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teamwork makes the meme work

Chapter Text


 You have (3) new friend requests!

 

 

Katelyn Holt
Confirm | Delete

 

Takashi Shirogane
Confirm | Delete

 

Keith Kogane
Confirm | Delete

 


Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett

 

SEP 1 AT 4:42 PM

Lance
[image sent]
question:
what the everloving FUCK is going on rn

Hunk
Oh snap
I got friend requests from them too just now!
They’re from the GSA club right?
Maybe they’re setting up a meeting or something.

Lance
sorry hunk but im too busy losing my shit to think about that because TAKASHI SHIROGANE SENT ME A FUCKING FRIEND REQUEST
@god, let me relax for once in my life

Hunk
He’s a real dilf

Lance
DBFJDDHJHGJKGDFJ NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN

 


 Allura, Katelyn, Keith, Takashi, Hunk, Lance

 

SEP 1 AT 4:49 PM

Allura created the group.

Allura
Hi everyone!! You all remember me from the club fair on Wednesday I hope?

Keith
Yeah

Katelyn
what’s up

Lance
how could i forget ;)

Allura
Tone it down, Lance
So I hope I didn’t interrupt anyone, I just wanted to make this group for private projects regarding the club and perhaps for us all to get to know each other better as well!

Takashi
Sounds good to me.

Hunk
Super good!

Allura
Since we’ve not yet had a club meeting, I was hoping we could introduce ourselves here more easily. Start with our preferred names and pronouns, year at the university, major, etc.
Anything else that you might be comfortable sharing is also welcome!
I go by Allura, I use she/her pronouns, I am a sophomore, and I’m pursuing a major in Communications. I also really like sparkly things.
Anyone else can jump in!

Hunk
Sup everybody.
My friends call me Hunk, which you all can too. I’m he/him, a freshman, and majoring in Mechanical Engineering.
I actually wanted to study the culinary arts as a kid, but mechanics is where it’s at. I’m still a big foodie though!

Lance
if it werent for hunk i’d probably be eating out of a trashcan tbh

Hunk
True
Since you spoke after me I volunteer you to go next.

Lance
unfair
the names lance, i use he/him/his, and im majoring in astronomy. thinking of switching to marine ecology tho
and im a freshman
extra fact: hunk is my bf

Hunk
Brofriend?

Lance
brofriend :’)

Takashi
You seem like quite the pair.
You can all call me Shiro, I use He/Him pronouns, I’m currently in my second year at grad school to get my Master’s in Aviation.
I don’t think I have any special facts?
Keith should go next. :^)

Allura Altea set the nickname for Takashi Shirogane to Shiro.

Keith
Don’t use that face
My name is Keith, I use he/him, I’m a sophomore and I’m studying biopsychology.
Shiro’s special fact is that he accidentally bleached the front of his hair like an idiot

Shiro
This is about you, not me.

Keith
Admit your mistakes Shiro

Katelyn
i guess this leaves me
my name is katie but i like to go by the nickname pidge, i’m she/her but i tend to prefer they/them. i skipped a few grades so i’m a 16 year old freshman what up

Allura Altea set the nickname for Katelyn Holt to Pidge.

Pidge
i’m majoring in technical sciences and i like peanut butter

Lance
crunchy or smooth

Pidge
why choose when i could just have both

Lance
i like this one

Hunk
You skipped two grades? That is so cool!!

Pidge
yeah well……don’t really like to Toot My Own Horn, but i’ve excelled in the sciences for as long as i could remember

Lance
cant realte

Keith
Saem

Hunk
Msut be nice

Lance
hunk literally shut up ur a genius
also @keith are u trying to mock my typo?? fight me

Keith
Whatever

Lance
u got something to say? Say It, Out Loud.

Hunk
Vampire.

Lance
ily

Hunk
<3

Allura
Well, now that we’ve gotten introductions out of the way, I’d like to ask a question
Do most of you know each other?

Lance
ive known u since i learned to dream cariño

Allura
I will call your mother and tell her you threw out the mittens she knitted for you

Lance
my gzifdiodis OK OK JEEZ

Pidge
seems like you two are pretty familiar with each other

Allura
I went to the same high school as Lance and Hunk.

Hunk
Yeah Lance had a crush on Allura since freshman year

Allura
Old news

Lance
wow.

Pidge
this gc is one big roast

Shiro
To answer your question, I take a few classes with Pidge’s brother Matt but I’d never actually met Pidge herself.
And Keith is my brother.

Keith
Adopted brother
I would never be blood related to you

Shiro
You promised you would drop the emo act.

Lance
sjdkdjsldjdkkdkf

Pidge
oh sshhd
YOU’RE matt’s study buddy!!
how the hell do you do it. i can barely stand him on the days that i only see him for 10 minutes

Shiro
I let him tire himself out so by the time we’re ready to study, he’ll be working his energy up with coffee. It's when he's his calmest.

Pidge
i lived with the dude and i didn't even know this
you are a god among men

Shiro
I do what I do.

Lance named the group LGBT Sandwich.

Pidge
creative

Lance
thnx

 


Katelyn Holt > Matthew Holt

 

5:27 P.M.

matt cosplay
so i met your study buddy

 

5:50 P.M.

OG Holt
Are you talking abt shiro

matt cosplay
yup

OG Holt
Don't annoy him
I give him enough of that treatment as it is
But lets get down to the meat and bones of this convo……how in the living hell did you meet shiro

matt cosplay
that GSA club you suggested i join
he's in it

OG Holt
He
He's in the what now

matt cosplay
i’m like 99% sure he's not straight

OG Holt
holy shit

matt cosplay
go. have your bi crisis. be great

OG Holt
Good lord please stop

 


Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane

 

5:27 PM

Shiro
How are you feeling about the whole club situation now?

Keith
Eh

Shiro
That is obscure and I am too old to decrypt it.

Keith
Excuses
But really, idc much for it right now. As long as they don't badger me.

Shiro
Nice going riling up that other boy by the way.

Keith
He annoyed me

Shiro
I wouldn't take it too personally. He seems like a dramatic person in general.

Keith
Sure

Shiro
Are you getting dinner soon?
Don't say ramen.

 

5:48 PM

Keith
Sorry what I can't hear you

Shiro
I’m going to come over and help you cook something healthy, okay.

Keith
Okay mom

Shiro
Don't sass me.

 


Hunk Garrett > Lance McClain

 

5:54 PM

Hunk
Dude
Isn't Keith the guy that bumped into you at the club fair

Lance
yes
and now i have a vendetta against him

Hunk
I guess we didn’t see him approach the table Allura was at for the GSA
Maybe it’s a different Keith

Lance
the keith we saw at the club fair reeked of emo and so does this one
coincidence? i think NOT
like whenever i think of him i see him crossing his arms and frowning

Hunk
So you’ve been thinking of him, huh

Lance
irrelevant.

Hunk
He's pretty attractive
Why don't you ask him out?

Lance
hukn are u CRAZY
UR GOING FUCKING BONKERS MY DUDE
he wouldnt be able to handle my sheer unbridled beauty

Hunk
You got me there

Lance
im just glad that allura is the one running this whole shebang
beautiful + woke club moderator? sign me the FUCK up

Hunk
Yeah I’m real excited to meet up with everyone!!
I can't wait to meet Pidge. They seem real cool.

Lance
u guys could be like nerd buddies or smth

Hunk
YES
I need one of those, there are so little people around here that are taking science majors!

Lance
as much as i love and appreciate u buddy i hear enough about science from my required labs and lectures so pls,, no cussing (science talk) around the baby (me)

Hunk
Coward

 

Chapter Text


Lance > LGBT Sandwich

 

SEP 2 AT 1:02 PM

Lance
so since we are all getting to know each other and junk i wanted to ask a very telling question
waffles or pancakes

Keith
How is this telling

Lance
Answer the question, Keith.

Hunk
Oh boy he’s using good grammar
You know I love both

Keith
Waffles

Lance
hm

Keith
What?

Pidge
i like waffles more than pancakes
lov the cronch

Lance
interesting
i appreciate the usage of an ageless meme to support your stance

Pidge
i’m mildly concerned about the intentions of this question

Allura
Pancakes 5ever

Lance
ur perfect and i love u

Allura
I know

Lance
shiro?

Keith
He’s at work right now

Lance
disappointing
but i have 80% of my answers
so now i must go and analyze the data

Hunk
Ohh where does Shiro work?

Keith
Volunteers at a senior center on the weekends

Allura
How sweet!

Lance
just when u think a man cant get any more perfect

Pidge
that’s fucking adorable as hell

Hunk
Language!!

Pidge
that’s fucking adorable as heck

Keith
I admire you, Pidge

Pidge
everyone does

 


Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett

 

2:11 PM

Lance
wanna go to the movies tonight

Hunk
What are we watching?

Lance
idk i just wanna go to the movies
no WAIT
LETS WATCH THE NEW ANNABELLE MOVIE

Hunk
Yeah no

Lance
COME ON

Hunk
NO

Lance
u fucking recluse
u can hold my hand hold thru the scary parts
just dont crush it like last time

Hunk
I said I was sorry

Lance
semantics
come on plsssssss can we watch it

Hunk
Every time we watch a ghost/demon movie you end up having nightmares for a week
Why do you do this to yourself

Lance
bc i have Crippling Depression

Hunk
Fine

Lance
!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT’S A GREAT DAY 2 BE ALIVE

 


Katelyn Holt > Hunk Garrett

 

2:20 PM

Katelyn
hi hunk! i hope this isn’t too forward or anything but do you happen to take modern physics with prof. barba?

Hunk
Yeah actually I do
How'd you know?

Katelyn
i didn't lmao
it’s just one of the classes i’m looking forward to this semester and you seemed like a really smart person so i maybe wanted to ask if we could be study buddies??

Hunk
Omg
No, this is totally fine! I’d love to have a new study buddy
Well, I don’t love studying. It’s pretty boring sometimes. But studying with someone makes it easier!

Katelyn
i must be an alien
i hecking love studying

Hunk
You’re the real cryptid of this society

 


Keith > LGBT Sandwich

 

2:43 PM

Keith
Can somebody tell me when and where we’re meeting up for the club next week

Pidge
it’s on the flyer

Keith
I lost it

Lance
smh

Keith
Anyways

Lance
wednesday at 2 pm in the students lounge of the main building keither

Keith
Okay
Thnaks ig

Lance
Thnaks

Pidge
Thnaks

Hunk
Thnaks

Keith
Jesus fucking Christ

Lance
karma

 


Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane

 

3:01 PM

Keith
Left a container of mac and cheese in your mini fridge btw

 

4:17 PM

Shiro
Thnaks

Keith
I’m blocking you

 


Lance > LGBT Sandwich

 

4:20 PM

Lance
blaze it

Allura
No

 

4:26 PM

Shiro
Hey everyone! I just got out of work.

Lance
gods work

Shiro
You could call it that too.

Lance
heCK
so shiro waffles or pancakes
this is the moment of truth

Pidge
can’t wait to hear this

Allura
I’m a bit curious as well

Shiro
Well
Although I do enjoy the crunchy texture of waffles I feel that pancakes give a much softer and smoother experience.
Waffles are good, but I guess I have some bias because I ate pancakes more as a kid.

Keith
You’re so extra just fucking say pancakes

Allura
Another point for pancakes! Welcome to the club :D

Lance
im in love. im in love, im in lo v e
shiro will u marry me

Shiro
Sorry, it’s illegal to marry kids.

Pidge
shot DOWN

Lance
DAMN IT

 


Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane

 

4:35 PM

Keith
Does Lance have a crush on you or something

Shiro
I guess so.
I think it’s more of an admiration though.
They did call me the golden boy at the Garrison you know.

Keith
I know. Everyone knows Shiro

Shiro
;D

Keith
Stop that

 

5:33 PM

Shiro
Are you okay?

Keith
Why do you ask

Shiro
Because I took your knife from your room and you haven’t even asked for it back.

Keith
Just tell me you didn’t use it to cut vegetables or something
That’s not what it’s for

Shiro
I’m not a Neanderthal.
I used it to cut fruits.

Keith
SHIRO

Shiro
I’m joking. I can joke!
Seriously, what’s wrong?

Keith
I guess, idk
I don’t think they like me

Shiro
They, as in the people from the GSA?

Keith
Yeah
It feels like I don’t match up to their sense of humor and all that

Shiro
Well I don’t either, honestly.

Keith
Yeah but they like you a lot

Shiro
I’m assuming they’ve heard about me before. Especially Lance.
But you just need to let yourself get comfortable.
I’m not saying you have to tell them your life story but opening up a little bit wouldn’t hurt!
I don’t think they dislike you, I think they want to be your friend but can tell how guarded you are. It’s not a bad thing.

Keith
Yeah
You’re right

Shiro
So?

Keith
I’ll give it a few more chances

Shiro
That’s what I like to hear. Perseverance!

Keith
If you promise to stop embarrassing me

Shiro
I could never promise that and you know it.

 


Lance > LGBT Sandwich

 

SEP 3 AT 3:09 AM

Lance
h……hewwo?

Pidge
christ

Keith
Literally what the fuck are you doing up

Hunk
He can’t sleep
Why? Because he saw a movie I told him not to

Lance
u have been saying “i told u so” for like 5 hours can u chill

Hunk
Me? Chill? Lance LISTEN TO YOURSELF

Lance
fucc ur right
but wtf are u guys doing up too

Pidge
i haven’t slept before midnight since i was in the womb

Lance
same

Hunk
You’re so fake you sleep around 10 every night like a baby

Lance
stop embarrassing me in front of my fucking friends dad

Keith
You sure know how to make a conversation out of thin air

Lance
do u have a Problem with that

Keith
I guess so

Lance
turn on ur location

Hunk
Keith you’ll have to excuse Lance he’s bi so he likes unnecessary conflict

Lance
tru

Keith
I’m only up because I accidentally set my alarm for AM instead of PM

Lance
why do u………have an alarm for 3 pm

Keith
I take naps in the afternoon sometimes

Lance
alarms are for dweebs

Hunk
Lance every time you attack someone you know I have to knock you down a peg
Again: why do you do this to yourself
You have like six alarms

Pidge
bfjhklljhfjhfhd

Lance
BUT THEY ARE PURPOSEFUL ALARMS

Pidge
purposeful like what

Lance
well theres the alarm i set up for taking off my binder in the evening

Pidge
understandable have a good day

Lance
but the other ones are for my naps in btwn classes or making sure hunk remembers to pay attention to me

Keith
At least I only have two
Guess I’m less of a dweeb than you

Lance
ur a dweeb just because i said so

Keith
And what if I reject what you say?

Pidge
boy is it hot in here or is it just me

Lance
keith………u dont want it buddy
u dont want none of This

Keith
Wasn’t asking for it

Lance
btich
u just PROVOKED ME HOW DARE U SIT HERE AND DENY IT
HUNK HE PROVOKED ME RIGHT

Hunk
Well…he only asked a question

Lance
with INTENT

Pidge
lance it’s okay we know you like drama

 

9:10 AM

Hunk
Lance, you’re grounded

Shiro
I second that motion.

Allura
As do I.

Lance
i hate this fucking family

 


Matthew Holt > Takashi Shirogane

 

10:12 AM

Matt
So a little birdy chirped by my window the other day

takashit
A little birdy?

Matt
And the little birdy said to me “shiro is in the GSA”

takashit
Oh god.

Matt
Now you know i don’t like to pry

takashit
Matt, you wake up prying.

Matt
BUT
if you’re comfortable with telling me, i would like to know if the reason you joined is because you Are Not a straight ally?

takashit
I joined mostly to help Keith meet new people but I’m also gay.

Matt
SHDIRIIROO

takashit
Jesus

Matt
HOW COULD YOU KEEP THAT FROM ME!!
ME, A FLAMING BISEXUAL

takashit
Flaming?

Matt
Yeah, a bisexual in flames
As fellow gays we gotta stick together shiro

takashit
I have to go meet up with Keith to get breakfast, can we discuss the flames later?

Matt
Of course
Go. Be great.

takashit
I said that to you once last year, can you give it a goddamn rest.

Matt
No that was the funniest fucking thing you’ve ever said

 


Keith Kogane > Katelyn Holt

 

10:20 AM

Keith
Hey Pidge?? Um I’m sorry I don’t really know how to approach people like this
I just wanted to ask if you knew where the Advisement Office was??
I threw out my guide because I thought I wouldn’t need it

Katelyn
you are absolutely fine keith
it’s room 109 in the main building
can i ask why you didn’t go to shiro?

Keith
Because he’s the bane of my existence

Katelyn
Big Same

Keith
Every time I do something irresponsible he just, gives me that look
You know, the disappointed dad look

Katelyn
i barely remember what shiro looks like but that is fucking hilarious

Keith
Yeah
Sorry to bother

Katelyn
keith i’ve only known you for two days but if anything were to happen to you i would kill everyone in the room and then myself

 

Chapter Text


Coran Smythe > Allura Altea

 

SEP 6 AT 10:29 AM

Coran
Are you excited for the club meeting today? I haven’t seen you so jittery since I accidentally gave you a cup of Redbull instead of juice on your thirteenth birthday.

Allura
You what???

Coran
Nevermind that!
How are you feeling?

Allura
A bit concerned now, thank you
But I’m great actually!
I won’t admit it to him but I’ve missed Lance since I graduated, Hunk as well
It’ll be great to see them again!

Coran
Be sure to give Hunk a hello from me!

Allura
And Lance?

Coran
I’ll be seeing Lance fairly often!
Considering I teach his Astronomy course.

Allura
OH MY WORD

 


Allura Altea > Lance McClain

 

10:40 AM

pip pip cheerio <3
Lance, darling, how are you?

Lance
im..........good
how are u doing, lovely?

pip pip cheerio <3
A bit peeved, actually :)

Lance
i knew this was too good to be fucking tru
what did i do this time

pip pip cheerio <3
So when did you plan on telling me that Coran teaches your Astronomy course?

Lance
he fucking WHAT
ARE U SERIOUS

pip pip cheerio <3
Cut the cheddar, Lance!

Lance
,jddsjfjfjfkjkqw
THATS MY LINE
ANYWAY I TOTALLY DIDNT KNOW I SWEAR

pip pip cheerio <3
How could you not know who your professor is when you went to their class?????

Lance
my astro course is on thursdays
since classes started last friday and today is wednesday ive not yet gone to my astro course :)

pip pip cheerio <3
Oh

Lance
ive done nothing wrong and i deserve a goddamn apology

pip pip cheerio <3
Question: how did you not see his name as the professor for your course when you registered

Lance
look i didnt care who tf professor smythe was ok i just wanted a class that was scheduled at a reasonable hour on a reasonable day

pip pip cheerio <3
:(

Lance
i deserve an apology and yet something about u makes me want to beg for forgiveness

pip pip cheerio <3
:D

 


Pidge > LGBT Sandwich

 

11:40 AM

Pidge named the group small booty hoes.

Shiro
Why.

Lance
:/// i have a thick ass thanks

Hunk
Where

Pidge
IMFNSJDJSJDHDJD

Lance
cOME ON

Allura
Well, we’ll all be the judge of that when we meet this afternoon

Pidge
heck yeah
i’m STOKED and ready to meet all you losers + allura

Shiro
Why am I grouped in with the losers?

Pidge
all men are losers

Lance
n,,,n..........n

Hunk
It’s his first words! I wonder what he's going to say!

Lance
n........#NotAllMen

Pidge
YOU ARE BOTH SO EXTRA

Lance
srsly tho i am SUPER excited to meet u guys today
sans hunk and allura ofc

Allura
I am too!!!
When we meet up today, I’ll introduce you lot to the basics of what we’ll be up to for the next few months
In any free time we have, we can do other LGBT related things like watching a gay rights movement documentary or movies with LGBT characters or we could even read up on some classic LGBT literature!!
I may have started up the club but all of you will mold it into something great!

Lance
allura ur the purest and most wonderful person i know

Pidge
this is the gayest thing ever i love it

Keith
I heard gay and I came running as quick as possible

Hunk
Ahdkdkflsjdkfkf

 


Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane

 

11:48 AM

Keith
When somebody keysmashes after you say something that means it was funny right

Shiro
You are too pure for the world.

Keith
Sure I am.
Let's go with that

 


Allura Altea > Lance McClain

 

12:58 PM

pip pip cheerio <3
If I asked for your help, would you let me down

Lance
id never let u down
u only ever deserve to be raised up my goddess

pip pip cheerio <3
You never fail to please
I wanted to ask what you think we should do for our first day?
We are already past the basic introductions so I want to do some ice breakers!

Lance
well
maybe we could state what our reason for joining the gsa is? if theyre comfortable sharing

pip pip cheerio <3
Okay, you know what? This calls for a third opinion

 


Allura, Lance, Hunk

 

1:04 PM

Allura created the group.

Allura
You two will be my consultants

Hunk
Idk what's going on but I’m in

Lance
club idea group

Lance McClain set the nickname for Hunk Garrett to muscle man.

Lance McClain set the nickname for Allura Altea to ROYALTY.

Allura Altea set the nickname for Lance McClain to sharkboy.

sharkboy
YES

sharkboy named the group brown & beautiful.

muscle man
I love it

sharkboy
perfection

ROYALTY
Okay, let's get down to business!

muscle man
Oh oh! I’ve always wanted a pin with the pan flag on it
Can we make those at some point?

ROYALTY
I do happen to be in possession of blank pins

sharkboy
why

ROYALTY
Coran was going to make galaxy pins for his satchel

sharkboy
coran coran the Gorgeous Man

muscle man
So we’re rolling with it?

ROYALTY
I don't see why not!

muscle man
HECK YES

sharkboy
let hunk curse 2k17

 

1:17 PM

muscle man
Lance and I are coming early

sharkboy
i have a stack of uno cards prepared

muscle man
We are not playing Uno

sharkboy
and y the fuck not

muscle man
Because you always cry when you lose

sharkboy
i have never cried a day in my goddamn life

ROYALTY
Bring the Uno deck and prove it then.

sharkboy
i will

 


Allura > small booty hoes

 

1:35 PM

Allura
You guys need to see this Lance is crying

Lance
IM NOT FUCKNG CRYING

Hunk
Dude there are legit tears running down your face

Lance
goddkfd SHUT UP

Pidge
what??? the fuck?? what is happening

Hunk
Lance got last place in Uno

Keith
Wow
Sounds about right

Lance
u are really boiling my fucking rice right now keith

Keith
I??????? WHAT

Pidge
imsjdfdhgdfjk

Lance
so anyways
when r u guys gonna get here

Allura
He’s crying on my shoulder as he types :(

Lance
can u let me fucking live for once

Pidge
good lord
well i'm omw there now

Lance
cant w8 to meet the famous pidgey pidge

Pidge
can’t wait to meet the crying lancey lance

Lance
we r not friends anymore

 

1:41 PM

Shiro
You’re still a winner in my book, Lance. :)

Lance
fuCK,,
thats it guys my depression is cured and my crops are watered

Keith
Why are you feeding him lies

Lance
the real question is why do u want me to fight u so bad

 


Lance McClain > Keith Kogane

 

1:44 PM

Lance
hey keith quick question

Keith
Uh
Sure??

Lance
why do u like waffles

Keith
Idk they just taste good

Lance
better than pancakes?

Keith
I don’t like how soft pancakes are
For that I’d just buy a muffin or something

Lance
a mufifndnsdhhf
ok thanks

Keith
Why’d you ask

Lance
curiosity duh

Keith
Sure

Lance
are u suggesting that im not being 100% honest

Keith
Maybe

Lance
ur customer service is terrible i want to speak to the manager

 


Lance McClain > Katelyn Holt

 

1:46 PM

Lance
hey pidge quick question

Katelyn
no

Lance
the fucking audacity of u waffle lovers

 


Pidge > small booty hoes

 

1:58 PM

Pidge
i’m outside the door motherfuckers + allura

Hunk
Now the fun has REALLY begun

 


Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett

 

3:12 PM

Lance
i still cant believe i saw his mullet in person
it stared me dead in the eye
that mullet came into my house and threatened the lives of my children

Hunk
Sigh

 


Allura Altea > Coran Smythe

 

3:15 PM

Allura
I think the first meeting went quite well
Lance damn near fought one of the club members but what else is new

Coran
That boy was always a fighter.
So tell me, what did you younglings do?

Allura
There’s a grad student in our midst so we aren’t completely unsupervised

Coran
Well, thank the heavens!

Allura
We actually made use of those pins you left in your study.
We made them into the flag colors of our orientations.
Mine is already attached to my purse :D

Coran
That’s absolutely wonderful!

Allura
I’ll make one for you soon enough :)

Coran
Please include a tiny drawing of me slaying a dragon in the corner.

Allura
No matter how much I love you I will do no such thing

 


Lance > small booty hoes

 

3:28 PM

Lance
PDIGE UR SO SMALL

Pidge
enough.

Lance
UR SO TINY LIKE A BUTTON

Pidge
i will destroy you

Lance
with ur baby fists ok sure

Pidge
these baby fists will punch out your fucking kneecaps you tall ass string bean

Hunk
Pidge you remind me of a dolphin
Everyone thinks they’re cute, but they’re secretly brutal

Lance
if u think dolphins are cute u can hit that unfriend button real quick
sharks for the win

Pidge
never would’ve pegged you for a shark guy

Lance
*sharkboy

Hunk
Pidge you should join our animal documentary nights
Please
I can’t watch them alone with him anymore

Lance
ur being dramatic but whatever

Pidge
sounds ominous
i’m in

Lance
nice
im gonna have a new human armrest

Pidge
i will personally assassinate you

Lance
that doesnt make any se

Hunk
Pidge killed him before he could finish

 

3:46 PM

Shiro
Pidge, your brother won’t stop screaming about my pin. Help me.

Pidge
if i have to deal with it then so do you

Shiro
And I thought we were friends.

Lance
my phone died u bitch

Shiro
Well

Lance
oh my g
i would never call u a bitch shiro that was directed to hunk

Hunk
Rip Lance 1999-2017

Shiro
Lance, you’ve officially been cancelled.

Keith
Who the hell did you even learn that term from

Lance
shiro cancelled me which basically means i shouldnt leave my dorm for ten years see u all in the next life

Keith
So long, space cowboy

 

Chapter Text


Katelyn Holt > Keith Kogane

 

SEP 13 AT 3:04 PM

Katelyn Holt set the nickname for Keith Kogane to keef.

keef
What

Katelyn Holt set their own nickname to pidge.

pidge
let me ask you something

keef
Okay

pidge
moon landing
real or faked

keef
Obviously faked
No discussion to be had

pidge
congratulations
i’m listing you as the first person on my will

keef
I’m honored

pidge
you should be
it’s not everyday i put someone on my will
the only other name on it is my dog bae bae

keef
Bae bae?

pidge
yeah

keef
I can respect it

pidge
if you didn’t i’d have to eliminate you probably

 


ROYALTY > brown & beautiful

 

3:34 PM

ROYALTY
For Christ’s sake, Lance
Stop picking fights with Keith

sharkboy
ive never picked a fight with anyone anywhere

muscle man
I wouldn’t call it picking a fight so much as riling him up

sharkboy
THANK you

muscle man
Didn’t mean that in a good way buddy

sharkboy
im choosing to ignore the fact that ur not on my side

muscle man
I am on your side!
And being on your side entails wanting the best for you
The best for you is helping you realize your faults

sharkboy
wow
why dont u think about what u just said to me the next time u go thru my diary

muscle man
I’ve never gone through anyone’s diary anywhere

ROYALTY
Hunk! Tell me he isn’t serious

sharkboy
IM DEAD SERIOUS

ROYALTY
How could you go through his diary and not even tell me what you read????

muscle man
I’m sorry you’ve just been so busy!

ROYALTY
No excuses!
I want a direct apology + the details the next time we meet at the cafe

sharkboy
alright what the fuck just happened here

muscle man
Nothing

sharkboy
first of all,
allura i thought we had something but obviously i was wrong

muscle man
We been knew

sharkboy
s,jdfdjhfsjksld
dont u DARE interrupt me
not after the double betrayal u just pulled on me
second of all!!!!
hunk have fun sleeping on the fucking couch

muscle man
Lance I have my own bed

sharkboy
not anymore

muscle man
What

ROYALTY
I’m.....concerned

 


Hunk > small booty hoes

 

6:20 PM

Hunk
Hey everyone who wants to be my new best friend

Lance
lol

Pidge
what’s...........happening

Hunk
Long story short!
I came back to our dorm from my evening class to find my bed mattressless, and Lance lounging on his suspiciously taller bed

Pidge
lance you did not

Lance
oh i DID

Keith
I’m not getting this

Pidge
this blue doritohead put hunk’s mattress on top of his own

Hunk
[image sent]

Lance
god i look gorgeous

Keith
Brb think I’ve gone blind

Lance
rude
i think u could handle some bare legs keith its 2017 for hecks sake

Pidge
jesus you even put your sheets onto it neatly and everything
what did he do to deserve this

Lance
he actively refused to support me and revealed that he exposed my secrets to an Anonymous Person in this group

Allura
I’m the anonymous person

Hunk
Lance don’t make me do it

Lance
the couch is perfectly fine for u to sleep on stop being dramatic

Hunk
You’ve forced my hand
Everyone,

Lance
what are u doing

Hunk
Lance’s last relationship ended because he sneezed on her face when she was about to say I love you

Lance
wrkgkrkl,

Keith
Oh my god

Pidge
OH MY GOD???
GIVE ME MORE

Lance
hunk PLS STOP

Hunk
Once in 9th grade he bought a rose for Allura but lost his nerve so he just straight up ate it before she saw him with it
And then he vomited in the bathroom an hour later

Allura
OH MY GOODNESS
LANCE!!!

Lance
hey hunk guess what im going to kill you in cold blood

Pidge
i need more
give me more

Keith
Give the lady what she wants

Lance
u two STAY OUT OF THIS AND NOT ANOTHER WORD FROM U KEITH I FUCKING SWEAR

Keith
Pidge is talking too

Lance
yeah but u just really grind my gears

Pidge
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Lance
dont do that

Keith
How did you make that face

Lance
hunk im sorry and u were right
u can have ur mattress back just pls..................no more
come home :(

Hunk
I’m just in the bathroom

Lance
its too far
and also im hungry

Hunk
Then order something

Lance
STOP BEING PETTY
WE BOTH NEED TO EAT

Pidge
this is absolutely fuckin surreal

Keith
Seriously how did you make that face

 

7:02 PM

Hunk
Update: we forgave each other

Keith
Did you get your mattress back

Hunk
We were too tired to put it back so we just made a fortress on the floor

Lance
feels like we’re 12 again
the good ol days

Keith
So you guys got into a fight and made up in the same day??

Hunk
Yeah

Lance
p much

Keith
Well...okay then

Lance
communication is key

Hunk
Why don’t you come on over Keith!
It could be like a sleepover :D

Keith
Is Lance still wearing those shorts

Lance
that i am

Keith
Then no

Lance
jeez

 


Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett

 

7:19 PM

Lance
hhheyyyyyy

Hunk
You are literally just in the bathroom

Lance
so in other news keith probably thinks im ugly

Hunk
Dude...
You? And ugly? In the same sentence?
Unfathomable

Lance
i know but still
uhjghhggh i just wanna deck him in the fricking head

Hunk
You never acted like this with Allura

Lance
well yeah but thats bc allura is a Goddess that is eons out of my league
and keiths out of my league too but hes........oblivious i guess

Hunk
No one’s ever out of your league dude
Trust me on that

Lance
doesnt change the fact that he thinks im repulsive!!!!!
me!!! repulsive!!!! can u believe that bullshit

Hunk
I know you’re doing that thing where you cover up your insecurity with a false bravado but trust me I think he’ll come around

Lance
cover up my what with a what now

 


Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane

 

8:14 PM

Shiro
If I’d seen the groupchat earlier I would’ve dragged you to their dorm myself.

Keith
I would’ve wormed out either way

Shiro
What stopped you from going?
The “””””””shorts””””””””?

Keith
What’s up with the fucking quotation marks
And kind of ig

Shiro
Oh.

Keith
He just
His legs are really long
Dangerously so

Shiro
Oh my goodness.

Keith
What happened

Shiro
Tell him you like pancakes.

Keith
What????

Shiro
Just do it, trust me.

 


Keith Kogane > Lance McClain

 

8:28 PM

Keith
Hey
So when I said pancakes were too soft I may have been generalizing them a bit
I guess pancakes can be good when you make them right

Lance
holy fucking shit

Keith
What is it

Lance
ok
ok ok im cool im calm

Keith
I mean I still don’t think they’re better than waffles
But I could give them a chance

Lance
i..........can respect that
ur no longer on my hitlist

Keith
So Pidge is on your hitlist too?

Lance
hell no are u fucking crazy
pidge could kill me with her fucking thumb i would never try to target her

 


Shiro > small booty hoes

 

SEP 15 AT 1:02 PM

Shiro
Keith just put his pin on his backpack.
It’s a little rainbow on an entirely black surface.

Pidge
IRONIC YET SYMBOLIC

Lance
the backpack represents his emo self
the rainbow is his walled up heart

Keith
You do not get to psychoanalyze me
Shiro, I’m gonna eat your fucking mac and cheese

Shiro
Do not touch my mac and cheese.

Keith
Tastes great.

Lance
does it sound like good pussy

Hunk
LANCNE

Lance
WELL DOES IT

Keith
I wouldn’t know
But neither would you I suppose

Pidge
i.........................

Hunk
Hey Keith? Marry me

Lance
im calling the fucking police how fucking dare u fucking christ i fucking,

Hunk
He’s dead for the second time this month and you killed him Keith

 


Keith Kogane > Lance McClain

 

5:30 PM

Keith
Can I ask you something

 

5:36 PM

Lance
after u deliberately disrespected me in my own home? interesting

Keith
If I apologized would that shut you up???

Lance
.......perhaps

Keith
Fine
Sorry

Lance
LIKE U MEAN IT

Keith
Jesus
I’m sorry I called you a virgin

Lance
well considering virginity is a social construct and no one should be ashamed of whether or not they still have theirs i guess i can forgive u

Keith
Wow
Can I ask my question now

Lance
yes yes im shaking with anticipation

Keith
Ha ha

Lance
that was the scariest sarcastic laugh ive ever seen anyone type

Keith
How come you remembered me from the club fair

Lance
srsly
there was a big sticker on ur back that said hello my name is keith

Keith
What the fuck

 


Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane

 

5:41 PM

Keith
At the club fair did you put a fucking nametag on my back

Shiro
Well, you weren't going voluntarily introduce yourself to other people.
What was I supposed to do?

Keith
I could introduce myself to others on my own I’m not a baby

Shiro
You're still a child in my eyes.

Keith
I’M ALMOST NINETEEN

Shiro
Yes
A very big toddler.

 

Chapter Text


Keith > small booty hoes

 

SEP 21 AT 4:01 PM

Keith
Why is it, that Lance curses like a sailor through text and censors himself like a grandpa in person

Lance
why are u calling me out like this

Hunk
He has a lot of nieces and nephews so he never really cursed out loud until he was like 14 or something

Lance
i can curse out loud
[voice clip sent]

Keith
That was the softest “fuck” I’ve ever heard
Step your game up

Lance
[voice clip sent]

Keith
Fuck you too Lance

Hunk
Aw Lance you sound so bashful

Lance
bashful my ass

Keith
Next time we meet up for the club I dare you to curse like this out loud

Lance
ok!!!! no problem!!!
ur fucking on

Shiro
Please don't curse around the security guards again.

Lance
actually, u know what i could go for right about now
some more wild stories about keith

Keith
What the hell do you mean more

Shiro
Haha

Lance
roll out the anecdotes shiro
but this time, for Everyone to hear

Keith
Shiro

Shiro
I haven't done anything.
Anyway, I should tell you guys about the time Keith challenged his first crush to a sword duel.

Lance
oh my godfsdjfdkfhkj

Keith
FUCKING STOP

Lance
KARMA

 


Matthew Holt > Takashi Shirogane

 

SEP 25 AT 6:09 PM

Matt
My dad keeps asking me why you won't accept his friend request???
My question is why he cares more about being your friend than telling me that he made an account in the first place

takashit
Sam overloaded me with dad jokes the other day so I’m giving him the cold shoulder.

Matt
Well to be fair you are a dad in training

takashit
What’s that supposed to mean?

Matt
You're a dad

takashit
Is this another obscure inside joke

Matt
How are you so unaware
Everything about you screams “father figure”

takashit
Is that how people see me?

Matt
It's not your fault shiro it's very natural most men your age go through the same thing

takashit
I’m only 26.
...Oh god

Matt
:/ Do you need a shoulder to cry on during your early-mid-life crisis

takashit
I just need a second to recollect.

Matt
Whenever you're ready

 

6:40 PM

takashit
Do people really see me as a father figure????

Matt
I’m not even gonna lie this is fucking hilarious

 


Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane

 

6:42 PM

Shiro
Hey Keith.

Keith
Yeah what's up

Shiro
Do I feel like more of a brother or father figure to you?

Keith
Honestly a blend of both
Why are you asking me this

Shiro
No reason. Just curious.

Keith
Okay...
Are you having a midlife crisis or something

Shiro
I’m only 26!!!

Keith
Sure

 


Takashi Shirogane > Hunk Garrett

 

6:47 PM

Shiro
Hunk, do I seem like a father figure?

Hunk
Oh yeah absolutely

Shiro
What, seriously?

Hunk
Yeah you've got that aura
The tired, exasperated dad that does his best to wrangle his energetic kid (Keith)

Shiro
...I guess I can see that.

Hunk
That, and you're the oldest person in the group so you're the parent by default

Shiro 
I’m only 26.

Hunk
Exactly

 


Takashi Shirogane > Katelyn Holt

 

6:55 PM

shirt
Pidge, do I seem like a father figure?

Pidge
yeah

shirt
Why??

Pidge
you're the only person in the group with a sense of morals

shirt
Okay, I see what you mean, but you and Allura have a good sense of morals too.

Pidge
allura, sure, but i came to terms with the fact that i will always be a deviant
you have your Morality + your Age

shirt
My age??

Pidge
yeah you're like 30

shirt
I’M ONLY 26

 


Pidge > small booty hoes

 

7:05 PM

Pidge
guys i think it's intervention time
all those who have been approached by Father Shiro say i
i

Hunk
I

Keith
I

Lance
i

Shiro
I can verify I did not go to Lance because he would have made a daddy joke.

Lance
THAT IS so true yeah i wouldve

Allura
What's the matter Shiro?

Shiro
Nothing’s wrong, I swear! I just asked them a question.

Keith
I can physically feel the stress radiating off of you from your apartment

Lance
dude.......are u going through a Crisis

Pidge
he is and i bet every sweat gland in my body that matt was the catalyst for it

Shiro
I’m not going through any crisis.

Allura
Denial is always the first stage

Shiro
I’m not in denial! I’m not even old enough to go through a crisis.

Pidge
yes of course you're only 26

Keith
Only 26

Hunk
Only 26

Shiro
All of you? Grounded.

Hunk
Maybe you're having a mini crisis because you've already gone into your late twenties? I mean when you think about it after 25 there's no more birthdays to look forward to when you were growing up and now all that's ahead of you is a certified adult life and taxes and a career and before you know it, retirement and receiving your pension and looking out the window as you lounge on your rocking chair and watch your grandchildren play in the grass

Lance
u just made my life flash before my fucking eyes

Keith
Hunk what the hell
Are you okay

Shiro
Wow.

Hunk
Well that's just one theory

Lance
shiro.........we now understand ur pain

Shiro
I’m not in pain?

Keith
Denying it won't make it go away

Shiro
Well, look who's talking.

Keith
Shut up.

Allura
I think you need a warm cup of coffee to cheer you up, like it helps Pidge!

Pidge
caFFEINE BABY

Allura
You're only as young as you feel! Your youth is in your heart, Shiro

Keith
Yeah, you're not getting any younger but you are still young you know

Shiro
That...actually makes me feel a bit better.
Thanks Allura, Keith.

Hunk
And HUNK for making the breakthrough

Pidge
and pidge for initiating the intervention

Lance
and lance for generally being a beautiful and warm entity that makes anyone within a 5 mile radius 200% happier

Keith
Sounds fake but okay

Lance
dont start

Shiro
Yes, thank you all as well.
You guys are very...forthright. Especially you, Hunk.

Hunk
I say what I feel and I feel what I say

 

7:44 PM

Shiro
I have something to confess.

Lance
oh?

Shiro
I didn’t accidentally bleach the front of my hair.
...I was growing gray hairs due to stress so I dyed it white.

Keith
What hte fuckdsjkl

Lance
WHSHDGSDFHJ

Pidge
secrets unleashed: episode 104

 


Katelyn Holt > Matthew Holt

 

7:56 PM

matt cosplay
hey asshole i know you’re out of class
what did you do to shiro

 

8:15 PM

OG Holt
What are you talking about

matt cosplay
that’s what a person who knows exactly what i’m talking about would say

OG Holt
Ok i may have some idea of what you’re talking about
But to be fair i thought he was self aware

matt cosplay
apologize. now.

OG Holt
BUT I DIDN’T MEAN TO

matt cosplay
i have mom on speed dial

OG Holt
Ok ok jesus christ

 


Matthew Holt > Takashi Shirogane

 

8:22 PM

Matt
So i hear you’ve gone through at least 8 panic attacks since our conversation two hours ago

takashit
Jeez. Word spreads fast.

Matt
That, and you also directly contacted my sister which automatically links the situation to me

takashit
...True.

Matt
I just came to say
I’m sorry for making you feel old

takashit
I’ve felt old since I was twelve.
It’s not your fault.

Matt
Can i quote you on that

takashit
No

 


Lance McClain > Allura Altea

 

SEP 26 AT 3:26 PM

Lance
why are u never online????

heart eye emoji
What do you mean?

Lance
idk it feels like we barely ever talk

heart eye emoji
Oh, Lance
You miss me!

Lance
OF COURSE I DO

heart eye emoji
In a non-romantic way?

Lance
never ;)

heart eye emoji
Suuuuuuure

Lance
i mean we talked way more before i graduated this summer

heart eye emoji
That’s true...
While I do moderate the GSA, I also have two more courses that I attend this semester.
The workload is very demanding.

Lance
jeez louise.........now i feel bad for complaining
thanks a lot allura

heart eye emoji
It’s always nice to see that genuine soft side from you, Lance.

Lance
sorry cant hear u
anyways i wanted to ask why u started the group if ur workload’s so heavy then

heart eye emoji
Group bonding is important to having a successful and thriving club!
Even if I’m not always there, I’m glad to see you all becoming so much closer and comfortable with each other.

Lance
me? close and comfortable with keith? Think Again.

heart eye emoji
I’ve been meaning to talk to you about him in private...

Lance
oh god
dont tell me u have a thing for him

heart eye emoji
No?? He’s gay
And I’m not the one with the Thing for him

Lance
what u talkin bout willis

heart eye emoji
I may not always participate in the conversation, but I’m there...watching, observing.

Lance
WAIT
UR THE ONE THAT ALWAYS LEAVES ME ON READ

heart eye emoji
Ha
So I’ve noticed, you have this sort of schoolboy crush on Keith.

Lance
ok im gonna stop u right there
a little healthy rivalry does not equal crush

heart eye emoji
[gif sent]

Lance
allura bskdjfhkhsfhslf

heart eye emoji
You know you’re in denial when I have to send you the Conceited gif

 


Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett

 

3:58 PM

Lance
Allura Knows.
ALLURA KNOWS

Hunk
Well you’re not exactly subtle

Lance
UR NOT HELPING

 


Lance > small booty hoes

 

SEP 27 AT 11:09 AM

Lance named the group ISSA BADDIE HAVE U SEEN HER

Hunk
Just a couple of dudes bein guys

Lance
just a couple of guys bein dudes

Hunk
Just a couple of dudes bein Gay

Pidge
i’ve seen enough hentai to know where this is going

Keith
Joining this convo midway through with no context is the wildest fucking experience

 

Chapter Text


Pidge > ISSA BADDIE HAVE U SEEN HER

 

OCT 1 AT 12:04 AM

Pidge
i’m changing the group name

Lance
rip (pussy game that was on katrina)

Pidge named the group SPOOPY HOES.

Lance
i fucking approve so hard

Hunk
I’m not a hoe sadly

Lance
well i sure am

Pidge
lance you should be sleeping, you fucking baby

Lance
all of first,

Hunk
No

Pidge
time for the halloween anthem to reign supreme
SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS
[video sent]

Lance
play this song at my wedding

Hunk
You mean OUR wedding

Lance
.......are u asking what i think ur asking

Hunk
Lance,

Lance
oh my god this is too much we’re just kids

Hunk
I didn’t even ask yet

Lance
this is so sudden but yes

Hunk
Sweet

Keith
What the fuck just happened

Lance
hunk and i got engaged what else

Keith
Are you two actually dating

Hunk
Nah

Lance
he doesn’t have the privilege of dating me, no
but i do love him

Hunk
:’) Same

Pidge
ohh nice

Lance
hunk is my queerplanetonic partner
planentioc

Pidge
it’s okay take your time

Lance
platnoc
however the fuck u say it
hunk’s my qp partner

Hunk
Tag yourself I’m planentioc

Pidge
i’m the crushing weight of existence on the shoulders of everyone in this group

Lance
i mean ur not wrong

 


Keith Kogane > Lance McClain

 

11:10 AM

Keith
Somebody left their jeans in one of the aisles in the library???
[image sent]

Lance
MOOD
why are u in the library on a sunday morning

Keith
It’s almost noon

Lance
too early

Keith
I’m writing my essay for Psych

Lance
ugh dont even remind me of essays
i have one due at midnight tonight

Keith
And have you actually started it yet

Lance
well
i plan to

Keith
Of course

Lance
look i can pop out a 5 page essay in an hour if i really tried

Keith
Would it be good

Lance
well,,,

Keith
Why haven’t you started it yet

Lance
distractions
dickstractions

Keith
Gonna ignore that last part
Where do you usually write your essays

Lance
in my dorm
why are u asking so many questions this is so unlike u

Keith
Just come to the library
Write it here

Lance
oh my go,,,,,

Keith
What

Lance
are u asking me to hang out

Keith
No I’m suggesting you write your essay at the library

Lance
oh my god ur asking me to hang out

Keith
NO
You don’t even have to talk to me or anything just write your essay

Lance
keith its ok we are friends after all

 

11:41 AM

Lance
omw to the library now
prepare urself

Keith
For what

Lance
my awesomeness of course

Keith
Just hurry up

 


Hunk Garrett > Lance McClain

 

11:54 AM

Hunk
Hey uh where the heck are you

 

12:28 PM

Hunk
Helloooooo
I know you have your phone with you

 

12:53 PM

Hunk
Wait maybe you don’t
Shoot what if you broke it or something
I told you to be more careful with your phone Lance how the frick am I supposed to know if you’re okay when YOU WON’T RESPOND

 

1:15 PM

Hunk
I’m going to kill you.

Lance
hunk jesus christ

Hunk
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

Lance
THE LIBRARY

Hunk
Sorry for a second there I thought you said the library

Lance
i did >:((((

Hunk
What. Are you doing. THAT IS SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU COULDN’T AT LEAST TELL ME YOU WERE OKAY

Lance
ok first im gonna need u to quiet down

Hunk
For 8000 dollars a month, I will stop,

Lance
SECOND,
im writing my essay,,,,,,,with keith and whatever

Hunk
??!?!!??!
BRO

Lance
and i had my phone in my bag jeez

Hunk
You put your phone away for more than an hour???
Who are you

Lance
anyway i wasnt even gone for that long

Hunk
You’re literally never out of bed before noon on the weekends you gave me an actual physical heart attack

 


Katelyn Holt > Keith Kogane

 

1:29 PM

pidge
i know texting isn’t your strong suit but it’s 1 in the afternoon and you still haven’t responded to my cocktober chain message

keef
I’ve been writing my essay
And literally never send me another one of those messages ever again

pidge
no promises
& must be a really difficult essay

keef
It’s the one for my psych class
But I’ve got four pages so far

pidge
already? you started writing that one like yesterday

keef
Well I got some help on it

pidge
really
and who helped you

keef
Lance
What of it

pidge
nothin

keef
Okay...

pidge
so what have you guys been up to today

keef
We’ve just been writing together for an hour or so

pidge
interesting
i leave you alone for one day and suddenly you're on a date

keef
It's not????? A date???????

pidge
INTERESTING

keef
Whatever you're thinking, stop

 


Lance McClain > Keith Kogane

 

6:33 PM

Lance
ive got 3 pages so far!! fucc im on a roll

Keith
Just 2 more to go

Lance
thanks
for helping me out today

Keith
You returned the favor so consider it an even score

Lance
so what im hearing is.............theres a score?

Keith
Draw your own conclusions

Lance
ok so i have 1000 points and u have like 2 got it

Keith
Wtf no
The score is even

Lance
sorry but u will never reach my level

Keith
Yes I will
What the fuck am I even saying I’m beyond your level

Lance
ur nowhere NEAR my level

Keith
I’M THOUSANDS OF POINTS PAST YOUR LEVEL

Lance
NO
IM 1000 AND UR 2

Keith
How did you get so many fucking points??????

Lance
by existing

Keith
I’m done with this conversation bye

 


Pidge > SPOOPY HOES

 

OCT 4 AT 10:20 AM

Pidge
it’s a they/them day folks

Hunk
Say no more

Shiro
Owning who you are will make you a better student.

Pidge
shiro i’m going to punch your kneecaps

 


Hunk Garrett > Keith Kogane

 

11:21 AM

Hunk
Okay dude
[image sent]
[image sent]
Which cookie design should I use?

Keith
I like the skull cookies
In the second pic, the spider cookies don’t look creepy enough

Hunk
I don’t want them to look creepy I want them to look cute :(

Keith
Well they’re still a bit plain
So...maybe try giving them big eyes??

Hunk
Hmm

 

11:40 AM

Hunk
Okay!!
[image sent]
Ultra super duper cute spider cookies with googly eyes

Keith
Did you give them blush

Hunk
Maybe

Keith
...Nice touch
You’re bringing these in for the club today?

Hunk
Right you are

Keith
Why are you just now finishing them

Hunk
Well,

Keith
I mean isn’t that how it works
You decorate them and store them overnight

Hunk
I did make cookies yesterday night, yes

Keith
Alright

Hunk
.....Buuuuuuut I totally botched them because I was kinda tipsy.

Keith
I’m sorry but you seem like the last person on Earth to drink underage

Hunk
You can blame Lance
He’s a horrible influence

Keith
Wtf

Hunk
Yeah I know

Keith
No I mean
Lance is the last person I’d expect to drink as well as you

Hunk
Well the first time he drank alcohol was his seventeenth birthday and he tried to down a shot of liquor and coughed so hard he almost threw up

Keith
Why does every story end with him throwing up

Hunk
Because he does dumb stuff

Keith
You got me there

 


Allura > SPOOPY HOES

 

9:47 PM

Allura
Is anyone up?

Pidge
it's barely ten who would be sleeping

Hunk
Lance passed out half an hour ago

Pidge
damn i forgot he was still alive smh

Keith
What's going on

Allura
I need some recommendations!

Hunk
Recommendations for what?
I woke Lance up

Keith
Unfortunate

Allura
Okay, what are your favorite restaurants?

Lance
dave n busters
& fuck u keith

Allura
Wow I’ve never been to Fuck U Keith before

Lance
yeah it opened up like last month
im the owner

Pidge
so your favorite restaurant is your own

Lance
self love is bi culture

Keith
Mine's Outback steakhouse

Pidge
jesus christ

Shiro
I’d have to say I love Outback too.

Keith
Copycat much?

Lance
bfjfkdjskfd

Hunk
I really love the Sugar Factory

Lance
uve been there once

Hunk
Quality over quantity

Lance
lmao u said titty

Keith
Are you high or something

Lance
yeah

Shiro
What???

Hunk
No
He's just sleepy

Shiro
Oh, okay.

Lance
stop EMBARRASSING ME IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING FRIENDS DAD

Allura
Hey Lance, it's alright
You're the fiercest rebel I know :)

Lance
whwhj
NUT

Allura
Thank you all for the answers!
I’m leaning towards the Sugar Factory.

Lance
u got sugar factory money???

Allura
No but I’m determined and that’s what really matters.

Hunk
Tell me about it

Shiro
So what’s the occasion for the restaurant?

Allura
I may or may not have a date :$

Lance
uhh?

Hunk
Ohoho I think I know who it might be

Pidge
i need a name allura

Allura
Her name is Shay
She’s a very sweet girl who studies politics

Lance
woah, ur going on a date with shay?

Allura
Yes!!!

Hunk
NICE
Called it since day one

Keith
That’s really cool, Allura

Allura
THANK YOU KEITH

Keith
Relax

Allura
I’m sorry I’m just so happy

Keith
Here’s to hoping all goes well

Allura
YES
Lance, can we do face masks this weekend? I need to be glowing.

Lance
idk
i have to see if i’m free

Allura
Sunday at noon?

Lance
i’ll probably have to work on my presentation for public speaking

Allura
Okay! Let me know if anything clears up.

Lance
will do

 


Allura Altea > Lance McClain

 

10:41 PM

Allura
Please tell me you’re still awake

 

10:48 PM

Lance
yeah what’s up

Allura
Are you alright?

Lance
yeah
i'm good, why

Allura
Hunk told me you were crying.

Lance
that fuckign traitor

Allura
Lance...

Lance
its not that im not happy for you
i 100000% am happy for you, i mean, shay??? the embodiment of all that is good and pure in this world???? Amazing.
i just, i dont know

Allura
You can tell me how you feel, you do know that right?

Lance
well its hard when its ABOUT you

Allura
It’s okay, you can talk to me.

Lance
you were the first person i ever fell in love with
there, i said it!!!
and even if im not totally in love with you now i kind of always will be, in a way???
and knowing youll be with someone else now, it........really hurts
but i know its not your fault, so dont blame yourself

Allura
I understand.
I’m still sorry for hurting you :(

Lance
hey man its ok
ill bounce back somehow
and you got a beautiful soon-to-be gf i hope
do you still wanna do the face masks on sunday? ill even get up early for you

Allura
!!!!!! Yes
It’d be nice to finally see you outside of the club

Lance
ugh yes i know im such a delight
now the next thing on my bucket list is to get a s/o before anyone Else in the group does

Allura
Well Keith is still single

Lance
ok im going to sleep bye never message me or my son ever again

 

Chapter Text


Hunk > SPOOPY HOES

 

OCT 13 AT 6:07 PM

Hunk
Announcement!!!
Movie night tonight and you are all invited

Pidge
what’s the movie

Lance
we’re still deciding between nightmare on elm street or friday the 13th

Pidge
i say friday the 13th

Hunk
Or! How about a more family friendly halloween movie like Twitches :D

Lance
it isnt fair for u to fucking tempt me like that
u know that twitches is my favorite nonscary halloween movie

Pidge
hunk don’t be a wuss

Lance
YEAH HUNK
DONT BE A WUSS

Hunk
FINE
IF WE HAVE TO CHOOSE I SAY NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET

Pidge
seriously?? that seems like the scarier one of the two if i’m being honest

Hunk
Friday the 13th has more visual gore :(

Lance
dude freddy literally cuts his fucking fingers off in a scene
and the gore effects in both movies are shit bc they were made like a hundred yrs ago

Hunk
WELL THE VIOLENCE IS STILL SCARY

Pidge
okay but the end scene of nightmare on elm street is fucking hilarious

Hunk
Can’t argue with that

Keith
I can’t make it to your dorm tonight
Maybe another day

Hunk
We’re not watching it in the dorm
Well me and Lance are but we’re watching it through rabb.it

Keith
Oh

Hunk
You have an account?

Keith
No, but I could make one

Shiro
I have one.

Hunk
Allura???

Allura
I am literally already in the chatroom.

Lance
ive been talking to allura in the chatroom for the last 10 minutes everyone step the fuck up

Hunk
Okay everyone join Lance’s Room when you get on

Lance
ISSA PARTY LADS

 


lance mclovin’s Room

 

– Today –

lance 6:31 pm
yeah but then i told her i dont suck toes

Allura 6:31 pm
Woah :o

pidge 6:32 pm
jesus christ

Shiro 6:32 pm
Lance.

lance 6:32 pm
ok ok we’re just kidding
welcome everyone to my Humble Abode

Keith 6:32 pm
It’s a chatroom

lance 6:33 pm
if u want to rain on my parade the door is right there keith

pidge 6:34 pm
have we decided on the movie yet

Allura 6:34 pm
Yes! We’ve decided on Nightmare on Elm Street

Keith 6:36 pm
I haven’t actually seen that before

lance 6:37 pm
its a classic my guy
dare i say..........a Masterpiece

Hunk 6:37 pm
You only say that because you gush over Johnny Depp everytime we watch it

lance 6:37 pm
well i mean he was fucking hot what do u expect

Keith 6:38 pm
Can we please, for the love of god, start the movie

 


Lance McClain > Keith Kogane

 

8:30 PM

Lance
so what did u think of the movie!!!

Keith
It was alright
I liked his fingerblades they were cool

Lance
well gee that’s surprising

Keith
The end scene was really fucking weird

Lance
yeah its really........somethin

Keith
I thought you don’t do well with scary movies?

Lance
i dont but i love watching them

Keith
Masochist

Lance
keith thats kinky
but older scary movies dont affect me that much bc its easy to tell that its fake
newer ones.....with better cgi and shit.....those are the ones that Get To Me

Keith
Guess that makes sense

Lance
u are indifferent to everything

 

8:40 PM

Keith
I am not

Lance
u were gonna type “i guess” werent u

Keith
That’s none of your fucking business

Lance
dude
lets play a game

Keith
And this is my cue to leave

Lance
NO
U STAY HERE U EMO FUCK

Keith
I’M NOT EMO

Lance
denial.
and its not actually a game i just want to ask u questions

Keith
...Questions
About what?

Lance
well IM GLAD U ASKED

Keith
I already feel stressed out by this

Lance
what are you passionate about

Keith
Okay, that was...a deeper question than I thought it would be
I don’t know? Can’t really think of anything

Lance
well what really butters your eggroll

Keith
Never say that to me again

Lance
come on, work with me here!!!
what do you LOVE

Keith
I really like knives.
Swords, blades in general

Lance
wo w...... W O W ......totally DID NOT know that At All
its not like you carry a knife in your holster that you literally sharpen given any chance

Keith
Okay you’re exaggerating
I’ve never sharpened it in front of you
I don’t know what else to say

Lance
how about this
why did you choose to study biopsychology

Keith
Oh. That
Idk, I wanted to learn more about how the body and brain affects emotions and development and all that stuff
Considering I am,
On the spectrum

Lance
oh! i didnt know

Keith
It’s not exactly something I announce
...Do you have a problem with it?

Lance
of course not
my nephew has autism too
but i dont mean that in the “i know someone whos like this so im automatically not problematic” way
while we are on the subject of mental things i have adhd!

Keith
Huh. That doesn’t surprise me
You're really fidgety
You have a fidget cube right

Lance
YES I LOVE MY FIDGET CUBE
and i have this habit of pacing when i need to stim

Keith
I used to scratch my arms and the backs of my hands a lot

Lance
valid
have u watched those stimming ig videos of the paint and the slime

Keith
I don’t like those

Lance
um I DO
theyre so soothing to watch

Keith
Watching them makes me irritated

Lance
well ur just an angry person

Keith
I mean you’re not wrong, for once

Lance
ill let that one slide for now
hunk has anxiety so he watches those step by step cooking videos to calm down sometimes

Keith
I’ve seen those too

Lance
hhhn and i love makeup videos
watching somebody finesse their face like a beautiful canvas........good shit right there

Keith
You like a lot more artsy stuff

Lance
well i also like videos of, fuckin smashing buildings and cars crashing into shit and violence and stuff

Keith
Don’t give in to toxic masculinity

Lance
fucc ur right

 


hunky > science sluts

 

OCT 15 AT 1:00 PM

hunky
HELLO MATT

doormatt
HELLO HUNK

hunky
HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS FINE AFTERNOON

doormatt
I’M FARING QUITE WELL, AND YOURSELF?

hunky
JUST DANDY

doormatt
I AM GLAD TO HEAR THAT

hunky
AND I, AS WELL

pidger
why do you two do this every fucking afternoon

doormatt
Don’t ruin the flow pidge

hunky
Come on Pidge :/

doormatt
Come the fuck ON PIDGE

hunky
JESUS CHRIST PIDGE

doormatt
For FUCK’S SAKE PIDGE

pidger
i am 9 years old and if you continue i will not hesitate to contact the police

 


Pidge > SPOOPY HOES

 

7:07 PM

Pidge
whomst else in this group wouldst have midterms this week

Lance
me binch

Shiro
I’m helping out with some of the free tutoring sessions in the next few weeks.
Maybe you guys could stop by.

Lance
SWEET

Pidge
wait don’t tell me–
matt’s going to be there as a tutor too isn’t he

Shiro
He was actually the one who convinced me to do it.

Lance
whos matt
is he cute

Pidge
he’s my brother & no he’s disgusting

Lance
ohhh ok i remember you mentioned him once like ten yrs ago
i think hunk has met him right

Pidge
understatement of the year

Lance
hunk is he cute

Pidge
okay that’s not fair he’s practically hunk’s boyfriend

Lance
incorrect
IM hunks boyfriend

Pidge
tru

Hunk
Yeah he’s kinda hot

Pidge
HUnK WHAT

Hunk
I’M BEING TOTALLY OBJECTIVE

Lance
oh YES OK
pidge can i get ur blessing

Pidge
never in my life

Lance
hunk add him

Pidge
Pardon Me.

Lance
HUNK ADD HIM

Hunk
OKAY

Pidge
i swear to GOD

Hunk Garrett added Matthew Holt.

Pidge
Hey Hunk? You Better Watch Your Fucking Back.

Matthew
What is this
Oh my god is this the gay groupchat

Hunk
Yes

Matthew
Hi everyone I’m aggressively bisexual

Shiro
Well, I wouldn’t say aggressive. More like passionate.

Lance
HI MATT I AM ALSO BISEXUAL

Matthew
BISEXUAL

Lance
B I S E X U A L

Pidge
this is horrible

Keith
What did I miss

 

Chapter Text


Hunk > SPOOPY HOES

 

OCT 20 AT 9:32 PM

Hunk
Hello can anyone with a car offer a quick ride

Pidge
hell yeah

Matt
Do not take my car

Pidge
god i forgot you were in this fucking group

Keith
I did too tbh

Matt
Wow i actually focus wholeheartedly on my studies for three (3) days and suddenly i don’t exist

Pidge
pretty much

Hunk
Guys!!! Car!!!!

Matt
I’ll pick you up
Wya

Hunk
The movie theater just off campus
Lance doesn’t have enough for a lyft or uber

Matt
Cuz lance is WACK

Lance
umm BINCH!!!!!!!

 

9:46 PM

Lance
look at this fucking loser
coming to pick us up in his lame ass volvo
[image sent]

Keith
You're such a hater

Matt
I don't care about my haters and if you wanna fight me, then FIGHT me

Shiro
Please don't do this.

Pidge
what up i'm pidge i'm 16 and i never fuckin learned how to R e a d

Allura
Actually MEGAN, I can't sit anywhere, I have
H E M O R R H O I D S

Hunk
What up, it's ya boy uhhhhhhhhh S K I N N Y P E N I S

Keith
CHRIS, is that a WEED
I’M CALLING THE POLICE

Lance
SOME GUYS WILL JUST FEED U LIES, BUT ILL TAKE U TO MICKEY DEEEEEEEEEEEES

Matt
You know, the fact that shiro recognized the vine that i quoted is.........interesting

Shiro
Okay I’m not eighty years old.
I did use Vine.

Keith
Yeah we know you're only 26

Pidge
and the correct term for what shiro’s going through is in fact a Quarter Life Crisis
they do exist apparently

Shiro
Why are we still discussing this?

Pidge
to be fair keith only knows that vine because i showed him a vine comp and that was his favorite one

Keith
It's humor at its finest

 


Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane

 

OCT 23 AT 9:25 AM

Shiro
Morning, Keith!
Wanna stop by the mess hall before class?

 

9:31 AM

Keith
Uh yeah sure
Are we doing anything else today

Shiro
No.
Why would we?

 

9:44 AM

Keith
No reason lmao

 


Keith Kogane > Katelyn Holt

 

9:51 AM

keef
You doing anything today?

pidge
yeah, why

keef
Oh
Just wanted to see if we could hang out

pidge
yeah no hunk and i are working on a project together today

keef
Okay

pidge
another day?

keef
Sure.

 


Keith Kogane > Lance McClain

 

10:14 AM

mulletface
Hey

Lance
hey?
whats up

mulletface
Are you busy today

Lance
unfortunately yes
ive got a book report to work on

mulletface
Cool
Maybe I could help you with it in the library?

Lance
oh its ok u dont gotta go thru the trouble
im gonna try to go at it on my own
practice makes perfect and all

mulletface
Oh, well alright

Lance
maybe tomorrow!

mulletface
Of course, yeah

 


shoro > Disgustening.

 

10:46 AM

shoro
Guys, I don't think I can keep this up.

podge
yes the Heck you can

lonce
come on shiro weve been planning this for too long for it to go down in flames this early

shoro
I can feel his heart breaking from where I stand.
I’ve never forgotten his birthday before!

lonce
THE ENDS JUSTIFY THE MEANS

podge
NOW YOU'RE SPEAKIN MY LANGUAGE LANCE

lonce
fucc yeah
hunk hows the cake lookin

honk
All that's left is the icing and then I’m gonna stick it in the freezer!

shoro
Chocolate?

honk
Yes siree

lonce
and what of the decorations?

allora
Taken care of!
Matt and I snuck into Shiro’s flat to drop everything off.

shoro
You did what now.

lonce
sweet!
ill swing by soon with the hbd banner

shoro
How do you know where I keep my spare key????

mott
Lol you never invite anyone over but you have a welcome matt
Where else would it have been
Also........i am very welcome, thanks

shoro
I have a thousand headaches.

allora
Don't worry, we won't look through your things.
Well, I won't.

mott
I only won't if allura tells me not to

lonce
mood as hell

allora
I told him not to.

mott
You're safe, shiro............for now

shoro
You’re just lucky I won’t be home until this evening.

mott
You just threatened me and idk whether i should feel flattered or scared

 

2:13 PM

shoro
Keith should be getting out of his second class right about now.
Do we have our distraction ready?

allora
Yes!

lonce
hows this gonna go again
i kinda zoned out when u were explaining it

shoro
Allura is just going to join Keith at a seminar for sophomores and juniors and all she has to do is make sure Keith is occupied until 5 rolls around.

allora
And then he’ll get a spontaneous text from Shiro telling him to come and pick up a jacket he left at Shiro’s flat.
The jacket that Pidge just so happened to acquire a few days ago and discreetly slip into Shiro’s bag.

lonce
how do u discreetly smuggle a leathery biker jacket
it mustve been stretching like crazy

shoro
Well, we managed to do it and that's what matters.

lonce
i gotta admit
this is really making me feel bad

honk
Me too! :(

podge
me too
we all kind of just......swerved him
but at least we can use the fact that he never explicitly told us his birthday to our advantage

shoro
He feels like it calls too much attention to himself.
He'd rather just try to spend the day with someone who he feels comfortable around.

lonce
that makes sense haha

podge
k wtf
you either say lmao or you keysmash what the hell was that “haha” bullshit

lonce
a guy cant broaden his fucking horizons around here anymore

allora
:)

lonce
so shiro whens UR birthday

shoro
Well, honestly, it's nothing big.

mott
Shiro is six years old

shoro
I am within an inch of harming you mentally.

podge
okay...we’re gonna come back to this subject later

 


Allura Altea > Keith Kogane

 

2:27 PM

Allura
I hear you're headed to the seminar at 3 today?

Keith
Yeah, I am
Why?

Allura
I wanted to come join you!
I hadn't really planned on leaving my dorm today, but I supposed the seminar would be plenty helpful for me :)

Keith
Okay
Yeah
I wasn't really going to go honestly but I’ll make the trip to go with you

Allura
Really?

Keith
Yeah just meet me at the front doors of the atrium

Allura
Wonderful!
Would you care to go eat afterwards? I’m absolutely starving.

Keith
Yes
That'd be cool

Allura
Say no more.

 


allora > Disgustening.

 

2:59 PM

allora
We are a go! Subject is successfully distracted.

lonce
in that case im booking it to shiros apt
matt u wanna help a bro out

mott
Pardon me

lonce
give a nondriver bro a quick ride to shiros apt

mott
Sorry but i don't drive fake friends

lonce
are u fuckingfjdk
ok UR VOLVO IS COOL THERE I SAID IT
NOW CAN I GET A RIDE

mott
........Yes
I’ll just pick you up with allura later
I’m assuming hunk will come along as well

honk
No, actually I’m already at Shiro’s

mott
Uhhh no you're not because i’m at shiro’s

shoro
Okay can everyone who is in my apartment say I.

mott
I

honk
I

podge
i

mott
Wait what the fuck
Pidge where are you

podge
on top of the fridge where else

mott
What the FUCKJCJCJCC
OKAY THEY REALLY ARE ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE
BUT THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHY I HAVEN'T SEEN HUNK

podge
he got here when you were still in the bathroom belting out celine dion

honk
I’ve been in his guestroom working on my essay with Pidge before we had to start setting everything up!
Shiro you have some really nice work desks

shoro
Thank you.

mott
Do you mean the pidge that's literally on the fucking fridge

podge
google docs
look it up
do you even internet bro?

honk
Pidge no

mott
Good fucking god no

shoro
I have a thousand and one headaches.

 


Lance McClain > Allura Altea

 

4:05 PM

Lance
hows the coffee date going

aloola
It's going well.
Being alone with Keith is not as awkward as I imagined it would be. Even though he's mostly kept to himself he makes good conversation.
And he's quite funny.

Lance
yeah he is
he doing ok?

aloola
Hm
He seems fine at the moment.
Why are you asking me and not him?

Lance
bc it would sabotage the plans goddammit
hes quick to pick up on shit ok he would suspect i was hiding something in 2 seconds flat

aloola
Of course, of course.

 


Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane

 

4:48 PM

Shiro
Hey, you left your jacket at my place. Wanna come pick it up?

Keith
I’ll get it tomorrow

Shiro
Well
It’s getting pretty cold out, you know. I think you should pick it up as soon as you can.

Keith
I have other jackets

Shiro
Yeah, but this one’s your favorite.
The one that matches your vans!

Keith
It can wait
Besides I’m busy rn
Like everyone apparently is today

Shiro
Keith, I seriously suggest you come get your jacket.

Keith
I said I’ll get it tomorrow.

Shiro
Where are you?

Keith
I just left the cafe
What does that matter?

Shiro
The one we go to for breakfast?

Keith
Yes

Shiro
I’m picking you up.

Keith
What??
What’s the deal with the fucking jacket???

Shiro
I’ll be there in ten minutes.

Keith
Whatever

 


allora > Disgustening.

 

5:11 PM

allora
Update: Lance and I are being driven to Shiro’s flat by Matt and Shiro should be picking Keith up right about now.

honk
Okay, everything is set up!
Woo! I’m excited

mott
hey guys i am a fucking turd
everyone block me

podge
not even gonna question it

honk
Lance leave Matt’s phone alone

lonce
fine
matt says he loves u
which, while understandable, is disrespectful to say in front of me, ur husband

honk
There’s enough of me to go around!

lonce
NO!!!!!!

podge
okay can you idiots + allura hurry up i’m getting restless

lonce
dude shiro drives like a grandpa we dont have to worry about getting there too late

honk
Bdksdjfjkdglk

 


Hunk Garrett > Keith Kogane

 

5:12 PM

Hunk
Hey how’s everything?

 

5:18 PM

Keith
Just fine

Hunk
You sure?

Keith
Yup

Hunk
Dude I know a lie when I see one

Keith
I told Shiro I didn’t want to go to his place and he comes and picks me up anyway
I just don’t want to be around him right now

Hunk
Ohh, I see
What’d he do?

Keith
Nothing I guess
I shouldn’t even really be mad

Hunk
Your feelings are valid!!!!!!!
But don’t worry I think things may take a turn for the better

Keith
If you say so

 


shoro > Disgustening.

 

5:25 PM

shoro
We are walking up the stairs everyone get into position NOW

podge
FU C K

lonce
ITS TIME

shoro
EVERYONE SHUT UP QUICKLY

honk
OH MY GO

mott
Shiro fucking killed him

 


Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane

 

8:28 PM

Keith
I'm sorry

Shiro
What? What for?

Keith
I was really rude to you when we hung out this morning and, all day really

Shiro
Keith...
You thought I forgot your birthday. I would be a little angry, too. 

Keith
To be fair your birthday doesn't exist three years at a time

Shiro
:^) Anyways,

Keith
I really am sorry
You didn't deserve it

Shiro
Again, not your fault.
I'm just glad you're happy.

Keith
Yeah yeah don't get all mushy

Shiro
Love you, too, Keith. 

 


Keith > SPOOPY HOES

 

8:36 PM

Keith
Thank you guys
For everything you did

Pidge
anything for my best bud

Allura
You deserved it! ^.^

Matt
Yeah it was seriously no trouble

Keith
Thanks
Hunk, the cake was great

Hunk
FANTASTIC
I was really hoping you’d like it!!

Matt
Your cake made me see angels

Hunk
Aw shucks :$

Matt
Golly gee whiz ;)

Hunk
Holy moly :*

Matt
JEEZ LOUISE <3

Pidge
this literally burns my eyes to read

 


Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett

 

8:40 PM

Lance
my heart is soaring pls make it stop

Hunk
Aww

Lance
didnt u see the tears in his eyes when we shouted “surprise”
i wanted to fucking perish at that very moment

Hunk
Yeah I’m pretty sure everyone's heart kinda shattered

Lance
ok its official
i officially have a Real thing for him
like legit
for real

Hunk
Oh wow
If I’m being honest I didn't think you'd develop feelings for him

Lance
what why not

Hunk
Well if you don’t act on your feelings for your crush they usually dissipate in a while
Like with Matt

Lance
ok...u may have a point
but anyways id never ask matt out
hes ur territory ;)

Hunk
Uh haha what’s that supposed to mean

Lance
thats supposed to mean that u guys have the hots for each other and the only way u deal with it is by jokingly flirting with each other

Hunk
That’s not even
Okay you sound a little bonkers dude

Lance
hmmmmmmmmmmmm......sure i do
MY MY HOW THE TURN TABLES

Hunk
I’m starting to understand how Shiro gets headaches so easily

 

Chapter Text


Hunk > SPOOPY HOES

 

OCT 27 AT 5:45 PM

Hunk
Hey guys

Pidge
you are so fucking valid

Lance
dont steal my line

Hunk
It's so good to be loved
I wanted to ask; what are everyone's halloween costumes???
Lance and I were thinking of going as the Spy vs. Spy dudes

Lance
im the white spy

Allura
I’m going to be Princess Zelda :D

Lance
yo,u are so fucki ng Valid

Allura
Thank you, I try

Pidge
which version?

Allura
Breath of the Wild

Lance
FUCC

Pidge
duly noted
matt wants him and i to go as fucking mario and luigi

Lance
thats literally genius

Matt
But we’re still looking for a peach

Pidge
i never said i was going through with this

Matt
You still will

Pidge
i legitimately will Not

Lance
lmao prof zarkon would be bowser

Hunk
Lotor as Bowser Junior

Pidge
okay now i’m warming up to this idea

Lance
HAGGAR AS PEACH

Pidge
and now i quite literally want to die

Matt
No no he’s on to something

 


hunky > science sluts

 

OCT 28 AT 12:59 PM

hunky
GOOD AFTERNOON, MATT

doormatt
GOOD AFTERNOON TO YOU AS WELL, HUNK

hunky
HOW’S THE DAY TREATING YOU, MY FRIEND?

doormatt
MY ENDEAVORS HAVE GONE QUITE WELL

hunky
I’M GLAD TO HEAR OF YOUR EASE

pidger
i’m gonna stop this before it gets weird

doormatt
You haven't let us finish for like a week
This is just unfair

hunky
Not cool, Pidge

pidger
you and matt? not cool? oh yes of course i already know that

hunky
Hey I am SUPER cool
Lance says so!

pidger
lance mixes lucky charms and reeses puffs in one fucking bowl hunk

doormatt
Wh?????

hunky
Okay, solid point, but I’m still cool

doormatt
I truly believe hunk is the smartest person to have ever been born

hunky
Dude.......don't make me tear up

doormatt
B.....Bro.....

pidger
you two can eat a tide pod bye

hunky
NO
HOW COULD YOU WISH THAT UPON US
Matt maybe we should stop the afternoon banter

doormatt
No...i can't let her win

pidger
i won the moment i was born

 


Katelyn Holt > Lance McClain

 

1:22 PM

pidgeypie
hey are you free rn

Fucking Loser
yeah y

pidgeypie
call me

Fucking Loser called pidgeypie.
6 mins 12 secs

Fucking Loser
never talk to me again ever in ur life

pidgeypie
all i did was emotionally expose you

Fucking Loser
EXACTLY

 


Lance McClain > Keith Kogane

 

OCT 29 AT 2:30 PM

Lance
hey hoe

mulletface
?? Wtf

Lance
u never said what u were going to be for halloween

mulletface
Well Shiro gave me an idea the other day
And it’s really cheap so

Lance
ooo what is it

mulletface
I’m gonna be Wade Walker from Cry-Baby

Lance
get the FUCK OUT OF TOWN
I LOVE THAT MOVIE

mulletface
Is that so
Never noticed

Lance
what?? 
theres no way u didnt know i obsess over old johnny depp movies

mulletface
Nope
I had no idea

Lance
well its an awesome costume
if u could even call it that
i mean all u have to do is slick ur hair back and wear a black leather jacket, which is what u do everyday anyway

mulletface
I don’t use hair gel everyday

Lance
the grease in ur hair slicks it for u
i mean seriously what shampoo do u use
is it axe

mulletface
No?? Fuckface

Lance
stupidface

mulletface
It’s old spice

Lance
wHat

mulletface
It’s old fucking spice

Lance
im sorry im just picturing u in place of literally every guy in the old spice commercials

mulletface
Okay this conversation is over

 


Pidge > SPOOPY HOES

 

OCT 31 AT 12:01 AM

Pidge
[video sent]
HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Lance
cant wait to shove a pumpkin up my ass

Hunk
It’s time to BONE some skeletons

Lance
B O N E !

Matt
B O N E ? ! ? !

Hunk
B O N E ! ! !

Lance
ok im tired goodnight

Pidge
weak

 

9:20 AM

Shiro
Happy Halloween, guys.
...Those are interesting phrases?

Hunk
BDFHJSFJSK

Matt
Get into the halloween spirit shiro!

Pidge
question: who here likes candy corn

Matt
Literally no one

Keith
I do

Pidge
whatthefuckdksjd
the Betrayal

Keith
What? They’re good

Shiro
They’re like...really sweet kinetic sand.

Allura
You’ve eaten kinetic sand

Shiro
I never said that.

Allura
It was implied

Pidge
oh my god shiro ate kinetic sand

Hunk
I 96% believe Shiro ate kinetic sand

Keith
Would not be surprised if Shiro ate kinetic sand

Shiro
I DID NOT EAT KINETIC SAND.

Lance
what in the living fuck are u guys talking about

 


Hunk Garrett > Shay Balmera

 

9:53 AM

Hunk
Hey Shay
Are you coming out with us tonight?

Shay
hi hunk!!! yes, i am. 
i didn’t really have the resources for a costume but i hope you’ll enjoy my company

Hunk
Um how could I NOT??
Besides, I haven’t seen you and Allura in action as girlfriends
I bet you guys are all cute and blushy and dopey

Shay
my goodness
we are not!! 
well, i mean, perhaps we are, but she’s so very pretty! can you blame me?

Hunk
No, you’re right, she’s ethereal
But so are you! 
Aw man, I’m so excited for tonight

Shay
it’ll be the first time we’ve all been together since her senior year!

Hunk
I always sensed some chemistry between you two
I’m never wrong about these things

Shay
hunk please you’re making me bashful.

Hunk
Look, all I’m saying is don’t hold out on the affection because I’m 100% there for it

Shay
okay okay!!
i’ll make a note of it :>

 


Allura Altea > Hunk Garrett

 

10:10 AM

Allurabura
Stop! Badgering! My! Girlfriend!

Hunk
Sorry, I can’t hear you
The connection’s terrible :/

Allurabura
Stop!!!!!!
Actually, I’ll counter this attack
So.....Matt, huh?

Hunk
Okay bye

Allurabura
Omg

 


Matt > SPOOPY HOES

 

5:42 PM

Matt
Status: currently holding two spies, a princess, and my accomplice Mario in my car
Waiting for Danny Zuko and his dad to pop out so we can drive to the city at long last

Lance
ok first of all its wade walker u fucking DIP

Matt
Same difference

Lance
NO!! BIG DIFFERENCE, ACTUALLY!!!!

Keith
We’re on our way down
I’m gonna ride with Shiro and then we’ll pick up Shay

Allura
Okay then I’ll join you two in Shiro’s car

Hunk
NO ALLURA STAYS
SHRIO DON’T LET HER IN YOUR CAR

Shiro
Okay?
Why not?

Hunk
Because I need to be a front row witness to the Shayllura cuteness when it begins

Lance
shayllura....i dig it

Allura
OKAY
FINE

Hunk
S W E E T

 


Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett

 

5:48 PM

Lance
bro WHATTTTTTTT
HE LOOKS! FUCKIN! woah

Hunk
Yeah dude he’s a looker

Lance
dude......
i think i have a kink for leather jackets
he had the little curl of hair on his forehead!!!! bitch WHAT

Hunk
If you had a kink for leather jackets you’d die everytime you ever laid eyes on Keith

Lance
i mean lets be honest i lowkey do

 


Pidge > SPOOPY HOES

 

10:34 PM

Pidge
tell lance i said fuck you

Hunk
He said f*** you too

Matt
God you're pure

Shiro
Pidge, it's not his fault he passed out so early.
Honestly, it's pretty late. I would've ended the night then, anyway.

Pidge
shiro it's late to you because you pay taxes
as far as i’m concerned there are At Least six more hours left in the night

Keith
Pidge, please
The baby needs his rest

Lance
shut ur fuckigmouth

 


Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett

 

10:38 PM

Lance
BEING THE WHITE SPY WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA
NOT A GOOD IDEA AT ALL

Hunk
Hey, man
How would you have known?

Lance
it's hard to track it now bc im on T but I SWEAR I THOUGHT IT WAS GONE
A WHITE SUIT MAN
do u think anyone noticed??

Hunk
No they just think you're being a sleepy baby
Which you are, secondarily

Lance
shut up
now i have to put this goddamn suit in the wash
i’ll be back in the dorm in 5 mins

Hunk
You're using that suit again??

Lance
it was a fucking investment hunk im not just going to waste money

 


Hunk Garrett > Allura Altea

 

10:45 PM

Hunk
Interaction between you and Shay was very cute, very swag, very adorable
A++ 1000/10 would witness again

Allurabura
I want to eviscerate you.

 

Chapter Text


Shiro > SPOOPY HOES

 

NOV 1 AT 9:27 AM

Shiro named the group THANKFUL HOES.

Matt
Oh my g...oodddd............

Hunk
Binch WHAT!!!!!!

Pidge
character development

 


Keith Kogane > Lance McClain

 

NOV 8 AT 4:01 PM

mulletface
Hey...are you alright?

Lance
yes? why do u ask

mulletface
Idk you just seemed quiet today in the club

 

4:10 PM

Lance
im good

mulletface
You don’t sound good

Lance
ok
im not totally good
but u dont have to worry about it
im like a rubber ball. know why

mulletface
Do I have to ask why

Lance
because i BOUNCE BACK

mulletface
Well...okay
But if you wanna talk, I’m all ears

Lance
thanks but no need
i dont associate with............scorpios

mulletface
Shut the hell up you fucking leo

 


Hunk > THANKFUL HOES

 

NOV 14 AT 2:20 PM

Hunk
Hey lads
You guys wanna hang out after the club tomorrow

Matt
Yes!
Well i’m not in the club but you know
I love clubs
Would love to be a part of one someday

Hunk
Just show up dude

Allura
Yes, your attendance would be wonderful Matt!
Even though we are one month away from the end of the semester

Matt
ANYTHING FOR YOU ALLURA

Hunk
Hey!!!

Matt
Yeah yeah so i’ll come to the club tomorrow
I’d love to see what you suspicious figures have my sibling doing every week

Pidge
drugs and alcohol

Lance
yes we get drunk on Respect LGBT of Color Juice

Hunk
Amen to that

Matt
Sounds good and gay i’m in

 


Matthew Holt > Takashi Shirogane

 

NOV 15 AT 4:12 PM

Matt
I think....i want hunk to physically crush me with his biceps

Shiro ate kinetic sand
Oh my GOD.

 


Matthew Holt > Katelyn Holt

 

7:02 PM

matrick star
Hey
I need to talk to you abt something

Soil
?? is something wrong
my internal kill bill sirens just went off

matrick star
No it’s nothing bad
I don’t think it is??
Man i don’t know

Soil
okay matt please spit it out for the sake of my aged heart

matrick star
Ok so
Today, i was just looking at hunk and, like
I just wanted to
Hug him
Forever
You ever felt like that?

Soil
you’re asking if i’ve ever wanted to touch a man in any way ever
matt.............i’m a lesbian

matrick star
I thought you were american

Soil
yeah no but seriously i get that you’re attracted to him
you’re attracted to every person with toned arms
example: allura
and remember your little crush on shiro last year

matrick star
Yeah and then i saw him reading newspapers during class breaks and i realized that he was literally fifty years older than me

Soil
thank god for that

matrick star
But the thing is it’s not just that
I’m not JUST attracted to hunk

Soil
....what are you saying

matrick star
I think i like him?

Soil
oh
okay

matrick star
I haven’t really liked anyone in a while

Soil
yep

matrick star
I get these weird butterflies when he says my name and when i see him smile it’s like i’m happy almost immediately
And he’s so smart!!
Idk
Maybe it’s just that he’s such a great person that i feel honored to be his friend and i’m misunderstanding my own emotions?
No i definitely like him

Soil
maybe

 


Katelyn Holt > Lance McClain

 

7:35 PM

pidgeypie
hey are you up

Fucking Loser
haha very funny asshole

pidgeypie
look i need to talk to you

Fucking Loser
oh god ur scaring me

pidgeypie
does hunk have feelings for my brother?

Fucking Loser
.....uuuuuuuuhhh....

pidgeypie
i’m gonna need a concrete answer.

Fucking Loser
why do u want to know?

pidgeypie
i don’t have to tell you.

Fucking Loser
pidge whats going on
i am legitimately scared

pidgeypie
okay nevermind

Fucking Loser
nO NONO COME ON
PLS TELL ME
im an amazing secret-keeper

 

8:10 PM

pidgeypie
fine

Fucking Loser
OHOHO?

pidgeypie
don’t make me change my mind

Fucking Loser
ok im sorry my lord

pidgeypie
listen you can’t tell anyone i told you this
because i’m not sure who else he’s told
but matt just confessed that he might have feelings for hunk

Fucking Loser
oh ymfnjkfsksdjsl

pidgeypie
so i want to know whether hunk reciprocates or not.

Fucking Loser
IM SO GLAD U CAME TO ME

pidgeypie
i don’t want him to know unless he reciprocates
so can you Please Answer My Fucking Question

Fucking Loser
ohhhh man uh
okokokok its just
like i dont want to violate his trust bc he hasnt outwardly admitted it but i just KNOW bc ive known him for so long
and i KNOW how he is when he likes someone
so i do believe he has feelings for matt

 

8:40 PM

pidgeypie
okay.

Fucking Loser
pidge......are u good

pidgeypie
why wouldn’t i be

Fucking Loser
bc ur vibe right now screams I’m Going To Annihilate Everything In My Line Of Sight

pidgeypie
i just
don’t want to see matt get hurt
and i know hunk isn’t that kind of person
but a part of me is just scared that matt will get hurt in some way
his last relationship didn’t end well
so i guess knowing if hunk liked him back gave me some kind of security...because then i know how to assess the situation

Fucking Loser
omg ur opening up to me

pidgeypie
bye

Fucking Loser
COME ON

 


Matthew Holt > Takashi Shirogane

 

8:30 PM

Matt
I think pidge is mad at me

Shiro ate kinetic sand
What makes you say that?

Matt
I told them that i may have a eeniemeenietinyminiscule crush on hunk
Or maybe a big one
And they were really.....distantly responsive

Shiro ate kinetic sand
Oh wow.
I had no idea you were capable of human emotion.

Matt
Did you just make a JOKE

Shiro ate kinetic sand
Yes!! I can joke!!!

Matt
The same way i can feel emotions you buttface

Shiro ate kinetic sand
Okay I see your point.
Hm
Well, you are their brother.
I would assume they need to adjust to you liking someone they’re friends with.

Matt
Makes sense
Thank you, father shiro

Shiro ate kinetic sand
Please stop.

 


Matthew Holt > Katelyn Holt

 

9:46 PM

matrick star
Hey i’m outside your dorm building come down

Soil
what the fuck
what the hell are you doing out there

matrick star
Just come down here so i can tell you i love you in person

Soil
wh???? NO

matrick star
I’m gonna give you a big fat warm hug

Soil
STOP!!!!

matrick star
Gonna ENGULF you in emotion

Soil
GUARD!!! GUARD!!!!

matrick star
I LOVE MY SIBLING!!!!

Soil
matt SHUT UP

matrick star
Get the FUCK down here please it’s cold as balls and i didn’t bring my coat

Soil
FINE

 


Lance > THANKFUL HOES

 

NOV 17 AT 5:05 PM

Lance
[image sent]
[image sent]
[gif sent]
[image sent]

Keith
Do you ever get tired of sending pictures wildly out of context

Lance
does that question even warrant an answer honestly
FUCK! HOLD UP

Keith
What???

Lance
keith u sly FUCKER

Keith
I’m?? Confused??

Hunk
Yeah I’m not following either

Lance
do u guys remember the day we all met

Keith
Yeah you stubbed your toe walking out of the club and then ran around the corner so no one would see you cry

Pidge
IS THAT WHAT HE DID
i just thought he had the Runs

Lance
NOT IN PERSON
and fuck u both i didnt cry

Keith
Whatever makes you feel better babe

Lance
i was talking about the first groupchat EVER???
we all had to give special facts about ourselves and guess who skipped out on himself
Mullet Man Himself

Pidge
ooooooooooh

Keith
Okay, to be fair, Shiro also skipped out on himself

Lance
ALSO TRUE

Allura
Shiro. Rise.

Keith
Wtf

Shiro
Hello

Lance
SWEET
ok i demand it now
both of u have to give us ur special facts

Shiro
Keith said my special fact for me!

Pidge
actually,
he told us you accidentally bleached your hair, which turned out to be a false claim when you uncovered the truth on september 25th at 7:46 p.m., revealing that you had in fact been developing gray hairs and purposely bleached it as a last resort
so we have no choice but to rule that special fact as an Invalid Entry

Matt
Shiro WHATSKSJFJKFD

Shiro
K bye.

Allura
OMGGG

Lance
NO SOMEBODY STOP HIM
but in the meantime keith tell us ur fact

Keith
I like knives

Lance
again, common knowledge
work with me here

Keith
Okay fine
I Hate Lance
Thanks for coming to my ted talk

Lance
ASSHOLE

Allura
Keith!!!! LET’S GO WE’RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER

Keith
OKAY ALRIGHT
I LIKE HIPPOS
THEY’RE MY FAVORITE ANIMAL

Lance
imsdjkshsdfhdfd

Allura
THAT IS PRECIOUS!

Keith
NO
THEY’RE HARDCORE ANIMALS

Lance
THEY’RE BIG FAT N CUDDLY

Keith
Okay cannot argue with the cuddly part
I would cuddle a hippo

Pidge
please don’t cuddle a hippo

Keith
You literally can’t stop me
AND LIKE I SAID THEY’RE METAL AS FUCK

Lance
u know, keith
a guy with stupid hair once spoke some wise words to me
“dont give in to toxic masculinity” he said

Keith
I’m going to kill you.

Lance
what im TRYING to say
is to embrace the cute side as well as the hardcore side
hippos r great m8

Hunk
Wow dude
I feel kinda proud of you

Keith
...Okay, you MAY be right this one (1) time
Dirty move, using my own words against me

Lance
what can i say
im just an enlightened, amazing, handsome genius

Hunk
Now THERE’S a FACT!

Allura
I have successfully wrangled Shiro

Lance
OWO WHAT’S THIS?
YARF!

Pidge
literally Why do you have to ruin moments like this

Keith
I’m leaving. Block me.

Shiro
My birthday is February 29th.

Keith
I’M BACK. UNBLOCK ME.

Lance
is this a joke

Pidge
yeah Ha Ha now can you tell us the fact before lance’s bedtime

Lance
im revoking our friendship card

Matt
He’s not joking

Lance
.......what
im confused

Pidge
wait
he’s NOT JOKING

Lance
so he was born on a day that doesnt exist
WAIT
A LEAP YEAR

Pidge
A LEAP YEAR

Allura
Oh my lord
A leap year

Lance
shiro DOESNT FUCKING EXIST FOLKS!

Pidge
IM SCRSMAmSJJSD

Hunk
NO WAY

Matt
No he does exist he’s just 6 and a half yrs old lmfao

Lance
im pissin g my fcucking pants

Pidge
SHIRO HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU LET ME THINK I WAS THE YOUNGEST CLUB MEMBER HERE

Keith
This is the best day of my life

Shiro
:^)

Hunk
SHIRORDJDSJKSSD

Shiro
I am actually dying inside.

Pidge
sTOpt TALKING

Lance
i havent laughed this hard since hunk told me he thought he was straight

Matt
LMAOOOOO

Allura
Big Mood

Keith
I want to personally thank each of you for being yourselves

Pidge
bitch don’t make me tear up!

Hunk
YOU’RE WELCOME

Keith
Except Lance

Lance
this is biphobia

 

10:55 PM

Lance
wait did u just call me babe

 

Chapter Text


Pidge > THANKFUL HOES

 

NOV 17 AT 11:00 PM

Pidge named the group KEITH CALLED LANCE BABE.

Keith named the group Trader Joes.

Hunk
I’m gonna screamsdjfhsdf

Lance named the group Bitch Don’t Dodge The Question.

Keith named the group Hm? What? What did you say? Hum? Pardon?.

Allura named the group Keith Has A Meltdown: Series 1.

Lance named the group I WANT ANSWERS.

Keith Kogane has left the group.

Pidge
OH MY GDO

Lance
im gonna fucking HOLLER

Lance McClain added Keith Kogane.

Keith
I’m sorry, what? What are we talking about?

Lance
[image sent]

Matt
You pulled out that receipt so quick jesus

Keith
That is a fake screenshot. Bye.

Lance
i demand the truth

Keith
It was a typo

Lance
ok so what were u originally going to say

Keith
I was
Gonna say
I was gonna say gabe

Lance
gabe
as in the nickname for gabriel

Keith
Yes
Why is everyone so silent all of a sudden

Pidge
don’t mind us. continue.

Hunk
Please, go on

Lance
nope thats all i need

Keith
...Seriously?

Pidge
wtf seriously

Lance
yeah thats it

Pidge removed Lance McClain.

Pidge removed Hunk Garrett.

Allura
Wait why’d you remove Hunk

Pidge
he’s lance’s best friend. a liability.

Allura
I understand
Proceed

Pidge
okay spill the fucking beans keith

Keith
???? THERE’S NO BEANS TO SPILL

Matt
I’m just gonna say what everyone’s thinking
Tell us you like him

Keith
Wtf??
All this just because I accidentally called him babe??

Pidge
everyone knows you like him we just want you to use this public slip as an opportunity to come clean

Keith
I DON’T LIKE HIM

Allura
SUREEEEEE

Keith
I DON’T!
Of course Shiro chooses now to disappear

Allura
It’s his talent lol
Liking Lance isn’t a bad thing! We support you Keith :)

Keith
That’d be nice if I liked him
Which I don’t
What the fuck is this, middle school

Pidge
okay okay we’re done
everyone follow my lead

Keith
What

Allura
Okay

Pidge named the group THANKFUL HOES.

Pidge added Lance McClain.

Pidge added Hunk Garrett.

Lance
wtf Was THAT
WHY WAS I REMOVED

Pidge
yeah what the FUCK
who removed me!!

Allura
I’m confused as to why I was also removed :/

Hunk
My feelings are hurt

Matt
It’s ok we were all removed

Keith
...Yep

Lance
who kicked us out

Shiro
I just wanted to cleanse the group.
I apologize for removing all of you temporarily.

Keith
Where the FUCK did you even come from

Lance
shiros officially cancelled

Shiro
Guess I shouldn’t leave my room for the next ten years.

 


Lance > THANKFUL HOES

 

NOV 22 AT 9:48 AM

Lance
my momwoke me up early as SHIT how yall doin

Hunk
Howdy...........pardner

Lance
ok bye

Keith
Is it even morally possible for you to be up this early
Because whenever you are, bad things seem to happen

Lance
oh ya
like WHAT

Pidge
well there's the time you got your arm stuck in that vending machine at 8 a.m. because you didn't see your bag of chips fall

Lance
I HAD EYE BOOGIES AND I COULDNT SEE SO THATS NOT VALID

Keith
Boogies

Pidge
lance are you 4 years old
you scared of the BOOGIEMAN?

Lance
no thats ridiculous
im scared of ghosts

Keith
Good god

Lance
for FUCKS SAKE keith WHAT

Keith
You know what? Nothing
Loser

Lance
when we get back to uni im legitimately gonna fight u

Keith
That a threat or a promise

Pidge
okAy SO! ANYWHO!

Matt
ANYweenie...
Lance what'd your mom wake you up for

Lance
last minute thanksgiving shopping
we need more pernil and liquor and my brothers are preparing the rest of the food for tomorrow while we're out

Pidge
does your mom let you drink with them

Lance
yeah totally

Pidge
you're the worst liar i’ve ever met

Lance
whaTever

Pidge
my dad says he's letting matt drink with them just because he's a year away from being legal
which, quite frankly, is BULLSHIT

Matt
When i turn 21 next yr it's over for EVERYONE
I WILL BE.........GETTING TURNT

Keith
White people

Lance
ADGJHXJDJHFLDJFJF

Matt
Can't argue with that

Lance
hunk is already eating breakfast in my kitchen........the fucking monster
AND MY MOM SERVED IT TO HIM ON THE GOOD PLATE??? THE FUCKING MONSTER

Keith
There's a good plate?

Lance
yeah these plates have been thru so much........only one emerged unscathed

Hunk
She said she's letting me eat from it as many times as I want
I’ve missed her so much

Lance
it be ur own family

 


Lance McClain > Keith Kogane

 

8:56 PM

Lance
hey u know how u said u were all ears for that problem i had 43627 years ago

mulletface
Uhh yes

Lance
are u still all ears

mulletface
Yes
I’m listening

Lance
ok GOOD BC IM LOWKEY A WRECK RN

mulletface
What's bothering you?

Lance
ok im just gonna say it

mulletface
Okay

Lance
im trans, its common knowledge
and my immediate family is super supportive!! my Extended Family, however............

mulletface
Oh...I see

Lance
my extended family also thinks that im confused about my sexuality, as well as my older sister bc shes gay
but theyre more.....upfront with their transphobia
and nights like tomorrow when its a huge family party makes me so happy but also unbelievably Dreadful
they deadname me like CRAZY and they criticize my clothes etc etc its just a mess
and it sucks bc im really close to some of them in particular but theyre so IGNORANT

mulletface
I can't imagine how you must feel

Lance
i know....im sorry
i must sound spoiled as hell

mulletface
You don't
I’m just not really good at this stuff??? I don't know the right thing to say exactly
But I support you

Lance
ur doing great kid

mulletface
So this is why you've been a little off all month?

Lance
yes and no
yes, bc its a big factor
no, bc the problem was more about my dysphoria than it was about my family

mulletface
Oh
Pidge talked to me about this before
Did something trigger it?

Lance
on halloween i guess i was
reminded
of my body and stuff
not a great feeling

mulletface
Sorry
It's alright if you don't want to talk about it

Lance
it's ok binch!!!!!
seriously it's ok i swear
talking about it eases the feeling a little
i talked about it with hunk when we got on the bus a few days ago
and hunk, of course, just made me remember the amazing and flawless human being that i am

mulletface
Yeah sure
I think you'll do fine tomorrow
Family can be toxic, it's okay to withdraw when they don't treat you with the respect you deserve
Just stick to the people that accept you

Lance
wow....thank u for preaching mr. kogane

mulletface
I mean it
Don't let them get to you
You're a guy no matter what
Albeit an annoying, obnoxious guy

Lance
im ignoring that last part bc i obviously possess no imperfections
thanks for bearing with me and also for the supportive words

mulletface
I know this must've been pretty serious for you
Considering you're up past 9

Lance
when will u guys let this shit go
im being BULLIED FOR HAVING NORMAL SLEEPING HABITS

 


Katelyn Holt > Lance McClain

 

11:54 PM

pidgeypie
! wake up !
! hoe ! wake up !

 

11:58 PM

Fucking Loser
whatdhd

pidgeypie
i’ll be honest i didn't expect you to respond

Fucking Loser
my phne is on Sound bc i forgot to mute my convos
u woke my ass tf up
wat is it

pidgeypie
keith told me that you weren't feeling okay
he didn't say why but i already had a hunch
and i wanted to address it before, but i just didn't really know how to i guess

Fucking Loser
???@? U DIDNTN KNOW HOW 2 DO SOMETHING
THEWORLD IS ENDING

pidgeypie
god you type like you're drunk
but i know how bad dysphoria can feel, especially in an uncomfortable environment

Fucking Loser
omg
OMG PIDGE
ALL THRU OUT THIS MONTH

pidgeypie
do not say it

Fucking Loser
thats why u put so much emphasis on my pronouns everytime we went out
AND THATS WHY U WENT SHOPPING WITH ME

pidgeypie
okay that was part of the reason and also because all of your sneakers are worn and dirty

Fucking Loser
its PART OF THE AESTHETIC
BUT WOW
WE WERE BONDING THIS WHOLE TIME AND I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE

pidgeypie
believe it or not
i care about you
and even though i’m mostly secure about my body now i am also here to aid you

Fucking Loser
ohmy godddhdh
the reason i didnt come to u was bc i thought i would seem.......weak about it, compared to u
ur always so confident in ur gender

pidgeypie
you don't have to feel that way anymore
you're weak, but for reasons unrelated

Fucking Loser
and here i thougt we were having a bonding moment

pidgeypie
now you know how keith feels

Fucking Loser
LOOK I SERIOUSLY DONT REMEMBER HOLDING HIS HAND THAT ONE TIME

 


Matt > THANKFUL HOES

 

NOV 23 AT 8:48 PM

Matt
Well FUCK Gotdamn
FUCKKKKK

Pidge
relax kid

Shiro
Please tell me none of you are drunk.

Matt
CANT SAY!! NOP

Lance
oh yes i am also heavily intoxicated
Bing Bong
woah. what a typo

Pidge
you’re horrible

Hunk
My moms and Lance’s parents are literally screaming out on the patio

Keith
You have two moms?
Why are they screaming

Hunk
Yes I was blessed

Lance
his moms are real life angels so jot that down

Hunk
They’re playing some drinking game
We’re gonna cut the turkey soon
Which I perfected, might I add

Lance
its not thanksgiving without ur bomb ass turkey bro

Matt
I WSIH I COUD TASTE THAT TURKEY
YOUR FOOD!! FuCK

Hunk
Okay come down to Florida and get a piece then

Matt
Already in my fuckign car
I’m Not a coward

Pidge
UM? SIR

Hunk
GO BACK HOME

Pidge
nevermind
he’s not in his car he just sat on the toilet seat and passed out
[image sent]

Shiro
Jesus
How do your parents feel about this?

Pidge
my dad’s prohibiting him from drinking at family functions from here onwards
but i’m pretty sure my mom is lowkey proud of him

Lance
colleen gets TURNT

Pidge
keep my mom’s name out of your dirty mouth

Lance
thats not fair
u called my mom by her name last week when i was on the phone with her

Pidge
because unlike you she’s actually a saint

Lance
ALSO UNFAIR

Allura
How about Shiro and Keith
What are you boys up to?

Shiro
Keith wants to cut the turkey.

Keith
Dad won’t fucking let me

Hunk
Are you talking about Shiro or your actual dad

Keith
BOTH

Shiro
Anyway,
Keith is adorable in his dinner suit.

Keith
It’s NOT A SUIT

Pidge
pics or it didn’t happen

Lance
i second that

Keith
Stay out of this thot boy

Lance
whsdsdhsffkj

Keith
Oh for FUCK’S SAKE SHIRO

Shiro
[image sent]
Look at this dashing young man!

Lance
BYE
KEITH WHAT IS UR HAIR IM SCREAMING

Pidge
[image sent]

Keith
DON’T ZOOM IN ON MY FACE YOU DEMON

Hunk
His eyes are so dead omg

Allura
They look seething with rage to me

Keith
Allura is right, as usual
I’m just glad Lance didn’t use another one of his fucking furry phrases

Lance
kweef.....dont huwt my feewings uwu ✧⁺⸜(●′▾‵●)⸝⁺✧

Pidge has left the group.

Lance
DISCRIMINATION

Keith
That was the worst thing I’ve ever had to read in my life

Lance McClain added Katelyn Holt.

Katelyn Holt set their own nickname to Pidge.

Pidge
allura can you please alleviate the pain lance just gave me

Allura
Yes
I’m sure you all need the same

Hunk
Yes please

Lance
fake friends everywhere

Allura
[image sent]
Me and Coran!

Lance
LOVE THAT MAN

Allura
He says he loves you too “son”

Lance
FUCC!

Hunk
Tell him I said hi!
You both look super sharp btw

Allura
Thank you!
Coran says hello and he asked how everyone’s love life is going

Shiro
Decent.

Hunk
Amazing

Pidge
what love life

Keith
I don’t know what love is

Lance
i love myself

Allura
Alright...interesting

Lance
its bi culture allura

Matt
hell ya
I’M AWAKE SLUTS

Pidge
so what’s everyone thankful for

Matt
It"s a cold and it’s a broken halleleujuah

Hunk
Well right now I’m thankful Matt is in your custody in his condition

Pidge
i’m nowhere near him

Hunk
Okay then I’m terrified

Keith
Wait are these serious thankful declarations or joking ones

Pidge
let’s go serious because why the fuck not

Hunk
Okay I’m thankful for having the bestest friend ever

Lance
godfucking damn it hunk

Hunk
And also for my moms and my sister
They make me feel safe and loved and they accept me for who I am

Lance
PURE! UNBELIEVABLE! OUTSTANDING!
allura pls grace us

Allura
I’m thankful for Coran
He took care of me after my father’s demise and I would be lost without him

Keith
Respect

Lance
keith that means ur next
allura ur perfect and the world doesnt deserve u

Keith
Fine
I guess I’m thankful for Shiro
After his family adopted me he guided me all throughout middle and high school and I would be in jail if he weren’t there for me
He’s smiling so hard right now Jesus Christ

Pidge
you are all so goddamn wonderful

Lance
keith thats really sweet and genuine but um?? jail??

Pidge
anyways i’m next
i’m never going to say anything like this again so treasure it dweebs + allura

Hunk
Omg

Pidge
i’m thankful for you guys, my friends
i never truly connected with other people in school before and i felt like going to college so young would make me an outsider but you all make me feel like i belong to something
so thank you
okay i’m done. moving on.

Allura
PIDGE!!!!! :D

Keith
That...made me really happy
Fuck you Pidge

Hunk
I’M YOUR #1 FAN HOLY COW

Lance
this is so not fair these shouldve been fucking jokes but now im crying in the club

Pidge
MOVING ON

Shiro
I’m thankful that I got to witness all the friendships build in this club.
You’re all bright and intelligent, and you’ll all grow to be amazing people.

Keith
Are you just gonna ignore Matt passing out on the toilet after thinking he was in his car

Shiro
Yes.

Matt
I’m bright and intelligent when i’m sober
And i would like to say i’m thankful for my family as well
My mom is an angel. An actual angel
My dad taught me all that i know about technology
And my sister......my dear, dear sister

Pidge
here we go

Matt
I have never felt so much PRIDE...for one single person
She is strong and smart and tough
I want to be like her when i grow up
In this essay, I will be di

Pidge
he passed out again

Lance
that was......that was so beautiful

Hunk
I love you guys so much I love you ALL
I HAVE TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE
I LOVE YOU GUYS

Keith
Fruit juice mess with your head a little bit?

Hunk
Yeah...maybe a little
Idk it’s been a long few days

Lance
that and i may have slipped some wine in ur cup earlier

Hunk
WHAT

Lance
OK ITS MY TURN
um i dont really have anything profound to say i think
like pidge im thankful for my friends
i just, really care about u guys! ur all amazing
the way pidge mixes coffee and monster before a class, the way hunk keeps an emergency barf bag in his back pocket, the way shiro reads fucking newspapers in his free time, the way allura braids her hair when shes anxious, the way keith reaches for his knife when a frat boy looks him in the eye, the way matt quotes every specifically horrible anime hes ever watched in casual conversation – i love it all
bc u guys are so unique and great and i would die for each of u given the chance

Hunk
I’m screenshotting this

Shiro
Wow...I’m speechless.

Pidge
this is just, this is Sappy and Lame and this whole conversation has been fucking Sappy and Lame and Gross

Matt
She’s cryign

Pidge
matt go back to the fucking toilet

Keith
That was
Really cool of you, to say

Lance
thanks.......AMIGO

Keith
No

Allura
Lance, I love you

Lance
I LOVE U TOO

Hunk
IF I KNEW WE WERE GONNA RANT I WOULD’VE MADE MY THANKS LONGER

Lance
ur thanks was good enough because YOU are good enough

Hunk
Lance SHUT UP I love you

Lance
OK ITS TIME TO EAT SEE U GUYS LATER

Pidge
us too

Matt
L8er thots

Shiro
Bye, thot.

Hunk
Another screenshot

 


Allura > THANKFUL HOES

 

DEC 1 AT 7:08 AM

Allura named the group FESTIVE HOES.

Shiro
I approve.

Allura
You’d better

 

9:12 AM

Hunk
Oh HELL YES

Matt
Woah woah hold the fucking phone

Shiro
Hunk!

Allura
:o

Hunk
What
What’d I do

Matt
You said “HELL”
...Are you ok?

Allura
What happened to your normal “heck”?

Shiro
My tired eyes have been exposed to too much obscenity in this group.
I thought you were the shining light Hunk.

Hunk
NO I AM
I AM THE SHINING LIGHT

Shiro
I was wrong.

Hunk
I’M SORRY I’LL MAKE UP FOR THIS

Matt
This is so funny
Hunk can you say fuck

Hunk
Never

Matt
LAME! i thought you were cool

Hunk
You still think I’m cool
And you also know I fervently resist peer pressure

Allura
That’s a lie

Hunk
I never lie

Matt
Also a lie
Who ARE you

Hunk
I am the SHINING LIGHT

Shiro
Your title has been revoked and given to Pidge.

Hunk
WhAT

Matt
What

Pidge
oh fuck yeah

Matt
Why not ME

Allura
Or me?
I’m obviously the next best candidate :)

Matt
You send smiley faces all the time but it’s downright alarming how easily you can tell apart the passive aggressive ones from the genuine ones

Hunk
I have a theory that they’re all passive aggressive

Pidge
get used to it losers + allura
i’ll always be the best

Shiro
Maybe I should give the title to Allura...

Pidge
Pardon Me.

Hunk
OR MAYBE YOU SHOULD GIVE IT BACK TO ME

Allura
No, Shiro obviously knows what he’s doing

Keith
Why was I never considered

Shiro
You know why.

Keith
For fuck’s sake
You shank a guy once and suddenly you’re “violent” and have “anger issues”

Pidge
keith you;re gonna make me piss my pantsnhdjkljdhjh

Keith
If I’m not the shining light can I be the Ray of Darkness

Shiro
Yes, you can be the Ray of Darkness.

Keith
Hell yeah

Pidge
am i the fucking shining light or not

Shiro
Okay, I’ve made my decision.

Matt
I’m not even an option this isn’t fair

Pidge
allura eat my dust

Allura
Don’t count your eggs before they hatch

Hunk
Sigh

Shiro
Lance is the shining light.

Keith
No he
He’s just NOT

Pidge
hoe WHAT

Matt
Haha you’re all losers

Hunk
I wanna say I’m mad about this decision but I’m really not

Allura
Shiro you’re fired

Shiro
I’m not employed by you?

Allura
Or so you’ve been told

Shiro
Wait, what

Keith
HA

Pidge
justice.

Shiro
Allura??? What???

Matt
She ghosted. Give it up buddy.

Shiro
I can never get a goddamn break.

 

11:41 AM

Lance
OMG IM THE SHINING LIGHT

Shiro
Actually I’ve since given the title back to Hunk.

Lance
WTF
ARE U SERIOUS

Shiro
Maybe if you’d woken up earlier you would’ve been able to claim it.

Lance
first of all i just wanna say im disappointed in u shiro
u partake in the rampant biphobia plaguing this community everyday

Shiro
Lance,

Lance
second of all
i shouldnt be held accountable for u guys waking up at ungodly hours
who the fuck is even alive at 7am

Keith
The working class

Lance
lame and unrealistic
wake me up when obama is in office again

 

Chapter Text


Lance > FESTIVE HOES

 

DEC 6 AT 2:34 PM

Lance
i know yall are at the club session rn but im fucking bored hello

 

2:50 PM

Lance
none of u are answering my private msgs and i just gotta say
rude

 

3:01 PM

Lance
ANSWER ME U IGNORANT SLUTS

Keith
Of course the one time you don’t show up you have to blow up everyone’s phones

Lance
yes its my way of demanding attention

Pidge
they/them pronouns currently btw

Lance
u got it pidgeypoo

Matt
Shay came to the club today and literally killed allura

Allura
SHE DID NOT KILL ME

Hunk
Allura.
Come on.

Lance
oh this is just WACK
i wouldve loved to see allura make a fool out of herself

Allura
I did no such thing
They just want to make fun of me for being in love!

Lance
wow sounds familiar

Hunk
Super familiar

Keith
Very fucking familiar

Allura
It’s not my fault that all of you are shamefully transparent

Matt
And she showed up with cupcakes

Lance
what kind

Matt
Strawberry, vanilla frosting, rainbow sprinkles

Lance
ALLURAS FAVORITE COMBO

Hunk
I almost screamed when I saw them

Lance
I DONT KNOW WHO TO BE JEALOUS OF!!!!!!!

Keith
It was really gay
They kissed and everything

Lance
BINCH!!!!!!!

Allura
It was a brief kiss!!!!

Hunk
It was the cutest kiss ever
I felt like I was gonna MELT they’re so cute

Shiro
It was incredibly sweet.
I thought Allura would end the club session right then and there.

Keith
She forgot how to speak for like 5 minutes

Allura
Untrue, the three of you are now on my hitlist

 


sharkboy > brown & beautiful

 

3:32 PM

sharkboy added Shay Balmera.

muscle man
YES

Shay
oh my

sharkboy
HEY SHAY

Queen
I’ll murder both of you

Shay
hi!!!
is there any particular reason i was added here?

Queen
No they just want to torment us

sharkboy
more like torment u
shay doesnt deserve that treatment so shes exempt

muscle man
I agree

Shay
oh, i see
well, i'm glad to be here nonetheless!

Queen
God you’re perfect

Shay
allura!!! ////

sharkboy
im burning this moment into my brain

muscle man
In Britain they don’t say “I’m a big sap for my girlfriend” they say “God you’re perfect” and I think that’s beautiful

Queen
Stop!!!!!

Shay
maybe hunk is right.
we are quite mushy at times.
that’s not to say i don’t enjoy it!!
i enjoy every moment with you

Queen
Sh a y

muscle man
SHOT THROUGH THE HEART

sharkboy
AND UR TO BLAME

muscle man
YOU GIVE LOVE A GREAT NAME

 


Lance McClain > Keith Kogane

 

DEC 10 AT 1:42 AM

Lance
hey dweeb

 

1:50 AM

mulletface
What the crap

Lance
HI

mulletface
What’s happening?? Am I in an alternate universe???

Lance
do u believe in the multiverse theory

mulletface
It’s not a theory it’s the fucking truth and the government is hiding its technology from us

Lance
NERD

mulletface
Lance what are you doing up

Lance
im losing my fucking mind my guy!!!!
finals week starts in 1 day and im actually going to explode

mulletface
Yeah...I feel you

Lance McClain set their own nickname to the_best.

mulletface
Wtf is the underscore for

the_best
its a metaphor keith

mulletface
?? For what???

the_best set the nickname for mulletface to SpicyEmoBoiRawrXD.

SpicyEmoBoiRawrXD
I’m going to fucking kill you

the_best
this is comedy gold

SpicyEmoBoiRawrXD
Change it back

the_best
OH? HUM? SO U WILLINGLY WANT TO BE CALLED MULLETFACE?
DOES THIS MEAN U ADMIT THAT U HAVE A MULLET? HM?

SpicyEmoBoiRawrXD
IT’S NOT A MULLET
CHANGE MY NAME BACK TO KEITH

the_best
i know its hard to come to terms with but its a mullet. im sorry.

SpicyEmoBoiRawrXD
Change my name back for the love of God
Looking at the RawrXD is giving me optical failure

the_best
optical who now
anyway just change it back urself

 

2:18 AM

SpicyEmoBoiRawrXD
How do I do that

the_best
omg
no no this is just too good now

SpicyEmoBoiRawrXD
If you’re gonna force me to have this stupid name at the very fucking least take out the RawrXD

the_best
ugh
fine

the_best set the nickname for SpicyEmoBoiRawrXD to SpicyEmoBoi.

the_best
kEIEEEEITHTHTHRH

SpicyEmoBoi
What

the_best
entertain me

SpicyEmoBoi
You should go to sleep Lance

the_best
im not a baby

SpicyEmoBoi
Arguable

the_best
shut UP
& u shouldnt be one to talk!! ur always up at the ass crack of night like some type of bat

SpicyEmoBoi
I take naps during the day you know this

the_best
so if i do the math right
if u stop taking naps during the day and separate the amount of hrs u spend awake from the hrs u spend sleeping
u would basically have the same sleep schedule as me

SpicyEmoBoi
No actually I’d be waking up around 9 like usual and sleeping around midnight

the_best
ugh who tf wants to be awake for so LONG

SpicyEmoBoi
I think you should just leave the math to Pidge

the_best
ill be sure to consult them about this disparity
hey do u wanna play uno online

SpicyEmoBoi
Okay I’m telling you to go to sleep with the utmost seriousness

the_best
ur just scared ill beat u

SpicyEmoBoi
Excuse me
Fucking play me and we’ll see who’s scared

 

3:11 AM

SpicyEmoBoi set the nickname for the_best to the_worst.

SpicyEmoBoi
I figured out how to do it

the_worst
BEST 13 OUT OF 25

 


doormatt > science sluts

 

DEC 9 AT 1:00 PM

doormatt
GOOD AFTERNOON HUNK

pidger
NO ENOUGH

hunky
GOOD AFTERNOON MATT

pidger
STOP! NOW!

doormatt
Sure
For 8000 dollars a month

hunky
!!!!!!

pidger
i’ll give you eight dollars

doormatt
Deal

hunky
WHAT
DUDE

doormatt
It’s a solid offer

hunky
So that’s it then
No more afternoon banter
Wow. Some people.

doormatt
They never said we couldn’t do it through the group name

hunky
HoLY

doormatt named the group HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS CHILLY AFTERNOON.

hunky named the group I AM QUITE ELATED, AND YOURSELF?.

doormatt named the group I AM DIPPITY DAMN FINE MY GOOD MAN.

pidger
i want to die

doormatt
We’ll change it back to science sluts when we finish

pidger
do you ever hear what you say or is it just like white noise in your brain

 


Lance McClain > Keith Kogane

 

DEC 11 AT 2:02 AM

begonethot
[image sent]
do u have any childhood photos
[image sent]
[image sent]

SpicyEmoBoi
If we’re gonna play 20 questions you gotta stop sending memes in between the fucking questions

begonethot
ill stop when u respond appropriately to the memes

SpicyEmoBoi
Lol

begonethot
nvm that was absolutely horrible

SpicyEmoBoi
I have a few photos
I think there are some from before I was adopted by my family

begonethot
can i see!!

SpicyEmoBoi
Well I have to find them
How about you

begonethot
i have literally a billion childhood photos
actually my sister just posted a pic of one of them on ig last week
let me find it

 

2:26 AM

begonethot
[image sent]

SpicyEmoBoi
You have the biggest forehead I’ve ever seen

begonethot
WOW THANX

SpicyEmoBoi
You look innocent, for once

begonethot
yeah i was 11
this was actually the yr i came out as a boy
there is LIGHT in my eyes

SpicyEmoBoi
Nice
You have a missing tooth there

begonethot
yeah it got knocked out when i beat the crap out of the schoolyard bully

SpicyEmoBoi
Mhm

begonethot
fine i lost a baby tooth
sue me

SpicyEmoBoi
I stopped losing baby teeth when I was 7

begonethot
ok relax Incredible Hulk
its ur turn to ask another question

SpicyEmoBoi
Okay
I wasn’t actually thinking of one so
Take my turn

begonethot
what no thats against the rules

SpicyEmoBoi
Fuck the rules

begonethot
iverson!! iverson we got a rogue one on the loose!!!
okkk how about...
i know u said uve been working on ur bike all semester
do u have a pic of her

SpicyEmoBoi
Well
She’s still got a lot of fixing up to do so don’t judge
[image sent]

begonethot
not to be a hoe but shes fuckin hot

SpicyEmoBoi
You keep your slimy hands away from her

begonethot
seriously she looks good
keith.......give me ur blessing to marry ur bike

SpicyEmoBoi
Never in my life

begonethot
hold on
what is that
on the floor there

SpicyEmoBoi
What?

begonethot
keith
what.......is THAT
[image sent]

SpicyEmoBoi
You mean my flip phone

begonethot
im fucking shaking what
what the f
keith what

SpicyEmoBoi
It’s a nokia

begonethot
what
why
im literally trembling

SpicyEmoBoi
It’s my second phone

begonethot
why do u have 2 phones

SpicyEmoBoi
No reason

begonethot
ur officially the shadiest person i know and that includes pidge
U STILL HAVENT TOLD ME WHAT U DID THAT WOULDVE GOT U THROWN IN JAIL

SpicyEmoBoi
So anyway
It’s getting late and you have your calc final this afternoon so I think we should call it a night

begonethot
oh god pls no
anything but MATH
DONT LEAVE I STILL NEED TO PRETEND LIKE EVERYTHING IS FINE AND I WONT DIE TOMORROW

SpicyEmoBoi
I’m here

begonethot
ur so fucking lucky u dont have classes on mondays
no finals for u until tuesday

SpicyEmoBoi
Yeah but I only have one more day to study for chem and then the next day I have 3 more finals back to back

begonethot
ok yeah that sucks
how do u think ull do on them

SpicyEmoBoi
I don’t know
I still don’t even really understand my learning process so studying has been hard sometimes

begonethot
i feel that 100%
whats worked best for me over the yrs is learning by association
and the rest i just wing it til something turns out right

SpicyEmoBoi
Of course you do
I’m not all that worried about how I’ll score though

begonethot
now THAT i cannot relate to

SpicyEmoBoi
You’re anxious?

begonethot
thats an understatement haha

SpicyEmoBoi
Can I call

begonethot
uh yeah
sure
give me a sec hunks sleeping

begonethot called SpicyEmoBoi.
21 mins 36 secs

begonethot
thank you

SpicyEmoBoi
Just get some sleep

begonethot
same 2 u spicy emo boi

SpicyEmoBoi
I’m going to be standing outside your classroom after your final so I could kick your fucking ass

 


hunky > science sluts

 

2:51 AM

hunky
Help

pidger
vague and ominous but hey what’s up

hunky
Lance went into the bathroom and has been on the phone with Keith for the past fifteen minutes and I emotionally cannot take it anymore

doormatt
How CUTE
When are either of them gonna make a move

hunky
They’ve been dancing around their feelings for who knows how long

doormatt
Keith needs to come clean about liking lance
He’s been holding it off for a while

hunky
He avoids confronting it entirely
Which seems paradoxical for someone like him

doormatt
I’d have expected him to tackle the issue head on

hunky
At the same time though,
Maybe Keith just feels vulnerable
And that’s why he denies it

doormatt
Maybe so
But lance at least has the emotional awareness to accept his likeness to keith

hunky
So denying your feelings for someone makes you emotionally unaware?

doormatt
Moreso emotionally closed off
Everyone’s different so it’s not always a bad thing

hunky
Well maybe Keith is just scared!!
I mean it makes sense
Having feelings is scary
And Lance is the one who was open to his friends about liking Keith so shouldn’t he be the one to make the first move?

doormatt
That’s putting a bit of pressure on him don’t you think
And it’s unfair for him to have to make a move when he and keith aren’t on the same wavelength

hunky
I just think we should go easy on Keith
Lance hasn’t even openly expressed his feelings so you can’t blame Keith for being a bit cautious

doormatt
Well KEITH should know that whether or not things go as planned they’ll work things out
He should TRUST lance

hunky
No one said that there was no trust?!

doormatt
Considering how substantial the evidence is that the feelings are reciprocated, it sure seems that way

hunky
Keith probably just needs time to figure things out
And he’ll go to Lance when he’s ready

doormatt
And maybe keith is disregarding lance’s loyalty to him as a friend in favor of fearing that it’ll ruin their relationship

hunky
Okay that’s not fair

pidger
are we.......still talking about keith and lance here or........

hunky
Of course we are!!
Who else would we be talking about?

doormatt
Lmao.

pidger
oh boy

 


Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane

 

11:04 AM

Keith
You don’t have a big mouth so that’s the only reason I’m gonna say this

Shiro
What a conversation starter.

 

11:15 AM

Shiro
Keith?

Keith
Nevermind
It’s not important

Shiro
No, it’s okay! You can tell me.
What’s on your mind?

Keith
Okay
Um
Let me put it this way

Shiro
I’m listening.

Keith
I still hate pancakes
But I would eat a thousand in a heartbeat if it made Lance happy
And whenever he smiles at me I feel like punching something
But in a good way

Shiro
Wow! That’s great, Keith!

Keith
Shut the hell up
I know you already knew

Shiro
Okay, I did.
And I’m glad you’re being honest with yourself.

Keith
I want to smash my head into the wall

Shiro
Alright, before you do that,
Can I ask, what pushed you to admit it?

Keith
...I think I realized how strongly I felt when I talked to him last night
He tried to play it off but he sounded so scared and
I just wanted him to be happy and carefree again

Shiro
Keith...that’s an incredibly sweet sentiment.

Keith
Every time he’s feeling off I have this urge to reach out to him
Idk he just doesn’t deserve to feel that way

Shiro
Are you going to tell him?

Keith
FUCK no
What? Are you insane??
We have finals until next week and then everyone leaves for a month
This is the worst possible timing ever

Shiro
You could always tell him when we come back from winter break.

Keith
Who says he feels the same way in the first place
It doesn’t matter
Whatever happens, happens
But the last thing I want is for you to be my wingman

Shiro
I don’t blame you.
You remember my boyfriend, Jason?
Before I asked him out I spent the night watching these weird dating tip videos on Youtube.

Keith
That’s so lame
Send the links

 

12:05 PM

Keith
Shiro send the fucking links

 


doormatt > science sluts

 

4:46 PM

doormatt
HEY HUNK GOOD LUCK ON YOUR FINAL

hunky
Thanks for the good vibes
The vibes that were absent last night :/

doormatt
I’m sorry man
I was running on 2 hours of sleep and 6 cans of redbull

hunky
Christ

doormatt
And i was being real defensive and hostile
It was uncalled for and i’m sorry

hunky
I forgive you
Though I do expect you to apologize properly by paying for my coffee tomorrow morning

doormatt
Consider it fuckin done

pidger
thank god that shit is over
good luck on your final hunk
i have no doubts in you

hunky
Thanks guys!

 


Katelyn Holt > Matthew Holt

 

5:01 PM

pidgeotto
careful matt
your crush is showing

 

5:14 PM

pidgeotto
did you just fucking block me (Message could not be sent.)

 

Chapter Text


– Wednesday, December 20, 2017, 3:03 PM –

in beyonce we trust added Takashi , pidge fuck! , macaroni salad , 1-800-MOTHMAN , allurabura , Shining Light

in beyonce we trust set the group name to “FINALS ARE OVER SUCK MY ASS FUCKHEADS”

 

1-800-MOTHMAN
Wht

allurabura
I don’t even have to ask to know that’s Keith

1-800-MOTHMAN
What is this
How did you get my skype

in beyonce we trust
shiro gave me it to me

1-800-MOTHMAN
What did you offer him

in beyonce we trust
the recipe for hunks mac and cheese

1-800-MOTHMAN
Shiro you’re a fucking sellout

Takashi
I like mac and cheese. Sue me.

macaroni salad
You can’t even cook

Takashi
Yes I can.

allurabura
Shiro...darling...

Takashi
Let me remind you all that we aren’t here to BULLY ME.

in beyonce we trust
hes right guys
the truth is ive gathered u all here today for one purpose and one purpose only

pidge fuck!
which is

in beyonce we trust
ok theres actually no specific reason i just wanted to have a group call set up

allurabura
I don’t know about anyone else but I’m loving this

in beyonce we trust
shiro why is ur profile pic of a peach

macaroni salad
Ngl i thought it was an ass but i didn’t wanna say anything

Shining Light
Dude that’s kinda GAY

in beyonce we trust
THATS PRETTY FUCKIN GAY BRO

1-800-MOTHMAN
Fellas is it gay to look at other dudes’ butts

Takashi
You’re all horrible, seriously horrible.
I changed it to a peach because Keith’s picture was a daisy and I wanted to match.

1-800-MOTHMAN
Because you’re a fucking copycat

macaroni salad
Here we go again with the super mario references
Shiro do me a favor and come up with your OWN ideas

Takashi
I’m blocking all of you.

Shining Light set the group name to “This never would’ve happened if you’d just admitted that my gun noises were better than yours Shiro. Seriously my gun noises were the best and you’re all just bitter.”

 


Takashi Shirogane > Lance McClain

 

5:15 PM

papa john
[image sent]

Lance
im sorry, did u just send me a Meme.

 

5:26 PM

Lance
SHIRO

papa john
Yes.
It seemed like one you’d like.

Lance
this is a milestone
and wow im surprised u picked up on my preference for depression memes

papa john
Yeah, well,
Relatable, am I right?
Also when did you change my nickname to this??

Lance
u were too busy being buff and fatherly to notice but i changed it a few days ago

papa john
Insulting.

Lance
but i mean...i totally relate to the buff part

papa john
Last week I gave you a fist bump that cracked three of your knuckles.

Lance
u promised never to bring that up again

papa john
I won’t.
...If you drop the dad jokes.

Lance
IM SORRY, ARE U BLACKMAILING ME?

papa john
Maybe I am.

Lance
then its working ill never call u my dad again

papa john
Terrible choice of words but thank you.

Lance McClain set the nickname for papa john to papi juan.

Lance
never said i couldnt do it in spanish

papi juan
How many times do I have to block you.
How many times, Lance.

 


hunky > science sluts

 

DEC 22 AT 12:58 PM

hunky
HELLO MATT, GOOD AFTERNOON

doormatt
Good afternoon hunk

hunky
Uhh
Is something wrong?
You’re not yelling back

doormatt
No no everything’s fine
Tell me about your afternoon, for real

hunky
Oh
Um...okay!

 


Katelyn Holt > Matthew Holt

 

1:05 PM

pidgeotto
matt that was so fucking gay

matrick star
I KNOW SHUT UP HE’S TALKING TO ME ABOUT HIS DAY

 


Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane

 

6:14 PM

Shiro
Mom asked if you want any snacks before we leave the supermarket.

Keith
Get me a bigass bag of doritos

Shiro
“Bigass bag of Doritos” acquired.
Hey, the next payment for Netflix is coming up.
I was wondering if I could change the plan since you don't really seem to be watching anything on it anymore?

Keith
No I do
Keep the same plan

Shiro
You haven't watched anything in weeks.

Keith
Well
Lance kind of shared his account with me so I’ve just been watching stuff there lately

Shiro
...Oh.

Keith
He wanted to show me some movies on it and they're in his list and everything
I just keep forgetting to log out of it

Shiro
Interesting.
So you two are Netflix and chilling now?

Keith
Shiro wh
What the fuck did you just say to me

Shiro
I’m just going to change the plan.

Keith
NO
KEEP THE PLAN

Shiro
Well, obviously you don’t need a plan with me anymore since you and Lance are sharing an account.
Guess I’m just a speck of dust in your life now.

Keith
God you’re so annoying

Shiro
Sigh.
My brother is too grown to hang out with me these days.

Keith
I literally have breakfast with you every morning

Shiro
My days as the cool big bro are over.

Keith
You were never cool

Shiro
I’ll just go drink my Capri Sun in a corner, all alone.
Feeling unloved.
Unwanted.

 

6:49 PM

Shiro
Did you just call mom and tell her to ground me.

Keith
Idk what you’re talking about
Enjoy doing my chores for the next week

 


Hunk Garrett > Katelyn Holt

 

DEC 23 AT 2:30 PM

Hunk
Hey Pidge :)
Found this super cute Xmas movie! You should totally watch it!
[image sent]
:)

Pidge
okay first of all
what the fuck is that

Hunk
A super cute Xmas movie that you should totally watch! :)

Pidge
hunk.

Hunk
You could relate to the titular character :)

Pidge
the police are on their way to your house as we speak. thanks.

 


Matthew Holt > Hunk Garrett

 

3:44 PM

sahdude
What did you say to pidge
They've been sulking for like an hour

Hunk
How do you know I was the cause of that!?!

sahdude
Because you've only pissed them off once before and their behavior to it is...distinct

Hunk
Okay I sent them a picture of a very cute Xmas movie

sahdude
Oh yeah Gremlins (1984) is QUITE a cute movie

Hunk
Bksdjdfdfjk THEY SHOWED IT TO YOU

sahdude
Let me just say this
I have never respected you more than i do at this moment

 


pidger > science sluts

 

4:27 PM

pidger
i know you fuckers are talking trash

hunky
Hm? I have no clue what you’re insinuating

doormatt
So 2 bros can’t just talk anymore

pidger
you’re both shameless and usually talk in the groupchats so either you’re talking trash or flirting

hunky
Um what

doormatt
Haha :-)
We’re talking trash

pidger
okay. i’m burning all of your socks

doormatt
Dad already agreed to watch the movie tonight

pidger
you’re lying

doormatt added Samuel Holt.

doormatt
Hey dad are we watching gremlins tonight

Samuel
Wha
I’m downstairs, why are you texting me

pidger
DAD ARE WE WATCHING GREMLINS TONIGHT SAY NO

Samuel
I think you’d like it if you gave it a shot

hunky
I’ve never seen it but it actually has really good ratings
Hi Mr. Holt!

Samuel
Oh, Hunk is here too, hello!
Why doesn’t Katie want to watch it?

hunky
Oh no reason

doormatt
Yeah they’re just being stingy

Samuel
Be nice to your sibling, please

doormatt
I love u pidge

pidger
abhorrent.

Samuel
Good enough

doormatt
Ok bye see you at dinner

Samuel
Okay?

doormatt removed Samuel Holt.

pidger
i feel like we just missed an important detail in this conversation.

 


Samuel Holt > Matthew Holt

 

4:45 PM

Samuel
Why was the name of that group “science sluts”

 


Keith Kogane > Lance McClain

 

DEC 24 AT 2:50 PM

keith colgate
Did you actually seriously mail me a pair of shears with a note saying “you know what to do”

lance mcdonald
yEs
its ur christmas gift

keith colgate
It’s the worst gift I’ve ever received

lance mcdonald
look
if u wanna pick up dudes u gotta do something about that mullet

keith colgate
There’s nothing wrong with my hair

lance mcdonald
keith u look like u came straight out of a poster for an 80s greaser movie

keith colgate
God
I wanna fucking kiss you

lance mcdonald
um
what? lmao

keith colgate
*Kiss
I MEANT KISS

lance mcdonald
hhaha i know im attractive but jeez buddy

keith colgate
K I L L
I WANT TO K I L L YOU

lance mcdonald
dont worry i hear the same thing from ALL my admirers ;)

 


Keith Kogane > Katelyn Holt

 

3:10 PM

keef
PIDGE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY KEYBOARD

pidge
lol

 

Chapter Text


Allura > FESTIVE HOES

 

DEC 25 AT 10:42 AM

Allura
Merry Christmas everyone! ^.^

Keith
Happy holidays holidudes

Pidge
happy crisis

Hunk
Merry Chrysler

Matt
It's chrimus

Shiro
Merry Christmas.

Pidge
nerd

Hunk
What’d you guys get for Christmas?

Pidge
12 dollars

Matt
A box of hamburger helper

Shiro
A week of chores.

Keith
Shiro got me a knife sharpener
So I don’t have to manually sharpen my blade anymore

Matt
How would you sharpen it before

Keith
Eh
A few ways

Matt
What does that mean

Allura
Anyway, Coran got me some pet mice! They’re so cute!!
[image sent]

Lance
dude thats fuckin SWEET
ive always wanted a hamster or bunny
i could make little sweaters for them

Allura
Make them and mail them to my house

Lance
ive already got the needles in my hands holy shit

Hunk
WOW
THEY’RE ADORABLE

Allura
Thank you!!
I’m like their guardian now
This is so much responsibility

Keith
Yeah well you’re a natural born leader
Teach them to fight

Lance
so aggressive
if they fight then theyll ruin the sweaters im gonna make for them

Keith
They need to defend themselves

Lance
theyre babies keith

Keith
Then they’ll start young

Lance
u cant just take away their childhood!!

Keith
I’M DOING WHAT’S BEST FOR THEM

Allura
Keith I’m not teaching them to fight.

Keith
Wack

Matt
I’m with lance on this one
I wanna see them in their little sweaters

Lance
wow matt. i actually dont dislike u now

Matt
Reawwy??

Lance
reawwy reawwy

Pidge
i’m gonna fucking destroy your individual lives if you don’t stop with this furry bullshit

Allura
Lance you’re my friend but I’m afraid I have to disown you

Keith
Lance I fucking hate you

Lance
WHY AM I GETTING MORE HEAT FOR THIS

Hunk
You jammed a Shrek reference into a furry phrase...
The audacity, man

Lance
fuck u and ur white privilege matt

Matt
I’m sorry. please beat me up

Lance
kinky

Pidge
can we please focus on the mice again
please
i’m actually begging

 


Keith Kogane > Hunk Garrett

 

DEC 29 AT 4:04 AM

Keith
HEY quick  question,
Woukd you let me borrow a car for like 2days

 

8:34 AM

Hunk
Hi, what does this mean.

 

11:42 AM

Keith
Sorry
I was drunk

Hunk
Sgdkfksjf
DUDE
WHAT

Keith
I got drunk

Hunk
WHY DID YOU GET DRUNK AT FOUR IN THE MORNING

Keith
Shiro and I have this thing where if I can find his wine bottle I can drink half of it
But he was asleep when I found it so I just drank the whole thing

Hunk
Oh GEEZ

Keith
All I can remember is this weirdly strong urge to drive to Kansas
And for some reason I needed to get a car and take you there specifically

Hunk
AW
I was a part of your weird drunken plan to drive to Kansas?

Keith
Yeah

Hunk
Even so, I’d literally never lend you a car

Keith
Wtf
Why not
What if I needed it??

Hunk
The last time you and I rode in the same car you blasted Rasputin on a loop for 30 minutes and I’m sorry but I’m never going through that again

 


Lance McClain > Keith Kogane

 

11:38 AM

lance
can u explain why u called my phone 5 times at 4 in the fucking morning

 


Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane

 

11:53 AM

Shiro
I’m never playing this stupid wine game with you ever again.

 


Katelyn Holt > Takashi Shirogane

 

DEC 30 AT 1:15 PM

Pidge
i just wanted to say
before the end of the year and all
cheers to us for being the only fuckers in the group who havent fallen in love

 

1:25 PM

dadshirt
Well...about that...

Pidge
Pardon Me.

dadshirt
There’s this...guy, in one of my classes.
I’ve had kind of a crush on him for a while.

Pidge
how long is “a while”

dadshirt
A few weeks.

Pidge
this is a lie
you’d have told someone about it by now

dadshirt
It’s true.
I’m smitten.

Pidge
okay what’s his name

dadshirt
His name?

Pidge
yes his name
this isn’t a verbal conversation shiro

dadshirt
His name’s Tray.
*Trey.

Pidge
okay
last name

dadshirt
Menutable.

Pidge
so his name is
trey menutable

dadshirt
Yes.
He’s French.

Pidge
i know you’re in applebee’s you fucking two faced liar

dadshirt
What? What are you even talking about??

Pidge
snapchat is a real thing that exists shiro.

dadshirt
What the hell
I never even posted anything??

Pidge
[image sent]

dadshirt
So you’re telling me you were able to recognize my elbow in the corner of this picture Keith took but you still scared yourself one night because you passed a mirror and thought it was Matt.

Pidge
well your left elbow is easy to recognize if you ask me
and your horrible lie has confirmed the fact that you are still single and lonely

dadshirt
I just sighed with my whole body.

 


(DEC 30, 2017)

SNAPCHAT
from keithbeans

SNAPCHAT
keithbeans is typing...

 

– SATURDAY –

KEITHBEANS
What the hell are you screenshotting my story for

KATIE
no reason
shiro tried to lie and say he was in love or something

KEITHBEANS
Gross
If he was into anybody I’d know
Why does that concern you anyhow

KATIE
wouldn’t you like to know

KEITHBEANS
I would which is why I’m asking

KATIE
well you know
shiro and i are the only ones in the group who aren’t enamored by someone
so i was seeking solidarity

KEITHBEANS
Everyone except you two has a crush??

KATIE
well allura actually did what everyone else was too fucking wimpy to do and actually asked her crush out
but basically, yeah

KEITHBEANS
So
Lance likes someone

KATIE
..............YES
yes he likes someone a whole lot

KEITHBEANS
Oh
Alright

KATIE
you’re not curious who it is

KEITHBEANS
Do you know?

KATIE
haha
i have a big fat HUNCH dude

KEITHBEANS
And what does that mean

KATIE
that means the answer is way more obvious than you think

 


(DEC 30, 2017)

SNAPCHAT
from #1 THIRST SQUAD (2)

SNAPCHAT
☆Hunk☆ is typing...

 

– SATURDAY –

☆HUNK☆
I’m feelin...sweet today
> Delivered
> Opened

KATIE
nice

LANCITO
hunk why do u continue to bless us with the image of these beautiful desserts

☆HUNK☆
Idk I just feel like making you guys jealous

KATIE
joke’s on you
i haven’t felt an emotion since the summer of ‘89

LANCITO
well i feel many emotions
love, for the food and the person making them

☆HUNK☆
:$

LANCITO
hunger, again for the food

KATIE
hunger isn’t an emotion

LANCITO
yeah, right
and a tasmanian devil is a real animal

KATIE
it.....it is

LANCITO
enough of ur lies
anyway
back to the food

☆HUNK☆
I made a few tonight for my moms to taste
And tomorrow I’m gonna go OFF
Batches of desserts left and right

LANCITO
wow
so u couldnt do that when ur fam came over for thanksgiving?? ok

☆HUNK☆
You would’ve made me bake edibles

LANCITO
i meannn.................
u still COULD lowkey

KATIE
wtf are edibles

☆HUNK☆
Nothing

LANCITO
weed brownies

☆HUNK☆
Sigh

KATIE
i should’ve known this
matt’s my brother for fuck’s sake
is every bi person a stoner

LANCITO
pretty much

☆HUNK☆
You got high one (1) time
And you coughed your lungs out

KATIE
oh let me guess
he coughed so hard he almost threw up

LANCITO
can u guys let me live. for once. can u just let me fucking live.

KATIE
absolutely not
did hunk get high too

☆HUNK☆
Nope

LANCITO
mentiroso

☆HUNK☆
Menti who now

LANCITO
enough weed talk
show me more desserts

☆HUNK☆
You guys suck with your stupid fast metabolisms
> Delivered

KATIE
i didn’t ask to be born a twig alright

LANCITO
a short twig nonetheless lmao

KATIE
why don’t you eat my fucking foot. how about that.

☆HUNK☆
> Opened

LANCITO
im so fucking hungry for those cupcakes i cant even retaliate with a foot fetish joke

 


Keith Kogane > Lance McClain

 

8:36 PM

keith
[image sent]

 

8:48 PM

lance
OHHHHH MY GODDDD

keith
Don’t.

lance
KEIEIITTHTHTH

keith
I’m serious.

lance
U WERE SOOOOO CUTEEE

keith
Okay. Blocked and reported.

lance
IM JUST LAYING IT OUT ON THE TABLE DUDE
U WERE ADORABLE
UR CHEEKS ARE LIKE LITTLE APPLES

keith
Yeah I’m burning all of my childhood photos now

lance
ur so goddamn DRAMATIC
were u just born scowling or was it a bad day

keith
I was born scowling

lance
knew it
ur face is so round its like a BUTTON

keith
I regret this so much

lance
man puberty mustve hit u like a freight truck

keith
Excuse me

lance
u were like a circle back then and ur like a square now

keith
What the solid shit does that mean

lance
ur face
round baby face

keith
Just want you to know I’ve gotten at least five headaches since this the start of this conversation

lance
but now
ur like chiseled out and everything

keith
Chiseled...out

lance
i just think its funny how u have this rebel bad boy persona now when u look like u couldve been on an episode of sesame street as a kid

keith
Never watched Sesame St as a kid
Big bird freaked me the fuck out

lance
oh my godfsfhskdjsks

keith
Yep okay we’re moving on from the picture now right

lance
i dont think ill ever be able to move on after being exposed to that

 


Allura > FESTIVE HOES

 

JAN 1 AT 12:02 AM

Allura named the group NEW YEAR NEW HOES.

Lance
ITS 20GAYTEEEEEEEEEEN

Allura
My new year's resolution is to stop letting Coran drink nunvil on the holidays

Lance
BDKSJFJDL HE CAME TO CLASS ONE TIME WITH A THERMOS FULL OF IT
he let me take a sip.....why does that shit taste like hotdog water

Allura
It’s a British thing

Lance
oh so like how tea is fucking disgusting
got it

Allura
Do you want to fight? Is that what you want?
I said I’d start this year a clean, calm woman but you’re testing me Lance

Shiro
We are not getting into the Tea vs Coffee debate this early into the year.

Pidge
no PLEASE get into the debate again it was really funny

Hunk
I’m scared to witness it a second time

Allura
Considering I won the debate last time I’m not afraid to go at it once more

Shiro
You DID NOT W
You did not win.

Lance
can someone make sure his blood pressure is regulated

Keith
He’s fine

Shiro
New Year’s resolution for all of you: Stop Bullying Shiro. Thanks.

Allura
Saying tea’s better than coffee is not bullying
You’re just bitter about my victory

Shiro
Bitter??? You mean how tea tastes in every existing flavor???

Allura
Shiro.......you don’t want this static

Matt
FUCK dad ate all the popcorn

Lance
i want this static
i will shuffle my slippers on a rug for this static

Shiro
No, it’s not happening.

Pidge
the only other time i’ve seen him so heated was in chem when Slav asked him why he was advocating using teludavs as an energy source for transportation

Lance
ive never been so scared and turned on in my life

Shiro
I have three new gray hairs. Eleven minutes into the new year.

Keith
It’s not our fault you have no friends your age
FuCKlfljy

Hunk
I’m scared again

Shiro
So do you guys have any other resolutions?

Keith
HE BARGED INTO MY ROOM TO GIVE ME A WET WILLY

Shiro
Any resolutions? Anybody?

Allura
To get you to admit that tea is better than coffee

Shiro has left the group.

Hunk
DFKGJJKLFGDFKL

Allura Altea added Takashi Shirogane.

Allura Altea set the nickname for Takashi Shirogane to SALTEA.

Lance
allura thats like....a really elaborate pun

Hunk
Combining the words “salty” and “tea” to make SALTEA
And your last name taking up 90% of the word
It’s the ultimate power move

Matt
I’m not a punologist or whatever the fuck but real recognizes real

Allura
I’m glad you’re all aware of my brilliance

SALTEA set their own nickname to Shiro.

Allura
Shiro I’m sorry for riling you up
Tea is still better
You’re my friend and I respect your preference
But tea’s better and has more health benefits
But also sorry

Shiro
I accept your apology.
Let’s be honest, coffee’s better.
But I understand your point of view.
Even though coffee isn’t unbearably disgusting like tea is.
But I forgive you and I’m putting this behind us.

Lance
this whole exchange reached Hunk-levels of passive aggressive

Allura
So! Resolutions :)

Hunk
Teach Keith to cook something that won't clog his arteries

Keith
God you’re still on about this
I work out like every day

Hunk
Exercising doesn’t erase plaque buildup >:/

Keith
Fine
I’ll go to those stupid cooking classes with you

Hunk
YESSSSSSSSS
RESOLUTION #1 DOWN

Matt
Can we make this cooking class twosome a cooking class threesome

Hunk
Yeah there’s always room for more

Matt
Sweet

Lance
why does every word out of ur mouth turn into an innuendo when hunks involved

Matt
It does not

Hunk
Where was the innuendo

Lance
nvm

Keith
When he said twosome and threesome

Lance
I SAID NVM

Matt
You guys just have dirty minds

Hunk
Totally!!

Pidge
so anyways my resolution was to drink more milk

Lance
i love milk

Hunk
Lance used to drink milk with his chicken and rice which is.......a questionable combination

Lance
milk is fucking delicious thanks

Pidge
resolution number 2: stop hoping that one day i’ll respect lance
milk is GROSS
i can only bear it to neutralize the taste of something sweet

Lance
milk is good for ur bones u dip
and it tastes good alone, fuck u!!!!

Pidge
milk alone tastes like death itself

Lance
which is why u will probably snap every bone in ur body by next yr

Matt
I’m getting deja vu

Keith
Idk if you guys realize but we had this same argument 2 seconds ago between Shiro and Allura and I fucking know I’m not the only one that does not want them to relapse back into it

Lance
ok
milk is good
now im done

Pidge
meet me behind walmart in an hour and we’ll fucking see how good milk is

Hunk
What kind of threat is that

Lance
i would if u werent like 7 states away rn!!!!

Pidge
NOW I DON’T EVEN WANNA DRINK MILK THIS YEAR JUST TO SPITE YOU

Lance
have fun doing that while i drink milk straight from a fucking gallon as i look u dead in the eye

Hunk
NOPE THIS ISN’T HAPPENING
ADDING ONTO MY FIRST RESOLUTION I’M GOING TO STOP MY FRIENDS FROM ENFORCING UNHEALTHY HABITS

Keith
I’d probably die if I drank milk raw like that

Pidge
don’t make me feel bad because of your lactose intolerance

Matt
Did you just say “drank milk raw”

Hunk
Wait
Keith...I’ve seen you eat ice cream at least 10 times in the last two months

Shiro
You WHAT?

Lance
U WHAT

Pidge
danger will fucking robinson

Keith
I’m an adult
I can eat whatever I want

Shiro
Another resolution: kill Keith if he gets himself killed.

Hunk
Not to be dramatic or anything but I’m literally going to police your diet from now on

Keith
UGH

Allura
I hate to say it, but Keith
That’s actually...metal as fuck

Keith
I’m not into girls but if I were I’d marry you without hesitation

 

Chapter Text


Pidge > NEW YEAR NEW HOES

 

JAN 3 AT 1:26 PM

Pidge
4 and a half months ago to this date we all approached allura at the club fair and signed up for this gay ass shebang

Lance
keith shoved me approximately 7 minutes after i signed my name

Keith
I didn’t shove you, drama king
We bumped shoulders and I told you to watch it

Lance
a verbal threat
from that moment on uve continued to assault me

Pidge
that part is kinda true

Keith
How the fuck do I assault you??

Lance
for one, making me look at ur mullet with my own two eyes is painful enough as it is

Keith
Okay bye

Lance
TWO,
THE TIME U ERASED EVERYTHING IN MY LIST ON NETFLIX AND REPLACED IT WITH FUCKING WESTERN MOVIES

Pidge
what the fuck

Allura
I’m???????

Lance
I GO BACK INTO MY ACCOUNT TO WATCH VAMPIRE DIARIES AND WHATS THE FIRST THING I SEE
AN ENTIRE ROW OF MOVIES WITH PICTURES OF MEN IN COWBOY HATS HOLDING PISTOLS
THERE WAS ONE ON A FUCKING HORSE
A FUCKING HORSE

Hunk
Dude are you okay

Lance
IM SO FCUKING MAD

Keith
Vampire diaries is trash anyway

Lance
dont EVEN
FIRST U PULL THIS SHIT AND THEN U INSULT ONE OF MY SHOWS

Pidge
god keith you really must’ve struck a chord

Keith
I did this two weeks ago

Lance
TIME IS IRRELEVANT
THE FACT ALONE THAT U DID IT IS enOUGH

Pidge
i think he might have just been waiting for an opportunity to scream about this

Lance
I HAD TO GO THRU THE ENTIRE FUCKING SITE TO REPLACE EVERYTHING IN MY LIST

Pidge
so basically moana, 10 teen dramas, 20 ocean/animal documentaries, and every single pokemon installment

Keith
Still my greatest accomplishment to date

Lance McClain removed Keith Kogane.

 


Keith Kogane > Lance McClain

 

1:45 PM

keith
ADD ME BACK

lance
im sorry whos this? who are u?

keith
Quit fucking around and add me back

lance
no can do

keith
Do you expect me to stop messing with you when you’re this big of an asshole

 

1:49 PM

keith
UNBLOCK ME (Message could not be sent.)

 


pidge_fuckurmom18 > AOL Instant Messenger.exe

 

2:02 PM

pidge_fuckurmom18
so keith and lance are apparently netflix and chilling

takatakashixoxo
That’s what I said!!!

matt.fucks.aliens
STOP. netflix and chilling isn’t cool anymore

aloolamuah45
It was never cool

pidge_fuckurmom18
my point is
they like each other

shining.hunk12
Well yeah
but they constantly avoid the subject

matt.fucks.aliens
Yeah i mean who even pines these days
Pining is for losers

shining.hunk12
Yeah who’d be dumb enough to catch feelings in this economy

matt.fucks.aliens
Not me that’s for sure

shining.hunk12
Definitely not ME either

pidge_fuckurmom18
looks at the camera like i’m on the office

shaybutter_224
young love, it seems.

shining.hunk12
The last time Lance pined this hard was when he first met Allura

shaybutter_224
after meeting her who WOULDN’T pine?

pidge_fuckurmom18
you and allura are so romantic it physically pains me

aloolamuah45
HNNNNNNN

pidge_fuckurmom18
i will admit
i had a crush on allura for like a week

matt.fucks.aliens
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?

aloolamuah45
Omg

pidge_fuckurmom18
but then i actually met her and realized she was a dork

shaybutter_224
i can respect that.

aloolamuah45
SIGH

matt.fucks.aliens
So you had a crush on her too but you made fun of ME for it???

pidge_fuckurmom18
because unlike you i don’t make a fool of myself in front of pretty girls

matt.fucks.aliens
I don’t make a fool of myself period

shining.hunk12
Matt, come on

matt.fucks.aliens
Don’t “matt, come on” me

shining.hunk12
The cheesy flirting? The blushing? Anyone with eyes can see right through you
You’re like a white Lance

matt.fucks.aliens
Thanks. fuck you too.

shining.hunk12
Jeez
All salt and no fries

aloolamuah45
Hunk, for as much shit you give Shiro you talk just as much like a dad

takatakashixoxo
Told you.

matt.fucks.aliens
TOLD YOU

shining.hunk12
I DO NOT

shaybutter_224
you boys are so funny.

matt.fucks.aliens
You see? a pretty girl thinks i’m funny
Thank you for existing shay

shaybutter_224
my pleasure!

matt.fucks.aliens
Hunk you’re fake as FUCK

shining.hunk12
Well I gotta survive in this world somehow

 


Lance > NEW YEAR NEW HOES

 

JAN 13 AT 12:00 AM

Lance
ATTENTION ALL
THE NEXT 24 HOURS ARE OFFICIALLY BLESSED BY JESUS HIMSELF
WITH APPROVAL BY GOD HERSELF
4:23 PM TODAY WILL MARK THE ANNUAL PEAK OF BEAUTY AND HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD
AND DEPRESSION IS CANCELLED UNTIL MIDNIGHT TONIGHT

Hunk
Dude,

Keith
Happy birthday man

Pidge
happy birthday you LOVEABLE FUCK

Hunk
Thank you guys!!!1

Keith
Why 4:23

Lance
thats when he popped out his moms bussy

Pidge
for the sake of hunk’s birthday can you think at least once before you speak

Lance
no

Hunk
That’s the one thing we agreed I could never ask him to do for my birthday

Lance
my one liners are a novelty

Keith
And headache inducing

Lance
no jealousy or bitterness is allowed on hunks birthday

Keith
I’m one hundred percent not jealous of your one liners

Lance
u say one thing but ur eyes say another

Keith
We’re?? Texting??

Hunk
For my birthday I want you two to be friendly to each other all day

Lance
...huh

Keith
What

Pidge
oh this is good. this is very good indeed.

Hunk
Rules:
No insults! When you feel the urge to insult each other, change it to a compliment instead
No fighting in private

Keith
I have a question

Hunk
And no lying to me about fighting in private

Keith
Nevermind

Hunk
Rules apply until midnight

Pidge
this is a good request

Lance
NO
NOT A GOOD REQUEST
HOW DO U EXPECT ME TO GO ALL DAY WITHOUT INSULTING KEITHS STUPID M

Hunk
>:(

Lance
stupidly amazing mullet

Keith
...Okay. I’m down for this

Hunk
:) !!

Lance
ur lucky i fucking love u

 

9:09 AM

Shiro
Happy Birthday, Hunk.

Allura
My love <3 Happy nineteenth

Hunk
<<<<333333

Shiro
Anything planned for today?

Hunk
Well I made my own birthday cake
And I’m blowing out the candles tonight
That’s pretty much it
And Lance is going to skype with me for at least four hours when he wakes up

Pidge
christ

Shiro
Do you make your own cake every year?

Hunk
Depends on how I’m feeling when the day rolls around
Today I was in the mood for cheesecake so I buckled down and got to bakin

Pidge
does cheesecake really count as a birthday cake

Hunk
Logic doesn't matter on my birthday

Pidge
yeah. you're right.

Lance
WASUPPPPP YALL
starting the day off RIGHT with some nicki minaj
they need rappers like me......THEY NEED RAPPERS LIKE ME

Pidge
so they could get on their PHUCKING keyboards and MAKE ME

Shiro
THE BAD GUY CHUN-LI

Allura
.................EXCUSE ME.

Lance
WTFKJHGKJL

Shiro
I mean I think that’s how the lyrics go I just heard it on the radio last week or something.

Hunk
Shiro that was possibly a greater gift than I could’ve ever asked for

 


Matthew Holt > Hunk Garrett

 

10:06 AM

sahdude
My sweet morning sun? today...the day of your birth, i wish nothing but happiness

Hunk
Thanks but did you really have to tag me in 18 tweets this morning

sahdude
Absolutely wtf
I actually have to do one more
since you’re 19 today
No offense but i’m giving you birthday punches on sight when we get back to school

Hunk
With your string arms?
No offense taken whatsoever

sahdude
THEY’RE NOT SKINNY THEY’RE LEAN
I thought today was supposed to be void of mean commentary

Hunk
I’m the exception

sahdude
That’s too much power for one person

Hunk
Logic does not matter on my birthday.

sahdude
I’m fucking shaken by the finality of your words and i’m not gonna lie
it turned me on a little

 


Lance McClain > Keith Kogane

 

1:12 PM

lance
[image sent]

keith
STOP SENDING ME TEXAS MEMES

lance
wat in tarnation are u talking about!
im just heckity yankin ur gotdang boot

keith
I’m gonna fucking

lance
??WHAT?
UR GONNA FUCKING WHAT??

 


Hunk Garrett > Keith Kogane

 

1:16 PM

Hunk
>:(

Keith
Oh for FUCK’S SAKE

 


Keith Kogane > Lance McClain

 

1:19 PM

keith
I’m gonna give you an encouraging pat on the back

lance
imzjkhsjkdsfk

keith
You little :) tattle tale, you :)

lance
who, me? never!!
hey check out this funny billy ray cyrus meme
[image sent]

keith
That’s,,,a picture of me

lance
oh really? i couldnt tell the difference
silly me

keith
Ha h a
Silly you

lance
i didnt Strike A Chord did i?

keith
Nope.

lance
at all?

keith
At all.

lance
[image sent]

keith
YOU FUC

lance
I FUC?

keith
YOU,,
YOUR SMILE LIGHTS UP A ROOM

lance
OH YEAH?? WELL.
WELL U HAVE PRETTY EYES

keith
WELL YOU HAVE SOFT SKIN

lance
UR TALENTED AND SMART

keith
YOU'RE SELFLESS AND CONSIDERATE

lance
UR VALID

keith
YOU'RE BEAU
You're
beating me at this.

lance
FUCK YEAHHHHH
i mean,
its not a competition keith

keith
So if I change everything in your list back to western movies you won't be mad

lance
keith.

keith
I’ll take that as a yes

lance
NOPE UR NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT

keith
Why the hell not

lance
BC HUNK SAID TO BE NICE TO EACH OTHER
REPLACING MY LIST WITH WESTERN MOVIES IS NOT NICE

keith
I’m just trying to show you a different spectrum of movies

lance
a spectrum of movies that u Know i hate with every atom in my being
its an action fueled by INTENT

keith
Hunk also said not to fight in private
So let's not fight about it?

lance
this aint a fight!!! this is me telling u not to do it!!!

keith
Sounds like a fight
But I’m gonna go do it

lance
not if i change my password

keith
Already logged in

lance
oh my FUCKING GOD

 


hunky > science sluts

 

3:34 PM

hunky
UMMM NOT TO BRAG OR ANYTHING BUT
MY NEPHEW GOT ME A MUG THAT SAYS “HUNKLE”
[image sent]

pidger
blessed image

doormatt set the nickname for hunky to hunkle.

hunkle
!!!

doormatt
Since it's your birthday
Shouldn't you be allowed to say at least one curse word

hunkle
NO

pidger
why DON'T you cuss?
like, at all

hunkle
Don't get me wrong
I want to cuss. All the time, at every moment

pidger
then do it binch!!

doormatt
What's stopping you

hunkle
When Lance and I got into high school together, he started cursing out loud for the first time
So he was like Ooh I bet you wouldn't be able to stop cussing once you start
And I had a lot to prove back then, so I took it seriously
So he bet that he’d catch me cursing by the time we were like 20, and I haven't cussed out loud since I was fourteen
To Lance, anyway

pidger
hold the fuck up
so you've certainly said curse words, just not to anyone we know

hunkle
Yep

doormatt
I have no fucking clue how to process this information

pidger
but...it doesn't really seem like lance acknowledges the bet

hunkle
At some point I thought he forgot about it, but I occasionally catch him paying close attention when I censor myself

doormatt
The most ridiculous part of this story is the fact that neither of you had cussed before high school

hunkle
We were good kids!!

pidger
i said my first cuss when i was six
it was “shit”

doormatt
Mine was “what the fuck" at 8 years old

hunkle
Well I can tell you that my first curse out loud was the F-word too

doormatt
Kinda sucks that you can't type it either

hunkle
A small price to pay for a great reward >:)

pidger
.....hunk. what's on the line for this bet.

hunkle
The satisfaction of winning

doormatt
Stop TEASING
WHAT’S DOES THE WINNER GET

hunkle
Whoever wins gets to choose what they want so I really don’t know

doormatt
So then
What would you choose?

hunkle
You

doormatt
E,
Excuse me

hunkle
I choose YOU

pidger
PIKACHU

doormatt
OH
OH OK HAHA
GOOD ONE DUDE

hunkle
Jeez Matt
Keep up!

doormatt
Yup yes totally

 


Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett

 

9:52 PM

Lance
so whats the plan for ur birthday week

Hunk
Ma helped me set up a list of things to do this week before we head back to Uni
I was thinking Monday I’d go to the amusement park with my sister and nephew
Little kid loves cotton candy
Then Tuesday and Wednesday we’re having family game night
Monopoly and Trouble for sure, two absolutely cursed board games, and I like Matt
And Thursday I was thinking of heading to the beach with some of my friends down the block but I’m still not sure if it's gonna be raining that day?
So it's up in the air for now
And Friday is Relaxation Day, no money spent and no energy lost

Lance
sounds heckin good my dude keep me updated

 

10:36 PM

Lance
wait what the FUCK DID U JUST SAY

 

 

Chapter Text


Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett

 

JAN 14 AT 11:22 AM

Lance
so are u just gonna glaze over the fact that u just confessed

Hunk
Confessed what

Lance
ok. guess thats the road we’re going down

Hunk
...Mmmmokay FINE
But ONLY because you’re making me feel bad
I do like him...a lot

Lance
OH WORM?

Hunk
And that’s all for today folks

Lance
get the FUCK back here and gush to me about ur crush
uve had to deal with me doing it
and the last time u had a crush so strong u denied it was with shay!!
4 FUCKING YEARS AGO
IVE BEEN ROBBED OF QUALITY HUNK-IN-BURNIN-LOVE CONTENT

Hunk
You’re making me blush and I HATE IT

Lance
CAN I TELL PIDGE
OR ALLURA

Hunk
Negative on Pidge

Lance
Y NOT

Hunk
One, she’s his sister
Two, she’s his sister
Three, I love her with all my heart but she’s his sister

Lance
ok i see ur point
BUT ALLURA?

Hunk
Ughjhjgfjfj fine.

 


delicioso > brown & beautiful

 

11:34 AM

delicioso
GOT SOME SCALDING TEA FOR U LOVELY LADIES TODAY

Queen
I’m a slut for tea

delicioso
hunk should u do the honors or should i
ur taking too long to respond so im gonna go ahead
HUNKK LIKES MATTTTTTTTT

Queen
Oh FUQ.

shae
omg!!

Queen
Glad I can say I’m not the only one who had a thing for a white boy

shae
unfortunately.

delicioso
jfsfhkkjslfj

itshunkbaybee
UUGJHHGHGJ

Queen
Now that you’re here you are OBLIGATED to spill everything

itshunkbaybee
You know me too well Allura...I can’t help but gossip even if it’s about myself...

delicioso
tragic flaw. his only flaw.

shae
when did you know?

itshunkbaybee
Last night

shae
no!! i don’t mean when you confessed,
i mean when did you KNOW you had feelings for him

itshunkbaybee
Oh man. THAT.

shae
i knew i fell for allura when she carried my mini fridge up eight flights of stairs without breaking a sweat.

Queen
Wait REALLY
THAT WAS TWO YEARS AGO

shae
i’m a piner!!
i pine.

Queen
FOR TWO YEARS?

shae
let’s be honest i liked you the moment i laid eyes on you.

delicioso
big mcfuckin mood

shae
hunk!! when did you know!!

itshunkbaybee
It was when,, I went to Shiro’s apartment on Keith’s birthday and heard him butchering a Celine Dion song in the bathroom

delicioso
u are not fucking serious rn
U STARTED LIKING HIM THE SAME TIME I STARTED LIKING KEITH

Queen
Screenshotted.
For future purposes.

shae
keith’s birthday must possess some special emotional properties.

delicioso
IM SO MADDD
I GAVE U THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO SAY THAT U LIKED MATT
I WILL QUOTE MYSELF RN

itshunkbaybee
HELLO! You’re horrible at keeping secrets!!

delicioso
U SHUT TF UP IM GOING THRU OUR CONVO
AND FOR UR INFORMATION IM ACTUALLY A GREAT SECRET KEEPER
ok i found the msg
“but anyways id never ask matt out
hes ur territory ;)”

shae
oh my...

itshunkbaybee
I’m begging you to stop talking.

Queen
The tea is so H O T

delicioso
NO NO
IT DOESNT STOP THERE
“thats supposed to mean that u guys have the hots for each other and the only way u deal with it is by jokingly flirting with each other”

shae
haha sounds familiar.

itshunkbaybee
After you said that I consciously tried to stop flirting with him

delicioso
wow. my impact is too fucking real
here we are 3 whole entire months later and uve finally admitted it

itshunkbaybee
And we’re never speaking of it again thank you and goodnight

shae
it’s noon??

Queen
Let him go...he’ll be back
Once his feelings are voiced he can’t stop himself from ranting and raving

itshunkbaybee
That is certifiably Not True

delicioso
should i cite the time you yelled for a straight week about rolo and nyma plagiarizing my essay

itshunkbaybee
BECAUSE I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO TRUST THEM BUT NOOO NYMA WAS JUST TOO PRETTY FOR COMMON SENSE

delicioso
i know ur saying that bc u care but im SENSITIVE

 


Allura > NEW YEAR NEW HOES

 

JAN 17 AT 3:04 PM

Allura
When we head back to campus this weekend who wants to meet at my dorm for a Lit Party

Matt
Allura, i spiritually love you but how in the actual living fuck would all of us fit in your single dorm

Pidge
hello? obviously we’d huddle the entire time? dumbass
lance would sit in the sink

Hunk
No no, that’d never work
He’s too lanky his legs would poke the ceiling

Lance
no offense but all of u suck ass

Allura
Fine
We’ll go to Keith’s dorm

Keith
I think the fuck not

Allura
Come on, PLEASE

Keith
Lotor is still pissed about the time Lance spilled sake on his bed

Shiro
What were you doing with sake?

Pidge
what were you doing with LANCE?

Lance
yeah lets not do keiths dorm
if i have to see lotors infuriatingly perfect face again i think ill actually punch him in the throat

Allura
Not saying I wouldn’t love to witness that but yes, maybe we shouldn’t do Keith’s dorm then

Pidge
ew
you find lotor attractive

Lance
i hate him but im not BLIND
and ur gay u dont have the lens for men

Pidge
you got a point there

Keith
Yup. Not my room then.

Matt
Shiro, my man...help us out here

Shiro
Sorry, do I know you?

Allura
PLEASE

Shiro
The last time all of you were in my apartment together was for Keith’s birthday and I am STILL fixing the hole in the wall next to the fridge.

Pidge
lmao sorry

Allura
This time will be different
We have matured

Shiro
If you all come, I’m controlling the music.

Keith
Shiro no one wants to listen to fm radio

Pidge
askldjkfdgjlkg

Hunk
SDXKLFJDJK THAT REMARK ASIDE I DON’T BLAME YOU SHIRO

Lance
what why
i have good taste in music

Hunk
Eh. Sometimes it’s good sometimes it’s horrible
There’s no in between with you
Actually all of you have bad taste in music

Allura
I didn’t even do anything to be called out like that

Matt
I don’t even know what music is

Hunk
Each of you has an intense love for a Cursed Song
Lance’s is wonderwall

Lance
WODNERWALL IS A GOOD FUCKING SONG

Keith
It’s basic

Hunk
Keith yours is Rasputin

Lance
HA

Allura
Common knowledge

Keith
How is that a cursed song

Pidge
it got old after the first eighty times you played it

Keith
RASPUTIN NEVER GETS OLD

Hunk
Shiro’s is Africa by toto

Pidge
okay i’m gonna have to stop you right there
africa by toto is one hundred percent Not cursed

Shiro
THANK you.

Matt
Hunk in all the time that i’ve known you this is the first thing you’ve ever been wrong about

Hunk
It’s CURSED and I stand by my statement
AND YOURS IS SHAKE IT

Pidge
what in the fucking world is that

Lance
UM? UNCULTURED SWINE?

Matt
Don’t @ me but that’s a quality song

Lance
yeah but lets be real: if she does it like this will u do it like that?

Matt
Depends on if she touches like this then i’ll touch her right back

Lance
now if she moves like THIS will u move like THAT

Matt
COME ON

Lance
SHskahsjkhkshakkhshkakeSHAKE IT

Hunk
You see what I mean
Horrible energy

Pidge
yeah that’s cursed.

Hunk
Pidge yours is Heaven

Keith
The one by DJ Sammy or Bryan Adams

Pidge
dj sammy

Keith
Oh okay

Hunk
Dude how do you know that

Lance
keith do u listen to heaven in ur free time

Keith
NO
Pidge plays it all the time
She made me fucking listen to both versions

Pidge
heaven fucking SLAPS
it makes my toes vibrate

Matt
She had that stupid song bass boosted at her 16th birthday party

Pidge
you take that back FUCKER

Allura
I LOVE THAT SONG!!

Matt
Fine. but i only take it back because allura likes it

Hunk
Allura’s cursed song is Americano
Actually nevermind
It has gay themes and I respect that

Keith
By Lady Gawgaw

Pidge
keith please stop saying it like that

Allura
It’s also a bop??
I only stan legends
And we’re deviating!! Shiro can we come to your flat when everyone’s arrived on campus this weekend?

Shiro
Hm. No.

Pidge
okay. i’m gonna blast each and every one of these songs outside your bedroom window the moment we get back.

Shiro
Pidge,

Pidge
nonstop, all night.

Lance
and after allllll............ur my wonderwalllllll

Shiro
Okay, I change my mind. You can all come.

Allura
Oh hell yeah

 


Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett

 

JAN 20 AT 6:07 AM

Lance
mmorning my g goodman

Hunk
Morning sleeping beauty
Remember to meet me at the bus station at 7:15 I wanna get the good seats

Lance
u fukkin got it

 

6:51 AM

Lance
ronnie’s driving me there now
sooo
ur gonna be facing matt for the first time after coming to terms w ur feelings... ;)
how are u holding up

Hunk
Not phased at all.

Lance
this is the calm before the storm

Hunk
Just because you freak out whenever you like someone doesn't mean I have to, too!!

Lance
hm. im holding u to this.

Hunk
Hold me all you want
Matt is my friend and we have a mutual platonic bro-bond

Lance
i had a bro bond with keith for like 2 weeks before i decided i was gay for him

Hunk
Irrelevant.
Nothing's really changed and nothing's gonna change
I’m pretty sure it won't even feel that different!

 

1:35 PM

Hunk
Ohhmygdodhhdj he’s so cutetvshfjdjdkdjf

Lance
I FUCKING CALLED IT

 


Shiro > NEW YEAR NEW HOES

 

9:52 PM

Shiro
You guys were here for two hours.
Two hours.
How did you manage to RIP THE PIPES OUT OF MY BATHROOM SINK.

 

Chapter Text


Allura > NEW YEAR NEW HOES

 

JAN 30 AT 12:33 PM

Allura
Can’t wait to see you guys tomorrow! :D

Pidge
the gsa reigns fucking supreme

Shiro
Didn’t you mention new club members this semester?

Allura
Indeed I did
Should I add them?

Lance
yeaahhhh

Keith
No

Pidge
i’m lowkey with keith on that

Lance
why not u sore suckers

Pidge
this groupchat is sacred
only the important people are here
with the exception of matt

Matt
Why do you bully me
Is it because i joined 3 months late

Keith
That’s exactly why

Allura
I understand
So we’ll just make a new club group chat then :)

Shiro
Will that one actually be professional?

Lance
i wouldnt hold my breath if i were u

 


Allura, Takashi, Hunk, Lance, Katelyn, Keith, Matthew, Lotor, Shay, Rolo, Nyma, Plaxum

 

12:50 PM

Allura created the group.

Allura Altea set the nickname for Takashi Shirogane to Shiro.

Katelyn Holt set their own nickname to Pidge.

Matthew Holt set their own nickname to Matt.

Allura
Hello everyone :)

Lance
um,,

Keith
Lotor what in the living fuck are you doing here

Hunk
Aren’t you straight

Lotor
What, so I can’t be an ally?

Lance
absolutely fucking not

Nyma
lmao

Rolo
Well hello to you guys too

Hunk
aLRight I mean I guess

Lance
ive made amends with them relax hunk
LOTOR on the other bisexual trans cuban hand,,

Pidge
fucking tell em

Lotor
I’ve only sent one message.

Lance
now thats two
when do u ever fucking stop

Allura
Lotor try not to rile him up. Seriously.

Lotor
I haven’t done anything??

Lance
u signed up for this fucking club is what u did

Shay
haha
:)

Lance
thanks shay im not angry anymore

Shay
<3

Nyma
man
do you have beef with everybody?

Lance
still lowkey have beef with u
but ur hot so whatever

Nyma
thanks babe

Keith
So anyway
I’m guessing you guys are joining our club meetings from now on

Nyma
oooh
is this the boyfriend

Keith
The what now

Lance
the what now

Allura
THE WHAT NOW

Nyma
nevermind ig

Lance
wh?????

Keith
Okay. Moving on
Is anybody gonna answer my question

Lotor
I can’t attend the one tomorrow but I’ll be coming from next week onwards.

Lance
fake ass bitch

Plaxum
Whats up you fiends
I actually cant come til next week either

Lance
thats perfectly understandable hope u can make it asap my love

Lotor
Really, Lance.

Pidge
don’t you fucking call him out
lance you’re doing amazing sweetie

Plaxum
Lol
Btw Keith I heard youre quite the expert at constructing and studying conspiracies

Keith
What
How did you,,, happen upon that kind of information

Hunk
Like we don’t know you have a corkboard stashed under your bed

Keith
Because I don’t??

Lotor
He does. It’s covered in newspaper cutouts and photos.

Matt
Oh my god

Lance
wow. for a solid second i think i tolerated u

Keith
Allura can you fucking remove him

Allura
I wish

Plaxum
its okay dude!!
I love conspiracies
I was actually wondering if we could exchange some when I come to the club meetup

Keith
Yeah sure whatever I guess

Lance
this is so cute

Pidge
keith’s not the only conspiracy theorist in this bunch
we’re a 2 in 1 package deal

Plaxum
even better
the more the merrier

Pidge
holy shidd!!!

Matt
Where tf is shiro

Keith
Probably muted his notifications

Pidge
bsfkjgkjdfk

Lance
shiros literally fucking had enough of us

Shiro
I’m right here.
Hi everyone.

Hunk
Thank god I thought you’d died of old age for a hot second

Lance
thats nOT funnynhskjdkllkl

Shiro
And I’m OUT.

Lotor
So immature.

Pidge
god can you SHUT THE FUCK UP

Keith
For fuck’s actual sake Lotor

Allura
Lotor I need you to refrain from making instigative remarks

Lotor
I’m not instigating anything! I’m just saying what’s on my mind!

Pidge
all men ever do is lie

Hunk
But I’m honest :(

Pidge
for a man, being honest is just lying about lying

Keith
That makes a weird kind of sense

Allura
Hunk you just lied

Hunk
No I didn’t

Lance
u lie about everything

Hunk
Now YOU’RE lying about me being a liar

Lance
U LIE ABOUT BEING MAD WHEN UR MAD AT ME

Hunk
Untrue.

Pidge
you see. everything devolves back into a lie.

Lotor
Voicing my thoughts is not lying.

Nyma
that also kinda sounds like a lie

Lotor
Sorry, who are you?

Nyma
a bitch you shouldn’t try

Plaxum
jesus,,

Allura
So! That was quite the conversation but I think maybe we should take a break from the topic at hand and establish our orientations if we’re comfortable doing so :)

Keith
Do we have to write out our introductions again

Pidge
please god no
i already know everything about the six of you
if i have to hear it one more time i’ll combust

Allura
Alright
We’ll keep it short and sweet
I’m a pansexual sophomore

Matt
Bi senior!

Hunk
Pansexual freshman

Lance
trans bi freshman

Nyma
haha baby
bi-demisexual sophomore here

Rolo
Ace sophomore at your service gents

Pidge
trans nb lesbian freshman

Plaxum
trans nb lesbian too!!! she/her :)
Im a freshman as well

Pidge
holy fuck
you and i are going to get along swimmingly

Shay
i’m a bisexual freshman.

Keith
Gay sophomore

Shiro
I’m gay and I'm in the graduate program.

Lotor
So I go next?

Keith
And Lotor’s a straight junior
Are we done?

Lotor
Allura, seriously,

Allura
Yep we’re done!
Glad to welcome our new recruits and I hope you all have fun in the upcoming weeks :D

Rolo
Looking forward to some quality gay shit

Nyma
cheers i’ll drink to that bro

 


delicioso > brown & beautiful

 

5:12 PM

delicioso
not to be heterophobic or anything

itshunkbaybee
That word literally does not exist

delicioso
but why did u let lotor join the club
im not mad about it or anything
its just, u know, ur history with him and all

Queen
I’m perfectly capable of interacting with Lotor civilly

delicioso
and i believe that
but like, are u ok

Queen
I’m quite fine, I’ll be honest
I hope that doesn’t sound passive aggressive...
But I really don’t have a problem with it!
I find it quite amusing actually

shae
amusing?

Queen
The way everyone gangs up on him
Like you’re all my support group :)

delicioso
u bet ur bottom fucking dollar we are

shae
yes
and if he ever tries anything rash, i will decimate him myself.

Queen
Shay that’s...kinda hot

delicioso
shay can u beat me up ill pay u 5 dollars

itshunkbaybee
Now’s not the time for your weird kinks Lance

delicioso
I WAS JOKING

Queen
Were you?

shae
were you really though?

delicioso
i wouldnt deny the opportunity. thats all im saying.

 


matte > science sluts

 

FEB 3 AT 12:58 PM

matte
Let’s fucking do this
First afternoon banter of the semester

hunkle
Well we can’t just force it
The afternoon banter has to come to us naturally

matte
You’re right

hunkle
I always am

pidger
or how about you just don’t do it at all

 

1:09 PM

matte
HELLO HUNK
GOOD AFTERNOON

hunkle
GOOD AFTERNOON MATT

matte
AND HOW HAS THE DAY TREATED YOU, FRIEND?

hunkle
BEYOND WELL, MY GOOD SIR

pidger
i can never fucking win

matte
Relax pipsqueak that’s about it for today
How do you two freshman babies feel going into your second semester

pidger
depends
how does your old ass feel about graduating this summer

matte
Don’t mix me up with shiro
Feels a little bittersweet
But I’ve already applied for the graduate program so you guys haven’t gotten rid of me yet

hunkle
Unfortunately!

matte
Please
If I had graduated and gone back home you both would die of intense grief
Well, not pidge because she gets to see me at home
But hunk would cry for weeks

hunkle
I don’t even have tear ducts

matte
Hunk you cried watching a bird feed its babies on animal planet last week

hunkle
There was a lot of dust in the room and it got into my eyes obviously
My tears,, my REAL tears, are for my moms ONLY

matte
Valid
But don’t worry i know you’re secretly in love with me and mentally planning our future wedding each day

hunkle
I,

matte
It’s okay, i have thousands of admirers i know how it can be

hunkle
Well I’m nnnnnot an admirer!!

matte
Wow
You really are a liar

hunkle
Wh;;

matte
Onto more pressing matters, though
I’m at the deli and i’m debating whether or not to get my bagel toasted
Thoughts?

hunkle
I?????

pidger
fucking shameless.

 


Hunk Garrett > Lance McClain

 

1:25 PM

Hunk
Lance I’m fucked

Lance
wHTAG TE FCUKC,;L

 


(FEB 4, 2018)

SNAPCHAT
from keithbeans

SNAPCHAT
keithbeans is typing...

 

– Sunday –

KEITHBEANS
[shared ☆Hunk☆’s snap story]
So you guys are hanging out with Nyma and Rolo again

LANCITO
o yeah
u wanna come meet us at the freshman quad

KEITHBEANS
No thanks
I just wanted to ask you something

LANCITO
come on i know ur not doing anything
but i do wanna know what u want to ask me

KEITHBEANS
A while ago Pidge sort of brought up that she thought you might have a crush on someone
And Pidge is never really wrong so

LANCITO
uhm

KEITHBEANS
Is it one of the people that joined the club this semester?

LANCITO
hmMM well,,,,,,
why do u want to know??

KEITHBEANS
I mean I don’t care
I’m just curious

LANCITO
ok fine

KEITHBEANS
So
You do like someone

LANCITO
that i do, sir

KEITHBEANS
Oh
Okay. Who is it

LANCITO
i cant just TELL u their name
u have to figure it out urself!!!

KEITHBEANS
There aren’t exactly that many options

LANCITO
so then ill do u a solid and narrow it down even more
the person i like has dark hair
dark eyes, too
thick eyebrows
tends to be socially awkward at times, but i find it endearing
theyre not in the same year as me
and theyve bought me a coffee once or twice before

KEITHBEANS
...Oh my fucking god
I know who it is

 


Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane

 

3:32 PM

Keith
YOU HAVE TO FUCKING STOP BUYING LANCE COFFEE

Shiro
I’m sorry, what?

Keith
HE’S GOING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

Shiro
I’M SORRY, WHAT?

 

Chapter Text

 


(FEB 4, 2018)

SNAPCHAT
from lancito

SNAPCHAT
lancito is typing...

 

– Sunday –

LANCITO
wait what
so you......know who i like??

KEITHBEANS
Well
It's obvious

LANCITO
um ok,
haha
so??

KEITHBEANS
So? What

LANCITO
id um, kind of like an answer
or response or something
if thats cool with you

KEITHBEANS
From me??

LANCITO
yes?
i mean, does it bother you?

KEITHBEANS
No. Not at all.
I don't care

LANCITO
you dont...care
well do you,,, feel the same?
or anything lmao

KEITHBEANS
Wtf
Why would I feel that way about Shiro??

LANCITO
shiro??????
what does shiro have to do w
o h h HHHH

KEITHBEANS
What is it now

LANCITO
you think;;
that i like shiro

KEITHBEANS
That’s who you described.

LANCITO
you guessed wrong
so fucking wrong

KEITHBEANS
What?

LANCITO
anyways can u send me a snap
we’re about to lose our 12 day streak
> Delivered
> Opened

KEITHBEANS
No

LANCITO
blocked and reported.

 


Takashi Shirogane > Lance McClain

 

3:45 PM

shiro
Lance, can I talk to you for a minute?

Lance
ohmy godf

shiro
Keith, um, told me?
He didn’t mean to, I think he just got a little overexcited!
But it’s okay!

Lance
SHIRO I DONT HAVE FEELINGS FOR U

shiro
Oh thankGod
Not that you’re not a catch!!

Lance
rude
i know im a goddamn catch

shiro
You know I don’t mean it like that.
You’re like a baby brother to me.

Lance
Friendzoned Again. *tips fedora sullenly* m’sir...

shiro
I tried to have a tender moment with you and you ruined it So Horribly.

Lance
but seriously i dont feel that way about u at all
i mean ur my dad

shiro
Please stop saying that.

 


Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane

 

4:02 PM

Keith
So
It wasn’t you

Shiro
No shit.

 

4:08 PM

Shiro
I’m sorry, that was rude.
I love you and you’re still valid for making an honest mistake.

Keith
Thanks

 


Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett

 

FEB 6 AT 5:42 PM

Lance
HUNK.........BUDDY.........
i love u with all of my soul but we arent just gonna slide past the fact that u said fuck a few days ago

Hunk
I never said that

Lance
ohmy GOD WE ARE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN
IM NOT LETTING U DENY IT FOR LIKE 3 MONTHS UNTIL U FINALLY ADMIT IT
SO JUST OWN IT BITCH!!!!!

Hunk
You want me to own it?? FINE
I SAID FUCK

Lance
hholy Shit
ok so that means I WIN???,?,??????
U HAVE TO GIVE ME WHATEVER I WANT

Hunk
See this is why I wanted to deny it

Lance
if u had held out for just 1 more yr u would be solid dude
lmaooodhdjdhhd im such a fucking WINNERRRR
HUNK HOW DOES MY ASS TASTE?

Hunk
You didn't even have to do anything
I was the one that couldn't curse asshole!!
God I've wanted to call you an asshole for five years

Lance
can u pls curse out loud when u get back to the dorm tonight
i just wanna post it on every single possible social media i have
im gonna tell my mom

Hunk
NO
COME ON SHE THINKS I'M A GOOD KID

Lance
relax u know shes chill with cursing
within respectful boundaries of course

Hunk
F i n e.
Do you know what you want as your dumb prize

Lance
not as of right now
but just u wait. ill come up with something
for now i just want to bask in my victory

Hunk
Again!! You did nothing!!!

Lance
shhh. shh. u hear that?
thats the sound of me twerking on a steering wheel

Hunk
i h8 my lyf

Lance
hey man
U were the one that messaged ME
nobody forced u to curse lindo

Hunk
I might as well have been forced

Lance
hmm
what pushed hunk to his limit?
dear me dear my i do wonder

Hunk
I wanna,
ask Matt out.

Lance
uM
WAIT
DO U MEAN LIKE RIGHT NOW

Hunk
No I’m not that gutsy
That’s just what pushed me to my Limit

Lance
oh ok
cuz i demand screenshots when it happens

Hunk
I’m not gonna ask him out over text that’s so douchey

Lance
well then how the fuck am i supposed to know how it goes

Hunk
You just gotta believe what I say when I tell you about it

Lance
thats fucking wack
record it

Hunk
Lance.

Lance
COME ON
u havent dated since like 10th grade IM EXCITED FOR U

Hunk
I know you are and I love you for that!
But I wanna do this right
I’ll ask him out on Valentine’s day

Lance
wowwwwwww
my romantic prowess is rubbing off on u
im so proud :’’’)

Hunk
You don’t get to say you have romantic prowess until you ask Keith out

Lance
i fucking tried to and we all know how that went

 


Lance > ROMANTIC HOES

 

7:52 PM

Lance
[voice clip sent]

Allura
I’m HOLLERING
SCREECHING

Pidge
that audio has got to be distorted

Keith
Hunk, dude

Hunk
Yes
I said fuck

Matt
OOWWOOOOOOOOO????

Hunk
Please don’t

Matt
I’M GONNA PULL A LANCE AND YARF

Shiro
Seriously?? Two months after I let you keep the Shining Light title???

Lance
I KNOWWWW AAAAAAAAAAAA
hunk has succumbed to the undeniable pleasure of cussing

Matt
Duuuuuuuude
This is insane!!
Remember when i asked you to say fuck and you said “never”

Hunk
Guess What? I Don’t Recall.

Pidge
a large part of me is proud but another part of me is kind of sad
the last shred of innocence we had in this group is gone

Hunk
I don’t curse as much as you

Pidge
well we don’t KNOW that because you’ve never cursed freely to us before
next thing you know “fuck” is going to be one fifth of your vocabulary

Hunk
Oh come on
...Well, maybe it might

Matt
A while ago keith sent me that voice clip that lance once sent to you guys
Where he cursed out loud too
And it’s funny bc you sound just as bashful as he did

Hunk
That’s 100% not true
I exhibit nothing but confidence when I curse

Lance
i guess we’ll see if thats tru in the future ;)

Pidge
why do you have that voice clip saved

Keith
...What

Pidge
why do you have that voice clip of lance from five months ago saved

Keith
I
don’t

Lance
he wants to hold it over my fucking head
to rub it in my face that i sound like a grade schooler when i curse

Keith
I don;t
I just looked through the conversation and I found it

Shiro
:^)

Keith
If you make that face one more fucking time I will beat you up

 


– Saturday, February 10, 2018, 12:04 PM –

Colleen added Katiebug , Matt

 

Colleen
hey my loves!!
call me when you have the time. your dad and I have some big news :) !!

 

– 12:33 PM –

Matt
Are you pragernante

Katiebug
are you prognent

Matt
Porgnant

Katiebug
mom are you PEGNARTE

Matt
ARE YOU PREGEGNAT?

Colleen
why do you two make everything this hard.
I’m not having a baby!

Katiebug
thank god
i mean,, oohhh what a shame :(

Matt
So then what's up mother o mine
I’m ready to call if pidge is

Katiebug
yeah i’m ready

 

– 12:42 PM –

Call started

 

– 1:20 PM –

Call ended 38m 4s

 

Colleen
see you at graduation ;D !

Katiebug
wait
mommy send me your new phone #

Matt
What are you, five? lol

Colleen
matthew seriously.

Matt
I’m sorry i love you mommy

 


Katelyn Holt > Matthew Holt

 

3:31 PM

pidgeotto
so
should we tell them?

bitchface
Hmm
No we should wait until the time is right

pidgeotto
okay

 


Pidge > ROMANTIC HOES

 

3:35 PM

Pidge
hello dickheads + allura i have some big news to deliver

Matt
I should’ve fucking seen this coming

Allura
What’s going on?

Pidge
oh nothing at all just that our dad got a job as a professor here at VU and we’re relocating somewhere close to campus when he starts teaching summer classes in may no big deal

Lance
BITICHCHCH WHAT THE FUXCKKC

Hunk
You’re lying you’re lying YOU’RE LYING

Keith
Wow

Shiro
So now I have to deal with you two in the winter AND summer on top of regular classes?

Allura
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Keith
You’re moving down here in a few months?

Pidge
FUCK YEAH

Matt
The surprise lasted all of two hours

Hunk
WOWWWWW
You guys are gonna be like an hour and a half away from me and Lance

Lance
u know what that means......;)

Pidge
chugging vodka down the hatch every fucking night

Shiro
You shouldn’t even know what vodka is.

Pidge
allura you better watch your fucking back
i’m coming to your neighborhood
maybe not your exact neighborhood but it’ll be close enough

Allura
THIS IS GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN

Keith
Pidge you’re so goddamn fake
You vowed you’d never be a Floridian at the beginning of last semester

Pidge
that was before you guys became my friends

Shiro
Pidge...

Matt
I’m crying

Hunk
I’m crying too and it’s your fault Pidge

Lance
i was born crying

Keith
That’s how everyone’s born?

Lance
keith if u cramp my style one more time ur gonna fucking get it

Pidge
yeah
i love you guys and i’m genuinely happy that i won’t be too far away anymore

Matt
I actually second that?
You're all heathens, but like.....loveable heathens?
Except allura
Allura’s perfect

Allura
You’re perfect too Matt :)

Matt
I love one (1) british person

Allura
And Pidge...you’re making me relive Thanksgiving
You’re making me too soft!!!

Shiro
I can also confidently say you’ve thawed my cold, tired heart.

Hunk
I love you guys too
Pidge I’m running to your dorm right now I’m gonna hug the crap out of you

Pidge
can you maybe not

Lance
im coming with him

Pidge
CAN YOU MAYBE NOT

Lance
How Bout We Do Anyway?

 


hunkle > science sluts

 

5:05 PM

hunkle
For the record I think it’s absolutely cursed that you found out you’re moving down here after lamenting how you’d have to go back after grad school

matte
What can i say
The universe works in mysterious ways
It’s gonna be exciting
Waking up to an alligator in my backyard and all that jazz

hunkle
You’ve gone to school here for four years and that still hasn’t happened to you yet??

pidger
i’ve not laid eyes on a single real alligator once since i started college and i’ve gotta say. i’m fucking disappointed

hunkle
It’ll happen eventually
Lance found a baby alligator in his pool once in middle school and he and his sister tried to keep it as a pet until it pooped in their kitchen a few hours later
And then his mom found it and set it free

matte
Did they name it??

hunkle
It was Gordito or something

pidger
RIP GORDITO

matte
We’re gonna have a gordito one day

pidger
lance is the greatesTW, 67/,//kdjk
if lance could keep his fucking paws off my phone maybe i’d tolerate living near him soon

matte
Tell him i said what’s up shmexy

hunkle
hey sugarboi <3
get it bc sugar is white lol
Okay that’s enough for today

matte
Love that man

pidger
inexplicably endure a friendship with that man

matte
So did keith say anything else to you about us moving

pidger
no
but i don’t care.

hunkle
You do care
You’re typing with that look on your face
The scary one

pidger
his reaction just underwhelmed me
maybe it’s just the way he types that felt kinda...flat
but he was the only one that didn’t respond when i told everyone i loved them

hunkle
:(((

matte
Maybe he’s just busy right now?

pidger
nah
it’s 5 p.m. on a saturday
he hasn’t got class or work today
so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

hunkle
Don’t worry
I think he’ll come through

pidger
yeah whatever

 


Keith Kogane > Katelyn Holt

 

6:22 PM

red light
Hey

green light
hey
do you need something

red light
I just
Um
I would feel uncomfortable saying this out loud so
I just want you to know I love you
I have some...trouble expressing that and I’m sorry
You’re my best friend
And I’m really happy that you’re happy
You deserve it
So yeah
That’s it I guess

green light
i fukc i ng Hate yuo

green light called red light.
12 mins 25 secs

red light
All that snot was kinda gross

green light
mine or yours

red light
Fuck you

 

Chapter Text


Matt > ROMANTIC HOES

 

FEB 13 AT 4:26 PM

Matt
Yes hello 911 i’d like to report an annoyance

Pidge
what did lance do this time

Lance
why do u assume i was the annoyance?.??

Matt
Because you were

Pidge
because you are

Keith
Because at some point, you will be

Lance
fake friends everywhere

Matt
So this loser is at my dorm right,

Lance
SIGH

Matt
and he loses his phone in the span of 15 seconds
And after i call it so he could find it
I see my contact come up in his phone as “country crock” with six peach emojis

Pidge
bsfnzlskmdxlf7d

Keith
Is that your way of saying Matt has a buttery ass

Pidge
i"m fuckjNG going home i’ve HAD ENOUGH

Shiro
If that's what Matt’s contact is saved as, I’m...kind of scared to ask what mine is.

Allura
I know mine is “princess" with two splash emojis

Lance
u fuckin know it
shiro urs is just ur name
and pidge is in my phone as “chaotic neutral"

Shiro
Good fucking god.

Hunk
Okay watch your language Shiro this is a family friendly chat

Shiro
Good fucking g*d.

Pidge
the amount of respect i have for you right now is unspeakable

Keith
What am I saved as??

Lance
lmao do u really wanna know

Keith
Well I’m asking

Pidge
i’ve seen it
it's just your name with an eggplant and boy emoji

Hunk
I still don't understand it tbh

Matt
If you say the word “emoji" one more time my head is going to explode

Pidge
once this platform allows us to send actual emojis to the groupchat its over for you bitches!!

Keith
Why the eggplant

Lance
good question

Pidge
the eggplant is fucking cursed first and foremost

Hunk
OHHH I GET IT
“DICKHEAD”

Allura
Lance dkfjkfdhfhfj

Lance
HHHABKJFGKJ

Keith
Yeah keysmash away while I kick your ass

Lance
fine fine
i give u permission to put the poop emoji by my name

Keith
I would if I could

Lance
oh thats right
u have a fucking android

Pidge
your android discrimination ends today

Lance
i love u guys i truly do but those phones are the bane of my existence

Keith
At least I can throw it at your thick ass head and it won't shatter into a billion pieces

Allura
You have a valid point there

Lance
MY HEAD ISNT THICK

Allura
But I raise you this: we have rose gold

Hunk
That's true

Shiro
Using an overrated product for a simple design?

Hunk
But it's so pretty

Pidge
it's a color.

Keith
Why do we always end up having debates about stupid shit like this

Lance
bc we're opinionated people
are you a waffles/pancakes, tea/coffee, or apple/android gay
GO
pancakes, coffee, apple

Allura
Pancakes, tea, Apple

Shiro
Pancakes, coffee, and...both.

Pidge
waffles coffee android

Matt
Oh fuck
Both, coffee, and android

Keith
Waffles, neither, android

Hunk
Both both and both

Lance
hunk can u stop trying to be a man of the people for one fucking second

 


pidger > science sluts

 

FEB 14 AT 7:24 AM

pidger has left the group.

matte
Wtf

 


Matthew Holt > Katelyn Holt

 

7:26 AM

bitchface
Why did you leave science sluts?? you're a self proclaimed science slut??

pidgeotto
it's valentine’s day

bitchface
What does that have to do with being a science slut

pidgeotto
i love you and hunk but i have a feeling your unintentional flirting will be more intense than usual and i don't want to endure it

bitchface
Unintentional flirtzbdjdj OKAY FIRST OF ALL
it's one hundred percent intentional
And you could’ve just muted the group instead of leaving

pidgeotto
yeah but then how else would i call attention to you and him being alone

bitchface
That’s literally diabolical.

pidgeotto
i know i was apprehensive about this before but the whole beating around the bush schtick isn't cute anymore
please just ask him out

bitchface
There is no schtick!!
Don't say schtick to me ever again in your life by the way

pidgeotto
well anyway
have fun with your valentine beau

bitchface
Hunk may be one of my valentines, PLATONICALLY,
But you are my valentine too, twerp

pidgeotto
gross
i have killbot phantasm 1 set up, the second controller is waiting and if you don't show up in the next hour i will play through the game myself

bitchface
I’m on my fucking way holy shit

 


hunkle > science sluts

 

8:06 AM

hunkle
What the hell

matte
And then there were 2

hunkle
Why’d they leave?
They won't answer my messages
THEY JUST LEFT ME ON READ

matte
Man who knows :/
So how are you spending valentine’s

hunkle
What tf!!
I’m going on five consecutive dates with Lance

matte
Everyone already knows that
What else is going on in the life of love that you live

hunkle
I’m calling my parents and sister today

matte
I’m calling mine today too wow
It's like we’re twins!!1!

hunkle
You're acting weird

matte
I most certainly am am not
I mean,; I didn't mean to type 2 am’s
I’m nkt
Not acting weird!!

hunkle
Sure dude

matte
I’m NOT
I act like this everyday

hunkle
Maybe in person but not through text

matte
That's insulting

hunkle
Listen, I wanted to ask you something

matte
Uhuh yeah go ahead

hunkle
Do you want to meet me by the fountain after the club today?
At like 4:30
To hang out

matte
Oh, yeah of course
Who else is gonna be there

hunkle
Just me

matte
Haha
cool

hunkle
I’ll see you then?

matte
Yep :-)

 


Hunk Garrett > Lance McClain

 

8:46 AM

Hunk
oKay I did it now you have to fucking REWARD ME WITH HUGS FOR MY COURAGE

 

9:38 AM

Lance
U ASKED HIM OUT

 

10:16 AM

Hunk
God no I just asked him to meet up with me later

Lance
why the fuck am i awake then
oh keith just msged me
lol thats why

Hunk
You're the fakest friend ever this is unbelievable
After the club today I’m reducing our cuddle time by one hour

Lance
the neglect is ALIVE AND REAL

 


Keith Kogane > Lance McClain

 

10:18 AM

keith
Hey
Are you awake yet

 

10:21 AM

lance
hey mulletman
whats up

keith
You have any plans for today?

lance
dsjdjldj why do u ask

 

10:26 AM

keith
I want to take you somewhere

lance
OHO?
where!!

keith
You ever been stargazing

lance
i used to a lot
but that kinda stopped once i started college last semester
so youre gonna take me stargazing?

keith
Yeah, I mean
You're really passionate about your astronomy major and all
So I just figured

lance
im absolutely down for it
but there arent exactly a lot of stargazing spots around this area??

keith
I know a place

lance
sounds ominous
keith this is a really romantic venture
if i didnt know any better id say you had the hots for me ;)

keith
Shut the fuck up

lance
alright gotdamn!!

 


Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane

 

10:34 AM

Keith
I’m gonna fucking THROW UP

Shiro
Why is this the first thing I wake up to.

 


Shay Balmera > Allura Altea

 

9:59 AM

Shay
happy valentine’s day :)
i love you!

 

10:31 AM

Allura
Stop being so fucking beautiful
I love you more

Shay
nonsense
i’m determined to outlove you today.

Allura
That’s impossible
Besides!
I have a surprise for you

Shay
what!!
what is it?

Allura
[image sent]
;)

Shay
OH MY GOD

 


Pidge > ROMANTIC HOES

 

10:42 AM

Pidge
i literally just saw allura walk to shay’s dorm holding a bouquet of tulips and wearing a giant sign over her chest that said “I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND" and honestly,

Hunk
Allura PLEASWEHSJDJDJ

Pidge
wlw are so fucking powerful

Allura
Just wanted to remind the world, is all.

Shiro
Leave it to you to go above and beyond.
You’re doing amazing, sweetie.

Matt
Please tell me you’re gonna wear that all day

Allura
;)

Keith
This is the power couple that we need

 


Allura > GSA Season 2

 

3:12 PM

Allura
In case it wasn't obvious today, I love my girlfriend

Lotor
It was obvious.

Lance
shut the fuck up

Shay
i love my girlfriend even more.

Allura
I love mine to the moon

Shay
i love mine times infinity.

Allura
I LOVE MINE ACROSS THE UNIVERSE

Shay
i love mine beyond eternity!!!!!

Lotor
Do you really have to do this in the groupchat.

Allura
Yes, you horrible loaf of wonderbread

Pidge
allura i stan you

Nyma
i stan you too

Rolo
I don't usually stan people but
Gotta follow my heart
I stan you

Lance
lotor. riddle me this

Lotor
Fucking lord.

Lance
why havent i seen u making any grand gestures for ur girlfriend today

Lotor
...Are you referring to Acxa?

Lance
Yes, I am referring to Acxa.

Keith
Jesus christ

Lotor
Acxa and I aren't together.

Lance
what
i couldve sworn

Keith
Acxa’s dating Ezor

Lance
oh thank god

Lotor
What the hell?

Lance
sorry id just feel really bad for anyone dating u

Lotor
That's funny.
Hilarious.

Shay
i don't blame him lol :)

Lotor
What?

Shay
what?

 


Matthew Holt > Katelyn Holt

 

4:26 PM

bitchface
PIDGE I’M GONNA FUCKING THROW UP

pidgeotto
did he ask for your hand in marriage what the fuck is going on

bitchface
I’m not even at the fountain yet
I’m just jxlzjdlzkzmzkdkl

pidgeotto
one minute you're all suave with him and the next you're like a blushy anime girl

bitchface
IT'S EASY TO BE SUAVE WHEN HE'S NOT EXPECTING IT
THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT EFFECTIVE
I DON'T KNOW
I just lose my composure whenever it actually...seems like he likes me back

pidgeotto
matthew elizabeth holt

bitchface
Can you actually stop talking

pidgeotto
you yourself said it's evident that he feels the same way
don't lose your nerve

bitchface
Ugh
I hate when you call me out like that

pidgeotto
go get your mans

bitchface
Seriously please stop talking

 


delicioso > brown & beautiful

 

5:10 PM

delicioso
@Hunk Garrett its been half an hour have u asked him out yet
MORE IMPORTANTLY HAVE U GOTTEN IT ON VIDEO

queen
I’m so excited!!!!!

shae
go hunk!! i believe in you!! :D

delicioso
COME ON
@Hunk Garrett
JUST GIVE ME A LITTLE UPDATE

queen
Maybe they're making out already

delicioso
if he makes out with matt before letting his best friend know then what kind of best friend is he

shae
it's love lance! you can't rush it.

delicioso
FUCK shay ur right

queen
Of course this comes from the girl that pined for 2 YEARS

shae
you will never get past that, will you.

queen
BECAUSE IF YOU HAD JUST CONFESSED WE COULD HAVE BEEN CANOODLING THREE YEARS AGO

delicioso
dont say canoodling thats kinky

 

6:14 PM

itshunkbaybee
Heyy guys

delicioso
god what the FUCK
WHAT HAPPENED

itshunkbaybee
Well

queen
!!!!!!!!

itshunkbaybee
We hung out
Aaand that's it

queen
??????

delicioso
what happened?

itshunkbaybee
I couldn't do it
I don't know
The moment I told myself I was gonna do it I looked into his eyes and then all of a sudden I just felt
Terrified

delicioso
this is very anticlimactic
but dude its ok, really

shae
you're still the bravest person i know. we love you :)

queen
She only speaks the truth

itshunkbaybee
Binch!! I love you guys more
And thanks
I felt kinda shitty after it all went down, but we didn't separate on bad terms

delicioso
thats good!!
come back to the dorm so we can continue cuddling and u can talk to me all about it

itshunkbaybee
I’m On My Way.

 


Matthew Holt > Hunk Garrett

 

6:36 PM

Matt
You left your gummy worms in my bag

Hunk
Oh crap
I was really looking forward to eating them :(
I’ll pick them up tomorrow

Matt
No need
I’ll bring them to you

Hunk
Thanks you're my hero

Matt
Yeah no it's just an excuse for me to tell you i like you tomorrow, but in person

 

6:42 PM

Hunk
Did I read that right.

Matt
I like you

Hunk
Uhhhdhsh

Matt
I’ve had feelings for you for a while now

Hunk
UHHHH,??@??

Matt
And i was going to tell you today but i kind of chickened out

Hunk
U?H^?&?

Matt
This was just kind of easier
So yeah. i like you hunk

Hunk
O;kay

 

6:59 PM

Hunk
I’m sorry but was this entire conversation a fucking fever dream

 


Katelyn Holt > Takashi Shirogane

 

7:03 PM

Pidge
hey
are you alright?

father shiro
Yeah. I’m good.

Pidge
you've just been pretty quiet today

father shiro
I’m alright.

Pidge
are you sure?

father shiro
Of course I am.

Pidge
it's okay if you aren't
you don't have to be so put together all the time shiro

father shiro
I said I’m fine, Pidge.

Pidge
i know that you aren't
but i’m not pressuring you to talk about it
i just want you to be honest

 

7:32 PM

father shiro
I am...not okay.

Pidge
okay
now we're getting somewhere

father shiro
I’m sorry, I just,
Seeing Allura and Shay and Keith and everyone else being so in love, it ?,? I don't know.
I wish I was in love. I just want someone to love, and to love me, you know? And seeing that happen all around me just makes me feel...alone.
And I feel terrible for feeling that way, but I just wish there was someone I could be in love with on Valentine's Day.

Pidge
woah
okay that's deep
but more importantly, VALID
there are countless other people who feel the same way around this time, don't feel guilty about it
i understand appeal of romantic companionship, and i know it must be hard to deal with if you crave it
and don't quote me on this but you're still young and you have so many more people to meet. don't let it discourage you.
you'll find what you're looking for, because you're far from unlovable

father shiro
It's beyond unfair that you're this good at cheering me up, I should be the pro at this.
Thank you.

Pidge
yeah well
what can i say
i’m just an enlightened amazing beautiful genius

father shiro
Lance is really starting to rub off on you.

Pidge
that’s the most insulting thing anyone has ever said to me

 


Keith Kogane > Lance McClain

 

8:02 PM

keith
I’m 5 minutes away from your dorm

lance
awesome!!!!!
im ready to go
so is shiro driving us there

keith
No?
We’re going on my bike

lance
........lmao do u mean like a bicycle

keith
I mean like a motorbike.

lance
the fact that u sprung this on me last minute is not an accident

keith
I told you I started driving her last month

lance
BUT STILL
i mean,, do u even have 2 helmets??

keith
Shiro is my brother
He made sure I had helmets the moment I even conceptualized owning a motorbike.

lance
thank u father shiro

keith
I’m outside
Get in loser we’re going stargazing

lance
i never shouldve let u watch that movie

 


Keith twirls a dandelion between his fingers, contrasting the stark white against the night sky above him. He holds it up to Lance, who lay shoulder to shoulder by Keith. Despite the dubious look on his face when Keith first led him to the middle of the field, he eventually bathed in his surroundings, and the corners of his mouth turned up when he spotted flickering fireflies and heard crickets chirping.

Keith wiggles the dandelion to get his attention. “Here, blow it.”

Lance snorts. “That's what she said. Or... actually that's what someone said to her. I dunno.” Lance tilts his chin and blows. He relaxes back onto the grass as they watch the puffs explode apart and float softly into the cool, humid air.

Keith watches the remaining petals drift back down, gaze following a few that land in Lance’s hair. Lance’s eyes are soft and there's a ghost of a smile on his face, like he might actually be enjoying himself. He closes his eyes and for a moment, Keith thinks he looks peaceful, but then he opens his mouth.

“God,” Lance groans, “The grass is so moist. It's getting my hair wet.”

“Will you stop complaining?” Keith grouses, looking back up at the sky.

“I am enjoying the view, at least,” Lance admits. He brings his arms up and crosses them behind his head.

“I told you I knew where to stargaze.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Lance dismisses. “You found a field and told me to lie in it. Big deal.”

Keith frowns, then makes to stand up. “If you just wanna leave–”

Lance grabs his hand in a flash and yanks him back down. He falls onto his bottom with an ‘oof’. “Nope! We’re not going anywhere!”

Keith stares at him. He slowly lies back down, squaring his shoulders and keeping a keen eye on the moon. After a moment of studying the vague dark blotches on the its surface, he bristles when Lance doesn't release his hand.

“You don’t have to keep–” Keith's throat seizes up when Lance’s grip tightens. “... holding on.”

Lance has not made eye contact thus far, and it doesn't seem like he will any time soon. But he makes no move to let go. “We could be like otters. Otters are the ones that hold hands in the water, right? Yeah. So that they don't lose each other. Except we’re people. And the water is the grass.”

“We wouldn't lose each other in an open field,” Keith says, even though he knows that Lance already knows that.

“Worms do it all the time,” Lance insists, “In grass, I mean. They lose each other.”

“Even if worms had families–”

“Everything has a family!”

“–they dig through the dirt, not the grass.”

“That's...” Lance trails off, considering. He sighs in frustration. “So grasshoppers, then! They lose each other in the grass.”

“I think they're called grasshoppers because they know how to navigate through the grass.”

“What the hell are you, an insectologist?”

“Entomologist.”

“How do you even know that word?” Lance demands. “Did you learn it knowing that you'd use it to make me sound dumb?”

Keith smirks, training his eye on a particularly bright star above. “Maybe.”

“I knew it.” Lance scrunches his nose up childishly. “Your life’s mission is to antagonize me.”

“Or vice versa,” Keith suggests.

“Yeah.” Keith pulls out of his grasp, and just as Lance is about to yell a mock-offended quip to mask his disappointment, Keith rears back and intertwines their fingers. Lance’s heart pumps rapidly against his ribcage. “That's possible, too,” he says weakly.

Keith wills his face not to move and settles for grilling the poor, unassuming star in the lower left corner of the sky with a frigid scowl (he remembers Lance telling him it was a planet but can't remember which one it was for the life of him) to distract himself from the blood running wild under his skin. Holding Lance’s hand is like gripping the handles of his bike, speeding on the road, watching the trees and houses and lights fly past him–

In short, exhilarating.

“It's kinda funny,” Lance blurts, “how you totally bombed the answer to that list of traits I gave you.”

Keith's stomach sinks. He tries not to sound too displeased when he asks, “About the person you like?”

“Yep,” Lance chirps, and begins tracing an obscure constellation with his eyes.

Keith follows his gaze, but the stars just confuse him. He vaguely remembers a few constellations from what Shiro would tell him when he first started studying aviation, but most of them never really stuck. He can't see the shapes that Lance does, and he briefly wonders how Lance can even keep track of so many constellations. “I think you just like somebody that I don't know.”

Lance’s smile grows a little wider. “You actually happen to know them very well. Like... you're almost the same person.”

Keith turns his head and looks at Lance. Still staring up at the stars. His eyes are moving like he's searching, but Keith gets the feeling he's already found everything he's looking for.

Then it finally clicks.

He freezes, and his blood runs cold. And then–No, no. That can't be true, because Lance is different and radiant and breathtaking, and Keith is the opposite, full of barriers and enmity. And maybe it’s the moonlight that’s making him feel weirdly optimistic, but some part of him is focusing intently on the way Lance’s skin shot up at least ten degrees after he last spoke. The other part is pulling up every single memory of Lance’s initial crush on Shiro, his brief fling with Nyma, how he used to be in love with Allura, and the possibility seems so far away. And yet... it feels true. More than that, he wants it to be true.

Keith swallows. “Maybe... one day you'll be comfortable enough to tell me who it is.”

Lance’s smile screams panic and uncertainty, but oddly something akin to acceptance. “I think I just did,” he says quietly, moreso to himself than to Keith.

Keith pretends like he doesn't hear it, just focuses on Lance’s soft palm against his, and how every now and then Lance will flex his fingers, as if trying to feel every part of Keith's hand. Moonlight is a good look on Lance. His eyes shine and the shadows outline the sharp curve of his jaw, and Keith thinks of how he wants to lean over and kiss him, still with their hands laced.

The closeness reminds him of how it felt to have Lance’s arms wrapped around him for the ride to the field, of when he muffled a scream into Keith’s shoulder when he snickered, revved the engine and sped up by a few miles per hour.

At a stoplight, Keith had turned his head and said, “We’ll take it slow on the way back.”

Lance was still leaning on his shoulder. “I’m going to murder you. With my bare hands. And when the police ask me why I did it, I’ll–” A shriek ripped from his throat when Keith hurtled them forward just as the light turned green. “I’ll tell them that you subjected me to fifteen minutes of torture!” he cried with his eyes squeezed shut.

Now, Keith isn’t sure whether Lance thinks the ride was worth it to sit here and listlessly stare at dots in the sky, but Lance loves space and the ocean, and this was about the closest thing he could think of to one of the two. And truth be told, the adrenaline of the ride is still running pretty high, so Keith takes a leap.

“I like someone, too,” he says into the quiet air. Lance tenses up--Keith knows he does because his fingers stiffen like a body in rigor mortis.

His voice comes out mechanically. “Huh. Never really pictured you as a romance kinda guy.”

Keith shrugs, or tries to with what little space his shoulders have. “I’m gay on all spectrums.”

Lance huffs out a laugh, then he takes a slow breath. “So,” he says, and although he sounds casual, Keith can detect a slight tremor in his voice, “Who’s the oh-so-lucky guy?”

“You’d hate him,” Keith chuckles. “He’s always getting on my nerves and he has a tendency to be dramatic about everything.”

Lance is quiet for almost two whole minutes, so Keith shoves his heart from his throat back into his chest and sneaks a glance.

Lance’s eyebrows are pinched in thought, and then he loudly guesses, “Is it that weird dude from Health Ed? The one that always sits outside of class to finish his bag of chips?”

Keith squints in disbelief. Belatedly, his brain catches up onto how the universe must be laughing in his fucking face.



Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane

 

10:21 PM

Shiro
Hey.
How’d it go with Lance?

Keith
I honestly have no fucking clue what just happened

 

Chapter Text


pidge > disaster gays

 

FEB 15 AT 2:24 PM

pidge created a poll: should i beat up matt, hunk, or both.

shiro voted “Neither.”

allura voted “both”

keith voted “How do I add anoyher optiojnn,”

keith changed their vote to “Matt”

allura
Why do you want Matt to get pummeled

keith
Because Hunk doesn’t deserve it but I still wanna see somebody get knocked out

shiro
Why does violence have to be an option?

pidge
because we’re living in the real world shiro

shiro
Right.
How have things been...going, regarding that situation?

pidge
matt came to my dorm after giving the gummy worms to hunk, pulled out a flask, and sat in the corner of the room while sipping it through a bendy straw

keith
Yeah he’s fucking done for

allura
Hunk hasn’t stopped screaming
Look at my notifications!
[image sent]

pidge
jesus christ
he’s keysmashing like he has nothing to live for

shiro
Matt’s also been blowing up my inbox.
But he’s just sending memes about having depression and anxiety at the same time.

pidge
sounds right

 


Takashi Shirogane > Matthew Holt

 

2:55 PM

shiro666
Are you sure you’re okay.

matt420
[image sent]
[image sent]
ya I’m lit

shiro666
Yeah, I bet.
So, you never actually explained what happened when you talked to him.

matt420
[image sent]
Details are such a miniscule part of life
I like to focus on the bigger picture
[image sent]

shiro666
Is that so?

matt420
ok fuck
You’re so FUCKING persuasive shiro i don’t know how you’re so good at getting me to crack

shiro666
Yeah neither do I.

matt420
I gave the gummy worms to him and then said i liked him
and he said “cool”
and then i said “sweet”
and then he said “awesome sauce”
Shiro WHAT DOES THTA MEAN

shiro666
That means you’re both hopeless.

 


Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett

 

3:08 PM

Lance
buddy i love u but ur making my phone lag and i need it to read my textbook for class

Hunk
KAJFW;FJQ3JR0;LF[DL-T4G3O
Oh sorry

Lance
why didnt u just ask him out
once again, U HAD THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY

Hunk
Because I’m?? a useless gay??

Lance
same
but ur just using that as an excuse

Hunk
Fine
Do you dare me to do it.

Lance
..........wat

Hunk
Oh my god
I can’t believe you’re daring me to do this

Lance
im not

Hunk
Lance you’re absolutely batshit dude

Lance
btich wtf

Hunk
This is crazy I can’t believe you
My blood is on your hands

Lance
I DIDNT FORCE U TO DO THIS

Hunk
I’m gonna do it and it’s your fault bye.

 


Hunk Garrett > Matthew Holt

 

3:35 PM

Hunk
HEY

Matt
Hi what hte fuck

Hunk
IM TAKING YOU OUT TONIGHT IS THAT COOL

Matt
SWeet bro

Hunk
AWESOME SAUCE

 

3:48 PM

Matt
You’re gonna
take me out,,, where exactly

Hunk
I uh
I didn’t think I’d get this far actually

 


Katelyn Holt > Hunk Garrett

 

5:24 PM

katieperry
dude you haven’t talked to me all day!!
take a deep breath
i don’t hate you or anything

hunkydory
Oh thank god
I was kinda scared to approach you after Matt said the Words That Shan’t Be Spoken

katieperry
yeah don’t worry about it
you have my blessing
besides i already did your background check a week before i introduced you to matt

hunkydory
You did what

katieperry
have fun on your date

 


Allura Altea > Keith Kogane

 

6:05 PM

Allura
You still haven't told me what happened when you took Lance to the field!!

 

6:19 PM

Keith
My bad
I was sleepimg

Allura
No problem. I definitely won't disintegrate you

Keith
I think
Lance likes me

Allura
..,.,...Whaaaaaaat :o
No wayyy
I mean, how are you sure?

Keith
I’m not
I’m just...going out on a limb here
You know him well, don't you?

Allura
Of course
You could also go to Hunk, you know
He knows Lance better than anyone

Keith
He's also Lance’s best friend
Like Pidge once said, a liability

Allura
Oh right!! That's true

Keith
I just want your objective opinion
Do you think he might have feelings for me?

Allura
Hahshaha
Well what does my opinion matter anyhow??!?
This is about you Keith!!
You must forge your own path with Lance, regardless of how I or anyone else may view it

Keith
So...what you're saying is
I should handle this the same way I deal with all my other problems

Allura
Uh

Keith
Tackling it head on.

Allura
Well that's one way to do it, but

Keith
Okay I got it

Allura
Wait,
Keith.
KEITH

 

7:01 PM

Keith
Nevermind fuck that shit

Allura
Wow Moodeth

Keith
I physically cannot tell him I like him.

Allura
Alright my love, hypothetically, if I had any advice to give, I'd say to beat Lance at his own game

Keith
Meaning..?

Allura
Catch him at his most vulnerable and then put The Moves on him

Keith
You're saying I should,,,flirt with him

Allura
I did not say that at all
I was being hypothetical ;)

Keith
...Okay.
If this kills me in next few weeks you're in charge of my funeral

Allura
Don't worry. I’ll play Rasputin on a loop for as long as possible right by your casket.

Keith
I’m so platonically in love with you

 


Katelyn Holt > Matthew Holt

 

9:56 PM

pidgeotto
hey
how was the date

bitchface
He made me laugh so hard i inhaled a piece of bread and he had to perform the heimlich on me in the middle of the coffee shop
It was perfect

 


Lance McClain > Keith Kogane

 

FEB 20 AT 8:07 PM

lance
hunk is a lovesick idiot i swear to god

keith
Well aren’t you the same
Considering you have a crush too

lance
yeah but im cool and suave
hunk is The Opposite

keith
Cool and suave huh?
If that’s so, then why is Hunk dating his crush and not you

 

8:32 PM

lance
THATS DIFFERENT

keith
Not really

lance
YES REALLY

keith
Nope

lance
ur just trying to provoke me and it wont work.

keith
Not trying to provoke anything
Just stating the cold hard facts

lance
look man!! its
complicated

keith
Complicated how?

lance
complicated as in im 99.9% sure they dont feel the same

keith
Why wouldn’t they
You’re cute.

lance
wwhat
im wh
huh??

keith
You’re cute?
I’m sure they like you

lance
u thnk im cute

keith
I think you’re more than cute
Is that enough motivation to ask them out?

 


Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett

 

8:47 PM

Lance
hunk pkeaserespond NOW PLELALSEPE RESPOND
BITCH!!
RESPOND!!
I KNW UR SEEING THESE MSGS

 

8:52 PM

Lance
HUNKHMKHMK
reSPOND1!!!!!
URGENT!!!
GOD WHERE THE FUCK ARE U

 

9:03 PM

Hunk
I WAS IN CLASS
YOU KNOW MY SCHEDULE BY HEART WHY WOULD THIS SURPRISE YOU
What happened????

Lance
[image sent]

Hunk
BROOOOOOOOOOO

Lance
I KNOWWWWWW

Hunk
OMGGGGG

Lance
I WANT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!! OFFICIALLY!!!!!!!!

 


Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane

 

8:42 PM

Keith
[image sent]
SHIRO DID I SOUND SMOOTH

 

8:53 PM

Shiro
Your attempts at flirting are so cute!
Oh sorry, I meant more than cute.

Keith
Block me.

 


Keith Kogane > Lance McClain

 

FEB 24 AT 10:11 PM

keith
Wanna come with me to the library tomorrow

lance
why r u texting me past 10

keith
My bad
Forgot that you’re borderline sleep-drunk around this time

lance
yea ill go to the library w u

keith
Incredible

lance
shut up
i wanna be academical and stuff this semester

keith
Why the change of heart

lance
bc if i fail i have to pay for my classes out of pocket

keith
Oh yea
Just College Student Things

lance
im too tired to be proud that u made a joke
what are u gonna work on tmrw

keith
Don’t really have any close deadlines so nothing for now
Just wanted some quiet time

lance
im not exactly a quiet dude

keith
It’s a library
You’re supposed to be quiet

lance
ohhhh thats STRATEGIC KEITH
bring the loudest guy u know to a library without anything to distract him
torture much?

keith
You’ll live

lance
if i spend some quiet time with u
i want something in return.......;)

keith
Am I gonna regret asking what

lance
COME TO MY DORM AFTER THE LIBRARY AND DO A FACE MASK WITH ME

keith
Not happening.

 


Lance > ROMANTIC HOES

 

FEB 25 AT 3:45 PM

Lance
[image sent]
BEAUTIFUL BOYS AT UR SERVICE

Allura
Keith you did not........

Lance
oh he did ;DDDDD

Pidge
i’ve never seen a look so dead in keith’s eyes

Allura
You put Brazened Honey on him?? THAT’S YOUR FAVORITE
YOU WON’T EVEN LET ME USE THAT ONE

Lance
bc u dont need it!!
keith, on the other hand, with 19 yrs worth of motor oil in his pores,

Keith
Somebody end my fucking misery

Shiro
You two are so precious :^)
Brazened Honey, huh?

Keith
I can’t move my face

Lance
ur being so dramatic
u guys dont know how long it took to get him to stop frowning while i was putting the mask on him

Keith
Don’t know why I couldn’t just do it myself but okay

Lance
u dont have the razzle dazzle hands to work that mixture babe

Keith
Work my foot up your ass

Lance
nkkgjkl,KDF

Hunk
Keith SNAPPED

Allura
Keith you UNGRATEFUL TWIT

Hunk
You just called Keith babe!!
That’s...............gay

Lance
i used it as a term of endearment

Pidge named the group LANCE CALLED KEITH BABE.

Lance
STOP
keith never calls anyone names
i call ppl babe all the time!
therefore im exempt

Hunk
Is he allowed to do that

Pidge
at least they're even now i guess

Allura
I’ll let it pass

Pidge named the group ROMANTIC HOES.

Lance
thx

Keith
Wtf
You guys just let him off the hook so easily

Lance
i keep telling u that im literally too amazing to have anything held against me but u dont wanna believe it

Allura
I’m a bit too mentally tired to milk the situation

Pidge
ditto

Hunk
Agreed

Shiro
Me too.

Lance
shiro ur always mentally tired

Shiro
Don't call me out like that.

Keith
In other news, you all fucking suck
Matt's my only friend now

Pidge
where tf is he anyway

Hunk
@Matthew Holt

Keith
Wht
Did you just tag him

Matt
What's up

Allura
What in the world!!

Matt
Oh you guys look super hot in your masks

Lance
we know

Pidge
where in heck’s name have you been all day

Matt
A bitch can't take a shit

Shiro
Somebody please change the subject.

Lance
the timer i put for the masks just went off and i havent seen keith that relieved since hunk told him crab apples dont have crab meat in them

Shiro
So why the hell are they called crab apples???

Lance
[image sent]
get a load of this guy
doesnt he look so beautiful after rinsing off the mask??
absolutely glowing. radiant.
and keiths there too

Pidge
no lie i have literally never seen keith’s forehead before

Lance
me neither
it blinded me

Shiro
Jeez. Must be a full moon tonight.

Keith Kogane removed Shiro.

Allura
KEITHTJ

Keith
Finally. The evil has been defeated.

 


matte > science sluts

 

FEB 27 AT 12:59 PM

matte
Good afternoon
What's cookin good lookin ;)

hunkle
Eggs and toast
.....Hotstuff

matte
!!!!!!!!!!
HUNK DO YOU LIKE ME OR SOMETHING? YOU GOT A FUCKING CRUSH?

hunkle
Hell Yes I Do
IS THAT A PROBLEM?

matte
MAYBE

hunkle
Too bad
Can I come see you after class
Kinda wanna hold your hand again

matte
Ffffffffuck you
Yep yeah i’m down for that bro, for sure

hunkle
I’ll say no homo before I take your hand if it makes you feel better

matte
You're so thoughtful and amazing

pidger
i never thought i’d say this but can we please go back to the old afternoon banter

 

Chapter Text


Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane

 

FEB 28 AT 9:21 AM

Shiro
Hey, I’m going to be at our regular booth in the cafe.

 

10:02 AM

Shiro
Where are you?
You’re usually here before ten.

 

10:18 AM

Shiro
Keith??

 


Takashi Shirogane > Katelyn Holt

 

10:20 AM

father shiro
Hey, is Keith with you?

 

10:24 AM

father shiro
Hello??

 


Takashi Shirogane > Lance McClain

 

10:35 AM

papi juan
Are you with Keith?
I ordered a croissant for him and he never showed up to the cafe.

 

10:43 AM

papi juan
Please I spent 2.65 on this stupid croissant.

 


Shiro > ROMANTIC HOES

 

10:51 AM

Shiro
None of you are answering my texts!!//!!!

Lance
did u guys hear somethin

Pidge
nope

Shiro
What!!
AND YOU TWO LEFT ME ON READ.

Allura
It’s almost like an unknown entity is sending messages

Keith
I don’t hear anything

Shiro
KEITH.

Keith
Anyway, I’ll see you guys at the club today

Lance
ditto

Pidge
see you

Shiro
Is anybody else seeing this???
Hunk?? Matt???

Hunk
Woah
I think my name was just called out from within the void

Matt
Really? i didn’t hear a thing
See you guys later!

Shiro
I don’t know what’s going on but I don’t like it.

 


allura > disaster gays

 

10:59 AM

allura removed shiro.

 


shining.hunk12 > AOL Instant Messenger.exe

 

11:00 AM

shining.hunk12 removed takatakashixoxo.

 


– Wednesday, February 28, 2018, 11:02 AM –

in beyonce we trust removed Takashi from “This never would’ve happened if you’d just admitted that my gun noises were better than yours Shiro. Seriously my gun noises were the best and you’re all just bitter.”

 


podge > Disgustening.

 

11:04 AM

podge removed shoro.

podge added Keith Kogane.

lonce set the nickname for Keith Kogane to koith.

lonce
keith id like to officially welcome u to the bday planning groupchat

koith
Cool
Heard great things about this group chat

podge
you’re pretty good at keeping secrets, right

koith
Yeah well none of you told me what was going on until this morning so

allora
All you have to do is pretend like Shiro doesn’t exist

mott
Technically he doesn’t for today

lonce
good point

koith
How’s that supposed to work
We’re eventually gonna see him at the club today

mott
Statement stands: pretend like he doesn’t exist

honk
I still think this a bit cruel
I mean does he really deserve to be ignored?

lonce
i said it once and ill say it again
the ends justify the means

podge
hell fucking yeah

koith
So what exactly are the ends?

lonce
ull find out soon enough sugarmunch ;)

koith
Don’t ever fucking call me that again

 


Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane

 

11:10 AM

Shiro
What! Is! Happening!

 


Rolo > GSA Season 2

 

3:11 PM

Rolo
So what the hell was up today

Allura
Whatever do you mean?

Plaxum
Acting like Shiro wasnt there?

Pidge
who

Lance
where

Keith
What’s a Shiro

Shay
i have no recollection of a person named shiro ._.

Shiro
Shay’s in on this??

Lance
DID U GUYS HEAR SOMETHIN

Pidge
NOPE

Plaxum
Lol what is happening

Nyma
tbh i’m just goin with it

Lotor
I don’t see any point in this.

Lance
i dont see any point in u talking as if ur input is needed

 


Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane

 

5:20 PM

Shiro
...Did I do something wrong?
Is that why everyone’s ignoring me?
Please tell me if it was something I did.

 


koith > Disgustening.

 

5:22 PM

koith
Guys I think I’m gonna crack

lonce
NO
COME ON

podge
just hold out til midnight

honk
Ugh
This is PAINFUL

mott
Hunk you should be lucky we were on vacation during your birthday
You got a free pass on this treatment

honk
Don’t remind me
I would’ve angry-cried

allora
Shiro looked like a kicked puppy today
It really did hurt my heart

koith
He thinks he did something wrong

lonce
i mean......we DID remove him from every group excluding the clubs
id think i did something wrong too

podge
i need you guys to get it together and remember what the fuck we’re here for

mott
Jeez

podge
does everyone remember where to meet?

mott
I’m reiterating it
BE AT THE BUS STOP RIGHT OUTSIDE CAMPUS AT 11:30 ON THE DOT
MY CAR WILL BE PARKED BESIDE IT
I WILL NOT WAIT FOR LATECOMERS

honk
Hey!!

mott
Except for u baby ;*

honk
:$

podge
eugh

lonce
yeah we’ll be on the lookout for an ugly ass volvo

mott
Have fun walking

lonce
HUNK

honk
>:(

mott
Fine. he can come

honk
:)

allora
Fantastic!
Keith did you put the alarm on Shiro’s phone?

koith
Yeah
Wasn’t hard to snatch it. He barely ever touches his phone if he doesn’t need to make a call

lonce
god

podge
now all we have to do is wait.

lonce
GOD

honk
Won’t be a problem for me
I still gotta put the last layer of icing over the cake anyway

koith
I’m gonna take a nap
See yall later

allora
See you, space cowboy

lonce
sad yeehaw

mott
*Tips cowboy hat in respect*

koith
Wow can you guys actually shut the fuck up

 


Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane

 

11:58 PM

Shiro
Kkeith what the SHIT.
Did you put an alarm on my phone.

Keith
Huh
What are you talking about

Shiro
An alarm just rang from my phnoe at max volume with the title “Rise Little Bitch.”

Keith
:)

Shiro
WHAT.
DID YOU JSUT SEND A SMILEY FACE.??

Keith
;)

 


Pidge > ROMANTIC HOES

 

MAR 1 AT 12:00 AM

Pidge
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIRO

Hunk
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIRO <3333

Allura
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIRO!!!

Lance
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHRIO

Matt
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIRO ;D

Keith
Hbd

Shiro
Wha.t.

Hunk
WE LOVE YOU

Lance
U ARE AMAZING

Pidge
YOU DESERVE THE WORLD

Matt
WE’D BE DEAD AND GONE WITHOUT YOU

Allura
YOU’RE THE BESTEST FRIEND

Keith
And the bestest brother :)

Shiro
What, um
Wow??
I have no idea what to say, I,

Allura
You don’t have to say anything!
Just open your front door.

Shiro
Oh god.
Please don’t tell me this is really happening.

 

12:17 AM

Lance
LMASDIOODISFI

Shiro
Who’s banging on the goddamn door like that??????
I’m getting ready I’ll open it in a MINUTE.

Keith
Hurry the Fuck up jesus

Lance
ITS KEITHHT HE KEEPS POUNDIGN ON THE DOOR

Hunk
Pidge and Lance are pissing themselves laughing

Shiro
Yeah, I can HEAR them.
You guys are going to get me an eviction notice, I swear to god.

Keith
YOU’RE FLAPPING YOUR GUMS BUT I DON’T SEE ANYONE LETTING US INSIDE

Pidge
shir o pplaespe

 


Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane

 

9:40 AM

Keith
Hey
I love you, okay?

Shiro
I know. I love you, too.
:^)

Keith
Why do you make this so fucking hard

 


Allura > ROMANTIC HOES

 

9:45 AM

Allura
Shiro I’ve added you back to all the group chats
And now that we’re all in our respective dorms...
[image sent]

Pidge
shiro got fucked UP last night

Lance
im saving that to my phone

Matt
I’m out of 4g data until saturday and the pic isn’t loading what is it

Allura
Well, you know how the cake got on the ceiling?

Matt
Um
No???
When the hell did that happen

Pidge
we were playing pin the tail on the furry and before shiro stuck the tail on lance you decided to blow your fucking airhorn and hunk got so violently startled he launched his plate of cake into the air and it got stuck on the ceiling

Matt
I honestly don’t remember anything we did past 1 a.m.

Allura
Apparently I’m the only one of us who can hold their alcohol

Pidge
i was coherent too

Allura
You didn’t drink anything

Pidge
i was drunk off of festivity

Hunk
I don’t remember seeing cake on the ceiling before we all left

Allura
That’s because most of it fell on Shiro’s face in the middle of the night

Lance
thats it. thats the pic.

Allura
He washed it off before the rest of you woke up
Like a coward.

Shiro
None of this ever happened. None of this.
What are you talking about?

Matt
...So you’re telling me shiro got a cake facial

Lance
YES

Keith
Oh god ew

Shiro
And that’s all for today, folks! My bags are packed and I’m officially not associated with any of you anymore! Good fucking day!

Hunk
Oh! That reminds me

Hunk named the group LUCKY HOES.

Shiro
Lucky?

Hunk
Hello!! St. Patrick’s day
It’s the biggest holiday this month

Pidge
right
our themed groupchat title continues to thrive

Keith
Why did we start doing that again

Allura
Don’t question it
Just let it be

Keith
But why are we hoes

Lance
its a statement
by labeling ourselves as hoes we’re dismantling the detrimental idea that hoeing, or the nature of doing so, is in any way shameful or degrading and as a direct juxtaposition we take pride in the title, where the theme changes periodically but the foundation of flamboyant hoetry remains the same
but anyway matt can u come over with a coke bottle hunk and i wanna throw a mentos in it for snapchat

Pidge
what the singular fuck

 


Lance McClain > Keith Kogane

 

MAR 5 AT 7:11 PM

lance
yooo
hows ur first shift at the theater goin?

keith
Pretty slow considering it's a Monday

lance
are u allowed to be on ur phone rn

keith
No

lance
get back to work!!

keith
If you didn't want me to respond then why’d you text me

lance
well i expected u to respond during ur break or something
not while ur busy in the ticket booth!!!

keith
I’m not busy

lance
hm. if i run really fast do u think i could get to the theater in time to catch the 8pm showing of black panther

keith
You are not allowed to see that movie before me

lance
u cant stop me

keith
I run the ticket booth??
I control whether or not you get a ticket

lance
i will demand to see the manager like a middle aged white mom dont test me keith

keith
Christ
Fine
If you get here before 7:45 I’ll give you the matinee discount

lance
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
is that stacked on top of the friends and family discount?

keith
Since when were you my fucking friend

lance
wow. harsh. real harsh keith.
youd think after holding hands while stargazing in the middle of an open field u would have a little soft spot for me

keith
Lance shut up
I’m being soft enough for giving you the matinee price

lance
ok i just left my dorm
im booking it

keith
Take your time. Please.

 

MAR 6 AT 12:12 AM

lance
hey btw? UR A FUCKING SAAAAAAAAP

keith
Go to sleep

lance
A BIG OL SOFTIE

keith
I will ban you from this fucking theater

lance
U TOOK 7 DOLLARS OFF MY TICKET
UR FUCKING SOFT

keith
I should've known. I should've known you'd bring it up sooner or later.

lance
KEITH KOGANE EVERYBODY!!! WORLDS BIGGEST SAP!!!!

keith
Smart of you to yell this when you're safely in your dorm, where I can't kick your ass.

lance
well i was gonna bring it up after the movie finished but we got so wrapped up in conversation that it never came up

keith
You better hope my coworker doesn't rat me out for letting you behind the booth

lance
relax romelle was cool
she wouldnt do us dirty like that

keith
I guess so
Seriously. Go to bed
I know you have a quiz in your first class tomorrow

lance
ugh
look im gonna knock out an hr of studying and Then ill go to bed
i was gonna study earlier but SOMEONE distracted me with the possibility of movie ticket discounts

keith
I literally did not tell you to run to the theater but okay

lance
semantics
i should be going to sleep by time u finish ur shift

keith
No I get off at 2 a.m.

lance
gross

keith
It's only 4 days a week
When are you gonna get a job so I can get you fired almost immediately

lance
listen, buckaroo

keith
Wow. I fucking loathe you

lance
i like to be pampered, not pamper other ppl

keith
Even if you get paid?

lance
i guess thats a nice perk
but after u got the job at the theater i actually went to the the cafe off campus and ya boi is currently waiting to hear back from the manager

keith
Nice
Why didn't you tell anyone

lance
didnt wanna seem stupid if i didnt get the job

keith
Most people don't get it the first try

lance
this isnt my first time working

keith
...What
I assumed you'd never lifted a finger in your life

lance
ha ha.
i had jobs when i spent my summers in cuba

keith
What did you do?

lance
um
well i was a lifeguard last summer
and thats it :)

keith
Yeah, sure.
What else did you do?

lance
nothing!! its nothing big

keith
Seems big if you won't overshare it like you do with everything else

lance
wow expose me keith. expose me

keith
So what was it?

lance
im telling u its really nothing
i barely even remember what i did

keith
Sure you don't

lance
welp! gotta go study!
drink some water and have a good nights sleep when u get back to ur dorm

keith
Okay
Night

 


Keith Kogane > Hunk Garrett

 

1:25 PM

Keithinator
Hey quick question
What was Lance’s first job

Hunkatron
He worked on a farm, why?

Keithinator
You’re joking
There’s literally no way you’re serious right now

Hunkatron
Scout’s honor

Keithinator
Thank you
I owe you my life

 


Keith Kogane > Lance McClain

 

1:28 PM

keith
Hey you country fucking bumpkin

lance
hHUH??
HOW THE FCUK

keith
I have my sources

 

1:32 PM

keith
Lance (Message could not be sent.)
YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS BY BLOCKING ME (Message could not be sent.)

 

Chapter Text


Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane

 

MAR 12 AT 9:01 AM

Keith
Mom just called me
She said she’s okay with me doing it

Shiro
That’s great!
Aside that, are you okay with it?

Keith
Wdym

Shiro
Are you ready to do this?

Keith
I mean, I’m,
I think so?
Idk
It feels a little unreal

Shiro
Just remember I’m right behind you, Keith.

Keith
I know

Shiro
Have you told anyone else?

Keith
Well I told Hunk
And then Hunk told Lance

Shiro
Okay, sounds right.

Keith
They told me they hope all goes well

Shiro
When are you meeting her?

Keith
Mom said that she offered to pay for a round trip plane ticket this weekend so we’d have a few days to catch up

Shiro
Would you be missing classes??

Keith
No jfc
I’ll leave on Friday and be back in time for my Tuesday morning class

Shiro
Oh okay.
Just make sure you stay up to date with your assignments.

Keith
Congrats
You’re officially my fifth fucking parent

Shiro
Nothing wrong with “having your shit together.”

Keith
Don’t quote me wtf
But there’s one more thing

Shiro
What’s that?

Keith
Well
Mom told me that Adam reached out a few days ago

 

9:38 AM

Keith
Did you have an anuerysm

Shiro
*Aneurysm.

Keith
Geek ass
Seriously
Are you good

Shiro
Define good.

Keith
Shiro you have to confront it at one point or another

Shiro
You sure are one to talk.

Keith
I’m young and stupid so I have an excuse to handle my problems poorly
You, on the other hand, have had years to hone your maturity

Shiro
If I remember correctly, you’ve told me before that you are “not a baby” and “old enough to make decisions for yourself" and “stop treating me like a fucking kid, Shiro, I know what I’m doing.”

Keith
Yeah
Young and stupid
And stop quoting me

Shiro
I’m screenshotting this.

Keith
You're deviating
She wanted me to ask you if you wanna respond to him

Shiro
I?? Don't know??.?

Keith
You're falling deeper into the Useless Gay hole

Shiro
Don't ever say gay and hole in the same sentence again, thank you.

Keith
Do you want me to talk to him for you when I head back to Texas this weekend or what

Shiro
I guess. I don't really care.

Keith
Yeah okay
I know that line. I invented that line

Shiro
This weekend is supposed to be about you, not me!
You shouldn't be in the middle of a complicated mess with me and an ex.

Keith
Last I checked you and Adam didn't want to break up in the first place
So this is your chance to mend things up

Shiro
I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Keith
Why the hell are you shutting me out
I’m the one that pulls this shit
This is weird
Is it always this frustrating??

Shiro
You have absolutely no clue.

 


Keith Kogane > Romelle Sommers

 

MAR 13 AT 11:07 AM

Keith
Hey
Are you sure you’re okay with covering for me on Monday

 

11:15 AM

Romelle
nice to talk to u 2 keith.
but yes!!>> i think working 1 extra day might be beneficial to my work ethic in the long run haha

Keith
I could always take an earlier flight and get back before the shift starts

Romelle
don’t u dare!!!!
i won’t allow it.
this trip seems to be very important to u, i wouldn’t want to take any time away from it.
do u mind me asking why ur going home so suddenly?

Keith
It’s a long story

Romelle
i understand if it’s personal.

Keith
It’s just really...nerve wracking.

Romelle
whatever it is, i know u’ll persevere =)

Keith
Why the hell do you type your smiley faces like that
Anyway thanks.
I’m meeting my birth mother for the first time.

Romelle
ohh WOW
exciting!

Keith
She found and reached out to my adoptive mother and asked to meet me while she was in my town for a job apparently

Romelle
i wish u the best keith =)
i’m sure she’ll be lovely.

Keith
I appreciate it
But are you really okay with covering my shift?

Romelle
y. e. s.

Keith
Are you sure?

Romelle
if u ask me again i will tell ur friendboy that u smile when u text him.

Keith
You sneaky fucking lesbian

 


Lance McClain > Keith Kogane

 

MAR 15 AT 4:24 PM

lance
hey so hunk allura shay and i are going to olive garden later
u wanna come

keith
I would but I can't

lance
whyyy
i thought ur boss gave u tonight off

keith
Yeah but I’m in the city right now

lance
wtf are u doing out there

keith
Shopping for shit before I leave tomorrow

lance
what could u possibly need to buy for a 4 day trip to texas

keith
Lots of stuff!!

lance
like what

keith
Nothing

lance
ur making me suspicious

keith
There’s no reason to be suspicious

lance
...why couldnt this shopping wait til u got off the plane

keith
There’s No Reason To Be Suspicious

lance
come on MAAAAAAAAAAN
we havent hung out at all this week

keith
We were at the club just yesterday

lance
that doesnt count as hanging out!!!
we were there due to a prior commitment as club members

keith
Same difference

lance
point is we havent seen each other outside the club in like 2 weeks

keith
You came to the movie theater that one night

lance
DOESNT COUNT
are u sure u cant come eat with us for like an hour or so?

keith
Sorry
I just really need to buy this thing

lance
well
ok
ill see u next week i guess

keith
You too

 


Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett

 

4:40 PM

Lance
hes not coming

Hunk
:(
Sorry buddy

Lance
ugh
i shouldnt be so in my feelings but i AM

Hunk
Happens to the best of us

Lance
clearly im the best
and u know, hes right, ive seen him more than a few times this month
but ever since the semester started picking up weve been way too busy to really hang out
and now hes leaving the one weekend i finally have time to CHILLAX

Hunk
The timing does kinda suck
But it’s really important to him

Lance
i know i KNOW and i want him to go
its just like u said. the timing sucks

Hunk
Hey, at least he’s only leaving for a couple of days

Lance
then hes gonna come back and be so wrapped up in his classes and his job that ill barely get to slip in a clever texas joke in person

Hunk
Lance you’re so cute
You sound like a clingy boyfriend

Lance
shut UP thanks

 


Allura > LUCKY HOES

 

MAR 16 AT 3:16

Allura
Good luck Keith!!

Pidge
you’ll be gold dude

Keith
Thanks guys

Hunk
GOOOOOOO KEITH
What time does your plane leave again?

Keith
At 3:55
So I’m just chilling for now

Hunk
Are you nervous?
I’d be nervous if I was meeting my birth mother for the first time

Lance
hunk

Hunk
Sorry!! I’m just being honest

Keith
It’s okay
I’m not nervous right now

Lance
at all?

Keith
Yeah
I’m good. Promise.

Lance
well
let us know if that changes

Allura
Agreed
Are you excited to be going back to your motherland?

Keith
...Motherland

Pidge
the great continent of texas

Keith
Did you just. seriously call Texas a fucking continent
Anyway I guess so
It’ll be kinda lame not having Shiro around to annoy for a whole weekend

Shiro
Sure, bucko.

Matt
Stop exposing my sibling to your weird southern talk

Pidge
no please expose me to it
i wanna make fun of you guys

Keith
Bye screw you.

Allura
We do it out of love.
Especially considering we might not hear from you tonight!

Keith
I’m not meeting Krolia until tomorrow

Hunk
Oooooh Krolia’s her name
Sounds badass

Lance
sounds like a woman who would take hard shots in the middle of the day

Pidge
you say that like you know how to take a shot

Lance
stop BABYING ME

Keith
If she’s a day drinker then like mother like son I guess

Shiro
Sorry, WHAT?

Keith
Oh look my plane’s here

Matt
You have 17 minutes left until it leaves

Keith
Gonna hop in now.
See you guys in 20 years

 


Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane

 

MAR 17 AT 11:02 AM

Shiro
Hey. You met her yet?

 

9:56 PM

Keith
Shhe’s so fucking cool”,

Shiro
Have you spent the entire day with her???

 

11:15 PM

Keith
Yeah
I just got home

Shiro
Oh wow.
How’d it go?

Keith
It was...hard, at first.
I kept thinking about how she gave me up, but we talked for a long time and she gave me the answers to all my questions
I think that’s what I needed all this time, you know. A reason
And she gave me a little time to process it
Then she told me about the blade she left me
SHIRO SHE SHOWED ME SOME COOL KNIFE TRICKS AND I WANNA SHOW THEM TO YOU WHEN I GET BACK TO UNI ON TUESDAY SO CLEAR YOUR FUCKING SCHEDULE

Shiro
Keith I’m not going to throw knives at beer cans.

Keith
NO THEYRE NWE TRICKS
I CAN DO THEM SAFELY

Shiro
You’re lucky I’m feeling happy for you.

 


– Sunday, March 18, 2018, 9:12 AM –

1-800-MOTHMAN to “This never would’ve happened if you’d just admitted that my gun noises were better than yours Shiro. Seriously my gun noises were the best and you’re all just bitter.”

 

1-800-MOTHMAN
Anybody wanna videocall

allurabura
Me!!

 

– 9:14 AM –

Call started

 

– 10:30 AM –

Shining Light
WHY WOUDL YOU GUYS START WITHOUT US!!!! UNFAIR

pidge fuck!
bc they’re fucking fake

 

Shining Light , macaroni salad , Takashi , pidge fuck! joined the call.

 

– 2:24 PM –

Call ended

 

allurabura
Have fun with Krolia today!

1-800-MOTHMAN
Will do
Have fun in your Statistics class today :)

allurabura
:) Thank You, Keith.

1-800-MOTHMAN
:) You’re Welcome, Allura.

macaroni salad
Allura hates that class

Shining Light
He knows

pidge fuck!
let’s go before their chaotic friendship destroys the very fabric of space and time

 


Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane

 

2:35 PM

Keith
Krolia just picked me up for lunch
Also
I hate my life

Shiro
Keith, you should really coordinate things like this.

Keith
FUCK him
I go out and buy a generic fucking bedspread and some big ass dumbbells for what??? For him to go completely fucking M.I.A. when I finally have time to skype and show it off in the background????
I hate him so much I’m gonna fuckign fly into the sun

Shiro
If it makes you feel better, I think the plain bedspread looked really cool compared to your old one with all the airplanes and jets on it.
:^)

Keith
Hot take; I feel worse now

 


– Sunday, March 18, 2018, 3:02 PM –

in beyonce we trust to “This never would’ve happened if you’d just admitted that my gun noises were better than yours Shiro. Seriously my gun noises were the best and you’re all just bitter.”

 

in beyonce we trust
hey i just woke up lmao
anybody still wanna videocall

 

– 3:03 PM –

Call started

allurabura , macaroni salad , Shining Light , pidge fuck! joined the call.

 


Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane

 

3:04 PM

Keith
I FUCKIAXALSDKL HDWIHEU

 


matte > science sluts

 

MAR 19 AT 1:01 PM

matte
Good afternoon baybee :*

hunkle
Matt you make my heart go doki doki

matte
H-HENTAI!!!

hunkle
B............BAKA!!

pidger
i hate this. i hate this. why am i here

matte
Oh hey pidge

hunkle
Sorry but you know that when he starts, I can't stop

matte
And hunk’s too cute for me NOT to start

pidger
start what??? i am so fucking lost
i gave up trying to understand you two eons ago

matte
That's a lie. you understand everything

pidger
correction: i gave up trying to tolerate your conjoined horrific behavior eons ago

matte
You're just mad that hunk can't take your side because of his commitment to me

hunkle
Pidge is a part of you, Matt
I commit to them as much as I do to you

matte
YOU ARE SO PERFECT

hunkle
I KNOW

pidger
matt i want an eyedrop bottle full of bleach for my birthday

 


Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane

 

5:29 PM

Shiro
So. Today's your last day, huh?

Keith
Yeah
I’m leaving super early in the morning tomorrow
But Krolia said she'd try to make it for spring break next month

Shiro
That's good.
I'm really glad you had a good time.

Keith
Yeah. I guess I had nothing to worry about in the end

Shiro
Yeah...

Keith
What's up with you
Is something wrong?

Shiro
I've given a lot of thought to what you told me before you left.
Maybe the way things turned out for you is giving me false hope, but I don't know.
Keith, I’m terrified. I can't even tell you how scared I am.

Keith
It's okay, Shiro

Shiro
I just know that I want to be happy again.
And seeing you take the chance to meet your birth mother despite how scared you were, I feel like...I can do the same.
Tell Mom to give Adam my new number.

 

Chapter Text


Keith Kogane > Lance McClain

 

MAR 20 AT 4:16 PM

keith
Yo
I just got out of class
Can I come see you before my shift

lance
oh.......so i exist now huh?

keith
You want me to come over or what

lance
maybe.

keith
You were the one that complained about not hanging out all month

lance
ur exaggerating!!
but i AM free now
last time ill be free in a while tho

keith
Why’s that?

lance
bc ya boi is officially a coffee shop hoe
im gonna be working fridays, saturdays, and sundays

keith
...Which are the only days I have off.

lance
i know
it was the only timeslot that worked with my schedule

keith
Not blaming you
I get it
I guess now we actually won’t be seeing each other that often then

lance
now u gotta make the most of the moments we see each other every week!

keith
Right.
I’ll be there soon

 


Lance McClain > Allura Altea

 

4:22 PM

lance
help, my bisexuality is acting up :(

princesa
What did Keith do

lance
he was himself.

princesa
I’m so sorry

lance
i know :(((((
we’re hanging out AT LONG LAST and its only gonna be like an hr before he leaves

princesa
Oh Lance...my sweet, soft, gentle plum

lance
stop

princesa
I’m sure you two will find a way to spend more time together
You can trust me when I say that Keith enjoys your company

lance
well i already know that
everyone enjoys my company

princesa
Sure they do :)

 


“—And then you clap your right hand to theirs, like so,” Lance’s right palm claps Keith’s, “and then your left hand to theirs, then clap twice, and start the whole thing over again. Have you seriously never played Numbers before?”

Keith’s hands stay frozen in the air. His face twists in confusion. “Uh... no.”

Lance shrugs and reaches over to grab the water bottle on his end table. “Me and my friends would play it all the time in, like, fifth grade. I think it’s changed over the years, though.”

“Evolution is a natural part of life, I guess,” Keith says, leaning back against the headboard of Lance’s bed.

Lance sits opposite of him with his legs crossed, and put his hands on his hips. The water bottle lies forgotten by his thigh. “You have to give me credit though,” he says, “Assuming the job to culture you has taken a huge toll on my mental health.”

Keith regards him doubtfully. “As if it wasn’t in shambles before you met me.”

Lance yawns behind his hand. “You're getting a little too real there, buddy.”

Lance raises his arms into the air and stretches like a cat, grunting, and ruffles his hair as they come back down. Keith mirrors Lance and crosses his legs, opening his mouth to respond until he sees the dazed expression on Lance’s face and it dawns on him how absolutely spent he’s looked the past few weeks.

Keith folds his arms and asks, “Have you been getting any sleep?”

Lance sheepishly averts his gaze. “Well.”

“Lance,” Keith warns, and Lance rushes forward to imitate clipping his mouth shut. Pushing aside the surprise of having Lance’s fingers brush directly against his lips, Keith lets out a noise between a sigh and a growl.

“I’ve just been really focused on trying to get my GPA up, and my Trigonometry class is killing me,” Lance whines, “I’m dying, Keith.”

He still hasn’t moved his fucking fingers. “Why haven’t you asked Matt to tutor you?” Keith suggests, muffled by the hand that physically shushed him.

Lance shakes his head, and finally pulls away. Keith releases a long, long breath. “I wanted to,” Lance admits, “but he’s already got a lot on his plate, dealing with the graduation process and all. On top of that, him and Hunk are dating now and I don’t wanna take any time away from that!” Lance’s eyes soften. “I want Hunk to be with his hubby.”

“Stop calling him that,” Keith pleads desperately. He sighs and rubs the back of his neck. “And don’t turn me into Shiro right now.”

Lance grins at that, and beckons him to continue. “Please, go on. Chastise me.”

“Fine. Sleep more,” is all Keith says.

Lance hums. “How eloquent. I’m enlightened.”

“Look at you!” Keith waves a hand toward him, “You’re practically falling over yourself. You look like you could pass out any minute now.”

Lance glares at him. “Well, thanks for pointing out my less than perfect complexion.” He rubs his cheeks somberly. “I haven’t had time to do my whole skin care regimen lately.”

Keith rolls his eyes to the ceiling. “Your complexion’s fine.” Lance narrows his eyes at him, as if that’s something Keith would care to lie about. Well...maybe he’d lie just to shut him up. Ignoring the skeptic look, Keith peeks over the edge of the bed at his messenger bag and announces in a gentler voice, “I should probably get going.”

“Wh–” Lance stutters, and then snaps his fingers for Keith to whip his head up. “No! You can still stay for like another half hour!”

“Lance, you’re sleep-deprived,” Keith stresses. “You should take a nap or something.”

“You know what? I will. Not because you told me to!” Lance jabs a finger at Keith’s chest. “Because I want to.”

“Whatever. And remember to take your binder off.”

“I’m not even wearing it today! Don’t patronize me, asshole,” Lance flicks his forehead and Keith slaps his wrist away. “Besides, I’m just gonna wait ‘til Hunk gets back from English.”

Keith raises an eyebrow at that. Can’t he just hit the pillow and knock out? “What does Hunk need to be here for?”

Lance shrugs, fidgeting and gazing out the window of the dorm. “I sleep better when I’m cuddled up. Hunk’s a great cuddler.”

The cogs in Keith’s heard slowly start to turn, and a horrible, horrible idea manifests within it. The idea sounds good in theory, but in practice? Certain death. He considers weighing the pros and cons, but finds he doesn’t care about the cons—in fact, there are no cons. Instead of voicing it, he just opens his arms up with this frightening, constipated look on his face. Lance doesn’t even react. Just stares at him. Keith considers walking right off the edge of a cliff.

Lance blinks. “Are you—What’s happening right now.”

“Come on,” Keith says.

Lance jerks in surprise. “Keith, what?”

“Just fucking–” Keith aggressively gestures to himself. “Get over here.”

And with the eagerness of a child on Christmas morning, Lance springs to attention and crawls into the space between Keith's thighs, hooks his legs over one, and curls into his chest.

Keith blinks. He’s almost sure his heart is going to burst right out of his ribcage, and he wills himself not to move a single muscle. If he moves, he knows he'll feel the searing heat of every point of contact with Lance's body, and he doesn't know how to react once it settles in that this is actually—actually happening.

“Are you okay?” Lance asks, raising an eyebrow. Lance’s voice vibrates against his collarbone. “You went completely rigid, dude.”

Keith clenches his jaw. “I’m good.”

Lance smiles, relaxes his head on Keith’s shoulder. “You ever cuddled with someone before?”

“No. Well, I’ve... tried to,” Keith admits.

“Oh?”

“With the boyfriends I had in high school.”

Oh,” Lance snickers. “Alright, Casanova.”

“Shut up.” Keith's blushing now, redder than a fire hydrant. He's shocked he wasn't blushing before. “I was never really good at the... emotional part of it.”

Lance closes his eyes. “Hmm... I see.”

In a sudden burst of confidence, or maybe feeling safe now that Lance seems too tired to notice, Keith slowly circles his arms around Lance, and says quietly, “They'd tell me I was too detached.”

Lance moves closer, and one hand rises to hug Keith's neck. Lance’s eyebrows knit together, and he says in a softer voice, “I don't think you're detached.”

Keith looks down into Lance’s wispy brown hair. “Maybe I was never in love with them.”

Lance yawns, sighing as his cheek smushed against the fabric of Keith's shirt. “You think so?”

“I know so,” Keith decides. He listens to Lance's slowed breathing. “It never felt... like this.”

Lance nods absently, and teases, “Ohh. There goes that soft spot.”

Keith sighs, shutting his eyes. Why is his heart still hammering? “Stop talking.”

“No,” Lance defies, but it sounds more like an incoherent murmur than a word. “You love my company, just admit it.”

“And if I do?”

“Then...” Lance trails off. “Then that's good.” His body goes lax, and he whispers sleepily, “Very good.”

Keith scoffs and shakes his head fondly. “Lance,” Keith nudges him gently, but he doesn't shift or stir. He waits for a reaction that never comes, and he guesses his resolve is crumbling anyway. What does he have to lose?

“Can I tell you something?” Keith faintly asks him.

Lance mumbles unintelligibly in response.

Keith feels the rise and fall of Lance’s chest, certain that he's drifting off now. “I think...”

Lance’s fingers twitch by the nape of Keith's neck, and he hugs tighter. All at once he curls into Keith like he's a pillow, like it isn't eighty degrees outside and their shirts aren't sticking to the sweat on their skin, like he's slipped into the best dream of his life and doesn't want to let go.

Keith gives up. His breath leaves him entirely in a moment of terrifying realization.

“I’m falling in love with you.”

 


Keith Kogane > Katelyn Holt

 

6:45 PM

red light
Call me. I need to talk about how fucking gay I am

 


Hunk > LUCKY HOES

 

MAR 21 AT 12:05 PM

Hunk
Matt would you still date me if I was into vore

Matt
Omg....babe what if i said i’m into vore too

Hunk
Omg

Matt
Eat me.

Pidge has left the group.

Shiro has left the group.

Keith Kogane has left the group.

Allura Altea has left the group.

Matt
Kinkshaming is Real

Hunk
Lance why are you the only one still here

Lance
i wanna be vored

Matt
I genuinely can’t tell if you’re being serious or not

 


You have (1) new friend request!

 

Adam Wakefield
Confirm | Delete

 

You and Adam Wakefield are now friends.

 


Adam Wakefield > Takashi Shirogane

 

1:02 PM

Adam
hh
hi
how are you?

Takashi
Adam.

Adam
shiro.

Takashi
You don’t need to bother with formalities.

Adam
...alright.
i know it’s been,, a while.

Takashi
Seven months.

Adam
you’ve been keeping count?

Takashi
No. I don’t know. I guess.

Adam
i have, too.

Takashi
Regardless
Why did you want to talk to me?

Adam
well.
you want me to be honest?

Takashi
That’d be ideal, yeah.

Adam
okay. i miss you.
my chest hurts every time i think of you.
and i’m sorry that things ended the way they did.
i know i don’t deserve your forgiveness, but i can’t tell you how sorry i am for walking away.

 

1:50 PM

Takashi
I’m sorry, too.

Adam
you have nothing to apologize for??

Takashi
Actually, I do.
I’m sorry I prioritized my ambitions over you...a lot.
I’m sorry I never showed you how, um
important you were to me.
I’m sorry I even gave you a REASON to walk away.

Adam
oh my god, stop.
i shouldn't have left you when you needed me. i was wrong.

Takashi
Thank you for saying that but
We both were.

Adam
okay...i can agree with that.
as long as you understand.

Takashi
I do.
I mean., you know, I understand. Not like “I do" I do, just. Yeah.

Adam
you’re a disaster.
look, i know everything can’t be fixed with one apology.
and we don’t have to move too fast, but i want to be a part of your life again.

Takashi
You do?

Adam
do you think i spent three months helping your mom renovate your old room for shits and giggles.

Takashi
Woah woah hold the fucking phone, she did WHAT??
MY OLD ROOM??

Adam
i’m guessing she didn’t tell you that part.
didn’t keith say anything about it when he went back?

Takashi
NO????????????

Adam
oh. i guess i shouldn’t have said that.

Takashi
You...helped my mom renovate a room for three months just to get my contact info.

Adam
so what if i fucking did. you’re not the only disaster here. get over yourself.

Takashi
I really missed you.

Adam
shiro shut up.

Takashi
Call me by my first name, you coward.

Adam
takashi?

Takashi
Yeah?

Adam
shut the hell up.

 


Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane

 

2:36 PM

Shiro
So, shitface.
When were you gonna tell me Mom turned my room into a home gym.

Keith
Adam hit you up huh?

Shiro
Keith, answer the question.

Keith
Did you guys make up

Shiro
Keith.
You SAW him. In our house.

Keith
Yeah we ate lasagna and caught up with each other
It wasn’t a big deal

Shiro
Okay, the point is you saw him working all hot and sweaty for four days and didn’t even think to take a picture so don’t talk to me.

 


Lance > LUCKY HOES

 

MAR 27 AT 4:29 AM

Lance
whoooooo wants to get high as a kite

Matt
Is hunk with you

Lance
yepyepyep

Matt
IS HUNK HIGH

Lance
idk

Hunk
No

Lance
no hes not high

Matt
Or so he says...
Baby what’s my favorite color

Hunk
SEA SALT
NO NO I KNOW HTIS ONE
GRASS

Matt
Yeah it’s green

Hunk
YS
WHAT’S MT PRIZE

Matt
Did you guys roll a joint

Lance
no he made edibles
THERES 1 LEFT!! COME GET IT WHILE ITS HOT

Matt
I’m gonna sit this one out

Lance
wild
who ARE u

Matt
I wanna be sober for this.

Hunk
You ddidn’t tell me what I win for getting your question right

Matt
My heart

Hunk
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Lance
he squealed

Matt
Hey hunk

Hunk
Ye

Matt
You’re so handsome

Hunk Garrett removed Matt.

Lance
WHTA

Hunk
I’m not st....,,..strong enough

 


Lance McClain > Keith Kogane

 

MAR 30 AT 7:49 PM

lance
romelle visited me while i was working and somehow managed to break the espresso machine from across the front counter

 


Keith Kogane > Romelle Sommers

 

7:52 PM

Keith
What in fresh hell are you doing at Lance’s workplace

Romelle
i just wanted to come see him!!
i suspected he’d need the help of a big strong woman if anything were to go wrong =)

Keith
Please stop sending that smiley face

Romelle
u know,, he looks very cute in his apron and all.
and coming from a lesbian, that’s quite a feat.

Keith
I never even hinted or so much as implied that I was attracted to Lance

Romelle
uhh neither did i? o_o??

Keith
Bye.

Romelle
[image sent]

Keith
Is that
flour on his cheek

Romelle
yup =)
i told him i’d take this photo of him to post on the ‘gram but i don’t even have an account lol

Keith
Just fucking say instagram

Romelle
i can use lingo any way i want!! die mad about it!!

 


Acxa Quintana > Keith Kogane

 

APR 1 AT 9:12 AM

Acxa
Hey.
I have feelings for you

Keith
Good one

Acxa
Lmaooo can you imagine

 


Lance > GSA Season 2

 

10:10 AM

Lance
i have an announcement to make

Nyma
oh i wanna hear this

Pidge
we already know you’re a furry

Nyma
he’s a what now

Rolo
A wh........what

Plaxum
Uwu yarf am I right ladies?

Rolo
I’m sorry what the fuck did you just say

Lance
lotor can u please step forward

Keith
How many goddamn kinks do you have

Lance
LOTOR

Lotor
To what do I owe the pleasure.

Lance
i wanted to apologize to u
ive been giving u a hard time since the day i met u
and i just wanted to say im sorry for how ive treated u and i hope we can start over :)

Lotor
You think I'm a fool don't you? You think I don't know what day it is? You think I don't know what godforsaken day it is? You think I’m not fucking aware?
You think I don't know what absolute drivel you're up to? That I’m going to give you the answer you desire to make a fool out of myself for your personal enjoyment? That I’ll give you that satisfaction?
You have the fucking gall to sit there and test my patience with this mediocre act of kindness. I have no time for this. Your joke was executed in vain.

Lance
april fools lol

 

Chapter Text


Takashi Shirogane > Adam Wakefield

 

APR 1 AT 2:01 PM

Takashi
So our flight leaves at four and we’ll land by eight at the latest.

Adam
wait what.
since when were you coming back to texas??
there is literally no context to what you’ve just told me.

Takashi
Hm. Idk.
Do you even know what week it is?

Adam
the first week of april?
oh i get it. april fool’s.
you got me. i’m lietralkly scremaidnfnf.

Takashi
Adam I know you’re gay but keysmashing just doesn’t work for you.

Adam
whatever!!!

Takashi
After Keith and I get settled, I’m going to your house and throwing rocks at your window.

Adam
why are you still entertaining this joke.

Takashi
:^)

Adam
now i know why keith wants to beat you up all the time.

 


honk > Disgustening.

 

5:10 PM

honk
It kinda sucks that we won't be at school for Pidge's birthday :(

lonce
theyve officially joined the club of having birthdays during school breaks

koith
A club full of lames
Except Hunk

lonce
ur such a kiss ass

allora
My birthday is technically during a break too
At least, it is NOW
Considering classes let out at the end of May

mott
When's your birthday allura
I’m asking for science

allora
June 24th!

mott
THE DAY OF THE PRIDE MARCH

honk
I KNOW RIGHT

koith
K. You're not lame anymore

allora
Thanks you funky little gay man

koith
Everything you say makes it harder for me not to run to your dorm and tomahawk you

lonce
keith WHO the fuck even says that anymore bdgsksjksjdjd

shoro
I have nightmares about middle school Keith.

lonce
ooo speaking of which
i want more anecdotes

koith
WHt the fuck
I thought you stopped telling him stories about me

shoro
Did you...actually believe me.

koith
Are you fucjkidgndjs

honk
So back to Pidge
Do you guys have anything planned for them back at home?

mott
Well we're not doing a party
We only threw one for their sixteenth bc our mom really wanted to
And pidge is such a momma's kid

honk
Matt last night you cried for an hour because your mom couldn't tuck you into bed

mott
I tell you these things in confidence you alienfucker

 


Adam Wakefield > Takashi Shirogane

 

APR 2 AT 1:23 AM

Adam
wkld
what hte FUCK

Takashi
OPEN UP

Adam
WHAT THEHFUCK
ARE YOU ACTUALLY THROWING ROCKCS AT MY WINDOW

Takashi
TICK TOCK

Adam
TTAKASHI YOU CRACKED MY FUCKING WINDOW

 

5:56 AM

Adam
weird first date, but ok.

Takashi
I may not have said it out loud, but
You’re as handsome as ever.

Adam
i HH
shut up.
i have a cracked window now because of you.

Takashi
But it was romantic!

Adam
we aren’t seventeen anymore you DUMBASS

Takashi
I’ll take care of the window.
It was worth it to see you again.

Adam
you’ve been,,
you’ve been watching dating tip videos again, haven’t you.

Takashi
What no, what. No. What?
I mean,
Are they uh
Working?

Adam
no.

 

9:30 AM

Adam
maybe.

Takashi
$@!%#FJ&

 


Lance > FOOLISH HOES

 

APR 3 AT 12:00 AM

Lance
WHAT is up youtube, ITS ya boi, BACK at it again with another video

Pidge
please shut up

Keith
Now in my last video I told you guys how much I fucking hate snails

Pidge
what

Hunk
SMASH that like button if you want to know how bad my cardiac arrest was on a scale from one to ten

Pidge
hh. wh

Matt
CAN WE HIT FIFTY LIKES?

Shiro
Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe for more content from your boi ButtEater5000.

Pidge
c. come again

Lance
GUYS things are getting crazy now COMMENT BELOW WHAT U THINK IS GONNA HAPPEN NEXT

Keith
Don’t forget to subscribe please I’m trying to make ends meet

Pidge
can someone tell me what is happening

Allura
STORYTIME: STALKED BY MY UBER DRIVER??

Lance
I Was Threatened.

Shiro
Welcome back to: Me Screaming.

Pidge
pee your pants. all of you.

 


Hunk Garrett > Katelyn Holt

 

12:06 AM

hunkydory
Happy birthday!! I love you :DDD

katieperry
hhhdhhdks

 


Matthew Holt > Katelyn Holt

 

12:07 AM

bitchface
Happy birthday my beautiful powerful genius sibling

pidgeotto
eat dirt.

bitchface
<333

pidgeotto
..........<3

 


Takashi Shirogane > Katelyn Holt

 

12:07 AM

father shiro
Happy birthday!
[image sent]

Pidge
IS THAT A PICTURE OF KEITH IN A DINOSAUR ONESIE

father shiro
Taken last summer.

Pidge
SHIRO I LOVE YOU

 


Allura Altea > Katelyn Holt

 

12:08 AM

allurass
Happy birthday!!
You are my soul

Pidge
i don't know what that means but it makes me want to cry

 


Lance McClain > Katelyn Holt

 

12:08 AM

lanceylance
happy fbzJdjzldhsksk birthday dhsnsjaksnzn

pidgeypidge
thank xhzjjdjzjdj you sbzjskzjxkxj

  


Keith Kogane > Katelyn Holt

 

12:08 AM

red light
Hbd

green light
the sheer level of emotion that your voice conveys is earth-shaking.

red light
I will also beat living shit out of anyone that pisses you off today

green light
get ready to pummel matt when you see him next week then

 


Adam Wakefield > Takashi Shirogane

 

APR 5 AT 3:20 PM

Adam
i got out of work early today.
you want me to bring you and keith something to eat?

Takashi
Yeah, one sec.
Keith said he wants Wendy’s.

Adam
say no more.

Takashi
Can you pick up some cough drops for me, too?
My thrussy’s feeling a little hoarse :(

Adam
i beg your FUCKING pardon.

 


Katelyn Holt > Keith Kogane

 

APR 8 AT 7:15 PM

green light
sorry your mom couldn’t see you over spring break man :/

red light
It’s all good
We skyped for like 3 nights in a row

green light
nice
you never actually told me what she does for a living

red light
That’s because I’m legally not allowed to disclose that information

green light
what
what does that
mean

red light
That’s confidential

green light
wtf???

red light
I’m kidding she works at a Taekwondo center
That’s where she met my dad

green light
fucking christ you had me thinking she could bust me for pirating all 5 seasons of twilight zone
i thought your dad was a firefighter??

red light
Well my mom told me he volunteered at the center from time to time
And then one day while he was training
She came crashing into his life

green light
how romantic

red light
No I mean she literally kicked someone so hard they flew across the mat and crashed into my dad

green light
EVEN BETTER

 


Lance McClain > Keith Kogane

 

APR 9 AT 7:04 PM

lance
dude we should go to the movies

 

7:23 PM

keith
Lance.
I'm working

lance
i MEAN when ur not on the clock

keith
When are you thinking?

lance
saturday morning!! since i work evenings
and i know uve got nothing going on

keith
Wow

lance
no offense

keith
A lot taken

lance
come on.
what do u do on saturdays besides drink beer and watch criss angel

keith
How the hell do you even know I watch that
That show's for fucking losers

lance
its on your dvr

keith
Anyway what movie do you want to see

lance
i n f i n i t y w a r

keith
I had a feeling you'd say that
I'll book the seats for the 11 AM showing

lance
wait no
ill pay

keith
Already booked them

lance
wtf!!!!

keith
If you really wanna spend money you can pay for lunch after the movie

lance
.....fine

keith
We can get smth from In n Out

lance
guess thats fair
u pay for the movie i want and i pay for the food u want

keith
Okay
I'll pick you up from your dorm at 10 on Saturday

lance
its a date

 

8:30 PM

lance
wwait
i didnt mean like,

keith
No I know
It's not

lance
not
yeah

keith
Yeah

lance
yuP
SEE U LATER

 


Keith Kogane > Romelle Sommers

 

8:32 PM

Keith
Stop fucking grinning at me or I’m reporting you to the manager

 


itshunkbaybee > brown & beautiful

 

APR 14 AT 12:23 AM

itshunkbaybee
Siri why do I feel like I’m floating every time I kiss my boyfriend

shae
relatable.

queen
O..h/....MOOD?

itshunkbaybee
He’s so cute I wanna DIE

queen
Ah new love
Remember when we were like that Shay?

itshunkbaybee
Literally what are you talking about
You and Shay are STILL like that

queen
False
She’s getting tired of me, I can tell

shae
my love, i could never be tired of you.

queen
She’s saying that to butter me up

shae
i mean it!
allura you are the most beautiful girl i’ve ever laid eyes on.

queen
HhklJKF

shae
you are the star of my solar system, the red to my rose,

itshunkbaybee
The Alexa to your Despacito

queen
Omg kin :)

shae
moon to my ocean, i love you but you’re not cool.

queen
I most certainly am!!
Where the bloody hell is Lance
This is where he would jump in to defend me :(

itshunkbaybee
He’s on a DATE with Keith

shae
...SAY WHAT NOW?

queen
?!!!!?!?!?!?!??!!

itshunkbaybee
Jk
They’re not calling it a date, but it’s highkey a date

queen
Oh. Lame.

shae
and i thought wlw were oblivious.

 


Hunk Garrett > Lance McClain

 

2:01 PM

Hunk
Jeez the movie must be super long
Was it good?

Lance
i am a different person now
i think i dissociated for 15 minutes after the credits started rolling

Hunk
You’re scaring me

Lance
rightfully so

Hunk
Moving on. You guys gonna eat now?

Lance
yeah im getting him some in n out

Hunk
Dinner AND a show?
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)

 

4:25 PM

Lance
ignoring that
and it was LUNCH
im omw to work now so ill be back in the dorm later tonight

 


Hunk > FOOLISH HOES

 

4:27 PM

Hunk
Guess who just got back from their DATE

Shiro
How was the date?

Allura
HOW WAS THE DATE?

Pidge
dd a  t E

Matt
When’s the wedding

Lance
stfu

Pidge
how was the mf date!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lance
it was 2 friends hanging out

Allura
Dinner and a show?
Sounds like a date

Lance
IT WAS LUNCH

Keith
He got me a phucking beesechurger

Lance
and i regret it now.

Shiro
So it wasn’t a date?

Lance
MUST i repeat myself

Keith
You guys love milking udders that aren’t there huh

Allura
,,,Keith.

Matt
What in god’s name did you JUST say

Lance
the country jumped out

 


Lance McClain > Allura Altea

 

4:37 PM

lance
i mean
does it count as a date if i, like,
held his hand or something

princesa
You know exactly what counts as a date

lance
ohhhhmy god UR RIGHT
KEITH AND I WENT ON A DATE

princesa
Can I screenshot this

lance
NO

 


Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane

 

4:35 PM

Keith
Shiro he
HE held my FFUCKING HAND
IN THE THEATER

Shiro
Sigh.

Keith
HE LEANED HIS HEAD ON YM SHOULDER
W HTT

Shiro
Hey remember when you called me the useless gay?
Eat your fucking words.

 

Chapter Text


Hunk > FOOLISH HOES

 

APR 25 AT 2:01 PM

Hunk
I miss you guys :(

Allura
Hunk you helped me rollerset my hair last night

Shiro
I help you study for your quizzes every other afternoon

Matt
We kissed for at least 12 hours yesterday

Pidge
could’ve gone my whole life without that information! thanks!

Keith
You taught me how to cook rice on Monday

Hunk
Okay but still

Lance
i hope u taught him to cook it without leaving raspa

Keith
What the fuck is raspa

Lance
the rice that burns to the bottom of the pot

Keith
I like eating that

Lance
ugh......why are u my friend

Pidge
thought you guys went on a date

Lance
g2g to class bye

Hunk
Your next class is in three hours

Lance
going in early bye

 


Keith Kogane > Lance McClain

 

3:01 PM

keith
So
I have a question

lance
fire away compadre

keith
Did it,
I mean
Did we go on a date?

lance
lmjslsmmaaooooo NO
it would have been a date if we Liked each other
which we dont lol

keith
Oh
Yeah of course.

lance
yup haha

keith
We don’t?

lance
what
no? we dont. what?? no

keith
Right

lance
RIGHT

keith
...Right

 


Pidge > FOOLISH HOES

 

APR 27 AT 7:27 PM

Pidge
where the FUCK is allura
she’s been m.i.a. all day

Lance
probably hittin a tea flavored blunt by the boston harbor

Allura
Enough of your British jokes

Lance
o shit!!!

Pidge
where the hell have you been
we were supposed to skype at 5

Allura
Omg I forgot
I’m so sorry Pidge

Pidge
the police have honed in on your location. bye.

Allura
I’m at Shiro’s
He wanted somebody to play Scrabble with lol

Keith
Ugh

Lance
shiro i hate u

Pidge
who’s winning

Allura
Who do you think ;)

Shiro
She’s lost the last eight games and all of you are officially uninvited to my wedding.

Matt
Did i?? miss something???? wedding?????

Keith
He’s head over heels for Adam again and he’s fantasizing about their future
Like a fucking loser

Matt
Lmao hunk can relate

Hunk
I wish you would shut up
Forever
Is that too much to ask

Pidge
i ask myself the same thing everyday

Shiro
Keith’s just mad because he’s not the best man.

Keith
After eating all your shit food I fucking deserve to be

Allura
I’d have to agree

Keith
There Allura goes. Winning my respect again. How does she do it.

Hunk
Does Adam know how to cook?

Shiro
I can cook just fine!

Matt
You once made me mac and cheese yourself and when i took my first bite i heard a crunch so loud i almost pissed my pants because i thought you were trying to kill me

Hunk
DOES ADAM KNOW HOW TO COOK?

Shiro
I’m muting my notifications.

Hunk
TELL ME ADAM KNOWS HOW TO COOK

Lance
im fucking shaking

Allura
He won’t tell me if Adam knows how to cook either :(

Hunk
KEITH DOES ADAM KNOW HOW TO COOK

Lance
keith just went offline
what the fuckdksk

Pidge
he’s killing us off one by one
matt’s next

Matt
How do u know that??

Pidge
i don’t i just hope so

Lance
allura tell me ur still here

Pidge
she just went offline too ddjksdjksj

Lance
FUCK

Hunk
HELLO?? HELLO??? IT’S SO DARK IN HERE

 

10:13 PM

Keith
Yeah he knows how to cook

Lance
dude wtf

Hunk
I had seven heart attacks

Keith
My phone died goddamn

Pidge
FOR THREE HOURS

Keith
It be like that

Pidge
,,,,,,,,,,,yeah you right

Allura
Shiro had confiscated my phone for the rest of the game >:/

Shiro
Within reason.

Keith
Shiro I love you and whatever
But you cannot fucking cook

Shiro
YES I CAN.

Keith Kogane added Adam Wakefield.

Adam
he can’t cook.

Keith Kogane removed Adam Wakefield.

Lance
legend

Pidge
i feel like the gay flag just flashed right in front of my eyes

Shiro
HE HASN’T EVEN HAD MY COOKING FOR MORE THAN HALF A YEAR.

Keith
And he’s glowing

Matt
I envy the man

Allura
If you truly care about Adam you won’t serve a damn thing to him

 


Takashi Shirogane > Adam Wakefield

 

10:30 PM

Takashi
Why didn’t you defend me from all those mean teenagers??

Adam
it’s true and they should say it.

 


Hunk > FOOLISH HOES

 

MAY 1 AT 6:15 AM

Hunk named the group MATERNAL HOES.

Hunk
For all the moms out there this month

Pidge
amen to that

Matt
Double amen

Keith
It’s a solid amen

Lance
yyye aa  a Boi

Allura
I’m sure my mother is swelling with pride watching me be a maternal hoe from the heavens!! :)

Shiro
Sending her my thanks for your existence.

Hunk
TRIPLE AMEN TO THAT

Allura
<333!

 


Romelle Sommers > Keith Kogane

 

MAY 2 AT 11:22 PM

Romelle
omg ur phone is blowing up!!
who r u talking to =o

thekeithman!
It’s the group chat I’m in

Romelle
oh the one lance is in!
ugh. seems like it’s constantly lit. i’m envious xC

thekeithman!
It’s because our friends Pidge and Matt never fucking sleep
Allura, too. Idk. Her sleep schedule is so weird it scares me
Think you’d like her
She’s British too

Romelle
OMG
U’VE KNOWN ANOTHER BRIT AND KEPT THIS INFORMATION FROM ME THE WHOLE TIME I’VE KNOWN U!!!?!?!!!!!?!!!!?!!?

thekeithman!
Cause I knew you’d freak out like that
STOP TAPPING THE GLASS OF MY FUCKING BOOTH

Romelle
i want 2 meet them!!!!
can i pls =CCC
i’ll behave. promise.

thekeithman!
Fine
Only because I know you’re a lonely loser

Romelle
suck my toes >=C

 


Matt > MATERNAL HOES

 

11:45 PM

Matt
[image sent]
[image sent]
Lance this one’s for you
[image sent]
Wait nvm he’s sleeping

Pidge
alright
i’m gonna say it.

Matt
Okay i’ll send more memes to flush it out
[image sent]
[image sent]

Pidge
despite what i often say i actually value lance’s friendship very much and i would kill anyone or anything that hurts him and he’s like a fifth big brother to me

Matt
[image sent]
[image sent]
[image sent]
[image sent]

Keith
Am I one of the big brothers

Pidge
yes keith you are like a big brother to me

Keith
Oh
Cool

Allura
You probably made him cry

Keith
I would fucking remove you
but I can’t

Allura
Do it. Coward.

Keith
I fucking swear to gd
Okay I’m gonna add someone here real quick
Is that cool with you guys

Allura
Oh, sure?

Pidge
who is it

Keith
Nobody you know
Just a friend

Pidge
a secret boyfriend mayhaps?
but how can you have one of those if you’re dating lance now?

Keith
Anyways
She’s a lesbian

Pidge
okay comment withdrawn.
in this house wlw have free reign.

Keith Kogane added Romelle Sommers.

Romelle
hi!!!!!!! =D

Matt
Hello and welcome to our cult

Romelle
i’m honored to have gained access!!!
is there an allura in the building??

Allura
That would be me :)

Romelle
britishsgdgsgd

Allura
BRISHTISDH

Romelle
BRIT ISS H ?

Allura
BBR TI I SH.

Keith
What language are they speaking

Pidge
hello lesbian i am also a lesbian

Romelle
LESBEAN?

Pidge
l......le s b ean.

Keith
Okay you had your fun
Let’s get back to work

Romelle
keith u’ve been chewing mints and playing temple run for 2 hours.
we have all the time in the world!

Pidge
yeah i like her
let her stay

Allura
And I need someone to defend tea with me

Romelle
oh i love tea!

Allura
Can I screenshot that and show it to my girlfriend
She bet that if I met another Brit around here they statistically wouldn’t like tea

Romelle
by all means, go get ur money sis.

 


Allura Altea > Shay Balmera

 

MAY 3 AT 12:15 AM

Allura
You owe me 20 dollars
[image sent]

 

6:31 AM

Shay
british people seriously cannot be real.

 


Shiro > MATERNAL HOES

 

10:54 AM

Shiro
Hi, Romelle.

Romelle
omg ur keith’s brother aren’t u!
the one he always talks about!

Keith
Romelle.

Shiro
What?

Romelle
well he doesn’t talk much but when he DOES
he can never shut up about how cool u are.

Shiro
...Really?

Keith
NO

Romelle
he told me he thinks ur the strongest person he’s ever known!!
and that he wishes he could be more like u when gets older! =)

Keith Kogane removed Romelle Sommers.

Keith
She’s makjng it up
I’ve never talked to that woman ever at all in my life

Shiro
Keith I love you so much.

Keith
Sht the fuck up

Shiro
I’m so happy you’re my brother.

Keith
I will BLOCK YOU

Allura Altea added Romelle Sommers.

Allura
How DARE you remove my partner in crime

Romelle
=O!!!

Hunk
Hi Romelle!!
Lance told me a little about you after the espresso machine incident

Romelle
i paid for the damages i swear.

Hunk
Heard it was BAD

Romelle
i didn’t know it would go up in flames like that =(

Hunk
You’re excused just because you’re gay

Romelle
lance said the same thing!
he and i have trans solidarity =D

Pidge
you’re trans? i respect you tenfold.

Romelle
aaaaaaaa!!! =$

 

12:45 PM

Lance
PDIGE I VALUE UR FRIENDSHIP TOO
hey ro

Romelle
hi lance!!!!! ^^

Pidge
fuck’s sake
how did you find that message buried in between all those pictures

Lance
what, u think im the type of person that doesnt take the time to sit down and read every single msg in the groupchat that i missed

Shiro
You don’t take the time to read the assignments for your classes.

Lance
dont call me out like that
pidge ur like a 9th sibling to me

Pidge
fuckin sweet mate

Hunk
But you have four siblings??
Unless......you’re saying that all of US are like family to you.......

Lance
obviously u BUFFOON

Romelle
ugh u are all so cute!!! >///<

Lance
thank u weve worked hard to get to this point

Keith
Wait a second
You left someone out

Lance
...perdoname

Keith
Besides your 4 siblings you only counted 5 other people

Lance
yeah excluding me there are 5 other ppl in the gc

Keith
There are 6 others

Lance
no its pidge shiro allura hunk and matt

Keith
WHERE AM I

Lance
what

Keith
You named everyone but ME

Lance
huh?

Keith
You DIDN’T COUNT ME

Lance
dude idk what ur saying but go off i guess

Keith
Why the FUCK is everyone so goddamn quiet

Pidge
i’m begging you to disregard us

Hunk
Please for the love of god continue

Lance
well would u look at the time!
gotta blast!

Keith
Is this another dumb joke about how I’m your “rival”

Lance
gotta FUCKING blast

 


matte > science sluts

 

MAY 4 AT 12:56 PM

matte
Good afternoon my eternal sunlight

hunkle
Good afternoon my young buck

matte
Good god.....what
You call me that again and i walk

hunkle
I have a feeling it made you inexplicably blush

matte
Hm. Conversation ended perhaps?
Our parents have officially packed everything and they’re gonna be driving down around monday or tuesday

hunkle
Omg hella lit :)

pidger
stop
both you and allura are Horrible
regardless
you wanna come see the house we’re moving into when they arrive?

hunkle
Yes yes
I feel like the pictures don’t do it justice
You guys should throw a housewarming party!

pidger
ugh
a party

matte
Well it would be fun to have everyone there
And you know mom loves parties

pidger
because she loves chugging wine

matte
Piiidge
It would make her really happyyyy

pidger
100% screw you
fine i’m down

hunkle
OKAY I’m catering

matte
Without question
My dad wants to know what makes your lasagna so good

hunkle
I’m gonna blow his SOCKS off

matte
Ughjfjdfj there goes my culinary babe

pidger
death wya