Work Header

The Mistakes We Make Lead Us

Chapter Text

OceanMan added hunky-dory, PardonMyFrench, ThatVodkaAunt, fluttershay, SamuraiJack, and keef to Should've Picked Mercy


keef: What


keef: What is this


OceanMan: i dont know if u can read but i think that writes group chat


keef: No I


keef: I can read just fine asshat


keef: But I’m saying why


OceanMan: this isnt a verbal conversation Keith i cant hear what ur saying


keef: I swear I'm going to strangle you 


OceanMan: that a promise?? ;))


PardonMyFrench: not even 2 minutes


PardonMyFrench: 2 MINUTES


PardonMyFrench: have passed and you guys are already on each other’s dicks?


OceanMan: >:0


hunky-dory: PIDGE NO


PardonMyFrench: >B)) 


PardonMyFrench: am i wrong??


PardonMyFrench: didnt think so




OceanMan: if you must know


OceanMan: I've decided to make a new group chat since SOMEBODY


OceanMan: -not pointing fingers here-


OceanMan: Keith


OceanMan: deleted


OceanMan: Keith deleted it


OceanMan: our last one and so now IM the host instead of someone else


OceanMan: im talking about Keith


PardonMyFrench: gee, I wonder who it was


keef: Ha ha


fluttershay: Sorry, but why have I been added? Not to be rude of course!


fluttershay: I’m just not as close to you all. I don’t want to intrude


OceanMan: my sweet sweet Shay.. we need at least an ounce of innocence to be added into this hell of a chat


OceanMan: you would never be intruding


fluttershay: Oh


fluttershay: I'll try the best I can then!


PardonMyFrench: and Hunk?


OceanMan: what about Hunk


PardonMyFrench: haven't you referred to him as the light of your life, the best of your bros, the ignacio to your sebastian?


OceanMan: Hunk is a dirty diary reading quiznak who would gossip ur secrets to ur siblings


keef: Oh my god Lance quiznak will never be a thing, let it go


hunky-dory: d u d e


hunky-dory: you had it RIGHT there!! What else was i supposed to do?


hunky-dory: Not read it?


OceanMan: yes!! thats exactly what u should have done!


SamuraiJack: Hunk


OceanMan: OOOOOH


OceanMan: daddy has arrived!! 


OceanMan: me likey 


SamuraiJack: Lance


PardonMyFrench: that speaks volumes, and its only a single word


hunky-dory: uH


SamuraiJack: This may have happened however long ago but reading something that's personal to someone like that is really disappointing to hear, I can see Lance's resentment 


SamuraiJack: When did this happen by the way? 


hunky-dory: this.. uh.. happened like a week ago


SamuraiJack: Oh


SamuraiJack: I expected this to be at least a few years back..but uh, okay


fluttershay: Aw, Lance, you still own a diary?


OceanMan: AKSDPD


OceanMan: HUNK


OceanMan: BETRAYED x2


PardonMyFrench: ooh, get a combo Hunk!


keef: What a loser


SamuraiJack: If I recall correctly, you seem to be in possession of a journal :)


keef: SHIRT


SamuraiJack: :))


hunky-dory: Shirt


futtershay: Haha, he said shirt!


PardonMyFrench: shirt


TheVodkaAunt: Shirt


keef: Really Allura?


TheVodkaAunt: It’s funny Keith, I can't help but laugh!


OceanMan: WOAH WOAH go back to the journal part


OceanMan: now that i want to hear


keef: Lets talk about your diary then


hunky-dory: well


OceanMan: Hunk nO


hunky-dory: Don’t worry buddy, i would never sell you out like that!


OceanMan: why do u fill this chat with your lies??








OceanMan: YEAH


OceanMan: ‘CORNERED’


hunky-dory: IM SORRY


hunky-dory: YOU KNOW HOW I AM!


OceanMan: …


hunky-dory: Please? I’m sorry


hunky-dory: Your life's interesting 


OceanMan: mmm..


OceanMan: flattery will get u no where


PardonMyFrench: this is getting sad you guys


PardonMyFrench: Im so sorry Shay that you have to be dealing with us from now on


hunky-dory: I swear I only read like 2 pages



fluttershay: No worries! I find this quite enjoyable


hunky-dory: or more...


hunky-dory: But to repair our friendship I’ll cook your favorite- garlic knots??


OceanMan: …


OceanMan: can u also make those sopes i love? with the cream cheese and everything?


hunky-dory: well of course


OceanMan: . . . !!


OceanMan: HUNK YOU SAINT OF A MAN, I hereby forgive you for your traitorous deeds!


hunky-dory: Wanna come to my house tomorrow? We can walk over


hunky-dory: can even stop by your favorite cafe shop <3


OceanMan: !!! <3


OceanMan: MARRY ME


OceanMan: Sorry Shay


hunky-dory: d ude


fluttershay: I’m not sure I understand. Why would you be apologizing?


OceanMan: the answer is very simple Shay darling


SamuraiJack: Lance stop typing


keef: I love it


OceanMan: bite me mullet


TheVodkaAunt: I respect you expressing your kink and not being ashamed to do so with us but don’t


OceanMan: ITS NOT 


TheVodkaAunt: Did you not just call out Hunk for filling this chat with his lies? Lance, you are doing the same thing!!


OceanMan: W H A T


PardonMyFrench: the hypocrisy of it all


PardonMyFrench: but anyways, aside from Lance’s growing list of kinks, I have some news


OceanMan: >:^((


SamuraiJack: What is it?


PardonMyFrench: Okay okay..




OceanMan: say HUH???


SamuraiJack: I thought that wasn’t until a month or so? Is he really coming that early? He didn’t tell me this…


TheVodkaAunt: Shiro, your gay is showing


SamuraiJack: Considering he’s my boyfriend Allura I sure damn hope so. You know how long I’ve been waiting to kiss him? To hug him and just chat without the struggle of trying to set up Skype


PardonMyFrench: did I not help you with that?


keef: He’s old Pidge, you can’t expect him to remember something so simple


SamuraiJack: I’m like 4 years older!


keef: Potato potato


hunky-dory: ????


PardonMyFrench: back up


PardonMyFrench: ive been on the receiving end of both of your gross endless love fest all summer! your gonna have to wait till I catch up with MY brother. I dont need you both smacking lips when im trying to show him the new program I installed into my software


SamuraiJack: Well, it’s a shame you’re not picking him up :))


fluttershay: 'smacking of lips' haha




PardonMyFrench: Lance your driving me to the airport with your car, ASAP as possible


OceanMan: Oh, im sorry, i thought she was and i quote a “shit car that produced more smoke than my uncle’s crack pipe”


PardonMyFrench: is really now the time to be bringing up receipts


hunky-dory: Plus I fixed that problem!


OceanMan: you have to apologize first of all to baby Blue 


PardonMyFrench: for stating the truth?? no way


OceanMan: then u don’t get a ride u ankle biter!


PardonMyFrench: again with your biting kink! i already told you im not into you!!


OceanMan: NGGGH—


keef: I could give you a ride


PardonMyFrench: my emo in fingerless gloves!! yes!!


fluttershay: You own a vehicle, Keith?


keef: A motorcycle


keef: I got it not that long ago actually


keef: Better than Lance’s shit car


OceanMan: WHAT




TheVodkaAunt: Wait


TheVodkaAunt: hold on a tick, when did you give him these rides


OceanMan: uuh.. it was before christmas break i think? 


TheVodkaAunt: You gave Keith rides but not ME? Your princess? I live closer to you!


PardonMyFrench: ooooooooh???


SamuraiJack: I’d love to hear this


OceanMan: id rather not thank you


OceanMan: aaand shes typing


TheVodkaAunt: He usually gives me rides after practice right? Because my father has been working later hours so I have no other sort of transportation


TheVodkaAunt: So we already have history there


TheVodkaAunt: Now it’s after school and I need a ride and Lance gladly offers


OceanMan: this isnt a storytime video sTOP


TheVodkaAunt: oh hush


TheVodkaAunt: Later I just ride with Lance for convenience. This goes on for a while until he stops altogether and goes “I can’t sorry I’m busy” and he got busy quite a lot


TheVodkaAunt: And now I know why


TheVodkaAunt: The betrayal of it all!


PardonMyFrench: you cant blame him Allura, he was just driving his boyfriend home




keef: this is homophobic


SamuraiJack: Can you guys not provoke Keith? Thanks


SamuraiJack: He’s screaming into his pillow to hide his undying love


OceanMan: considering thats apparently me i sure damn hope so


hunky-dory: Klance being recognized by Shiro AND Lance is everything


TheVodkaAunt: I ship everyone with happiness.. Am I the only one?


hunky-dory: I second that 


keef: The hell is a klance


fluttershay: Aww! I think that’s sweet Lance!


fluttershay: You don’t need to be ashamed, all in all, its a very nice thing to do


fluttershay: For riding him home I mean, not the relationship bit


OceanMan: ur making me cry?? everyone take tips from Shay cause shes doing something RIGHT


OceanMan: Allura youve been officially dethroned you fake queen 


ThatVodkaAunt: Understandable.


fluttershay: Lance please.. you're making me blush!!


PardonMyFrench: B^I


PardonMyFrench: as much as I love all these icky good feeling emotions, blah blah


PardonMyFrench: can we go back to me now because I really need this to be figured out so Shiro doesnt bang my mother in the airport's parking lot!!


hunky-dory: Uh..Pidge?


SamuraiJack: Well I sure hope I don't either


OceanMan: MY EYES




ThatVodkaAunt: How scandalous!




OceanMan: i caNT BREATH


OceanMan: you could say


PardonMyFrench: dont you dare finish that


OceanMan: they merged


OceanMan: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)




hunky-dory: You do realize you made an incest joke right???


OceanMan: a small price to pay to make fun of Pidge's inability to differentiate words


SamuraiJack: This is a MESS

Chapter Text

OceanMan: whos awake


OceanMan: hellooooooo???


OceanMan: it says read so im guessing its either Keith or Pidge



OceanMan: guuuyysss


OceanMan: i need some comfort in my troubling times of need



OceanMan: :(


keef: Go


keef: To


keef: Sleep


OceanMan: hah! haha


OceanMan: thats too bad!


OceanMan: u made the mistake of replying


OceanMan: now face my whining ass


keef: Face the fist of my hand


OceanMan: trying to fist me now? ;)


OceanMan: what would ur dear brother think?


keef: UGH


keef: Lance, really, go to sleep


keef: God knows you need it


OceanMan: >:( 


OceanMan: im going to look over that little comment of urs this one time because im too tired to deal with ur negativity


keef: It's called being realistic but okay


OceanMan: whatever


OceanMan: ALSO


keef: What now


OceanMan: u know damn well God made me knowing i was his best creation


keef: Oh really


OceanMan: yes! 


keef: Proof?


OceanMan: i mean look at me


OceanMan: thats all the evidence you need tbh



OceanMan: Keith?



SamuraiJack: I hate you both equally


OceanMan: Daddy!! :D


OceanMan: i like how you added the equally bit


OceanMan: but hey arent u suppose dto be asleep? i thought for a healthy soul and mind u have to get a total of 8 hours of sleep everyday


SamuraiJack: I have never said that but that's actually great advice


SamuraiJack: But back to my problems


SamuraiJack: I can hear Keith's laughter from my room


SamuraiJack: No


SamuraiJack: Stop texting because I'm not done, Lance


SamuraiJack: Some of us here don't want to hear all these dings at this hour when you two can literally just text each other


SamuraiJack: Like normal people


SamuraiJack: I also really don't want to think about Keith fisting you


OceanMan: we've been doing that


SamuraiJack: I'm sorry whAt?




OceanMan: nO


SamuraiJack: I want to be stern but I can't help but laugh at this


SamuraiJack: lol




OceanMan: Shiro u write so dang fast!


OceanMan: i meant texting each other


OceanMan: geez


OceanMan: texting.


OceanMan: nothing. else.


keef: The only person I would want to fist is Brendon Urie anyways


OceanMan: 1st) please think before you send 


OceanMan: 2nd) we all know ur a gazebo emo, u don't even listen to panic at the disco


SamuraiJack: gazebo? 


keef: It would be so nice to just silence you 


OceanMan: then do it u weenie 


keef: WEENIE 


SamuraiJack: Great, now our parents are awake


SamuraiJack: Keith keeps making those weird hippo mating calls he loves to hear so much 


keef: am nOT


OceanMan: aww


OceanMan: sorry Daddy :(


SamuraiJack: I have a boyfriend


OceanMan: ://


OceanMan: disappointing


keef: I'm laughing 


keef: Not my fault Lance is hilarious


OceanMan: meet me in the pit u ego mullet wearing cowboy


OceanMan: emo*** 


OceanMan: but u know what? im taking that as a compliment


OceanMan: so thank you <3


SamuraiJack: Positivity is key after all


OceanMan: yeah


OceanMan: its


OceanMan: keyth


SamuraiJack: Haha, nice one!


keef: Betrayed by my own brother?? Who are you??


keef: Where is my love and support


keef: I haven't seen diddly squat of it recently


OceanMan: HMM


OceanMan: suspicious.. dont u think?


keef: now that you say that..


SamuraiJack: Um


SamuraiJack: I made you noodles?? Just yesterday too 


keef: CUP noodles


keef: That shit was still stale 


SamuraiJack: You ate it didn't you?! 


keef: irrelevant 


OceanMan: hes trying to distract you from the truth! 


OceanMan: u know what this means


keef: Hold on


keef: You're not saying...


OceanMan: oh, IM SAYIN


SamuraiJack: What is going on


keef: KURON


OceanMan: KURON!


SamuraiJack: I-


SamuraiJack: Seriously?


SamuraiJack: You get a different haircut from normal in the 11th grade and you're automatically classified as a clone


keef: In my defense, I was a very imaginative kid


keef: Lance and Hunk didn't make it any better either


OceanMan: since Hunks not here to defend himself im pining all the blame on him


OceanMan: it was all Hunks fault


OceanMan: hes the one who got me thinking


OceanMan: i just thought you looked frickin ugly


SamuraiJack: I really appreciate your honesty Lance


SamuraiJack: And because I appreciate it oh so much


OceanMan: oh no.


SamuraiJack: That's why I'm gonna do this


OceanMan: think about what ur gonna do Kuron


SamuraiJack: Say Kuron one more time, I dare you


keef: say it


SamuraiJack: Don't


keef: Do.It.


OceanMan: :3c


OceanMan: Kuron



SamuraiJack sent 1 picture(s)



OceanMan: dELET THAT




keef: I have never cringed so hard in my life


keef: And I'M in there




SamuraiJack: I went and visited all your MySpace's actually :)) found some interesting stuff


SamuraiJack: I found this one especially cute


OceanMan: God please make him stop



SamuraiJack sent 1 picture(s)





keef: The hell am I supposed to do?


OceanMan: go beat him up you quiznacking coward!!



SamuraiJack sent 6 picture(s)



OceanMan: aaaAAHHHHH


keef: I never want to see Lance with bottom eyeliner ever again


OceanMan: I YIELF



SamuraiJack sent 2 picture(s)



OceanMan: I said I YEILD


OceanMan: r u this quiznacking petty?? what do you want from mE


SamuraiJack: I want you to take back what you said


OceanMan: what did i say??


SamuraiJack: "i just thought you looked frickin ugly"


keef: Are you serious


OceanMan: i take back what i said- u looked very beautiful and radiant


SamuraiJack: That's so nice of you Lance


OceanMan: Kuron



SamuraiJack sent 39 picture(s)