unconsciousness 

Hobi: vanilla?

Hobi: in my household?

Hobi: i think the fuck not

--------------

Hobi: i wanna dance on someone's dick to the tune of despacito

Joonie: you've certainly changed your tune about bottoming

Hobi: y'all have treated me right since i told you all what i did and didnt enjoy

Hobi: i think im addicted now tbh

Hobi: fuck me g e n t l y to the tune of despacito

Joonie: hobi: "no vanilla shit in this household"

Joonie: also hobi: "somebody please make love to me gently"

Hobi: are you coming to make love to me or should I ask someone else???

Joonie: coming baby

Hobi: yay! (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc)

Gukles: mmmm soft

Gukles: i love it

-------------

TaeCum: so who wants to take me to the hospital?

Suga: wtf

EatJin: what's wrong???

TaeCum: so jiminie fell asleep

TaeCum: and my dumb ass

TaeCum: without supervision 

TaeCum: not that little jimin really counts as supervision but that's neither here nor there

TaeCum: ANYWAY

TaeCum: long story short

Gukles: GET TO THE POINT

TaeCum: right

TaeCum: sorry

TaeCum: um

TaeCum: i stuck one of my chew toys up my ass

TaeCum: the one shaped like a stick

TaeCum: no flared base, you see

EatJin: its stuck, isn't it?

TaeCum: its stuck.

TaeCum: also Jimin has woken up and he won't stop laughing at me

Angel: this is the best day of my life

EatJin: oh my god 

Suga: tae i love you so much you fucking idiot 

TaeCum: thanks for your support babe

EatJin: i don't wanna interrupt joon and hobi, they're having a romantic moment

EatJin: but we can't just go to any random hospital either

Gukles: if this ever got out we'd be doomed

Angel: well, Taehyung would be doomed

TaeCum: RIDE OR DIE JIMIN

TaeCum: IF I GO DOWN I'M TAKING YOU ALL WITH ME 

Angel: I don't want this to be my legacy

Suga: so what do you think we should do @EatJin ?

EatJin: I'll message Sejin and ask him to send a discrete doctor to the dorm

EatJin: the less people who know about this the better lmao

TaeCum: sounds good but MAKE IT QUICK MY ASS HURTS 

Gukles: am i allowed to make fun of him yet?

Suga: wait until AFTER the toy is out

Gukles: ugh but I'm impatient

Angel: arent we all

TaeCum: JERKS

-------------

Private Chat: Sejin and Seokjin

Seokjin: well hello there

Sejin: .............. who died?

Seokjin: no one? 

Seokjin: can't i just come have a casual conversation with my favourite manager ever in the whole wide world i love you?

Sejin: what's wrong.

Seokjin: so we need a doctor sent to the dorm

Seokjin: a doctor who knows how to remove objects from assholes and also knows how to keep their mouth shut

Sejin: ......

Sejin: yeah I know someone i think, I'll send them over

Seokjin: urgently, if possible 

Sejin: are you in pain?

Seokjin: oh no it's not me

Sejin: sure

Sejin: it's "not you"

Sejin: is your "friend" in pain, then?

Seokjin: NO SERIOUSLY IT'S NOT ME

Seokjin: taehyung shoved a dog toy up his ass

Seokjin: uh

Seokjin: i mean

Seokjin: i didn't say that oh my god

Seokjin: no names were mentioned

Sejin: THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR MAKING A JOKE 

Sejin: MORE INFORMATION THAN I EVER NEEDED TO KNOW 

Sejin: I HATE BTS

Seokjin: no you don't 

Sejin: no i dont

Sejin: ugh

Sejin: the doctor is on her way

--------------------

Group Chat: Yiff Yiff Motherfuckers

EatJin I'm writing a song

EatJin: it's just gonna be an apology to Sejin

EatJin: new title track confirmed

TaeCum: you didn't tell him everything, did you?!

EatJin: his powers of interrogation were too strong

TaeCum: I CAN NEVER LOOK HIM IN THE EYES AGAIN

Angel: you could before???

Joonie: Hobi and i have a little bit of alone time and @TaeCum develops a sudden interest in extreme body modification

Joonie: i'm not even mad i'm mostly just impressed

TaeCum: don't play me like this, yo

---------------------

1 Hour Later

TaeCum: the toy is out

TaeCum: i think i have a crush on the very nice non-judgmental doctor lady

TaeCum: and nobody is to ever mention it again ever

TaeCum: this never happened

TaeCum: my ass is sore for no particular reason that has absolutely nothing to do with anything

Hobi: of course

Hobi: i don't even know what you're talking about

TaeCum: thank you

Gukles: HEY GUYS REMEMBER WHEN @TaeCum GOT A DOG TOY STUCK UP HIS ASS??????????

Gukles: do you remember??? i remember????

TaeCum: you're the fucking worst

Gukles: jin thinks i'm funny

EatJin: I'm always down for some gentle, loving bullying

Joonie: we know

Angel: hey @Gukles have you told Yugyeom about all this?

Suga: gkjsofjLGJRLIGJE LMAO IT'S ALWAYS THE QUIET ONES

Gukles: i haven't

Gukles: but i totally could

TaeCum: [silently screaming into the void]

TaeCum: PLEASE DON'T TELL HIM

Gukles: (((i won't really babe don't worry))))

Suga: truly the gentlest, most loving bullying

Hobi: pure

TaeCum: i need a nap.

------------

Byun Baekhyun has logged in

Private Chat: Bae and Tae

Bae: you there?

Tae: henlo my dude i am here

Bae: you ever been in love?

Bae: like seriously, deeply, properly in love?

Tae: yeah.

Tae: yeah I have :)

Tae: if you promise not to tell anyone, I'll even confess that I still am ;)

Bae: oh.

Bae: how

Bae: how did you know?

Tae: I didn't - they told me they had feelings for me and I sort of went "oh shit. Maybe I have those same feelings. That explains some things, actually."

Bae: LOL

Bae: do you mind me asking who?

Tae: oooh that's a bit of a secret i'm afraid :)

Tae: the life of an idol hahahaha

Bae: yeah i understand haha

Tae: why all the sudden questions about love?

Bae: oh

Bae: just sorta questioning the life plan society laid down for me

Bae: find a wife, have some kids, etc

Bae: i'm not thinking about anyone in particular :)

Tae: oh haha

Tae: deep lol

Bae: yah hahaha

Bae: sorry to bother you

Bae: gotta go!!

Tae: bye! :)

-------------

Group Chat: "Yiff Yiff Motherfuckers"

TaeCum: hmmmmm.

TaeCum: 

Gukles: what, did you get another dog toy stuck up your ass?

TaeCum: hgirjdtpgoejfr I'M NEVER TELLING ANY OF YOU ANYTHING AGAIN

Chapter Text

Kim Namjoon has logged in.

Kim Namjoon has entered Private Chat: Joonles and Jeonles

Joonles: you look absolutely fucking beautiful in your cute little skirt today sweetheart 

Joonles: i don't know whether i wanna pick you up and cuddle you or run my hands up your thighs under your skirt until i find your sweet little lace panties 

Jeonles: oh 

Jeonles: thanks

Jeonles: thank you

Joonles:  ...

Joonles: did you just throw yourself from the lounge to the floor and start squealing?

Jeonles: no of course not

Joonles: i saw you do it through the very widely opened lounge room door

Jeonles: oh.

Jeonles: i didnt realise that was open

Jeonles: uh i mean

Jeonles: ... that was the OTHER person in the dorm that looks like me and wears skirts

Jeonles: I'd never throw myself to the floor and squeal like a school girl with a crush

Joonles: oh, so you're saying you don't have a crush on me? :(

Jeonles: WHAT

Jeonles: NO

Jeonles: I'M A BIG DUMB IDIOT WITH SIX BIG DUMB CRUSHES THAT ISNT WHAT I MEANT AT ALL

Joonles: lmao i know i was just teasing

Jeonles: fucking bully

Jeonles: i liked it better when you were complimenting me

Joonles: i wanna put a pretty little bow in your hair and then cum all over it and your face

Jeonles: ... oh.

---------------

Group Chat: "Yiff Yiff Motherfuckers"

EatJin: @Joonie i can hear you getting up to something with jungkook

EatJin: if you destroy the skirt he's wearing today i will never forgive you its my favourite one

Hobi: i get the feeling neither of them will see that message until way too late

EatJin: ugh

Suga: guys, I had the worst dream

TaeCum: are you ok, baby?

Suga: I just

Suga: you know how my Sad(tm) episodes have gotten much better lately? Much less often, and shorter when they do happen? Since I've been seeing someone and taking the right meds, and now that I have all of you idiots here to support me through the worst of it

Hobi: idiots? i prefer dumbasses. 

Hobi: but yes, we know love

Suga: well I had this awful dream last night.

Suga: that i went into the deepest hole i've ever been in

Suga: it was like i was locked in a room.

Suga: no. it was like had locked myself in a room

Suga: I could hear all of you, outside the room, laughing and dancing and singing

Suga: i wanted to open the door and come join you

Suga: i missed you all so much, but i just didn't have the energy to move

Suga: in the dream, it felt like i had locked myself away for months

Suga: but i just couldn't convince myself to get up and leave

Suga: the longer i stayed, the more i worried i became about what i missed

Suga: i felt so overwhelmed and alone

Suga: i was terrified at how much energy it would take to relearn your names, your faces, your smiles, your laughs

Suga: so i stayed longer

Suga: and forgot more

Suga: until i could barely even remember how much happiness any of you had ever brought me

Suga: i couldn't hear our music anymore

EatJin: oh my god

EatJin: oh sweetheart, come here

EatJin: it was just a dream, it wasn't real

Suga: i know, i was so relieved when I woke up

Suga: it STILL felt like i'd been away for months

Suga: but i could remember you all

Suga: none of you had left me

Suga: my 6 boys

Suga: i couldn't ever forget you if i tried

Suga: i need a hug, is what i'm really saying here

Angel: you're getting hugs from all of us (except gukkie and joons, who are horny terrible boyfriends)

TaeCum: LOL

EatJin: I'm thinking we build a blanket fort and have a movie night?

Suga:.......................

Suga: YES PLEASE I HAVE NEVER WANTED ANYTHING MORE IN MY WHOLE LIFE

Suga: can we have POPCORN

EatJin: of course!

TaeCum: can we have mcdonalds?

Hobi: no.

TaeCum: TRANSPARENT FAVOURITISM

TaeCum: i demand a refund and better boyfriends

EatJin: 

TaeCum: deeply hurtful

Hobi: i'll pick up some mcdonalds for you, you giant dork

TaeCum:

Hobi: ok nvm no mcdonalds

TaeCum: WAIT NO I WAS ONLY JOKING PLEASE

Angel: jghsoiehfdgiszaef lmao he's already grabbed his wallet and gone to get you the food, tae, relax

TaeCum: i love him

Suga: sadness? what's that? 

Suga: i only know exasperation because i have six idiot boyfriends

EatJin: well that's just hurtful

EatJin: 5 idiot boyfriends, and 1 dumbass boyfriend

EatJin: you know hobi prefers that word

Suga: shit, you're right

---------------

Gukles: jesus CHRIST yoongi that's some heavy shit

Joonie:^ i feel like that's the kind of emotional shit you could have interrupted our session for

Gukles: i mean i'm glad you didn't

Joonie: jungkook

Gukles: uh i mean

Gukles: yeah man, what joon said, you totally should have interrupted us so we could all support you

Suga: you're a terrible liar gukkie

Gukles: i have no regrets

Joonie: we're coming to help build the blanket fort now

EatJin: good, i need someone to help me finish the second floor balcony

Gukles: second floor balcony?!?!?

Joonie: um, @EatJin, what kind of blanket fort IS this?

EatJin: the best kind

Angel: GO BIG OR GO HOME

TaeCum: i just finished the chimney!!!

Joonie: i.

Joonie: ok.

Suga:

Suga: this is gonna be so good i'm so excited

Gukles: oh, well if YOONGI is excited about it, then i'm onboard 100%

Joonie: AGREED LET'S BUILD A 3RD FLOOR WOULD A 3RD FLOOR MAKE YOONGI HAPPY

----------------

A Few Hours Later

Hobi: well lads

Hobi: we did it

Hobi: we constructed a masterpiece

Joonie: a structurally sound masterpiece with working electricity and a tv, too. 

Joonie: i'm legitimately impressed

EatJin: surely this is going to be added to the list of wonders of the world, right?

EatJin: it'd be a crime not to

TaeCum: IT'S SO COMFY AND WARM IN HERE

TaeCum: i think Eight has decided this is his new home

Angel: i don't blame him

Angel: i'm about 5 seconds from falling asleep in here this place is perfect

Suga: i

Suga: thank you guys, it's perfect

Suga: now everyone get in here and cuddle my big whiny shithead ass

Gukles: such a complimentary description of your ass

Gukles: what do you guys wanna watch?

Suga: something silly and happy?

EatJin: something silly and happy it is, baby (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc)

Suga: (ノ´ヮ´)ノ*: ・゚

---------------

A Few Hours Later

TaeCum: anyone still awake in here?

TaeCum: no?

TaeCum: god this is the world's best cuddle pile

TaeCum: i'm so soft

TaeCum: i'm going to turn the movie off now

TaeCum: sleep well, my loves

----------------

Very Early The Next Morning

Suga has logged in

Suga has changed his nickname to "hellO!!!"

hellO!!!: Hi ECERYONE

Hobi: ... hi?

hellO!!!: its me yoongi!!! Do u memver me?

Hobi: why yes i DO remember you baby! It's so good to see you!!!

hellO!!!: fjdi thabk!! I lov youu

EatJin: we love you too, sweetheart

TaeCum: my little senses were tingling, i swear they woke me up

TaeCum: those instincts haven't failed me yet

Hobi: LOL

Angel: he's swinging his feet back and forth has he types into the group chat this is too fucking cute 

TaeCum: DONT SWEAR WHILE THERE'S A LITTLE READING THE CHAT

Angel: FUCK SORRY

Hobi: LOLx2

hellO!!!: i haddd fUn lat nite wiathing the movIe!!!!!!!

hellO!!!: tahnk upoiuy so mUCH!

Joonie: you're welcome, baby boy

Joonie: you're so welcome.

Angel: CAN I PLAY WITH YOONGI

EatJin: of COURSE you can play with yoongi, sweetheart

Angel: YAY BYE

Gukles: dghspieogjspoe lmao jimin literally threw his phone he was so excited i'm so in love someone hit me

TaeCum: i love this blanket fort can we never leave?

Hobi: sure, we live here now

TaeCum: outstanding

----------------

Private Chat: Sejin and Namjoon

Sejin: you ARE eventually going to have to take down the fort

Namjoon: OVER MY DEAD BODY

Sejin:...

Namjoon: sorry lol that was a bit dramatic

Namjoon: give us a few more days?

Namjoon: it's making yoongi happy and he needs it right now

Sejin: sure, kiddo

Sejin: whatever you need

Sejin: just...............stop cooking food it in, it's a fire hazard

Namjoon: but it's so COSY

-------------------

Group Chat: Yiff Yiff Motherfuckers

hellO!!! has logged in.

hellO!!! has changed his nickname to "AgustD"

AgustD: no one mention that ever again or i'll kill you

EatJin: but you were so cute

AgustD: i'll kill you

EatJin: what are you going to do, hug me to death?

AgustD: i remember a time when you all feared me

AgustD: i miss that

Hobi: yeah, we were idiots

Hobi: well, i personally was a dumbass actually

Hobi: but we learnt pretty soon that you're actually a soft little pile of mush and gummy smiles

TaeCum: who gives the BEST HUGS

TaeCum: even you glaring at me right now is cute (♥_♥)

AgustD: i will get my revenge one day

Joonie: sure thing baby

Joonie: want some ice cream?

AgustD: OOOOOH yes please!!!

Angel: me too me too!!!

EatJin: ♡´・ᴗ・`♡

 

Chapter Text

AgustD has logged into group chat: Yiff Yiff Motherfuckers

AgustD: my life has been threatened

Joonie: huh? what happened?

AgustD: i refused to laugh at one of seokjin's stupid dad jokes and he straight up pulled a knife on me

EatJin: this is slander.

EatJin: I already had the knife in my hand, I was making dinner

EatJin: i am innocent of all charges

AgustD: you waved it in my general direction!!!

EatJin: well next time you should laugh!!!

AgustD: try making a joke worth laughing over

Hobi: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!!!

Joonie:

EatJin: deeply hurtful

EatJin: my asshole is closed forever

EatJin: No Longer Property Of Yoongi(tm)

AgustD: well, that's a shame

AgustD: because my asshole is still Property of Seokjin (Plus A Few Others)(tm)

EatJin: omg... how romantic... the most romantic thing i've ever heard...

Gukles: can you please stop talking about assholes, it's putting me off my dinner

EatJin: first of all, you ate out my asshole last night, jungkook

EatJin: second of all, you just don't understand romance

Gukles: i hate you both

AgustD: no you don't

Gukles: no i don't

AgustD: (˶′◡‵˶)

------------

Hobi: who do you guys love more

Hobi: me or shrek

Joonie: well

Joonie: let's see

Hobi: WHY IS IT TAKING YOU SO LONG TO ANSWER

Joonie: i mean i have to weigh up the pros and cons here, baby

Joonie: shrek is love, shrek is life, hoseok

Joonie: that kind of love isn't something you just throw to the wayside

Hobi: i thought we had something special

Hobi: it's ogre

Hobi: i hope you and shrek are very happy together

Gukles: 

Gukles: enough

---------

AgustD: i dunno, i'm more partial to Donkey, myself

AgustD: that beautiful grey fur and annoying voice

AgustD: really gets me going

Gukles: P L E A S E  E N O U G H

EatJin: alright, alright, poor jungkook has suffered enough

Gukles: thank you

EatJin: plus we all know that @TaeCum is the furry so he should be most attracted to Donkey

Gukles: IJFGOIEWSHGNIKSNDFKLSZDNGBIKFJHNGIJNSDFR 

TaeCum: idk, have you seen Dragon?

Gukles: WHY ARE WE ALL LIKE THIS CAN'T WE JUST HAVE A NORMAL CONVERSATION FOR ONCE IN OUR LIVES

Hobi: says Jeon "hey guys it's 3:30am and i was just wondering if butterflies are capable of feeling love. I hope they can. it would be so sad if they aren't" Jungkook

Gukles: you can't hold that against me, i was drunk and overemotional

Joonie: you cried for 3 hours you were so worried about the emotional capacity of butterflies

Joonie: any time one of us tried to leave the room you cried harder

Joonie: we literally all had to sleep in a circle around you just to calm you down

Gukles: i

Gukles: i have no defense

Angel: oh so we're going to ignore the fact that @TaeCum happily admitted he'd fuck Dragon, are we?

TaeCum: hey.

TaeCum: if Donkey is allowed, I'm allowed

--------

Angel has logged into Group Chat: Yiff Yiff Motherfuckers.

Angel has changed group chat name to "Blanket Fort Society"

Angel: guys

Angel: guys

Angel: i have the world's most brilliant idea ever trust me on this

TaeCum: that definitely sounds like something that someone with the world's most brilliant idea ever would say

TaeCum: i'm listening

Angel: thank u for your support in this trying time

Joonie: 

Angel: Joon your mildly-annoyed-and-judgemental reaction images are not needed in this place of science and brilliant ideas

Angel: BE AS SUPPORTIVE AS TAEHYUNG PLS

Hobi: WE'RE LISTENING BABE what's your idea?

Angel: ( ˘ ³˘)♥ thank

Angel: well

Angel: u know how the blanket fort is 100% a permanent fixture in the dorm, never to be removed, will always stay there?

EatJin: oh yeah sure

Joonie: that's not true it's already been up for way too long sejin is breathing down my back muttering about "fire hazards"

Angel: who said that didn't hear a thing

Angel: anyway

Joonie:

Joonie: ignored, just like at interviews

Hobi: ( ˘ ³˘(◡‿◡˶)

Joonie: ...

Joonie: (^///^)

Angel: AS I WAS S A Y I N G

Angel: i think this fort is incredible and it makes us all happy, especially me and @AgustD when we're feeling a certain way if you know what i'm saying

EatJin: littles

EatJin: you're littles

EatJin: it's not a secret. you threw a tantrum yesterday because i wouldn't let you eat a lolly off the floor

Angel: sorry don't recall don't know you

Angel: ANYWAY X3

Angel: i think we should share in our joy

Angel: for I am a kind and benevolent god

Gukles: just get to the p o i n t

Angel: PUSHY

Angel: i wanna invite Yugyeom over for a playdate, if that's ok with you @Gukles? I think he'd really love it, and we haven't seen him in so long!!

Gukles: you absolute cutie

Gukles: you don't have to ask permission to hang out with yugy, he's everyone's friend, not just mine!!

Angel: yeah but he's your best friend

Gukles: you guys are my best friends

Gukles: he's my Other Best Friend.

Gukles: The one i, ya know, don't have sex with or consider myself married to

TaeCum: 

TaeCum: wasn't quite expecting you to just randomly break my heart like that, kook

TaeCum: give a man some warning next time 

Gukles: im love you

Hobi: WE LOVE YOU

Hobi: also thanks for clarifying "the one you don't have sex with" that was real necessary

Gukles: you never know

AgustD: wait, does that mean you're having sex with the rest of BTS? you're not exclusively dating me??? jungkook how could you?????

Gukles: i'M sO sOrRy I JUST DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU

AgustD:

Joonie: i'm so tired

Joonie: @Gukles just ask your idiot best friend to come hang out and have a sleepover, i'm getting coffee

Hobi: getting your own coffee? when you could make taehyung dress up in his maid costume and make the coffee for you? 

Hobi: get creative, namjoon!!!

Joonie: 

Joonie: you make a fair and reasonable point, my love

Joonie: taeh-

TaeCum: I'm already naked.

Joonie: FUCK

AgustD: 

EatJin:... sweetheart, maybe wait an hour or two before you invite Yugyeom over

Gukles: Duly noted.

---------

Much Later

Private Chat: Yeommie and Gukkie

Gukkie: oi

Yeommie: oi

Gukkie: we've built the world's greatest blanket fort

Gukkie: yoongi and jimin want you to come over and play

Yeommie: holy shit

Yeommie: i

Yeommie: that sounds incredible i

Yeommie: i really want to

Gukkie: I'm sensing a but?

Yeommie: me and the rest of got7 have had a hectic couple of weeks, and we set aside tonight for the seven of us to hang out and catch up and bond

Gukkie: orgy

Yeommie: WE LOVE EACH OTHER JUNGKOOK IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT THE SEX

Gukkie: gay

Gukkie: anyway, that's a shame :( we're going to have to take the fort down soon and we really didn't want you to miss out...............

Gukkie: oh well! guess there's nothing to be done! :)

Yeommie: oh..............oh no that is a shame i really wanna see it

Gukkie: spending time with your partners is way more important tho! Have a fantastic night!! Tell everyone i said hello!!

Yeommie: yeah..............of course.................. i love them way more than some silly blanket fort hahaha........................................................

Gukkie: :)

---------------

Group Chat: Blanket Fort Society

Hobi: @Gukles is yugy coming over? I wanna know how many snacks i should buy

Gukles: give me 5 more minutes :)

Hobi: uh. sure?

----------------

4 Minutes Later

Private Chat: Jinyoung and Jungkook

Jinyoung: you wouldn't happen to know anything about a Very Small Yugyeom demanding to cancel our "boring date" so he can go hang out with "his bestest friends bts in their castle" would you?

Jungkook: who me?

Jungkook: i'm sure i don't know what you're talking about :)

Jinyoung: you ain't slick

Jungkook: SEEING HIM WOULD MAKE YOONGI AND JIMIN HAPPY

Jungkook: I WON'T APOLOGISE

Jinyoung: ugh

Jinyoung: that's too cute for me to be mad at

Jinyoung: but I won't forget you ruined our date night

Jinyoung: and you will pay when you least expect it

Jungkook: sorry don't recall

Jinyoung: also, we all still want to hang out with him

Jinyoung: so we're coming to the sleepover too, jerk

Jungkook: ...

Jungkook: i better tell hobi to buy more snacks

Chapter Text

Private Chat: Gukkie and Yeommie

Yeommie: guess what guess what guess what!!!!!

Gukkie: what, what, what?

Yeommie: we're coming to sleepover and see the blanket fort!!!! Jinyoungie just told me!!!!!!!

Gukkie: WHAT?! I had no idea, what a surprise!!

Gukkie: how exciting!!!

Yeommie: (ノ´ヮ´)ノ*: ・゚this is going to be so fun!!!!!!!!!!

Gukkie: it sure is kiddo :) what do you want to eat? 

Gukkie: hobi is about to go shopping, you can have anything you want

Yeommie: anything?

Gukkie: anything

Yeommie: this is too much power holy crap

Gukkie: ya know, i genuinely can't tell if you're in little space right now or not

Yeommie: oh i'm not

Yeommie: i'm just a baby 24/7 and my maknae-ass expects to be treated as such

Yeommie: and if i want to act ridiculously excited about a blanket fort and a sleep over, no one can stop me

Gukkie: i respect that

Gukkie: 

Yeommie: *winks* *finger guns*

Yeommie: also pls tell Hobi i want chocolate

Gukkie: sure thing!

Yeommie: (。>‿‿<。 )

 ----

Group Chat: Blanket Fort Society

Gukles: this is going to be the best night of my life i cannot lie to you

Gukles: i am So Many Excitements right now

EatJin: yugyeom is coming over i'm so excited to see him

EatJin: i'm so excited to see everyone

EatJin: google, is it gay to be excited to see your 13 gay boyfriends?

Angel: f u c k you, you have 6 boyfriends and that's a terrible joke

EatJin: you know i'm joking baby. 

EatJin: got7 are my friends

EatJin: i would never <3

Angel: ...

Angel: i know :(

Angel: i'm just a jealous piss baby ignore me

Angel: i'm excited to see them too!

Angel: but if i catch anyone flirting with them I will murder

TaeCum: understood, my love

TaeCum: also slightly aroused by your jealously not gonna lie

TaeCum: quickly, someone kinkshame me

AgustD: i'll kinkshame you anyday, baby <3

TaeCum: aw, how romantic ♡´・ᴗ・`♡

AgustD: (˶^ з^(〃‿〃✿)

Hobi: y'all are freaks lmao

Hobi: also jimin don't even act like you're not going to cuddle each and every member of got7 vigorously. Platonically, but vigorously.

Angel: .... fair call

AgustD: side note THE HOUSE ISN'T CLEAN AND WE HAVE GUESTS COMING THIS IS TERRIBLE

AgustD: i'm grabbing the vaccuum i will not have our dorm dirty for visitors

Gukles: got7 can hardly be called "guests" yoongi, we talk to them too often for them to care how messy our dorm is

AgustD: I WILL CLEAN AND YOU WILL NOT STOP ME

Gukles: yes sir

Joonie: DO WE HAVE ENOUGH BLANKETS????

Joonie: HOW ARE WE GOING TO KEEP EVERYONE WARM???????

Joonie: QUICK SOMEONE HELP ME MOVE EVERY PILLOW IN THE HOUSE INTO THE BLANKET FORT

Angel: I'LL HELP!!!! I CAN CARRY SOME!!!!!!!!!

TaeCum: and I'm going to move all of our gaming consoles into the lounge room so we'll have lots to do!!! but we're definitely not going to play mario party or kart because, someone, not naming names, @EatJin, never seems to remember that it's just a game

EatJin: me? i don't have a competitive bone in my body I'll have you know

EatJin: what's mario?

EatJin: never heard of it

TaeCum: 

TaeCum: real believable

TaeCum: i'm also going to take Eight for a walk now, so he's not so energetic and jumping all over everyone when they arrive

Joonie: good thinking!!!!!!!!

Hobi: god i love you idiots

-----

Private Chat: Jinyoung and Jin

Jinyoung: pssssssssssssst

Jin: ....

Jin: yes?

Jinyoung: i have a really big favour to ask

Jin: oh

Jin: yeah sure

Jinyoung: we're just about to get in the car and head over to yours

Jin: good! :) everyone is so excited to see you all

Jinyoung: we're excited to see you too!

Jinyoung: just um

Jinyoung: i'm going to ask you something that you can't mention to anyone else

Jinyoung: and you can't let on that you know anything, either

Jin: ahhhh

Jin: i mean i'll certainly try

Jin: what is it?

Jinyoung: well um

Jinyoung: youngjae would never mention it himself but

Jinyoung: he's kinda afraid of the dark

Jin: o-oh

Jin: dare i say

Jin: owo

Jinyoung: haha dork

Jinyoung: he doesn't tell anyone. like ever

Jinyoung: but he can only sleep if there's light in the room

Jin: my heart

Jin:

Jinyoung: it's truly the cutest

Jinyoung: youngjae always gets on my fucking uwus let me tell you

Jin: GOD that's relatable

Jin: anyway, I can certainly arrange that.

Jin: i'll keep lamps on in most of the rooms of the house, including in the room we're sleeping in

Jin: if anyone asks, I'll just say it's to make sure people can find the bathroom during the night

Jin: no one from bts will have to know the real reason, and no one from got7 will have to know that i know!

Jinyoung: thank you thank you

Jinyoung: i was so hesitant to ask, but he refuses to ask himself because he's so embarrassed by it

Jinyoung: he'll just lie there all night and shake like a leaf

Jin: oh my god

Jin: oh my god

Jin: my heart has shattered

Jinyoung: you're telling me

Jinyoung: the first night we all, um

Jinyoung: laid together, ya know

Jinyoung: he happened to be the one who fell asleep in my arms afterwards

Jin: ( ´థ౪థ)

Jinyoung: ( ´థ౪థ)

Jinyoung: anyway, i couldn't figure out why he was shivering

Jinyoung: he certainly couldn't have been cold, not surrounded by so many people and blankets

Jinyoung: anyway

Jinyoung: he finally admitted it to us in the morning

Jinyoung: and there are always, always, always lamps on in the got7 dorms. 

Jinyoung: candles for emergencies

Jinyoung: no one sleeps in the dark

Jin: holy shit i AM SO EMOTIONAL O HESJOIDRFIOSDJF;LKVGSZ

Jin: i am joining your crusade to protect Youngjae at all costs

Jin: now if you'll excuse me i have to cry for 10 years

Jinyoung: i understand the impulse lol

Jinyoung: and thank you for understanding, and being subtle about helping him. 

Jin: anything, anytime, you idiots know that

Jinyoung: 

 

----------

Group Chat: Blanket Fort Society

Gukles: they're here!!!! they're here!!!!!!

Gukles: they're finally here!!!!

AgustD: aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Angel: i'm going to get ALL MY DOLLS and everyone can play with a doll and everyone's dolls can get married to each other 

Angel: we'll have so many weddings!!!!!!

TaeCum: adult jimin: no flirting with got7 on pain of death

TaeCum: child jimin: anyway time to plan the 14-man wedding

TaeCum: child jimin is a thot

EatJin: "child jimin is a thot"

EatJin: not a sentence i'd ever thought i'd read, i'll be honest

EatJin: thanks tae

TaeCum: ur welcome

Hobi: i knew there were 7 of them, but seeing them all in person makes me worry i didn't buy enough food

Joonie: don't worry baby, we can order out if we get desperate

Joonie: also hey quick question @EatJin why do you and Mark automatically slut drop literally every time you two lay eyes on each other?

EatJin: he and i have an understanding.

Gukles: LOL

--------

TaeCum: guys guys GUYS

Joonie: what what WHAT

TaeCum: are you seeing how well BamBam and Eight get along?

TaeCum: BamBam is in love with Eight, and I don't blame him!! it's so cute!!!!!!!!

Hobi: ugh i know

Hobi: i've already taken about a hundred photos and posted a few

Hobi: fan twitter has been fucking rioting

Hobi: they want to know a) why bambam is in the bts dorms and b) why he's so fucking cute with animals

Hobi: also a very small percentage of crackhead stan-twitter keep making jokes and asking if bambam is a furry now. i love crackhead stans.

EatJin: outstanding questions

EatJin: i need answers

----------

Private Chat: TaeTae and BamBam

TaeTae: if got7 doesn't get you a fucking labrador after this, i will riot on your behalf

BamBam: ugh you're telling me

BamBam: hey, i could always just steal this one? ;)

TaeTae: hA BITCH YOU THOUGHT

TaeTae: also congratulation on become a furry, according to stan twitter

BamBam: what, were you getting lonely?

TaeTae:

 

---------

Private Chat: Jackson and Hobi

Jackson: wtf why did you just tackle me?!?!

Hobi: i saw you try to pull mario kart out of your bag

Hobi: in front of jin

Hobi: you had to be stopped

Hobi: not today satan

Hobi: not

Hobi: fucking

Hobi: today

Jackson:... I see

-------

Private Chat: Gukkie and Yeommie

Yeommie: hey um quick question there, old friend, buckaroo, my best pal

Gukkie: ................sure what's up

Yeommie: why do your boyfriends keep coming up to me every now and then and ask me "what setting is it on? medium?"

Gukkie: ..............................

Gukkie: i'm sure i have no idea

Yeommie: i'm going to kill you

Gukkie:

Yeommie: or better yet

Yeommie: i'm going to tell JB, and he'll kill you

Gukles: FUCK WAIT SHIT NO

Gukles: PLEASE I'M TOO YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL TO DIE AT HIS HANDS

Gukles: have mercy

Yeommie:

Gukles: TELL BTS I LOVE THEM

----------

Group Chat: Blanket Fort Society

Joonie: so uh

Joonie: should we jealous about the fact that both yoongi and jimin have fallen asleep in mark and jb's laps?

Hobi: i mean... if it were one of us, Jimin would have thrown a tantrum by now

TaeCum: we all know the rules don't apply to jimin, gosh hobi

TaeCum: and yoongi has always been a law unto his own

Hobi: shit

Hobi:right

Hobi: god i'm glad jimin's jealousy streak only applies to people outside bts or our poly relationship would be in McFreaking Trouble

TaeCum: LOL

Gukles: well i dunno about y'all, but i'm asking for an invite into this warm and good looking cuddle pile

EatJin: sounds gay

EatJin: i'm in

EatJin: i bags yugyeom's lap, he's so big and likely gives incredible hugs

Gukles: i suspect you are right

Joonie: i want a hug too! from anyone, I don't mind who!!!

Hobi: come here, sweetheart

Hobi: i'll cuddle the shit out of you, any day

Gukles: hey, can we turn the light off before we fall asleep

EatJin: no, leave it on

Gukles: ugh why

EatJin: LISTEN THE LIGHT NEEDS TO BE ON NO ONE TURN IT OFF OR I WILL CRY

Gukles: ...

Gukles: understood

-------

3am

AgustD: fellas, is it gay to enjoy a platonic cuddle pile with approximately 13 other men?? asking for a friend

Angel: shush and go back to sleep

------

3:30am

Private Chat: Tae and Bae

Bae: tae are you awake?

Bae: i can't keep it a secret any more

Bae: i think there's something wrong with me, i don't feel the way about certain things that most men do

Bae: certain things i'm just not interested in at all

Bae: i have crushes but it doesn't

Bae: um

Bae: i don't

Bae: oh god i don't know how to explain

Bae: i've been trying to come to you about this for ages because i've had an inkling for a while that you have some knowledge about relationships that society considers unusual or non-typical

Bae: i thought you wouldnt judge 

Bae: you're probably asleep

Bae: i'll try again in the morning

Bae: i'm so sorry to be a bother

Bae: goodnight

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text

8am

Private Chat: Bae and Tae

Tae: omg Baekhyun

Tae: i'm so so sorry i missed your messages, i was sound asleep

Tae: what's up???? are you ok??

Tae: please, let me help?

Bae: hey tae

Bae: ugh i don't know how to say it sdjfnalsfh

Bae: um

Bae: i think... i'm asexual?

Bae: don't freak out please!!

Tae: ...

Tae: is... that all?

Bae: wait what

Tae: is that all?

Bae: I... that's... not what I was expecting

Bae: you're not even the least bit sceptical?

Bae: you're not gonna hit me with a condescending "you'll find someone and change your mind!!" spiel?

Tae: uuuhhh no?

Tae: you're an adult, you know you best

Bae: o

Bae: oh

Tae: what kinda reaction were you even expecting from me?!

Bae: i... honestly don't know

Bae: you're the first person i've actually told!!! 

Bae: i've just read about other people's shitty reactions online

Bae: i just needed to get it off my chest and tell someone

Bae: and you seemed like the best person

Tae: actually, i've been meaning to ask 

Tae: why is that?

Tae: not that i'm complaining, and i'll certainly never betray your trust, but i'm not your closest friend - why choose me over, say, a member of exo?

Bae: idk

Bae: i just had this feeling

Bae: that you'd understand non-conventional sexualities and relationships 

Bae: and well

Bae: if you did react badly

Bae: which i didn't think you would

Bae: i don't exactly have to work and live with you and deal with you every day

Tae: well... that's fair

Tae: and you're certainly right about the unconventional relationship stuff

Bae: do i get to know more about that, now?

Tae: i'm really sorry

Tae: if it was just up to me, 100% i'd tell you

Tae: but it's not just my secret to tell, you know?

Tae: a lot of people already know and we're trying to keep the numbers down

Tae: please understand :(

Bae: hey no of course, i totally understand :)

Bae: I hope you and... whoever it is... are very happy together!

Tae: we all are (❁´◡`❁)

Bae: all?

Tae: nothing

Tae: i said nothing

Tae: sorry who are you

Bae: 

Tae: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Tae: so how'd you figure this out?

Bae: idk I've had my suspicions for a while

Bae: i've dated of course

Bae: i enjoy sex, when it's with someone I love - the fact that they're getting pleasure gives me pleasure

Bae: the intimacy is nice, even if I don't really desire or crave the act itself

Bae: I masturbate like normal, too. But I don't need porn or anything to get off. It's just about the physical sensations.

Bae: I have crushes on people

Bae: but all I want is to kiss them, and for them to smile at me, and for us to spend time together

Bae: if they want to have sex? that's fine. If that's part of making them happy, I'm on board

Bae: but when I picture myself with someone - it's always about the emotional intimacy

Bae: does that make sense or am i speaking nonsense?

Tae: that makes total sense, dude

Tae: it's completely normal, too

Bae: it is?

Tae: it is.

Bae: thank you

Bae: i needed to hear someone say that.

Bae: i really needed it.

Tae: (´・` )♡

Bae: (♥ω♥*)

---------

9am

EatJin has logged in

EatJin has entered group chat: "Blanket Fort Society"

EatJin: hey dumbasses

EatJin: @Joonie @Hobi @AgustD

EatJin: if you're going to sneak away for a quickie in the morning, can you make sure the door is closed properly, and that you're maybe not

EatJin: oh i don't know

EatJin: more vocal than you've literally ever been before?

Joonie: ...

Joonie: who heard us?

EatJin: everyone in the blanket fort

EatJin: so..... the question is "who didn't hear you?"

Angel: (the answer is no one)

Gukles: sick invite :(

Hobi: sorry baby, we were the first 3 to wake up and it just sorta happened

Hobi: you would have been more than welcome if you'd been awake, I promise

Gukles: (*^^*)

AgustD: well

AgustD: that's embarrassing

AgustD: i can never look any of got7 in the eye again

AgustD: can I just hide in here until they leave?

AgustD: also we have to turn down any invite we receive to award shows they're also going to

Angel: coward lmao

Angel: do your walk of shame with p r i d e !!! head held high!!!!!!!! be the thot you were born to be!!!!!!

EatJin: ^ that's a whole ass mood

AgustD:  no i'm shy

Hobi: so... what's the mood in the lounge room?

TaeCum: well, Yugyeom has a thousand mile stare

TaeCum: he's just staring at the floor

TaeCum: i think he's still traumatised from his last....... incident........... with us

EatJin: ^whoops

Gukles: JB has had his forehead in his hands for like 10 minutes and i keep hearing him sigh

AgustD: well that's...........ominous

Angel: oh, and Jinyoung and Mark started giggling when the noises from you 3 started, and they literally have not stopped

Angel: like no exaggeration

Angel: they are still laughing

Angel: i'm considering seeking medical assistance for them

Angel: i don't think they're ok

Angel: how are they getting enough oxygen

Joonie: well, I'm glad at least some of them are amused by our humiliation

Hobi:

--------

Private Chat: Gukkie and Yeommie

Yeommie: why

Gukkie: why what?

Yeommie: why are you perverts like this?

Yeommie: my poor, poor virgin ears

Gukkie: "virgin"

Gukkie: pffffffft nice try

Yeommie: I STILL DON'T WANNA LISTEN TO 3 OF YOUR BOYFRIENDS HAVE SEX

Gukkie: IT WAS HOT TO LISTEN TO DON'T DENY IT

Yeommie: 

Gukkie: ah ha ha!!!

Gukkie: i'm telling jaebum that you're a pervert!!!!

Yeommie: waIT NO I WAS JUST JOKING PLEASE HAVE MERCY!!!!!!!! SPARE ME!!!!!!!!

Gukkie: ;)

Yeommie: :P

Yeommie: hey also um

Yeommie: just out of totally innocent curiosity

Yeommie: does Yoongi always sound like that when he bottoms?

Gukkie: yup ヾ(^-^)ノ

Gukkie: and people say he can't sing

Yeommie: LMAO

-------

Private Chat: Jimin and Mark

Jimin: put down the dog

Mark:................... what dog

Jimin: the dog you're currently trying to smuggle out of the dorm

Mark: oh that dog

Mark: but BamBam loves him so much

Mark: i have to dognap him

Jimin: and break Tae's heart in the process? ;)

Mark: shit. fuck. 

Mark: you right.

Mark: ... i gotta find my own labrador to give to bammie

Mark: where does one purchase A Very Good Boy?

-------

Private Chat: Youngjae and Jin

Youngjae: thank you, hyung

Jin: ?

Jin: for what?

Youngjae: you know what you did

Youngjae: neither you nor jinyoung are as slick as you think you are

Youngjae: but i appreciate what you did

Jin: don't know what you're talking about ;)

Youngjae: (˶′◡‵˶)

--------

Private Chat: Joon and JB

JB: hey

JB: thank you for having us

Joon: no worries at all

Joon: having you here made everyone happy

JB: we all seem happier for it

JB: it's nice to hang out with people who just... understand

JB: we don't have to hide who we are or pretend we don't love each other

JB: if i want to kiss one of them, I can, and no one will blink an eye

JB: if yugyeom starts feeling smaller and vulnerable, I trust any one of you to care for him like we would

JB: it

JB: it means a lot

Joon: you mushy fucker

JB: namjoon

Joon: ok ok

Joon: <3 we feel the same way about you guys

Joon: it's nice to just... hang out, with no fears

JB: yeah :)

JB: also, I have a question, if you don't mind?

Joon: oh

Joon: sure, hit me

JB: don't tempt me

Joon: 

JB: i joke, i joke

JB: but um

JB: the question is about anniversaries

Joon: oh yeah?

JB: how do you guys celebrate them/it?

JB: we're still a few months off of our first one, but we've already started discussing it and it seems..............complicated with so many people

JB: to say the least lmao

JB: and we all have the same anniversary

JB: i can't even imagine what it's like for you guys, since new people were introduced to relationship over time

Joon: LOL

Joon: actually, this is something we had to work out

Joon: originally, we just celebrated the date that a relationship "started"

Joon: but as time went on, and more people were added, this got a bit unfair - poor Jungkook was the last to join, so he felt excluded from everyone elses anniversaries, if that makes sense?

Joon: like yeah, he was invited to celebrate, but the dates just didn't hold as much meaning for the younger guys

Joon: and also, god forbid Jungkook ever feel excluded from something i

Joon:  i t's  not worth it man

JB: lmao i see

JB: so how did you resolve it? what did you decide?

Joon: we eventually realised - celebrating the dates that certain people entered the relationship felt kind of meaningless to us, or half empty, or something?

Joon: our relationship wasn't fully formed or complete until Jungkook finally joined us, anway

Joon: it felt ... weird ... to celebrate something he hadn't been a part of

Joon: of course we all appreciate 1-on-1 time together occasionally

Joon: but, to us, anniversaries felt like they should be for all of us

Joon: while also spoiling individual members and giving them their "special day"

Joon: fuck does this make any sense?

JB: no it does keep going

JB: i wanna know what you all decided

Joon: well, we decided to do away with anniversary dates for individual relationships

Joon: we now have one big anniversary week

Joon: every member gets their own day within that week to be spoiled, pampered, appreciated, basically they can request anything they want.

Joon: hell, last year Jin just asked that during the day he have peace and quiet, and that he didn't want to spend time with any of us until nighttime

Joon: it was his day, so he got what he wanted

Joon: alone time is so important when you're in a relationship with so many people

Joon: while other members

Joon: not naming names but definitely Jimin and Jungkook

Joon: just want to spend their days being passed from one lap to another, being told how loved they are

Joon: everyone gets a day for them

Joon: and we all remember how much we love each other

JB: that

JB: that's genius

Joon: well, it works for us

JB: no seriously i love it

JB: i was worried about how we were going to make our anniversary special for all of us, since we all have different hobbies and stuff

JB: that solves EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JB: YOU'RE MY FAVOURITE I LOVE YOU

Joon: aw babe, unfortunately i can't return your love

Joon: you see, i'm already dating 6 beautiful idiots

Joon: guess you'll just have to pine after me forever

Joon: tragic

JB: funny.

JB: you think you're so funny

Joon: ( ˘ ³˘)♥

-------

Hobi has logged into group chat: "Blanket Fort Society"

Hobi has changed the group chat name to "The Seven Musketeers"

AgustD: cute

Hobi: i thought so

Angel: i can't believe the blanket fort is gone ಥ‿ಥ

Angel: she will be missed

Gukles: forever in our hearts

EatJin:

Joon: i can't believe you all got so emotionally attached to a blanket fort

TaeCum: really?

TaeCum: you can't believe it?

TaeCum: are you sure about that?

Joon: ...

Joon: yeah, fair point

Joon: i know you all too well

Joon: i absolutely can believe it

Angel: also i'm gonna miss got7, too :(

AgustD: we'll see them again, baby!

AgustD: we can organise something like this again in the future

Angel: YAY!!! (∩゚∀`∩)

Hobi: if we do, at least give me a heads up so I can shop in advance

Hobi: i was right - we didn't have nearly enough food last night

Hobi: and I couldn't have carried anymore home if I'd tried

Gukles: babe, why didn't you take one of us with you? We would have helped! 

Hobi: The only one who was free when I left was Jin

Hobi: the last time I took him grocery shopping was a nightmare

EatJin: well, now

EatJin: i'm quite sure i just don't know what you're talking about

Hobi: he grabbed the largest bottle of vodka he could find

Hobi: then walked to the vegetable section and spent seven minutes picking out the largest cucumber he could find

Hobi: then turned to me with those two items in hand and loudly exclaimed that we could go

AgustD: IHJGOIRSEJHGIKSJDEFIAJSENFANESFGJNESD OH MY GHOFEODASFNJSK HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

TaeCum: Chaotic Neutral

EatJin: Chaotic Gay

TaeCum: that works too

Gukles: lmaoooooooooooooooooo

Gukles: jin i wanna be like you when i grow up

EatJin: doesn't everyone, kid?

EatJin: doesn't everyone

Hobi: 

 

 

Chapter Text

Joon has logged in.

Joon has entered group chat: "The Seven Musketeers"

Joon: i'm gay and need attention

TaeCum: that is the Biggest Fucking Mood

Gukles: well everyone else is busy

Gukles: but i'll take you on a date baby

Joon: (❁´◡`❁)

Joon: dihgfoaifdhjaowifhjapsiofj

Joon: The Gay Has Increased

Joon: where are you taking me?!?!?

Joon: where are we going?!?

Gukles: it's a surprise baby

Joon: aaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH A SURPRISE?!?!?!?!

Joon: I'M SO EXCITED I'M GOING TO GO GET DRESSED

Gukles: ( ˘ ³˘)♥

EatJin: enjoy your time together babies, I wish we could all come with you <3

Joon: you're always with us no matter what

EatJin:

 

Joon: :(

EatJin: I'm kidding babe I fucking love you <3

AgustD: 

AgustD: why aren't we always this soft??? it makes me so happy

Angel: we love the memes too fucking much

Hobi: exhibit A

Hobi:

AgustD: ah yes

AgustD: that's why.

--------------

Jungkook has created a new group chat.

Jungkook has changed the group chat name to "Soft For Namjoon Hours"

Jungkook has added users Seokjin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook.

Seokjin: this is a nice chat

Seokjin: i like this chat

Jungkook: guys i can't decide

Jungkook: should i take joonie to the aquarium, or to the movies

Jimin: aquarium, hands down

Taehyung: ^^ so many small, weird looking creatures from the deep for namjoon to adopt and claim are beautiful

Yoongi: don't talk about his love of crabs like that

Yoongi: it's so pure

Taehyung: THEY'RE LITTLE DEMONS

Hoseok: YOU'RE A LITTLE DEMON

Taehyung: you're too sweet

Jungkook: aquarium it is guys

Jungkook: thanks!!!!

Seokjin: keep us updated!

Jungkook: i will!

--------

Half an hour later

Group Chat: "Soft For Namjoon Hours"

Jungkook: important update

Jungkook: we just arrived at the aquarium

Jungkook: namjoon was so excited he literally skipped to the ticket gate

Jungkook: he smiled so brightly at the attendant i thought the poor man was going to Die Of Gay

Yoongi: fuck i'm soft

Taehyung: cause of death? Namjoon smiling at me

Hoseok: what a way to go tho

Hoseok: what a way to go

---------

Group Chat: "The Seven Musketeers"

Joon: we're here!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Joon: me and guk are just grabbing lunch at the aquarium cafe before we actually go into the exhibits

Joon: i wish you guys were here with us it's so incredible here!

Angel: have fun!!!! bring back stuff from the gift shop

Joon: OMG THAT'S A GREAT IDEA

----------

Group Chat: "Soft For Namjoon Hours"

Jungkook: @Jimin you're a goddamned genius is what you are

Jungkook: the second you suggested bringing back some gifts Namjoon's whole face lit up like a fucking christmas tree

Jungkook: he's thinking very seriously about what would make each of you happy

Jungkook: he's sad you guys didn't get to come see the aquarium and this made him feel better

Jimin: 

Seokjin: who in the ever living fuck gave namjoon the right to do that to my feelings

Seokjin: i'm calling the fucking police

Taehyung:

-----------

Group Chat: "The Seven Musketeers"

Joon: guys!!

EatJin: yes???

Joon: we found a sting ray

Joon: he smiles at everyone

Joon: 

Joon: my big and smiley friend :D

TaeCum: wasn't that the bastard  who killed steve irwin

AgustD: TAEHYUNG NO

TaeCum: I WILL AVENGE HIM

Joon: dorks ☚(*´∀`☚)

Joon: also touch him and die

TaeCum:

-------------

Group Chat: "Soft For Namjoon Hours"

Jungkook: hey guys super quick question

Jungkook: actually its not even my question

Jungkook: im asking for a friend

Hoseok: .........

Hoseok: do tell

Jungkook: well, its just that my friend thinks that namjoon is so beautiful when he's passionate and absorbed in something 

Yoongi: your friend is an intellectual

Yoongi: please continue

Jimin: ^ what he said

Jungkook: so my friend is having trouble stopping himself from just grabbing namjoon, pulling him into the bathroom stall, and sucking his cock until he blacks out 

Taehyung: Your friend is having completely understandable impulses

Seokjin: whats even the question? Im not seeing the problem here

Jungkook: well u see

Jungkook: my friend wants to know what the chances of being caught by security are

Yoongi: your friend should consider the following: who the fuck cares its fucking worth it has he HEARD the noises namjoon makes when he's getting his dick sucked that's worth anything 

Seokjin: so many intellectuals in this chat today

Jimin: tell "your friend" to go forth and slurp slurp slurp it up

Seokjin: Jimin omg

Jimin: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Jungkook: my friend is on his fucking way

Hoseok: YOU'RE DOING GODS WORK

---------------

Group Chat: "The Seven Musketeers"

Joon: holt....shiy

EatJin: whats up? Are you ok?

Joon: uh

Joon: yeah

Joon: sure

Hobi: you sound a bit stunned

Gukles: yeah joonie - whats up? You're acting super suspicious

Gukles: 

Joon: ...

Joon: you told them what you did, didnt you?

Gukles: of course i did

Gukles: they were big supporters of my plan 

Angel: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

AgustD: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

TaeCum: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Joon: you're all the worst

Gukles: you weren't complaining 10 minutes ago

Joon: i couldn't say ANYTHING 10 minutes ago

Joon: someone else walked into the cubicle beside us

Joon: i had to stay dead fucking quiet

Gukles: you did so well

Hobi: that's the least romantic place for a tryst i can possibly think of

Hobi: you two are fucking legends

---------

Gukles: i have a question

Gukles: an even more important question than my last question actually

EatJin: impossible

EatJin: go on

Gukles: is there a sea life equivalent of a furry?

TaeCum: ...............................................

TaeCum: why do you ask

Hobi: KJHFGIPESJFPODJFOISAZFD

Gukles: i'm just watching joonie play with the kids exhibition (where you can touch some of the creatures i'm sure you know the one) and i think he's found his soul mate - a literal hermit crab

Gukles: he may or may not be contemplating breaking up with all of us due to his love for this one hermit crab

Gukles: and that got me thinking

Gukles: is namjoon a sea furry? a...... fishy? a .................................... i've got nothing actually

AgustD: og my g o d

Angel: @TaeCum you've got company finally!!!!

Angel: you're both from different worlds

Angel: land and sea

Angel: JUST LIKE THE LITTLE MERMAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hobi: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

TaeCum: 

EatJin: it's a little bit funny

Joon has logged in

Joon: .........

Joon: lmao nice one

Gukles: SEE EVEN JOONIE FINDS IT FUNNY

TaeCum: you're all the fucking worst

-----------------

A Few Hours Later

Joon: we're almost home, guys

Gukles: and we're exhausted, today was a massive day ;_;

Angel: we have dinner ready for you, you can eat, shower, and then get straight into bed <3

Gukles: thank you <3

Joon: guys i'm... really really sorry

Joon: i fucked up so bad

EatJin: what's wrong sweetheart?

Joon: i brought everyone snowglobes from the gift shop

Joon: but i accidentally dropped the bag and smashed them as we were getting into the car to head home :(

Joon: i'm so so so sorry i promise it was an accident

Hobi: KIM NAMJOON YOU PRECIOUS CREATURE

Hobi: YOU GET HOME AND WE CAN SHOW YOU JUST HOW NOT MAD ABOUT THAT YOU ARE

AgustD: Mood: attacked

AgustD: Culprit: Namjoon

Joon: still, i was really excited to give them to you all :(

TaeCum: we're just excited to see you and gukkie baby <3

Joon: (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

Joon: i'm excited to see everyone too

Gukles: universal agreement to take Namjoon on more dates?

EatJin: agreed

AgustD: agreed

Hobi: agreed

Angel: agreed x 3495830

TaeCum: AGREED!

Gukles: THE MOTION HAS BEEN PASSED

Joon: (❁´◡`❁)

Joon: next time can we go to the zoo???

EatJin: go to the zoo?

EatJin: YOU STAY THIS CUTE AND I'M BUYING YOU A FUCKING ZOO

Gukles: m o o d

 

Chapter Text

Joon has logged into group chat: "The Seven Musketeers"

Joon: it is literally 2:44am 

Joon: which one of you inconsiderate assholes is blasting porn at top volume?

Gukles: its jin

Gukles: i tried to go into his room and join him but he's locked the door

Gukles: apparently hes's in the mood for some very noisy, solo, 2am masturbation shenanigans 

Gukles: and I'm DEEPLY offended

Hobi: I'm not upset that he wants to have some alone time

Hobi: I'M UPSET THAT IT'S INTERRUPTING MY BEAUTY SLEEP

Hobi: @EatJin

Hobi: @EatJin

Hobi: directly calling out @EatJin to SHUT UP 

EatJin: 

EatJin: also i don't know how to break it to all of you but

EatJin: there's no porn

EatJin: those noises are all me

Joon: .......

Joon: oh mg gid

Hobi: JIN LET US IN PLEASE LET US IN I JUST WANNA SEE PLS PLS PLS

Gukles: 

Gukles: WHY ARE YOU CLOSED? WHY ARE YOU CLOSING YOUR DOORS TO THE PUBLIC? TELL US WHY

Joon:

 ------------

The Next Morning

AgustD: ok so first of all

AgustD: @EatJin

AgustD: hot

EatJin: thanks babe (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε`*)

Gukles: dont COMPLIMENT him

Gukles: he CRUELLY excluded his loving boyfriends

Gukles: specifically ME

TaeCum: I KNOW THIS MAY COME AS A SHOCK TO YOU JUNGKOOK

TaeCum: BUT NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU

Gukles: bullshit

Gukles: sounds fake

Gukles: source?

Gukles: ;)

Angel: Hes right 

Angel: its not all about you jungkook

Angel: its all about me (◔◡◔✿)

Gukles: thems fighting words

Angel: 

Angel: i have the power of god and anime on my side

AgustD: ....

AgustD: idiots

AgustD: AS I WAS SAYING

AgustD: second of all

AgustD: my throat is all itchy and sore and i don't like it at all

AgustD: everyone please pity me

AgustD: these may be my last hours on earth

TaeCum: drama queen

TaeCum: also 10 bucks says Jin re-enters the group chat in 3...

Gukles: 2...

Angel: 1...

EatJin: *KICKS DOOR DOWN AND BACKFLIPS INTO THE CHAT*

Hobi: ksksjdjsjanshskaisidjdhe lmaooooooooooooooooo i can't breathe

EatJin: M I N  Y O O N G I

AgustD: 

AgustD: yes dear?

AgustD: 1/6 of the light of my life?

AgustD: my handsome hyung?

EatJin: YOU SEEMED OFF LAST NIGHT BUT WHEN I ASKED IF YOU WERE OK YOU SHRUGGED ME OFF

EatJin: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN FEELING OUT OF SORTS AND HIDING IT??

EatJin: FROM ME??

EatJin: YOUR LITERAL PARENT

Hobi: im gonna make some popcorn does anyone want some

Joon: me

Angel: me pls

TaeCum: lmao me

Gukles: *raises hand*

Hobi: buckle in lads

AgustD: BUT JIN

AgustD: I THOUGHT I WAS JUST TIRED????

AgustD: ITS NOT MY FAULT

AgustD: WHEN I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND REALISED I WASN'T WELL I TOLD EVERYONE STRAIGHT AWAY!!!

AgustD: i promise!!!

Joon: 

Joon: we are literally watching someone fall into sub space in real time this is incredible 

TaeCum: *david attenborough voice* the wild alpha jin beats the domesticated beta yoongi into submission

AgustD: SHUT IT YOU TWO. and tae you watch too much animal planet

TaeCum: how dare you

EatJin: baby we could ALL tell you weren't quite 100% these last few days

EatJin: you should have told us so we could all help look after you <3

EatJin: you know how much we all worry <3

AgustD: kdksk

AgustD: thank you jin i love you so much <3

AgustD: i know i need to cut out the bullshit "theres nothing wrong I'm fine" act i pull occasionally

Hobi: as long as you admit it

Hobi: and at least you didn't get too bad this time!

AgustD: yeah :D

AgustD: thank you all for caring :D

TaeCum: *chanting* subspacesubspacesubspaceSUBSPACESUBSPACE

AgustD: I WILL END YOU YOU LITTLE PERVERT

TaeCum: (ꈍ ꒳ ꈍ✿)

AgustD: anyway it's just a sore throat and a bit of a headache

AgustD: nothing i can't handle

AgustD: let's get to practice!

Gukles: oh, sweetheart

AgustD: ?

Gukles: what makes you think you're leaving the dorm until you're better, our silly little love?

AgustD: .......

AgustD: i am afraid

AgustD: and i am in love

Angel: i feel like those two moods sum up our whole relationship honestly

----------

A Few Hours Later

AgustD: PLEASE LET ME LEAVE THE DORMS I WANNA BE WITH EVERYONE

AgustD: its so lonely here by myself :'(

Joon: no.

Joon: you're sick and need rest

Agust: ok :(

TaeCum: lmao i just got done with vocal training, I'll come and keep you company until everyone gets home

AgustD: t h a n k you

AgustD: you have saved my life

AgustD: i am eternally grateful

AgustD: not having someone to cuggle has been hell

EatJin: did you mean cuddle?

AgustD: no you fool

AgustD: you Absolute Dingus

AgustD: i obviously meant cuggle, the superior form of cuddle

EatJin: oh obviously 

EatJin: my mistake

Angel: my favourite part about all of this is that there was literally nothing stopping yoongi from leaving the dorm

Angel: the door was unlocked

Angel: Hes just SUCH a good boy who does what he's told!!!

AgustD: FIGHT ME YOU HYPOCRITE

Gukles: subspacesubspacesubspaceSUBSPACESUBSPACESUBSPACE

AgustD: I'm divorcing all of you you're all the absolute worst

TaeCum: kay bye B)

AgustD:  and i'm keeping the dog

TaeCum:

TaeCum: W A I T NO I LOVE YOU COME BACK

---------------

TaeCum: important news everyone

Hobi: taehyung, 99% of the time, when you log on and announce you have "important news" that generally means Eight has fallen asleep on your lap and you've taken 9940394 pictures you want to share with us

Angel: ^ well he's not wrong

Hobi: is this ACTUALLY important news?

TaeCum: i disagree that pictures of Eight aren't important BUT 

TaeCum: this news isn't dog related i promise

TaeCum: ... this time

EatJin: lmao what is it?

TaeCum: Yoongi has started doing something so insanely cute i have to resist the urge to just lie down on the floor and sob

EatJin: well what's new tbh

EatJin: but what's he doing?

TaeCum: every time he coughs, he lets out the cutest little hiccup, and then he pouts

TaeCum: I've been watching him for like half an hour I'm absolutely mesmerised its so fucking a d o r a b l e

Hobi: TAEHYUNG THAT WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT NEWS YOU'VE EVER DELIVERED TO US EVER

Hobi: I AM SO SORRY I DOUBTED YOU

Hobi: I'LL NEVER MAKE THE MISTAKE AGAIN

Joon: i think i may actually be crying honestly 

Gukles: tae PLEASE tell me you have videos PLEASE

TaeCum: [TaeCum has uploaded 1 video]

TaeCum: of course :)

TaeCum: you're all welcome :)

Angel: WILL I EVER STOP SCREAMING?

Angel: I THINK THE FUCK NOT

AgustD: (/‿\✿)

------------

AgustD: im going to join Twice

Angel: you can't join Twice, yoongi

AgustD: i think I'm pretty enough to join Twice?

EatJin: of course you are baby 

EatJin: but if you joined Twice, you'd have to leave us, and that would make me so sad :(

AgustD: oh

AgustD: well then i wont join Twice

EatJin: thank you sweetheart

Hobi: is this little space or pain medication?

TaeCum: i honestly don't know

TaeCum: all i DO know is that we've watched the Dance The Night Away music video 9 times in a row 

TaeCum: and I'm in hell

Joon: lmaoooo we'll all be home soon sweetheart

Gukles: now hang on a second here

Gukles: @EatJin

Gukles: am i pretty enough to join Twice?

EatJin: my pretty baby boy

EatJin: you're pretty enough to be the visual of every girl group there is

EatJin: front and centre on the stage, your beautiful legs on display while you wear the shortest little skirt imaginable

EatJin: nobody would be able to take their eyes off you

EatJin: none of your boyfriends can now, either

Gukles: o

Gukles: oh

Gukles: thank you

Hobi: none of you are gonna do it, so I'm gonna step up and shame Jungkook's current praise boner

Joon: guk put it away someone is gonna notice

Gukles: it won't go DOWN

Gukles: jin COMPLIMENTED ME

Gukles: this thing is HERE FOR GOOD

Angel: not if i have anything to say about it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Gukles: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Hobi: YOU TWO GET OUT OF THE CLOSET SOMEONE IS DEFINITELY GOING TO HEAR

EatJin: horny little shits, the lot of them

Joon: oh, don't even act like you didn't turn him on deliberately

EatJin: whomstdve, me?

EatJin: i would NEVER

-----------

Gukles: hobi.

Hobi: yes, dear?

Gukles: you need to move your face away from yoongi's face, you're right in the blast zone every time he sneezes or coughs 

Hobi: but he's napping? If I move at all he'll wake up??

Gukles: youre gonna get sick...

Hobi: 

-------------

TaeCum: hey um

TaeCum: does anyone know why Little Jimin is throwing the mother of all tantrums on the kitchen floor?

TaeCum: all i can hear is crying and gibberish

TaeCum: i mean

TaeCum: i ASSUME its little jimin?

TaeCum: maybe jimin is in his normal headspace and just feels like having a bit of scream?

TaeCum: that's a mood i can get behind I'll be honest

EatJin: lmao same

EatJin: but it's definitely a Little tantrum

EatJin: in between sobs i was able to make out some words

EatJin: the gist of it is "everyone is paying attention to 'yoogi', who smells bad"

EatJin: "i wanted a cuddle from hobi but he wouldn't leave 'smelly yoogi'"

Hobi: whoops 

EatJin: and last but not least "why won't anyone tell ME I'm pretty enough to be in Twice"

EatJin: all earth shattering problems to a 5 year old

AgustD: lmaoooo

AgustD: tell him to come cuddle on the couch with me <3

AgustD: we can watch whatever cartoon he wants

EatJin: i told him

EatJin: hes on his way

EatJin: running full speed 

EatJin: i have NEVER seen someone's mood change so fast

EatJin: there are still tears rolling down his face but he's giggling

Joon: jimin is an enigma wrapped in a squish

Hobi: ^^^

EatJin: and for the love of GOD tell him he's pretty when he gets there

------------

Gukles: i asked yoongi and jimin if i could have the tv in the lounge room for a while and they pegged every single pillow they could reach at me

Gukles: guess that's a NO

EatJin: the fact you even asked is cute 

Hobi: the wrath of the Little Squishes Watching Cartoons is mighty and i fear them more than i fear god himself

-------------

The Next Day

AgustD: look at this stuff

AgustD: isn't it YEET

Joon:... yoongi is going stir crazy

Joon: please tell me you're almost better i can't take much more of this

AgustD: lmao yes

AgustD: one more day of bed rest and I'M FREE

AgustD: FREE TO LEAVE THE DORM

AgustD: FREE TO RUN AROUND THE STREETS WITH MY DICK OUT

Gukles: YOU ARE NOT FREE TO RUN AROUND THE STREETS WITH YOUR DICK OUT

Gukles: i repeat

Gukles: you are definitely not, under any circumstances whatsoever, free to run around the streets with your dick out

AgustD: TRY AND STOP ME THOTS

EatJin: 

-------------

The Next Day

AgustD: thank you, everyone

AgustD: for looking after me

AgustD: i... really appreciate it

AgustD: i appreciate everything you guys do for me

AgustD: and I'd do anything for any of you <3

AgustD: without a seconds hesitation

AgustD: ...... you ugly nerds

Hobi: aaaaand there it is you Fucking Memelord

AgustD: \(◡̈ )/♥︎

AgustD: also MAYBE expect a delivery of a couple of thousand roses as a thank you to all of you

EatJin: FUCK NOT AGAIN

Angel: WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND FLOWERS YOONGI???

Angel: IT'S TEARING THIS FAMILY APART

AgustD: