The first time the three of them have sex, Chidi is very careful to make sure every action he’s doing to Tahani he also does to Eleanor, and that he switches up who receives an action first to keep an even amount of predictability between them. It wasn’t that he didn’t think they’d catch on to what he was doing, it’s just, he needed a simple way to keep from worrying that one lover was getting more or better attention than the other. (It’s harder outside the bedroom, how is he to compare holding a door to grabbing a beverage? There’s no proper paradigm.)
So while he isn’t surprised that they know what he’s doing, he is surprised at how un-thrilled they are.
Eleanor’s you’re forking over thinking it and Tahani’s just let go my darling man, had somehow led them to today, in Tahani’s oversized bedroom with revealing outfits that Janet procured. (Janet assured him that Michael had no way of accessing their search data or an inventory of objects she retrieved.) While he’d already explained the university he taught at didn’t have a dress code, and no uniforms were involved, Tahani took this to mean there was nothing stopping them from wearing what amounted to lingerie in his fake class. And perhaps they both look good enough that he isn’t really trying to argue that specific point.
Chidi swallows, his stomach really isn’t feeling the best but he’s not sure if it’s an incoming ethical dilemma stomach ache or just queasy anxiety that’ll pass. He doesn’t know how to start any of this- but starting an actual lecture is easier than something contrived, and just like that an idea comes to mind.
“Today we’re going to discuss pragmatic ethics. These past weeks we’ve gone over deontological ethics, virtue ethics, and consequentialism. Pragmatic ethics are interesting because unlike other normative theories, they focus on society rather than the individual-”
Eleanor’s hand is in the air, while Tahani seems to be doodling in her notebook.
“I didn’t have enough time to finish my normal ethics paper, can I get an extension?” She asks, leaning forward on her hands. It highlights her assets in a way that Chidi should not be noticing as her teacher- not that he’s actually her teacher, well he is, but not in this scenario- oh god, does him originally teaching Eleanor ethics conflate- but no they were soulmates, surely that came first-
“You’ve lost him,” Tahani’s murmuring, and Chidi can do this dang it.
“Of course. Have the paper to me by Friday morning.”
Tahani rolls her eyes, “You were supposed to say you’re a busy man, blah blah blah, blowjob.”
He looks to Eleanor wide-eyed, but she’s nodding, “Sexy skyscraper is right.”
“If you trade sex for grades, how will you ever learn?”
Tahani purses her lips, “Perhaps this wasn’t my finest idea.”
“No wait,” Eleanor says, “let’s try a different one. The idea is for you to get out of your head, something really different.”
“Different how?” Chidi asks, uneasy at how open ended that sounds.
“Oh!” Tahani exclaims, “That odd little show you were talking about with the aliens-”
Chidi’s eyebrows pop up, “Star Trek? Literally one of the largest franchises-”
“Yeah! I have dibs on being the captain that bangs everyone,” Eleanor says.
“I don’t think-”
“And I shall be the willowy alien here to investigate all manner of things,” Tahani decides, standing up dramatically.
She walks over to him which is extraordinarily distracting between the tiny outfit and trying to figure out if this makes him Spock, who he is perhaps closest to. But he doesn’t remember any Vulcan, barely knew enough for trivia night and-
“I come in peace,” Tahani intones flatly. “And perhaps later I will be coming in pieces Monsieur…?”
Eleanor’s laugh completely kills any attempted moment, as she rolls around on Tahani’s bed. “In pieces,” she echoes, laughing harder.
“I’m sorry,” Eleanor says, sitting up and wiping her eyes. “That was awful.”
Tahani crosses her arms tightly, “I’d like to see you do better with such limited characters.”
“Woah easy, maybe we should just-” Chidi starts.
Eleanor cracks her knuckles, shoving the two notebooks off the bed. “What’s that Spotty? Two to beam up?”
Chidi winces, brings a fist to his mouth, but still needs to correct her. “Scotty, it’s Scotty.”
Tahani pats his shoulder, “There, there- as my good friend Zachary Q once said to me, there’s no point in trying to emulate perfection.”
“What- that doesn’t even- you knew new Spock?”
Tahani tosses her hair over her shoulder, “Why yes, it was quite the delightful meeting at my good friend John’s house- who I met through his costar Karen on that quaint little show, perhaps you saw it-”
“Forking eh Tahani, we know, you know like everyone who’s ever been on tv,” Eleanor groans.
Chidi looks between them, “I- I’d like to hear more about Quin-”
“We’re never going to have sex,” Eleanor laments. “This is it. Heaven is actually just reliving the glory days over and over.”
Tahani looks to him, wiggling her fingers, and that seems like a better idea, and they both join Eleanor, tickling her until she’s laughing too hard to breathe.
Tahani whispers something in Eleanor’s ear that he can’t hear, and then they’re both tackling him- kisses and touches everywhere. He knows the point is still to get him out of his head, and it kinda works. While he doesn’t mentally catalog every individual action, he does still keep count of orgasms facilitated in his head. They aren’t nearly a perfect measure of utility of course, but as a pinnacle point they do a presumably mediocre job of keeping track.
At some point before dawn, Chidi realizes it. He’s lazily kissing Tahani and spooned around Eleanor, that he is unquestionably happy. It’s probably due to being united with his two soulmates, and for once, perhaps because he is happy or perhaps because he’s tired, there’s no immediate urge to figure out why. He doesn’t mind putting it off until morning, the curiosity will still be there, and for now- everything is good.