"I think we should break up."
Those words...they hurt so very much.
"...D-did I do anything wrong?"
Whether you're the one initiating or being told of the break up, you both can't help but wonder why. Why has it come to this.
You try to not be the bad guy, but no matter how many times you apologize, there is no easy way to tell someone you want to break up.
"...I hate you...I fucking hate you!"
You don't know if you meant it, it feels like you meant it, but a part of you wants to take back what you said.
"I know...I know..."
Even though you said you knew, you still tell them you want to break up.
It's too late to take back your words, it's too late to change your mind. This is your final decision, this is the choice you made, so you either accept it or keep denying it, it all doesn't matter in the end. Even so, it still hurts when you see them walk away, without a single glance back.
It's over. That's it.
Haru opened his eyes and sat up, panting. He was covered in sweat and it felt like he wasn't getting enough air. Haru got out of bed and opened the window, he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. Haru closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind, but no matter how much he tries, his mind would go back to him. To Makoto.
"...Damn it..." Haru sighed. Haru went back to bed and attempted to get some sleep. Haru closed his eyes and tried not think about Makoto, he honestly didn't know why he was thinking about him, it's already been a year since he broke up with him, besides, it was Haru who initiated the break up in the first place.
Frankly, Haru doesn't really remember why he broke up with Makoto. Makoto was a sweet guy, sure, he was a little pushy and wishy washy, but he was still an amazing guy.
So why did Haru break up with him?
It's a bit sad, but the reason was because Haru and Makoto were not how they used to be. With their schedule and not being able to see each other that often anymore, things became complicated between the two. In the end, Haru had enough, he knew their relationship couldn’t continue like this, so he decided to end it. Haru only did it so Makoto could be happy and find someone that would appreciate him like he did, but at least spend more time with him.
The one thing Haru never expected Makoto to do when he suggested that they break up was for Makoto to say that he hated him. It was already heartbreaking enough that their relationship was over, but knowing that the person he cared about so much now hates him... Haru couldn't even explain himself, he just watched Makoto walk away with tears in his eyes. Haru didn't cry, he felt like he didn't deserve to cry.
Haru sighed once more and tried his best to fall asleep before he has to get up and go to work. However, Haru couldn't help but wonder how Makoto was doing.
After Haru finished serving the last customer of the day, he started getting his belongings and was about to head home.
"Nanase-san, wanna hang out with us and grab a few drinks?"
"I'm good, thanks," Haru said as he finished packing his stuff and started leaving.
"Told you he wouldn't come."
"Well Nanase-san is our boss and I just thought we should invite him...especially after I heard he broke up with-"
"Shhhh! He'll hear you."
Haru sighed and ignored the conversation about him. Once Haru was outside, he started walking home, but stopped when he spotted a familiar face. It was Makoto. Makoto was currently walking on the other side of the street and he was talking to a couple of people. Haru wanted to shout his name, but he knew better. Haru tugged his coat collar up and continued walking home, ignoring the cold, empty feeling in his chest.
Once Haru reached home, he laid on his couch and groaned. Why did he have to see Makoto? Why did he have to see him after a year of not contacting each other? Haru laid there and looked at the ceiling. He felt sick, he wanted to talk to Makoto like the good old days, but with how it ended between them…well, it wasn't exactly a happy ending. Haru wondered how Makoto was doing, it looked like Makoto was doing well considering he was happily talking with his new friends. Haru couldn't help but feel jealous. He was jealous that Makoto had new friends he could laugh with, he was jealous that Makoto has moved on, he was jealous that Makoto was happy. He was sad that Makoto has moved on from their relationship while Haru was still stuck.
Haru didn't understand, he was the one who’d said they should break up, yet he couldn’t help but miss Makoto. Haru wanted to see Makoto again, he wanted to tell him that he was sorry. He wanted to tell Makoto that he’d been an idiot, he wanted to tell Makoto that he still loves him, but he knew that Makoto wouldn't return the feelings, not anymore.
Haru sighed and got up, he thought a bath would help calm him down. Haru went into his bathroom and stripped out of his clothes ‘till he was only wearing his swimming jammers. After such a long time wearing them in the bathtub, it has now become a habit he never grew out of. Once Haru was in the water, he closed his eyes and tried to relax. He suddenly hears his phone ring, so with a groan, he picked up his phone and saw that Nagisa was calling. Haru answered.
"Hey Haru-chan!" Nagisa exclaimed on the other end of the line.
"Nagisa, you know what time it is. You know I don't like to be disturbed when it's my bath time," Haru huffed.
"Sorry sorry, it's just...well...I was wondering if you were gonna go," Nagisa said.
"Go? Go where?" Haru asked as he raised an eyebrow.
"You know, Rei's celebration for getting a promotion!" Nagisa said.
"Oh right, I'll be there," Haru said.
"Great...it's just...just..." Nagisa went silent, something was wrong.
"Just what, Nagisa?" Haru asked.
"Well...you do know that Mako-chan is coming right?" Nagisa said.
Haru paled, he tried his best to not acknowledge it, but he knew that was impossible. "...Yes...I know..."
"Well...you gonna try talk to him?" Nagisa asked.
"Nagisa...you know that's not an option," Haru said.
"I know but...it's already been a year, and I'm sure Mako-chan has forgiven you already," Nagisa said.
"I don't know Nagisa, no matter how forgiving Makoto is, he'll never forgive me," Haru said.
"Still...I don't like seeing my two friends not getting along anymore, it's very sad!" Nagisa said.
"Please Haru, a simple hello would also be fine...just...please talk to Makoto again," Nagisa said.
"...Fine...I'll...I'll try, but only for you and guys," Haru said.
"Thank you Nagisa," Nagisa sighed happily, "well I'll see you in two days!"
"See you," Haru said. Haru hung up and put his phone down. Haru hung up and put his phone down. Haru sighed and leaned back in his bathtub. He was much more tense now, and the water wasn't helping anymore. Haru got out of the tub and dried himself off, and went to his bedroom then put on his pajamas and laid down on his bed.
He was not looking forward to meeting Makoto.
Haru was standing in front of Nagisa and Rei's house. Haru still can't believe the two are together and both bought a house together, it was nice seeing the two happy, but Haru couldn't help but be jealous at how their relationship seems perfect.
Haru took a step forward and was about to knock, but suddenly the door opened.
"Haru-chan! You made it!" Nagisa exclaimed happily.
"Hey Nagisa," Haru said.
"Come in come in! Everyone is going to be so happy to see you again!" Nagisa said.
"Oh...well almost everyone...Mako-chan hasn't come yet," Nagisa said.
Haru sighed in relief, but became nervous again. He believed the reason Makoto was late was because he knew he was going to be there. Haru looked down, a bit sad at the thought.
"...Um...are those for Rei-chan?" Nagisa asked as he pointed at the flowers that Haru brought with him.
"Oh...these are for Rei, but it's mostly for the both of you guys," Haru said as he handed Nagisa the flowers.
"They're perfect, Rei-chan is going to love them," Nagisa grinned.
Haru smiled and followed Nagisa inside. Once Haru entered the house, he saw all of his good friends. There was Rin and Gou, Rei, Nitori, Momo, Seijuurou, even Sousuke. Everyone is here, all except for Makoto.
"Yo, Haru. It's great to see you buddy," Rin said as he handed Haru a beer.
"You too," Haru said.
"Haru! It's great to see you again!" Gou said happily.
"Same here Gou," Haru said.
"It's Kou!" Gou said.
"You're still going on with that? You've already graduated from college, give it a rest," Rin sighed.
"But big brother..."
"Rin's right Gou, just accept that Gou will forever be your name...well unless you legally change it," Sousuke said.
"Great idea Sousuke!" Gou said.
"Don't give her ideas!" Rin exclaimed.
"Ahem, if you three finished. Welcome Haruka, it's nice to see you again," Rei said.
"Rei, how many times do I have to tell you, Haru is fine," Haru said.
Rei blushed and started to stutter, "y-yes...I remember...I'm still trying to get out of that habit o-of mine."
"Keep working on that buddy," Rin said as he patted Rei's back.
"Haru-san, I hope you're-"
"Hey Haru! How's the whole cooking business going?" Momo interrupted Nitori.
"M-Momo! don't cut in like that!" Nitori said angrily.
"Whoops, sorry Nitori," Momo said.
"That's my brother, always being a little pest. Aren't I right Gou-chan?" Seijuurou said.
"W-wah? I'm not a pest...r-right Gou-chan?" Momo said.
Both Seijuurou and Momo glared competitively at each other, while Gou stood there feeling confused at what's going on.
Haru enjoys this. He enjoys seeing his friends. He enjoys the moment. For once, Haru felt utterly calm and relaxed, he hasn't felt like this for a long time.
However, that moment will soon end.
The doorbell rang, Haru's blood ran cold. His palms were sweaty, it felt like his heart stopped. Haru didn't dare to turn his head, even though he knows all his friends have done it.
"Mako-chan! You made it!" Nagisa exclaimed, Haru can imagine him hugging the tall man.
"Hey Nagisa, it's great to see you again," the familiar voice invaded his ears.
"Come on come on! Everyone's been waiting for you to show up!" Nagisa said.
"A-ah! Nagisa, don't pull," Makoto warned.
Haru saw his friends moving, greeting Makoto.
"Hey big guy, haven't seen you for awhile, you keeping that body of your in shape?" Rin said.
"Eh heh, I try my best to get some exercise during my days off," Makoto said.
"Huh...you look like you grew an inch," Sousuke said, "I feel like sooner or later you'll get to my height."
"You're probably imagining things, I'm pretty sure I can't grow anymore," Makoto laughs.
"Oh my Makoto...your muscles still look great as ever!" Gou said, probably drooling a bit.
"Makoto, how's the teaching business going for you?" Rei asked.
"It's going great. A lot of the other teachers wondered why I'm not teaching high schoolers, but I feel like I connect more with kids," Makoto said.
"That's understandable considering kids love you Mako-chan!" Nagisa said.
"Ah, which reminds me, have you visit Ren and Ran? Rei asked.
"I do, usually on the weekends. I tend to help them with any homework they might have," Makoto said.
"I envy those two, I wish Makoto was my brother than Seijuurou here," Momo pouted.
"Oi, what you say?" Seijuurou asked as he pushed down on Momo's head.
"H-hey!" Momo exclaimed.
Makoto laughs, then his attention landed on the figure that didn't try to greet him. Makoto smiled vanished, but he slowly walked over to Haru.
"...H-hey...Haru," Makoto said.
Haru stiffened, he took a deep breath and slowly turned around.
"Hey...Makoto," Haru said.
Everything was tense. The awkward aura surrounding them was too much, and everyone can feel it. Luckily, Rin was able to break the awkward silence.
"S-so, we celebrating or what? I'm starving already," Rin said.
"Oh right! I'll get the food!" Nagisa said.
"I'll help out too," Gou said.
"Guess we'll set the table," Nitori said as he grabbed Momo by the arm.
"E-eh? But I want to help Gou-chan!" Momo whined.
"Yeah, there's no way in hell I'm allowing that," Rin said as he pushed Momo forward and dragging Seijuurou as well.
"Um, shall we go to our seats then?" Rei asked Makoto and Haru.
"Right," Haru and Makoto said together. The two looked at each other from the corner of their eyes, but they did not laugh, they did not smile, they just stayed silent.
The two followed Rei to the dining area and the two decided to sit on the opposite side of the table from each other. Once the table was set and the food arrived, everyone sat down. Haru was glad he was sitting between Rin and Nagisa, but he still felt uncomfortable when he could still see Makoto across the table.
"So, how's everyone doing?" Rei asked.
"Really, you're starting up the conversation with that?" Rin sighed.
"Well we all haven't seen each other for awhile, so it would be nice knowing how everyone is doing," Rei said.
"Whatever four-eyes," Rin smirked.
"Alright, then I think Haru should go first," Rei said.
"Me?" Haru asked.
"Yes, compared to everyone, you rarely visit us," Rei said.
"I'm sorry, I've been busy with work," Haru said.
"Oh yeah...didn't you say you own a restaurant and that it's one of the best in Iwatobi?" Gou said.
"That's the one," Haru said.
"Wow, it must be very exciting owning your own restaurant and getting to cook food for other people," Nitori said.
"Yeah, and it's probably awesome when your restaurant is really popular," Momo said.
"I honestly don't care if it's popular or not, I just want to cook food I like making," Haru said.
Haru hears a stifled laugh and Haru knew who it was. It was Makoto. Haru took a peek at Makoto, and Makoto was slightly blushing, but still remained neutral for the most part.
"That's great Haru-chan, you definitely got to cook for me and Rei once in awhile, I would love to try some of your food!" Nagisa said.
"...I'll think about," Haru said.
Everyone is laughing, and Haru could see that even Makoto was laughing. This was a good sign, this was a step to fixing things between him and Makoto. Haru couldn't help but smile a bit.
"So Mako-chan, how have you been doing?"
"Me? Oh well...I guess everything's fine. I love my class, I like some of the teachers at the school I'm teaching...what else...oh...I also tried dating a few people," Makoto said.
That was when Haru's reality crashed. Makoto, dating, Haru never imagined it. Haru understands that Makoto was a free man, so he's allowed to date whoever he wants, but the thought just made Haru sick, it made him angry. What's worse about this is that Haru doesn't understand why.
"I see, seen anyone that caught your interest?" Rin asked.
"Mm...well...I am still going out with this one guy...but I'm not so sure...he's a bit too clingy honestly," Makoto said.
"Clingy? That's kinda bad, you should probably break up with the guy," Sousuke said.
"Yeah, they say the clingy type are the type to get easily jealous and won't let you do anything," Momo said.
"I know...well we do have a date this weekend, so I might tell him then," Makoto said.
"Just be careful Makoto, the clingy type usually don't like break ups," Gou said.
"...Yeah...who wouldn't..." Ouch, Haru knew that was directed towards him. Guess Makoto is still sour over the break up, who wouldn't? The relationship was okay, there were rarely any fights, and the two love each other unconditionally, so saying that they should break up out of nowhere would probably hurt more than breaking up with an actual reason that both parties could agree on.
"U-um...well then, why don't we have a drink in honor for both Haru and Makoto's jobs?" Rei said.
"I second that!" Nagisa said.
Everyone raised their glasses, including Haru and Makoto, and everyone took a sip. Haru sighed and took a longer sip of his wine. This was going to be a long day.
After two beers and one glass of wine, Haru was done for the day. Haru noticed that all of his friends were busy with playing this game that Nagisa recently bought, and from the looks of everyone's faces, Nagisa was winning.
"Oi! Stop killing me!" Rin exclaimed.
"Ah ha ha ha! This is a war Rin, not a puppy party!" Nagisa grinned as he hit a button and killed Rin's character again.
"Damn you!" Rin exclaimed.
Haru sighed and thought of telling Nagisa and Rei that he should head home now, but he suddenly saw Makoto sitting on the back porch. One part of Haru wanted to just go home and take a long bath, but another part of him wanted to talk to Makoto and settle things once and for all.
Taking a deep breath, Haru started walking towards the back porch. Once he arrived, he saw that Makoto noticed him, but didn't say anything and continued sitting there.
"...Hey," Haru said.
"...Hey Haru," Makoto said.
The silence between them was too much, but Haru knew he needed to tell Makoto now.
"...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry for everything Makoto," Haru said.
"...You know Haru...when we broke up and I walked away...I wondered...d-did I do anything wrong? Was I a bad boyfriend? Did I trouble you? ...I still want to know Haru...why did you break up with me?"
"...I wanted you to have more. I wanted you to be happy. With how we barely see each other...the lack of romance between us...I knew...sooner or later you were going to be sad about it, and I never want to see you sad...but in the end, I still made you sad," Haru said.
"...Haru...we could have tried to work things out...we could have tried to do something to make things work," Makoto said.
"I was scared...I was scared that we wouldn't find anything...I was scared that I wasn't perfect enough for you," Haru said.
The two stayed silent, but it wasn't as awkward as it was before. It was the kind of silence that seemed as if the two understood each other a bit.
"...Are you still mad at me?"
"Haru...you know me, I could never hold grudges, especially if it's you. So no...I'm not mad. In fact, I would like for us to be friends again," Makoto said.
"Makoto...I promise, I'll try. I'll try to make you happy, I'll try to make more time for you. I'll make sure that you'll feel l-"
"H-Haru...what are you talking about?" Makoto asked.
"...I thought you want us to get back together," Haru said.
"H-Haru...I just said we should be friends again...I never said we'd get back together," Makoto said.
"...You don't want us back together?" Haru asked, he felt as if his heart shattered.
"H-Haru...I moved on...I don't have the same feelings for you as I did before. I...I don't think we can ever get back together Haru," Makoto said.
Haru looked down, he knew it. Makoto has moved on, while he was still in love with him. Haru really was too late.
"I see...then...I guess I'll see you around," Haru said.
"W-wait," Makoto said as he stood up. Makoto wrapped his arms around Haru and gave him a surprised hug. It took a minute before Haru returned the hug as well. Haru missed this, he missed Makoto so much, but he was too late.
"...Thank you," Haru said as he pulled away.
"Goodbye Haru, see you around," Makoto smiled, but Haru can still tell that he was sad.
"See you Makoto," Haru said. Haru walked away and back inside.
Makoto watched him leave then sighed. Once he knew that Haru left, Makoto let the tears fall.
"...Haru..." Makoto continued to cry as he sat on the porch.
It's been a month since Haru and Makoto became friends again, they call each other once in awhile, just like the old days. However, it was different. Haru was still in love with Makoto, but Makoto has moved on and is now dating other guys. Haru has become jealous, even a bit possessive.
One time, Haru went to visit Makoto at his school. Haru saw how the kids admired Makoto, and Haru couldn't help but smile at the adorable sight.
"Mr. Nanase! I haven't seen you for a long time!" said a little boy that Haru remembered when he and Makoto were still dating.
"Yeah it has been a long time, how are you doing," Haru asked as he patted the boy's head.
"I'm fine, but we really missed you, how come you didn't come visit for a long time Mr. Nanase?"
"W-well...me and Makoto were having a bit of a complication for awhile," Haru said.
"Oh...did you two fight?"
Makoto and Haru looked at each other and giggled.
"Yeah...we did fight, but we're friends again," Haru said.
"Friends...so you two aren't boyfriends anymore?"
Both Haru and Makoto blushed at the question, but kept their composure.
"T-that's correct, we're just friends now, so that's good right?"
"...I guess...but I wish you two were together again, that way it gave Mr. Nanase a reason to come and visit more often," the boy said. Haru will admit, the boy was smart.
"Well then...I guess since you just said that...I'll visit once in awhile, just for you guys and to see Makoto," Haru said.
"Yay!" all the children cheered and hugged both Makoto and Haru.
"Y-you really don't have to," Makoto said.
"I want to, I did promise these guys...besides, it give me a good reason to see you more often," Haru said as he tried to hide his blush.
Makoto blushed a bit, but smiled. "Well then...guess I'll see you often."
The two continued playing with the kids and catching up. Even though Haru knew they will never get back together, he was content with just being with Makoto.
However, what really pushed Haru was when Makoto told him he was going on a date.
"You're going on a date...already...r-right now?"
"Yeah...it's a blind date. I met him online and he seemed interesting," Makoto said as he combed his his hair.
"I don't know Makoto, usually blind dates can be dangerous, especially if you met them online," Haru said.
"Haru, I'm an adult, I can do whatever I want," Makoto said.
"It's just...I'm worried," Haru said.
"Aw...Haru," Makoto smiled at he gave Haru a hug. "You're sweet, but I can handle things."
"...Still...maybe I should come along and make sure-"
"Haru...you're not...jealous are you?" Makoto actually dared to smirk. The bastard.
"I'm not...I'm not jealous," Haru blushed.
"Right, of course you aren't," Makoto giggles.
"Ugh, just go on your stupid date already," Haru said as he got up from Makoto's bed and started walking out.
"Where are you going?"
"Home, I got some work to do," Haru said.
"Okay then, don't be too jealous if my date ends up being my full time boyfriend!" Makoto smirked.
"Shut up!" Haru exclaimed then slammed the door closed. Haru sighed and started walking home.
While Haru was walking, he couldn't help but worry, Makoto has told him that his past dates weren't always great or left Makoto heartbroken. Haru stopped walking and looked back, he knew he has to follow Makoto and make sure he'll be fine. Haru started running the other direction.
Haru started running to the cafe that Makoto told him that the date was going to happen. Haru leaned back against the wall and tried to catch his breath.
"I really suck at running," Haru said.
Haru looked through the window and saw Makoto. Currently, Makoto was sitting by himself, which means that his date hasn't arrived yet. Haru tried to come up with a plan, but he suddenly saw Makoto's face. Makoto looked anxious, nervous even.
Makoto was looking forward to this date.
Haru realized that he shouldn't be doing this. Haru realized that he needs to move on, he needs to move on like Makoto. Haru sighed and realized he needs to give up on Makoto, needs to give up the possibility of Makoto taking him back.
Haru needs to let Makoto go.
Haru was about to leave when he noticed that a man started walking towards Makoto's table. However, instead of Makoto looking excited and nervous, he looked surprised and terrified.
Haru couldn't really hear them, but from how Makoto was getting angry and the guy kept trying to grab Makoto's arm, Haru immediately started running inside.
"I thought I told you that we're done! Stop following me!" Makoto exclaimed at the man.
"Come on Makoto, give me a chance," the guy said.
"No! This is exactly why we broke up, you're just so suffocating," Makoto said.
"Don't say that babe."
"Don't call me that!"
"Makoto!" Haru exclaimed.
"Who the hell is he?"
"He's my...he's my-"
"I'm his best friend, and I want you to stay away from him," Haru said. Makoto looked at him, surprised that Haru said that they were just friends.
"I get it, so you're cheating on me with this punk?"
"I'm not cheating on you. You and I aren't even dating!"
"I said step away from him, or else," Haru threatened.
"Or else what?" the guy suddenly grabbed Makoto's arm once more, and Haru snapped.
Haru punched the guy as hard as he can, and the guy started stumbling backwards till he bumps into a waitress holding a tray of food. The guy falls down and was covered in the food that the waitress drops.
"W-we're sorry," Makoto apologized to the waitress and the people around.
"Let's go," Haru said as he grabbed Makoto's arm and the two left the cafe.
Once the two were far enough, the two stopped in an alley and started laughing.
"Oh my god, that was...that was so unexpected...I never knew you could punch like that," Makoto said.
"Well the guy deserves it," Haru said.
"Still...thank you, but...what were you doing there anyways?" Makoto asked.
Haru blushed and came clean, "I was worried...and yes, I was jealous."
"I see...but...then why didn't you say we were dating? I thought you were going to say that," Makoto said.
"It would complicate things even more...besides...I realized I shouldn't have these feelings for you anymore," Haru said.
"Oh? ...Why's that?" Makoto asked.
"Because, you've finally moved on, while I still haven't. I still regret ever breaking up with you Makoto, if I could go back in time, I would have tried harder, I would have tried to be a better boyfriend, but it's too late. I need to let you go, I need to let you find happiness. I know it's going to hurt, but...I just want to see you happy, that's all I want," Haru said.
"...Haru..." Makoto started crying and wrapped his arms around him. "I...I still love you...I still love you!"
"No matter how much I tried to forget about you or how many dates I go on, my mind still goes to you. I want to be with you...I want to keep loving you...so please...please don't leave me again," Makoto cried.
"...I promise Makoto...I promise," Haru held Makoto and the two stood there, quietly crying.
"I love you Haru! I love you!" Makoto exclaimed.
"I love you too, I love you so much Makoto," Haru said.
Break ups are hard.
So is finding forgiveness.
However, if you try your best and allow happiness for the one you use to love, then maybe, you'll find happiness yourself.