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    Summary

    Alec will take it for as long as he can get it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,936
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    31
    Kudos:
    407
    Bookmarks:
    88
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  2. 23 Dec 2019

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  3. 19 Dec 2019

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  4. 24 Nov 2019

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  5. 22 Nov 2019

    Rec

    Bookmark Notes:

    Alec hums dreamily. “I just want to remember every moment I’m with him— burn them all into my memory. So I’ll never forget what it was like.”

    Magnus waves a hand so he can see through the door without them glimpsing him inside the room, and sees Izzy reach out a hand in concern. “What do you mean?”

    Alec nods gravely. “You know. Before Magnus leaves me again.”

    Magnus feels his hands go cold.

    Izzy looks taken aback. “Alec, that isn’t going to happen.”

    Alec shrugs. “I think it probably will. I’ll screw it up again, somehow. Remember what Mom used to say? “Alec can find a way to ruin anything,” and she was right. It sucks, but there’s no point pretending otherwise.”

    “Mom doesn’t think that anymore, and she was wrong when she said it then. Magnus loves you.”

    Alec nods. “Yes, and I love him, more than anything. But I screwed it up before, and I’ll manage to do it again. It won’t be his fault. It will be mine. I just need to come to terms with it, and try to keep it from happening as long as I can.”

    Magnus sits down at the end of Alec’s bed, his pulse hammering in his throat.

    “I thought I was doing the right thing, with the Soul Sword— and look how that turned out. I still can’t believe he forgave me— for that, for the DNA testing, for not believing him when he was stuck in Valentine’s body, for getting caught up in work and missing dates— for so many things. How long until the next time that my best judgement just isn’t good enough, or my thoughtlessness makes the whole thing a chore for him? I just have to be grateful for what we have, for as long as we have it.”

    Isabelle looks horrified, her eyes wide. “Alec— that— that isn’t—“

    Alec holds her hand between his own. “I love him, Izzy. I don’t want him to be stuck with someone who keeps hurting him, even if that person is me, even if the hurts aren’t on purpose. Whenever he decides he’s had enough will probably be long after I deserve it. I mean, I’m trying, and I’ll keep trying. But it would be stupid to pretend that I can make him stick around forever. He deserves better than that. He deserves everything.”

    It’s unbearable. Magnus clutches his hands together, remembering a conversation he had been having with Ragnor once. It had seemed so reasonable, at the time, to explain why Camille was right to leave him, if he couldn’t make himself into the person she wanted on any given day. Magnus listens to Alec calmly explaining the ways he isn’t good enough and his head spins with deja vu. His voice had trembled despite his certainty, when he spoke to Ragnor on that day so many years ago. He watches Alec smile bravely while he plans out a desolate life after being left behind by his only love, and Magnus can hardly breathe through it.

    He wonders how small Alec is willing to make himself, for Magnus’s sake. He remembers trimming away all the parts of his heart that Camille had found ludicrous, certain that it would at least buy them some time. He wonders what Alec has carved out of himself, gladly, in the hopes that Magnus would never have to see it. He wonders if it was beautiful.
    .
    "Alexander, I'm in love with you, and I want to be with you for as long as you'll have me. I understand why you have trouble believing that, and I know that it will probably take time for you to take me at my word. But I need you to hear me when I say this-- nothing less than the potentially total extinction of my people would lead me to take such a step, and even then I'd probably just try to take you with me. And I have faith that we will be able to prevent such an event from happening again."

    Alec won't meet his eyes. "You can't be sure of that, Magnus. How long until the next time the Clave puts us in the same position, or I just screw something up? I can't ask you to make promises--"

    "Yes, you can," Magnus says, insists. "You should. Ask anything of me."

    Alec clutches at the lapels of his jacket suddenly, frantic. "Don't leave me, Magnus, please, stay with me, I couldn't bear it if you--"

    Magnus kisses him wildly, reaching up to curl his fingers into Alec's hair and pull him closer. "Never," he vows. "Couldn't if I wanted to, do you understand? You're stuck with me, Alexander. The rest of your days."

  6. 12 Sep 2019

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  7. 12 Sep 2019

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  8. 11 Aug 2019

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  9. 18 Jul 2019

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  10. 03 Jul 2019

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  11. 22 Jun 2019

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  12. 09 Apr 2019

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  13. 06 Apr 2019

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  14. 26 Mar 2019

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  15. 08 Mar 2019

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  16. 04 Mar 2019

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  17. 08 Feb 2019

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  18. 23 Jan 2019

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  19. 21 Dec 2018

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  20. 04 Oct 2018

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  21. 03 Sep 2018

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