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i just wanna have fun and (get rowdy)

Chapter Text

irisbest added barryallen to the chat


notcis-co : barry allen?????

pipes : that's literally the name why are you fucking asking

notcis-co : ignoring you

notcis-co : barry from chem?


barryallen changed their username to spACEbar


captaincold : awesome pun

spACEbar : thanks

spACEbar : cisco!!!! omg I had no idea

notcis-co : me neither man wth


notcis-co : how do YOU know each other???

irisbest : excuse u barry is my foster brother?

spACEbar : best friends

notcis-co : the blasphemy

snowflake : you know what this calls for

captaincold : no

pipes : no

heatwave : no

oliverking : no

irisbest : introduction!!

ronnieraymond : INTRODUCTION

lindap : not an introduction pls

spACEbar : what does it call for

notcis-co : OH YES PLEASE

snowflake : an introduction!! :D

bilance : the fact that all these came at the same time determines y'all have no life

bilance : as the captain of this gc I say we introduce each other like proper humans

bilance : but first let me


bilance added eddiethawne to the chat


snowflake : so many newbies!!!

bilance : eddie introduce yourself

eddiethawne : eddie, he/him, 23, bi

ronnieraymond : bi club!!!!! ronnie, xe/xyr, 22, bigender, bisexual, biromantic

captaincold : when will you make bi your pronouns

notcis-co : cisco, he/him, 20, gay, trans

irisbest : iris, she/her, 21, demiro

lindap : wtf cisco you're gay???? didn't you try to ask shawna out the other day

spACEbar : barry, he/them, 20, ace and ??? questioning

bilance : sara, 24, she/her, you wouldn't guess it but bi

pipes : hartley, 19, he/him, gay


heatwave : weird dude

oliverking : oliver, 26, he/him, demisexual

lindap : linda, 23, she/her, lesbian

snowflake : caitlin, 23, she/her, token ally

pipes : yikes

bilance : okay who hasn't introduced themselves yet

eddiethawne : the katy perry song

bilance : ?

eddiethawne : hot n cold

notcis-co : wow

captaincold : wow

captaincold : for that you deserve it

captaincold : snart, 28, he/him, pan

eddiethawne : :)

captaincold : hot is mick, he/him

spACEbar : nothing more?

captaincold : nah he'd tell you himself if he wanted to

spACEbar : I accept that

bilance : why are we such a mess with introducing ourselves smh

irisbest : we fucking suck accept it

notcis-co : yes we do

captaincold : indeed

pipes : I for one do suck

ronnieraymond : hell yeah

lindap : who sucks I do not suck

eddiethawne : the fact that all these came within five seconds

snowflake : hey! we could list what we study next

bilance : NO

oliverking : the semester started a week ago and this gc already is a mess do you want it to crash

irisbest : how did we even get so many members within a week

ronnieraymond : penguins

pipes : explain

ronnieraymond : we huddle like them

heatwave : what did you smoke dude

captaincold : I would like to help barry figure out himself

captaincold : you questioning gender or orientation

spACEbar : uh both actually

captaincold : hm

captaincold : ever sucked a dick?

irisbest : SNART

oliverking : so far 90% of our convos were about dicks

eddiethawne : wow what did i miss in the last week

notcis-co : a lot

spACEbar : I'm ace man

heatwave : never stopped me


captaincold : sucking a cock rt if u relate

pipes : rt

ronnieraymond : rt

eddiethawne : rt

bilance : rt

heatwave : rt

snowflake : rt

notcis-co : rt

irisbest : rt

lindap : rt

snowflake : Linda????????

lindap : there's girls with penises yknow


pipes : *penes

oliverking : even I have given a blowjob

ronnieraymond : say what

bilance : was it tommy

oliverking : who else would it fucking have been

bilance : between laurel, Tommy, me and you why are we such a mess

oliverking : idk id guess Tommy and I are just fuckboys wbu


oliverking : thea?

bilance : had a crush on tommy don't you remember

oliverking : WHAT FUCK

irisbest : who are those ppl

bilance : do you really wanna know

irisbest : yes

bilance : laurel is my sister, tommy is Oliver's best friend and Thea is the half sister of the two of them

pipes : she had a crush ON HER HALF BROTHER




bilance : you don't know half of it

lindap : eye emoji

irisbest : notebook emoji pen emoji

oliverking : for fucks sake

bilance : oliver dated my laurel, they broke up, he dated me, then we broke up, Tommy dated laurel, they broke up, Oliver dated her again, they broke up, we dated again,,,, OH AND OLIVER SUCKED TOMMY’S DICK

captaincold : an important detail

spACEbar : this is so messy

notcis-co : this is worse than a soap opera

pipes : what a fucking telenovela

ronnieraymond : did the two of you just pretty much agree

eddiethawne : there's actually no incest in this I'm impressed

eddiethawne : except for Oliver's sister I guess

heatwave : y'all are weird I hate you

Chapter Text

pipes : anyone else have weird family history

captaincold : hell yeah

spACEbar : yup

heatwave : yes

irisbest : somewhat

eddiethawne : I bet you all have actual real stuff and not semi-incestuous shit like oliver

irisbest : rt

bilance : guy doesn't even know oliver and roasts him. lov u fellow bi

eddiethawne : thx

captaincold : hey iris is your father detective west by any chance

irisbest : yeah why

heatwave : good man

captaincold : doesn't treat people like shit

spACEbar : hang on are you guys

spACEbar : criminals

heatwave : yeah

captaincold : depends on your definition

captaincold : ffs mick

pipes : criminals are usually ppl who commit crimes I'd say

irisbest : tf did you do????

captaincold : theft

heatwave : a few fires

spACEbar : ohhhh you're the guys who were sentenced to go to college

heatwave : and other things yeah

captaincold : I thought cops aren't allowed to talk about people they arrest

eddiethawne : no actually you can

snowflake : doctors can't

spACEbar : they can talk about their patients without saying any names though

notcis-co : so did you guys only fuck up once or

captaincold : what do you think

pipes : is it weird that I'm kinda turned on

notcis-co : why are you like this

ronnieraymond : oh my god

lindap : jesus

captaincold : if you need any help with that hmu

pipes : maybe I will

captaincold : ;)

oliverking : oh my god

oliverking : one time that I'm not here and people are hooking up

bilance : you missed something way better too

oliverking : what

bilance : eddie roasting you

oliverking : rude

eddiethawne : I live to serve

spACEbar : literally

irisbest : what does this mean

spACEbar : he's gonna be a cop

irisbest : NICE

bilance : even got a nickname at police academy

eddiethawne : don't

bilance : detective pretty boy

captaincold : more like detective pretty bi

notcis-co : pretty bi hah


captaincold : I'm better at puns than you are

notcis-co : doubt.png

pipes : png

notcis-co : I am IGNORING you hartley

ronnieraymond : can we just discuss that we have two criminals, an on-going cop and two and a half kids of cops in this chat

spACEbar : I'm guessing I'm the half

ronnieraymond : well yeah

irisbest : Barry's gonna be a forensic scientist

bilance : nice


eddiethawne changed their username to detectiveprettybi


oliverking : may I ask what thieves and arsonists choose to study

pipes : so you've already finished police academy eddie?

captaincold : art history

detectiveprettybi : yeah and now I have to take another criminology class bc life sucks

heatwave : I'm still trying shit

spACEbar : were becoming criminology buds

heatwave : hey should I take criminology

heatwave : could teach those guys something

captaincold : no

detectiveprettybi : no

bilance : no

irisbest : no

notcis-co : no

pipes : wow

ronnieraymond : you know what bothers me

spACEbar : hm

ronnieraymond : why don't I have a funny username

notcis-co : bc nobody can think of one

captaincold : if only you were gay

captaincold : ronniegaymond

ronnieraymond : rip


lindap changed their username to lesbianda


ronnieraymond : really

irisbest : wow

pipes : you’re a loser ronnie

notcis-co : shut up hartley

snowflake : hey

detectiveprettybi : one of these days we’re actually have a war going on here smh

heatwave : HELL YEAH

oliverking : that woulD NOT BE GOOD

oliverking : i have no idea if this came up yet but this groupchat was actually meant to spread knowledge about the lgbt club THAT IM INVESTING FOR please dont screw this up

bilance : oh yeah i forgot to mention that i guess

spACEbar : wait does that mean we’re gonna meet each other

oliverking : that’s the plan

spACEbar : amazing

heatwave : so we can have a fight irl

irisbest : didn’t we establish that u are only here so u dont go to prison

irisbest : a fight would be counter productive i guess

heatwave : ure right

captaincold : thank god the daughter of the guy who arrested us is here

captaincold : what would we do without the one iris ann west

irisbest : … how do you know my second name

captaincold : you dont want to know

spACEbar : are you always get all the data about the people you talk to

captaincold : better be prepared, bartholomew

spACEbar : oh yikes

notcis-co : BARTHOLOMEW

spACEbar : shut up francisco

pipes : i love when someone else tells cisco to shut up

notcis-co : you shut up

notcis-co : both of you

lesbianda : elephant in the room: when will hartley and cisco fuck

captaincold : rt

heatwave : rt

detectiveprettybi : rt

oliverking : rt

pipes : when all my brain cells burnt. It’s a lot so We’d probably die sooner

notcis-co : I HAVE A BOYFRIEND

ronnieraymond : damn right he has

bilance : wtf ur dating

bilance : didnt caitlin introduce herself as ronnie’s gf last week

ronnieraymond : im taking the bi life so far that i have two partners, sue me

detectiveprettybi : wow iconic

ronnieraymond : *biconic

Chapter Text

irisbest : hey guys wanna help me with my essay

bilance : what’s it about

irisbest : parental influence on sexual orientation

notcis-co : oh boy

irisbest : im just gonna go ahead aight

irisbest : who of you all are poc

notcis-co : puerto rican

lesbianda : got some chinese and cherokee in me

captaincold : im half black but whitepassing as hell

notcis-co : my condolences

iriswest : so what the rest of yall is white wtf

bilance : if it helps you in any way my gf is mixed asian

iriswest : okay who OF EVERYONE had at least one absent parent

snowflake : my dad died when i was a child

oliverking : my dad died shortly before i turned 18

bilance : my parents divorced when i was a teenager so idk if it counts?

spACEbar : well u kno bout me

heatwave : my parents died when i was 16

captaincold : im an orphan at heart

notcis-co : what the fuck

captaincold : yeah

notcis-co : im worried dude

iriswest : OKAY AND LAST any siblings? And are they younger or older etc etc

bilance : an older sister

captaincold : younger sister

oliverking : a younger sister

notcis-co : an older brother

detectiveprettybi : that u know of

detectiveprettybi : that was @ oliver


irisbest : someone’s gotta

ronnieraymond : apparently hartley, eddie and i are the only white only children with both parents present. What to do with these news

pipes : my parents are fucking homophobes

notcis-co : but at least they have money

pipes : fucking great im gonna buy myself a pony

bilance : jeez fuck sorry to hear that

captaincold : look on the bright side you’ll probably outlive them

snowflake : im sensing some serious issues here

spACEbar : for real are u ok

captaincold : when i see your username im always okay

irisbest : what the fuck

irisbest : oh my god you fucking broke barry

captaincold : did i

irisbest : yeah he’s blushing terribly and making weird noises

heatwave : he loves causing weird noises

lesbianda : i cant believe snart is obsessed with barry

captaincold : dont blame me he seems cute

detectiveprettybi : rude

bilance : rude

pipes : rude

notcis-co : rude

captaincold : half of you guys are taken

notcis-co : still rude

captaincold : if it helps i like your puns

captaincold : pipes seems like he’d be dtf 24/7 so nice

captaincold : i’ve heard eddie is pretty so like

captaincold : lastly i think sara could cut off my dick without blinking so Hot

notcis-co : you seriously have problems dude

oliverking : is barry okay

lesbianda : i’d leave the country if i were him

captaincold : what the fuck did i do to you

lesbianda : you are a thief who’d like his parents dead and is attracted to people who’d hurt him

captaincold : this is panphobia


heatwave : don’t get him started on the memes

heatwave : one month i couldnt do anything without being rickrolled

pipes : what exactly is even the deal with you two

pipes : like are you dating

captaincold : why are these questions always aimed at me

captaincold : y’all have boring lives

heatwave : id rather light myself on fire than date snart

captaincold : he means that literally

captaincold : we’re partners if you must know

bilance : qpps?

irisbest : aw sweet so qpps

captaincold : hang on

detectiveprettybi : he’s googling it i guess

captaincold : yeah seems about right

spACEbar : hey cisco can i copy some of your lab report

lesbianda : suave

oliverking : lord of distraction

captaincold : welcome back barry :3c

notcis-co : i was hoping to copy yours

bilance : :3c

pipes : :3c

detectiveprettybi : :3c

spACEbar : damn

spACEbar : lets do it together

notcis-co : nice!!!

notcis-co : you should come over then we can watch some star trek too

captaincold : nerds

Chapter Text

spACEbar : oh my fucking god im laughing so hard

spACEbar : the dude in front of me fucking poured energy into his coffee

oliverking : he’s going to die

detectiveprettybi : probably

spACEbar : FUCK i think i laughed too loudly

spACEbar : he just looked at me with a tired look

spACEbar : i hope he doesnt die he’s quite handsome

detectiveprettybi : aw

irisbest : im quitting college

detectiveprettybi : whats up

irisbest : I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO

irisbest : i blame barry for planting this idea in my head

oliverking : where is he even did the guy kill him

irisbest : i sure hope so

detectiveprettybi : savage

oliverking : everyone else is in class probably so uhh can i help you in any way

irisbest : write my next psych test for me

oliverking : the only thing im learning about a human’s mind atm is how to manipulate them into buying into your company

detectiveprettybi : going into family business huh

oliverking : yeah i figured im gonna be prepared for the company

detectiveprettybi : sounds logical

oliverking : also tommy and i are planning on opening a club so

irisbest : how long have you been planning

oliverking : oh boy since we first tried alcohol

irisbest : which i heard is early for rich people

oliverking : yeah,,

pipes : is it gonna be a gay bar

oliverking : nah tommy is too straight for that he’d flip if he couldn’t hit on the girls

detectiveprettybi : bi girls exist

irisbest : he literally had you sucking his dick

bilance : have one straight and one gay club and look which has more profit, i already have an idea

irisbest : wow what summoned you tommy sucking oliver’s dick or the bi girls

bilance : my sister’s childhood friends having sex ofc

detectiveprettybi : i might just love you

bilance : dont let my gf hear that

oliverking : i hate you sara

bilance : why cant exes ever get along smh

oliverking : stop fucking bullying me im gonna smack your head

bilance : oh yeah i wanna see that

detectiveprettybi : i wanna watch too

pipes : and only yesterday we decided snart’s pain kink was weird

irisbest : anyway i want to see a wrestling match at our first meeting

irisbest : when are we even gonna do it

oliverking : idk we should probably talk about it some time when everyone’s here

oliverking : anyway i gotta go i have a date

bilance : oh is dig tagging along

oliverking : not if i can prevent it

bilance : good luck

pipes : who the fuck is dig

bilance : the bodyguard his mum hired for college

pipes : fucking insane

ronnieraymond : who has a fucking date at 1pm

ronnieraymond : like? Who has sex at noon

snowflake : ronald raymond since when do all dates end in sex

detectiveprettybi : your gf is gonna end you mate

bilance : theyve been dating for a year now and meet for lunch almost every day they can behave themselves

pipes : how come we didnt even know oliver was seeing someone

irisbest : is it tommy

bilance : nah her name is felicity she is very cute

pipes : can we go back to the bodyguard like??? My dad has been kidnapped once and its never made him get a bodyguard for me

notcis-co : maybe he hates you

pipes : wow

bilance : idk man moira is getting old and paranoid i guess

bilance : dig even lives in our house

irisbest : your house????

bilance : oh yeah moira bought a fucking house for oliver to live at near campus and we all just moved in with him to save money

detectiveprettybi : smart. Who lives there

bilance : oliver, me, tommy, laurel, dig and once she finished school thea too i guess. And we’re all waiting for felicity to move in too

pipes : that is a fucking mansion

bilance : a small one, yeah

notcis-co : fuck i wanna be rich

lesbianda : rich white ppl is2g

heatwave : i was rich 1 time

detectiveprettybi : how long did it last? For an hour?

heatwave : 3

detectiveprettybi : amazing

irisbest : okay seriously where is barry we were supposed to meet for coffee

detectiveprettybi : handsome killed him i bet 5$

irisbest : i take it back i don’t want him dead :(

detectiveprettybi : i’d meet you for coffee if i didn’t have class now

heatwave : is that ur idea of flirting

pipes : im sensing that actually this chat was created for hooking up only

pipes : i must say i approve

ronnieraymond : y’all are weird

Chapter Text

oliverking : this chat was not supposed to be a tinder substitute jsyk

heatwave : youre fucking lame

oliverking : youRE ACE

lesbianda : we managed to keep the chat silenced for half a day, im proud of us

lesbianda : trust oliver to ruin it

oliverking : why the fuck am i the person everyone chooses to hate

irisbest : idk you seem like you wouldnt get much hate in your life

oliverking : i live with two of my exes and my best friend, i get plenty of hate

pipes : good

oliverking : >:(

notcis-co : hey did barry ever appear again

irisbest : yeah he’s in his room reading

notcis-co : good to know

detectiveprettybi : oh so handsome didn’t kill him

irisbest : nope

irisbest : though the guy must have said something to him bc he seems rather flustered

heatwave : hmmmmmmm

snowflake : ?

heatwave : hmmmMMMM

ronnieraymond : do you know something we dont

heatwave : well maybe idk

pipes : helpful

lesbianda : hey why didnt sara show up when we roasted oliver

oliverking : shes busy having cybersex

oliverking : loudly

lesbianda : amazing

pipes : man am i glad i could just take out my hearing aids in moments like these

snowflake : ohhhh i didnt know you were Hard of Hearing!!!!

pipes : yeah it developed with time, i’m almost completely deaf by now lmao

pipes : if only it happened earlier!!!! My parents would’ve gotten me a cochlear implant and saved me from this agony!!!!

notcis-co : hes being sarcastic in case you can’t tell. The guy loves Deaf culture

lesbianda : okay i have to ask

lesbianda : where do you guys even know each other from. You seem to have a long history tbh

detectiveprettybi : ^

notcis-co : went to high school together and found our mutual dislike

pipes : cisco cant deal with someone being more intelligent than him

notcis-co : no i cant fucking deal with someone being so arrogant about it

pipes : sure thing youre not jealous at all

notcis-co : i really aint

pipes : sure

irisbest : OH FUCK

irisbest : WHAT THE FUCK

irisbest : oh my go you guys

detectiveprettybi : what happened are you alright

irisbest : I SURE AM

heatwave : damn i love being right


pipes : will you ever tell us

irisbest : im chilling in the living room right

irisbest : when suddenly the door bell rings and i go to open it

irisbest : and i, because i do my homework too, recognize fuCKING SNART

ronnieraymond : what

notcis-co : what

pipes : what

lesbianda : what

irisbest : TURNS OUT

irisbest : snart is quite handsome if you get what i mean

lesbianda : no way

irisbest : YES WAY

detectiveprettybi : oh my god?

heatwave : i knew it

oliverking : what is happening now,,,,

irisbest : he’s taking barry out

notcis-co : for REAL

pipes : fuuuuuuck

ronnieraymond : what the fuck i need more bg

irisbest : i open the door, and snart stands there, i recognize him ofc but im frozen in shock

irisbest : and he starts giving me that shark smile and goes, “hello there iris ann west”

irisbest : and im just ?????

irisbest : and he’s a fucker so he goes, “im here to pick up bartholomew”

irisbest : and i still dont manage to get out a word

irisbest : then barry, because he’s a nosy nerd, comes down the stairs to look who’s there

irisbest : and get that: he was wearing his fucking pajamas

pipes : what fuck

irisbest : yEAH apparently he didnt think snart would actually take him out

irisbest : bc barry thought snart didnt even know where we live

notcis-co : ffs barry its fucking snart ofc he knows

irisbest : so yeah it’s already awk af

captaincold : you know gossiping isnt all so subtle when YOU DO IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE

detectiveprettybi : so you’re chilling and waiting for barry to get dressed

captaincold : yeah

pipes : this is so wild how did this happen

captaincold : well barry called me handsome in the chat

captaincold : so i went up to him and told him that the guy with the red bull coffee is not going to die any time soon

captaincold : took him a moment to realize

notcis-co : and then you just asked him out?

captaincold : nah we talked for a while and in the end i was like “see you at dinner tonight”

ronnieraymond : fuck

captaincold : turns out he IS very cute

irisbest : :3c

oliverking : are you talking too or just texting

notcis-co : no answer im assuming that means barry is done

lesbianda : i cant believe barry allen, a knwon baby, is going out with a criminal

pipes : i cant believe snart is taking out an ace person

pipes : idk like

pipes : idk

notcis-co : eloquent

bilance : yknow i hate how everyone thinks just bc someone did something criminal means they’re overly sexual

bilance : like??? Movie villains are either obsessed with sex or “too evil to care about it”

ronnieraymond : how was YOUR sex

bilance : fucking hot as always

irisbest : is it weird that now im feeling sexually frustrated

detectiveprettybi : i could help


snowflake : why the hell are you guys like this oh my god

heatwave : i need a drink

Chapter Text

ronnieraymond : eye emoji

notcis-co : eye emoji

bilance : eye emoji

snowflake : eye emoji

oliverking : eye emoji

notcis-co : whom exactly are we eye emojiing

bilance : barry and snart

snowflake : i want to know if eddie and iris did get down

spACEbar : well iris is not home………..

ronnieraymond : BUT YOU ARE

spACEbar : yea

notcis-co : HOW WAS IT DUDE

spACEbar : why would i even discuss it here like bro it’s weird

notcis-co : >:(

captaincold : srsly why are you all so nosy

lesbianda : can we talk about the fact that eddie and iris totally fucked

spACEbar : lets not go there pls

oliverking : why are we always talking about sex

bilance : i thought you were a fuckboy

oliverking : shut the fuck up and get your laundry out of the washing machine

bilance : ass

captaincold : ah yes domestic life

notcis-co : I can't believe you guys let me starve

ronnieraymond : okay but can we just

ronnieraymond : Snart just randomly showing up on the doorstep of the guy who arrested him

snowflake : yeah what would you have done if the detective has been home

spACEbar : oh my god Joe would have killed you

captaincold : I'd have told him I'm actively trying to become a normal member of society and that going out is a part of that

captaincold : just following my orders

oliverking : he would have killed you

oliverking : detective lance threatened to kill me so often and I was only ever arrested for being awful when drunk

bilance : my dad, amongst over people, just fucking hates you

oliverking : >:/

snowflake : look at snart risking his life for barry #otp

irisbest : my dad doesn't trust guys even without arresting them, you'd totally be dead

captaincold : you wanna bet I can charm him

irisbest : 20$

captaincold : aight

snowflake : IRIS

irisbest : I know I know it's probably dirty money I’d get in return but I wanna see snart deal with my dad



irisbest : you know it

ronnieraymond : oh my god

bilance : was he good

oliverking : THIS IS NOT TINDER

detectiveprettybi : ofc I was smh

irisbest : yeah

notcis-co : amazing

captaincold : where's pipes I'd have thought he'd be jealous af

notcis-co : probably busy writing his lab report in latin

heatwave : haha

notcis-co : I'm not joking

notcis-co : he takes every chance to impress wells

lesbianda : hartley wants to suck Harrison wells’s dick pass it on

ronnieraymond : it's actually probable

oliverking : if only he were here we could finally fucking set up a meeting

lesbianda : I'm impressed that all of us are here

detectiveprettybi : where else would we be it's a fucking Saturday morning

lesbianda : idk bed maybe

irisbest : we've barely been to bed

snowflake : OH MY GOD

ronnieraymond : caitlin snow, token ally and shipping whore

irisbest : did you just call your gf a whore

ronnieraymond : I DIDNT MEAN TO

ronnieraymond : I'm getting silent treatment from both cait and sco if it helps

irisbest : good

spACEbar : are you really abbreviating cisco's name even more

ronnieraymond : one time I called him cis and he flipped

notcis-co : I may be a lot of things but cis is not one of them

bilance : cisco, trans icon

lesbianda : imagine if joe pulled a gun on snart and he popped a boner

heatwave : wouldn't be the first time

lesbianda : oh my god

captaincold : what kind of callout

captaincold : mick I trusted you

heatwave : your mistake

ronnieraymond : mick probably knows all of snart’s kinks

detectiveprettybi : he's probably the reason for most of them

captaincold : not the reason no

bilance : I'm so intrigued by your relationship

snowflake : bitch me too

captaincold : we met years ago in juvie y'all can only dream of knowing someone this well

oliverking : I've known Tommy since we were two we know each other better than anyone else

heatwave : I once had to pull a vibrator out of snart bc he is an idiot and got it stuck wbu

detectiveprettybi : FUCK

lesbianda : back to being a fucking mess

ronnieraymond : I can't believe snart is a bottom

heatwave : he's versatile trust me

oliverking : wow

notcis-co : fuck

notcis-co : guys we have a problem

lesbianda : what's wrong

bilance : are you ok

notcis-co : hartley’s parents found out about him

irisbest : oh fuck

Chapter Text

spACEbar : shit what happened

bilance : is he alright

oliverking : fuck

notcis-co : idk yet he looked like he walked through the rain the whole day so i convinced him to take a shower

lesbianda : why’d he even come to you

ronnieraymond : not the time linda

lesbianda : i didnt mean it like that

notcis-co : he doesnt have anything with him and i think i saw a bruise

captaincold : brb

spACEbar : youre not going to kill anyone

captaincold : but i really want to

irisbest : later maybe

oliverking : holy fuck

snowflake : even hartley doesnt deserve this

heatwave : fuckers

notcis-co : what happened is that the fucking new cleaning lady went through my fucking drawers, found a fucking dildo and instead oF PUTTING IT BACK LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING PERSON SHE TOLD MY PARENTS

notcis-co : and my father went “oh you like things up your ass so you must be fucking gay”

notcis-co : and now im disowned

notcis-co : i dont even have my fucking phone with me

captaincold : i can get it for you

irisbest : snart youre not going to break into the rathaway’s home

captaincold : nobody would even fucking see me theyve never noticed

oliverking : wait what


notcis-co : wow i think i just fell in love

spACEbar : was that hartley or cisco speaking

notcis-co : both

ronnieraymond : wow

bilance : okay i have to ask how come you showed up on cisco’s doorstep and you didnt kill each other yet

notcis-co : i dont have any fucking friends

detectiveprettybi : wow thanks


oliverking : okay let’s go about this rationally

oliverking : did your parents hurt you?

notcis-co : nah

irisbest : cisco said you had a bruise

notcis-co : my mum smacked me but thats it

heatwave : hey can i maybe smack her

lesbianda : fucking digusting

spACEbar : and you have nothing with you?

notcis-co : nope

notcis-co : you know i didnt plan on it

notcis-co : thinking about it i’d have to change the batteries in my aids tomorrow fuck

notcis-co : great im now a poor gay homeless deaf man

oliverking : no you’re not

bilance : yeah you’re not

notcis-co : guys theres no way im going back

bilance : no youre coming to us

oliverking : we have so much space you’re gonna live here

detectiveprettybi : im taking snart and barry and we’ll get you some stuff

detectiveprettybi : anything you desperately need besides your aids and clothes?

spACEbar : why do i have to go

detectiveprettybi : i need snart for the address and intimidation and i need you to keep him in check

spACEbar : fair

notcis-co : hartley ran from the room i guess he’s overwhelmed

notcis-co : bring his phone and laptop too. And his school bag

captaincold : will do

bilance : im gonna prepare a room

snowflake : and your housemates wont mind?

oliverking : pff laurel will probably try to sue them

irisbest : speaking of should i like tell my dad

ronnieraymond : nah let hartley decide about that

irisbest : yeah true

lesbianda : cisco is he alright

snowflake : i guess hartley’s not really used to ppl caring about him :(

irisbest : okay eddie, snart and barry are on their way

notcis-co : hey oliver sara is it okay if he only comes over tomorrow

notcis-co : idk i think he doesnt want to be fussed over atm

oliverking : yeah sure

bilance : dont kill each other

ronnieraymond : you know things only get better when they start fighting again

bilance : okay true

snowflake : this chat existed fro two weeks and we already helped each other out im proud of us

lesbianda : im just glad it’s not worse

lesbianda : i mean its still awful but

heatwave : i still feel like punching homophobes

oliverking : mood

bilance : mood

ronnieraymond : mood

lesbianda : mood

irisbest : mood

snowflake : guys thats no solution

ronnieraymond : babe i love you more than anything but this is a prime example of a hashtag straight ally

heatwave : yeah man shut up

snowflake : okay sorry

irisbest : lets open up an lgbt fight club

ronnieraymond : we want to punch assholes not each other

heatwave : some of us are assholes tho

spACEbar : so hartley meeting snart was an experience

lesbianda : eye emoji

spACEbar : i dont even have the words to describe the amazement on his face when we told him how snart just walked past hartley’s father

heatwave : go snart

bilance : fuck that really sounds amazing

spACEbar : now snart’s lying on the backseat looking all smug because hartley thinks he’s a superhero or something smh

pipes : i dont think hes a superhero stfu

ronnieraymond : well at least snart brought back his aggression

Chapter Text

captaincold : yo oliver where do you live ill bring pipes over

lesbianda : why will you bring him over i thought eddie would do it

bilance : yeah eddie knows how to get here

notcis-co : hes barely left my flat in the two days hartley has been here

notcis-co : i think he finally got the bodyguard he dreamt of

oliverking : uh no offense snart id rather not give you my address

captaincold : oh come on i thought id rather asked you when my usual methods didnt give me anything

captaincold : you know before i call up my friend cooper

oliverking : no idea who cooper is but could you pls not stalk me

captaincold : eddie is busy the whole day and cisco and pipes almost started a fire bc they were busy arguing

heatwave : hah nice

oliverking : ….

oliverking : ill tell tommy to meet you at jitters

captaincold : youre a spoilsport oliver jonas queen

oliverking : i tolD YOU NOT TO STALK ME

lesbianda : oliver youre fucking famous knowing your full name is no hint at stalking

pipes : i cant believe ill meet the infamous tommy

heatwave : ask him if queen is any good at giving blowjobs

pipes : that was the plan

snowflake : hey what does barry say about snart’s new obsession with hartley

captaincold : why should he say anything

snowflake : i thought you were dating now

captaincold : we went out for dinner once that’s it so far

snowflake : wow okay

pipes : besides its not like he fucked me into a mattress

captaincold : yet

pipes : sadly we were just chilling


captaincold : you could always leave


heatwave : wow i didnt know you were an asshole cisco

notcis-co : WHAT THE FUCK

pipes : when am i to meet tommy

bilance : he’s gonna wake up in like one two hours so i’d say at 3

irisbest : who the hell sleeps until 2pm

bilance : tommy merlyn

irisbest : how

bilance : he works at night

heatwave : he a prostitute

bilance : sadly no, just a bartender

heatwave : rip

spACEbar : hey guys

oliverking : hey barry

notcis-co : hey

lesbianda : hi

snowflake : hello

spACEbar : got a favour to ask

pipes : they’re great at favours atm

oliverking : yeah shoot

spACEbar : can yall use they pronouns only for me from now on

snowflake : ofc!!!

lesbianda : sure thing

spACEbar : and like,,, call me bar only

spACEbar : idk gotta try things out

notcis-co : can i still call you man/dude

spACEbar : sure

notcis-co : nice

ronnieraymond : yay!!!! nbs unite

heatwave : hell yea

lesbianda : wait what

irisbest : this is a revelation

notcis-co : next puzzle: micks age

irisbest : hes 29

heatwave : stop exposing me

ronnieraymond : howwww do you know that

irisbest : my dad freaking arrested him

spACEbar : did you steal a file from joe

irisbest : no it was lying on his table when i was at the station

heatwave : what is he doing with my file months after arresting me

irisbest : idk maybe jotting down that youre actually going to college

detectiveprettybi : youre lucky youre not 30 yet then even iris’ dad wouldnt have been able to get soft on you

heatwave : he didnt even go soft on me

irisbest : he gives everyone second chances

captaincold : like i said, good guy

oliverking : i think id rather have been arrested by detective west than lance

bilance : gonna tell him that

oliverking : NO SARA PLEASE

detectiveprettybi : dont get him killed for real making fun of him is too good

bilance : youre absolutely right

bilance : where have you even been the whole morning my fav bi

ronnieraymond : rude

detectiveprettybi : i slept in bc id rather pretend i dont have stuff to do and theni had to shower all on my own because someone left my apartment way too early

bilance : wow thats very rude of iris

detectiveprettybi : ikr

oliverking : are you two dating now

irisbest : fuck buddies ayoooooooooo

detectiveprettybi : nah

detectiveprettybi : <3


bilance : OH MY GOD

bilance : hartley has been here for 5 seconds and oliver’s already shouting at him

bilance : and snart REALLy is quite handsome,

irisbest : ikr

ronnieraymond : what did hart do omg

notcis-co : i hope oliver ruins him


bilance : hartley jsut fucking blinked at oliver and took out his hearing aids without showing any fear

bilance : snart collapsed on the couch laughing


bilance : idk man tommy came rushing inside and shouted at oliver for telling random people they had sex

bilance : now the whole house knows

detectiveprettybi : i feel like your house is a harem any way

spACEbar : rt

bilance : fuck man yall are invited to come over as often as you want this shit is funny

oliverking : im going to sue you all

oliverking : for ruining my life and enjoying it

detectiveprettybi : shrug emoji

Chapter Text

oliverking : is everyone here

notcis-co : I'm here

pipes : I'm sitting next to you

irisbest : hey hartley how is living with a playboy

captaincold : anyone dick you down yet

spACEbar : why are you liked this

pipes : sadly no

lesbianda : step up your game

detectiveprettybi : you could have the threesome of your life but u playing

snowflake : Ronnie and I are here

captaincold : mick is currently trying to charm our porter into letting him have a lighter

captaincold : but I speak for him anyway

oliverking : okay

detectiveprettybi : sara is not here

pipes : she's currently arm wrestling with dig

lesbianda : I'm in love

detectiveprettybi : same

captaincold : I've seen dig and I applaud her guts

oliverking : ANYWAY

oliverking : meet up?

spACEbar : oh PLEASE

notcis-co : bar you already have met like 80% of the chat

irisbest : yeah but not oliver ;)

detectiveprettybi : eye emoji

lesbianda : eye emoji

spACEbar : ppl I have met: iris ofc, Cisco, snart, eddie, hartley, Caitlin

spACEbar : ppl missing: Oliver, sara, Mick, linda, ronnie

notcis-co : okay 60%

notcis-co : Ronnie, Cait, hartley, iris, bar, snart, eddie, linda

notcis-co : that's who I've met

irisbest : bar, linda, Cisco, Eddie, snart

detecticeprettybi : iris, bar, snart, hartley

pipes : Cisco, ronnie, caitlin, snart, Bar, Eddie, Oliver, sara

lesbianda : hartley you absolute legend

snowflake : does mick even really exist

irisbest : yeah

irisbest : doesn't even look half bad

captaincold : I'll pass that on

captaincold : Mick, bar, iris, pipes, Cisco, Eddie, Sara, oliver

lesbianda : snart is the real legend he fucking lives with mick

captaincold : hell yeah

notcis-co : how does that even work

pipes : living together means sharing the space you Live at

notcis-co : thanks I had no idea

captaincold : we live in this apartment building with high security and shit

captaincold : we have to share a room but at least the toilets not in it for once

captaincold : even have a curfew

detectiveprettybi : wow when is that

captaincold : midnight

detecticeprettybi : wow

oliverking : so about the meeting

oliverking : since this is a college bound club we'd have to meet somewhere there

oliverking : from our texting habits I guess we all have the early evenings free

irisbest : how the fuck

pipes : Felicity

detectiveprettybi : who is that

pipes : gf

detectiveprettybi : ooohh

pipes : she's obsessed with tech and also Oliver barely ever puts his phone away so she??? wrote an algorithm or something

notcis-co : wild

pipes : ikr

lesbianda : wow why are you guys so civil

notcis-co : I'm fucking tired

oliverking : what do y'all say about Thursday 7pm

oliverking : pls only speak up if you cant so i dont get confused

detectiveprettybi : you get easily confused huh

oliverking : u have 10mins to say something against it

captaincold : hey iris could you tell your dad the ccpd needs to hire competent people

spACEbar : oh my god what happened

captaincold : mick actually fucking got a lighter is what happened

captaincold : i went to check after him just in time to stop him from lighting a bush on fire

notcis-co : what the fuck

pipes : okay but for real whats with him and fire

captaincold : hes fucking obsessed with it

snowflake : did anyone ever think of getting psychologists for the two of you just asking

irisbest : wow nice ronnie

snowflake : how’d you know it was me

irisbest : cait isnt so fucking blunt

captaincold : we both have to see a shrink once a month

captaincold : things could be worse

oliverking : okay nobody said no we’re going to meet on thursday

oliverking : i still have to organize a room but ill let you know

notcis-co : looking forward to it!!

lesbianda : yeah nice

Chapter Text

lesbianda : is this the calm before the storm

heatwave : you bet

oliverking : is everyone still on board

oliverking : were meeting in one of the geography class rooms

oliverking : just try one and if you see me you’re right

detectiveprettybi : what a description

irisbest : we all know what he looks like so it sprobably simpler than trying to understand how the fuck our college labels rooms

lesbianda : true

notcis-co : and if someone is too early just wait in the hall?

oliverking : thats the plan

ronnieraymond : alright

heatwave : if anyone sees snart before me tell him he’s a son of a bitch and can go die

spACEbar : what did he do

heatwave : fucking emptied about literally anything

heatwave : coffee, bread, my bodywash???

spACEbar : it’s a good bodywash

detectiveprettybi : eye emoji

lesbianda : eye emoji

oliverking : eye emoji

irisbest : eye emoji

notcis-co : eye emoji

spACEbar : leave me alone

heatwave : anyway someone smack him in his fucking head

ronnieraymond : i doubt any of us will dare to but ill do so imaginarily

oliverking : sara would

detectiveprettybi : where is she

oliverking : class

spACEbar : yikes

lesbianda : well i gotta get going see yall later


spACEbar : meeee

irisbest : oliver do me a favour and kiss barry’s cheek once

irisbest : also my mouth

oliverking : i doubt felicity will be a fan of that

irisbest : she doesnt need to know ;)

spACEbar : what are we even gonna do

detectiveprettybi : lord of distraction strikes again

notcis-co : whatever we want man

heatwave : >:D

oliverking : we’re not gonna light a fire

heatwave : >:/

bilance : good news everyone! I found snart

bilance : and hartley

ronnieraymond : what

bilance : in the hallway

bilance : making out

irisbest : damn girl u see it all

pipes : sara lance is a fucking cockblock

bilance : snart was pretty much dryhumping you already stfu

spACEbar : hartley did you really want to have sex in a fucking hallway

pipes : im a sad and horny deaf gay man whos almost homeless let me live

oliverking : youre not fucking almost homeless

pipes : im not on the lease

oliverking : you werent on your parents’ lease either u fcuker

detectiveprettybi : oh oh dad is angry w/ u hart

pipes : u just turned half my dreams into incest

pipes : eddie is obsessed with incest pass it on

notcis-co : whats snart doing now

bilance : probably jerking off in the bathroom

spACEbar : remind me not to sit with him today


spACEbar : well now im definitely sitting with you

detectiveprettybi : does anyone even still understand whats the deal with snart/bar/hartley

ronnieraymond : i thought its obvious that hart is for the sex and bar for wine without dine

heatwave : honestly who the fuck knows

ronnieraymond : and mick kind of is for both? I dont understand

captaincold : just living the life

captaincold : where are yall even

heatwave : id have been there already if i didnt have to stop at a fucking coffeeshop

captaincold : oh hey can you get me one too

heatwave : fuck off

pipes : trouble on cloud 9

captaincold : he’ll bring me one anyways bc he fucking loves me

captaincold : also wtf bar what did i do to you

spACEbar : you probably smell like you just jerked off

captaincold : what if i told you i didnt

notcis-co : too late bar’s chillin w/ me

captaincold : rude

irisbest : and he WILL get a kiss from oliver

oliverking : when the fuck did i agree to this

irisbest : your only concern was your gf you dont fucking mind

irisbest : youll make out with us sry babe

detectiveprettybi : did you just babe him

irisbest : yeah

oliverking : guys we cant turn this into a freaking orgy

oliverking : were a serious club and im losing money on it

detectiveprettybi : ??? would you even notice

detectiveprettybi : youre fucking rich

lesbianda : were four people chilling in the hall now and hart and snart are eyefucking each other again

lesbianda : there comes mick!!! He actually exists

ronnieraymond : but did he bring snart a coffee

lesbianda : he fucking did

oliverking : ill be there in 5

irisbest : eddie bar and i are on our way too

notcis-co : us too!!

bilance : yay!

Chapter Text

snowflake : mick rory, the man, the legend

lesbianda : same ronnie i still cant believe

ronnieraymond : wtf that actually was cait

bilance : amazing

lesbianda : did we all collectively develop a crush on mick

irisbest : yeah

notcis-co : guy’s thicc

pipes : cisquito he could destroy you with one hand

snowflake : cisquito

irisbest : cisquito

spACEbar : cisquito

bilance : cisquito

detectiveprettybi : so much happened last night and at the same time not

irisbest : ikr

captaincold : what was everyone’s highlight

ronnieraymond : the girls all fitting on mick’s lap

irisbest : oliver jonas queen

detectiveprettybi : i cant believe you fell for my arch enemy

detectiveprettybi : youre only using me for sex

snowflake : why are yall ignoring the real big thing

irisbest : eddie honey that was the arrangement

detectiveprettybi : i know

lesbianda : cait do you mean the fact that cisco and hartley spend 3 hours in the same room and both are still alive

snowflake : no i mean the fact that bar and snart finally fucking kissed

captaincold : who said it was the first time wtf

oliverking : bar’s face

notcis-co : ^

ronnieraymond : where is bar even

captaincold : idk they left like half an hour ago

snowflake : WHAT

irisbest : what

lesbianda : holy shit

pipes : im heartbroken


notcis-co : what did mick say about that

captaincold : considering he was like a fucking blanket for the two of us

ronnieraymond : i need more info

ronnieraymond : am i asking for myself or for caitlin who might be drowning herself in the shower

captaincold : we watched a movie together, bar fell asleep and mick decided he’s being a lazy ass

captaincold : hes still fucking sleeping

oliverking : are they home yet @ iris

irisbest : idk man im not at home

pipes : youre at eddie’s place more often than not

irisbest : who said im at eddie’s place

pipes : EYE EMOJI

irisbest : jk i am

captaincold : smh what does our dear detective say about that

lesbianda : look at one of joe’s kids spending the night with a criminal, the other with a cop 2 be

irisbest : tbh i think we all expected it to be the other way around

lesbianda : yeah because bar is a baby

notcis-co : i feel like i should argue on their behalf but they really are

irisbest : im glad my dad’s chill with none of his kids being straight

irisbest : wally was close to having a panic attack when he told me hes pan

captaincold : are you telling me you have another sibling, who’s actually pan and keep them from us

irisbest : he’s a literal baby

irisbest : he’s 17

pipes : aw

oliverking : wtf hartley you’re only 2 years older

pipes : yes but im a fucking genius

captaincold : and horny 24/7

pipes : true

pipes : speaking of

bilance : yes invite snart over for sex when we still dont know where the fuck bar disappeared to after they spent the night together

pipes : well im not saying that was the plan

notcis-co : it was the plan

irisbest : children worry no more i know where our most beloved ace is

ronnieraymond : i thought we agreed that mick is our most beloved ace

irisbest : most beloved nb

ronnieraymond : still mick


irisbest : at home

lesbianda : i sense a story time coming

irisbest : here i sit on eddie’s bed when my dad calls me

detectiveprettybi : *eddie’s dick

notcis-co : oh boy

pipes : oh

snowflake : OH M Y GOD

irisbest : he asked me where i am so i said im at linda’s (sorry pls cover for me)

lesbianda : hm kay

irisbest : and then we chat a bit until he suddenly goes

irisbest : “honey you dont happen to know what barry has to do with leonard snart and mick rory”

irisbest : you fucking idiots

irisbest : your apartment building has security cameras to check if you keep your curfew

irisbest : and facial recognition

captaincold : oh fuck


irisbest : so the fucking alarm on my dad’s phone goes off bc he put one in case we are anywhere we shouldnt be

irisbest : and now barry is grounded bc he obviously wont tell my dad that hes halfway dating a criminal

notcis-co : holy shit

lesbianda : you only have one option snart: you need to leave the country

snowflake : star crossed lovers

oliverking : we dont have a single fucking calm minute here do we

heatwave : who had snart fucking storming out of the room and waking me up

ronnieraymond : scroll up

heatwave : well hes a dead man

Chapter Text

pipes : is it sad i kinda hoped snart would choose to hide here

oliverking : yes what the fuck is wrong with you

lesbianda : so did snart leave the country now

heatwave : he may have a lot of connections but thats off his game

irisbest : guys i dont even dare going home

irisbest : i cant fucking lie to my dad

notcis-co : take eddie with you


irisbest : like i said my dad doesnt fucking trust men which is funny since all his kids are attracted to men

lesbianda : well your dad is fucking clever

snowflake : hey oliver make your tech gf hack the ccpd and look how bad the footage is

heatwave : we just fucking walked into the building last night its not like they were sucking each other’s dicks on cam

pipes : you dont know what they did this morning do you


pipes : ah right

oliverking : why are we even worrying about bar when we know they’re in their room we should be worried for snart

oliverking : the guy has police after him now

irisbest : fine im going home to check if dad’s still there

ronnieraymond : iris ann west

notcis-co : not the hero we deserve

snowflake : but the hero we need

pipes : what the fuck are you people

heatwave : nerds

detectiveprettybi : there she goes

notcis-co : like a shooting star

oliverking : make you wanna play

ronnieraymond : makes all the boys them say

detectiveprettybi : THERE SHE GOES

oliverking : THERE SHE GOES

ronnieraymond : THERE SHE GOES

notcis-co : THERE SHE GOES

heatwave : nerds

pipes : hey mick what movie did you guys even watch

heatwave : return of the dragon

notcis-co : shit is snart into martial arts

heatwave : nah

heatwave : i am

bilance : holy shit

pipes : no offense

pipes : all respect to you being ace

pipes : but i heard you and snart had sex multiple times

pipes : would you mind fucking me too







bilance : youre really upset about this arent you

pipes : yes

pipes : tommy keeps saying im jailbait whICH IM NOT

oliverking : you fucking hit on tommy

pipes : well i figured if he has you sucking his dick

detectiveprettybi : i love how were never living this down

heatwave : one day snart will fuck you

pipes : i hope rather sooner than later

bilance : can we get the house dad to comfort pipes

pipes : NO

oliverking : oh yes i would pay money for that

ronnieraymond : i put my phone away for 5 minutes and hart has a break down

ronnieraymond : who is the house dad

oliverking : dig

notcis-co : i thought he was your bodyguard

oliverking : yeah but hes also very wise and fatherly

ronnieraymond : how old is he

oliverking : early thirties

snowflake : amazing

lesbianda : i want to meet dig

bilance : he’s basically a black mick

heatwave : the fuck

ronnieraymond : THERE’S TWO OF THEM

lesbianda : life is amazing

oliverking : i wouldnt say hes a black mick,,,

detectiveprettybi : dig mick it fucking rhymes

snowflake : hey eddie how far is it from your place to iris’

detectiveprettybi : should have a arrived a bit ago but maybe the detective is interrogating her

heatwave : snart isnt picking up he might already be dead

pipes : youre very unconcerned about that

heatwave : hes a fucking idiot he deserves it

bilance : look at that love

ronnieraymond : #bromance

lesbianda : did you guys ever get new coffee btw

heatwave : shit i forgot about that

heatwave : first he drinks my coffee then he goes awol

detectiveprettybi : dont forget the bodywash


snowflake : can we talk about how bar shared a bed with two people who smell like their beloved bodywash

notcis-co : they deserve it

captaincold : well people

ronnieraymond : HE LIVES

captaincold : i am now officially and exclusively dating bar allen

pipes : NO

Chapter Text


bilance : he’s literally screaming in his room

snowflake : DETAILS

captaincold : did you all think i was a coward wtf ppl

captaincold : i OBVIOUSLY went to talk to detective west and explain the situation

notcis-co : “hey detective i met your kid in a groupchat that talks about sex 24/7 and im going out with them while simultaneously getting shit on with another dude and sometimes my roommate”

captaincold : told him i met bar in the library which technically isnt even a fucking lie right

captaincold : ofc he doesnt trust me bc the guy arrested me while i tried to steal shit at a gala

captaincold : so i go on about how i changed and really want to live a normal life

captaincold : so in response he pretty much asks me if i had sex with bar

bilance : oh my god

oliverking : did he threaten you with his gun

captaincold : hell yeah

lesbianda : how’s the boner situation

captaincold : i told him that i care about bar which again is no lie and he just goes “im keeping an eye on you”

captaincold : mind you all of that happened while bar was still in their room

snowflake : oh shit

captaincold : so the detective bellows upstairs about HOW BARRY YOUR BOYFRIEND IS HERE

captaincold : they were so confused when they came downstairs

captaincold : i now understand what a deer in headlights looks like

ronnieraymond : why does that mean youre actually dating now

lesbianda : joe is going to fucking watch every step he takes

lesbianda : theres no way he could not actually date bar

captaincold : right

captaincold : i mean its not even slightly bad so whatever right



detectiveprettybi : ?? congrats?

notcis-co : insert if u hurt them speech here that totally sounds believable

heatwave : yeah hes fucking scared of you

captaincold : and now to a more stressing matter

captaincold : do yall think this counts as charming the detective

irisbest : it fucking does not

irisbest : you wont get those 20$

oliverking : he was inside your home how do you know he didnt just steal something worth 20 bucks

lesbianda : i love how oliver just cant get over snart being a thief

detectiveprettybi : detective west didnt kill him so i guess its charming

notcis-co : he doesnt trust him tho so no

heatwave : i count yes so snart can pay me back

oliverking : i say no

pipes : i say yes

snowflake : i vote no sorry snart

snowflake : also hey hart you dont shout anymore

pipes : dig threatened me

bilance : it was glorious

bilance : also i say no

ronnieraymond : i say yes

lesbianda : bitch me too every man who isnt shot by joe has charmed him

spACEbar : i guess im obligated to say yes bc i got a boyfriend out of this

captaincold : hell yeah

irisbest : why is the number of groupchat members even

pipes : dig says it doesnt count


captaincold : mick i demand a showdown between you and dig

bilance : HELL YEAH

ronnieraymond : YES PLS

heatwave : kiss my ass

captaincold : im no longer allowed to

pipes : i cant believe snart is an ascetic now

notcis-co : hartley just cant get over it

pipes : well i certainly cant get under it either

lesbianda : i cant believe bar and snart are dating

lesbianda : the poor soul

spACEbar : :)

heatwave : dont be digusting

irisbest : define disgusting

heatwave : … romantic


heatwave : yeah


lesbianda : mick, the legend: aroace nb 29 he/him

notcis-co : thank god this was keeping me awake at night

pipes : im going to dream of mick from now on too

pipes : i wont get my hopes up irl so he cant crush my heart

detectiveprettybi : or your dick

oliverking : then again mick is not sex repulsed form what i gathered

heatwave : nah im not


bilance : ask tommy’s dad he might know where to get a clean one

irisbest : what the fuck

detectiveprettybi : ur families never cease to amaze me

Chapter Text

notcis-co : somebody kill me please

pipes : sure thing

oliverking : what's wrong

notcis-co : I'm flying to a family reunion today and I'd rather die

lesbianda : are they giving you any shit

notcis-co : well they're not exactly transphobic

notcis-co : but they don't get it either

notcis-co : my abuela always gives me money tho

captaincold : saaame my bubbie always gave me money and sweets

oliverking : what the hell is a bubbie

detectiveprettybi : ffs it's a Jewish grandma how can one person be so ignorant


oliverking : I'm sorry she calls her grandma grandma

spACEbar : do you have anyone you get along with cisco

notcis-co : uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh not 100%

detectiveprettybi : 90%?

notcis-co : hell I get along with them all I just don't really enjoy spending time with them

heatwave : then don't go

notcis-co : my abuelo turns 80 I can't just not go there

bilance : damn

lesbianda : I'm sending you all my good vibes

notcis-co : well ANYWAYS I don't know if ill have internet there so I'm wishing you guys a good time

pipes : how long will you be gone tho

notcis-co : till Wednesday

pipes : awesome

notcis-co : thanks

spACEbar : I can't believe you'd leave me alone in chem

notcis-co : sorry man

captaincold : I can take cisco's place in your class

spACEbar : no you'll only distract me

bilance : ;)

captaincold : I can't believe you'd actually want to listen to an old guy ramble about reactions when we could actually have one

spACEbar : you were late for our first official date because you were reading up on van gogh

captaincold : he was a fucked up dude I'm not gonna apologize for that

lesbianda : guys we were saying goodbye to Cisco

spACEbar : right

spACEbar : I hope you have a good time I'll miss you

captaincold : just call if anything goes wrong I'll punch some people

heatwave : we aren't allowed to leave central city you fucker

captaincold : y'all didn't remember that when you thought I was running from detective west

notcis-co : OKAY BYE

irisbest : bye!

pipes : you're never getting over this are you snart

spACEbar : it only happened yesterday

lesbianda : I still can't believe he still lives

spACEbar : last night when i came home joe took me aside and said I should be careful bc it could be a ploy to get back at him

ronnieraymond : I knew it snart is only using bar

captaincold : why do I always get painted as the bad guy

oliverking : thief

lesbianda : “orphan at heart”

bilance : “Sara seems like she'd cut of my dick so hot”

captaincold : okay so I have issues

detecticeprettybi : the glorious time he didnt take shit from hart’s parents tho

snowflake : I think it's remarkable he actually faced Joe

heatwave : self destructive tendencies

captaincold : et tu brute

spACEbar : leave my boyfriend alone

captaincold : :3c

lesbianda : … that's almost cute

ronnieraymond : did you guys just get Linda's approval

captaincold : hell yes

captaincold : bar come make out with me to celebrate

spACEbar : omw

snowflake : wow

irisbest : they actually left the house kflflf

oliverking : THAT REMINDS ME

oliverking : hartley how far are with your essay

pipes : not very why

oliverking : fuck

oliverking : mom's coming over tomorrow and I doubt she'd enjoy having to listen to your music

bilance : you others must now that productivity for hartley means to take out his aids, put some pop punk on as loud as possible and ignore the world

pipes : the vibrations help me concentrate shut up

detecticeprettybi : the vibrations ;)

lesbianda : hartley needs to finally get laid

pipes : Find Me A Man

pipes : other than that whatever then I'll just go work somewhere else

ronnieraymond : they won't let you listen to music in the library

pipes : who said anything about the library

detectiveprettybi : Where are you planning to go

pipes : well i heard cisco's apartment is empty for a few days

heatwave : someone meet me for coffee i want to talk shit about snart

lesbianda : hell yeah I'll be there in 30

ronnieraymond : Hart I will not give you the key to cisco's apartment

pipes : I don't need a fucking key

oliverking : okay then I don't have to explain why this house gets more and more inhabitants

snowflake : I doubt your mum would be pissed that you took in someone fleeing from their homophobic parents

bilance : honestly we don't know

bilance : you never know with moira

detectiveprettybi : she sounds like a really interesting woman

bilance : you dont know half of it

oliverking : one of these days tommy is gonna kill hartley

irisbest : what did he do

oliverking : kissed his cheek before he left

oliverking : tommy is just gaping into the direction of the door

detectiveprettybi : I LOVE HARTLEY

oliverking : great would you please have sex with him so he finally calms down

ronnieraymond : is he actually going to cisco’s place omg

bilance : he definitely took enough shit with him

bilance : haha omg tommy started screaming in high pitched voice

snowflake : what is he saying

bilance : nothing just a long loud and annoying AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

irisbest : ah yes

bilance : [image attached]


ronnieraymond : fuck thats worth it

ronnieraymond : please dont destroy anything that cisco owns @ hartley

bilance : im sure you only gave him ideas now

Chapter Text

spACEbar : so did hartley fucking break into cisco’s flat

ronnieraymond : no idea if he hasnt responded until 8 im gonna go check

spACEbar : sounds reasonable

bilance : that was a long make out session

spACEbar : did tommy ever calm down

oliverking : bar allen - lord of distraction forever and always

captaincold : yall are so fucking nosy if i want to snog my datemate for hours let me fucking do it

detectiveprettybi : we did let you do it

oliverking : otherwise yeah tommy stopped screaming

oliverking : still mutters under his breath

snowflake : hes not like offended by hart is he

oliverking : nah hes just annoyed and maybe embarrassed idk

ronnieraymond : sweet

spACEbar : and linda and mick really are out together?

captaincold : well he definitely left the room before you arrived

bilance : why are you two texting

spACEbar : im on my way to family dinner whICH IM LATE FOR

detectiveprettybi : omg did the detective scold you two

captaincold : no thank god it was iris who called

spACEbar : leonard snart, certified idiot, fucking picked up MY phone

snowflake : oh my god

ronnieraymond : just be glad it wasnt the detective

oliverking : he’d have killed you

captaincold : well he must have already seen that bar was here so like

bilance : oh right

bilance : does anyone else think its really creepy the detective actually keeps watch on you

spACEbar : well the camera is installed anyway

detectiveprettybi : yeah but doesnt he have an alert for you and iris

detectiveprettybi : thats probably a disrespect to privacy

bilance : especially since youre off age

oliverking : yeah but bar’s not even 21 yet isn’t that still like an arguable zone

captaincold : oh my god

captaincold : bar youre only 20

ronnieraymond : did you actually fucking forget

captaincold : our age difference is so big i didnt fucking realize

snowflake : i doubt its actually problematic

ronnieraymond : yeah you know what would have been weird

ronnieraymond : mick/hart

ronnieraymond : ten whole years

bilance : this is getting way too real here can we switch topics

spACEbar : yes thank god

oliverking : what superpowers would yall love to have

captaincold : time travel

bilance : hmmmm languages

spACEbar : teleportation so i can be on time once

snowflake : good question

snowflake : getting the right diagnosis with only one glance?

oliverking : id go with invisibility tbh

ronnieraymond : smart since youre freaking famous

ronnieraymond : id like to uhhhhh have xray vision

captaincold : mick would want to be a fucking flamethrower i tell you

detectiveprettybi : fuck

detectiveprettybi : endless stamina my friends

bilance : oho

detectiveprettybi : necessary for being a good cop

bilance : sure. for being a cop.

spACEbar : okay guys I'm heading inside wish me luck

ronnieraymond : who wants to bet they're  getting grounded again

bilance : well do you expect them to say “sry for being late I was busy making out with Leonard Snart"

bilance : they'll be grounded for not saying anything yet again

oliverking : this is ridiculous the poor kid has less freedom than me and i have a fucking bodyguard

captaincold : bar’s just not as smooth a liar as iris is

detectiveprettybi : Mission Free Bar Allen

captaincold : I vote that Linda has a stern talk with the detective

bilance : why Linda

captaincold : a) she knows him b) she likes him c) he doesn't fucking want her dead

snowflake : so he does want you dead

captaincold : probably

ronnieraymond : well guys I'm gonna head to cisco's apartment

detecticeprettybi : good luck

lesbianda : snart you're a fucker and I will not talk to Joe for you

captaincold : whatever Mick told you was nothing but lies and slander

snowflake : do it for bar

lesbianda : I'm still not sure about their whole relationship like?? If joe hadn't happened snart would still be playing

captaincold : bar didnt fucking mind

captaincold : also it would have gotten real sooner or later anyway

snowflake : AW

bilance : awwww

detectiveprettybi : snart actually has a fucking crush on bar I can't believe

captaincold : shut up im dating them

oliverking : hey Linda what dirt did you get on snart

lesbianda : not much

lesbianda : where I thought I'd get embarrassing childhood stories I got complaints about what a terrible roommate he is

snowflake : well they did only meet in juvie

lesbianda : Mick's greatest concern is that snart actually makes him eat vegetables

detectiveprettybi : someone tell the detective about what a good human being snart is

captaincold : I'm actually a vegetarian

oliverking : suddenly I see you in a whole different light

oliverking : snart probably stole shit bc he thought it meant recycling

bilance : who are you to fucking roast snart

detecticeprettybi : yeah detective west is the man for that job

lesbianda : or one of these days Mick is gonna do it literally

ronnieraymond : hartley isn't in cisco's flat

ronnieraymond : also doesn't look like he's been here

heatwave : he could be sitting in the forest or smth who the fuck knows

oliverking : that sounds so unlike him

snowflake : I just hope he's alright

bilance : his parents decided it would be better to pretend he never existed so I don't think they'd go after him

captaincold : holy fuck I'm going

lesbianda : if you commit a murder Joe really won't let you date bar

captaincold : damn

ronnieraymond : anyway I'm going back home axel sounds like he's destroying his flat and I'd rather not be here for that

bilance : who's axel

snowflake : cisco's neighbour

heatwave : I hope that destruction involves an explosion

detecticeprettybi : mick no

heatwave : Mick yes

Chapter Text

notcis-co : do you ever just ruin a kid's education

bilance : hey there Cisco how are things

notcis-co : this girl tapped my shoulder and starts “hey miss--”

detecticeprettybi : oh fuck sorry

notcis-co : I turn around and she obviously sees that I'm not a girl



notcis-co : so I told her all about how her parents are raising her wrong and that you can have whatever hairstyle you want

notcis-co : even told her boys can wear skirts too

lesbianda : fighting heteronormativity one step at a time

oliverking : fucking hero

notcis-co : she told me she actually wants short hair but thought she couldn't get it

snowflake : oh no :(

notcis-co : anyway give me a few minutes while I catch up on what I missed

notcis-co : I love bar/snart I'm a big fan

captaincold : at least one person

snowflake : hey what about me

captaincold : you're on board with everything

lesbianda : Cisco is that all you have to say

notcis-co : yeah

ronnieraymond : I'd have thought you'd want me to defend your apartment for the rest of the night in case hart comes around after all

notcis-co : nah its fine last time he was there he behaved himself too

lesbianda : wtf youre actually trusting him

lesbianda : character development

notcis-co : he just shouldn't put on his music too loudly bc as much noise as axel makes he's a fucking asshole who'd like me thrown out

lesbianda : again, you're only giving him ideas

notcis-co : if he does get me thrown out I'll just move into the house too and make his life hell on a daily basis

bilance : sounds more like a plan

captaincold : welcome to the fucking 90s bar just sent me an email

captaincold : they're all grounded and Joe took their phones

captaincold : even the baby brother

notcis-co : what the fuck did they do

captaincold : apparently iris did say it's weird Joe keeps an eye on them at all times

captaincold : Wally agreed

captaincold : and bar is fucked because they “chose me over family time”

lesbianda : fine I'll talk to Joe but only because this is ridiculous

lesbianda : I'll chat him up at the station tomorrow

oliverking : but Joe doesn't like… punish them does he

detectiveprettybi : he's a cop ofc not

captaincold : that doesn't guarantee good parenting trust me

captaincold : but no I think he's really a good guy just a little overprotective

notcis-co : understandable

notcis-co : okay ppl I'm leaving the airport as we speak goodbye free wi-fi you were good to me

bilance : enjoy yourself!!!

ronnieraymond : dont forget to call tonight!

detectiveprettybi : absent members at this point: cisco, bar, iris, pipes and so far mick?

captaincold : hes napping

bilance : aw

lesbianda : he said he didnt get much sleep bc snart keeps talking in his sleep

captaincold : THAT FUCKER

ronnieraymond : oh ym god what about

lesbianda : lately bar

snowflake : DJFKLFLFLF

bilance : holy shit

oliverking : /snart/

ronnieraymond : maybe snart is contemplating leaving the country after all

bilance : i wouldnt put it past him

bilance : snart, being caught with a feel: [throws himself into a vortex]

lesbianda : probably



oliverking : OOHHHH


detectiveprettybi : SO


pipes : I

pipes : JUST

pipes : HAD


bilance : FOR REAL

detectiveprettybi : AY CONGRATS

captaincold : woah what with whom

lesbianda : maybe he’ll fucking calm down now

pipes : with cisco’s neighbour lmao


ronnieraymond : WAS YOU GUYS HAVING SEX

pipes : well yeah

detectiveprettybi : fuck

pipes : guy’s kinky

pipes : there might be a hole in his wall now im not sure

captaincold : holy shit

captaincold : one day pipes

captaincold : one day

lesbianda : SNART

captaincold : i didnt say anything

pipes : anyway hey ronnie tell cisco thanks for texting me where to find a key

pipes : makes the whole thing easier

oliverking : i cant believe you fucked cisco’s neighbour

pipes : technically he fucked me

snowflake : why is this chat like this

ronnieraymond : please dont have sex in cisco’s flat

pipes : im not an asshole

detectiveprettybi : eh

pipes : okay i might be but cisco’s flat is safe

lesbianda : weve waited so long for this to happen and now it’s finally done

lesbianda : i hope it keeps you from the next breakdown

oliverking : oh boy me too

bilance : hey hartley did you really spent hours having sex when youre deadline is at noon


captaincold : at least you might be able to concentrate now

Chapter Text

lesbianda : this chat has been silent for more than 24 hours are you guys okay

bilance : we had ollie’s mum over

irisbest : i only got my phone back like ten minutes ago and tried to catch up

spACEbar : ^

oliverking : hey guys we missed you

irisbest : hey hartley congrats on the sex

oliverking : hes still @ cisco’s place i think

oliverking : or at axel’s

irisbest : amazing

spACEbar : anyone seen snart he doesnt answer me

lesbianda : nope

bilance : haha did you read THAT HE DREAMS ABOUT YOU

spACEbar : that might be the reason i wanted to talk to him…………

oliverking : more like make the fuck out with him?

lesbianda : hey bar do you actually call him snart

spACEbar : uh not all the time

spACEbar : around other people yeah

bilance : imagine if your first name was your pet name

lesbianda : mick calls him lenny sometimes


irisbest : this is so cute what the fuck

oliverking : where’s caitlin she’d flip out at this

bilance : who the fuck knows

bilance : oh that reminds me

bilance : if anyone wants to get smashed tonight come over we’re hosting a birthday party

spACEbar : it’s a monday

lesbianda : bar youre literally dating a criminal i would have thought you’d be more adventurous

spACEbar : i feel like nobody here ever has classes wtf

irisbest : whos birthday is it

lesbianda : apropos classes gotta go

oliverking : ray, a friend of ours

bilance : felicity’s ex

irisbest : why do you guys all stay friends with your exes wtf

bilance : were a lovely bunch

oliverking : hey linda don’t forget what you promised snart

lesbianda : yeah, in my break

bilance : awesome

bilance : we gotta go to we have to prepare shit

irisbest : good luck!! Ill definitely come

spACEbar : iris we literally just got out from being grounded

irisbest : lol im sure snart will want to show up for a few hours too as soon as hes heard about this

spACEbar : correction mick will want to stop by and snart has to keep him in check

irisbest : still meaning he’ll be there so you’ll probably also be there

spACEbar : … maybe


spACEbar : see

heatwave : also snart’s actually on his way to your place

heatwave : figured youd be allowed to leave again

spACEbar : oh fuck im not even home

irisbest : im sure i can keep him entertained

spACEbar : give me ten minutes

captaincold : where the hell are you

heatwave : my fav /running/ gag is bar having to run from one place to the other

spACEbar : getting new lenses for my microscope

captaincold : i cant believe youd choose that over me

spACEbar : shut up i need them for tomorrow

irisbest : love birds <3

captaincold : hey but the detective is not at home is he

irisbest : no you can just ring the bell ill let you in

captaincold : aight

oliverking : hey guys can you explain to pipes why its not okay to just adopt a street rat

heatwave : let the kid have a pet he doesnt have anything else


heatwave : fucking rich boy

irisbest : did he really just bring one home

oliverking : yeah

pipes : his name is shriek and i dont wanna give him up

oliverking : i beg you im gonna go and buy you a house rat tomorrow

oliverking : you didnt even fucking bath it first

snowflake:  hartley that’s really not hygienic or healthy

snowflake : oliver’s right you should get one from a pet shop

pipes : fine

pipes : but only because you didnt say only because they’re “disgusting”

detectiveprettybi : where did you even get it

pipes : chilled in axel’s flat


irisbest : he actually took axel who lives in axel’s flat

snowflake : and i sure hope they used condoms

pipes : ofc im not an idiot

snowflake : im glad

detectiveprettybi : hey does anyone wanna join me in gym im bored

heatwave : im not a member

detectiveprettybi : first three times are for free

heatwave : heck yes im in

pipes : enjoy the view @ eddie

bilance : okay who of yall comes tonight

pipes : me obvsly

irisbest : me!

irisbest : apparently mick, snart and bar too

irisbest : and since he’s hanging out with mick im guessing eddie too

snowflake : i have to study and idk if ronnie will come

snowflake : xe’s currently in a call with cisco so i cant ask

lesbianda : okay lmao joe says hell give you guys a lil more space

lesbianda : also he said he doesnt trust snart and bar should dump him as soon as possible

lesbianda : but he wouldnt argue anymore if bar’s dad is ok with them

irisbest : YOURE THE BEST

irisbest : hang on

captaincold : HAHA NICE

captaincold : bar’s dad fucking loves me

irisbest : wait what

pipes : what

lesbianda : what

snowflake : WHAT

lesbianda : also how come youve been absent the whole time but as soon as i write this

irisbest : i shouted at them to check the chat

irisbest : were all still in the house ya know

captaincold : lmao i met henry already and were kinda friends?

snowflake : what

captaincold : life works in mysterious ways

spACEbar : they met in prison dont even ask me

captaincold : i didnt even realize until i saw a picture of him in bar’s room

irisbest : your background check sucks

captaincold : jokes on you i never did one on bar

captaincold : just kept the illusion alive

captaincold : you others though…

lesbianda : well then congrats on being allowed to date

lesbianda : also congrats on you all for your freedom

spACEbar : thank you linda!

irisbest : thank you linda!

captaincold : thank you linda!


ronnieraymond left the chat

pipes : what did just happen

Chapter Text

spACEbar : what

irisbest : where did xe go

lesbianda : did we do anything

captaincold : honestly i have no idea what about the last conversation should have been more scandalous than before

pipes : ??????? caitlin????

pipes : maybe the chat fucked up or xe pressed a wrong button

lesbianda : the only person who more than tolerates hartley! no!

pipes : wow

lesbianda : love ya

captaincold : wlw/mlm solidarity is real

spACEbar : but seriously?

captaincold : oh i see we’re discussing conspiracy theories in person now

lesbianda : really

captaincold : yeah iris came in, flung herself on bar’s bed and now they’re discussing what could have happened

captaincold : regardless of the fact that we were lying here

lesbianda : iconic

pipes : seriously tho what happened

oliverking : im gone for an hour and someone left the chat you guys are amazing

irisbest : bar is currently calling caitlin

pipes : i tried calling ronnie but xe won’t pick up

irisbest : she won’t pick up either hm

bilance : maybe they are … busy

bilance : and accidentally pressed a button yknow like a butt dial

captaincold : it would be impressive if it really went off like that

snowflake : everything’s fine ronnie just needs a bit of space

pipes : is xe alright

snowflake : not really but xe will be don’t worry

spACEbar : :( <3

snowflake : ill probably be gone for a bit too see you around

oliverking : take care!

irisbest : man i hope xe’s feeling better soon :(

lesbianda : would it be tactless to change the topic

irisbest : idk what do you want to talk about

lesbianda : i still cant get over the fact that hartley finally got laid

captaincold : and not even by me

irisbest : AWWWW he wrote that and when bar read it he gave them a peck on the lips

oliverking : how is it that bar and fucking leonard snart actually have a cute relationship

lesbianda : hell if i knew

pipes : im still on an orgasmic high

bilance : how often did you guys go

pipes : honestly i dont know where one round ended and the next started

irisbest : amazing

irisbest : can people with penes get a uti

pipes : no idea but im glad you used the right plural form of penis

irisbest : i never use the wrong form of penis

bilance : ;)

oliverking : okay guys thing is starting in an hour if any of yall give a shit about punctuality

irisbest : shall we bring anything

pipes : oliver bought more than enough of everything so you definitely dont have to bring the stereotypic wine

spACEbar : people bring WINE to parties????

spACEbar : nevermind i was just enlightened that that is a fancy rich thing to do

oliverking : does snart know this from heists

irisbest : probably

detectiveprettybi : mick and me will come right around once we dont smell like sweat any more

bilance : showering together huh

pipes : snap a picture and ill give you 50$

oliverking : he doesnt even have 50$

detectiveprettybi : do yall think im as much of a perv as you all are

detectiveprettybi : anyway see you later


Chapter Text

oliverking changed their username to oliverqueer


irisbest : eye emoji

detectiveprettybi : eye emoji

pipes : eye emoji

lesbianda : eye emoji

oliverqueer : i think i like men

detectiveprettybi : WHAT HOW WHY WHEN

pipes : eyE EMOJI

bilance : lmao he fucked ray last night

lesbianda : what.

bilance : it was very audible in the whole house

irisbest : wtf hartley did you stay at axel’s again

pipes : no im fucking deaf at night and right now i regret it more than ive ever done

detectiveprettybi : I NEED DETAILS

oliverqueer : well ray had a very creative idea of a birthday present

oliverqueer : it was a threesome with felicity and me

detectiveprettybi : that really

detectiveprettybi : is a dream

bilance : ill be honest i did have that dream once

irisbest : holy shit???

oliverqueer : so yeah it was nice and I MIGHT LIKE MEN

pipes : well that leaves us with one question

detectiveprettybi : so are you bi

pipes : top or bottom

oliverqueer : i

oliverqueer : honestly ill just go with queer for now idk

detectiveprettybi : no bi club medal for you then


lesbianda : for fucks sake hartley

lesbianda : how difficult can it be to be a bit more normal

oliverqueer : um so far top

pipes : hnnnnnnnnnnnNNGGKGKGNNNNNNG

bilance : great! you broke hartley!

captaincold : i hate this curfew i would have loved to see raymond try to flirt with you

bilance : nobody noticed because he makes fucking heart eyes at oliver all the time anyway

detectiveprettybi : woah but a freaking threesome like the rich guys get it all

captaincold : i wouldnt call me rich

detectiveprettybi : why am i not surprised you had a threesome

lesbianda : was it one that included mick

bilance : im just gonna go ahead and assume that ronnie/caitlin/cisco had at least one threesome too

captaincold : it might have been

lesbianda : OF COURSE IT WAS

pipes : everyone go list your dream threesome with people in this chat

detectiveprettybi : sara/iris

captaincold : sara/mick

bilance : snart/iris

irisbest : oliver/eddie

pipes : snart/cisco

oliverqueer : uhhhhhhh eddie/snart

lesbianda : iris/sara

spACEbar : if i HAD to have one i’d go with snart/oliver

irisbest : I KNEW IT

irisbest : bar is thirsty for oliver jonas queer pass it on

lesbianda : HANG ON A SECOND

lesbianda : HARTLEY

detectiveprettybi : hoyl, shit??? Ha rtley


pipes : have you guys ever heard of something so wonderful as hate sex

lesbianda : fucking amazing

captaincold : can only recommend

spACEbar : i cant believe oliver likes men

spACEbar : and nobody can profit of it except felicity is down for it too

detectiveprettybi : i cant decide if its a good or a bad day for society

spACEbar : anyways i gotta go garrick will have my head if im late

irisbest : dont forget to take clear notes so cisco can copy them!

spACEbar : yeah right

captaincold : hey can I come around at the house I'm bored

bilance : sure thing

pipes : I just wanted to ask if someone thinks it's a bad idea if I went to check up on Ronnie irl

lesbianda : Caitlin said everythings alright so I don't think you need to

pipes : good because now that snart comes over I don't want to any more

detectiveprettybi : Hartley if snart values his life in any way he won't have sex with you

pipes : fuck off we've hung out already without having sex I might just enjoy his company can you imagine

lesbianda : with you? Not really

pipes : why aren't we hating on Oliver any more

lesbianda : it got old plus he lets you fucking live in his house

detectiveprettybi : yeah have a little respect for your father


captaincold : I'll be right over

detectiveprettybi : where's Mick even

captaincold : he decided that today is the day to check out chem


bilance : they're using fire in chem why did you think thats a good idea

captaincold : bar is able to talk him out of it

captaincold : I hope

oliverking : I hope you won't be responsible for the deaths of both your datemate and partner

captaincold : well fuck same

pipes : Garrick is fast when it comes to putting out fires tho it'll be fine

detectiveprettybi : I'm more afraid the house will burn down with Sara, snart and Hartley chilling together

captaincold : the truth is I need to see a post-threesome Oliver queen

bilance : if you hurry up you'll be in luck both bathrooms have been in use ever since he got up

detectiveprettybi : … you know what

detectiveprettybi : I'm stopping by too

lesbianda : one of these days your thirst is gonna be the end of you all

bilance : why are you never thirsty

lesbianda : well if you took a pic of you post sex I might just be

bilance : that could be arranged

lesbianda : THANKS

Chapter Text

notcis-co : here I am

spACEbar : CISCO!!!!

notcis-co : WHAT did i miss

lesbianda : bar and snart are allowed to date without either fearing for their life, Oliver had a threesome and snart and Eddie went to the house just to get a look at him afterwards, Oliver now likes men, Hartley had sex with your neighbour and is gonna adopt a rat

detectiveprettybi : Ronnie left the chat? do you know anything about that

notcis-co : well yeah

notcis-co : I broke up with xem

lesbianda : oh shit

spACEbar : shit are you alright

detectiveprettybi : what why

pipes : cisco you're a fucking idiot

pipes : like???? Why'd you dump ronnie the guy is hot and sweet

notcis-co : yeah no shit

notcis-co : no offense but I'd rather not discuss it in this fucking groupchat

spACEbar : I'll be over with ice cream give me half an hour

notcis-co : <3

heatwave : kinda forgot the tiny one even existed lmao

pipes : how can you forget Cisco

lesbianda : aw

pipes : I mean he's annoying enough

lesbianda : you do remember you said you wanted to have sex with him

pipes : and I said hate sex

pipes : he's still annoying

heatwave : in case anyone cares chemistry class is boring

heatwave : I couldn't even burn anything yesterday

lesbianda : you know if i didn’t know him i’d wonder how snart puts up with you

pipes : where is he even

heatwave : class

detectiveprettybi : cant believe

pipes : and where is the rest of the gang

detectiveprettybi : iris is shopping

detectiveprettybi : ronnie and cait are still gone

detectiveprettybi : and you live with the others

pipes : i havent seen oliver the whole day

pipes : and sara and laurel are out idk for what

lesbianda : how’s your tommy situation

pipes : [image attached]

pipes : quite good i dare to say

detectiveprettybi : HE DOES YOGA WHAT THE FUCK


heatwave : aw what would iris say

detectiveprettybi : it was great while it lasted, but i gotta gay

pipes : beautiful

lesbianda : is this the real life

pipes : is this just fantasy

heatwave : hey pipes do you actually think you have a chance with him now lmao

pipes : ive always had a chance wtf

detectiveprettybi : have you though

pipes : wow

pipes : im actually hurt

detectiveprettybi : dont cry

pipes : as if id shed a single tear over you

lesbianda : mick’s just here to start shit

lesbianda : gotta say i approve

heatwave : speaking of anyone wanna go out and get smashed

lesbianda : hell yeah

pipes : yes!

detectiveprettybi : hartley you dont get any alcohol

pipes : im a homeless deaf gay man i can do whatever i want

lesbianda : not sure thats how it works but alright

detectiveprettybi : …. Fine

detectiveprettybi : im in

heatwave : if anyone wants to join well be at saints & sinners

detectiveprettybi : anyone concerned that we go out to drink in the middle of the day?

heatwave : never too early for a drink pretty boy

irisbest : did you guys really go out

lesbianda : myabe

pipes : sna rt and  cisoc jaoined us its fgeat

oliverqueer : where did you leave bar

spACEbar : im at home

spACEbar : figured joe wouldnt like me, a 20yo, chilling in a gay bar

pipes : im bhrer too

lesbianda : i thoguth joe doens t stlak you anymroe

spACEbar : yes but he’d probably hear about me being found there don’t you think

lesbianda : true

pipes : snart misses yuo

oliverqueer : aw

spACEbar : i hope he knows not to forget about his curfew

captaincold : i’m the only responsible here bar

spACEbar : why dont i believe that

captaincold : okay in contrast to the small/young crowd i can handle my alcohol

spACEbar : sounds more like it

irisbest : enjoy your evening!!!

lesbianda : THANKS

bilance : i swear we’ll have to pick them up from police tomorrow

Chapter Text

spACEbar : everyone still alive?

captaincold : mick’s asleep but i live

spACEbar : i know. you called me at 4am

bilance : the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

bilance : anway eddie and linda showed up here at some point but i have no clue where hartley is

captaincold : i thought the others might be interested

spACEbar : hang on i’ll call cisco and ask if he’s seen him

oliverqueer : tommy just shouted at me

bilance : yeah i heard

oliverqueer : im talking to the chat

oliverqueer : anyway tommy’s starting to get irritated by the fact that we have visitors almost every day

captaincold : a) he’s a rich fucker as if he’s not had another girl in his bed every morning

captaincold : b) you live with 5 people there youre bound to have visitors every day

oliverqueer : tommy says you can go fuck yourself

captaincold : already done my friend

bilance : fjflfllf please show that to tommy too oliver

oliverqueer : the vein on his forehead is about to pop

bilance : haha

spACEbar : hartley is at cisco’s

bilance : wait what

oliverqueer : whaaat

spACEbar : idk i dont know anything either

spACEbar : hey len what happened yesterday

captaincold : boy i have no idea i got our asses out of the s&s at 11

spACEbar : proud of you

captaincold : :^)

bilance : literally what the fuck why are you guys so cute

captaincold : hey bar lets go be cute together

spACEbar : !!! breakfast at jitters?

captaincold : you know it

oliverqueer : sara you come down too dig is making scrambled eggs for the crew

bilance : nice

notcis-co : you know yesterday almost made up for the fact y’all had a fucking party while i was gone

notcis-co : and since nobody is here im gonna read up on the stuff i missed

notcis-co : i’d go with mick/snart for the threesome

notcis-co : and id like to see into??? Alternate universes?

notcis-co : gonna know if i keep smashing heteronormativity in every way

detectiveprettybi : oh yikes imagine being straight in one of those

bilance : my biggest nightmare

notcis-co : are you sitting across from each other and are texting

lesbianda : absolutely not were all spread out somewhere else in the living room

notcis-co : amazing

lesbianda : why????? Did hartley go home with you’????

detectiveprettybi : DID YOU GUYS HAVE SEX

notcis-co : what the fuck

notcis-co : no????

bilance : whats he doing at your place

notcis-co : currently? Sleeping

notcis-co : no but he was very determined of sleeping with axel again that’s why he went with me and i figured it might not be good bc he was so fucking wasted

detectiveprettybi : how did you manage to convince him of that

notcis-co : i might have punched him in the face

lesbianda : awesome

bilance : how did he even get so drunk

lesbianda : the guy knows how to put his ass on display

lesbianda : didnt get as many drinks as snart though

detectiveprettybi : yeah i think he got most of them second hand by snart lol

bilance : how did he get so many tf

notcis-co : theories!

notcis-co : snart is hot

notcis-co : snart has slept with everyone

notcis-co : snart is frequent there

detectiveprettybi : probably all three

bilance : ^

notcis-co : anyway im gonna take a shower

bilance : have fun

pipes : fucker has the head of his bed right next to the wall with the shower

pipes : he did that on purpose

lesbianda : lmao probably

pipes : im gonna make some coffee and not give one to him

bilance : savage

detetiveprettybi : how’s your hangover even

pipes : lol at first i didnt even have a clue where i am until i read up on the chat

detectiveprettybi : hartley rathaway, 19, genius - can’t deal with alcohol

pipes : leave me alone im a lightweight

lesbianda : what do you say about him cockblocking you

pipes : hm probably was for the best

pipes : i dont think drunk sex with someone as kinky as axel would have been great after all

bilance : insightful

pipes : still pissed at cisco

pipes : first he hogs the pillows and now he fucking wakes me up


irisbest : holy shit i wished id joined yall

detectiveprettybi : oh right cisco doesnt even have a couch i forgot

lesbianda : eye emoji

bilance : linda is really passionate about you two finally getting your hate sex

heatwave : each and every one of you is awful

detectiveprettybi : good noon to you too

oliverqueer : ?? mick i’d have thought you of all people wouldnt get drunk at all

irisbest : yeah whats up there

heatwave : i can handle my alcohol i just really like sleep

notcis-co : can relate

bilance : you literally woke hartley up

bilance : THATS a guy who likes his sleep

detectiveprettybi : im pretty sure his animagus form would be a rat

pipes : real

irisbest : hey oliver by the by dont we have to have another club meeting some time

oliverqueer : yeah i wanted to say something about that anyway but we all keep meeting up anyways

lesbianda : but never all of us!!!

notcis-co : yeah what happened to the orgies!

detectiveprettybi : that reminds me,,, cisco your fucking dream threesome is actually killer

notcis-co : i know right

notcis-co : but who can blame me

lesbianda : i can

lesbianda : im kinkshaming you all for liking men

oliverqueer : that’s… fair.

irisbest : speaking of hey eddie im coming over

detectiveprettybi : fuck im not even home

irisbest : better hurry up

oliverqueer : again, not tinder

Chapter Text

captaincold : hey oliver

oliverqueer : hm

captaincold : would you mind having another house guest for a few days

pipes : i thought you cant sleep at other places

captaincold : yeha no shit smart ass im not asking for myself

captaincold : i probably wouldnt even have to ask for myself bc they just accept all of us at all times

oliverqueer : who is it?

captaincold : my sister

captaincold : visits for a few days and needs a place to sleep

lesbianda : what about your place?

captaincold : i live in one room that i share with mick what the hell my sister deserves better

lesbianda : you literally let bar sleep at your place at all times

captaincold : they cuddle more with mick than with me stfu

lesbianda : oh my god

captaincold : anyway do i get an answer

oliverqueer : tommy will probably be pissed again but yeah sure we’ll prepare a room

detectiveprettybi : how many more spare rooms do you even have i have never been upstairs

pipes : three i think

pipes : like i said, fucking mansion

bilance : when will she arrive!! How old is she!!! Is she in the community as well!!

heatwave : next friday, 18, i dont think so

captaincold : im still hoping for her to realize she’s a lesbian

lesbianda : is that a big brotherly “no guy is good enough for my sister” move or actual “poor girl hasnt realized it yet when its so obvious”

heatwave : the first one

lesbianda : dang

captaincold : anyway yeah ill bring lisa around on friday

oliverqueer : alright!!

notcis-co : OH HEY

notcis-co : who wants to have an orphan thanksgiving

notcis-co : ill clean up and then we can chill around at my place and watch tv or whatever

pipes : im in because as we know my fucking family hates me

heatwave : yeah count me in as well

notcis-co : snart? My orphan at heart bud?

captaincold : no thanks

notcis-co : rude

bilance : im at my family’s

oliverqueer : same

oliverqueer : and before anyone asks: tommy too

detectiveprettybi : is he at your family’s or his own OH WAIT THERE’S NO FUCKING LINE

oliverqueer : why are you like this

detectiveprettybi : anyway im back in keystone

spACEbar : we have our own sorry man

spACEbar : snart youre not going to spend thanksgiving alone ill drag you to ours if it must be

lesbianda : dont make joe explode

spACEbar : he didnt mind yesterday either

lesbianda : WHAT

pipes : WHAT

detectiveprettybi : WHAT

oliverqueer : wh at

spACEbar : ah oops

captaincold : thanks bar

pipes : what the fuck did we miss

spACEbar : uh snart was over for dinner?

lesbianda : how

captaincold : wouldnt you like to know

irisbest : lmao it was so random i come home and he sits there with my father

captaincold : you really dont know how to keep a secret do you

detectiveprettybi : bar fucking left you alone with the detective??? They dont like you after all

irisbest : nah man bar wasnt even at home

lesbianda : ????? what

captaincold : i was having a talk with the detective

notcis-co : what about

spACEbar : he didnt even tell me

captaincold : you continue being nosy bastards

lesbianda : yeah and well carry on until you tell us

captaincold : ffs the reason why im not going to cisco’s at thanksgiving

captaincold : ill be on my way to coast city

detectiveprettybi : ????? you cant leave the city???

captaincold : thats why i talked to the detective

captaincold : to ask if i could leave for two days

pipes : fucking why what’s in coast city

spACEbar : coast city is cool i have a friend in coast city and he send me pictures all the time

irisbest : hal’s pictures count for nothing you could also make central look great if you wanted to

captaincold : who the hell is hal


spACEbar : a guy i met at space camp years ago

captaincold : youre still talking to someone from space camp?

heatwave : lmao jealousy activated

captaincold : shut the fuck up

heatwave : he goes and picks lisa up from her foster family

oliverqueer : shes in a foster family?

spACEbar : that relatable feel

captaincold : yeah its really quite the same with a dead mum and a father in prison

lesbianda : you have so much in common!

captaincold : only mine deserves to fucking rot there

detectiveprettybi : AH BY THE WAY i’ve been wondering like??? Snart how could you meet bar’s dad bc if you’d been to big guy prison already there’s no way you would have gotten ou of it with college when you were caught again

captaincold : nah they made us visit iron heights in juvie so we’d get scared

captaincold : at one point the cop is like ‘and here’s the really dangerous people………… murderers!’ and then there was henry allen with whom i just struck up a nice little chat

heatwave : oh wait THAT guy was bar’s father?

captaincold : yeah can you fucking believe

heatwave : life is amazing


snowflake added ronnieraymond to the chat



pipes : you fucking wasted your dramatic entrance

irisbest : welcome back!!!!

ronnieraymond : hang on


ronnieraymond changed their username to drbimond


captaincold : that’s the worst fucking thing i have ever laid my eyes on


oliverqueer changed drbimond ’s username to babybibibi


notcis-co : a fucking boyband pun

pipes : we can change each other’s usernames??? I want to name cisco idiot

heatwave : your genius is showing

irisbest : oliver can do it bc he created the chat

bilance : ronnie you’re not really good at puns are you

bilance : but hi!

detectiveprettybi : the bi club is on it again

babybibibi : hell yeah

Chapter Text

oliverqueer : do yall have time on monday evening?

oliverqueer : i figured we could meet up one more time before thanksgiving

detectiveprettybi : clever, that way you will be reminded to include us in your speech

lesbianda : sweet

heatwave : snart and i got time

heatwave : bar too

bilance : are they chilling at your place again

heatwave : sadly yes

irisbest : im offended on their behalf

notcis-co : im in

babybibibi : yeah us too

detectiveprettybi : same

irisbest : me too

lesbianda : hm yes

oliverqueer : great, hart and sara are in too

oliverqueer : ill check if the room we had the other time is free again

pipes : there wont be any alcohol involved will it

lesbianda : ??????? hartley????

pipes : i swear im still feeling it in my bones

detectiveprettybi : will this help you realize that maybe you need to slow down?

detectiveprettybi : youre 19 dude you can chill

pipes : can i though

notcis-co : if you say that youre a gay deaf homeless guy ill come to the house and strangle you myself

pipes : im a deaf homeless gay man i gotta live life while i have it

pipes : …

irisbest : wont have life for much longer apparently

pipes : lmao cisco cant hurt anything we all know that

lesbianda : i bet 5$ that youre the reason that might change

heatwave : im rooting for the small one

heatwave : pipes deserves an ass kicking

pipes : WHAT DID I DO

detectiveprettybi : idk man i think your existence is enough

pipes : yall suck in a non hot way and i hate you

snowflake : you do know they dont mean it seriously right

heatwave : i do

pipes : me? Realizing that all this banter is actually meant in a playful way? No ofc not

pipes : honestly i thought everyone hated me and thats why you wont let me be homeless in peace

irisbest : aw

oliverqueer : this got way too real here

captaincold : yikes who invited the feelings

captaincold : yall got mick throwing his phone into the other side of the room and grumbling about being annoyed

irisbest : why is he like this

lesbianda : wtf i dont wanna get all sentimental here either

captaincold : same

lesbianda : its been an hour did cisco really kill hartley

bilance : [video attached]

bilance : he’s trying

detectiveprettybi : HAHAHAHHA oh my god


heatwave : actual fucking children

captaincold : trust hartley to lose a pillow fight


babybibibi : with a pillow

babybibibi : his real dangerous weapon

pipes : shut the fuck up ill probably bruise now

captaincold : if you bruise that easily how did you look after your evening with cisco’s neighbour

pipes : you dont want to know

captaincold : no, i do

heatwave : he has a serious bruises kink

lesbianda : you know im not even surprised any more

detectiveprettybi : did cisco leave again

bilance : not that ive seen

pipes : nah hes chilling on my floor

captaincold : i’d have thought you’d kick him out as soon as you got him off

detectiveprettybi : “as soon as you got him off” ;)

lesbianda : the innuendo is strong in this one

lesbianda : SAME EDDIE

pipes : im rolling my eyes you guys

irisbest : you two are actual kids is2g

detectiveprettybi : cue hartley’s protests

pipes : im not a fucking kid

pipes : oh shut up

irisbest : i love how hartley has three catchphrases

irisbest : 1) im a gay deaf homeless man!

irisbest : 2) im NOT a kid

irisbest : 3) i want a dick inside of me

detectiveprettybi : really its not that difficult to figure out what the next thing is youll say

pipes : yatta yatta im eddie im fucking bi and imma fuck the shit out of iris

detectiveprettybi : yeah well thats me

heatwave : yall are fucking kids and annoying

pipes : and youre a grandpa

heatwave : hell yeah

heatwave : old people live the life

heatwave : dont do anything but eat and sleep AND got money

captaincold : mick is easily satisfied

bilance : we’ve noticed

oliverqueer : anyways! Monday evening, same time, probably same place

oliverqueer : behave yourselves

bilance : hartley closed his door

lesbianda : eye emoji

pipes : yeah because one doesnt have an ounce of privacy otherwise

irisbest : what do you need privacy for hmmmmmmm

pipes : living

detectiveprettybi : suuure

spACEbar : i swear one of these days yall are gonna kill each other and ill be the only one left

Chapter Text

irisbest : yesterday's highlight: Oliver “we have to be serious” Queen agreeing to playing truth or dare

heatwave : honestly I'm starting to believe you're all too young

spACEbar : you were having fun when you were dared to hold cisco up with one arm

captaincold : he's a show off

lesbianda : speaking of Hartley did you manage to get a boner out of snart

pipes : if I did I haven't noticed

pipes : maybe his dick is too small

captaincold : how dare you

notcis-co : I think we all know at this point that it takes more than a boy's ass on his lap to make snart have a boner

pipes : next time I'll go boxing first

babybibibi : Caitlin had absolutely no chill when she made you spend the rest of the evening on his lap

notcis-co : dont forget the gun Hartley

pipes : you're absolutely right. full costume

bilance : did you really just agree to get along for the sake of arousing bar’s boyfriend

notcis-co : when you say it like that it sounds bad

lesbianda : speaking of bar  

lesbianda : I loved when iris dared them to play the music on their phone and it was nothing but Bieber and Dragonball openings

spACEbar : which she damn well knew

detectiveprettybi : does your boyfriend still like you

captaincold : yeah he does

snowflake : awww

bilance : true otp

bilance : I liked when you made Oliver say whether I'm sexier or laurel

detectiveprettybi : who would have thought our self-proclaimed fuckboy/group dad could be so awkward

lesbianda : I liked the lapdance I got from Sara

pipes : hey Oliver by the way

bilance : ;)

pipes : do you mind if we do our thanksgiving in the house? I'd rather chill there than in cisco's crammed flat

oliverqueer : uh yeah sure just don't destroy anything

notcis-co : rude

oliverqueer : and don't go into any room that isn't yours

snowflake : hey Cisco bar you guys have class why are you texting

spACEbar : waiting for our acid to get hot enough

spACEbar : it takes like 15mins idek

lesbianda : is nobody concerned that of all people that could spend Thanksgiving together it's Hartley Cisco and Mick

oliverqueer : oh fuck you're right

oliverqueer : I swear if you burn down the house I'll cut off all of your dicks

notcis-co : checkmate I don't even have one

bilance : ANYWAY we're leaving tomorrow around noon

oliverqueer : dig is with his brother so you have the house for yourself until snart brings his sister on Friday

pipes : nice

heatwave : you do know your house is in even more danger when Lisa is here right

detectiveprettybi : petition to call the house something other than house

bilance : nanda parbat

babybibibi : what

bilance : it should roughly translate to “mountain of joy” which fits because I keep laughing my ass off in this house

captaincold : is there any chance parbat and parvati stand in any relation

bilance : yeah! both are from Sanskrit parvata

bilance : parvati basically means the girl from the mountain bc usually her father is the lord of mountains

captaincold : wow I did not know that

detectiveprettybi : what is happening

oliverqueer : that is someone who studies art history and someone who studies Asian religions getting along

captaincold : I have one class that focusses on Hindu art

bilance : oh sweet!

spACEbar : do we want to give the house a name in Sanskrit

bilance : it's Urdu actually

notcis-co : still

pipes : we could also just go with aedificium

snowflake : were not calling the house “house but in latin”

pipes : loser

babybibibi : hey

heatwave : queer mansion

detectiveprettybi : that's… actually good

irisbest : oh I love it

captaincold : in the end we'd just start calling it mansion

captaincold : pretentious af

heatwave : then you must love it

captaincold : rude

spACEbar : quiver bc were twelve members and a quiver has around 12 arrows

oliverqueer : that's not even slightly right where did you get that from

notcis-co : Saturday night live hawkeye sketch

oliverqueer : god I hate marvel there's different quivers some can have like 100 arrows

notcis-co : yeah but it's not like there's an equally big comic company with more accuracy or diversity

spACEbar : sadly

captaincold : I like quiver it sounds like people should be afraid of us

heatwave : ^

lesbianda : ^

babybibibi : I like it too

pipes : same

oliverqueer : okay you'll have the QUIVER to yourselves then

pipes : nice

notcis-co : I promise I'll make sure they won't ruin anything

bilance : I'm sure Ollie is just as worried about you

notcis-co : rude

oliverqueer : you fucking destroyed a pillow last weekend because you were determined to kill Hartley

captaincold : yeah you two seem like a deadlier combination than me and Mick

pipes : yeah but not on purpose it's just collateral damage

bilance : still

notcis-co : I think we can get along for one day

pipes : probably

heatwave : otherwise I'll grill their asses

captaincold : mick NO

spACEbar : /mick/

oliverqueer : no mick

lesbianda : MICK BEHAVE

babybibibi : this is amazing

Chapter Text

captaincold : [image attached]

captaincold : I'm sure you'd all appreciate that the quiver did not burn down

detectiveprettybi : how does it look on the inside though

captaincold : dunno yet nobody opens

captaincold : hang on ill tell you in like 2 minutes

oliverqueer : i sure hope youre not breaking into my house

captaincold : no not me

irisbest : fuck is your sister a thief too

captaincold : nah i did my best to prevent that

captaincold : shes an expert lock picker tho

bilance : i’m pretty sure oliver is gonna explode

detectiveprettybi : he should have asked about her before he agreed to take her in

irisbest : shes snarts sister what did he expect

detectiveprettybi : how was everyone’s thanksgiving tho

bilance : nice. My mum came around too which should have been awkward but it wasnt

irisbest : my dad invited his gf and her daughter it was quite cute

irisbest : i think she’s got a crush on wally

detectiveprettybi : back to the semi-incestuous shit

irisbest : he’s panicking on how to turn her down i think jesse’s gonna do it eventually

bilance : whos jesse

irisbest : his gf

bilance : [image attached]

bilance : tommy sent me this pic of oliver flipping out

detectiveprettybi : are their families really celebrating together

irisbest : its not even thanksgiving anymore

irisbest : im just about to head out for black friday w bar

captaincold : [video attached]

detectiveprettybi : WHAT

irisbest : WHAT

oliverqueer : WHAT

bilance : WHAT

spACEbar : WHAT

captaincold : don’t worry they’re both fully dressed

spACEbar : the fact that you actually checked up on that

bilance : why are they sharing a bed when we have more than enough other sleeping spaces

irisbest : you told them not to go into any of the rooms

oliverqueer : we have three couches

captaincold : maybe amaya and mick didnt let cisco sleep

detectiveprettybi : who is amaya

captaincold : micks best friend when im not around

bilance : wait amaya??? As in amaya jiwe

oliverqueer : holy fucking shit how does this keep happening

bilance : i swear snart and mick know just everyone

captaincold : yeah amaya jiwe why

bilance : she’s the gf of ray’s “””””best friend”””””

irisbest : the ray who made oliver queer

bilance : YES

oliverqueer : is2g snart dont fucking tell her

captaincold : oops


captaincold : amaya’s just like “yeah i know, ray told nate who told me”

oliverqueer : i hate everyone on this planet except felicity

notcis-co : none of yall has a freaking sense of privacy i agree with oliver

spACEbar : cisco what did you do in hartley’s bed

notcis-co : sleeping

spACEbar : how

notcis-co : with my eyes closed

pipes : leonard “yall are nosy af” snart is a traitor


pipes : literally nothing

pipes : snart pls come upstairs and collect your sister

detectiveprettybi : lmao whats she doing

oliverqueer : why do you change the topic now when someone else’s privacy was disturbed

detectiveprettybi : i live to ruin your life

pipes : i think she spontaneously fell in love with cisco

pipes : hes so uncomfortable omg

notcis-co : thanks for saving me snart

detectiveprettybi : how did he do it

notcis-co : not very adventureous. Just got lisa to leave the room and check out her own


notcis-co : i wanted to sleep early so i went upstairs and hartley is a fucker and insisted on sleeping in his own bed nonetheless

pipes : a) my bed b) i was drunk

detectiveprettybi : you seriously need to stop dirnking if you cant stomach it

notcis-co : in his defense he didnt throw up so far

lesbianda : im disappointed in you guys

oliverqueer : but to be fair hartley is the most bottom known to man how did we expect them to have sex

babybibibi : cisco has a strap on ofc wtf man

detectiveprettybi : THE FUCK WHEN YOUR EX

lesbianda : oh my god

notcis-co : … i think xe was allowed to get back at me somehow

babybibibi : yeah i was

bilance : i suppose thats fair

oliverqueer : we’ll come back tonight i hope the house is clean by then

spACEbar : the what

detectiveprettybi : *the quiver

spACEbar : eddie. The only man i trust.

notcis-co : excuse me

captaincold : i beg your pardon

detectiveprettybi : fuck off bar and i are gonna run away together

captaincold : after all i’ve done. All the battles i’ve fought.

lesbianda : mick and amaya are still chilling hm

lesbianda : and youre bored off your mind

captaincold : you know way too much about me

spACEbar : it doesnt take a genius to get that youre even more of a drama queen when bored

captaincold : betrayed by my loved one

spACEbar : go help your sister unpack

babybibibi : it’s been 5 minutes i cant believe he actually listened to you

heatwave : snart is so whipped tbh

detectiveprettybi : their relationship surprises me every day

irisbest : same

Chapter Text

pipes : okay but seriously wells is so hot

babybibibi : ew yikes why are you like this

notcis-co : if you like men more than twice your age maybe

pipes : i cant stop thinking about how hot he is sue me

detectiveprettybi : please dont have another breakdown from being horny

oliverqueer : ^ agreed last time was horrible

pipes : maybe i should visit axel again

notcis-co : please dont

notcis-co : i am at home

pipes : since when does your discomfort stop me from anything

lesbianda : here i thought you two bonded

snowflake : me too

pipes : in your wildest dreams

bilance : i do have pretty wild dreams

spACEbar : speaking of wild how is living with snart’s sister

oliverqueer : wild

pipes : wild

bilance : wild

spACEbar : wow

oliverqueer : this morning she flirted with dig and tommy simultaneously

babybibibi : impressive

detectiveprettybi : relatable tho

bilance : also she wont stop asking about cisco

notcis-co : what why

pipes : tf if i knew

oliverqueer : you must look quite cute after waking up

pipes : nah he doesnt

babybibibi : yes he does

captaincold : cisco if you touch my baby sister youre dead to me

notcis-co : im gAY

heatwave : he gets irrational when it comes to lisa dw

heatwave : in other news oliver im supposed to send you smth

oliverqueer : ???

heatwave : [image attached]

heatwave : amaya says thanks for letting her crash here

captaincold : wow who would have thought raymond had such nice arms


detectiveprettybi changed their username to detectiveprettygay


oliverqueer : why

bilance : is that ray afTER A SHOWER

lesbianda : hey oliver i bet my ass that pic was staged for you look at that dangerously low towel

oliverqueer : ID RATHER NOT

spACEbar : he really does look good


babybibibi : polyamory

notcis-co : poly

oliverqueer : i dont even have a crush on him hes just fucking hot

irisbest : fuck yes he is

pipes : i need a dick in me asap

bilance : aaaaaaaaaaaaand he left the quiver

captaincold : pipes is amazing

spACEbar : one of these days youll really need to be the one to have sex with him

captaincold : even if you allowed it i doubt that would go unnoticed by the detective

lesbianda : holy shit

spACEbar : what. do you think he has cameras in the quiver

bilance : dont wake oliver’s paranoia

captaincold : hmmmmm

snowflake : i swear this whole /chat/ is a harem and not the quiver

captaincold : shrug emoji

irisbest : shrug emoji

detectiveprettygay : shrug emoji

bilance : next up: finding a gf for linda

lesbianda : ????i have a gf???

detectiveprettygay : WAIT HWAT

snowflake : ? you have??

lesbianda : yes?

lesbianda : wev’ve been dating for years wth u guys

snowflake : you never mentioned a gf what the fuck

bilance : you know shit gets serious when cait starts using swear words

irisbest : honestly linda and patty are the cutest couple

spACEbar : excuse

irisbest : no really youve never seen them together otherwise youd agree

lesbianda : :^)

snowflake : my whole life changed

heatwave : lol i cant believe pipes really just went and got sex

babybibibi : who said he got any

heatwave : hed have jumped at the opportunity to ride snart’s dick otherwise

lesbianda : youre absolutely right holy shit

captaincold : that reminds me

bilance : eye emoji

oliverqueer : eye emoji

irisbest : eye emoji

detectiveprettygay : eye emoji

heatwave : he left the room without saying anything

snowflake : bar do you know anything

spACEbar : no idea

bilance : hm

detectiveprettygay : hey oliver is ray single


babybibibi : whaddup are you jealous

oliverqueer : why the fuck would i be jealous

irisbest : we found snart he is here

snowflake : at your house?

irisbest : yeah and get that: he wanted to talk to my dad

lesbianda : plottwist: he just used bar to get to joe BUT SEXUALLY

irisbest : EW LINDA

spACEbar : i need to throw up

spACEbar : i was already disappointed enough that he didnt come here for me

spACEbar : and now this

heatwave : can any of the quiver crew tell lisa to come here

babybibibi : i love that ‘the quiver’ caught on

babybibibi : never woulda thought mick would actually use it

bilance : ??? why dont you text her

heatwave : snart didnt buy her a phone yet did he

heatwave : if he did the fucker didnt give me the number

irisbest : id DIE without my phone

irisbest : update snart ended the talk with my dad and now he and bar went upstairs? And? My dad? Is not furious?

lesbianda : sounds like he did charm joe after all

irisbest : over my dead body

bilance : well. Lisa’s not in her room

pipes : yeah no she’s in front of my apartment

lesbianda : when did you get an apartment

detectiveprettygay : what.

babybibibi : i think its pretty obvious that that was cisco accidentally using hartley’s phone

oliverqueer : WHAT

Chapter Text

pipes : no

pipes : im so often at axel’s apartment i start thinking of it as my own

babybibibi : you havent been to axel’s apartment since the first time

pipes : who says that

babybibibi : he did when i met him a few days ago

lesbianda : what is happening here

irisbest : hang on i gotta tell snart and bar to read this live

heatwave : if i didnt know better my mind would jump to conclusions here

detectiveprettygay : is the conclusion that hartley and cisco are fucking bc if yes then same

pipes : were ngfjifklf

pipes : axel wasnt there so i figured i could also just chill w cisco

oliverqueer : youre just making things worse

spACEbar : youre worse at lying than i am what the hell

notcis-co : ffs w erkfkmd,

lesbianda : are they fukcing fighting to keep each other from texting

captaincold : hang on

captaincold : yeah they were fucking

snowflake : how do you know that

captaincold : lisa said she heard them lmao


captaincold : i got her one yesterday pardon me if i didnt give everyone her new number

heatwave : fucker

lesbianda : can we get back to the thing at hand


babybibibi : hart keep cisco from jumping out of the window

pipes : how did you know he was eyeing it

babybibibi : because i know /him/ duh

irisbest : um

irisbest : what do you say about… them

babybibibi : what am i supposed to say i know that sco likes hart so if he wants him im not in the way wtf

pipes : whAT

oliverqueer : im so confused

detectiveprettygay : me too what the fuc

spACEbar : my conclusion is that cisco has liked hartley for a while, theyve fooled around a few times but hartley didnt think it was serious or smth

babybibibi : sounds about right

spACEbar : and now ronnie basically told hartley that cisco likes him

babybibibi : … oh fuck

irisbest : did you just solve this whole thing or did you make it harder i cant tell

babybibibi : fuck off you know how much it cost me not to shout at hartley whenever he was awful to cisco since i knew

detectiveprettygay : since when did you know

babybibibi : since we broke up?

oliverqueer : snart is lisa still in front of the apartment

captaincold : i told her to fuck off so i hope she isnt

lesbianda : too bad id have liked to know whats happening

bilance : i cant believe im the one to say this but we could pretend to be normal human beings and wait for it patiently?

bilance : if they even want to tell us?

detectiveprettygay : nah

irisbest : HAVE YOU MET US

lesbianda : idprefernotto.jpg

babybibibi : i think i deserve to knwo the outcome

captaincold : its my turn to be nosy

oliverqueer : im curious tho

spACEbar : all of those came within 5 seconds im impressed

bilance : …

bilance : in conclusion: we’re all awful

captaincold : lisa says she doesnt hear anything

lesbianda : eye emoji

detectiveprettygay : these are the options:

detectiveprettygay : 1) they awkwardly sit next to each other

detectiveprettygay : 2) they went at it again

babybibibi : nah shed hear cisco

captaincold : … eye emoji

spACEbar : maybe they’re talking

spACEbar : quietly

heatwave : guess we’ll never know


detectiveprettygay changed their username to detectiveprettybi


detectiveprettybi : that feels more authentic

snowflake : are we switching topics now? Because i cant believe linda has a gf and we didnt know

lesbianda : dont act so surprised im super hot ofc i have a gf

bilance : cant deny that

oliverqueer : how didnt we meet her yet

lesbianda : she’s stationed in national city

lesbianda : she’s a police officer

detectiveprettybi : wow i feel offended

detectiveprettybi : the whole time we could have bonded

bilance : suck it thawne she doesnt even want to bond with you

irisbest : lmao i just realized the whole time you laugh at bar for dating a criminal when he lives with a cop

irisbest : and now youre dating an officer and pretty much made a criminal your best friend

heatwave : is this about me bc i thought we were just btichin together

captaincold : friends bitch together get with the programme mick


notcis-co left the chat


oliverqueer : oh for fucks sake

babybibibi : hartley rathaway

spACEbar : im gonna go to cisco’s

babybibibi : good plan

captaincold : lisa says hartley rushed past her

bilance : hey hartley this is just an info that you can come home we wont bother you if you dont want to talk

bilance : just dont think you have to fucking hide or something

lesbianda : this chat is so fucked up

Chapter Text

oliverqueer : hey snart or mick can you make lisa leave the house

oliverqueer : she keeps trying to defend cisco’s honour and makes hartley throw stuff around it’s not fun

lesbianda : is it a snart trait to become obsessed with people right away

detectiveprettybi : seems like it

heatwave : hang on I'll come around

bilance : Mick Rory - saviour of the universe

babybibibi : good to know Hart is not dead

babybibibi : he wouldn't pick up when I called him

lesbianda : well I wouldn't pick up either if the ex of someone I shot down called me

oliverqueer : is bar still with cisco

irisbest : nah they and snart are on a date

detectiveprettybi : what became of bros before hoes

oliverqueer : the thing is snart is both a bro and a hoe

heatwave : he's 100% a hoe

irisbest : amazing

lesbianda : hey Mick when will you tell us your favourite embarrassing story about him

heatwave : the time he paralysed a girl was great

babybibibi : HE DID WHAT

irisbest : how the fuck

heatwave : idk man he made out with her and suddenly she couldn't feel her leg any more

babybibibi : holy fuck hang on

babybibibi : that's actually possible! If he gave her a hickey and hit the aorta he could have blocked the blood flow

bilance : thanks Caitlin

irisbest : holy shit

oliverqueer : snart gives hickeys That Kill

babybibibi : someone save bar

lesbianda : I'm so impressed

lesbianda : that's like a power move from a female James bond villain

oliverqueer : oh shit dig went into hartleys room

irisbest : I'm so disappointed that I still didn't meet dig

detectiveprettybi : yeah Oliver what do you even have a bodyguard for when he lets you meet up with 10 ppl you didn't know

bilance : Ollie keeps running from him

bilance : you wouldn't believe how often he hit the bathroom in digs first week just to climb out of the window

oliverqueer : it barely feels like he's my bodyguard any more were friends

detectiveprettybi : a friend whom you're paying to stay around. I see

babybibibi : lmao

bilance : dig's already out of the room again and now he's giving Lisa a stern talk what a dad

irisbest : Mick when will you be there

heatwave : ten mins or smth idk

irisbest : @ Sara oliver pls take a picture of Mick and dig together

babybibibi : WONDERFUL IDEA

bilance : I'll do my best

detectiveprettybi : Sara lance the true mvp

captaincold : tell Lisa to reply to my texts

irisbest : excuse me are you texting on a date

spACEbar : yeah we are

spACEbar : good couples can also just chill together

babybibibi : ^

captaincold : besides it's about texts I sent her DAYS ago

oliverqueer : she probably has a reason to ignore you

detectiveprettybi : what's it about

captaincold : application deadlines

irisbest : Leonard Snart are you making your sister get a real job

captaincold : trying to

lesbianda : wow someone tell Joe

captaincold : he knows already

spACEbar : turns out he was here the other day to prove to Joe he actually came back

spACEbar : and Joe is eager to help so that Lisa won't start any shit

detectiveprettybi : okay for real iris pay up snart did charm your dad

bilance : [image attached]

detectiveprettybi : I like men

babybibibi : ohhhh me too

lesbianda : they don't even look alike what did y'all say

oliverqueer : it's probably that they both are tall and muscular idek

irisbest : whom do y'all find hotter go

lesbianda : dig

babybibibi : I can't believe I'm saying this but dig

spACEbar : mick

irisbest : dig

bilance : Mick

captaincold : Mick

babybibibi : Cait says dig

detectiveprettybi : Oliver?

oliverqueer : no

captaincold : Oliver queen: a local coward

detectiveprettybi : oh come on what happens in this chat stays in this chat

oliverqueer : I have twice the proof that that's not true

bilance : do you think your life can get even more awkward just fucking say

oliverqueer : …

oliverqueer : dig


babybibibi : your life is ruined

lesbianda : okay but y'all know who looks alike

lesbianda : Eddie and Oliver

irisbest : youre fucking right

captaincold : that… Is very true

spACEbar : oh shit?

detectiveprettybi : what the fuck we don't????

babybibibi : you guys should make out so Eddie's incest kink can thrive

spACEbar : NO

irisbest : babe you both are blond and have blue eyes you look essentially the same

oliverqueer : that's.?? not true

oliverqueer : in which world is that enough to say we look the same

captaincold : reverse racism

lesbianda : a real dangerous threat to us all

bilance : update on the Hartley situation is that he left the quiver without anyone noticing

detectiveprettybi : I swear he fucking *is* a rat

babybibibi : speaking of Oliver did you ever buy him his rat

bilance : he was hoping Hartley forgot

oliverqueer : we couldn't go to the pet store yet

detectiveprettybi : suuuure

lesbianda : hows the date going

spACEbar : I'm destroying snart

spACEbar : were bowling and he's a fucking loser

babybibibi : this relationship just keeps giving

irisbest : so many revelations

oliverqueer : I hope you win

captaincold : you're a traitor and I'm coming for you

Chapter Text

captaincold : I'm booooored

lesbianda : me too

lesbianda : did you lose yesterday

captaincold : absolutely not

lesbianda : how bad was it

captaincold : I don't remember any more it was the worst moment of my life

babybibibi : was it worse than the time you paralysed a girl

captaincold : fucking Mick

captaincold : no it was not

lesbianda : then it wasn't that bad

captaincold : it's wasn't a bad /date/

captaincold : bar gets very excited when they make a strike and it's cute

lesbianda : awwww

babybibibi : awwwww

bilance : ifucking sound like a broken record but who would have thought that you guys would be such an adorable couple

captaincold : I'm not adorable I'm hardcore

bilance : sure thing

spACEbar : you're the most hardcore person I know you just pout a lot when you lose

captaincold : stop betraying me and pay attention in class

babybibibi : aw

spACEbar : I'm pipetting something and it takes forever

spACEbar : cisco's not here so I can't even do anything other than text with you guys

detectiveprettybi : :(

babybibibi : who is y'all's most hated public figure

lesbianda : trump

spACEbar : Benedict cumberbatch

captaincold : Putin

detectiveprettybi : Jennifer Lawrence

captaincold : lmao trust bar to listen to Justin Bieber but hate on cumberbatch

spACEbar : shut up

spACEbar : he's an ugly elitist racist and ableist shithead whom ppl worship for some reason

captaincold : fair

detectiveprettybi : same for jlaw really did y'all hear about the thing with the sacred rocks

lesbianda : THAT WAS SO NASTY

babybibibi : I fucking hate Jimmy Kimmel

babybibibi : idk he has such a mean face

lesbianda : yeah I can see that

detectiveprettybi : yeah Hartley may *be* a rat but Jimmy Kimmel looks like one

captaincold : speaking of did he ever come home

babybibibi : he still didn't get back to me

lesbianda : I can't believe you and Hartley actually are friends tbh how did this happen

babybibibi : funny story I was TA in one of his classes and he talked to me once

babybibibi : Cisco saw that and was like ???? the dude is awful

babybibibi : so that only made me talk to him for real and yeah

detectiveprettybi : may I just say

detectiveprettybi : how the turn tables

bilance : when I left hart wasn't home yet

lesbianda : hope he's alright

pipes : I'm fine

captaincold : pipes you were gone for more than 15 hours where'd you go

pipes : I'll tell when everyone's here

pipes : otherwise someone might complain they weren't live for that

lesbianda : eye emoji

irisbest : bar’s class is over in half an hour

captaincold : I'm waking Mick up

bilance : I'm calling  Oliver so that he's bailing on Felicity

babybibibi : Caitlin's taking her break early

pipes : y'all are fucking unbelievable

heatwave : this better be worth it

snowflake : okay I have an hour

spACEbar : H SHIT

spACEbar : thanks for waiting for me

oliverqueer : here I am

lesbianda : OKAY STORY TIME

pipes : well


pipes added notcis-co to the chat


detectiveprettybi : eye emoji

notcis-co : the fucking drama

snowflake : did you talk things out??

pipes : among other things, yeah

captaincold : eye emoji

lesbianda : eye emoji

spACEbar : eye emoji

irisbest : eye emoji

detectiveprettybi : eye emoji

babybibibi : eye emoji

oliverqueer : eye emoji

snowflake : eye emoji

bilance : could you please just tell us what happened

notcis-co : the short version is that Hartley annoyed me into listening to his apology

pipes : I beat up axel

oliverqueer : what

heatwave : why do I doubt that

notcis-co : … yeah almost

lesbianda : DETAILS PLEASE

pipes : dig talkes some sense into me and I figured it really was shitty that I stormed out after what happened

spACEbar : right

pipes : Cisco was obviously pissed at me so he wouldn't open up and I kept hours standing in front of his door

notcis-co : it was 15mins at most

pipes : it felt like hours

pipes : so axel comes home at one point and is fucking annoying, I tell him to fuck off

pipes : and he obviously thinks I have nothing else on my mind than sex and since I'm trying to get to Cisco I must have wanted to fuck him

notcis-co : well

babybibibi : “well”

lesbianda : WELL

captaincold : eye emoji

pipes : goes “I thought you were gay why would you wanna fuck him”

oliverqueer : oh no

detectiveprettybi : fuck

notcis-co : yeah turns out axel is a transphobic piece of shit

pipes : so I flung myself at him

notcis-co : and got punched real bad


notcis-co : sorry but from the sounds of it you could have also started making out

pipes : the fact that you think so low of me

notcis-co : not really any more

lesbianda : … what.

pipes : ANYWAY so Cisco makes me come inside to patch me up

pipes : and then we fucked

lesbianda : WHAT

irisbest : that as anticlimatic

bilance : ???? More info

notcis-co : ffs hartley

notcis-co : he starts telling me how I can't live with a transphobe next door and I'm just “??? Yeah well I can't exactly move into the quiver bc then I'd live in the same house as a dude who turned me down”

notcis-co : and basically as it turns out he's an idiot who didn't know he likes me too, we made out, we fucked, we’re dating

pipes : you now have two minutes to hand in all your questions

spACEbar : WHAT

irisbest : holy shit

captaincold : how was the sex

lesbianda : how did you even start fooling around the first time around

oliverqueer : since when did either of you even like the other

spACEbar : you're dating HARTLEY RATHAWAY

bilance : Hartley fucked a transphobe????

notcis-co : I love everyone's priorities


notcis-co : the sex was awesome let's just say hartleys tongue is talented

pipes : (:

pipes : Cisco has longer fingers than you think

captaincold : awesome

babybibibi : it's a surprise isn't it

pipes : could've told me

babybibibi : “hey hartley btw my bf whom you hate is good at fingering jsyk”

notcis-co : turns out he didn't actually hate me though

babybibibi : ffs

irisbest : what???

notcis-co : lmao guess who was hartleys gay awakening

detectiveprettybi : WHAT

heatwave : what the fuck

pipes : … I'm apparently very good at repressing my feelings and interpreting them differently

pipes : I'm blaming stein though

spACEbar : who the fuck is stein

notcis-co : our chem teacher from high school

detectiveprettybi : HIGH SCHOOL

notcis-co : freshman year ;)

spACEbar : holy fuck

oliverqueer : what even

lesbianda : what the hell has your teacher to do with that

pipes : turned us against each other pretty much so like

pipes : Cisco fell for me when my parents kicked me out so who's rocking the sad homeless lifestyle now

detectiveprettybi : wtf

irisbest : so you did break up with ronnie bc of Hartley ????

babybibibi : no not really

notcis-co : no

pipes : he only started to act on it after trying to kill me with a pillow tho

captaincold : I bet it was because you popped a boner

pipes : … no

notcis-co : yes

pipes : I'm breaking up with you



detectiveprettybi : there goes your chance for hot hate sex tho

pipes : NO FUCK

captaincold : look on the bright side you guys will probably fight a lot and have angry sex nonetheless

notcis-co : probably

pipes : ay

babybibibi : thank fuck you got your shit together I was exploding

notcis-co : best ex ever <3

heatwave : y'all are wild

Chapter Text

lesbianda : guys i just noticed that only 3 of us are single and two of those are on the aro spectrum so

lesbianda : ending the gay = sad trope with all our power

pipes : im still very much sad

detectiveprettybi : hartley were all aware that youre chronically depressed and should get that diagnosed at some point

pipes : im not going to talk to a random person about how shit my life is

captaincold : its fun to see a stranger be completely mortified at the shit youve gone through tho

pipes : hm /that/ sounds tempting

babybibibi : im also glad we’re actively working against bury your gays

heatwave : i almost burnt to death once tho

lesbianda : you know i’d be more shocked if this wasnt you

spACEbar : i was almost struck by lightning once!

oliverqueer : hey sara remember when we went boating and crashed and i almost drowned

bilance : nah i only remember that time when you thought you could impress me with archery and ended up shooting an arrow into my shoulder

detectiveprettybi : h o ly sh i t

lesbianda : i hope this was the reason you dumped him omg

bilance : nah i went out with him a few times after that before i came to my senses, packed my things and went to tibet for half a year

detectiveprettybi : damn oliver you seem kinda awful


notcis-co : i once dreamt that someone stabbed me and it felt so real to this day im convinced an alternate version of me died somewhere

detectiveprettybi : I FEEL i once dreamt i shot myself to get rid of an evil descendant of mine and i swear i have phantom pain from that

babybibibi : im convinced ill explode one day. Like ltierally. Feels inevitable

heatwave : awesome

captaincold : this is so wild wtf

captaincold : i once dreamt of blowing up in a doctor who level time machine shit

captaincold : also that i lost my hand somehow??

spACEbar : that explains so much

lesbianda : … what does it explain

spACEbar : sometimes he just zones out staring at his hand like he cant believe its there

snowflake : are you telling me 8 people in this chat almost died once/are sure they did die in some way or another

pipes : no thats insane they’re not all that crazy

notcis-co : i said what i said

detectiveprettybi : same i swear my chest hurts just thinking about it

captaincold : it’s been established that i am, in fact, crazy to some degree

heatwave : ^ cant argue with that

pipes : i have a question and it’s why do i always have the hots for the crazy ones

irisbest : maybe because youre not right in the head either

lesbianda : i love how iris comes online and immediately roasts hart

captaincold : truly iconic

pipes : cisco defend me

notcis-co : nah

irisbest : actually i wanted to congratulate oliver for making the local news

oliverqueer : i did what

bilance : not again what did you do

oliverqueer : NOTHING what is this about

irisbest : [video attached]

detectiveprettybi : so now you ARE bi???

oliverqueer : i??? Never said any of this??

oliverqueer : ah shit i know where this comes from

lesbianda : do tell

oliverqueer : i talked to susan williams from the college paper about the club bc they make you do that idk its college rules

oliverqueer : and adrian the fucker must have decided to pass it on to Actual News

notcis-co : and rewrite shit you said?

oliverqueer : basically

oliverqueer : i just said i’m in the community but even if i werent its important to support

irisbest : trust tv to make a sketch out of it that just is OLIVER QUEEN COMES OUT AS BISEXUAL

lesbianda : thats why newspaper is so much better lmao you have to write more than two lines to get published

babybibibi : love that rep tho thanks oliver

detectiveprettybi : its refreshing to see he didnt paint you as gay

bilance : lmao moira just called him

captaincold : whos this adrian figure

bilance : adrian chase, editor of the college paper, studies law and polisci, a fucking asshole

spACEbar : oliver should tell authorities about what the guy did

heatwave : i say we beat him up

notcis-co : mick you cant just beat everyone up

heatwave : i bet i can

bilance : moira will probably try to sue the guy

bilance : its not the first time oliver was on tv and certainly not the worst thing

oliverqueer : gotta do a press conference lmao

captaincold : rich ppl are wild wtf

babybibibi : what does she want you to say youre straight or what

bilance : well since she doesnt even know oliver likes men,,

oliverqueer : I only told her that I never said anything like that I have no idea how she interprets it

detectiveprettybi : whens the conference

oliverqueer : tomorrow. gotta fly to star in the morning

oliverqueer : hey Hartley unlock your door I gotta talk to you

pipes : ??? Ok????

irisbest : anyone else confused by what’s happening here

babybibibi : hartley probably annoyed the shit out of tommy again

bilance : as far as i know they didnt even see each other the whole day,,,,

notcis-co : since when is that even a reason not to be annoyed by him

lesbianda : im glad that dating didnt change your behaviour towards each other in any way

notcis-co : gotta keep my branding

heatwave : youre branding is fucking nerd

notcis-co : you know i dont even feel hurt by that

heatwave : shit

captaincold : i cant believe fucking cisco ramon ended mick

captaincold : proud of you lil one

Chapter Text

oliverqueer : you guys might wanna go on queen consolidated’s homepage

oliverqueer : oliver & co left about half an hour ago so the conference should start soon

bilance : lmao did ollie really forget his phone

oliverqueer : yeah fucking idiot

bilance : anyway im gonna rabbit it with nyssa shell love this drama

detectiveprettybi : tommy!!!!!! My man

oliverqueer : no

detectiveprettybi : rude

irisbest : ive got bar and snart with me to watch it

irisbest : wally too lmao

heatwave : i wish we wouldnt do this but linda just pulled out her laptop

captaincold : are you talking shit about me again

heatwave : 24/7

babybibibi : we’re online too

oliverqueer : im amazed how none of you seem to have a life

captaincold : rude

detectiveprettybi : i still cant believe theres a fucking press conference about this

bilance : moira likes to have them about everything

bilance : oliver: [breaks his toe] moira: SHIT GOTTA CALL THE REPORTERS

babybibibi : im lowkey scared of her

detectiveprettybi : same

oliverqueer : she’s… certainly one of a kind

irisbest : quote wally “she looks like she has just eaten something spoilt”

bilance : haha yeah thats moira

heatwave : old rich ppl talking is so weird

spACEbar : in the exact moment you wrote that snart imitated a rich old white guy talking

heatwave : yeah he’s got that down

heatwave : creepy af

babybibibi : fake it till you make it

detectiveprettybi : holy SHIT

irisbest : wow

detectiveprettybi : oliver in a suit is something,,,

lesbianda : he does clean up nice

bilance : ah i forgot it’s y’all’s first time

notcis-co : im gay

babybibibi : same

detectiveprettybi : same

heatwave : he looks bigger than he is

captaincold : fills out nicely

irisbest : shhh he speaks

captaincold : fucking hell why doesnt he just call out that clown

babybibibi : can you believe that oliver jonas queen is too nice for his own good

lesbianda : i didnt even know oliver knew so many words

oliverqueer : im always shocked when he says a proper sentence

irisbest : close friendship between two cis guys is so strange

babybibibi : hart and i arent strange

detectiveprettybi : dude you pretty much handed him your ex thats a lil strange

irisbest: Ronnie honey you're not cis did u forget


bilance : look at him go :’)

babybibibi : ive never been more proud of anyone saying they’re not bi

detectiveprettybi : ^

irisbest : how is he so good with words wtf

lesbianda : this is so cute wtf

lesbianda : “very much in love with my girlfriend” like?? aw?

spACEbar : it really is!!!! I love their love

heatwave : whats he doing now


detectiveprettybi : HE LOOKS SO TINY WTF

babybibibi : OH

lesbianda : HOLY SHIT

captaincold : damn that’s badass

heatwave : im impressed what the fuck


notcis-co : ive never been more attracted to him in my whole life

detectiveprettybi : wow

lesbianda : cisco loves his bad guys

lesbianda : why’d he ever date ronnie

babybibibi : rUDE

snowflake : aw hartley loves us

babybibibi : AAAAYYYY OLIVER

detectiveprettybi : when did he THINK about creating an emergency hotline thing for lgbt ppl

spACEbar : not all heroes wear capes

notcis-co : OH WOW

bilance : literally when did ollie fucking grow up

oliverqueer : idk probably when he switched from beers to coffee

detectiveprettybi : he drank beer before coffee????

heatwave : rich ppl

oliverqueer : we had a wild youth okay

notcis-co : can we talk about my boyfriend fucking ruining his parents’ lives

captaincold : sweet sweet revenge

lesbianda : oliver and hartley teaming up is something i never hoped for but it’s fucking GREAT

babybibibi : dat slytherin/gryffindor friendship

notcis-co : ^

spACEbar : ohhhh yes

irisbest : okay but we definitely need to take hartley shopping some time i feel like he only has 5 shirts

oliverqueer : he steals enough of ours tbh

oliverqueer : that one was mine

notcis-co : yeah and those are too big for him he always looks like a potato sack

lesbianda : bring back Well Dressed Hartley Rathaway 2k17

babybibibi : but make him look less like a nerd

notcis-co : ^

lesbianda : he /iS/ A NERD

notcis-co : true,,, but yall dont even know what he used to dress like before he was disowned do you

babybibibi : oh boy

babybibibi : [image attached]

notcis-co : [image attached]

babybibibi : [image attached]

spACEbar : originally i wanted to tell cisco that its not nice to share high school pics of people bc we all regret that time but shit

irisbest : IN COLLEGE????

notcis-co : my boyfriend is a fashion disaster please help him

babybibibi : sco your wardobe consists of graphic tees

bilance : tommy lets take him shopping as a christmas present

oliverqueer : why me

detectiveprettybi : bc you dress hot??

oliverqueer : well yeah

captaincold : take lisa with you she loves giving people a makeover

bilance : how many did you suffer through

captaincold : literally none i am fashionable

heatwave : pfff

lesbianda : i need pictures

heatwave : i have none sadly

babybibibi : smh mick what do we keep you around for

spACEbar : im still not over oliver doing this

notcis-co : ME NEITHER what a good

detectiveprettybi : if you think this makes me stop bullying him youre absolutely wrong

bilance : absolute legend eddie thawne

Chapter Text

pipes : friends, meet Shriekibald Fernando Arcturus Ramon II

pipes : [image attached]

snowflake : why is it wearing cisco’s name

pipes : I'm not burdening any other person with my surname

captaincold : relatable

pipes : when we marry I'll take cisco's name anyway so

detectiveprettybi : Snart you literally go by your last name wtf

lesbianda : OH MY GOD WHAT

irisbest : this is the cutest fucking shit I have ever seen

notcis-co : holy fuck

notcis-co : Hartley,,,, babe,,,, what did i miss

pipes : the birth of your son

captaincold : my first name is pretentious af and all the nicknames sound ridiculous what am I supposed to do pretty bi

heatwave : otherwise people would think hes human how awful would that be

irisbest : not even Leonard Allen sounds good poor you

lesbianda : why are y'all suddenly talking about marriage what is going on

pipes : disgraced sons with shit parents wbu

bilance : Oliver's a fan of hyphens

babybibibi : he did not talk about marrying you when you dated did he

bilance : nah but his notebooks have doodles of Smoak-Queen everywhere

spACEbar : cant believe you finally got your rat!

pipes : yeah oliver got him as a thanks for helping out

pipes : wouldnt have needed any encouraging to roast my parents but ill accept it

detectiveprettybi : honestly that was so great youre a fearless warrior hartley

heatwave : i have to agree

pipes : :^)

notcis-co : when are you guys coming back

pipes : oliver’s talking to moira about finances but i guess tonight

notcis-co : yay

captaincold : let me translate

captaincold : cisco cant wait to fuck the shit out of you

pipes : i earned it

lesbianda : true

snowflake : so oliver is really going through with that idea

oliverqueer : wouldnt believe how ambitious the guy can be

bilance : stubborn is more like it

oliverqueer : tomayto tomahto

spACEbar : its probably the christmas spirit tbh


snowflake : GUYS

snowflake : I JUST HAD AN IDEA

lesbianda : did anyone else notice cait is pretty much only here for screaming about something exciting

irisbest : yeah its cute

snowflake : SECRET SANTA

detectiveprettybi : oh no thats chaos

lesbianda : do we even know each other well enough for that

bilance : does snart even celebrate christmas

captaincold : hell its whatevs i dont even celebrate jewish hols

captaincold : tho that’d mean i have to buy 4 presents,

detectiveprettybi : id be so thankful if i only had to get 4 presents

heatwave : look on the bright side if you got bar or me you only gotta buy 3 after all

captaincold : true

lesbianda : so the presents you have to buy are really just for your sister, your best friend and your datemate? Thats the fucking dream life

captaincold : shit family life etc etc

pipes : high five

spACEbar : whom do YOU all get presents for?

oliverqueer : um if we all agree not to get each other anything just because then its quite a bit less

babybibibi : idk about yall but i wouldnt say no to a present from a billionaire

notcis-co : same

heatwave : ^

spACEbar : wait is this oliver again

pipes : yeah felicity hacked into his phone so he can use the chat

detectiveprettybi : fucking amazing

snowflake : we could just do secret santa and nobody would feel pressured to buy stuff for all of us how about that

spACEbar : that sounds reasonable

lesbianda : i suppose that’s okay

pipes : yeah i agree i have no fucking money so

irisbest : i agree

babybibibi : so are we all gonna meet up just to draw names from a hat

oliverqueer : i could ask felicity for an online alternative

oliverqueer : then we’d have more time to buy stuff and meet before christmas to exchange it

detectiveprettybi : sounds fine

spACEbar : also dont give each other tips on what to buy i want to see the most random things to happen

notcis-co : GOOD CALL

lesbianda : and after three months, we still continue to be a fucking mess

bilance : thats what friends are for

pipes : ohhhhh we should ask the rest of the quiver gang to join so that it gets even worse

detectiveprettybi : YES

irisbest : you just want to torture tommy dont you

detectiveprettybi : you know me

captaincold : im fucking in this sounds great

oliverqueer : i cant believe that caitlin and bar, the calmest people in this chat, did THIS

babybibibi : caitlin’s the worst around christmas

babybibibi : or generally winter

notcis-co : yeah its like she only comes alive when it snows

captaincold : fucking same

heatwave : snart’s just thrilled to finally wear his parka again

captaincold : it was fucking expensive so sue me for valueing it

pipes : cant wait to see you in it

irisbest : he looks cute in it

spACEbar : ^

spACEbar : besides of course, my boyfriend is not cute at all but hardcore as yall know

lesbianda : yeah we all tremble before him

captaincold : as you should

babybibibi : hey remember when we thought snart was this intimidating criminal when actually he’s a cinnamon roll

detectiveprettybi : looks like he could kill you, is actually a cinnamon roll

captaincold : yeah?

captaincold : you wanna test that?

spACEbar : len no

captaincold : youre really killing my authority here babe

bilance : better that than a person

oliverqueer : i summarize: secret santa is on, gotta ask dig, laurel, lisa and tommy whether they wanna join

snowflake : YAY

Chapter Text

oliverqueer : the quiver crew is in

oliverqueer : Lisa was the only one who really /wanted/ to but yeah

snowflake : nice!!!!

detectiveprettybi : oh i hope i get tommy

irisbest : why do you wanna kill him so bad

detectiveprettybi : someone’s gotta

oliverqueer : please don’t kill my best friend?

babybibibi : where’s mick why doesn’t he shout about wanting to kill someone

irisbest : class probably

babybibibi : oh whats he trying today?

lesbianda : nothing he’s actually properly studying 1 subject now

detectiveprettybi : say WHAAAAt

detectiveprettybi : why dont we know about this

lesbianda : bc he didnt do a big announcement in the chat?

irisbest : yeah ya gotta work for info bout mick irl

oliverqueer : your sibling is dating his best friend i wouldnt call that working for it

babybibibi : ??????

babybibibi : so what does he study???

lesbianda : sports science

oliverqueer : that sounds difficult as heck

irisbest : are you calling mick dumb

oliverqueer : WHAT NO

snowflake : ohhhh but that seems fitting

snowflake : he could put martial arts as his focus and blam he’d be happy

lesbianda : yeah thats what i said too

notcis-co : sitting next to hartley in physics is the worst decision ive ever made

babybibibi : oh boy

notcis-co : you’d think having his bf next to him would keep him from being thirsty but nah

irisbest : does anything keep him from being thirsty tho

detectiveprettybi : ^

notcis-co : anyway wells called him into his office and i hope he gets to blow him lmaoooo

oliverqueer : oh shit cisco’s pissed

snowflake : what does wells want from him

notcis-co : hell what do i know

babybibibi : maybe he finally gets a reward for sucking up to him

detectiveprettybi : maybe your prof got a restraining order

babybibibi : it wouldnt surprise me

lesbianda : wow is he really that bad

notcis-co : you have no idea

snowflake : heck yes he is

irisbest : incredible

detectiveprettybi : look on the bright side the guy’s been thirsting after you for ages i doubt he’d play with that

notcis-co : yeah no im not actually thinking hed cheat on me lmao

notcis-co : especially since he said i should wait for him after class

lesbianda : yeah youd know what a post-sex hartley looks like after all

notcis-co : right

captaincold : i heard about pipes having sex here i am

oliverqueer : that is not at all irritating

captaincold : thats our dynamic get used to it

spACEbar : yeah like even /i/ am used to it

irisbest : hey how was your lunch date

spACEbar : good until sara appeared out of nowhere and hollered at us

oliverqueer : yeah she tends to do that

bilance : I also tend to do THIS

bilance : [image attached]

detectiveprettybi : dramatic entrances?

detectiveprettybi : OH

irisbest : aw you cuties

lesbianda : who woulda thought Snart would do a thing so primitive as holding hands

bilance : he DOES look cute in this parka dontcha think

captaincold : this is a conspiracy

irisbest : shrug emoji

captaincold : wally is my favourite west now

oliverqueer : harsh

detectiveprettybi : why haven't I met wally yet :(

irisbest : because you don't feel like sucking up to my family?

detectiveprettybi : if we were actually dating I would jsyk

bilance : the ultimate sacrifice

captaincold : romantic

lesbianda : eddie has a crush on iris pass it on

spACEbar : aww

irisbest : everybody has a crush on me pass it on

irisbest : except for the gay sweethearts ofc

babybibibi : where are they even

oliverqueer : probably having a rl

captaincold : another one of pipes’ dream threesomes?

snowflake : oh for god's sake

detectiveprettybi : okay but that /is/ probably one of his dream threesomes

lesbianda : can you believe hartley is dating the guy that made him gay

snowflake : can a single person make you gay though

bilance : its an expression

babybibibi : a gaypression

captaincold : i need to clean my eyes

bilance : ronnie pls stay away from puns

babybibibi : :/

lesbianda : who was y’all’s gay awakening

detectiveprettybi : hugh grant

spACEbar : rdj in back to school

bilance : penelope cruz

captaincold : ewan mcgregor

babybibibi : EWAN MCGREGOR

babybibibi : good one

captaincold : loved the hair in episode 1

spACEbar : ,,, same

lesbianda : wait which one

babybibibi : [image attached]

bilance : why do they even have these braids

spACEbar : aesthetic

pipes : The World Is A Beautiful Place And I No Longer Want To Die

detectiveprettybi : isnt it called And I’m No Longer Afraid To Die

pipes : im starting my own band and that will be its name

captaincold : what got you in a good mood did you get to fuck your prof

pipes : no

irisbest : see that? He’s heartbroken

pipes : wells pretty much offered me a job

babybibibi : say whaaaaat

snowflake : what!!! That’s amazing!

pipes : yeah it’s nothing fixed yet

pipes : and nothing big either just some research at mercury but yeah!!!

captaincold : nice one

spACEbar : !!! that’s so good

pipes : said he originally wanted to wait until graduation bc College Stress™ but as it turns out wells keeps up with the queens

pipes : figured i could use it now already which isnt wrong

lesbianda : can’t believe hartley is the very definition of “it gets better”

pipes : so yeah just wanted to tell yall im gonna leave now i have my bf waiting for me

detectiveprettybi : have fun celebrating!!!

Chapter Text

oliverqueer : did everyone get that automatic message

detectiveprettybi : i did!

spACEbar : i loved the message’s text give felicity my love

bilance : since when do you hang out with felicity

bilance : also i got one

spACEbar : we ran into each other yesterday it was fun

pipes : i can see you guys getting along

spACEbar : :^)

captaincold : i got a message too

captaincold : lisa and mick too

snowflake : don’t tell each other whom you got!!!!!

snowflake : we got ours too tho

irisbest : Linda and I got ours too

notcis-co : I got mine too

oliverqueer : nice

notcis-co : I'm bored what's your fav bone

notcis-co : *VINE

spACEbar : I was so confused

detectiveprettybi : I bet Caitlin actually started to think about it

snowflake : … no?

pipes : she totally thought about it

snowflake : I'm becoming a doctor let me have a favourite bone

captaincold : I hope the next thing you say is that it's ronnie’s bone

pipes : IM CHOKING

notcis-co : yeah that's happens with xyr dick

captaincold : amazing

bilance : WOW

snowflake : CISCO

notcis-co : answer my question


irisbest : a classic

detectiveprettybi : do I LOOK liKe yOUr DaDDY

captaincold : two brooooos chilling in a hot tuuub five feet apart cuz they're not gay

pipes : go suck a dick suck a dick suck a motherfucking dick suck a huge or smaaall diiiick

spACEbar : fuck this shit I'm out

detectiveprettybi : “I don't get it. Do you like boys or girls” - “YES”

notcis-co : ofc someone had to bring up Thomas Sanders

pipes : he's a gay legend babe

detectiveprettybi : snart literally brought up fucking smosh

captaincold : he isn't part of smosh any more you jackass

notcis-co : I can't believe you actually know that



oliverqueer : y'all know the one where dude plays minigolf and misses so he jumps into a lake?

oliverqueer : that's me in this chat

bilance : y'all forgot the best vine of all time

spACEbar : the one of Bieber and Adam Sandler bumping into each other?

bilance : when moms not home

captaincold : bar I love you but Jesus Christ you're the worst


pipes : great now I have this fucking melody stuck in my head

bilance : that's why its so great

snowflake : did snart just say he loves bar

irisbest : not the first time

detectiveprettybi : woooooooow

notcis-co : aw wow

spACEbar : :^)

bilance : #otp

bilance : for my birthday i want to live in your bubble of love

detectiveprettybi : when is your birthday

oliverqueer : christmas

irisbest : my condolences

bilance : its cool im getting twice the presents heh

pipes : wheres ronnie even

snowflake : currently contemplating life while lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling

captaincold : relatable

captaincold : that’s mick’s favourite acitvity

detectiveprettybi : i thought that was sleeping

spACEbar : same thing really

irisbest : i can imagine that

pipes : anyway tell xem to meet me at jitters this afternoon

snowflake : why

pipes : to hang out??? I feel like i havent chilled with xem in ages

oliverqueer : well you did have drama going on

notcis-co : it could have been worse

bilance : alternative title for this groupchat: “stay friends w/ ur ex!”

detectiveprettybi : and the new datemate of ur ex!

irisbest : this just proves that we’re all mature human beings

captaincold : i have never laughed harder in my life

notcis-co : dude youre almost 30 you gotta be a little mature

captaincold : there’s nothing i gotta do except like breathe

pipes : youre an inspiration snart

captaincold : thanks i try

oliverqueer : when do yall leave for christmas holidays? Then we can find a day to meet beforehand

irisbest : bar and i are staying at home anyways so it’s whatever

captaincold : we cant even leave that’s insensible oliver

notcis-co : fojfkffll

notcis-co : im only visiting my parents on christmas eve so?

pipes : ^

bilance : holy shit hartley is meeting your parents already

notcis-co : no he’s met them years ago

notcis-co : but as The Boyfriend, yeah

spACEbar : amazing!!!!

detectiveprettybi : so much gay shit is happening today i love this

detectiveprettybi : im leaving on the 23rd and ill only be back in the new year

oliverqueer : hm

oliverqueer : ill ask again when everyones online

pipes : good call

Chapter Text

ronnieraymond : behold for your favourite OT3

ronnieraymond : [image attached]

spACEbar : !!!! how did you guess

captaincold : quick question why isnt caitlin bones? Wouldve made more sense

detectiveprettybi : u look good in gold ronnie

notcis-co : lmao a) way too obvious b) the amount of times cait says ‘fascinating’ in one day is endless

bilance : incredible

spACEbar : so are you guys partying?

notcis-co : yeah the physics department has this party and ronnie, as an actual TA like one dreams of, has to attend

pipes : im glad i never applied for that job

notcis-co : youre just jealous bc u have no costume

pipes : jokes on you i have the perfect dementor costume

bilance : its the only thing he could come up with with his limited clothing

captaincold : thats almost sad

detectiveprettybi : my costume is sexy nurse

pipes : oh ym god

captaincold : wow

spACEbar : im going as the great saiyaman

spACEbar : iris is forcing me to tag along to the CCPD’s party which is weird but ok

notcis-co : i hope the helmet saves you

bilance : literally what the fuck is the great saiyaman

notcis-co : WHAT

pipes : uh oh


notcis-co : [image attached]

spACEbar : just one of the best characters in the history of television

bilance : oh an anime

spACEbar : i feel so attacked right now

detectiveprettybi : hey sara what do you dress up as

bilance : a motherfucking canary

detectiveprettybi : oh cool are you going out?

bilance : yeah the club tommy works at has a party

bilance : he’s going as merlin and made oliver dress up as arthur

bilance : wanted to make me lance(lot)

notcis-co : thats so uncreative that i love it

ronnieraymond : are we just ignoring #merthur

spACEbar : why are you all hurting me today

bilance : oliver’s second costume idea would have been robin hood

detectiveprettybi : going wild on the english legends i see

ronnieraymond : snart what about you guys are you going out

captaincold : probably hitting up saints & sinners at one point

notcis-co : are you dressing up????

captaincold : sure! I’m going as your local abusive childhood experience and mick is an average vin diesel role

spACEbar : so no costume is what youre saying

captaincold : dont have to impress anyone with my costume do i

spACEbar : you dont even need a costume for that

captaincold : aw

detectiveprettybi : stop flirting we still need to know what iris and linda dress up as

spACEbar : iris is raven baxter lmao

notcis-co : iconic

captaincold : mick says linda is dressing up as some tinkerbell character bc her family makes her take out kids?

bilance : i still can’t believe how well mick and linda get along

ronnieraymond : ^

captaincold : its the shit talking

pipes : can relate

bilance : hartley you wouldnt know what shit talking is when someone does it to you

notcis-co : ^

bilance : cisco i love you but nope youre probably shit at it too


detectiveprettybi : the john adams rap does not count you dont need to learn it by heart

pipes : rude

pipes : can i do it as a rap anyway tho

captaincold : white people should NOT rap

notcis-co : true

pipes : im gonna roast yall in six languages

detectiveprettybi : six??? Languages??


pipes : why do people always act like that’s a lot

notcis-co : wait since when do you know six languages i only know about 5

pipes : english, latin, spanish, french, japanese, asl

notcis-co : cant believe you learnt japanese

spACEbar : i wanna know japanese too

spACEbar : i wish i had taken a language in high school

bilance : i want a showdown between hartley and cisco in spanish

captaincold : pipes what the shit cant you do

pipes : have my life together apparently

ronnieraymond : #itgetsbetter

captaincold : why do you always make the niveau of the conversation sink by 100%

ronnieraymond : why do you hate me so much

bilance : the way to his heart is bad puns smh and you are bad at them

ronnieraymond : y’all are rude come cisco we’re leaving

notcis-co : we’re actually leaving, he just wants a dramatic exit

detectiveprettybi : don’t we all

spACEbar : okay joe wants to leave too

spACEbar : bye guys!!!!! Take care!

captaincold : call me if anything’s up

spACEbar : <3

detectiveprettybi : ffs just stop being cute

pipes : we’re leaving too bye from the mansion crew

captaincold : time for drinks!

detectiveprettybi : are you gonna wail in self-pity

captaincold : i’ve never known such a thing as pity

detectiveprettybi : amazing

Chapter Text

captaincold : the person i got for secret santa is getting the best present of their life

captaincold : i just won 200 bucks and i decided to just go wild

captaincold : this porter is so fucking bad at poker how is this possible

notcis-co : don't you have to be in your room at night

captaincold : nah Not necessarily

captaincold : with the right reason it's okay if I'm in the lobby apparently

notcis-co : why are you in the lobby

captaincold : my dearest roommate is fucking and didnt allow me to watch

captaincold : and what has you awake at 3:21

notcis-co : omg for real??? get some @ Mick

notcis-co : honestly if I knew I dicked around on my laptop for hours doing NOTHING

captaincold : smh the youth and its internet addiction

notcis-co : destroying the mattress industry with our not going to bed

captaincold : then again I do recall the sex positivity being higher than even in the 60s or smth so

captaincold : the mattress industry is safe

notcis-co : true,

notcis-co : anyway I have class tomorrow and I doubt bar would be happy with either of us if I fell asleep during an experiment

captaincold : bar being angry is a scary thing

notcis-co : IKR

notcis-co : it's so surprising you think they can't even feel anything negative and suddenly

captaincold : exactly! I have never feared for my life more than in that moment

notcis-co : oh my god what did you DO

captaincold : that's a story for another time

notcis-co : >:(

notcis-co : but ok

notcis-co : if you win any more money just let it be known I can always use some

captaincold : noted

captaincold : screw mick Rolf the Porter is now my new best friend


pipes : I can't believe my own boyfriend would betray me like this and not ask this question

detectiveprettybi : eye emoji

irisbest : I'd ask snart but he's sleeping in bar’s bed

detectiveprettybi : what even

irisbest : stopped by as soon as he was allowed to leave the building bc apparently it still wasn't safe

pipes : wow

pipes : but whoo

irisbest : he didn't tell

pipes : wake him up

detectiveprettybi : DONT GET IRIS KILLED MAYBE

bilance : are you telling me snart is at your house while bar is in class

irisbest : yup

irisbest : the fams cool like that with him

bilance : lemme guess your dad's not there

irisbest : nah he's sitting across from me

pipes : but did he tell them why he’s not in his own bed?

lesbianda : I can't believe snart charmed Joe

lesbianda : I need to hear this from himself I'll be over in ten minutes with donuts

detectiveprettybi : Linda is so iconic

bilance : we didnt both have gfs i’d have proposed already i tell ya

lesbianda : aw

irisbest : wally asks for a cupcake

detectiveprettybi : doesnt he have school

irisbest : honestly i have no idea but dad’s not saying anything so i guess it’s cool

bilance : your dad’s really chill all of sudden

bilance : is this snart’s influence

pipes : probably

heatwave : y’all are nosy bastards

bilance : are you still surprised by that

heatwave : good point

pipes : miiiiiiiiiiiiiickkkkkkkkkk

babybibibi : can’t believe i came online in this exact moment thank @ god

heatwave : who even said you know him wtf

detectiveprettybi : i know hartmon is real but i bet hart is flipping out bc you slept with yet another guy who’s not him

bilance : he’s not screaming

irisbest : did you just give them a shipname

detectiveprettybi : hell yeah

babybibibi : we do know him mick dont we

babybibibi : otherwise you wouldnt have said those words

captaincold : ffs it’s been ray

captaincold : i hope you have some food for me too @ linda

bilance : ray as in ray palmer

captaincold : hell yeah

detectiveprettybi : oh my god

detectiveprettybi : wait till oliver reads that

babybibibi : where is he even

pipes : @ felicity’s lmao

pipes : im having beautiful images in my mind i cant believe mick slept with ray

heatwave : fuck you snart

heatwave : i’ve only heard and seen good of him so it’s whatever right

captaincold : since when do you need references for fucking someone

bilance : oh my god

heatwave : snart’s pissed because i threw him out


heatwave : shouldve asked the detective if it would be okay for you to stay at his place for a night

pipes : pls i bet the only reason he’s allowed to even sleep in bar’s bed is bc they are in class

captaincold : pipes i trusted you

captaincold : but true probably

bilance : did you even get to see bar

captaincold : no :(

babybibibi : rip

babybibibi : aynway mick did you have fun ;)

heatwave : fuck yea

oliverqueer : oh my god

oliverqueer : why

pipes : now you can bond over having fucked the same guy!

oliverqueer : literally WHO does that

bilance : well

pipes : hm

babybibibi : bro that’s like a given

pipes : right?

detectiveprettybi : omg sara do you and your sister discuss how oliver is in bed

bilance : tommy joins too sometimes

oliverqueer : I FUCKING HATE YOU ALL

Chapter Text

bilance : omg lisa is a genius

captaincold : what did she do

bilance : spontaneously started teaching people how to ice skate

bilance : she's earning so much money

babybibibi : amazing

heatwave : Len taught her well

babybibibi : did he teach her to skate??? omg

heatwave : no I meant the whole exploiting ppl thing

babybibibi : makes sense

lesbianda : if shes still looking for a job, the arena could always use new teachers

detectiveprettybi : do you have a ladies’ outing

bilance : oh no hartley and tommy are here too

bilance : we were on our Give Hartley Clothes mission

babybibibi : so that’s why cisco became so flushed at his phone

irisbest : please tell me you took pictures

bilance : [image attached]

bilance : [image attached]

bilance : [image attached]

babybibibi : can’t believe hartley is actually capable of looking hot

captaincold : damn

detectiveprettybi : i want to bless whoever decided scrawny boys shall wear tank tops,,,

bilance : this particular choice was tommy’s

irisbest : omg does tommy wear tank tops

oliverqueer : you bet

spACEbar : oh god why did eddie just throw his phone across the room

heatwave : scroll up

spACEbar : oh

spACEbar : wow you did good

bilance : i’ll pass that along

bilance : lmao hartley is just resisting lisa’s attempts of showing him to skate so he keeps falling on his ass it’s glorious

bilance : and what are you doing on this fine saturday

captaincold : i’m throwing shit at nate’s head

oliverqueer : verbal shit or

heatwave : pages from a magazine

captaincold : he babbles more than raymond! Who’d have thought this to be possible!

bilance : wow mood

babybibibi : sco, cait and i are christmas shopping

detectiveprettybi : i thought we said not to tell the others whom we got

babybibibi : imagine that we all know people outside of this chat as well

babybibibi : though i know whom sco got because the guy can’t keep a secret to save his life

oliverqueer : dammit cisco

spACEbar : eddie and i are waiting for iris to finally show up

irisbest : give me ten minutes!!! You can prepare the hot dogs already or something

lesbianda : what are you doing

spACEbar : eddie has never watched an ep of stargate

captaincold : how did he live without having sam carter as his role model

spACEbar : that’s why youre my favourite

captaincold : and i thought it was my incredible tongue

babybibibi : excuse you what about daniel jackson, the man the legend

babybibibi : guy speaks like 30 languages and just won’t die

lesbianda : is he hartley

heatwave : did anyone try to kill pipes

oliverqueer : it wouldnt surprise me

captaincold : give the kid a break

babybibibi : youre his bodyguard after all??

captaincold : nah it just gives me an opportunity to fight oliver

lesbianda : fair

oliverqueer : i dont deserve this im a nice guy

lesbianda : speaking of!!!! You got bruce wayne’s support???

oliverqueer : yeah!

oliverqueer : i mean otherwise i’d have punched him in the throat on new years so

captaincold : are you telling me youre friends with THE bruce wayne

oliverqueer : rich people swag

lesbianda : does that mean youre gonna beat up lex luthor tho

heatwave : oh boy i read about that

heatwave : what a fucker

oliverqueer : i havent talked to him since we were kids

oliverqueer : maybe he’s mad at me for stealing his fave toy back then

lesbianda : so he refuses to let you shine and creates his own support system just to claim that “the more the merrier”?

captaincold : i mean. Have you seen the shit he was in the news with? At all?

captaincold : his political campaign is just “im rich bow down motherfuckers” and doing shit when its convenient

heatwave : what Len’s saying is if we knew a sniper hed know whom to pay him for

captaincold : do you think mark is still in juvie

heatwave : he might be already in normal prison

captaincold : damn

babybibibi : arent you two in the same room

babybibibi : cant you scheme out loud where nobody would have proof that they could pin on us

heatwave : youre right

lesbianda : i love those guys

irisbest : OH MY GOD

irisbest : OH MY FUCKING GOd.


oliverqueer : what happened

irisbest : you’d think they know fucking physics

irisbest : especially bar

irisbest : but no



lesbianda : WHAT HAPPENED

spACEbar : we were going to warm up water for sausages right

spACEbar : and i told eddie he could just put it in the microwave bc its faster and they dont need to boil anyways

spACEbar : and he put the whole pot in the microwave

babybibibi : the POT? Like an actual metal pot???

irisbest : yes

irisbest : and bar didnt realize it was wrong until i came in and heard the crackling sound


irisbest : now the whole apartment smells and the microwave might be dead im scared to test it

oliverqueer : please tell me youre in eddie’S apartment at least

spACEbar : yeah

oliverqueer : serves him right

bilance : and that’s someone who’s supposed to save our lives soon

detectiveprettybi : listen im fucking sleep deprived and yall are annoying

detectiveprettybi : i didnt think

babybibibi : are you sure you didnt just. Not know

lesbianda : its okay eddie theres plenty of pretty boys who suck at life in general

heatwave : no fire?

spACEbar : no

heatwave : lame

detectiveprettybi : why is mick’s reaction my favourite

lesbianda : bc you have a huge boner for mick

detectiveprettybi : i mean

detectiveprettybi : that’s a given

Chapter Text

bilance : I think we can agree snart really did give the best present

detectiveprettybi : honestly. iconic

spACEbar : he doesn't disappoint

detectiveprettybi : ;)

oliverqueer : who even thinks about gifting a VIBRATOR

detectiveprettybi : take a look at this chat and tell me you're really surprised

oliverqueer : okay fair

heatwave : I'm betting 50$ that they're testing it rn

bilance : I think that's the only logical action rn

bilance : and Hartley DID insist on going to Cisco's even though the quiver is closer

spACEbar : I'm amazed that Hartley seems to be the only one who does NOT have sex in the quiver

oliverqueer : honestly same

captaincold : I hope he treats it well almost all the money i won from Rolf went into it

spACEbar : so selfless

captaincold : listen we got the guy all the essentials except for the one thing that matters most to him

oliverqueer : right I forgot sex toys are more important than a roof above his head

captaincold : shrug emoji

irisbest : how did Tommy like his present I didn't see his reaction bc everyone was so excited about Hartley's

heatwave : snarts a show stealer

bilance : he pretends like he hates it but I think he'll put the calendar up for the laughs

detectiveprettybi : i hope he'll like February we did a special shoot for his birth month

irisbest : ;)

spACEbar : I'd actually would have expected him to react differently to sexy pics of Eddie

captaincold : I fear we actually have truly lost him to the straights

heatwave : a sad day

babybibibi : on a related note i have a question

babybibibi : that fire he got you does that even radiate heat

captaincold : did you seriously wonder about that the whole time

heatwave : hell yeah it does it's awesome

babybibibi : how

heatwave : no idea

oliverqueer : you should ask ray I'm like 100% sure he's the mastermind behind that

heatwave : yeah well I figured it wasn't the rich guy

oliverqueer : ???? Ray is also rich?????

heatwave : oh right

captaincold : lmao he literally forgot about it bc he's never slept with a rich GUY

bilance : but women?

captaincold : ofc

bilance : the dream

detectiveprettybi : ^

captaincold : hey does it count as a sugar daddy when he's younger than you

babybibibi : sugar son

heatwave : hey pretty boy xe’s addressing you

detectiveprettybi : fuck you

detectiveprettybi : one of these days someone is actually gonna believe I have an incest link

bilance : YOU DONT?????

detectiveprettybi : don't make me pull an Oliver and say I hate y'all

captaincold : we'd cry ourselves to sleep

snowflake : I for one am impressed we even managed to meet up on such notice

irisbest : please were so chaotic that it works out again

spACEbar : I'd only trust this gc to manage to just drop EVERYTHING to be in place within an hour

lesbianda : I have now arrived at home thanks for the worries

bilance : I told you  you could stay with us

lesbianda : and then I'd have had to show up to uni without ANYTHING

babybibibi : you're a bad reporter if you don't carry your laptop with you at all times

lesbianda : I will literally fight you what the fuck

captaincold : oh yes pls

babybibibi : snart literally what have I ever done to you in my whole life

spACEbar : your puns are literally so bad they're not funny any more

spACEbar : he takes that even more seriously than Cisco

snowflake : it seems almost impossible

heatwave : snart would literally change his whole life schedule if it meant he could pull off a bad joke

heatwave : I'm talking from experience

oliverqueer : snart I'll give you my last name if you change the first one to 'drama’

spACEbar : I will not date a guy who's called drama queen

captaincold : sorry oliver no can do

bilance : aw

lesbianda : stop being cute what the fuck

spACEbar : ok I have a date with some comics anyways

captaincold : :(

spACEbar : gotta value what I got from Cisco

spACEbar : <3

heatwave : god how sappy

snowflake : they're worse than us

detectiveprettybi : worse than hartmon

bilance : young love :’)

captaincold : all of you need to shut the fuck up

heatwave : he blushed and went to hide in the bathroom

babybibibi : I love that we can all spy on each other

lesbianda : @ Eddie @ Cisco Team Living In Privacy

detectiveprettybi : hell yes

irisbest : can I just say how much I look forward to the holidays

snowflake : same

bilance : oh god I'd literally explode if I had your work load Caitlin

babybibibi : my gf is awesome af

lesbianda : can relate

oliverqueer : same

bilance : hard same

captaincold : women are great

heatwave : women are hot

lesbianda : I think even the gay sweethearts would agree with that

irisbest : the hashtag feminism is strong in this chat

snowflake : anyway what I meant to say is LAST DAY TOMORROW THANK GOD

detectiveprettybi : I need to pack tomorrow :/

bilance : same

oliverqueer : likewise

lesbianda : same

babybibibi : we're only leaving town for new years thank god

irisbest : staying at home swag

heatwave : hell yeah

detectiveprettybi : anyways im checking out text yall tomorrow

snowflake : same

lesbianda : sleep well!

notcis-co : hey snart thanks for Hartley's present

captaincold : you're very welcome

captaincold : ;)

Chapter Text

irisbest: merry chrsm!

irisbest : [image attached]

notcis-co : merry crisis!

detectiveprettybi : merry chrysler

detectiveprettybi : HOLY FUCK UP


irisbest : yes he insisted our smooth criminals come over today

notcis-co : i mean. It is only christmas eve but this seems so

notcis-co : committing

irisbest : he’s lecturing mick and lisa’s sitting on the floor giggling

irisbest : here she is!

irisbest : [image attached]

detectiveprettybi : hi lisa!

notcis-co : hi lisa!

pipes : where’s snart tho

irisbest : [image attached]

irisbest : they're being nerds over Wally's science project

notcis-co : incredible

pipes : nerds!!!!!

detectiveprettybi : keep your dick in your pants Hartley

pipes : who says it's ever been in them

irisbest : so you're home again already?

notcis-co : it's past 10 what do you think how long we can deal with my parents

detectiveprettybi : how did it go

pipes : Cisco made me leave shriek at home but it was okay I guess

notcis-co : my mum was positively surprised when she learnt Hart can sing

irisbest : aw

irisbest : ah shit dad wants me to break out the eggnog

pipes : lmao have fun

detectiveprettybi : their evening is either gonna become a disaster or its gonna be very wholesome

oliverqueer : they have both snarts and mick there i think its gonna be a disaster

notcis-co : okay true

oliverqueer : i would very much appreciate if oliver spent his evening without his phone so don’t expect him to answer

detectiveprettybi : damn tommy you seem like a jealous bf

notcis-co : how do you know it was tommy

detectiveprettybi : hope

pipes : and people say *i* am thirsty

notcis-co : babe when i asked what we should watch today you immediately went “nothing, let’s have sex”

pipes : well

pipes : AAAANYYYWAY where are the others

detectiveprettybi : youre almost as smooth as bar

pipes : shut up

notcis-co : im guessing linda is having fun w her gf, sara is god knows where and ronnie and cait are spending the evening together so

detectiveprettybi : wait a second

detectiveprettybi : are you guys actually just postponing your sex just to stalk others

notcis-co : damn youre right thats weird

pipes : :D

pipes : bye eddie

notcis-co : we’re actually gonna watch pacific rim but don’t tell him

detectiveprettybi : got it have fun

detectiveprettybi : damn now im alone  i played myself

detectiveprettybi : gonna do that literally now see you later

captaincold : thats a pleasant img thank u for that

irisbest : it really is

captaincold : eye emoji

captaincold : damn 1st ur dad gets my sister drunk n now ure gving me blue balls

spACEbar : go to sleep len

captaincold : baaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr

lesbianda : damn grandma esther even gets snart tipsy?

irisbest : dad insisted they sleep in the living room rather than go home bc even mick’s not sober any more

lesbianda : shiiiiiiiit

spACEbar : bless esther

captaincold : hey bar on a scale frm 1 to 10 how dead wld i be if i ask u to meet me in the kitchn

irisbest : very

captaincold : damn

spACEbar : rip

spACEbar : hey linda how was your evening

lesbianda : great

lesbianda : in case you didnt know i love my gf

irisbest : aw

spACEbar : sweet

spACEbar : anyway good night

captaincold : BAR

irisbest : alcohol makes them sleepy you wont get anything out of this snart

lesbianda : Give It Up

captaincold : :/

babybibibi : me reacting to caitlin being cute about christmas

babybibibi : [image attached]

lesbianda : are those actual tears in your eyes aw

irisbest : wholesome

babybibibi : no its the light reflecting

lesbianda : sure

babybibibi : i mean its not the only thing

irisbest : ???

lesbianda : what

babybibibi : …

captaincold : listn of u two y did u have th task to draw atttion onto the ring ur so fuckig bad at this

lesbianda : WAIT

irisbest : A RING?


babybibibi : we’d actually hoped more people would be online for this


captaincold : congrats

babybibibi : OKAY YES WE ARE

irisbest : OH MY GOD

irisbest : IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU

lesbianda : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

captaincold : pay up @ sara

babybibibi : wait what

captaincold : we bet whher u guys get enaged 1st or oliver and his gf

captaincold : sara puts to mch hope in her ex

lesbianda : incredible

irisbest : cant believe we have an engaGED COUPLE in this chat now

babybibibi : yeah were gonna celebrate now just wanted to tell you guys

irisbest : HAVE FUN

lesbianda : love is real

irisbest : great now im too giddy to go to bed hey snart im gonna meet you in the kitchen

captaincold : NO THANKS

captaincold : i had my reasons to ask bar

irisbest : were all aware of your ulterior motives but im definitely gonna eat some ice cream now

captaincold : …. ok

lesbianda : treat yourselves

Chapter Text


lesbianda : if I were Ronnie I'd be so offended

irisbest : xe was mean to bar let Eddie roast xem

irisbest : also happy birthday sara!!!!

oliverqueer : wait when was xe mean to bar

irisbest : kept saying that Mick is everyone's fav ace person here which is just plain wrong

detectiveprettybi : Mick is someone you'd like to beat up in a parking lot but don't dare to

detectiveprettybi : whereas bar is a sunshine whom you just love

notcis-co : that was so gay wtf

notcis-co : also true

oliverqueer : it'll take a while until sara comes online I guess

oliverqueer : she must have been up for quite a while

lesbianda : eye emoji

oliverqueer : Nyssa arrived last night

irisbest : ohhhh

lesbianda : hot

detectiveprettybi : aw

irisbest : bar and Snart are also still in bed

notcis-co : wait what

lesbianda : didn't joe tell snart to stay downstairs oh boy he’ll die

irisbest : dad fucking sent him upstairs so he'd at least get an hour of sleep

irisbest : he'd stayed up the whole night bc Mick hogged the couch

detectiveprettybi : rip

notcis-co : you should snap a pic of them so snart knows what it feels like

lesbianda : lmao are you still mad about that


detectiveprettybi : did we ever even discover whether you'd been COMPLETELY innocent

notcis-co : we'd made out but that was it

lesbianda : sweet Oliver owes me 20 bucks

detectiveprettybi : he'd have given them to you anyways if you'd asked

lesbianda : shhhh

notcis-co : trust wells to send an email on fucking Christmas

oliverqueer : who CHECKS their email on Christmas

detectiveprettybi : responsible people

detectiveprettybi : you should try it some time

oliverqueer : fuck u

lesbianda : also people who are out there for the post Christmas sales

lesbianda : not that you'd know about them

oliverqueer : im getting bullied for being rich i cant believe

irisbest : get used to it

irisbest : did wells give you new homework cisco

pipes : nah he gave me info about an appointment at mercury

lesbianda : look at our homeless deaf depressed horny gay kid all grown up

lesbianda : he has a job interview! We did so well

oliverqueer : when is it?

pipes : on the 3rd so if they take me i can probably start in the middle of january

irisbest : nice!

detectiveprettybi : i should probably send out applications soon too lmao

notcis-co : adulting is scary

spACEbar : it is

detectiveprettybi : they live!

spACEbar : lived for a while but someone was cuddly

lesbianda : shiiiiiiiiiiiit

pipes : im so sad that iris didn’t sneak in for a pic

spACEbar : [image attached]

irisbest : he’ll kill you

pipes : oh my god

notcis-co : im amazed that the only difference to his usual appearance is that his eyes are smaller

oliverqueer : damn even i don’t look this good after waking up

detectiveprettybi : this is amazing

detectiveprettybi : bar i will miss your presence in my life

heatwave : what did yall DO

lesbianda : scroll up

heatwave : damn kid got balls

pipes : don’t tell me snart started yellin at bar and woke you up

irisbest : he did he sounds like a vine


notcis-co : HOW IS HE SUCH A MEME

heatwave : there’s a hundred reasons yall could come up with and all of them are true

lesbianda : incredible

irisbest : ooooooh my dad is going upstairs

oliverqueer : rip leonard snart 1989-2017

detectiveprettybi : also rip bar allen 1997-2017

notcis-co : why are you so determined to mourn bar’s death

detectiveprettybi : stuff happens, people die and i’ll miss them

lesbianda : awwww

heatwave : they’re both alive

heatwave : avoiding the detective’s eye tho lmao

pipes : damn guys

irisbest : mick wake lisa up and get yourself into the kitchen i heard you make some nice scrambled eggs

oliverqueer : this is so domestic wtf

detectiveprettybi : speaking of i should probably pretend to be a good son and say hello to the parents

pipes : i wish we could meet mr and mrs pretty bi i’d like to know what genes caused a babe like eddie

lesbianda : just stalk him on fb????

pipes : you’re a genius

notcis-co : linda you need to print this out and frame it

notcis-co : everyone take out your calendars and write this down

notcis-co : the great hartley ratahkmeld,smsmee

detectiveprettybi : rip francisco ramon 1997-2017

Chapter Text

snowflake : Mick meet me at the gym and bring your boxing gear

irisbest : what even

heatwave : be there in 15mins

snowflake : good

irisbest : idk what shocks me more comments wanting to box or Mick just doing what she orders

irisbest : okay no the real mystery is how my autocorrect made comments out of caitlin

heatwave : I'm bored

heatwave : Snart is with bar visiting Henry and Lisa is building bombs for pipes room

detectiveprettybi : she is WHAT

heatwave : I'm pretty sure it's just balloons filled with paint

babybibibi : oh I hope she chose green green is a good colour for Hart

babybibibi : anyway Cait is pissed

babybibibi : we visited her mom last night and it's never pretty

detectiveprettybi : yikes

heatwave : ohhhh aggression caused by parents is my fave

irisbest : cue your friendship with Snart

heatwave : exactly

notcis-co : I love Lisa

detectiveprettybi : don't say that too loudly

bilance : betraying your boyfriend in two ways smh

babybibibi : speaking of where is he I wanted to tell him something

irisbest : sometimes I wonder if we all forgot that phones can do phonecalls

bilance : or that private messaging exists?

detectiveprettybi : at least none of the couple's here have sexted in the gc

notcis-co : he's showering

notcis-co : probably drowning his mood swings

irisbest : agenda for 2018: get professional help for hartley

notcis-co : he just goes from being sad bc first christmas without his parents to “fuck those assholes” and back again

detectiveprettybi : ah

detectiveprettybi : understandable

babybibibi : BY THE WAY

babybibibi : carla says that if mercury doesnt work out hartley should hit up tannhauser

irisbest : i love how hartley stole ronnie’s bf and it didn’t hurt their friendship at all

bilance : …………… don’t tell me caitlin’s mother is fucking carla tannhauser

babybibibi : well

bilance : incredible

notcis-co : will tell him

notcis-co : though idk if he’d like commuting to opal so often

irisbest : it’s a backup plan anyways

detectiveprettybi : i actually put opal as one of my backup plans wtf

detectiveprettybi : we could be roommates if we both end up there lmao

bilance : what other requests did you put @ eddie

babybibibi : ohhhh right you’ll be a proper cop soon!!!

detectiveprettybi : central’s my first choice, then star, opal, national, blüdhaven and also metropolis for good measure

irisbest : i love how the last two are so close to gotham and yet

detectiveprettybi : listen if there’s one thing that’ll make me hate my job it’d be working in gotham

bilance : real gotham is a shithole

bilance : i’ll chat up bruce wayne on sunday and go “yo wtf is wrong with your city”


bilance : along with other less hot public figures, yes

bilance : i love when moira throws parties

irisbest : ohhhh can i make an appearance as well

irisbest : for… research

detectiveprettybi : for science!

bilance : sadly it requests invitations

notcis-co : why do i get the feeling you don’t even have one

bilance : you’re absolutely right but i have a plan

bilance : it’ll take a little too long to fix thea’s hair and then the party’s already started when i try to leave etc etc

irisbest : good plan

pipes : i wouldve said hey ronnie tell caitlin’s mum my thanks but if i do happen to apply there i might see her before you

pipes : also damn i want to have a chat with bruce wayne too

babybibibi : actually really likely

detectiveprettybi : how did you even speak to her about hart

babybibibi : she asked if cisco’s already looking for a job for after graduation and i was like no but his bf is

irisbest : wait did she know you used to date both cisco and cait

babybibibi : yeah but honestly she doesn’t care about relationships of any kind so yeah

bilance : pfff

detectiveprettybi : in the (probable) words of one mick rory: relatable

irisbest : does sound like him

detectiveprettybi : anyway where is oliver i need to speak to him about this party

pipes : i thought you had to pretend to be a good son

detectiveprettybi : im sitting in the living room with my parents i think that counts as being good

detectiveprettybi : i’d even taken them out for breakfast this morning

irisbest : you fucking prime example

bilance : either oliver is out with felicity or chilling with thea and tommy

detectiveprettybi : sibling time!

pipes : one day oliver will puncture YOU with an arrow

detectiveprettybi : oliver can puncture me any time

pipes : wow

bilance : wow

irisbest : wow

notcis-co : wow

babybibibi : wow

detectiveprettybi : okay i just mentioned to my mum how im friends with oliver queen now i gotta answer questions

detectiveprettybi : see you in 5 hours

notcis-co : karma

babybibibi : since my gf is currently occupied is anyone up for a movie

pipes : we don't have anything better to do anyways

irisbest : I'm in

babybibibi : nice meet y'all at jitters in ?? 30 minutes?

irisbest : sounds doable

notcis-co : LETS GO WATCH COCO

Chapter Text

snowflake : were leaving in a bit and Ronnies family is very anti phones so happy new year from us!

detectiveprettybi : what do you mean anti phones

notcis-co : I was there once and they confiscated my phone at the front door

lesbianda : wtf

oliverqueer : are they Mormons

notcis-co : could be not sure



detectiveprettybi : what is happening


lesbianda : …. Okay?


notcis-co : who




irisbest : god am I happy I'm not home

pipes : what was that

spACEbar : book of Mormon

spACEbar : it's this parody musical by the dudes who made south park

pipes : I'm

pipes : eye emoji

spACEbar : I'll lend you the soundtrack

bilance : bar you're really decking all the nerd areas aren't you

detectiveprettybi : HONESTLY

detectiveprettybi : sci-fi, comics, weeaboo, musicals, science

spACEbar : don't forget the whole ace thing, heard that's a big characteristic of nerds

notcis-co : fuck big bang theory

bilance : someone is awfully sarcastic

pipes : what is everyone doing for nye

lesbianda : pls capitalize it I thought we had to do something for Bill Nye the science guy

notcis-co : bill new years eve the science guy

bilance : well I'm going to a big rich people party

oliverqueer : I'm not even considering arguing you'll do it anyways

bilance : right on

spACEbar : I'm chilling with Mick and the Snarts

bilance : ohhhhhhh

detectiveprettybi : I'm gonna hook up with someone I decided

pipes : nice

notcis-co : Hartley's been determined to shows me some emo live act before the year ends so that's what we're doing

oliverqueer : Hartley,

bilance : god

lesbianda : iris and I are going out!

irisbest : yes!

irisbest : I'm determined to find the hottest guy and make out with him

detectiveprettybi : sadly I'm not there,

spACEbar : not narcissistic at all

irisbest : should get your ass here

detectiveprettybi : soon

lesbianda : what are the family of hell doing with you bar

spACEbar : no idea probably get drunk and play strip poker or smth

pipes : what a waste

pipes : no offense but like of all people to get naked in front of

spACEbar : none taken

spACEbar : I'm also glad you're confident in me making them lose

notcis-co : can't be worse than Rolf

oliverqueer : true

lesbianda : leave Snart's best friend alone

detectiveprettybi : speaking of.

detectiveprettybi : where are mick and snart /now/

lesbianda : mick has business to take care of

bilance : rip @ whoever

pipes : what about snart? Bar?

spACEbar : huh no idea

notcis-co : what! You mean you don’t constantly text when you’re not around one another?

irisbest : no usually they talk on the phone

bilance : awwwwwwwww

lesbianda : gay

oliverqueer : unacceptable ur poor phone bills

lesbianda : says the rich guy

oliverqueer : fuck off i get to chill with bruce wayne today

detectiveprettybi : honestly when will you introduce me to one of your rich friends

bilance : he only has a few

bilance : bruce, ray, tommy ????

bilance : so you met most of them already

oliverqueer : i met maxwell lord once but like lex, he’s an ass

notcis-co : aw i love lord’s inventions tho

lesbianda : yeah well i like maggie stiefvater’s books too doesn’t mean i have to like /her/

pipes : tru

detectiveprettybi : i think oliver should have a gala just for his lgbt programme and invite its sponsors

pipes : eddie’s so thirsty

detectiveprettybi : says hard-gay gayagay

pipes : gotta get my name changed at last

bilance : thea just clled me over so i will see y’all in the new year i guess

bilance : take care!

detectiveprettybi : kiss bruce from me!

irisbest : from us all

notcis-co : ^

pipes : well yeah

oliverqueer : y’all are impossible

spACEbar : the agenda for 2018 is to become more impossible

lesbianda : i’m not sure i want to live to see that tbh

Chapter Text

notcis-co : good morning i feel like straightening my hair and putting on eyeliner

lesbianda : oh but that would look good

notcis-co : no it wouldnt

notcis-co : it didnt even look good in 2009

oliverqueer : you were 12 in 2009 nobody looks good with 12

notcis-co : did oliver queen just basically say im hot now

notcis-co : i win at life

detectiveprettybi : can we make Hartley wear eyeliner to live up to his emo self and also look hot af

oliverqueer : Eddie do you have any type at all or do you just take whatever

detectiveprettybi : do YOU have a type

notcis-co : translate: and is he somehow compatible to that type

bilance : oliver’s type went from ‘whatever’ to ‘adorkable nerd’

lesbianda : should be dating bar then

detectiveprettybi : yeah why arent you dating bar

oliverqueer : i value my life in contrast to snart

bilance : i gotta be real not the answer i expected

oliverqueer : also i already have a gf whom i love a lot

bilance : there it is

lesbianda : smitten oliver is always such a mood

bilance : speaking of moods i have something for eddie

bilance : [video attached]


detectiveprettybi changed their username to detectiveprettygay


lesbianda : one day this joke will get old

pipes : jesus man eddie your name rolls off his lips perfectly

detectiveprettygay : other thigns could roll off his lips too

notcis-co : wow

oliverqueer : wow

lesbianda : wow

pipes : wow

bilance : wow

irisbest : wow

irisbest : that was so bad

pipes : i love iris’ impeccable timing

irisbest : here to please

detectiveprettygay : i got a personal message from bruce wayne let me live

bilance : even got a you a wink out of it

detectiveprettygay : finally new material for private sessions

pipes : mood

oliverqueer : change of topics

oliverqueer : where are the others

notcis-co : last i heard was bar’s shoutout to the world at midnight

lesbianda : it was v cute

detectiveprettygay : summary of them rlly

irisbest : ^

bilance : does anyone have new years resolutions

lesbianda : participate in the feminism panel at this year’s NNA con

irisbest : ohhh are you going?

lesbianda : yes! I hope i catch a glimpse of lois lane

lesbianda : OR CAT GRANT

pipes : you know an enthusiastic linda park scares me

bilance : good you better be scared of her

detectiveprettygay : she fucking befriended mick rory you should be scared of her

irisbest : i once saw linda, a lesbian, flirt with captain singh, a very serious gay man, and get him to blush

notcis-co : holy shit

pipes : a legend

spACEbar : we started the year with a visit to the ER so 2018 is already off to a great start

lesbianda : i wish i could say i’m surprised


spACEbar : yes dw snart and mick just started a fist fight around midnight

pipes : it’s 11am did you spent 11 hours in the ER

notcis-co : why the hell

spACEbar : it’s fucked up lmao

oliverqueer : honestly what isnt in this chat

detectiveprettygay : ^

spACEbar : well my dearest bf was pissed at mick the whole time bc shit

spACEbar : but he exploded when mick kissed me at midnight

lesbianda : i have so many questions

notcis-co : WHY DID /MICK/ KISS YOU

irisbest : i. What

spACEbar : apparently they’re usually each other’s NYE kiss but obvsly i was there this year and snart felt obligated to kiss me

bilance : aw what a nerd

spACEbar : so lisa was like yeah sure ill kiss mick


spACEbar : so they kept fighting and at midnight mick just grabbed me it was actually pretty ridculous

pipes : snart really is such a drama queen

detectiveprettygay : and then?? They beat each other up?

spACEbar : pretty much

spACEbar : seemed to be a great stress relief tho now they’re tight as ever

irisbest : what else were they pissed about

lesbianda : snart demands to know everything that mick does, ever

lesbianda : would piss me off too

oliverqueer : well snart seems to be 80% of mick’s impulse control so i understand him

spACEbar : they’re each other’s impulse controls tbh

spACEbar : but i think they talked enough shit at each othe rin the ER to be back to normal

notcis-co : yay!

pipes : is either of them really hurt

spACEbar : len’s got a light concussion and mick’s eyebrow had to get stitched

irisbest : jesus

irisbest : better not tell dad in detail about this evening

spACEbar : yeah

bilance : im so offended that we finally got our in-club fist fight and only bar was there to witness it

pipes : they really get it all

notcis-co : bar deserves all the best in the world let them

detectiveprettygay : can’t argue with that

irisbest : true

oliverqueer : you’re absolutely right

spACEbar : aw you guys

lesbianda : we’re so wholesome

irisbest : 2018 has us all dress up in pastel and wear flower crowns

captaincold : no

Chapter Text

detectiveprettygay changed their username to detectiveprettybi


detectiveprettybi : now that i’m back in central i am done living a lie

irisbest : you’re back!!! We should have a party

pipes : no

pipes : i have a job interview tomorrow i’m not gonna party

bilance : he’s even sleeping in the quiver tonight

heatwave : does sleeping with the small one leave visible marks

babybibibi : yes

bilance : pfpfpfpf

bilance : ronnie comes back from xyr mormon parents and first thing xe does is call out xyr ex, iconic

babybibibi : my parents aren’t mormons wtf

irisbest : we agreed that they are, catch up

babybibibi : give me a few minutes

spACEbar : hartley im positive you’ll rock your interview

spACEbar : when in doubt do the whole ‘pity me im a gay deaf homeless dude’ spiel

pipes : wtf i dONT WANT PITY

irisbest : your loss

irisbest : sometimes you gotta know when to play it up

lesbianda : ^

captaincold : it’ll be a cruel day when i take my past to my advantage

heatwave : snart: i don’t ever want to share anything about myself or my past

heatwave : snart: hints at his past at every possible moment

captaincold : shut the fuck up

oliverqueer : im glad we have the one person who can call out snart and live to tell the tale around

oliverqueer : otherwise we might forget he’s a human rather than a demon

heatwave : nope he’s a demon

lesbianda : snart IS a demon i tell you

spACEbar : here i thought i fulfilled my dream of dating a supernatural being

spACEbar : </3

oliverqueer : …

oliverqueer : each and every one of you is awful

babybibibi : oh my god we missed out on a FIST FIGHT

babybibibi : im so SAD

lesbianda : does anyone here NOT have a violence kink

lesbianda : i’m impressed there was actually 5 full minutes of silence responding to this

heatwave : aint no liars

coldwave : yeah we have principles

detectiveprettygay : you know the fact that it’s you guys saying that is kinda weird

detectiveprettygay : anyways i do feel like going out so anyone up for saints & sinners

notcis-co : yeah sure

irisbest : count me in!

spACEbar : nope not risking it

captaincold : bar if iris is going there the detective will already know

oliverqueer : you can do a whole tale on how you went to protect her

spACEbar : pls if anything he’ll believe if she watched me

irisbest : ^

lesbianda : very true

captaincold : yeah

heatwave : it’ll be fine the detective knows it’s a safe space lmao

oliverqueer : do they have a list of those in the precinct

irisbest : no

detectiveprettybi : i will put up one in my precinct and nobody will be able to stop me

bilance : legend

pipes : did mick and detective west have a convo about lgbt issues on christmas

heatwave : no on the 31st

heatwave : it was scheduled and all

babybibibi : eye emoji

notcis-co : are you serious

lesbianda : yes he is

captaincold : yup

heatwave : do i look like im joking

captaincold : he never jokes, not ever, never happened

lesbianda : [john green voice] has this ever happened before? It is the first time in the history of all in the world where--

irisbest : u just used and altered a 4 year old meme why are you like this

lesbianda : you knew from top of your head how old the tfios movie is why are YOU like this

irisbest : shut up the movie is good even bar cried

notcis-co : bar cries at everything that’s no proof

spACEbar : i’d be offended if this wasn’t true

oliverqueer : also the movie IS good

irisbest : i love you oliver jonas queen

oliverqueer : and i love you random citizen

notcis-co : did he just

babybibibi : yep he quoted a dreamworks movie

notcis-co : i gotta say that’s hot


babybibibi : i missed hart’s shouting

bilance : he shouts literally every day you just don’t see him often enough

notcis-co : sometimes he screams too

lesbianda : wow

babybibibi : filed under: things i didn’t need to know

pipes : anyway mick why do u talk to west about safe spaces

heatwave : not exactly

heatwave : i said i need to extend my curfew and he asked why so i told him about saints & sinners etc

oliverqueer : is anyone else confused

detectiveprettybi : for once in my life i am exactly as much in the dark as you are

oliverqueer : fuck you

lesbianda : jesus mick got a job as a bouncer there, the end

irisbest : i love how coldwave keep trying to be mysterious and we just dont let them

notcis-co : love dat shipname

pipes : i cant believe mick got a job before me

babybibibi : oh mick! I’m so happy for you!

bilance : sometimes i want caitlin to become my own motivational speaker

babybibibi : why are you all so good at spotting who’s talking

detectiveprettybi : dude

detectiveprettybi : it’s not that deep

irisbest : ok cool so are we getting drunk now

captaincold : miss west’s got her priorities straight

notcis-co : yes let’s!!!

pipes : you all go on without me while i sit in misery

notcis-co : get a good night’s sleep babe we all know you’ll get that job

oliverqueer : what cisco said

babybibibi : truth

spACEbar : good luck tomorrow hartley!

Chapter Text

bilance : hartley get your ass down here bar made breakfast bc they’re too good for this world

pipes : what the hell is bar doing at the quiver at 9 in the morning

bilance : well

pipes : is that tommy i hear shouting

bilance : haha yeah about that

bilance : everyone crashed here safe for snart and mick basically it’s fun

pipes : are you saying my boyfriend is here and did not sleep in my bed


notcis-co : now come downstairs i brought you one of those chocolate muffins

pipes : …. Fine

captaincold : why does nobody remember that private chats exist for lover’s quarrels

irisbest : who’s gonna tell tommy he can come out of his room again now that hartley’s gone

detectiveprettybi : no idea snart but if youre interested we’re all still here except hartley & oliver BUT dig even made his scrambled eggs

heatwave : YES

irisbest : we’re just staying here until hartley’s back so we can party

spACEbar : i feel like we never stop partying

captaincold : bar you don’t even drink

spACEbar : but i’m always there!

detectiveprettybi : bar’s literally dating a criminal but when it comes to underage drinking they cut the line

irisbest : can’t wait for their birthday

notcis-co : im exciting to see what kind of drunk they are

spACEbar : are you all really planning on getting me drunk on my birthday

notcis-co : yes

detectiveprettybi : yes

irisbest : yes

captaincold : yes

spACEbar : this is a conspiracy and my loved ones are th evil-doers

captaincold : the countdown starts today, you have 70 days left

notcis-co : please tell me you did not actually calculate it just now

captaincold : nah i checked on my phone

detectiveprettybi : will oliver ever come home

lesbianda : i thought hartley was the one who’s always horny

detectiveprettybi : i’m not horny for oliver!

detectiveprettybi : i just want to bully him

spACEbar : “not horny for oliver” is the greatest lie you have ever told

detectiveprettybi : what the fuck

detectiveprettybi : betrayed by bar allen

detectiveprettybi : listen i planned a whole FUTURE for us

irisbest : i…

irisbest : what

detectiveprettybi : we’ll meet up before work and catch up

detectiveprettybi : and then we’ll grab lunch together later, occasionally joined by others

detectiveprettybi : and the cases we’ll close together!

detectiveprettybi : but all this is ruined now

detectiveprettybi : STOP LAUGHING AT ME

detectiveprettybi : im documenting this injustice for hartley and oliver im sure theyll have my back

detectiveprettybi : snart and mick just arrived and told me to stay away from bar

oliverqueer : were you cuddling with them

detectiveprettybi : maybe

oliverqueer : how did nobody take your phone away yet

detectiveprettybi : they dont know im texting

detectiveprettybi : ninja skills

oliverqueer : eddie youre writing into a chat they are all in im sure someone will notice

detectiveprettybi : …. Hm

detectiveprettybi : phone acquired

detectiveprettybi : ollie when are you home i need someone sane near me

oliverqueer : we just left felicty’s apartment dw tommy

lesbianda : such a  bromance

snowflake : bromance - the ultimate “no homo”

lesbianda : ok u know what if i hadn’t seen you type this i’d have thought it was ronnie

lesbianda : finally you guys are becoming indistinguishable

lesbianda : is that a word?

oliverqueer : you tell us, you’re the reporter

lesbianda : it’s too early to think about this

oliverqueer : it’s half to two in the afternoon

detectiveprettybi : lina slept till like half an hour ago

oliverqueer : lina

snowflake : lina

lesbianda : LINA?


lesbianda : aaaaaaaaaaand he put it away

oliverqueer : did he give it back to eddie?

lesbianda : nope!

oliverqueer : classic tommy

oliverqueer : i’m bringing donuts but don’t tell anyone

snowflake : you’re the best!

oliverqueer : finally

pipes : i am hereby putting ronnie in charge of celebratory music

pipes : u did not all put your phones actually away NOW

pipes : GUYS





Chapter Text

babybibibi : u know of all the people in this chat i’d never have guessed hartley and mick would be the ones to first get a job

detectiveprettybi : ikr i would have thought caitlin or linda maybe

oliverqueer : is it really working if it’s not at least five days a week

captaincold : yes it fucking is you dickhead

detectiveprettybi : go oFF

captaincold : asshole probably never had a real job in his fucking life

babybibibi : snart are you okay

captaincold : peachy

detectiveprettybi : i feel like we should get either mick sara or bar to deal with this

babybibibi : why sara

detectiveprettybi : she’s scary and rn im scared of snart

captaincold : good

oliverqueer : actually im wounded

captaincold : GOOD

babybibibi : is this your version of talkative bc then i prefer the silent treatment

heatwave : it’s his version of procrastination, just ignore him

captaincold : shut the fuck up

oliverqueer : what exactly is he procrastinating

heatwave : he’s got a big essay do as a final on one of his classes

heatwave : obviously he’d forgotten about it until last night

heatwave : it’s due in three days and he doesn’t even have an idea yet

babybibibi : boy am i glad us science dudes don’t have to write essays

captaincold : well yeah gOOD FOR YOU YOU ASSHOLE

detectiveprettybi : i feel really weirded out by this

oliverqueer : yeah you and me

heatwave : tell me about it i fled from the apartment

babybibibi : finals really bring out the worst in people

detectiveprettybi : im glad i only have one oral exam

oliverqueer : i bet you’d prefer something else oral

detectiveprettybi : OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH


heatwave : that was so fucking bad

lesbianda : trust mick to keep yall in check

babybibibi : LINDA!!!!

babybibibi : pls bullshit an essay topic for snart we’re bad at this stuff

lesbianda : which class?

captaincold : history of east asian art

lesbianda : flip through bar’s mangas and compare some panels to traditional art

captaincold : that’s

captaincold : a good idea

oliverqueer : did he really just admit someone else had a good idea

oliverqueer : finals are truly breaking snart

captaincold : shut the fuck up im not a sociopath

heatwave : you are a little bit

detectiveprettybi : arent we all

lesbianda : no we aren’t.

lesbianda : we definitely aren’t

pipes : sup losers guess who just boned for 10 hours

lesbianda : …

lesbianda : we’re just really really weird human beings who have no sense of privacy

oliverqueer : good for you!

oliverqueer : but how

babybibibi : cisco’s extremely horny the days leading up to his period

pipes : basically everything’s going my way at the moment

detectiveprettybi : amazing

lesbianda : i don’t even know what to say

lesbianda : hey mick are you still on the run lets meet for coffee

heatwave : sure thing

babybibibi : thats code for you guys are gonna discuss what kind of fuckboys we are today isn’t it

heatwave : yes

oliverqueer : you know who’s a fuckboy?

bilance : 2010!oliver?

oliverqueer : i feel attacked

bilance : good

detectiveprettybi : legend

pipes : okay but i wanna know who the present day fuckboy is

oliverqueer : nate

babybibibi : do we know nate

bilance : nate heywood, ray’s “””best friend””””

detectiveprettybi : why the quote marks

oliverqueer : we’re pretty sure they’re fucking

pipes : do queer fuckboys exist

bilance : yes in the form of nathaniel heywood

babybibibi : i thought he was dating mick’s best friend who is neither snart nor linda

oliverqueer : arrangements can be made

bilance : yeah you would know

pipes : anyway im gonna go buy ice cream for cisco wish me luck

detectiveprettybi : yes i heard this so called real life is a dangerous place, i wish you the best of luck

pipes : you know what i cant tell if youre being sarcastic or not so im gonna ignore you

detectiveprettybi : first of all, rude

detectiveprettybi : second of all, i can’t tell either

spACEbar : okay you know what

spACEbar : youd think i’d have reached the point where whenever something weird is going on my first act would be to check the chat

spACEbar : but no it still is to be very confused for five minutes

oliverqueer : what happened

spACEbar : i came home to find my boyfriend flip through my mangas like a possessed person

spACEbar : and when i addressed him he flipped me off

babybibibi : oh my GOd

detectiveprettybi : i am shocked and alarmed

oliverqueer : we did say this before but snart really isnt himself is he

bilance : bar sweetie im so sorry that bitch would do that to you what the fuck

detectiveprettybi : bar i hope you are aware that no person in their right mind would ever show you the finger,

babybibibi : you should break up with him

spACEbar : what is happening right now

oliverqueer : subtle love declarations

bilance : yeah i think its safe to say we’re all a bit in love with you

bilance : except for eddie, he’s VERY much in love with you

detectiveprettybi : it’s true

detectiveprettybi : if it wasn’t for snart…

babybibibi : that’s gay

detectiveprettybi : :^)

spACEbar : aw you guys

spACEbar : idek what to say

spACEbar : except sorry eddie im not gonna break up with my bf

detectiveprettybi : its okay i made my peace with that

oliverqueer : communication is queer culture

bilance : it actually is! straights never talk to one another and thats why theyre all unhappy

babybibibi : straight ppl are weird

babybibibi : even my straight gf is weird

oliverqueer : oh mood

spACEbar : im gonna try to make snart eat something

detectiveprettybi : ill deliver a speech at your funeral

spACEbar : i wouldnt expect any less

Chapter Text

detectiveprettybi : oh

detectiveprettybi : uh

detectiveprettybi : oliver?

oliverqueer : what's up

detectiveprettybi : I have a problem,,

oliverqueer : how much money do you need

detectiveprettybi : wtf no money

detectiveprettybi : I uhhhh need a place to sleep

lesbianda : you have a flat

detectiveprettybi : not for much longer

oliverqueer : …

oliverqueer : what's happening

detectiveprettybi : my lease runs out at the end of the month

detectiveprettybi : and it wouldn't make sense to extend it bc I might have to move anyways

oliverqueer : hell you can totally crash in the quiver for a while

oliverqueer : only person you need to convince is Tommy probably

detectiveprettybi : ! :D that's easy I'll just use my charm

lesbianda : Eddie I think that might be the problem

detectiveprettybi : what do you mean

notcis-co : dude u pretty much strike him as the predatory gay type

notcis-co : very harmful when I think about it

detectiveprettybi : I'm not even fucking gay

lesbianda : still

detectiveprettybi : … I probably should apologize shouldn't I

notcis-co : yep

oliverqueer : honestly yes

lesbianda : duh

irisbest : aw eddie


notcis-co : DUDE

oliverqueer : oh!

oliverqueer : how did he take it

spACEbar : well only as ace bc I chickened out at the prospect of having to explain genders first

notcis-co : understandable

spACEbar : he took it quite easily actually he was mostly surprised that /Snart/ is cool with it

lesbianda : well

snowflake : did you plan to tell him?

spACEbar : not exactly?

spACEbar : i mean i did think about telling him a lot but yesterday it happened spontaneously when i asked if snart could stay over

notcis-co : so much happening here

heatwave : so that’s where he’s been i thought he was dead

spACEbar : you didnt even try callin ghim

heatwave : what is your point? Still couldve thought hes dead

oliverqueer : that friendship concernes me

oliverqueer : anyway so? Snart slept at your place? And joe was okay with it? Bc you said you guys wont have sex?

spACEbar : yeah and bc it was already pretty late, snart was tired af and i said we’d have to continue working in the morning anyways

lesbianda : and /are/ you working

spACEbar : … after breakfast

lesbianda : it’s noon

spACEbar : we slept in

notcis-co : you spent four hours cuddling didn’t you

spACEbar : dont judge


lesbianda : us all

heatwave : tell snart to get his ass going so hell stop being a bitch

irisbest : u know usually id call you out on using that term but he WAS being a bitch

oliverqueer : if im allowed to change the topic?

spACEbar : please

oliverqueer : tommy and eddie are going out for a platonic apologetic coffee later

notcis-co : incredible

heatwave : does pretty bi even know what platonic means

irisbest : contrary to popular belief, he does

oliverqueer : it took a while to persuade tommy to actually read eddie’s texts but yay

lesbianda : so eddie and tommy are gonna become buds now? Nice

notcis-co : why do i feel like this will end in a mess

irisbest : bc it’s a member of this groupchat

notcis-co : true

lesbianda : oh my god

lesbianda : joe just texted me

irisbest : ?????????

lesbianda : apparently im the resourceful queer in his life and he’s asking for articles about asexuality

lesbianda : [image attached]

snowflake : aw that’s so sweet!

notcis-co : joe west the best father figure

irisbest : :^)

pipes : im bored

notcis-co : youre at work

pipes : still bored

notcis-co : itS YOUR FIRST DAY


notcis-co : BABE,


notcis-co : if you concentrate now something else will be hard tonight

pipes : oh

pipes : huh

pipes : okAY

oliverqueer : if prostitution is getting money for sex what is it called when you work and sex is the payment

lesbianda : a sexual relationship

irisbest : oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh

notcis-co : yeha but basically she’s right

detectiveprettybi : is this a bad moment to announce that i’m officially friends with tommy merlyn now

detectiveprettybi : facebook official even!

lesbianda : and snart is working on his essay! Miracles do happen!

irisbest : either that or he’s making out with bar

oliverqueer : eeeehhh i know where im placing my money


detectiveprettybi : HELL YEAH

Chapter Text

heatwave: who wants to know their name in mick’s phone!!!!

babybibibi: the scary thing is idk who’s speaking

babybibibi: like i assume it’s not snart but is it bar or linda or lisa

heatwave: linda

heatwave: the nicknames are kind of obvious but well

pipes: i wanna know!!!

heatwave: … pipes

pipes: that’s really unspectacular

pipes: whats cisco

heatwave: tiny

oliverqueer: lemme guess mine is ‘billionaire’

heatwave: yeah

oliverqueer: he sticks to the basics doesnt he

captaincold: yeah mick’s not good with real names

heatwave: snart’s “bastard”!

heatwave: and lisa is “the good snart”

pipes: inspiring

snowflake: oh what am i!!!!!

heatwave: doll

heatwave: and ronnie is “bicon”

babybibibi: HELL YEAH

captaincold: his contact name for bar is based on the fact how easily they blush

heatwave: ah and i was wondering why they’re called red

pipes: i love mick

heatwave: im just gonna list the others too

heatwave: eddie is detective pretty boy

heatwave: sara is captain

heatwave: i’m “ACTUAL queen”

heatwave: iris is miss west

oliverqueer: should i feel attacked or not im not sure

captaincold: you definitely should

heatwave: ray is haircut, nate is pretty and amaya is hair

pipes: …… basics

heatwave: he has some more contacts but idk any of them

captaincold: emergency contacts, dw about them

babybibibi: how did you even get ahold of his phone

heatwave: he's currently arm wrestling this guy who just wouldn't leave the barista alone

oliverqueer: Mick Rory is an icon

babybibibi: where are the others even why are we never all online at the same time

pipes: bar and cisco wanted to watch that weird water monster movie

captaincold: oh right Guillermo the Dude

heatwave: what

captaincold: the director. Guillermo del Toro. He made Pacific Rim

babybibibi: ohhhh that's sco’s fav

babybibibi: so I guess it's safe to say he'd like the water monster

pipes: that reminds me I wanted to ask bar to go to the movies with me,,,

captaincold: why does everyone watch movies with my datemate

pipes: were musical buds now and the greatest showman is a thing that exists

captaincold: they didn't even go see loving Vincent with me!

captaincold: I feel betrayed

oliverqueer: didn't it come out in the summer

oliverqueer: you guys didn't even know each other

heatwave: and even if it was still on when you did know each other you had a reputation to uphold

captaincold: what do you mean I don't have one anymore??

snowflake: well you do kind of have a soft side

babybibibi: youre cuddly apparently and like art and sci-fi

snowflake: either you've been soft all along or bar is a big influence

heatwave: nah he's a big ol' softie

oliverqueer: hey Mick I assume you won

heatwave: ofc

bilance: when did Oliver become the one to switch topics

bilance: anyway is my favourite bi here

babybibibi: yes

bilance: oh darling

babybibibi: ik u don't mean me :(

pipes: youre my fav bi

snowflake: awww

pipes: Eddie had the opportunity to fuck me when we were both single and didn't take it

heatwave: I didn't fuck you either

pipes: yeah and I'm still mad about it

pipes: Snart gave me a bj at least

bilance: HE DID WHAT

oliverqueer: what


captaincold: damn pipes

pipes: shrug emoji

heatwave: he'd have fucked you if you hadn't been constantly cockblocked

pipes: yeah I know

captaincold: it's a sad tale really

pipes: anyway I'm getting some almost every day now so its really y'all's loss

bilance: look at that confidence

babybibibi: what did you even want from Eddie

bilance: ask if he needs a date for the graduation ball who is not related to one of his potential coworkers

bilance: and neither public figure nor a criminal

bilance: or a known lesbian

snowflake: I see that you're narrowing it down but it still leaves Ronnie, Cisco and me too

bilance: … and who's acquainted with the cop scene

snowflake: there we go! It's you!

bilance: yeah. It's me.

babybibibi: you know what I just realized

bilance: no I asked a question stop changing the topic

babybibibi: eddIE ISNT HERE

pipes: xe's got a point

bilance: >:/

pipes: what did you realize

babybibibi: so many people in this chat have first names as both their first name and surname

babybibibi: me, mick, bar, Cisco and Sara even has one for men too

captaincold: bar even has a second name

oliverqueer: I have a second name too!!

heatwave: still no member of our club

bilance: Cisco is Latino wouldn't that mean he has a thousand surnames

pipes: he hasn't listed them anywhere tho

babybibibi: he does have a second name however

heatwave: Linda demands to know it

snowflake: paco

captaincold: he chose well

pipes: ikr it's beautiful

bilance: gay

pipes: that me

oliverqueer: love speaking right there


heatwave: fuck I'm laughing

babybibibi: way to ruin a moment

captaincold: a sad day for you pipes



notcis-co: also bar should from now on be known as watermonsterfucker69

captaincold: I

pipes: HAH

oliverqueer: I am weirdly intrigued by that movie

spACEbar: shut uP CISCO

bilance: I have so many questions

spACEbar: iris and Eddie don't know what's good and left after half of the film

bilance: that answers one question

notcis-co: Guillermo del Toro is a genius and i lov him

pipes: I'm dating a fucking geek

babybibibi: knew that before!

pipes: true


notcis-co changed their username to guillermofucker69


oliverqueer: no


oliverqueer changed guillermofucker69’s username to notcis-co


notcis-co: rude

Chapter Text

irisbest : I hate finals week

lesbianda : mood

bilance : boy I know

detectiveprettybi : I regret going to uni




babybibibi : innuendooooo

irisbest : stfu

oliverqueer : I'm positive felicity thinks I'm an idiot bc I don't grasp the concept of math as well as she does

captaincold : I don't think THAT is the reason

spACEbar : Len be nice

captaincold : I'm stressed let me

lesbianda : I have to design an entire newspaper???? What the hell?

irisbest : I have to write about FREUD

bilance : yikes

oliverqueer : yikes

detectiveprettybi : yikes

spACEbar : yikes

lesbianda : yikes

captaincold : yikes

bilance : I have to write an exam about the ottoman empire

captaincold : I have to write a paper on William turner

captaincold : do you know how often I encounter Orlando bloom

detectiveprettybi : but he's hot

captaincold : yeah but heS NOT WHOM IM LOOKING FOR

oliverqueer : who is William turner if he's no pirate

spACEbar : a painter

spACEbar : I like his paintings of cathedrals

lesbianda : I googled him his paintings are soft

pipes : finals week is my favourite part of the semester because I don't have any

pipes : finally having to hand in lab reports every week has its perks

notcis-co : mood

notcis-co : though Garrick does give us a multiple choice tomorrow

spACEbar : yeeeaaahhhh we should scram for that later

notcis-co : at my place?

spACEbar : sure!

bilance : yeah I have a study date later too

oliverqueer : wtf with whom

bilance : zari from my class

lesbianda : do we know zari

bilance : lets just say shed be in this gc if she didnt hate people

heatwave : i hate people and yet im in this

babybibibi : why do i have the feeling that mick is always reading even when he doesnt say anything

heatwave : bc its like that

detectiveprettybi : i cant believe sara has queer friends even outside of this chat

bilance : lesbians are great

lesbianda : yes we are

snowflake : i have so many exams i dont even know when to study

pipes : rip caitlin

babybibibi : you can do it!!!

spACEbar : on the bright side if we survive this week its two and a half months of freedom

irisbest : boy am i looking forward to break

notcis-co : SAME

bilance : me too

babybibibi : do yall have plans

captaincold : again: city-bound

heatwave : work

notcis-co : break is usually the time i work and save up money for top surgery

notcis-co : but i guess ill visit family for a week or so

spACEbar : im gonna spend 1 week in national city and 1 week in coast city

bilance : sweet!

captaincold : wait what

irisbest : bar pls tell me you did not forget to tell your boyfriend youre gonna be gone for two weeks

spACEbar : uhhhhhhhh

spACEbar : HEY len

pipes : wow shit man

babybibibi : anyone else feel like grabbing popcorn

heatwave : nah they’re dealing like this on a phone call

notcis-co : i hate this oldschool couple

pipes : it’s snart’s age

notcis-co : true. An old man

bilance : stop pushing people into a mid-life crisis kids

lesbianda : hey eddie when is your police ball thing and also are you taking sara there now or not

detectiveprettybi : yes and it’s on february 3

bilance : i already got a dress, nobody needs to go shop with me

irisbest : :(

detectiveprettybi : i also already have a suit

irisbest : :(

bilance : sorry

detectiveprettybi : sorry

irisbest : it’s okay…. My heart’s broken……..

babybibibi : next time i need a suit you can help me shop for it

irisbest : !! :D

lesbianda : and when will our baby detective get to know where he can work

detectiveprettybi : im a baby now?

detectiveprettybi : i thought the babies were hartmon + bar

snowflake : i thought wally was the baby

snowflake : and lisa

pipes : no lisa is an ageless enigma

heatwave : right on

bilance : you’re all fucking kids, jsyk

notcis-co : are you our mum

bilance : yes

bilance : but not oliver’s bc i’ve had sex with him and that would be weird

babybibibi : stop invalidating eddie’s incest kink!

detectiveprettybi : jesus i thought that was a bad joke we’d all forgotten about by now

oliverqueer : does this groupchat ever forget about anything at all?


detectiveprettybi : oh right

detectiveprettybi : i should get to know at the end of february

detectiveprettybi : and then start working in the middle of march

irisbest : !!!! this is so exciting

snowflake : i hope you can stay closeby!!

detectiveprettybi : damn me too

detectiveprettybi : i dont even want to think about the possibility of leaving central

lesbianda : i should try my hand at drilling you into singh’s subconsciousness

babybibibi : innuendo?

pipes : innuendo!

detectiveprettybi : innuendo indeed

oliverqueer : im glad yall dont even need to type them out any more

notcis-co : yeah it lost its style

irisbest : it never had any to begin with

pipes : well true

detectiveprettybi : we’re blunt and you love us for it

spACEbar : we love you despite it

detectiveprettybi : aw bar loves me!

irisbest : bar loves everyone

captaincold : do i have to make a comment

spACEbar : nope

snowflake : wholesome

notcis-co : crisis averted?

captaincold : there was no crisis

heatwave : sure wasnt

spACEbar : snart’s not as jeaslous as yall make him look like

irisbest : hmmmmmmmmmmm

captaincold : screw you all

oliverqueer : hm yeah no

spACEbar : anyway i should get going to cisco’s place

notcis-co : yup!

spACEbar : omw

Chapter Text

snowflake : we better go out and drink once this week is over

pipes : shit finals broke cait

notcis-co : it’s wednesday already, you can do it!

spACEbar : only the oral exam left tomorrow then im freeeee

detectiveprettybi : how was the multiple choice

notcis-co : fairly easy

notcis-co : we still teamed up just to be sure

irisbest : ohhhhhhhhh bar is a cheater!!!!

notcis-co : actually we always had the same answers already so it wasnt really cheating it was just a “?” and then a nod

irisbest : ah damn

detectiveprettybi : lame

snowflake : im happy you guys had an easy one at least

snowflake : i mean so far i dont feel like i failed any of mine??? But i still have three to go

snowflake : im tired

lesbianda : aw can we help you in any way

snowflake : no i dont think so

lesbianda : <3

notcis-co : my whole world just changed

spACEbar : what happened

notcis-co : hart interacted with a kid

notcis-co : and he’s good at it

detectiveprettybi : not to be a dickhead but that really does surprise me

irisbest : is there more to this story

notcis-co : well we’re out for lunch

notcis-co : and you know since he started teaching me ASL i randomly keep using signs while talking

notcis-co : and this kid saw me and struck up a conversation but she’s WAY too good

notcis-co : so hart cleared things up and now they’re talking about??? I dont even know what

notcis-co : it’s v cute

irisbest : awwwwwwwww

spACEbar : AW

lesbianda : kids are great i want tweNTY

detectiveprettybi : well not as many but like a kid would be great i agree

snowflake : idek if i ever want kids definitely not any time soon

notcis-co : ^

notcis-co : tho that sight did move something in me

irisbest : aw omg

irisbest : that’s so cute wtf

lesbianda : what about you guys are you gonna make joe a granddad

spACEbar : maybe??? Some day???? I try not to think about the future too much it fucks me up

irisbest : i want one of each

detectiveprettybi : EVERY GENDER???? Girl youll have like fifty kids

irisbest : …. Yeah you know what

irisbest : my thinking actually still needs to adjust to that

irisbest : sorry guys

lesbianda : you realized your mistake and now you can learn

captaincold : poetic

notcis-co : baby steps

lesbianda : ohhh snart what about you

captaincold : no

detectiveprettybi : why are you always like this

irisbest : cmon tell us

captaincold : no as in no kids

snowflake : oh :(

captaincold : like how fucked up would a kid with my dna and me as a parent be

spACEbar : well lisa shares half your dna and was practically raised by you and she turned out great

heatwave : did she tho

captaincold : are you fucking insulting my sister

heatwave : always

heatwave : whatcha gonna do

notcis-co : oh my god imagine mick with a kid

irisbest : it could either be a very beautiful thing or. A horror movie

heatwave : i fucking hate kids they’re annoying and never shut up

lesbianda : it’s the latter.

detectiveprettybi : also lisa IS cool

detectiveprettybi : she gives off such a chill vibe but then again she could cut off your dick

notcis-co : she’s a cat

snowflake : did she ever ask the arena for a job

captaincold : yeah she teaches kids musical skating or whatever it’s called twice a week

lesbianda : ice dancing

spACEbar : wait whats the difference between ice dancing and figure skating

spACEbar : bc i think this anime i know is about figure skating??? But it looks like dancing???

oliverqueer : figure skating has more jumps

oliverqueer : ice dancing is just. Dancing on ice. It’s basically the same as on the ground

irisbest : oliver jonas queen, expert on ice

bilance : no his mum made him take classes as a kid

detectiveprettybi : AW WHAT

spACEbar : oh my god

lesbianda : did you wear spandex

captaincold : did chanukkah just come early

heatwave : wtf chanukkah

heatwave : literally the only holiday you participate in is yom kippur

oliverqueer : isn’t that the one about admitting your sins

captaincold : i also celebrate rosh hashanah wtf

heatwave : yeah youre great at wallowing in self-pity

snowflake : im not even sure what to concentrate on here

notcis-co : same

irisbest : let me start

irisbest : so oliver how long exactly did you wear spandex

oliverqueer : i nEVER wore spandex

detectiveprettybi : that makes me sad

irisbest : yeah me too

oliverqueer : i was like six and stopped going after two months

oliverqueer : i barely could skate at all

bilance : it really put a strain on his friendship with tommy when he wanted them to join an ice hockey team

bilance : i think he ignored you for??? A whole week

captaincold : wow. A whole week.

heatwave : didnt we ghost one another for a year once

pipes : we get it youre edgy

snowflake : hartley!!!! How was the kid!

bilance : your friendship never ceases to amaze me

pipes : she’s cute we talked about boys

detectiveprettybi : are you physically capable of talking about boys without drifting off to being fucked

notcis-co : i did not recognize any obscene signs during the conversation

oliverqueer : why do i feel like the first things hartley taught you to say was related to sex

heatwave : ohhh you guys sext in sign language

bilance : that makes literally no sense at all mick

captaincold : no it does make sense

captaincold : and i am truly interested

pipes : I am not ashamed to admit I taught him the most important things first

detectiveprettybi : [Hartley voice] hello and welcome to asl 101! I am Hartley rathaway and today I'm gonna teach you how to sign “fuck me”, “coxk” and “harder”

spACEbar : pfpfpfpfpfpfpfpfpfpf

notcis-co : basically though

captaincold : pipes you truly are a legend

pipes : coming from you that means a lot

lesbianda : if an outsider got ahold of my phone at this point I'd just say it's finals week


oliverqueer : are you really still surprised

lesbianda : no