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It Was Always You (Woke Up Sweating From A Dream)

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At the age of thirteen, as most people did, Jared presented. What was mildly surprising was that he presented as an omega. This was mildly surprising both because he was quite a tall, lanky child, which while not an entirely uncommon build for an omega, was not entirely usual either; and because there had not been an omega in the Padalecki or Jameson (his mother’s clan) family for two or three generations. His presentation did not cause any kind of upset, though. His mother, stepfather and father were all perfectly accepting of Jared’s gender. Unsurprising really, seen as all three of them were accepting, middle of the road kind of people. Jared’s stepfather, Alex, was an alpha, and while he loved sports and cars and drinking beer, and was fairly conservative in his political views, he had never once spoken about or acted inappropriately towards omegas. Sharon, Jared’s mother was a beta, and had always been liberal in her politics and had always taught Jared to be accepting of all genders. Jared’s biological father, Phillip, like Jared’s stepfather, was an alpha, and while more liberal and less sports inclined than Alex, had never been one for stereotyping or rejecting people based on their gender.

And so unlike many YA novels and films starring actors like Hailee Steinfeld or Aidan Quinn, Jared was lucky enough to have a supportive parental and educational unit, who encouraged him to be who and what he wanted to be.
Jensen, Jared’s stepbrother, on the hand, was now sixteen and had not presented yet. The Ackles (Jensen’s father’s family) were late-bloomers, though, with Alex only presenting at about sixteen, too. And so no-one really sweated over Jensen’s presentation, nor did they try to find activities that might “fit” his yet unpresented status in order to “discover” what he might be good at as code for what he would present as.
Jared, however, had little doubt that his little brother would present as an alpha. Jensen just had a way about him. He was neither brash nor confrontational. He had a quiet way about him, and he was pretty, quite beautiful really. But as with omegas, nothing said that alphas fit a certain predetermined mould. Jensen was authoritative, though. People naturally followed him. And despite Jared being twenty, he often deferred to Jensen in social matters. It wasn’t because Jared was weak, nor was it because he felt that he didn’t need omega rights. He enjoyed listening to Jensen, because Jensen always made sure Jared knew that everything was Jared’s choice.

Jared knew that he’d hate whoever Jensen chose as a mate. They would never be good enough for his brother. Jensen was so amazing that whoever he chose to spend his life with would have to be equally amazing. Jared felt quietly relieved that that meant it would take Jensen a long, long while to find a partner. But he also felt vaguely embittered and heartbroken (maybe not so vaguely on the second one), that that meant Jensen would never choose him either.
Jared tried to date, but like in one of those awful nineties rom-coms, it just never worked out. On a subconscious level, perhaps on a more obvious level than that, Jared knew that he was sabotaging himself. Like some terrible masochistic idiot he was screwing up his own happiness, but he felt compelled to do so. It was as if he suffered from Berke Landers syndrome, which sadly had no cure. No one was going to suddenly sing him some magical teen popesque soft ballad that would cause some amazing revelation.
And so Jared carried on. He attended university, and he socialised, and he did not pine over his younger step-sibling. He also practiced the art of denial.

***

“Okay honey-bunch,” Sharon smiled, handing Jared the bunch of house keys. “No wild discos. Your dad and I are not that cool I’m afraid.”
“And I don’t have enough friends for that kind of thing,” Jared shrugged.
Sharon laughed as she hugged and kissed her sons before getting into Alex’s SUV.
“Have fun you two,” Alex said, as he pulled away and waved in farewell.
Jared and Jensen waved until the SUV turned onto the road and disappeared from view.
“So,” Jared started. “What are your wild plans for the weekend, Jen?”
Jensen shrugged, “I don’t know. I was thinking I’d stick around here.”
“Oh,” Jared replied, pretending not to be thrilled that his usually sociable brother was staying home. “Where are Chris and Steve?”
“Chris is away with his folks for the weekend,” Jensen returned, as he and Jared went inside. “And Steve’s brother’s visiting, so he’s got family stuff going on. Besides, I know you wouldn’t want to watch The Skulls alone for the fifteenth time.”
“That movie is an underrated classic,” Jared deadpanned. “Joshua Jackson shows real range in that role, and no one will ever convince me that he wasn't the best thing about Dawson’s Creek.
“Whatever,” Jensen replied in a mock long suffering tone, whilst dramatically rolling his eyes. “What are you making for supper.”
“Just spaghetti Bolognese.”
“With homemade garlic bread?” Jensen drooled.
“Yup,” Jared popped the p as he entered the kitchen. “You can help me with all the chopping. You need to learn how to cook otherwise you’re going to starve to death as an adult.”
“That’ll never happen.”
“How do you know for sure, Mr Cocky McGee?”
“Because my omega will cook for me. I’d never get together with a lousy cook, otherwise we’d die of starvation,” he joked.
Jared’s guts clenched unpleasantly, but he hid his familiar misery with a quip, “There’s always MacDonald’s you know. Or are you scared of losing your girlish figure?”
Jensen wiggled his eyebrows as he lifted his shirt and displayed his gorgeously defined stomach muscles, “Impossible.”
Jared bit the inside of his lip and turned away in order to hide how affected he was by seeing even that modest suggestion of Jensen’s nudity.
“Let’s get dinner rolling,” he said in a bid to change the subject to something less potentially dangerous. “Otherwise we’ll end up eating at midnight.”

***

Jared was worried about Jensen. While the kid had eaten like a champ as usual, polishing off two helpings of spaghetti and four healthy pieces of garlic bread, he kept blinking at the TV screen and he had a slight sheen of sweat covering his face.
When the credits finally rolled after Joshua Jackson had discovered the seedy underbelly of ivy league secret societies, Jared got Jensen two tylenols and a glass of water. When he got to his brother’s room, Jared was concerned that Jensen was listlessly sitting on the bed. Jared set about helping the boy out of his clothes and into a pair of well worn pyjama pants, before coaxing him into taking the painkillers and getting into bed. Once that was done, he went to the bathroom to soak a wash cloth in cool water. When he returned to the bedroom, Jensen was shivering slightly, but he had kicked the covers almost down to his thighs.
Jared passed the cool facecloth over Jensen’s chest, neck and face, all the while whispering soothingly to him. Jared hadn’t looked after Jensen since his younger sibling was twelve and had pneumonia. Jared’s presence had calmed Jensen back then, and it seemed to be doing the same thing now, as Jensen seemed to shiver slightly less, as he turned into Jared’s touch.
When Jensen was sleeping quite peacefully, Jared went to his own bed and prepared for sleep. He set an alarm on his phone to check on Jensen in a few hours. He hoped that whatever was wrong wasn’t too serious. But something was niggling at the back of Jared’s mind. He didn’t dare acknowledge it, because that would just be too much right now.

***

Jared felt groggy as his alarm roused him from sleep. He yawned so widely as he got out of bed that his jaw clicked. He blinked as his phone displayed three thirty A.M. above the lock screen of his and Jensen pulling goofy faces. As he walked down the passage, moonlight spilling through the cracks in the curtains, he rubbed his face to rid himself of some of his fatigue. But his tiredness soon left him when he entered Jensen’s room.
Jensen had pushed his duvet down to the foot of the bed, and had shucked off his pants so that they lay in a crumpled heap on the floor. He was currently moaning into his pillow as he humped his bed, his ass muscles tensing and relaxing as he did so.
Jared was momentarily dumbstruck as he took in the feverish sight before him. But his nurturing instincts kicked in as he walked farther into the room, before remembering that he’d bought an anal pocket and synthetic omega slick a few months back. He’d felt horribly embarrassed at the time, and the bored sex store clerk had even raised an eyebrow at his purchase which included said items and a dildo replica of porn star Dean Smith’s rather enormous alpha cock.
He raced back to his room to retrieve the anal pocket and fake omega slick before returning to Jensen whose skin glistened with sweat. Jared had to blink rapidly as Jensen’s heady pheromones hit him like a roundhouse kick. The smell was enough to get Jared to trickle a little bit of slick out of his hole. It was a dark smokey kind of smell, almost like those expensive aftershaves that department store clerks always spritzed in the fragrance section. But it was so so much better. Richer. Headier. More enthralling and confusing to Jared’s mind. He had to keep his mind ordered. Jensen needed him.
“Jensen, baby,” he murmured, slipping into using the old endearment. “You have to turn over so I can help you, okay?”
With what appeared to be a superhuman effort, Jensen turned over, his bright, glassy green gaze settling on Jared’s face.
“Hey,” Jared smiled, holding up the omega slick and anal pocket. “These will help take the edge off, okay?”
He didn’t know why he kept tagging okay onto the end of his sentences, but it was probably as much to seek an affirmation from Jensen as to show he wanted Jensen to be comfortable, too.
Jensen managed to nod his head rather spasmodically, as Jared slicked up the anal pocket.
“I’m going to help you, so that you can get some release,” Jared continued, trying not to gulp as he took in the sight of Jensen’s astonishing cock.
It had to be at least ten inches and almost as wide as a Coke can. It was almost puce with how much blood was pumping into it, and the head was a veritable faucet of pre-ejaculate. At the bottom of the rigid column of flesh was a small band of raised flesh, which would house Jensen’s increasingly large knot.
Jared had to stop himself from leaning forward and letting Jensen fuck his mouth, anal pocket be damned. But he wouldn't do that. He could never take advantage of Jensen when he was like this. So vulnerable. So beautiful. So carnal.
Jared coaxed the anal pocket onto Jensen’s cock and crooned to his younger step sibling as he thrust up into the synthetic pouch of tight flesh. Jared tried not to fixate on the way Jensen’s thighs and abdominal muscles bunched and released as he violently pistoned his hips.
He could feel the heat of the young alpha’s cock through the anal pocket. It was an absolutely searing sensation, and Jared felt more slick dampen his underwear and pyjama pants. This time it was more than just a trickle.
Jared crooned comforting words at Jensen as he tossed his head back and forth on the sweat drenched pillow and gritted his teeth. He whispered, “It hurts” before his speech devolved into whispers and growls of pain and frustration.
“It’ll be over soon,” Jared kept chanting. “I’m here, Jen, I’m here.”
Jensen’s thrusts grew practically savage until the anal pocket split down the side and snapped off of Jensen’s cock and out of Jared hand, to lie used and abused on the floor. Jared blinked in astonishment. How was that even possible? He had thought that those things were really tough. But then he saw Jensen’s knot and he understood. It looked like a soft ball, swollen with blood, skin stretched thin showing the veins beneath.
An intense pulse of slick gushed out of Jared’s asshole, and he swallowed audibly as Jensen’s eyes flew open and his gaze fixed on his omega step-sibling.
“Jen, I—” Jared managed before Jensen was on him, ripping his pants and underwear off hard enough to bruise him with the elastic waistbands.
Jensen spread Jared’s long legs and plunged his tongue into the omega’s glistening asshole with such vigour and precision that Jared came instantly, his channel clamping down around the young alpha’s tongue while slick squirted out and onto Jensen’s chin.
Just as Jared’s body sank down into the mattress, Jensen sat back on his heels, bringing Jared with him. Jared gripped his broad shoulders, before clasping Jensen’s chin between his fingers and making the other boy meet his gaze.
“Let me take control just for a little while,” he murmured. “Just so neither one of us gets hurt.”
Jensen’s verdant eyes with their blown pupils flashed for a moment before he nodded shakily, and allowed Jared to guide him so that he was lying flat on his back. Jared bit his lips, his eyes falling shut for a moment as he gripped that scorching cock and let his hole suckle at the soaking head before slowly—achingly so— impaling himself on that brilliant column of alpha flesh. He opened his eyes again so that he could watch Jensen’s face as his mouth fell open and he bruisingly gripped Jared’s narrow hips.
Even if he rejects me in the morning, Jared thought, I’d never let him suffer. I love him. I love him so much.
Jared set the pace as Jensen’s cock dragged out of his entrance, every nerve ending ablaze with pleasure, and sunk back into the clutch of Jared’s body. God it felt good to have that cock inside of him, so thick, so big, so real. Real at last, not just a fantasy. This feeling would torment Jared for the rest of his life, because he knew this would never happen again. Jensen was not his alpha, but he needed Jared now, and Jared could never deny him anything.
Jensen flipped him over, while his cock was still firmly rooted in Jared’s ass, and brought his omega brother’s hips up and pushed his face down as he began to ream his ass so hard that Jared slid upwards on each thrust. He gripped the footboard to avoid being brained against it, his mouth open against the mattress as he sobbed into it as Jensen’s cockhead rammed into his prostate. When Jensen came it was like a fountain of searing come filled Jared’s bowels, but Jensen carried on fucking him as if he hadn’t come.
The combined wetness of Jared’s copious slick and Jensen’s copious come made Jensen’s knot slide in more smoothly, but Jared still strained to take it as his back arched with his own intense orgasm. He felt Jensen come for a second time as his anal walls tightened around the adolescent alpha’s baseball batesque dick.
He convulsed beneath Jensen as his body tried to process the seemingly endless shocks of scorching pleasure that set his nerves alight, his fingernails scraping against the wooden headboard throbbing in time with the hot feeling of Jensen’s fingernails digging into his scalp as he gripped Jared’s head. Long, strong fingers sinking into his thick hair and the tender flesh of his hip.
After awhile Jared dozed off and so did Jensen. He was awoken by Jensen moving him so that he sank back against the alpha’s broad, smooth chest to be bounced up and down on his still erect cock. Jared howled through it, digging his nails into the flesh of Jensen’s thick thighs. Every time Jensen brought him to orgasm he squirted a profusion of slick, until the room was heavy with the scent of Jensen’s come and Jared’s natural lubricant.
When Jensen’s cock finally slid free of Jared’s hole, Jensen went down on him and soothed the abused flesh with his tongue. Jared stroked his brother’s head softly and slowly, hissing and whining in both pain and pleasure as Jensen laved his tongue in and around his entrance. Afterwards he cradled Jensen’s head to his chest as the young alpha slept and Jared tried to commit every moment to memory.
         

***

Before dawn, Jared rose from Jensen’s bed and went to the kitchen where their mother kept the electrolyte solution sachets. He made one for himself, gulping down the slightly gritty tropical flavoured mixture; before taking a glass to Jensen’s room. He managed to rouse his step-sibling enough to get him to drink all of the solution, although it was hard going with Jensen still muzzy but trying to stroke Jared wherever he could reach him.
Afterwards, Jared happily submitted himself to Jensen’s ministrations. His heart ached so terribly, though. Every time Jensen kissed him he thought He’ll never do this again, every time his hands slid over Jared’s body he thought I need to remember how this feels, I must remember. And when Jensen was inside of him he tried to imagine what it would be like to have this for the rest of his life, to carry Jensen’s children, to be wanted outside of the near madness of this coupling. But he knew that he would take all he could get. Hungrily, greedily. Even if it meant that it would have to sustain him for the rest of his life. Even if all these moments would be his and his alone, kept in a place in his mind that no one else would ever know. And he cradled that thought as if it were a precious thing, because he supposed it was. It was the realisation of a love that he had had for years, even if that realisation would ultimately be a transient, unrequited thing.

***

When Jensen’s need slowed and then abated, Jared helped him bathe whilst doing so himself. He made them a light meal, and then he encouraged Jensen to sleep. Alone.
His parents returned from their weekend trip, none the wiser to what happened between he and Jensen. They eventually surmised that Jensen had presented as an alpha, but there was no way—despite what the romance novels insisted—that they could know that Jensen had repeatedly claimed Jared. And Jensen did not come to Jared, he did not tell him that he either recalled nor cared that Jared had taken him within himself, held him there as one does something that is infinitely special.
This prompted Jared to retreat into himself more and more. He knew that he could use his academic work as an excuse to be continuously occupied, and he took more shifts as a tutor at university and a barista at the coffee shop. He dismissed his friends’ worried enquiries about him looking rather wan, and thinner, which was no mean feat due to Misha and Genevieve’s persistent natures.
Something had to give, although Jared didn’t know it would do so quite so spectacularly.

***