Nights with you.
| ft. marktuan and imjaebum |
Jaebum likes it best when he is lying next to Mark in his comfy queen sized bed. He likes it best when their backs are against the mattress and their hands lay straight down, slowly finding its way to entwine together. Silence usually is the sound they have followed by their faint breathing. Jaebum was sure he wouldn’t find any comfort that could compare to what he feels right now.
Mark rarely says No to Jaebum, and for that, Jaebum is always thankful. Thankful that Mark lets him sleep in his bed, thankful that Mark’s fingers will always be laced with his even when the sun rises, thankful that Mark is his.
“Do you remember the first time we met?” Jaebum asked suddenly. He always like to think back to the first time he met Mark—seeing the American with curious eyes and hesitation to make himself comfortable among the rest of the trainees.
Mark smiles. “And the time I got into an argument with Youngjae—you tried to help, but made it worst.” Said Mark. “I still owe Brian dinner for being the translator.”
“He hates us,” responded Jaebum. And Mark chuckled.
“I didn’t speak to you for weeks and hung out with Jinyoung instead.” Mark recalled. Looking back to their trainee days, he could laugh about it seeing how silly it had been. He doesn’t even remember what the argument was about—all He was at that moment upset that Jaebum seemed to have sided with someone else other than him.
“I almost got killed by Bambam because of that!” Jaebum argued in his defense. “I was pretty sure Bambam was cussing me out in Thai after he found out we had unintentionally fought.”
Mark laughed remembering how riled Bambam became when he found out. No one really knew this but the foreign trainees sort of made this unspoken pact to protect each other from the Korean trainees. It was only just in case any of them were bullied.
“That would have been fun to watch,” said Mark. “Four feet eleven Bambam kicking your ass.”
Jaebum turned his head to glare at the older. Mark couldn’t see thanks to the darkness. “You’re an ass.” Jaebum barked.
“But I’m your ass.” Mark responded with a smirk.
And they went silent again.
Sometimes Jaebum thinks he has Mark figured out—mentally—but he really doesn’t. That was probably what he found charming of Mark. The older has so many sides of him that he only shows as time progress. Mark was quiet and Jaebum quickly caught on to that. Jaebum also caught on that Mark’s quietness didn’t stop him from observing his surrounds even when it looks like he doesn’t give a shit. Mark noticed the little things—the small details that really touch a person’s heart...like how he touched Jaebum’s heart.
Unlike Mark, Jaebum shows his anger. He doesn’t mask his emotions…precisely his frustration. He expresses himself too freely and that was something many found difficult about him. With Mark, he accepted Jaebum as he is. He didn’t mind that Jaebum was loud or that he has dominance in him.
Oddly, the two were compatible with each other—not to dismiss their arguments—Mark and Jaebum slowly became one.
“You know I always thought you were upset with me because it seemed I sided with Youngjae.” Jaebum said. It’s been years and they have yet to speak about that day. “I wasn’t.”
“I wasn’t taking anyone’s side. I only wanted to help but ended up making it worse.” Jaebum paused. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do when two of his friends were arguing. He knew Mark was at a disadvantage because he is a foreigner and his Korean was not good at that time.
Mark sighed before the hand that was attached to Jaebum’s freed itself to pull the younger into his chest. Jaebum allowed himself to be pulled towards Mark, resting his head on the elder’s chest.
“But you, you were the worst,” Jaebum begins complaining. “You gave me the silent treatment for two weeks!”
Mark’s lips curved into a smile. He can be little shit when given. He leaned his head against Jaebum’s knowing that even though the room was surrounded by darkness, Jaebum was pouting his way into Mark’s heart.
“And look at us, being tangled together in my queen bed because my boyfriend’s super single bed is too small,” Mark teased.
Jaebum buried his face deeper into the crook of Mark’s neck feeling the vibration of Mark’s chuckle slithered its way to the warmth of his body. Even though Jaebum appeared very chic to most people, when it came to Mark, he doesn’t know why every single part of him turns to the softest element it can be. He didn’t know the softness he has in his eyes whenever he would look at Mark until Jinyoung called him out on it. Jinyoung described the look in his eyes “as soft as a marshmallow.” There was something about Mark that made Jaebum become soft and less intimidating.
Jaebum often found himself succumbing to Mark more than he often does. He knew it wasn’t because Mark was technically the hyung…more of Jaebum doesn’t want to say no to Mark. It was Mark—everything and anything that has to do with him, Jaebum’s heart automatically says yes.
He knows they’re not the best when it comes to expressing themselves. Jaebum is bad with affection and Mark is terrible with words. Yet, oddly, very oddly by some aberrant miracle, they made it work—that’s not to say they didn’t have difficulties and a lot of awkward moments.
Jaebum was awkward with affection. He was terrible at things such as holding hands and hugs that weren’t meant to be friendly. And Mark, despite his quite nature, he was patient; so, so patient with how Jaebum tried to handle his own body from flinching away at each contact it made with Mark’s. It took some time, and Mark always backed off whenever he felt Jaebum’s body tensed when their hands touched. Jaebum knew that his lack of affection affected Mark—he could see it in the elder’s face whenever he would pull away from Mark’s touch.
It was not the type of affection Jaebum was used to. Jaebum really has never been intimate in affection towards the very few girlfriends he had in the past. He wasn’t sure if it was because Mark was American and that made him more open to such affection that Mark came on rather strong to the younger. Still, Jaebum wanted to accept it just as much it was just…fear was standing in his way. Fearing that he might like it too much and he might want to always hold Mark’s hand. Fearing that he will fall in love with the hugs from Mark; how the elder’s slender, pretty fingers rest perfectly on his hips with just a tight grip against his skin to keep him closer. Jaebum feared how much he will be in love with how the way Mark shows his affection.
Jaebum was right.
He became so in love with the way Mark held him; how Mark’s slender fingers fit perfectly between the gaps of his fingers as if it was meant to only be laced with Mark’s. He became so in love with the way Mark would wrap an arm around him from behind and rest his chin on his broad shoulders. He became so in love with the way he felt love and warmth in Mark’s arm even though the elder was smaller.
Jaebum fell so deeply in love with Mark the same way Mark has always been in love with Jaebum.
“When did you know that you like me?” Mark asked.
“When you purposely ignored me for two whole weeks,” Jaebum answered. He was honest. It was then that he realized how much he missed Mark and how upset it made him feel when Mark left him and started to socialize with Jinyoung more. Jaebum realized then that to him, Mark was more than just a best friend. “You?”
“I’ve always liked you even when you looked so cold and murderous,” said Mark. It might have been the second or third time when Mark met Jaebum again, and being placed under the same trainee dormitory that he started to develop a liking towards him.
“And love?” asked Jaebum.
Love. There were various occasions that made Mark realized he loves Jaebum. His most favorite was Jaebum cooking for his parents.
“When we had our very first LA schedule and you cooked for my parents,” answered Mark. “I came to realize how much you love me and how much I love you. You didn’t have to do that, but you did, and it really meant a lot to me to see you cooking a meal you’re confident in for my parents.” Mark could never forget that day. He remembered how his parents gave Jaebum never-ending praises, and how much his mom appreciated how thoughtful Jaebum was to cook them something. It was to Mark the most beautiful moment Jaebum has created in their relationship.
Jaebum’s face went red, blushing as he recalled that day. He was always shy whenever people mentioned the things he did that he didn’t seem to think meant much. He knew how important family is to Mark—now that Mark lives very far from his family and can only see them once or twice a year if he is lucky. He knew how much Mark misses his family even if he doesn’t speak about it. Jaebum always wants to make sure that Mark knew how much the elder meant to him and for his family to know too.
“You know my mom knew about us before I even said anything,” said Mark. “I don’t know how she knew but she just knew.”
“I remember after Mom tasted my kimchi stew, she said ‘My女婿 (nǚxu) is so perfect.’ I asked Jackson what that meant, and Sseun gave me very teasing smirk. He wouldn’t tell me what it meant,” Jaebum told still mad till this day that Jackson didn’t tell him.
Mark giggled, the smile on his lips stretched from ear to ear. His mom knew and she accepted Jaebum before he could tell his parents.
“임사위,” Mark said in a teasing manner. Jaebum was blushing again. (임사위 means Im Son-in-law)
“Do you ever think about how your life would be if you weren’t an idol?” Mark stumbled upon this question to himself one too many times. He doesn’t say it out loud, but he does have moments where he is envious of his friends for being able to live a normal life and able to do every day things in a normal environment. He sometimes is envious of his friends being able to experience the college-student life and how hellish it can be. He thinks that if he didn’t come to South Korea in 2012, he would be in college, too.
Jaebum nodded his head. “I think all of us thought about that at least once. It’s normal to ponder,” said Jaebum.
Jaebum thinks about it a lot, too. Being able to live and experience the idol life is something that only comes once in a lifetime. He doesn’t know for sure what he would be doing, maybe major in dance, if he wasn’t an idol. Jaebum doesn’t particularly think he is good at many things.
“I sometimes wonder if I didn’t come here to be a trainee, would I still meet you in the future?”
“I think so,” Jaebum answered immediately. “You might not meet me here but I’ll meet you in LA.” He was determined to make the meeting happen even if they didn’t know each other.
“Aggressive,” joked Mark.
“Not aggressive just relaying to cupid to make sure he makes us meet,” Jaebum proudly defended with a smile.
“And if cupid missed?”
“Hmm…”Jaebum hummed. “If cupid missed I supposed it will have to be fates job to bring us together.”
“I didn’t know you could be this cheesy, Im Jaebum.” Mark teased. It secretly made him happy that Jaebum would try very hard to find his way to Mark—even if they were strangers and probably didn’t speak the same language.
“I’ll find you,” Jaebum promised. He knew there will not be another person who makes him feel the same way Mark does. He knew there will not be another that can soften his heart and make him fall in love with touches that soothed his heart.
“I believe you will,” answered Mark. He really did believe Jaebum’s words for Jaebum always tried his best to let Mark know that he loves him, too.