In Klass County, Washington state, a teenaged couple, Harold and Chrissy, are returning from a date one evening. After their car suddenly stops, they see a UFO and are captured by a pair of grey aliens. However, the grey aliens are themselves soon confronted by a giant third alien from another race, at which point the panicking greys address each other in perfect English, thus showing that something is amiss.
At a later point, Agent Dana Scully is interviewed about the case by famed author Jose Chung who is researching a book he is writing about alien abductions and UFO phenomena. Scully notes that Chrissy was found with all her clothes inside out, appearing to be the victim of date rape. Under questioning, Harold claims that he did not rape her, but that they were both abducted by aliens. The foul-mouthed local detective, Manners (whose profanity is humorously replaced with words such as "bleep" and "blank"), does not believe his story, but Agent Fox Mulder has Chrissy undergo hypnosis, in which she describes being on a spaceship surrounded by aliens. Harold claims to have encountered a cigarette-smoking grey alien on the ship who kept repeating, "This is not happening This is not happening..." Mulder is convinced that Chrissy and Harold were abducted by aliens, but Scully thinks it is more plausible that the two teenagers simply had consensual sex and are struggling to deal with the emotional aftermath.
The agents then speak to an electric power company lineman named Roky Crikenson, who claims he witnessed the abduction of Chrissy and Harold, and then turned his eyewitness account into a screenplay. He recounts a strange visit to his home from a pair of men in black, who told him that the UFO he thought he saw the night before was merely the planet Venus, and threatened to kill him if he told anyone otherwise. Roky's screenplay describes his meeting with the third alien (who calls himself Lord Kinbote), who took him to the center of the Earth and told Roky that he had a great mission for him. In telling Roky's version of events to Jose Chung, Scully explains that Roky has a "fantasy-prone personality." Mulder, however, thinks that Roky's story contains some partial truths and decides to have Chrissy re-hypnotized. This time Chrissy claims that she was captured by the U.S. military, not aliens, and they brainwashed her into believing that she was abducted.
Chung speaks to a science fiction and Dungeons & Dragons fanatic, Blaine, who frequently roams the woods of Klass County at night looking for UFOs. As Blaine tells Chung, one night he found an alien body that was subsequently recovered by Mulder, Scully and Detective Manners. Blaine thinks that Mulder and Scully are a couple of men in black. He claims that Mulder was emotionless, but shrieked when he saw the alien, and that Scully, whom Blaine believed was a man dressed like a woman, threatened him with death and told him not to talk to anyone about the alien body. Mulder allows Blaine to videotape Scully performing an autopsy on the alien, which is quickly released as a video "documentary" that is narrated by the Stupendous Yappi. The autopsy reveals that the alien is actually a dead Air Force pilot in a costume. His superiors arrive to claim the body, but find it missing. Mulder tricks the military officers into revealing the identity of a second missing Air Force pilot, Lieutenant Jack Schaefer.
As Mulder remembers it, that night he found Schaefer, in a dazed state, walking naked down a highway in Klass County. After getting him some clothes, Mulder takes Schaefer to a diner, where the pilot explains that he and his partner were dressed as aliens while flying a secret U.S. military vehicle designed to resemble a UFO. He thinks that he, his partner, and the two teenagers were abducted by real aliens in a real UFO, but Schaefer is also unsure if his surroundings are real or a hallucination, and he tells Mulder that he may not even exist himself, as he cannot be sure. His superiors soon come to take him away; before leaving the diner with the military officer, he tells Mulder that "I'm a dead man." The diner's cook, however, has a different version of the story. He tells Jose Chung that Mulder was in the diner by himself that night with no one else, and that he kept asking the cook strange questions about UFOs and alien abductions while ordering piece after piece of sweet potato pie.
After leaving the diner, Mulder returns to their motel and finds the men in black seen earlier (played by Jesse Ventura and Alex Trebek), in Scully's room. Scully appears to be in a trance, and has no memory of seeing the men in black. The next morning, Mulder, Scully, and Detective Manners hear about the crash of an Air Force plane and head to the crash site, where the dead bodies of the two Air Force pilots they met earlier are recovered. Mulder visits with Chung, pleading with him not to publish the book since it will further discredit UFO researchers and witnesses by making them look ridiculous. Chung dismisses Mulder and publishes the book anyway, which Scully reads in her office. In his book, Chung describes the fates of the various people he interviewed: Roky has moved to California and founded a spiritual cult based on the teachings he believes he received from Lord Kinbote, Blaine has replaced him as a power company lineman and continues to search for UFOs most nights, Mulder (whom Chung describes as "a ticking time bomb of insanity") watches video footage of Bigfoot, and Harold professes his love to Chrissy, who rejects him as too immature, as her UFO experience has given her a new commitment to philanthropy and helping humanity.
Yeah, I know, utterly unnecessary to have this summation in my story, but really, watch the episode if you haven’t; in many ways it is the very best X-Files episode. And maybe, just maybe, there is a reason as well.
Part 5a: Scene eleven Glen Damn
The scanning control room inside of the canyon walls of Glen Damn. There are three technicians looking at various monitors.
“That’s a servo.”
“The odd power harmonics are gone, I think we burned something out.”
“The eyes have what looks like CDD sensors, and some other kind of secondary tube? Looks like a solid crystal, I’m thinking… laser diode?”
“The component density is fantastic, less assembled and more like it was… printed or grown. Maybe assembled and then interfaces grown to stitch it together? Nano tech at least.”
“Spectrographic sampling of the outer shell is showing Bucky balls and vapor deposited diamond combined with Bucky tubes laced with silver, copper, and silicon, wires one could deduce. Might also be sensors?”
“Bet the silicon ones are some weird kind of fiber optic.” States another.
“Not getting quite the penetration I’d expect. Some kind of magnetic dampening is reducing our scanning.”
A request from one technician. “Still seeing some really dark areas, may be shielding related. Recommend we increases the scanning frequency.”
One technician is not so sure. “That will boast the power as well, I’m already seeing a three degree Fahrenheit rise in temperature due to induction heating and that magnetic dampening you mentioned.”
“Approved.” Says the third technician. “We’ve been told to hurry. Crank it by 300 Mhz.”
We hear the noise of the MRI scanner increase.
“Increasing another 500 Mhz.”
“Temperature has risen by four more degrees… that’s… interesting…”
“Yeah, the higher frequencies are showing even more structures that were too small to discern at lower resolution. Hmm… that looks… like a 3D fractal antenna patterns engraved upon the inner surface of the head.”
“Damn, that’s… a dozen patents right there if we could figure out how to do it. Best we can currently do is 2D.”
And so goes the technical chatter. But what about that virtual terminal with text scrolling?
Battery capacity: 5.00% (which is blinking)
Battery capacity: 5.02% (which is blinking)
Battery capacity: 5.05% (which is blinking)
Cut to the smoking man speaking on a phone. “Yes, shortcuts are needed. Time is of the essence as this unknown party appears most capable and persistent. I know we only have two components left, a head, and a foot. I’ve told the team at Glen to not delay.”
A pause as he listen, then a smoky reply. “The foot? It’s a foot, how much can we really learn from a foot?” A laugh and then “I’ve found that baited traps work best.”
Part 5b: Scene twelve Interrogations
Scott had joined Emma on the interrogation (Illyana had teleported the both of them to the warehouse that Erik had rented). The sight of the prisoners had rather surprised him, as well as the music that Illyana had left playing (It was Funkytown by Lipps Inc.)
Keep me groovin' with some energy
Well, I talk about it, talk about it
Talk about it, talk about it
Talk about, talk about
Talk about movin'
Gotta move on
Gotta move on
Gotta move on
Won't you take me to
Won't you take me to
Won't you take me to
Scott whispered to Emma. “Okay… I see what you’re getting at.” Meaning how Illyana made most interrogations no fun.
Emma whispered back. “I mean… there’s good cop, bad cop, and then there’s…”
Finished Scott. “Really bad cop?”
There were four prisoners, all naked. Three were surrounded by a dozen zombie demonish looking Doberman like dogs (like the zombie dogs from the first Resident Evil film); the dogs looked like they’d been skinned alive. One of the three prisoners was cradling a wrist that was lacking a hand. Some of the dogs, for want of better description, were licking the toes and feet of the three prisoners, the rest were just standing there giving them a toothy stare.
The fourth prisoner was hanging down, suspended from a roof beam by a rope that was tied to his feet. He likewise had doggie minder who was playfully licking his face. Well… Illyana would have described it as playful, the recipients would have described it as getting an early taste.
“They’re being no fun at all.” Illyana had huffed upon returning with Scott and Emma while giving the prisoners an annoyed look.
“Resisting?” Inquired Scott as he pointed at the man with the missing hand
That would be a no from Illyana. “Pffff. I wish. That idiot found out pulling a gun on me was a bad idea. No… just too damn eager talk. Now I have to get some critter chow, I would have thought at least one would have been an ‘I’ll die before I talk’ kind of dude. But nooooo… just inconvenient.” Then a hopeful, nay, eager tone in her voice. “But maybe one of them will be uncooperative, that would make it easy as my critters like fresh meat, preferable living; it’s a hot blood thing.”
Emma whispered to Scott. “Demon cop.”
Which prompted grin from Scott and a whisper. “Bet it gets results.”
Emma looked at Illyana, who nodded. The music cut out as Emma sauntered over to the upside down prisoner. His doggy minder slinked off to sit at Illyana feet where she asked in a high pitched voice “Who’s a vicious killing machine? Who’s a vicious killing machine? Why… yes you are!” While giving him a good scratching behind the ears of the bloody skinless demon dog as the dog gave her face a few licks while wagging his tail, which upset the prisoners ever more.
The other demon dogs stopped licking and started growling at the other three prisoners as Emma’s stiletto heels clacked nosily on the concrete floor before stopping at the suspended prisoner, then she bent over to speak with him; giving him a face full of cleavage (Emma was wearing her new black uniform and yes the goodies were on prominent display).
“So boys… I believe you have something to tell me? Or… are we going back to funky town?”
They talked; it wasn’t much, but it was more then they had gotten to date.
Illyana sighed dramatically as she teleported the demon dogs away, then herself to go monitor the other car that Scott has requested while grumbling “I never get to have any fun…” Leaving Scott and Emma to finish the interrogation.
That is a good act, thought Scott as he assessed Illyana’s interrogation technique, assuming that it was an act. He… wasn’t so sure.
Part 5c: Scene thirteen Washington D.C. convention center
Scully and Mulder were walking in the entry plaza to the convention center. A big banner behind them welcomes you to the annual Washington D.C Comic Con. Scully looks rather annoyed.
“Mulder, what are we doing here?”
“Tracking down a possible lead Scully. Call it research.” Was Mulder’s answer, his eyes wander from Scully to follow a busty and scantily clad cosplay female who was walking past.
Scully’s tone went rather cold. “Really…”
Mulder jerked his eyes back from the receding ass he had been observing.
“Yes. Scully, did you not point out how the Russian blonde was dressed? And in my defense, many studies have shown that the both the male and female eye are attracted to displays of female anatomy. Most cultures, whatever the defining sexual attraction characteristics may be, tend to have many single females emphasize those attributes. The golden neck rings Ndebele woman of Africa come to mind as a long neck is conserved the height of female attraction in their society.”
“Was that her neck you were examining Mulder?”
“Admitingly no, as a long neck is not what is normally emphasized in western cultures.”
“Certainly not here.” Was Scully’s dry reply.
“Which is why this locality is perfect for our suspect.” Was Mulder’s conclusion.
Scully turned her eyes away from a very impressive male Conan the Barbarian Cosplay that had just wandered by. “Because…?”
“If she dresses so… provocatively, as you stated, where better to look for her?”
As if on queue, another provocatively dress female Cosplay character wanders by. Scully is not convinced.
“I’m sure any local pole dancing establishment would suffice.”
Which prompts Mulder to flash a grin. “I’m game if you are Scully, but getting Director Skinner to sign the expense report might be problematic.”
They reached the ticket counter. “Just give it a chance Scully.” Then Mulder spoke to the female clerk as he showed his FBI identification and badge. “I’m special agent Mulder with the FBI. My partner and I need access to speak to various people in the convention.”
The clerk gave a slow blink. “Right… You look the part of the Marshal Block.” The Clerk points at Scully. “But she’s so not dressed like Marshal Cassandra.” Then some advice to Agent Scully. “Honey you need a push up and more buttons unbuttoned. Plus it’s Federal Marshals, not the FBI. Sorry, your costumes don’t rate free Cosplay passes.”
Marshal Cassandra and Marshal Block you might ask? They are characters in a TV series called Federal cold cases, a TV investigation series conceived of by Roky Crikenson. The main characters were somewhat modeled off of Scully and Mulder. Cassandra was the hot headed one who had odd theories, Block was the straight arrow. And yes, Scully and Mulder hated the show.
Now it’s Mulder’s turn to do a slow blink. “I’m sorry Miss. We’re not Cosplay actors.”
The clerk looks at Mulder’s identification again, then said “I’ll…get my supervisor” as she retreats to kick the decision to her boss.
Who likewise doubts their authenticity. But finally they were (mostly) believed and passes were secured for access. Scully commented as she pinned her badge on.
“This is crazy Mulder.”
Mulder have his trademark gin. “Crazy perhaps. Or… am I crafty as a…”
Scully interrupted him. “Don’t say it Mulder.”
A slight frown from Mulder as he again attempted to speak only again to be stopped by Scully. “I mean it Mulder, don’t make me use force.”
With that she walked off to the entrance. Mulder looked slightly dejected, then he whispered.
“… like a fox.” Only to start as Scully yelled. “I heard that.”
She hadn’t, but she had correctly predicted his behavior.
Part 5c: Scene fourteen Convention Hall
Our FBI dual make their way through the swirling mass of humanity that is a comic convention. Consplay was everywhere. Booths selling all manner of goods; comics, books, collectable, art, costume supplies, the list goes on and on.
Scully continued to give voice to her doubts. “Just how does this make any sense Mulder?”
“I figure we can attempt to determine if anybody has seen her.”
“How? Mulder, a verbal description of the suspect would apply to half of the women here.”
Mulder pulls a photo from his jacket. “This should help.”
A questioning look from Scully prompts Mulder to explain. “Skinner got me print from the video. Don’t tell Gyrich.”
“And you were going to tell me when?”
“Well, now apparently. I didn’t have a chance before. Ahhh, here we go.”
Scully glances forward and her face assumed a slightly resigned look. “Of course, how silly of me to not deduce who we could possible meet here.”
Before them is a booth labeled ‘The Lone Gunmen, subscriptions and back issues available, plus collectables.’ Three people are in the booth, one a dapper looking man with a neat beard dressed as Captain Kirk from Star Trek (the red uniform version). Second is older gentleman dressed in black leathers and dark sunglasses, think grandpa Terminator. Third is a green clad elfish dressed individual, and yes he has pointy ears, just in case you don’t know who he is, the Legolas name tag should be a sufficient clue. There are boxes and boxes of back issues of the Lone Gunman, scads of Star Wars, Star Trek, comic figurine collectables, along with various boxes of comics.
The oldest of the trio, Melvin Frohike, greets them. He addresses Mulder first. “Rocket man.” Them more politely. “Agent Scully.”
Scully gives Mulder a sideways glance. “Rocket man?”
“Just a nick name.” Is his hurried reply.
A statement that Melvin promptly banishes. “No costume today so I take it the both of you are on official business.”
Scully of course asks “Costume?” But she addresses Melvin instead of Mulder as her investigative instincts deduced that Melvin was more likely to provide answers. Mulder can be seen trying to give Melvin a hush it look, a look that Melvin ignored.
“The Rocketeer. Mulder has a fantastic getup, looks just like the film. Brown leather jacket, golden helmet, and the rocket pack of course. Won second place last year.”
Mulder looks slightly embarrassed as Scully gives him a look as she states “Really, I’d have liked to have seen that.”
The elf guy, by the name of Richard "Ringo" Langly, speaks up. “I got a picture of it on my phone.” He promptly pulls his phone out and starts searching for the photo.
Mulder tries to intervene. “Guys, this is not the time or the place to…”
“Got it.” Announces Legolas, who hands his phone to Scully, who looks at it, then gives a slight smirk. “At least it’s not Sailor Moon.”
Questioning glances from the Lone Gunmen as to the Sailor Moon comment prompts Mulder to pull out the photo of Illyana and hands it to Melvin. “Have you by chance seen someone dressed like this?”
BEGIN INFO MOMENT
So, just who are the Long Gunmen (most of the following content is from Wikipedia):
The Lone Gunmen (Their name was derived from the Warren Commission's conclusion that Lee Harvey Oswald was solely responsible for the assassination of John F. Kennedy). Described as counterculture patriots, they are ardent conspiracy theorists, government watchdogs and computer hackers who frequently assist central X-Files characters Mulder and Scully, though they sometimes have their own adventures. The Lone Gunmen are the authors of a news publication called The Lone Gunman (once referred to as The Magic Bullet Newsletter; a pejorative reference to the single bullet theory and, like the group's name, a reference to the Kennedy assassination), to which Mulder loyally subscribed. None of them have day jobs; they rely on financial backers who believe in their cause, and the revenue generated by the subscriptions to their paper (and selling collectables at conventions). They share a loft apartment where they also work, and use a 1974–79 VW van to get around, which makes for some very slow case scenes..
Richard "Ringo" Langly - Is the most confrontational and youngest of the three. He was a big fan of The Ramones (American punk rock band that formed in the New York City), he enjoys critiquing the scientific inaccuracies of the short-lived sci-fi series Earth 2, and he has a long-running competition with Frohike over who’s the better computer hacker. For some strange reason he has a philosophical aversion to having his image bounced off a satellite. Langly is a Dungeons & Dragons player (known as Lord Manhammer) and enjoyed videogames like Quake.
Melvin Frohike - Is a former 1960s radical and the oldest of the three. Though a skilled computer hacker, Frohike is primarily the photography specialist for the newsletter. Frohike had a lascivious attitude toward women, however, he has a more purely romantic attitude towards Dana Scully; when she was gravely ill in the episode "One Breath", Frohike appeared at the hospital in a tailored suit carrying a bouquet. His unique sense of fashion made him stand out: leather jackets, black vests, combat boots, fingerless gloves, etc. Frohike considered himself the "action man" of the trio and would often be seen doing very intense stunts (many rigged to look more impressive than they really were). Despite his childish scraps with Langly and others, Frohike's age and experience gave him a kind of quiet wisdom that occasionally surfaced when he consoled his friends about the sorry nature of their lives. He is a former tango champion who danced under the stage name El Lobo.
John Fitzgerald Byers - Was once a public relations worker for the U.S. Federal Communications Commission (FCC). He is a conservative dresser with a neatly trimmed beard, a stark contrast to his grungier comrades. He has some working knowledge of medicine, genetics and chemistry and is known for the famous line, "That's why we like you, Mulder. Your ideas are weirder than ours". He was born on November 22, 1963, the same day that President Kennedy was assassinated, so his parents named him after the fallen president, his name would have been Bertram otherwise. Byers is the most normal of the three, and while Frohike and Langly are seemingly born angry misfits, Byers dreams of a quiet, uneventful, suburban life.
END INFO MOMENT
Melvin briefly examines the photo and then replies as he hands the photo to Caption Kirk. “Sure, she and her Mom were here a few days ago. Bought a whole set of back issues.”
“Mom?” Replies Scully.
“Total MILF.” Answers Langly. “They won the costume contest that day. El Lobo here is one of the judges, lucky stiff.”
“Benefits of age Lord Manhammer.” Is Melvin’s smug reply. “I did start the contests after all.”
“I got a photo of them.” States Legolas as he starts again searching on his phone.
“You wouldn’t by chance have her name?” Asks Scully, somewhat amazed at this turn of events.
“Which her? The older one is Emma and the younger one is Illyana.” Replies John.
It can’t be this easy, thought Scully. “I don’t suppose you have any contact info?”
That was a no as Melvin answered. “Sorry, they left at the end of the day. Never did get any info.”
“Got it!” Announced Legolas who passed the phone to Mulder who’s eyebrows rise upon looking at the photo, before passing the phone to Scully. The four guys exchange a node of approval at the photo.
And the photo in question? We see two women posing together, both blonde, both dressed in black. Both, to quote Scully…. “Likewise on display I see” as she frowns in disapproval at what they were wearing.
A comment that does not quite sit well with the Lone Gunman and Mulder if their expressions are any indication, although being wise in the ways of women they refrained from disagreeing, but their expressions annoyed Scully. “Sorry if I find the crude objectification of woman offense…”
But her possible diatribe was halted by a hesitant “Dana?” question from behind her.
Scully turns around to behold a brunet woman dressed in a chainmail bikini, high heels, and holding a spear. Scully replies “Janet?”
Janet, we assume, answers. “Dana it is you! It’s been years! What have you been doing since college? Your partner is rocking the Marshal Block look but your Cassandra costume needs work. Why the change? Did you get tired of the Red Sonja look? Loved that chain mesh push up bra you made.”
“Really…” States Mulder in a dry tone as Scully blushes a bright red.