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– I hate you so much.

Gabriela just rolled her eyes at that. Abigail didn't hate her. Well, actually... She might've had reason.

– Oh, come on. Stop being so bitter – Gabriela smiled and threw the first dress she saw at Abigail, who refused to lighten up.

– You have got to be kidding me – Abigail stood up and huffed – You’re making me go to my ex’s concert, and you can’t see what’s wrong with that?

– Abby, for the love of God, I am not going to waste two VIP tickets just because you two broke up! – Gabriela was putting on her makeup, and could only imagine Abigail’s expressions of anger – It’s bad enough that Matt can’t go and we’re already wasting that one. Besides, since when are you such a little bitch with this ex-boyfriend shit?

– I’m not! I’m not like “Ooh, I don’t wanna see him because it would bring back memories!” It’s because I’m fucking done, I’ve moved on.

Abigail then looked at herself in the mirror, the blue dress Gabriela had thrown her way being held in front of her. She always loved that one, and tonight did seem like an appropriate weather. Dammit.

– Good, then there’s no problem in going! – Gabriela walked out of the bathroom and smiled largely once more, towards the girl who now sat by the edge of the bed – Come on, you’re all sexy again now that you got rid of your crutches, you gotta enjoy that.

– I got rid of’em two months ago – Abigail retorted.

– And how many times have you gone out since that? – Gabriela raised an eyebrow, getting no verbal response, but an eye roll from Abigail before she sank back into the bed – Exactly.

And half an hour later, there she was. Sitting on the passenger’s seat, Gabriela driving and singing madly to whatever the hell that was on the radio. She was holding onto the fact that, true, she did look striking in that outfit, but it wasn't long before the memories came back to her. She'd played that scene in her head so many times that all the lines were clear by now.

"You're suffocating me."

It was so hard to get that out, but damn, how good it felt. Because that is exactly what Abigail had been feeling for the two weeks since she'd woken up from the coma. She thought things would get better once she got home, because then Theo could see that she was definitely not in danger anymore, but it was like they got even worse. He was there every day, all day – and that alone didn't bother her. Except having him there became unbearable.

"What do you mean?" Theo's expression fell apart as he left the flower bouquet on the counter. Good one, Abigail, she thought to herself. What a nice way to thank for the lilies.

"You're always here, you don't let me breathe! I love you, Theo, but you don't have to be here literally all the time."

"I want to take care of you! But if it means that much, I'll come over less."

"It's not that simple." Abigail brought her hand to her head, and when she decided to look away and go sit on the couch, Theo followed. She looked him straight in the eye and got it out at once. She didn't quite understand why she'd been so bold to say all those things she was sure would hurt him. Maybe it was some built-up rage, and it had reached its peak. Well, not a rage per say, she didn't want to kill him or something like that. She simply had enough. Suffocating really was the correct world. "It's not gonna help if you come over less, cause... This is who you are. And I'm saying a have a problem with that."

"You're just finding out who I am now? After a year and a half?"

"This aspect, yeah."

Oh god, she didn't want to remember more of it. She didn't want to see in her mind as his eyes grew wider and he held her hands, making her want to unsay everything and jump for a hug. But she was being honest to herself, for once, she couldn't undo that. But she also didn't want to revive the look on his face when he said that he understood, and then kissed her cheek and walked away in probably the slowest pace a human being can.

– HELLO? – That was the third time Gabriela called, and she knew, of course, why the other wasn't answering. Abigail came to the realization that they were already in the parking lot. – Look, I know this must feel weird. And I know what's going on in your head. But how about you just try to relax and have fun?

– Okay, fine! – Abigail opened the door and left the car, heading for the entrance, and Gabriela caught up a few seconds later. – I just find it ridiculous that my first time out since the accident and the breakup is to my ex's concert.

– Don't think about it as your ex's concert. It's just a concert.

Once they were already inside, it was much easier for Abigail to relax – because, you know, that's what open bars and random attractive men do to tense women. But then the show started. And sure, being slightly drunk and having just discussed random and upbeat issues with one of her best friends helped, but it wasn't enough.

She survived the first three songs quite well. She either focused on how much she loved that song or on something else entirely. Abigail just didn't let herself think for a second about how much it got to her when Theo, who was so dangerously close, who looked better than usual in his leather jacket and skinny black pants, who moaned at the microphone and held it tight the way he used to hold her, sang to her not to cry, and that there was yet too much pain to come. Abigail ignored the fact that her being completely fine was a facade, and that "Look at all of the damage you have done in turn, if you offer salvation, I will run into your arms" really did get to her. And she let her mind go completely loose so she wouldn't associate the lyrics of The Crow to how she felt at the moment. But then... Then her favorite song started.

On a bridge across the Severn on a Saturday night,
Susie meets the man of her dreams.
He says that he'd got in trouble and if she doesn't mind
He doesn't want the company.

But there's something in the air
They share a look in silence
And everything is understood.
Susie grabs her man and puts a grip on his hand
As the rain puts a tear in his eye.

She says:
Don't let go
Never give up, it's such a wonderful life

Don't let go
Never give up, it's such a wonderful life

– Hey... At least you made it until now without crying.

Gabriela held Abigail in a tight hug, as her tears rolled down. She did feel sorry for her, and pondered about whether she was right to do this. But, by one side, she knew how being in concerts and listening to that band made Abigail calm down, independent of her personal relation to it. And, by another, – which was taken a lot more into account – she thought it would be good for her to finally let the feelings out. She hadn't cried a single tear since the breakup, and that just wasn't good. Even for Abigail, who always so tough, especially with relationships. Tears were good, Gabriela always said. It wasn't just water running down, it was all the feelings, good and bad, the doubts, insecurities, weaknesses – and if they weren't released as tears they could explode in some much worse way.

She cried through the whole song, and there were varied reasons. She missed his voice, she loved those lyrics, she remembered him playing that for her in his place at night, she loved that way he pulled his hair back, she thought back to days where she'd watch sound check sessions, she hated herself for feeling this way, she wanted to stop but this was beyond her control...

Throughout the next two songs, she felt somewhat numb, just staring at the stage or scanning the place in general. It was now very blatant on her mind that, yes, she missed him very much, but she also came to the realization that she had no idea how to get him back. Or if he would even want that. Or if that was the right thing to do. When he mumbled some words about the next song being a new one and very special to them, however, she thought she'd pay attention.

There was no intro, Theo just let out his beautiful voice, saying "My whole life, waiting for the right time, to tell you how I feel", and Adam started on sweet notes at the piano. "And though I try to tell you how I need you, here I am without you", he continued. Abigail heard Gabriela whisper something like "Oh, fuck, he wrote this for you", and tried to ignore it, but it was becoming a bit obvious that he really did. She was a writer, so she knew that just because you wrote something doesn't mean you went through that situation or feel that way, but sometimes you do write straight from your own heart.

I feel so lost but what can I do?
'Cause I know this love seems real
But I don't know how to feel.

We say goodbye in the pouring rain
And I break down as you walk away
Stay, stay
'Cause all my life I've felt this way
But I could never find the words to say
Stay, stay

Yeah, Theo, I could tell you couldn't find the words to say. In order to keep me. But I don't deserve that, do I? So why bother?

Alright, everything is alright
Since you came along
And before you
I had nowhere to run to
Nothing to hold on to
I came so close to giving it up
And I wonder if you know
How it feels to let you go?

I let you go too, you know.

We say goodbye in the pouring rain
And I break down as you walk away
Stay, stay
'Cause all my life I've felt this way
But I could never find the words to say
Stay, stay

So change your mind
And say you're mine
Don't leave tonight

I'm inclined to, my love.

Say goodbye in the pouring rain
And I break down as you walk away
Stay, stay
'Cause all my life I've felt this way
But I could never find the words to say
Stay, stay

Stay with me, stay with me,
Stay with me, stay with me,
Stay, stay, stay, stay with me.

Promise I'll try.

She had to talk to him. She needed it so bad that getting through the rest of the concert was hell. Now she didn't care at all about blowing thoughts away or relaxing with songs she loved so much. She hurt Theo and she hurt herself, and it was time she grew up and realized that breaking up did no good for either of them. It was just convenient and comfortable for her to send him off when she was so wrecked that she wanted to be alone, but it wasn't really the right choice. And she even considered that she could be doing the same thing now, pulling him back just because there's been time apart enough, but the lyrics in that song told her she should at least try.

They were lucky that the tour manager, Nick, had gotten quite close to them through the time of Abigail and Theo's relationship. There were still four songs left on the setlist when Gabriela dragged Abigail backstage and asked for him to the security. He didn't even hesitate to let them in – except for the fact that Theo had no clue Abigail was there, and he wanted his boy up and ready for the next concert. But then Gabriela chimed in with her persuasion skills and off they went. 

Abigail was left alone in Theo's dressing room, and spent the following ten minutes picking up and letting back down again little things of his she already knew so well. His hair comb, his car keys, his cellphone, his perfume, his range of rings, earrings and chains. Just randomly going through things until a loud mob sound approached. She turned to the door and froze, barely breathing for the next seconds, and intently watching the doorknob until it got swirled.

He always looked so great after a concert. Not only because he looked all worked up and that singing apparently released pheromones her way, but also because he looked so happy and satisfied. Every time. It filled her heart to see him doing what he loved so much and was so good at. But of course right now his surprise and shock had overwritten all of that.

– Abby – he let out as he let the door behind him close by itself, driven by the force he'd just put into it. He looked at her startled and hopeful, and she looked down because it was too much.

– I, um – Abigail cleared her throat and started fiddling with the hem of her dress. – I just wanted to tell you what I thought about the new song.

– Did you like it? – he decided to play it cool too. At least for now.

– A lot – she looked up with a sad smile. – I thought it'd be pretentious of me come and ask you this, but I just need to know... How much of yourself did you put into it?

Theo couldn't read Abigail goodly enough in that moment to know whether she'd be okay with him drawing closer. But since she'd just asked something so personal, he figured intimacy wasn't a problem there. So he walked very slowly, until they were two steps away from each other. He looked deep into her eyes and sounded it out:

– All of me.

She already suspected that, but it crushed her harder than a literal truck to know that every word he wrote in that, and everything he sang so beautifully, was meant for her. He calmly waited for her response since her mouth had cracked opened. It took a while and her voice came cracked, but eventually she did it.

– I had to let you go too. So I could be free. And I thought that, for you, it'd be a burden off your shoulders not to have me anymore. And maybe I'm being crazy, selfish and much more hopeful than I should be, but I'm starting to think that neither of those things really happened.

Theo dared to bring one of his hands to Abigail' face, and as he cupped it, she closed her eyes and drank it in. She even thought she'd lose stability on her feet, because his touch was poison. And she missed it so much. And then he whispered in that astonishing deep voice of his. God, did it have to be a whisper?

– Ich bin verloren ohne dich.

He didn't repeat because he knew. He knew that she understood enough German to know what that meant, and he knew that she loved it when he did that. I'm lost without you. It was echoing in her mind. She opened her watery eyes to meet his dazzling gaze, with the hint of a smile starting to form.

– And now I've found you again.

Abigail found herself caught in the heat of his lips in the same moment the perception came to her that she was feeling his embrace again. Their tongues entwined in a natural yet passionate dance, one they were now so skillful yet but didn't ever want to stop performing. When he let go, their foreheads rested together, eyes still closed. It was like his voice found a way to be even more beautiful and touching in moments like these.

Lass nicht los.

He kissed her again.

Niemals aufgeben.

He kissed her neck, whispering very close to her ear this time.

Es ist so ein wundervolles Leben.

Now, perhaps those words were a bit over her skill level and so she wouldn't understand them, if it weren't for the fact that once Theo learned that Abigail was fascinated by the German language and that Wonderful Life was her favorite song of his, he started doing this every time she was mad or feeling down. It was the most beautiful of poems, no matter what language it was said in. Her brain could never forget that, especially when it was pronounced by Theo and only for her.

Don't let go.

Never give up.

It's such a wonderful life.