(2:33) I’m about to slam my head into the wall.
(2:33) Tobio got into another fight.
(2:34) He’s fucking five, how does he keep picking fights.
(2:35) what a champ
(2:35) What the fuck, Akiteru.
(2:35) You’re not supposed to say that.
(2:36) wrong number bud but legit
(2:36) tobios got a future in cage fighting
(2:36) whos tobio
(2:38) Oh, sorry. Wrong number.
(2:40) well dont leave me hanging
(2:40) i need to know who to put my money on in the future
(2:41) Don’t make this weirder than it already is.
(2:42) Tobio’s my son.
(2:43) are you an old man
(2:43) is that why you started texting me
(2:44) STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER
(2:45) What the fuck, no.
(2:46) I messed up my brother’s new number.
(2:47) arent you all smart and proper
(2:47) thats how i like em
(2:49) Are you seriously flirting with me over text?
(2:49) You don’t know stranger danger at all.
(2:50) I don’t have time for this.
(2:55) come back
(2:56) I have to deal with my son.
(2:56) what an adulty adult
(2:57) tell tobio hes a fucken champ
(7:22) i know your brothers name and your sons name
(7:22) but not your name
(7:25) hint hint
(7:26) Have you seen the latest stranger danger campaign?
(7:26) It’s got your face all over it.
(7:27) you think youre being funny but my mates crack jokes about my ugly mug making children cry
(7:28) would tobio cry if he ever saw me
(7:30) He doesn’t even know what you look like.
(7:31) *image attached*
(7:34) I really don’t have time for this. I’m getting Tobio ready for school.
(7:35) if life were a party youd be the clown that sucks all the fun away
(7:36) Why are you making that face?
(7:36) you hurt my feelings so im sticking my tongue out at you
(7:38) No-one uses that emoji for hurt feelings.
(7:39) i just did
(7:39) oh look i just did it again
(7:39) and again look at me go
(7:42) All right, all right, I’ll ask.
(7:44) Tobio says you look like you killed a cat.
(7:44) how does someone even look like that
(7:44) your son needs glasses
(7:45) what do you think then
(7:45) smouldering eyes wicked grin
(7:45) admit it im pretty
(7:46) Yeah, pretty atrocious.
(7:46) What’s with that hair?
(7:47) HI THIS IS KUROOS BEST FREIDN FOERVER BOKUTO PLS DONT METNION HIS BEHDEAD IT MAKES HM SELF CONSCOIUS
(7:47) Aww. Is Kuroo sulking now?
(7:48) I feel like I should be concerned.
(7:50) I am actually concerned.
(7:51) how do i get rid of a body
(7:51) how do i
(7:51) get rid of
(7:51) a body
(7:51) Cook him and serve him to the police who knock on your door asking for his whereabouts.
(7:52) babe thats brilliant
(7:52) youre a committed accomplice now
(7:52) On a scale of 1-10, how often do you hit on nameless and faceless strangers over the phone?
(7:53) its only ever been you
(7:53) *heart emoji*
(7:53) I’m flattered.
(7:53) we have a dilemma
(7:54) you know my name and my face
(7:54) ive lost the advantage
(7:54) who are you o mysterious phone man
(7:54) You really want to know?
(7:55) My name is
(7:55) *middle finger emoji*
(7:56) i am
(7:56) fucking betrayed
(7:56) my own accomplice
(4:17) *image attached*
(4:17) fight gloves for tobio when he grows up lololol
(4:20) Don’t even joke about that.
(4:21) did he get into another fight
(4:21) whatd he do steal another kids party pie
(4:22) He ruined someone’s sandcastle.
(4:22) that punk
(4:22) He also threw the bucket at their head and made them cry.
(4:23) holy shit
(4:23) i know you cant see but im pissing myself laughing
(4:23) That’s the second time this month.
(4:24) Is he going for a new record? How concerned should I be?
(4:24) I should ask my brother for advice.
(4:24) okay but in all seriousness
(4:25) dont kids usually act out because theyre upset about things
(4:26) you sound like you know whats going on
(4:27) is the thing not an easy fix
(4:28) Tobio can’t exactly move back into his old neighbourhood and old school.
(4:28) i get that totally been there
(4:29) though that happened to me in middle school so i handled it differently
(4:30) You mean you didn’t stomp on sandcastles and throw buckets at people’s heads?
(4:31) real mature of me ayy
(4:31) but its chill tobio just needs time to adjust
(4:32) He’s been living with me for four months already.
(4:33) hes trying to survive a new environment
(4:33) go easy on him
(4:35) All good and well until he accidentally kills one of his classmates.
(4:35) what could he possibly do
(4:35) nah dont answer that
(4:36) You’re not inspiring much confidence right now.
(4:37) okay hows this
(4:38) the most dangerous thing in a school is a pencil
(4:38) if he stabs it through someones eye
(4:38) what are the chances of a five year old having that good of an aim
(4:39) We could be surprised.
(4:40) lets give tobio the benefit of the doubt
(4:40) have i brought your fears to rest or nah
(4:50) You’re interesting to talk to, I’ll give you that.
(4:50) is that why youve kept talking to me despite the anonymous and rather suspicious nature of our relationship
(4:51) *heart eyes emoji*
(6:44) ive been thinking
(6:46) Make sure you give yourself a break every ten minutes. We wouldn’t want to strain your mental capabilities.
(6:47) hush child i got something to say
(6:47) about tobio sort of
(6:48) I’m listening.
(6:49) so yesterdays conversation made me go all introspective
(6:49) and if all tobios doing is throwing things
(6:50) the lil guy will go far in life
(6:50) i mean when i was five i was eating sand
(6:51) Congratulations, you just tripped over the lowest bar society set for its most basic standards.
(6:51) savage i love it
(6:52) bokuto just called me a masochist
(6:52) he doesnt even know what that means i bet he learned it from akaashi
(6:55) Who’s Akaashi?
(6:55) the most beautiful man to grace the earth and bokutos boyfriend
(6:55) im not even kidding his face was sculpted by gods
(6:56) *image attached*
(6:57) no one knows how bokuto snagged him
(6:58) my moneys on witchcraft
(6:59) Have a little more faith in your Best Freidn Foerver.
(6:59) hes my best bro but he does NOT have that much game
(6:59) You misspelled Best Freidn Foerver.
(7:00) all right he types like an electrocuted toddler
(7:00) hes there for me during the good bad and ugly
(7:00) and i support him 100%
(7:01) but theres no logical explanation for how he got akaashi
(7:01) Maybe he has charm.
(7:02) did you just imply i dont have any charm
(7:03) I didn’t say anything of the sort but it’s an apt description.
(7:03) you really are a savage
(7:04) totally my type just saying
(7:05) For all you know I’m a sixty year old man with whiskers and a pot belly.
(7:05) im a personality kinda guy anyway
(7:05) so what do you look like
(7:07) Can you hear that?
(7:08) Stranger danger.
(7:08) DUDE COME ON
(7:08) or are you actually a sixty year old man with whiskers and a pot belly
(7:08) because no judgement if you are
(7:10) *image attached*
(7:11) holy shit
(7:11) HOLYS HIT
(7:15) Are you there?
(7:18) I’m actually kind of worried now.
(7:20) Hi, this is Akaashi. Kuroo’s fine; he’s muttering to himself on the floor.
(7:21) Something about being sculpted by gods and touched by angels?
(7:22) What the fuck.
(7:22) Nice selfie :)
(9:31) Do I really want to know?
(9:31) No, I don’t.
(9:32) i experienced life death and hell all in the same day
(9:33) Now I can’t not know.
(9:33) i had vball training for a match next week and it was torture
(9:33) and when we thought it was done no
(9:34) we had practice matches with alumni and it was torture round two
(9:34) then i had coaching which i usually love
(9:34) but the kids kept spiking balls at me
(9:35) 10 POINTS IF YOU HIT HIS BODY 50 POINTS IF YOU HIT HIS HEAD 100 POINTS IF YOU HIT HIS NOSE
(9:36) You play volleyball?
(9:37) thats all you took from that
(9:37) I used to play volleyball in high school.
(9:37) wait are you serious
(9:37) what position??
(9:38) Middle blocker.
(9:38) me too!!
(9:38) what are the chances of us both playing vball and being middle blockers
(9:39) this is destiny i feel it
(9:40) That was another lifetime ago lol.
(9:40) once a vball player always a vball player
(9:40) how tall are you
(9:41) 195cm, why?
(9:43) 195 and yOU DONT PLAY VBALL
(9:43) this is a crime
(9:44) tell me tobio plays vball
(9:45) I... don’t think he’s ever tried it?
(9:46) the outrage
(9:46) how could you
(9:47) i just felt my heart crack
(9:47) oohhh the pain
(9:47) Poor baby. Want me to kiss it better?
(9:50) Did you disappear on me again.
(9:50) This seems to be a growing trend.
(9:51) Hi, this is Akaashi again. Kuroo is currently incapacifjskkl
(9:51) WAHT DID U DO TO MY BSET FREIND FOREBER WHYS HE ALL RED N CHOKN ON HIS WORSD
(9:52) Scroll up.
(11:10) my mates wont stop laughing at me
(11:10) i live in a house of dicks
(11:11) cant even escape them theyre on my team
(11:11) i blame you
(11:15) Sucks to be you lol.
(11:15) are you taking pleasure in my pain
(11:15) It sounds wrong when you put it that way.
(11:16) i’m still upset though
(11:16) make me feel better?
(11:17) You seem to think I possess the ability to feel pity.
(11:17) I don’t.
(11:18) you know what you do possess
(11:18) the ability to feel annoyance
(11:18) is it annoying yet
(11:19) ALL RIGHT, STOP.
(11:20) What do you want.
(11:20) whats your name
(11:20) Are you serious.
(11:20) i wanna know
(11:20) You reek of desperation.
(11:20) not gonna change my mind
(11:21) wanna do the whole !!! thing again
(11:21) You’ll ask politely.
(11:21) dom huh
(11:21) im into that
(11:22) will you pretty please with a cherry on top tell me what your name is
(11:22) *heart emoji*
(11:24) i cant believe
(11:24) how could you
(11:24) youre so mean
(11:25) shouldve expected it
(11:25) do you always play with peoples hearts like this
(11:25) I enjoy jerking you around. You make some pretty good entertainment.
(11:26) glad to be of service :’)
(11:26) I suppose I could throw you a bone.
(11:26) im not falling for it this time
(11:27) My name is Tsukishima.
(11:27) it is
(11:27) up down left right with you
(11:28) NEVER WITH YOU
(11:28) Do not.
(11:28) i love your name its beautiful like you
(11:29) I revoke your right to say my name ever again.
(11:29) *heart eyes emoji*
(11:32) I have never regretted anything more in my life.
(3:24) You said you have a volleyball match next week, right?
(3:28) is this a dream
(3:28) are you actually texting me first
(3:29) Miracles abound today.
(3:29) yeah i have a match next week why
(3:29) I mentioned it to Tobio and he got really excited.
(3:30) He made me explain everything. I spent hours talking about rules and moves.
(3:30) i knew that kid had the vball genes in him
(3:30) I even dug up some old practice tapes from high school.
(3:31) He’s obsessed with setting.
(3:31) hed get along with my setter
(3:31) that arrogant ass
(3:31) i love him though
(3:32) *image attached*
(3:33) what… is that
(3:33) Tobio’s lack of artistic talent.
(3:33) i hope you didnt tell him that
(3:34) He said it was you blocking and scoring the winning point.
(3:35) he drew a picture of me?
(3:35) He captured your likeness down to the last red scribble.
(3:35) omg… omg...
(3:37) It’s not that big of a deal.
(3:37) youre not ruining this for me
(3:37) this is the best day of my life
(3:37) Remember when we talked about low standards?
(3:37) your son loves me
(3:38) He drew a picture of you.
(3:38) and how many other people has he drawn???
(3:38) thought so
(3:39) tell my biggest fan i said hello and thank you
(3:39) its the prettiest picture ive ever gotten
(3:39) Don’t get nudes much, huh.
(3:40) that went beyond savage
(3:40) that was straight up murder
(3:41) You like it.
(3:41) yeah im really wondering about that masochistic streak
(3:41) About that.
(3:42) I was thinking
(3:42) If you were interested
(3:42) I could help you explore that.
(3:44) i just dropped my fuckign phone
(3:44) are you fucking with me right now
(3:46) i fucking hate you
(3:46) No, you don’t.
(3:46) no i don’t
(3:46) Why do you keep falling for these things.
(3:47) actually im falling for you
(3:47) its all i got buddy
(3:49) is this going to be like last time when you said no but then changed your mind
(7:18) happy one week anniversary babe
(7:18) do i get a gift
(7:18) eyebrow wiggle
(7:21) Did you just type -eyebrow wiggle- at me
(7:22) *video attached*
(7:23) I did not ask for a video of you wiggling your eyebrows.
(7:23) its my gift to you
(7:23) I’m so… grateful.
(7:24) cmon gift gift gift
(7:24) I don’t know, I don’t have anything.
(7:25) *image attached*
(7:25) omg is that tobio
(7:25) hes so fucken cute wtf
(7:26) look at those hamster cheeks
(7:26) whats he eating
(7:26) Blueberry cupcake.
(7:26) It’s his reward for behaving in school.
(7:27) aww no fights today?
(7:28) His teacher said he engaged positively with other students. He was trying to play volleyball with them.
(7:28) omg thats adorable
(7:28) i see where he gets it from
(7:28) are you teaching him how to play
(7:30) I taught him how to receive but I’m rusty.
(7:30) I should look into classes for him.
(7:30) Do they even have classes for kids that young?
(7:31) the rec centre where i coach does
(7:31) idk about other places though
(7:31) Whereabouts is your rec centre?
(7:32) You’re not doing the stranger danger thing on me.
(7:32) do you hear that
(7:32) Can you hear my sigh travelling across the wind.
(7:33) STRANGER DANGER
(7:33) Are you done.
(7:33) my centres in tokyo lol
(7:34) It wouldn’t happen to be the Tokyo Sports and Recreation Centre?
(7:34) how did you know that
(7:34) oh my god this is real
(7:34) STRANGER DANGER
(7:36) It’s a twenty minute walk from my place.
(7:36) i know i just joked about stranger danger but should you really be telling me that
(7:37) Take it as proof that I don’t think you’re a predatory serial killer.
(7:37) thats the nicest thing youve ever said to me
(7:38) *heart emoji*
(7:38) well if youre interested the kiddy classes are wed 5pm and sat 10am
(7:38) you can go to one or both
(7:40) times no good?
(7:42) My brother has Tobio on both those days.
(7:42) I’ll have to talk to him about this.
(7:43) ahh dont wanna encroach on uncle nephew bonding time
(7:43) I don’t think Akiteru will mind-- he used to play volleyball too.
(7:43) how did you ever think tobio wouldnt be a vball player
(7:44) its clearly in his genes
(7:44) Wishful thinking. I never really liked volleyball.
(7:45) what no
(7:46) It was just a school club. I only did it because it was something to do.
(7:47) you come into my house
(7:48) well hey its paying off now
(7:48) i bet tobio looks at you like youre a god
(7:49) It’s the first time he’s really looked at me.
(7:50) So thanks.