Sehun frowned, eyes glued to the flickering image before him.
“No, Stacy, it really is that easy. The only foods to avoid are refined sugars, gluten, and trans fat. It’s as simple as that.” The man in the image smiled widely, pearly white teeth showing as his eyes formed half crescents.
Sehun snorted. “It took me four centuries to refine sugars,” he muttered, topping it off with another snort of annoyance. The nerve of some humans, trying to undo his good deeds.
There was a splash to Sehun’s left, tearing his attention away from the image. He glanced towards his chocolate bubble tea fountain in time to see Chanyeol fall all the way in, flailing his arms and flinging the chocolate goodness all over Sehun’s newly cleaned white floors.
“I fail to see how after two thousand years you cannot once come to visit without falling into the fountain,” Sehun remarked dryly, tsking at his friend.
“Did you have to put it in such a weird spot?!” Chanyeol climbed out of the fountain, chocolate tea dripping off his clothing and sticking in his hair. “Even Kyungsoo put his fountain away from the main entrance.”
Sehun rolled his eyes. “ Even Kyungsoo?”
Chanyeol, the god of blacksmithing, a deity used to the forge, to heat and high temperatures, was a consummate blusher. His face turned bright red. “That’s what I said. Even Kyungsoo.”
Sehun shook his head. He had spent enough centuries around the blacksmithing god and Kyungsoo, the deity of cooking, to know they had an odd, push and pull relationship.
“Are you watching that thing again?” Chanyeol stumbled up the gumdrop stairs to stand next to Sehun’s chocolate-covered pretzel throne.
“No.” Sehun waved his hand in the air, the image dissipating.
“You were! Don’t lie!” Chanyeol wagged his finger in Sehun’s face. “You’re obsessed with that human!”
“I am not obsessed with anything.” Sehun folded his arms against his chest. “As the deity of sweets it is important that I understand what is going on with my people.”
“Right. Which is why Baekhyun told me you sit and watch that specific human on that telegraph-imajiger all day.” Chanyeol was not buying Sehun’s protests of innocence.
“Television,” Sehun corrected him. “And Baekhyun is lying.”
The dainty sugar fairy, also known as the bane of Sehun’s existence, occasionally known as Baekhyun, appeared at the sound of his name. He flew towards the throne at an alarming speed, a blur of sugary fairy dust left in his wake. “Lying?! Lying, huh!?!”
Sehun put his hand to his forehead. He could feel a headache coming on. “Is there a reason you are here?” He ignored the angry fairy and looked at Chanyeol.
“Do you um. Well...” Chanyeol rubbed the back of his neck. “Kyungsoo needed specific sugar for his recipe and I thought-”
“Baekhyun, get Chanyeol what he needs.” Sehun stood, Chanyeol taking a step back at the sudden action and almost tumbling down the steps in the process. “I’m going for a walk.”
Oh Sehun, deity of all things sweet, ignored the protests from the sugar fairy. He stalked down the gumdrop steps and past the chocolate bubble tea fountain, needing some time to himself to think.
He walked through the powdered sugar reception hall, down the glazed donut stairs, and into the fudge courtyard. He nodded his head in greeting when he passed the attendants who worked in the palace -- tiny sugar fairies like Baekhyun, strong armed bodyguards dressed in sugared cellophane, and lollipop clad servants cleaning every nook and cranny of the spacious abode.
The candy bar gate opened as he neared, revealing the vast candy cane forest that stretched as far as the eye could see. Sehun wanted to get lost in the red and white candied trunks, spending a few hours meandering about until his mind was clear.
“Kim Junmyeon,” he muttered while entering the forest path. That name had been on the tip of his tongue for weeks -- even though he would never admit it to Chanyeol or anyone else who asked.
Dazzling smile. Adorable laugh. Pusher of all things not-sugary. Fad diet guru, warrior of health, professional sugar hater. Sehun frowned.
Humans were a fickle lot, they always had been. Diets came and went, Sehun was used to it. But this diet, this amazing miracle diet that Kim Junmyeon was touting on every talk show, every food channel, in every magazine, was really catching on in the human world. No sugar. Sehun shuddered at the thought.
He had to stop this Kim Junmyeon person before it was too late -- before humans turned away from Sehun’s hard work. He had spent thousands of years perfecting the art of sweets and now it was faced with a formidable foe that dared to wage war against the sugary goodness. It made Sehun angry, it frustrated him, and damn why was this warrior, this crusader of health so easy on the eye?!
“I’ll stop him if it’s the last thing I do,” Sehun hissed - seriously hoping it wouldn’t be the last thing he did.
“Boss, you can’t go to the human world. Remember what happened last time?” Jongin whined, flapping his fairy wings for extra emphasis. “That small dog bit you and you cried for a week.”
Sehun swatted at the tiny sugar fairy. To think he found Jongin the most bearable of the sugary pixies that flitted about his palace. “We don't mention that in my house!”
“And the time before that you coated half of the Korean peninsula in Chocolate!” Jongin continued to pester him, pointing out the inevitable flaws in his grand plan.
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Sehun shot back, straightening his tie and smoothing back his hair.
Jongin sighed. “It is a bad thing!”
“I’m going and you can’t stop me. And that’s final.” Sehun had thought long and hard about this plan, this sojourn to the world of humans. No matter what Jongin said he was prepared for the trip, prepared to face Kim Junmyeon and put a stop to his madness.
It would be simple, really. He just needed to find Kim Junmyeon among a world population of seven and a half billion people, order him to stop his madness, and then send him on a sugar based promotional tour for the next decade. Very simple. He doubted he would need to be on earth for more than three hours. Four max.
“Make sure Chanyeol doesn’t break anything while I’m gone,” Sehun instructed, jogging down the steps of his throne room. He patted the pocket of his jacket, his trusty Deity Transporter 3000 in place. It was time to put an end to the madness that was Kim Junmyeon.
Loud. A permeating stench. Humans walking around with plastic to their ears. Smoke . Dogs .
“Dog!” Sehun shouted, startled by the mangy pooch he spotted across the road. He pulled his jacket over his face, shielding himself from the sight. His arm still throbbed at the memory of the small fluffy white dog and his vicious teeth, a scar remaining from his last journey to the human world many centuries before.
He had arrived with the help of his trusty Deity Transporter 3000 -- a split second journey to the chaotic human world. It was sensory overload, the human world was always like that when one of the higher-ups paid a visit. The calm, the orderliness of their lives was replaced with the hustle and bustle the humans dwelt in. Sehun scrunched his nose in distaste, still shielding his vision from the mighty twenty pound beast who watched him from the far sidewalk.
Car horns. People shouting. It was so loud Sehun had to wait a few minutes before his body adjusted to all of the racket. When he removed his coat from his face (very carefully) he noticed the great beast was no longer watching him.
“He was no match for me,” Sehun drawled smugly, adjusting his coat. It was time to go find Kim Junmyeon and put an end to his madness.
Sehun felt his chest swell with pride when he passed a sweets shop during his stroll. Sugar was truly the greatest gift to mankind (even if Chanyeol claimed it was fire). Sweet sugar. Candy. Cakes. Delicious muffins and donuts. The delight of the human realm, true happiness. That is what Sehun worked for.
He stopped for a moment to admire the store, the happy customers streaming in and out. Kim Junmyeon would never destroy this happiness if Sehun had anything to say about it.
Kim Junmyeon . Sehun narrowed his eyes. Where could that pesky human be? He had been walking around for nearly twenty minutes and still no sight of him.
“Where would a human that hates everything good in life be hiding?” Sehun muttered, racking his brain.
Sehun deduced that a man like Kim Junmyeon could probably be found at the most depressing place on the human plane AKA Whole Foods. Sehun found a store quite easily and began to wander around, peeking around every corner, scanning the aisles for his nemesis. After canvassing the entire store and still not finding the man, Sehun sighed heavily.
“Can I help you find anything, sir?” A young-ish human in a black apron asked.
“I need to find Kim Junmyeon,” Sehun responded.
“The dietician?” The black aproned human asked. Sehun nodded. “He has some book signing today if my memory serves me right. Try the bookstore down the road.”
Finally, success! “Thank you, young looking human.” Sehun patted the human on the shoulder, ignoring the confused look on his face.
Sehun found the book store with relative ease. It was located a few blocks from the Whole Foods in a drab brown brick building, a line of people trailing outside the front door and down the sidewalk.
Sehun brushed past the queue of mortals, smiling at them as he passed. They were his people, after all. A few of the humans frowned at him, which he assumed meant they were lacking in sugar.
“Bakery down the road,” he explained as he walked inside the building, hoping the poor humans would quickly get their sugar fix to brighten their mood.
There were two very burly humans standing inside the entrance of the store. Sehun nodded and smiled at the two men. He attempted to walk past them but one of the humans grabbed his arm. “You need to get to the back of the line.”
Sehun stared at the homosapien, blinking in confusion. “I need to see Kim Junmyeon.”
“What you need to do is get in line,” the human repeated.
Sehun pursed his lips. He glanced towards the inside of the store, where he spotted the man himself sitting behind a table. Kim Junmyeon, enemy of sugar ! Sehun tugged his arm free of the burly human and stalked towards the table.
“Kim Junmyeon, I am here to––” Sehun fell to the floor with an oomph, one of the burly humans tackling him.
There were shouts of confusion, the other humans moving away from where Sehun was lying.
Sehun struggled to free himself but the human had extraordinary strength.
“Unhand me!” Sehun nudged his elbow into the man. “I need to speak to Kim Junmyeon!”
The human didn’t let him go, but he did move. He dragged Sehun into a standing position, the other strongman quickly grabbing onto the deity’s other arm to hold him in place. The aftereffect of the human’s wrangling was Sehun face to face with Kim Junmyeon, who looked at him with a mixture of fear and confusion.
“Kim Junmyeon, you must listen to me. Listen well for I have travelled–”
Sehun was promptly dragged from the store, ejected onto the concrete on his butt before he could finish relaying his message. When he tried to go back into the store the two men promptly threatened him with calling the police. Sehun glared, but listened. He would need to find another way to talk to Kim Junmyeon. Certainly he would find an opportunity in the next hour….
Or maybe two hours. Sehun waited outside the store, watching the line of humans snaking into the establishment, walking out a few minutes later with smiles on their faces and books clutched to their chests.
At one point one of the strong armed humans came outside and issued a threat about loitering. Sehun glared at the man and pretended to leave. In reality he went and sat down in the parking lot between two cars.
It was chilly and his jacket wasn’t nearly thick enough to keep him warm for a long period of time. He shivered, crouching down next to the black vehicle, cursing Kim Junmyeon in his head.
It was another hour before Sehun heard a familiar voice. He would recognize the anti-sugarist’s voice anywhere. Sehun stood, spotting his enemy exiting out a side door of the bookstore. The burly armed men were nowhere to be seen. Perfect.
Sehun stretched his arms out, cracking his back before he set off to confront Junmyeon. He had only made it a few steps before a black van pulled up the side of the building, Junmyeon getting inside of it before Sehun could stop him.
“This won’t do,” he mumbled, cursing the opportunity that threatened to slip away from him.
Sehun did the logical thing. As the van began to move he walked in front of it, shouting, “Kim Junmyeon, as the representative of–” A terrible thud sounded when the bumper collided with Sehun’s body, sending him flying a few feet off the ground and onto the sidewalk.
Sehun screamed out in pain. It was worse than when that tiny dog bit him! “My baaackkk,” he whined, tears sliding down his cheeks.
He tried to sit up but his legs felt like they were on fire, pain shooting up to his thighs.
“Oh my god, are you okay?” Kim Junmyeon was shouting, running towards him, crouching down, a look of concern on his face.
“It hurrtssssssss,” Sehun whined. The human world was so cruel , so horribly cruel .
“Can you stand?” Junmyeon asked. “Wait, no, stay still in case you hurt yourself more. I’ll call an ambulance.”
Junmyeon took one of the strange small plastic human bricks out of his pocket and began speaking into it. Sehun watched him, whimpering at the horrible sensations coursing through his broken body.
“Hang in there, help is on the way.” Junmyeon patted Sehun’s shoulder, the deity wincing and crying out.
“Sir,” the doctor leveled his gaze at Sehun. He was a middle aged human with a white coat and round glasses, very stuffy looking. “You do not have a heart inside of your body.”
Sehun tilted his head to the side, observing the human. “And?”
“I fail to see how you are alive!” The doctor exclaimed, tapping his pen on his clipboard.
Sehun sighed. “How is my leg? Is it okay?”
“Your leg is the least of your worries, sir!” the doctor continued tapping the chart. “You also don’t have a fully formed digestive system - or at least a fully formed normal digestive system. Your blood sugar is the highest reading ever recorded and–”
Sehun waved his hand in the air, dismissing the doctor’s worries. “Listen, as long as my leg is fine that is all I care about.”
The doctor frowned. “Your leg is fine, but I must ask you to submit to further tests. You are a medical anomaly.”
“ No , I’m a god. Now if you’ll excuse me,” Sehun swung his legs over the hospital bed. He flinched when his foot hit the floor, afraid of the pain. When he pressed his sole onto the squeaky clean hospital floor and felt no pain he smiled, easing both feet onto the ground and standing up.
Kim Junmyeon had called a human vehicle to take him here, a big boxy thing with whirly lights and an annoying sound. Sehun had been subjected to all sorts of needles and exactly zero lollipops while at the doctors, it was truly a horrible time. But now that he was no longer in pain he made the executive decision it was time to leave.
“Sir, you can’t just walk out of here. Sir, you–”
Sehun ignored the doctor, swinging open the hospital room door and strolling out into the hall. He looked left, then right, surprised to see Kim Junmyeon sitting in a chair a little ways down the hall.
Finally, Sehun thought , I can get this over with . He walked towards the sugar hater, speaking as he approached. “Kim Junmyeon, I hereby order you to–”
“Are you alright?” Junmyeon stood, his eyes raking over Sehun. “I’m terribly sorry for what happened. My driver’s insurance will cover everything.”
Sehun narrowed his eyes at the man. “What do you mean?”
“Did you break any bones? I gave the front desk the insurance information so everything will be paid for.”
Sehun looked down at his legs, then back to the human. “Nothing is broken.”
“Oh good!” Junmyeon smiled brightly, his eyes forming half crescents. Sehun scrunched his nose up in distaste. The man was far too good looking to be an anti-sweetite, it was an abomination.
“Now listen here. I command you to hereby stop spouting your vile madness and begin to promote the beautiful substance of sugar for the next earth year,” Sehun commanded in his best god voice.
Junmyeon blinked at Sehun. “What?”
“I command you! You cannot go against the command of a god!” Sehun repeated, then lowered his voice. “Now, good luck with your sugar campaign, I must be leaving now.” Sehun reached into his jacket pocket to pull out his trusty Deity Transporter 3000, prepared to return home now that he had accomplished his mission.
He felt inside the pocket, but something wasn’t right. Much to his horror he pulled out one half of the transporter – the device had snapped in two. Sehun dug out the other half, holding the pieces in his hands in shock. Broken cleanly in two.
Tears began to sting the corners of his eyes as the realization set in - he was stuck . He had no way back if his transporter was broken. Trapped. In the human world. Where tiny dogs could bite him.
“Did you hit your head? Um, sir, maybe you should sit down.” Junmyeon gently touched his arm and tried to guide him to a chair.
“No!” Sehun cried out. “I-I” he began to sniffle and cry. “I...I want to go home.”
“Please don’t cry, please.” Junmyeon looked at him helplessly. “Where do you live? I can give you a ride.”
Sehun couldn’t find the words to tell Junmyeon that his home was too far away and that there was no way he could get there. Instead he whimpered pathetically and let Junmyeon lead him onto the elevator and out of the hospital, towards the same van that had broken his way home.
“Are you certain that you don’t need to return to the hospital?” Junmyeon asked for the umpteenth time.
Sehun’s tears had dried, but his despair was still going strong. He sat in the backseat of the same van that had hit him, explaining every time he was asked that “I can’t go home, not now.”
After what seemed like a long time, the driver circling an area of the city, Junmyeon finally made a suggestion. “You can come home with me, but only for tonight. And I need to know your name.”
Sehun straightened his posture. “I am Sehun, God of Sweets, fifth born of the mighty deities that rule and protect humankind, purveyor of all things sugary, Master of the Candy Cane Forest, Lord over the Mighty Saccharine Palace, Grand Master of the Order of Refined Sugar, Bringer of Happiness.”
Junmyeon stared at him without saying anything.
“I think he has a concussion, we should take him back to the hospital,” the driver whispered.
“I’ll sue you,” Sehun blurted out, not wanting to return to the strange hospital. It was something he remembered from watching human television, a threat that usually gave a human everything they wanted and then some, leaving their enemies helpless to argue. The driver turned around and shut up while Junmyeon gave him a friendly smile.
“Sehun, it’s nice to meet you. I am Kim Junmyeon.”
“I know,” Sehun muttered under his breath.
“What was that?” Junmyeon asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Nothing,” Sehun smiled, knowing full well that for at least the next few hours he would have to rely on this human, this atrocious sugar hating human. He had to play nice.
Sehun stood in front of the refrigerator and scowled. It was disgusting, the amount of green that was housed within the cold storage box. “What is wrong with you?” Sehun asked in disgust.
Junmyeon stared at him strangely. “Se…”
“Sehun, I think it’s best if you go lie down. You seem a little out of sorts.” Junmyeon placed his hand gently on Sehun’s arm, urging him to close the refrigerator and follow him.
Sehun sighed but went along. Kim Junmyeon’s apartment was spacious. Floor to ceiling windows, white furniture, sparse decorations. A fridge full of green things. Sehun found the entire space lacking which made him feel more depressed. Of all the places he could be stuck….
“Do you need anything? Water or…” Junmyeon trailed off. He opened a door off of the large living room, revealing a guest bedroom. Same white interior. Same sparse decorations.
“A way home,” Sehun whispered dramatically, eying up the fluffy white comforter that was meticulously placed on the bed.
“What was that?”
“Do you have chocolate milk?” Sehun inquired, walking over to the bed and patting the comforter to confirm its softness.
“I have almond milk,” Junmyeon offered.
“Water’s fine.” Sehun sat on the edge of the bed. “Now be gone with you.”
Junmyeon’s brows furrowed in confusion. He backed up and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. When he came back a few minutes later, a glass of ice water in hand, he found his strange new houseguest fast asleep.
Sehun woke with a start. He flailed his arms in a panic. This wasn’t his cotton candy bed!!! He looked around the room, slowly remembering. He was on earth. Stuck with a sugar hater.
“I need to get home,” he reaffirmed through gritted teeth. “Chanyeol!” he screamed out, hoping it was loud enough for the deity to hear him. “Chanyeol, I need help. Chanyeol!”
The bedroom door was thrown open, revealing a disheveled Kim Junmyeon. His hair was sticking up five different ways. He was dressed in blue plaid pajama pants and a grey t-shirt, both wrinkled from sleep. “What happened? Is everything okay?”
Sehun stared at the homosapien, giving him the once over. It was a shame he was so against everything good in life. If he wasn’t, Sehun might just pull a Zeus with him (but with far more taste and less sleeping with strange incarnations of things he liked). “I want to go home,” he announced.
Junmyeon dragged his hand through his hair, trying to smooth down his wayward locks. “Ah. Now? I can call my manager to drive you.”
Sehun snorted. “No need. He won’t be able to.”
“Are you absolutely certain you’re feeling better? Maybe a trip back to the hosp–”
“I’ll sue you.”
Junmyeon nodded and faked a smile. “Let me know if you need anything.” He backed out of the room, the threat effective once again.
Sehun sighed. He sat back on the bed and reached for his discarded coat, digging in the pockets until he found his broken transporter. In a desperate effort he began smashing the pieces together. Unfortunately the end result was that the crack deepened and tiny pieces flew off the device. In anger Sehun tossed the broken transporter towards the corner of the room and fell back on the bed.
He was stuck on earth . Would anyone even feed the jellyfish while he was gone?! The ingrates known as sugar fairies would probably botch the whole thing.
He balled his hands up into fists and tried his best not to cry but he couldn’t hold back. Sweet tears slid down his cheeks, leaving a trail of sugar water as they fell.
By the time the sun rose Sehun had decided three things. Firstly, he was done crying. It took too much energy and wasn’t getting him anywhere. Secondly, Chanyeol’s big ears were a waste because apparently he couldn't hear his crying. Thirdly, until Chanyeol or someone else came to get him he was stuck – at Kim Junmyeon’s mercy. He would need to rely on the shameful human for shelter until he could get back. The alternative would be venturing out and trying to find shelter on his own but that idea was not appealing. He might get bitten by a tiny dog or hit by another van.
Sehun heard noises in the apartment shortly after dawn broke. He left his room at the sounds, his stomach grumbling. He crept slowly into the living room, weary of what he might find.
The room was empty. Sehun followed the noises to the kitchen, startled when he heard a loud whirring sound. He jumped back, waited, and then continued his approach. When he reached the threshold of the room he found Kim Junmyeon with his hand on a cylindrical device, green mush moving around in the device.
“Morning,” Junmyeon greeted cheerfully the moment he spotted his house guest. “Would you like a kale and celery smoothie? They’re really good.”
Sehun almost threw up in his mouth. What kind of abomination…..”do you have any ice cream?”
Junmyeon frowned. “No. Why would I have something that is so atrocious for you?”
“I don't think you realize how amazing sugar is, human Kim Junmyeon. How happy it makes people feel. Do you know that it took me thousands of years to refine sugar?! Do you know that––”
Junmyeon’s cell phone rang. He muttered an apology and picked it up, cutting of Sehun’s argument.
“Uh, yeah. He’s still here.” Junmyeon put his head down and cupped his hand to the phone. His voice became lower, like he didn't want Sehun to hear.
Sehun folded his arms against his chest and watched the tiny human, partially amused that he thought he could outsmart a god by simply lowering his voice.
“If you can pick him up, yeah that would work.”
“Yeah, my radio interview is at three.”
“No, I don't think so.”
“Hmm. Okay. Bye.” He set the phone back on the counter.
“Sorry, it was my manager,” he explained, reaching for the plastic cylinder and lifting it off the base.
Sehun watched Junmyeon pour the disgusting liquid into a cup. It was awful looking, thick and lumpy. And the smell….
“I, as the fifth born of the mighty deities that rule and protect humankind, purveyor of all things sugary, Master of the Candy Cane Forest, Lord over the Mighty Saccharine Palace, Grand Master of the Order of Refined Sugar, Bringer of Happiness am officially commandeering your abode,” Sehun announced, trying to be nice. He thought it would make things easier if he at least pretended to care about what the sugar hater thought or felt.
“You’re what?” Junmyeon asked, slurping up a mouthful of green smoothie.
Sehun rolled his eyes. Humans could be so dense. “I need to stay at your apartment for an indefinite period of time.”
Junmyeon’s eyes widened. His upper lip was covered in a green mustache from the smoothie. Sehun stared at the offensive sight, wanting very much to wipe it away. Because it was offensive. Yes, that is it. But why did he kind of want to lick it off….
“S-stay with me? We barely know each other. Sehun, I’m sorry about what happened yesterday, really, and like I said insurance will cover all the medical bills but if you mean to blackmail me and take advantage of me for the incident, I have to put my foot down.” Junmyeon’s jaw tightened, showing his resolve on the matter. “Plus you still seem to be injured. My manager will take you back to the hospital or your home, but you can’t stay here.”
Sehun’s bottom lip jutted out in an unconscious pout. Junmyeon looked away, apparently affected by the sight.
“I-I have nowhere else to go,” Sehun said softly. “Would you really cast someone you hit with your van out on the streets, to live where tiny dogs might bite them?”
Junmyeon shut his eyes, wrinkles forming on his forehead. He exhaled sharply. “We don’t know each other. I can’t let some stranger living in my house.”
“I already introduced myself,” Sehun answered in a half whine.
“You seem to be suffering from delusions. How do I know you aren’t some crazy killer?”
“I’m too cute to kill anything.”
“I still don't think it is a good idea.”
“I’ll sue you,” Sehun pulled out his last tactic.
“Stop threatening that!” Junmyeon opened his eyes, glaring at the man across from him.
Sehun lowered his head, trying to act ashamed. He was anything but. “Okay. I was wrong.”
Junmyeon sighed. There was a long stretch of silence before he finally spoke. “Fine. But if you do anything weird I’m kicking you out, no whining. And you better keep the apartment clean. Oh, and rent. I want rent money if you stay more than a week, understood?”
“Yes, thank you.” Sehun smiled. He wasn’t planning on staying a week, hopefully only a few more hours. Surely someone would notice he was missing, and know his device was broken. Right?
Wrong . Sehun stared out the window of Junmyeon’s apartment, glaring at the setting sun. Chanyeol was nowhere to be found, there hadn’t been a sign that anyone from the non-human plane had come looking for him. Junmyeon had left Sehun alone hours ago, turning on the television for him so he could watch….Sehun glanced at the television. It was some health and wellness program, of course.
Sehun sighed. If he had known what an ordeal it would be to visit Kim Junmyeon he would have stayed home. Probably. Most likely. No matter how much the sugar hater angered him. No matter how much he watched said sugar hater on television. No matter how much cuter he was up close.
Junmyeon arrived back at the apartment a little after the sun set, his manager trailing after him. When the man spotted Sehun standing pensively in the living room he halted, giving Junmyeon a questioning look.
“He um, it’s complicated,” Junmyeon muttered.
Sehun watched while the manager took Junmyeon aside, pulling him towards the door in a failed effort to move out of earshot of Sehun. He began to whisper, but Sehun could hear it all.
“He seems crazy, I don’t think it’s a good idea to have him staying with you. When you said I didn’t need to give him a ride earlier I thought you meant he had taken a taxi or something. Shit, Jun this isn’t good.“
Junmyeon put a hand on his manager’ shoulder. “It will be fine.”
“What if he kills you in your sleep?” the manager hissed.
“I have a lock on my bedroom door.”
“What if he can pick locks?”
“It will be fine,” Junmyeon assured him more firmly, though his voice still wavered. Sehun smirked at his uncertainty. “Now get going. I’ll see you tomorrow around noon, okay.”
The manger grumbled some more words about Junmyeon’s safety, eying up Sehun from afar. He turned and left, seeming reluctant, dragging his feet the entire way to the door.
“I won't murder you in your sleep,” Sehun said loudly, hoping the manger could hear all the way out in the hallway.
“You heard that?” Junmyeon walked into the living room, rubbing the back of his neck with a sheepish expression on his face. “Sorry. He’s very protective of me.”
“He should be. I am sure there are plenty of good natured, sugar loving people who probably want you dead.”
“What was that?” Junmyeon’s eyebrow shot up.
“Nothing.” Sehun wandered over to the sofa and plopped down, grabbing a throw pillow and putting it on his lap. “How was your radio thing?”
“Okay.” Junmyeon answered, not going into detail. He plodded to the kitchen, apparently not in the mood for small talk. Sehun watched him walk, eyes inadvertently focusing on his ass. It really was a pity, Kim Junmyeon had a very nice ass.
Sehun zoned out in front of the television after Junmyeon (and his ass) disappeared into the kitchen. A few minutes later he caught a whiff of something absolutely disgusting. He tossed the pillow aside and stalked to the kitchen. He couldn’t take the horrible stench.
He found Junmyeon standing over the stove, stirring a pot. “Hungry? I’m making steamed spinach.”
Sehun folded his arms against his chest and leaned against the kitchen counter. “There’s no sugar in that,” he pointed out.
“Yeah, why would there be?” Junmyeon kept stirring.
“Why do you hate sugar?” Sehun had considered it before – that perhaps Junmyeon was under some sort of vile curse or the influence of a lesser known deity, unable to love the goodness of sugar because of these illicit connections. It was best to confirm.
“Refined sugars are horrible for you. They contribute to the obesity epidemic, not to mention their role in tooth decay. Did you know that refined sugars use the stored calcium, magnesium, and B-vitamins in your body to digest? Yeah, they steal vitamins from you. How could anything that leads to vitamin deficiency be good?” Junmyeon’s face had grown red as he ranted, an indication of how passionate he was about the topic.
Sehun took a deep breath then launched into his own rant. “Yes, but no refined sugar? Moderation is key, human. Sugars occur naturally in fruits and vegetables, should humans stop eating those too? The sucrose that is in one pineapple is no different chemically than the sucrose in cake –– sugar doesn’t cause obesity when ingested in moderation. Overeating and lack of exercise are to blame. Sugar brings happiness, joy. Do you want everyone to be depressed? To live joyless, meaningless lives devoid of sugar?!”
Silence. The opposing forces, one man, one god, locked eyes, staring each other down. The atmosphere was tense. Steam rose from the pot on the stove. The low hum of the television drifted in from the living room. somewhere outside a horn went off and a dog barked.
“How do you know all of that?” Junmyeon asked through gritted teeth. “Are you a secret dietician trying to infiltrate my life?”
“No. I’m a god,” Sehun responded without missing a beat.
“You’re insane,” Junmyeon shot back.
“No, you’re insane. How can someone hate sugar?!” Sehun challenged.
“It’s bad for you! Sorry for caring about my health!” Junmyeon threw his hands up in frustration.
“I’m not accepting your apology,” Sehun replied, standing tall.
Junmyeon narrowed his eyes. His face was now a deeper red than when he had been in the middle of his rant. “I think it would be best if you leave.”
Sehun stiffened. Leave? As in...Outside where tiny dogs might bite him?! He couldn't go out there, he just couldn’t! “B-but-”
“Out!” Junmyeon yelled, pointing his finger in the direction of the front door.
Sehun held his head down and pouted, waiting a few seconds before he moved. He walked slowly towards the front door, hoping Junmyeon would change his mind.
Sehun wiped the tears away with the back of his hand, shoveling in mouthfuls of superman ice cream between sobs. It was vicious out on the streets. Cold. No fluffy blankets. Even the shopkeep he had taken the ice cream from was mean – chasing him and yelling something about “stealing”.
Sehun sat by the door of Junmyeon’s apartment building, sobbing, hoping that Chanyeol would find him soon. Anyone. Hell, he’d even go home with Baekhyun if that was his only way back to his own world.
It began to rain right after Sehun finished his ice cream, coming down in fat drops that soaked his clothing and filled his now empty ice cream container.
“Mingling with my tears,” he whispered, reaching out to feel the cold rain.
Periodically a human would wander by and give him a look of pity, one even put a dollar in the water logged ice cream container. The human world was a terrible place.
Sehun didn't even hear him approach. He was too busy watching the falling rain, bemoaning his lot on the cruel human plane.
Sehun turned his head to see Junmyeon standing over him, umbrella in hand.
“Come inside,” Junmyeon urged, holding his hand out.
“You told me to get out.” Sehun turned his head away, not wanting to stare at the vile human.
Junmyeon exhaled sharply. “I was wrong. I’m sorry. Now please, you’re drenched. Come inside and get dry.”
“Will you kick me out again?” Sehun tested the waters.
“Yeah. Now come on.”
Sehun gave in. He took the offered hand and allowed the human to help him to his feet. He was absolutely drenched, his wet clothes sticking to him, heavy and dripping. Junmyeon hurried him inside and to the elevator, wrapping a towel around his shoulders once they were safely out of the rain.
Neither man said much as they returned to the apartment. Once inside Junmyeon rushed to get Sehun a change of clothes, pushing him into the bathroom and ordering him to take a hot shower.
Once the door was closed Sehun stared dumbly at the shower, not quite sure how it worked. Back at home he bathed periodically in bubble tea but that didn’t come out of a similar contraption. He knocked on the wide flat metal piece that jutted out of the wall, frowning when water didn't come out.
After trying what seemed like days of fiddling with the shower he gave up, stripping off his clothes and waiting for Junmyeon to come back and tell him how the thing worked.
When the bathroom door creaked open Sehun turned around in all of his glory, hands on his hips. “How does it work?’ he asked, missing the way Junmyeon’s eyes went wide.
“Y-you-” Junmyeon stuttered, his face red.
“I can’t get it to work,” Sehun repeated, pointing towards the shower.
“You’re pretty impressive,” Junmyeon managed to get the words out.
Sehun wasn’t sure what he was talking about until he followed his eyes, which were trained on Sehun’s groin. “Thanks,” he replied, satisfied with the sudden bout of admiration.
Junmyeon shoved the bundle of clothes into Sehun’s arms and then sidestepped him, going to the shower and fiddling with the metal circular thing that Sehun hadn’t even thought to touch. Water spurted out from the nozzle. Success.
Junmyeon retreated from the bathroom with his head down, no longer eager to ogle the naked deity standing before him.
Sehun smirked and stepped into the shower, appreciating the feel of the hot water. Kim Junmyeon really was an attractive human. Endearing even, if he was any other person . If he was someone who liked sugar, for example.
“So how long are you planning on staying?” Junmyeon asked the next morning. He was drinking more disgusting green mush. Sehun had every inclination to slap the stuff out of his hand and replace it with a milkshake but he didn’t want to be kicked out again.
“I don’t know,” Sehun answered honestly. He had shouted for Chanyeol again during the night but there was no response. He was having a hard time believing no one had come looking for him yet. He was one of the best deities after all, everyone loved him. At least in the top five. It was an outrage no one had missed his presence.
Junmyeon cleared his throat. “I’ll be gone most of the day so um, help yourself to dinner. If you want to order out I left money by the phone.”
Order. Out. Sehun tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean?”
“If you want to call a place and get food delivered, I have menus by the phone too. For when my manager comes over and won’t eat the stuff that is actually good for him. Just put it on my tab.”
Ahh, Sehun understood. Order out. He would do that.
When Junmyeon arrived home later that evening he took one step into the living room and froze. There were cartons and cartons of delivery food containers spread throughout the room. Lying in the middle of the mess was Sehun, who seemed to be sleeping.
Junmyeon gritted his teeth and began picking up the cheap Styrofoam containers, wanting very much to curse and yell. The rustle woke Sehun from his slumber, the deity sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “How did your interview thing go?”
“Do you know how terrible this food is for you?” Junmyeon spat.
“Yeah, there wasn’t enough sugar.” Sehun yawned.
Junmyeon stormed to the kitchen where he retrieved a garbage bag to continue his cleanup. Sehun sat in the middle of the floor and watched him, not moving an inch to help him.
“Why don't they have ice cream delivery?” Sehun mused out loud.
Junmyeon didn't answer him. He kept stuffing the boxes into the garbage bag until the room was moderately clean. Silently he returned the garbage bag to the kitchen and came back with a book in his hand, shoving it towards Sehun. “Read this.”
Sehun took the offered book. It was Junmyeon’s book, the one he had been advertising –– the one that spouted the horrible diet, the trigger for Sehun to visit the human world. He wanted to shove the book aside but he wouldn't repeat his mistake and risk getting booted from the apartment. Sehun grabbed the book and set it on his lap, feigning interest.
“I want you to tell me what you learn after you’re done reading,” Junmyeon ordered. He folded his arms across his chest and stared at his roommate.
Sehun turned the book over and scanned the comments on the back, peeking up at Junmyeon while he pretended to read. The dietitian's face was flushed, his hair was messy likely because he had dragged his fingers through it in frustration. Sehun swallowed, a very powerful revelation hitting him. Kim Junmyeon was even cuter when he was angry. Far too cute. He looked downright edible...you know, if he was covered in chocolate.
Sehun gave up pretending to read in favor of outright ogling Junmyeon, appreciating how attractive he was.
“Why are you staring at me?” Junmyeon asked, narrowing his eyes.
“I think you’re cute,” Sehun answered honestly, delighted when Junmyeon’s cheeks turned a darker shade of pink.
“T-thanks.” Junmyeon looked away. “You’re not bad yourself.”
“I know,” Sehun replied.
“Don’t order so much food next time. And read. And um…” Junmyeon scratched the back of his neck. “Goodnight or something.”
The dietician retreated to his room, leaving Sehun sitting in the middle of the living room floor. Once Junmyeon was gone Sehun tossed the book in the corner of the room where it belonged.
Sehun knew he was brave. He always had been, but even the bravest deities had their limits. He was going to pummel Jongdae when he got back home – the lightning storm that struck on the mortal plane was absolutely horrible and the lightning god was certainly to blame.
Sehun’s knees were shaking when he dashed out of bed and towards the hall, terrified of the loud booms and bright flashes that seemed to get closer with every passing second. He ran to Kim Junmyeon’s room and pushed the door open, scurrying to the bed and slipping under the covers. He grabbed the sleeping homosapien and pulled him into his arms.
His logic was simple, really. If the terrifying lightning was going to take anyone it could take Junmyeon first – he would be a literal human shield.
The once sleeping human began to struggle, an elbow jabbed Sehun in the ribs. “S-sehun?” Junmyeon asked groggily, rolling out of the deity’s arms. He didn't seem particularly scared, just surprised. “What are you doing here?”
“Lightning,” Sehun explained, grabbing for Junmyeon again.
“You’re scared?” Junmyeon chuckled but didn't protest when Sehun pulled him closer.
Sehun bit his bottom lip but didn't answer. Best if the human shield knew as little as possible before Jongdae and his minions took him away with a bolt of electricity.
Junmyeon sighed, his breath tickling Sehun’s neck. He moved his arm, his hand resting on Sehun’s waist.
“When will it stop?’ Sehun asked, fingers digging into Junmyeon’s back.
“I don’t know, I didn't look at the radar.”
Sehun closed his eyes and tried to focus on something else. The smell of candy corn. A field of sugar cane. The sweet scent of Junmyeon’s shampoo, the way his body felt pressed up against Sehun’s own. Nice. Oddly comforting. Secure.
“Sehun,” Junmyeon said in a quiet voice.
“Hmm,” Sehun hummed a response but didn't let go.
“Do you like me?”
Sehun considered the question. He hated that Junmyeon hated sugar. He wasn’t particularly fond of the way the man was bossy and told him what to do. Or that time he kicked him out. Or the green stuff he drank every morning. But he was cute and he smelled nice and he was playing the part of a human shield really well. And he had also told Sehun he had a big dick so that was a plus. “A little bit,” Sehun answered, mostly lying so Junmyeon wouldn’t move and expose Sehun to the lightning.
“Good,” Junmyeon whispered. “I’m glad.”
Another thunder clap hit close to the house, causing Sehun to hang onto Junmyeon with more force. Junmyeon reciprocated, hugging Sehun to him tightly. “I don’t know if you’re crazy or how you can eat so much takeout, but I kind of like you too, as weird as it is. I don't even know anything about you. I think I must be crazy to even be considering this.”
“I’m the fifth born of the mighty deities that rule and–”
“I know. Shhhh,” Junmyeon patted his head affectionately. “And I’m the bestselling author of a lifestyle and health book.”
Sehun rolled his eyes. “I know,” he said dryly.
“It’s like we aren’t really supposed to get along but maybe just maybe...Sehun, do you believe in fate?” Junmyeon asked, stroking Sehun’s hair.
“I hate fate, he’s a real bitch. Never brings back the stuff he borrows,” Sehun rambled, remembering the tricky demigod that constantly bragged about how important his job was.
“Maybe...maybe this is fate,” Junmyeon whispered.
Sehun certainly hoped fate wasn’t around or he would kick his ass. He still had his favorite MIranda Kerr poster made of pink licorice and it was annoying to no end. He still hadn’t found a picture to replace the one he had foolishly lent out to I’m-fate-and-so-dependable-blah-blah-blah .
“You know, people say I’m a little crazy. That the way I think, the way I dedicate myself to my work isn’t right.” Junmyeon threaded his fingers through Sehun’s hair. “Maybe we could be crazy together.”
“Will you buy me ice cream?” Sehun wasn’t going to be crazy with anyone that withheld ice cream from him.
A loud commotion sounded from the living room, a crash and then a thud – and it definitely wasn’t thunder. Junmyeon shot up in bed, alarmed.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry.” A voice that was only familiar to one of the two men apologized to some unfortunate inanimate object.
“Chanyeol,” Sehun whispered. Finally , it took him long enough.
Sehun bolted from the bed, forgetting about the homosapien shield and his fear of thunder. He knew Junmyeon was yelling after him but he ignored it in favor of tearing open the door and rushing for the living room.
“What in the hell took you so long?” were his first words to the clumsy blacksmithing god.
Chanyeol had somehow managed to knock over the television, a potted plant, and upend the coffee table. He stood in the middle of the mess, arms flailing about in a panic. “Sehun!”
Sehun rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Now come on, we need to go back. I can’t take it here anymore.”
“Why are you still here?” Chanyeol looked perplexed, his eyes wandering the room. He had only been to the human world once and that was eons ago. Everything seemed to fascinate him.
“My transporter broke. I thought you knew that. Why are you here?”
Chanyeol smiled sheepishly. “Kyungsoo needs a special kind of sugar for a recipe and the fairies couldn't find it so I thought maybe you could direct me to its location.”
“ Seriously . You seriously didn’t come to find me you came to figure out where you could get your boyfriend sugar.” Sehun was not amused.
“He’s not my boyfriend!” Chanyeol protested. “But wait, you’re stuck?”
Sehun sighed. “Yeah, that’s what I said. Now take me back and you can have all the sugar you want.”
Chanyeol didn't waste time in pulling out his own transporter. Sehun stepped closer and threw his arm over his fellow gods shoulders, waiting to be returned to where everything made sense.
He was gone in the blink of an eye, not paying any attention to the way Junmyeon continued to call for him, his voice dripping with fear.
Three weeks later…
Sehun stared the floor, lost in thought. He didn't realize that Baekhyun was fluttering around him until the pixie hit him on the nose.
“Hey!” Sehun growled, swatting the fairy away.
“This is ridiculous,” Baekhyun huffed, a trail of pixie dust falling from his wings. “You haven’t played atomic fireball blowing since you got back, you didn't even yell at Chanyeol the last time he fell in your fountain, and you altogether stopped harvesting the ripe candy canes. What exactly happened to you down there?”
Sehun glared. He didn’t want to talk about it. “Nothing.”
“Right. Nothing. That is why you spend all day staring at the floor and sighing.” Baekhyun wasn’t stupid, at least not about this.
It had been three weeks since Sehun had returned to his palace, to the place that made sense. Three weeks of normalcy. Three weeks in a place without tiny dogs to bite him. Yet….something seemed off and that strange feeling made him depressed, made him worried, made him afraid.
He caught himself thinking of a certain sugar hating dietician that said stupid things about fate and cuddled him through a thunderstorm (he still had to yell at Jongdae next time he saw him). An anti-sweetite that had a cute smile, who was even cuter when he was angry. Who knew how to appreciate a huge schlong when he saw one.
But no! He was his sworn nemesis. Sehun had ended up stuck in the human world thanks to Kim Junmyeon, and by the time Sehun left he hadn’t even succeeded in making sure the man would push his sugary agenda. His mission had been a complete and total failure, which should make him depressed. But that wasn’t what was depressing him. What was depressing him was that he ...he…..just couldn’t think about what was really depressing him.
“You don’t even watch that hot guy you went to earth to meet,” Baekhyun muttered.
“He isn't hot,” Sehun protested. No. Not hot. Kim Junmyeon wasn’t hot.
“Whatever. Hey, the big guy is coming for a visit today, Kyungsoo sent word.” Baekhyun flew circles in front of Sehun.
“He’s coming here?” It had been decades, maybe even centuries since the head god had stepped foot in Sehun’s palace. He never had a reason to visit, it was his right to have all the other deities come to him.
“Yeah, guess so. Have fun pouting in front of him.” Baekhyun smirked before flying away, zooming out of the throne room before Sehun could throw anything at him.
Sehun put his head in his hands. Great, now he had to deal with the boss. Wonderful. Just what he needed.
The sugar fairies were floating in a perfect line, not one of the mischievous creatures out of place. The palace servants, dressed in colorful candy coated uniforms, stood at attention. Sehun waited at the entrance to the palace, back straight, hands clasped behind his back. Everyone was on their best behavior as they waited for the arrival of the head deity.
When the trumpets sounded to signal his arrival, everyone held their breath in anticipation.
Minseok walked through the glazed donut entrance with a smile on his face, his hand waving slowly to his subjects. He greeted Sehun by reaching up and ruffling his hair, earning a scowl from the sugar god.
“Word on the street is that you’ve been moping around,” Minseok said, half serious, half joking.
Sehun snorted. “Lies, all lies.”
Minseok reached out and patted Sehun on the shoulder. “Good. Then I guess I can be going, you won’t have any interest in the newest member of our pantheon.”
“Wait, what?!” Sehun perked up. “New member?!” It had been at least a thousand years since Minseok had granted someone a palace, bestowing upon them immortal life and godly powers. Sehun couldn't even remember the last person they had welcomed into the fold.
Minseok nodded. “Hey, new guy!” Minseok yelled.
Sehun held his breath and waited, heart thrumming in his chest. He couldn’t believe his eyes when a familiar face strolled in, practically glowing. He looked….wow, he looked good.
“Hey,” Junmyeon said quietly, waving shy at his former thunderstorm cuddling partner.
Sehun’s jaw dropped. He stared, not knowing what to say or how to react. How was it possible? How….why…
“I had a massive heart attack after I got my credit card statement. Seems like that time you ordered out was a bit much,” Junmyeon explained, sensing Sehun’s bewilderment. “Apparently I had a heart defect that a healthy diet couldn’t control. Who knew?” He shrugged, still smiling.
“But what is he god of?!” Sehun asked, turning his attention Minseok.
“Fad dieting. It’s popular now so why not,” Minseok shrugged.
“I’m sorry I thought you were insane before,” Junmyeon apologized. “I had no idea about any of,” he gestured with his hands. “This.”
Sehun still didn't know what to say to the man. What the strange tug in his chest was about. How his depression seemed to melt away and be replaced with some strange sensation that was similar to snorting fifty lines of pure sugar.
“Since real estate is getting tight here I made the decision that you two can share a palace. Junmyeon already has great ideas for how his half should look,” Minseok turned to the new guy. “Have fun, and don’t let him get too out of control.”
“W-what no we can’t share a pal-” Sehun began to argue but Minseok was already gone, leaving Junmyeon standing at the palace entrance to face Sehun alone.
“What do you think of planting a water garden in in the fountain?” Junmyeon asked.
Sehun heard the sugar pixies chuckle behind him. He tried to form words, to say anything, but nothing would come out.
Why did Junmyeon have to be so cute when he was being a god? Why ?!
Sehun knew he was in for a long journey. A very, very long journey. But deep down he couldn’t be happier.