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Soul Deep

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He felt blanketed, safe and content, soft murmur of conversation, music and the smooth ride lulling him finally into sleep. The relaxing feeling was so welcome. He couldn’t find rest for days, his mind always full of all the beautiful-wonderful things that were happening in his life, his body on overdrive with excitement and anticipation. It all felt out of this world.

“I’m in heaven…” He suddenly whispered snuggling closer to the source of the delicious warmth.

His human pillow moved under him then placing a peck on the top of his head and chuckled.

“You are an atheist, Tommy; you don’t get to go to heaven.”



1. Silver Blue


The band found it amusing that he got to have the back bunk on the tour bus. They teased him that he never brought back any girls there, so it was a wasted opportunity in their minds. But Per didn’t see it that way at all. He needed his peace and silence, he needed his alone time, and those moments in the back of the bus were often pure magic, the birth of success, wonderful songs that thousands wanted to hear and sing along. But Per always kept wanting more, he was striving to touch millions, he wanted the real thing, the real break-through, the world-wide success.

But lately he found that there was one thing that he maybe wanted more than worldwide success. Laying on his back, the road giving rhythm to the night, he started to write this song in his head. It was about this feeling, this longing that filled him up yet tore him apart at the same time. He felt that he needed to act upon this urge, satisfy this yearning. He found the melody to express it, but he needed word too. I gotta get this message through…And suddenly there was a color. Silver blue. I fade to silver blue for you. And in that moment he remembered his dream.

It was crazy. It felt real in the morning, when he woke up sweaty and hot and hard. He could smell her, he could see her face leaning over him teasing his lips with an almost there kiss. And he could hear her chuckle.

He fell into bed wasted and worn out after the concert the night before. After they had drinks and a wild time in the dressing room. Everybody was on the loose. And Marie kept singing and laughing and flirting with all the guys, as usual. And Per kept thinking that he needed to hear her more, that she did not belong in the background. Marie was meant to be more than a backup voice for a band that will never get a breakthrough. Then she sat in his lap and sang When we get together.
So what if she did try to seduce him that night? What if it wasn’t a dream? But it was impossible.



2. Always the pretenders


This was simply impossible.

It was a night of glory. They were having this obscenely great and grandiose party. This was the time of their lives. This had to be the moment they would always remember. He was the frontman and singer of a rock band on the rise and his song was a hit. Kim didn’t have to drink yet felt like flying, he didn’t have to smoke anything, yet he was all ecstatic. But then suddenly something hit him. That feeling of worry that creeps in when everything seems too good. He looked around and everyone was having a wild time. There was only one member of the band missing. He couldn’t see the guitarist, Jonny. Oh, the son of a bitch got lucky again.

He would never recall why he felt like doing it, but he decided to go and have a look. He took the stairs, as crazy as it seemed at that moment and went up to their shared hotel suite on the fucking so many steps-teen floor. Just to be a pain in the ass. Probably. And he was actually surprised to find it unlocked and a scene awaiting him that would be forever imprinted on his mind.

“What are you doing?” Kim cried.

Jonny was packing. His suitcase closed, he was stuffing his personal things in a backpack. He was leaving.

“ I told you, Kimmy…” he stopped to pick up his sunglasses from under an armchair, then he finally looked up and into his friend’s eyes, who was standing shocked and confused and ready to collapse. How could Kim never realize, never understand, never listen?

“I am leaving. I can’t do this anymore. You know this is just…not me.”

Kim really did not get it.
“What are you talking about? We are finally there! We are having success!”

“This is your song, Kimmy. And this is your party.” Jonny said in a voice so calm and real that it sent shivers down Kim’s spine.

There was no arguing, no fighting. Things didn’t get out of hand. Jonny didn’t spit it out that he couldn’t listen to Kim anymore, not the way he was singing now, and couldn’t look at him all bleached and curled with lipstick and mascara. And Kim never got to scream, accuse Jonny of jealousy, call him a bastard and punch him in the face.

Jonny was gone in minutes and Kim stumbled to the elevator went back down. There was a party and they were waiting for him.