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The Detective

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Name: Obito Uchiha

Age: 32

Occupation: Detective

Likes: Kakashi, his goggles

Dislikes: Madara being captain, unfair treatment of his family.

Number of Days Without A Work-Related Injury: 0

Last Work-Related Injury: Was fought for the last donut by Guy

 

--

 

I Open Windows

 

“Well, it’s obvious the guy came in through the window and absolutely trashed the place,” Obito motions towards the broken window. Below it was several broken shards of glass. The new police captain, Madara Uchiha, looks unimpressed at the observation and sighs. “Do you have anything besides the obvious?” Obito’s eye twitches at that, but he walks himself over to a small spot on the coffee table where a few fingerprints of blood were pressed onto. It is difficult to see due to the color of the table, but Madara can tell that the blood is there.

 

“Explain this to me Detective Uchiha,” he says somewhat plainly. Obito crosses his arms and smiles, “It looks like our robber left a little clue on how to find them. What likely happened was that they entered the house through the window and cut themselves on the broken glass. It seems like they weren’t close enough to the homeowners to have a good way into the home, but they seemed to know what they were looking for since apparently the guy who got robbed lost only the jewelry he recently purchased for his mother’s birthday!” Obito beams in pride at how clever he is in figuring this all out, and Madara simply nods in understand at the scenario.

 

Madara quickly turns to leave through the door when Obito calls after him. “So are we getting our CSIs in here or are they going to have to wait?”

 

“Call them in and meet me at the station when they arrive.”

 

Madara slams the door behind him, leaving Obito inside the house alone. Obito stomps on the floor of the house. God, he hated Madara. Madara is what you’d call someone with a stick so far up his ass, it might as well be his spine. He’s all work and no play, grumpy most of the time, and his husband is the fucking Police Commissioner. Obito doesn’t understand how they could possibly be related at all. But still, Obito continues to suck it up and not bother directly taking action against Madara, and instead tries to slowly learn more about him and prank him a few times. Madara Uchiha is a force to be reckoned with, but Obito isn’t going to take any chances yet. Obito begrudgingly calls the CSIs over to the house to hopefully get some results out of this case.

 

II Sasuke

 

Obito groans internally as he exits into the main room of the station and sees Sasuke handcuffed to a desk with Itachi looking mildly amused. Kakashi soon catches up with him and sees the display too. “What’s happening?” Kakashi asks in a curious manner. Obito shrugs and just watches what’s going on with his nephews. Itachi chuckles to himself and pats Sasuke on the shoulder, and leaves to head off to….well, probably the crime lab to meet up with his (probably?) boyfriend Kisame. Obito moves to the desk where Sasuke is (rather angrily) handcuffed with Kakashi following closely behind. Sasuke looks up at him and rolls his eyes. “So, kiddo?” Obito smirks. “What trouble did you get into this time?”

 

“Nothing,” Sasuke growls in annoyance. “This is old man -- I mean Captain --  Madara’s way of making me do my community service hours for school without actually making me do anything.”

 

Ah, that makes sense. Obito rolls his eyes this time. Madara did the same thing to him before Madara became captain. “You Uchihas do some crazy shit for each other,” Kakashi mutters, and honestly he is right. Sasuke’s parents once offered to help Obito hide a body if he really did kill someone (turns out he didn’t -- he just smacked a drunk guy with a door and he fell over and passed out). Madara punched Danzo in the face for involving the Uchihas in a massive crime syndicate investigation even when it was clear they weren't even connected. The DA heard about the incident and genuinely laughed because Danzo telling her to put Madara in jail just for punching him was fucking hilarious. If the Uchiha family is put on a scale of one to ten for what lengths they’d go to protect their own, they’d be one billion. The Uchihas do not fuck around.

 

“Damn right we do!” Sasuke suddenly exclaims. Obito laughs and rustles Sasuke’s hair, messing it up more than it usually is. “You tell old man Madara I said ‘Bye’, okay? Kakashi and I’s shifts are over.” Sasuke nods but looks at Kakashi with a death glare. Obito sees Kakashi shiver a little before taking his (definitely) boyfriend’s hand. Obito waves a goodbye to Sasuke as they exit through the station’s doors. Sasuke smiles when he waves back at them. Then he yells, “USE PROTECTION!” at the both of them prompting quite a bit of the station to stare. Obito turns red as he runs out of the station, taking Kakashi with him.

 

III The Crime Lab (plus Itachi) Incident

 

Itachi returns from the crime lab smiling, and Obito is instantly suspicious. He drinks his coffee next to the coffee machine and eyes the smile and odd amounts of fondness in the curl of Itachi’s lips. Rin appears next to Obito, and jabs him in the side, nearly spilling coffee all over himself. “What’s up, my guy?” She asks, leaning on Obito’s shoulder with a smile on her face. Rin follows Obito’s gaze to the unusual smiling Itachi, and she starts staring too. “Actually, no. What’s up with him?” She whispers to the man next to her.

 

“He just got back from the crime lab. Something tells me he has something going on with someone there.” Obito continues to stare intently at Itachi. It’s a surprise Itachi hasn’t noticed him yet.

 

Obito begins wondering on how he’ll figure out what the hell is going on with Itachi and the CSIs in the crime lab. “Do you think he’s dating someone in the crime lab?” Rin asks, and Obito nearly chokes on his coffee.

 

“If he is, then Captain would’ve heard about it, and maybe told his parents.” Obito mutters. “Fugaku and Mikoto would’ve told me too.”

 

“What are you two whispering about?” A low voice says behind Obito and Rin. Rin jumps, and Obito drops his coffee mug on the ground, and it shatters, gathering some attention to him. Obito groans and turns around to find Madara there. “You’re going to want to clean that up, Detective Uchiha.”

 

“Well then, Captain Uchiha , I say —” Rin covers Obito’s mouth with her arm and instead speaks in his place.

 

“Captain Uchiha! We were just talking about Itachi,” Rin smiles. Her grip is iron on Obito’s mouth, whose words are muffled. Madara raises an eyebrow and spies Itachi across the room. “Is he — Is he smiling? ” Madara asks, looking confused.

 

Obito tries to nod in response, but Rin does it for him. “According to Obito here — “ she shakes Obito a bit much to his displeasure. “He’s been like that since he got back from the crime lab.” Madara thinks for a moment. “The crime lab huh?”

 

There’s a silent moment between the three of them (or really just Rin and Madara while Obito’s face was covered by Rin’s arms and hands) and Madara turns and says, “Let’s go.”

 

Both Rin and Obito are thrown into confusion. Madara seems to sense the feeling and clarifies, “We’re going to the crime lab, come on.” Obito pulls himself together and releases himself from Rin’s grip and asks Madara, “But why?”

 

Madara smirks. “We’re Uchihas, Obito. We have to give the shovel talk to someone eventually!” Madara begins walking away, and Obito takes a moment to process what he said before running off to catch up to him. Rin follows suit and they go up the stairs to find the crime lab.

 

***

 

The crime lab, Obito notices, is a bit messy, but at least they try their best to keep it organized.

 

Deidara sits at his desk, fiddling with a piece of paper (probably evidence from a case) and Kisame is speaking with Nagato, who instantly sees Rin, Obito, and Madara entering the lab. “Captain,” Nagato greets in a quiet voice. Obito quickly realizes that Konan isn’t in today, so Nagato’s a bit awkward speaking with non-crime lab personnel.

 

But then, Madara says, in a very blunt manner, “Are any of you dating Itachi.” It’s not a question -- it’s a demand

 

Time seems to freeze in the crime lab and Deidara stops what he’s doing immediately. Kisame’s eyes widen (in fear or surprise, Obito has no idea) and Nagato’s eyebrows shoot up. “We…” Nagato looks upwards towards Kisame, who looks at him nervously then.

 

“Don’t know anything about that.” Kisame finishes for him. (Again, nervously. He is very…..nervous.)  

 

Madara glares suspiciously at Kisame and points an accusing finger at him. “I’m watching you,” He presses the finger to Kisame’s chest and leaves Obito and Rin in the crime lab.

 

“So…” Obito awkwardly mutters. “ Are you dating Itachi?”

 

Deidara snickers, and Nagato turns to Kisame with a look that says ‘ Bitch, you better tell the truth’ . Kisame lets out a surrendered sigh, and he nods. “No wonder why Itachi’s been so smiley and weird lately….” Rin thinks out loud, and at that Deidara starts to just cackle, and Kisame’s face just turns red from embarrassment.

 

Obito puts a hand on Kisame’s shoulder, and leans real close to his ear and says, “Hurt him, and the entire Uchiha clan is gonna be after you.”

 

***

 

Text from: Itachi

Message: Okay I guess I kind of deserved that but now Madara brought Kisame into interrogation so he can ‘find out Kisame’s intentions.’ Thanks, I guess.

 

Text from: Itachi

Message: Asshole.

 

IV Madara’s House

 

Rin, Obito, and Kakashi all stand in front of a house in an unfamiliar neighborhood. “This is the place, right?” Obito asks -- somewhat uneasily. The house is surprisingly large and very tidy looking from the outside. It isn’t what they really imagined of Madara’s house -- which is dark, black, and maybe like Count Olaf’s house from A Series of Unfortunate Events except more put together probably. This house however is...pretty normal compared to their imagination. Normal but big. Madara must be very rich, the three of them assume. Rin looks at the piece of paper Madara had written his address on in case they needed to drop something off to him. “This is the place,” Rin assures them. “Should we...knock or something?”

 

“We probably should. I guess we look kind of suspicious just parking in front of the neighborhood police captain’s house.” Kakashi says, opening the door of the car the three of them currently are seated in.

 

Obito sighs and opens the door on his side of the car and sets off to the front door of the home. Rin doesn’t join Kakashi and Obito immediately, instead taking some time to make sure they brought what Madara needed to see. She finally meets them at the door, where Obito and Kakashi are looking at the doorbell with hesitant eyes. “What are you two doing?” Rin asks, holding a cardboard box filled with case evidence.

 

“Wondering if we should push the doorbell or not,” Obito says quietly. Kakashi reaches for the doorbell but pulls his hand back. “Just push it, come on!” Rin whisper-yells at them. The two don’t do anything, prompting Rin to shove the box into Kakashi’s arms, and to press the doorbell herself. The doorbell rings throughout the house from what the trio could hear, and barks are heard throughout the house -- followed by footsteps and an unfamiliar voice saying, “Kaguya! Down girl!” The dog continues to bark, however it sounds more distant. The door opens to reveal a man who is definitely not Police Captain Madara Uchiha. Kakashi, who is standing between Obito and Rin, is mentally given the task to speak to him. “Hello, is this...where Captain Uchiha lives? We have some stuff for him that he asked for and – “

 

“Oh! My husband isn’t here right now, but please! Come in! He only went out to buy some groceries. He should be here soon though! You can wait for him here.” The man in front of them steps to the side to let them inside. Kakashi walks in cautiously, careful not to drop the box he’s holding. Obito walks in after him, and them Rin, who thanks the man for letting them in. The dog - Kaguya, Obito remembers - eyes the three of them wearily and growls at Kakashi when he enters the living room. The dog itself is a small shih tzu, and very very intimidating for a small dog. The man closes the door and that’s when Obito realizes something. Husband? Madara’s married? Obito’s never noticed. Then again, it was never really his business -- but they’re still family. Obito guesses Mikoto would’ve known about it. The man enters the living room behind Rin and asks, “Would you all like something to drink? We have tea, coffee --”  Madara’s obviously “-- and hot chocolate.”

 

Kakashi sets the box down on the couch and asks for tea, and so does Rin. Obito doesn’t ask for anything -- he’s too weirded out by all of this. As the man begins to make Kakashi and Rin tea, Rin asks him something. “Are you really Captain Uchiha’s husband? He’s never spoken about you before, and you look kind of familiar. I feel like I’ve seen you around the station a few times.”

 

The man looks up from where he’s taking out two mugs. “Haha, yeah --  Madara’s never been one to really disclose his personal life to anyone besides his one relative, Mikoto.” Hah! Obito’s suspicions were right. “We’ve been married for thirty-two years,” the man smiles. “I never caught your names at the station either, but I’m Hashirama Senju. Brother of the District Attorney, and a biology teacher over at the high school.”

 

Rin gapes at him, and Kakashi’s eyes widen. Obito is speechless. Madara is, first of all, married to a man who is so sweet he’ll give you cavities, second of all, married to a biology teacher, and third of all, married to the brother of a man who has some sort of mutual hatred for him. “Wait --” Kakashi begins. “Has Madara never talked about us to you? We’re kind of --”

 

“A pain in the ass to him,” Rin finishes for him. Hashirama laughs to himself a bit as he prepares the tea. “He’s always going on about people at the station. He’d say ‘Deidara broke a beaker today’ or ‘Itachi and Kisame keep making out in the hallways.’ Sometimes he’d complain about my brother Tobirama, or complain about one of the ADAs. Quite a few times he’d say something like ‘Those three kids who were under Minato -- I swear there’s going to be hell for them if they do blah blah blah.’” Hashirama tells the three of them. “I’m guessing you three are those kids?”

 

Obito shrugs and finally speaks. “It’s either us or, Naruto, Sasuke, and either Sakura or Sai.” We’re the only ones at the station who really bother him, Obito thinks to himself. Hashirama, ever still smiling, tells them, “You seem like great people -- but that might just be me. Madara. . .he can be a little judgemental upon first impressions. You haven’t told me your names, by the way.”

 

Rin perks up and introduces herself. “Oh. Sorry about that. I’m Rin Nohara. I work in HR, usually. I’m mostly the person who has to keep an eye on these two boys.” She elbows Kakashi and Obito, who flush in embarrassment.  “I’m,” Obito pauses. “Obito Uchiha. I’m a detective along with my boyfriend over here.” Kakashi is somewhat surprised at the wording which Obito used to describe their relationship. Boyfriend, Obito thinks in his head. Why the hell did he say boyfriend?

 

Hashirama sets the tea on the coffee table and sits at an armchair facing them. “What about you, boyfriend of my husband’s apparently annoying relative?” Hashirama asks while putting the mug of tea in front of Kakashi. Kakashi picks up the mug and says, “Kakashi Hatake. Detective and Obito’s boyfriend.” Kakashi grins sheepishly at Hashirama, who sighs.

 

“Something tells me there’s more to you two, but I won’t pry.” Hashirama finishes putting a mug in front of Rin. Rin silently sips her tea, and Obito watches both she and Kakashi. The moment is quiet, and sort of awkward with the silence which fills the room.

 

Well, until Kaguya starts barking like mad and running towards the front door. They all hear the front door unlock to reveal Madara, holding a few bags of groceries. Kaguya is happily barking instead of being super hostile like she was before. He seems to have seen the car that Obito, Rin, and Kakashi arrived in, and yells from the front door, “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, OBITO!”

 

Hashirama stands to help Madara with the groceries but not before talking to the three sitting in the living room. “You might want to leave soon. He’ll get grumpy when he doesn’t have time with me.”

 

The ‘if you get what I mean’ is lost in the loud happy barking of Kaguya as Madara steps further into the house. Obito….did not need to know that. He gets up quicker than he should have and pulls Rin and Kakashi with him. Obito shoves Kakashi and Rin out the door and as he exits, rapidly yelling, “THE EVIDENCE YOU NEED IS ON THE COUCH HAVE FUN BYE!”

 

Madara and Hashirama watch as the three load into the car, and Hashirama waves them goodbye -- and then turns to kiss Madara on the cheek. In return, Madara wraps an arm around Hashirama and actually grins. Obito elbows Rin. “Get moving please. I don’t need to know about the love life, and sex life, of my relatives.” Rin rolls her eyes and begins driving away from the house.

 

***

 

Obito sees Hashirama enter Madara’s office the next day with lunch. They share a kiss, and Obito sticks his tongue out at Madara.

 

Madara flips him the bird. Hashirama laughs.