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3AM Feelings

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The trip from Japan was short and uneventful. He fell asleep to the sound of some random english song playing on the radio as soon as the plane took off.

Chanyeol wasn't really expecting anything when he arrived back at the dorm. His heart was filled with a rather disturbing emptiness after such a fun trip with his friends in Osaka. And he didn't know any other way to put those feelings into words other than the thing he does best, composing.

As soon as he dropped his luggage inside his and some absent member's room, he went straight to his studio to keep his mind occupied. It's a little smelly, some crumbs of the chips he ate a week before stuck on the carpet. He spends most of his day here, that is if they didn't have any schedule. He's barely in their room, only going there to get some change of clothes or other necessities. Most of his pillows are in the studio. His favorite grey blanket strewn haphazardly on the floor. It hasn't even been washed for a whole month.

He knew what he misses, but ignores it anyway in favor of channeling his sadness through his favorite medium. He fiddles with the keyboard, trying to come up with a melody but finds his brain seizing and all that's stuck is the tune of that random English song he fell asleep to just few hours ago.

Instead, he writes. And writes and writes. Chanyeol doesn't know how long he was sitting there. Pencil in hand and his only notebook a few pages thinner and the garbage can beside the desk filled with crumpled paper.

Three poems in is when he heard his phone ding with the alert of an unread message. He opens it to see a message from his roommate and his heart does a little back flip before crashing violently in the floor.

It's a picture of a cat. Must have been someone's pet. And while the sight of animals usually makes Chanyeol feel elated, he doesn't know what to make of this one. Did Kyungsoo see a cat and immediately thought of him? Did he think Chanyeol would like it especially with his penchant for cute furry little animals? Or was it something much simpler? Like it was something he sent to everyone after all?

Chanyeol decides not to think about it too much.

He leaves his phone on the desk and proceeds to leave the studio, failing to hear another ding of an oncoming message.

The part he dreads the most, is when he enters the room and sees how clean it is. How pristine and almost even to the point untouched it seemed. He was just here, a few hours ago, enters this room everyday to rummage through his closet, he was here. He is. Always here. But it felt like no one's been here for years.


Chanyeol was asleep at the studio when he hears a soft knocking sound and got a little frightened for a moment til he realizes that if it was a serial killer or a thief, they wouldn't really knock to see if anyone was inside. He checks the clock on the wall opposite of the couch and reads 3:38 am. It's too early. Or is it too late?

Despite feeling groggy, he opens the door after hearing another succession of soft knocks and finds Kyungsoo in a green shirt and the hat he's been wearing everywhere. The smaller of the two stares for a few seconds before smiling.

"Did I wake you up?" He asks as the both of them enter the small studio. It suddenly felt a little cramped and Chanyeol is suffocating.

"It's okay. You didn't tell me you were coming home today."

"I did. I texted you right after I sent that picture of the cat. " Kyungsoo says. He puts down a small plastic bag on the couch- probably some snacks- and then sits on the other chair he had placed in front of his desk. With the lights so dim like this, Chanyeol can't help but think of how soft Kyungsoo's features are.

"I probably didn't see it. You got home early today." He must have went home to wash up and leave again an hour later, like he's been doing for the past month.

"Is it? I thought it's pretty late. " Kyungsoo's fiddling with his fingers and the chair is swaying a little bit. Why would Kyungsoo have a reason to be nervous?

"Hmm. Could be, you get home when the sun is up most of the time. "

Kyungsoo has this look on his face. Like he's thinking so hard about something and Chanyeol is eternally mesmerized. Kyungsoo naturally has glassy eyes. Probably to keep his eyes from drying. And Chanyeol doesn't know what makes that so appealing. Kyungsoo is beautiful nonetheless.

It was silent for a moment and Chanyeol kind of regrets saying that. Only a little though. He reaches out to turn on his computer. He could still go back to sleep but it would probably be better to get some work done while he's at it. But Kyungsoo reaches for his hand and holds it and it puzzles Chanyeol. Makes his heart beat a little faster.

Kyungsoo stands up, pulling Chanyeol up with him then takes his hat off. Chanyeol has seen his new haircut just a few days ago but to look absolutely gorgeous with it is such a Kyungsoo thing to do.

"Come on, let's go to sleep." For a second, Chanyeol thought it meant something else. But he's still sleepy, a little dizzy from writing more than taking that time to sleep off the fatigue from travelling and lets Kyungsoo pull him to their room.

As soon as they're inside, Kyungsoo places his phone on the bedside table and proceeds to take off his pants. Chanyeol squeaks at this and Kyungsoo looks at him with a funny expression.

With just his shirt and boxers on, Kyungsoo climbs onto the bed and then looks at Chanyeol questioningly as he stays rooted in his place by the door.

"Aren't you gonna get in? We can still get a few hours of sleep before the next schedule. " Despite his chiding tone and the raise of his eyebrows, there's fondness and Kyungsoo takes in Chanyeol's slightly red cheeks, visible even in the miniscule light the bedside lamp provides.

Chanyeol hurries to get into the bed but leaves a small space between him and Kyungsoo. The bed feels too cold, left on its own for a long time without anyone occupying it and he feels a chill run down his spine for a moment before he finds Kyungsoo staring at him.

Both of them are lying on their side, facing each other with a few inches of distance between them. A few minutes pass by with them just being like that until Kyungsoo sighs then closes his eyes.

Chanyeol stares at him and stares some more. How far have they gone apart from each other really? He doesnt know. It doesnt look that far but he cant seem to cross the distance. He looks at Kyungsoo. Really looks at him and sees the slightly sunken cheeks and the poorly hidden dark circles under his eyes. He looks a lot thinner than he did just a few months ago and Chanyeol is mortified by the fact that he didn't see it. Didn't got used to the sight. That he and Kyungsoo hasn't seen each other for a long time for him to be able to easily pinpoint the changes.

Or is it because he had Kyungsoo's features memorized and stuck at the back of his head that he notices just about any changes he undergoes. Or they haven't stared at each other like this in a while.

Chanyeol drinks in the sight. Afraid that the moment he closes his eyes, Kyungsoo would be gone and his side of the bed will be the coldest it has ever been. Memorizes that sight of Kyungsoo sleeping right in front of him as if he's never seen it a hundred times before, all in varying circumstances.

"Stop staring. " He jumps at the sound of Kyungsoo's deep voice, being very sure that the shorter man was asleep while he was having his internal monologue.

"I-I'm not!" Kyungsoo chuckles at that then he scoots closer, pulling on the front of Chanyeol's shirt to burrow his face on Chanyeol's chest.

Chanyeol is a little offended, that it was so easy for Kyungsoo to erase the distance that was growing between them. That it was so easy for him to pull Chanyeol in and then drive him away again.

His eyes are closed and his breathing is warm as it penetrates Chanyeol's shirt. He stays like that for a few seconds before circling his hands around Kyungsoo waist, pulling him upwards so he can burrow his face on Kyungsoo's neck and smell that familiar scent he's been missing all this time.

"I miss you too you know." Kyungsoo whispered to him before Chanyeol felt his breathing even out and he feels like crying. Of course Kyungsoo misses him. Always had. It was just Chanyeol and his brain. Chanyeol and his uncontrollable thoughts.

He hugs Kyungsoo tighter then falls asleep himself a few seconds later.


He wakes up to the rays of the sun hitting his face. He reaches his hand and open his eyes when he feels no one beside him. The other side of the bed feels a little cold. The previous occupant has probably left around an hour ago and Chanyeol's heart drops at the thought. It was 10 am and the sun is too bright for Chanyeol's darkness.

He makes his way out of the room after washing up and brushing his teeth when he hears laughter coming from the dining room. His heart leaps and rejoices and pounds, trying to jump out of his chest as he hears that familiar laugh. His shoulders sag in relief and he yet again finds himself almost crying.

Blinking the tears away, he went to the dining room and finds Sehun chatting up a storm, food forgotten on his plate. Across him sat Kyungsoo. His back to Chanyeol and is it possible that with his small stature, his back looks big and so good to lean on?

He makes his way to the two and when Sehun sees him, the youngest waves his hand brightly at him. That causes Kyungsoo to look at him too and he swears his heart is flying somewhere else as he gazes at Kyungsoo's bright smile.

"Hyung cooked breakfast! " Sehun is too loud so early in the morning but right now, nothing is louder than his own heart.

"Alright. I'll go grab myself a plate. " Chanyeol then makes his way to kitchen to find the kitchen cleaner than he's seen it all week. He takes a plate and some utensils and then went back to the kitchen.

He sees kyungsoo putting his hat on and Sehun giving him his phone.

"Take a picture!"


Later, when Kyungsoo has been gone for hours, on a different schedule this time and Chanyeol is in the car on the way to his own schedule, he would open his instagram to the picture that he took that morning, of Sehun and Kyungsoo eating breakfast, his heart would feel lighter and the manager would ask him about whatever good thing happened that morning.

Chanyeol would shrugh and with a smile he would say, " Just a little reunion is all."