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seventeen shenanigans

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change up (13) — 4:53 pm

 

generic dad™: not to be dramatic here

generic dad™: but i think mingyu is dead

 

angle: the kid's been dead inside for years tho

 

hurricane: tell us something new Leader™

 

softshua: is this about him falling down the stairs

softshua: because i swear i saw wonwoo push him

 

wonweewoo: don't incriminate me

wonweewoo: it was probably jihoon anyway

 

snoozi: I may be made of pure anger but I didn't touch the giant.

 

hand soap: honestly i think it was wonwoo hyung

 

wonweewoo: WHY

 

hand soap: i saw the jealousy in your eyes when he sang in trauma

hand soap: i'm no fool

 

the maknae™: debatable

 

hand soap: rude

 

jejuboo: dude u can't just take out ur äNG(k)st on mingyu just bc u wanna sing

 

wonweewoo: first of all, i DID NO SUCH T H I N G

wonweewoo: second, fight me boo seungkwan you get a fuck ton of lines

 

snoozi: ..."äNG(k)st"?

 

the maknae™: hyung have u ever looked up the word angst in ur phone's dictionary

 

snoozi: I spend my time doing more productive things, Chan.

 

hand soap: ouch

 

minghoe:

äNG(k)st

 

hurricane: "origin: 'fear'" bitch me too tf

 

minghoe: i can't believe our most angsty member didn't even know about this

 

softshua: honestly jihoon isn't our most angsty member

 

jejuboo: then whom??

 

softshua: that should remain a secret for now :)

 

hand soap: ominous but ok

 

tol pupper: i still can't believe u tried to off me hyung

 

wonweewoo: if you keep trying to frame me i just might actually off you

 

jejuboo: oh shit

 

tol pupper: suddenly i remember tripping on jun hyung's underwear??

 

my i supremacist: dude tf

 

tol pupper: it was u or me man

 

my i supremacist: it should've been u

 

jejuboo: OH SHIT

 

generic dad™: mingyu pls stop making enemies you might really die at this rate

 

tol pupper: honestly? that's the goal

 

angle: tbh same

 

pure one: do u guys need hugs or sth

 

angle: yes please

 

pure one: On It

 

softshua: man i never knew he could run that fast

 

jejuboo: hugs fuel him

 

softshua: true

 


 

 

change up (13) — 5:26 pm 

 

hand soap: ok i think it's time to address the elephant in the room

 

jejuboo: u heard him junhui it's time to expose urself

 

my i supremacist: what

 

generic dad™: do i want to know

 

hurricane: honestly? no

 

generic dad™: noted

 

my i supremacist: i don't understand this but i feel as if i'm being m o c k e d

 

jejuboo: ur always being mocked tho?

 

angle: yeah this isn't anything new

 

my i supremacist: tru

 

generic dad™: wait what was hansol actually trying to talk about though

 

snoozi: Oh right.

 

[hand soap has changed the chat name to "trauma"]

 

hand soap: our time to shine has come

 

[generic dad™ has changed hand soap's name to "sandsol"]

 

sandsol: but why

 

generic dad™:

sandsol

 

sandsol: ok fine that's fair

sandsol: but can we also

 

[hansol changed tol pupper's name to "svt's secret vocalist"]

 

svt's secret vocalist: i'm ok with this title

 

angle: welcome to the vocal team, kid

angle: a word of advice...don't piss of jihoon

 

snoozi: Good advice.

 

svt's secret vocalist: ...was that a threat

 

snoozi: A lot of the things I say double as threats.

 

svt's secret vocalist: fair enough

 


 

my i supremacist to: hurricane — 7:03 pm

 

my i supremacist: ok what the hell did you mean earlier

 

hurricane: umm

hurricane: dude

hurricane: ur intense Love™ for minghao???

 

my i supremacist: wh

 

hurricane: don't u "wh" me

hurricane: are u seriously trying to tell me that u aren't aware of ur own feelings

 

my i supremacist: ?????? what feelings???????

 

hurricane: oh my g o d

hurricane: so u mean to tell me that you aren't at all conscious of the amount of time u spend staring at his ass during practice

 

my i supremacist: to be fair i stare at everyone's hindquarters

 

hurricane: h i n d q u a r t e r s

 

my i supremacist: are u telling me u don't get a kick out of minghao's derrière?

 

hurricane: STOP IT

 

my i supremacist: never

my i supremacist: i live off of other people's discomfort

 

hurricane: ...ok honestly me too

hurricane: not the point tho

hurricane: u stare at the guy 24/7

 

my i supremacist: pshhh no i don't

 

hurricane: u dropped all ur laundry in the middle of the hallway earlier bc u were staring at him so intensely

hurricane: ur fixation almost murdered mingyu

hurricane: it's kind of amazing that nobody's noticed tbh

 

my i supremacist: dude i don't even like guys??

 

hurricane: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

hurricane: DO U REALLY BELIEVE THAT

hurricane: THAT'S HILARIOUS

 

my i supremacist: B O I

my i supremacist: what would u know about liking guys anyway??

 

hurricane: another funny question

 

my i supremacist:

my i supremacist: w8

my i supremacist: WHAT

 

hurricane: i'm not about to out myself lmao

hurricane: just know i'm about as gay as u seem to be

 

my i supremacist: well since i clearly don't know anything about that i'll just sit around in the dark for a while

my i supremacist: bye soonyoung thanks for CONFUSING ME

 

hurricane: anytime man

 


 

 

my i supremacist to: the maknae™ — 7:24 pm

 

my i supremacist: on a scale of 1-10 how gay do u think i am

 

the maknae™: like a solid 13

 

my i supremacist: fucking great

 

the maknae™: why

 

my i supremacist: idk soonyoung and i talked earlier and it's got me all messed up

 

the maknae™: wdym?

 

my i supremacist: idk i just

my i supremacist: didn't think i liked guys?

my i supremacist: but now that i'm thinking about it

my i supremacist: well

my i supremacist: thinking about minghao

my i supremacist: and i mean like actively thinking about him not like the way he's been occupying my empty head for like three weeks

my i supremacist: it feels different

 

the maknae™: ...so do u like him?

 

my i supremacist: FUCK chan i don't know

my i supremacist: i think so???

 

the maknae™: listen...i get that ur realizing things and that u probably won't come to a complete decision for a while

the maknae™: but if u do like him

the maknae™: i think u've got a pretty good shot with him

the maknae™: and i'll be here to help u with anything u need, ok?

the maknae™: soonyoung hyung too, no matter how much he harasses u

 

my i supremacist: yeah

my i supremacist: yeah i know

my i supremacist: thanks man

 

the maknae™: no problem hyung :D

the maknae™: try and get some rest and think it over, k?

 

my i supremacist: i will

 


  

trauma (13) — 8:41 pm

 

angle: shua

 

softshua: yes?

 

angle: have u seen minghao

 

softshua: no i've been watching a movie with seokmin

softshua: why?

 

angle: i have to beat him

 

softshua: i feel like i might regret asking this

softshua: but, again, why?

 

angle: he taped like 20 pictures of his face all over my bed

angle: and he managed to slip a different picture of himself into every crevice i can see in here

angle: everywhere i go i have to see his f a c e

 

softshua: ...interesting

 

minghoe: you'll never catch me hyung

minghoe: i have a powerful barrier

 

generic dad™: is that why you're hiding behind me

 

minghoe: yes

 

angle: GET THE HELL OVER HERE U DEMON CHILD

 

minghoe: N E V E R

 


  

trauma (13) — 8:57 pm

 

wonweewoo: did anyone else hear that big thump

 

svt's secret vocalist: that was probably the sound of minghao's life ending

 

sandsol: finally we're free

 

jejuboo: damn. stone cold.

 

sandsol: he hid my shoes last week

sandsol: he's dead to me

 

the maknae™: i understand

 

svt's secret vocalist: you would rly throw him away for ur fuckin crocs

 

generic dad™: your what now

 

angle: suddenly seventeen only has 12 members?

 

sandsol: fuck off crocs are comfortable and functional and sofia gave them to me so i love them

 

snoozi: Does she hate you?

 

sandsol: NO

 

snoozi: Then why would she give you those horrible things?

 

sandsol: THEY'RE REALLY NOT THAT BAD

 

the maknae™: yeah u say that but jeonghan hyung seems to be deleting all pictures of u from his phone as we speak

 

sandsol: :(

 

generic dad™: it was nice knowing you hansol

 


  

hurricane to: my i supremacist — 9:14 pm

 

hurricane: u've been staring angrily at ur toast for a good five mins now

hurricane: u good?

 

my i supremacist: i haven't been ok since Fergie's 2006 release of Fergalicious

 

hurricane: that's oddly specific but i feel it 

hurricane: and i meant the whole minghao thing

hurricane: is it messing with u?

 

my i supremacist: i mean yeah i'm kind of questioning everything about myself rn

 

hurricane: well shit

hurricane: i knew i shouldn't have said anything

 

my i supremacist: nah

my i supremacist: i'm glad that u did

my i supremacist: it's given me a lot to think about

 

hurricane: the thought of u being introspective terrifies me

 

my i supremacist: since when do u use the word introspective

 

hurricane: since wonwoo started making me come to his book club meetings

 

my i supremacist: ...ur telling me wonwoo has a book club

 

hurricane: yeah we meet on the first sunday of every month to talk about literature

hurricane: susan always brings snickerdoodles

 

my i supremacist: what the fuck i want susan's snickerdoodles

 

hurricane: but do u read

 

my i supremacist:

my i supremacist: no

 

hurricane: exactly

 

my i supremacist: do u????

 

hurricane: yes i read but i will never tell u my favorite genre

hurricane: there are some things that i'm not willing to admit man

hurricane: and i already have wonwoo sworn to secrecy so don't even try

 

my i supremacist: should i be concerned

 

hurricane: probably

 

my i supremacist: got it

 


  

dance dance (4) — 11:19 pm

 

minghoe: Leader™

 

hurricane: yes my child

 

minghoe: why are u looking at me like that

 

hurricane: none of ur business my child

 

minghoe: tf

 

the maknae™: the real question is

the maknae™: why am i the only one actually practicing the choreography

 

hurricane: don't act innocent maknae we all know ur just doing it to look hotter than all of us on stage

 

the maknae™: that i cannot deny

 

minghoe: too bad it'll never work

 

the maknae™: b i t c h

 

minghoe: also

minghoe: why has jun been staring at himself in the mirror for so long

 

hurricane: if i looked like him i’d do the same thing tbh

 

minghoe: fair enough

 

hurricane: :^)

 

the maknae™: wh

 

hurricane: :^)))))))))

 

minghoe: should i be scared?

 

hurricane: ;^))))))))))))

 

the maknae™: definitely

 

minghoe: time to escape while i can!

 


 

jejuboo to: minghoe — 11:43 am

 

jejuboo: is it just me or has the entire performance team been staring at u for the last 10 mins

 

minghoe: for once ur right seungkwan

 

jejuboo: i don't need the sass ok

jejuboo: fr tho wtf is going on here

jejuboo: are they planning to kill u or smth

jejuboo: bc if so

jejuboo: i can't rly blame them

 

minghoe: rude

minghoe: and i seriously don't know???

minghoe: u didn't expose me, did u?

 

jejuboo: if ur asking if i blabbed about ur giant crush jun

jejuboo: aka the guy u regularly tie urself to and call it a dance

jejuboo: then no i didn't

jejuboo: if anything is gonna give it away it's the way u eat him up with ur eyes every time he dances lol

 

minghoe: don't roast me ok the man is fine

 

jejuboo: i'm JUST SAYIN. ur kinda obvious. maybe they all just Know.

 

minghoe: ur not making me feel better

 

jejuboo: oh did u want support sorry i'm much better at mockery

 

minghoe: why did i even tell u i like jun

 

jejuboo: bc i caught u like sobbing over him @ 3 am and u couldn't stop urself from spilling everything to me???

 

minghoe:

minghoe: right

minghoe: bad times

 

jejuboo: mhm

jejuboo: anyway u should rly get chan to stop looking at u like ur an idiot it's starting to piss even me off

 

minghoe: oh i plan on stopping him

minghoe: i'll just need a sock and some butter

 

jejuboo: oh that boy is d e a d

 


 

the maknae™ to: minghoe — 12:13 am

 

the maknae™: STOP IT

 

minghoe: OPEN THE DOOR

 

the maknae™: NO U HAVE A BUTTER SOCK

the maknae™: I DON'T WANNA DIE TODAY BOI

 

minghoe: THEN TELL ME WHY THE ENTIRE PERF TEAM HAS BEEN STARING AT ME SINCE PRACTICE

 

the maknae™: FUCK NO

 

minghoe: THEN PREPARE FOR DEATH

 

the maknae™: LKSJDFSDF WHY ARE U SO STRONG

 

minghoe: I CARRY THE WEIGHT OF MY SINS

minghoe: AND UR ABOUT TO BECOME ONE OF THEM

 

the maknae™: I DON'T DESERVE THIS

 

minghoe: DO U REALLY BELIEVE THAT

 

the maknae™:

the maknae™: HONESTLY NO

the maknae™: BUT I'M NOT GOIN DOWN LIKE THIS

 

minghoe: JUST TELL MEEEEEE

 

the maknae™: I'M NOT ABOUT TO EXPOSE HIM

 

minghoe: EXPOSE WHO

 

the maknae™: FUCK I'VE SAID TOO MUCH

 

minghoe: CHANNNNNN

 


 

trauma (13) — 12:18 am

 

wonweewoo: did anyone else just hear chan scream

 

snoozi: It was kind of hard to miss, yeah.

 

angle: so we lost 4 members today then??

 

softshua: seems like it

 

generic dad™: well now we have to make up a new elaborate explanation for our number of members

 

snoozi: No one even believes the current one though.

 

generic dad™: I KNOW

 

angle: well we're doomed i guess

 

my i supremacist: i knew someday we'd die out one by one

my i supremacist: this many crazy guys can't live together without some casualties

 

hurricane: that's dark but ur not wrong

 

minghoe: i guess since hansol is dead i should bury him with his crocs

 

sandsol: why r u acting like i really died

sandsol: and why do u require my death to give my crocs back

 

minghoe: do u hear that? sounds like a ghost

 

sandsol: i don't deserve to be treated this way

 

svt's secret vocalist: debatable

 

sandsol: smh

 


 

minghoe to: jejuboo — 2:49 am

 

minghoe: seungkwan

minghoe: i've been thinking about why perf team was staring at me

minghoe: and why soonyoung especially is being really weird about it

 

jejuboo: what are u getting at here

 

minghoe: i think

minghoe: i think soonyoung might like me?

 

jejuboo:

jejuboo: wait do u actually

 

minghoe: i mean not really but?? it's the only reason i can think of

minghoe: if they were gonna do something weird to me it would've happened by now

minghoe: and chan and soonyoung make lots of really dramatic eye contact

minghoe: jun doesn't rly seem to care tho

 

jejuboo: ://

 

minghoe: it's fine

minghoe: my feelings about jun aren't important right now

minghoe: i just need to know if soonyoung actually likes me

minghoe: wanna help me figure it out?

 

jejuboo: oooookayyyy i guess i can try to scout around

 

minghoe: thanks man

 

jejuboo: yeah of course

 


 

jejuboo to: pure one — 3:10 am

 

jejuboo: dude

jejuboo: we have An Issue

 

pure one: why what happened were any puppers injured???

 

jejuboo: no the puppers are safe thank goodness

 

pure one: then what's the problem?

 

jejuboo: have u noticed perf team being weird with minghao all day

 

pure one: if by "being weird" u mean obsessively watching his every move then yeah

 

jejuboo: well minghao thinks that soonyoung hyung likes him

 

pure one:

pure one: oh no

pure one: do u think he likes minghao?

 

jejuboo: honestly i have no clue i've been too absorbed in watching jeonghan hyung slowly plot chan's undoing to really notice

 

pure one: and u call urself a good wingman?

 

jejuboo: listen jeonghan hyung's plans are actually really interesting he's very thorough

 

pure one: well we need to figure this out

pure one: if soonyoung likes minghao then what are we gonna do?

 

jejuboo: ugsdlfkjsdfsdflsdf i KNOW I KNOW WE NEED TO GET THIS SORTED

jejuboo: try investigating k? i'll snoop around too dw

 

pure one: okkkkkk i'll ask around

pure one: tomorrow tho bc if i ask rn everyone will accuse me of having The Dream again

 

jejuboo: oh lol right

jejuboo: did the monkey ever kill the president?

 

pure one: I DON'T KNOW :(

pure one: THE COUNTRY COULD BE IN SHAMBLES FOR ALL I KNOW

 

jejuboo: i'm sure you'll find out one day

jejuboo: be patient, young one

 

pure one: i'm trying :c

 


 

trauma (13) — 5:03 am

 

jejuboo: 이제 WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE WAKE UP

 

snoozi: Oh fuck no. 

snoozi: Not again.

 

jejuboo: this song will always be relevant hyung

jejuboo: fight me

 

snoozi: Don't test me when I'm tired.

snoozi: My half-conscious body will not hesitate to destroy you.

 

sandsol: seungkwan maybe u should stop before he decides ending u is the fastest way to go back to sleep

 

generic dad™: please we can't lose more members

 

svt's secret vocalist: i'm still not dead but ok

 

angle: jihoon already fell back asleep we're fine

 

softshua: according to the time we have left until we're supposed to leave the dorms

softshua: i don't really think we're fine

 

angle: why can't u just let me have one happy moment

 

softshua: carats can be your happy moment

softshua: go get dressed now please

 

angle: yes sir

 

the maknae™: ok but who stole my socks

 

wonweewoo: i think we all know who

 

hurricane: lemme guess

hurricane: Team Dad™?

 

my i supremacist: bingo

 

generic dad™: why are all my children against me?

 

the maknae™: bc u habitually steal our stuff???

 

generic dad™: well.

generic dad™: i suppose that's true.

 

softshua: cheol

 

generic dad™: yes shua

 

softshua: get up and get dressed right now

 

generic dad™: ...yes shua

 

jejuboo: dad™ is being targeted

jejuboo: i like this

 

my i supremacist: u just feed off of misery

 

jejuboo: this is tru

 

softshua: seungkwan :)

softshua: get ready please :)

 

pure one: why are ur fists clenched so tight

 

softshua: no reason :)

 

jejuboo: SUDDENLY I'M VERY MOTIVATED TO GET READY

 

the maknae™: joshua hyung is the reason i fear waking up late

 

softshua: good.

 

snoozi: Guys, the managers are here.

snoozi: We have to go.

 

sandsol: when did u even get ready??

 

snoozi: I've trained myself to get ready for the day when I'm still only sort of awake.

 

minghoe: ...can u teach me how to do that?

 

snoozi: Yeah.

snoozi: You have enough pent up rage to learn my technique properly.

 

hurricane: i can vouch for that

 

minghoe: i didn't hit u that hard

 

hurricane: the blow may not have hurt

hurricane: but your w o r d s

hurricane: i have scars, minghao

hurricane: s c a r s

 

generic dad™: well on that note

generic dad™: COME ON KIDS WE'RE GOIN TO WORK

 

jejuboo: every day is bring ur kid to work day for u, huh?

 

generic dad™: YES AND IT'S EXHAUSTING

generic dad™: LEGGO

 

minghoe: n y o o m