Work Header

How to safe a life

Chapter Text

Alec was tired.

This was his third shift in a row and he started asking himself if his boss even considers that he needs sleep once in a time. Well, probably not. However, he needed the job and it was well paid so he didn't complain. Though working till five in the morning was doing bad things to his body. Especially when he had classes at nine. His life was all about working, rushing home, sleep as long as possible -which was mostly just one or two hours- going to university, rushing back to his little apartment and sleeping again for a few hours till he needed to head back to work. He was currently behind the bar again polishing the wine glasses and trying to ignore Jace' annoying stories of his last night adventure. “…I'm tellin' you man, that one was bat crazy. She literally asked me to choke her, like what the hell? I mean I did it 'caus she was hot as fuck but it was awkward dude.“

Alec sighed. He really didn't want to hear any of this. Jace' stories were always the same in some ways. “Way can't straight people control themselves. There's definitely a reason I'm gay.“

Jace snorted. “Look who gets all cocky now. Out of the closet for what, a month?“ Alec glared at his best friend and brother

"You make this joke for years now, Jace. It's not funny anymore." Though Jace had a point. It took Alec longer than he'd like to admit to accept himself and even longer to get the courage to tell his family. Although it seems Izzy and Jace already knew or at least they suspected it. It wasn't easy though. His parents didn't took the news as great as his siblings. Actually it was pretty awful. He has never seen his father this furious before and his mother just cried and denied him and his sexuality. Now he refused to drown in self pity, at least he was finally free to life out who he was. He never had a good relationship with his parents anyway, they were often on Business trips and never really cared for anything except their status. So when his father threw him out of the house he wasn't surprised. What surprised him was that his siblings came along with him. They stood by his side and supported him. Well, they all did for one another.

Jace leaned on the bar and played with a towel in his hands. They worked together in the bar since they life on their own now. A few girls -even some guys- glanced over to him and made it very clear how interested they are. Jace always catched all the attention, Alec was used to it. He didn't like being in the spotlight anyway. Jace knew about his attractiveness and took his advantage from it, that's why Alec always has do deal with his weird bedstorys.

“Could you for once please just do your job?“ Alec sighed. Jace looked over to the girls at the other end of the bar and grinned. He gave Alec his towel and went to the girls who squealed and giggled as Jace talked to them and leaned over the counter. Alec rolled his eyes and continued polishing.

“He sure is a womanizer, huh?“ Alec heard a voice in front of him. He looked up and looked in two dark brown eyes. "Uh yeah, you have no idea" he answered. The guy smiled and his eyes scanned Alec from head to toe. Alec cleared his throat.

"What can I do for you?" He then asked. The guy grinned.

"Oh I have a few things in mind."

Alec frowned and quickly added. "Drink, uhm what do you want to drink?" The guy looked pretty amused, it made Alec just more uncomfortable. He never knew how to behave in such situations.

"Can you recommend something?" Alec shrugged and tried to act cool. He wasn't exactly sure if that guy was really hitting on him but either way he didn't want to look like a frightened deer.

"Well, I usually just drink beer but I make pretty good cocktails or at least that's what I've been told."

"I guess I have to confirm that then. Please make one of these pretty good cocktails." Alec smiled, nodded and got to work.

"I'm Raji by the way" the guy introduced himself.

"Alec" Alec passed him the cocktail. Raji took a sib and grinned again. "Okay I definitely approve with your cocktail skills. That one is really pretty good." Alec implied a bow. "Thank you."

"So, Alec, what do you do when you aren't busy making pretty good cocktails?" Alec laughed.

"I go to college actually" he explained. Raji looked impressed.

"Isn't that pretty... stressful?" Alec shrugged once again.

"Well, you can't expect much sleep but you kind of get used to it." Raji snorted. "That doesn't sound like a very funny life."

"It's okay, I guess."

"How long do you need to work today?" Alec checked the time. "I'm done in about an hour."

Raji looked satisfied with his answer. "Great, would you like to, you know, let off some steam afterwards?"

Alec frowned. He planned on get some sleep since he has no classes tomorrow, which really doesn't happen often. But on the other hand it doesn't happen often that he gets invited by a pretty handsome guy.

"What do you plan on doing?" he asked. Raji smiled seductively. "You know just.. enjoying each other's company... having some fun."

Okay, so now Alec was pretty sure he finally got the memo. He panicked a tiny bit. He wasn't a saint but he never did something like one night stands. After all he knew nothing about this guy. But it also was a while ago since he did more than kissing. "I would like that... I guess" he answered slowly. Raji grinned. When he excused himself to go to the toilet Alec pulled Jace away from the girls.

"Dude, that's uncool bro!" Jace complained as Alec dragged him into the staff room.

"I think I just confirmed a fuck-date." Alec quickly said. Jace stared at him with wide eyes and gives a very girly squeal from him. "Seriously? With whom?"

"I don't know some guy from the bar. He said he wanted to let off some steam." Jace laughed out loud.

"Man that's great. It's been way too long since you got laid." Alec was pretty sure I just transformed to a tomato.

"How do you even know about this?" He asked embarrassed.

Jace shrugged. "You had that 'I-just-got-laid-face' all over you. It was pretty obvious. You know you're not as subtle as you may think." Alec was shocked. He thought he always hided his feelings but he could think about that later, now he had another problem.

"So what am I gonna do?" he asked. Jace looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I do never one night stands. Am I supposed to... you know prepare something or stuff?"

"Alec that is exactly the point of one night stands. That you don't have to prepare stuff. You just meet and like jump right into it. Hello, thanks and good-bye." Alec nodded understanding.

"Should I invite him over?" Jace shrugged.

"I don't know how you prefer it. I like it better to go to the other parties. Than you can leave afterwards and don't have the risk of awkward stalkers." Alec nodded again.

"Relax, bro. If you are uncomfortable with that you should probably cancel the whole story." Alec released the breath he didn't realise he had been holding and shocked his head. "I'm just a bit nervous."

"Then just go for it. Text me if everything is alright." Jace winked at him and then left to head back behind the bar. Alec rolled his eyes and followed him. Raji was long back and watched him as he came back.

"Here I was and thought you ditched me." Alec laughed nervously.

"Ah no, well I just had to you know... do some stuff." Raji frowned but didn't ask further.

So after his shift has ended he met up with Raji who was waiting outside the bar.

"Would you like to come to my place? I have a rather nice DVD collection."

Alec was perfectly aware of that certain DVD collection but he agreed because that was the thing they intended to do anyway. It didn't change the fact that he was nervous, though. Actually he was kinda freaking out but he played it cool as good as he could. Though with every step they took Alec felt more and more uncomfortable, maybe this all wasn't a good idea after all.

Chapter Text

Surprisingly Raji actually had a rather nice DVD collection and Alec found himself wishing he could just comb through the titles and watch one or two but Raji had very different intentions. Alec hasn't even taken of his shoes completely there he already gets attacked by Raji. He stumbles backwards by the force of Rajis weight and wonders how he ever thought this could prossibly be a good idea. Rajis lips on his own felt simply wrong and his hands made him feel even more uncomfortable. He heavily thinks about how to escape from here in the smoothest way possible.

Fortunately, he didn't has to think for long because his phone starts ringing loudly in his pocket. Raji jumps a little by the sudden noise and Alec uses this as an opportunity to get himself some space.

"Sorry" he mumbles. "I think I should better answer this."

He quickly pulls out his phone and looks at the display. He never was this happy to see his brother's name before. "Jace, what's up?"

"Bro, you alright?"

Alec was a little confused. Jace new exactly where he was or rather what he was supposed to do.

"What? Why?" he asked.

"Well, I don't know. Call me stupid, I just had this feeling you could use some help so I decided to call. I figured if you were too busy you wouldn't answer so... you fine?"

Alec glanced over to Raji. He clearly couldn't answer Jace question honestly right now.


Lucky him, his brother knows him better than anyone else , well, maybe except from Izzy but that's another story.

"He's with you right now, right?"

"Eh, yeah."

"And you want to escape?"

"Kind of."

"Okay, so just tell him something happened to Izzy, like you need to come to the hospital immediately. Scream a little, make a scene, but don't overdo it. Send me the address when you're out. I'll pick you up." Jace ended the call but Alec held it on his ear for longer.

"What?" he exclaimed and felt like the greatest idiot of all times. "Is she alright?"

Raji frowned and Alec continued. "No, no, I know. I'll be there in a minute."

Alec looked away just as Raji rolled his eyes. Alec knew how terrible of a liar he was. Well, it didn't really matter. He put the phone back in his pocket.

"I'm so sorry. My baby sister had an accident. I really need to get to the hospital."

Raji pulled up one brow. "Ah well, guess you can't help it. Maybe another time."

Alec quickly slips on his shoes. "Sure" he answers and rushes out before Raji can say another word. He texts Jace and goes a little down the street, out of Rajis reach.

Fifteen minutes later Jace stopped beside him. He takes place in the passenger's seat as Jace opens him the door and sighs deeply.

"So I need to tell you something" Jace begins and gives him an apologetic glance.

"Please, don't freak out. It's not as bad as it sounds but... it was kind of the truth that Izzy's in the hospital." Alec jumps up and stares at his friend. Jace keeps the eyes glued to the road. "She got kind of drugged."

"WHAT?!" Alec screamed. Jace looked like he wants to hide in his seat.

"Alec, calm down. She's alright I already checked on her. She threw up a couple of times and will have the worst hangover in her entire life, but she's fine."

"I guess we have a different definition of 'fine' then" Alec grumbled. "How did that even happen? I thought she was just at some dudes house party."

"I don't know man. Some sick bastard probably sneaked some roofies in her drink."

"ROOFIES?!" Alec was furious. How could Jace deal with this so easily?

"THAT'S A FUCKING RAPE DRUG? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Jace sighed as he pulled in a parking lot in front of the hospital.

"Calm down, nothing happened. It seems there was this nerdy guy who took care of her."

"How can you be sure? Even nerds can commit rape!" Now Jace rolled his eyes.

"Dude, reduce that overprotective temper of yours. The doc made enough tests to be sure not even her little toe is scratched." Then a grin spread all over his face. "He's pretty charming by the way."

Alec snorted as they made their way to the entrance. "Why did the hospital even contact you first? I'm her older brother after all."

"I'm her brother too you know!" Jace complained and although he tried to play it cool Alec noticed the slight pain in his voice. Jace never talks about it but he always had issues being adopted. He felt like he was no real part of the family.

"Yes, I know you live with us, thank you Sherlock. What I meant was that I'm the older one."

Jace crossed his arms before his chest. "I'm older than her as well."

"Yes, like two month, congratulation."

"Okay, okay. So actually the hospital didn't contact me either. That nerdy guy called me."

"Why you?"

"Hey, come on are you really pissed now 'cause Izzy thought of me first?" Alec rolled his eyes. Jace could be worse than every child sometimes.

"Are you done?" he asked and gave Jace an annoyed glance. Jace sighed.

"Fine. I may or may not have texted Izzy about your late night plans and she may or may not appreciated your... you know human desires." Jace winked at him before he pushed the door to Izzys room open and walked in. Alec cleared his throat and fought against the slight blush on his cheeks before he followed him in.
Izzy laid on an hospital bed, her makeup smudged and her hair tied up in a messy bun. She laid on her side an talked grinning to a tall figure whose back was turned towards Alec. Her eyes lit up as she saw him.

"My dearest brother!" she exclaimed and seemed to regret it immediately as she distorted her face in pain. "Tell. Me. Everything."

Alec exchanged a quick glance with Jace.

"I'm surprised Jace didn't tell you considering you two seem to have that very special connection now."

Jace petted Alec on the shoulder. "You sound like a jealous little girl, man." Izzy and the man giggled and now was the first time Alec really noticed him.

And man what a man he is. His hair silky black, his eyes dark, his skin tanned and soft. He looked exotic and exciting. Alec really hoped no one could see the blush on his face. But Izzy giggled again, knowingly and the man grinned sheepishly.

Under his white doctor robe he wore a simple black button up shirt and tight -like, very tight- blood red pants. It was a simple outfit but he looked stunning. He was probably the most gorgeous man Alec has ever seen.

"So, when Alec is done staring can I go home than?" Izzy asked amused. The man stood up and smiled at her.

"Honestly I'd rather have you here for the night. Just to be sure all the substances are out of your body. Also it's safer if you throw up while sleeping."

Izzy pouted but didn't have the chance to say anything about it because Dr. Beauty turned around and faced Alec. "You are the older brother than, I suppose?" Alec shook his hand.

"Uh yes, I'm Alec."

"My pleasure. I'm Dr. Bane the treating doctor in your sisters case. Is there anyone else I can contact? Your parents?" Alec flinched automatically. Robert would probably rush over and as soon as he arrives he would scream at Alec for his inability to protect Izzy.

"No" Izzy said sternly before Alec could answer. "Don't inform our parents. There is nothing they could do anyway."

"Izzy..." Alec began as another attempt to convince her. He has tried so often already, telling her and Jace that they shouldn't abandon their parents just because of him. They still had the chance of a normal family, more or less.

"No Alec! Don't even try. As long as they don't take one, or preferably thousand steps towards you I don't want them in my life and mess it up even more." Izzy interrupted him.

Jace nodded. "Yeah, it's not like they were warm and fuzzy parents, like ever."

His siblings assured him so often about that but he still couldn't bury his guilt feelings. It was his fault that the family broke apart after all.

"Well, this is very uncomfortable and I really don't want to interrupt your heart warming family, or rather sibling bonding but I need someone to do the paper work." Dr Beauty interrupted.

"Ah yes of course. I'll take care of it." Alec said. Dr. Beauty grinned as if his plan has worked out.

"Great, than follow me please." He swirled around and marched out of the room. Alec shared one last glance with his siblings, both of them grinned widely so he quickly followed Dr. Beauty.

He lead Alec in an actually pretty big office. Huge window fronts allowed an amazing view over the Manhattan skyline. It was already dawning so the first sunbeams made their way through all the buildings.

"Wow" Alec whispered under his breath. The exhaustion just hit him in the face.

Dr. Beauty turned around and faced him. Alec could suddenly see the worry in his eyes.

"You need a break" he stated matter-of-factly. Alec blinked confused.

"What?" The taller man took a few steps towards him.

"Oh please, I'm a doctor there's no way I won't see exhaustion when it stands right in front of me."

Alec tries very hard not to stare at Dr. Beautys perfect lips.

"Especially not when it hides in such an eye-catcher."

Alec literally chokes on his own saliva. He coughs heavily and takes a few steps back. Dr. Beauty seems to be content with that reaction as he walks back behind his desk and gathers a few papers together. As he hands them to Alec, Alec asks "Do you take care of this personally with every patient?"

A half grin spread on the left side of Magnus mouth. "Only the attractive ones."

Alec quickly grabbed the papers and walked out of the room. He couldn't deal with that gorgeous mans flirting right now. Izzy needed him and he had classes in a few hours. He went back to her room.

"Come on. Why are you back so quickly?" Izzy whines. "I thought you guys would make out or something."

Alec rolled his eyes. "Iz you are literally in the hospital for being drugged. How could you think I would... do something like that now?"

He takes place at the edge of Izzys bed and pulls an arm around her. "Worry about yourself for once, okay?"

"Alec I'm totally fine. Magnus took great care of me."

"Is Magnus that nerdy guy Jace talked about?" Alec asked. Izzy burst out into laughter.

"No, that's Simon. I should probably buy him new shoes now by the way. However Magnus is Dr. Banes first name. You should remember that."

Alec settled in the chair next to her bed. "Izzy do you have any idea who could have drugged you?" he asked ignoring her innuendos.

Izzy shrugged. "Quite a few people I guess. I tend to piss people off."

"Of course you do you are Jace little sister."

"Hey!" Jace complained and Alec chuckled.

"Izzy, please think about it. If it was an act of revenge or out of hate than it might happen again."

"Jace please tell him to tame his inner mom." Izzy whined.

Jace sat on an armchair across from Alec his arms crossed in front of his chest. "I actually agree with Alec. You could have been raped or murdered." Alec flinched at his words.

"Guys, seriously. Girls get drugged like all the time. You could say it was just a matter of time till it would happen to me."

"I really don't like the way you talk about that. Izzy this is a serious matter."

Izzy stretched her lower lip out pouting. "Fine, I'm sorry" she mumbled.

Alec sighed. "There is nothing you have to apologize for. I just want you to be more careful."

She nodded silently. Just at that moment Magnus rushed back in. "How is my favourite patient doing?" he asked smiling.

Izzy immediately brightened up and beamed at him. "I'm great. How about you Alec?"

Alec looked at her in confusion. "Uh... I'm fine? I guess?"

Suddenly a shrill sound cut through the room. It made even Jace jump.

"Sorry" Alec mumbled as he pulled out his phone and turned out the alarm. The signal that his class would start in less than an hour. "I need to go."

"Buddy you need a break" Jace claimed.

"I'm fine" Alec answers back as he stood up.

"As a doctor I really can't recommend you going on like this." Magnus interfered.

Alec gave Izzy a kiss on the forehead and then looked at Jace. "You take her home once she's dismissed."

It was not a question and Jace knew it so he simply nodded. Alec turned to Magnus.

"Thank you very much for taking care of her."

Magnus waved it off. "Alexander, that's my job."

Alec wondered from where -or better form whom- Magnus knew his full name. But he didn't bother asking. He just left the hospital and headed towards the university. He didn't have the power to over-think the night right now. It was one hell of a night.

Chapter Text

Alec entered the lecture hall just in time.

"Alec, over here!" He heard a familiar voice and followed it until he found his friend.

"Boy you look like walking dead" the blonde girl said.

"Thanks" he answered sarcastically.

"Do you have work this evening too?" She asked as the professor walked in.

"Yeah but it's the last shift this week."

"Oh great. At least it's not your fourth shift in a row, oh no wait it actually is."

"I get it Lydia you're angry" Alec mumbled while concentrating on not passing out.

"You idiot I'm not angry I'm simply worried."

Alec rested his head on his hands. "Other people work too, Lydia."

"Yes, but they don't work the whole night and study the whole day. How much have you slept in the last days? Give me the total." She insisted.

Alec sighed. "I don't know. Something about ten hours I guess."

"TEN HOURS? IN FOUR DAYS? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" The other students around them were starting to look at the two friends.

"Keep your voice down, will you?" Alec murmured, ducking is head.

"Alec are you trying to kill yourself? Because that's exactly how you'll achieve it." Lydia stated, ignoring his complaints.

Alec rolled his eyes on her. "Calm down. I'm used to it. Besides I can sleep at the weekend."

Lydia, Alecs best friend at the university, continued complaining about how stupid Alec is but he didn't really listen anymore.

He barely made it through classes. He was really looking forward to his bed but his professor decided to give them homework. A fucking five pages essay. Seriously it's like the whole world would team up against him.

So, when school finally ended he headed home to his and his siblings apartment, though Izzy was probably at school herself -she goes to a pretty famous dance school- and Jace went to law school. He always claimed that he would be an awesome lawyer because he could win easily with his charms. Alec thought he might even be right with this, however it's still a ridiculous reason for a work choice. Alec estimates it's a lie anyway. His suspicion is that it has something to do with their parents, who both work in court. But as long as he's happy with what he's doing, Alec wouldn't complain. And unlike Alec, Jace was only allowed to work two times a week. Alec took great care of that, but it also meant for him to work even more, so they were able to pay all the bills. At least Robert and Maryse were tolerant enough to pay the school bills.

On the way back he stopped at Starbucks and got himself two double espressos. Unfortunately, they didn't help much either. The essay wasn't exactly hard but in his condition it took him probably longer than it should. So after he was finished he quickly took a cold shower to wake him up as good as possible and then headed back to the bar.

Jace was already there and looked at him with worried eyes. "Buddy you look like shit."

Alec ignored him. He had no energy left to argue with his brother. He felt more and more sick with every minute he passed in the overheated, loud and stuffy bar. The smell of alcohol and cigarettes made him want to throw up. His hands started to shake slightly and cold sweat covered his body.

But he sat through it. He had to. He needed the money. Maybe it wasn't his best idea after all to go back to university. He should have stuck with his boring office job. Now he worked his ass off in this stupid bar trying not to break anything.


Alec had no idea how but he made it through his shift. He left before Jace and as he walked out in the freezing night-air his mind started dizzying.

That was when he heard the familiar voice calling his name. He literally froze like a deer in the spotlight as Peter walked over to him. "Alec I'm so glad seeing you again."

Alec gulped. Why? Why now?

"You know I tried to contact you for some time now but it seems you have a new phone number. I heard from someone that you work here now."

Alec wanted to escape but Peter stood like a rock in front of him. In his back he could feel the cold and wet wall. It kind of grounded him so he was able to speak back.

"What do you want?"

A short flash of anger showed in Peters eyes before he smiled. "I heard you are finally out and thought maybe we could meet for a coffee sometimes. You know talk about the good old days. Find a way back to each other."

Alec would have laughed if he had any energy left. 'Good old days' he got to be kidding him.

"You only want to control me again" he breathed. It was suddenly very hard to get some air.

"Alec how can you say that? I only ever tried to help you. I loved you." Peters voice sounded in Alecs ears like poisoned honey.

"Aha, is that why you fucked that neighbour of yours?" He tried to sound unconcerned but he himself felt pathetic. Peter sighed.

"Alec that was an accident. I told you."

"Yeah so you slipped and gladly he was there to catch you. With his butt. Sure why didn't I see that?"

"You want it this way huh? Want to know why I fucked him? Okay, I'll tell you. You were always so scared and shy. Like a the little virgin you were. You never made a move. You only slept with me once a week. How can you expect from me to be satisfied with that?"

Alec felt Peters words like a hit in the face. He was at a point where he couldn't breathe anymore. Like he was trying but it felt like there was no air coming into his lungs. His eyes lost its focus.

"You are so pathetic." Peter continued.

"Trying to make everything alright like a desperate child. Trying to be the good boy. But you know no one wants to date a child so you'll probably stay alone all your life. I thought now that you are out of the closet you have changed but I guess I was wrong. You are still weak, still not good enough."

Peter turned around and left Alec alone as he collapsed on the ground. His vision blurred and he desperately tried to breathe. Peters last words echoed in his ears as his mind went black and he passed out.

Weak. Not good enough.

Chapter Text

He heard lowered voices. It felt like they were far, far away. His body was so heavy like it was made out of stone. He carefully opened his eyes and blinked a few times. It was way too bright. Where was he anyway? It's definitely not his room. He turned his head and looked around as he realised he was in hospital. Why? What happened?

As he tried to remember he remembered Peters words.


Well, that was confirmed now. He literally passed out. Like who does that?

A wave of self-hate washed over him as he tried to sit up.

That was when he realised why his body felt so heavy. There was a sleeping Isabelle laying half on top of him. She complained quietly in sleep and turned around as he moved.

Next he realised that he wasn't alone in the room -except from Izzy- There were two other figures standing in the corner, talking. He recognised them immediately. Jace and Dr. Beauty. Alecs eyes widened.

Oh god, why? Of all hospitals why did he have to end in this one? Now that gorgeous man knew how pathetic he was. Not that Alec would have a chance anyway, but Magnus had definitely flirted with him. That was probably over now. As if he felt Alec staring Magnus turned around and smiled at him.

"Look who's finally awoken."

Jaces looked over to Alec and raced to his side.

"You fucking stupid, stubborn idiot!" he cursed but his eyes weren't angry. In fact he looked more scared than anything. It reminded Alec of the time were Jace was just a little boy who lost his parents.

"Good to see you too" Alec answered. His voice was rough and it hurt while speaking.

"Stop joking you dick! Do you have any idea how worried we were? I came out of the bar to find you laying on the ground like dead. We told you so many times, didn't we! That this would happen if you don't take more care of yourself!"

Well, so now Jace was really angry.

"'M sorry" Alec mumbled and lowered his gaze. Izzy was finally waking up, rubbing her eyes.

"Don't fuck with me. You are so not working for the next three month I'm tellin' ya!"

Izzy jumped straight up, probably as she realised the situation.

"Alec!" she screamed and threw herself in his arms. "You idiot! Why don't you ever listen to me?"

Alec petted his little sisters head.

"I'm sorry" he repeated. "I didn't want to scare you."

"You scared me when you told me about the rats in the apartment building. Now I was terrified!"

Alec sighed and strengthened his grip around her.

"I'm really sorry."

"Stop apologizing you idiot!"

She pulled back and Alec was shocked as he saw the tears in her eyes.

"Never pull shit like that again!"

He simply nodded and Izzy glanced over to Magnus. "I'll go get you something to drink. Jace come with me."

"What? Why? You are perfectly able to do that yourself." Izzy rolled her eyes and pulled him out of the room as she talked to him.

"I didn't expect to see you again this soon. I mean I'm not complaining but I wished it would be under better conditions."

Alec who was very confused why Magnus still talked to him this easily just answered "I'm fine."

Dr. Beauty took a few steps towards him and sat down on a chair next to him.

"No, Alexander. You are definitely not." There was something painful in this man's dark eyes that made Alec uncomfortable.

"I was just tired. I-"

"Please stop making excuses" Magnus interrupted him.

"Your siblings are gone you don't need to keep up that show of yours. I'm the last person who would judge."

Weak. Not good enough.

"I- I don't know what you're talking about." Alec stumbled.

How can Magnus look right through him this easily?

"Alexander, there is nothing weak about admitting to need help. Moreover there is nothing wrong with weakness. Everybody is weak sometimes. You are a normal human being you need to let your body and your soul rest sometimes or this will happen again."

Alec couldn't say anything.

"I can clearly see how you are struggling and I'm sure your siblings can see it too. I don't know much about what happened and it's none of my business but you need to look after yourself more carefully. I mean when was the last time you have eaten?"

Alec really couldn't remember. He normally just eats something before heading to work or while doing his homework. It seems sometimes he forgets it.

"Don't get me wrong. I would love to see you again, but more over a nice dinner and not as my patient."

Alec gasped.

"Are you just asking me out while counselling me?"

Magnus grinned. "I'm very talented with words. But that's another matter. Alexander I talked to your brother and he told me one or two things."

Alecs eyes widened. Damn Jace can't keep his stupid mouth shut.

"Don't panic. He didn't told me any details but he was very concerned and I think his suspicion is correct. What you do doesn't look like normal over working. You seem to distract yourself and that is destroying you."

"What did Jace tell you?" Alec asked.

Magnus sighed. "Alexander you clearly worry about the wrong things."

"I just- I can't help it."

He now really feels like a child being scolded. Magnus cupped his cheek forcing him to meet his eyes.

"I know, it's alright. And he just told me about your working conditions and the relationship with your parents. I wasn't really shocked hearing about it though. You three weren't exactly subtle last morning."

At that moment Jace and Izzy came back with a bottle of water and some crackers.

"What time is it anyway?" Alec asked.

"Four p.m." Magnus answered.

Alec sat straight up. "What?! Why didn't you wake me?"

The whole room gave him an are-you-fucking-serious-right-now?-look.

"Well Alec, you may guess." Izzy answered

"I missed classes!" he cried.

"I don't care about your classes! Alec please, don't you care about what happened?" The pain in Izzys voice shocked him.

"Of course I care but... There are so many things on my mind. I have to-"

"No!" Izzy interrupted him.

"Alec I'm not arguing with you right now. You will rest now. I told Lydia what happened. She'll take care of it. She even got your stupid homework from the apartment and will come after classes which means she'll probably be here soon."

Alec was surprised that Izzy took care of this all.

"Thanks but I'm fine really-"

"Dr. Bane could you please confirm your patients indisposition." Izzy said.

"Confirmed" Magnus agreed. "Mr. Lightwood due to your physical condition I'm not going to dismiss you for the next day."

"What? Why? I can sleep at home. It's Friday anyway" he complained.

"Well, true but your siblings agreed that you would probably find something extremely important to do."

"I hate you all" he mumbled and yawned.

"I'll take that as agreement. So I don't want to be the buzz-kill here but I need to ask you to leave now. Alexander needs sleep."

Izzy and Jace said good-bye for now. As soon as they were gone Alec felt the exhaustion. He laid back and watched Magnus as he came back to stand beside him. He smiled down at him and Alec noticed that a warm feeling started to spread through his body.
He wondered what that was.

"Relax my dear. There is nothing more important than your well-being now." Magnus frowned as Alec blushed and put a hand on Alecs forehead.

"Do you have a fever?"

Alec was sure he blushed even deeper.

"Uh no I... uhm I just..."

Magnus smiled knowingly.

"That's so adorable." He brushed with his thumb softly over Alecs cheekbone.

"Okay, now sleep."

"Will you still be here when I wake up?" Alec asked without even knowing what he just said.

"Of course darling. I need to check on you after all."

Alec closed his eyes and fell asleep immediately. His body craved for sleep.

As he awoke again a familiar blonde shock of hair sat beside him.

"I told you didn't I?" Lydia said.

"Good to see you too." He mumbled sleepy. Lydia grinned.

"I met the doctor of yours. He seemed inappropriately attached."

"You know what Lydia? Fuck off." She giggled.

"I'm just teasing. Well Alec my friend, I wish I could stay longer but I need to meet with John. But I'm sure you are in the best hands here."

"Why miss thank you" Magnus beamed as he rushed back in the room. Lydia pressed a caring kiss on Alecs forehead. A habit she does whenever she feels that Alec needs comfort.

"I'll drop by your place soon. Take care." She winks at him and leaves the room.

"She's lovely" Magnus said and smiled though Alec believed to see slight irritation and something like
disappointment. He was probably wrong though.

"Yeah she's great" he answered and smiled.

Lydia played a huge part in his self-acceptance-process. Without her he would probably still hide in the closet.

"Alexander, do you think you can sleep some more?"

"I don't know but I guess I'll just try. I don't really like hospitals and would rather spend as less time as possible being conscious."

"Bad memories?" Magnus guessed and he was right. It reminded Alec of times he tried so hard to forget. He nodded.

"I could stay with you if you like" Magnus offered.

"Don't you have work to do? Like other patients?"

"Ah no, honestly my shift ended about an hour ago." He smiled guiltily as if caught breaking something.

"What? Then why are you still here? Working in the hospital is hard, isn't it? Shouldn't you better go home and sleep?"

"Oh look how's talking. The guy who collapsed like twenty hours ago due to over-working."

"See, that makes me an expert. It's not exactly thrilling laying here." Magnus chuckled.

"Well my dear, it can only get better now. Especially with me as your company."

"Someone's pretty full of himself, huh?" Alec grinned.

He didn't know why but Magnus was a wonderful distraction. Magnus spent the next hours keeping Alec company. They mostly talked about banal things. They didn't really know each other after all.
Magnus left when Jace and Izzy arrived and Alec didn't see him till he got dismissed the next morning.

Chapter Text

"So, I guess that's it then" Alec said, staying in front of the sliding doors of the hospital.

"Well you just have to pass out if you want to see me again" Magnus teased and winked at Alec.

"Thank you for... you know, keeping me company. I-"

"Alexander" Magnus interrupted. "There is nothing you need to thank me for. I enjoyed talking to you. Though I want you to take more care of yourself."

The taller man took a few steps forward and whispered in Alecs ear so that only he could hear him.

"Self-harm is never a solution, even if it's only distraction."

Alecs eyes widened in shock. Self-harm? He doesn't really harm himself does he? It's not like he wants to do it. Magnus smiled his usual warm smile.

"Don't worry Alexander. You have two incredible siblings who care a lot for you."

Than Magnus pager made a sharp noise. Magnus took a quick look and frowned.

"I'm afraid I need to go. Good-bye Alexander."

Before Alec had the chance to answer anything Magnus was gone. So Alec headed towards his apartment. Izzy and Jace were already home. The tree siblings had a tradition, once a week they have a night just for themselves. They would play video games, watch silly movies and order pizza.
Well, lately they hadn't the chance to do this often due to Alecs inability. Jace welcomed him with a big smile and an arm wrapped around Alecs shoulder.

"You ready for a sleepless night, buddy?" They went to the living room where Izzy was waiting.

"On second thought, maybe a sleepless night isn't exactly the best thing to do now. Alec should probably go to bed early and stuff." Izzy pondered.

"Izzy I slept like the entire last two days. I'm fine." Alec argued.

"You sure? Because I feel like you just say these two words automatically whether you're fine or not."

Alec ignored his sister and took place on the small couch. Izzy followed on his left and Jace on his right side. It was fun. Alec realised just in this night how much he had missed spending time with his siblings.

He really enjoyed the weekend though the image of a certain exotic doctor appeared strangely often in his mind. Even on Monday while he sat in classes his mind drifted off. He thought about oddly brown eyes which seemed so out of place in the soft face.

"Huston to Alexander, someone available?" Lydia asked. Alec jumped slightly.

"Sorry, I-"

"Tell me what you just thought about" Lydia insisted.


"Alec please, don't even try. I saw the awe and sparkle in your eyes."

Alec blushed and tried to change topic. "Don't call me Alexander. It's odd."

"It's your name Alec and by the way, you suck at subtlety. Should I rephrase my question?"

"What?" he repeated.

"It's not a 'what' but a 'who' you just thought about, am I right?"

"Fuck off" he mumbled. Lydia laughed.

"Was it by any chance a certain Dr. Sexy?"

"Seriously, since when did you start reading my mind?" he grumbled more embarrassed then annoyed. Lydia laughed again.

"I simply know you pretty well by now. So tell me, did Dr. Sexy ask you out?" Alec sighed.

It was nice talking with Lydia. He could talk with Izzy or Jace anytime but they were his siblings. It was strange talking with them about things like that and although he is not really the one to whine and complain, it was a release to open up from time to time. At least with people he knew he could trust.

"He didn't. I mean I think he did but it got kind of off topic you know. It was really strange anyway like in some sneaky way in the middle of the conservation and after that no one mentioned it again."

Lydia sighed louder than necessary (in Alecs opinion).

"Alec are you stupid?" She asked matter-of-factly.

Now he was seriously confused. "No, I'm not. Why?"

"Let me spell it out for you. Dr. Sexy-"

"Can you please stop calling him that? It's very irritating."

And true, Alec thought but he wouldn't admit that, obviously.

"Yeah, well I don't know his name so-"

"Magnus. Just call him Magnus."

"Fine. So Magnus made the first move, okay? He approached you by asking you out once. As I know you, you, let me guess, didn't react smoothly. He probably thinks that you're not interested or at least he waits for you to, you know, go for it."

Alec was a bit stunned. That can't be it, right? Like, how could anyone be not interested in Magnus?

"I'm not in the hospital anymore so it's over anyway. I probably won't see him ever again." Lydia slightly hit him on the back of his head.

"You damn fool. Grow some balls will ya? Who says it's only allowed to go in the hospital for medical reasons. Go there and get that man." Alec stared at her in disbelieve.

"I barely know him. He probably won't even remember me." Lydia smiled encouragingly.

"Then make him remember. Honestly Alec, you obviously like him. Just try it. If he rejects you -which I highly doubt I might add- then you can live on as the shy puppy you are and pretend it never happened."

"I'm not a shy puppy" Alec complained, with Peters words in the back of his mind. Lydia ignored him.

"Give yourself a chance, will you?"

"Mhmm. I'll think about it."

Lydia didn't look content but she didn't press further either. And Alec meant it. He really thought about it. He wanted to see Magnus again and the idea of actually going out with him was tantalizing. At least he could give it a try right? What could possibly happen?

Disregarding the high chance of humiliation.

However in the afternoon he stood outside the hospital. It felt like some kind of power dragged him here but now that he was actually there his feet wouldn't move one more bit.

This was a bad idea after all. Magnus will probably just laugh at him.

But as he remembered Magnus' warm smile a wave of courage washed over him. He rushed through the front doors and asked at the reception for Magnus (strictly speaking he asked for Dr. Bane of course, he was brave now and not James Bond).

After some formalities Magnus actually rushed in the waiting room with a hunted glance. He frowned as his eyes met Alecs.

"Please don't tell me that it's now Jace' turn who is waiting anywhere with a broken leg or something."

Alec laughed, relieved that Magnus remembered him.

"No, we are all pretty fine." A sheepish smile spread on Magnus lips.

"You are pretty, he's fine."

Alec nearly choked on his own saliva while Magnus chuckled.

"Well, it's nice seeing you again but I'm afraid I've got work. I believe there is some kind of trauma that arrived."

Alec smiled apologizing. "I suppose that's my fault. I kind of asked for you." Magnus eyes lit up.

"You asked for me? Why?"

That was the moment where all the courage suddenly disappeared in thin air and left Alec alone without a plan or self-confidence.

"I... uh... yeah why am I even here? I guess that's an appropriate question...uhm you know I just-"

"Alexander, darling, relax. There is no pressure okay?" Alec nodded and avoided Magnus gaze.

"I thought, maybe you'd like to, you know, go on a drink sometime or coffee?" Magnus smile widened.

"Sure. If I remember correctly I asked you already out anyway." Alecs blush deepened and he cleared his throat.
"I appreciate your effort though. Did you just came here to ask me out?" Magnus asked.

"I guess" Alec admitted.

"That's truly adorable."

"Ah, so I should probably let you do your work now." Alec stood up and turned to leave but Magnus took his hand and held him back.

"Wait, we didn't set a date. At least give me your number." Magnus sounded truly amused by now and Alec just wished the ground would open up and swallow him.

"Right uhm..."

"Give me your phone." Magnus said and chuckled as he extended his hand.
Alec pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it over to Magnus while he avoided his gaze. Magnus tipped on the small device and then held it on his ear.

"What are you doing?" Alec asked.

"Calling myself, obviously." Magnus answered. "You seem to be the 'maybe-I-shouldn't-call-after-all' Kind of guy. So I better take things in my own hand."

"What? Why do you think that? I'm here, aren't I?" Alec protested. Magnus smiled his usual, heart-warming smile.

"Yes, you definitely are. So, as much as I wish to talk with you some more, there are still patients that require my attention. However be assured to hear from me." Magnus winked and rushed back along the corridor.

Alec stood there watching after him, happy, embarrassed and scared at the same time.

Chapter Text

A week passed and Alec still had no call from Magnus.


He would never admit it but he was disappointed. After their conservation Alec really believed that maybe Magnus would be different but he probably just searched some entertainment and forgot Alec afterwards. He probably doesn't even remember his name anymore.


Alec is back to his everyday life. Well, mostly. With a little pressure from some certain siblings and a certain blonde girl, he talked with his boss and agreed on a restriction of two shifts in a row and maximal four shifts per week. His boss was actually surprised that Alec didn't talk to him sooner.


Lost in thoughts Alec cleaned some whisky glasses. His mood was already pretty bad but it was currently karaoke night in the bar. That meant there were a lot of drunk girls, wooing to every pop song and flirting with everything that looks somewhat masculine. Sadly he fulfilled that category too.


First he tried to be polite but with the passing hours and permanently increasing flood of alcohol he simply let them down by stating "I'm gay"


Some girl actually replied "You know that's a reason not a hindrance."


Alec wasn't sure if he really got it right at first, adding her babbling due to the alcohol. Suddenly a tanned, ringed hand appeared on that girls shoulder and pushed her aside. She stumbled and nearly fell over.


"What the fuck? Don't you-" She complained but gets interrupted.




Alec looked up and nearly dropped the glass he was washing currently.


"Magnus?" He asked automatically. The brows of the man shot up.


"You know my first name?" Magnus asked surprised.


"Uh, yes... Izzy told me." Alec explained hoping Magnus wouldn't think he had stalked him or something like that.


But Magnus brightened up. He was hardly recognizable. His eyes were lined with dark coal and his lids sparkled golden. His hair was styled in spikes and the tips were dyed red. He wore a transparent black Shirt which didn't leave much space for imagination. Several necklaces hung around his neck as well as several rings on his fingers.


Alec didn't believe that was possible but he looked even more wonderful than in the hospital.


"Great, she's gone!" Magnus smiled and looked after the drunk girl that hit on Alec before.


"What are you doing here?" Alec asked. Magnus eyes focused on him again.


"Enjoying myself, obviously." His lips were painted red and looked like a tantalizing red cherry.


Alec would die to taste them. He cleared his throat and concentrated on the task at hand.


"What do you want to drink?" Magnus smirked.


"How about you?" He teased clearly waiting for a reaction. Alec was determined not to please him.


"You'll get a beer." Alec stated, grateful for the darkness so no one could see his blush.


"Ew, no thanks. One man as fabulous as me doesn't drink something as ordinary as beer. Now, be gone and get me something pink."


Alec chuckled while mixing vodka with raspberry soda and strawberry syrup. He even put one of these little cocktail umbrellas on the top and pushed the glass towards Magnus.

Magnus beamed at him as he tasted his drink.


"I hope this appeals to thee, your highness." Alec joked. Magnus grinned.


"I could get used to that designation. Also, this tastes great and it's actually pink! I love it."


"I'm glad you like it." Alec smiled over Magnus' joy. He looked so pure.


"What do I owe you?" Magnus asked. Alec waved him of.


"It's fine. I'll cover it." Magnus blinked at him for one moment.


"You really don't have to." He protested.


"Take it as repayment. For taking care of Izzy and me you know." Magnus laughed.


"You do realize that I already get paid for that right? It's my job."


"Doesn't matter. I want to thank you."  Magnus smiled again.


"Well then, thank you Alexander."


They talked for a while until Magnus excused himself. He was not alone there and his friends were waiting. Alec wished Magnus would stay with him some longer but that was just his usual needy self. So he didn't say anything and just concentrated on his work, eagerly waiting for the end of his shift when he could finally go home and flop onto his bed. It's Friday so he could sleep till noon. 

He followed the amazing man with his eyes till Magnus disappeared in the crowed.


He suddenly felt kind of lost. Which is stupid. It's not like Magnus would owe him anything.


He couldn't help it though.


The night went on and Alec focused on his job when suddenly the familiar face appeared on the small stage, a microphone in hand and a small smile on his lips. Alec stared at him, unable to move.


Why does Magnus have this strange effect on him?


He sparkled in the spotlight as he raised the microphone to his lips.


"Good night everyone! So, I want to apologize beforehand. I'm no good singer but my friends kind of forced me. Please blame them for your ear-bleeding."


A very familiar sound started playing and Magnus smile turned into a grin. The girls cheered and danced as Magnus started singing.


It's too hot to sleep
I got the sheets on the floor
Nothing on me


Alec gulped as he continued to stare at the handsome man. He literally saw nothing else beside Magnus and his swift movements. And then, as the chorus started, Alec found himself staring straight into Magnus eyes.


I got your body on my mind
I want it bad
Oh, just the thought of you
Gets me so high


Alec blinked a few times just to be sure, but Magnus was still looking at him. He felt his heart beat racing. Magnus moved so feline and gracefully that Alec questioned if he was even human. Also, his voice was quite soft he even reached the high pitched vocals perfectly.


Boy, you're the one I want to want me
And if you want me boy you got me


Yes, Magnus really changed the text from 'girl' to 'boy'. The crowd cheered and giggled while Alec shifted uncomfortably as he felt his jeans getting tighter. How could Magnus seduce him this easily?


Well, okay, forget that question. That's quite obvious. The more important question is: did he really mean what he just sang?


Because if so, Alec would take him right here on the bar counter.


Okay, probably not but he could dream right? It's not like Alec had the courage to do anything like that but he asked Magnus out in the hospital and Magnus agreed so maybe it wasn't completely hopeless, was it?


I would do anything
Just to get up next to you


Magnus sang the last few lines and laughed afterwards. The crowd cheered once again and welcomed him on the dance-floor. He was dragged in the middle of a few girls who danced with him. Magnus went with it for a while until he excused himself and came back over to the bar. Small droplets of sweat covered his forehead.


"Now Alexander tell me, was my performance successful?"


Alec took a deep breath to clear his mind.


"Depends on what exactly you mean by 'successful'?"


Magnus grinned again.


"Doesn't matter. I'll just use my imagination. Anyway, more important: when does your shift end?"


Alec quirked a brow.


"Change of topic, huh? Fine." Alec took a quick glance on the watch before giving an answer.


"In a couple of minutes, actually." Magnus beamed at him.


"Fantastic. What would you think about a nice late-night-walk?"


Alec stared for a moment questioning whether Magnus was really serious. He decided that it would be a very strange joke.


"Sure... I mean I would like that."


"Great. I'll meet you outside."


"Okay. I will just change and be there in a minute."


Alec went in the staffroom of the bar and did as he said. He changed in his old, washed-out jeans and  put on a simple black Shirt. He ran his hand a few times through his hair and walked through the back door. The night was chilly and Alec wished he had brought his jacket. He walked down the dark alley and stepped on the main road, where the entrance to the bar was. Magnus leaned on the cold brick-wall. Head in the clouds and hands tugged in the pockets of his grey wool-coat. His silver shimmering trousers reflecting the light of the street lamps. Alec took a shaking breath before approaching him.


Magnus looked up as he heard Alecs steps and smiled. His eyes wandering over Alecs whole body.


"It's a shame for someone like you to wear such loose clothes." Magnus joked as he pushed himself off of the wall. Or at least Alec assumed that it was a joke. He decided not to comment on that.


"Can we go?" He asked instead.


Magnus nodded and they fell in a comfortable walk besides each other. They walked in silence through the small streets of Manhattan, the ones that doesn't fit the name 'city that never sleeps'. The lanterns envelop them in a soft light. Small clouds escaping their mouths with every breath. And even though Alec was tired after his shift this walk was refreshing and calming at the same time. Magnus presence comforted him.


"So..." Magnus started after awhile. "How are you?"


"Are you asking as a doctor or as a friend?" Alec mainly wanted to tease but he was somewhat curious as well.


"Both I suppose." Magnus admitted. Alec chuckled.


"I'm fine." He assured but Magnus looked sceptic, he didn't press any further though. Again there was silence but now it was kind of uncomfortable. Alec desperately searched in his mind for something to say, anything. But all he could think of was why Magnus didn't call him.


"Um... How is Lydia?" Magnus continued and Alec wondered why Magnus thought of her of all people.


"What?" He asked. "I mean she's fine but why?" Magnus shrugged.


"I don't know. It seemed appropriate." Well so now it was really awkward so Alec decided it couldn't get any worse anyway.


"Can I ask you something?" He asked a bit shyly.


"Sure." Magnus smiled at him.


"Um so I was wondering... why didn't you call me? I mean you said you would and... well you didn't." Magnus blinked at him, taken by surprise.


"I thought about it. I mean I wanted to but... I felt weird about it you know. I wasn't sure what to do." Alec was confused. Magnus sounded so determined back there in the hospital.


"Why? Who is the 'maybe-I shouldn't-call-after-all' kind of guy now?" A small smirk spread over Magnus lips before he became serious again.


"I really like you Alexander but I've always been a 'one soul at a time' kind of guy and I wouldn't want anything less from the other party. I would never dare to meddle at these things."


Alecs confusion wasn't any less now. On the contrary even.


"Magnus what are you talking about?" They two stared at each other until Magnus find his speech again.


"You and Lydia. Obviously." It took Alec a few seconds until he got was Magnus was saying. The thought was so ridiculous that Alec burst out into laughter. They have stopped on the pavement and Magnus watched confused how Alec tried to calm himself. He swiped a tear from his eye.


"Magnus you do realize I'm gay right?" Alec could see Magnus stiffen uncomfortably.


"Of course I realized that... at first but when Lydia visited you in the hospital you two seemed so... intimate." The taller man tried to defend himself.


"I'm sorry for laughing, but the thought was just too weird. However Lydia is my best friend, I know her for many years and she really helped me while coming out. I can always talk to her."


They started walking again as Magnus mumbled "I feel stupid now."


"Don't" Alec smiled. "I like your attitude."


"At least, now that I know I was wrong, I don't need to hold back anymore." Alec quirked a brow and glanced at Magnus.


"So earlier on the stage, that was you holding back?" He asked and Magnus grinned.


"That was a simple artistic performance Alexander. I don't know what you're implying."


"Sure thing" Alec laughed. Magnus grabbed Alecs Arm as they continued walking through the night and settled into light conversation. Alec told him about his studies and stories about his siblings while Magnus talked about his friends and some of the most exciting patients he had in the hospital. The awkward aura from before disappeared in thin air. Alec didn't even remember where exactly they walked along he just suddenly realized they were standing in front of his apartment building.


"Ah, that's where I live, actually." He told Magnus, who eyed the old building.


"Interesting." He murmured a soft smile on the lips.


"I would invite you up but I think Izzy and Jace are asleep and I'd rather not wake them up Izzy has some kind of performance tomorrow."


"It's fine. We haven't even had a proper date yet." Alec blushed as he wondered if Magnus thought that Alec just tried to get him in bed. Not that Alec would mind but that really would be quit early.


"Talking about dates" Magnus continued. "I have the day off tomorrow which is rather rare, so if you'd like..."


"Yes! I mean I'd like that." Alec said, maybe a bit too quick but Magnus smiled.


"Great I'll text you the adress. Be there at five p.m." Alec wanted to ask what Magnus was planning but before he could say a word Magnus leaned in. Magnus hugged him and breathed a soft kiss on Alecs cheek. This alone left Alec functionless but instead of letting him go Magnus whispered in his ear.


"By the way, I meant what I sang earlier."

Chapter Text

Alec rubbed with his sweaty hand over his thighs. He was so damn nervous. Another glance on the watch told him that he still had little less than an hour till he needed to leave. He even had asked Izzy for help while searching for what to wear, which was slightly embarrassing. Again he remembered Magnus words from last night and with that his tantalizing performance on stage where he literally sang to Alec. Alec gulped. He was in way too deep, way too early.


He flopped on his bad and stared at the ceiling, lost in thoughts. Magnus' image appeared in his mind. First as the already pretty attractive doctor and then as the even more attractive version from last night. And he thought about Magnus' warm eyes. Alec didn't knew what, but something bothered him with Magnus' eyes.


As he laid there his mind suddenly made a turn and he wondered why Magnus wanted to go out with him. There's nothing special about him. He's not exactly ugly but he's not attractive either. His free time is defined by work and studies and siblings. He doesn't have much money, with his and Jaces wage they come through the months but there's nothing much left. Is childhood is fucked up and he has way too many packages to carry. Not even his parents want him.


So why would a wonderful man like Magnus do?


Peter was right. He is not good enough.


He never talks about it with anyone, not even with Lydia but sometimes he wishes that back then Izzy had not found him.


A light knock brought him back in the present.


"Yeah come in." He said and sat up looking to the door. Izzy opened and came in his room.


"I'll go now." She said. "You okay?"


Alec nodded. "Sure. Good luck." Izzy grinned.


"Thanks but I don't need luck. I'll dance them to the ground. I wished you and Jace could come but it's not a public event." Alec smiled encouragingly.


"I know. We'll be at the next one. We'll be your groupies." Izzy laughed and slightly shaked her head before a grin spread over her face.


"Enjoy your date. Don't do what I wouldn't do." Alec threw a pillow hin her direction.


"That does not really leave any restrictions." She poked her tounge out but grinned anyway.


"Okay, I really need to go. Love you, big bro. Have fun and don't overthink it." With these word she left his room and left a confused Alec behind.


"I don't overthink things, do I?" He mumbled to himself. He heard Izzy scream.


"Jace you ugly shit don't lazy around all day!"


"Fuck you, Iz, I'm prettier than you!" Jace screamed back. Izzy laughed.


"I'll see you two this evening. Love you guys!" Then the door slammed shut while Alec laughed silently.


"Why is she so much nicer with you?" Jace pouted and entered Alecs room.


"Because I'm her favourite sibling." Alec answered simply. Jace grabbed the pillow Alec had thrown after Izzy earlier and threw it back in Alecs face. Alec caught it out of the air and tugged it behind his head as he laid back on his bed. Jace crossed the room and laid down next to Alec.


"When is your fancy date?"


"It's not a fancy date." Alec mumbled.


"But it is a date with a fancy guy, which makes it a 'fancy date'." Alec sighed.


"I'll leave in a few minutes." He answered.


"Cool. You nervous?"


"Maybe a little bit" Alec lied.


"Liar." Jace laughed. "I literally hear your heart race." Alec gave him a sceptical look.


"Don't exaggerate. It's not that bad." Jace shrugged.


"Anyway, I'm happy for you."


They laid next to each other in silence until Alec took a quick glance to the clock. He sat up und grabbed his phone and his keys.


"Okay, I'll go now too. Don't burn down the house."


"Hey, ever happened?"



Alec took the subway to the address Magnus had sent him. On his way he really tried not to overthink it but the dark thought from earlier sneaked back in his mind. What if Magnus just went out with him out of pity? What if Magnus won't show up? What if Magnus just wanted to make fun of him?


Alec shook his head and scolded himself. Magnus wouldn't do that. Alec didn't know why but he trusted Magnus.


Alec got of the subway and walked the few blocks. He had absolutely no idea where he was he just followed the little arrow on his Smartphone guiding the direction. The only thing he knew was that he was somewhere in Brooklyn.


His way ended in front of a very old looking building. It was smaller than the other buildings surrounding it and it looked like it could have been a cinema decades ago. One of the windows decorating the facade was crashed and in general it appeared to be a forgotten and left over. Maybe Alec was wrong her? Maybe he typed the wrong address in his navigation app. But before he could check someone tapped him on the shoulder.


Alec turned around and nearly bumped into Magnus who smiled at him. His makeup was less extravagant then last night but his eyes still sparkled and his lips where painted in a soft red. It reminded Alec on the sunrise on a cold winter morning. He wore a tight black jeans, ripped on his knees and a loose knitted pullover in a mustard yellow. It had a wide neckline and fell soft over shoulders. The colour fit perfectly to his tanned skin. The red spikes were gone, his hair was simply black and silky but Alec thought to see slight golden glitter in it.


Simply said, Magnus looked perfect and it took all from Alec not to stare open mouthed.


"I'm glad you found it" Magnus said, smiling.


"I wasn't sure if I'm right here." Magnus took his hand.


"Come, follow me" He said, which was unnecessary regarding their laced fingers. Alec walked a step behind Magnus an stared down at their hands while Magnus lead him towards the old cinema and entered through a nearly non-existent door.


"Are you sure this is okay?"Alec asked. He didn't want their date to be disrupted by an arrest.


"Yeah it's fine, don't worry." Magnus assured him. Alec wondered how the other man knew where to go. It was pitch dark in here, Alec couldn't even see their hands anymore. He just followed the light pull on his hands and the sound of Magnus steps. When they suddenly stopped Alec ran in Magnus back.


"Sorry" He mumbled, glad that it was so dark so his blush wasn't able to be seen. Magnus didn't answer. Instead he let go of Alecs hand and in after a clicking sound light flooded over Alec. His eyes needed a moment to get used to the sudden brightness but as he could finally see again he was speechless.


In front of him was a huge movie theatre. Two crystal chandeliers hang from the ceiling and the room was filled with benches. It as all pretty old but it wasn't dirty, maybe a little dusty but that was fine with Alec. Someone -probably Magnus- had laid out an uncountable amount of blankets and pillows on some benches and in the middle aisle stood a small table decorated with candles. A basket resting in the middle.


"Tadaa!" Magnus said and pulled Alec further in the room.


"Magnus this... this is... amazing!" Alec breathed stunned by the whole location. Magnus smiled heart-warmingly.


"I'm glad you like it."


"Glad? Why? Did anyone ever not like it? How could anyone not like this?" Alec mumbled, still flashed. Magnus shrugged.


"Don't know. No one was ever here before you." Alec stared at Magnus wide-eyed.


"W-What?" He stumbled but Magnus didn't answer, he grabbed Alecs hand again and pulled him towards the bench. Before they settled down Magnus grabbed the basket from the table.


"Are you hungry?" Magnus asked.


"I could eat."


Magnus sat down beside him, the basked on his lap. He opened it and looked towards Alec.


"I will be honest. I can't cook and I didn't want to scare you off so I ordered out." Magnus pulled two boxes out of the basket and a bottle of wine. It was a bit difficult regarding that they didn't have a table or plates, at least Magnus brought cutlery.


Alec thought it was perfect anyway. Never had anyone done something like this just for him.


"How did you even find this place?" Alec asked half-way through their meal. Magnus stiffened a bit but smiled. However Alec thought the smile seemed forced.


"It once belonged my father. Or rather, it still does but I guess he doesn't really care or has forgotten about it."


Alec noticed that this does not seem like Magnus' favourite subject so he decided to change the topic.


"Well, you know Izzy is an awful cook too. She once burnt a pizza." Magnus smiled at him, he seemed to appreciate that Alec didn't press further on his father.


"That's not really bad, right? It's easy to burn things." Magnus defended his sister.


"Yes, but the pizza was still in it's plastic wrapping. The plastic melted in the oven and in the end it was a black, shiny plastic rock. The apartment smelled for two weeks of burned plastic. It was horrible." Magnus laughed and a feeling of pride spread in Alecs chest.


They finished the meal and after everything was cleaned up again they stretched out on the bench.  Magnus pulled a laptop out of the basket.


"Would you like to watch a movie?" He asked.


"Sure." Magnus switched it on and placed the laptop on the bench in front of them. At first they just sat beside each other but while the movie went on they slowly moved closer until their sides where pressed against each other wrapped up in a blanket and Magnus' hand resting on Alecs thigh. Alec had absolutely no idea what movie they were watching. He stared at Magnus until Magnus turned towards Alec and grinned.


"Do you plan on staring at me for the entire movie?" Alec blushed and quickly looked away.


"It's fine. I like it." Magnus smirked and snuggled closer against Alec. Magnus focused back on the movie but Alec still couldn't pay attention to it. Still, in his opinion it ended way too early. They sat still for a while longer, enjoying each other's company and talking until Alecs phone pinged.


"Sorry" He mumbled and planned on ignoring it but Magnus said


"It's fine you should answer it." Alec gave him a questioning look but did as Magnus said. He pulled his phone out and looked on the screen. He had two new messages. One from Jace right now and one from an unknown number. That one was a bit older. He opened Jace' message first.



Hey buddy ;) Izzy just came home where r u?? Like did that doctor kidnap u? [sent 10:08 p.m.]


Alec chuckled and showed Magnus the message who laughed as well.


"I guess I should bring you home soon" He said while Alec typed a quick message back.



I'm fine. Will be home soon. DON'T LET IZZY COOK FOR HERSELF!! [sent 10:10 p.m.]


It only took a few seconds till Jace answered.




Do I look like I wanna die?? [sent 10:10 p.m.]


Magnus switched off the laptop so Alec quickly opened the other message.



Hello Alec I finally got your number. Good right? Do you know who I am? [sent 5:48 p.m.]


Alec frowned but didn't give it much attention. He could worry about that later. He tugged his phone back in his pocket and wanted to help Magnus to clean the rest up but Magnus stopped him.


"Don't worry about this. We can just leave it here. I'll just grab the food and the laptop."


They left together and Magnus walked with him back to the subway.


"I would love to bring you home but I live just a few blocks away."


Alec smiled. They faced each other in front of the stairs of the subway.


"I don't expect from you to drive with me back to Manhattan. You have already done more than enough." Magnus smiled back and took a little step towards Alec.


"Alexander" He whispered. Alec wished he could see his eyes right now, but it was too dark.


"I know this is our first date but will you allow me to kiss you?" Magnus purred.


Alecs eyes widened. Magnus was a few inches taller so he had to lift his head to look him in the eyes. Magnus brought a hand to his cheek and cupped Alecs face but he didn't move closer. He really seemed to wait for Alecs answer.


"Yes" Alec breathed as his eyes fell down to Magnus lips which quirked in a small smile.


The taller man leaned down and Alec stretched to meet him. Endorphins exploded in his body as their lips touched and made him feel like he could do anything, be anything as long as Magnus is by his side.


His lips were so soft and Alec was surrounded by his smell. He wrapped his arms around Magnus' neck and pulled him closer. Magnus made another little step and wrapped an arm around Alecs waist. The hand which cupped Alecs face moved further into his neck.


Alec didn't want to stop. He didn't want to go.


But Magnus let go of him, breathing heavily. They stared at each other for a few seconds, catching their breaths.


"I think this was the definition of a 'perfect first date'." Alec said and smiled.


"Thank you Magnus. I... It was really wonderful." Magnus brushed with his thumb over Alecs cheekbone.


"Everything for you, darling. After that kiss you won't get rid of me easily, though." Alec chuckled and leaned in for one last kiss. He planned to quickly peck Magnus' lips but they crashed together and the kiss bloomed again. After they parted one more Alec breathed


"I better get going. Thank you Magnus, really."


"You're welcome, my heart. Have a safe trip."


Alec wondered if he should say more but they could probably stay here all night and still find things to say so he just left, a certain spring in his feet.


He hadn't felt this light in a very long time.

Chapter Text

Alec laid stretched out on the small couch in the living room and stared at the ceiling. One arm tugged behind his head the other hanging carelessly down on the ground.

"Come on now. Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!" Izzy squealed and kicked against his leg. She sat in the arm-chair next to him.

"Iz , calm down. Be patient." Izzy didn't look content.

"I don't want to wait anymore! Lydia is always late!" She complained. Alec rolled his eyes.

Izzy already pressed last night but he didn't told her anything about the date. Lydia is just as curious as his sister and Alec had absolutely no intention in telling the story twice.

It was sunday so they hadn't much to do anyway so Lydia said she'd come over. In that moment there was a knock on the door. Izzy jumped and raced to open it. They both squealed and hugged each other before storming back in the living room. They settled next to Alec and stared at him with expecting eyes.

"Alec!" They screamed in unison.  Alec startled and stared at them with annoyed eyes.

"Don't make us angry!" Lydia said sternly. Alec chuckled.

"Fine. It was nice." He stated and the girls stared at him with disbelieve.

"You stupid, little-" Izzy complained as she threw a pillow in his face.

"Okay, okay what do you want to hear?" He finally gave in. The girls exchanged a quick glance and grinned with sparkling eyes.

"Everything of course! But first of all, what was that strange place he ordered you to go?" Izzy asked. A small smile spread over Alecs lips as he remembered the evening.

"It was an old cinema. He had laid out a crazy amount of pillows and blankets and brought dinner and his laptop. So we literally just ate and watched a movie." He explained.

"What movie?" Lydia asked. Alec blushed. He had absolutely no idea. He had no memories of the movie.

"Is that important?" He mumbled.

"Of course! Was it romantic?" Izzy wanted to know.

"Did you cuddle, while watching?" Lydia added with a smirk and Izzy gave her a thumbs up for the question. Alec looked away, hiding his smile.

"Kind of." The girls screamed quietly.

"What did you do afterwards?"

"Nothing. He walked me to the subway. That's it." Alec tried very hard to look as if there was really nothing more. Unfortunately the two girls knew him better than anyone else.

"Spill!" Lydia said.

"Now!" Izzy insisted. Alec considered his options and decided that they would probably annoy him until he would tell them the truth. He sighed deeply.

"We may or may not have... kissed. A little." The girls jumped up and down.

"Why didn't you tell that first?" Izzy complained.

"Well, you may guess." Alec mumbled and turned on the couch so he laid on his stomach.

"How was it?" Lydia pressed. Alec hid his face in the pillow.

"Amazing." He mumbled and the girls squealed again.

"Tell me more, tell me more did you get very far?" Izzy joked.

"No? We kissed and said good-bye. End of story."

"I'm just teasing." Izzy said in the exact same moment as Jace came out of his room.

"Alec, grab your fucking phone will ya? It's like on instant vibration. I hear it even in my room it's fucking annoying. Tell that doctor to calm the fuck down." Lydia and Izzy jumped and raced in Alecs room.

"Jace will you stop using 'fuck' in every of your sentences? You shouldn't get used to it if you want to be in court someday." Jace shrugged and mumbled something about being too late to raise him, and disappeared back in his room. Izzy and Lydia came back in the living room scrolling through his phone.

"Alec, who is this creepy unknown number?" Izzy asked, concern in her voice.

"Will you guys stop stalking through my things?" He sighed and took his phone out of Izzys hands.

"Whatever, but it's really creepy. He keeps spamming you." Alec frowned and scrolled to the beginning of the messages.


Hello Alec I finally got your number. Good right? Do you know who I am? [sent yesterday 5:48 p.m.]

Alec it's impolite to ignore someone [sent yesterday 10:45 p.m.]

It's not like you could escape anyway [sent yesterday 11:01 p.m.]

You're probably enjoying the attention right? [sent yesterday 11:01 p.m.]

You always craved for it cause no one wanted you [sent yesterday 11:02 p.m.]

It's okay, I'll forgive you your weakness. Don't worry [sent 09:34 a.m.]



Alec suddenly felt very sick. He covered his mouth with one hand as he continued to scroll through the messages.



I was the only one who ever knew who you really are after all [sent 9:44 a.m.]

You know that you need me, you always did [sent 9:56 a.m.]

And I'll be generous. It's just how I am [sent 10:06 a.m.]

I'm just eating my cereals. It reminds me of the good old days. Do you remember? When we shared cereals out of one big bowl in my bed? [sent 10:12 a.m.]

How we hid in my room from your parents... [sent 10:13 a.m.]

Do you remember what else we did there? [sent 10:13 a.m.]

Alec I know you know who I am by now. Stop pretending and answer me already [sent 10:28 a.m.]

We will just forget everything from the past and start all over [sent 10:30 a.m.]

I can help you become strong. [sent 10:30 a.m.]


Alecs hands were shaking. He probably should have stopped reading this messages ages ago but he just couldn't help it. He heard Izzy and Lydia talking to him but he couldn't figure out what they were saying.


Alec I love you [sent 10:48 a.m.]

I love you even though you are weak. See it doesn't matter to me. I can make you strong [sent 10:49 a.m.]

Answer me [sent 11:02 a.m.]

Alec! [sent 11:03 a.m.]


The next messages only consisted of his name. He put his phone down and took a shaky breath. It just wouldn't end. He thought he got rid of him after moving. How did he even got his number?

"Alec!" Izzy said. He looked up and met her eyes.

"Give me your phone!" She insisted and held out her hand. Alec frowned and gave her a questioning look but did as she said. She took it, typed something and threw it back to him. Alec checked what she had written.



I'm not sure if you noticed but the two of us are over since you fucked that neighbour of yours! Don't ever come near me again, don't call me, don't text me! Don't even fucking think about me. My life is perfectly beautiful without you. I don't need you, I don't need your love and I especially don't need you trying to make me 'stronger'. You don't fucking know anything about me! I'm dating a wonderful, sparkly doctor now and I don't need you meddling. You creepy asshole! [sent 11:44 a.m.]


Alec looked at his sister with horrified eyes.

"Okay, I maybe got a bit carried away. But Peter needs to know his place!" She said nose high up, probably figuring out who the unknown number was herself by now.

"Izzy I don't even know if I'm really dating Magnus." Alec said. Lydia frowned.

"That's what you're concerned about?" She asked.

"What if he finds out who Magnus is? Peter is dangerous!" Alec panicked a bit. Magnus had nothing to do with his life and now he was dragged in this shit without even knowing.

"How the hell should he find out about Magnus?" Izzy scoffed.

"I don't know. How did he get my number?" Izzy opened her mouth but closed it again as she didn't find an answer.

"Okay, I'm sorry. But I don't think-" She got interrupted by Alecs phone vibrating again. Alecs heart dropped down to his knees as he read the message.



Ah, you mean that Bane-guy right? Yeah, I know about him. Don't worry, I'll take care of it. He's no good for you. With his crazy self-confidence. He will just throw you in his shadow. He just wants someone to control. He probably doesn't even like you. I guess it'll be over after he bedded you. [sent 11:46 a.m.]

It's okay. You can do that if you want. I'll wait. I know you will come cry to me afterwards [sent 11:46 a.m.]

I'll be there. Just as I've always been. [sent 11:47 a.m.]


Alec threw his phone through the whole room. He was furious and terrified at the same time. He buried his finger in his hair and pulls on it.

"Oh my god! Alec I'm so sorry. I had no idea..." Izzy whispered after she had picked up his phone and read the message.

"It's not your fault. He knew it anyway." He mumbles. He knew Izzy just wanted to protect him.

"Oh god." Alec breathed. "Oh god I have to tell him! He won't ever want to see me again." Alec was surprised about how much it actually hurt to think about that. He didn't want to lose Magnus. Not before they even have a chance to figure out what may have been.

He quickly blinked the tears away. This was horrible. This was absolutely devastating. This would be the end of it, of them.

"No!" Izzy screamed. "You can't tell Magnus about this. This is too early for something like this."

"I know. This will probably be the end but he may be in danger. I don't know what Peter plans. Magnus has to know."

"I agree" Lydia said. "If he can't cope with this now he won't cope with it in the future." Alec sighed and grabbed his phone.

"I'll text him." He stated and went in his room. The door fell shut behind him and he flopped on his bed. He opened the chat with Magnus and noticed that Magnus had already texted him.


Good morning beautiful ;) I hope you slept well. [sent 9:37 a.m.]


Alec gulped. He didn't want to end this. He didn't want to lose him. Why did everything always go wrong? Why couldn't he be happy? With trembling fingers wrote the message.


Do you think we could meet? For a coffee or something? I really need to talk to you. [sent 11:59 a.m.]


Magnus answer came quick.


Sure. I need to be in the hospital this evening but the afternoon is all yours. Is everything okay? [sent 12:00 a.m.]


Can we meet at 1? [sent 12:00 a.m.]


Where? [sent 12:01 a.m.]


Alec sent him the address of his favourite café and threw his phone away afterwards. One hour. In one hour everything would be over.

He shouldn't feel this shattered. He knew nearly nothing about Magnus and it was just one date, one kiss. But he wanted more. He wanted to know who Magnus was. He wanted to know about his past and he wanted to be part of his future.

Oh god, how should he even explain this? Like 'hey there is this crazy ex of mine and he is kind of threatening you, but it's cool right?' Alec grabbed a pillow and pressed it on his face. He didn't want to go to this stupid café.

Someone knocked on his door. They didn't wait for his answer but enter his room. Lydia came in and sat down beside him.

"Are you okay, honey?" She asked and pulled the pillow away. Alec stared at her and didn't even tried to hide his vulnerability.

"I'll meet him in an hour." He said.

"Oh Alec don't you think he may understand it?" She suggested but Alec just made a snorting sound.

"Why would he want to deal with something like m... like that when he can just turn his back to all of this and live on?" He mumbled.

"Because you are worth it." Lydia stated, clearly knowing what he intended to say first. Alec rolled his eyes.

"You are biased." Lydia laughed.

"Yes but why do you think is that?"

Alec didn't answer. Instead he sat up.

"I should probably go." Alec sighed. Lydia gave him a kiss on the forehead in the way she always does.

"You'll be fine, honey." Lydia said finally and left with him the room.

"Sure. It's not like I would die." He answered.

"You know what I mean."

"Alec, you'll call as soon as you are ready okay?" Izzy said. Alec could see the worry in her eyes.

"Sure." He said and slipped out of the apartment. He didn't want to talk now. He had to mentally prepare himself.

Chapter Text

As Alec walked down the street he tried really hard not to turn around and run away. He stood still for at least five minutes in front of that fucking café before finding the courage to go in. Magnus was actually already there. He sat on a small table in the back corner and played with the rings on his fingers. Usually Alec admires the interior design of the café. The walls plastered with bookshelves, inviting to get lost in the depth of different realitys. Today his mind was occupied with something else, though.

Alec gulped again and approached Magnus, who looked up and smiled. Though Alec could see the concern.

"Hi" Magnus said.

"Hey" Alec answered quietly, his voice rough. Magnus pushed the other chair back with his foot.

"Come sit with me." He said. Alec took a deep breath and sat down. He laced his fingers and squeezed them nervously.

"Hey" Magnus said and put his hand over Alecs. "Talk to me Alexander." Alec met his gaze.

"I need to tell you something and I completely understand if you never want to talk to me again afterwards. You can just leave, it'll be fine. I... I just want you to be careful. I don't know what might happen..."

"Alexander" Magnus interrupted him soft but stern. "Calm down and tell me what happened." Alec nodded and pulled his phone out.

"I think it's easier if you just read it." Magnus quirked his brows and took his phone with a questioning look. Alec could see how his expression changed while he read all the messages from Peter. Wonder, curiosity, anger, disbelieve. He put a hand over his mouth and lowered the phone, still staring at the display.

"Well Alexander, I didn't knew we are already dating." Magnus gave him a small smile.

"Ah um, that message was from Izzy, actually, so..."

"Yeah, I figured. It didn't sound like you at all." After that Magnus became serious again and frowned slightly.

"I wonder how he got my name though." He mumbled.

"Magnus, really I'm so sorry about this. I really didn't want to drag you into this all. It has nothing to do with you and I really don't want you to get hurt or anything so..."

"Alec do you really think he would do anything?" Magnus wanted to know. Alec thought about it for a while and remembered the day he broke up with Peter. It changed literally everything Alec thought he'd known about him.

"I really don't know. A few years ago I would have said this idea is absolutely ridiculous but now I'm not so sure, honestly." He lowered his gaze, depressed and embarrassed.

"It's okay. I'm not afraid of some random guy. He shall come and try me if he wants. I'm pretty good at karate." Alecs head shot up and he stared at Magnus in disbelieve. He didn't sound angry.

"You are... not angry?" He asked just to make sure. Magnus gave him a look as if he didn't get that question.

"Why would I be angry? That's not your fault. We all have a past and we all have dark secrets. Believe me I know something about bad relationships." Alecs heart felt immediately thousand tons lighter.

"So... you won't leave?" He asked hopefully. Magnus smiled, his usual soft smile.

"I told you, didn't I? You won't get rid of me that easily." Alec couldn't help but beam at the wonderful man sitting in front of him. He reached out and grabbed Magnus' hands pulling them up to his face. A wave of emotion hitting him right in the face. His hands still trembling slightly.

"I'm so relieved." He sighed. Magnus cupped his cheek.

"Thank you for talking to me."He said and Alec met his eyes.

"Of course. How could I keep something like that from you?" Magnus smiled and sat straight up.

"Come now. I came all the way here, I want to enjoy the rest of the afternoon." He said, ignoring Alecs question.

They left the café and walked down the street, still holding hands. Alec couldn't believe this was actually happening. Magnus babbled happily about some TV-Show he recently watched and Alec stared at him in awe.

Then he suddenly remembered his sister and pulled out his phone.

"Sorry, I just need to text Izzy. She felt really bad because she sent that text to Peter." He explained.

"We can go to your place if you like. I'd like to see Izzy again. If that's fine with you." Alec smiled.

"Sure. But, um, don't expect much. Our apartment is pretty cramped and it's a bit of a mess and..."

"Alexander" Magnus interrupted him once more. "I'm looking forward to seeing it."

So they made their way towards the apartment. They walked in silence at first until Magnus asked

"So, Peter is your Ex? If you don't mind me asking." Alec lifted his head and stared at the grey, cloudy sky above them.

"Yeah. He was my first boyfriend actually. It was pretty bad though. As you may have noticed from the messages."

"He cheated on you."

"Yeah, with his neighbour. We went all to the same school so it was really horrible." Alec paused for a moment and then added. "A lot happened back in that time though. I guess I can't blame all my problems on him." Magnus eyed him from the side.

"You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to." He offered. Alec looked up at him again.

"Nah, it's fine. It's old stuff anyway. I don't want to bore you with my ballast."

"Alexander, you could never bore me with anything. And especially not when you open up to me. I really appreciate that."

"Thank you" Alec said as the apartment building came in sight.

"By the way, Peter is wrong. I don't want to bed you. I mean I have nothing against it but it's not my only intention." Magnus grinned sheepishly while Alec blushed and quickly looked away.

"No, don't hide it. I love that expression. It just reflects your all-over honesty."

Alec didn't know what to say after this so he was really glad they made it to the apartment building. He let go of Magnus hand to open the door an immediately felt the loss of his warmth. The building was old so there was no elevator. Alecs apartment was on the second floor so they walked up the stairs.

"Ah, Lydia may be there too. I'm not sure if she has already left by now." He warned

"That's fine by me. Now that I know that I don't have to compete against her." Alec laughed.

"Yeah, she has a boyfriend so, no worries." He told Magnus and opened the apartment door. Izzy quickly came to welcome him.

"You Idiot, why didn't you call me! I was so worried." She complained. Alec made a little step to the side to give Izzy free view on Magnus.

"Oh" She said surprised and as she finally got what that meant she screamed even louder.

"Ohh! Magnus! You don't believe how happy I am to see you here!" Magnus chuckled while they walked further in the apartment.

"Oh my god, I'm so relieved. I was really afraid I had just destroyed my brothers life." She exclaimed.

"Hey, calm down, will you?" Alec mumbled.

"Alec, don't act like you didn't care." She said.

"Of course I cared but it wasn't..." Alecs eyes jumped between Magnus and his sister.

"Shut up, already." He grumbled and went in the living room. Izzy and Magnus laughed behind him.

Another door opened and Jace came out of his room.

"Oh, hi Magnus. Since when are you here?" Izzy rolled her eyes and pushed her brother back in his room.

"Come on Jace. We will have a nice long talk about paying attention." She winked at Alec and Magnus and mouthed. "Have fun"

Alec turned to face Magnus who looked really amused.

"Anyway, do you want to go in my room?" He asked and Magnus nodded with a smile. Alec showed him the room and while Magnus set down on his bed, he stood awkward in the middle of the room.

"Um, I don't really know what we could do now. It's not really exciting in my room." He said. Magnus looked around, searching for something to give him more information about Alec.

"I think it's really interesting. but you don't have to wait there. Come here." Magnus said and petted the bed beside him. Alec followed Magnus words and sat down.

Magnus immediately threw his arms around Alec and pulled him down on the bed.

"It's fine like this. I don't need more." Magnus whispered in Alecs ear as he drew him closer. Alecs body relaxed and he could finally let go of all the tension resting in his bones. He sighed and snuggled against Magnus, pressing his face in the other mans chest. Magnus chuckled but tightened his grip. Alec put his arm around Magnus waist and enjoyed the warmth and the familiar scent. It was a feeling of coming home, being safe and secure. Magnus pressed a kiss on Alecs head. Alec looked up to meet Magnus eyes and as he saw the soft expression he felt overwhelmed. He stretched a little and brushed his lips lightly over Magnus'. Magnus smiled and leaned in to deepen the kiss.

He nibbled on Alecs lower lip and ran his tongue over it and Alec opened his mouth to meet him with equal enthusiasm. Quickly something inflamed between them and what started as innocent affection turned in desire. Soon Alec laid under Magnus who ran one hand trough Alecs hair and the other down his side. Alec had his arms still wrapped around Magnus' waist and held onto him. His body felt like being lit on fire. He could feel Magnus above him with every inch of his body. If they didn't stop soon this would lead to more than sharing kisses.

As if Magnus had read his mind he pulled away, staring down on Alec.

"We should probably slow a bit down." He breathed.

"I guess" Alec answered but stared down at Magnus lips, which were slightly swollen.

"You are not helping, with your devouring look." Magnus chuckled. Alec finally met his eyes.

"Sorry. I'll behave." He promised and made Magnus grin.

"I don't want you to behave." He said and rolled down from Alec, turning him around and pressing Alec with his back against his chest.

"I have a weakness for bad boys." He murmured in Alecs ear. Alec nearly choked. Magnus snickered and snuggled his head in Alecs neck.

"Can I ask you something?" Magnus said quitely, suddenly sounding more serious again.

"Sure." Alec answered though he was a bit nervous about what Magnus will ask.

"I don't want to press or make you uncomfortable. I know we are still not very familiar but I already noticed it in the hospital." He made a short break, probably to give Alec the chance to say something against it but Alec kept quiet.

"Why did he say you are weak? I mean what makes him, and obviously even yourself, think that?"

Alec stiffened. What kind of question is that? Does Magnus expect from Alec to tell him why he is not worthy of Magnus? On the other hand would it be unfair to lead Magnus on. Wasting his time until Magnus would finally realize that Alec is ...

"Well" Alec began and freed himself of Magnus arms. This way it was better than being rejected after all. Alec sat up and wrapped his arms around him like a shield .

"That's just how I am, I guess." He avoided Magnus eyes as he sat up too.

"But what makes you think that? Is there some kind of reason I'm just not seeing?"

"Of course, I mean I literally passed out. Isn't that reason enough?" Alec mumbled and felt how Magnus moved beside him, trying to catch a glimpse on Alecs face. 

"No" He stated. "That's not even a reason in general. Like stop sleeping for a week and you pass out. That's a fact how does this make you weak?"

"I should have been able to deal with it though. It was nothing special after all. Some people deal with much more."

"Hey!" Magnus said and sounded nearly angry. He grabbed Alecs chin and turned him to look Magnus in the eyes. "Stop that bullshit. I don't care about people who deal with 'more' as you said. Stop comparing yourself. You are a normal human being you are allowed to have feelings. Would you judge Izzy or Jace if they would ask you for help? If they would struggle with something and admit they have problems?"

Alec felt how he started to tremble again.

"Of course not!" He said quickly, because it is true. He would never judge his siblings doesn't matter what.

"Then why do you judge yourself?" Magnus continued asking. Eyes gentle but certain.

"Because... because I'm not as talented as they are. I can't dance like Izzy. I'm not as charming or good looking as Jace. I can't do things easily. I have to work for it and that's exactly what I do."

He felt strange, exposing himself to Magnus. He never allowed himself being this vulnerable with someone else. Panic rose in his chest but Magnus sighed slightly and kneeled down behind him. He wrapped his arms around Alec and squeezed tightly, his head resting on Alecs shoulder.

"Thank you for talking to me but you should know that I disagree. You are in no way less than your siblings. Not in attractiveness nor in talent. Though second is something I can't evaluate very well right now but I trust my instincts." Magnus assured and kissed Alecs jaw line.

"You better don't or you'll be disappointed in the end." Alec whispered. Magnus sighed again.

"I guess it will be a long way till you believe me." Alec didn't know what to answer on that but he surprisingly noticed that he stopped trembling. He wondered why.

In that moment he heard Jace scream.

"He did fucking what?!" The only warning they got was Izzys

"Jace you better don't..." Before Alecs door flew open and Jace rushed in. He didn't even stop as he saw Alec and Magnus, who was still behind Alec and had his arms wrapped around his shoulders.

"Alec let go of your lover an gimme your phone!" He ordered and stretched out his hand. Magnus chuckled and freed Alec of his grip. Alec ran his hand through his hair in a try to sooth it a little as he threw his phone towards Jace. He immediately scrolled through the messages from Peter as Alec supposed. He didn't even bother to leave the room. Alec could see how his rage grew with every message and his grip around Alec phone tightened. 

"I'll crush that sick bastard!" Jace growled through gritted teeth.

"Sure but please don't crush my phone." Alec said and took it out of Jace' fist.

"First he thinks he can treat you like shit, than he beats you up ready for the hospital and now this. Alec why the hell didn't you fight back?"

Alecs and Magnus' eyes widened in sync. Alec in shock of what Jace had just exposed and Magnus in shock of the news. Alec made a quick look towards Magnus before he jumped up and pushed Jace out of his room back to the living room.

"You big idiot!" He hissed.

"What?" Jace asked. Izzy slapped her hand on her forehead.

"Jace you can't be a lawyer being that dump." She sighed. Jace poked her tongue out at her.

"Jace why did you...?" Alec started but Jace interrupted him.

"Look, I'm sure Magnus doesn't mind." He bend over to face Magnus he silently got up and stood in Alecs door frame by now. "Right Magnus?"

Alec turned to see his reaction but Magnus just shrugged.


"No, Alec look. I'm quite sure that if you don't act the way he wants you to, that this will happen again. I just want you to fucking defend yourself. It's not that hard." Jace said.

"I don't want to beat him." Alec stated.

"I know, otherwise you would have fought back, back then. There are other ways too you know."

"He has a point there." Izzy agreed. Alec turned to look at Magnus once again.

"Can we discuss this another time, please?" He sighed. Magnus smiled.

"Don't bother because of me. It seems I get dragged in your family quarrels quit often." He took a glance on his watch and frowned.

"I need to go soon, anyway" He added and moved forward towards Alec. He kissed him on the cheek and whispered "Don't worry so much."

Alec walked Magnus to the door.

"I'm sorry for the day, it wasn't..." Magnus pecked him on the lips.

"What did I just say?" Magnus asked sternly. Alec wanted to apologize again but he figured that Magnus would just scold him again.

"When does your shift end?" He asked instead.

"Tomorrow evening."

"Would you like to come by? I could cook dinner. You know it's my turn now, with organizing the date. Though it probably won't be as beautiful." He offered. Magnus smiled.

"You can cook, Alexander?"

"Well, someone has to in this household. Izzy is a danger and Jace only ever makes pancakes." Magnus chuckled before answering.

"Well, as lovely as this sounds I want to be honest. I'll probably be drop dead exhausted after my shift." He explained and Alec smiled to hide his disappointment. He had no right to be disappointed.

"But I have another idea." Magnus continued. "I have a break tomorrow morning. We could meet for breakfast if you like." Alec beamed at him but as he remembered that tomorrow is Monday and he had classes he frowned.

"When is your break?" He asked.

"Around ten a.m."

"Hmmm, I have a free period at that time. I'd just have to come back in time I guess." Alec thought out loud.

"I could pick you up." Magnus offered. Alecs eyes shot up to him.

"You have a car? Who has a car in New York?"

"I have to get from Brooklyn to Manhattan and back nearly every day. It's rather convenient." Magnus laughed.

"Okay" Alec said "If that's fine by you. I can send you the address of the university."

"Great. I'll see you tomorrow then. Bye Alexander." He pecked Alec on the lips and rushed of. Alec stared after him for a while before he went back in the apartment.

Chapter Text

Magnus cautiously rubbed his eyes. Those stupid contacts itched already the whole night. He should probably take them out but he had to meet with Alec soon and that would be really strange.

He was in the locker room by now and changed out of his white coat. He was already pretty exhausted but he wanted to see Alec again and he would have something to eat in the cafeteria of the hospital otherwise. So he really preferred his breakfast date.

He grabbed his keys and went out towards the parking lot.

"Dr. Bane you are going out for breakfast today?" Magnus heard a familiar voice behind him.

He turned around and smiled at her.

"I do." He confirmed with a smirk on his lips. The daintily figure gave him a knowing look and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"May I ask where you are heading?" She asked, grinning herself. Magnus chuckled and turned again, following his path.

"You know damn well where I'm going Caterina." He heard her laughter and shortly before he left threw the doors she screamed after him.

"Have fun."

Magnus went out and towards his rented parking lot. He drove to the address Alec has sent him and parked in front of the campus entrance. He got out and leaned on his car, waiting for his date.

Students went in and out and eyed him with curious glances. Magnus felt suddenly stupidly old. Alec is only a few years younger but compared with the average student Magnus was way older. He tugged his hands in the pockets of his jeans, hoping Alec would come soon.

Lost in thought Magnus noticed that it's actually quite admirable for Alec to go back to university and following what he actually wants to do. Thinking of the devil a familiar black tuft came in sight. Alec was rather easy to spot due to his height and although he was still about hundred meters afar but Magnus believed to already see the crystal blue of his eyes. Alecs long frame coming towards Magnus left him in a strange nervosity. Magnus shook his head slightly, scolding himself for acting like a crushing teenager. He couldn't help it though. The man's stunning handsomeness robbed him his breath every time he saw him. Magnus still couldn't believe how Alec couldn't see how attractive he is.

Alec beamed at him as he approached and offered a nervous "Hi"

Magnus didn't know how to respond to this. Should he just answer? Should he hug him or just give him the hand? Was he allowed to kiss Alec in front of the campus? Magnus knew that Alec struggled with accepting his sexuality and the least thing he wanted to do was making him uncomfortable. He settled for a soft smile and a "Hey" back.

Magnus felt how they drew attention from the other students. Alec didn't seem to notice but Magnus would bet that if Alec knew he would feel uncomfortable so Magnus pushed himself off of his car and opened the door to the passenger seat. He took a step aside to invite Alec in.

In this moment Alec seemed to take notice of Magnus' car for the first time. His eyes widened as he stared down.

"T-This is your car?" He asked stunned.

"Do you like it?" Magnus asked back.

"Of course. It's a Ferrari 365 2+2 right? Are you sure it's fine if I just... sit in it? Like, shouldn't it be in a museum or something?" Alec mumbled excited. Magnus laughed and laid his hand reassuringly on Alecs lower back.

"It's fine Alexander. It's just a car after all." Magnus stated.

Alec turned to face him and laid his arms around Magnus' neck, which took Magnus by surprise. Alec, who appears to be more like a shy puppy most of the times, showed affection in public, moreover in front of his university . Well, Alec never ceased to amaze him anyway. So he smiled in return and tightened his grip around Alecs waist.

"How can you call this just a car? This is my religion." Alec laughed. Magnus quirked a questioning brow.

"Do I have to be jealous now?" He asked in mocked shock. Something sparkled in Alecs eyes as he leaned in and whispered in Magnus ear.

"Unless you want me to jump on you and take a wild ride there's nothing to fear."

After that Alec turned around and slipped in the passengers seat, leaving a shocked, confused and slightly turned on Magnus behind.  After a few moments Magnus broke out of his haze and walked around the car, settling behind the steering wheel. Alec gave him an amused grin.

Magnus couldn't take that. He wouldn't let Alec win. So he grabbed the man on his collar and pulled him  over the shift knob, letting their lips collide in a flaming kiss. He bit in Alecs lower lip and slipped his tongue without great hesitation through Alecs lips. He tasted of coffee and something sweet and after he got over his first irritation, Alec slipped closer and grabbed Magnus biceps. Magnus cupped Alecs neck and deepened the kiss even more until he heard a groan coming right out of Alecs throat.

That's the moment when Magnus suddenly backed off, settling back in his seat and turning on the engine. He had a very hard time trying to act cool and uninfected. Though he was half hard himself and felt his heart nearly jumping out of his chest. Alec laughed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"You are evil." He stated, observing Magnus from the side. Magnus couldn't hide the grin.

"You enjoyed it though." He answered. Alec leaned in again.

"Yes, I did. And you too , I suppose." He breathed and rested his hand on Magnus tight, slipping slowly further up. Magnus took a sharp breath as Alecs fingers brushed lightly over the bulge in his pants.

"You are a dangerous man, Alexander." Magnus said, his voice rough and low. Alec chuckled.

"I'm not as innocent as I appear." Magnus shot a quick glance over to him.

"I never thought you appear innocent. I mean you tend to be a little shy sometimes but that's quite adorable."  

Alec didn't respond to that. Probably because he didn't know what. Magnus handed him his phone while focused on the street.

"Do you want to pick out the music?" He offered. Alec took his phone and scrolled through Magnus playlist.

"Is there even anything you don't listen to?" Alec chuckled.

"Country I guess. Well, it's not that I hate it but I just don't enjoy listening to it." Magnus answered.

"Okay, honestly I didn't expect to get an answer but note is taken." Alec said, deciding on a song and putting Magnus' phone down. The first two seconds were all it took for Magnus to recognize it. A huge grin spreading over his face.

"I love this song." He said. Alec smiled back.

"Me too."

Baby, wha'cha say?

I ain't here to, I ain't here to conversate

The first lines of the lyrics came through the sound box and both man started to slightly swing to the beat. They listened until the chorus came and both started to sing along. It sounded probably horrible but they didn't care. It was kind of freeing. To just shake of the chains of restrain and let it all out. It didn't matter that they were slightly off rhythm and that their friends would probably  make fun of them for that. No one has to know.

I got that la-la-la-like

Pull up, pull up, pull up straight from Tokyo

You cannot believe it when we come through

My god, you look good today


After the song ended they burst out in laughter.

"I know this song from Izzy and if she'd ever get to know that I actually listen to it she'll never let me get off of it." Alec explained, trying to get back his control. Magnus shrugged.

"I won't tell her if you bring on Charlie Puth next." Magnus grinned. Alec faked a shocked face while grabbing for Magnus' phone once again.

"Dr. Bane are you blackmailing me?"

Magnus just laughed as the music appeared and they sang along again. After that two more followed until Magnus pulled in the parking lot in front of his favourite diner.

They were still giggling as the slipped in the both right next to one of the huge windows. Magnus liked it here for two and a half reasons. First it's not so crowded as many other little diners. Second the food is simply heavenly and -now the half- the portions are huge, which doesn't count as a full point because it does bad things to Magnus' body. So he was currently in a pretty good mood after his make out and sing session with Alec but that was quickly disrupted by their stupid waiter. A 5,7 feet tall women, her blonde hair tied in a pony tail and even though Magnus didn't like to admit she was quite pretty. Unfortunately she wasn't blind either, means she was a little too attached to him. He already saw her smile when she just came to their table.

"Hi" She said with a smile sweeter than honey. "I'm Kimmy and I'm here for you this morning."

She literally ignored Magnus completely. Alec looked up to her and smiled, it wasn't his usual beaming smile but still Magnus didn't like it.

"Um can we have water for now? And the menu?" He asked using the same voice while being behind the bar.

"Sure! Anything else? Coffee, tea?" Kimmy asked and leaned further down. Alec looked towards Magnus.

"Do you know what you want?"

"Coffee is fine. I rushed the whole night through the hospital I could use the caffeine." He answered. Alec gave him a smile before turning his attention back to Kimmy.

"I'll take coffee too." He said.

"Great. I'll be right back." She said and winked at him.

Seriously. Magnus repressed a sigh and rolled his eyes. But Alec sat across from him and stared at him with such a lovely expression that Magnus quickly forgot his pouting. They smiled at each other for a while until Magnus had to break the connection. His contacts really started to burn now but he couldn't just go and come back with different eyes, so he just rubbed them as good as possible and ignored his. Alec seemed to notice that something was off though. He frowned and eyed him questioning but gladly -well more or less- Kimmy appeared again. Bringing two cups of coffee and two glasses with water, finally the handed each a menu before turning to Alec again.

"Okay, take your time. You can call me if you are ready, otherwise I'll just return in a few minutes." She beamed and touched Alecs forearm before rushing back. Magnus looked over the menu although he already knew what he would take. So he did alibi reading and asked Alec what he wants.

"Um, I don't know. The waffles with caramel cream and oranges sounds nice I guess." Magnus smiled at that.

"I guess we have a similar taste then. That's what I usually order." He explained.

"They must be good then." Alec chuckled.

"Of course, everything I like is great., which includes you I might add."

Alec blushed and ducked his head, hiding it behind the menu. Magnus really wished he wouldn't always hide it. He loved the slight pink always spreading on Alecs cheeks, showing the effectiveness his word have on the sweet man.

Suddenly Kimmy was back again and Magnus rolled his eyes again.

"Have you decided yet?" She asked, standing besides Alec and leaning down so her head nearly touched his shoulder.

"The waffles with cream and oranges for both of us." Alec ordered. Kimmy laid her hand on Alecs forearm once again, squeezing gently.

"That's an excellent choice. I love them too." She said and winked again. Magnus tried to figure out whether he should say something but Alec was quicker.

"Thanks, my friend chose them." He stated and gestured towards Alec using the movement to shake her hand from his arm. She blinked a few times before smiling again.

"Well, um, okay. I'll bring them in  about twenty minutes." She said and rushed away. Magnus burst out in laughter.

"What?" Alec asked in confusion.

"You totally sassed her."

"I did? How?" He asked, looking confused. Magnus slapped his hand on his forehead.

"My dearest Alexander, you are so naive." Magnus said.

"She absolutely flirted with you and you didn't even notice."

Alec frowned even more, stretching and turning his head searching for Kimmy before turning back to Magus and shrugged.

"I wondered why she touched me though. Izzy said it before too." He told Magnus. "That I am numb for my surroundings."

"Does this happen often?" Magnus asked amused.

"I don't know. I guess I wouldn't know. However I wonder why." Magnus took his hand and kissed his knuckles.

"Because you are gorgeous obviously." He said but Alec just frowned again.

"I'm not gorgeous. I'm just... plain." He mumbled. Magnus pressed his cheek in Alecs palm.

"You are far from being anything like plain, darling." Finally Alec didn't hide his blush and Magnus wanted to pull him over the table and kiss these full lips again.

A sudden sting in his eyes made him squeeze them shut. He pressed his thumb and index finger on his eye lids though that actually just made it worse.

"Are you okay?" Alec asked sounding concerned. "Did I do something wrong?"

Magnus had to laugh. Even now Alec still thought that it must be his fault.

"No such thing." He assured. "I just... I'll go to the restroom for now." He said and stood up but as he opened his eyes again, they teared up and he walked straight in the next table. At least there sat no one. It hurt anyways and he cursed under his breath.

Immediately Alec was by his side and supported him. Wrapping one arm around Magnus waist and taking his hand with the other he lead him to the restroom. Magnus propped up on the sink.

"I have a confession to make." He said and tried to sound light and unaffected but his voice failed him. He could hear the shaking himself. Alec stayed silent, waiting for him to continue.

"It's not really a big deal." He lied. For Magnus it was indeed a big deal but he wouldn't admit that.

"I, um, I use contacts." He finally admitted."It seems my eyes are rebelling against them now." He joked but neither Magnus nor Alec laughed.

"Can you take them out here or should we leave?" Alec asked. Magnus stiffened.

"No, uh, I can take them out but... please don't scream." He washed his hands and fumbled with his eyes. It took him a while but after he finally got them out he felt relief though his eyes still burned. He split water in his face and rinsed out his eyes with it, before opening them. He took a quick glance in the mirror and suppressed to flinch. After a deep breath he finally turned towards Alec and looked him in the eyes. He thought he had prepared himself but as Alecs eyes widened. Magnus felt his heart stop and quickly looked away. He experienced this way too often.

But instead of running away or insulting him Alec stepped closer and cupped Magnus face forcing him to look back at Alec, who was -much to Magnus' surprise- smiling.

"Magnus they are beautiful." He said and added quickly "You are beautiful."

Now Magnus stared at him wide-eyed. How can someone be so perfect?

"Uh... what?" He stumbled, irritated why Alec wasn't disgusted as all the others.

"I've never seen anything like this. It's like gold mixed with green and yellow and... holy shit do you have the whole rainbow in your eyes?" Alec breathed staring him in the eyes with an awed expression.

"You don't... hate it?" Magnus finally asked.

"No! How could I hate something as beautiful as this. I... uh you probably think this is crazy but I always had this feeling that something was odd with your eyes. I just couldn't figure it out what exactly it was. It just... didn't seem to fit."

Magnus felt tears burning in his eyes and Alec quickly took his hands back as if they have caused it.

"Sorry, maybe we should go after all." Alec stumbled, slightly panicking. Magnus quickly rubbed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Alec.

"No, I'm fine." He mumbled squeezing Alec tightly. Alec hugged him back.

"Okay. Maybe we should go back, though? Our food is probably there by now."

Magnus pulled back and kissed Alec with all the emotions currently swirling in his stomach. As they parted again Alecs eyes sparkled and he beamed at Magnus with his usual, carefree smile. It infected Magnus and he smiled back. Magnus hoped Alec would live forever because what would be the world without him?

As they came back to the table, there stood indeed to plates with golden baked waffles,  topped with cream and sliced oranges. Looking as great as always. They sat down and started eating and Alec was just as thrilled as himself about the taste.

Afterwards Alec insisted to pay because -as he said- he felt bad about their last date. It didn't really took him that much effort so he couldn't agree but Alec wouldn't give in. They were ready to go but before they actually left Magnus grabbed Alec and pressed their lips together.

"W-What was that for?" Alec asked, cheeks flushed. Magnus shrugged.

"I just wanted to make a point." He stated and looked over to Kimmy, who fled in the kitchen. Alec followed his gaze and raised a brow.

"Wait... were you jealous?" He asked, not able to hide his smirk. Magnus raised his chin, turned on his heel and left the diner.

"What's mine is mine." He whispered. "I licked it first, after all."

Chapter Text

Alec sighed as he finally stumbled through his apartment door. He threw the keys in a bowl next to the entrance and kicked off his shoes. He slipped out of his jacket and ran his fingers through his messy hair. He should probably cut it soon.

After his morning date with Magnus, he had two more classes before he went home and afterwards heading to work. Now it was the middle of the night, Alec was drop dead tired but at least he was home. He went straight to the bathroom and took of his clothes. Stepping in the shower and letting the hot water stream over his exhausted body.

While he stood there his mind wandered back to this morning. A light green was probably his new favourite colour now. He is still stunned just thinking of it. However when he thinks about Magnus reaction, there must have been more than one occasion where Magnus got insulted or infringed due to his eye colour. This is absolutely ridiculous. Why would anyone say something against these beautiful, breath-taking eyes? Alec didn't understand it but Magnus was so afraid of showing them. Hell, he wore these damn contacts the whole time to hide his eyes.

Alec would show Magnus how wonderful they are, and that he does not need to hide them. At least not with him.

Next he would remember them singing in the car, Magnus' soft voice. Magnus pouting because of jealousy. Magnus grabbing his collar and crashing their lips together. His lips so soft and his tongue so fierce. Strands of his silky hair falling on his forehead and Alec remembered the heat radiating of him as Alec slipped his hand over Magnus thigh, and further up. He still can't believe that he did this to Magnus, that he was able to make him feel this good. He clearly felt the budge in Magnus' pants after all.

"Fuuuuuck." He groaned, looking down staring at his own erection. He closed his eyes shut. He shouldn't be this aroused by just remembering Magnus, though here he was. Late night in the shower with a hard on.

Without even thinking about it, his hand wrapped around his arousal and he groaned again. He remembered Magnus swift movements on the stage, while singing to Alec. The feeling of his lips, his taste and the feeling of his long frame burying Alec.  He imagined what would have happened if they hadn't stopped the other day. The feeling of Magnus' skin moving over his own. His smell and soft moans.

He started stroking himself as he imagined what it would feel like to have the heat of Magnus' mouth wrapped around his length, taking him in deep. He felt himself starting to tremble and tightened his grip. He heard Magnus in his mind, calling him 'Alexander' in a low and rough voice, his hot tongue burning patterns in Alecs skin. His weight resting in Alecs lap, arms wrapped around Alecs shoulders. Alec quickened his thrusts and whispered Magnus' name, pleading, again and again until he came with a shiver running through his entire body.

He pressed his forehead against the cool tiling, leaning against the wall, panting and slowly slipping down on the floor. He ran his hands in his wet hair and tugged tightly, anger rising in his chest. What the hell did he just do? He jerked off to Magnus like a desperate teenager.

He was disgusted by himself. How should he ever face Magnus again? Hell, his siblings use the same shower.

He quickly washed his body and hair and left the shower, rubbing himself dry and slipping in his pyjama. He brushed his teeth, avoiding to look in the mirror while doing so and flopped on his bed afterwards.

Why did he do this? Magnus didn't deserve something like this. He used him for his dirty satisfaction.

With thoughts full of self-hatred he fell asleep, though it wasn't resting at all.


The next morning he felt even more like shit. He wondered if he would feel any different if he hadn't slept at all. He didn't thought so.

As he stepped in the kitchen, yawning, Izzy and Jace sat already at the table, eating cereals.

"Morning, buddy" Jace called.

"Morning" He grumbled back, ruffling his hair.

"Wow, what happened to you? Did you even sleep?" Izzy asked, concern in her voice.

"At least I don't feel like it." He answered.

"Coffee?" Jace offered knowingly. Alec nodded quickly and grabbed his cup.

"Do you have shift this evening again?" Izzy asked. Since Alecs nice visit in the hospital Izzy tended to panic more easily by anything concerning Alec, sleep and his work.

"We both do." Jace answered. Izzy sighed, stood up and wrapped one arm around each brother.

"I love you guys. See you tomorrow then." She kissed each on the cheek and left.

"We love you too." Alec screamed after her.

"Kick some ass today." Jace added.

"Hey, you know me. I always do." Izzy answered laughing.

Jace finished his breakfast and stood up, grabbing his things.

"I gotta leave as well. Later buddy."

Alec waved and said his good-bye and soon he was alone in the apartment. He hadn't had much time to get lost in thoughts again though because soon he heard his phone ping. Alec got up and searched for it, unlocking the screen and opening the message. A smile growing on his face.


Good morning Alexander. How are you today? I'm on break right now and kinda bored. What are you up to today? [sent 9:22 a.m.]

Alec quickly typed an answer but before he could press 'send' his phone started vibrating with an incoming call.

Alec froze as he stared on the display. Why now? He gulped before answering it.

"What do you want?" He rasped out. There was a short silence on the other end before the person started speaking.

"Is that a way for greeting your mother?" Alec took a deep breath trying to control his voice.

"Well you said I'm not your son any longer so I don't have to treat you as my mother as well." His mother sighed deeply.

"I never said that. I-"

"But father did and you didn't say anything against it. So sorry for making my own conclusion." He interrupted her. He heard another voice and before Alec could react his father was on the phone.

"Alexander can't you just stop being so stubborn. That's not how we raised you." Roberts deep voice ringing in Alecs ears.

"You didn't raise us at all, actually." Alec countered. His father sighed deeply.

"You don't have to be so cynical. It was your decision to leave the house."

Alecs mouth fell open. For a few seconds he was speechless.

"What?" He stumbled.

"We gave you the choice, didn't we? Either you want to stay or leave and do your... crazy thing." Robert said the last two word with such disgust in his voice that Alec suddenly realised it wouldn't matter what he says. His father will never accept him.

"So I guess it's my fault then, that being myself is such an inconvenience for you." He said with as much sarcasm in his voice as possible.


"Don't call me that." He interrupted. Only Magnus is allowed to do so, he thought but of course didn't say it.

"Fine, Alec, you are old enough to make your own decisions. If you choose to live that way, so be it but don't expect from us to cope with it. Anyway that's not the reason I'm calling-"

"It's NOT a choice, Robert!" Alec screamed, maybe a bit too loud, and hung up. He was trembling and tears of anger stung in his eyes. It took very much of him to calm down again and just as he thought he had composed himself his phone rang again.

"Can't you just fucking leave me alone!" He snapped and heard his mother gasp.

"Alec, I'm sorry for your father. Can't you guys fine some kind of compromise? You know there is this charity gala soon. Many of our friends will be there and they asked for you and your siblings. We don't really have an explanation for you guys to disappear." Alec snorted coolly.

"Because saying you are embarrassed for your gay son would make you look like intolerant assholes. Sure. Please continue." He could nearly hear his mother clenching her jaw, though she didn't say anything on his provocation.

"I thought you could show up with Aline. Wouldn't that be nice?" She tried to sound light but Alec knew she was fighting for composure herself.

"Why? Because she's gay as well? Do you think this would 'cure' us? I can tell you right now it won't. Instead you will have two weirded out gays standing beside each other and secretly eying the other guests.  What a fabulous idea!" He exclaimed, rolling his eyes.

"I didn't say you have to do anything. You could just enjoy each other's company. You two got along well back then." Maryse argued.

"That doesn't mean I have to date her. Even if I weren't gay, she's still my cousin. That's enough to make it awkward."

"I didn't say you have to date her, did I? Just show up together." She said, slowly losing her patience.

"Why would I-" He wanted to complain but this time he got interrupted.

"Wouldn't it be nice to get the feeling of family back? For your siblings? Don't you think they miss all this? Don't you think they may regret everything that happened?"

Alec froze. He always tried not to involve his siblings in his arguments with his parents but he never thought they might regret coming with him. He wouldn't ever want to hold them back. It was his duty to protect them and their feelings after all. He was the big brother, he had to deal with it.

"I-I guess I could show." He gave finally in. Eyes focused on the floor.

"Great! Alec I'm really glad you're doing this. I'll let you know about the details soon." She said and hung up. Alec let his hand falling beside his waist, fist squeezing his phone.

He decided the best would be not to dwell on it now. Instead he gathered his things himself and headed to university.


"Hey, honey!" Lydia greeted him as they met in the lecture hall.

"Hi" He mumbled back.

"What's got you so frowning?" She asked, eying him alarmed. He sighed and rolled his eyes for her to see.

"My life is a mess." He stated.

"What happened?"  Alec flopped on the seat beside her and rested his head on the table, staring up to her.

"My parents called earlier." He saw her expression change. Her eyes widened and filled with anger and curiosity.

"Why? You didn't talk to them in years, did you?"

"Not since the funeral." He said, voice low.

"It seems they can't admit to their 'friends' that they disowned their homosexual son. Maryse said they were questioned after Izzy, Jace and I and since there is this stupid charity gala soon, they want me to show up with Aline and pretend that nothing ever happened and that I'm a happily living hetero man who dates his cousin." He explained. Lydia pressed her lips together and shook her head.

"Of course. Totally comprehensible." She said sarcastically. "I hope your sassed your way out of it?"

Alec turned his head and hid his face behind his arm.

"No!" Lydia nearly screamed. "Alec, look at me and tell me you declined!" 

Alec looked at her but didn't say a word.

"You got to be kidding me! Why do you do this to yourself? There is absolutely nothing you owe your parents. Why would you go this far for them?" Lydia argued, sounding angry and sad at the same time.

"I don't do it for my parents, Lyd. It's a way to regain some kind of relationship." Lydia opened her mouth but before she could say anything Alec continued.

"Not for me, of course. I know that train has left the station long ago, but it's my fault that Jace and Izzy lost their parents. I don't expect them to become very close I just want them to start talking again."

Lydia sighed and hung her head.

"You are a big, dumb idiot, you know that right? But, sadly, I know how you are. You won't let me meddle, when you made a decision you stick to it. However you know that your siblings wouldn't ask this of you right?"

"Yeah, if Izzy knew she would probably  chain me to my bed for the whole night, just that I can't go to that gala. That's exactly why you need to promise me not to tell them." Alec looked his friend deep in the eyes and she shook her head again.

"Fine, I won't say anything but I still think you are dump." She gave in and leaned against his side.

"Tell me something I don't know." Alec chuckled.

Alecs phone buzzed and as he took at it and read the new message his eyes widened in shook. He totally forgot to answer Magnus.


I hope I didn't bother you by anything. Just text me when you have time? :) [sent 11:49 a.m.]

He quickly replied making sure to hit the send button probably.


Magnus I'm so sorry! I love hearing from you it was just a pretty bad morning! [sent 11:49 a.m.]


Don't worry about it. It's not like I expect from you to be available 24/7. Is everything alright though? [sent 11:50 a.m.]

Alec wondered whether he should tell Magnus about it. He wasn't even sure what they were, they started dating just a few days ago, so he thought it would be better not to be so blunt in the beginning.


Yeah I'm fine. Thank you for caring though [sent 11:50 a.m.]



Of course darling! I wish I could see you though. [sent 11:51 a.m.]


Alecs heart clenched. Magnus was too good to be true.


Me too but I can't steal you from your patients... [sent 11:51 a.m.]


Talking of the devil... I gotta go. Will text you later ;* [sent 11:51 a.m.]


Alec chuckled of Magnus' use of smiley


Looking forward to it. Save some lives ;) [sent 11:52 a.m.]


"You two are adorable dorks." Lydia stated.

"Are you spying on me?" Alec asked in mock shock. Lydia gave him a devil smirk.

"I may or may not have promised your sister to bring in information about you and Magnus." Alec pressed a hand over his mouth trying not to laugh out loud while being in class. He loved that his best friend and his sister got along so well. At first, Izzy was rather cold towards Lydia but the blonde girl had a way to worm her way into everyone's heart and as Izzy realised that Lydia really cared about Alec they became friends as well.

Alec really tried to concentrate on what the professor said but eventually his mind would wander to different people, people carrying a part of his heart as well as people who lost that part long ago.

He was glad when classes ended and he could finally go home. Though his peace didn't stay for long and soon his phone ringed again.

"Seriously, what's up today?" He grumbled as he answered.

"Yes?" He said in the speaker.

"Alec!" He heard a familiar voice.

"Aline?" He asked even though he was sure.

"Yes, I know we didn't talk in forever but it's rather urgent." She said.

"Is it about the charity gala?" He asked, clamping the phone between his ear and his shoulder while making himself a sandwich.

"So your parents told you already." She said sadly.

"Yeah, I had the pleasure this morning." He answered filling his words with sarcasm.

"I'm so sorry. I know your relationship with your parents is even worse than mine. Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine. I know them after all." He assured her, appreciating her concern.

"What did you say?" She asked next, sounding nervous.

"Well, actually I agreed but of course I won't go if it makes you uncomfortable." There was a short silence.

"I let it depend on you. I said if you are willing to go, I will as well but... are you sure?"

"Pretty much. I mean it won't be date, I know you have a girlfriend. We would just show for a while and pretend to be on good terms with our parents." He heard Aline laugh slightly.

"Man that sounds so depressing." He chuckled too.

"I guess it would be, if we didn't date anyone already." Now there was a longer break until Aline started screaming.

"ALEC LIGHTWOOD HOW DARE YOU FIND A BOYFRIEND AND NOT TELLING ME ABOUT IT! HELEN COME HERE I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!" Alec laughed over her reaction and held the phone away from his ear until she stopped screaming.

"What's up?" He heard Helen in the background.

"Alec has a boyfriend." Aline enlightened Helen.

"Good for him. Maybe he's not as stiff if he gets laid more often." Aline burst out laughing.

"Hey I can hear you!" Alec complained, glad they couldn't see his blush. Both girls laughed for a while.

"Okay, okay, but really you need to tell me everything when we see each other again." Aline demanded after finally calming down.

"Seems it won't be that long. Also, we're not really at the point to call each other boyfriends, at least I'm not sure about it." He explained.

"But you are dating?"

"Pretty much." Alec confirmed proudly.

"Isn't that the same anyway?" Helen asked.

"No, being each other's boyfriend is like a commitment to a serious relationship, the term dating is more casual." Aline explained. Alec and Helen laughed over that.

"Whatever you say babe." Helen said finally.

"Anyway I'm actually looking forward to seeing you again Alec." Aline said and made Alec smile with that.

"Yeah, me too. It's been too long." He agreed.

"Okay, I gotta go. See you soon and give your guy a kiss from me." She said good-bye and hung up.

It wasn't a lie. Alec really looked forward to seeing his cousin again. Maryse was right after all, they did get along really well when they were younger but they just lost contact over the years. He was glad it was still the same as before though.

He made a mental note to tell Izzy about it, she would love to hear from Aline. Maybe he wouldn't mention it towards Jace though. There was a time when Aline and Jace used to date, before -or as for Alecs suspicion, while - Aline figured out her sexuality.

He sat down on his small desk, finally eating his sandwich and started to make his homework before he had to head to work.

Chapter Text

Alec stared at the mirror in front of him and sighed. His feelings were very conflicted. On the one hand he were really looking forward to seeing Aline again but on the other hand he hated to be his parents little puppet.

Also he felt really uncomfortable in that fucking  suit. He hated the dressing shirt and the tie and especially the shoes. His hair were slicked back and he felt like some ludicrous James Bond double. However he knew it was what was expected from him and if he does this anyway then he'd do it right.

He did it for a reason after all.

Talking of which.

"Izzy what are you doing here?" He asked startled. Izzy was supposed to be at rehearsal for her performance this evening. Now she stood in his door, arms crossed before her chest.

"Funny I was going to ask the same." She said frowning. Alec looked down at himself.

"I... uh... I have a date?" He tried, knowing instantly that his sister would see through it.

"What? With the queen? Nope, try again."

"I have... an interview?" Izzy shook her head.

"Alec you have a job and go to university. You absolutely suck at making excuses."

He let his head hang and flopped on the bed.

"Fine, promise you won't get mad?" Izzy settled beside him and eyed him questioning.

"I don't think I can do that." She said suspiciously.

"Okay, so last week I got a call from Maryse and Robert. Actually Maryse but I guess Robert didn't-"

"Wait, wait, wait!  What the hell? Mom and dad called you? Why?" She interrupted him.

"Will you let me speak? Then you may find out." Alec scolded. Izzy nodded quickly and made a gesture like zipping her mouth shut.

"So, Maryse called and asked me to come to this charity gala. You know for the good sake. And I said yes, end of story." Izzy stared at him for a few seconds and threw suddenly her hands in the air.

"Alec you seriously drive me insane! Can't you tell me what happened probably just once?" She hissed.

"But I did tell you everything." He protested, adding 'nearly' in his head. Izzy didn't need to know about their parents attitude towards him.

"Everything? Do we have a different definition for that word? Why did they call? Why now? Why did they ask you and not Jace or me? Why didn't you tell me anything about it? Should I continue?"

Alec ran with his hands through his face.

"Apparently some of their friends asked questions about us and they didn't want to admit being homophobic assholes so they thought it would be good to make a show. I guess they asked me because I'm the oldest and I didn't tell you because I knew how you would react." He explained.

"That's bullshit and you know it. They asked you because they know Jace and I wouldn't even hear them out and you know why we wouldn't. Because of you. Because they treat you like shit, why do you help them now?"

"I know but it's a first step towards each other. It's a first step towards family." He countered.

"Who wants a family like this? That's not even family. This would only be a bunch of blood related people acting to get along."

"It's better than nothing." Alec mumbled. Izzy sighed and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Alec, I love you. You and Jace are my family I don't need anything more. It's better than ever now that we live together and are finally free to be truly ourselves. I know you often doubt yourself and you like to burden the weight of the whole world on your shoulders but Mom and Dad are just using you. They use the people you care for -which happens to be Jace and me in this case- against you. They manipulate you so you do what they want."

Alec stood up gathering his things. He didn't want to think that way. He didn't want to realize that he destroyed every chance they had for a normal family. He especially didn't want to know that their parents really had nothing left for him than disgust and their own use. He gulped and pushed the thoughts away. This was nothing to think about now (or ever).

"I'm going anyway. I can't ditch Aline." He said and his sister quickly jumped up.

"Aline? Our cousin Aline? Why is she coming?" Izzy wanted to know. Alec scretched the back of his neck.

"Uhm you know she has a girlfriend right?" Izzy nodded.

"Well it's like a very smart cover-up plan from our parents, I guess. We show up together you know." Izzy shook her head again.

"I really dont like this but I can't force you to stay here, not when Aline is waiting for you. Do you pick her up?"  Izzy wanted to know.

"No, since neither of us has a car and driving towards each other with the subway would be a huge detour we decided to meet there."

Izzy faced him, brining her hands up to set his tie.

"Fine, promise me to bring her over some time soon. I haven't seen her in forever and I want to get to know her girlfriend. Geez Alec one may think you have never tied a tie in your life. What  did you even do there?" Izzy mumbled, trying to unknot the bundle of silky fabric. Alec frowned.

"But you do know her. At least you've met Helen a couple of times before." Izzys eyes shot up to him.

"No kidding? Aline and Helen are together? For how long?"

"I think it's a little over two years soon. I'm surprised you didn't know." Alec said, watching his sister as she did his tie all over again.

"Betrayal! Why didn't nobody tell me?"

"I don't think it was on purpose. Anyway I need to go or poor Aline has to wait. I hope I won't be gone for too long but either way don't near the kitchen." Alec ordered and chuckled as Izzy hit him before the chest.

Few minutes later Alec was on his way to the city hall where the charity gala was. It felt strange, standing in the subway with a suit. He hoped he wouldn't get mugged. Not that he had anything of worth with him.

Alec was convinced the city hall would be visible from outer space. The whole building and the pavement in front of it were lit brightly. Alec wondered what kind of charity gala this would be when the organisation is more expensive than the donations they would gain.

He could see a small figure standing on the stairs. As Alec neared further he noticed that it's actually two figures. He knew both.

"Alec!" The first one shouted and waved heavily as she took notice of him. He smiled and waved back.

"Hi Aline. Helen." He greeted, approaching them. Helen simply nodded.

"Ah yes, sorry Alec. It was rather spontaneous to bring her along. I hope you don't mind. I should have told you beforehand." Aline apologized but Alec waved her off.

"Nah, it's totally fine. The more the merrier and I kind of want to see the looks on your parents faces." Aline took a breath of reliefe and hugged him.

"It's really good seeing you again. But its rather cold here, we should probably join the party." Helen said, so they made their way up the stairs.

Soft jazz music greeted them as they entered the hall. Everything was bright and sparkly and classy and -in Alecs opinion- there were far too many people. They all wrapped in expensive dresses and covered with fake smiles. This is going to be a very long evening.

It didn't even take him longer than ten minutes to spot his parents. They were standing at the other end of the hall talking to a few people. Alec wasn't going to greet them though. He felt sick enough just seeing them.

"I'm going to get us some drinks. Think we might need them tonight, at least I do." Helen said and rushed off. Aline smiled and looked after her girlfriend.

"Aline can I ask you something?" Alec said after a while.

"Sure what's up?"

"Um how do I say it... is your relationship with Helen a secret?"Alines eyes widened at the question.

"Not precisely. Why?"

"Well, I told Izzy. I thought she knew but apparently she didn't. I just wondered because she's usually the one to know things first and I was just worried that I spilled something."

"That's fine, we are not hiding or anything but you know my parents. We try not to make a big deal out of it. I told you because we have the same problem you know." Alec frowned at her words.

"I don't really thinks it's a 'problem' you know" It's just who we are, right?" Aline beamed at him for that.

"Alec I'm so proud you're saying that." Alec smiled in return and wanted to say something else but they got interrupted.

"Alexander Lightwood, how good to see you here." Someone behind him said. He quickly turned around and saw an elderly couple. He knew he had seen them before but he couldn't remember where or who they are.

"Ah yes, hello." He said trying not to sound awkward.

"Where are your lovely sister? And that other boy you take care of?" The woman asked and Alec flinched. How dare they to exclude Jace.

"Do you mean my brother Jace by any chance?" He countered bitterly. The woman was clearly confused but smiled anyway.

"We haven't seen you all in a while. Your parents said you were busy but they didn't want to spill anything." Said now the man.

"Well yes, we all are. The business never sleeps, right?" He said with a forced laugh. He thought it would be best to pass the question. The couple chuckled.

"Of course, of course. Well, won't you introduce your girlfriend?" The woman said and smiled towards Aline.

"Of course, where are my manners. That's Aline she's not my girlfriend though." Alec said and put a hand on Alines shoulder.

"Hello." Aline greeted.

"Oh why, that's a pity. You two would make such a lovely couple."

Alec didn't know what to say to this, gladly Aline took the opportunity.

"We are cousins so I'd rather pass." The eyes of the couple widened and Alec had a really hard time to suppress his laughter.

"Uh well good family is important too right? The Lightwoods are known for her lovely family." The man tried to save the situation but little did he know about what he has said. It was wrong on so many ways. Alec wouldn't even know where to start, if he wanted to explain it.

The couple excused themselves shortly after and disappeared in the crowed, just when Helen showed up with three glasses of champagne. Alec emptied his at a draught.

"Wow, take it slow cowboy. If you get shitfaced you will only embarrass yourself here." Helen warned.

"I know. I just really don't want to be here." He mumbled. The girls exchanged a quick glance and grinned, standing to his left and right they scanned the crowed.

"No worries. You just need the right company." Helen joked.

Sure, but Magnus is not here, Alec thought to himself.

"I'm dating someone, remember?" He said.

"That doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself. I'm not saying you should go jump on the next available, just have some fun." Aline countered.

"You two are not even officially together right? I bet you aren't exclusive right?" Helen added.  Alec stared at her in shock.

"Hell what's up with you guys? We didn't talk about it yet but that doesn't mean I want to go 'enjoy myself' as you said." He grumbled. Helen smirked at him.

"You like him a lot don't you?" She teased. He didn't say anything but his blush was probably enough of an answer.

"What's he like? What does he look like?" Aline asked excited. Alec couldn't help the smile spreading over his face.

"First of all he's doctor which is pretty amazing and, uh, he's kind and compassionate I guess. And a total gentleman. Oh and he's absolutely gorgeous. He has these crazy eyes which seem to have every colour in them. He's tall, taller than me. His skin is so smooth and tanned. He's from Indonesia." Alec quickly stopped as he noticed how he started to ramble like a crushing teen.

"Oh boy, you have it bad." Helen chuckled.

"Is he like that guy over there?" Aline asked and pointed in one direction. Alec followed her finger and froze. He didn't exactly know why it shocked him that much.

It was like the two worlds Alec tried so desperately to keep separate suddenly collided. It took all control away from him. He felt lost and helpless and as he stood there and his eyes snapped from the man who became so important to him, to his parents who only stood about sixty foot away, he felt like there was no air left for him.

All this time since he came out to his parents he pushed the reality away from him. Regardless that it happened subconscious, the truth about his parents feelings towards him were locked in a small box in his mind and it was like suddenly the box burst open and he couldn't deny it anymore. His whole body tensed and he realized he was trembling.

"Alec are you alright?" He heard Aline ask, concern in her voice, but it sounded so far away. His ears were ringing and his heart raced. Cold sweat covered his body and he felt like the whole hall started to move.

His breathing quickened but no air reached his lungs. What is this? He never felt so helpless before.

"Alec!" Suddenly Aline stood before him, her hands cupped his face and she stared him in the eyes.

"Alec, what is happening to you?" She asked.

"I..." He rasped out and tried to gulp but his mouth was so dry. "I can't breathe."  

"He's having a panic attack. We need to get him out of here." Helen said.

"I'll bring him to the restroom." Aline said. Alec didn't hear it though. He focused on not collapsing. He lost all control over his body. He felt dizzy and sick and hot and cold and... horribly terrified.

"Why is he here?" Alec whispered.

"He? The guy I showed you?" Aline asked.

"Wait, is that the guy he's dating?" Helen thought out loud.

"Alec, can you hear me?" Aline tried again but Alec didn't answer. He was totally lost.

"He's hyperventilating. Aline what do we do? We can't call his parents. I think that would only make it worse and if we call his siblings it would be too long till they are here." Helen stated.

"Look, he's constantly staring at that guy. I'll go over to him and ask him if he knows Alec. You take him to the restroom. Try to talk to him, I'll hurry." Aline said. Helen nodded, wrappen one arm around Alecs waist and dragged him towards the restroom, while Aline fought her way through the crowed. As she neared the guy she stopped wondering if she maybe was wrong. This guys eyes were simply brown not at all like Alec described them.

She decided to give it a try anyway. Who knows maybe they are lucky today. Alec said that guy is doctor so he will probably know what has to be done. She approached him and tipped him on the shoulder, ignoring that he was in the middle of a conversation. He looked down to her and frowned.

"Can I help you?" He asked. Aline suddenly noticed how crazy this will sound for that guy if he isn't the one she's searching for.

"Um, this may be surprising now but do you know Alec Lightwood? Tall, dark hair, blue eyes?"  She asked, sounding ridiciously hopeful. The guy faced her completely now.

"Honey you don't have to describe him. That man is rather unforgettable. Why?" Relief rushed through Aline as the chance to be right rose.

"Are you the doctor he met a few times?" The man smiled brightly that Alec seemed to had mentioned him.

"I think that is an understatement but yes I am the doctor. Who are you though?"

"Can you come with me for a while? It's really very important." The man frowned even deeper, probably noticing her fear. He simply nodded and let himself drag to the restroom.

As they entered the small room Helen kneeled before Alec, who sat on the floor back leaning against the wall. He looked even worse now. His fists tugging on his hair. Tears streamed down his cheeks and his breathing was still way too quick. Helen turned around, looking as frightened as Aline felt.

"Dear Baby Jesus." The man mumbled before rushing over and kneeling beside Helen.

"How long has he been that way?" He asked.

"I don't know five to ten minutes." Helen answered. The man nodded and put his hands over Alecs mouth. He tried to shake him away but the man tightened his grip.

"Alexander, can you hear me?  It's me, Magnus. Listen to my voice, okay? You don't have to answer just concentrate on it."


Alec didn't notice anything that was happening around him. He tried to calm himself but his mind was a mess. His thought rushed through his mind and he couldn't get a hold on them. It was just too much, everything was too much.

He suddenly felt something hard and cool pressing against his back and let himself slip down to the ground. The ringing in his ears drove him crazy. He brought his shaking hands up to his head and fisted them in his hair, tugging tightly. What should he do? What was happening here? Wasn't there something he had to do? He couldn't remember. He just wanted it to stop but he didn't know how to do it.

Air, he needed air. Why couldn't he breathe?

Someone was talking to him but he couldn't make out what they were saying.

Then there was suddenly something covering his mouth. He tried to escape, tried desperately to breath. He already got no air in his lungs now he couldn't even breathe.

The thing covering his mouth felt oddly familiar and was so warm. He wanted to crawl in that warmth and rest there.

"Alexander, can you hear me?" The voice was so soft, though it was able to cut through his running thoughts. It was like salve for his soul.

"It's me, Magnus."

Magnus? Hmm Magnus... Wait! Magnus?! Ah yeah he was here, but where is 'here', again?

Wait... why is Magnus here? With him? His panic rose again. Magnus musn't see him like this!

"Listen to my voice, okay?" Magnus said and it comforted Alec. He wanted to answer, or nod but he didn't know how to.

"You don't have to answer, just concentrate on it." Alec tried to do it. He tried really hard. Magnus' words felt like a lifeline.

"Everything is okay, dear. You'll be fine, I promise." Magnus assured and Alec actually believed him. He would be fine he just needed to focus on Magnus words.

"Breath with me Alexander. Slowly, okay? There is enough air in here for you, you don't need to worry." Magnus said. And Alec finally got to nod.

"Great, now breath in for three seconds. Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three. Okay and now hold the breath until I say you can release it, okay?" He nodded again and felt the warmth on his cheek, drawing small circles on his temple.

"You do really great, dear. Now release your breath for four seconds. Listen to me counting. Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four. Good and breath in again..." This went on for a little while. Alec breathing with Magnus' counting, only concentrating on his voice and the warmth of his touch and then finally his vision returned.

He blinked  a few times and looked up, meeting Magnus' gentle eyes. He frowned.

"You wear you contacts again." Alec stated, a little bit disappointed and with shaky voice. He was still trembling. Magnus laughed slightly.

"That's the first thing you have to say to me?" He asked, voice shaking a tiny bit itself.

"It's the first thing I noticed." He reasoned.

"Alec you gave me the biggest shock in my whole life!" Aline exclaimed. That was the first time that Alec even realised that she and Helen are there as well.

"What are you guys doing here?" He asked scanning the room.

"What kind of question is that?" Helen scoffed.

"Isn't that the men's room?"

"I don't give a shit were we are! You just had a fucking panic attack." Aline screamed. Alec flinched at her words. He really was weak.

"Okay, we will all calm down now, yeah? Will you two give us a minute?" Magnus said addressing Aline and Helen. The girls nodded and left the room. Alec rested his head in his hands.

"Darling will you look at me?" Magnus asked, voice gentle and tugged at his hands. Alec lifted his gaze and looked Magnus in the eyes.

"I really like your natural eyes better." He mumbled. Magnus smiled.

"Thank you, but that's not important now. Can you tell me what triggered this?"

"Um... Seeing you actually." Alec admitted and lowered his head again.

"What?" Magnus asked and sounded truly shocked. He quickoly pulled his hands away, as if he could burn Alec.

"Ah, well you and my parents. It was, um, a very strange situation." He explained. Magnus relaxed a little.

"Okay, you don't have to talk about it now. I'm just glad you are better."

"Can we stay here for a little while? I don't want to go out yet again." Alec asked, suddenly exhaustion crushing over him.

"Of course, though I think maybe you should go home." Magnus said and settled beside Alec who rested his head on Magnus shoulder.

"Nah, here is fine." Magnus chuckled and kissed Alecs forehead before taking his hand and lacing their fingers.

"Thank you, Magnus." Alec whispered.

"For what?" Magnus asked.

"Well, you know, being here for me."

"Oh love, you don't need to thank me for that."


Chapter Text

A week had passed since the incident at the gala. Alec hadn't heard of his parents and thought that was probably a good sign. If they knew of his 'little accident' they had probably called him and complained how he could embarrass them in that way.

Not that he needed to hear it, he knew himself after all. First passing out in the alley behind the bar and now that. He really was pathetic. Both times Magnus witnessed it and although he assured Alec time and again that it wasn't a sign of weakness Alec still felt like it.

Also he hasn't told his siblings about it yet. He knew Izzy would be furious and more than concerned but he didn't want to worry her. Honestly he didn't want to deal with her concern. He loved his sister more than anything but her temper was really trying from time to time and Alec didn't need that now.  He still hadn't completely figured out what happened on that evening.

He knew it was about his parents and Magnus and seeing them together but why did this cause a panic attack? He never had one before and he knew if he wanted to prevent another he needed to figure out what was going on. But that meant he had do finally confront his darkest thought and fears and he didn't know if he was ready for that.

Magnus and Lydia -the only one he told about what happened- both suggested him to get professional help but did he really need this? It wasn't that bad right? Also counselling is very expansive and he hadn't had the money for that. He could figure this out himself.

"Penny for your thoughts?" A familiar voice pulled him back in reality.

Alec looked up and smiled.

"You might need a dime though. What are you doing here?" He asked, mood immediately increasing.

"Well I heard here works this super sexy bartender. You haven't seen him by any chance?" The man teased grinning sheepishly. Alec pretended to look around, searching.

"Hmm, maybe it's not his shift today. Except you want to Jace but I'm afraid you may not be his type." Alec joked.

"Maybe you should look again, I'm sure he's here." The man said, propped on the counter and leaned over, feathering his lips over Alecs. Alecs smile widened as they parted.

"Hi Magnus." He greeted finally. Magnus smiled back.

"Hi Alexander."

"How about you make me one of these fantastic pink cocktails while I tell you more about how sexy you are as a bartender?" Magnus grinned. Alec raised an amused brow.

"Are you trying to bribe me with compliments?" He asked.

"Maybe?" Magnus purred, unnecessarily prolonging the word. He leaned over the counter once again and whispered so that only Alec could hear him.

"If you don't like the compliments I can offer you other things, you know." Magnus' breath brushed over the skin on Alecs neck. Their eyes met for a second and Alec hold his breath.

"Hey! No flirting with the staff!" A voice called and they quickly broke apart.

Alec turned to the voice and saw a cackling Jace.

"Fuck you." Alec mumbled, getting to work for Magnus' cocktail.

"Jace, how good to see you again." Magnus said ironically.

"I sense some negative vibes coming in my direction." Jace laughed.

"Really? I wonder why, where you're such an angel." Magnus teased and winked at Alec as he chuckled.

"I don't get why you'd use sarcasm. I'm a total angel!" Jace stated grinning.

"Only if you want something." Alec added.

"Why shouldn't I use the weapons god gave me?" Jace mused. Alec just rolled his eyes over him.

"Because no one here wants to see you naked." Magnus countered and Alec burst out laughing.

The two continued to tease each other the whole evening and Alec was in awe over Magnus' witted answers. Usually Jace wrapped everyone around his pinky. He was glad Magnus was able to see through Jace' facade of arrogance.


A month passed quickly with occasional dates, late night snuggle sessions and spontaneous walks through the city and Alec found himself whishing this would go on forever. Magnus made everything seem so easy, so normal. Alec didn't have to wonder about ifs, buts or maybes. They just enjoyed each other and it was the most normal thing in the world.

So once again he buried his worries, hoping they would fade in time. But that's not how it works.

Though Alec wouldn't realize this until later. Today, however, he was going to Magnus' place for the first time. It was quit the way for him, taking the subway to Brooklyn, that's why they didn't do this earlier. But Magnus had two days off and Alec felt honoured that Magnus wanted to spend his free days with him.  

Alec was nervous. He didn't know what to expect but it certainly wasn't this. He knew Magnus was well off but this... Alec felt so out of place. It felt like he was back in his parents' house.

"Wow Magnus... this..." He didn't know what to say.

"You don't like it." Magnus observed, sounding nervous himself. Alec looked over to him.

"No that's not it. I just... what if I break something?" His eyes wandered over the furniture and decorations. There were some really expensive looking vases and paintings. It looked like a museum brought in an Uptown loft.

"Don't worry about that. There is nothing really important here." Magnus assured, took Alecs hands and lead him further in the apartment. The living room was as big as Alecs living-room and kitchen together and Alec was sure his apartment would fit three times in Magnus' loft.

Magnus took Alecs bag from his shoulder and put it on an armchair, standing in one corner and settled with Alec on the large couch.

"Come now I don't want you to feel cowed."

"I don't feel cowed!" Alec protested and looked around once again. "Okay, maybe a little." He admitted. Magnus cupped his cheek and forced him to look him in the eyes.

"Do you really want to waste our precious time pouting?" He asked. Alec smiled softly.

"You're right. I'm sorry. Also I'm glad you don't wear contacts today."

For a moment they just stared at each other and smiled and Alec lost himself in the depth of Magnus' eyes until Magnus quickly pecked his lips and pulled him of the couch.

"Come now. We have a lot to do."

"We do?" Alec asked surprised.

"Sure. We wanted to make dinner together. Remember?"

"Ah yeah, sorry." Alec answered still a bit hestitant. Magnus pulled him in the kitchen and laid his hands on Alecs shoulders.

"Alexander, we are dating for a little more than a month now. I still wasn't threatened by a random guy and you had no second panic attack. I would say things are rather smooth right now, so let us enjoy it okay?" Alec flinched over Magnus' words.

"I'm really sorry." He apologized again.

"For what?" Magnus asked while handing him an apron.

"Well both things were my fault." Alec mumbled and pulled the loop of the apron over his head. Magnus turned him around and made a knot behind his back.

"No they aren't. Neither the thing with Peter nor your panic attack. Both things were out of your control. Please stop blaming yourself." Magnus said softly, turned him back to face him and kissed him softly.

"I gotta say you're not just sexy as a bartender." Magnus grinned as Alec blushed. He went to the refrigerator and opened both doors, looking at the inside.

"Now, do you have something in mind you want to make?" He asked.

"I don't really care. As long as it is something easy. I'm not as bad as Izzy but I'm not a chef either." Alec answered. Magnus chuckled and slightly shook his head.

"Poor Isabell. I bet you and Jace always pick on her for that."

"Well, yeah but she deserves it. See that one time, a few years ago, when Jace and I came home after work, when I still worked in that office. Izzy beamed at us claiming she made dinner. So Jace and I wanted to escape but she said she knows she's not that good in the kitchen so she didn't really cook but made a protein shake instead. Do you want to know the ingredients?" Magnus nodded amused.

"Shock me."

"Yeah so first off all you need proteins for a protein shake, right? So she settled for five raw eggs and a cup of that protein powder, which was disgusting enough because the powder didn't dissolve in the eggs but formed lumps you know." Magnus already started laughing at that so Alec continued.

"But that wasn't all next she decided it would be great to use the leftovers which consisted of a half pizza, because pizza always tasted good right? For making it all healthy she also put in a cucumber and an onion and, I really don't know what she thought next, maybe spare the dessert, she also mixed some candy bars in it. Of course she pureed everything."

"Oh my god, please don't tell me you actually drank that?" Magnus choked trying to calm his laughter, but failing.

"Well we didn't know the recipe at first. We took like one mouthful and immediately spit it out. I swear to god if hell has a taste it would be this. I can't imagine anything tasting worse than that." Magnus hold his stomach and wiped tears from his eyes.

"But you know what the worst thing was? Izzy is a proud girl you know. She refused to admit that what she made was pure poison so she really drank the whole cup. She spend the whole night in the bathroom. Sometimes I think she died in that night and everything that's left now is her empty body or that that crazy drink possessed her like a demon. It definitely tasted like one."

"Alexander, you need to stop. I can't... I can't anymore." Magnus laughed propping himself on the kitchen counter.

"Yeah, well I think that was one of the worst things she made." Alec finally said, ending his story. Magnus still laughed but looked at him in shock.

"One of the worst things? Does that mean she made something worse than that? How is that even possible." Magnus mused.

"I don't know. Maybe she was possessed by the chef-demon?" Alec suggested. Magnus threw his head back and laughed again.

"You will be the death of me." Magnus said as he finally found his composure. Alec just smiled, glad he could make Magnus laugh.

After that they focused back on the task on hand. They settled on pasta with tomato sauce. Something they both know how to make and which is pretty quickly done.

It was fun. Magnus put his phone on the stereo and turned music on. They joked and sang and made out  and by the time dinner was actually ready they both had tomato sauce all over their faces. Magnus started with tipping some on Alecs nose and it quickly escalated. Alec was surprised that there was still tomato sauce in the pot.

So they quickly washed their faces and settled on the large table. It tasted better than Alec had expected. By the time they finished dinner they were full and slightly drunk because Magnus insisted on opening a bottle of wine and after the first one came a second.

"Come, dance with me Alexander." Magnus demanded and pulled him of his chair.

"Shouldn't we make the dishes first?" Alec wondered, also using it as an excuse.

"Nah, it's fine. We can do that later."

"But-" Magnus shut him up with his lips and pulled him further in the middle of the living room.

"Will you stop contradicting me?" Magnus chuckled, wrapping his arms around Alecs waist.

"I don't know how to dance." Alec admitted, hands resting on Magnus' chest.

"That's fine. Let me lead you." Magnus whispered in his ear, pulling Alec even closer.

They started swaying to the music and Alec found himself relaxing in Magnus' arms, the soft rhythm and swaying. His hands wandered up to Magnus shoulders and he looked up just to find Magnus staring down to him. Their eyes locked and Alec wondered once again over the colour of Magnus' eyes. Right know they appeared darker than usual, the light green became a dark emerald and the yellow became amber. It was so beautiful, Alec wished he had a picture he could always wear with him. He wondered what Magnus thought, standing there and staring down at Alec. He didn't ask though. The moment was too perfect to break it. Especially when Magnus started to hum along with the song.

They danced for a while, Alec resting his head on Magnus shoulder. Breathing in his scent and listening to his soft voice. If Alec thought he couldn't fell even deeper he now knew how wrong he was. He shoved his arms further around Magnus' neck and leaned back in his arms, looking him in the eyes again. Magnus lowered his head and closed the distance between them, pressing their foreheads together. Alec felt his breath on his lips and closed his eyes. Their lips touched moments later, just a simple brush but after that the kiss deepened. Magnus' grip tightened and Alec shoved his hands in his hair. As Magnus bit in Alecs lower lip, Alec wrapped his legs around Magnus' waist. He gasped at the sudden weight but cupped Alecs backside to hold him up.

Alec noticed he was walked to the bedroom just as Magnus set him down on the bed, crawling towards him and looking down on Alec. Their breathing quick. Magnus closed the distance once again. Alecs heart raced and the next few things happened so quick, Alec can't even remember. Or maybe he just didn't noticed them but suddenly their clothes were abandoned and laid spread out on the floor, only boxers left. Magnus rand his hands over Alecs abdomen while placing a trail of kisses over Alecs neck. Alec digging his fingernails in Magnus' shoulder blades. His body was on fire. Never in his life wanted he something so much, although he was nervous. They didn't do more than just kissing yet and this was rather quick now. However he wouldn't complain now.

Magnus' mouth wandered south while his hands caressed the skin over Alecs hip bones. Alec inhaled sharply as Magnus slid his fingers under the hem of his boxers. Magnus made eye contact with Alec while he slid the fabric down Alecs thighs and off his legs.

"Is this okay?" Magnus asked, voice low.

"Aren't you asking that quite late?" Alec breathed, trying to control his heart beat.

"Just wanted to make sure. We can stop if you want." Magnus offered but Alec shook his head. Magnus continued his slow torture with trailing kisses up Alecs thigh.

Alec enjoyed it but at the same time rose his uneasiness. Especially when he felt Magnus' tongue against his length. He jumped straight up.

"Magnus what are you doing?" He asked. Magnus looked up at him in confusion.

"What do you mean? Isn't it obvious enough?" He asked.

"Um yes but... you really don't have to." Alec said. He wasn't used to this. No one ever before cared to do something like this for him.

"I know, that's the point isn't it?" Magnus chuckled and was about to go back down but Alec cupped his cheek and forced him to look back up.

"No Magnus, it's fine really. You don't-" Alec said but Magnus straightened back up.

"Alexander, what is happening here? Usually one would beg to receive."

"I... I just..." Alec didn't know what to say. Magnus frowned jumped off the bed.

"Okay, that's it. I'm not doing this." Magnus said. He grabbed Alecs clothes and handed them to him. Panic spread in Alecs body. What does he mean that's it? Magnus waited for Alec to dress up and settled then beside him on the bed.

"Look darling, I know there is a lot on your mind and don't worry I won't go anywhere but this is something I'm not going to accept just like that. If I make love to you I want it to be good for both of us, I'm not going to take advantage of your body. I know you doubt yourself but this is not healthy anymore. Please Alec you need help."

Alec stared at him wide-eyed. This was not how it was supposed to be. He tried to explain, say just anything but Magnus placed his fingers over his lips.

"I'm not done yet, love. I know you try to be strong and be capable of anything but that's not how it works. You bottle it up and you are about to explode and I like you way too much to just sit here and watch you going down. I want you to call a friend of mine. He is really great in his job and he helped me a lot when I was younger. Please Alexander will you do this for me?" Magnus pleaded and Alec was overwhelmed. Lydia and his siblings were the only people to ever care about him and that Magnus was saying this now took him by surprise. If that wasn't even an understatement.

Magnus fingers slipped down and instead caressed the soft hair in the back of his neck. Alec didn't know what to say, feeling the tears sting in his eyes he quickly wiped them away and nodded lightly. Magnus' smile was so soft and lovingly, it burned its way straight into his heart. He kissed Alecs forehead and pulled them down on the bed, pressing him against his chest.

"Never think you are not good enough, darling." Magnus whispered, running his hands softly through Alecs hair.

Alec closed his eyes and tried to remember these words. How did Magnus always know exactly what was bothering him?

Chapter Text

Alec bounced his leg nervously and looked around the room. It was pretty small, only a few armchairs standing around a small coffee table. It was a nice atmosphere, not as Alec had expected.

After the night Alec spend at Magnus', he got the number of this certain friend from Magnus and Magnus made him actually promise to call him. It took Alec actually a lot longer than he could be proud of, also Lydia kind of dialed the number for him.

"Mr. Lightwood?"

Alecs head spun up, meeting the gaze of a tall man with curly hair and piercing green eyes. He smiled friendly and gave him a hand sign to enter the room. Alec stood up and shook the man's hand.

"Please, call me Alec. Mr. Lightwood is my father." Alec said, entering the counselling room. It was small but nice, with bookshelves on the wall and armchairs in front of a large window.

"Okay, Alec, do you want to drink anything?" Dr. Fell asked.

"Nah, I'm fine thanks." Alec mumbled, still nervous.

"Please, take a seat." Dr. Fell said, motioning to the armchair. Alec did as he said and rubbed his palms awkwardly over his thighs. Dr. Fell sat down on the other one, across from him and watching Alec. It made Alec even more anxious. He didn't know how to act. Should he say anything? Should he wait for Dr. Fell to speak?

"Relax Alec, there is no pressure, okay? Why don't we start with how you are?" Alec ran a hand through his hair and nodded.

"In general or today?" He asked. Dr. Fell chuckled.

"You can tell me about both." He suggested.

"I'm fine." Alec said. It came out like a bullet. This was the first time that Alec actually noticed how automatically these two words come over his lips.

"Wow, that was rather quick." Dr. Fell said. "So, allow me to ask a question. When your are fine, why are you here?" Alec opened his mouth but closed it again as he noticed he didn't have an answer.

"Well, I promised Magnus?" He tried. Dr. Fell smiled.

"Yeah, that's how he is but he wouldn't have done that if he thought everything was 'fine'." Dr. Fell stated. Alec shrugged.

"I guess." He mumbled.

"Okay, we don't have to talk about that. Why don't you just tell me a bit about your siblings?"

"Why?" Alec asked, confused what his siblings have to do with his struggles.

"Well, first of all I hope it will calm you a little, also it helps me getting closer to you and last but not least is everything important to you defining your decisions and fears." Dr. Fell explained. Alec was kind of impressed by that so he finally started talking. Dr. Fell would ask questions every now and then but they were never really deep. Nothing about his feelings towards his parents and Alec appreciated it. So they simply talked for a little while until Dr. Fell said their time was up.

Alec wanted to say his good-byes and leave but Dr. Fell held him back.

"Alec, there is one more thing I wanted to discuss with you." He said and ordered Alec to sit back down.

"I wanted to make sure you are really fine with this, with me. You know I'm a close friend to Magnus and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable when we meet casually." He explained.

"Oh um, yeah I guess that's okay. You have medical confidentiality right?" Alec made sure.

"Yes, of course. Magnus won't hear anything of the things you tell me." Dr. Fell promised. Alec blushed a little. Ashamed that he was so obvious.

"Then I'm okay with it. We can separate private and professional. Also, I wouldn't want to change." Alec said, scolding himself a lair. Actually he hoped to hear a little more about Magnus when he was younger. Magnus didn't talk much about himself and Alec knew nearly nothing about him.

"Okay, I'm honoured you're saying this. Also, I can give you a medical certificate for your insurance company so you get financial support. I would have to make a survey though." Dr. Fell offered.

"This is possible?" Alec asked surprised.

"Of course, psychical issues can be just as tough as physical ones. They are not less of an illness." Dr. Fell said and stood up.

"Thank you, Dr. Fell." Alec said and shook his hand.

"Ragnor is fine." He said and watched Alec leaving the room. He sighed and pulled his phone out of his pocket dialing the familiar number.

"Why cabbage, what gives me the honour?" He heard the voice after a few rings.

"You know I call you so rarely because you won't stop call me that right?" He mumbled, while organizing his records. The other voice chuckled.

"Okay, okay what's up Ragnor?" 

"Well your 'friend' just left." He said and the line was silent for a few moments.

"How did it go?" Magnus finally asked.

"I'm not telling you anything, you know that. I wanted to ask you something though. I already made sure with him but I want to ask you too. Are you fine with me counselling him?" Ragnor asked. He heard Magnus exhale deeply.

"He's important to me. I want to know him in good hands. I trust you." Magnus said.

"Well, I appreciate that but I'm asking for you not him. I will get to know him better than you do. Are you really fine with that?"

"You already have a boyfriend, so I don't see a problem there." Magnus joked and Ragnor sighed.

"Magnus I'm serious. I know a few very good colleagues of mine, I can-"

"No, it's really fine. I hope for him to open up to me of himself so it won't bother me."

"Magnus," Ragnor warned. "you really like him a lot, don't you?" There was silence again, so long that Ragnor checked if Magnus was still there.

"Yes, I do. He's special. I really want this to work." Magnus finally confessed. Ragnor settled in his armchair and looked out of the window.

"He is, but he's also fragile. You need to go slow on him. It will take time and it will be really hard work." He stated.

"I know." Magnus answered quietly. "Don't you remember me when we first met?"

"I remember. You were one of my first patients." Ragnor said sadly. Working with Magnus was really tough. They were both young and inexperienced. Ragnor was more than shocked by Magnus' story, though it took him awhile to get Magnus to talk. He was a wreck at their first meeting. They grew closer with the time passing and Magnus switched his therapist eventually.

"Yes and look at me now. I'm cured." Magnus said sarcastically.

"I don't like the word cure. It sounds like someone has cancer which has to be cut out."

"I know, cabbage. And to ease your worries, I'm prepared for Alec to have a lot of work awaiting him but I'd be more than happy to go that way with him. I think he's worth it." Ragnor smiled at the words of his friend. Magnus liked to appear cheeky and wild but he has a soft soul.

"Okay, that's all I wanted to hear."

"Good, also I'm glad you approve of him." Magnus joked.

"What am I your father now? You don't need my blessing and please don't introduce every of your relationships like that." Magnus snorted at that.

"Well yes, but I care about my friends opinion and I hope this was just a joke and if it wasn't: not even one bit funny." Magnus snapped and Ragnor laughed.

"Since when?" He asked, ignoring Magnus' complaint.

"Since you were right about my previous missteps." Magnus admitted. Ragnor laughed again.

"At least you finally got it. But I have a good feeling with this one. He's a good man."

"Yes," Magnus agreed "he really is, though it seems he doesn't know that."

The friends talked for a little while and said their good-byes afterwards.

Magnus sighed as he put his phone down. He knew it wouldn't be easy but hearing it confirmed from his friend was tough.

Magnus didn't get it. Alec was such a sweet guy, why were there so many people abandoning him? If Magnus ever gets to the point where Alec is really his he will never let him go again. The attraction he felt for him was stronger than with anybody else before.

He sighed and went back to work. There were a lot of patients, just as every year around this time. Especially a little girl that slipped on a frozen puddle and hit her head on a step. She had a light concussion and a laceration. Nothing too serious but Magnus wanted to check on her before he goes on the lunch date with Alec.

"Hey sweetpea, how are you doing?" He asked as he entered the room. The girl sat in her bed, a big patch covering her forehead. She gave him a big smile showing her tooth gap.

"Magnus! I'm okay. My head hurts a little." She said, cuddling a stuffed unicorn.

"Yeah, this is normal but I'm sure it will fade soon." He assured.

"Do you know when we can take her home?" He father asked, standing beside her bed and resting a hand on the girls shoulder.

"I'm positive you can go in one or two hours. We just want to wait if she throws up but if everything is fine you can leave soon." The father nodded, looking a little relieved.

"And when do we have to come back?"

"The wound should be checked in a few days just to make sure there is no infection. The threads can be pulled in about a week."

After Magnus had cleared all the questions of the man he said his good-byes and leaves towards the locker room, where he leaves his white coat.

He met with Alec in a small café just around the corner of the hospital. It was nice having a break from the exhausting hospital-daily life. Alec told him a little about his meeting with Ragnor but they decided to not discuss it deeply. Alec needs to get used to it first and get comfortable with Ragnor.

They just sat together, ate and talked about anything they could came up with. There was not much touches or displays of affection and Magnus was proud that their relationship isn't based on physical contact. Of course he loved kissing, or cuddling with Alec but the man was just as great of an interlocutor as he was with everything else.

So when they parted afterwards and Magnus headed back to work he was in a pretty good mood.

Little did he know that would change very soon.

Chapter Text

Magnus stared at the empty bed.

He couldn't understand what happened. He knew what happened but he didn't get why he didn't notice it. He should have thought about it. After he came back to the hospital Cat told him that the girl hat an aneurysm in her brain, which bursted when she hit her head. Magnus should have checked her better. He was too careless. Too distracted.

Distracted by Alec.

The realisation hit him like a train. If he didn't meet up with Alec he would have been here. He would have been able to do anything. At least try something. But he wasn't.

He went out, laughed with that guy he barely knew while that sweet, little girl lost the fight.

She was his patient, his responsibility. She and her parents trusted him, they relied on him and he let them down, in the worst possible way. He had lost patients before, but never such a young child and never while he wasn't even there. Oh god, she was so young, just seven years. She had her whole life in front of her and now she was deprived of it.

He never felt so helpless before. Being a doctor brings a certain self-confidence with it but every time you lose a patient this confidence gets shattered like a mirror with a sledgehammer. You realize that you maybe can buy a little time but there's nothing you can do about the real thing. The power hanging over all of us. The clock is ticking and everyone has just a certain amount of time. Even if it's just seven years.

That's why he needs to be here. Magnus has to be in the hospital  and do anything in his power to prolong the time of his patients. A knot grows in his stomach as he realizes something.

He can't go out and meet Alec while his patients need him.

A single tear slipped down his cheek, he quickly lifted his arm and wiped it away before rushing out of the room just to stop again in the corridor. The parents of the little girl sat in chairs next to the door. A small woman, the mother, crying in the arms of her husband. Magnus knew he should say something, apologize or explain what happened but he just couldn't. Instead he quickly turned around and left in the other direction. He couldn't allow himself to mourn now, there were still patients who needed him.

He plunged into work and tried not to think about it, when his shift was over he checked his phone while heading out. He felt sick when he read the messages from Alec.


Hey Magnus how was your day? :) [sent 4:39 p.m.]

Do you want to come over on Saturday? I can cook dinner. [sent 4: 40 p.m.]

With trembling fingers he replied.


I don't think we should see each other again. [sent 10:34 p.m.]

After he hit the sent button Magnus turned off his phone and headed to his car. As he entered his loft he dropped his belongings carelessly on the floor and went straight to the bedroom collapsing on his bed. He curled up and press his eyes close.

His heart was not simply broken but shattered. First he let down that little girl and then he hurt Alec. It wasn't Alecs fault that Magnus is incapable. Though he had to pay for it.

"I'm sorry, Alexander." He cried, rolling over and trying to fall asleep but failing.


Alec stared at his phone, confused and frightened. What is this? What does Magnus mean? He texted him back, asking what he meant and if he was serious, before leaving for work. Though the man never left his thoughts. Alec was restless his whole shift long. Why would Magnus say this now? They saw each other just a few hours ago and Alec thought it went pretty well. Or did he do anything that made Magnus mad? Maybe he just didn't notice it. But Magnus could have just told him.

Alec felt himself slowly going insane. Not knowing what was going on was killing him. So when his shift ended he immediately pulled his phone out, hoping for an explanation. Hoping this was just a misunderstanding or something. But nothing. No answer, no explanation. Alec wanted to call him but it was in the middle of the night. So he texted again instead and waited till the morning. He didn't sleep in this night at all, still hoping there was a mistake but in the morning there was still no reply and Magnus didn't answer when he called either. Alec really started to panic. What is going on?

He went towards the kitchen where he met a sleepy Izzy.

"Morning, big brother." She greeted and frowned as she saw his expression.

"What's up?" She asked. Alec shrugged.

"I don't know." He whined and gave her his phone showing her the message. Izzy read it as well and frowned even more.

"What does this mean?

"I don't know." He repeated. "I tried calling him but he didn't answer." Alec sat down at the table and rested his face in his hands. "Why does it always end like this?" He mumbled. Izzy sat down next to him petting his shoulder.

"You don't know what it is yet. Maybe this was just a mistake?" Izzy suggested.

"What was a mistake?" Jace asked from behind while coming in the kitchen.

"My whole life." Alec sighed.

"Wow buddy, calm down. So much enthusiasm on the morning." Jace joked.

"Jace, mhmh." Izzy made, gave him a stern glance and shook her head. Jace frowned now.

"Wait, seriously, what's happening here?" He wanted to know.

"We are not sure yet. Something's up with Magnus." Izzy explained and showed their brother the phone.

"Want me to crush his nuts?" Jace asked, trying to sound funny but Alec could sense the anger.

"Jace..." Alec said tiredly.

"What are you guys up to today?" He asked because he didn't want to talk (or think) about his ending non-relationship.

"Ah, Simon is coming over today and he's probably bringing his best friend, is that okay?" Izzy asked looking cautiously at Alec, who just nodded.

"Sure, bring them over. I still need to thank that man for keeping you safe at that party." He said.

"Where do you even know that guy from? Like he's totally not your league." Jace commented while sitting down with a bowl of cereals.

"He's at my school and he is really kind, don't say something like that about him when you don't even know him." Izzy complained and Alec believed to see a small blush on her cheeks. Meeting that Simon guy was suddenly way more interesting.

"Wait, that guy is at your school? The dance school-school?" Jace asked amused. Izzy just rolled her eyes.

"It's not only for dance, you idiot. He makes the music for our performances. He's really good." Alec chuckled when Izzy sounded proud saying that.

"Why do you know him?" Alec asked then Jace.

"I saw him when he brought Izzy to the hospital." He explained with a mouth full of cornflakes.

They talked for a little while and after that Alec went back to his room, drowning in self pity because Magnus still didn't answer. He eventually came back out when Izzys friends arrived. A tall, slender man with curly, brown hair, a pair of glasses resting on his nose and a crazy T-Shirt with the writing 'A wizard is never late' on it. A small girl appeared from behind him with long, red curls tide in a ponytail. She was barely as high as Alecs chest, a huge smile plastered on her face.

"Simon, Clary this is my big brother Alec. The head our little family." Izzy introduced him. Simon gave him a shaky smile, he seemed extremely nervous. Alec shook his hand, after giving Izzy a stern look.

"Don't call me that. That sounds like something Robert should be called. Hello Simon, it's good that I finally get to see you." He said and Simons face fell.

"W-why?" He asked.

"Well I still need to thank you for taking care of my sister. You know when she got drunk." He explained and Simon looked relieved.

"Ah no it's fine. I loved to do it." Simon admitted and Alec raised a brow.

"No, that's not what I meant. Um, of course it was horrible for her to get drugged but I um I was honoured taking care of her? I-" Simon started to stumble but Izzy laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Simon, it's fine." She assured and Alec tried not to laugh. After that Clary gave him her hand.

"Hi, I'm Clary, Simons best friend." She introduced herself and Alec shook her hand as well.

"Yeah, hi." He answered. The group settled in the living room where Jace was waiting and after the whole introducing was repeated everyone sat down. They talked for a bit but then Magnus crept back into his mind and Alec couldn't help but wonder what happened.

"Alec, are you fine?" The question snapped him back in reality and he found two green eyes, looking at him concerned. As he realized that even Clary noticed his fear he blushed.

"Yeah, I'm..." He stopped himself before ending the sentence. He had to promise Ragnor to never say these word if they are not truly meant.

"Um it's nothing bad." He said, thinking this was a very cheap excuse.

"He has problems with his doctor boyfriend." Izzy whispered teasingly and Alec blushed even deeper.

"Izzy!" He scolded but Clary giggled before becoming serious again.

"I'm sorry for that but I'm sure it will clear up eventually." She smiled and Alec wondered how she could say this. Like she doesn't know him neither Magnus or their situation. She has no idea what this is about which means her words are just an empty phrase. Somehow he doesn't like her.

"You know my brother is a doctor too. He's working here in Manhattan." She told them.

"Really? Maybe you could ask him to go kick Magnus in the nuts for us." Izzy joked.

"Hey, don't steal my jokes." Jace complained.

"Wait, your boyfriend's name is Magnus?" Clary asked wide-eyed.

"He's not my boyfriend, but yeah why?" Alec answered, his mood sinking further.

"Magnus Bane?" She asked again.


"Oh my god! I can't believe this!" Clary squealed, jumping up excitedly. "You are that gorgeous bartender he keeps talking about!"

"Wait, what?" Alec asked, seriously confused.

"Magnus is my brother! Well, not by blood obviously but my parents took care of him since he came to the US. We grew up together." She explained and Alec stared at her as if she just told him about green rabbits.

"The whole thing just got way more interesting." Jace mumbled and exchanging a glance with Izzy. Clary frowned.

"Wait, what do you mean you guys have problems?" She wanted to know. Alec sighed and showed her the message. Clary sighed.

"That big idiot." She breathed. "Don't worry Alec. I know he likes you a lot this thing will clear up. I'll make him realize what an idiot he is." She said.

"No, it's fine. If he doesn't want to, I have to accept that." Alec mumbled, staring down at his hands.

"That's bullshit. I know him and if it really was just a matter of him not wanting to see you again than he would have said it. There is some stupid reason behind this, I know it." Clary said, sounding a little angry.

"Poor Magnus. Clary can be worse than the Spanish inquisition." Simon said smiling at his friend.

Chapter Text

There was a knock on the door. He tried to ignore it but they didn't stop.

"Magnus! Open the door, I know you are there." He heard a very familiar voice. He sighed and rolled out of the bed, slipped in his robe and opened the door. Clary stormed in his apartment and stood in the middle of it, arms crossed before her chest.

"What are you doing here, biscuit?" He asked. She turned around and sat down on the couch.

"Funny story, so I told you about the girl Simon is 'not-really-dating' but at the same time he kinda is?" She said. Magnus sighed again and sat down beside her.

"Yeah, and?"

"He introduced me to her yesterday. I bet you want to hear her name." Clary said staring at him.

"I don't really care. Look is that all you have to tell me?"

"Someone is a little cranky, I see. I'll make it quick. Her name is Isabell, any bells ringing?" Magnus looked at her and his face paled.

"Wait, are you telling me...?"

"Yes, Simons dating the sister of your bartender. So I got to know him yesterday though he seemed a little down. So when I asked him about it he showed me a very interesting message. Care to explain?"

Magnus released the breath he didn't realise he was holding and covered his face with his hands.

"It's complicated." He stated and Clary scoffed.

"Sure. It always is." She said sarcastically.

"It's not really your business." Magnus mumbled trying to avoid the conversation, even though he knew his sister.

"Not my business? Are you kidding me?" Clary snorted. "And even if you say so, you know I'll butt in anyways, so spill already." Magnus sighed once more before he told his sister the story with the little girl and how it was his responsibility to take care of his patients. When he was finished Clary stared at him for a while before speaking.

"That's bullshit." The stated matter-of-factly. "That's the dumbest excuse I've ever heard."

"It's not an excuse!" Magnus protested. "Why are you even angry at my? Aren't you supposed to be on my side?" Clary snorted again and crossed her legs.

"Not when you act so stupid. I know you like him a lot and he likes you a lot. You are just throwing it away without even explaining anything to him. He does not deserve this and neither do you." Magnus didn't know what to answer to this. Deep down he knew she had a point. Clary was pretty good at making people realize their own feelings. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know though.

"Magnus I know you for all my life and I've been with you through all your previous relationships. I've seen you suffer and I get it. You are scared, you don't want to get hurt again and that absolutely okay but that doesn't mean you should close yourself off from anyone. I can never know if it will last or what might happen in the future but you should allow yourself to find out. Alec is different from the ones you dated before and I think you know that too. So please be honest with yourself. If you really don't want to see him again -which I highly doubt I might add- than you owe it to him to explain properly. You are just running away and that's not fair towards him."

"Damn since when are you so wise?" He mumbled frustrated. She was right. He needed to figure out his own feelings and either apologize by Alec or end it properly. Clary smiled at him, seeming pretty content with her speech.

"Well, I know a lot of smart people. Though you aren't one of them right now." Magnus rolled his eyes at her.

"I get it Clary. Why are you even so obsessed with this. You never stick your nose in my relationships this much before." He wanted to know and Clary shrugged.

"I like him, he's a good one."

"Reeeaaaalllly?" He asked as she avoided his eyes. "You sure it has nothing to do with a certain brother of his?" Clary bit her lip and ignored him for a while but he simply stared at her with expectant eyes.

"He's hot okay? Sue me." Clary finally whispered, her cheeks burning red. Magnus grinned. He knew the minute he saw Jace that he would be totally Clarys type.

"Just don't get yourself fooled, okay?" Clary nodded and snuggled against him.

"I missed this. We don't see each other enough." She said quietly.

"I know. I was quite busy the past few weeks."

"Yeah, why do you need to be a fucking doctor and find yourself a gorgeous boyfriend." She sighed ironically. Magnus chuckled, though it gave him a sting in his heart by Alec addressed as his boyfriend. They never really talked about it.

"Now should we watch that film we wanted to see since forever?" Magnus suggested, ignoring that little voice in his head, screaming he made the biggest mistake in his whole life.


"Alec can you please sit down for just a minute?" Izzy sighed.

"No I can't, this was long overdue." He answered, while scrubbing grease spots from the cupboards.

"You did this for over five hours now and you have two shifts in the bar ahead of you. Rest for a few seconds."

"I'm f-....good." He said stubborn.

"Switching the words doesn't make it more credible, buddy." Jace commented while reading a book for his school. Alec ignored his siblings. He knew it was probably not the best way but he needed to move on and he couldn't do it without distracting himself. After his five thousand calls Magnus still didn't answer so Alec finally accepted that he wouldn't anymore. Alec still didn't know why and at silent nights it drove him crazy but he couldn't force Magnus to talk to him. The sound of the doorbell brought him back to reality. His head snapped up and he threw the cloth on the counter.

"I'll get it." He said while walking to the door and opening it. His eyes widened as he saw the guest.

"W-what are you doing here?" He asked, feeling his chest tighten.

"I wanted to talk to you, Alexander." The familiar voice said.

"Um... okay?" Alec said nervously. This was the least thing he expected to happen today.

"Can I come in?" Alec  glanced in the apartment before nodding lightly.

"Sure." The person passed him and went straight to the living room, Alec quickly following. He knew his siblings wouldn't be very happy.

"What the hell? Why are you here?" Izzy asked angry. The person sighed.

"I'm sorry you feel the urge to greet me in that way, Isabell."

"Why don't you hear the love in my voice, Mother?" Izzy almost spat.

"Izzy, it's fine." Alec warned, trying to calm her. "Why are you here Maryse?" He asked.

"I want to congratulate you." She said, leaving Alec confused.

"For what?" He asked.

"You have a date." She said. All the three stared at her, mouth agape.

"I have a what?" / "He has a what?" Alec and his siblings say in chorus.

"A date. Her name is-" Maryse said but got interrupted by Izzy.

"Don't even continue that sentence. You guys are disgusting. You are not just treating him with disrespect you completely deny him. Just go already." Izzy growled.

"I'll go." Alec said, quietly.

"What?!" Izzy and Jace screamed at the same time.

"I'll go on that date." Alec said, louder this time.

Chapter Text

Alec sighed as he left the apartment. His siblings didn't talk to him anymore since the visit of Maryse. Well, Izzy didn't talk to him, Jace just tells him how dump he is every time they see each other. He could understand their worries somehow but he thought that it was his business if he wanted to do this.

Well, he didn't really want to do this. But he's not nervous either. Actually he didn't really feel anything. He just wanted something to do. Something to keep his mind from wondering.

So he made his way to the small diner where he was about to meet that girl. He knew nearly nothing about her, only that their parents were friends, or more colleges, and that her name was Loane. The diner was small, which Alec noticed with relief. There were only a few tables and even less people sitting around. As he entered the room he suddenly noticed that he had no idea how he should recognize her. He didn't know what she looked like and they didn't agreed on some kind of sign. He stood in the middle of the room, looking around and wondering what to do when someone tapped his shoulder.

"Excuse me?" He heard a small voice. He turned around and looked in light green eyes. He guessed one could describe her as cute. Her blond hair fell over her shoulders in waves and freckles covered the skin on her cheeks and temples.

"Are you Alexander?" She asked and smiled politely. Alec blinked a few times as he noticed that he was staring.

"Ah yes, you can call me Alec." He answered, returning the smile even though it was forced. Now, that he connected his name with Magnus he liked it even less when people called him 'Alexander'.

"Nice to meet you, Alec. I'm Loane." Alec stepped aside to free her the way to the tables. She smiled again and walked past him to settle on one of the tables. Alec followed her and sat down.

"I'm sorry about this. I know you have probably better things to do than to have an arranged date but since we both accepted it we should just make the best out of it and see where it takes us, right?" Alec stared at her again trying to figure out whether she was being polite or blunt or both.

"Yeah, I guess." He simply said. She gave him another smile and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I have to confess I'm a little nervous. I haven't been on a date for so long." She blushed lightly and Alec suddenly felt bad. He didn't really took this meeting seriously, considering that he knew he would never be interested in this girl but he didn't think about her. The thought that she may hope for more coming out of this actually never occurred him.

"Why? I mean you are pretty, aren't the boys waiting in line for a date with you?" He asked wondering if he should clear things up straight at the beginning. He noticed his mistake as the girl blushed deeper.

"Why thank you. But actually I don't get to meet many new people. I get private lessons at home." She explained. Alec immediately regretted that he agreed to this. He did it due to his selfishness and now he had to destroy that girls hope. He knew exactly how that feels after all.

"Well, Loane there is something I should-"


Alecs expression fell and he froze in his seat. That can't actually be happening. He took a deep breath and turned around.

"What a coincidence meeting you here! Who is this?" He said and looked over to Loane.

"She has nothing to do with you, leave her alone." Alec answered coldly.

"How mean. You could at least introduce us." Alec sighed.

"Loane this is Peter, Peter Loane. Okay done, you can go now." Peter shook his head and pulled a chair towards the table to sit down beside him.

"Um, how do you guys know each other?" Loane asked carefully, noticing the tension between them. Alec opened the mouth to say they are old classmates but Peter was quicker.

"I'm his Ex." Loanes mouth dropped and her eyes flicked from Peter to Alec, who now dropped his head in his hands.

"Loane I'm so sorry about this. I should have told you beforehand. No, I shouldn't have agreed to this in the first place. I'm sorry."

"You... are...?" She stumbled.

"Gay is the word you are searching, and yes he definitely is." Peter said and grinned wickedly.

"I hate you so much." Alec grumbled annoyed.

"No, you don't."

"Sorry, should I leave?" Loane asked shyly.

"I really wish I could say no, but I don't want to waste your time either and for what I know him he won't go soon. I'm really sorry."

"It's okay, it's not your fault. Maybe we could meet on a coffee sometime? Not as a date just... friends?" She asked hopefully and Alec smiled, relieved over her reaction.

"Sure, that would be nice." They said their good-byes and soon after she left.

"Just let me get this right. You two actually had a date right now?" Peter laughed.

"Leave me alone!" Alec growled as he too left the diner. He's not really surprised as Peter followed him.

"Do you think you can run away from me?" He asked teasingly. Alec quickly turned around and faced him.

"What is your goddamn problem? You were the one to break up with me. You beat me up, insulted me in any possible way and left. Why can't you leave me fucking alone?!" Alec hissed, trying to keep his voice down but failing terribly. The passengers around them turned their heads and whispered but right now Alec couldn't care less.

"I know I made mistakes, we both did but-" Peter wanted to defend himself but Alec interrupted him.

"You call that a mistake?! I was in hospital for three days! Also what exactly was my mistake? That I didn't want to let you fuck me every single night? You think I'm sorry for that? I gave you everything I could offer at that time and instead of supporting me or giving something back you always grabbed for more." Peter sighed.

"You are exaggerating. I was a teenager, what do you expect?" Alec laughed coldly, surprised over himself, that he was able to speak so freely.

"I don't know if you noticed but I was a teenager too and I was pretty fine with how things were. Also don't ever even just think about threatening Magnus again! If you ever come near him, I will chase your ass back down to Florida." Peter started to flinch at his words so Alec turned on his heels and dashed away.

He wondered whether to go somewhere because he couldn't stand being at home at the moment. He already felt horrible and now even his siblings were mad at him.  He really has a talent for shooing people away. Or rather he can't scare off the right people so he does it with the ones he loves. He froze at the spot, wide-eyed. Was 'love' really a word he should use while referencing to Magnus? Oh God, what is wrong with him? Why does he have to realize this now that Magnus is gone? He felt terribly sick and slowly walked back. He should apologize to his siblings so he at least can talk to them again. He really needed them now.

He climbed the stairs in their building and searched in his pocket for his keys, pulling them out but they slipped out of his hand when he reached their floor. They fell on the floor with a rattling sound. The tears he had forced down all this time, fell freely as he saw the figure standing in front of his door. The man turned around as he heard the sound of the keys falling down and his face was full of pain as he saw Alec. The man reached out as if he wanted to wipe Alecs tears away but he stopped himself and let his hand fall down again.

"Magnus" Alec sobbed before throwing himself in Magnus' arms.

Chapter Text

"Sorry." Alec mumbled pulling back out of Magnus' arms as he realized what he's been doing.

"Why are you apologizing? I'm the one who acted like a dick." Magnus answered sadly.

"But I don't even know why you are here?" Alec said, making it sound like a question. His heart was beating heavily in his chest. He was afraid of what Magnus might tell him but wanted to finally know what is going on between them. He hasn't talked to him since their lunch date a couple days ago and since Magnus message that they shouldn't see each other again.

"About that... Can we talk?"

~~~~~~~~~The previous day~~~~~~~~~

"Are you stupid?" Caterina exclaimed throwing her arms in the air.

"It's not so easy, Cat." Magnus sighed, nipping on his glass of wine.

"Yes, it is. You are just scared and hiding behind excuses." Deep down Magnus knew she was right. It's the same that Clary has already told him.

"Can you please tell him he's making a huge mistake." Cat asked Raphael who was sitting in the loveseat across from Magnus. Raphael looked up and gave Cat a grumpy look before eying Magnus.

"I don't really care. It's none of my business. Just don't come crying when you regret your decision."

"See, he too thinks you will regret it!" Cat said.

"I love your caring side." Ragnor stated as he entered the room and gave Raphael a peck on the cheek. Raphael grinned in return and slipped to the side so that Ragnor could sit next to him.

"Why is it always so complicated? With my past and his past." Magnus mumbled, wrapping his arms around his knees.

"It's not complicated Magnus. You like him and he likes you. It's as simple as that and all the things the both of you have been through are just luggage, which you are dragging along. Just leave it be. You focus on the wrong things and that is clouding your vision." Ragnor said matter-of-factly. Magnus stared at him for a little while.

"Why are you so goddamn wise?" He complained sarcastically. Ragnor chuckled.

"Maybe you should listen to my advise more often."

"But-" He wanted to counter but Cat interrupted him.

"Damn it, can you just shut up already and admit that you miss him!" She exclaimed.

Magnus eyed his friends and frowned when he saw Ragnor spacing out.

"What is it?" He demanded, directing it at Ragnor. His friend snapped back in reality and shook his head.

"It's nothing."

"I beg to differ, you only ever space out when you worry about something... or someone." Magnus argued. His friend sighed and drove his hand through his curly locks.

"I can't tell you about it." He said.

"But it has to do with Alexander, right?" The two friends stared each other in the eyes and Magnus didn't need an answer to understand that his suspicion was right.

"What happened to him?" He wanted to know, feeling his stomach turn.

"Nothing happened." Ragnor said. "He just cancelled all of our appointments. I really hope he just switched to another therapist." That was only understandable. Alexander had no idea why Magnus suddenly broke off the contact and Ragnor is a very close friend of his. Alec probably didn't want to get reminded of it all the time. Magnus sighed and tried not to worry about him. It's none of his business anymore.

But that evening, when his friends were gone and Magnus laid alone in his bed, he felt that it never was this cold before. He stared out of the window and eyed the city-lights and he found himself missing Alexanders soft smile, his gentle touch, the warmth that always radiated from him when they snuggled together in bed and his smell that always comforted Magnus. He missed everything about him and tears streamed down his temple as he cursed himself.

Why did he always do this? Every time something good happens to him he somehow sabotages it. He had no idea why he does this. He probably should tell his therapist about it.

Then his mind wandered to that little girl, just like every evening. He still thought about her a lot but with a very long lecture from Caterina he finally came to terms with it and he accepted, that he couldn't possibly have done anything to save her, even if he had been there. It's dreadful but there are some patients, where you can't do anything to help them anymore. She was one of them, even if she still was very young. He felt bad, that he used the sweet little girl as an excuse to hurt Alexander. He really did something terrible to him. He definitely did not deserve this.

Magnus decided in that moment that he wouldn't run away anymore. Alexander was it worth fighting for. He knew that Alec might never want to talk to him again and Magnus wouldn't blame him if he did, but he would at least try. Alec deserved an explanation and an apology. And Magnus himself too deserved to be happy and Alexander was his chance on happiness.

So the next morning he went to Alecs apartment and wondered what to do now. He was a little afraid of knocking, regarding that Izzy will probably smash him in the ground. He took a deep breath and quickly bumped his fist against the wood, so that he couldn't change his decision. He heard voices from the other side of the door, but Alexanders wasn't one of them. Few seconds later Jace opened the door and stared blankly at Magnus before his expression changed into something cold.

"What are you doing here?" He demanded.

"Jace, who is it?" Magnus heard Izzy scream and felt panic rise within him. Jace saw his worry and probably felt bad for him.

"Just a classmate of mine." He screamed back, knowing that Izzy wouldn't care about that.

"Thank you." Magnus said guiltily.

"Don't thank me yet. I still haven't decided what to do with you."

"I know you two are angry and you have all the right to be but can I please talk to Alexander? I need to explain-"

"Depends. What are you going to say? If you leave after explaining than you can go right now. I don't think he can handle seeing you leave again." Magnus heart clenched. He knew he hurt Alexander but hearing Jace say this was like a stab in his chest.

"I won't leave until he asks me to. I made a huge mistake, I know that now. I just want him to understand." Magnus nearly begged.

"Well, he's currently out on a date so..." Jace said, sounding even more angry than he's already been. Magnus face paled and his heart sank down to his knees. A date. Alec was on a date with another man. Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all. Alec has probably already moved on and didn't even want to see Magnus again.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said it like that." Jace apologised. "But it's not like that. It's and arranged thing with the daughter of our parents friends. Hell knows why he agreed to this shit." Magnus felt relief until the words completely sank in than he suddenly felt very sick. Alec was probably trying to make everything right again.

"Why didn't you guys stop him?" Magnus wanted to know but Jace gave him a furious glance.

"Look who's making demands now. The guy who left him heartbroken without one word. For your information we tried but he's a grown man. Unless we chained him to a chair there was no stopping him. He acts like a stubborn child lately." Magnus flinched at his words and lowered his eyes. Alec is distracting himself again.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to accuse you, I just... I know you worry about him too." Jace gave him an indifferent look but Magnus knew that he cared a lot about his brother.

"Whatever. Just remember that I'll let Izzy from the leash if you hurt him again." Jace warned and threw the door in Magnus' face. Magnus sighed, he probably deserved that. He leaned against the wall and waited. He wanted to finally solve this no matter how long it would take.

Luckily, not too long. Not even an hour passed until he heard keys falling to the ground and turned to see a distraught Alec standing there. Magnus' broken heart shattered as tears fell down Alecs cheek. Oh god, what has he done!

"Magnus" Alec whispered, as if he couldn't believe that he was really there. Then he stumbled towards him and Magnus pulled him in a crashing hug. They hold onto each other for dear live but occasionally Alec seemed to remember the situation and pulled back shyly.

"Sorry." He mumbled and Magnus heart broke once more.

"Why are you apologizing? I'm the one who acted like a dick." He said, hating himself for what he's done.

"But I don't even know why you are here." Alec said, sounding unsure. Like he was afraid of what Magnus had to say.

"About that... can we talk?" Magnus asked carefully. Alec glance towards the door.

"Um... yeah but we should probably go somewhere else. Izzy might kill you if you enter the apartment." Magnus would have laughed if the situation wasn't this tragic.

They made a walk to through the city and Magnus tried to figure out how to start. Alexander had his arms wrapped around his chest and stared at the ground, his whole attitude screamed for distance and it brought another stab to Magnus' heart.

"I'm so sorry." Magnus started. "It was horrible of me, to leave like that. I should've given you an explanation at least." He saw Alec stiffen, like he was expecting to hear why Magnus didn't want to see him again and then leave again, so Magnus quickly continued.

"I was scared. I like you a lot, more than I should after just a month and it was something new to me. I had a lot of horrible relationships in the past and I was afraid of screwing up, so I did it on purpose before it could become more serious. I lost a patient while I was out eating lunch with you. A little girl and I felt like I let her down. I thought I had to choose between you and my patients. But I don't. I realized that there was nothing I could have done. Now I can't do anything without thinking of you." They have stopped walking and Alec stared at him, like a hopeful puppy. It was so cute, Magnus wanted to pull him close and never let go. He took a deep breath before his next words.

"I missed you so much these last few days. I love you. I wish I could say it in a more romantic way, not in the streets of Manhattan trying to apologize but I think you should hear it." Alec stared at him wide-eyed.

"You... you love me?" He breathed unbelievingly. Magnus took a step towards him, closing the distance a little.

"You stupid man, why else would I be here?" He said softly. Magnus was a little afraid of Alecs reaction. He laid his heart bare for him and never felt so vulnerable before. Alec let his arms fall beside his body and also took a step forwards.

"In the last days, where I didn't know what was going on I... I couldn't think straight. I thought I would go crazy if I didn't distract myself. Izzy and Jace are furious but I felt so lost." Magnus reached out and grabbed Alecs hands, trying to show him silently that he wouldn't go anywhere now. Alec made another step so they are now standing chest to chest, but he avoided Magnus eyes as he whispered.

"I love you too, but..." Alec took a shaky breath before continuing. "But I don't think I could take it if you leave again." Magnus closed his eyes and pulled Alec against him, as tight as he could.

"I know, I hate myself for hurting you. For throwing away what we had. I can understand if you don't want to give it a second try." There was a short break before Alec answered.

"It's just... I thought a lot about us while you were gone and I realized that I know nearly nothing about you. You know so much about me, my family, my past but you never told me anything. I thought maybe it was because you didn't trust me enough but now you are here, telling me you love me and I just... I don't get it." Of every scenario Magnus played in his head while he waited for Alec, this was something he would never have expected.

"Do you really want to know about this stuff?" He wondered.

"Of course. I want to know everything, isn't that a part of a relationship?" Magnus gently pushed Alec back so he could look him in the eyes.

"Okay. If you really want to know, I will tell you. It's a little hard for me to open up to people and talk about it but I want to show you that I really take us seriously and I do trust you. Just can we do this step by step?" Alec quickly nodded and smiled at him, which sent waves of warmth through Magnus' body. He really had missed this so much.

"Of course. Take your time, we don't have to do this now." Alec assured and Magnus pulled him in another hug, burying his nose in Alecs hair and breathing in his scent.

"Thank you." He whispered and pressed a kiss on Alecs head.

Chapter Text

"So I heard from Ragnor that you cancelled all of your appointments?" Magnus carefully asked, eying Alec while they sat in the cafeteria of the hospital, eating lunch.

"Ah well, I thought if I went to the meeting I couldn't hold back and pressing for you. So I thought it would be best to not go anymore." Alec answered shyly.

"Why? I mean it would be completely understandable for you to search for an explanation."  Magnus could see Alec blushing.

"I didn't want to annoy you." He quietly mumbled. "I figured that Ragnor would tell you when I ask about you and I didn't want to appear like a stalker." Magnus already felt guilty about everything that happened but hearing Alec say something like this always made it worse. He had risked Alecs health due to his stupid selfishness.

No, that's wrong, he scolded himself. This is not Magnus' fault. It shouldn't be like this from the start. Alec needs to care more for himself. He is too dependent, from his siblings and Magnus and his surroundings in general. He can't throw everything away every time something bad happens. He needs a certain amount of confidence and Magnus would help him get there.

He reached over and gently squeezed Alecs hand. It was still a little awkward at times but Magnus thanked every god out there that  Alec gave him a second chance. As Ragnor said, it would be a lot of work but Magnus was sure that they could make it. Magnus was definitely in for the long haul with everything he had.

"Magnus, can you please not pass over all your patients to me while sitting here enjoying lunch?" Came a voice from behind him. Magnus sighed. That was the last thing he needed now. Alecs eyes focused on the person in Magnus' back and his eyebrows frowned in confusion. Magnus turned around and stared in the icy blue eyes.

"What do you want Axel?" The eyes of the man focused on Alec and his lips curled up in amusement.

"Oh sorry, did I interrupt something?" He said, acting all innocent.

"Don't you have any prostate you need to examine or something?" Magnus sighed.

"No, what about you?" Axel grinned nodding towards Alec. Magnus didn't see him but he was sure Alec blushed. Axel went around the table and sat down beside Alec, wrapping one arm around his shoulders.

"Don't you think we resemble each other quite well? Don't tell me you are trying to replace me?" He joked in faked shock. Magnus rolled his eyes and threw an apologetic glance towards Alec.

"Alexander should we get out of here?" He offered and Alec shrugged after eying Axel for a second.

"I guess." They stood up and Axel chackeled as he watched after them.

"Oh my, I hope I didn't disturb you guys!" He yelled after them. Magnus pulled Alec out of the hospital. His break would be over soon but he wanted their last few minutes to be private.

"I'm so sorry about this, Alexander." Magnus apologized. Alec smiled and shook his head.

"It's fine. Were you two...?" He asked without finishing the question.

"Yeah. Around a year ago but it didn't end well and I hope you know that it's not true what he said. There's no way you'd be a replacement."

"I know and it really is fine. I mean he didn't threaten me so actually you are still better off than me right?" Alec joked and Magnus breathed in relief before chuckling.

"Yeah, I guess you are right."

"When do you finish today?" Alec asked then, taking Magnus' hand in his own.

"I hope I can get out by eight a.m. No promises though."

"But you are coming right?" Alec asked sounding a bit unsure. Today Magnus wanted to come over to Alecs apartment. It would be the first time after they got back together and Magnus was nervous like shit. He wouldn't admit it but he was hell afraid of Isabell. She will probably eat him alive. Alec guaranteed him that he talked to her and that Izzy promised to behave but still, he was sure that she would find a possibility to punish him somehow. He forced a smile and tightened his grip around Alecs hands.

"Sure. It's rare that we have an evening off at the same time." Alec smirked, obviously seeing right through Magnus' facade.

"There is nothing you need to worry about.  I know Izzy is fierce and can be intimidating but she is a soft soul." Magnus snorted.

"Maybe towards you, but towards the man who hurt her brother, she's a soft soul with claws."  Alec laughed and leaned forwards to connect their lips for a short moment.

"Go do your work, Dr. Bane. Text me when you are ready." Alec said and wanted to go but Magnus pulled him back to kiss him again.

"I see you later, darling." He said as he pulled back and winked at Alec before rushing back in.

"Had a fun date, eh?" Axel teased his French accent showing more now.

"Shut up, jerk." Magnus mumbled and ignored him. It was bad enough that his Ex worked with him but him being all clingy made it even worse.

He focused on his work and was glad when he made it out of the hospital by half past eight. He went to the stuff room, changed quickly and grabbed his things. He quickly texted Alec and rushed out before anyone could stop him. From the hospital it was only a short walk to Alecs apartment so he soon arrived there and stood in front of the building. He blinked surprised as he saw Alec standing there.

"What are you doing here?" He asked as Alec approached him and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Well, I live here." He chuckled. Magnus rolled his eyes.

"You know what I mean." He said. Alec took his hands and pulled him towards the entrance.

"I'm making sure you don't run away." He joked.

"Don't make it sound like I am some frightened deer." Magnus complained. Alec lead him till they reached the apartment door and only let go to open the door. Magnus took a deep breath to sooth his nerves before following Alec in. Izzy seemed to await him and already sat in the living room. She eyed him and even though she didn't say anything her eyes seemed to drill holes in his body.

"Welcome back, Magnus." She greeted after a while. Her voice cutting through him like knifes.

"Izzy." Alec said with a warning tone but Magnus held a hand up to stop him.

"No it's fine. I deserve it. I hurt you unnecessarily and there is no excuse for that."

"Well, at least you know it." Izzy scoffed.

"Magnus, it's okay. You had your reasons." Alec said but Izzy still glared at him. Giving him the 'if you ever pull shit like that again, I'll destroy you' glare. Magnus avoided her eyes, preferring not to die and instead followed Alec in his room.

"Do you want to shower?"Alec offered.

"If that's fine for you."

"Sure, go ahead." Alec said and passed him a towel. So Magnus did as he said and showered as quickly as he could, not wanting to waste any water or time. As he came back out of the bathroom, Alec had settled on the couch with Izzy.

"Hey, do you want to watch a movie?" Alec asked.

"What is the choice?" Magnus asked as he rubbed his hair dry.

"I don't care as long as Ryan Reynolds plays in it." Izzy said, snuggling in a blanket. Magnus sat down beside Alec, though he kept a certain distance unsure whether Alec was already fine with affection.

"I definitely agree on that." Magnus grinned.

"Fine, Ryan Reynolds it is." Alec sighed and selected some random movie. He then scooted over to Magnus and rested his head on his shoulder. Magnus' heart bloomed at this little action and he wrapped his arm around him pulling him closer. He didn't miss how Izzy eyed him suspiciously but in the moment he couldn't care less. Alec laid in his arms and Magnus breathed in the familiar scent that he missed so much even if it was just for a few days.

Alec hummed comfortably and closed his eyes, slowly falling in a deep sleep and Magnus hold him, drawing mall circles on his side and resting his own head on top of Alecs.

This is it, he thought. This is what makes life worth living.

Chapter Text

When Alec woke up he laid in his bed, comfortably wrapped in his blanket. He sighed at the sunbeams blinding his sight. Then he remembered last night and wondered how he ended up in bed. He remembered dozing off in Magnus' arms. Alec turned to his side but beside him, the bed was empty. He sat up and combed his bed hair with his fingers. Where was Magnus?

He climbed out of bed and slowly walked into the living room. Magnus sat with Izzy on the couch, drinking coffee and chatting happily.

"Good morning." He said and joined them. Magnus greeted him with a smile.

"Morning, Sleepyhead." Izzy giggled.

"You two are best friends now, I see." Alec said. Magnus and his sister grinned at each other before Izzy got up and went to the kitchen.

"Did you carry me to bed?" Alec asked.

"Like a princess." Izzy said as she came back and handed Alec a cup of coffee.

"You were so cute, I didn't want to wake you up." Magnus said and kissed him on the cheek.

"Well, I'll give you two some privacy." Izzy said, winked at Magnus and left the room.

"What's with you two? Yesterday Izzy was ready to kill you and now you act all friendly?"

"We had a good conversation while you slept, what leads me to another point. There is something I'd like to talk to you about." Magnus said.

"Oh, okay?" Alec said a little nervous. In his experience nothing good came out of 'I'd like to talk to you'. So he nipped silently at his coffee and looked expectantly at Magnus.

"Before I... fucked up we dated for a little over a month. I know we still have our difficulties and we are just back together but I want you to know that I take this, us seriously." Alec blinked surprised and stared at Magnus. Once again fascinated by these eyes. Lately Magnus renounced more often on his contacts and Alec loved it.

"I love you and I want to call you my boyfriend." Alec hold his breath, speechless for a few moments. Then a dazzling smile broke out on his face.

"Really?" He burst out without thinking about it. Magnus shook his head slightly.

"Darling, I would never joke about something like this." Alec slowly crawled forward and placed himself on Magnus' lap. He laced his fingers in Magnus' neck and pressed their foreheads together.

"I love you too, so yes I'll be your boyfriend. With pleasure." Alec said and Magnus grinned wickedly.

"That I can do."

"Please don't do it in the living room though." Izzy said as she came back in the room.

"Don't worry dear, it's not my intention to enjoy your brother in front of anyone." Magnus grinned and Alec felt the blood rush to his head. Izzy made a gagging sound but grinned as well.

"Seriously what happened with the two of  you?" Alec asked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A little while earlier~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Magnus woke up early this morning. He smiled as he found himself clinging to Alec. The warmth was comforting and he laid still and observed Alecs face. He really couldn't understand, why the man is so self-conscious. Alec is most definitely one of the most beautiful man Magnus has ever seen. Now, when he thinks about it, it may be true that he and Axel kind of resemble each other. They are both tall and broad, with raven hair and blue eyes. Though, while Axels eyes are a piercing, icy blue, Alecs eyes have more depth, they are clear and warm and always speak of his honest heart. Magnus wished he could see them now but he didn't want to wake Alec up, he looked so happy and peaceful while sleeping. Magnus snuggled a little closer to his boyfriend.... wait what? Is Alec even his boyfriend? Magnus wasn't sure but he decided to clear things up between them when Alec awakes.

Then he hear a sound out of the kitchen and figured that it would be Izzy or Jace. He sighed and carefully crawled out of bed. He would have to face them soon anyway so better get it over with. He hoped that it was Jace though, he still is a little afraid of Isabell but when he came into the kitchen he saw long, dark hair and not golden one. He took a second to mentally prepare himself and approached her.

"Good morning." He greeted carefully. Izzy turned around and eyed him coldly.

"Good morning, Magnus." She answered, hissing the 's' in his name as if she tried to cut him with it. Magnus wasn't entirely sure if it worked or not.

He saw that she was about to make coffee and remembered Alecs words about her in the kitchen. He was kind of curious if it really was that bad but firstly he didn't want to wake Alec with an explosion (if it really was that bad) and secondly he really wanted something to do while Izzy would lecture him so he answered quickly.

"Why don't you let me make the coffee while you give me all the anger I deserve?"

"Are you sure?" She asked suspiciously, still watching him carefully.

"No, to be honest I'm a little afraid but I know it will come over me anyway so better get it over with quickly." He answered quietly.

"You are afraid? Of me?" She asked, now sounding a little bit amoused and Magnus figured that this was good so he answered honestly.

"Sure, you are an intimidating woman." A proud smile appeared on her face, she flipped her hair and finally sat down on the table, letting her legs swing.

"Well, okay... So Magnus, tell me why. Why did you disappear in thin air?" Her eyes not leaving him. He opened his mouth to answer but she quickly added.

"If you dare to give me excuses I will kick your ass out of here, got it?" Magnus looked at her and knew she was not kidding, she would literally drag him out of the house if he doesn't give her a good reason. He closed his mouth and concentrated on making coffee for a while, thinking about everything and finally decided to give her to whole truth. So when he was done he went over to her and sat down at the table.

"I should probably start from the beginning." He said meeting her gaze. She turned towards him and gave him a small nod that he should continue.

"You know I grew up in Indonesia. My childhood consisted of abuse, hate and intolerance I..." Izzy gave him a glance asking him sarcastically 'seriously'.

"No, let me finish. I'm not telling you this as an excuse or to earn pity I just need you to understand. I came in the states when I was thirteen or fourteen and I was a mess. I didn't speak, I didn't eat or sleep. I was kept in the hospital for a few month. I probably gave the nurses a really tough time, refusing everything and screaming all the time. Anyway you know of Dr. Fell, right? Alecs therapist?" He waited until Izzy nodded again.

"Yeah, so he was my therapist too, at first. I was his first patient and I'm really sorry for him that he got such a hard case straight at the beginning but I have to give him credits. That man is a genius. He came to my room everyday but the first week he didn't say anything at all. He just sat there observing me while I ignored him completely. Then he eventually started talking to me. He didn't ask questions he just told me fairy tales as I found out later because I didn't speak English at the time. I still ignored him at first but the sound of his voice was somewhat soothing so I started listening even though I didn't understand what he was saying. He probably noticed that he got my attention and started teaching me the language. Then he told me all the stories once again and started to add personal ones. At some point he started to ask me what I thought of the stories or if I experienced something like this myself. This way I started to trust him and eventually opened up and told him everything that happened to me. So step by step he pushed me back on my own two feet. Well, Joycelin and Luke also played a huge role in this. They are Clarys parents. Or rather Joycelin is Clarys mom. Her father Valentine was a very... complex man. They had a little son but he died in an accident, after that Valentine changed and became violent. Joycelin left him when she found out that she's pregnant with Clary. Anyway, they took me in and treated me as if I'm their own son, though I was probably a stupid brat and they were very young back then. They made me to who I am today and I'm very grateful that I'm able to live a normal life but it's not as if I'm cured. What happened to me is still present and I will probably never be completely cured, that's simply not how it works. Same goes for Alexander. Your experiences define you, the good and the bad ones and although I wish I could erase everything... That's just not possible. There are certain triggers that will bring out old fears and throw you back to the beginning. It's frustrating but it happens. I faced such a trigger when I lost a little girl, a patient of mine. It brought back the old insecurities and fears and I asked myself a lot of 'what if's. Finally I came to the conclusion that if I disappoint anyway, better do it right now, you know? But I was ashamed and afraid that's why I just ran away from everything. With a little unwanted help of my friends and a lot of heartache I realized how wrong I was. I regretted what I did and I was not ready to let your brother go, so... here I am. Gladly not too late." Magnus took a deep breath when he was finished and looked at Isabell, waiting for her reaction. She was silent for a while before starting to swing her legs again.

"Damn" She said. "That is a good reason." Magnus let out a little laugh of relief then she turned towards him again.

"Don't get me wrong, it still was a dick move and if you pull shit like this ever again I won't let you near him again but I understand you somehow. It's reasonable what you did. But next time when you face a trigger or whatever, don't dare to run away. Just talk to him, okay?" Magnus quickly nodded.

"I know now how it feels to lose Alexander and I'm not ready to experience it again."

"So, what are your intentions for my brother?" Izzy demanded with one eyebrow raised.

"I wouldn't call it intention. I simply love him. I want him by my side for as long as he wants me to stay, that's all. The future will show how it'll work out." Her eyes stayed cold for a little while longer, probably figuring out whether Magnus is honest or  not. Then a small smile spread on her face.

"Good answer. Okay, I will allow you to stay." She finally pronounced her verdict. Then she jumped from the table and got them both a cup of coffee. They went over to the couch in the living room and settled down.

"Does Alec know about what you just told me?" She wanted to know. Magnus shook his head.

"Well, he knows a little but not that detailed. I know I have to tell him soon though." She nodded contentedly.

"Okay, so after this is cleared I need to switch to my other brother." She declared and Magnus raised his eyebrows.

"I'm rather sure that there is something going on between Jace and Clary. Do you know anything about it?" Magnus grinned. He knew it.

"Well, I know that Clary is rather fond of him. But she didn't tell me any details yet. What about Jace? I have to admit I'm a little worried." Izzy nodded again.

"Yeah, he doesn't fool around anymore. He doesn't come home in the middle of the night, or even the next morning. He doesn't tell any bed stories anymore, which is a first. I have to say, I kinda ship it and I understand your worries. Jace is not someone... a dad wishes as boyfriend for his daughter. He is reckless, no he was reckless but he changed lately. I know how he likes to appear arrogant and indifferent but that's just a mask. He's not like this. Actually he's very sensible. He cares for us a lot, especially for Alec. They have this very crazy brother bond. I don't know, they somehow always know if the other is in trouble, even if they aren't together. He would risk everything for the ones he loves and if Clary becomes one of the people he truly cares about than I don't think you need to worry about her. Than actually I'm more worried because he lets himself get hurt easily. Due to his real father he always thinks he's not worth it and deserves everything bad the world has to offer." Izzy sighed deeply.

"I gotta tell you, my brothers are a handful, with their stupid self sacrificing minds." Magnus laughed quickly over her words before answering.

"But you are an awesome sister. You guys have been through so much yourselves. It's amazing how deeply you are connected and care for each other."

"How much did Alec tell you?" She asked then, with a sad tone in her voice.

"Ehm, I know about your parents and how they disowned Alec when he came out." Izzy nodded.

"Hmm, I figured. Well, there's another time for that." She whispered lost in thought.

"Anyway, I'm glad we talked." She added quickly, smiling brightly again. Magnus wondered what that was about but he decided not to ask about it.

"Me too." He said instead then Izzy focused on something behind him.

"Good morning." He heard the familiar voice and turned around to look at Alec. Magnus smiled at him still being a little sleepy, with bed hair and tousled clothes. He hoped he would get to see this more often from now on.

Chapter Text

Alec laid in bed feeling incredibly guilty.

This isn't right. He shouldn't be this happy about what Magnus told him. He turned his head and watched the man... his boyfriend, sleep. He still wasn't used to saying that. After Magnus asked him that, Alec felt so proud. Proud that this wonderful man wanted to be with him. It made him feel like maybe he isn't all wrong.

After that they spend even more time together and after having dinner this night Magnus finally told him about his past. They talked for hours and Alec was shocked about Magnus' story. He went through so much. It made Alec fall in love with him even more. Magnus was so strong, he overcame all these horrible things and was still able to smile like this.

He told Alec about his abusive stepfather. He was an alcoholic and used to beat Magnus up for being a 'fag'. As a child Magnus liked to steal his mothers make-up and it drove his father crazy. His mother on the other hand was used to her husband's abuse and numbed herself with any kind of drugs. At first she defended him of his father but as he grew older she didn't care anymore. As Magnus said, she just laid on the couch and waited for her husband to 'do her however he liked'. So Magnus suppressed his feelings and interests but his father didn't stop lashing out on him. Then his mother killed herself with an overdose and after that his father became even worse. He said it was Magnus' fault that she killed herself and that he would have to take responsibility for that. Alec asked him what he meant by that but Magnus refused to go in detail and because Alec had a guess he didn't press any further.

He continued with explaining that his father had an accident and Magnus came in an orphanage. After what Magnus described as a few horrible years he came to the U.S and met Ragnor. From then on it became easier and Magnus slowly came back on track.

Of course Alec was shocked by what Magnus experienced but he was so happy that he opened up to him. He wondered if he should tell Magnus about his past too, but figured that it wasn't the right moment. They had a lot of time ahead of them and he would find the time to tell it.

Alec rolled over and hugged Magnus tightly, silently thanking every god for him and falling in a restful sleep himself.

The next evening he visited his boyfriend at the hospital but due to an emergency Magnus was a little late so Alec waited in the waiting room, scrolling through his phone when suddenly a shadow appeared in front of him. When he look up his face paled. He had hoped that he was clear enough last time and that he finally got rid of him but apparently not.

"Good to see you here." Peter said, grinning.

"Didn't I make myself clear enough the last time?" Alec answered, trying to suppress his anxiety. Magnus meeting Peter was the last thing he wanted.

"My, my don't be like this. I just want to chat a little. Why are you here?" Peter wanted to know, playing innocent.

"Stop faking you know damn well why I'm here." Alec growled. Peter smirked and sat down beside him, resting his hand on Alecs knee. Alec stared at his hand for a while before removing it, but Peters hand slipped back every time.

"Ah right, your little fling. Is the doctor good? Does it bring any advantages that he knows the anatomy of a human body?" Alec shoved him away and tried to escape but Peter grabbed his wrist and turned him around with such force that Alec bumped into him. Peter grabbed his neck and pulled him in and before Alec could react, their lips were pressed together. He overcame his shock when he felt Peters tongue sliding over his lips. Alec opened his mouth and bit down with all force. Peter winced and pushed him away and when Alec turned to leave he suddenly faced Magnus. Alec blinked surprised then terror washed over him. What if Magnus misunderstands?

Magnus on the other hand stood there seeming as shocked as Alec. His eyes jumped between Alec and Peter, who smiled satisfied.

"Magnus I-" Alec wanted to explain, but Magnus cut him off with his raised hand. Alecs heart sank down to his knees but instead of turning around and leaving, Magnus actually focused on Peter, stepped towards him and slapped him straight in the face. In the background Alec heard someone laughing when he turned towards the sound he saw Axel. He turned back to Peter and saw his unbelieving face, now with the outline of Magnus' hand in a bright red on his cheek. There was even a small cut from one of Magnus' rings.

"Don't ever dare to touch my man again!" Magnus shouted, possessively taking Alecs hand. "Don't even near him! I know plenty ways to hurt you." With this Magnus turned around and pulled Alec with him.

"Magnus? Where do we go?" Alec asked.

"Home." Magnus simply said and it made Alecs heart bloom. Magnus referred to Alecs apartment as home. It made him happier than he ever thought he would be. They still had a lot of things to overcome but this was more than Alec would have dared to ask. Alec smiled brightly and slightly pulled his hand away just so he could lace their fingers together. Magnus squeezed his hand but didn't turn around.

"I like it." Alec said.

"What?" Magnus asked, he still sounded angry.

"Your possessive side." Alec answered and could hear Magnus' small laugh.

"Well, I was never good at sharing. I keep things that belong to me, close to my heart and let no one touch them."

"So I'm your 'thing' now?" Alec teased.

"You know what I mean." Magnus said, turning around and holding his palm out. "Key."

Alec laughed and shook his head before fumbling for the key in his pocket and handing it to Magnus who opened the door seconds later. Alec hadn't even realized that they were already at the building. When they reached the floor Alec could hear Izzy and Jace arguing. He frowned and quickly entered.

"No is no, Jace! I said I'm not going to discuss this any further. If you want to go there, do as you please but I won't betray Alec!" Jace flinched at her words.

"Wow, wow what's going on with you guys?" Alec asked, Magnus on his heels. His brother and sister spun around in the same time.

"Alec" Jace said, trying to suppress his pain but Alec always knew when something was off with him. Izzy took a paper from the table and smashed it against his chest. Alec took it and noticed it was actually a letter, when he saw the sender he frowned.

"What is this?" He asked.

"Read it." Izzy said. So Alec opened the letter.


Invitation for the 25th anniversary of the marriage of

Robert& Maryse Lightwood


This got to be a joke.

Chapter Text

"Is this a joke?" Alec whispered.

"Apparently it's not." Izzy scoffed.

"Isn't it good that they invited us? That they want us there?" Jace stated and both, Izzy and Alec eyed him for a while. Izzy wanted to complain again, but Alec was quicker.

"This is an official invitation, the type every acquaintance of them gets too. It literally shows that we are nothing more than someone they know." Alec explained calmly. It hurt actually less than he had expected. He found himself caring less each time something like this happens.

"Maybe it was a mistake. The invitation was probably not meant for us." Izzy laughed. Alec turned towards Jace who simply stared at the ground. Alec knew that Jace had a hard time, standing between his siblings and his parents. Well because they aren't really his parents. He was grateful for what Robert and Maryse did for him and wanted to make them proud. That's why Alec was so surprised when Jace turned his back against them.

"You want to go?" He asked and met Jace' eyes but he only shrugged. Alec turned around and looked at Magnus who just stood there and watched them. He smiled when he noticed that Alec watched him and that made Alec to make a decision.

"You know what?" He said and turned back to his siblings. "Fuck it, we are going. They bother to invite us, how could we turn them down?" His brother and sister stared at him in disbelieve.

"Alec, are you sure?" Jace asked but Alec didn't answer. Instead he turned around and smiled at Magnus.

"You coming with us?" He asked and Magnus stared at him in shock.

"What?" He asked back.

"I'm inviting you to come with us." Alec repeated though he knew Magnus understood him just fine.

"Alexander, I don't think this is a very good idea." Magnus said.

"Alec, are you serious?" Izzy wanted to know.

"Do you think I would say this as a joke?" Alec answered annoyed.

"Okay who are you and what happened to my brother?" Izzy joked.

"Ha-ha." Alec made ironically. "I don't know what your problem is." He complained.

"Alec you are a shy little puppy and suddenly you want to bring your boyfriend to the anniversary of you homophobic parents? You really don't see any problem there?"

"Shut up! I'm not a little puppy! I'm a machine of destruction!" Alec countered with loud voice. Izzy and Magnus burst out in laughter.

"You guys are dicks!" He pouted and sat down on the couch.

"I think it's a good idea." Jace suddenly interfered after being quiet for a while.

"It's a way to confront them. If they haven't changed after all these years then they won't change anymore now anyway. Maybe it helps if they see you guys together. Otherwise it's a great way to piss them off." Jace explained and a pause while everyone thought about Jace' words.

"Okay" Izzy finally said. "If you really want to do this, I'll support you of course. But you should be prepared." She warned. Now everyone looked at Magnus, who still stood in the middle of the room and was a little bit confused over this outcome.

"Of course I'd love to accompany you but I don't want to cause trouble." Magnus said.

"You won't." Alec said and grinned. "I will, you'll just stand beside me and be handsome."

"That I can do." Magnus laughed and settled down beside Alec.

"Fantastic! If you go, then I'm sure I can persuade Clary as well." Jace grinned.

"So that was your ulterior motive." Izzy said and thumped him on the arm.

"Sorry not sorry." Jace mumbled and fled in his room. Izzy shook her head slightly.

"Ah well, then maybe I'll bring Simon as well." She mused.

"Are you guys a thing now?" Alec asked. Izzy looked at him and shrugged.

"I don't know. He doesn't really has the guts to ask me." She explained and Magnus snickered.

"Yeah that sounds like him."

"Why don't you just ask him yourself?" Alec asked.

"Do you want him to get a heart attack? Also he'd probably be offended if I asked him first."

"Yeah that sounds like him too. Just be patient with him." Magnus said and Izzy only nodded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~a few days later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Izzy!" Alec screamed for probably the tenth time. "Magnus will be here soon! Just fucking finish already!"

"Calm down buddy. No need to hurry." Jace snickered while resting on the couch and scrolling through his phone.

"It's so annoying. Izzy always takes so long to get ready but she never starts earlier! She has absolutely no time management." Alec complained.

Then there was a knock on the door and Alec went to open it. His jaw dropped when he saw Magnus. He wore a red velvet suit with a black button up shirt and black tie. His hair was styled perfectly and looked so soft with golden spikes in it. Even his eyes were highlighted with golden eyeshadow and it made them shine even more. But the most important thing is, that he didn't wore contacts and Alec had a hard time trying to hold himself back.

"Hi" Magnus greeted beaming at Alec.

"Wow" Alec breathed. It was the only thing that came to his mind at the moment.

"Thank you" Magnus grinned. "You look pretty delicious yourself." Magnus winked and pecked him on the lips before entering. Alec noticed only then, that Clary was there as well. She grinned and petted his shoulder before walking past him, following Magnus. Alec cleared his throat and waited for his heart to slow down again, before he closed the door and went back as well. Izzy finally came out of her room and look around the group of people.

"Where is Simon?" She asked. Clary looked around as well.

"I don't know he was right behind me." She said. Alec frowned and tried to remember if he saw anyone else in front of the apartment but he was so distracted. A quiet knock resounded and Izzy immediately stomped to the door. Simon looked quit flustered when they joined the others and Izzy gave Alec a stern glance. So Alec really did close the door in front of Simon. He wanted to feel sorry but it was too funny.

"Everyone ready?" Magnus asked. Izzy looked around and smiled.

"Damn guys, we're hot!" She exclaimed. Everyone laughed and they made their way out of the building. Simon drove since he was the only one with a car large enough for everyone to fit in. Though his old van was quit the contrast to their attire.

They didn't take very long to the Lightwood mansion. Simon parked the van in a side alley and they gathered in front of the large door. Izzy on Alecs left and Jace on Alecs right side.

"Are you ready, buddy?" Jace asked. Alec took a deep breath. He was more nervous than he should be after his big mouth but he wanted to do this. He wanted to show his parents that they could never change how he was and that he wasn't afraid of how he is anymore. He was proud for Magnus and for himself and if his parents can't accept him after this evening than he will finally know that it was hopeless. It hurt but he wanted to finally bring it to an end.

So he rose his hand and press the bell. It only took a few second before a tall man opened the door.

"Oh hey kiddos, I didn't see you in a very long time." He greeted.

"Hey, Hodge." They said in unison.

"And who are these guys?" Hodge asked. He worked for their parents for as long as Alec could think and probably even longer. He often drove the kids around or helped them with their homework. Actually Hodge was more of a parent than their actual parents.

"Our dates!" Izzy exclaimed, sounding like a proud mom and she probably felt like one.

"My pleasure." Hodge said and smiled at everyone before stepping aside. "Come on in."

The group followed him and Izzy took Alecs hand as they walked along the corridor which was their home for so many years. So many years ago though.

"It's so strange being here again." She whispered and Alec could only nod. He felt a little sick but having Izzy, Jace and Magnus by his side made him brave. They entered the main room, it was decorated like a living room but it's main purpose was to function for events like this. It may sound like a lovely party for family and friends but it's actually just another banquet for colleagues and acquaintances. Only for connections and promotion.

The room was decorated similar to the charity gala a few week ago and it was also crowded with 'important' people. Alec suddenly wondered why they even bothered to come. The only good thing at these parties was the food. Their parents never shied away from cost and ordered the best chefs and caterer.

"Wow this house is amazing." Clary said amazed.

"Only as long as it's decorated." Izzy mumbled. Jace now laid an arm around Clarys waist and whispered in her ear, moments later they disappeared in the crowed. Magnus eyed them suspiciously but smiled when he noticed Alecs eyes on him. He stepped to his side, though not too close probably trying to respect Alecs private space. However Alec took his hand and laced their fingers. If he was to piss his parents off then he'll do it right. Magnus beamed at him and for that smile alone it was worth it.

"Do you want to find the buffet?" Alec offered and Magnus nodded.

"We'll see each other later?" Alec asked, turning to Izzy and Simon.

"Sure, have fun. Enjoy the party." Izzy answered. So Magnus and Alec started to fight their way through the crowed but before they could reach the buffet Alec heard a voice behind him.


He froze and Magnus squeezed his hand comfortingly. They slowly turned around without separating their hands.

"Good evening, Maryse. Congratulations to twenty-five years of happy marriage." Alec said sarcastically. He knew that their marriage was based on purpose and not on love or happiness. But his mother didn't look angry at his words as he expected, instead she looked actually hurt.

"I'm glad you came." She said.

"Well at first I wondered if the invitation was a mistake or something." Alec answered honestly. Maryse pressed their lips to a thin line for a moment before forcing a smile.

"I'm sorry that it was so formal. I should have invited you personally but I..." She left the ending of the sentence open and cleared her throat.

"Anyway, who is this?" She asked instead. Alec frowned. Something was very wrong here. Why was his mother so sentimental? Why did she look like she was about to cry? Actually Alec knew that his mother was not as stern as their father but she also never said anything against Robert so Alec assumed that she agreed his viewings. Then the eyes of his mother sank down and focused on their laced fingers and her eyes widened.

"Maryse, this is Magnus. My boyfriend." Alec introduced and Maryse' eyes widened even more. Magnus offered his free hand.

"My pleasure. I'm Magnus, Magnus Bane." He introduced himself. Maryse stared at his hand and for a second Alec was afraid she would refuse it but then she grabbed him with both hands and smiled, really smiled.

"Magnus, it's so nice to meet you!" She said.

"I'm so glad you found someone who cares for you the way you do for anyone else." Maryse said and Alec wondered if there are actual tears in her eyes. Maybe the situation was even worse than he thought. This was a very strange way to behave for his mother.

"Mom" He said in a serious tone. "What's going on here? What happened?" He asked. The word 'mom' felt very strange in his mouth. He didn't say it for so long.

"Nothing happened. I'm just happy to see you." She answered but that was obviously a lie.

"Mom, tell me the truth." He demanded and her fake smile fell a little.

"We can talk later, okay? This is not a good place. Um-" Her eyes fell on Magnus again. "It was really nice to meet you but... maybe make a bow around your father? Don't provoke him okay?" Alec sighed.

"Mom, he doesn't have to talk to me if he is so disgusted but that's not my problem. He can just avoid me if he wants to be a dick." Alec said, than he turned around and pulled Magnus with him towards the buffet.

"Are you okay?" Magnus asked. Alec sighed.

"I'm not sure yet. Something is wrong here. My mother never acted like this before. I guess I'll have to talk to her later. Her reaction was surprisingly positive though."

"Well, I'm very charming." Magnus grinned. Alec smirked.

"Yes you are. Also you are damn sexy in this suit." Magnus smiled at him and winked and Alec felt immediately lighter. He could do this. How bad could it possibly be to face his own father?

Chapter Text

"Wow, this looks really good." Magnus beamed and eyed the huge amounts of food that were placed in line on a table longer than Magnus' living room.

"Yeah, also it's all Spanish-themed because my parents engaged in Barcelona." Alec explained, smiling over his boyfriends joy.

"I love the Spanish cuisine. Actually, a really good friend of mine is also a chef for Spanish food."

"Oh? Maybe I should date him because you can't even make normal pasta." Alec joked and nudged Magnus slightly in the side.

"If you want to snatch your therapists boyfriend. I wouldn't recommend it though. Ragnor seems quite nice but he can be a bitch." Magnus said while grabbing something that looked like a pastry.

"What?!" Alec exclaimed a little bit too loud, a few head turned towards them which caused Alec to blush. He mumbled an apology to the crowd and turned his back to them. Magnus cackled quietly and took a bite of his pastry.

"Oh my, this also tastes like the food Raphe makes. Here try it, it's heavenly." He said and hold out the rest of his snack. Instead of taking it from him, Alec leaned in and let Magnus feed him.

"Oi, don't mistreat my food for you disgusting love-play!" They heard a void behind Magnus. He quickly turned around.

"Raphael? Why are you here?" Magnus asked dumbfounded and received an annoyed glance.

"You're eating my food dumbass, what do you think? I'm obviously here to scrub the toilets." Raphael deadpanned sarcastically.

"Charming as ever, I see." Magnus said, not sounding offended at all. Instead he laced his fingers with Alecs.

"Let me introduce you guys, this is Alec, my boyfriend. Alec this is Raphael a grumpy kitten and good friend of mine." Raphael snorted at this.

"I'm not a kitten nor your friend. Why the hell do you want to date him? Be honest, does he force you?" Raphael said, addressing Alec who chuckled.

"Well, he's hot. Why do you date Ragnor?" Alec countered amused and got a small protest-snort from Magnus.

"He's a genius if you haven't noticed yet, he likes teasing Magnus nearly as much as I do and he always knows what I think without me having to explain myself." Raphael said and in exact this moment two hands wrapped around his waist.

"Why honey thank you." Ragnor squealed amused, hugging his boyfriend and pressing a kiss on his cheek. Raphael made a grimace and tried to free himself out off Ragnors tight grip.

"I fucking hate you." He grumbled while Magnus burst out in laughter.

"No you don't." Ragnor grinned, finally letting go of him.

"Oh hi Alec." He greeted as he spotted the tall man. Alec smiled in return.

"Alexander? Is that you?" Alec turned around, to see the familiar face of a woman.

"Aunt Jeani, hello." He smiled. The woman let out a small sob and pulled him in a crashing hug.

"Oh my boy, how tall you became!" She said with tears in her eyes. Aunt Jean often looked after Alec and his siblings when they were younger and she always was fond of them. She had an accidents when she was younger and after that she couldn't get children herself, so she always enjoyed the time with the four little guys. And the children loved her because she actually cared and often cooked for them, took them to amusement parks or gave them sweets. Alec had the suspicion that she always knew that he is gay but she never said anything.

"We didn't see each other in a while." He said.

"Too long. You never came to such events before."

"Yeah, I know it was rather..." He didn't know how to explain because he wasn't sure to what extant Jeani knew about the thing with him and his parents.

"Hush, it's okay don't worry. Anyway, who is this?" She asked, now eying Magnus with a smug grin. Alec smiled and wrapped his arm around Magnus waist.

"This is Magnus, my boyfriend. Magnus this is aunt Jeani, she was always like a big sister for me." Alec said and the grin on Jeanis face grew even bigger.

"I knew it! Finally!" She giggled. "Also, stop flattering me, I'm ten years older than you! Anyway, it's a pleasure to meet you." She turned towards Magnus and shook his hand.

"Likewise! I didn't know Alec had such a pretty sister, besides Isabell." Magnus answered and Jeani giggled again.

"He's a good one, Alec dear. Better keep an eye on him!"

They chatted for a little while longer, however Jeani excused herself after a while and left Alec and Magnus alone again. Raphael and Ragnor already disappeared while they spoke to Jeani so it was only the two of them now. Alec was still overwhelmed with all the positivity they received. Especially his mother.

"I'm so glad we did this." He said and wrapped his arms around Magnus' neck. Magnus smiled lovingly and the sincerity in his eyes made Alecs heart skip a beat. He stood on his tip toes to press a quick peck on his boyfriends lips and in that moment he really believed they could overcome anything but when they broke apart Robert stood right beside them. Alec flinched over the fury in his father's eyes. Magnus took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"I can't believe you humiliated us in this way!" Robert spat and looked at them with pure disgust. Alec shoved Magnus behind him, trying to cover him from the insults that were yet to come.

"I didn't do anything." Alec said and tried to sound confident but unfortunately he sounded more like child after getting scolded.

"Worse enough that I had to see these pictures but now you even do it right in front of everyone who is important for this city!" Robert continued without even listening to Alec. Alec wondered what he was talking about but Robert gave him no chance to ask.

"I don't even know why you bothered coming here when you're obviously still too stubborn to apologize. Instead you decide to provoke us even more! How shameless can you be?!" Magnus grip on Alecs hand became tighter with every insult Robert threw at him.

"Why you insist on behaving like this is beyond me. We gave you everything, you could have lived a happy life but you decided to disappoint us instead and gave up on everything and you even dragged your brother and sister with you. And that after what you did with Max! I don't know what I did to deserve this. You are so ungrateful and selfish, I can't believe you are my son!" Alec bit in his lower lip, fighting to hold back the tears. He thought he were strong enough by now but every word Robert said felt like a knife stabbed right into his heart. Especially that he had to mention his little brother, who died in a car accident a few years ago. A car accident where Alec drove...

"That's enough!" Magnus suddenly snapped and took a step to now shield Alec instead.

"I had enough of your bullshit. I can't believe I actually hear someone talking like this in the twenty-first century. First of all there is nothing Alec would have to apologize for! He finally accepted himself and now you want to shatter everything to pieces. Doesn't he have a right on happiness? How heartless do you have to be to deny this your own son? He is not behaving like this to provoke you. He is not some teenager trying to be rebellious, that's simply the person he is and it's perfect exactly like this! He didn't chose to be like this, neither of us did. Actually it's really ironic of you to call Alec 'ungrateful and selfish'. I wonder if you even know your son one bit!" Magnus made a short break to catch his breath. Alec wondered if this really just happened now and Robert seemed to think the same. That was probably the first time that someone rose his voice against him.

By now even the other guests noticed that something was going on, they whispered and stared at them with questioning eyes. Though Magnus speech seemed to only boost Roberts fury.

"I don't know who you are and I don't care but you know nothing about my son! Just stay away from him. He should know better than to connect with someone like you! I can't believe he brought a fag in our house!"

That was enough. Something in Alec switched. He turned from hurt to rage in less than a second. He was used to his father's insults but he would not stay here and let the same thing happen to Magnus. Magnus went through enough in his past he deserved something better and not the rotten words of a homophobic, old ignorant.

"You know what 'dad'? I am a 'fag' too and I stayed in this house for around sixteen years! Maybe you should move somewhere else in case we are contagious. You better tell all your 'friends' too because it might be dangerous. Our gay germs could spread and pollute the whole city. Imagine this gay people everywhere!" Alec made sure to put as much sarcasm in his voice as possible and he heard Magnus coughing beside him, trying to cover up his surpised chuckle.

"Hey what is going on here?" Izzy suddenly appeared standing between Alec and Robert, who's face now had a very strange colour. Something between tomato and plum.

"Nothing, we are done." Alec said, still shaking from the adrenaline. Alec grabbed Magnus' hand and pulled him past Robert. At least he wanted to but suddenly Maryse stood in front of him with a shook expression.

"Alexander, I'm..." She started.

"It's fine mom. I kinda knew something like this would happen." Alec said sadly.

"How could you let this happen! How could you raise our son to become so disrespectful! To become an abomination!" Robert yelled at Maryse. Tears formed in her eyes but she just pressed her lips together.

"How can you call your own son an abomination!" Izzy yelled back, ready to rip some heads of. Jace now was back too and hold her back.

"Mom, don't let him talk to you like this. You did nothing wrong." Alec said. Well, maybe she did make some bad decisions but at least she accepted them. She now smiled at him, though it was probably forced.

"I know, Alec. I'm proud that you are my son. Don't ever think otherwise." She said softly and Alec returned the smile.

"I think we should go." Jace said. And they did as he said. The whole group turned to leave, including Maryse. Just before they were about to leave Alec heard a familiar voice.

"You know Robert, I always thought you are an honourable man but today you lost my respect. Love is supposed to be free and something beautiful and it's not bound to stupid things like gender. It's not Alec who is embarrassing your family." Jeani spoke calm and Alec gave her a quick, grateful smile before following his friends and leaving one part of his parents behind him, probably for forever.

"Wow" Simon whispered. Alec totally forgot that he was there too. Clary stood beside him and trembled , it took Alec a while until he realized that she was furious herself.

"I'm so sorry about this." Maryse said. Alec pulled her in a hug.

"It's okay mom but can you tell us now what happened with you two?" He felt her tensing in his arms. She pulled back and wiped the tears away, still smiling. It made Alecs heart clench, that she still tried to hold the mask.

"I'd prefer a more private place for this." She said.

"I can drop you guys of." Simon offered. They agreed and soon the stood in front of their apartment building again.

"I'll call you later okay?" Jace said to Clary. She nodded and hugged him tightly.

"I'm sorry about today. Robert said some awful things to you..." Alec said but Magnus kissed him quickly.

"Don't dare to apologize. What he said to you was way worse. I'm sorry it escalated in that way." Alec smiled over Magnus words.

"I liked it though, how you defended me. You are cute when you're angry." Magnus slapped his chest for that.

"I'm not cute!" He protested but Alec only wrapped his arms around him.

"Thank you, Magnus. I really love you." Alec whispered in his ear.

"I love you too, darling. Never think otherwise. I'll see you tomorrow?" Alec nodded before kissing him again and finally releasing him.

After everyone said their good-bye the family made their way up to the apartment. A heavy silence filled the room. They settled in the living room. Maryse and Jace in the armchairs, while Izzy cuddled up against Alec. Maryse stared at her hands for a while before looking up and facing her children.

"I don't want to beat around the bush so I'll make it quick: Your father had an affair." Her voice broke near the end and suddenly all three children sat straight up.

"What?!" Izzy exclaimed.

"I found out after checking some e-mails for him. Apparently this went on for a while already. I know it for some time now but I didn't want to say anything." Again her eyes filled with tears and Alec immediately rushed to her side, trying to comfort her in any way. Sadly, he actually knows how this feels. But Peter was just a casual boyfriend, a teen crush, he can't imagine how it feels to get betrayed by someone you spend more than half of your life with.

"This dick!" Izzy hissed.

"Mom, don't go back to him. He doesn't deserve you." Alec said. "You can stay here for a while." He offered, though it would probably get a bit cramped but he could just sleep on the couch.

"No, I can't do this. I don't want to bother you, especially because I myself let you down." She said, trying to cover up her sobs.

"Mom, you won't bother us. At least, stay for the night after that we can figure things out together." Jace said. Maryse smiled at each of her children.

"I'm so sorry for all these years. I lost sight of the real important things and I hurt you all so much." She cried.

"But you came back, you are here now. That's all that matters right?" Alec said.

"I missed how you turned into such a wonderful man." She sighed. Alec hugged her again. This was okay, he thought. This was actually more than he expected. Well, it may be under some terrible conditions and he still had may questions left but at least there was something positive in it too.

Chapter Text

Alec laid on the way too small couch in the living room, because his bed was occupied by his mother, and stared at the ceiling. Everyone went to bed already and the whole apartment was silent except from the quiet hum of the refrigerator. The moon light shone through the two windows and wrapped the room in slightly silvery light.

Alec laid there, left alone with his running thoughts. He wasn't even tired, although it was probably late past midnight. He thought about all the events of this evening, mostly Roberts words though. He knew he shouldn't do this, that he shouldn't care about what his father said and a part of him knew that it wasn't true but his self-conscious self couldn't be stopped.

He knew for long that Robert was disgusted by him and that he liked to give Alec the fault for many things. Deep down he even knew, that Robert blamed him for the death of Max.

Hell, he blamed himself every fucking day of his life, but hearing your parent actually say that you are the cause for the death of your little brother was something he wasn't prepared for.

It wasn't really his fault, there was nothing he could have done but still...

It happened when Alec just got his drivers-license and his parents gifted him a new car. He was so proud and Max looked at him like he was a superhero, which was something he really needed at that time. A time where he finally figured out that he wasn't interested in girls and that he never would be and he realised how screwed he is because he knew his parents would never accept that. He couldn't even accept himself at first.

So it was like ointment for his soul, that his little brother, who he loved so dearly, looked at him with eyes filled with admiration. Alec had promised him that he would take Max to his favourite comic book-shop and afterwards treat him to ice cream. They both looked forward to that day because Alec was about to graduate from high school and was really busy with studying, doing homework, writing reports and all this unnecessary stuff... So when he finally got the time to keep his promise the two boys jumped immediately in Alecs new car and drove off. They listened to their favourite band and sang along the songs, Alec laughing every time Max messed up the lyrics.

Alec bought him so many comic books that Max' little arms had a hard time carrying them but the boy was so happy, beaming from ear to ear and hugging his new treasures, not allowing Alec to carry them for him. They hopped back in the car ready for their next destination, Max already starting to flick through the pages and giggling slightly. Alec slowly started driving again, after stopping at a red light and sent his brother a quick, lovingly glance when he suddenly noticed the car rushing towards them.

It was like the time has stopped, dragging that last moment with his brother out as long as possible. An oddly cold feeling spread through Alecs body. He knew what was about to happen. He could see it clearly but there was nothing he could do. He just sat there in the driver's seat, watching like an outsider.

The other car crashed with heavy force in the passenger side of his own car, exactly where Max was sitting. Alec could hear the impact and the shrieking sound of metal scratching over metal. He could see sparks flying in every direction and how the other car drilled its way in his own...

Max already died there. The paramedics tried their best for more than thirty minutes but there was nothing they could have done. Alec only had few bruises and cuts and the other driver, who turned out to be higher than the empire state-building was left with nothing but a little scratch over his eyebrow.

Alec sat at the pavement by that crossing and watched everything. The policeman, running around trying to control the chaos, the paramedics working on the small but unmoving body of his little brother, the driver who was shaking due to shock and all the drugs and finally his parents who arrived about an hour after the accident. He heard his mothers crying and could see the disbelieve in his fathers eyes. Yeah, sure they weren't home often and sometimes they seemed to not care about their children, but they weren't heartless, also Max was the smallest and honestly he always was the favourite.

Alec still didn't know why he was so calm in that moment. Maybe his mind couldn't process everything yet or maybe he was just in shock himself but he just sat there, for a very long time and he stared at the two cars intertwined in one another, sometime later he watched as mechanics and fire-fighters removed the mess.

He remembers how funny he found this at that time. Suddenly the street was clear again and soon later the cars started driving again and passing by him, the drivers and other pedestrians oblivious to what happened only a few hours earlier. It was like nothing happened at all. Daily life proceeded for everyone. Everyone except of his family. But of course no one knew this. The people just followed their daily routine, going to work or driving home after work, maybe rushing to the supermarket before the closing hours or just meeting up somewhere with friends for a funny evening.

No one would know, how could they? It somehow disturbed Alec in a way that made him feel nauseous. He bent over and vomited directly on the street and after nearly five hours he finally started to break down. His parents tried to take him home earlier, but he had ignored them so they eventually gave up, probably figuring that he needed sometime so he was alone on that crossing.

Alone and the only one who knew what had happened here. Just five hours ago a twelve years old boy, his little brother Max, had been killed here in a car accident. And finally his mind realised the situation. He would never be able to hear his laugh again, he would never be able to wipe his mouth after they ate ice cream together, he would never be able to argue with him when he left all his comic books spread over the carpet in the living room, he would never be able to comfort him after he had a nightmare or when he was afraid of a thunderstorm.

Tears streamed down Alecs face as he remembered that day, just as it did back then. It would never stop hurting and Alec will probably never be able to forgive himself...

If he had just taken another route, if he had chosen to go home after the comic book shop or if he had simply chosen to walk to the ice cream shop...

Somewhat in a dace Alec grabbed his phone, which was placed on the small coffee table next to him and wrote a message.


Magnus? Are you still awake? [sent 02:17 a.m.]

It only took about two minutes until his phone vibrated.


Now I am. What's up? [sent 02:19 a.m.]

Alec took a shaky breath and decided to be honest.


Sorry didn't mean to wake you up... Just losing against the old demons... [sent 02:21 a.m.]

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back after sending the message, waiting for Magnus answer but instead he suddenly received a call.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you at this hour..." Alec said instead of a greeting.

"Darling don't apologize. You are never disturbing! I'll always be here for you, well metaphorically. Or do you want me to come? I'll immediately jump in the car and drive to you..." Magnus offered, voice still rough from sleeping earlier and Alec couldn't help but smile.

"Thank you but it's okay, just hearing your voice is enough for now."

There was a small break and Alec could hear Magnus' slow and even breathing.

"Darling, tell me." He said finally and Alec closed his eyes again and started talking. Telling Magnus the whole story, somewhere along he started crying again but Magnus didn't say anything, he waited for Alec to finish.

"...I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. It's just... I don't like talking about it."

"It's fine, you told me now. Is that were you got that scar on your right side?" Magnus asked and Alec was glad that he didn't apologize. Most people would answer with a 'I'm so sorry for your loss' or something and Alec never got why someone would say this. Firstly, they weren't even there why apologize? Secondly, Alec doesn't want or need their pity, thirdly it won't change anything.

"Yeah. This may sound crazy but I'm somewhat glad that I have the scar. You know like a reminder. Like a visible proof. Maybe no one knows, or they forget what happened but at least there is one proof that will never go away."

"I don't think that sounds crazy. I'm glad you think of it that way. I often have patients who are shattered seeing their scars after an accident, thinking they are disfigured forever, always remembered of the pain and while I can understand that as well, it only makes everything harder for them."

Again there was a small break because Alec didn't know what to say after this, so eventually Magnus started talking again.

"Alexander dear, I'm sorry for saying this but your father is a huge dick. It's not your fault, you know this right?"

Alec chuckles shortly.

"It's okay, he is a huge dick after all. I'll never forgive him for saying these things about you. And yes, I know now that it wasn't my fault. It took me quite a while to come to this point though and honestly I still have days where I tend to blame myself but I'm much better." It was really tough after the accident though however Alec didn't want to go in detail now. Little by little, step by step.

"I don't care what he thinks about me but I was happy as you defended me. You sassed him right in the face. I was so proud." Magnus jokes and Alec could nearly see the smirk on Magnus face.

"I'd like to say I feel a little bad about what I say but actually... not at all." Alec admits. Trust Magnus to bring him on ease and lighten his mood when he needs it the most.

"Which only makes me even prouder, dear."

They talked for a little while longer until Alec felt calm enough to finally fall asleep. The next morning the family sat together for breakfast. At first it was a little awkward but the children just settled for their usual morning routine, just with a little extra: their mother.

So Alec made pancakes for everyone and Jace prepared everything else with Izzy and their mother sitting at the table already, drinking coffee. When everyone was finally seated and the first few bites were taken Alec decided that it was time to break the ice.

"Mom." He starts and waits until the woman looks at him. "Can I ask you something?" She looked a bit taken aback by this but nodded anyway.

"Of course."

"Last night, when Robert saw Magnus and me he said something about pictures. Do you know something about that?" She looked even more confused after that.

"Wait, they weren't from you?" She asked back.

"What do you mean?" Alec pressed further.

"I think it was a few week ago. We received an envelope with pictures of you kissing Magnus in front of a hospital, I think." Alec frowned and looked at his siblings but they appeared as shocked as he is himself.

"What?" He asked, simply out of confusion. "And you guys thought it was me who sent them?"

"That is ridiculous." Izzy stated. "Alec is too much of a puppy to do something like this."

"Excuse me? I thought we talked about this! I'm not a puppy!" He complained again. Why everybody referred to him as one is beyond him.

"Yeah, yeah. Machine of destruction, I know, I know." She brushed him of. "The point is. Alec definitely didn't do this. Jace and me would never betray him like this and Magnus wouldn't either. So who did this?" Silence fell over them as everyone tried to think of someone who could have done this.

"Is there anyone who threatens you? Who would gain anything from you having a conflict with your father? Or who simply wants to punish you?" Maryse asked. Alec knew that she and Robert already had a few cases where they got threatened. It's not even a rare thing in their work field. Many old people who were sued because of them want revenge.

Alec thought about her words for awhile then it suddenly clicked and he sighed in defeat.

"That bastard." He breathed and Izzy and his mother looked at him with questioning eyes. Jace on the other hand seemed to get it himself.

"You know if you're not going to do anything about it, I will. I'll give that fucker as many restraining orders that he's banned out of New York." Jace said angrily.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I can't go on and let Peter do whatever he pleases."

"Wait, that guy still exists? Why didn't you tell me?" Izzy demanded.

"Who?" Maryse asked confused.

"His Ex." Izzy and Jace explained in unison. Maryse made an understanding face before she as well seemed pissed.

"And this guy threatens you?"

"Actually it started with him threatening Magnus but apparently I think he just wants to annoy the fuck out of me." Alec grumbled.

"It seems like he's getting there. Tell me his full name, I'll take care of it." Maryse said, sounding very determined.

"Mom, you don't have to-" He started but she interrupted him.

"Alec, let me help you. It's the least I can do." Alec sighed. He felt a little uncomfortable with this regarding that it was his Ex they were talking about but he figured that it would be the easiest way. His mother had many connections and was probably really able to make Peter back off.

"His name is Peter Hady." He said and watched her expression closely. Her eyes widened after a few seconds.

"The neighbours kid from your teenage days?" She asked obviously surprised.

"Yes." Alec said, feeling a little bit ashamed but than his mother grinned.

"Great, the Hadys were always annoying dicks." That was definitely not the reaction Alec had expected. He was very confused over his mothers behaviour in general already because he never knew she could be anything other than stern and serious. This was a new side of her he never knew but he was glad he got to see it. Jace too seemed to like her reaction as he stood up and bent over to high-five with Maryse.

After that they used the time to catch up. Maryse told them a few things of what happened in the last few years but mostly Alec, Izzy and Jace told her what they all have reached in their time apart. It was nice and it got a little emotional when Maryse apologized again, showing her regret over everything that happened between them.

Alec wasn't really mad though. Of course his parents did was shit but Maryse decided to be on his side and accepted him and Magnus and honestly that was all that mattered. What is the point in crying over something that happened long time ago. And that's exactly what Alec told her, assuring her that it was fine and instead he asked her what she would do now.

He knew that this would dampen the mood but they had to talk about it eventually anyway.

"I guess I'll stay in a hotel for now until I've figured things out." She said, looking at her clasped hands.

"You can stay here, if-" Alec wanted to offer but she shook her head alread.

"Alec, I can't occupy your bed forever. This apartment is already cramped as it is. It's really okay. I can just visit you guys, right?" She said, looking at her children with hopeful eyes and Alec realized that she really was unsure if they wanted to stay in contact.

"Of course." They all said in unison and that brought a great smile on her face and a few tears in Maryse eyes.

"We are here for you. Whatever you decide  to do." Alec added.

"Well to be honest I don't think I could respect you if you go back to this dick. I mean not just because of his behaviour towards Alec but also because he betrays you like this." Izzy said.

"Yes I know, I won't go back. Well, I'll have to get some things but that can Hodge do for me." She said and smiled at her children.

And Alec felt like finally, finally it seemed like there was actually a light at the end of the tunnel.

Chapter Text

The last few weeks were hard.

His mother moved in an apartment in Manhattan and they all helped. It was not only physically exhausting but also mentally, with their father in the background insulting everyone at any possibility. But at least that gave their mother the last to finally agree to the divorce.

So then there was the divorce that was really hard for their mother because yes Robert was a huge dick but they spent more than half of their lifes together...

Alec had a lot appointments with Ragnor, which he was not sure if they really helped yet. Or rather, they did help but they also brought up a lot of stuff that Alec had successfully suppressed all these years and that he never wanted to think about again.

And the worst thing was that Magnus had to leave the country for three weeks because of some business trip. Alec told himself that this was good because he couldn't relay on Magnus too much. He wanted to be strong for himself and handle his problems on his own but truth be told, he missed him like hell and that did no good things to his insecure self.

The good thing was that his mother really got rid of Peter. Alec was not sure how exactly she made it, which connections she used or what favours she demanded but it worked. Peter wasn't allowed to contact him in any way and he had to stay out of New York. Yes, whole fucking New York. Alec wondered sometimes if it even was legal what Maryse did to get rid of him but he found himself to not really give a fuck. His mother knew what she did and she was good so he trusted her and he was really glad that this certain part of his unpleasant past was finally out of his life.

The next good thing was that today Magnus had returned and Alec was on his way to his apartment. They wanted to spend the weekend together because Magnus had the next few days off.

Alec was currently standing out of the intimidating building staring up the facade, taking a few deep breaths. He wondered why he was so nervous. He and Magnus knew each other for several month now but somehow it felt different today. Alecs problems slowly started to dissolve and he felt like something had to go wrong soon because he didn't deserve so much luck. On the other hand he had his fair share of shit in his life and thought, or rather hoped that maybe it was time for him to be a little lucky.

Alec tightened the grip around his bag and entered the building, greeting the security man who knew him by now and took the elevator to Magnus' floor. In front of the apartment door he stopped again but only to comb his hair and brush the wrinkles off his shirt before he knocked.

It only took a few seconds and the door flew open. Magnus immediately threw himself in Alecs arms, crushing him in a bear hug. Alec yelped surprised but returned the hug eagerly. For a couple of moments they just stood there, hugging each other, taking in the others scent and relaxing in each other's company.  

"Hello there." Magnus said as they finally let go of each other.

"Welcome back." Alec smiled.

"Come on in. I made dinner." Alec raised a brow at this.

"You made dinner? Really?" He joked and Magnus threw him a quick glance before walking towards the kitchen.

"Well, I ordered it that counts too." He said sheepishly. Alec chuckled, followed his boyfriend and circled his arms around Magnus waist, pressing a kiss on the other mans temple.

"I missed you." He whispered and at that Magnus turned in his arms and wrapped his arms around Alecs neck, smiling softly down at Alec.

"I missed you too, darling." He said and pecked his lips once.

"Now, let's eat before everything gets cold."

They used the time while eating to catch up on everything that had happened lately in their lives. Magnus telling him about his trip and Alec telling about the things with his mother. After finishing and making the dishes they settled on the couch in the living room. Alec leaning against Magnus chest, the latter circling his arms around Alecs waist and drawing small patterns on his hip bones. Alecs head rested on Magnus' shoulder and he found himself relaxing in the comfortable warmth Magnus body was offering. Magnus had switched on the stereo system, the soft voice of Ed Sheeran lulling Alec in a certain calmness.

"This is nice." He mumbled. Magnus hummed agreeing before kissing his hair.

"I love you, Alexander." He whispered and Alec couldn't help but beam. He turned his head and stretched it to reach Magnus lips.

"I love you too." He mumbled against the others lips. Magnus leaned down to offer him better access and soon the innocent and soft kiss bloomed into something of more intensity. Alec licked along Magnus' lower lip, who answered with opening his mouth and nibbling at Alecs lip in return.

After a few moments though Alecs neck started to ach due to the uncomfortable position so he turned and crawled in Magnus' lap without separating from Magnus' lips for more than necessary. His hands found their way in Magnus' hair and he caressed his boyfriends scalp, as the other kept his hands on his hips, fingers slowly searching for skin under the hem of his shirt.

Alecs heart clenched as he realizes just how much he actually missed Magnus and warmth spread through his whole body when he remembered that they had the whole night for themselves. And he wanted it. He wanted Magnus so bad. He wanted to feel Magnus' skin against his own and drown in the others soft touches.

But before he could even do anything Magnus pulled back just enough to look Alec in the eyes. They both panted slightly, lips swollen, staring at each other. Alec being especially confused.

"Alexander dear, as much as I'd love to continue this, there is something we need to talk about." Magnus said. Alec wished he could say he wasn't concerned but that would be a lie. Well, he trusted Magnus enough to not suddenly break up with him or something but he still worried if he maybe did something wrong. Old habits don't die easily after all.

"What is it?" He asked, wishing his voice wouldn't sound so damn pathetic. He saw Magnus inhaling deeply before answering. His eyes still focused on Alec and his hands still on his hips holding Alec in place.

"Do you remember the last time we got intimate?" He asked and Alec couldn't help but blush. Of course he remembered. How could he forget something like this.

"Y-Yeah?" He answered quitely.

"You know what I said at that time? That I wouldn't do this until you are ready?" Alec could only nod.

"Darling, please talk to me." Magnus said after a while of silence. Alec knew he needed to talk about it. So he pulled back a little to gain some space and hopefully get his brain back to normal function and closed his eyes.

"It's really not that bad. I just... In my previous relationships the other parties usually didn't care too much about... well me. So I guess I just got used to the feeling of... simply pleasing the other is enough. I don't know it just... makes me uncomfortable. Like I somehow feel guilty to bother the other one. I don't know, it's stupid." He explained, feeling the heat in his face as he spoke. He finally opened his eyes after he finished and was shocked by the intense gaze Magnus gave him.

"It's not stupid." He said, bringing one hand up to Alecs face and cupping his cheek.

"Your concerns and worries can never be stupid, okay? Never think like that. I told you at that time and I'll tell you again. If we take that step I want it to be special for both of us. I want to take my time with you and I want to show you how precious you are for me but if this makes you uncomfortable, if you're not ready yet then there is no need to rush things." Magnus explained never breaking the eye contact. Alec gulped, releasing the breath he didn't realize he was holding in.

"I... Honestly I'm not sure if I'm ready. But... I want it, I want to try it. I trust you and I -as crazy as it sounds- believe you that you love me. So I think that already is an improve and worth a shot." Alec said. Magnus searched in his eyes for the slightest sign of a lie and as he found none he licked his lips.

"Promise me that you'll tell me if you're uncomfortable?" Magnus insisted. Alec nodded.

"I promise." Alec said, his voice hoarse with anticipation. Magnus' hands slipped down to his thighs and within a second he had lifted them both of the couch. Alec immediately wrapped his legs around Magnus' middle just as the last time they did this and Magnus carried him towards his bedroom while Alec leaned down again to reconnect their lips.

Magnus lowered him carefully on the mattress and kiss Alec softly, conveying all the feelings he couldn't express through words. Alec wrapped his arms tightly around Magnus' neck pulling him as close as possible, eager to show the same effort. The kiss deepened and even though it was intimate, it didn't have the same intensity as before. It was sweeter now, passionate but soft.

Magnus really meant it as he said he wanted to take his time. They kissed for what felt like an eternity until Magnus started to slowly undress Alec.  First his shirt, making sure to appreciate every inch of Alecs exposed skin by showering him in kisses and light nibbles, leaving marks all over Alecs torso.

Alec was already a panting mess by the time Magnus' mouth found its way to Alecs nipple, caressing the sensitive skin with his tongue while unzipping his jeans and finally get rid of them. He felt the familiar, unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach but he decided to not say anything yet. He wanted to work against his stupid mind and go on for as long as possible. Also because he really did trust Magnus and that he wasn't doing this out of pity of politeness but because he really wanted to, so he kept quiet and concentrated on the shivers Magnus' touches send down his spine and desperately tugged at Magnus' shirt.

The other quickly got the hint and pulled the annoying piece of fabric over his head, allowing Alecs fingers to feel his soft skin and trace the lines of his abs. Alec tugged at Magnus' hair signalling him to come back up again, turning his attention back to Alecs lips. It didn't stay there for long though, because soon Magnus' mouth placed a trail of kisses down Alecs jaw line and over his neck. Alec turned his head a little to offer better access and he gasped for air as he felt Magnus' teeth biting down in his sensitive skin.

By now his mind gave up his function. He was overwhelmed by Magnus' affection and the shocks of heat his lips and finger tips send through his body everywhere they touched his skin. His thoughts were too clouded with longing to even worry about anything else. All of his senses were taken over by Magnus and all he could do was lay there and endure the teasing.

"Magnus." He breathed but the other only hummed while trailing kissed down Alecs stomach all the way over his thighs. Eventually Magnus decided that it was enough torture already so pulled Alecs briefs off. Alec hissed at the sudden cold air but that soon turned into a moan as he felt Magnus tongue around his member. Slowly taking him into his mouth.

Alec only received this kind of attention once before and that is already long in the past so it was definitely something he wasn't familiar with. Additionally Magnus knew exactly what he was doing and as he suddenly felt a finger pressing gently against his entrance he felt like he would explode at any moment.

"Magnus" He cried again, this time more desperate.

"It's okay, darling, just let go." Magnus said and so Alec closed his eyes and let his head fall back, losing himself in the feeling of Magnus' mouth and his fingers gently stretching him open. Alec didn't even know where the lube came from but he didn't really care either.

Alec was sure he would lose his mind soon but then Magnus pulled back and Alec let out a small whimper before Magnus was suddenly over him again, kissing him with all the longing and hunger he felt right now.

"I love you." Magnus whispered again as he lined himself up against Alecs entrance and it sent warm shivers through Alecs entire body.

"I-I lov... love y-you... too." He choked out but it ended in a moan as Magnus began to slide into him, stopping halfway to allow Alec to get accustomed to the feeling. Alec wrapped his legs around Magnus' waist as the familiar sting ebbed away, silently demanding Magnus to continue. The tall man did and settled himself fully into Alec and paused again.

Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus' torso digging his fingernails in the skin over his boyfriends shoulder blades, stretching a little to reconnect their lips as Magnus started moving inside him.

Something dwelled in his chest as he heard Magnus' muffled moans and saw the longing and adoration in the other mans eyes, realizing that he was able to make Magnus feel this good.

"Magnus" Alec breathed and watched with fascination how the green and gold in Magnus' eyes turned a shade darker. Soon the only noises were their heavy breathing and whispered names, in the background still playing the music in the living room. The voice of Zayn singing 'Pillowtalk' and if Alec were able to notice it he had probably laughed at the irony but he was to focused on Magnus and drowning in the pleasure sending electric shocks through his body.

Alec hold onto Magnus for dear life as they chased their releases, Magnus only a few seconds behind him. Magnus pulled out of him, Alec hissing as he was now over sensitive, and discarded the condom that again Alec had no idea where it came from.

"How does a hot bath sound?" Magnus asked, gently caressing Alecs hair.

"Comfy but I might drown as I'm about to fall asleep any minute." Alec answered, eyes already closed. He heard Magnus chuckle and felt the disappearing of the others warmth as he went to prepare the bath.

"Don't worry, I'll hold your head over water." Magnus promised. A few minutes later Alec found himself relaxing in the tub, leaning against Magnus chest and dozing off as Magnus massaged his body with a wet cloth, cleaning him up.

Alec could only smile, left in pure bliss, feeling the love between them so present as if he could reach out and grab it. He wasn't used to feeling this light and relaxed after sex. In the past he usually felt used, dirty or was simply hurting.

"Thank you, Magnus." He said quietly and felt Magnus stopping his movements for a moment.

"What are you thanking me for? I hope you know that I enjoyed this just as much as you darling." He said sternly. Alec actually didn't really know it. He tried to believe it but he couldn't imagine Magnus enjoying especially the first part of their encounter. But the tone in Magnus' voice gave him some reassurance and Alec decided to return the favour next time. He trusted Magnus that he wouldn't lie to him especially not in that matter, however he couldn't quite understand it why Magnus would enjoy this.

He pushed these thought away and settled for just believe Magnus in this moment.

"Okay." Alec said, still smiling and slipping a little closer into Magnus' chest, the latter tightening his grip around Alecs middle. The rest of the night consisting of soft kisses and cuddling, leaving Alec lightheaded with all the happiness he never knew he would experience.

The next morning they met up with everyone for brunch, which Izzy insisted on. Apparently she became rather close with Magnus and claimed to miss him after his long trip. Alec wasn't sure yet if he should happy about his sisters and boyfriends bond but he figured it was better than them to arguing or something.

They entered the café with everyone already waiting. Maryse, Jace, Clary, Simon, Izzy and Lydia surrounded around a large table.

"Finally!" Izzy exclaimed jumping up and hugging Magnus. Greetings were exchanged and Magnus and Alec said down between Izzy and Lydia the both girls eying them closely.

"What?" Alec grumbled, annoyed of Lydias intense gaze.

"Somebody got laid last night." She stated grinning and Alec choked on his own saliva. He threw a quick glance to his mother who apparently was acting as if she hadn't heard anything but Alec knew he understood just fine.

"Are you insane?" He hissed.

"Dude, you have a huge hickey right there." Jace interfered and pointed at Alecs neck. Alec quickly hid it with his hand, unnecessary of course because the damage was already done, leaving the whole table giggling. Well, except for their mother who was still pretending to not notice what was going on with her children. Alec turned around and glared at Magnus who only raised a brow at him.

"Don't give me that look. I won't apologize as I'm not sorry at all." The man said, leaving Izzy cackling and giving her a high-five. After that he leaned a little closer and half whispered in Alecs ear.

"Also, you didn't seem too bothered last night." Magnus said and Alec knew that Magnus intended it for everyone to hear it.

"Gross." Jace said and Alec blushed a deep crimson red. "Don't spill dirty bed stories about my brother please." Jace continued making a grimace. Alec snorted.

"I know enough bed stories of you to write a whole book, you have no right to complain."

"Also, I'd like to hear some juicy details." Lydia smirked.

"Wow, look at this menu there is such a big variety!" Maryse suddenly said, maybe a little bit too loud. Alec blushed again as his friends giggled but fortunately with that the topic was finally dropped and they could settle on their brunch.


*****************A few month later*********************

"Jace, could you please make yourself of use just once?" Alec said, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

"What do you want, I already unpacked like more than half of the truck." Jace complained, not bothering to open his eyes.

"Don't give me that! I only carried two boxes at max!" Alec said.

"So what? Tell Izzy she did nothing up until now."

"Yah! I ordered Pizzy for everyone!" She screamed from the kitchen.

"You guys are honestly no help at all. Move, or you won't get any Pizza at all. Look at Simon, he's doing more than the two of you together." Alec scolded, giving the boy a smile as he came through the door with another box in his arms.

"You can't do this! I ordered the Pizza!" Izzy pouted.

"And? I'm paying for it so shut the fuck up and move!" His siblings gave annoyed noises from them but actually started doing something after wards.

"Calm down darling. It's actually not that much left to do." Magnus said, circling an arm around Alecs waist and letting his eyes wander through the apartment filled with unpacked boxes.

"Well, they don't need to know this. The more they help the quicker we'll be finished." Alec argued.

"You just want them out of the apartment, don't you?" Magnus grinned. Alec faked shock.

"How can you say that. Don't assume anything with your dirty mind." He said. Magnus laughed and pressed a quick kiss on his lips.

"Sure, sure whatever." The tall man said and returned to unpacking.

Magnus things were already unpacked as he moved in a few days earlier, so all that was left for their shared life was Alec.

As they decided to move in together Alec offered to just move in with Magnus as it seemed to be the easiest way but Magnus declined, saying that it would be too bothersome for Alec to travel back and forth from Brooklyn to Manhattan everyday so the searched for a new apartment that would be convenient for both of them.

Alec stood in the middle of the apartment looking around and smiling to himself.

More than ready to finally begin this new part of his life, together with Magnus.