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this is the spoiler to my heart

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On the long list of things Sungwoon is fairly confident in, his dick ranks at a solid #3.

He’s pretty drunk just to be thinking that sentence, but that doesn’t make it any less true. He does have an impressive dick: it’s big and aesthetically pleasing and his exes have given it great reviews. Or, ex. It’s that time of the night where he can’t remember how many people he’s slept with in the past (it’s either one or two and a half), but that’s totally fine because after today, he’ll be adding another notch to the belt.

Theoretically.

Maybe he shouldn’t do this in Jisung’s bathroom. The harsh lighting makes his skin look orange, and he can’t fucking look orange when he’s trying to seduce someone. Also, it’s Jisung’s bathroom and disgusting; he does not want to know what the suspicious puddles on the floor are. He’s pretty sure he does know, actually, and that’s the problem.

No, his dick deserves better. His dick deserves artistic nudes. His dick deserves a velvet backdrop, sparkles, and roses for some reason, because who doesn’t love roses? Not grimy tile and a duck-patterned towel in the background. Sungwoon decides that this is wrong, all wrong, and goes to put his phone back in his pocket.

But he’s naked from the waist down and his jeans, pockets-and-all, are on the floor.

The floor is so far away.

“Sungwoon! Unless you’re throwing up, GET OUT OF THE FUCKING BATHROOM.” Jaehwan bangs on the door with both fists and Sungwoon nearly drops his phone in the sink.

“One second! Keep your fucking knickers on!” It’s ironic, you know, because his knickers are off. “I’m just DOING SOMETHING IMPORTANT.” The last part is a shrill yell, part dolphin and part human as the doorknob rattles and Sungwoon bumps against the sink, sending the soap dish clattering to the floor. “FIND YOUR FUCKING PATIENCE.”

Fuck it, he might as well just do it. He’s already here, queer, and half-naked. Sungwoon makes eye contact with his reflection in the mirror, then grimaces and goes back to his phone. He snaps a quick picture, then a couple more because the lighting really isn’t highlighting the good points of his dick, and scrambles to put his pants back on once he’s satisfied.

He finally unlocks the door. Jaehwan immediately shoves past him drops to his knees in front of the toilet. Sungwoon slams the door shut behind him before the sounds of Jaehwan losing his dinner can pollute his delicate ears.

Clutching his phone in his hands, he tries to run off to a corner where he can continue his quest to seduce a Very Cute Boy in peace, but his mind-body coordination is off right now. He bumps into Hojung instead as he rounds a corner and almost drops his phone. “Stop… being tall,” Sungwoon grumbles as the man puts both hands on his shoulders and moves him to the side. Sungwoon feels like a toy being shuffled around, but he’s too drunk to protest.

“Born this way. Why don’t you just grow?” Hojung shoots back. He looks over Sungwoon’s head, then down at him. “What were you doing in the bathroom for so long?”

“What do you think?” Sungwoon says, then falls silent. That just sounds highly suspicious and he wasn’t doing anything suspicious, just mildly embarrassing. “Nevermind. Leave me alone; I’m busy.”

“Taehyun wanted to know—” But Sungwoon is gone before Hojung can finish his sentence. He really doesn't give a shit about what Taehyun wants to know. It's none of his business, just what he's about to do is none of anyone's business.

"You're like Gollum with the ring right now, dude," Seongwoo says as Sungwoon passes him by, cradling his phone in his arms and muttering to himself. Sungwoon shoots him an ugly glare and Seongwoo throws both his hands up in mock-surrender. “Run, Gollum. Run!”

Once his corner has been successfully obtained, Sungwoon opens up the Very Important Chat where his conversation with the Very Cute Boy has been on pause for the past ten or fifteen minutes (time is a human construct). All he has to do is open his camera roll, pick the best picture, and hit send—

"Sungwoon hyung, what are you doing?" comes a voice from beside him, and Sungwoon almost shrieks again. It’s Bae Jinyoung, standing way too close for comfort and looking at him with innocent doe eyes that Sungwoon knows are anything but. “The kitchen is—”

“What are you doing here,” Sungwoon interrupts. “You’re underage. There is alcohol at this party. And sex.” He points a finger at Jinyoung accusingly. “You’re a child.”

“Jihoon invited me.” Jinyoung frowns. “He’s looking for you, by the way.”

Sungwoon doesn’t want to talk to Jihoon or go to the kitchen or even continue this conversation with Jinyoung, though he doesn’t have anything against the guy per se. Sighing, he drags a hand down his face and says, “I just want to be left alone so I can continue flirting with this dude. Is that too much to ask?”

"Uh, whatever you say, hyung," Jinyoung says, giving him a gentle pat on the shoulder. "Have fun."

It’s too much to hope for some peace and quiet at one of Jisung’s parties, however, but that’s partly Sungwoon’s fault for knowing so many goddamn people too. It’s also other peoples’ fault for demanding his attention when they know he’s tied up with important business and doesn’t have the time to spare on them. Then again, it’s a party and ‘important business’ usually just means a) get laid or b) get drunk for most, and while Sungwoon is interested in both of those things, it’s not with the people who want to do body shots off him.

With one interruption after another, Sungwoon doesn’t get the chance to send Very Cute Boy the picture he so painstakingly took in the bathroom which means Very Cute Boy is deprived of the magnificence that is Ha Sungwoon’s junk.

Or not. 

 

 

noh taehyun [ 1:18 ]:
im ctfu did you get wasted
thanks for the gift btw
though if you wanna bone sometime i told you to just text me the eggplant emoji
god
fucking overachiever

kim donghan [ 1:20 ]:
hey hyung
wanna hang out sometime :)

go hojung [ 1:21 ]:
THATS what you were doing in the bathroom??

yoon jisung [ 1:33 ]:
Sungwoon is that my bathroom?
PS nice! Do you want to grab coffee sometime?

kwon hyunbin [ 1:40 ]:
hyunggggggg i got smth for ut oo
[attachment]

kim moonkyu [ 1:51 ]:
meh
7/10

hwang minhyun [ 2:59 ]:
Never message me again.

noh taehyun [ 3:13 ]:
btw everyone agrees you are HUNG for a small dude
i'm proud
also gave out your number to like ten different people
you're welcome

 

 

Sungwoon wakes up to incessant beeping. And beeping. And beeping. He wants to switch off his phone and never communicate with anyone again, but he rolls over with a groan and brings the screen to his face. 78 new unread messages, it reads. He frowns and rereads the notification. 78 new unread messages. Why the fuck does he have 78 new unread messages?

He opens the oldest one from Taehyun. It explains nothing, as usual. He opens a couple more and remains confused until he reads the one from Jisung and squints. Bathroom… bathroom… what was he doing in the bathroom last night…?

Sungwoon shoots out of bed. “Oh shit,” he whispers. “Oh shit.” He opens up the last message he sent to an awkwardly named group chat with his housemates and another with his project partners and gets an eyeful of his own—

“OH FUCKING HELL!”

From somewhere in the house, Junhyuk says, “Sounds like Sungwoon just woke up.”

 

 

This is a problem.

It’s not, as Junhyuk suggests, a body image thing. He’s not ashamed of the way he looks and he’s definitely not ashamed of anything below the belt, as embarrassing as that is to admit. But this isn’t about body image; it’s about image in general. Sungwoon likes control over how people see him, and he doesn’t want people to see him as some guy who accidentally sends nudes to a large group of friends including some of the biggest mouths of the school (and yes, he’s talking about Noh Taehyun and his inability to keep anything to himself).

Sanggyun already messaged him to tell him about how Taehyun showed the picture to everyone in the room he was in. Prefaced it with something like “who wants to fuck my best friend; he’s HUNG,” or something equally stupid. Sungwoon’s torn between feeling disgusted and betrayed. Now there are people around campus he doesn’t know who’ve seen the most intimate parts of him and he has no way to erase that from their memories. Or god forbid, phones.

Who was he even trying to send this to? Sungwoon’s not reckless or impulsive. Or that horny, for that matter, though that one is up for debate. Closing his eyes, he tries to think back to what led taking pictures of his dick in the bathroom.

Okay, so he was dragged to the party by his housemates, abandoned by Taehyun, did shots with Jimin, then did shots with Taehyung, then shots by himself because he was starting to grow bored. Then he received a text and Sungwoon’s heart light up like a billboard on the side of a highway because he may have sort of had a crush on this guy. They started messaging each other about dumb things, and things took a turn for the.. weird? Flirty? He can’t recall, but he does remember thinking something along the lines of, “Wow, I want to fuck him. I should show him my dick so he’d want to fuck me too.”

And then the bathroom happened, people started talking to him all at once, he didn’t realize he actually sent the picture to someone, and his life is ruined.

Peachy.

 

 

ong seongwoo [ 10:31 ]:
hi sungwoon hung
*hyung
oops, autocorrect

ha sungwoon [ 10:40 ]:
Oh my God
How did you even

ong seongwoo [ 10:41 ]:
you really shouldn't be sending my boyfriend pics of your dick
i see everything :)

ha sungwoon [ 10:42 ]:
I didn’t send Minhyun
Whatever
Delete it

ong seongwoo [ 10:44 ]:
not so fast
who was that supposed to go to
my tiny giant

ha sungwoon [ 10:45 ]:
Shut up
Not you or your boyfriend
Can you just delete it?

ong seongwoo [ 10:46 ]:
i deleted it off minhyun’s phone

ha sungwoon [ 10:47 ]:
Thanks

ong seongwoo [ 10:47 ]:
after i forwarded a copy to my phone

ha sungwoon [ 10:49 ]:
I hate you
What do you want from me

ong seongwoo [ 10:51 ]:
GOSSIP
i’m bored
who’s the dude you were trying to seduce

ha sungwoon [ 11:00 ]:
None of your business

ong seongwoo [ 11:04 ]:
aw c’mon
you want to get laid?
maybe i can help
i’d be doing the public a service
and i’m a giving guy

ha sungwoon [ 11:10 ]:
Literally fuck off before I come down there and shove my foot up your ass

ong seongwoo [ 11:14 ]:
you could shove something else up my ass :)
just kidding
you won’t do anything
i still hold your dick in my hands
*dick pic

ha sungwoon [ 11:18 ]:
Die

 

 

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Taehyun says over lunch. Their table is smack in the middle of the dining hall and Sungwoon can’t shake the feeling that people are looking at him. He’s a hundred percent sure that Minki at the register gave him an uncomfortably long and thorough once-over while he was paying for his meal, and that his wink as Sungwoon took the receipt from him meant something.

He never should have left his house this morning.

Sungwoon says nothing. His phone’s been buzzing with messages from people all day. He can divide them into three categories: people he knows and now can no longer look in the eye, people he doesn’t know who want to see if his newfound ‘tiny giant’ status is a result of photoshop, and people who just want to fuck him. And yet nothing from the one guy he actually wouldn’t mind showing his penis to, which is disappointing. Of course Sungwoon didn’t send it to him. Of course he sent it to everyone but him. His life sucks.

“I mean, it is big,” Taehyun continues with a snicker, shovelling meat into his mouth. He swallows and Sungwoon privately hates that everything looks so goddamn sexual to him this morning. Is he being too conscious or is he just a pervert? “But no one’s going to care in a week or two.”

Sungwoon picks up his chopsticks and sets them down again barely a second later. His appetite is gone; all he wants is to collapse face-first into his noodles bowl and drown. “Shut up,” he groans, gripping his head in both hands. “It was an accident.” He must have been trying to send something else and picked the wrong picture from his camera roll.

Taehyun raises an eyebrow as if to say really? You sure about that? and Sungwoon mentally calculates how much trouble he’d get into for beating Taehyun over the head with his chair. Hefty, but it might be worth it. “Look, I…” he trails off and sighs, head dropping to rest on the sticky plastic surface of the table. “Doesn’t matter. I just want to die.”

“Who the hell were you trying to send it to anyway?” Taehyun asks eventually, nudging Sungwoon with his foot. Sungwoon reluctantly straightens up and fixes his hair. “He probably saw it. That thing spread far. Like a magic flying pe—”

“Finish that sentence and I’ll send you flying.” This is not good for Sungwoon’s anxiety. How many people? What if one of his professors has seen it? What if it’s online and the first thing his future employer will see when he searches up ‘Ha Sungwoon’ is his full package? Unless he’s planning to work at a strip club, he’s fucked in more ways than one. “He didn’t see it. He would have said something if he had, right? This is the kind of thing you comment on?” They have enough mutual friends that it could’ve easily spread that direction. And, you know, said friends hate him.

Taehyun scoffs. “Dude, just send another one.”

“I needed to get pissed to send the first one,” Sungwoon grinds out. He’s going to take this as a sign that seducing the guy was not meant to be. He should quit while he’s ahead and put his fruits in a different basket.

“Then we can get you drunk a second time.” Taehyun shrugs like the answer is simple, and Sungwoon kicks him under the table before sinking down in his seat.

“How about this? Drop it.” He has no desire to ‘try again,’ air quotes and all. This is for the best. What was he even thinking? How is his dick supposed to make the guy want to date him? It’s just creepy and forward, especially when they’re not even close.

“Just tell me who it is.’ Leaning forward and resting both elbows on the table, Taehyun looks at him with pleading eyes, but the smirk dancing on his lips gives his true intentions away. “I can send it to him accidentally like, ‘hey dude wanna see this cool meme—oh wait, haha, sorry, was holding that for a friend.”

“Please, please, please shut up.” He’s losing brain cells. Sungwoon opens his mouth to say something else, but his phone buzzes again and he catches a glimpse of a certain emoji in the contact name before the screen goes dark and scrambles to open the message, nearly knocking his drink to the ground.

kang daniel [ 12:04 ]:
im at the library. snagged us a good seat!
im by the window, near the history stacks

ha sungwoon [ 12:06 ]:
Shit I totally forgot we were supposed to meet
Sorry
I’ll be there in a few. I just have to shake my annoying friend

kang daniel [ 12:08 ]:
lol okay
see you then hyung
good luck!

His palms are slick with sweat. Shit. He forgot he was supposed to tutor Kang Daniel today. It’s too late to cancel, but Sungwoon considers bolting in the other direction and making some excuse to Daniel later. Except he already said he’d be there in a few, and he made a commitment to the other man. What kind of a person would he be if he reneged on that because of his own personal crisis?

“You have this stupid sappy look on your face,” Taehyun says, breaking Sungwoon’s train of thought. “Is this the guy?”

Sungwoon pales. “No.”

“Holy shit it is.” Taehyun tries to stretch his neck to catch a glimpse at the phone, but Sungwoon tries to switch it off and stuff it in his pocket before he can see the screen. Sadly, he’s not fast enough. “Is that a butt emoji? A peach emoji? Who the fuck—” Realization dawns on his face and with it, horror. “Kang Daniel? You were sending a picture of your dick to Kang Daniel?”

“No!” The denial is instinctive and immediate. “I would never.” Sungwoon stops and swallows, wilting under Taehyun’s intense gaze. “Sober me would never,” he clarifies. “Drunk me thought it was a great idea.”

“He’s Kang Daniel.”

“I know his fucking name, thanks.”

Taehyun frowns. “Aren’t you tutoring him?”

“I should be… right now.” ‘Tutoring’ is being generous. It’s a lot of note sharing and complicated explanations and Sungwoon not-so-discreetly staring at Daniel because he looks fucking cute when he’s focusing on something. It’s a lot of him sitting too close and laughing too loud at jokes that really aren’t funny and finding excuses to touch him that don’t seem forward and creepy.

Taehyun whistles and leans back in his chair. “Okay, well, you like him?”

You like him? This is not something Sungwoon wants to discuss right now. Or with Taehyun, for that matter. He has to spend the next hour in close quarters with Daniel; the last thing he needs to be thinking about is how weak Daniel’s smile makes him feel. Yet the ‘no’ morphs into, “A little,” before Sungwoon can control himself. Taehyun’s eyebrows shoot up into his hairline. “I don’t know! It’s mostly physical. He’s tall and hot.”

He’s understating it.

“Physical, right.” Skepticism bleeds from Taehyun’s voice. “You were staring at your phone like it was a winning lottery ticket. You, the most uptight person I’ve ever met, were willing to send a picture of your dick to him. Seems more than just physical.”

“Can’t you pretend that just means I want to sleep with him?”

“That, but you also like him.”

“There could be… some emotional attachment,” Sungwoon admits finally. “He’s a nice kid.” Ridiculously nice, he thinks sometimes. He’s not Sungwoon’s usual type, but he has a theory: anyone who spends more than one hour one-on-one with Kang Daniel is bound to develop a crush on him. Said crush will eat at your brain and turn you into a dumbass who strips in Jisung’s bathroom and—

(Probably just him).

Taehyun studies his face for too long, enough for Sungwoon to feel hot and tug at his collar. After a while, he smirks and says, “And he thinks you’re cute.”

“I don’t know?” Sungwoon highly doubts that. It would be nice if Daniel did, but he is not good at dropping hints. Or he is and Sungwoon is just really bad at picking them up.

"Dude, I'm not asking, I'm telling you. He said he thinks you're cute."

Sungwoon’s brain stops working. "What."

"Like, cute and small,” Taehyun clarifies. And resume.

“Come off it.”

“He said you’re a cute and small hyung.”

For the love of—this is the absolute worst thing ever. Sungwoon has had enough of being the cute and small and ‘adorable’ hyung to everyone. He’s not a fucking puppy, for crying out loud. He’s a grown man who wants to be seen as something more than just ‘precious.’ Goddamnit, Daniel. Suddenly Drunk Sungwoon’s decision to snap a picture of his dick and send it to Daniel makes sense. “See, this is exactly what drunk me wanted to accomplish: to prove to Daniel that I wasn’t small where it counted.” He regrets those words the minute they’re out there for Taehyun to mock.

But Taehyun looks at him with something close to pity. “Well…” he drags the word out and glances at his phone. “You probably don’t want to keep lover boy waiting too long if you’re trying to get into his pants.”

“Shit!” Once again, he completely forgot Daniel’s waiting for him in the library. Grabbing his bag, Sungwoon shoots out of his chair and nearly trips over Taehyun’s outstretched foot in his haste to book it. “See you later, asshole!”

“Hit it!” Taehyun hollers behind him with a double thumbs up.

 

 

He finds Kang Daniel near the history stacks as promised, half hidden by a pile of organic chemistry textbooks a mile high. He has a pen stuck behind his ear, but he reclines in his chair playing some kind of game on his phone. Sungwoon sucks in a deep breath before sliding into the seat opposite him. The tower of books threatens to topple over as he tosses his bag onto the table with more force than necessary. Daniel looks up in surprise and switches off his phone, mouth splitting into a wide grin when he sees Sungwoon.

“Hey, sorry about the hold up,” Sungwoon says in lieu of a ‘hello.’ “I was out of it from last night and I totally forgot, then Taehyun wouldn’t shut up over lunch and I got delayed.” He neglects to mention most of the conversation was about him and Daniel, but Daniel doesn’t need that information.

“No problem,” Daniel says easily, pulling his books closer. Sungwoon should feel agitated at the sight of him considering his conversation with Taehyun is still swimming through his mind, but his heart does a weird lurch when he looks at him instead. He hates this—emotional indeed. “I grabbed a coffee for you but I, uh, drank it while waiting.” Daniel laughs nervously and pushes his chair back. “I’ll buy you a new one?”

Sungwoon’s hand shoots out to grab the sleeve of Daniel’s hoodie. “Don’t bother,” he says. He doesn’t realize how harsh that sounds or how forward he’s being until it’s out there and Daniel’s looking at his hand with wide eyes, smile faltering. Flushing, Sungwoon lets go and tucks his hand into his sleeves. “There’s always next time,” he adds.

“Next time,” Daniel repeats. He ducks his head to hide the smile spreading across his face, but Sungwoon catches sight of it and forgets to breathe for a second. How can one person look so damn happy and bright all the time? Daniel is like the sun, and Sungwoon fears direct contact with him for too long will burn him to a crisp. “I like the sound of that.”

This is not just a minor crush, Sungwoon thinks. This is almost as big of a problem as that damn picture. He coughs into his arm to hide his flaming cheeks and opens his textbook, avoiding Daniel’s eyes while attempting to school his expression into something professional. “Sorry about leaving you on read last night, by the way,” he says. “I was at a party and things got… busy.” Truthfully, he can’t even remember what they were talking about. Sungwoon’s always kept their out-of-sessions conversations brief and impersonal, but something last night must’ve triggered his sudden impulse—he’s almost scared to ask what.

“It’s fine! I fell asleep watching Guardians of the Galaxy anyway.” Daniel scratches his nose with the end of his pen and laughs sheepishly. “Lame, right? I woke up on the floor covered in Cheetos too.”

“Cheetos,” Sungwoon says flatly. “Seriously?”

“I had to stop with the jellies. Cavities,” he explains, catching Sungwoon’s expression. He looks like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar. “Hyung, I miss them already.”

“You can just eat in moderation,” Sungwoon points out, but Daniel shakes his head with a sad sigh, and Sungwoon wants to bury his face in his hands because it’s not fair. Daniel’s personality doesn’t match his looks at all—he comes off as some kind of mega douchey jock with more brawn than brains, but Sungwoon knows he is anything but. He looks younger, softer, innocent in a way that makes Sungwoon want to cup his face in his hands and kiss him until he’s breathless.

His grip on his pen tightens. “Uh, maybe next time we can watch together,” he ventures, brushing such thoughts out of his mind. Sungwoon needs to focus and not promise Daniel ‘next times.’ They’re not even friends, just put together by the university peer tutoring system in a stroke of luck.

“You mean it?” Daniel’s eyes light up in excitement. “I thought you didn’t like superhero movies.”

“I like some superhero movies,” Sungwoon corrects him. “But I trust your recommendations.”

“I would love to, then! And, uh, both movies!” It should be a crime to sound that enthusiastic over a promise to watch a dumb Marvel movie with someone. Daniel needs to be arrested immediately so Sungwoon can fucking calm himself and not get lost in looking at the younger man with a fond smile on his face.

“Yeah, yeah. Definitely. Go ahead and nerd out all over me.” All over me. “In front of me. Go ahead and nerd out in front of me.” You know what would be awesome? If he could shut up. Heat rises to his cheeks. Sungwoon flips a page and presses his lips together, pretending to read.

“Great! It’s a da—” But Daniel doesn’t finish the sentence, falling silent instead and glancing over at Sungwoon with a pensive expression. His Adam’s apple bobs, and Sungwoon raises his head after the silence stretches on for too long.

“What is it?” he asks. Daniel was definitely going to call it a ‘date,’ wasn’t he? So why did he stop? Does this mean something (bad)?

“Hyung, are you…” Daniel hesitates, turning the pen around in his hands. “Are you interested in someone? Romantically.”

“Um.” This is… a weird question to ask and Sungwoon does not know how to respond. “I guess a little. Why?” He can’t say ‘you’ because that would be fucking stupid—if Sungwoon is ever going to confess his crush on Kang Daniel, it wouldn’t be here and now, right in the middle of the biggest crisis of his life. He’d do it with class, or at the very least, somewhere more private than this.

Daniel’s eyes widen. “Just wondering!” he says quickly, laughing a little too loudly and awkwardly. “You know, because you seem like the kind of guy who’d be dating someone really hot.”

“Thank you? I think?” He’s not sure what to say here. “You too?” You too. That’s the dumbest thing to ever come out of Sungwoon’s mouth and he knows it. Daniel knows it. The entire school probably knows it. Shoving this pen up his nose would be less dumb.

God, maybe he should just say it, but the words get lodged in his throat.

Daniel seems jumpy, like he’s sweating buckets under that grey hoodie. “So, this person you’re interested in.” Clearing his throat, Daniel begins tearing strips of paper from his notebook and shredding them into confetti sized pieces. “Was he at… the party? Did you guys hook up?”

Where did that even come from? “I don’t see how that’s any of your business,” he says automatically, eyes narrowing. For the record, the answer to both those questions is an emphatic ‘no,’ but he doesn’t want to tell Daniel that. He doesn’t even get why Daniel wants to know unless—

Daniel's gaze drops downwards to Sungwoon's lap for a second too long, then back up to his face. "It's just that—" he stops and looks away guiltily. "Uh, anyways, about the test next week..."

What the hell is that look supposed to mean? Sungwoon's blood runs cold. “Did you,” he starts, then stops himself before he can go any further. Daniel tilts his head in askance and Sungwoon fights the urge to shove his entire fist in his mouth. Did that dumb picture really spread far enough that Daniel might’ve seen it? Or at the very least, heard about it?

This is how Sungwoon dies: imploding with the knowledge that his stupid drunken mistake probably reached the person it was originally supposed to, just in a vastly different context.

The truth is, he actually does not want Daniel to lay his young eyes on that cursed image. For one, the lighting really was crappy in that bathroom and two, he doesn’t want Daniel to think he’s that kind of guy, the kind who gets shitfaced and sends pictures of himself to any random dude in desperation to get laid. Especially because the only person he’s interested in being with right now is Daniel himself, and he can’t tell him that if Daniel thinks he’s some kind of joke or slut or trying to hook up with someone else.

Then there’s the irrational, prideful side of Sungwoon that isn’t sure what to think of the fact that Kang Daniel knows what his dick looks like and hasn’t said anything about it. It is borderline insulting. Is he not into it? Has he seen better? Does he not believe it’s Sungwoon? He wants to grab Daniel by the collar and shake a fucking answer out of him, but that is more messed up than sending unsolicited nudes in the first place.

“Are you,” he tries again, but the second time isn’t any better than the first.

He thinks you’re small and cute, Taehyun’s voice says. Is that it? Sungwoon’s just small and cute, the same way kittens or babies are small and cute, and not someone Daniel would legitimately be attracted to. Is he keeping quiet to save Sungwoon the embarrassment? Does he just refuse to acknowledge that Sungwoon can be sexual too? Is it disturbing? Logically, he knows that’s a stupid conclusion to jump to, but those two words sting. He doesn’t want Daniel to think of him like that.

But he doesn’t know what he wants Daniel to think of him like either.

Sungwoon grits his teeth. Fuck, should he try and clear the air? But what if he hasn’t seen it, Sungwoon brings it up, and Daniel is disgusted by the idea. "I didn't think you were that kind of guy, hyung," he can hear the other man saying. Best to not talk about it at all. Best to die. He’s done, he thinks. This is stupid.

Sungwoon rubs his face. “Hyung, is everything okay?” Daniel asks suddenly, nudging his arm. His brows furrow in concern and Sungwoon shifts away from him.

“Yeah, everything's fine. Great. Peachy.” He nearly growls the last word out. Sungwoon really needs to stop saying ‘peachy.’ God, why is he so goddamn annoyed and anxious over this? “Let’s just focus on getting you ready for your test.”

Daniel blinks, taken aback, and drops the subject. The rest of their session progresses without much trouble, leaving Sungwoon free to stew in his own anxiety and embarrassment while too conscious of Daniel who may-or-may-not have an intimate understanding of what’s packing in his pants. By the end of it, Sungwoon has reevaluated his entire life philosophy and just wants to run away.

Halfway back to his own place, Sungwoon comes to the conclusion that he only has one option remaining to preserve the last vestiges of his pride and live a stress free life: destroy every piece of evidence related to last night’s mishap and never speak to Kang Daniel again.

 

 

Drunk Sungwoon is a lot braver than Sober Sungwoon could ever hope to be.

Drunk Sungwoon might have a ton of stupid ideas, but he gets shit done. He was ready to send Daniel a picture of his dick as an invitation to bone, easy as that. Sober Sungwoon can’t even tell Daniel that yes, the guy I’m interested in romantically is you.

Drunk Sungwoon gets places. Lines up dates with a bunch of guys he doesn’t even know thanks to the magnificence of his dick—and Taehyun’s drunken wingman skills. Sober Sungwoon almost passed out asking Daniel to watch Guardians of the Galaxy with him sometime.

Drunk Sungwoon would’ve easily confessed to Daniel and taken their relationship to the next level because he’s not afraid of feeling things. Sober Sungwoon gets hung over what Daniel may think of him and is too scared to cross the unspoken boundary into ‘something more’ territory, especially now that he’s made a fucking fool of himself.

Drunk Sungwoon gets to check out whenever he wants. Sober Sungwoon has to clean up his mess, aka stop the circulation of his private parts around campus so he can at least claim plausible deniability when someone brings it up in the future. And he has to get over his crush on Daniel since he’s decided to never speak to the guy again—which admittedly is a bit of an overreaction—but the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that he doesn’t want to face Daniel.

After everything that has happened, Sungwoon is mortified. This just isn’t him, any of it, and he doesn’t know how to fix things and go back to the way things were before. He can’t help but feel people look at him differently now, and he’s not happy with that. This Sungwoon is an idiot who will never date a guy like Kang Daniel who probably deserves a whole lot better. Not that it matters anyway; he’s giving up. Rolling over, playing dead, then picking himself up and making plans to fly under the radar for the rest of the year.

Is it really that big of a deal? a voice that sounds suspiciously like Taehyun says. You can’t run away from him for a reason like that.

Watch me, Sungwoon wants to respond before realizing how creepy having a mental conversation with his best friend is. Anyways, the Daniel thing is a non issue. It doesn’t even factor into his life that much. So what, he ignores one guy he has a tiny bit of a crush on? It’s not the end of the fucking world. He’s not going to die because he misses him or anything. Sungwoon has more important things to worry about, like his reputation! His future! His modesty!

Who cares if Kang Daniel isn’t into him?

(He does).

He’ll take things one at a time. Picture first, then Kang Daniel. Or never Kang Daniel.

 

 

It takes Sungwoon three hours and a couple hundred dollars, but he manages to wipe out almost every copy of his mistake but two. Three, according to Taehyun, but Sungwoon highly doubts Jimin ‘kept one just to see if their dicks also look alike’; that’s nasty even for Jimin. One is with Taehyun, because Sungwoon can’t get him to do anything, and the other is on Ong Seongwoo’s phone.

It is an issue. Ong Seongwoo is an asshole.

Regardless, Sungwoon heads over to his dorm to politely ask him to delete it. He’s halfway there when he remembers that the main reason he doesn’t like to engage with Seongwoo is because he’s Daniel’s roommate and good friend. He spins on his heel the minute the gravity of that sinks in, then spins back. He happens to know that Daniel should be at a dance club meeting right about now, so the room should be safe.

Emphasis on should, but because the universe has it out for him today, Sungwoon notices two things as he approaches Seongwoo’s room. One, that the door is ajar, revealing how much of a pigsty the place is, and two, that Daniel is sitting on his bead, hair mussed and grimacing as he looks at Seongwoo gleefully pointing to something on his phone.

“—n’t think he had the balls, but yowza!” Seongwoo says. Sungwoon halts. He sincerely hopes Seongwoo is not talking about him, but something tells him that would be hoping for too much. Pressing himself against the wall, Sungwoon shuffles closer to the door.

He gets close enough to hear Daniel snort. “Did you just say ‘yowza’?” Yeah, Sungwoon is cringing in second-hand embarrassment too. “Anyways, dude, just delete it.”

“What? No way.” Sungwoon hears a thump, then a stream of curses escaping from Seongwoo’s mouth. He must’ve bumped against something? Craning his neck, he tries to get a better look without alerting Daniel to his presence, but he’s not that flexible. Guilt worms its way into his stomach; he shouldn’t be out here spying on someone like this, but Seongwoo’s next words help banish that feeling. “You know what this is? This is prime blackmail material.”

“Seongwoo.” Daniel sounds exasperated. Sungwoon agrees.

“Don’t you want to take a look? I’m telling you, it’s pretty impressive. The lighting is shit, but—”

"I'm serious, just delete it.” Daniel shifts and lowers his voice; Sungwoon has to strain to hear what he says next. “Sungwoon hyung seemed stressed earlier. I’m pretty sure it was about this. He probaby doesn’t want people looking at this like it’s a rare Pokemon.”

“Sungwoon hyung,” Seongwoo mimics in a syrupy voice. “Dude, you’re so whipped for him.” Sungwoon chokes on nothing in particular. Whipped? Does that mean what Sungwoon thinks it means? For a brief second, his pulse speeds up. “You sure you don’t want to see his pork sword before I delete?” Just like, the high is gone and he wants to strangle Seongwoo to death.

“Yeah, it’s a serious invasion of privacy. He deserves better—and can you stop calling it a pork sword?”

“Heat-seeking moisture missile?”

Daniel’s laughter fills the hallway. “Meter long king kong dong.”

Seongwoo whistles. “That’s a good one.” There’s a pause, then he says, “Okay, done.”

“Let me check.”

Sungwoon has had enough of this conversation. He pushes the door open with his foot and clears his throat. “Um. Hi,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’ll pay you actual money to never refer to a penis as a ‘meter long king kong dong’ again.”

He doesn’t want to look at Daniel, but it’s impossible not to. Hand outstretched, he stands in the middle of the room, an expression of pure shock and horror frozen on his face. When his eyes meet Sungwoon’s, he drops the phone in surprise—or smashes it against the ground. Sungwoon honestly couldn’t tell you which it is.

Falling to his knees with a strangled cry, Seongwoo gathers up his phone (now in three large pieces) and clutches them to his chest. “My baby! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY NUDES OF MINHYUN I HAVE SAVED ON THERE?”

Sungwoon smiles coldly. It is not a sympathetic or even amused expression. “Did you backup your files?” Seongwoo shakes his head wordlessly, and Sungwoon’s smile deepens. “Karmic retribution.” Also known as, that’s what Seongwoo gets for being an unreasonable shithead.

Seongwoo flips him off with a small, trembling hand.

Well, if Seongwoo broke his phone and doesn’t have a backups, Sungwoon doesn’t have to bother bribing him to delete the picture. That solves one of his problems, at least, though he’s now a little interested in the aforementioned ‘Minhyun’s nudes,’ mostly because he didn’t think Hwang Minhyun of all people would be the type.

“So.” Sungwoon hesitates and uncrosses his arms. “I guess I’ll… go, then.” He doesn’t have anything else to do here, right? He’s not equipped to deal with Daniel, not now or like this.

But Daniel steps forward, hand outstretched. “Wait, hyung,” he blurts out, just shy of grabbing onto Sungwoon and holding him in place. “I’m sorry. I promise we didn’t—I didn’t look, anyway.” He runs a hand through his hair, eyes cast downwards. Far from feeling warm and appreciative about his apology, provokes his ire. Sungwoon is a fucking mess. Why didn’t he look? Wasn’t he tempted? Especially if he’s ‘whipped’ for Sungwoon which, by the way, he doesn’t believe.

“Yeah, well, why not?” His pride is speaking over common sense, but he wants Daniel to want him. “Are you not interested? Am I gross to you?” Sungwoon was going to say ‘weird little troll,’ but he doesn’t want to put that mental image into anyone’s head.

“No!” Daniel says forcefully. He looks small again; he hides his hands in his sleeves and hugs himself. “I like you! I really… really like you. I just respect you too much for that.” Is it a like or a like-like, at the risk of sounding like a middle schooler? Sungwoon supposes it’s nice to be respected, but he would be okay with being disrespected by Daniel too, in a really fucking filthy way. But respect sounds nice too, and this is a prime example of Sungwoon not knowing what he wants other than wanting to die.

So.

Fuck, he’s had enough of this. “It doesn’t matter,” Sungwoon says. His voice sounds alien to his own ears. “It was meant for you anyway so I don’t care if you see it or not.”

Seongwoo gasps in the background.

“Oh.” It’s like he can see the gears whir in Daniel’s head. “Oh. For… me?”

“My lame way of trying to seduce you or, whatever.” It sounds stupider out loud. Maybe he’s too sober for this. Maybe he needs to get drunk and revisit this conversation, but Daniel’s looking at him like he’s grown a third head.

“Oh.”

“Can you please say something other than ‘oh’ because I’m having a mini breakdown right now.” Daniel’s hard to read which is annoying most of the time, but threatens to send him spiraling right now because he just wants Daniel to be upfront with him when he’s finally trying to do the same.

“Oh—” Daniel breaks off. His cheeks are pink; he shifts his weight to his other foot and looks away. “Sorry! I mean, I like you.” He still doesn’t sound awfully convincing, and Seongwoo opening his mouth in a silent scream of… terror? is not helping. Sungwoon isn’t sure why he’s still here, actually, but then remembers that this is Seongwoo’s room.

Well, he expected more. “That sounds so half-hearted. Is this a rejection? Should I storm out?”

"No! No, please don't leave. I'll take a look at your dick if it would make you feel better?" Sungwoon closes his eyes and tries not to laugh. When he opens them again, Daniel is standing too close, his sweater paws reaching for Sungwoon’s hands. Sungwoon is dwarfed by Daniel’s height and general bulk, but he doesn’t mind tipping his head to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry, that sounds wrong. Um, I just want to—I like you. I really, really like you and I was going to ask you out after my test was done, but I kind of thought you might be into someone else, especially after last night…”

“It was for you.” Sungwoon’s face is as red as Daniel’s. “I thought it would work as my shitty way of hinting that I’m into you because I can’t seem to just say it out loud. And to try and getting you to stop calling me small and cute—it really hurts my pride, especially since I want to be sexy to you.”

“I like small and cute things,” Daniel says. “And, hyung, I think you are pretty sexy too.”

Shit, he thinks, shit shit shit. Curse this fluttery feeling in his chest, curse the lightheadedness, curse the way Daniel makes him feel, both out of his element and yet at home at the same time. “So you should ask me out,” he says. “Like, now.”

“Oh. I—”

“Stop that! No more oh’s.”

Daniel laughs and bends down to kiss him, and Sungwoon stretches up on his toes to kiss him back, gripping his hoodie hard enough to yank him closer. Daniel’s mouth moves gently under his, tentatively, and Sungwoon returns the kiss with too much force—fuck, he thinks, I’m not delicate, but he supposes he has time to show him that. When they finally pull away, Daniel looks down at him, chest heaving, and says, “How about an oh yeah?”

Sungwoon grins. “Oh yeah.

From where he sits on the floor, still holding the remains of his phone, Seongwoo makes a gagging noise. “I’m so glad you guys chose to share the beginning of your college love story with me, but can you please get the fuck out of this room now?”

“Fuck no,” Sungwoon replies. “Suffer.” He pulls Daniel into another kiss, and Seongwoo collapses onto the floor with a loud, pained groan.

“This is my room! Away, you heathens!” Both Sungwoon and Daniel ignore him. Seongwoo rolls onto his stomach and fishes Daniel’s phone out from under the man’s bed. Biting his lip, he takes a quick, discreet picture of the two of them locked in a cuddly embrace. “Well,” he says. “This is one picture I’m definitely going to spread around, then.”

It’s a good thing Sungwoon doesn’t give a shit.

 

 

Things Sungwoon eventually learns:

Sending someone a tasteful picture of your dick is a lot more fun when it goes to the right person.

It's even more fun when your boyfriend sends one back.