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The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face

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The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
and the moon and the stars
were the gifts you gave
to the dark and the end of time


"Chief, Mr. Bodie from CI5 is here," Diane Lewis's voice rang through the speaker phone. His last appointment had arrived. Exhausted after a long arduous day, Alan Cade, Chief Constable of Eastland, leaned back in his comfortable desk chair, wishing the day was over.

William Bodie, the Vice-controller of CI5, had come to Eastland to conduct a personal briefing for him on the strategy they'd be using in a long-term joint project between CI5 and the Eastland constabulary. Mr. Bodie had been given some office space in the building and would be coordinating the operation from Eastland rather than London.

Cade could hardly say he was pleased to have CI5 operating in his patch, but at least they had been forthcoming with information on the operation they would be carrying out, and were willing to keep him informed of what was going on. It was more in the way of concessions than he expected, more than he usually got from other national agencies.

"Thanks, Diane. Send him in."

Alan rose from his chair and crossed the room, ready to greet his guest.

The door opened and Mr. Bodie sauntered in. For one split second, Alan was shocked breathless. The Vice-controller of CI5 was the most stunning man Alan Cade had ever seen. Thick, dark hair, just touched with grey at the temples, framed a strong-jawed, beautiful face. Tall, well built, and loose limbed, Mr. Bodie moved with a kind of feline grace that was both provocative and dangerous.

A gasp of true surprise tried to escape Alan's lips, but he bit it back in time. His pulse started to race, sweat broke out on his skin, and his cock started to fill. Excitement tingled on his nerve endings.

What was happening to him? How could he be having this kind of reaction? To a man? Bloody hell, he almost never reacted this way to a woman. It was unthinkable, inconceivable.

Taking a deep, ragged breath, he composed himself quickly. Glancing covertly at his guest, relief flooded him to see that Mr. Bodie did not look as if anything were amiss.

"Mr. Bodie, I'm Alan Cade." He held out his hand, and had to stifle another startled cry of shock as his hand met Mr. Bodie's. Electricity raced through him as though he had touched a live wire, jolting him.

What the hell was going on? He simply did not have these kinds of reactions to anyone, but especially not to men. Could it be the lack of sleep? Last night, he'd spent the entire night tossing and turning, unable to relax enough to even doze off, even after two scotches.

"Chief Constable, it's good to meet you." There was no guile, nor was there any acknowledgment in the dark-blue eyes that met his.

Incredibly beautiful indigo-eyes -- stop it, he ordered himself, bewildered by his continued outrageous response.

And thankfully, Mr. Bodie still hadn't noticed his reaction.

"Please sit down," Alan said, indicating the small grouping of chairs in the corner of the large office. "Can you tell me what's going on and how we can help you?"


The first time ever I kissed your mouth.
I felt the earth move in my hand
like the trembling heart of a captive bird
that was there at my heart's command my love


As the sun set on another day, Alan Cade watched from his third floor office in the Eastland Constabulary building. Standing at the wide bay windows behind his desk, he had a full view of the front of the station and the street below, not that he was watching either at the moment. He was far too caught in his own musings to care about the scenes on the streets below.

There were few men in the world who irritated him more than Sam Lester. The acting head of the Police Authority was very impressed with the sound of his own voice. A meeting with him was guaranteed to put Alan in a rotten mood. Today had been no different, but as annoying man as the man was, he'd brought Alan one interesting piece of information: William Bodie, Vice-Controller for CI5, was a known (in Whitehall circles anyway) bisexual.

He admitted to himself, if no one else, that he was genuinely attracted to the macho CI5 agent. A weary amusement filled him at the thought -- he was 49 years old, far too old to have a 'crush' on anyone. While he had felt an attraction to the odd man or two in his life, he'd never felt anything equal to this... yearning.

Accepting the fact that he could fall for a man wasn't all that hard. He'd always believed that people were basically bisexual and that only society's dictates caused them to choose one way or the other, but he'd never expected to prove that theory on himself. At this point in his life, he wouldn't have thought something such as this could happen, but it didn't seem to be an impossible concept, especially given the present situation.

The circumstances only became a problem when he contemplated that his feelings might be returned, that there might be a relationship to be found with Bodie. And it would cause him no end of problems. Not within himself - he was secure enough to deal with this sudden glitch in his personality, but his job would be made a hundred times more difficult with the advent of a homosexual affair.

Of course, with the dressing down he'd just given Lester, it might already be a moot point. He couldn't abide prejudice in any form, and the nasty remarks made by Lester had infuriated him. Telling the man in no uncertain terms what he thought of Lester's opinion of William Bodie, Alan may have already played right into the other man's hands. Yet he couldn't be sorry for his words. He would defend anyone's right to be gay or bisexual. That it was Bodie, someone he cared about and respected, made the effort so much more satisfying.

It would seem that over the past few weeks, people had begun noticed his growing friendship with the CI5 deputy. They had spent an enormous amount of time together, at first because they had to work out the details of the operation they had been collaborating on, and then because they enjoyed each other's company. Their entire relationship was quite innocent -- not one word or gesture out of line, no flirting or sexual innuendo passed between them, but he doubted he'd hidden his obvious attraction very well.


Embarrassed, Alan shook his head. What a fool he'd been.

Somehow he hadn't noticed that he was becoming attached to Bodie until it was far too late to save himself. Chagrin laced through him, making him smile as thoughts of their exploits reran in his head.

They had a lot of fun together, not really doing anything out of the ordinary, but they were both by nature and profession, solitary men. By sharing simple activities, flying, racquet ball and other sporting events, he and Bodie had grown close without trying.

He must get in touch with Bodie, to let him know what that little prick had said. It probably wouldn't cause Bodie any trouble if it was, after all, it was a known secret in Whitehall. Doubless, everyone who should know about Bodie's proclivities already did, but forewarned was forearmed.

Alan reached for the phone. Dialing the number, he tried to still the excitement that always suffused him when he was going to talk to Bodie.

"Bodie," came the snap when the other man picked up the phone.

"Hi, it's Alan."

The sharp voice softened. "What can I do for you, sunshine?" The change in his tone warmed the cold corners of Alan's heart. He could almost hear the smile.

"I must to see you. It's important."

"Now or after work?"

"It's after work now," Alan pointed out, unable to keep the smile out his voice. Bodie worked the same kind of hours he did: long ones.

Bodie chuckled. "So it is. Shall I meet you at your place, in say," Bodie paused, probably looking at his watch. "Half an hour?"

"That would be fine. See you later." Alan rang off, looking about his cluttered desk, everything else would wait.

Twenty minutes later, the sun had set completely as he pulled into the drive of his home. Looking at the large cream-coloured structure always saddened him. He loved his home, but it was meant to be shared. And so far, he'd found no one to share it with. Marie-Pierre had rejected him when he'd asked her to share it with him, and since then, there had been no one else who'd been close to him.

Until now. Yes, he smiled to himself, until now. Of course, he wasn't sure his feelings were returned or if they were, what he should do about it.

Shaking off the thoughts for the moment, he went in. He'd barely had time to put down his briefcase and change before the doorbell rang.

Bodie smiled when he answered, looking so good Alan found it difficult to take his eyes off him. The CI5 agent dressed to advantage, always wearing well-tailored suits that showed off his sleek grace and fine form. Alan's mouth watered just looking at him tonight in a dark blue suit, white shirt and red striped tie. Feeling slovenly in his old jeans and t-shirt, Alan wished he'd kept his suit on.

"Come in," Alan led him into the lounge. "Can I get you a drink?"

"I was hoping for more than a drink."

Alan's heart jumped at the deep sexy sound of Bodie voice, but the line was delivered with such lack of innuendo, he knew Bodie meant nothing by it.

"What else would you fancy?" Alan tried to mimic the casual tone, not wanting to seem as if he were coming on, which, in fact, was exactly what he wanted to do.

Bodie smiled, sending Alan's blood pressure up another notch or two. "Was hoping for some dinner, too." Bodie managed to affix a pathetic, hungry look on his face.

It was Alan's turn to laugh. "I should have remembered your stomach. It's amazing you don't weigh 30 stone."

"Burn it off, don't I?"

"I expect you must. Take your jacket off and go into the lounge."

Disappearing into the kitchen to find something for them to eat and to cool his overworked imagination, Alan found some cold chicken. Fixing sandwiches, the simple movements calmed him.

The attraction seemed to get worse every time he saw Bodie these days. His cock twitched with just the sound of Bodie's voice or a look from those beautiful blue eyes. Walking about half-hard all the time was starting to get old and his own hands didn't come close to satisfying him.

With a self-deprecating sigh, he took the sandwiches into the lounge.

They ate in a comfortable silence and finally there was no more stalling allowed.

"So, you sounded serious on the phone, what's the problem?" Bodie asked as he slid his plate onto the coffee table and met Alan's eyes.

Alan took a deep breath. This was harder than he'd thought it would be. Forcing amusement into his voice, Alan said lightly, "I had a visit from a vile little man name Sam Lester this afternoon. He's head of the Police Authority and he had some interesting things to tell me about you."

The pain and fear in the blue eyes stunned him. Bodie's head bowed. "I thought you knew."

Confused by the reaction, Alan wasn't sure what caused it. "That you were bisexual?"

Bodie nodded, his expression closed, his luscious mouth pulled tight, every inch of him revealing how tense and upset he was.

"No. I didn't know."

"And you wouldn't have had anything to do with me if you had." Bodie's voice was so bitter and angry, Alan wanted to understand why, but the harsh words were very unfair and that infuriated him.

Alan stood, his back to Bodie. He took another breath, trying to calm his anger before he turned to look down at Bodie. "You should damned well know me better than that!" The hurt he was feeling bled into every word.

Bodie looked up at him with what looked to be hope in his eyes. "You're not disgusted?"

"Why on earth would I be disgusted?"

"Most men are when they find out. I've had to fight it for a long time. Mostly it doesn't matter. I don't usually care what other people think about the way I live my life."

"Christ! That's ridiculous." But it wasn't and Alan knew it. He hated prejudice in any form, but there was a bigger issue here. "Bodie, you should know me better. I'd never," he paused, stressing the word again, "*never* treat anyone that way. And especially not someone who's been such a good friend to me."

"I've thought I had known other men, too." Bodie dropped his eyes.

Alan crossed his arms over his chest and started to pace. This wasn't going well. "Look, Bodie. The only reason I mentioned it at all was to warn you about Lester. He'll make trouble if he can."

"Thanks." Bodie smiled slightly. "It won't cause me any trouble. I'm well known for my alternative choices and with George Cowley as my mentor, there aren't many who would go against him."

"Then, it's not a problem for you."

"What about for you?"


"Yeah. Is that bugger going to cause you problems?"

Alan shrugged. "No more than I already have. And that really isn't the problem."

"And what is the problem?" Bodie's eyes shone with curiosity at the question. He could see that Bodie didn't understand at all.

Taking a deep breath, he knew the time had come to be honest. He would not get another chance and he truly wanted to know where this attraction could lead. There was only once way to find out. "I find you very attractive."

He'd really thought Bodie would be pleased by the knowledge, but he was very wrong.

Bodie stood, the easy mood gone, his fist curling at his side. He seemed poised to strike out, suddenly and Alan prayed it wasn't going to happen. Even trained as he was, Bodie was better trained and could do him serious damage.

He didn't want to fight with Bodie anyway. No, fighting was the last thing he had in mind. What he wanted to do with Bodie was make love to him, slowly, with a lot of attention to details. Now, if he could just convince Bodie of that.

"Don't pull this crap with me!" Bodie growled thought clenched teeth, every tendon in his neck sticking out.

Taking a step forward, Alan faced him down. "I'm serious, very serious."

"You're straight!" Bodie spat, his finger thumping Alan's chest. The anger and hurt in his tone made Alan wince.

"I thought so too, right up until I met you." Alan gave him a small rueful smile, letting him know how absurd he found the situation.

Bodie blinked. "You don't suddenly become gay at age 49." But there was a hint of amusement in the deep voice.

Finally, Alan smiled. "Bisexual actually. I can't tell you why, and I can't tell you how. All I can do is tell you what is."

"And what is it, Alan?"

Alan couldn't meet his eyes, for some reason, saying it again was harder, not easier. "I'm very attracted to you."

A slow smile touched Bodie's lips. "First man?"

"Just about."

"Why tell me?"

"Thought you might return my feelings."

"What made you think that?" Bodie's hands slid into his pockets and he turned slightly away.

He'd been sure Bodie was attracted to him, but he was no expert on male relationships. "I hoped. I didn't mean to offend you. I don't know the rules here." Alan took a deep breath, trying to keep the hurt out of his tone.

"There are no rules." Bodie sighed. "I'm very flattered."

His heart squeezed tightly as he finished the sentence, acknowledging his defeat. "But not interested?"

"Didn't say that, did I?" Bodie was teasing him, the bastard. As hope tried to worm its way into his heart, Alan attempted to work up a bit of righteous anger at the teasing, but found to his chagrin, he couldn't quite manage it.

So he smiled. "Come clean, Bodie."

"I care about you Alan," Bodie said, a smile touching his wide mouth. "I care about you a lot. I was willing to settle for just being your friend. I never expected you to return my feelings."

"I'm surprised myself." Alan sighed, dropping his head to his chest. Talking about his feeling always made him slightly uncomfortable, and this situation was worse.

"Most men could not -- even if they felt it. They'd never be able to admit it, leave alone act on it."

"I think -- I hope I can. But I can't do this casually, Bodie. It's too big a risk, not just emotionally, but with my job as well."

Bodie's fingers moved under his chin, raising his head to meet the blue eyes. "I promise you, this isn't casual with me."

Pulling free, he shook his head, still not able to really believe this could be happening between them. Maybe he wanted it too much. "How can it be anything else?"

"What I feel isn't casual." Bodie insisted, determination and certainty evident in the pale, beautiful face.

"What do you feel?"

Bodie dropped his head on a sigh, and Alan's heart sank. But then taking a deep breath, he raised his eyes. "I'm this close to falling in love with you." He held his fingers up about a centimetre apart.

Profound and immediate relief sang through his soul. With the sharpest clarity, his feeling crystallized into the sweetest emotions he'd felt in years. "What would it take to close the gap?"

Bodie smiled again, lighting his face with joy. "Ah, sunshine, not a lot."

"Maybe a night together?" Alan suggested, shivering slightly, fear, excitement and a myriad of other emotions mixing inside him.

"Are you sure you're ready for that?"

"I want you. I want to explore this passion I've developed for you."

Bodie took a step forward, holding his arms open and smiling widely. "Come to me then, let me love you."

Alan stepped forward unhesitatingly; once he'd decided to do this, he was prepared to give himself fully to Bodie. Still, he couldn't help trembling a bit as he was enclosed in arms that were stronger than his own.

The expected awkwardness never materialized, the embrace comforting as any he'd ever known. More so, given the intensity of his feelings for Bodie.

Breathing in deeply, the mingled scent of each of them nearly intoxicated him. Damn, Bodie smelled so good.

Raising his head, Alan looked into the blue eyes of the man who would soon be his lover. His heart pounded wildly and his cock pressed up against his soft cotton pants as he leant forward to capture unfamiliar lips for the first time.

Sweet! Oh Jesus, Bodie's mouth was sweet. Like strawberries left on the vine until they were sun-ripened red, sweet, and delicious.

To his surprise, kissing a man was little different than kissing a woman. Bodie's beard adding an extra sensation, but not enough to distract him from what he was doing.

His tongue pressed forward, seeking to explore more of the depth of Bodie's delicious mouth. Alan was enchanted. No, more than that, he was in love.

Alan broke the kiss, winded. He pulled away, his feelings overwhelming him, and turning in the strong arms, he tried to move away.

"What?" Bodie asked, also breathless, but concerned, pulling him back into the embrace.

Alan looked right into those indigo eyes. "I ...."

Bodie let out a huge sigh. Alan couldn't tell if it was good or bad. He tried to turn away again, and strong hand turned him back. He was pulled against Bodie's hard chest, his mouth ravaged with a hard, demanding kiss. A kiss that spoke of more than just passion, more than just lust. In that kiss, he knew Bodie's feelings mirrored his own. Delight soared through him.

"Me, too," Bodie told him, his big hand caressing Alan's face.

Alan turned his face into Bodie's hand and kissed it lingeringly, tasting the sweet, saltiness of his damp skin.

Then, laughing for the sheer joy of it, happiness suffused his entire body. He could never remember feeling this way about anyone. Maybe he had just waited his entire life to meet Bodie. It wouldn't surprise him and it might even explain why he'd never had a lasting relationship.

The first time ever I lay with you
I felt your heart so close to mine
and I knew our joy would fill the earth
and last until the end of time

Up the narrow stairs of his home, he led Bodie into his bedroom. The moon shone white and huge through the window, casting the room in a bright glow. Alan didn't let his nervousness show, but he was terrified. What he was about to do was too new, too foreign to have truly considered before this moment.

Despite his fear, he would not be anywhere else. He wanted this, wanted Bodie's hands on his flesh, wanted Bodie to pleasure him, wanted to touch and please in return.

He came to stand in front of Bodie, next to the bed. Focussing all his attention on the beauty of the man before him, he let go of everything else except the overwhelming feelings coursing though him. His passion for Bodie would carry him though the fear.

Reaching out, he laid a gentle hand on Bodie's cheek, drawing his fingers down the slope of the pale skin, to trace the rim of the wide mouth, now turned up in a luminescent smile.

"I never thought to have you," Bodie said, his tone low and not quite steady.

Hearing the nervousness in the low tone steadied Alan. He grinned. "You haven't had me yet."

"But I will." It wasn't quite asking a question nor smug enough to be a statement.

Alan took it as fact and nodded. "Yes."

Bodie's hand stole up to his jaw, cupping it softly. "When you're ready. Not tonight."

The love and caring in the soft words touched Alan's heart. He nodded.

Leaning forward, Alan kissed those pouting lips softly, nibbling along the bottom lip, just a little before sliding his tongue into the sweet space between. Twining his fingers into Bodie's short hair, he relished the feel of the silk beneath his hand.

He drew back reluctantly, and then only because his requirement for oxygen became too great to ignore. Smiling up at Bodie, he took a deep breath, trying to calm his quaking nerves.

With shaking fingers, Alan found the buttons on Bodie's dress shirt, pushing each one slowly through its hole. The flesh beneath the shirt was milk white and well defined, Alan could not help leaning forward for a taste, before he pushed the garment down the strong arms and off completely.

Bodie shuddered, his arms tightening about Alan's body. Gripping the ends of his polo shirt, Bodie raised it over his head, tossing it away.

Naked from the waist up, they embraced again. The shock of pleasure of skin on skin skated through Alan, taking his breath, stealing all his thoughts. He wanted this so badly. His hands found the belt buckle on Bodie's trousers, unbuckling, unzipping, the trousers fell away, and the pants went soon after.

Stepping back, he paused to look at what he'd unwrapped, knowing for the first time what true masculine beauty could be. "You are so beautiful." There was no hiding the awe in his voice, and he didn't want to. He wanted his lover to know how he felt.

Smiling indulgently, Bodie stepped forward, pulling him into a tight embrace. "So are you."

Laughing for the sheer joy of it, Alan shook his head. "No. Not me."

"Oh, but you are," Bodie argued, starting to work on Alan's trousers.

Stripped bare, Alan closed his eyes for a second, feeling the hot blue eyes on him. Gentle fingers traced the hair on his chest, pinching a nipple softly. The sensation shot though him, right into his groin. His already hard cock hardened further. A groan escaped his lungs and pushed out of his mouth.

Alan allowed himself to be lowered to the bed, his back touching the cool cotton of the sheets, his legs spread as Bodie settled between them. How odd, to be held by someone so much bigger than he was, odd, but not unwelcome, perhaps only disconcerting a bit. The thought was gone on the wind of sensations when Bodie's mouth claimed his again. Turning all of his thoughts away from anything other than the pleasure of that soft, full mouth as it moved slowly, steadily down his torso.

His back arched and he called out helplessly, as Bodie's lips found his cock. Nearly as soon as his lover's mouth had touched him, he came, unable to hold back the ecstasy of the moment.

Smiling softly at him, Bodie eyes held no censure for his quickness. "I'll be just as fast," he promised.

Reminding Alan that he still had a task to finish, one that he had no idea how to accomplish. "What do you want me to do?"

"Whatever you are comfortable with."

What was he comfortable with? He had nothing to call on to even consider it. But he had to do something. Maybe he'd just start with the things he fancied having done to him. It couldn't be that difficult, could it? And Bodie didn't seem be in any shape to complain. "Let's have a look about."

Starting with the crooked eyebrows on Bodie's face, Alan made his way slowly, carefully, down the long, pale body. Tasting and touching each bit, memorizing each reaction for future use, glorying in the cries of pleasure his mouth and hand wrought.

His hand wrapped about Bodie's fat cock, stroking firmly. Bucking up into his fist, Bodie groaned. "Yeah, oh, yeah. Please."

With his head thrown back in pleasure, his hands clenched into the sheets, Bodie's abandon clutched at Alan's heart. Coming hard, Bodie looked more in pain than in pleasure. The sight of his lover's ecstasy was more erotic that Alan could believe. He'd brought the strong man to this. Him. His heart soared with the knowledge.

"Mmmm," Bodie murmured, turning over to snuggle next to Alan. "That was wonderful."

Kissing him deeply, Alan held on tight. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'll require more practice, if my skills are to improve."

"They weren't bad to start with."

Leaning up on his elbow, Alan pouted playfully. "You don't want to help me get better?"

Bodie laughed, eyes dancing in delight. "Of course, I'll help. Haven't I proved helpful to this point?"

"Yeah. Very helpful. But this might take a long time to get just right."

"How long?"

"Very long," Alan answered, sagely.

"I've got time."

"It's settled, then?"

"Absolutely." Bodie sealed it with a kiss.


July 1998