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Angel At My Door

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It’d been five days, since Cas nearly had died in that barn. Five days, since he had told Dean that he loved him and Dean? Dean hadn’t really talked to him ever since.

It wasn’t much but it was enough. When Cas went into the kitchen to get himself something to drink and Dean would happen to be there, he would smile politely and leave. When Cas sat in the library he sometimes could hear footsteps approaching, footsteps he knew so well he would recognize them anywhere, but they never came in.

Most of the time, Dean seemed to be spending in his room.

Cas was not even sure why he did it but something drew him closer and closer to the door every time he passed the corridor and it must have been the fifth time now that Cas stood in front of it, indecisive. Nervous.

Except this time, something was different. Cas could hear music coming from the other side of the door. A guitar, accompanied by words in an all too familiar voice.

 

What do I got to do to my love to make you understand me
Where do I find the piece of your heart to keep you satisfied
What do I got to do to my love to make you even notice
Where do I find the words in my mouth to cut through the air tonight

Cause every day I know that I am learning
And age, it ain’t the only thing in life
But if memory’s all you have then I can’t find you
Beneath those eyes

So we open up the door
Let the music take us further than before
We’ve opened up the door
Cause maybe there’s an angel standing on the porch

 

Cas listened.

There were so many emotions in the way Dean sung, so many things he expressed without saying the words.

Cas listened.

And he watched.

The door hadn’t been fully closed and he could see Dean sitting on his bed, eyes closed while his fingers moved over the strings of the instrument.



How do I face the man that I am when my heart’s still in hiding
Staring me down, the days of my life that I’ve gotta justify
Maybe I need the cracks in my skin, emotions are hard to carry
Maybe I need the strength in your eyes to cut through the morning time

 

Beauty, was the first thing that came to mind. Strong and at the same time so vulnerable. Precious. Cas didn’t dare move out of fear that Dean might notice him, might get angry at him for witnessing such a private moment but he couldn’t make himself leave either. He was bound a spell, cursed to observe the Righteous Man baring his soul while he, he fallen Angel, the tainted creature, would forever stay undeserving of such grace.



Cause every day I know that I am learning
And age, it ain’t the only thing in life
But if memory’s all you have then I can’t find you
Beneath those eyes, yeah

So we open up the door
Let the music take us further than before
We've opened up the door
Cause maybe there’s an angel standing on the porch

 

Suddenly, Dean’s eyes opened. Cas flinched, his instincts telling him to run away, to flee and hide, he expected Dean to stop playing, to tell him to get lost…but he didn’t.

Dean didn’t even seem surprised that Cas was there, just kept playing, eyes fixed on him, sad but at the same time smiling and Cas lost himself in the never ending emerald green and then Dean started singing again, his voice soft, almost tender.


Oh, maybe there's an angel
Oh, maybe there’s an angel at my door
Oh, maybe there’s an angel at my door
Standing up high, taking this light,
Oh, I’m gonna see the shining
Yeah, maybe there’s an angel at my door
Oh, maybe there’s an angel at my door

We open up the door
Let the music take us further than before
Gotta open up the door
Cause maybe there’s an angel standing on the porch

Oh, we gotta fall like we’re behind
Yeah, we gotta fall before we find
Oh, we gotta live like we were poor
Oh, we gotta show what hope is for

 

Cas’ legs carried him further inside the room, without once averting his eyes from Dean’s and Dean kept playing and Dean kept singing and Cas, maybe for the first time in years, felt peace, because in this moment there was nothing that could tear them apart.

There was the promise there. A promise of something new.


We open up the door
Let the music take us further than before
Oh, gotta open up the door
Maybe there’s an angel standing on the porch

 

And Cas was standing right there, in front of Dean, looking down at him while Dean looked up and the last note faded.

They stayed like that for a minute or maybe an hour, enjoying the silence and it was Dean who broke it.

»Did you mean it? «, he asked.

Cas knew what he was talking about, of course he knew and there was no hesitation when he answered.

»Yes. «

It should have been terrifying, except it wasn’t. There was no fear, no doubt in Dean’s eyes as he stood up, only relief and hope and happiness. Cas distantly wondered if he should step away, because ‘personal space, dude’, but he didn’t and Dean didn’t say anything, stepped even impossibly closer. Cas’ heart was beating an erratic rhythm in his chest, as if he had just run a mile to get here and maybe he had. Maybe they’d both been speeding towards this exact moment just to clash here into a million pieces. Or maybe they finally found each other.

At some point, Dean must have moved his hand because it was caressing his face, thumb gently rubbing along his jawline and Cas leaned into the tough, still unsure on how to proceed from here. On how far Dean was willing to take this, acknowledge what had been happening for years.

»Hey Cas. «, the Hunter murmured, lips only inches away from Castiel’s and those two words somehow carried the weight of years of hurt and betrayal, of loss and pain but also of comfort and trust. Of love. And Cas replied the only way he knew how to, »Hello Dean. «.

He lay his own hand on Dean’s, relishing the warmth against his skin and there was a soft pressure against his lips as Dean kissed him gently, like a question. A question that was also the answer.

Foreheads, pressed against each other, the two men breathed each other’s air, content with simply being and it was like the first rays of sunshine after a long winter’s night. Like the rain after the draught.

It’d been five days since Cas had nearly died in that barn but only now did he feel truly and fully alive.