I slammed my laptop shut and sighed. I knew I had to focus on the blog today—after all, I had to make a rather important post about the current US political climate relating to youkai rights—but I couldn’t focus.
Not since…last night.
I buttoned Tess’ oversized flannel to keep warm and headed into the kitchen for a drink of water. Perhaps that would calm me down. But the fact that I was wearing my girlfriend’s clothes didn’t ease the pulsing between my legs.
As I sipped my tap water, I thought about how long it would be until everyone was home. It was around nine AM. Elita, the asexual tengu and one of my best friends, was teaching morning yoga at the Buddhist temple down the road and wouldn’t be back until after lunch. Tasha, the painfully-heterosexual faerie, left to work at her preschool an hour ago and wouldn’t be back until dinner. Neither of them wanted to hear Tess and I do what I wanted us to do.
They knew we were a couple; we had been together since we were teenagers, living as runaways in the Cascade Mountains. Aside from the fact that it was already probably rude to fuck my girlfriend in a one-bedroom apartment while my roommates were inside, Elita was extremely sex-repulsed and I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, and Tasha, being as cock-thirsty as she was, didn’t want to see anything having anything to do with pussies.
Tess was at the gym. I didn’t know when she would be back.
I dropped her a text. “Tessie. I don’t want to have to do this by hand.”
As I waited for her reply, I reached into Tasha’s cookie jar and stole three ginger snaps, then left a sticky note saying, “This is Keisa. I took three. If any other ones are missing, it’s not on me.” Realizing I rhymed, I put a laughing face at the end.
Clearly, I was missing out on a very-successful rapping career.
My phone vibrated, and I winced, thinking about how nice a vibrator would be right about now.
Tess had replied!
She had sent me a selfie, sweaty and sitting on a bench. Her skin glistened with sweat, and I could tell she was flexing a bit with the way her gloriously-muscular arm was reaching behind her head. She wore a sports bra advertising an MMO I didn’t recognize and basketball shorts, which left her delicious abs in full view as well as a tiny strip of cloth revealing her boxers.
With her other hand, she was holding a blender bottle, sipping a protein shake, a little bit of proteiny goodness seeping from the corner of her lip.
“Thirsty?” the caption read.
I slammed my hand on the keyboard to send her a string of random letters. “Get home. Now. I’m dying and I wanna fuck before Elita gets home.”
The reply came instantly. “Point taken. Should I shower first?”
“No. I like you sweaty. Hurry the fuck up.”
“Jesus Christ, what kind of porn were you watching?”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t watch porn. Anymore,” I added, “Not since I got with you. It’s not the same anymore.”
“I feel you. Well, I’ll get my shit and head over. Be there in five.”
I saved her selfie and slipped out of my clothes, tossing them in the hamper in the bathroom before relaxing on the bed. Elita had left in a hurry this morning; she stayed up rather late watching Hell’s Kitchen with a tengu friend she had over and almost overslept for morning yoga. Because of this, her futon was still on the floor, blankets askew.
In fact, the only bed that was made was Tasha’s, being the neat freak she is. She even had all of her decorative pillows set up on her top bunk, including all of the teddy bears she had gotten from ex-boyfriends.
I also noticed she added another poster of a boy band above her bed, so when she lied down, she would look at their faces.
My gay ass would never understand.
I busied myself with cleaning off the strap-on Tess and I shared; after all, needing to have discreet sex all the time, we never got the opportunity to use it. I also turned on the fairy lights strewn about the room and lit some incense I had gotten from Pike Place. The heavy, sultry scent quickly filled the room.
There was only one last thing to do.
I turned on my melodic death metal playlist on the iHome all of us roommates shared. The iHome was ancient, as was the iPod that rested on it, but it was easier than fighting over Bluetooth.
After a few minutes, I heard Tess thunder into the apartment, her keys crashing onto the counter. Relief was coming soon. I spread my legs so she would have a beautiful view when she entered the room. It was then I realized I hadn’t shaved my pubes in a while.
Tess and I both didn’t shave anything at all when we lived in the Cascades. She still gave my body lovin’ back then.
Tess all but broke through the door and immediately tackled me on the bed, covering me in sweaty kisses. Her lip piercing brushed against my lip a bit roughly, so I bit hers in turn, trying to signify my impatience.
“My, my,” she tisked, “what’s got the little oni all riled up?”
“Put on the strap-on,” I ordered, “fucking take me.”
Tess quirked a partially-shaved eyebrow, the opposite of the pierced one. “Did you warm yourself up yet?”
“No. Trust me, I don’t need the help.”
She smirked and made a trail of kisses down my stomach. I tugged her sports bra off with a little effort, her sweat making it stick to her skin. I gasped a little at the sight of her breasts; we’ve been together for years, yet Tess being naked was the most titillating thing I could think of.
I was about to boss her around again, but her lips enclosed over my clit, and my mind went blank. She suckled it for a moment, chuckling at how wet I was, before rolling her tongue around it lazily. I knew she was trying to give some foreplay, but it was too slow, too agonizing.
I felt her tongue slip between the folds, and I bit my hand to keep from screaming, drawing blood from my flesh. Dammit. I forgot I had fangs for a moment.
I was weak, so weak beneath her, that even with this little stimulation, I already felt my walls begin to close, ready for a climax.
“BABE!” I exclaimed, grasping on the blonde curls atop her head, her coarse hair settling between my fingers.
She retracted her tongue immediately, wiping off her mouth. “Where’s the strap-on?”
“You suck,” I groaned, collapsing on the bed, resting my fingers on my neck to check my pulse. I felt like I was dying. My heart was racing wildly, reflecting the quick pulse between my legs.
She found the strap-on and quickly put it on, lifting my tiny body with ease. “Let’s go somewhere with a bit more space.”
“Where are you taking me?” I asked, desperately grinding against the silicone.
“To the kitchen. We haven’t fucked against the counter in a while.”
“That’s ‘cause we broke it last time.”
“Eh.” Tess shrugged. “Tasha’ll buy a new one.”
“She’s gonna hate me even more than she already does.”
Tess dropped me against the counter, pushing herself against me, rubbing the silicone against my heat roughly before biting against the tip of my ear. “Fuck her,” she whispered, her hot breath sending shivers down my body.
“No,” I said, “fuck me.”
“Gladly.” With each of her hands on my hips, she thrust into me, and I screamed, wailing out an embarrassingly obscene sound.
In that moment, I remembered something Tess said to me about how noisy I was. “If you’re quiet, it just means I’m not doing it right.”
Challenge fucking accepted, Tess.
I clenched my fists against the counter, already feeling the cheap material giving out beneath them as I screamed obscenities. For a moment, I cared about my oni strength and tried to hold back my abilities, but as Tess quickened her pace, the cares went out the window.
I could feel myself dripping and hear the almost-sickening sound of my sex, and I desperately tried to drown it out with my moans. Somehow, it was less embarrassing to be loud with my voice than with my pussy. Tess seemed to like any response I was giving, however, and tugged on my horns, which immediately sent me over the edge.
I collapsed, and so did the counter, as I screamed, and she flipped onto her back and held me upright as I rode out my orgasm. I felt her rip my hair out as our hips met, but I didn’t care and continued to ride her with reckless abandon.
But all good things come to an end.
The door swung open, and the two of us froze. Tess held my naked form against her chest, our racing hearts beating simultaneously.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Elita, who was now in the threshold of the apartment, exclaimed. “In the kitchen?”
“We needed more room,” Tess said feebly, always trying to diffuse the situation.
“My poor counter!” Tasha shrieked, ignoring the naked lesbian oni before her and stepping over our flushed bodies to the ruined countertop. “This is the second time this month!”
Elita simply covered her eyes and mumbled something about bubble tea before shutting the door behind her. I heard a few steps, then the woosh of her wings.
Poor thing. I hoped I didn’t upset her too much.
“I didn’t know you guys were coming home yet,” Tess and I said in unison, then shot each other a surprised look. It wasn’t uncommon for us to speak in unison. Somehow, we always felt so in-sync. Maybe it was all the time we spent together.
“Well,” Tasha said, “If the two of you stop fucking in the middle of the floor, maybe I’ll explain.”
Tess and I exchanged looks. We had been subconsciously still humping each other. With a sigh, we pulled ourselves apart.
Tasha shielded her eyes. “I could’ve gone my whole life without seeing you two naked, but no.”
“We’ll get dressed,” we said, in unison yet again.
But once we got into the room, I pinned Tess against the dresser, bringing my face between her legs.
“What’re you—oohh,” she sighed, collapsing against the dresser. I heard it creak beneath her weight, but I paid it no mine.
“Don’t think I’ll let you run off unrewarded,” I said against her clit, devouring the wetness between her legs. “It seems like you’ve gotten pretty excited.”
“I can’t just…fuck you and not feel anything about it…” she replied, relaxing completely against me as I massaged her legs and ass.
Tess wasn’t hard to make come, but perhaps it was all the time we had spent entangling our bodies. I knew every button to push with her, and if I hit her clit just right, it took only moments for her to spill over my lips.
And quick was exactly what we needed.
I heard Tasha banging on the bedroom door, yelling at us to hurry up so she could tell us what happened at work.
“Stop fucking and listen to me!”
“Just a minute!” I exclaimed against Tess’ pussy as she grasped my horns, bringing me ever closer to her core.
Within less than a minute, she came undone, her juices spilling over me, tumbling over my lips and chin and onto my not-so-generous breasts.
When she finally sat up, I noticed that we had broken the dresser, too.
“The counter…isn’t the only thing that needs fixing now,” Tess said, being the ever-so-honest oni she was.
“Get dressed already!” Tasha shrieked. “You oni are disgusting!”
“Sorry for having needs!” I shouted back.
“Don’t piss her off more,” Tess said, giving me a pat on the head and cleaning herself up with Summer’s Eve wipes. She handed me one. “Let’s just get dressed and see what’s going on. It must be urgent if she’s this upset.”
I rolled my eyes. “She’s probably just pissed that we broke the counter. Really, if she’s living with oni, she’s gotta pay for more hardy things.”
“True. I told her to stop buying faerie-made products and invest in things more sturdy, but you know how she is about race loyalty.”
I buttoned up Tess’ flannel over my bare chest and pulled on a pair of leggings and my house slippers before stepping out of the room.
“My dresser!” Tasha shrieked. “That was mahogany! That was a gift! You have to fix it!”
“I will. I’m the one who broke it,” Tess offered. “Shouldn’t be that hard.”
I blushed. Somehow, it was kinda hot that Tess knew how to ghetto-fix things.
“Thanks. And I’ll ask my friends for a new counter.”
“No need. I have oni connections.”
“But oni furniture is so tacky!”
“Who cares? As long as it’s functional!” I exclaimed.
“Don’t worry,” Tess said, waving her hands to try to get uptight Tasha to calm down. “I’ll let you pick it out.”
Tasha crossed her arms, her grey skin glittering in the low light. “Fine,” she decided. “Lemme tell you what happened.”
We sat on the couches, and Elita came back with four bubble teas.
“Red bean for Tess,” Elita said, handing it to my girlfriend, avoiding eye contact despite Tess’ polite bow, “mango and lychee jellies for Keisa…please wipe off your face, that’s disgusting,” she added, handing me my bubble tea reluctantly, “watermelon for Tasha, and matcha for me.”
I grabbed a paper napkin next to the couch and wiped my lips.
“You missed a spot,” Tess teased, licking a spot on my cheek. I pushed her away, and she shoved me back.
“You guys, seriously!” Tasha cried.
“Sorry,” we mumbled.
“Please continue,” Elita said quietly, giving her bubble tea a dainty sip.
“These parents at my preschool didn’t realize that they hired a faerie to teach their kids.” Tasha’s Irish accent came out much thicker than usual, showing her irritation at the situation. “So they filed a formal complaint and it caused a huge shitstorm. All of the parents’ friends—they’re part of that Baptist church in Snohomish—”
“That’s a long way to drive,” I interrupted, earning an elbow from Tess. I elbowed her back.
Tasha gave us a long, cold stare. “That’s exactly what I thought! But they were picketing outside the school, saying that me being a cryptid was a ‘bad influence on the kids.’” She used dramatic air quotes around her words. “And then one of the fucking humans got ahold of my medical records.”
“Oh no!” Tess shouted, reaching for Tasha’s hand.
“Don’t touch me with your filthy lesbian hands,” Tasha snapped. “Wash them first.”
Tess rolled her eyes.
“Sorry,” Tasha apologized. “I appreciate the concern…I just don’t want Keisa’s pussy juice on my hands.”
Tess stood and went to the kitchen to wash her hands and her face.
“Anyway, so they got my medical records, and it became public that I’m transitioning! They got my deadname and everything! So now, not only are people pissed because I’m a faerie, but also because I’m trans!”
“So what happened?” Tess asked, wrapping her now-clean arms around Tasha’s shoulders.
“They shut down the school for the day,” she said miserably, pouting into her bubble tea, “and I’m awaiting response from the principal.”
“The school won’t do anything to you,” Elita piped up. “It’s illegal, and besides, kids love you.”
“I’ve worked so hard to become a good teacher. I’m still in college, for Christ’s sake!” Tasha wailed.
“I know what’ll make you feel better,” I offered.
“Not this fucking counter and dresser situation!” Tasha shot back.
“No need to be a bitch,” I muttered. “I was thinking we should all go to the mall.”
Tasha quirked her eyebrows. “You want to go shopping with me?”
“We can all go!” I said, standing. “Therapy shopping!”
“You’re on a budget,” Tess reminded me.
I flipped her off. “We’re helping a friend. I love you, bitch,” I added to Tasha, who looked much happier now.
“I do need a new eyeshadow palette,” Tasha said. “Alright. Is everyone coming?”
“Let me shower first. I still smell like gym.”
“I would like to shower after you, if that’s alright,” Elita added ever-so-politely. “Yoga got done early, but I would like to not feel sticky anymore.”
“Alright,” Tasha said, “I’ll just catch up on soap operas while you get clean.”
“Can I shower with you?” I asked Tess, pleading for more sex with my eyes to the best of my ability.
Tasha and Elita groaned in unison.
“Don’t worry,” Tess said, reaching out to me, “we’ll be careful…”