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The Ultimate Weapon

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There was no reasoning with the undead. Victoria had recently learned that the hard way. She had no idea why she’d specifically been asked to get rid of the zombie infestation that was currently plaguing the home of a group of Fey, but she wasn’t one to ask nosy questions. The Fey could have easily disposed of the undead themselves, but they found it ‘beneath them’ and were staying in their home dimension for the time being. At least that’s what she was told when she was given the assignment and she wasn’t going to question a paying job. The first rule of witchcraft was ‘Get That Coin’.

Victoria considered herself to be a pretty good witch, but battle magic had never been her forte. After trying and failing with a few different spells, she’d decided that she was in need of a weapon. Ingredients gathered, crystals buried, and runes drawn she settled herself at the exact middle of the house (well, exact-ish) to conjure up the ultimate zombie killer.

Chanting beneath her breath Victoria reached for the power within her, concentrating on what she needed most. The air around her pulsated, whipping her hair about her face as winds swirled inside the room. Damn, this must be one powerful weapon. Chanting louder, she threw the spell ingredients onto the floor in front of her and shut her eyes as they caught flame and disappeared. The room was awash in magical energy, flowing into and out of Victoria as she worked her spell, causing loud booms of thunder to sound indoors. Flinging her head back, she screamed the last few words of the spell, a final burst of magic rushing through her veins and stealing the breath from her lungs.

When the room began to calm, she opened her tired eyes to see what she had brought forth.

Nothing. There was absolutely nothing before her.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” she groaned, fisting her hands into her windswept hair. “All of that for nothing?” She stood on shaky legs and brushed herself off. “Maybe I wasn’t in the exact center of the crystals? There could still be a sword or friggin lightsaber in a closet somewhere around here.”

The sound of a throat clearing came from behind her. “If you’re done talking to yourself, would you mind telling me where the fuck I am?”

Victoria spun around to see a large man holding a baseball bat wrapped with barbed wire standing in the doorway. She hadn’t checked super thoroughly, but she was pretty sure that he hadn’t been there before, which could only mean one thing. “Oh shit,” she gasped.

“Oh shit indeed,” the man agreed. “I’d also like to know how the fuck I got here?”

Victoria wasn’t quite sure how to answer that question. The man seemed human, which would mean that he wasn’t used to witchcraft or accidental teleportation and would possibly freak the fuck out when informed. He also might not even be from this dimension, which would cause a whole new set of issues. Keeping him in the dark would usually be the best option, but if her spell had worked like it was meant to, and it damn sure felt like it did, then he was the ultimate zombie killing weapon and she needed him.