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Better Off As Lovers

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Deniz knew that he should call it quits with Roman, he really did.

It wasn't fair on anyone, not Roman, not Vanessa and not even Deniz himself, who did not like to look at himself in the mirror these days. Whenever he did, he could hardly meet his own eyes, feeling as if there should be a sign on his forehead saying "Cheater! Liar! Horrible excuse for a boyfriend!", and he resolved to tell Roman the truth the very next time he saw him. But then, whenever he was actually in front of him, saw his face light up when they laughed together, but also saw the uncertain glances that Roman gave him when he thought Deniz wasn't looking, he could not bring himself to do it. All he wanted in those moments was to wipe away the fear he could see lurking in Roman's eyes most of the time now, to replace it with the happy smile he had fallen in love with.

So he didn't. He kept quiet, kept on lying, kept on cheating - although he wasn't quite sure who he was cheating on these days. And when he kissed Roman and whispered "Love you, love you, love you" into his ear as they made love with an edge of desperation, he meant it. Just as he meant it when he told Vanessa the same. Except - and that was one secret he would never tell - that her touch did not fill him with quite the same want, the bright hot need that Roman had been able to bring out in him right from the start, even before Deniz had been really aware of what was going on. He had never dreamed of Vanessa the way he had dreamed of Roman during those first weeks, when he woke hard and aching every day, unable - or rather, unwilling - to remember what had caused it.

Being with Vanessa was so much easier, a simple, warm pleasure, uncomplicated and good, and Deniz figured that that was the main reason he should be with her - he didn't need his head all muddled, his insides tied into knots, the way being with Roman affected him.

If only it didn't feel so incredible when they touched.

A look into Roman's eyes, a quirk of his mouth, the slightest brush of skin against skin completely erased Deniz' ability to withstand the lure of Roman's talented lips, Roman's nimble hands, Roman's lithe yet muscular skater body. Roman's cock. In his hand, in his mouth, in his ass, filling him, making his body hum like no one else could. And the most intoxicating thing was that he knew Roman felt the same about him. When they kissed, electricity ran both ways, charging them up, making rational thought an impossibility. Seeing the mix of lust and desperation in Roman's eyes, Deniz was pretty sure Roman was as addicted to him as he was to Roman.

If Deniz had been more of a thinking type of guy, he suspected he would be reading all sorts of things into the way they fell into each other, again and again, colliding with increasing force just as their emotions became more tangled and complicated. But because he wasn't, he resigned himself to having to explain to Vanessa again and again why he had not yet broken up with Roman; why even the pain in her eyes did not stop him from holding onto Roman like a drowning man, from kissing him like there was no tomorrow just to stop him from asking yet again what was wrong.

As he pushed Roman back on the couch and, kneeling above him, spread himself with too-dry fingers, he savoured the burning sensation almost as much as the hungry look on Roman's face and the hard grip of Roman's hands on his hips. He almost stopped Roman from adding more lube to his erection, but Roman just stared at him with eyes that seemed to know too much and ignored him, kissing him with a sweetness that Deniz did not want to taste. Quickly Deniz lowered himself onto Roman's waiting cock until the familiar craving replaced the no longer comfortable gentleness.

Roman held him tightly, painfully, blunt teeth leaving unmistakable marks on Deniz' skin, and Deniz rocked down and threw his head back in abandon. This was the oblivion he lived for these days, the moments when there was nothing in the world but Roman and him. Twisted and broken, with lies sticky between their sweat-hot bodies, but still the most intense pleasure Deniz had ever felt. For just a few minutes, he did not have to think, did not have to pretend. He could just be.

He leaned down and captured Roman's lips in a kiss that tasted of sweat and tears.