It was a secret they never acknowledged even with each other. It would change everything, end everything if either of them ever dropped the act. So they became very good at acting, at keeping up the lie that gave them what they wanted.
The first time was after a hunt. Dean said he needed to blow off some steam. Sam said he just needed to sleep. So it was just Cas and Dean out at a bar. Dean even gave him the keys to the Impala, saying, "If I drink too much or you get bored, you can take her back to the motel. Maybe we’ll both get lucky though." Then he elbowed him all good and jolly like this was something they both wanted. After a few minutes scoping out the place, Dean pointed his beer toward a table with a couple of women. "Wanna give that table a shot?" Cas shrugged and got up like he was game even if he wasn't. He had no intentions beyond just following Dean wherever he went.
The brunette smiled at Dean. She had full, lush lips and hazel eyes. "Well hello," she said, and her voice was honey sweet. Cas let himself settle back a little behind Dean. Dean could lead.
"Well hello yourself," Dean said. He bought her and the other women drinks, but it was clear where his attention settled. He even tried to push Cas into conversations, called him his friend, his buddy, but Cas was uninterested in the progress that would come from that.
Dean could really have his pick from the table. Everyone was interested in his banter, his bravado, his ever present charm. Cas felt Dean's words twisting in his stomach, words that weren't meant for him. Something about that night, that moment, unsettled him, made him want more.
He excused himself for a moment, and made his way out to the parking lot. It use to be easy watching Dean go off with them, the random hook ups he found so easily. He wasn't sure when things changed for him, but tonight he just couldn't watch it happen, couldn't watch someone else get everything he could never have.
A sound at his back alerted him to someone else's presence. He turned, and was greeted by the brunette from the bar. "Hey there."
"Hello," he had to focus to remember her name, "Gwen."
"Your friends settling up the tab. You got a way home?"
He processed that. "Yes." And for no reason he informed her, "I'm an angel."
"You do seen sweet." She moved closer, lips close to his ear, and she practically purred, "But you're no angel. I can tell."
He poked at her thoughts and saw attraction. "Come with me a moment." He beckoned and walked toward the Impala. She followed. He pulled out Dean’s keys and unlocked it. He wasn't sure why he was doing this, but he was committed. He opened up the door to the back seat and got in. "Get in."
She got in. "Won't your friend be pissed that you stole his date?" She smiled and inched closer. Her hand slid slowly up his thigh.
"I really am an angel, and I have an odd request."
"Okay, angel, lay it on me." She leaned in first though, and brushed her lips over his.
"Don't be afraid." She stiffened a little. He let his grace shine through his eyes a little.
She looked scared, but he pressed some comfort out to her via his grace and she settled back into calmness. "Wow." It was an understatement. "How?" Then a moment later, "Am I going to hell?"
Cas laughed. "No, but I do have, like I said, an odd request." She nodded. "I'd like your permission to possess your body for one night."
Cas felt uncomfortable with the admission. It seemed that he should be telling Dean first. Still she should know. "I'd like to engage in sexual relations with Dean."
“Oh,” she said, then, “oh,” again. “Would he be into that?”
Cas didn’t answer right away. He thought about the way Dean was, the things he said, the thoughts that sometimes came to him as drunken prayers. Dean wasn’t drunk tonight though. He thought of how warm he was at his side though, even tonight, the way he would casually just touch him for no good reason at all. “Yes, I think he would.”
“Just one night?”
“Yes. If at any point you change your mind, you can kick me out. You’ll be fully aware of everything.” Cas made sure she could see just how sincere he was as he spoke.
“Well, this will be the most unusual threesome I’ve ever had.” She smiled though and added, “Sure.”
“So, yes?” Cas tried not to feel too much hope, but it was there.
“Yes.” And with that one word, he let his grace slide free from his vessel into her body. He settled into her, lifted her hands in front of his face and turned them over and back. He looked at his vessel. The body looked peaceful. Cas reached down into the foot well and pulled up a blanket that was there and covered his vessel so it would look like it was just sleeping and not dead.
He got out of the car and made his way back to the front of the bar. Dean came out as he approached. “You seen my friend out here by any chance?”
Cas smiled. He moved close to Dean then, pressing this body against Dean’s chest. “Hello Dean.” He knew he couldn’t ask outright for Dean’s consent, but he knew he could make it plain in any number of ways just who was riding shotgun in this moment. Dean knew him, and he knew Dean.
Dean stepped back a moment, a bit of shock on his face. He just stared but didn’t say anything for a moment, like he had to figure it all out, put the pieces together. “Uh,” Dean started.
“Some women enjoy trying unusual things, things you wouldn’t expect right away.” Cas moved back into Dean’s space. He tipped his head into the space near Dean’s ear and added, “The apartment is just over there. We don’t even have to drive.”
“Okay,” Dean paused a moment and choked out, “Gwen,” like he needed to use her name to keep up the ruse.
The apartment was clean and sparsely decorated. Cas didn’t touch him, didn’t make any further advances all the way to the place. He unlocked the door and put her key back into her purse. He could hear Dean on his heels. He set the purse down and turned to him, ready to say something, but he wasn’t sure what.
Dean surged toward him and pulled him into the kiss. There was fire in his movements, something a bit desperate. It took Cas by surprise, but he figured out how to respond a moment later. His hands took on a life of their own. He raked at the bottom of his shirt in an effort toward getting it up and off. Dean was already fumbling at the zipper on the back of Gwen’s dress. Cas let it fall down around his ankles and stepped out of it.
Cas reached out and pulled Dean toward the bedroom by his belt loop. Cas let him go in front of the bed and said, “You’re wearing too much clothing, Dean.”
Dean’s breathing seemed to hitch up at the use of his name. Cas knew it sounded like him even coming out of Gwen’s mouth. Dean knew. He absolutely knew. He removed his pants. “Turn around.” Cas complied. Dean undid the bra and let it fall to the floor. He pressed himself against Cas’ back and settled his chin on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around his waist. It was intimate, this moment, the way he was breathing. Dean turned his head just a little and pressed a gentle kiss into Cas’ neck.
“You want me?” Cas could feel the answer pressed to him already.
“Of course.” He kissed the same spot again, then added. “Wanted this since the first moment I saw you.” Cas had a moment where he wasn’t sure if Dean meant him or Gwen. He thought, Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he doesn’t know it’s me. Dean’s hands stroked affection into his waist and up to his chest, her chest.
Cas turned just a little in the embrace. He took Dean’s face in his hands and stared. It was comfortable. It was like the million times they’d done this before, but this time there was purpose, a silent communication that they were having, and they were both on the same page. “I need to know that it’s me that you want.”
“I need to know that everyone is plenty okay with this,” Dean replied.
“Everyone is very much on board.” Cas waited though for Dean to be clear as he could be. Consent mattered to him, even if there was this roundabout way toward intimacy going on between them.
“I could stare into your blue eyes all day, but that wouldn’t be a good use of our time.” And after a pause he added, “Gwen.” Just to make it clear that the ruse was still needed.
His hands roamed, and the moment grew warm and exciting. He moved Cas to the bed. Cas spun around in his arms and then gave him a push back to the mattress. “You know what you want,” Cas asked.
“You.” Dean looked up into Cas’ eyes, Gwen’s eyes, but it was like he was looking past that to something deeper. “Always you.” Cas came down to the bed. Cas had his legs on either side of Dean’s thighs. Somewhere along the way they’d both shed their underwear. Cas dipped down and kissed Dean, letting his tongue slide in, tasting him and ending with a gentle bite to Dean’s bottom lip.
He sat up and felt how much Dean wanted this. Cas moved and felt Dean slide inside of him. Gwen was pleased if the running monologue in his head was any indication. Dean’s hands fell to Cas’ hips as he began moving a little tentatively beneath him. Cas hadn’t said much, but now, that it was all happening he couldn’t stop saying Dean’s name. It was almost like he lost all his other words.
Cas kept meeting Dean’s thrusts, pressing his hands to Dean’s chest. He tipped his head back to just breathe a little. Dean moved faster, and in an instant, rolled them over so that Cas was lying flat on his back in the bed. “Hey you,” Dean whispered and nipped at his lip just slightly, then stared at him as they rolled into each other a bit more.
“Dean.” It was still all he could say, but he said it with so much reverence. The tone was as close to an I love you as he could get without actually saying the words.
Dean dipped in again and kissed him slow, like he needed to memorize every bit of this mouth, the way it accepted him, wanted him. It may not have been Cas’ mouth, but it was Cas’ choices, responses, and actions. He was making this memory. It was his.
Dean’s movements were becoming erratic. Cas squeezed his legs around him, and held him as he moved. It was something perfect, nearly, something like paradise. He could carry this with him. This night, them together, it could get him through the million other nights that he might never get this for himself again. “Dean, Dean, Dean.” It was still everything, the only word. Then Dean came and Cas found another word. “You’re mine, always mine.” Dean slumped down to him, let himself be held. Cas pressed kisses into his collarbone, his neck, his jawline, anywhere his lips could reach. Dean for his part just let his hands stroke slow lines of affection up and down Cas’ arms.
“Always yours.” Then Dean rolled to the side and they both drifted off to sleep near each other.