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How Deeply My Body is Stained by Yours

Chapter Text

"Alright, Cosima. I'll call you when I find it." Sarah huffed into the phone before hanging up.

Cosima had been bugging her to locate some files on other clones she was sure Beth had. Cosima said that Beth had been trying to locate other clones in North America, but she wasn't sure what the detective had come up with. Unfortunately, Beth hadn't shared any information with her before she….. Sarah swallowed; she hated to think about it, she didn't even want to say it. She shook her head and tossed her phone on the bed. Sarah had gone through the rest of the flat, so the only place they could be was Beth's closet.

Sarah dug through the closet pulling box after box off the shelf for what seemed like an eternity when she spied a box in the far back corner. It was almost completely hidden from sight and required her to jump to grab it.

"Bloody hell!" She growled.

A small box that had been on top of the other box and all its contents came spilling out on her. The box was full of pictures and a small notebook. Sarah squatted to set the box she was holding down and froze. She looked at the pictures strew around her on the floor. She sat down and gathered up the pictures. She began looking through them and couldn't believe what she saw.

"Holy shite." She gasped.

They were mostly of Alison she was sure, she'd know that pink sweater anywhere. A few of the pictures were of Beth and some contained both women.

Alison with her eyes closed, face upturned to the sky as the sun highlighted a bright smile. Sarah couldn't help but smile. Alison looked so at ease, like she was experiencing pure bliss. Next was a smirking Alison with her pink ear muffs on holding a gun. After that was of her shooting the gun, seemingly oblivious to having her picture taken. Sarah flipped through a few more that seemed to have been taken without Alison noticing. Alison with a glass of wine in her hand; cheeks flushed and smiling sweetly. Alison standing in Beth's kitchen wearing an apron and an adorable grin.

The ones of Beth were similar. These didn't look any of the other pictures Sarah had seen of the detective. She, like Alison, smiled and seemed at ease. There was one of her in yoga pants and a t-shirt, sweaty and smiling. The next one was of her in the kitchen in just a t-shirt and boy shorts stretching to reach something in a cupboard. The last one was of Beth asleep on Alison's couch, a peaceful look on her face.

Sarah kept going and she couldn't believe what she was seeing. There was no trace of the tightly wound woman that she knew. This Alison seemed carefree and fun loving, not high-strung or scowling. It's almost like these pictures were of a completely different person. She began really looking at them. This Alison was playful and funny. She seemed full of life and really happy.

The ones containing both women were sweet and were a little awkwardly taken. That's when Sarah realized that all the pictures had been taken in remote locations or at either woman's home. Right, not like they could be seen out in public together she thought. Sarah smiled as she looked through the last few. It's nice that they had each other, she thought, they were close enough hang out.

She sat the pictures down next to her and grabbed the journal. Two pictures and what looked like a folded piece of paper slipped out and fell into her lap. She picked up the paper and realized it was a hand-made card. The front had glitter letters that spelled out Beth. Sarah laughed out loud because she immediately knew that Alison had made it. She pictured the soccer mom in her craft room with her glitter sat around her at the craft table. She opened it and it contained only a few lines in a beautifully written flowing script.

In this world

Love has no color –

yet how deeply

my body

is stained by yours.

~ Izumi Shikibu

She turned it over to the back and it was signed with a heart and Alison. Alison had written this to Beth. Alison had made this for Beth. Her mind seemed to be stuck on a loop. Alison took the time to make this for Beth. Beth had kept it. Beth kept it with a box full of pictures of Alison.

"No." Sarah breathed out like the air had been forced from her lungs.

The implications hit her full force. They had loved each other. Sarah gasped and brought trembling hand up to her mouth as tears started to steam down her face.

She picked up the two pictures that had fallen out of the journal. The first picture was of smiling a Beth and Alison with mussed hair and pink cheeks. She squinted and realized that they were naked. Sarah closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She felt bad for intruding on what was such a private moment between the two. When she opened them again she blinked a few times to clear her eyes and looked at the picture, really looked. Alison had her head on Beth's shoulder and the sheet had dipped down to reveal their shoulders. The second picture was more intimate; they were kissing and both were grinning into the kiss. Alison's hand was on Beth's cheek and her other was holding a sheet against the tops of her breasts. She couldn't stop looking; she was mesmerized by an Alison that she had never seen and a woman she had never met. They both looked completely in love.

"Oh god, oh no." she whispered.

She began to weep silently alone in the closet of a woman she was pretending to be, a woman that Alison had been in love with.

"Bloody fecking shite" Sarah groaned.

She took a few deep breaths to try and steady herself before she wiped furiously at the tears still falling. She picked up the journal and looked it over. It was just a simple journal but it seemed to weigh a ton in her hands. She suddenly felt unsure. She wasn't sure she wanted to read what was in there. She sighed and turned it over and over in her hands. Sarah rubbed the remaining tears from her cheeks and opened to the first page.