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The Villain Wrangler

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Ivar the Boneless's face is a growl of determination. "If I must be here, in Your Time, then yes, I shall join your alliance of villains. In this time, I shall spread the word that never have our gods been as those who would coopt them say they are. Though I know English, it is only through the corrupt deeds of the--"

The Villain Wrangler nods. "I see. Yes. Exactly. The corrupt deeds of the--yes."

"They are the true conquerors, the conquerors of our gods, and this may only be temporary, for I must save my people, but if I am here, then yes, I join you in your cause."

"I see. Yes. Thank you."

The Villain Wrangler's phone rings. "Ah. Ivar. Yes. Please get acquainted with, ah, your comrades." He steps out of the Villains For Assistive Technology meeting room as someone else takes his place. The Squid Lord traipses over to Ivar on eight legs. "We can update your chair--" he's beginning to say, "So you can get around the city."



"Yes, Arthur. You can't forget dinner tonight at Mom's."

"I'm in a meeting, Dot! A very important meeting!"

"Family still matters, Arthur. Do you want to leave me alone with the feet man?"

"No. No, I don't. I really don't. But you have to be careful calling me. I have to go."

His Make a Wish phone is ringing anyway.

"Yes," comes a voice thick with an Eastern European accent. "I wish you to know that the presence of one young Ivar the Boneless has been requested.



"I see."

"There is a small child who knows she needs a bone marrow transplant and she immediately thought of this Ivar. It is luck alone that he would materialize in our present day reality, and if he has joined you and your consortium--"

"Yes. Yes, he has."

"Yes. This makes sense. For you see, he has always championed the old ways, and being that he himself--"

"Yes, yes, well, and he is a historical figure and so we know... Thank you. I will let him know his presence is requested. Where?"

"Saint Mary's. Two o'clock on Wednesday if you can manage it--her procedure is the next day."


The Villain Wrangler, AKA Arthur, outfits Ivar with a cell phone and tries his best to teach him how to use it. "It has the Internet so if you get bored--"

"It is a cat computer? Yes I have seen this where I stay."

"No, it's a phone, just... if it rings you do this, then you talk. Here, I'll call you."

"In my country the cats eat mice. Here they eat rocks. I do not understand this."

"Listen, you're a historical figure, you're important, people might want to talk to you."

"Ah. Yes. Political negotiations. I rather kill them. But not children. When I was a child, I was spared."

"Yes. Yes, well I wouldn't really know, but I--"

"And my pain was lessened by a healer who had Odin walking inside of him."

"Yes. That's good."

"And so this child."

"Yes, her name is Maria."

"I will go to her."

"Thank you."

"Yes. You are welcome, Villain Wrangler. It is my duty."

"Yes, thank you for understanding our place in the--"

"I will eat up her sadness and do whatever I can to help."

"Thank you, Ivar."