Work Header

Miss the Old You

Chapter Text

[Kogayne created Hamilton the Musical]

[Kogayne added Shirogone, Lancelot, Hunker, Allurk, Pidgeon, AShaymed, Corn, NayMan, and Rolos]

Kogayne: You know why I'm so similar to Hamilton?

Shirogone: No.

Kogayne: I'm a bastard, orphan, son of a whore.

Lancelot: And an asshole.

Hunker: A friend of the group, but not so much the individual.

Allurk: An immigrant.

Pidgeon: Someday you're going to die because you pissed off your friend and he shot you?

AShaymed: You are in charge of the care of a large sum of money.

Lancelot: Surprise, surprise. Keith actually has money in his bank account. You couldn't tell by his shitty apartment.

Kogayne: I came here to have a good time and I am honestly feeling so attacked right now.

Kogayne: This is homophobia. 

Lancelot: <3 u!!!

Kogayne: Sure. 

[Lancelot changed Kogayne's name to Hamilton]

[Pidgeon changed Lancelot's name to Aaron Burr Sir]

Aaron Burr Sir: This is biphobia. 

Aaron Burr Sir: I would never shoot Keith. 

Pidgeon: Your track history says otherwise. 

Aaron Burr Sir: Okay, that was high school. We are mature adults now. 

Pidgeon: Keith stole your jacket. 

Aaron Burr Sir: [Shoots Keith] 

Aaron Burr Sir: Jk, jk. 

Hamilton: I didn't steal it. 

Hamilton: I've just been borrowing it for 3 months. 

Aaron Burr Sir: ...................

Hamilton: Okay, maybe I stole it. 

Hamilton: But it smells nice and it reminds me of you. 

Aaron Burr Sir: You are aware of the fact that I've been freezing my ass off for the past few months because I couldn't find that jacket, right? 

Hamilton: I could buy you a new one? 

Pidgeon: You'd just steal that one too, Keith. 

Hamilton: I am offended. 

Hamilton: Why would I do such a thing? 

Aaron Burr Sir: Him, an angel. 

Hamilton: Exactly. 

NayMan: I remember in high school when you made out with Rolo in Victoria's Secret. They kicked Keith out and he stole a bunch of bras as 'revenge.' 

Aaron Burr Sir: You have a point. 

Pidgeon: And remember how he used to smoke pot outside the gym and he got caught by the principal. 

Rolos: And the next week we were having sex in the principal's office while she went out for lunch. 

Hamilton: That was high school. 

Pidgeon: And remember how he stole Lance's jacket? 

Hamilton: That's different!

Allurk: And how he stole Lotor's car and crashed it into a Target last week? 

Corn: And how he stole a horse and rode it through Walmart last Thursday? 

NayMan: I seem to remember seeing him popping tires outside my apartment last night. 

NayMan: And let's not forget the time he came to Lance's dorm covered in blood. 

Hamilton: It wasn't blood. It was red slushie. 

NayMan: With a knife. 

NayMan: I'm pretty sure he killed someone. 

Hamilton: I was trying to fix the machine!

NayMan: With a knife? 

Hamilton: I couldn't find a screwdriver. 

Aaron Burr Sir: Keith's life is either a crazy adventure or a series of unfortunate circumstances. 

Pidgeon: A Series of Unfortunate Events. 

Hamilton: I didn't steal the horse. Rolo just let me borrow Rover for the weekend. 

Rolos: I can confirm. 

Hamilton: I did not steal Lotor's car. He was giving me a ride, but he was high and couldn't drive. Which is how we crashed into Target. 

Hamilton: And I was popping tires of a bunch of stolen cars. Hunk and I had called the police about it, but they said they couldn't do anything about it until morning, so we decided to stall the thieves. 

Hunker: I can confirm this. I was also helping him pop tires and the police came in the morning and arrested the perps. 

Hamilton: See? 

NayMan: ...

NayMan: Friday, the thirteenth. 

Hamilton: Okay, that was an accident. 

Aaron Burr Sir: What happened? 

NayMan: He beat up a guy so badly that he went into a coma. 

Hamilton: It was an accident. Self defence. He attacked me. 

NayMan: You beat him so badly that he went into a coma. 

Aaron Burr Sir: I heard about this in the news. 

Aaron Burr Sir: 'Crazed Man Almost Kills Rapist.' 

Aaron Burr Sir: Great title for a news report. 

Hamilton: Okay, so maybe I went a little far.

Hamilton: But that guy deserved every single hit I gave him. 

Hunker: I didn't know that Keith went at it with a rapist. 

Rolos: Yeah, the guy was drunk and apparently tried to rape Pidge and called her a 'stupid lesbian hoe.' 

Pidgeon: First of all, I'm a bitch, not a hoe. And second, the guy didn't even get very far before Keith showed up and beat the crap out of him. 

Pidgeon: Don't give him crap about protecting me because if I could have, I would have done much worse to that asshole tbh. 

NayMan: I still stand by my theory that Keith could and would actually kill someone given the chance. 

NayMan: He knows way too much about how to kill people. 

Hamilton: Okay, that there is true. 

Hamilton: If anybody were to mess with any one of you I would definitely kill them. 

Pidgeon: His way of being a great friend is hiding the body. 

Shirogone: Or killing the problem. 

Hamilton: I have my ways and you have yours. Don't judge me. 

Aaron Burr Sir: 3> u!!!

Hamilton: u2

Aaron Burr Sir: !!!

Pidgeon: Stop it with your gross platonic/not-so-platonic flirting. 

Hunker: I'm still confused about the Klance thing though. Are they or are they not dating? 

NayMan: They used to date in middle school when Keith and I were still bffs. 

Hamilton: Still are!!!

NayMan: I used to call him Katie in middle school though so everyone thought he was a girl. 

Aaron Burr Sir: Exposed. 

NayMan: Everyone called him Katie until college. 

NayMan: And he used to go to the girl's locker room to cuz he was 'too gay for that shit.' 

NayMan: And nobody would have noticed anyways cuz of his long-ass hair and his fucking pigtails. 

Aaron Burr Sir: And let's not forget the miniskirts. 

Hamilton: I lived at a foster care home with a bunch of girls, okay? 

NayMan: Anyways, one day the coach coerced him into going into the guy's locker room instead.

Hamilton: If by coerced, you mean dragged me in by my hair. 

NayMan: All the guys were freaked out cuz they thought some girl was being forced into the locker rooms, but when Keith proceeded to actually get dressed for gym and they figured out he was actually a boy, everyone started talking. 

Rolos: But Lance, being the charmer he was started flirting with him. 

NayMan: And Keith being as impulsive as he was kissed him then and there. 

NayMan: So they became boyfriends, but they broke up in high school. 

NayMan: And Lance started dating me (though we obviously broke up since I'm with Rolo now.)

Rolos: And later Keith and I started dating, but now I'm dating Nyma. 

NayMan: And sadly Klance has yet to get back together again despite their obvious love for each other. 

Rolos: So they act like an old married couple now. 

Hamilton: We both agreed that we would once I got over my shit. But that has yet to happen. 

Aaron Burr Sir: So we're just that in between. 

Aaron Burr Sir: He's just afraid that if we got together again he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off me. 

Hamilton: And from past experience, having sex all the time is not the basis of a healthy relationship. 

Aaron Burr Sir: Who knew? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hunker: Okay. 

Hunker: Also didn't need to know about your sex life. No offence. 

NayMan: Anyways, I need to go. 

Rolos: Me too. 

Hunker: I should get to studying. 

Hamilton: So, about that thing you were talking about at work?

Aaron Burr Sir: This conversation depressed me, so not today. 

Hamilton: Shit. I'll come over. 

Aaron Burr Sir: I'll be fine. 

Hamilton: I know you will because I'm going to come over and love on you, damn it. 

Aaron Burr Sir: I'll get a movie on. 

Chapter Text

[Hamilton the Musical]

Hamilton: I gotta go to counseling tomorrow. Someone give me an excuse not to go. 

NayMan: Wanna go shopping with me instead?

Hamilton: Here's an option that I like.

Aaron Burr Sir: Spend these 30 hours getting freaky.

Hamilton: I need it hard. I'm your dead girl walking.

Pidgeon: Stop provoking him. He's singing Heathers at the top of his lungs and he needs to stop.

Pidgeon: ... He's still good though. 

Hamilton: I didn't get first chair in choir for no reason. 

Pidgeon: That's not something you should brag about. 

[Hamilton changed Aaron Burr Sir's name to J.D.]

J.D.: Sorry, but I really had to wake you.

Hamilton: See I decided I must ride you 'till I break you. 

J.D.: 'Cause Heather says I gots to go

Hamilton: You're my last meal on death row! 

Hamilton: Shut your mouth and loose them tighty-whiteys! 

J.D.: Come on! Tonight I'm yours! I'm your dead girl walking! 

Hamilton: Get on all fours! Kiss this dead girl walking! 

Pidgeon: I can hear you two yelling the lyrics at each other from my dorm. 

J.D.: Let's go, you know the drill! 

Hamilton: I'm hot and pissed and on the pill! 

J.D.: Hell yes, you are. 

Hamilton: Bow down to the will of a dead girl walking! 

J.D.: And you know, you know, you know. 

J.D.: It's cuz you're beautiful. 

J.D.: You say you're numb inside, but I can't agree.

J.D.: So the world's unfair, keep it locked out there. 

J.D.: In here it's beautiful. Let's make this beautiful. 

Hamilton: Works for me. 

Hunker: Do you two always get over your sexual frustration by singing about sex extremely loudly in the middle of the night? 

[J.D. changed Hunker's name to Spoil Sport ] 

Spoil Sport: Unnecessary. 

[J.D changed Spoil Sport's name to The Incredible Hunk]

[J.D. changed Pidgeon's name to Green Goblin

Green Goblin: Unnecessary. 

Hamilton: You know what Lance has in common with J.D.?

Hamilton: He's clueless when it comes to sex. 

Green Goblin: Didn't need to know that. 

J.D.: Excuse. 

J.D.: It just takes me a little bit to get into gear. 

J.D.: Besides, I prefer it when you ride me, cowboy. ;) 

Green Goblin: Ew. 

Hamilton: But I prefer it when you pin me down and dominate me. 

Green Goblin: Can you guys stop sexting for a second. Or at least have the decency to take it to a private chat? 

Hamilton: Point. 


Hamilton: So...

J.D.: Wanna watch Moana again?

Hamilton: Hell yea

J.D.: I'll get the popcorn. 

[ Hamilton the Musical  ]

Corn: I thought I heard my name. 

Chapter Text

[Hamilton the Musical]

Incredible Hunk: Hi, I'm Michael and I've been in the bathroom for 2 hours because my best friend ditched me at a party for some drunk slut.

J.D.: Sorry, Hunk. I'll come get you.

Hamilton: Excuse.

Hamilton: I am not drunk.

Allurk: That's your only concern?

Hamilton: Well I'm not gonna deny

Hamilton: I am a pretty big slut for my boyfriend. 

Allurk: You mean-?

Hamilton: Yup. 

Allurk: Omg. You don't know how happy this makes me. 

Allurk: My babies finally got together. 

Allurk: Does this mean you've gotten over what you needed to?

Hamilton: As much as I can. 

Hamilton: But that's enough for me. 

Allurk: I'm so happy for you two! Are you and Lance doing fine so far? It feels like forever since I saw you guys. 

J.D.: Yeah. We're good. 

Hamilton: I can hear you dumb asses singing Michael In the Bathroom upstairs. 

Incredible Hunk: And I hear a drunk girl sing along to Whitney through the door.


Allurk: We may be at the same party.

Hamilton: Nyma's place?

Allurk: Yup. 

Allurk: I'm with Matt and Shiro though since Pidge couldn't come. 

Allurk: Is this how I am with Pidge? 

Allurk: They are blatantly making out directly in front of me. 

Allurk: It's like middle school Klance all over again. 

[Hamilton added Green Goblin 2.0]

Green Goblin 2.0: I don't know whether to be offended that you are comparing me to that heathen or flattered that you think of me as the better version of that heathen. 

Green Goblin: You're 2.0 because you're the faker. 

Green Goblin: Also, guess who has tickets to Wicked? 

Allurk: What is this feeling, so sudden and new? 

Allurk: I felt the moment I laid my eyes on you? 

Allurk: My pulse is rushing. 

Allurk: My head is reeling.

Allurk: My face is flushing. 

Allurk: What is this feeling?

Allurk: Fervid as a flame

Allurk: Does it have a name?

Allurk: Yes! Loathing!

Hamilton: Or maybe you actually love your girlfriend??? 

Allurk: Unadulterated loathing! 

Allurk: For your face.

Green Goblin: Your voice.

Allurk: Your clothing. 

Hamilton: I'm taking a shot every time this gc breaks out into song from now on. 

J.D.: Because that's what you need right now. 

Green Goblin: You and Lance did it first, so it's technically your fault. 

Hamilton: Point. 

Green Goblin: Also, I got tickets for both of us, Allura. 

Allurk: !!!

Allurk: My sunshine, my stars, my sky, light of my life!!!

Allurk: I love you so much!!!

Green Goblin: You're welcome. Am I not the best girlfriend ever? 

Hamilton: I can point out a few times when you weren't. 

Allurk: Shhh. My bby's the best. 

Incredible Hunk: Actually-

Incredible Hunk: Shay came to the party from work so that we could just hang out in the bathroom. 

Incredible Hunk: Keith, take your boyfriend back. 

Hamilton: Gladly. 

Allurk: Holy shit, Keith. 

Allurk: I just saw you jump from that ledge with those giant candelabras to the stairs. 

Allurk: How did you even get up there? 

Hamilton: Those 'giant candelabras' are not candelabras. 

Allurk: I don't even want to know. 

Hamilton: It's not bad. 

Hamilton: Or not that bad. 

Hamilton: They're just bongs. 

Allurk: What are you doing smoking drugs up there? 

Hamilton: Smoking pot. What does it look like? 

Allurk: You're not stoned, are you? 

Hamilton: Not yet. 

J.D.: He's lying. 

J.D.: He didn't smoke shit up there. 

J.D.: He was just being an antisocial dweeb. 

Hamilton: Exposed. 

Hamilton: Y'all took the bathroom and there were people making out and having sex in all the bedrooms. 

Hamilton: So I chose to wait it out with the bongs. 

Incredible Hunk: Texan Keith makes an appearance. 

Hamilton: All y'all'd've done th' same. 

J.D.: No. 

J.D.: Not all of us are antisocial dweebs or entirely comfortable hanging out with a bunch of bongs. 

J.D.: Hug. 

Hamilton: No. 

Rolos: I'm here with Rover. 

Hamilton: I'm coming. 

J.D.: My boyfriend ditched me for a horse. 

Allruk: Is it just me or does Rolo actually bring Rover with him everywhere? 

Hamilton: Rolo's parents own a big ranch outside of town and he's in charge of taking care of her every so often. So he just takes her into the city when he can. 

Hamilton: Also Rover is my baby so he has to bring her over at least once a week. 

Rolos: Well soon you'll get to see your actual babies, since they'll be coming in next week. 


Rolos: He's bringing all the animals from Texas. 

Rolos: His aunt is selling the farm and giving him all the animals. 

Hamilton: Well, she's also giving me half the money from the farm. So my inheritance money is going to finally be used to get a place for all the animals she's dumping on me. 

J.D.: How'd that happen? 

Hamilton: The farm was supposed to be mine in the first place anyways. 

Hamilton: But I've still got college. 

Hamilton: And I'll probably have to quit my job. 

Rolos: Can't you just sell them? 

Hamilton: NO. 

Hamilton: It may have been almost ten years since I've seen them, but I still love them. I would never even think about selling them to some farming estate that would just slaughter all of them without a second thought. 

Rolos: I don't think that's gonna happen, but whatever. 

Hamilton: Also you can make a surprisingly large sum of money from farming nowadays. 

Rolos: What about college?

Hamilton: I'll still go, I'll just have to make time for taking care of the farm. 

J.D.: But we won't get to hang out as often. 

Hamilton: You could move in with me. 

Hamilton: I mean if you want to. 

Hamilton: I know that's kind of going fast. 

J.D.: Yes. 

J.D.: Have you checked out any places yet? 

Hamilton: Yeah. There's one just outside of the city with a giant two story house and plenty of space. 

J.D.: Count me in. 

Chapter Text

[Hamilton the Musical]

Hamilton: Sooo....

J.D.: Pidge already said she'd take the goats.

J.D.: Matt says he wants to barter for the goats.

J.D.: I'm taking the cats and dogs cuz I'm not having a bunch of farm animals in my dorm.

Hamilton: They're from a farm so they're still technically farm animals.

J.D.: Rolo is taking the horses and Kaltenecker.

Allurk: I'm okay to take the chickens. Grandfather has a shed out back that they could stay in.

Hamilton: Could you possibly take the turkeys too?

Allurk: Yep.

Shirogone: I'll take any of the baby animals. I don't have enough space for any of the bigger ones. Plus the babies are cute.

Incredible Hunk: I'm staying with my moms, so I can take the pigs and keep them in the backyard.

Hamilton: We're all set then. 

Hamilton: You can all pick them up tomorrow by my apartment complex. 

Hamilton: And I'll work on getting the place as soon as I can. 

Allurk: Since we're helping you out though.... 

Allurk: Do you think I could move in with you guys? 

Hamilton: What?

Allurk: I can't pay off my apartment for much longer and I need another place to stay. 

Allurk: And you said there were about 20 rooms in the house. I could help out on the farm when I'm off. 

Hamilton: I said it looked like it had been made for a family of 20. 

Hamilton: I mean, I don't mind as long as you don't destroy it, but I mean... 

J.D.: I'm fine with it if you are, Keith. Besides, it just means another helping hand. 

Hamilton: You are aware that this is just going to be wasting a lot of gas money too, right? 

Allurk: Yes. But it'll mean less money for living space. And I'll get to be around my babies all the time. 

[Hamilton changed Allurk's name to Space Mom]

Space Mom: I am okay with this. 

[Green Goblin 2.0 changed Shirogone's name to Space Daddy]

Space Mom: You always have to make it awkward. 

Green Goblin 2.0: It's cuz he's my space /daddy/. Get it? 

Incredible Hunk: If it's okay with you, could I move in too? My rent isn't cheap and I've been looking for a new place for a while now. 

Hamilton: Sure. 

Hamilton: Why don't we just let the entire space family move in. 

Space Mom: Okay. I'll move my stuff in with the birds. 

Hamilton: I was being sarcastic, but okay. 

J.D.: It's going to be all Grey's Anatomy up in there. 

Corn: Grey's Anatomy? 

Space Mom: He lives.

J.D.: You know, because all the doctors lived together as friends, but some of them were also having sex despite the fact that the walls were thin and there were a whole bunch of other people living there. 

Green Goblin: Why does it always have to be about sex with you two? 

J.D.: I'm a growing boy. 

J.D.: I need some fine ass in my life sometimes. 

Hamilton: Or some big, long vbdhkasfjeiygffdbjk

Hamilton: Nope. I am taking away phone privileges from anyone who sexts in the gc. -Pidge

Space Mom >> Green Goblin 

Space Mom: At least we have the decency to keep it private. 

Green Goblin: We haven't sexted before. 

Space Mom: We could start. 

Green Goblin: Point. 

[ Hamilton the Musical ]

Hamilton: Damn, okay. 

J.D.: They think we're too open about our sex lives. 

J.D.: they're jealous

Hamilton: Because they don't have a sex life. 

Green Goblin: Excuse. 

Green Goblin: We have plenty of sex. 

Space Mom: No, we don't. 

Green Goblin: Shhhhhhhhh. 

Space Mom: I mean

Space Mom: Yes, we have lots of sex. 

Space Mom: We fuck all over the place. 

Green Goblin: Yes. 

Green Goblin: ........

Green Goblin: I can hear you ass hats laughing upstairs. 

Incredible Hunk: Maybe you both should stop. 

Space Mom: Yeah Klance. 

Hamilton: What? Does it make the gay girls uncomfortable when the gay guys talk about sex because they don't have a sex life? 

Green Gobin: No. 

Green Goblin: It's just not an appropriate thing to be talking about in the gc. 

Green Goblin: You could totally pm me about your sex lives and I wouldn't care, but please don't do it in the gc. 

J.D.: You're right, Pidge. Keith was just teasing. 

J.D.: Keith stole my phone just to say that off account. 

Hamilton: Exposed. 

Green Goblin: Thanks Keith. 

Hamilton: np

Green Goblin: I'm also moving in with you guys. 

Green Goblin: I don't trust you to take care of my precious Allura. 

Hamilton: I am offended. 

Hamilton: I am great at the care of space moms. 

Hamilton: I am a great spacemomsitter. 

Hamilton: I should get paid for the quality at which I do it. 

Green Goblin: You'd have to pay compensation for breaking the space moms. 

Hamilton: This is homophobia. 

Green Goblin: I'm gay too, you tool. 

[Green Goblin changed Hamilton's name to Gay Tool]

[Green Goblin left]

J.D.: Keith! 

Gay Tool: She asked for it. 

[J.D. added Green Goblin]

[Gay Tool changed Green Goblin's name to Child Abuse]

Child Abuse: Okay, fuck you. 

Child Abuse: Don't stick your problems on me. 

Child Abuse: I can't even believe you would think about me that way. 

Gay Tool: Sorry. 

[Gay Tool changed Child Abuse's name to Cryptid Girl]

[Cryptid Girl changed Gay Tool's name to Cryptid Gay]

Cryptid Girl: I'm sorry too. 

J.D.: Keith's just feeling a little depressed today. 

J.D.: His aunt called today because of the little ordeal. 

Cryptid Girl: What happened? 

J.D.: She was talking shit about his mom, so he hung up on her. He's still going to go through with the deal and he'll have to meet up with her at some point but

J.D.: She's just a total bitch. 

Cryptid Girl: Damn. How can someone talk shit like that about their dead sister? 

J.D.: I think it's just because she married a douche bag. 

J.D.: She hates her sister for putting Keith in that situation. 

J.D.: I don't agree with it, but his mom shouldn't have left him with his dad. That wasn't fair of her. 

Cryptid Girl: Yeah. 

Cryptid Girl: Is talking about Keith always this depressing?

J.D.: No. His middle school and high school years were pretty funny. 

Cryptid Girl: Yeah, but whenever we talk about it we usually end up talking about the issues he used to have (and still has). 

J.D.: We just have too be there for him when he needs it. 

J.D.: He doesn't mind. He understands that he has problems and he's trying to fix them. 

J.D.: So I'm going to love and support him through everything. 

Cryptid Girl: That's gay. 

J.D.: Sure is. I love my adorable boyfriend so much. 

Cryptid Girl: ... 

Cryptid Girl: Me too. 

Chapter Text

[Hamilton the musical]

[Green Goblin 2.0 changed their name to Space Daddy's Daddy]

Space Daddy's Daddy: I am everyone's dad by default. 

Cryptid Gay: My old man was a shit head. I'd prefer not to have another shit head for a father.

Space Daddy's Daddy: Rude.

J.D.: I could be your daddy, Keef. ;)

Cryptid Girl: Don't say that to the boy with daddy issues.

Cryptid Gay: Little did they know

Incredible Hunk: The boy with daddy issues also had a daddy kink.

Incredible Hunk: A very bad combination.

J.D.: He's also a masochist. 

Cryptid Gay: Exposed. 

Cryptid Girl: Everything he hated as a child, he loves as an adult, but only when it comes to sex. 

Cryptid Gay: Not quite. 

J.D.: He still hates eating vegetables. 

J.D.: [ChubbyBabyKeith.jpg]

Cryptid Gay: Exposed. 

J.D.: You may be thinking, 'wow, how do I get skinny like he did?'

Cryptid Gay: Just lose all hope for humanity.

J.D.: It's called Lactose Intolerance. 

J.D.: This boy drinks a gallon of milk per day. 

J.D.: And he needs to stop. 

Cryptid Gay: No. 

Incredible Hunk: Chubby babies are the cutest babies. 

AShaymed: They are literally flawless. 

AShaymed: Have you seen those paintings of the baby Jesus at the art museum on Park? 

AShaymed: You don't have to be a Christian to agree that Chubby Baby Jesus is the cutest thing ever. Even if it is just in a very inaccurate painting. 

J.D.: [ChubbyLittleKeith.jpg]

Cryptid Gay: Why do you have all these pictures of me? 

J.D.: I know your apartment like the back of my hand. 

J.D.: You can't hide shit from me in there. 

Space Mom: Aww, my baby was so cute. 

Space Mom: And is that an actual smile I see?

Space Mom: Is this heaven? 

Cryptid Gay: Why does this always happen to me? 

Cryptid Gay: 911, I am being bullied. 

[J.D. changed Cryptid Gay's name to Chubby Baby]

Chubby Baby: Unnecessary. 

[Chubby Baby changed J.D.'s name to Nobody's Daddy]

Nobody's Daddy: :'( 

Space Daddy: This is way too confusing now. 

[Space Daddy changed Nobody's Daddy's name to #Don'tBullyKeith2k17]

[Space Daddy changed Space Daddy's Daddy's name to Mac Pro]

#Don'tBullyKeith2k17: Point. 

Space Daddy: Don't bully my brother. 

Chubby Baby: We're not actually brothers. 

Space Daddy: If you can't love and appreciate him, then you can't have him. 

Chubby Baby: He already does. 

Space Daddy: And if I find out that you hurt my chubby baby brother, I will have to hurt you. 

Chubby Baby: Okay, just ignore me then. 

Space Daddy: What was that, my chubby baby brother, Keith? 

Chubby Baby: You're doing this on purpose. 

Chubby Baby: You can scroll up and see what I said. 

Chubby Baby: Don't ignore me SHiro

Space Daddy: You're too easy to rile up. 

Chubby Baby: Fuck you. 

[Space Daddy changed Chubby Baby's name to Fuck You

Space Daddy: It suits you. 

Fuck You: True. 

Fuck You: Well, I'm going to Wendy's to drown in Frosty's. 

Space Daddy: NO. 

#Don'tBullyKeith2k17: He turned off his notifications. 

Space Daddy: He always does that. 

#Don'tBullyKeith2k17: I'll get him. 

Space Daddy: That might be for the best. 

Chapter Text

[Hamilton the Musical]

#Don'tBullyKeith2k17: Blue is the best kitty ever.

Fuck You: What happened?

Space Daddy: Aren't you at work?

Fuck You: Fuck you.

Fuck You: It isn't busy right now, so I'm just checking my Insta and drinking some coffee.

#Don'tBullyKeith2k17: You have an Instagram?

Fuck You: Yeah?

#Don'tBullyKeith2k17: Do you have Snapchat too?

Fuck You: Why?

#Don'tBullyKeith2k17: Cuz I want to see pictures of my cute boyfriend, so if you do I'd like to see your account right now.

Fuck You: A) I'm not cute and B) I don't even take pictures of myself.

#Don'tBullyKeith2k17: Then what do you take pictures of?

Fuck You: None of your business.

Space Daddy: He takes pictures of other people's motorcycles and hot guys. 

Fuck You: Betrayed by my own flesh and blood. 

[#Don'tBullyKeith2k17 changed Fuck You's name to Queer Queef]

Queer Queef: Why???

#Don'tBullyKeith2k17: That's just for the throwing up all night in my dorm. 

#Don'tBullyKeith2k17: No remorse cuz that was entirely your fault.

[Queer Queef changed #Don'tBullyKeith2k17's name to Bully]

Bully: Unnecessary. 

Bully: But seriously

Bully: This really isn't healthy. 

Bully: And if you get skinnier than me because you can't go through a single meal without drowning yourself in milk

Bully: You're gonna have to stay 15 feet away from me at all times

Bully: Cuz I'd like to keep my crown as the skinniest bitch here. 

Bully: And I don't want to have to tell people someday that I was widowed because my boy toy drank too much milk. 

Queer Queef: We're not married though? 

Bully: Well someday I'm going to marry your fine ass, so you'd better not die before that. 

Queer Queef: Okay. 

Queer Queef: Not making any promises though. 

Bully: I'll take it. 

Bully: But anyways

Bully: Blue is great. 

Bully: She's been cuddling up to me since the moment I got home. She's so cute. 

Queer Queef: How's Red doing?

Bully: She's been hissing at me since I got here. 

Bully: Kind of like you. 

Queer Queef: Rude. 

[Queer Queef changed Bully's name to Blue]

[Blue changed Queer Queef's name to Red

Blue: Hey Red, wanna go somewhere and make purple? 

Red: That was terrible. 

Blue: Did it work though? 

Red: .... 

Red: Omw. 

Blue: ;)

Blue: 3> u

Red: u2

Chapter Text

[Hamilton the Musical]

Blue: Did you guys know that Keith wears contacts?

Red: Don't expose me.

Pidge: Who wears grey contacts?

Red: I do.

Blue: I bet none of you can guess what color his eyes really are.

Space Daddy: Black?

Cryptid Girl: Blue?

Space Mom: Hazel?

NayMan: Brown?

Rolos: Red.

Blue: What? No. They're not red.

Rolos: Then why is his user 'red' now? 

Blue: His cat is named red. 

Blue: His eyes are violet. 

Space Mom: I've never heard of violet eyes before. 

NayMan: That seems a little unnatural. 

Red: It's a genetic defect. 

Red: My eyes turned purple when I was in elementary school. 

Space Mom: So not only are they violet, but they change colors too? 

Red: It's pretty common for people's eye colors to change, but it usually only happens when you're a baby. 

NayMan: My eyes were hazel, but they turned blue when I was in middle school. 

Red: I started wearing contacts right before I started middle school because people kept asking about my 'contacts' that I didn't have. 

Blue: His eyes are so pretty though???

Blue: [KeefEyes.jpg] 

NayMan: They almost look see-through. 

Space Mom: They look kind of dark to me. 

Mac Pro: His eyes look more like the Andromeda galaxy. 

Cryptid Girl: Nerd. 

Incredible Hunk: What is the Andromeda galaxy?

Mac Pro: Oh, nothing. Just the brightest galaxy in the universe known to man. 

Blue: That has to be the nerdiest pickup line ever. 

Blue: I'm stealing it. 

Red: No, Lance. 

Blue: Yes, Lance. 

Cryptid Girl: Proof that Keith is actually an alien halfling. 

Mac Pro: That's not proof that he's an alien halfling. There are more than 600 people with violet eyes in this world alone. 

Cryptid Girl: I'm pretty sure he has the DNA of a cat.

Cryptid Girl: I have yet to test that theory though since he has a) locked me out of his apartment, b) has taken a surprisingly large amount of precautions to keep me away from anywhere he has been before, and c) karate chops me in the arm every time I try to grab a piece of his hair. 

Cryptid Girl: I know he's trying to keep me from finding out about his true identity. 

Red: Wow. And I thought we were friends. 

Cryptid Girl: Friends don't hide things from each other, /Keith/. Or is that really your name? 

Red: I'm not hiding anything. But I think you might be. 

Cryptid Girl: I don't know what you're talking about. 

Red: I just don't want you doing weird shit to my hair. I can have my boundaries, right? It's not that abnormal to be a little paranoid. 

Red: But you're just way too set on the idea that I'm alien. I wonder why. 

Cryptid Girl: Because you act like an alien sometimes? 

Red: Or maybe it's because you know something I don't. 

Red: Did you find out something about my mom? 

Cryptid Girl: Read at 2:37 ✓

Blue: The Hunter Becomes the Hunted. 

Red: Pidge, I swear if you found out something about my parents and you aren't telling me about it

Blue: Pidge, you may want to lock your doors cuz Keith is coming in swinging. 

Red: Exposed. 

Cryptid Girl: Thanks Lance. 

Cryptid Girl: I swear it's nothing. 

Cryptid Girl: I swear I would tell you if I found something out about what happened to your parents. 

Cryptid Girl: Garrison, remember? 

Cryptid Girl: The alien thing's a joke. 

Cryptid Girl: But seriously. 

Cryptid Girl: If you're an alien, you'd better tell me about it. 

Red: I'm not an alien. 

Cryptid Girl: You sure? 

Red: Yes, I'm sure. 

Red: Get your ass back in bed before I have to come over and kick it. It's 3 in the morning. 

Cryptid Girl: Okay, spoil sport. Good night, halfling. 

Red: Good night. 

Chapter Text

[Hamilton the Musical]

[Blue changed Hamilton the Musical to Cat Problems]

Blue: I think Red might actually be a guy.

Red: What?

Blue: He's been pissing all over the walls and

Blue: [PussyWithBalls.jpg]

Red: Okay so Red is a he.

Blue: And Blue is in heat.

Blue: So how was your day?

Red: Great. 

Red: I talked to my aunt today. 

Blue: Did you get through it without punching her? 

Red: Yea.

Red: She never tells me anything about my mom except when she's talking shit about her. 

Red: But I got almost 100k after talking to her. 

Red: So now I really am a millionaire. 

Blue: You only have 1mil. 

Red: Point being? 

Blue: I'm pretty sure that doesn't actually make you a millionaire. 

Red: Details, details. 

Blue: I think Blue might be either sick or pregnant. 

Red: I hope it's the latter. 

Red: Sick cats are not nice cats. 

Blue: I'm taking her to the vet this afternoon. 

Blue: So we'll see. 

Cryptid Girl: Matt may have stolen one of your goats. 

Red: What? 

Cryptid Girl: There were 4 here this morning and now there are only 3. 

Mac Pro: Matt Jr's in the closet. He was being loud, so I just let him take out his anger on your clothes. 

Cryptid Girl: A) Why did you rename the goat? b) He is a she. c) I will actually kill you for letting her eat all my damn clothes. d) Her name is Rover 2.0 and e) Keith, why did you name the goat Rover 2.0? That's the stupidest name ever. 

Red: Don't pick on Rover 2.0

Red: And I don't want to hear about stupid names from you, Pidge. 

Cryptid Girl: Point. 

Blue: [PussyWithBalls.jpg] 

Red: Do re mi fa so fucking done with you. 

Cryptid Girl: I don't want to see your cat's dick pics. 

Blue: Red's a boy. 

Blue: And Blue's pregnant. 

Red: You already done with the vet? 

Blue: Yep. 

Blue: She's expected to have a litter in 5 weeks. 

Red: Wow, that's fast. 

Blue: Yeah. He said that cats normally have a pregnancy of 9-10 weeks, but the indications of pregnancy are 'subtle during the first few weeks.' 

Mac Pro: Congrats. Is it a boy or a girl. 

Blue: It's a litter, dumb ass. 

Red: Who are you and what have you done with Lance? 

Blue: Bi and bitter. 

Red: What happened? 

Blue: Your cat is a menace. 

Blue: He took Blue away from me. 

Blue: And now they're cUDdLinG

Blue: Red won't even come near me and now he has Blue in his clutches. 

Blue: At least I still have Black, Green, and Yellow. 

Red: That's cute. 

Blue: All the cats are abandoning me now for Red. 

Blue: This is biphobia. 

Blue: [Betrayal.jpg] Be that way. Dumb cats. 

Blue: I still have Plaxum and Blumfump. 

Red: Btw I did not name the dogs. That was my aunt's fault. 

Blue: I like Plaxum. It's a nice name. 

Blue: For a fish.

Blue: Plaxum isn't really a dog name though. 

Mac Pro: You know if I wasn't so gay. 

Mac Pro: I'd totally marry Matt Jr. 

Red: No. 

Red: Bestiality is not allowed under my roof with my babies. 

Red: But yeah. 

Blue: You know, if I wasn't so bi

Red: There cannot be any type of good ending to that sentence. 

Blue: Nvm. 

Red: Have you ever noticed that the lgbtq+ people in this group out number the straights?

Blue: I think Shay and Nyma are the only straight people in this group. 

[Red changed Cat Problems to Lgbtqiabk Squad]

Mac Pro: I am one of those letters. 

Blue: I cRAdLed YoU In mY aRMs

Red: Can we stop bringing that up? 

Blue: Never. 

Mac Pro: I'm Keith's middle schooler voice crack. 

Blue: I'm the YoU

Red: 911, I'm being bullied by my boyfriend and my brother's unfaithful, bestiality-loving boyfriend. 

Mac Bro: Wow. I am hurt. 

Blue: <3 u bby. 

Red: Right. 

Blue: I'm omw 2 ur place now. 

Red: Why? 

Blue: I had to pick up some stuff nearby and thought I'd go see my lovely boyfriend today. 

Mac Pro: Ew. 

Chapter Text

[Lgbtqiapk Squad]

Cryptid Girl: I just realized that I know more about gay-boy sex than I know about where my own clit is.

Cryptid Girl: I think it's because of a mix of Klance talking about sex all the time and reading so much fan fiction.

Cryptid Girl: What have I done with my life?

Space Mom: If you can't find your clit, I can find it for you. ;)

Red: Gay. 

Cryptid Girl: I am gay, so that's okay with me. 

Red >> Cryptid Girl

Red: Soooo

Cryptid Girl: Why are you pming me? 

Red: You said I could pm you about sex. 

Cryptid Girl: For advice? 

Red: Basically. 

Cryptid Girl: My fan fiction reading life has prepared me for this moment. 

Cryptid Girl: Proceed. 

Red: So. 

Red: Lance prefers to be the sub, while I also would prefer to be the sub. 

Red: Therein lies the problem. 

Cryptid Girl: You two seem like the type that would argue about being who gets to be the dom, not who gets to be the sub. 

Cryptid Girl: But I see where you're coming from. 

Red: So? 

Cryptid Girl: So, I think you both should just stay in between. 

Red: What do you mean? 

Cryptid Girl: Well, since you're kind of masochistic, you'd be the one most often under Lance. But he wouldn't exactly be fucking you. He'd just be riding you. 

Cryptid Girl: Does that make sense? 

Red: Yeah, but what if he wants me to be more dominant over him? 

Cryptid Girl: That's probably not the case. Besides, what you lack in domination in bed, you make up for animalistic possessiveness in public. 

Cryptid Girl: I still remember that one time you bit Nyma at the end of our Senior year because she was standing too close to Lance.

Cryptid Girl: Lance just wants to be fucked in the ass. 

Red: Okay, thanks. 

Cryptid Girl: You're welcome. Now go take that boy's ass before somebody else beats you to it. 

[Lgbtqiapk Squad]

Incredible Hunk: Who unleashed the beast? 

Incredible Hunk: Klance needs to stop talking about sex in front of my moms. They're going to start thinking you are all terrible friends and make me stop going to college. 

Blue: Sorry bby. 

Cryptid Girl: Maybe I shouldn't have given Keith that little pep talk. 

Chapter Text

[Lgbtqiapk Squad]

[Red added Prince of Bel Air]

Prince Of Bel Air: I'm okay with this. 

Cryptid Girl: You guys want to play a game?

Corn: What kind of game?

Cryptid Girl: It's a game I made up, but I've played it before with Allura and Lotor's friends at that freshman party a few years back.

Red: Is this some sort of couple-y game?

Cryptid Girl: No, but it can be.

Cryptid Girl: It's basically where I give everyone a topic and everyone has to tell a story about that topic (that's actually true).

Red: Sounds easy enough.

Cryptid Girl: But it has to be a topic that's relatable to everyone and it has to be something about the topic that the rest of us don't know about you.

Cryptid Girl: For example if the topic was apples, I could say 'I once knocked my dad out when I threw an apple at him.'

Cryptid Girl: That's something you guys don't know about me and a story about how I relate to apples.

Red: I don't even want to know the meaning behind that. 

Prince of Bel Air: I'm in. 

Mac Pro: Me too. 

Space Daddy: I'm off right now, but I have to go to work in an hour, so I may have to leave at some point. 

Blue: I'm just hanging out with Keith, so I'm in. 

Space Mom: I'm in. 

Corn: Sounds like fun. I'll play too.

Incredible Hunk: I'll play. 

AShaymed: Art history is boring, so I'm in. 

NayMan: I'll play.

Rolos: Me too. 

Cryptid Girl: Okay, the category is 'the best day of your life.' 

Cryptid Girl: Keith can go first since I know for a fact that whatever he's going to say is going to be funny. 

Red: I feel so  loved. 

Red: Okay, the best day of my life was when my dad died. 

Blue: Normal people: The best day of my life was when I met the person I'm in love with. 

Blue: Keith: The best day of my life was when my parents died. 

Red: What? He was a jack ass. 

Cryptid Girl: Tell us something about it that we don't know already, dumb ass. 

Red: Okay. 

Red: I was happy about it because I always thought he'd come after me whenever he got out of jail. 

Red: I haven't told you guys that, right? 

Cryptid Girl: Lotor's next. 

Prince of Bel Air: The best day of my life was also when my father died. 

Prince of Bel Air: I think I told My Girls™ about how it happened, but I don't believe I told you guys about it. 

Cryptid Girl: Wasn't he on life support or something and they had to pull his plug for some reason? 

Prince of Bel Air: No, it actually happened because I unplugged his life support to charge my phone. 

Red: Bless. 

Space Mom: That's how I want to die. 

Space Mom: Because my son unplugged my life support to charge his phone. 

Cryptid Girl: You're next, Allura. 

Space Mom: The best day of my life was when I met Pidge. 

Space Mom: But that day when I got the case about her brother, I technically wasn't supposed to go further into it because my superiors had said that it was an 'unsolvable case' and that it wasn't within my jurisdiction. 

Cryptid Girl: How wrong they were. 

Cryptid Girl: Lance, go. 

Blue: Best day of my life was when I finally got to Miami after leaving Cuba. 

Blue: And when we were a few hundred meters from the beach, me and my sister jumped off the boat and swam the rest of the way to the beach. We just laid around on the beach and played in the sand for the rest of the day because we were just so happy to be in America. 

Mac Pro: The best day of my life was when Shiro and I left the Galra. 

Mac Pro: Not only did I finally get to see my baby sister again and I was finally free of them, but I realized that I was in love with Shiro that day. 

Mac Pro: But I figured it out only when I realized I kept thinking about how nice his ass was. 

Space Daddy: The best day of my life was when I lost my arm. 

Space Daddy: Because I decided that that was the worst that could really happen to me.

Space Daddy: But a thing I haven't told anyone about it is that the entire time all I could think about was Matt. 

NayMan: The best day of my life was when we all went to Rolo's ranch for those horse-riding lessons. 

NayMan: It was just really fun and when Keith decided to teach Rolo on the better care of his horses, that was great too. 

NayMan: But that day to me also was the first time I really saw Keith smile and just

NayMan: Bless. 

NayMan: I'd totally date his fine ass if he wasn't so gay in the most platonic way possible. 

NayMan: His smile is just so beautiful. I think I might cry thinking about it. 

NayMan: It was like an angel came and told me that everything would be fine. And I felt like that was true when he smiled. 

NayMan: Like the entire world couldn't be so terrible if Keith could smile again. 

Rolos: The best day of my life was probably when I met you guys again at school. 

Rolos: My day had kind of sucked because of my anxiety problem, but when I saw you guys again and we started talking, it felt so natural. 

Rolos: I just told myself after that that everything would be fine just if I could talk to all these great people again without having to be afraid of my anxiety acting up. 

Corn: The best day of my life was when I started teaching at Altea University. 

Corn: I remember the first student I really spoke to directly on the first day was Zarkon.

Corn: He was such a nice kid. 

Corn: And when he and Honerva got together I just felt like the world became a better place because of them. 

Corn: They were both so pure. 

Incredible Hunk: The best day of my life was when I met Shay. 

Incredible Hunk: I didn't know you could fall in love at first sight, but I did with her. 

AShaymed: That was the best day of my life too because that's also when I met the rest of the group and I started feeling like I belonged.

AShaymed: But my favorite part of that day was when Hunk and Keith were arguing about me and Hunk said, 'She's just a rock that I admire very much.' 

AShaymed: It was just the cutest thing I ever saw and I kind of liked how he called me a rock. It was funny and cute. 

Incredible Hunk: <3 u!

AShaymed: u2!

Cryptid Girl: The best day of my life was when I met Allura. 

Cryptid Girl: It was the day she gave me hope that we'd find hope and the day I met a super hot chick that I'd actually get to talk to on a regular basis. 

Cryptid Girl: So a better chance of getting with her. 

Space Mom: It worked though. 

Cryptid Girl: Okay, next topic, since we all have problems and we should tell each other about the: biggest fear. 

Cryptid Girl: Let's go in the same order as last time, since it can be confusing if everyone tries to answer at the same time. 

Red: When my dad was still alive, it was that he'd come after me once he got out of jail. 

Red: Now it's just that everyone's going to leave me someday. 

Red: And it's kind of a constant thing that I'm always thinking about. 

Red: Even when someone doesn't check my texts immediately, I freak out about it. 

Red: I know it's kind of irrational, but it still happens. 

Blue: It's not irrational, bby. 

Prince of Bel Air: I'm afraid of doing something wrong. 

Prince of Bel Air: Like if I do something and things don't go the way they should, it really eats at me. 

Prince of Bel Air: My father and mother always wanted me to be perfect, so it scares me sometimes when they decide I didn't do well enough. 

Cryptid Girl: Compared to the rest of us, you're probably the most perfect. 

Space Mom: I'm afraid that I'll hurt someone, like what happened to father. 

Space Mom: It's not like I feel like someone's going to die if they come near me

Space Mom: But something I do might hurt someone, even if it's just a little bit. 

Blue: I'm afraid of spiders. 

Red: Nice job. 

Blue: What? It's true. 

Blue: My sister once got bitten by a spider and had to go to the hospital. 

Blue: It was tERriFyIng. 

Mac Pro: I'm afraid of the Galra. 

Mac Pro: You don't know terrifying until you've been stuck with them for a long period of time. 

Mac Pro: No offense, Lotor. You're dad was great when he wasn't breaking the law. 

Mac Pro: Mostly. 

Prince of Bel Air: None taken. I knew what he did and I'm just glad it's over with. 

Space Daddy: ^^^

Space Daddy: I still get flashbacks sometimes. 

Space Daddy: My brain likes to remind me on a daily basis that things like that can happen. 

NayMan: I'm afraid of people with no taste in fashion choices. 

Rolos: I'm afraid of saying/doing something stupid in front of people. 

Corn: I'm afraid of getting cheated out of all my money again. 

Space Mom: You're still sour about that?

Corn: A man never forgets when a pirate steals his money from him for a mattress. 

Incredible Hunk: I'm just afraid that you guys won't always get along and that I'll have to choose sides between you and everyone moves away and I'll only get to visit you guys once a year and my flight gets delayed, so I don't make it to Christmas and everyone thinks I've suddenly forgotten about them and I'll never see any of you again. 

Blue: That's really specific. 

Red: Don't worry, Hunk. Everyone knows you care a little more than you should. 

AShaymed: I'm just worried that some day Hunk won't think I'm good enough for him. 

Incredible Hunk: Never. 

Incredible Hunk: <3 u!!!!

AShaymed: u2!!!

Cryptid Girl: Next category: Family. 

Cryptid Girl: This applies to people you are/were close to that you weren't related to or just people you've roomed with. 

Red: I was pretty close to the girls from the orphanage in middle school. 

Red: I call it an orphanage, but that's not really what it was. 

Red: It was more of a group home for kids who couldn't be with their parents because they broke some sort of law. 

NayMan: You never really did tell us about the orphanage. 

NayMan: But wouldn't you have been sectioned up with a bunch of boys or at least been sectioned up with a few boys and girls?

Red: Well, we were supposed to room up with people who had something in common with us. It was kind of stupid. 

Red: But those girls were the only kids there I really had anything in common with. 

Red: We all liked boys, we'd been abused by our parents, and the girls were rape victims. 

AShaymed: Wait, what was that last part? 

Cryptid Girl: You never told us that that kind of thing happened to you. 

Red: It happened a long time ago and just wasn't that important. 

Space Mom: It kind of is. 

Blue: Do we need to pause this so we can tell you just how important this is. It may have happened a long time ago, but it still happened to you.

Blue: You're just so damn important to me that I can't just say it isn't because it is. Everything that happens to you is important to me. I care about you so much and I'd give you the world if I could. You're important to me and even if you're okay now, I still want to know about these things because I want you to be okay and I want you to have the best in life and if things like these get in the way of me helping you then I need to know. And even if it isn't hurting you, I still want to know. I love you so much and I care about everything you have to say and I care about everything that's happened to you. And I wish you weren't so adamant about never telling us about your past because I care and I can see that you're hurting. All I want to do is make you happy and I want to know everything about you, but I can't when you won't let me. 

Cryptid Girl: ^^^

Space Mom: ^^^ 

NayMan: ^^^

Incredible Hunk: ^^^ 

AShaymed: ^^^


Prince of Bel Air: ^

Mac Pro: ^^^

Space Daddy: ^^^

Rolos: ^^^

Red: I know and I'm sorry. 

Red: It's just

Red: hard to talk about. 

Red: Being that one kid who was sexually abused as a kid, whose mom left him, who has to go to counselling every week, and go to mental institutions every other month.  

Red: That's not normal. 

Mac Pro: Nobody asked for you to be normal. 

NayMan: Honestly, if you were normal I probably never would have talked to you in middle school. 

NayMan: I probably never would have become friends with you. 

Space Daddy: Everyone here as their shit. Nobody wants you to be any different than you are. 

Prince of Bel Air: And none of that is your fault. You can't blame yourself for stuff that you didn't ask for. 

Blue: I love you so damn much, you don't even know. I don't care about all those things you can't control. I just want you for you. I'd never ask for you to be normal or like anyone else because that's not what I want. I want you and nobody else. You don't have to hide things from us because you think it separates you from us. It doesn't. Shiro has to go to counselling and mental institutions because of his PTSD. None of us judge him. Pidge and Allura have both been through sexual assault. And even if the rest of us don't know what that's like, we're still here and we're trying to learn and make you guys happy. And even if none of us have been abused by our parents, we're still here for you and we aren't just going to get rid of you for something like that. We will all try to understand and help you. I know for a fact that everyone here would go to hell and back for you. Everyone here wants to help you, not degrade you. It's fine if you can't talk about it now, but when you can, please do. We care about you so much. And I don't want to push you, but I really need you to trust me and know that I'm there for you when you need me and I would literally do anything for you. 

Prince of Bel Air: ^^^

NayMan: ^^^


Space Daddy: ^^^ 


Space Mom:^^^

Cryptid Girl:^^^ 

Mac Pro:^^^ 


Incredible Hunk:^^^ 

Blue: And please don't be sorry about it. 

Blue: I don't want you to push yourself just for the sake of making everyone else happy. 

Blue: And the Keith I know isn't sorry for anything. 

Blue: He's a bad ass who isn't afraid to cry in front of people, who doesn't care what anyone thinks, who doesn't let anyone control him, and he's never sorry for anything. 

Blue: Because he only does what's true to him. 

NayMan: Lance is on a roll today. 

Blue: Thanks, I try. 

Red: Thanks, guys. 

Red: I love you guys so damn much. 

Blue: There's the guy I know and love. 

Blue: I'm going to drive to your work so we can go home and cuddle. 

Blue: And so you can cry if you need to. 

Red: I'm already crying. 

Mac Pro: You underestimated Keith's true emotional prowess. 

Cryptid Girl: I guess the game's over then. 

Space Mom: Yup. 

Cryptid Girl: Can we just all go to Keith's place and cuddle him to death. 

Prince of Bel Air: I would not be opposed to that. 

AShaymed: I'm coming to get my bby. 

Incredible Hunk: I have never heard a greater idea in my life. 

Rolos: I'll bring Rover. 

NayMan: Omw. 

Mac Pro: Me too. 

Corn: I'll be there. 

Red: Thanks, guys. 

Chapter Text

[Lgbtqiapk Squad]

Cryptid Girl: I've got my stuff and I'm ready to go.

Space Mom: I'm ready.

Red: Can't you all just drive yourselves? You're going to have to bring your cars back anyways.

Blue: We all know that at least one of us will get lost if we take separate cars. 

Red: True. 

Blue: Besides, my truck has that thingamajig on the back that we can just hook another car onto. 

Red: Thingamajig? 

Blue: Shush. 

Blue: And Allura said she was going to hire someone with a car-carrier trailer to bring everyone's cars. 

Space Mom: Yep, so no one has to waste gas. 

Red: Doesn't that cost a lot of money? 

Space Mom: Not important. Now, do you have something to bring the animals in?

Red: I can see why you have no money for your apartment. 

Red: Yes, I've got carriers that can go in the back of the truck and a trailer that I can attach to Hunk's truck. 

Red: And my motorcycle is going to have to go in the back of Lance's truck, so you girls will have to leave all your stuff in Hunk's truck. 

Cryptid Girl: That's fine. 

Prince of Bel Air: You know, I was thinking about what Nyma said yesterday.

Cryptid Girl: Never a good sign.

NayMan: What that Nyma said yesterday?

Prince of Bel Air: The thing about wanting to date Keith in the most platonic way possible.

Prince of Bel Air: And honestly? Who wouldn't want to date Keith in the most platonic way possible?

Blue: Me.

Blue: I'm dating him in the least platonic way possible.

Red: Why would any of you want to date me at all?

Blue: I have a list.

Prince of Bel Air: Because you're the hottest guy I know who actually has a personality???

Blue: Guys, I had this weird dream.

Blue: Lotor was flirting with my boyfriend.

Prince of Bel Air: I'm sorry that you have a hot/perfect boyfriend???

Blue: Well, I'm sorry that you're a hot/perfect boyfriend!

Prince of Bel Air: I'm not even dating anyone??????

Red: Why do I feel slightly betrayed? 

Blue: I'm sorry bby. 

Blue: But I'm just saying. 

Blue: Lotor is kind of perfect. 

Blue: And very honestly, hot. 

Blue: But not as hot as you, bby. 

Red: I can't tell whether you're flirting with Lotor or trying to console me. 

Red: Pick one. 

Cryptid Girl: Can we just change the topic entirely? 

Blue: Good idea. 

Blue: The first thing I'm going to do when I get to the farm is grab a beach chair and chug a bottle of whiskey. 

Blue: Because that's pretty much all I think about when it comes to country-side houses. 

Cryptid Girl: If it's not sex, it's alcohol consumption. 

Red: Same. 

Red: When I lived in Texas with my dad, there was always at least 20 empty bottles of whiskey on the porch. 

Red: And a passed out old man in a beach chair. 

Red: It usually wasn't him though. 

Cryptid Girl: I can see why he was such a shitty person. 

Blue: When my dad gets drunk, he gets super happy. 

Blue: And way too over confident. 

Blue: Every time he gets drunk, he watches black and white movies and sings Jimmy Buffet songs. 

Blue: He's so old. 

Cryptid Girl: My dad said he'd loose brain cells if he ever drank. 

Mac Pro: What a coincidence! My dad said that too. 

Cryptid Girl: Stfu. 

Red: juSt dRiNk aWAy tHe PaIn

Blue: Shhh

Space Daddy: I'm Lance's voice crack. 

Blue: wE HAd A bOnDInG mOmENt

Red: Shh

Mac Pro: I'm Keith's voice crack. 

Space Mom: #Don'tBullyKeith2k17

Blue: What about me, mom? 

Space Mom: #Don'tBullyKlance2k17

Blue: (:

Red: Hunk, can you go ahead and pick up the girls? I'm still getting some of my stuff ready. 

Incredible Hunk: Omw. 

Chapter Text

[Lgbtqiapk Squad]

Prince of Bel Air: How far can you go with a bro without it being gay?

Blue: Cuddling?

Cryptid Girl: A confession of love.

Red: Sex. Haven't you heard of friends with benefits?

Corn: Marriage.

Space Mom: I think I just figured out how my father got married.

NayMan: How can you get married to someone without it being gay???

Corn: Well, when Alfor and I were in high school, I had a small crush on him. But we were also close friends then. At some point he said if he never found someone he fell in love with, he'd marry one of his friends. So I told him that if I was still single by the time I turned 30, I would marry him and we agreed on it. 

Corn: And he remembered a decade later when I turned 30 and proposed. 

Corn: So we got married platonically, but we later figured out that we were actually in love with each other. 

Prince of Bel Air: Sounds too complicated. 

Prince of Bel Air: And unrealistic for most situations. 

Blue: What's this about? You got a crush on someone? 

Prince of Bel Air: No. Ezor and I got into an argument about what was really 'platonic.' 

Red: Ah. 

[Lotor created Lotor's Angels ]

[Lotor added Ezor, Zethrid, Narti, Axca, Allura, and Lance]

Lotor: Anyone up for a shopping trip on Thursday? 

Ezor: Ooh, me! I need a new skirt to go with the top I got on Saturday. 

Zethrid: As long as we stop by the food court.

Narti: I'll come along. 

Axca: More time to spend with my girlfriend and girls? 

Axca: Count me in. 

Lance: Ooh. Does this mean we're also One Of The Girls™? 

Lotor: Yes. 

Lotor: You and Allura are now part of this group as well. 

Lance: Sweet. 

Lance: You can count me in. 

Allura: I'd love to come along. There's a new makeup pallet that I'm just itching to buy. 

Lotor: Great. Meet at the mall at 4?

Ezor: Sounds great!

Axca: I'll be there. 

Narti: At the parking entrance like usual? 

Lotor: Always. 

Zenthrid: See you guys there. 

Lance: See you there.

Allura: I'll be there. 

Allura: And thank you for the invitation as well, Lotor. 

Lotor: np. 

[Lgbtqiapk Squad]

Blue: Guess who's one of Lotor's Girls™ now? 

Red: What? Really? 

Space Daddy: So that's why you and Allura were missing for a bit. 

Incredible Hunk: Nice job, buddy. 

Prince of Bel Air: My Girls™ really only consist of the people I go shopping with all the time. 

Prince of Bel Air: If any of you would like to go shopping with us every week, I'll add you to the chat. 

Red: Me! 

Cryptid Girl: Gay. 

Red: It's not my fault the mall is where I practically live. 

Red: And Nyma is too busy to shop with me anymore. 

Prince of Bel Air: Will do. 

[Lotor added Keith to Lotor's Angels™]

Lotor: Thursday at 4. Everyone's meeting by the parking entrance. 

Keith: Sweet. I'll be sure to be there. 

Ezor: Keith, can you drive me home? 

Keith: Sure, where are you at? 

Ezor: I'm at Axca's place. 

Keith: Omw. 

Ezor: Thanks! 

Chapter Text

[Lgbtqiapk Squad]

Blue: Hey, Keith. Wanna share a bottle of whiskey?

Red: Can't. I'm busy.

Blue: I can see your ass on the chicken house watching Rolo with those binoculars, dumb ass.

Red: I'm busy.

Blue: Why are you stalking your ex?

Red: I'm not stalking him.

Red: I'm just watching him to make sure he doesn't try anything with my horses.

Rolos: You know I'm part of this gc, right?

Blue: Wtf did I just see?

Rolos: Keith, please tell me that wasn't you I heard screaming, "Parkour."

Rolos: And jumping off the roof of the chicken house into The Pit.

Red: No, that was definitely not me. 

Blue: I'm literally screaming. Don't lie, you dumb ass. 

Red: I can hear you screaming, now please stop. 

Blue: And I can see you texting while /still/ lying in the mud with the pigs. Get up already. 

Rolos: Update: Keith says he wants to die here. 

Blue: Tell him to be my guest. 

Red: Rude. 

Red: Day number 2,364. I'm being bullied again. I think it's because I'm gay. 

Blue: Yeah, the two bi boys are bullying the gay kid who happens to be one of the bi kids' boyfriend. 

Cryptid Girl: I wish I was there so that I could see Keith get his ass handed to him by himself.

Red: #Don'tBullyKeith2k17

Cryptid Girl: No. 

Blue: So, you know how Keith and I talk about sex all the time? 

Cryptid Girl: No, you mean to say you talk about sex? You two? I would have never guessed. 

Blue: We haven't actually had sex before???

Space Mom: What? This is big news. 

Rolos: Yeah, I never had sex with him either.

Rolos: It's just kind of been a secret joke between us. 

Cryptid Girl: WHAT


Red: I don't see how that's so surprising to you???

Red: I have issues because of the fact that I was raped and abused as a kid??

Red: Sex just isn't a thing that I could do without getting set off right now?

Red: Which was especially true in middle and high school?



Red: Yeah, Lance and I just talk about what we think we would prefer when it comes to sex, but we've never actually had sex before. 

Blue: But that was actually some pretty good advice. It is true that I love being fucked. 

Red: You've never had sex before, so you can shut that down now. 

Blue: Exposed. 



Cryptid Girl: But you're also okay with talking about sex though? 

Red: Yeah. I mean, sometimes it's too much. But I want to at least do that for Lance, since I can't actually /do/ any of that stuff with him yet. 

Blue: It's okay, bby. You don't have to push yourself for me. <3 u! 

Red: u2

Cryptid Girl: What about that time that you and Rolo supposedly had sex in the principal's office and got oss for a week? 

Rolos: We spread that rumor. 

Rolos: We really just stole the answer keys to all of the exams. 

Red: I'm surprised we didn't get suspended permanently. 

Cryptid Girl: BUT STILL

Cryptid Girl: HOLY SHIT


Cryptid Girl: Why did you even decide to tell us now? 

Blue: Keith said that after telling us about what happened with his dad, he wanted to let everyone else know about this too. 

Cryptid Girl: And you were implying that you both knew for a while that he couldn't have sex with you, so why did you seem more surprised than the rest of us about what happened, Lance? 

Blue: He only told me that he didn't want to have sex. I just thought that he wanted to wait until marriage or something? 

Prince of Bel Air: I just scrolled up and HOLY SHIT

Prince of Bel Air: Thank you for letting us know. 

Prince of Bel Air: I feel like knowing the fact that you a) don't actually fuck like bunnies and b) were able to tell us this makes me have a lot more respect for you, Keith. 

Blue: hiss

Blue: stop hitting on my boyfriend

Prince of Bel Air: Fine, but just remember Keith that I'm always free to be your side bitch. ;) 


Red: Good to know. 

Prince of Bel Air: The above applies to everyone in this group chat who is into guys, though. 

Prince of Bel Air: Because I love all of you. 

Blue: The pan-est of them all. 

Prince of Bel Air: Thank you. I am honored. 

Blue: Anyways, Keith and I are going to go upstairs and nap for a bit. 

Chapter Text

[Lgbtqiapk Squad] 

Blue: I am SHOOK

Prince of Bel Air: What happened?

Red: Stop being a drama queen.

Blue: But how did you know my phone password, Keith? I know for a fact that you've never seen me put it in because you're always looking away when I put it in like an antisocial dweeb.




Prince of Bel Air: I'm just gonna slide back out of this gc. 

Space Mom: Why the actual fuck are you two arguing about a /password/ of all things. 

Cryptid Girl: Klance needs some marriage counselling. 

Red: #Don'tBullyKlance2k17

Blue: I left him with my phone for two seconds and I came back to him scrolling through my fucking Tumblr. 

Red: I literally slammed my face against it and it turned on. 

Cryptid Girl: More proof that Keith is a halfling: 

Cryptid Girl: His forehead unlocks phones. 

Blue: Why???????????

Red: I was tired. I meant to just lay my face down on the arm of the couch, but your phone got in my way. 

Cryptid Girl: ^^^ Me

Red: And since the phone was on

Red: I just decided to look through it a little bit. 

Blue: Look through it as in you were checking to see if I was cheating on you or looking through it like you were just bored? 

Red: Read at 1:44 ✓

Blue: I am a loyal hoe. Don't even think about it. 

Red: I know but

Blue: No. 

Blue: I would never.

Red: but 

Blue: No. 

Blue: You are precious to me. I don't think you fully understand the extent to which I love you. I'd literally do anything for you. 

Red: Like telling my my hair is prettier than yours?

Blue: *almost anything

Red: Wow, rude. 

Blue: I mean

Blue: Don't get me wrong

Blue: I love you hair

Blue: Especially playing with it

Blue: But it takes years of hard work to get hair as nice as mine. 

Red: Bey got it done in half the time. 

Blue: Yes, queen of my heart. 

Blue: She slays. 

Blue: I will readily admit that she has some fine hair. 

Blue: Bey can slay me any day. 

Red: But anyways

Red: Thursday. 

Red: Did Ezor say if she needed a ride? 

Blue: No, why? 

Red: Because she told me her car was in the shop, so I figured she might need a ride. 

Blue: And that she'd accept a ride from you and your widowmaker? 

Red: I've taken her places on my bike plenty of times???

Red: She says she wants a bike like mine every time I see her in class??? 

Blue: WHAt

Red: She even asked me for a ride in Lotor's gc. 

Red: You know, the one you were bragging about being a part of to this gc???

Blue: I know what gc it is. 

Blue: I just don't scroll up all the time. 

Prince of Bel Air: Pidge asked if 'you two lovebirds could move this discussion to Lotor's gc instead' because it's blowing up her notifications and her phone is backed up today. 

Blue: Okay, sorry. 

[Lotor's Angels™  ]

Lance: Okay, but why does Ezor want a bike like yours? 

Lance: It's dingy and beat up??

Lance: And it looks like it came straight out of a dumpster???



Keith: That's actually where my dad bought it. 

Ezor: Seriously? 

Ezor: I thought your dad was some cheap-ass drunk? 

Ezor: How could he even afford a motorcycle though? 

Keith: He bought it before he met my mom. I don't know anything else about it, but it's mine now. 

[Lance changed Keith 's name to Straight Outta Compton  ]

[Straight Outta Compton changed Lance 's name to Underling

Underling: What inspired this amazing nickname? 

Straight Outta Compton: I don't know. What inspired mine? 

Underling: Point. 

[Underling changed Straight Outta Compton 's name to Lil' Pepe ]

[Lil' Pepe changed Underling 's name to Dat Boi ]

[Dat Boi changed Lil' Pepe 's name to Dat Boi's Boi ]

Ezor: You two have a 

Ezor: /special/ relationship. 

Dat Boi: Damn straight. 

Dat Boi's Boi: Nothing's straight about me. 

Ezor: Good to know. 

Ezor: Anyways, I'm gonna get back to cuddling my girlfriend. 

Dat Boi: And I'll get back to cuddling mine. 

Dat Boi's Boi: ^^^

Chapter Text

[Lgbtqiapk Squad]

Incredible Hunk: For once, the gc hasn't blown up with memes and song lyrics.

AShaymed: It's a cold day in hell. 

Hunk: What if we started the chaos in the gc?

AShaymed: Sorry, I laughed so hard, milk came out of my nose.

Incredible Hunk: Lol

AShaymed: ................

AShaymed: All of these lines across my face

AShaymed: Tell you the story of who I am.

Incredible Hunk: So many stories of where I've been.

AShaymed: But these stories don't mean anything

AShaymed: When you've got no one to tell them to.

Incredible Hunk: It's true, I was made for you. 

[Incredible Hunk changed AShaymed 's name to Callie ] 

Blue: I heard Grey's Anatomy and I am here. 

Callie: I climbed across the mountain tops.

Incredible Hunk: Swam all across the ocean blue.

Callie: I crossed all the lines, and I broke all the rules.

Incredible Hunk: But, baby, I broke them all for you. 

Callie: Oh, because even when I was flat broke

Callie: You made me feel like a million bucks.

Incredible Hunk: I was made for you. 

Callie: You see the smile that's on my mouth. 

Incredible Hunk: It's hiding the words that don't come out. 

Callie: And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed

Incredible Hunk: They don't know my head is a mess. 

Callie: No, they don't know who I really am.

Incredible Hunk: And they don't know what I've been through like you do.

Callie: And I was made for you.

Incredible Hunk: And all of these lines across my face. 

Callie: Tell you the story of who I am. 

Incredible Hunk: So many stories of where I've been. 

Callie: And how I got to where I am. 

Incredible Hunk: But these stories don't mean anything. 

Callie: When you've got no one to tell them to. 

Incredible Hunk: It's true, I was made for you.

Callie: It's true that I was made for you. 

Blue: Are these tears? 

Blue: That was beautiful. 

Red: The Pure Kids™ are beating us at our own game??? 

Red: I'm actually crying. 

Red: I've listened to that song so many times and it is beautiful. 

Red: And I have never not cried when that song came on???

Red: But like Hunk and Shay singing it would be 1000000/10. 

Blue: ^^^

Callie: Thank you, thank you. 

Incredible Hunk: We try. 

Callie: Hey, you guys want to go on a double date on friday at the arcade down on sixth? 

Red: I'm in if Lance is. 


Blue: And Shay. 

Callie: Wow, I feel so loved. 

Incredible Hunk: <3 u!!! 

Callie: u2!

Incredible Hunk: I was talking to Lance, but yeah, I love you too. 

Blue: Savage. 

Callie: T.T 

Incredible Hunk: I'm just kidding, Shay. I love you babe.  

Red: Anyways, I got a new bike. 

Blue: Is it better than the last widowmaker? 

Red: Why are you so extra, Lance? 

Blue: It's part of the boyfriend package, Keith. 

Blue: We've gone over this. 

Red: Someone please crucify me. I no longer want to deal with this anymore. 

Blue: Hey, demons. It's me. Ya boi. 

Red: Hey, boi. It's me. Ya demon. 

Blue: Anxiety, is that you? 

Red: Nah, it's depression. 

Callie: You two have a very /special/ relationship. 

Incredible Hunk: ^^^

Red: We try. 

Rolos: Keith, I can see you on the chicken roof again. 

Rolos: Can you please stop stalking me? 

Red: I'm not stalking you. 

Red: I'm just watching you from a distance. 

Red: On that note, you should know that if you try anything with my horses

Red: You will sincerely regret it. 

Rolos: I wasn't going to try anything???

Rolos: Wtf??? 

Blue: Anyways, anybody want to hear about the craziest thing that I saw this morning? 

Rolos: Please. 

Blue: So

Blue: For some reason when I went to the kitchen to get breakfast, I saw Lotor in the kitchen making eggs in this pink '#1 MOM' apron. 

Rolos: That's not that weird. He's friends with all of you, so somebody probably invited him over. 




Cryptid Girl: So Keith isn't really a halfling. He's a quarterling. 

Red: What? 

Cryptid Girl: If Lotor is your mom, that means you're a quarterling because he's a full-on halfling. 

Prince of Bel Air: ^^^ True. 

Prince of Bel Air: But he'd actually be half alien because I'm full alien, just of two different species. 

Blue: Why are you people like this? 

Red: Please stop. 

Cryptid Girl: Anyways, how many of you want to watch the Mothman Prophesies with me? 

Red: I'm always up to watch documentaries about my husband. 

Blue: T.T 

Blue: I'm in I guess. 

Prince of Bel Air: Omw. 

Chapter Text

Sweet scented grass. 

Young children running around gleefully. 

The smell of pollution wafting around every time another car passed. 

The soft tugging of small hands on her skirt. 

"M-miss Olia!" 

The young teacher crouched down to meet the raven-haired child at his height. 

"Yes, Keith? Is there something wrong? Your father is about to pick you up," Ms. Olia smiled down at the trembling child. 

"I can't go home with him," His small hands trembled as tears threatened to spill over. 

"It's alright sweetie. I know sometimes it can be hard to go from school and back home, but it'll be fine. We'll see each other tomorrow," She smiled, consolingly. Most of her kids got home-sickness, but there was the occasional student who didn't want to go home either. 

"I don't think we will, Miss Olia." The small elementary-schooler suddenly started crying. "Miss Olia, daddy's going to hurt me. I don't want to go home with him today." 

The teacher glanced up at the cheap-looking car that she knew to be Keith's dad's. It was always the small, beat up car that reeked of alcohol that picked him up after school every day. "What makes you think that?" She said, concern edging into her voice. 

"He was extra angry this morning. A-and he always hits me after school. But this morning he hit me with a chair. And he said he was going to hit me again when we got home." Olia looked down at the dark bruises and cuts that just barely showed past Keith's long-sleeved shirt that he was obviously sweating through. So he lied about falling down the stairs... 

She could see Keith's father already getting out of the car. 

"Come on, sweetie. We're going to get someone to help us," She grabbed the trembling child's hand and pulled him towards another teacher nearby. Lucky Keith's always the last one out, so I don't have to worry about corralling the other kids away from him too. 

She saw the male teacher look at her with a look of concern just as she felt a large hand grab her shoulder and yank her back. 

"What the hell do you think you're doing with my son?" He asked menacingly. "Getting him away from you," She spat, punching him with just enough force to knock his head back. Keith let out a telltale squeak and gripped her skirt. 

Olia quickly scooped the small boy off his feet as the other, thinner teacher charged forward, weakly tackling Keith's muscled father to the ground. 

"Get the kids out of here and call the police!" The male teacher yelled, elbowing the buff man underneath him. Olia didn't need to be told twice as she corralled the few kids left into the school, locking the doors behind her and pulling her cell phone out. 

She huffed tiredly as she felt a small tug on her skirt from Keith. 

"M-miss Olia? What's going to happen to daddy?" Olia smiled, hugging Keith comfortingly. 

"It's alright, sweetie. He's not going to hurt you today." 

Chapter Text

[Lgbtqiapk Squad]

Blue: T.T

Blue: Someone console me.

Blue: My boyfriend just broke up with me. 

Callie: WHAT???

Incredible Hunk: What happened?

Red: I can't date guys who are better at Mario Cart than me, Lance. I'm sorry it has to be this way. 

Cryptid Girl: Guess you can't go out with anyone. 

Red: :( 

Blue: TT.TT

Blue: I miss you already. 

Blue: I can't survive without you, my love. 

Space Mom: You guys are so extra. 

Space Mom: I love it. 

Red: Can someone get Lance? He just fell out the window. 

Space Mom: Why can't you do it? 

Red: I'm too busy laughing at his dumb ass. 

Blue: Rude. 

Blue: I could have broke my neck. 

Red: The window it less than 3 feet from the ground. 

Red: Besides, it's your fault for falling out the fucking window, you idiot. 

Blue: T.T

Blue: My love, light of my life, the vase on my desk

Blue: Please take me back. 

Blue: Life is too unbearable without you in my arms. 

Red: ... 

Red: Okay. 

Blue: Tysm ily bby. 

Blue: Now can someone bring me to the hospital. 

Space Mom: All you did was get a bruise on your forehead. 

Blue: Yes and it feels like I'm going to die. 

Blue: Tell my boyfriend I love him. 

Callie: Is it physically possible for you to be less dramatic?

Blue: Unfortunately, no. 

Blue: I've got a severe condition called '2 Hours of Musical Theatre Every Day.' 

Blue: It's contagious. 

Callie: Explains why Keith's been acting so over dramatic for the past decade. 

Incredible Hunk: Why are you even in Musical Theatre? You aren't going into theatre when you're done with college???

Blue: It's fun. 

Red: I'm in it too. 

Callie: It's part of the gay package. 

Mac Pro: I heard gay and I'm here. 

Space Daddy: I heard gay and I'm here. 

Space Daddy: Damn it. 

Space Daddy: He beat me to it. 

Mac Pro: Everyone's favorite daddy is here. 

Red: Hello, my brother's bitch. 

Mac Pro: Rude. 

Space Daddy: I didn't raise him. 

Red: Nobody raised me. I don't have parents. 

Blue: Keith's back at it again with the terrible emo orphan jokes. 

Red: I try. 

Prince of Bel Air: I wish I was an orphan. 

Red: What did Haggar do this time? 

Prince of Bel Air: This bitch

Prince of Bel Air: I h8 her so much. 

Prince of Bel Air: She wants me to take my father's place with the Galra. 

Prince of Bel Air: No. 

Prince of Bel Air: I'd like to stay as far away from my father's place with the Galra as inhumanly possible. 

Red: That doesn't seem so bad. 

Prince of Bel Air: That isn't the worst part. 

Prince of Bel Air: When I told her that if I did it, I would do it my way, she just said that I would do exactly as my father would have done???

Prince of Bel Air: You're saying I should become this leader, but I should do it according to your damn rules??? 

Prince of Bel Air: Bitch Be Gone. 

Prince of Bel Air: Sorry if that sounded like some sort of spoiled brat kind of problem. 

Blue: No, it didn't. Please continue. 

Red: I love hearing you roast Haggar. 11/10

Red: She's a total bitch. 

Red: No offense. 

Prince of Bel Air: Something we have in common: people know us as the kids whose parents are total assholes/bitches. 

Red: ^^^

Blue: Anyways, Keith. You wanna play Mario Kart again? 

Red: Always. 

Chapter Text

[Lgbtqiapk Squad

Blue: Guess who gets to direct this year's musical!

Red: Guess who ended up with the female lead in this year's musical.

Space Daddy: Guess who somehow ended up as the male lead, despite the fact that he has never taken theatre in his LIFE. 

Blue: Btw, I was not the one who casted for this show. 

Cryptid Girl: How did Keith get the female lead? 

Blue: What can I say? Keith makes a great Meg and looks great in a dress. 

Space Daddy: It's basically a reenactment of Disney's Hercules. 

Space Daddy: And I get to be Hercules???

Space Daddy: I think I just got the part because I'm p buff. 

Mac Pro: Hell yeah. 

Red: At least I don't have a romantic role with some stranger. 

Red: Or worse

Red: Lotor. 

Prince of Bel Air: Rude. 

Prince of Bel Air: I'm a great romantic interest. 

Blue: I don't think that's the correct wording, but okay. 

Red: Lotor is Phil. I never laughed harder in my life than when I saw his name on the cast list. 

Prince of Bel Air: Hey, I didn't ask for your input. 

Red: But I gave it anyways. 

Cryptid Girl: Bless Altea University's almighty theatre teaching sector. 

Cryptid Girl: I love this school. 

Red: You weren't saying that when hell week was coming up last year.


Space Mom: What social life? 

Callie: Savage. 

Incredible Hunk: Do you need some ice for that burn? 


Red: Girl-fried chicken. 

Blue: What the hell???????????????????

Callie: What happened to this gc? 

[Red changed Lgbtqiapk Squad to Hell Week 2k17]

Red: Guess what's coming up in 13 days? 



Cryptid Girl: I'm sorry, I don't have any young or pretty friends.

Space Mom: Shots fired. 

Blue: T_T 

Blue: What is with all this slander? 

Callie: Why is Keith counting down the days 'till Hell Week? 

Red: So that I'll be more prepared for it than all you losers. 

Cryptid Girl: I'm too busy studying for next year's exams. 

Space Mom: I suddenly don't know how to read. 

Red: What up. I'm Jared, I'm 19, and I never fucking learned how to read. 

Space Mom: ^^^

Blue: My boyfriend is suddenly not my boyfriend anymore. 

Red: T.T 

Red: Why do you do this to me????

Callie: Lance, take back your boyfriend. He's getting his gross tears all over me. 

Incredible Hunk: 'Gross tears.' 

Blue: Fiiiiiiiine. 

Blue: <3 u bby. 

Blue: I'd never break up with you. 

Red: You just did???

Blue: I was talking to Shay. 

Callie: Please stop. I don't want your love and Keith's still crying on me. 

Callie: //get him off//

Blue: I was just kidding, Keith. 

Blue: Forgive me? 

Red: Fiiiiiiiine. 

Blue: <3 u

Red: u2

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17

Red: Day 1 of rehearsals and I want to die.

Blue: ^^^

Space Daddy: I would have preferred to be the younger version of Hercules.

Blue: I cannot work with these premature actors. [James Cameron Noises]

Blue: Can I recast? 

Cryptid Girl: What happened to The Gays? 

Space Daddy: I feel like these 'fan girl actors' are not acting. 

Space Daddy: I don't think I've made it clear enough that I'm gay. 

Mac Pro: I'm working on the lights right now. 

Mac Pro: Want me to give the girls a little light show? 

Space Daddy: Please. Anything to get them to stop. 

Red: 'Shiro <3's dick'? Really? 

Mac Pro: Gotta keep it classy. 

Red: Meg is so me, it's not even funny. 

Blue: You're a bad ass girl, who hates men? 

Red: No, I'm a bad ass that dresses in girly clothes and never wanted to fall in love, until I did. And then I just wanted to die while also protecting Lance from a distance. 

Blue: Oddly specific. 

Red: But I ended up being with him in the end. 

Red: But also, this dress is a little short on me. 

Blue: ;) 

Red: It's okay to wear miniskirts all the time because I don't plan on flashing everyone, but 'Meg' is supposed to do all this stuff that I would not normally do in a skirt. 

Red: Also, the director has known me long enough to know that I don't need to 'get used to wearing a skirt for the play' because I've been wearing skirts longer than fucking Marilyn Monroe. 

Blue: Point, but you still look cute.

Red: I can wear skirts out of costume. I don't really need to wear this Meg-dress. 

Callie: And here, you can see The Gays in their natural habitat. Arguing about skirts. 

Incredible Hunk: Honestly, Keith rocks a miniskirt, but this is a bit much. 

Incredible Hunk: The dress looks great on him, but I can't tell whether this is supposed to be some sort of weird opening for a porn video or an unofficial strip club which only has one male stripper dressed as a Disney character. 

Incredible Hunk: That skirt is short and it looks tight. 

Red: It is. 

Callie: I'm going to pretend I was never part of this conversation now. 

Blue: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Blue: Would not mind either of those options. 

Cryptid Girl: Kinky. 

Space Mom: Your kink is guys dressed as Disney characters? 

Space Mom: I question your sanity sometimes. 

Blue: Who isn't in love with every Disney character? 

Red: Everyone. 

Blue: But fine. I guess I'll let you off the hook. 

Blue: In fact, the break's coming up soon. If you want, I'll meet you down by the changing rooms and you can change back into your normal clothes. ;) 

Red: Yeah. 

Cryptid Girl: AHdhkjBKBgdsdvJHghVghiHtyi

Cryptid Girl: Do you two ever stop? 

Red: Nope. :) 

Cryptid Girl: I hate you people. 

Red: Love ya' too. 

Blue: ^^^^

Space Mom: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17

Blue: Anybody want to hear about what happened in Art History? 

Callie: It was boring, as per usual? 

Blue: These fucking twerps were picking on Pidge today. 

Cryptid Girl: It's not that big a deal. 

Red: I'm about to fight someone. 

Space Daddy: You will not fight anyone. 

Red: You're right. I'm not going to fight them. EXCEPT THAT I AM. 

Cryptid Girl: I'd love to watch you get your ass handed to you, but please don't. 

Blue: I feel like you're forgetting the fact that Keith LITERALLY PUT A MAN IN A COMA. 

Blue: He's not going to get beat up by a couple of skinny idiots who're tripping over their own shoelaces. 

Callie: Why were they picking on Pidge though?

Blue: Pidge decided to wear a dress today.

Blue: The cute, casual one with the spaghetti straps. 

Blue: And these guys were just like, "I don't see why anyone would want to sexually harass her. She's got no boobs and she's not pretty." 

Blue: And just a bunch of stupid nonsense that wasn't even true. 







Red: Commit a crime. 

Blue: NO. 

Blue: ... 

Blue: Okay, but only if it really comes down to it. 

Incredible Hunk: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS GC??????????

Callie: I choose not to question it anymore. 

Space Mom: Anyone want to bet that when it really comes down to it, Lance'll loose his edge. I don't think he'll be able to grow a pair and actually commit a crime. 

Blue: RUDE. 

Blue: I've committed plenty of felonies before, thank you very much. 

Cryptid Girl: Stealing a fruit roll up at Walmart doesn't count. 

Cryptid Girl: Also, I'll put $40 on it. He's not going to commit a crime just so he can hang out with Keith in jail. 

Corn: $60 against Lance. 

Space Daddy: $200 on Lance. 

Blue: Thank you, Shiro. 

Space Daddy: I mean, he stole a fruit roll up. That's something. 

Space Daddy: And I don't think you all see exactly how much this boy would do just to be with Keith. I mean, he waited 6 years just so that he could date him. 

Space Daddy: And despite everything, he's stuck with Keith. 

Space Daddy: Btw, we are not related if you murder someone, Keith. 

Red: Wow. Such loyalty. 

Blue: ...

Blue: You were gone for an awfully long time. 

Red: Just asking Ezor about her lines. 

Blue: She's not in the musical...

Red: ...

Red: Byyyyyyeeeee

Blue: Come back here, Mullet! 

Blue: Am I going to have to chase you around the entire school just to keep you from committing murder??? 

Red: Relax, I'm not going to murder them. 

Red: I'm just going to /talk/ to them. 

Blue: I can't control this boy. 

Red: Nobody can drag me down. 

Red: But I can drag a bitch down real easy. 

Blue: Sorry Pidge. I am no longer in control of the situation, so I'm just going to roll with him and very possibly back him up. 

Cryptid Girl: I'VE BEEN BETRAYED. 

Red: Sorry Pidge, but if you let someone bully you, they're going to think it's okay to bully people, which starts up a vicious cycle of bullying. So putting out the fire now is the better option. 

Cryptid Girl: THROUGH VIOLENCE??? 

Red: I said I was just going to talk to them. I wasn't lying about that. 

Red: But if any of them throws a punch at me, I will be forced to defend myself and very possibly kill one or more of them. 

Red: But only in self-defense. 

Cryptid Girl: KEITH. 

Red: Byyyyyyeeeeeee. 

Blue: Welp. 

Blue: Byyyyyyeeeeeee. 

Cryptid Girl: LANCE. 

Cryptid Girl: THESE IDIOTS. 

Cryptid Girl: Ugh, I'm going to have to back them up. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17

Red: Have you ever just felt depressed?

Space Daddy: All the time.

Mac Pro: Offense.

Space Daddy: I'm not even going to try to defend myself. I have PTSD and get 2 hours of sleep a week. Don't judge me.

Mac Pro: I suddenly feel the urge to up my game.

Red: What game?

Blue: What happened, bby? 

Red: Nothing. Just the Psychotic Depression feel. 

Blue: Ah. You want to elaborate or just leave it at that. 

Red: I think it's just worse today because I had a somewhat of a break from it. 

Prince of Bel Air: I didn't know you had Psychotic Depression. 

Red: I wasn't aware that I was hiding it well enough that people actually didn't know that I was clearly insane??? 

Blue: You're not insane. 

Red: I see dead people. 

Blue: No, you don't. 

Red: Yeah, you're right. 

Red: But I hallucinate sometimes and hear voices that aren't there. 

Red: Both classifications for insanity. 

Blue: It's only insanity if you let it drive you insane. 

Prince of Bel Air: I thought most insane people acted, I don't know, insane? 

Blue: He's had his psychotic tendencies since he was a kid. He eventually learned how to discern the real from the non-real, so it usually doesn't effect him that much. 

Red: Sometimes it does, but it's really only in small ways. 

Red: Except when it's NOT. 

Red: I take antidepressants and antipsychotics, so it helps keep them down to a minimum. 

Red: Thace was talking about doing electroconvulsive therapy to help too. 

Blue: I thought he said it wasn't necessary. 

Red: Yeah, but it's still an available option. 

Prince of Bel Air: Is it possible to be cured from it? 

Red: Well, the electroconvulsive therapy is supposed to help reverse some of the symptoms, but I don't think it can completely cure it. 

Red: And the meds only really dull the symptoms. 

Red: But it is possible to be cured because of either and I think I've heard of people getting over it on their own. 

Blue: Thace said that even if Keith isn't completely cured of it, he could lead a pretty normal life now because he's been able to 'control' it well. 

Red: And the electroconvulsive therapy is probably one of the closest options to being cured. But it involves being electrocuted, which causes seizures. So there's a risk of death and memory loss. And as with all anesthesia procedures, if one of the doctors fucks up I may end up with more severe risks or being awake during the procedure. Which would not be fun for me or the doctors. 

Prince of Bel Air: Sounds rough. 

Red: Most people who've undergone it haven't had those problems though (but the memory loss is a temporary thing that has happened to a lot of patients). 

Prince of Bel Air: Are you considering doing it. 

Red: Yeah. I think I'm just going to wait a few months until I actually decide on it though. 

Blue: But anyways. What do you mean by worse? Is it just more vivid hallucinations? 

Red: Yeah. I'm staying in my room today just to be safe. It's the weekend, so I can afford to. And Rolo already said he'd take care of everything. 

Red: Also, thanks to Rolo for that. 

Rolos: Np. 

Red: It's mostly just delusional thoughts and that voice in the back of my head. 

Red: I keep falling asleep, so that might also be why I'm not having as many hallucinations. 

Blue: My shift's almost over, so I can come over and we can talk if you want? 

Red: Yeah, sounds good. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17  ]

Cryptid Girl: Keith, can you just warn me ahead of time instead of tackling me every time I'm about to step on your hallucinations? 

Cryptid Girl: I'd like to not get brain damage because of yours. 

Red: Low blow. 

Red: But I guess that's all you can deliver since you're so short. 

Cryptid Girl: Low blow. 

Cryptid Girl: Just get Lance's stuffed cats from upstairs and use those to mark where they are. That's what you usually do, right? 

Red: Lance keeps them in his backpack, which he masterfully decided to bring to work today because he forgot there was no school today. 

Blue: Just make a circle of silverware around them. 

Red: Fine. 

Rolos: I was so confused as to why Keith was laying spoons out on the porch until I checked the gc. 

Rolos: I should have known it had something to do with this chat. 

Red: Also, I'm taking care of the chickens today, Rolo. 

Rolos: Is it because of the hallucinations? 


Rolos: I thought you said you had it under control? 


Rolos: Okay, but I really think you should visit Doctor Thace today. 

Red: That was the plan. 

Red: I'm heading there after I finish laying out these outlines and feeding the animals. 

Red: And Pidge. 

Red: Don't step inside the outlines while I'm gone. 

Red: Just because I don't see you doesn't mean I don't know. 

Cryptid Girl: Party pooper. 

Blue: Pidge. 

Cryptid Girl: Fine. 

Cryptid Girl: But when you get back and Lance gets off work, we're all going to go and hang out with your little imaginary cats. 

Blue: Cool. 

Red: Why are my hallucinations so important to you???

Cryptid Girl: Because they sound amazing. I wish I could see them. 


Cryptid Girl: I mean, I wouldn't want to have to go through the shit you do with these hallucinations, but if they were visible to everyone. 

Cryptid Girl: They just sound like they would look really pretty. 

Cryptid Girl: And I've been doing a whole bunch of research and I haven't heard of anyone having hallucinations like that. Or at least not writing about it. There's probably someone out there who sees shiny cats too. 

Cryptid Girl: And I can't get the google search engine to actually show me images that are similar to what you might be seeing. 

Red: I mean, I guess it's kind of cool when people aren't fucking STEPPING ON THEM. 

Cryptid Girl: Yeah, I guess that is a little bit of a problem. 

Red: I've had more than 10 years to get used to the sight, but it still makes me a little uncomfortable to see it. 

Cryptid Girl: No, yeah. That probably sucks to see, even if it isn't real. I've seen those videos where shitheads'll go and step on small cats and seeing and hearing as their spines are broken

Cryptid Girl: That's terrible. 

Red: I don't think I've ever actually seen someone beat up a cat irl though. 

Cryptid Girl: No, remember in middle school when that one kid kicked a the cat that lived behind the school?

Red: Oh yeah. I think that was my first 'psychotic rage' thing. 

Cryptid Girl: And when you decided to actually visit Thace. 

Red: I don't even remember why I didn't want to go anymore. 

Red: I probably would have gotten stuck in some mental facility as an adult 24/7 if I hadn't gone then. 

Cryptid Girl: No, you probably would have been arrested at some point in high school and then they would have had to keep you in one and you probably wouldn't have gotten much slack. 

Red: Yeah, I probably would have been worse off than I am now. 

Cryptid Girl: But, hey. You're able to live a pretty normal life because of it. 

Red: Yeah. Anyways, I'm gonna stop texting now because I'm about to get on my bike. 

Cryptid Girl: Good idea. 

Cryptid Girl: Good luck with Thace. 

Red: Thanks. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17 ]

Blue: Honey, where is my super suit?

Red: Why do you need it?

Blue: The public's safety is in danger!

Red: Our evening is in danger!

Callie: Why are you like this? 

Red: I'm clinically insane. I don't know what Lance's excuse is. 

Blue: I'm his boyfriend and he drives me crazy. 

Callie: Please do not elaborate. 


Blue: Whoops. I accidentally pressed send. 

Incredible Hunk: 'Accidentally.'

Blue: Ye of so little faith. 

Mac Pro: Yeah. And I 'accidentally' let Rover 2.0 into the house again. 


NayMan: I'm on it. 

Red: What are you doing at my house? 

NayMan: Rolo invited me over. 

Cryptid Girl: Hey, what if we had a party at Keith's place? 


Space Mom: It's a 30 minute drive from the university. I don't think anyone would come. 

Cryptid Girl: We could provide the rides. 

Cryptid Girl: Besides, maybe Keith will actually become /popular/ from this experience. 

Cryptid Girl: I know, strange, right? 

Red: Fight me. 

Cryptid Girl: Sure. Once you get your ass off the chicken roof again. 

Red: Exposed. 

Blue: Why do you do this? 

Red: I don't know? Can someone else tell me why I do meaningless, stupid things every day????

Blue: I get it. 

Cryptid Girl: Keith should be that one kid in those cigarette commercials that's telling people why they shouldn't do drugs. 

Red: Don't do drugs, kids. It makes the hallucinations worse. 

Space Mom: Mister Green! Mister Green! [Waves hand around] 

Space Mom: I didn't have hallucinations before doing drugs. 

Red: What? That's wrong. Maybe you should see a professional. I'm pretty sure you're supposed to see hallucinations before doing drugs. 

Blue: And then the crazy druggie guy was arrested for assault. 

Red: What, me? An angel? 

Red: I heard that smoking can cause brain defects in babies though. 

Red: So maybe I can just pretend to be the crazy fetus. 

Blue: 'Crazy fetus' is not a thing I ever thought I'd hear in a sentence. 

Red: You've probably spent thousands of nights awake just thinking about the fact that //no one says 'crazy fetus' on a normal basis.//

Blue: The real answer to life, the universe, and everything. 

Cryptid Girl: ///It's 42, you Douglas Adams wannabe.///

Red: Even Siri knows that. 

Blue: Mom, I'm being bullied. 

Space Mom: Don't bully my sons. 

Space Mom: Hug. 

Prince of Bel Air: Keith is my son. 

Incredible Hunk: This is too confusing. 

Space Daddy: He's my son too, so that means Lotor's my wife. 

Space Daddy: I've been lied to???

Red: You're not my real dad. 

Space Daddy: This rebellious attitude will not be tolerated in my house. 

Red: It's literally my house. Y'all are sucking the life out of me. 

Prince of Bel Air: Your dad's just trying to say that you should be more nice, sweetie. 

Prince of Bel Air: Have a cookie. 

Space Daddy: Don't encourage him. 

Space Mom: Keith's my son too. 

Space Mom: So is Hunk. 

Incredible Hunk: Thanks, mom. 

Callie: Does that make me your daughter-in-law?

Space Mom: The best one. 

Blue: But wait, if Keith and I are both your sons, does that mean our relationship is incest? 

Red: We're not really her sons. 

Space Mom: Keith's adopted. So technically, no. 

Red: I KNEW IT. 

Space Daddy: So, Allura and I had Keith, then we divorced and I get Keith sometimes, so that makes my new wife, Lotor, his mother. And Allura got Lance and Hunk later, so they're just hers and Pidge's.

Cryptid Girl: I'm that dad that pretends he doesn't have kids at all. 

Space Mom: [Sigh] 

Red: Can I report for child neglect, mom?

Space Mom: No. 

Prince of Bel Air: Your father isn't neglectful, Keith. Just a bit insensitive. 

Space Daddy: I'm not insensitive, I'm just trying to make sure our son doesn't get into trouble. We don't want to be those parents. 

Prince of Bel Air: We already are, Richard. This is why our marriage is failing. 

Space Daddy: No, it's because you refuse to discipline our son. 

Red: Fuck off, dad. 

Prince of Bel Air: Don't speak to your father that way. 

Prince of Bel Air: Our son needs love, not hate. 

Prince of Bel Air: Hug. 

Red: This is why I like mom more. 

Callie: You people are like a soap opera, except w/o any actual drama. 

Red: We need to up our game. 

Blue: No, please don't. 

Red: Too late. 


Red: Yep, but I have so much money rn, I'm drowning in it. So getting a new motor cycle isn't a big deal. 


Red: And also, I want a new motorcycle. 

Blue: You could have just said that instead of destroying it. 

Red: But that's just not as fun. 

Red: And I've still got my older motorcycle. 

Blue: But Red will still be missed. T_T 

Callie: Sometimes you just need to destroy something. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17 ] 

Red: Do you ever just want to drive off a cliff. 

Blue: Please tell me you are not anywhere near a cliff right now. 

Cryptid Girl: All the time. 

Red: Counselling makes me want to drive off a cliff. 

Blue: What happened? 


Red: And I guess I just make them uncomfortable. Just like everyone else. 

Red: I can't believe I'm wasting $600 a month on this. 

Blue: You could always switch to a better counselling center. Or see Thace more often and visit the mental facility more often. 

Red: I can't go to the mental facility more often. They always have me stay over night so they can do scans on me and make sure I'm getting 'proper sleep.' 

Red: Not to mention those times that I've had to spend a few days there after big 'accidents.' 

Red: And I'm just taking so much time with the stuff I already have, I don't think that's an option. 

Red: I would if I could. At least I don't have to talk to a bunch of dumb asses there and they're actually getting shit done. 

Blue: So just go to a different counselling facility. 

Red: I'm looking into it, but the closest one is in NYC. That's 1 and a half hours from the school and 3 hours from the farm. 

Blue: You should do it. 

Blue: And once we're done with college you can decide to keep going there or go to the mental facility, since we'll be able to have more time to go there after college. 

Red: Yeah, okay. That'll work. 

Red: But I still don't want to have to shift all the farm work onto you and Rolo because I need more time with mental health professionals. 

Blue: Don't worry. Rolo and I can keep this place intact. 

Blue: And if it'll help you, then it's worth it. 

Blue: I <3 u!! 

Red: u2

Rolos: I like doing stuff like this anyways. And your health is always the most important thing to us. 

Rolos: Also, are you planning on having an extra visit to the mental care place because of the hallucinations getting worse? 

Red: Yeah. I've got one scheduled for tomorrow after school. 

Red: And just be aware that I'm probably going to stay 'till Sunday. 

Blue: Am I coming with you this time? 

Red: You can if you want, but it's not going to be very interesting. 

Blue: Idc if it means I can hang out with you and Miss Guterres. 

Rolos: Does this mean Nyma and I can hang out here at the farm for the next few days? 

Red: Yes please. 

NayMan: Yay. 

Cryptid Girl: Keith, guess what they're playing over here in my class. 

Red: Why would I know what they're playing in your class?

Cryptid Girl: Because it's something we've watched only a million times. 

Red: Moana? 

Cryptid Girl: No, it's the Mothman Prophesies. 

Red: Omw. 

Callie: Why is Keith in our class? 

Incredible Hunk: Shay is AShaymed in you, Keith. You should be in class. 

Red: But my husband. 

Blue: T.T

Incredible Hunk: Go hang out with your other husband in drama. You still have to practice for the musical. 

Red: Fiiiiiiine. 

Space Daddy: This chat is basically trying to get Keith not to make bad decisions and failing. Except Hunk. He can actually get Keith to do stuff. 


Blue: Keith doesn't have a conscience to tell him not to do bad things, so we have to do it for him. 

Red: Don't do drugs, kids. It destroys your conscience. 

Cryptid Girl: ^^^ Actually true. 

Mac Pro: Don't lie, Keith. 

Mac Pro: We all know you never had a conscience. 




Blue: You're just a ball of energy today. 

Red: The caffeine and red bull certainly aren't helping me right now. 

Blue: Oh, how I miss the days. 

Red: Oh, how I don't miss the days. 

Callie: Me too. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17 ]

Red: Hey, babe?

Blue: !!!

Blue: Yeah?

Red: Do you ever think about getting married?

Blue: All the time. 

Red: But how would that work? Aren't you supposed to have sex after marriage? How would that work for us? 

Blue: I don't think that's necessarily true. It's more to show how much you love the other person, I think. 

Red: But still. 

Blue: It doesn't matter to me if we can have sex or not. I just want to be close to you. 

Red: Yeah, okay. 

Blue: Ily! 

Red: u2

Space Mom: Soft Klance is my favorite Klance. 

Red: Sorry. 

Space Mom: It's fine. 

Space Mom: Hey, if it's okay with you and Lance, do you want to come visit me at work? It's been a slow work day and it'd be more interesting than scrolling through my phone. 

Red: So you're just looking for someone to cure your boredom?

Space Mom: Yes. 

Red: Just ask your girlfriend. I'm sure she'd come running. 

Cryptid Girl: I would if I wasn't banned from her workplace. 

Blue: How did that happen? 

Cryptid Girl: UNIMPORTANT. 

Red: Now I really want to know. 

Space Mom: You two ever thought about getting promise rings? 

Space Mom: Pidge and I got ours a year after we started dating. 

Blue: I've thought about it a few times, but I'd only want to do something like that if it's okay with Keith. 

Blue: And I find it a little pointless. 

Red: Me too. I mean, it's cute, but it's not a real commitment and it's kind of pointless? I mean, I'd still do it if Lance really wants to, but it looks a little like he doesn't.

Space Mom: That's alright. 


Red: WHaT??

Mac Pro: You should've seen him. He started crying when I proposed to him. 

Space Mom: Omg, congrats you guys! 

Red: WHaT??

Blue: Congrats. Good luck trying to survive through the wedding prep. 

Space Daddy: OMG I'M GONNA DIE

Mac Pro: The worst part of weddings is all the planning. 

Mac Pro: Guess I'm not going to be getting any sleep for the next year. 

Space Mom: You guys have a date set up yet? 

Mac Pro: No. We're going to set it up in the summer though. 

Red: conGRaTS

Blue: I think Keith's broken. 



Mac Pro: Thanks, Keith. 

Space Daddy: Thanks, baby brother. 

Red: I thought I was your son?

Prince of Bel Air: I heard that my husband's getting married to another woman? What happened to our marriage? 

Mac Pro: He found a better woman. 

Mac Pro: Me. 

Prince of Bel Air: Congrats, guys. I was wondering how long it would take you old people to get it on. 

Space Daddy: Rude. 

Prince of Bel Air: No offense, Shiro. You don't look a day over 40. 

Space Daddy: Thanks? 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17 ]

Red: Please tell me I'm at a different house in the wrong universe.


Blue: I had no part in this.

Cryptid Girl: It was all Lance's doing.

Blue: Exposed. 

Red: I told you guys not to. 

Blue: You know we're not very good with directions. 

Blue: Or remembering things you tell us not to do. 

Cryptid Girl: It's mostly just Lance. Everyone else does it on purpose to piss you off. 

Space Mom: I only had the purest intentions.

Red: Like what? Making sure I'd be as uncomfortable as possible in my own house?

Space Mom: I'm sorry about that, but you really need to talk to more people. You can't just let your depression control you. 

Red: I know. But still. 

Cryptid Girl: Just get in here, set up your little hallucination spots, and collect your boyfriend. He's getting annoying. 

Blue: Rude. 

Red: Okay. 

Space Mom: Besides, it's not like it's the first party you've ever been to. 

Red: Yeah, but it was never at my place and there were places I could hang out without having to worry about it. And I wouldn't have to /socialize/. 

Rolos: Me too, buddy. 

NayMan: At least your boyfriend is here though. Mine was too much of a pussy to show up. 

Rolos: I am wounded. 

Blue: I am best boyfriend. 

Red: No. 

Red: You're in big trouble. 

Red: All of you people. 

Cryptid Girl: I didn't do anything though. 

Red: Exactly. You should have prevented this. 

Blue: Come on, Keith. We all know you can have fun at parties. And a lot of people think you're pretty cool anyways. 

Red: Are these 'people' the same guys who are always trying to compare me to serial killers in horror movies? 

Blue: They aren't the only people who think you're cool. 

Red: No, you're right. The psych people have found a pretty big interest in me too. 

Blue: I'm talking about the other people in theatre who find you pretty cool. 

Red: Cool how? 

Blue: Cool as in 'that hot guy who's all moody and a little insane in a good way and mysterious in a way that everyone wants to get to know him' kind of way. 

Cryptid Girl: Is there a singular word that fits that definition?

Red: I'm pretty sure nobody thinks that. 

Blue: Au contraire, mi amor. 

Blue: Everyone does. 

Red: Okay, I get the insane and moody part, but what is with the 'hot' and 'mysterious' thing?

Blue: Umm? I wouldn't be dating you right now if you weren't as hot as you are. 

Blue: And despite the fact that we've been here a few years, nobody at Altea University but us really knows anything about you because you never talk to anyone. 

Red: Fair point. But did you consider that maybe I don't want to interact with anyone. 

Blue: Yes, I did consider that, but you need some people time. 

Red: No, I don't. 

Blue: Anyways, I'm coming out there to get you, so you don't have a choice. 

Red: I hate you. 

Blue: <3 u 2. 

Chapter Text


Dark hair pouring over her shoulders as she cried over the suitcase she’d previously thrown on the floor.


The older woman paused as her son tugged on her skirt.

“Yes, honey?”

“What’s wrong, Mama? Are we going on a vacation?” The small child glanced at the suitcase, clothes strewn over its edge.

“Mama’s going on a vacation, yes. But you can’t go with her, baby.” She hugged him, pulling him into her arms tenderly as she whimpered quietly into him shoulder. 

"Mama?" The small boy whispered quietly, taking in the smell of weed that surrounded her. It felt comforting to him, but not quite in the ways it should have been. 

The Asian woman continued to breath heavily into his shoulder without answering him. 

"Mama, I don't want you to leave me. I want to go with you, Mama," He started crying into the collar of her shirt. 

"I know, honey. Mama's going to be back soon, though. I need you to be brave for me, Keith." She held him by the shoulders softly. 

He looked up at her, tears still streaming down his face, but nodded nonetheless. She smiled at him. "Okay, honey. I love you. I love you so much, Keith. You know that, right?" The young boy nodded up at her.

"I love you too, Mama!" He hugged her tightly. "Bring back something for me, okay Mama?" She nodded tightly, tears still falling down her face. "I will, sweetie. I will." 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17]

Callie: Anybody else feel like Keith doesn't have a conscience?

Red: I don't need a conscience. I have Shiro. 

Space Daddy: Aww, my baby bro really does love me. 

Red: He tells me what to do and I ignore him. 

Blue: Me ^^ 

Space Daddy: I have been betrayed. 

Red: I'm Lance's conscience though because I'm always telling him how to keep himself out of trouble and he //ignores me.// 

Blue: Are you still mad about the party?

Red: YES. 

Blue: You ended up having fun in the end though. 


Red: I'm no longer clean and Thace is going to /kill/ me. 

Blue: I'm sorry bby. 

Red: It's kind of my fault though for thinking that you wouldn't actually do something so stupid. I'll have to remember to never trust you again. 

Blue: T_T 

Incredible Hunk: Sorry, Keith. I should have stopped him. And kept you away from the druggies. 

Red: Thanks, Hunk. 

Blue: TT.TT

Red: But you know what you can do to make up for what you did, Lance?

Callie: Please don't make another sex joke. 

Blue: Yes, daddy? 

Callie: Damn it. 

Red: Call Thace and explain what happened. I don't want to have to tell him about it. 

Blue: Sure thing, honey. Need anything else? 

Red: Ice cream. 

Cryptid Girl: Don't do it, Lance. You know he's lactose intolerant, you bitch. 

Blue: I almost decided to give him some anyways because of that, but I'm sorry Keith. 

Blue: I don't want you getting anymore sick than you already are. 

Blue: But we can watch some movies and cuddle. 

Red: By 'watch movies' do you just mean 'watch Moana on repeat for 5 hours while we cuddle and talk about our feelings'?

Blue: ... 

Blue: Maybe. 

Red: What are you still doing downstairs? Get your fine ass up here so I can cuddle you and cry about my next counselling appointment. 

Blue: Omw. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17]

Red: 5 days till Hell Week. 

Blue: Is it too late to drop out? 

Cryptid Girl: 370 days till next year's Hell Week. 

Space Mom: Why do you people do this. 

Red: Actually, it's 380 days. 

Blue: Why are you two like this? 

Red: I'm clinically insane? I've mentioned this before?

Cryptid Girl: I like math. 

Blue: Why am I friends with you again? 

Cryptid Girl: Because I'm the only one who'll bring you food. 

Red: Not true. 

Cryptid Girl: I'm the only one who'll let your boyfriend watch conspiracy theory documentaries so that he doesn't have to bother you with it? 

Blue: I watch them with you sometimes though. 

Cryptid Girl: I don't know. Because I'm friends with your boyfriend, so you're just inadvertently my friend too? And we've been friends with each other since middle school? Kind of. We weren't as close back then. 

Callie: I don't think Hunk and I met you guys until high school. 

Blue: Yeah, Hunk and I were friends in Elementary school, but we went to different Middle schools. But I think we went to the same Senior high though. 

Incredible Hunk: Yeah, I think that's about right. 

Space Daddy: I think you guys talked to Pidge a lot in Middle school, but she only officially became part of your friend group in High school. 

Red: And you and Matt only became part of the group a year after the rest of us started college. 

Blue: I remember when it was just Nyma, Rolo, Keith, and I. We were so unpopular back then. 

Red: Probably because Rolo couldn't talk to people without freaking out, you were just really stupid back then, and Nyma and I were not exactly the picture of grace under fire then. 

Red: But a lot of our unpopularity mostly came from the fact that you guys hung out with me. 

NayMan: Honestly, that's pretty true. But hanging out with you was a lot more fun than hanging out with the popular Middle schoolers. 

Rolos: True ^^ When was the last time you've seen one of the popular kids run into a wall and yell, "It wasn't the drugs this time," in the middle of class? 

Red: My ears were buzzing, so I didn't know I was yelling. :(

Rolos: It was pretty fucking hilarious though. 

Blue: Keith's pretty popular now, though. 

Blue: And he does crazy shit like that all the time. 

Red: I think it's just because college kids understand what mental illness is and aren't childish about it anymore. 

Blue: True. 

Blue: But you can still be childish about stuff like that and not be rude. 

Red: There's a line though. 

Space Mom: There's lines for pretty much every difference between people. 

Blue: True. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17]

Prince of Bel Air: Ezor says we became friends in High school? That's not true, is it?

Red: No. We never became friends.

Prince of Bel Air: T_T

Red: jk.

Red: We were friends in Middle school too.

Red: Just lowkey. 

NayMan: Before we even met Lance or Rolo, we used to hang out with you sometimes. 

NayMan: But it wasn't frequent enough that we actually considered ourselves to be 'friends' at that point. 

Red: I hated Middle school. 

Blue: I made it bearable though, right Keef? 

Red: Yeah. 

Kogayne >> Lonce

Kogayne: Remember that time we went to visit my aunt over the break? 

Lonce: Yeah. You looked miserable the entire time. 

Lonce: What about it, though? That about 10 years ago. 

Kogayne: I was just having weird dreams about that chick I met that summer. The one that was my mom's friend? I think her name was Aki?

Lonce: I don't remember much about her at all. 

Kogayne: Me neither, so it's kind of weird that I'd be thinking about someone I hardly knew and only saw once, ten years ago. 

Lonce: You miss your mom? 

Kogayne: I'll always miss her, but that's not what this is. 

Lonce: What was it about? 

Kogayne: It was just me walking around a dark room and she just opened the door and said 'home.' 

Kogayne: It was so fucking weird. Even for me. 

Lonce: Doesn't seem that weird to me. 

Lonce: I don't even see things in my dreams anymore. 

Lonce: It's like as if someone's narrating some story I can't see and I'm not part of. 

Kogayne: I thought you only got dreams like that every so often? 

Lonce: I used to, but now all my dreams are like that. 

Lonce: But, hey. It helps me write more easily now. 

Kogayne: Did you ever finish writing that novel you were talking about? 

Lonce: No. I'm still working on it. But I'm almost finished with it. 

Kogayne: That's good. 

Kogayne: You want to meet up at Starbucks and read over it? 

Lonce: Sure. You're paying though. 

Kogayne: Okay. Love you. 

Lonce: u2!!! 

Chapter Text

Red: That moment where you aren't listening to someone and when you ask them to repeat themselves, you still don't understand, but still pretend that you do.

Space Mom: All the time. 

Blue: When you try your best and you don't succeed. 

Red: This kid was looking at books next to me at the library and he said something to me while I had my ear buds on. And he was this kid from one of my classes, the deaf one from Art History. I don't remember his name. So I took my earbuds out and asked him what he had said and he just looked at me in confusion for a moment before repeating what he said, but I still didn't hear him. 

Red: And I just nodded because I didn't want to have to ask again and 

Red: I just feel a little stupid right now. 

Blue: Didn't you learn sign language at some summer school when you were visiting Texas?

Red: Yeah. I wanted to get it on my high school record, but they didn't offer it in NY. 

Cryptid Girl: I've gone out of state plenty of times to take summer classes for things they don't offer in NY. 

Space Mom: The reason I can never hang out with her during summer break. 

Cryptid Girl: Nah, the real reason is because we're too busy having sex to hang out. 

Blue: Don't lie, you fucker. 


Space Daddy: Tired of your shit. 

Cryptid Girl: Keith is suddenly turning into that dad friend, when just a few weeks ago he was that 'overly gay, talks-about-sex-with-his-boyfriend-all-the-time, rebellious teen, bad influence friend.' 

Cryptid Girl: Is the gay boy uncomfortable when the gay girls talk about gay sex? 

Blue: OH

Blue: OH


Red: I would just say that it's only okay when I say it because I was raped as a kid, but I don't want to be that person that flaunts things that other people who have the same sorts of problems I do don't flaunt it (Is there a single word that explains that?) 

Red: Unlike some people. 

Blue: It's because I'm Hispanic, isn't it? 

Cryptid Girl: It's because I'm white, isn't it? 

Space Daddy: It's because I'm gay, isn't it? 

Mac Pro: It's because I'm gay, isn't it? 

Mac Pro: Damn it. 

Red: I'm gay??? 

Cryptid Girl: But anyways, we never really talked about what's okay and what's not? 

Cryptid Girl: Should we do that now? 

Red: I mean, most stuff's okay. 

Red: I rarely get set off by sex talk anymore, it only happens when my delusions are particularly strong at the time. 

Red: So it's not that big a deal. 

Cryptid Girl: You say that, but 

Red: It's not a big deal, Pidge. I can handle it. Have been for 15 years. 

Cryptid Girl: If you say so. 

Cryptid Girl: But don't be afraid to call me out. 

Red: Trust me, I'd jump at the opportunity to call you out. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17 ]

Cryptid Girl: Hey, Keith? 

Red: Yeah

Cryptid Girl: Do you even masturbate, bro?

Red: Yes?

Cryptid Girl: How many times?

Red: 4

Cryptid Girl: Like this month or?

Red: In the past 3 years.

Cryptid Girl: How have you survived this long?

Red: If you hadn't noticed

Red: I'm busy all the time and not quite as interested in that kind of stuff as other people because I was /raped as a kid./

Red: Plus the fact that my brain doesn't function like a normal human being's should. 

Cryptid Girl: I know, but still. 

Cryptid Girl: You and Lance talk about sex all the time. 

Red: Yes, but that doesn't mean that we're sexually active or anything. 

Red: And yeah, I love him and someday I'd like to marry him and definitely have sex with him, but now is not exactly the time for me. 

Space Mom: I like how in this chat we talk about stuff like masturbation like it's normal everyday talk, while other people would probably be disgusted to talk about. 

Blue: Our conversations are never normal. 

Space Daddy: How many times have we deleted and remade this chat, though? 

Red: 62 times, just this year.

Space Daddy: I think this one's been running for the longest time though. 

Space Daddy: I'm afraid something's going to happen to it, just to even out the balance of things. 

Corn: I think the longest amount of time one of these chats has held up was 2 years, but that was when there was only Lance, Keith, Rolo, and Nyma in the chat. 

NayMan: Oh, yeah. I remember creating that chat in 6th grade and creatively calling it 'Bad Bois.'

Red: 2016 was a wild ride. 

Blue: That was so long ago. 

NayMan: And yet, you guys still use the 'Dat Boi' meme all the time. 

Red: Hey, I'm a fan of the classics. 

Blue: ^^^

Space Mom: Guess what happened to me at work today. 

Cryptid Girl: Was it that asshole, Nerok? 

Space Mom: Yes. 

Space Mom: Men are gross. 

Red: Preach sister. 

Blue: I can concur. 

Space Daddy: Very true. 

Mac Pro: The truest statement I've ever heard in my life. 

Cryptid Girl: I like how all the guys immediately agree (specifically the gay guys too) when any normal man would probably up and say 'Not all men!' 

Red: Because it's true. Guys are gross. 

Blue: Excuse. I am bi. 

Cryptid Girl: Same difference. 

Space Mom: Anyways

Space Mom: He keeps trying to touch me inappropriately in the workplace and he's been acting like such a kiss up to Haggar. 

Space Mom: But I told him that the next time he dares touch me like that again, I'm going to file for a sexual harassment. 

Cryptid Girl: Good on you. Nobody touches my girlfriend and gets away with it. 

Space Mom: Although, I didn't have to because he's been fired as of today after another woman apparently filed for sexual harassment against him. 

Space Mom: They're going to go around the workplace tomorrow and see exactly how many people he's been harassing. And he's probably going to get some jail time. 

Red: Nice. 

Red: Guys like that don't deserve to be working with the police or any sort of workplace period. 

Blue: You should have filed against him sooner though. It could have caused less women to have to be uncomfortable like that. And there's no excuse for doing something like that once, let alone twice. 

Corn: Well, I'm glad you are okay, princess. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17] 

Red: 4 days 'till Hell Week. 

Blue: Kill me. 

Mac Pro: Distraction. 

Mac Pro: What was the first thing everyone said to Shiro after they met him?

Red: "Holy crow. You're fucking hot."

Blue: "Get away from my boyfriend, you pedophile."

Space Mom: Keith was looking for a Daddy and all he got was a Dad.

Corn: "Son, you've got a bright future ahead of you."

Space Mom: "My name is Allura, but you can call me Yours." 

Cryptid Girl: "You're hot, no hetero." 

Prince of Bel Air: "Wanna fuck?" 

Space Daddy: :/

Mac Pro: I got the hot one. 

Red: Shiro is the type of guy that everyone has a crush on at some point. 

Blue: I mean, I am bi and I've liked pretty much everyone at some point, but I don't think I ever had a crush on Shiro. 

Blue: Which might have been due to the fact that Keith was flirting with him when he first met Shiro. 

Blue: So Shiro just became my enemy from the beginning. 

Space Daddy: I don't get why everyone has a crush on me though? 

Space Daddy: Especially because of all my scars, the fact that I only have one arm, and my hair is already graying. 

Mac Pro: Because it's sexy. And you're all muscly and buff. 

Mac Pro: And a lot of people like older men. 

Mac Pro: And you could just dye your hair if it's that big a problem. 

Red: You look like the type of guy that could bench press a fucking train. 

Blue: You just can't see how hot you are to everyone else because your type is skinny, white nerds. 

Mac Pro: Rude. 

Space Daddy: But he's so small and cute. 

Space Daddy: I love him and I must protec him. 

Blue: My aunt is 4'8" and she's married to this giant, buff dude. My mom always said that tall guys like him always liked smaller people because of the need to 'protect' them, but she said it in front of my aunt and her husband one day and he said, "It's true though. I want to protect her with my life." 

Blue: I think she'd read some scientific article about it too. 

Red: I think it's also because it averages out the height of their children. And most average height people will stay with people who are also average height. 

Red: It's kind of a animalistic habit that humans have to generate strong genes. 

Mac Pro: It doesn't work for the gays though. 

Red: True. 

Blue: I'm not looking forward to the Christmas break. 

Red: Me neither. 

Blue: I wish you could come with me to see my family in Miami. 

Red: Me too. 

Red: But I also wish people would stop with all the holiday music too. 

Red: I've heard these songs a million times and everyone listens to the same ones every year. 

Red: And I'm atheist, so they can fuck off with that shit. 

Blue: That is not my favorite part of the season at all. 

Callie: I like the Christmas songs. Hunk and I go caroling every year with the school choir. 

Incredible Hunk: The walking around in the freezing cold part is one of the not-so-great parts though. 

Red: What are you guys doing over the break? 

Callie: Hunk and I are going to Daytona to see our parents. 

Prince of Bel Air: I'm going to Daytona as well. 

NayMan: Rolo and I are staying here. 

Cryptid Girl: Matt, Allura, Shiro, and I are going to Louisiana. 

Corn: I'll be staying here as well. 

Chapter Text

[Lotor's Angels™ ]

Dat Boi's Boi: Honey, it's cold outside.

Dat Boi: But I really can't stay.

Dat Boi's Boi: No, it's fucking freezing and I need you to open the damn door. I forgot the key. 

Dat Boi: Sorry. 

Ezor: You guys free on Saturday?

Dat Boi: I'm going to study with Keith in the evening, but before that both of us are free. 

Ezor: I was just going to ask if Axca and I could study with you guys? Exam week is next week and we haven't gotten much done in regards to school work. 

Dat Boi: So you guys are /that/ couple. 

[Axca changed Ezor's name to EzOrNah]

EzOrNah: No, we've just been busy with clubs and the play. 

Dat Boi's Boi: You're not in the play? 

EzOrNah: I still help out with the set sometimes and Axca's got a part. 

Dat Boi: Oh right. Wasn't she Hera?

Axca: Yeah. 

Dat Boi: Can you come over at 4?

Axca: Sure. 

[EzOrNah changed Axca's name to Axolotl 

Axolotl: Why? 

EzOrNah: Axolotls are cute like you. 

Axolotl: [What??? ]

Dat Boi: Not as cute as Keith. 

Dat Boi's Boi: [What??? 

Dat Boi's Boi: I don't see it. 

EzOrNah: Both our baes are cuties. 

Dat Boi: Damn straight. 

Axolotl: There's nothing straight about me. 

Dat Boi's Boi: There's nothing straight about me. 

Dat Boi's Boi: Damn it. 

Axcalutely Not >>> Kogayne 

Axcalutely Not: We're friends, right?

Kogayne: I'm pretty sure. Unless you don't want to be friends? 

Axcalutely Not: No, I do want to be friends. 

Axcalutely Not: Do you want to be friends? 

Kogayne: Yeah. 

Kogayne: Was that the only reason you wanted to pm me? 

Axalutely Not: No. 

Axcalutely Not: Our anniversary is coming up and I was wondering if you could possibly help with the preparations for it?

Kogayne: When is it? 

Axcalutely Not: It's 4 days after exams end. 

Kogayne: And what do you plan on doing for it? 

Axcalutely Not: We're going to an arboretum to take pictures and I'm going to make dinner when we get home. 

Axcalutely Not: Problem is I can't cook. So I need help figuring out how to. 

Axcalutely Not: And I'm also building a motorbike for her and I need help with that. 

Kogayne: I'm not very good at cooking either, so I probably won't be much help in that field, but I can help you with the bike. Is it almost finished or do you still need some parts? Because I know a few places where you could get some of the rare bits. And I also know how to make some of the parts. 

Axcalutely Not: I've mostly been getting stuff from the junk yard and ordering some of the parts that are harder to find, but there's still a few parts that are missing. 

Kogayne: I could bring Lance's truck and we could bring it to my place, since I have some spare parts you could use and make. Plus it would be a good place to hide it until then. 

Axcalutely Not: That works for me. You want to come over tomorrow and pick it up? 

Kogayne: I've got an appointment with Thace at 7 am, but I can come over some time after noon. 

Axcalutely: How does 2 pm sound to you? 

Axcalutely Not: And it'll be before Ezor shows up to study. 

Kogayne: I'll pick you up then. 

Chapter Text

Axcalutely Not >>> Kogayne 

Kogayne: You mind if I test run the bike while everyone's out?

Kogayne: Just to make sure it works and won't kill anyone.

Axcalutely Not: Go ahead. I don't want to be handing her a death trap for our anniversary.

Kogayne: So, there's still a problem with the engine.

Kogayne: Do you mind if I just replace the engine entirely?

Axcalutely Not: If you replace the engine, you may have to change out some of the gears since I have some in there that aren't entirely compatible with other engines.

Kogayne: Will do. 

Kogayne: Is this a bulletproof four stroke single cylinder engine from a Honda Super Cub? 

Acxalutely Not: Yeah. One of my dad's friends had one that he'd scrapped, so he let me tear it apart for parts. 

Kogayne: I can see why he scrapped it. 

Kogayne: How the hell did this guy destroy a bulletproof engine like that. 

Kogayne: It looks like it has a lot of internal damage. 

Axcalutely Not: Idk. Maybe you could tear it apart and use the parts to make a new engine? 

Axcalutely Not: They're pretty cheap, but apparently very popular. 

Kogayne: There are some parts of the engine that I could use, but not a lot. I mean, I could possibly melt down some of the parts and remake them, but I don't have the equipment for that at my house so I'd have to go into town to find someone who may. But I still don't know how well that would work out. It's pretty old. 

Kogayne: I could just get some new metal and completely remake most of the engine. Kolivan runs a shop down by the arcade near your place, so maybe I could convince him to help me remake some parts or at least let me use his workshop. 

Axcalutely Not: Sounds like a lot of time and work. You sure you're okay with doing all this? 

Kogayne: Yeah. I like fixing bikes, so it's no big deal. It's in 12 days, so I can get it done in my spare time and finish fixing the engine in 4 days at the most. And the rest of the bike parts should be easier to fix/find. 

Axcalutely Not: It took me months just to do the parts halfway. How are you able to get it done in just a few days? 

Kogayne: I took mechanics classes in high school and I've been fixing up bikes since graduation. 

Kogayne: I used to have a part-time job at Kolivan's shop, but I was fired last year. 

Axcalutely Not: How'd you get fired? 

Kogayne: I only had a part time job there and I made a lot of his customers uncomfortable with my psychotic tendencies, so he ended up firing me because he couldn't afford to keep me on payroll. 

Kogayne: But his shop's pretty popular now. 

Axcalutely Not: Sorry. 

Kogayne: It's fine. I'm used to that kind of stuff. I was only able to keep my last job because I didn't have to be around so many people. 

Kogayne: I'm just surprised Kolivan kept me for so long. 

Axcalutely Not: How long did you work for him? 

Kogayne: 2 years. 

Kogayne: Anyways, I'm going to go ahead and call him. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17]

Space Daddy: [Kisses Matt] Why does everyone think I'm gay?

Red: It's because you're Asian.

Blue: You're Asian too?

Red: Yes, I'm Asian and gay. You're point being?

Blue: You make a point. 

Mac Pro: Damn Asians, making me look gay. 

Red: 3 days 'till Hell Week. 

Blue: Kill me now. 

Cryptid Girl: I already know the answers to every possible question they could ask me and I'm not telling you guys because I like watching you suffer. 

Space Mom: The evil gf. 

Red: Little did they know. 

Red: The one who seemed more pure was actually much, much worse. 

Space Mom: Don't expose me. 

Blue: Allura is lowkey the True Evil Girlfriend. 

Corn: She's an enforcer of the law. That doesn't seem like a great combination. 

Space Mom: He lives. 

Space Mom: Plus I keep my job and my life of evilness separate. 

Blue: Like a responsible adult. 

Red: Ew. Responsibility. 

Callie: The one who freaks out every time any responsibility comes his way. 

Red: I don't need this slander. 

Incredible Hunk: Too late. It's yours. Cherish it. 

Blue: Don't mock my bf. 

Red: <3 u!!! 

Blue: ily more. 

Red: ily most. 

Blue: ily to the ends of the universe and back and the universe never ends. So HA.

Cryptid Girl: Ew. The gross kids are at it again. 

Callie: Somehow their affections turned into competition. 

Space Daddy: Prepare for an onslaught of Mushy Keith.



Cryptid Girl: Ew. Mushy boys being mushy. Gross. 


Cryptid Girl: Y'all are so whipped. 

Space Mom: My babies are so adorable. 


Prince of Bel Air: My adorable children are so adorable. I think I'm gonna go blind from all this adorableness in one gc. 

Red: Thanks. We try. 

Red: Lance, come up here so I can cuddle you, damn it. 

Blue: Omw. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17]

Red: So how many of us are in Art History?

Callie: I am, but not at the same time that you do.

Cryptid Girl: I am.

Incredible Hunk: I am.

Red: Was the professor missing in your classes too?

Callie: She's always missing classes.

Cryptid Girl: Idk how she even has a job tbh. 

Incredible Hunk: She usually has a sub come and teach us. 

Red: There was no sub for our class. 

Red: Some kid ended up taking up roll and teaching the class after going through her stuff. 

Blue: What even? 

Red: A bunch of people left the class because they have a 20 minute rule, where if there's no sub or the teacher doesn't show up, you're home free. 

Red: But this kid was teaching the entire class and even gave detention slips to some kids who came in the back door (because the teacher has a rule that no one can come in through that door). 

Blue: I'm pretty sure you can't get detention in college?

Red: You can't. The student just didn't have the authority to fail them out. 

Red: And when he was giving roll, he called out his own name and said, "Sadly I'm here too." 

Callie: Give this kid a teacher of the year award. 

Red: Honestly, this kid is a better teacher than our professor. 

Blue: Sucks to suck, Keith. 

Red: And he even yelled at one kid for stepping near one of my hallucinations. I think I'm in love. 

Blue: nooooooooo

Blue: Why do I have so much competition? Can't I just have my boy to myself. hisssss. 

Callie: Can y'all stop being gay for one minute?

Red: No. 

Blue: Excuse you. 

Blue: I'm bi, bitch. 

Incredible Hunk: Don't sass your mother. 

Blue: She's not my real mom. 

Red: Hello darkness my old friend. 

Blue: I have come to talk with you again. 

Cryptid Girl: Can we ever have a day where this gc doesn't break out into song?

Blue: No. 

Red: He haven't for a while, so it's fine. 



Blue: [looks into a camera] None of this was due to my parenting skills. Just so the audience is aware. 

Red: You're not my mom. 

Blue: You're right. 

Cryptid Girl: If you make a daddy joke, I will strangle you. 

Blue: I'm your daddy. 

Blue: Whoops. 

Red: Luke, I am your father. 


Red: Rude. 

Mac Pro: Someone save me from this hellscape called World of Warcraft. I can't stop playing, but I need to stop. 

Red: Kinda like me with Mario Kart. 

Blue: You can't stop because you have an incessant need to win, but you suck at Mario Kart. 

Red: Rude. 

Cryptid Girl: It's true though. 

Red: I have been betrayed. 

Blue: <3 u!! 

Red: u2

Chapter Text

“Imo Myeong?” There’s a little pause as Keith rubs the sleep out of his eyes and his Aunt stops talking to the woman she’d been angrily yelling at in Korean. The slightly taller woman with a drawn out face and short black hair tucked into a bini lit up at the sight of the middle schooler rounding the corner and glowering at the kitchen table.

“Aegyo~ He’s so much cuter than he was as a baby~” She cooed, approaching the tired pre-teen. He noticed a distinct scent of marijuana coming from the woman. 

“Naneun ani,” He crossed his arms over his chest with a disgruntled look on his face, causing the woman to laugh.

“Aki, you should leave,” His Aunt said firmly.

“Sure, she can come with me to get my meds from the pharmacy,” Keith answered.

His Aunt glowered at him. “I meant away from you, ae Joka.”

Keith grabbed his duffel bag, which hung by the door, and replied with a crude gesture and a small muttering of “Annyeong amkae,” pulling Aki out the door before his aunt could protest. 

"What was Imo Myeong bullying you about?" Keith spoke up after a few moments of walking in silence.

"She wasn't bullying me. She just... has a unique way of showing her love." Keith gave her a sceptical look before mumbling a sarcastic 'sure.' 

"I'm a friend of your mother's. Although, I haven't spoken to her since she had you." 

"Oh." They walked in awkward silence for a few minutes. 

"Is that how you always speak to your aunt?" Aki asked suddenly, pulling her short, black hair out of her bini and brushing through it. 

"Yeah. So what?" 

"She's your family though." 

"She may be related to me, but that doesn't mean I should treat her as anything more than she is."

"And what's that?" 

"A selfish bitch." 

"What makes you say that?" 

"She's never done anything for me other than keeping my Umma away from me and keeping me in fucking foster care," He growled. "She's never done anything to help the family at all. If she really cared, she'd have stopped my Appa in the first place. Or even adopting me would be better than leaving me to the state." 

"I'm sure she cares."

"I'm sure she doesn't." 

He shouldered his bag just as a yell erupted from behind them, causing him to jump. 

"Keith! Keith!" He turned to see his Cuban friend running up to them, out of breath. 

"Have-" Wheeze. "You checked-" Pant. "The group-" Huff. "Chat." He finished with a long, shuddering breath. 

"No?"  Keith immediately took out his phone as he continued walking alongside Aki. 

"Pidge-" Lance wheezed again, clutching his side. "She said that she was going to steal your dad's bike while we are gone if you don't tell her whether she was right about the schizophrenia thing or not." 

"Did Thace tell you whether or not it was schizophrenia or not?" Lance continued. 

"He called yesterday. He said that I have schizophrenia."

"So she was right?" 

"He said I have psychotic depression too though. He had to take some of my blood when we were still in New York to look at my dna or something. So I guess it's genetic. I dunno know. He said a lot of science-y things that I didn't understand." 

"That doesn't sound good." 

"Yeah. Apparently both are incurable. So I'm stuck like this for the rest of my life, but Doctor Thace asked me to pick up some prescription medications from the Pharmacy in town."  

"What kind of medications?" 

"Antipsychotics and antidepressants. I don't remember what the names of them were."

"You have psychotic depression?" Aki suddenly spoke up. 

"Yeah. I guess so," Keith answered. "I've been having delusions and insane thoughts since a while after my mom left, but I only started having hallucinations after my dad was arrested." 

"It certainly doesn't help that you've been doing drugs and increasing the effect of the hallucinations," Lance interjected. Keith rolled his eyes. 

"Thanks for the great input, dad." Keith stuck out his tongue at Lance, earning himself a punch in the shoulder. "It did help a little bit sometimes. At least it helped my anxiety." 

"Except when it made it worse." Lance sighed exasperatedly. "The prison's up ahead. You going to visit on the way?" 

"I'm going to stop by Mom's grave, but that's it." Keith ran a hand through his hair as Aki made a noise of surprise, causing Keith to look at her strangely. 

"Your mom is dead?" She asked. 

"Yes? Imo Myeong said she died a few months ago." 

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's been so long since I last saw her. I should have come sooner." She had a glassy look in her eyes and Keith got the distinct feeling that her words had some sort of double meaning. 

"It's okay. I don't even remember her that well. Aunt Myeong wouldn't give her a grave though, so I made one near the prison." 

"That's nice. But why by the prison?" Aki asked. 

"Appa is at the prison, so I made it there so he could go to her grave too." 

"He rarely does though," Lance mumbled, crossing his arms. 

"Mueos? Geu so ram eun na jeogi," Keith answered with a confused look on his face. 

"For the last time, I can't understand you when you speak korean," Lance  sighed in exasperation. 

"I can't understand you when you speak in spanish, yeon-in," Keith answered blithely. 

"Tú le gustan cuando yo hablar en español aunque, corazon~" Lance answered with a knowing smile, which was answered with a dubious look from Keith. 

"I don't understand you," Keith drawled as Lance smiled and burst out into song. 

"Tu tienes un fetiche por mi amor~" 

"Please stop." 

"Te empujo afuera y tu vienes de nuevo~" 

"I hate you so much right now," Keith said, despite the growing smile on his face. 

"No veo un punto en culparte~ Si yo fuera tu, me lo haria tambien~"  Keith punched Lance in the shoulder, covering his mouth with his gloved hand. 

"Hando dodal~" Keith started, giving Lance a challenging look. 

"Hando-e dodalhaessdago gajeong hae bogessseubnida~"

"Chogwa hando~" Lance hummed along beside him as he sung the lyrics slightly off beat since the translation didn't fit the song very well. 

"Hajiman nega geuman dul su eobsdaneun geol naneun anda~" 

"Eotteon geos n a-e gwanhan geos~"  

"Dangsin kkeullin na-ege~" 

"Alaelo delyeoga la~  Kkoin naega cheoleom  jong-i jeobgicheo~" 

Aki smiled at the two silly teenage boys, thinking about her own son, who'd been just as crazy as the two. 

"No me sorprende, Yo simpazito~" Lance sung back, shoving Keith lightly. 

"Naneun bujeong hal su eobsda neouisig-yog~" Keith answered, shoving back with a small smile.

The two suddenly started yelling the lyrics in their respective languages at the same time, both trying to outdo each other. 

"Tu tienes un fetiche por mi amor~ Te empujo afuera y tu vienes de nuevo~ No veo un punto en culparte~ Si yo fuera tu~ me lo haria tambien~"

"Neo nae salang-e daehan jumul-iya~ Naneun neoleul mil-eo naego~ N eoneun god dol-aonda~ dangsin-eul binanhaneun han jeom-eul boji mala~ naega neolamyeon~ nado halgeoya." They both laughed their hearts out as they finished the song. 

"But seriously, I can't understand you when you're speaking Spanish," Keith huffed, intertwining his hand with Lance's. 

"I can't understand Korean," Lance answered, leaning in toward Keith. 

"Fair point." 

"You both sing beautifully," Aki interjected. 

"Thanks," They both answered at the same time with a short, shared glance in her direction.

"There's the prison!" Lance pointed towards a gated off area with a cement building in the center. 

"I'll go on ahead and see Umma, so you won't have to wait for me," Keith stated, giving Lance a small kiss on the cheek before running off with a short wave. 

Lance and Aki continued walking in silence, watching Keith sprint past the prison before skidding around the corner of the far gate of the prison. 

"So you two are boyfriends?" Aki spoke up after a few moments of silence. 

"Yeah. We go to school together, up in New York." 

"New York? That's pretty far from here." 

"Keith had to be moved to a foster care in New York, since he wasn't getting adopted here and because of his issues. We're only here because Keith's lawyer said that he should come and get the lawsuit money from his Aunt and help with the court case against his dad." Lance shrugged. "His lawyer is a pretty nice guy. For a lawyer. He got both of us a flight here and even escorted us. Ulaz has been a really big help with Keith." 

"How'd you meet Keith?" 

"In the locker room during gym," Lance answered casually. 

"The locker room?" 

"Yeah. I've known him for almost 2 years now. We'll be going to high school next year. We're both trying to save up so that we can go to a private school, so the lawsuit money should help him get accepted into the Garrison," Lance blathered on as they approached the other side of the prison, where Keith was getting ready to meet up with them again. 

"Are you one of Myeong's friends? I noticed that you were coming from the direction of her place. Or is she hiring a babysitter for Keith now, since she doesn't want to take care of him herself?" Lance ended with a scowl. 

"A friend of Keith's mom. You both seem to dislike her, though." Aki said. 

"Well, she's kind of a terrible person. She's always talking shit about her dead sister, which in itself is a pretty crappy thing to do. And she's his family, so she should have adopted him after his dad was arrested and his mom died. Plus she knew about what his dad was doing to him and all she did about it was take away the only thing that was protecting him from getting hurt worse. So yeah, I don't like her and Keith absolutely hates her." 

"I'm sure she had her reasons," Aki said, voice wavering slightly in defeat. 

"Selfish reasons. Apparently, since Keith isn't old enough, she gets any money that he should be receiving. She gets all of the property that Keith should be lawfully receiving, but instead she gets it since she's older and the next closest thing to his legal guardian. She even tried to sue him when the court was originally going to let him have his inheritance. The law's pretty unjustified sometimes." Lance waved as Keith jogged up to them. 

"You want to get something to eat after we run by the pharmacy?" Keith perked up at this. 

"Can you even afford to eat out because I certainly can't," Keith raised his brows skeptically. 

"Nope. I was thinking dine and dash?" Lance suggested. 

"We've only got 2 more days left here, so I don't see why not. That just means we can't show our faces outside the house if we don't want to get arrested."

"We'd probably get arrested anyways. We aren't that slick and everyone around here knows you and your aunt. There'd be police at her door before we even got back." Keith laughed. 

"True. Maybe Kat'll let us have a free meal if we're nice enough." 

"Unlikely. Maybe if you told her that your aunt kicked you out again, she might." 

"I've only been here a week and everyone thinks I'm some sort of homeless street rat." 

"Maybe if you stopped smoking, they might think you have an ounce of class," Lance replied snarkily. 

"No thank you. I'd rather have no class than stop smoking." Keith waved his hand in dismissal. 

"I've got $3 on me right now, so I could get a pack of cigarettes, though."  Keith perked up as he remembered this fact.

"I'm pretty sure it's illegal for minors to buy cigarettes," Aki added. 

"I'm pretty sure it's illegal to use marijuana, but you don't see me complaining," Keith answered. 

"How did you-?" 

"You kind of reek of it."  Aki gave her a dubious look. "It's not my first time around the block. I know what marijuana smells like."

"I didn't smell anything on her," Lance chipped in. 

"You got some on you?" 

"Keith, no." 

"Keith, yes."

"Why are you like this?" 

"I'm clinically depressed, insane, and addicted to weed."

 "Is this going to become a thing?" 


"So do you have some or not, manim?" 

"Don't let him have any." 

"But Lance-" 

"But nothing. If you really need something to smoke, you can wait until we get to the pharmacy. And you've only been sober for a week too."

"A week too long. The stuff they sell at the pharmacy isn't the same." 

"Babe," Lance wrapped an arm around Keith's waist. "I know it's hard, but there's no way things are going to get fixed if you don't do something for yourself." 

"I know, but-" 

"You're stronger than that. You've already proved it to me so many times before." Keith puffed out his cheeks in resignation. 


"I looooove you~" Lance leaned in, pressing a small kiss to his cheek. 

"I know," He smiled slightly. 

"And even though your aunt can be a bit bitchy and we haven't gotten to do anything fun, it's still been the best summer ever because I've spent it all with you." 

"Yeah. It has been." 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17 ]

Blue: Keith, you doing okay?

Blue: I noticed you haven't been up at all today and you locked yourself in your bedroom.

Blue: You want to talk about it? 

Red: Yeah, just wait a second. 

[Kogayne created Fuck My Life ]

[Kogayne added Lonce and Thace It ]

Thace It: I believe I gave you my contact information for emergencies and any time you need to talk. Not to make group chats with your friends. 

Kogayne: I know, but there's some things that I need to tell both of you and I'd prefer not to have to say it twice. 

Thace It: Technically, you are typing it. 

Kogayne: ANYWAYS

Kogayne: I want to schedule another appointment for tomorrow. 

Thace It: So soon? Did something happen?

Kogayne: Kind of? I've just been having a lot of weird dreams lately and they're screwing me up. 

Kogayne: And I also forgot to ask you to get me a new dosage of my meds, so I'm all out now. 

Thace It: Okay. I'll put you in for tomorrow and email the pharmacy. Is Lance going to pick them up? 

Kogayne: Yeah. And I think I'm also going to check into the psychiatric center tonight since it's just been getting worse recently. 

Thace It: I'll warn them ahead of time. Make sure you aren't the one driving there, though. 

Kogayne: Yes, dad. 

Lonce: I'll make sure to drive him there. 

Thace It: Do you want to tell me what's been bothering you about these dreams here or in person? 

Kogayne: I'll do it in person. 

Thace It >>> Kogayne 

Thace It: Are you going to counselling? 

Kogayne: I haven't gone in the past 2 weeks because I've been trying to get a better counsellor. 

Kogayne: It's not working out so well. 

Thace It: Regris is a close friend of mine who does In-Home counselling. Maybe you could consider going to him. He's a specialist in more severe cases and does a lot of group meets with people who have severe mental illness. I could give you his contact information if you'd like? 

Kogayne: That would be a big help. Thanks. 

Thace It: [RegrisContactInfo.jpg]

Kogayne >>> Lonce 

Kogayne: Hey, sorry about not saying anything before. 

Lonce: It's okay. I know it's hard for you. 

Kogayne: I know. 

Lonce: You didn't tell me that the dreams were screwing you up. 

Kogayne: They weren't when I first told you about the first one, but it was just a dream, so I figured it would be okay. 

Lonce: But it wasn't? 

Kogayne: I don't know. It just feels like there's something up, but I don't know what and they're making my delusions worse. 

Kogayne: I woke up this morning, freaking out because I thought my dad was still alive and that he was going to come for me. 

Kogayne: But the dream this time had been in the same room as the first, but there was a light on so I could see the room. It was my old room from when I was living with him and I felt so scared until Aki opened the door and said, 'Home.' 

Kogayne: It's not even real, but it's fucking me up right now. 

Lonce: I know, honey. It's going to be okay though. 

Kogayne: But what if it isn't? What if this will just keep happening every day? It's not even curable, so it probably will and you'll have to deal with that too. It'd be okay if it were just me, but you're always having to deal with me being like this and it's just getting worse. What if it never ends up being okay because it just keeps getting worse and worse? What if it gets so bad that I can't even handle it?

Lonce: You've been dealing with it for 15 years and you've always been able to handle it. You're strong and you've always been able to get through the worst and I have no doubt that you'll get through it if it gets worse. But it's not always going to be this bad. It's just that you didn't take your pills today and you had that long break from it. You're going to be fine because it's not going to be like this forever. And even if you can't handle it on your own, I'll still be there to help you. I can't even think of what my life would be like without you, even as you are and even as you may be in the future. Because I love you and I know that whatever comes of this, we can make it through it together. 

Kogayne: Thanks. Ily too. 

Kogayne >>> Regress Unto Bedlam

Kogayne: Is this Regris? 

Regress Unto Bedlam: Yes, and who may I be speaking to?

Kogayne: This is Keith. My mental health doctor, Thace, suggested I look into this In-Home counselling thing you do.

Regress Unto Bedlam: I'm assuming that you have some form of mental illness if Thace suggested you come to me. 

Kogayne: I have psychotic depression, yes. 

Regress Unto Bedlam: I've had a few people like that before. Do you want to start your first session at the end of the month or sooner?

Kogayne: Sooner. I haven't gone to any counselling sessions in a few weeks, so I need to go to one soon.

Regress Unto Bedlam: How does this Sunday at 2 o'clock sound to you?

Kogayne: Sounds great. Should I send you my address?

Regress Unto Bedlam: That would be helpful, yes. 

Kogayne: [MyPlace.jpg] 

Kogayne: Thanks. 

Kogayne >>> Axcalutely Not 

Kogayne: Slight change of plans. I'll probably have to finish the rest of the engine next week. 

Axcalutely Not: Np. Thanks for helping me out. 

Kogayne: Np. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17]

Cryptid Girl: Now, here's an idea: 

Cryptid Girl: Alien Keith licking someone and when this person brings it up later, he just says in the most disgusted voice ever, "Humans don't do that?" 


Blue: Never. 

Red: Also, I would never give up my cover that easily. 

Cryptid Girl: [Lance voice] I knew it. [Proceeds to get KO'd by a robot]


Red: Never. 

Red: If Pidge's robots could take over the world and just whack people upside their heads in the middle of a sentence, that would be great. Specifically Lance. 

Blue: Betrayeth am I. 

Red: Pretty sure that's not a word. 


Cryptid Girl: Who broke him? 


Red: Fuck off. 


Red: FINE. 

Cryptid Girl: What is wrong with you people? 

Red: Gonna mention this before I go, though: I'm insane. 

Red: Thank you and goodnight. 

Blue: It's not even night. 

Corn: It is in India. 

Space Mom: He hath risen. 

Blue: It's 5 o'clock somewhere. 




Space Mom: Here come dat boi. 

Blue: O shit waddup. 

Blue: I thought you said you were leaving. 

Red: I was. But then I heard that y'all were doing music in the gc. Also fuck you. 

Blue: Please, daddy. 





Corn: The night goes on. 

Red: As I'm fading away. 

Red: i'M SicK oF THiS LifE


Blue: Can we just make an emo band and let Keith be the lead singer? 

Red: I vote yes. 

NayMan: Nay man. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17 ] 

Blue: I hate exams so much. 

Cryptid Girl: Sucks to suck. 

Space Mom: I'm just glad I no longer have to go through the pain of exams ever again. 

Corn: I will have to go through exam pains for the rest of my life. 


Callie: So violent are you. 

Corn: I am feeling attacked as of now. 

Space Daddy: Why did I have to wake up to this? 

Mac Pro: When you should be waking up to me. But you're not. Because you're too busy texting other people. 

Space Daddy: I'm going to go make breakfast if anyone wants anything. Except for Keith because he's at the hospital right now, so let the boy sleep and stop blowing up his phone at least. 

Cryptid Girl: No can do. It is our obligation to annoy and rile up Keith to the best of our abilities. 

Space Mom: Is he at the hospital-hospital or just the mental hospital? 

Blue: Mental. I had to drive him there in the middle of the night for an 'emergency visit.' 

Blue: He had it real bad last night. 

Corn: Tell him that I hope he has a swift recovery. 

Blue: Will do. I'm still here at the hospital with him, but he can't have his phone now and he's on mandatory bed rest. 

Blue: As in he is being forced to go to sleep. 

Blue: Keith says that the doctors can suck his ass because he's just gonna lie around as awake as ever instead. 

Cryptid Girl: Tell Keith to take a chill pill. 

Blue: "No thanks. I'm already high on whatever the fuck they've been pumping me with during my entire stay." 

Cryptid Girl: Don't they tell you what they're putting you on before giving it to you?

Blue: Yep, but Keith's just so out of it, he doesn't remember shit about what it was. Also, they only really gave him a few things. It's not a lot. Cat boy here is just being a drama queen. 

Space Daddy: Are they supposed to make him like that?

Blue: There are some side effects, like increased mood swings and shaky hands, both of which he's experiencing right now, but no. He's probably just so out of it because he didn't get any sleep. I'm starting to suspect that he hasn't been sleeping for a few days now, though. 

Callie: Are they treating you well there? 

Blue: Yeah. Keith's doing alright now and they're trying to get him to sleep, which should help ease some of the tension. Plus they're going to prescribe him to a few new meds to help him sleep better. And if he hasn't slept any before 8, they're going to bring down some breakfast. I don't know whether they're going to make him stay here until he falls asleep or just let him go to school yet. 

Blue: "It fucking sucks."

Space Mom: Tell that boy to go the fuck to sleep then. 

Blue: I've tried so many times already today. 

Blue: I think I fell asleep twice and he woke me up because he was still freaking out. 

Mac Pro: Did he tell you what upset him in the first place? 

Blue: Just that he's been having weird dreams and they've been really messing him up. 

Blue: They've really not been that bad, but his delusions are running wild and making him freak out about it. 

Space Mom: My poor baby. 

Blue: "I'm not a baby, mom." 

Blue: ^^

Blue: I think he'll probably end up staying here during the second half of the break though, unless things get worse and he has to go sooner. 

Callie: Things will be alright. 

Blue: It just sucks that I won't be able to be there with him though, since I'll be in Miami. What if something happens and I'm not there? 

Rolos: Nyma and I will be there to make sure he doesn't get into any trouble. 

Blue: If he does under your watch, I'll have to kill you 2 though. 

NayMan: I get you. We'll make sure he doesn't get into trouble. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17]

Blue: Guess who's got a headache and a new speeding ticket to hang on the fridge when we get home? 

Cryptid Girl: What happened? 

Blue: I guess Keith's more used to driving his motorcycle than my truck, but he was booking it down the highway today. 

Space Mom: No, I think he's just got a need for speed. 

Red: I have a habit of speeding when I'm pissed. 

Cryptid Girl: What happened this time? 

Red: Mostly the after effect of being at the asylum all night. 

Blue: He refused to sleep again, so now he's crankier than usual. Plus he's still on the sleeping meds the doctors have been trying to keep him on. 

Blue: Not really helping him all that well, though. 

Red: Mostly because I've been trying to skip out on them as much as I can. 

Blue: I get the distinct feeling that he doesn't want to help himself. 

Cryptid Girl: He's probably being paranoid. It happens a lot when he's on other medications. 

Space Mom: Keith, you know that things will just get worse if you don't get any sleep? 

Red: I got almost 2 hours of sleep yesterday. 

Blue: And when was the last time you slept more than 5 hours in one sitting?

Red: 4 days. 

Blue: I swear. 

Red: I'm fine. I need more time to study for my last exam anyways. 

Blue: I've been dying from the stress of exams and studying for the past 3 weeks and I still get more than 5 hours of sleep every day. You're going to pass out during your last exam and fail if you keep this up. 

Red: You know, I'd pretend like that's my biggest problem right now, but I don't want to be a raconteur. 

Blue: /What the fuck is a raconteur????/

Red: A storyteller. 

Blue: Do you want to pm me about it? 

Red: I guess. 

Lonce >>> Kogayne 

Lonce: So? You seemed a little reluctant? You sure you really want to talk about it? It's okay if you don't. 

Kogayne: It's just about the dreams. 

Lonce: Is that why you've been staying awake all the time? 

Kogayne: Kind of? It's hard to explain? 

Lonce: You want to try? 

Kogayne: It feels so real and I guess my delusions have been kind of messing it up? Not like changing the dream itself, but changing the way I view it? 

Lonce: Sounds sensible so far. 

Kogayne: It always starts in the dark and I can hear noises below me that sound like an unfocused version of what it was like when I was living with my dad. 

Kogayne: And I forget that it's a dream every time and it makes me so afraid because it's like he's still there and he's never going to stop making my life a living hell and it always feels like the walls are closing in on me. 

Lonce: This sounds like more of a nightmare than a dream. 

Kogayne: At the end of it, I always feel calm though. It's nightmarish at the beginning, but then when Aki comes and says 'home' I'm suddenly calm again.

Lonce: So what's with the delusions? 

Kogayne: Well, when I'm awake, I feel like if I go back there, she's not going to help me this time. Or that it'll become real at some point. 

Kogayne: And it feels scarier to think that it might become real again. Like as if none of what happened the past 15 years happened and I'll still be stuck, unable to fight back because I'm just too scared and it's my fault anyways and that will be my reality. And even if it doesn't, I'll still be hung up about it and I'll still have to see him over and over again and I'll never be able to escape him and at this point, that seems scarier than everyone leaving me because I wouldn't have had them in the first place and I'll still have the problem of being in constant fear of him again day in and day out. 

Kogayne: So yeah. 

Lonce: Yeah, I'd say that's a pretty reasonable excuse for not sleeping. 

Lonce: But you've said time and again that you wouldn't let your delusions control you. Is it just too frightening this time?

Kogayne: Yeah. It's never been like this before. It's never been this bad. I know that it's not real, but it feels like it is and I just can't bring myself to risk it. I don't want to be in that position ever again. 

Lonce: I know. Maybe you should move up your appointment? Try to get it fixed sooner rather than later? 

Kogayne: Yeah, I guess I'll do that. 

Lonce: You want to cuddle and do a movie marathon? 

Kogayne: Yes. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17]

Blue: Last day of exams, people!!! 

Red: I remember the days when this would have been the first day of exams. 

Cryptid Girl: Yeah, when they had that crazy schedule of 2nd period and 1st on Friday, 3rd and 4th on Monday, 5th and 6th on Tuesday, and 7th on Wednesday. 

Red: Yeah, the Garrison had a screwed up exam schedule. 

Cryptid Girl: But hey, classes always ended 3 hours early and they wouldn't call us back for study hall, so there was a plus. 

Red: Yeah, there's that. 

Red: But I don't have exams today because I'm in theatre with Lance. 

Blue: Most of the people in our class are the people also in the play, so we're mostly just practicing on our own or chilling out. 

Cryptid Girl: I finished exams, so my teacher just let me take my stuff and leave class. And by that, I mean Coran. Because he knows I'm not that student that would go around after a test texting everyone the answers. I've known the answers for a while now and never told anyone, so he can rest assured, it isn't going to happen now either. 

Corn: Yes, and I trust you more than most of my other students. 

Blue: He's allowed to do that? 

Corn: Yes, teachers can give students an early dismissal during exams. 

Blue: Can my teacher please dismiss us early? I want to go home and cuddle with my boyfriend. The stage isn't exactly the best place to do that. 

Red: Don't you have work after this? 

Blue: Yeah, but I can still go home for a little bit if they LET US OUT NOW. 

Kogayne >>> Lonce 

Kogayne: I got a schedule change for my appointment. I'm going in on Tuesday. 

Lonce: Okay. Are you going to visit Thace and Regris beforehand? 

Kogayne: No, but when I asked Thace about it via phone call, he said that he wanted me off my meds for the 3 days beforehand. So that they could more accurately figure out the problem since they're going to be doing a bunch of brain scans and such. 

Lonce: Are you sure you'll be able to handle it? I'm leaving tomorrow. 

Kogayne: Yeah. Rolo and Nyma are going to be staying the entire break and I'll just be staying in my room for the most part until I have to go. And Thace said that if it got to be too much, I could just call him. 

Lonce: I'm still worried something might happen, though. 

Kogayne: Don't worry, I'll be fine. Just have fun with your family over the break. I love you. 

Lonce: You too. 

Kogayne >>> Axcalutely Not 

Kogayne: Slight change of plans. You'll have to pick up the motorcycle while I'm at my appointment on Tuesday. I've already finished with the engine and I've got all the parts I need, so I'll just finish off the bike tonight. 

Axcalutely Not: Np. Thank you for all the help you've provided me. 

Kogayne: Np. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17 ] 

Blue: I'm here in the beautiful city of Miami with my bff, Hunk, and yet my day is still incomplete without the love of my life here to enjoy it with me. 

Red: Get the fuck outta here, boi. 

Prince of Bel Air: And I am here in the beautiful Daytona Beach, the love of my life, enjoying a tan on a ghetto beach right by the ghetto city, which also happens to be one of America's most dangerous small cities, btw. 

Blue: Also, I took my parents' dog to this weird dog care center today and they had this weird old lady who could supposedly hear the voices of the dogs talking to her. 

Red: How many crazy people do you know? Wtf? 

Blue: Just you. I don't know this lady very well, so... 

Blue: Anyways, she was telling me shit about my dog and she was sooooo off base. 

Blue: She said that he likes 'babysitting' my baby sister, but this is the same dog who almost sat on her once and walks right over her whenever she's crawling around on the floor. 

Blue: And she proceeded to tell me that the dog was a lion in his previous life. 

Red: Pffft. 

Red: He must have done something really shitty to end up reincarnated as a fucking rat dog. 

Blue: It was an interesting visit to say the least. 

Incredible Hunk: His mom said to be nice to the lady before he went and to 'respect her beliefs.' 

Red: I'm gonna guess he didn't do that? 

Blue: Look, I don't care what her belief system was, if she was hearing voices in her head, that makes her mentally unstable in my book. 

Blue: And this lady also said she used to be an ELEMENTARY TEACHEr. 


Red: I can see where that may be a problem. 

Red: I wouldn't trust myself to take care of a bunch of children either. 

Blue: Actually, I think you could be trusted with small children more than some non-mentally-ill patients [cough] Rolo [cough] because you actually take your meds, you've been responsible enough to actually get yourself treated, and you're not the type that would go around telling kids a bunch of stuff that isn't true. Like that you can talk to animals. You's just be like, "Hey, brats. I'm fucking insane. Just so you know. So stay away from here, here, and here." But you wouldn't make up shit. 

Rolos: Hey. 

Red: True, but still. 

Blue: But I also got to see my big brother's baby. 

Blue: He's super cute, but nowhere near as cute as Liam. 

Red: Liam is an angel. 

Blue: ^^^

Callie: True. 

Incredible Hunk: He's been talking all day about how his mom makes the cutest babies, so no matter how hard her children try, they won't be able to make cuter babies. 

Incredible Hunk: "Because nobody else is as pure as mom." That was his logic. Idk what he's thinking. 


Incredible Hunk: That's what she keeps telling him. 

Red: Lance's mom is also a bad ass. 

Callie: She could probably take Keith in a fight. 

Red: She could probably kill me with one of her hugs. 

Red: I'd die happy though, 'cuz she's great. 

Callie: She could try to murder me and I wouldn't press charges because I probably would have deserved it. 

Incredible Hunk: ^^^

Prince of Bel Air: Lance's mom is the sweetest woman in the universe. 

Prince of Bel Air: I would not be surprised if she was an actual angel. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17]

Red: Hey, guys. I know it's early, but I'm heading in for the hospital rn and I wanted to say a few things before I leave. I have confirmation that they're going to keep me off my phone while I'm there, so please don't spam the gc while I'm out. I don't want a doctor seeing some weird-ass human-Kirby meme thing in my notifications. 

Red: Also, Rolo, don't fuck shit up while I'm gone. 

Rolos: What's with this slander???

NayMan: It's not slander. It's assumptions based on previous observances of your behavior that lead people to believe that you will 'fuck shit up.'

Red: Anyways, I'm also keeping my room locked because I don't trust you two. Plus Lance and I won't be there to use it anyways. 

Rolos: I thought you were leaving? What's up with this roast fest? 

Red: For those of you not currently online, I'll miss you guys and I'll see you on the other side. 

Rolos: Wow. 

Rolos: I am wounded. 

Red: Thank you and good bye. 

Blue: Bye. Love you. 

Red: You too. 

Chapter Text

[Fuck My Life ]

Thace It: Hey, Lance?

Thace It: I’ve been trying to contact Keith for a few days now and I haven’t been able to get ahold of him.

Thace It: He was supposed to come to the mental institution a few days ago, but he never showed up. If you could, please contact him and figure out what happened, please report back to me.

Lonce: Will do.

[Hell Week 2k17 ]

Blue: Hey, Nyma? Thace just texted me saying Keith never showed up to his appointment.

NayMan: He left just the other day saying he was heading to the mental hospital for his appointment, though?

Rolos: Yeah, he had his backpack and phone with him and he left on his motorcycle the day of his appointment.

Blue: I have a bad feeling about this. 

Blue: I'll text Pidge and see if she can figure out where his phone is and maybe where he is. 

Lonce >>> Pidgeon 

Lonce: Hey, Pidge? Do you think you could find Keith's phone location? 

Pidgeon: If this is about him losing it again, tell him that he needs to find it himself. 

Lonce: It's not. Keith's missing. 

Pidgeon: Holy shit. I'm on it. What exactly happened? 

Lonce: Idk. He just left for his appointment, but I guess he never showed up. 

[Hell Week 2k17 ]

NayMan: I went to check his room, but it's locked. 

Rolos: His window is covered in a bunch of red paper. I don't know how I didn't notice that. 

NayMan: Probably because the curtains are red too. 

Blue: There's a master key on top of the fridge.

NayMan: Got it. 

Lonce >>> Pidgeon 

Pidgeon: He left the location in his phone on. 

Pidgeon: He's somewhere around Little Rock, Arkansas. 

Blue: What is he doing there? 

Pidgeon: Idk, but I'm sure we're about to find out in the main gc. 

[Hell Week 2k17 ]

Rolos: [TooMuchRed.jpg] 

Rolos: There's a lot of red sticky notes on the walls here. He must have really gone crazy this time. 

Rolos: All the red ones have some pretty self-deprecating shit written on them. A lot of it's so bad, I'm not even going to take pictures of them close up. 

NayMan: [IfKeith'sNotAlreadyDeadI'mGoingToKillHim.jpg] 

Blue: I can't read that at all. It's too blurry. 

NayMan: "Dear whoever finds this note," 

NayMan: "I'm sorry for disappearing like this and hopefully you don't find this before the end of the break. I've fucked up a lot of things, but I at least hope this doesn't fuck up the holidays for you guys. Anyways, I've decided enough is enough. Instead of going to see my doctors over the break, I've decided that the best thing for myself, but most importantly those around me, is to delete the source of the problem; myself. I'm sorry for hurting everyone for so long and for doing it still. Please, if not to help me keep whatever fragment of dignity I have left, but to perhaps stop hating me for what I've done, forget me. I have been enough of a burden to your lives already by causing you all to worry about me incessantly and holding you back. Hunk, I'm sorry for those times that I've worried you and held you back when you've always been so kind and intelligent and you could have done so much more if I hadn't been in the way. I'm sorry that you've had to get hurt because of me and I'm sorry for letting you go through with it when all any of it would lead to is this. I'm sorry Pidge for yelling at you all the time because I couldn't handle the pressure. You've never deserved that. I'm sorry for getting in your way and holding you back because of my own selfish desires and because of my inability to control my own damn actions. I'm sorry for all the times I acted out without thinking about the consequences and you had to deal with it instead. Shiro, I'm sorry for being an outright jerk and for having you hold my hand all the time like I'm some little kid who can't deal with the real world by himself. I'm sorry for keeping you from being able to do better with your life. I'm sorry Nyma and Rolo for all the trouble you've gotten into for me and all the times you had to do everything for me because of how incapable I am. I'm sorry Allura for worrying you and being such a jerk all the time. I'm sorry for getting you mixed up in shit you shouldn't have had to be a part of. I'm sorry Lotor for making you feel so small, when you're really everything but. And I'm sorry Lance. For making you deal with all this crap that any normal college student shouldn't have to. For holding you back from all the things you could have been. For making you take all my hits. For making you worried all the time. For making you second guess yourself. For making you feel so small. For taking advantage of you. For acting out. For yelling too much. For being such an antisocial idiot, when all you want to do is hang out with your friends. For keeping you from being with someone more worth you time and affection. For making you have to take care of me all the time. For being a jack ass all the time. For making you hold my hand and do everything for me. For never giving you all of me when it was the least I could do for all the kindness you've shown me. For hurting you. I'm really, truly sorry. To all of you. But this seems to be the only way to take myself out of your lives. I'm going to see my parents soon. I'm sorry to all of you for the trouble I've caused. Thank you for making this life worth living."


Blue: I'm going to fucking kill this boy if he doesn't beat me to it. 

Space Daddy: Violence does not help the problem, Lance. 


Blue: Down by El Paso. But what if he reads these texts and figures out we're onto him? What if he does something stupid? 


Mac Pro: Why do you feel the need to capitalize everything?



Blue: I'm already in the car. We're going to go ahead and pick up Lotor in 3 hours. If Hunk and I switch out throughout the ride, we should be in Louisiana in less than 15 hours to pick you up. 

Cryptid Girl: Keith should be at an inn by that time, so Shiro and Matt can switch out until we can get Keith, which we should catch up to him somewhere around Pecos if he continues with the pattern he's taken to. 

Blue: Sounds like a plan. 

Incredible Hunk: I've taken Lance's phone so that he doesn't wreck his truck. And I will notify everyone when we get close. Btw Lance is speeding and cussing up a storm, so we may get to Daytona in 2 hours. 

Prince of Bel Air: Tell Lance to keep it up so we can get to Louisiana in 8 hours. 

Chapter Text

Keith whirled around in the dark, his breathing fast and heavy. He could feel the fear kicking in as he heard a bump below him. He heard his dad letting out a string of swears, which caused him to do the same, the fear evident in his voice own voice. It was so dark, he couldn't tell where he was or even if he was in a room or just some empty space. He felt dizzy and the invisible walls seemed to cave in on him. Keith had a lot of problems, but he'd never been claustrophobic. In this moment, though, he felt an intense fear pierce through him. He crumpled down to the ground, cowering with his hands over his ears as he heard the sound of footsteps approaching him. 

A sliver of light then caught his eye, cutting through the darkness around him. The single sliver of light was enough to illuminate the room, which he recognized as his childhood bedroom that he'd hidden and cried in on nights when his father had been especially angry and drunk, repeating a mantra of 'It's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault." He felt that same feeling now. It was his fault his mother left. It was his fault she didn't want to be with his dad anymore. It was his fault his father had to do this to him. It was his fault that he was raving mad. His fault. His fault. His fault. 

The blurred out sound of someone clearing their throat caught his attention and he whipped his head up towards the dark figure peering through the crack of the door. The figure swung the door open wide and after a moment of adjusting his eyes, he saw that it was Aki. He had a nostalgic feeling, peeking at her through his bangs as she leaned against his door frame with a cocky smile. He could feel the fear and self-hatred dissipate as she leaned forward, towering over his crumpled figure and whispering in a blurred tone. He was so transfixed with the image before him that he didn't catch most of her words, only catching her last words of, "-Home, kid." 

"What?" He heard himself say, though it didn't feel like he was the one saying the words. 

"I said, 'Go home, kid.'" She repeated as everything started to fizzle out. 

"I can't." 



Keith woke up in a cold sweat, confused for a moment as to where he was before his memory came back to him. He sighed, pulling aside the sticky, thin sheets that had confined his thin frame to the bed for the night. He sat up, unzipping his backpack which sat on the floor and pulled out his shirt from the day before, sliding it on and digging around for his jeans. He'd left his jacket and keys on the counter in the bathroom, he remembered as he yawned and dragged himself there. 

He quickly slid on his jeans and jacket before putting his contacts in. He sat on the side of the tub for a moment, staring at his medications that he'd brought with him for some unknown reason before scowling at them and tossing them haphazardly into his backpack. He swung the backpack onto his back, snatched his keys and took out his phone, quickly unlocking unlocking it, wincing as the screen brightened. He swiped the small numbers that popped up next to specific apps, warning him of notifications and pulled up his GPS. He quickly checked over the route that he had designated for himself, taking note of the places he would be able to stop at every so often for food and whatnot. 

He dug through his backpack for his earbuds and plugged them into his phone after procuring them. He shoved his phone into his jacket pocket, buttoning up the top so it wouldn't come flying out and put his earbuds in, letting one of his playlists play at random. He shouldered his bag and left, checking out of the hotel as quickly as possible before getting on his motorcycle and speeding off into the humid morning air.



[Hell Week 2k17 ] 

Blue: We've just hit Dallas. We should hit Pecos in about 6 hours and El Paso in 12. 

Cryptid Girl: Keith's on the outskirts of Fort Worth and he just started moving, so we should be able to catch him pretty quickly. 

Blue: We've still got an hour's difference. 

Cryptid Girl: Don't worry. We'll get to him. 


[Hell Week 2k17 ]

Cryptid Girl: It looks like he's stopping in Abilene. We're only 30 minutes from there, so hopefully he takes his sweet time like he's been doing for the past few days. 

Corn: Please notify us once you have found him. 

Blue: Will do, Corn Man. 



Keith stumbled out of the gas station, quickly finding a rusting metal trash can to empty out his insides into. He figured a hangover was definitely not going to help his driving skills and he at least wanted to make it to his parents' graves before up and dying, his head still throbbing as it had been throughout the drive. So he wiped his chin with his sleeve and stumbled to the shaded side of the building before collapsing in a heap along the wall. 

"Drinkin' always seems ta be a great idea 'fore the hangover se's in, huh?" A woman's voice drawled a few feet away, her accent divergent from the sounds of a group of Northern travelers speaking in quiet voices nearby and the other sounds of quiet around the deserted area. It was a very country-sounding accent, he noted. Keith didn't even bother looking up though, tired from the long drive. 

"Plenty of things seem great before the hangover sets in. Like driving for almost ten hours just to see a grave," He sighed, shifting into a more comfortable position against the wall before swinging his head to the side to glower at the Asian woman who'd interrupted his recovery moment. 

She had black hair, with streaks of red in it going down a little past her shoulders. She had a bini on her head, hiding the top of her elderly-looking face and an air about her that made her seem familiar, but he couldn't pinpoint where from. His head was especially fuzzy today and he supposed he wouldn't be able to remember his own name without a few minutes of thought. He didn't feel in the mood for racking his brain for some name that seemed unimportant at the moment anyways. 

"That so? I'd reck'n there's some graves out there people'd come miles 'round to see." Keith rolled his eyes at the dark-haired woman. 

"It ain't that of nobody important, so I'd say not," Keith said, his accent unconsciously dribbling out as he spoke to the woman. She laughed, letting the sound ring around the deserted alley. 

"What?" Keith asked defensively. 

"Nothin'. 'S just th' last time I metcha, ya' didn't 'ave that accent," She said, lighting a cigarette that she'd procured from her person. He tilted his head in confusion before it finally clicked.


"Well, ya' didn't seem ta' 'ave much uv'a accent las' time we met eitha, Miss," He sniffed. "Ya' been spendin' too much time 'round them Texan bars 'r 'ave ya' been practicin' jus' fo' me?" He added with a cocky smile, albeit his scrawny, hungover demeanor ruined the effect.

"Comes out when 'm 'specially tired," She answered, offering him a cigarette to chew on. 

"Me too," He sighed, exhaling a small plume of smoke around the cigarette. 

"Maybe ya' ought'a go home, kid." 


"I said, 'Go home, kid.' Ya' still live up in New York, right? If them graves ain't particularly important, why dontcha jus' go home?" 

Keith stared at her for a moment before replying with a mechanical "I can't." 

"Sure, ya' can. You're still a free man." 

"I'm a coward, tha's what I am."

"Tha's a pretty common trait 'mong men, I'd reck'n," She chuckled. "Though, I've ne'er met a coward wi' s'much a tongue on him. How's Myeong doin' nowadays? I hain't seen 'er in quite some time." 

"Jus' as bitchy 's always," Keith answered. 

"That so? I'd bet she's not s'much as you. When I saw ya' 'bout ten years back, hangin' with your nice boyfrien' 'n tryin' ta' make th' best outta life, I ne'er would'a thought I'da seen ya' so soon back where ya' started." 

"'S'ain't where I started. I was much worse 'fore we met." 

"That so? Must'a been pretty shitty. So why're ya' goin' back ta' how ya' started then, if it's so much worse?"

"Still askin' stupid questions, 're we? I hain't goin' back ta' where I started."

"Then why're ya' goin' ta' see your parent's graves? Ain't that where ya' started? With ya' parents?" 

"I dunno. 'M jus' goin' 'cuz I hain't got nowhere else ta' go." 

"Sure, ya' do. There's still New York." 

"No, there isn't." 

"Now you're jus' bein' nonsensical. New York's still there." 

"You know what? I've got places ta' be 'n I should really get goin'." Keith stood unsteadily, shouldering his bag. 

"With them?" She pointed over his shoulder just as he heard a series of loud hoots and the sound of an engine roaring along the road and pulling up into the gas station. He whirled around to see a giant, blue truck with five very familiar figures yelling like a pack of wild yalmors. Shiro was in the driver's seat with Lotor next to him in the passenger seat, while a tired Lance, a nauseous Hunk leaning over the side beside him, a relieved Allura farther in the back, and a pissed Pidge leaning over the roof of the truck were placed in its bed. 

"YOU BITCH!" Pidge yelled, leaping out of the truck towards Keith, who had no time to react before the small demon-child had tackled him to the cement alley. She then proceeded to punch the ever loving shit out of him (or at least, that's what she would later tell herself, as her upper body strength was rather lacking). 

"YOU MOTHERFUCKING JACK ASS! I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW THAT?!" Keith remained silent, shocked by the appearance of the people who he'd not expected to meet up with so soon or at all within what was left of his life. Hunk, Lance, and Allura proceeded to hop out of the truck bed after her. 

"I- How?" He asked intelligently, grabbing her small wrists to prevent further damage. 

"Thace said you hadn't gone to your appointment," Lance answered in her place, looking oddly out of place and frankly, very nervous. 

"Figures I'd forget something as important as cancelling my appointment," Keith choked, the dam of tears he'd been holding back suddenly breaking at the sight of his friends. He wrapped his arms around Pidge, his body wracking with the violent sobs he emitted as she sat up and pulled him close, the others crowding around him. They all sat huddled around him, holding him tightly on the dingy alley ground and by the end of their exchange of tears and embraces (which lasted well over an hour) Keith was curled up in Lance's arms, shaking like a leaf. 

He lifted up his head to look more directly at Lance, tears still streaming down his face uncontrollably. 

"I want to go home." Lance gave a brittle smile, helping Keith to his feet before pulling him in for a kiss. Somehow, this kiss felt nothing like every other kiss they'd shared. It didn't feel like the first or the best kiss like every other had. It didn't feel happy or competitive like their normal kisses. It felt more desperate. He could practically feel the fear and sadness embedded within it. It felt bittersweet. It felt like everything was still slipping away, and yet he could still feel Lance's hips beneath his hands. It felt like if they stopped for one second, they would no longer have each other. It felt like every second they stood with their lips pressed fervently to each other would tick down to their last. He felt the sadness and relief that Lance felt, holding the person he loved and who he thought he'd lost. 

It felt like their last kiss. 

"Can you two stop being gay for a minute so we can leave?" Pidge said, sassily with one hand on her hip. The others were already back in the truck when they pulled apart. 

"Let's go home." 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17 ] 

Cryptid Girl: What are everyone's New Year's resolutions this year?

Red: To stop being insane? 

Cryptid Girl: This is your goals, not the stuff on your wishlist. 

Mac Pro: OH

Mac Pro: OH


Red: Fuck off. 

Blue: I want to try being a little less judge-y. 


Blue: I came here to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now. 

Red: Can y'all chill? Or at least try to be a little positive? This is not helping my depression. 

Blue: You sound like you're talking about your baby learning curse words. 

Red: Dear God. Please smite me. I'm starting to regret coming back with you people. 

Cryptid Girl: You love us. 

Red: I tolerate you. 


Red: I want to have sex at least once. 

Space Mom: [Reads texts] [Jumps out a window] 

Blue: And what spurred on this resolution? 

Red: I don't want to die as that one guy who only ever had sex with his dad because he was raped. Plus I just don't think I've been trying hard enough to do the type of stuff that I really do want to do with you. 

Blue: You know this kind of thing isn't just going to happen overnight? 

Rolos: Sex actually does happen overnight. 

Red: Yeah. I know. I mean when I manage to get past it. But I'm going to actually make an effort to help myself. 

Space Mom: Congrats and also, keep it to yourselves. 

Red: Pidge asked what my New Years resolution was. That was it. 

Mac Pro: My New Years resolution is to make an army of robots that will take over the world. 


Space Daddy: I want to sleep for more than 8 hours for a single night. 

Callie: I want to lose weight? 

Incredible Hunk: ^^^ Me too. 

Corn: I would like to become a better professor as the years pass. 

Cryptid Girl: Okay, so only Coran, Hunk, Shay, Lance, and Keith have real resolutions. 

Space Daddy: Umm???

Cryptid Girl: Okay, I'll count Shiro's on a technicality. 

Mac Pro: Keith's is a real resolution??? 

Cryptid Girl: Yes. It's a real goal and a problem he wants to confront, which is what a resolution is. Plus he's clinically insane and depressed, so I don't expect him to come up with anything better than that. 

Red: Glad to know that everyone has so much faith in me. 

Red: I don't know if anyone noticed or particularly cared, but I've mentioned about one thousand times that I have psychotic /depression/. Which I hope was made especially clear after last week.

Red: I know I act like things are fine all the time when it's not and especially when it's absolute horseshit. So I'd like to also stop acting like things are fine all the time as well. I don't want to have to be alone through this because I've pushed everyone away and I /really/ want to get better. I don't want to keep lying to you guys. I'd like to be able to rely on you guys and get past everything as best I can.

Red: So just call me out on my bullshit. And could you guys try to be a little less demeaning (excluding Lance, Allura, Coran, Lotor, Hunk, and Shay since they've been the best about being nice, even when they really shouldn't) because it really does hurt. Even when I've never said anything about it, it still stings because I feel shitty enough about myself w/o other people telling me this shit. Sorry if I'm being a little too much, but I thought I should say something. It's funny sometimes, but the constant berating isn't great. 

Cryptid Girl: Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. 

Red: It's okay. I'm just putting it out there. 

Mac Pro: Sorry. Just call me out if I say something bad. 

Blue: Keith, are you going to mention the other thing? 

Red: Oh, yeah. 

Red: I've decided to go through with the electroconvulsive therapy that Thace recommended for me. 

Space Mom: Congrats. I hope things go well. 

Red: Me too. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17 ]

Red: Can I just give up at this point? Can God just fucking smite me right here, right now? 

Blue: Not what I was hoping to wake up to this morning, but okay. 

Cryptid Girl: What were you hoping to wake up to? 

Blue: None of your fucking business. Keith, please go on. 

Cryptid Girl: Candy-ass. 


Red: On to the important business. 

Red: Me. 

Blue: And I thought I was full of myself. 

Red: I am not ready for electroconvulsive therapy. 

Red: I've been thinking about it all morning and kfckdeyrset

Red: I can't remember why I wanted to do this. 

Blue: Because you wanted to fix your brain. 

Blue: Plus your appointment isn't until the day after Christmas. 


Blue: It's 3 days away, so you shouldn't worry right /now/. 

Rolos: Is Keith still in Louisiana with you guys? 

Blue: Yeah. My family freaked out after I left without an explanation and after the found out what happened, they booked it down to Louisiana. So now everyone from our families are here. Except Lotor's mom. She wasn't invited to the party. 

Prince of Bel Air: I've been gone for almost a week and I have yet to hear a word from her. 

Prince of Bel Air: I would not be surprised if she just forgot that I existed. 

Cryptid Girl: A+ Parenting. 

Red: I wish my parents forgot I existed. 

Rolos: Speaking of depression. 

Rolos: Do you want me to leave your room as is so that you can clean it? Because I really don't want to clean all this paper. 

Red: You decide to ask me this days after the fact? 

Red: I'll clean it up when I get back. 


Rolos: It was vital. 

Red: Do I look like I care? 

Rolos: I can't see you. 

Red: Fuck the fuck off. 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17 ]

Blue: So, Keith's resting at the hospital now. He won't be waking up for a while, so we'll probably get home late tonight. 

Cryptid Girl: How did it go? 

Blue: Well, he got out of surgery a little while ago. The doctors said he's fine, but he'll be asleep for a while. And he'll have to get checked on by the doctors and checked out of the hospital. So I guess it's good? I don't know if it helped since Keith hasn't woken up yet, but he seems fine otherwise. 

Blue: Plus he's adorable when he's sleeping, so I get to enjoy that. 

Mac Pro: Can we do a group call when he wakes up, or is that too much? 

Blue: We could probably do that, but I'd have to ask one of the doctors first. Idk if it'll affect his state of mind when he wakes up. 

Blue: And I can't promise that he'll even want to do a group call afterwards. He might be too tired. 

Mac Pro: Got it. But at least update us about it when he does wake up. 

Blue: Will do. 

Blue: Anyways, I'm going to log off until Keith wakes up. I've still got a hell of a lot of paperwork to go through with Thace. Apparently there are certain legal papers you can't sign if you aren't fully sane. I'm starting to wish I did this before. 

Cryptid Girl: Good luck to both of you. 

Blue: Thanks! 

Chapter Text

[Hell Week 2k17 ] 

Blue: Keith’s awake, but he can’t use his phone right now. 

Cryptid Girl: Is he okay? 

Blue: Yeah. He cried as soon as he woke up, but it was a happy cry. He says he feels a lot better. He’s not completely cured or anything, however he said that everything looks different than it did before. 

Cryptid Girl: Omg. I’m so happy for him. 

Mac Pro: She’s crying. 

Cryptid Girl: Don’t sell me out. 

Blue: Keith said he loves everybody and we’ll be back soon. 

Rolos: Good. I don’t like that Keith’s room has been littered with paper for a week and hasn’t been cleaned in at least a week. 

Blue: Keith also said for Rolo to fuck off. 

Rolos: Rude. 

Blue: He’s feeling only a little bit less depressed, but he’s having less problems with hallucinations now. 

Chapter Text

"So? How was it?" 

Pidge was practically jumping up and down in her seat, buzzing with excitement. Hunk sat calmly next to her with Allura hovering warily behind the two, a small knowing smile on her face. Shiro sat slumped in a chair beside Hunk, looking exhausted and stressed as hell, while his boyfriend stood calmly behind him, softly rubbing his broad shoulders and looking at Keith expectantly. Lance sat beside him with a reassuring hand on his shoulder and a small smile on his face. 

"Good I guess?" Keith answered with uncertainty. "I haven't really seen any hallucinations yet and my ears aren't buzzing so much." He unconsciously touched the side of his head. "I'm still pretty depressed, but I have yet to hear any voices or had any delusional thoughts since. That might just be due to the fact that I really want this to work, but I'm going to check in with Thace in a few weeks to see how well the electroconvulsive therapy worked." Keith hung his head awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck nervously. 

"That's great. Now can everyone give him some space so he can focus on the things he needs to? Like fixing his room?" Rolo called from the front door, hurrying past with a bale of hay over his shoulder. 

"I got it the first time, Rolo. You can quit being a shithead now," Keith called after him. They could all hear Rolo yell a short, "Then fucking go!" Keith stood up, with Lance at his heels. 

"I really won't know immediately. You guys will just have to wait for me." The group looked at his with slightly unsatisfied looks, but gave in. 

"Just pace yourself. We don't want a repeat of what happened over the break," Allura warned. 

"I hear you. I'm going to fix my room now, so Rolo will stop bitching about it," Keith announced. 

"Okay. We'll be leaving now, but call us whenever," Pidge replied, slipping her backpack over her shoulder. 

"Will do," Keith replied, already halfway up the rickety old stairs. 

When Keith and Lance got to their shared room, Lance stared in astonishment for a moment at the red sticky-notes stuck against every surface of the room. He slowly came in after Keith, pulling a sticky note off the wall. 


Lance balled it up, shoving it into one of the trash bags that Rolo had left in the room over the break. He took another from the desk. 


Keith looked around at the mess he'd made without any sort of emotion showing on his face. It was such a practiced look on him, Lance thought, that he'd probably given that look to Lance so many times without Lance seeing what was going on beneath. Keith ripped down a larger strip of red paper that had been taped over the window with bold letters scrawled over in in Keith's messy handwriting. 


He crumpled it up, shoving it in the bag that Lance held. He then tore off another larger paper that had been taped to the ceiling over the bed. It was such a childish thing to think about, but Keith felt it held more meaning to it than the surface showed. He roughly shoved the paper into the bag Lance held. 

Daddy's Boy. 

Lance let his gaze rest on a single yellow sticky note, which was attached to the closed door of their shared bathroom. He pulled it off in one swift movement, scanning over it quickly. It was in a neater cursive than Keith's handwriting. 


"Keith? Did you write this one too?" He held up the yellow sticky note for Keith to see, who shook his head with a puzzled look. He scanned the note curiously before slowly opening the bathroom door and gaping at the yellow sticky-notes covering the bathroom walls and mirror. 

K E I T H   IS   OUR


Lance smiled behind him, recalling the moment when he'd suggested the idea of everyone writing things about Keith on sticky-notes and putting them up in the bathroom. 

An inspiration. 

The strongest man I've ever met. 

A survivor. 







Worth it. 








Perfect as is. 

The best teacher. 

My best friend. 

Closer than family. 



The only one who would love the people most undeserving of it. 



Keith stared in awe, tears already forming in his eyes again. 

"You guys have to stop making me cry so much," Keith's voice wavered as he turned and hugged Lance as tightly as he could. "No can do, mi compadre. You reap what you sow." 

Keith laughed, pulling Lance in tightly. 

"I love you so much." 

Chapter Text

[Lance changed Hell Week 2k17 to Shiro's Piccolos ]

Space Daddy: Why? 

Blue: It's no longer Hell Week or 2k17 and that's all I could think of at the moment. 

Mac Pro: I remember when Shiro played the piccolo in high school. It was pretty funny to watch. 

Space Daddy: I wasn't that bad. 

Mac Pro: No, you were great at playing the piccolo. It was just watching a giant buff dude play an instrument that is basically the baby of a flute and clarinet was pretty funny. 

Mac Pro: And by baby, I mean tiny little thing. Piccolos are smaller than flutes. 

Red: He still plays piccolo though? 

Mac Pro: Why didn't I know this? We're engaged and you're still keeping secrets from me? How dare. 

Space Daddy: It's not really a secret? I still have my old piccolo case sitting on the coffee table? I thought I'd told you that I was still taking piccolo lessons? 

Red: He also plays down by the subway when he's particularly broke and needs some extra cash. 

Space Daddy: I always get plenty of money at the subway when I play there. 

Mac Pro: Again. Why didn't I know this? 

Space Daddy: You don't pay that much attention to me? 

Mac Pro: Fuck. 

Red: The moment when you remember you left the oven on. 

Mac Pro: Bby, I'm sorry. I should have been more observant. 

Space Daddy: It's fine. I don't expect you to give me attention all the time. You have your job and whatnot. You can't focus on everything at once. 


Space Daddy: Really, it's fine. 


Space Daddy: That's not necessary...

Mac Pro: IT IS NOW. 

[Lotor's Angels™ ]

EzOrNah: Tysm Keith for helping Axca with the motorcycle! It was a really nice gift. And I'm sorry about what happened over the break. I wish I could have helped you more. 

Dat Boi's Boi: Np. It's fine. It's my problem. You shouldn't have to worry about it. I'm sorry for worrying you. 

Axcalutely Not >>> Kogayne 

Axcalutely Not: Thank you for helping me out, but it's not just your problem. Not everyone shows it all the time, but they love you. So when you do things like that, it becomes everyone's problem. And even so, everyone wants to help you. You should let people in, even if it is just a little bit. At this point everyone knows you can't fix this on your own and I think you know this too, but it's never going to go away if you continue to keep it to yourself and say it's "your problem, not anyone else's." I don't mean to be rude, but you're just going to continue to drag your friends only if you continue to keep these things from them. You don't drag them down by just existing. You drag them down by keeping secrets. I may not be the closest friend you have, but I know you well enough to know that you're still just as childish as you were as a kid. You still refuse to trust people and let them it. You continually push them away and that's the thing that hurts them most. 

Axcalutely Notl: Sorry. 

Kogayne: No, you're right. I'm just 

Kogayne: Scared. 

Axcalutely Not: I know. But you need to think about what is more important. Letting your friends know this stuff so they can help you get better or keeping it from them and not have to relive those moments, but continually suffer by your own devices. 

Kogayne: I know. 

Axcalutely Not: Just think about it. 

Chapter Text

Kogayne >>> Lonce 

Kogayne: I'm not over my parents. 

Lonce: I kind of already knew that. 

Kogayne: I know, but I want to talk to you about it. 

Lonce: You sure? I don't want you to push yourself. 

Kogayne: I'm sure. 

Lonce: Did you purposefully text me about this while I'm at work, so I wouldn't be able to see you cry?

Kogayne: Maybe... 

Lonce: Well, start talking before you loose your nerve. 

Kogayne: Alright, so

Kogayne: As you may have noticed, I talk shit about my dad a lot. 

Lonce: No, I didn't notice. -.-

Kogayne: ANYWAYS

Kogayne: As much as I hated him, I still loved him. He was still my dad, despite all the things he did to me. As hateful and cruel as he could be when he was drunk, he could be just as charismatic and loving when he was sober. I had always thought I'd be happy when he died, but when I found out about his death, I cried for hours. When he was arrested, I was very confused to say the least. I was just a kid with no real set of moral values aside from what my dad had told me. I didn't really know that what he had been doing was really wrong. I'd just thought that it was my fault that these things had to happen to me, so when I'd said I didn't want to go home, I didn't want to strip my father from my life entirely. Despite the fact that people were telling me over and over again that it wasn't my fault that I was abused or that my mother left, I still felt like it was. So when I started to see things that weren't there, it only solidified my belief that I had driven everyone away. I was probably in 4th or 5th grade (I don't remember exactly when) when I started hallucinating and hearing a buzzing sound that wasn't there. It was always stronger when I was doing anything my dad would not have let me do, but when we were in middle school, every time we kissed, it was at its strongest. It's still stronger than usual whenever I'm around you. As I grew more in love with you, it became less scary though. You made everything better just by being around and I stopped hating the fact that I was different and that I may never be cured of my psychotic depression. But it was still there, still reminding me of what had happened. 

Lonce: I'm sorry. 

Kogayne: It's not your fault. And I've learned recently that it's not my fault either.

Kogayne: You've made my life so much better and you've made me so happy by being my friend and my boyfriend. I really don't want to have these boundaries between us because of my inability to just tell you when something is wrong. And I really want this to work. I want to be able to kiss you without any problems, I want to cuddle with you without feeling guilty about not telling you things, I want to marry you and have sex with you without being pulled away by the past. I want to fall more and more in love with you and even when I don't feel that love like I do now, I don't want to break up with you like I did in middle school. I want to fall in love with you over and over again. And I don't want my past or my mentality to get in the way of that. 

Lonce: I'd like that too. I love you. 

Kogayne: I love you too. 

Chapter Text

[Shiro's Piccolos ]

Blue: Good morning Vietnam!

Cryptid Girl: Blocked, unfollowed, unsuscribed. 

Blue: I am offended. 

Red: That's my boyfriend you're talking to. 

Cryptid Girl: Gross. 

Blue: Guess who finished writing a book that he's been working on for a million years and ended with a finished copy with a story-line that's nowhere near what he'd had in mind when he started writing it? 

Cryptid Girl: No idea. 

Blue: This guy. 

Red: Congrats. 

Blue: Now I have no idea what to do with my life anymore. 

Red: Maybe you can start by getting ready. School's about to start in 2 hours. 

Blue: I'm already at Starbucks, getting us some lattes. Also, I'm going to tutoring with one of my teachers this morning, so I'll meet you before our first class, okay? 

Red: Yeah, sure. 

Blue: I love you a latte!

Red: Stop. 

Mac Pro: I'm just glad that I'm done with college. 

Space Daddy: No, you're not. You still complain about how your job isn't "nearly as stimulating as college was." And how you "wish you'd taken more classes so you could get a more busy job at NASA." 

Mac Pro: lies. 

Mac Pro: Anyways. 

Mac Pro: Lance, I would like to buy 20 copies of your book please. And have it delivered to my place by tomorrow. 

Blue: Why do you need 20 books? 

Mac Pro: So that I can do 19 sets of annotations and an editing sector. 

Blue: Again, why do you need 20 books? 

Mac Pro: The customer is always right, Lance. You're going to start loosing customers this way if you continue to question their motives like this. 

Blue: Fine. But it takes longer than a day to create 20 copies of a book that I just finished making a single copy of. 

Mac Pro: Fine. Send it to me at your leisure then, Mr. McClain. Pleasure doing business with you. 

Blue: I wish I could say the same. 

Incredible Hunk: Can you pick a coffee up for me too, Lance?

Blue: Sure. 

Incredible Hunk: Thanks. I'm doing overtime at work and I've still got studying that I need to do. 

Blue: Np bro. I'll see you at 5? 

Incredible Hunk: Yeah. Is Keith still available? 

Red: Yeah. I've got nothing to do with most of my time aside from occasional therapy appointments and hanging out with you dweebs. 

Callie: Glad to know our presence is appreciated. -_-

Red: No offence. ily Shay. 

Callie: u2. I'll see you three at 5. 

Chapter Text

"Uncle Alec's gone now. How long are we just going to fall in line? Until they come after us too?"

A young latino boy peeked over the tall table at his father, who was going on again about the corruption of their government. 

"Uncle Alec was arrested too?" He asked quizzically. 

"Yes! And all he said was, 'I wish I could have my business reach those rich Americans.' And they arrested him! It's terrible how low our government has stooped. We should take a boat and sail to America ourselves! Then we won't have to deal with this damned place, Lance!" His father ranted. 

"I thought America wouldn't let immigrants in if they didn't have a passport?" Lance lifted his spoon from his bowl, letting the soup drip back into it slowly. He rested his chin on the table in disinterest, letting his father continue his rant. 

"They'll let Cubans through if they manage to get past their boats and Coast Guard," His father continued. 

"Don't encourage your father, honey. We all know how hard it is because of the poverty, but I would rather have my children alive in a corrupted place than dead in a free one," His mother piped up from the kitchen. "Besides, we don't have a boat big enough for your older siblings, your twin and the new baby." She patted her baby bump proudly before turning back to her chores. 

"We have it so bad that those children of yours are having to work before they've even gone through puberty! We're lucky that we can spare Lance, but even he has to work, cleaning up the house and doing the farm work like some housewife!" His father bellowed, hitting the table with a loud thud. "No man should be confined to the things our family has been!" 

"Honey, you'll be late for work. We don't have time for this," His wife cooed from her place in the kitchen. 

"Don't have time for nothin' nowadays," He muttered in return, getting up anyways to put his stuff together. 

"Bye, Papa! Don't punch anybody at work today!" Lance said enthusiastically as his father sauntered out the door with an unhappy growl. 

Chapter Text

[Shiro's Piccolos ]

Mac Pro: And here we see a wild Asian in its natural habitat. 

Mac Pro: Watch as he grumpily and miserably approaches with no stealth whatsoever to punch me in the face. 

NayMan: Keith, why are you wearing a sick mask? 

Red: Because I'm sick? 


Callie: Don't yell at the poor Asian. Stop it with this animal abuse. 

Red: Betrayal. 

NayMan: Hey, I'm Asian too. 

NayMan: Can we form an Asian fight squad?

Red: YES. 

Incredible Hunk: Do you ever think that maybe Lance might have a thing for Asian people? I mean, he dated Nyma and he's dating Keith. Anybody else seeing the correlation?


Cryptid Girl: That would explain why they're hardly ever around anymore. 

Incredible Hunk: I think Lance just has a thing for Asians and Keith has a thing for Latinos. 

Red: Um? Rolo isn't even Latino? He's from Spain? He's Hispanic? Latino=Latin America

Incredible Hunk: Whatever. My point still stands. 

Blue: Rolo is very obviously not Latino. I can recognize my own people. Get that faker outta here. 

Rolos: Rude. 

Mac Pro: Wait. Is Nyma Korean too? 

Red: She's obviously Japanese. 

NayMan: I'm Japanese, dipshit. 

Red: And it's South Korean to you. I'm not from some shitty communist country that nobody likes because of their nukes and idiocy. 

Red: No offense, Lance. 

Blue: None taken. 

Mac Pro: Well, sorry. I'm just a white male. It's hard to mistake my people for anything other than what they are? And nobody gives a shit whether a white person is from Italy or Switzerland? Geez. 

Callie: #WhitePeopleArePeopleToo

Mac Pro: Exactly. 


Red: You know how half the people in this gc went to Texas over the break for some stupid reason that I can't seem to remember right now?

Blue: Suicide. 

Red: Right. 

Red: So they've been having one of their worst flu influenza's in their history. Only 10% of their flu vaccines are actually working and this year's flu is being especially violent. 



Blue: GO HOME. 

Red: NO. I've got my mask on and a gallon of hand sanitizer in my bag as well as a fuck ton of meds to help. And I got some ice for my head from the nurse.

Blue: You little fuck.

Red: ly

Blue: u2 

Chapter Text

[Shiro's Piccolos ]

Cryptid Girl: Why do people keep recommending that I read 50 Shades of Grey? I'm not into that shit and I never will be. So people should SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT. 

Mac Pro: Offended. 

Space Mom: Stfu Matt. 

Red: If I wasn't so fucking insane

Blue: Don't finish that thought. 

Red: Damn it. 

Space Mom: BDSM isn't exactly something I appreciate when I try to read smut either. 

Red: What's BDSM? 

Blue: Look it up, dweeb. 

Red: Oh

Red: Okay 

Red: So

Red: I've never read 50 Shades of Grey and I am very glad I didn't. 

Cryptid Girl: Good job, Keith. Way to keep up the virgin persona. 

Red: Stfu. I was raped. I'm allowed to not like shitty books about sex. 

Red: I've got a few questions and I'm not sure that they're allowed in this gc. 

[Pidgeon created 50 Shades of Grey Sucks  ]

[Pidgeon added Lonce, Kogayne, and Allurk ]

Pidgeon: So what exactly are your questions, young jedi. 

Pidgeon: Please don't say you're into that kind of thing because I'll have to delete you from my friends list. 

Kogayne: NO. 

Kogayne: So like this BDSM thing? Is that like something that a lot of people do? 

Pidgeon: A lot of idiots. 

Lonce: Keith, just because other people think it's okay, does not mean it is. 

Kogayne: Yeah, I know. Like those dumb ass white guys think it's okay to rape women because they're 'asking for it.' 

Kogayne: But like

Kogayne: I don't get why a lot of people would think that's okay? 

Kogayne: I thought that stuff was just a rapist thing. 

Allurk: You would be wrong there. 

Lonce: I mean, some people find it pleasurable (I don't). And normally BDSM people do it with consent from their partner/s. So if they're getting consent, it's really not that bad? But it's also a little bit psycho? 

Allurk: Matt actually likes BDSM, he's all about consent, and he's also one of the most intelligent people I know. 

Allurk: But he's also the stupidest, so I wouldn't take him as an example of grace under fire. 

Kogayne: I wouldn't trust him if my life depended on it. 

Allurk: Good. You've got your head in the right place then. 

Lonce: You know, you can still talk to me about these things, right? 

Kogayne: Yeah. 

Lonce: ily

Kogayne: u2

Chapter Text

[Shiro's Piccolos]


Red: What the actual fuck did I just wake up to? 

Mac Pro: ᵗʰᵉ ʰᵃᶦʳ THE BOD

Space Mom: Why are you playing a terrible cover of 'You're Welcome' at 3 in the morning? 

Mac Pro: It's not me. 

Blue: What's up with Keith actually being off-put by someone else's weird-ass behavior? 

Red: Fuck off. ╭∩╮( ͡° ل͟ ͡° )╭∩╮

Space Daddy: That middle finger looks like a very small dick. 

Mac Pro: So yours? 

Rolos: I hate you people. It's 3 in the morning. I could have been able to sleep through the night, blissfully ignorant of the fact that a crappy Moana reenactment was going on at your place, but you just HAD TO BLOW UP THE GROUP CHAT WITH DICK JOKES. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? 

Red: Great question. 


Cryptid Girl: Sorry. 

Red: WTF?

Cryptid Girl: I forgot that I had my laptop connected to the Bluetooth speakers around the house. 


Blue: No, they're not. 

Red: I'm exaggerating, Lance. Stfu. 

Blue: I wasn't really asleep before that, though. So like

Blue: I'm not mad. 

Red: Why tf were you up at 3 in the morning? 

Blue: Anxiety, but also looking at your pretty face. 

Red: I was literally right next to you? You could have woken me up? You should have? 

Blue: But you were sleeping so peacefully and you rarely get enough sleep. Plus you're adorable when you're asleep. 

Red: You saying I'm not adorable when I'm awake? 

Mac Pro: FIGHT. 

Cryptid Girl: Gross. 



Incredible Hunk: Can you people go to sleep already? 

Red: Gladly. 

Red: Imma sleepy cuddle my boyfriend to death until he /goes to sleep already/. 

Blue: Okay, I get it. Gn. 

Chapter Text

[Shiro's Piccolos ] 

Cryptid Girl: You know, the funniest thing I think I've ever witnessed was when Allura and Shiro met. 

Space Daddy: How so? 

Space Mom: NO. 

Red: Do tell. 

Crytpid Girl: Well, after they'd introduced themselves and Shiro had gone out of earshot, Allura started crying and laughing at the same time. So I asked her what was wrong and she whispered very dramatically

Cryptid Girl: "THAT BOY IS SO GAY."

Red: 10/10 gaydar story

Space Daddy: Why didn't I hear about this? 

Rolos: Remember those days when us gays/bi's would try to hit on hot guys and get rejected. 

Red: "All the hot ones are gay," they said. 

Mac Pro: I remember when I told Keith that I was gay for Shiro. 

Mac Pro: He was filing his nails (no joke) and without looking up at me, said, "I know. I thought it was pretty obvious that you were gay for Shiro." And I flipped out. 

Blue: Good job. 

Blue: There are times where Keith seems gay without a doubt (like when he wears miniskirts and rainbow crop tops, has a fucking /mullet/ and acts like the gayest man in the universe). 

Blue: But like there's times where he seems like a man's man and seems like the straightest man ever (like when he wears leather jackets and wears finger-less gloves, //has a fucking mullet// and acts like a total jack ass). 

Blue: Plus gay people don't really stick by stereotypes anymore. A lot gays have nothing in common anymore. LIKE FUCKING ALLURA. 


Red: True. 

Space Mom: Hey, I can care about the way I look while also being in love with another female and throwing no-homo out the window with other girls despite that I am homo. 

Red: Yeah. You never know who could be gay. 

Red: Coran could be gay. The librarian could be gay. The cashier at Walmart could be gay. The guy sucking your dick could be gay. 


Space Daddy: He's lying. 

Space Mom: One of those things are different from the others. 

Corn: Yes. 

Rolos: Illuminati confirmed. 

Prince of Bel Air: Your mom could be gay. 

Space Mom: WHAT

Cryptid Girl: YOUR MOM'S GAY?

Prince of Bel Air: No. I'm just saying in general. 

Prince of Bel Air: Although...

Red: No thanks. 

Blue: People who are ruining the lgbtq+ community. 

Red: Me. 

Blue: Stfu Keith. You are precious. 

Red: ily

Blue: u2

Cryptid Girl: Gross. Klance. 

Chapter Text

[Shiro's Piccolos ] 

Blue: So I was doing something and thinking about Keith

Cryptid Girl: As per usual. 

Red: What were you doing? Masturbating? 


Blue: Keith still hasn't visited Thace, which I thought he was supposed to do sooner rather than later? 

Red: I've still got the flu, so I've gotta see my normal doctor first and I might have to get a hospital visit later if it gets worse. 



Mac Pro: So aside from your lovers quarrel and Lance talking about masturbation


Mac Pro: You guys know how Shiro is in Aikido? 

Red: Yes. 

Space Mom: No? 


Red: Shiro, the 3rd Dan, 10th degree black belt that teaches kid's Aikido on Wednesdays and leads adult classes on Thursdays with a 3rd Dan guy and another 2nd Dan woman who could probably kill a person with her hands tied behind her back (keeping in mind that he is ranked above her). The guy who is basically Master Oogway, but not a turtle. 

Shiro: Isn't Oogway 1000 years old?



Prince of Bel Air: Hit me baby one more time. 


Space Daddy: Are the abuse jokes going to be a thing now? 

Red: Idk. 



Blue: Yeah. 

Red: IF IT ACTUALLY WORKED (which I think it did, since I haven't been having hallucinations or a lot of delusions lately) THEN I WON'T BE INSANE ANYMORE. 

Blue: Yes? 


Cryptid Girl: They weren't very good anyways. 

Red: Stfu. 

Blue: Is that really what you're most concerned about? 

Red: Not really? But I also felt the need to point that out. 

Chapter Text

[50 Shades of Grey Sucks ] 

[Pidgeon blocked Kogayne ]

Pidgeon: So you know how Keith had this theory that his mom might not be dead after all? 

Allurk: Yeah? You two talked about it when you guys were wanting to get into the Garrison? Or so I've heard. 

Allurk: Also, it's 2 in the morning. I'd prefer not to be woken up like this. 

Lonce: Yeah. And you guys forgot about it until last year and said you were going to do research on it? 

Pidgeon: Well it sprouted because of the fact that his mom didn't have a real grave (which is strange by itself) but also because of the fact that her "death certificate" had no cause of death written on it. 

Pidgeon: But since she probably changed her name when she "died," it's been harder to attempt to track her down. 

Lonce: Keep in consideration that this idea popped up while Keith was having delusions and that if it turns out that she really is dead, this little investigation could really hurt him. Not trying to discredit you or anything. 

Pidgeon: No, I know. But I found something that might prove that she isn't dead. 

Lonce: ... Go on. 

Pidgeon: His aunt gave a large sum of $50,000 to a Korean woman (I wasn't able to get a name, but I did get some video feed from the bank). Money that came from her insurance (AKA Keith's mom's death inheritance). I was able to track the woman down and her name was 'Aki Ake Gon.' And 'Ake Gon' is an anagram for 'Kogane.' And Aki is the feminine version of Akira, Keith's dad's name. And apparently, this woman didn't exist 15 years ago, despite the fact that she's 39 years old. 

Lonce: Aki is her name? Can you possibly send the footage of her?

Pidgeon: [Aki Ake Gon.mpeg] 

Lonce: That's Aki. The lady that Keith and I met during one of our summers at his aunt's house. 

Pidgeon: WAIT. YOU MET HER??? 

Lonce: Yes? Can you add Keith back to the chat? 

[Pidgeon unblocked Kogayne ]

Kogayne: Why tf did you block me? 

Pidgeon: Read up. 


Lonce: Keith, have you seen Aki since that summer we met her. 

Kogayne: Yeah. Once at that gas station you picked me up at after I left. 




Lonce: You get stoned once because of me and you freak out, but then when it's someone else's fault they're totally blameless. 

Kogayne: LAnCE. 

Pidgeon: Can you guys stop freaking out? 

Kogayne: /you/

Allurk: o shit

Kogayne: Why didn't you tell me about this as soon as you found out? I thought that's what we agreed to?

Pidgeon: I wasn't sure about it and I didn't want to get your hopes up in case it wasn't. 

Kogayne: And telling everyone else about it is a better alternative? 


Lonce: What is a capisce? 

Allurk: The correct spelling of capish. Now go to sleep you little fucks. 

Kogayne: ... Fine. Night. 

Lance: Night. 

Pidgeon: Good night, my love. 

Lonce: ly 2

Pidgeon: Not you. 

Allurk: ly darling. 

Chapter Text

"So..." Keith started. 


"My aunt doesn't know that I'm gay." 

"So you want me to keep it a secret, right?" 

"Yeah... But I don't think she's ever seen a computer in her life and she's pretty fucking oblivious-"

"Oh, something you both have in common." 

"Shut the fuck up, Lance. Anyway, as long as we don't make out in front of her or anything, I think we'll be fine. I don't want to get kicked out again this summer." 

"I got it. No funny stuff." 



"Morning, Imo amakae," Keith yawned, making grabby hands for his aunt's coffee before she swatted him away. 

"Morning. Is bitch boy up yet, or is he missing breakfast?" 

"I'm up." A tired Lance padded into the kitchen in his ridiculous robe and cat slippers. Myeong rolled her eyes, taking a sip of her coffee. 

"Morning, Keith." Lance tiredly wrapped his arms around Keith's waist, placing a chaste kiss on his forehead. Keith smiled quietly, before realizing what Lance had just done and whacking him in the head. 

"You two must be close friends. Why don't you go out for a movie or something. There's a theatre down on Fifth." 

Keith narrowed his eyes. "You just want us out of the house." 

"How'd you guess?" She answered wryly, sliding her coffee across the island counter toward Keith as an unspoken bribe. He took the mug, chugging the last of the coffee before grabbing Lance by the arm and swiping a $50 bill from the dining room table on his way out. 



"Imo Myeong!" Keith yelled, stomping into the living room where she was reading a particularly thick novel. She looked at him with a very annoyed look on her face. "Do you know where my Knife is?" 

"The ones from your Umma?" 


"It might be in my closet. Let me check." 

"Why is it in the closet?" Keith asked as Lance stalked into the room. 

"Maybe it's been hanging out with you too much." Keith's face screwed up into a confused look before he realized and snorted, punching Lance softly in the arm.

" Jerk." 

Chapter Text

"I swear those two are having sex in there." An annoyed Allura keeps her ear pressed to the wall between her shared room with Pidge and the Klance room next door. Pidge continues tapping away at the keys on her laptop in obvious disinterest. 

"You mean the guy who was raped as a kid and his boyfriend, the annoyingly patient nun?" 

"Keith said that he wanted to have sex with Lance this year though." 

"I remember just a general 'I want to have sex' from him." 

"Still! It sounds like they're having sex right now!" 

"What do you mean?" 

"It just sounds like they're having sex."

"Wow. You make such a convincing argument," Pidge comments wryly. 

"Just listen." Pidge sighs, setting down her laptop on the bed and crawling across the bed to press her ear against the wall. 

Meanwhile on the other side of the wall, two fucked up college boys played Call of Duty on their shared PS4. An empty bottle of whiskey and two mugs full of coffee, Red Bull, and energy drinks mixed together sat by a coffee machine that the two had moved into their room after realizing that college was going to take a lot of sleep from them. 

"Shoot. Right there. Lance," Keith punched Lance's arm in an attempt to get his attention. 

"Hold on. I almost got it," Lance shifted his controller slightly before pounding the 'A' button, shooting down another enemy, only to be fired at with 100 times more force. Keith made a small pained noise at the unsuccessful attempt to beat the fuck out of their opponents.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Let me just-" Lance pounded the controls, aiming and shooting about 3 more times, hitting every time he shot his M2010 Enhanced Sniper Rifle that he'd picked up from a dead guy that lay less than 5 feet from their gaming characters. 

Keith sighed, moving his character around the crouched down wall of the roof that was the only thing protecting them from their opponents. "It's fine, just-" Keith growled in frustration as his character was bombarded by bullet shells. He muttered a short series of curses before lifting his character's line of sight over the short wall and shooting and reloading as quickly as he could with his pistol before firing again, hitting another opponent that had been on a machine gun. This caused the firing on them to lessen, but it was still hard for Keith to get his character back without getting shot. 



Pidge looked back at Allura dubiously. "That would be about the lamest sex scene ever, but I'm pretty sure they're not having sex."

Allura got up from bed and crept silently out the open door of their bedroom. 

"Allura, what are you doing?" 

"I'm going to see if they're having sex of course." 

"Please don't do that." 

Pidge leaped up after Allura, who immediately slammed the door open wide to Klance's shared room and yelled, "HA! I knew you were having sex!" 

Keith glanced at Lance, who was sitting Indian-style on the edge of the bed. "Lance, why didn't you tell me we were having sex? I would've put down the game controller." 



Keith pushed Lance against the pillows, deepening their kiss and dragging his hands down Lance's chest and grabbing his bare ass with a short laugh. Lance moaned into the kiss, pulling Keith closer until they parted, panting quietly in the dark. 

"You locked the door this time, right?" Lance started kissing a line down Keith's neck. 

"Yes," Keith growled, tangling his fingers in Lance's hair. "I'm not about to have Allura and Pidge walk in on us again when we're actually having sex." 

Lance smiled, pressing butterfly kisses down his chest. "I love you."

"I love you too." 



"I swear those two are having sex in there."

"Pidge, go to sleep. I'm sure those two are probably playing video games or something." 

"I can't sleep when those two are having sex on the other side of this thin fucking wall. Lance in practically screaming over there. How can you not hear them?" 

"I don't know." Allura rolled over, cuddling Pidge. "If you can't sleep, then what do you want to do?" Pidge nuzzled Allura, wrapping her arms around the taller woman. 

"Wanna have sex?" 

Chapter Text

[Shiro's Piccolos ] 

Red: Daddy, get me some pizza on the way home.

Blue: I gotcha babe. 

Cryptid Girl: You gotta pay for it when I get back.

Space Daddy: You're lactose intolerant. No. 


Blue: You already have. 

Prince of Bel Air: You want mommy to bring you some instead? 

Red: Ily. Fine. Bring me pizza, you bitch. Okay. And yes, mom. 

Space Mom: Why does Keith have so many dads? 

Space Mom: Also, give him the pizza and stop being a little bitch, Shiro. 

Mac Pro: HEY. 

Red: I guess that makes Keith a bitch's bitch. 

Mac Pro: Shiro is a bitch, but I'm /the/ bitch. 

Blue: So who's bringing Keith pizza, cuz I've sorta already bought some. 

Mac Pro: Me too. 

Cryptid Girl: More pizza for me I guess. 

Space Daddy: Why are you people like this. 

Prince of Bel Air: I'm omw right now. 

Red: Just give me all the pizza. 

Red: I'm not going anywhere today. 

Blue: Don't you have an appointment with Thace tomorow. 

Red: Yes. 

Red: I don't see what that has to do with my eating habits? 

Blue: I was just checking. 


Red: Fight me. 

Blue: Stabby stabby. 

Red: I also called like 10 pizza delivery places, so get out while you still can Shiro. 

Space Daddy: FUCK

Mac Pro: ME

Blue: Why did you call so many pizza delivery places /and/ ask everyone in the gc to get pizza. 

Red: Because Shiro's here. 

Space Daddy: FUCK YOU. 

Red: That's Lance's job. 

Cryptid Girl: EW. GTFO. 

Space Daddy: WAIT WHAT. 

Prince of Bel Air: [sheds a single tear] My baby boy's all grown up now. 

Mac Pro: 'Bout time you jumped on that. 

Red: Why's everyone assuming that wasn't just a joke? 

Space Mom: Because our room is right next to yours, sweetie. 

Prince of Bel Air: Because Pidge is freaking out about your sex jokes again. 

Space Daddy: Because you started making sex jokes again. 

Space Daddy: You couldn't do that before because Pidge would call you tf out. 

Space Daddy: And now she can't because SHE KNOWS. 


Space Mom: You exposed yourselves, hun. 

NayMan: Blessed. 

Rolos: Congrats. 

Red: Thanks? 

Blue: You're welcome. 

Red: Stfu. 

Chapter Text

[Shiro's Piccolos ]

Mac Pro: You know

Mac Pro: Shiro's Piccolo could be considered an innuendo. 


Red: So 

Red: I checked out with Thace today. 

Red: He said that I am 'no longer able to be considered as a person with psychotic depression.' Which I honestly don't think means I'm really fine now? More like I'm at a level of fine that I'm not psychotic? Idk? 

Blue: 'Level of fine' 100/10

Cryptid Girl: Congrats! 





Red: ye

Incredible Hunk: One of those is not the same as the others. 

Cryptid Girl: Ew stop it. 

Space Daddy: Yes to which one? 

Red: ye


Blue: Shiro has a kind of Aaron Burr-esque dad-attitude sometimes. 

Prince of Bel Air: Use condoms, son. 

Prince of Bel Air: LOVE=LUBE

Cryptid Girl: I hate this family. 

Incredible Hunk: Since Klance has started making sex jokes now, can I remove myself from this gc? 

Cryptid Girl: NO

Cryptid Girl: SUFFER

Callie: Rude. 

Blue: Also, we're going to Disney World tomorrow. 

Red: Why? 

Blue: To celebrate. Plus my mom has fast passes. 

Blue: And I bought airline tickets last month, so you can't say no. 


Blue: Cuz it's a surprise. 

Mac Pro: Yus. I get to go to Disney World with my 2 favorite bros. 

Blue: No. 

Mac Pro: Damn it. 

Chapter Text

[Blue changed Shiro's Piccolos to I'm Dating a Savage ]

Cryptid Girl: What the fuck happened at Disney World? 

Blue: So like 

Blue: Multiple times today, Keith has been calling people out. 

Blue: The first time was when this girl was hitting on Keith (I just happened to be somewhere else at the time) 

Red: You were on the spinning tea cup ride. 


Blue: Anyways

Blue: This girl is asking if he has a kid on the ride

Red: I'm not that old wtf? 

Blue: And he sighs like a disappointed father and says, "No, my bf's on the ride." 

Red: She started being rude and homophobic after that saying shit like "the thought of two guys having sex makes me sick." 

Blue: So I get off this ride and the first thing I hear is Keith saying, "Well the thought of your fat ass plowing some chick doesn't get me off either." And he just turns away from this chick and quickly drags me away from the scene. 

Space Daddy: Damn. 

Blue: Oh, it gets better. 

Blue: Cuz later, this straight guy starts picking on us for being gay with each other and Keith says, "My dad has more character than you and he's a fucking child molester." 

Blue: I'm so proud of my bf right now. 

Mac Pro: Kill them. 

Red: I like how straight people condone to rape and gays just condone to murder. 

Blue: I mean? There was that bombing of that gay club in Florida the year before last? And a lot of straight women do not appreciate getting raped. 

Space Mom: True. 

Red: Oh, yeah. I remember taking a flight from Dallas before that airport got attacked by some crazy guy and then being in Florida just to find out I couldn't hang out with my fellow gays because these damn homophones were blowing up gay clubs. 

Callie: Yeah. I had a flight later that day, which got delayed because of the attack. 


Red: I had fun today, even though we got picked on. Mostly because I called out their asses and that felt nice. 

Space Daddy: I still feel like Keith might secretly be a murderer. 

Red: Don't kid yourselves. 

Red: You wouldn't know about it if I were. 

Blue: DAMN

Red: I studied human psychology and I'm a pretty good liar when I want to be. 

Blue: Whatever you need to tell yourself, Samurai. 

Red: I stole your textbook freshman year. 


Red: (:

Chapter Text

[Fifty Shades of Grey Sucks ] 


Allurk: Thank God. 

Pidgeon: What?

Allurk: I'm ace too. 


Lonce: I'm gynesexual? 

Allurk: Now Keith being demi makes sense, since he was kind of adamant about having sex unless it was with Lance

Allurk: But gynesexual? 

Allurk: Doesn't that mean just being into females? 

Lonce: It just means being attracted to people who are very feminine

Lonce: Like Keith. 

Kogayne: Not even going to argue with you there. I was raised as a girl and I wear /skirts/. 


Allurk: You never told us you were raised as a girl? 

Kogayne: I didn't? 

Pidgeon: Well, you told me. 

Lonce: BUT NOT ME???


Pidgeon: Well you did tell them you lived with a bunch of girls in a group home. 

Kogayne: OH YEAH. 


Kogayne: My dad really hated me. 

Lonce: I thought your mom was okay tho? 

Kogayne: Yeah. My dad started raising me as a girl /after/ my umma left. 

Lonce: Oh. Wait, how young /were/ you when she left? 

Kogayne: Idk? I don't remember much about her. 

Kogayne: But living with a bunch of girls certainly didn't encourage me to stop acting like a girl. 

Kogayne: And nobody really gave a shit. I was already half-mad and I was still so stuck in my own mindset, whatever they tried to tell me wouldn't have changed anything. 

Allurk: Somebody got glitter makeup all over the floor. Was it you Patricia? 

Pidgeon: No, it was Keith. 

Allurk: Get you shit together Kogane. I'll have to kick you out of the Makeup Crew if you don't stop being a little butt cheese. 

Kogayne: Damn it Patricia. Maybe if you weren't a little bitch, your mom wouldn't have left you on the corner of Park and Legacy. 

Pidgeon: Maybe if you weren't such a bitch, you wouldn't have left glitter all over the God damn floor, Kogane. 

Kogayne: Maybe if you put a little effort into your face like I did, you wouldn't look like such a hag, Patricia. 


Kogayne: The one on 15th or Parker? 

Pidgeon: 15th obviously, you dick twitch. 

Lonce: You people are so extra. 

Kogayne: It's all part of the musical theatre experience. 

Lance: True. 

Allurk: I like how we're that group that does improv on demand w/o any prompting or audience. 

Chapter Text

[My Boyfriend is a Savage ] 




Blue: ʷʰᵃᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᵃᶜᵗᵘᵃˡ ᶠᵘᶜᵏ?

Red: ᵀᴴᴱ ᴵᵀᶜᴴ ᴵ ᶜᴼᵁᴸᴰᴺ'ᵀ ˢᶜᴿᴬᵀᶜᴴ

Red: ᵀᴴᴼᵁᴳᴴᵀ ᴵ'ᴰ ᶜᴼᴹᴱ ᶜᴿᴬᵂᴸᴵᴺᴳ ᴮᴬᶜᴷ

Red: ᴮᵁᵀ ᴺᴼ

Red: ᴵ'ᴰ ᴹᵁᶜᴴ ᴿᴬᵀᴴᴱᴿ

Callie: rather

Incredible Hunk: rather

Mac Pro: rather

Space Mom: RATHER


Blue: What the fuck is going on? 

Space Daddy: It's 2 in the morning, guys. 




Prince of Bel Air: ᴼᴿ ᵀᴴᴵᴺᴷ ᵀᴴᴬᵀ ᴵ'ᴹ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴼᴺᴸʸ ᴼᴺᴱ





Blue: You done? 

Red: Yes. 

Red: I was listening to Spotify and Set It Off came on. 

Blue: Emo Knife Boy. 

Red: Shhhhh

Red: You love me. 

Blue: Yeah, I do. 

Space Daddy: The one day Lance isn't there to keep everyone up at night, Keith does it. 

Space Mom: I'm so proud of my sons. 

Red: Stfu dad. 

Blue: I like how he just plays Set It Off so often that everyone knows all the words to all of their songs. 

Space Mom: Why aren't they famous yet? How many people are in our friend group? We're like half the Set It Off fandom. 

Blue: Don't call it a fandom. 

Cryptid Girl: Don't enable our son. 

Red: Stfu dad. 

Cryptid Girl: Don't speak to me like that, Kogane. Stop being a little bitch. 

Red: Also, there are 9 people in this chat (I think) plus ezor, narti, axca, and zethrid in the Angels™ chat, Matt's friends chat (I've never seen it but I know it exists). 

Mac Pro: There's 4 people in it (including me) . You guys know them. (It's called the Voltron Coalition and you're not invited) 

Red: (Boo) 

Mac Pro: (You know Olia though, right?)

Red: (Yeah. She was my teacher in Elementary school. I had her for all of my Elementary years.) 

Mac Pro: (She's in the Voltron Coalition.)

Red: (Add me, you little fuck.)

[On Holt added Kogayne to Voltron Coalition 

OLies: YO


Thace It: So have I. 

Knife Adult: hA


On Holt: Oh, so I don't need to introduce you then. 


OLies: HOW ARE YOU? WHat HAS IT bEEN? 10 Years? 

Kogayne: 11 years, but yeah. 

OLies: How've you been doing? Better? 

Kogayne: Now, yeah. 

Thace It: He's not insane at least. 

Kogayne: YEAH. THAT's NICE. 

Thace It: Well 

Thace It: Not any more insane than the people in this gc. 

On Holt: HEY. 

Knife Adult: HEY. 

Knife Adult: I'm a perfectly able adult, unlike Keith. 

Kogayne: HEY. 

On Holt: I like how Keith just fits into this gc so perfectly despite the fact that all the members of this gc are just acquaintances of his.

Kogayne: I see Regris and Thace very often, actually. 

On Holt: Shhhhhhhh

Kogayne: I like how everyone's up at 3 am. 

Knife Adult: Hey, just because I have to act like an adult in public, doesn't mean I don't spend 72 hours in a row watching My Little Pony when I'm by myself at home. 

[On Holt changed Kogayne 's name to Knife Boy ]

Knife Boy: Accurate. 

OLies: I have a lot of shit to grade. 

Thace It: It's my Spouse's and my anniversary. 

Knife Boy: That's all the description I need, thank you very much. 


Thace It: NO


Knife Boy: Oh. I thought you and Ulaz were doing kinky shit. 

Thace It: I mean... That comes after, but... 

On Holt: [Covers Regris' ears] THERE'S A CHILD HERE. 

OLies: There's always a child around these days. I just want to sleep. 

Knife Boy: I'm concerned and a little bit offended. I used to be one of those children, Olia. 

OLies: You weren't born in the 21st century, so you were okay. 

OLies: And you weren't a brat. 


OLies: Yes. I wish I could work at a high school instead. They are slowly draining the life out of me. 

Knife Boy: Lucky me, I'm not allowed near small children anymore. 


Thace It: He had an episode and now he's not allowed to do anything that's emotionally straining. 

Knife Boy: One of the reasons why it's impossible to get a job. 

Knife Adult: Lucky you, you get to work for yourself now. 


OLies: [Sheds a single tear] I'm so proud. 

On Holt: Imma sleep. Night. 

Knife Adult: Night. 

Chapter Text

[I'm Dating a Savage ]

Blue: So Hunk and Shay's ship name is Hunay and I think that's adorable?

Red: It could also be Shank. 

Cryptid Girl: I agree with Keith. Shank is a great ship name. 

Callie: Why???

Incredible Hunk: Keith. Unlike you, we aren't a couple of murderers. 

Red: Will you ever let the slushie machine thing go? 

Incredible Hunk: Not as long as I'm still alive and breathing. 

Red: Just gonna put 'murder Hunk' on my To Do List. 

Incredible Hunk: "If you slit my throat tonight I'm going to have a hard time forgiving you for that."

Mac Pro: "I took an improv comedy class 'cuz I'm a white guy."

Red: [in the same room as Lance] 

Red: "I didn't feel so weird in the other rooms, but I do feel uncomfortable in here." 

Prince of Bel Air: Is it because of the rape-y vibes?

Blue: Excuse the fuck outta you. 

Corn: "Hey there demons. It's me, ya boy."

Space Mom: He has risen. 

[Blue changed Blue 's name to Meme Boi ]

Red: Accurate. 

[Meme Boi changed Red 's name to Mean Boy ]

Mean Boy: Unnecessary. 

Space Daddy: How many times do I have to tell you

Mac Pro: Even when you're crying, you're beautiful too. 

Meme Boi: The world is beating you down

Mean Boy: I’m around through every move

Space Daddy: This chat is a mess. 

Cryptid Girl: You’re my downfall, you’re my muse

Space Mom: My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues

Mean Boy: I can’t stop singing, it’s ringing, in my head for you

Meme Boi: My head’s under water

Corn: But I’m breathing fine

Mean Boy: You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind

Meme Boi: 'Cause all of me

Mean Boy: Loves all of you

Meme Boi: Love your curves and all your edges

Mean Boy: All your perfect imperfections

Meme Boi: Give your all to me

Mean Boy: I’ll give my all to you

Meme Boi: You’re my end and my beginning

Mean Boy: Even when I lose I’m winning

Meme Boi: 'Cause I give you all of me

Mean Boy: And you give me all of you

Meme Boi: Give me all of you

Meme Boi: Cards on the table, we’re both showing hearts

Mean Boy: Risking it all, though it’s hard

Callie: 'Cause all of me

Incredible Hunk: Loves all of you

Callie: Love your curves and all your edges

Incredible Hunk: All your perfect imperfections

Callie: Give your all to me

Incredible Hunk: I'll give my all to you

Callie: You're my end and my beginning

Incredible Hunk: Even when I loose I'm winning

Callie: 'Cuz I give you all of me

Incredible Hunk: And you give me all of you

Incredible Hunk: I give you all of me

Callie: Yeah, you give me all of you. 

Prince of Bel Air: [Sheds single tear] That was beautiful. 

Chapter Text

[Lotor's Angels™ ]

Lotor: So I've got something important to say. 

Zethrid: I'm on the edge of my seat

EzOrNah: Ignore her. 

Lotor: So I know all the ladies here know this, but I'm not sure if Allura, Lance, and Keith know about it and I wanted to put it out here before I go to their other gc. 

Dat Boi's Boi: If this is about you being trans, I already knew. 


Dat Boi: Oh, me too. 

Allura: I was not aware of this. 

Lotor: Ty Allura. 

Dat Boi's Boi: I remember that you used to hang out in the girl's locker room in middle school and you were definitely female back then. 

Dat Boi: How Lotor and Keith met. 

Axcolotl: I'm surprised they've never dated before. They both were 'guys' that hung out in the girl's locker room because of lgbtq+ problems in school, they both hung out with girls w/o being attracted to any of them, they like going to the mall, and both love to get fucked up on cocaine and other shit.

Dat Boi: But he's a Pan Man™ that's into everyone? 

Lotor: Except My Girls™ whom I have a platonic queer relationship with. 

Dat Boi's Boi: Not gonna deny the 'getting fucked up part,' but I prefer vape now. 

Dat Boi: Of course. 

Dat Boi's Boi: Can't get as fucked up on that shit and Thace doesn't give a shit if I do vape. 

Dat Boi: Is Thace your vape buddy? 

Dat Boi's Boi: ye

Dat Boi's Boi: Jk

Dat Boi's Boi: Regris is my vape buddy. 

Lotor: I'm his crack bud. 

Dat Boi's Boi: ye

[My Boyfriend is a Savage ]

[Prince of Bel Air changed the Group Chat name to I'm Trans, You Heterophobes ] 

Cryptid Girl: Nice! 

Callie: Congrats. 

Incredible Hunk: Glad you're telling us this, but why at 4 am? 

Prince of Bel Air: I couldn't sleep. 

Prince of Bel Air: Plus My Girls™ were up, so you guys are just a couple of suckers. 

Mac Pro: Excuse you. I prefer the term 'Gay'. 

Mac Pro: Get it? 

Mac Pro: 'Cuz I suck dick? 

Mean Boy: ye

Meme Boi: Geeeet 'im. 

Chapter Text

[I'm Trans, You Heterophobes ]

Meme Boi: Hey Keith. 

Mean Boy: It's two in the morning, Lance. 

Meme Boi: What do you call an Asian kid that can’t do math?

Mean Boy: White?  

Meme Boi: No.

Meme Boi: An orphan. 

Mean Boy: True™

Mac Pro: Why don't orphans play baseball, Keith?

Mean Boy: Because they can't find home. 

Cryptid Girl: How are a watermelon and an orphan different? 

Cryptid Girl: One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer and the other is a watermelon. 

Mean Boy: (-̀◞८̯◟-́)

Mac Pro: How do you get Keith's hands to bleed? 

Meme Boi: Tell him someone hurt your feelings? 

Mac Pro: Tell him to clap until his parents come home. 

Mean Boy: I'm an atheist, so why do I still go to church? 

Cryptid Girl: Why? 

Mean Boy: So I have someone to call father. 

Space Daddy: What's the difference between orphans and money? 

Mean Boy: People care about money. 

Mean Boy: What did the blind, deaf, homeless, orphan get for Christmas? 

Mean Boy: Cancer. 

Space Mom: Knock knock. 

Mean Boy: Who's there? 

Space Mom: Not your parents. 

Incredible Hunk: What did one orphan say to the other?

Incredible Hunk: Get in the batmobile, Robin. 

Prince of Bel Air: Keith can't watch PG movies. 

Space Daddy: Why does Keith love tennis? 

Space Daddy: It's the only time he gets to love. 

Mean Boy: I was banned from Outback Steakhouse because it's a family restaurant and I don't have a family. 

Cryptid Girl: Hey, Keith. Are your parents home. 

Mean Boy: [crying] Stop calling here. 

Mean Boy: You know what's nice about child molesters? 

Mean Boy: They drive slowly in school zones. 

Mean Boy: So did my dad. 

Meme Boi: Omg Keef. !!(⊃ Д)⊃

Callie: How did this happen? 

Chapter Text

[I'm Trans, You Heterophobes ]

Meme Boi: Is it weird that this old guy in a black SUV has been driving back and forth in front of my cousin (3 times removed)'s school?

Mean Boy: What are you doing at your cousin's school. 

Meme Boi: I'm picking her up since her parents are on a date. 

Space Daddy: He's probably a child molester. 

Mac Pro: Leave child molesters alone. They have a hard enough time fitting in. 

Meme Boi: Was

Meme Boi: Was that a joke? 

Space Mom: To be honest, they're all just fucking immature assholes. 

Meme Boi: Stoooooooooppppppp

Rolo: My girlfriend called me a pedophile once. I said, "Woah, that's a big word for a six year old." 

NayMan: I wish I was still six years old. It was so much easier to get an older boyfriend back then. 

Mean Boy: Kids these days have no manners. Someone never learned not to talk with their mouth full. 

Meme Boi: Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeef

NayMan: You know what's worse than a rapist? 

Rolo: A child. 

Meme Boi: Idk how you guys are so chill about the rape jokes. 

Space Mom: It's called denial. 

Cryptid Girl: Denial isn't just a river in Egypt. 

Mean Boy: Just projectile vomit all sense of morality. 

Mac Pro: Ew. 

Mac Pro: Morality. 

Meme Boi: Are you people okay? 

Cryptid Girl: -ish

Space Mom: ^^

Mean Boy: ^^^

Corn: ^^^^

Space Daddy: Funny joke. 

Mac Pro: ^

Rolos: What's okay? I don't know her. 

Meme Boi: You all are so depressing. 

Mean Boy: *Ya'll

Mean Boy: I /am/ depressed so. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Meme Boi: Babe

Mean Boy: Yes? 

Meme Boi: [sigh] 

Meme Boi: Come home soon. 

Mean Boy: Omw

Chapter Text

[I'm Trans, You Heterophobes ]

Mean Boy: i take my pills and i'm happy all the time

Mean Boy: i'm happy all the time

Mean Boy: i'm happy all the time

Space Mom: I love my girl but she ain't worth the price

Cryptid Girl: She ain't worth the price

Space Mom: No, she ain't worth the price

Meme Boi: Holy fuck 

Meme Boi: I love this song. 

Mac Brain: The voices in my right brain are pretty funny

Mean Boy: They tell me "take a deep breath, it's always sunny." 

Prince of Bel Air: But where I leave the lights on it's pretty obvious that my life's pretty plain

Mean Boy: I take my pills and I'm happy all the time

Mean Boy: I'm happy all the time

Mean Boy: I'm happy all the time

Space Mom: I love my girl but she ain't worth the price

Cryptid Girl: She ain't worth the price

Space Mom: No she ain't worth the price

Meme Boi: We take strange things to feel normal

Mean Boy: We take strange things to feel normal

Space Daddy: We take strange things to feel normal

Mac Pro: To feel normal, to feel normal

Mean Boy: I take my pills and I'm happy all the time

Mean Boy: I'm happy all the time

Mean Boy: I'm happy all the time

Mean Boy: I love my man, but he ain't worth the price

Mean Boy: He ain't worth the price

Mean Boy: No he ain't worth the price

Meme Boi: I was the knight in shining armor in your movie

Meme Boi: Put your lips on mine and love the aftertaste

Mac Pro: A+ transition

Meme Boi: Nvm I don't want to type up that many lyrics

Mean Boy: Lazy


Mean Boy: You done? 

Meme Boi: Ye

Chapter Text

[I’m Trans, You Heterophobes ]


Cryptid Girl: Look at all those cosplayers go. 

Mean Boy: I've never seen this many Thomas Sanders in my life. Wft? 

Space Daddy: You mean wtf? 

Mean Boy: No. I mean Well Fuck That. I don't like people. 


Mean Boi: IT'S ALL MOTHMAN?????? I LOVE IT!!!

Space Mom: Who are you and what have you done with Keith? 

Meme Boi: What do you mean? He's always this enthusiastic about mothman? 

Space Mom: He's /enthusiastic/ tho? That's so weird. I've never seen him like this. 

Mean Boy: Also I'm ditching school for Starbucks. 

Space Mom: That's explains it. 

Meme Boi: He's jilted our university. 

Space Daddy: Congratulations. You know words. 

Meme Boi: Aye. 

Meme Boi: My boyfriend is very voluptuous and none of his problems are infinitesimal. We both show adulation for each other. Words could not elucidate my adoration for that man. I don't mean to obfuscate, but I feel like being perfunctory in my language presently. I find this behavior positively scintillating. Shiro's comments are pure vitriol toward me. And now I am done being a sycophant throughout this chat. Much obliged. 

Mean Boy: Did you just look up 'big words'? 

Meme Boi: Looked up, remembered, tomato, solanum lycopersicum. 

Mean Boy: Is that a Thomas Sanders reference? 

Meme Boi: Yes.